A big thank you to Stacy from Grow With Stacy for the opportunity to write this guest post!

The US edition of my book, The Happy Student: 5 Steps to Academic Fulfillment and Success, will be out in bookstores and online retailers on March 1. The Asian edition is already available.

I’ve done some reflection on the three biggest lessons I’ve learned through the book-writing process, and I trust you’ll find that these lessons are applicable to life, in general.

I encourage you to read Stacy’s blog for lots of sincere and uplifting writing.

I’m an idealistic guy who tries to surround himself with like-minded people.

Community organizer Saul Alinsky was talking to idealists like me when he said that the first step to changing the world is this: “We must first see the world as it is, not as we would like it to be.”

Without a doubt, idealists are often guilty of seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses. It’s these rose-tinted glasses that make it difficult to effect real change, because your ideas aren’t grounded in reality.

I think that more people would dare to be idealistic if being idealistic didn’t come along with so much baggage. When you claim to be idealistic, you’re expected to prove yourself worthy of those ideals. That’s a tall task!

That’s why every idealist goes through these three phases of development:

Phase 1: Apologetic Idealism

Apologetic idealists are usually also foolish idealists. They apologize sheepishly for their beliefs, because they recognize that their beliefs are just wishful thinking.

Phase 2: Cautious Idealism

Cautious idealists are concerned about being perceived by others as overly optimistic or naive. They no longer apologize for their views, but they’re extremely careful about who they share their views with, for fear of being judged.

Phase 3: Fierce Idealism

Fierce idealists have both come to terms with and fully embraced their beliefs. Their actions are evidence of their beliefs, and they don’t care too much about what other people think of them. They’re much more concerned about making a difference in the lives of others.

As someone who aspires to be a through and through fierce idealist, I think Saul Alinsky’s quote requires some modification:

“We must first see the world as it is, but we must always have a vision of the world as it could be.“

Fierce idealism—it’s the only kind that works.

Here’s a guest post I wrote for Pick The Brain about the art of the ordinary. It was inspired by this amazing quote from writer Kim Thomas:

“The opportunity to find wonder in the midst of our everyday lives transforms the agony of the struggle into the adventure of becoming.”

I hope you enjoy the article!

The magic phrase that helps you make friends

My good friend once shared with me his secret formula for building rapport with people he’s just met: He tells them that he’s sleepy.

“I’m so sleepy. I could really use a nap right now…”

He said that, in almost every situation, the reply goes something like this: “Yeah, I’m really sleepy too…”

Ta-dah! Just like that, he’s magically established common ground with the other person.

The funny thing is, my friend confessed that he sometimes uses this relationship-building technique even when he’s not feeling sleepy!

If you’re like most people, you probably don’t get enough sleep. But when it’s time for bed, you’re just not that tired. And besides, there are so many other things you can do while you’re awake.

Sleep just seems so… boring.

At the same time, you realize that if you don’t go to bed on time, you’ll wake up feeling exhausted and grumpy.

To sleep or not to sleep—what a lifelong struggle!

Why sleep deprivation is selfish

But what if I told you that you’re being selfish every time you deprive yourself of sleep?

I know that might sound a little extreme, so allow me to explain.

One Wednesday night a few years ago, I stayed up a couple of hours later than usual. Not surprisingly, I woke up on Thursday morning feeling groggy.

Throughout that Thursday, I was less friendly, positive, kind, encouraging and considerate than normal. This is because I was consumed with thoughts about me, myself and I.

“I am so tired.”

“I really need to get some coffee.”

“When will I have a chance to take a nap?”

“How am I going to make it through the day?”

Even though it hadn’t been my intention at all, I’d become more self-centered, and hence had made other people’s days worse.

There was no denying it: My lack of sleep had affected others.

The consequences of sleeplessness are even more serious if you’re in a position of authority, because when your exhaustion causes you to become more impatient and irritable, you directly impact those under your charge.

Your sleep isn’t about you

In many ways, sleep is a mini-representation of life. Sleep isn’t just about us; it’s about others, too. Similarly, life isn’t mainly about us. It’s really about others.

There are literally billions of people on earth, and you’re just one of those billions. It often feels like everything revolves around you—your social life, your health, your education, your career, your family, your finances, your future, your life—but that’s simply not true.

A great life is one that’s focused on adding value to others, not yourself. Moreover, a great life shouldn’t be characterized by perpetual busyness or tiredness.

