It’s a struggle, isn’t it?
You want to give your best in your work, but you also want to invest in your relationships, hobbies, and personal growth. You want to pursue excellence in all areas of your life.
But it seems impossible to find the right balance.
Maybe you often need to work late to get the job done, which means that you’re forced to cancel dinner appointments with friends. Or you try to do it all and have it all but end up sacrificing sleep, which makes you feel constantly worn out.
It’s a daily dilemma that frustrates you. It eats away at your soul, just a little.
It makes you wonder if you’re living well, if you’re devoting your time and energy to the things that count.
Is this the way life was meant to be? If you pursue excellence, does that necessarily mean you’ll also be exhausted?
When my best wasn’t good enough
I’ve been wrestling with these thoughts over the past few years. As a husband and father who was working a full-time job (which I just left), running a business, trying to exercise regularly and eat healthily, and striving to fulfill my other responsibilities with both enthusiasm and commitment…
I was tired.
Physically tired, but emotionally too. I was giving my best, but I felt like my best wasn’t nearly good enough.
I was barely staying afloat on all fronts. I was surviving, not thriving.
Don’t get me wrong. Life was never supposed to be a walk in the park, because it’s in overcoming frustrations and challenges that life becomes meaningful.
As Howard Hendricks once remarked:
A man who complains that the coffee is too cold or the beer too warm is a man who thinks he is on a cruise ship.
Life isn’t a cruise to the Bahamas. I’ve learned that it’s hard, and sometimes painful, to even attempt to make a difference and create an impact.
Tiredness and stress are facts of life, but when they become a way of life, it’s time to reexamine the way we make decisions.
It’s a bad idea to give your best in everything you do
When you were growing up, your parents might have said things to you like:
- “How you do anything is how you do everything.”
- “Anything worth doing is worth doing well.”
- “You become what you do.”
- “It’s more important to do your best than to be the best.”
These are all good sayings. I agree that we should establish excellence as both a habit and a prevailing attitude, but I’ve realized that it’s impossible to be excellent at everything.
I’ve tried, and it left me confused and discouraged.
In the past, I was obsessed about excellence. I even wanted to be an excellent text messager. I never used any short forms or abbreviations in my texts, and I would proofread every text twice before sending it.
I know that sounds like compulsive behavior, but I just wanted to be excellent at everything I did! (Nowadays, I use plenty of abbreviations and I don’t proofread my texts unless there’s potential for confusion. 🙂 )
I adopted this approach toward my assignments, projects, emails, physical health, relationships and business. And it worked, until the number of my responsibilities—none of which I could defer or delegate—increased to the point where I had no choice but to consider an alternative.
I no longer believe in the give-your-best-in-every-single-thing-you-do type of excellence, because this can lead to an unsustainable preoccupation with perfection.
I’ve been there, done that.
If you’re in a situation where you have three big assignments due the following day, 100 unread emails in your inbox, a family member who’s ill whom you need to take care of, and you feel like you’re falling sick yourself, you know what I mean.
Two steps to help you spend your time wisely
That’s why I advocate selective excellence.
You can’t just decide to be excellent; you need to decide specifically what you want to be excellent at.
Here’s a simple two-step system I recommend that will enable you to focus your efforts and energy on the tasks worth doing excellently:
1. Write down every task you typically spend more than 15 minutes on each day.
This could include things like replying to emails, attending class or meetings, filing documents, doing household chores, and preparing meals.
Can you eliminate or delegate any of these tasks? If yes, then do it. The remaining items on the list should all be important tasks that you can’t not do.
2. For tasks that you can’t eliminate or delegate, categorize them into A, B or C tasks.
This categorization is based on the likely impact of the task. Ask yourself: In one year’s time, will it matter how much effort I devote to this task today?
If the answer is “yes,” then it’s an A task.
If the answer is “probably,” then it’s a B task.
And if the answer is “probably not,” then it’s a C task.
Of course, there are bound to be gray areas. I recommend that, by default, you place the task in question in the lower category, e.g. if you’re not sure if it’s an A or B task, label it as a B task. The fact that you’re in a dilemma about whether it’s an A or B task shows that it’s probably not that critical.
A tasks require your undivided attention. Work on these tasks first every day, and don’t multitask while you’re at it. Prioritize A tasks by blocking out specific parts of your calendar to complete them. In the long term, A tasks are the ones that will define your education, career, relationships and life, so do them excellently.
B tasks are important but not critical. These tasks can’t be neglected, but they don’t call for an “excellent” effort, because “good enough” will do without compromising on the end result. Work on B tasks only when you’re done with the A tasks for the day.
C tasks are routine tasks that aren’t of lasting consequence. Complete these tasks as quickly as you can while maintaining a reasonable level of accuracy and meticulousness. Schedule C tasks for times when your energy levels are lower.
To give you an idea of what tasks might fall into each of the three categories, here are some of my A, B and C tasks:
- A tasks – Writing a new blog post, preparing for a talk, planning for the coming year, spending time with family
- B tasks – Replying to (most) emails, scheduling meetings
- C tasks – Household chores (I promise I don’t do a shoddy job of these just because they’re C tasks!), filing documents, keeping track of expenses, placing emails in the right folders
The ABC framework will help you to pursue excellence in a focused, and even ruthless, way.
Excellence without exhaustion is achievable
Over to you: Are you spending too much time on non-A tasks? And are there any areas where you need to readjust your priorities?
For most people, absolute excellence—where you try to do your best in everything—leads to exhaustion.
Selective excellence is the only alternative that works. It isn’t a copout or a compromise. It’s a conscious choice to determine what matters most, and to invest wholeheartedly in those things.
So let’s not just be excellent. Let’s be extremely excellent at the things that are extremely important. 🙂
Image: Rock climbing
thanks. lovely write
You’re welcome, Elgin!
Good article. I like and enjoy your sharing especially about being an excellent text messager. Haha.. I was like that before. I could identify with you. Thanks for your sharing and the tips. Have a great day!
Thanks, Karin. I appreciate your sharing too 🙂
Hi Daniel, I enjoy reading your articles. I believe in the 4 bullets in this article, which is that whatever we do, we should do well and do our best. However, that is different from achieving excellence. One can do our best and not achieve excellence. If we have set aside 15 minutes for a task, we should do extremely well in the 15min and be at peace with whatever state it is after the time is up, and do not go beyond that.
Great sharing. I cant agree enough that we really ve to go easy with ourselves to touch base with life! Recently, I wasnt myself as I was losing weight – neither eating nor sleeping and working 20 odd hours a day as everything seemed urgent and impt to me (I took on 2 jobs and doing 2 progs for upgrading . I also ve to find tat I’d time for family). I teared often as I was mentally and physically drained. Simply put, I suffered from an emotional exhaustion. ….and I too became breathless often and experienced heart palpitations. In the end I turned to God to find the sanity. When I managed to calm my nerves , I realised I thought I was a super woman. To embrace life, I reluctantly gave up a job (lost of income) and 1 upgrading programme (lost in money). Now, I can breadth better and slowly gaining back my appetite. I realise too that we should not chew more than what we can bite.!
@lyekhim I completely agree with you. Excellence is about focusing on what you’ve committed yourself to!
@Shirley Sng Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you really went through a lot of challenges. I’m glad to hear that you’ve made some decisions to regain balance in your life. Keep going strong!
Hi Daniel…Your article is very informative and educational. Whenever I have an email from you, I won’t hesitate to read it right away. Here in our school, we have this vision of excellence in academics, spirituality and service. How I wish our administrators realize the most important of them all because as you said, we can not be excellent in all aspects or in all areas.
Hi Daniel ! Always a delight to read your articles . Keep up your good work and thanks for sharing 🙂
@marc Thanks for your kind words! Hopefully your school’s administrators will have a shift in perspective soon.