Getting sufficient sleep is something most of us struggle with—I know I still do—but it’s important to realize that we really do contribute to the happiness and well-being of others when we’re well-rested.

So let’s make a conscious effort to sleep more. We really will make the world a better place.

Thank you to Steven Aitchison for the honor of writing a post for you on the 15 things you shouldn’t do if you want to turn your dreams into reality.

Steven has done an amazing job of establishing a community of people who are committed to personal growth and the pursuit of excellence.

Keep up all of your good work!

You’re pretty ambitious. You have goals and dreams, and you’re hardworking. You want to be successful, and you have the drive to make it happen.

You won’t ever be satisfied with average, or even good. You want to be great.

But as you pursue greatness—whether it’s in your academics, your career, your business, your relationships or your life—you sometimes wonder if it’s worth it.

The sacrifices, the disappointments, the frustrations… what’s it all for?

In an attempt to do more and be more, maybe you feel like you’ve lost sight of what’s truly valuable.

I’ve by no means achieved greatness—far, far, far from it. But in thinking about what it means to live a great life, I’ve realized that it’s a lot like building a campfire on a cold night.

Allow me to explain this analogy as I share with you some of my reflections.

1. Your legacy isn’t about how awesome of a campfire you built. It’s about how you kept other people warm.

Maybe you have dreams of becoming CEO one day, or maybe you want to attain a certain rank in your company, or maybe you want to start your own business. Whatever your aspirations may be, I’m sure you want to leave behind a wonderful legacy.

A bigger role will give you more opportunities to build a bigger campfire, but people won’t remember you for the size of your campfire.

They won’t remember you for what you accomplished for yourself, regardless of how astonishing those accomplishments might be.

They’ll remember you for what you accomplished for the sake of others. They’ll remember you for the difference you made and the lives you touched.

2. People want to know that you’re willing to sit with them in the cold.

Before you start building a huge campfire in the hopes that you’ll keep a multitude of people warm, bear in mind that people want to know—first and foremost—that you’re willing to sit with them in the cold, even if there’s totally no way you could build a campfire.

They want to know that you’re prepared to make the effort to listen to them, to understand what they’re going through.

They want to know that you’re willing to be with them, although you might not be able to do anything for them.

They want to know that you’re a caring human being first, campfire-builder second.

They want to know that you see them as people, not as a project.

They want to know that even if it were utterly impossible to provide them with physical warmth, you’d stay there with them to provide them with emotional warmth.

3. Not everyone knows how to build a campfire, and that’s alright.

What if you just don’t have the knowledge or abilities to build a campfire?

You don’t have to worry, because there’s still a vital role for you to play. As marketing guru Harry Beckwith once said, “There’s no such thing as an ordinary job. There are only people who choose to perform them in ordinary ways.”

Your skill might be making a good cup of hot chocolate, or it might be knitting a sweater—both of which will also help to keep others warm.

Your skill might even simply be cheering people up with your kindness!

These jobs might not be glamorous, but that doesn’t mean they’re not important.

4. Whatever skills you have, you can always get better.

No matter how good you are at building a campfire, making a cup of hot chocolate, knitting a sweater, or cheering people up, you can always improve.

There’s always another level to strive for, and there’s always something new to learn.

If you keep honing your skills, you’ll undoubtedly keep more people warm.

5. It’s vital that you keep yourself warm first.

Even though you want to help as many people as possible—and as quickly as possible, too—it’s still a freezing night, and you’ll get frostbite if you don’t look out for your own safety.

You need to ensure that your own clothing is suitably warm and that you’re not overworked.

In the pursuit of greatness, it’s vital that you make it a priority to take care of your own needs: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. If you neglect any of these areas, you’re likely to experience burnout.

Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish; it’s the right thing to do. You won’t be able to effectively add value to other people if you’re not in an optimal condition yourself.

In conclusion…

Attempting to create a masterpiece out of your life really is like building a campfire. It’s tiring, it’s fun, and it’s rewarding.

It’s a good thing that greatness isn’t about you and your campfire, because the most epic campfire could never compare to the innocent beauty of touching lives and of keeping people warm and happy.

So greatness is about you, but not really. It’s mainly about others.

There’s work to be done. Let’s get started.

I’ve been following Think Simple Now (TSN) for a while now, and I recently had the honor of writing a guest post on gratitude for Tina and her team.

I’m absolutely amazed at the wonderful people who make up the TSN community!

Just read a few comments on my guest post to see what I mean. TSN readers are kind, generous, reflective and helpful.

I hope you’ll consider joining this community. You’re sure to become a better person simply by associating with these awesome people.

Tina and team: You’ve done a fantastic job. Keep up the good work!

I love the beginning of every new year because it’s so full of hope.

Resolutions to keep, goals to achieve, relationships to strengthen—in the first week of January, these all seem so doable.

Then after a few lapses of self-discipline or after experiencing a couple of disappointments, you begin to doubt yourself.

Can I really do it? Is it worth the effort? Is it going to be just like previous years where I didn’t follow through on the promises I made to myself?

All of us have to deal with that small, annoying voice in our head that tells us we can’t do it.

But we need to embrace the fact that although one action or event isn’t guaranteed to change our situation, it has the potential to.

Thinking this repeatedly can help us conquer our self-doubt.

Having one difficult conversation with your sibling isn’t guaranteed to heal the relationship, but it can.

Writing one book isn’t guaranteed to change the way people think about an issue, but it can.

Starting one small business isn’t guaranteed to change the world, but it can.

Cultivating one wholesome habit isn’t guaranteed to transform your life, but it can.

There’s tremendous power in focusing on the potential of one.

I once read that—as the leader of your own life—you’re a custodian of the future, so don’t let yourself become a hostage to the present.

May 2012 be a year where we build a wonderful future for ourselves and for others, a year where we refuse to be held hostage by our self-doubt, disappointments, problems, frustrations, fears and insecurities.

Happy new year.

Firstly, a very merry Christmas to all of you! I hope this holiday season has been a wonderful time for you and your family, and that it’s been filled with love and peace.

Do you have big dreams?

Most of us have dreams, but not necessarily huge ones.

We want to have good health, a stable career, a comfortable home. Nothing too extraordinary.

The world-changing farmer

Chris Guillebeau recently wrote a post on Zen Habits entitled The Parable of the Modern Farmer.

This parable describes a farmer who’s pretty contented with his routine life.

But he’s not completely contented.

He wants a challenge. He wants a life that’s more than ordinary.

So he begins thinking about how he can become a world-changing farmer.

The parable ends like this:

“As the moon rose over his latest crop and the farmer sat in the chair, he thought about the possibilities and said to himself, ‘I’m ready.’ And then the farmer got off his porch and went to work.”

And so the farmer sets off to change the world.

Can everyone change the world?

In the arena of entrepreneurship—and even self-help and personal development—it often seems like the ultimate goal is to change the world.

But is it possible for everyone to do that?

(I mean that in the way we typically think of the word “world-changer.” Think Steve Jobs, Thomas Edison or Jesus.)

Probably not.

If you’re a farmer who dreams of changing the world, that’s awesome. Go do it and then tell me about it.

If, on the other hand, you’re a farmer who’s entirely satisfied to lead a simple life and who doesn’t have lofty aspirations, there’s nothing wrong with that, either.

I know plenty of people like that. They’ve found deep meaning in the routine, and I respect that.

As a farmer, don’t settle

But there’s another category of farmers: those who actually want to change the world, but who have convinced themselves to settle for the simple, predictable life.

Maybe fear has gotten in the way of them pursuing their dreams, or maybe they’ve allowed naysayers to convince them that their dreams are impractical, or maybe they just don’t know where to start.

Whatever the reason is, if that’s you, don’t give in to the pressure.

When you commit to pursuing your dreams, you’ll find people you can turn to for help and support. You’ll discover a new sense of adventure and possibility—not to say, of course, that the journey won’t have its challenges.

So if you’re an easily contented farmer, that’s good.

If you’re a world-changing farmer, that’s good too.

But if you’re a world-changing farmer at heart who’s persuaded yourself that you’ll never be more than ordinary, that’s less good.

Like the farmer in the parable, it’s time to get off the porch and get to work.

Thank you to Donald from Life Optimizer for giving me the honor of writing a guest post for him.

I’ve received especially good reviews for Tip #5. This tip might sound slightly ridiculous, but it really works. Do try it out and let me know if it’s helpful for you.

By the way, Donald’s website is full of practical advice on how to increase your personal effectiveness!