@sylvia I appreciate your support 🙂
Beautifully written. Like all your other pieces, it touches the innermost and deepest areas that matter. You have a superb way of connecting. Thanks once again.
@Kedar You’re welcome. And thank you – you’re too kind 🙂
Hi Daniel, I am your disciple from Malaysia.
I have been reading your articles and following you on Facebook since two years ago, when I was still in high school.
In the past two years, I could see whopping improvement in myself as a result of your sharing!
Inspired by you, spreading positive energy is my life purpose now.
I am now living a fulfilling life, and looking forward to further my studies and pursue my dreams in Hong Kong.
Knowing you is one of the most pivotal points in my life.
I believe many lives have been impacted by you, just like mine.
I would like to express my gratitude to you for empowering me with everything I need to live a fulfilling life.
Thank you very much!
Cheers! 😀
@Tee Le Peng Wow, thank you so, so much! I’m so glad to hear that you’re leading a fulfilling life and that you’ll be pursuing your dreams in Hong Kong. Wishing you the very best 🙂
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIfjxbgUWmY
This video speaks it all about setting priorities in our life. As Christian, of course God is our first priority besides family, health, friends and passion,
Thanks, Daniel for sharing your passion and struggles, I am sure these are practical lessons for all of us.
May I add from my professional point of view on your C task regarding ‘tracking on expenses’ or rather financial matters? I would definitely put it in B task because planning for future financial needs is critical and this has to start as early as possible. Seriously, financial issue is the cause of many unhappiness if it is not managed properly in the first place. I can share more with you if you would like to find out more, at no obligation.
@Kim Thanks for sharing the video. That’s a great analogy. I agree that financial matters can definitely be classified as a B task. Thanks for the offer, but I don’t need financial advice at the moment. Wishing you all the best!
Am so thankful that I am reading this as this is exactly what is going on in my life or I should say many people’s lives. Thanks for sharing your examples of Task A, B and C. This articles is really helpful! I am definitely gonna try this! 🙂
Really needed this Daniel
@ Catharyne W.D.Y All the best as you try this out! 🙂
@Jed Glad I could help!
I fear that sometimes our gifts from those that come before us are sometimes not translated as deeply as they deserve to be. There are many wondrous gifts and surprizes in store if we keep an open mind and live by the moto of sorts that things worth doing are desrve to
@Heather-Jean Vandenberg Thanks for sharing those deep thoughts.
I love my cat but find she pushes enter when I should think more, then finish what I have to say.. so as I was saying yes its almost always true to do something is worth doing well but too many forget some things are just not worth it for you to do them at that particular time. I find too many people do not even realize they are being asked to first pick something worth their precious recourses at that moment in time before they even need to ascertain how much effort, energy and other recourses they have to invest which ultimately becomes the best they could do with what they had available. and life has proved over and over you should only compete with yourself but at the same time develop the wonderful grace to connect to ones higher power to prequalify is this the best timing for you? will this be worth the risk towards your truest deepest rewards will you find your self closer to your special purpose will the ones you love and the people you have hard won respect from which includes the person u must face in the mirror. If you truly deep down inside consider other people, others less fortunate including animals the world etc and rarely miss an opportunity to preform a simple unexpected kindness and need no more than the amazing pleasure of the recipient. And if you are truly blessed you will carry with you at most times a sense of humour you will find the truest decipher/ understanding of all that have come so far..all that may still come and the truest measure of success isn’t how well you are treated its how well you treated your world, your loves, your family your friends your fellow man and woman and of course that anyone or thing you had control or power over was left feeling empowered by you or at least safe.
Many times don’t you think that doing A tasks alone leaves you exhausted?
@AZ I’ve definitely had that experience before, but I started to realize that many of the A tasks were actually B or C tasks – I just didn’t have my priorities right..
A great read! will try your advise before I burnt out from my studies and commitments. Thanks 🙂
You’re welcome. I hope the advice comes in handy!