Perspective Archives - Daniel Wong

Parents, Stop Telling Your Kids to Study Hard for Their Own Good (And What to Do Instead)

Updated on June 24, 2020 By Daniel Wong 31 Comments

Yes, it is for your kids’ own good that they study hard.

But you shouldn’t tell them that.

Why not?

Because if you do, they’ll be less likely to study hard.

(I’ve spoken to and worked with more than 20,000 students, so I say this with confidence.)

In this article, I’ll provide an explanation.

I’ll also share three tips to help your kids develop intrinsic motivation.

Don’t expect your kids to get an education in school

This might sound strange, so hear me out.

We live in a world where knowledge abounds.

It’s incredible that most of this knowledge is available for free online – you just have to seek it out.

A couple of decades ago, to get an education you had almost no choice but to attend school.

But today, you can take courses on Khan Academy, Coursera, Udacity, Udemy, and other websites.

If you’re diligent about taking these courses, you’d acquire more skills and knowledge than you would in almost any traditional school.

This means that, over time, the diplomas and degrees that schools give out will matter less.

It also means that students shouldn’t go to school expecting to get an education. Rather, school should form just one part of a student’s education.

In the future, diplomas and degrees won’t be the ticket to a well-paying job and a comfortable life. (This is already starting to be the case.)

But for now, such certificates still matter.

Statistics show that students who perform better in school are more likely to get jobs that pay better.

And students who study hard are obviously more likely to perform well in school.

Which means that if you want to motivate your kids, you should tell them to work hard in school for their own benefit, right?

Wrong.

Allow me to explain.

3 reasons it’s ineffective to tell your kids to study hard for their own good

Reason #1: Students today aren’t hungry for a “better life”

In developed countries today, most children and teenagers have more material things than they need.

More toys than they need.

More shoes than they need.

More clothes than they need.

More electronic devices than they need.

In contrast, one or two generations ago, most people experienced real hardship.

For example, my parents and grandparents grew up with far less (materially speaking) than I did.

From an early age, it was obvious to my parents that if they wanted to have a more comfortable life in the future, they needed to work hard in school.

Their teachers and parents told them that education was the key to success – and in that era, it was true. [Read more…]

50 Words of Wisdom Every Student Needs to Hear

Updated on June 24, 2020 By Daniel Wong 42 Comments

I completed my formal education some years ago.

Thinking about the 17 years I spent in school, I realise that I would have had a more fulfilling time if I’d been wiser.

It takes time to acquire wisdom. To help students through this process, I decided to write this article, in which I’ll share 50 words of wisdom every student should hear.

If you apply the advice in this article, I’m confident that you will become a happier, more successful student.

(Download the free PDF below to learn 10 bonus tips.)

1. Don’t take your parents for granted. Your parents may nag you, and you may feel as if they don’t understand you. But they love you unconditionally, so appreciate them as often as you can.

2. Getting a bad grade isn’t the end of the world. In a few years, you won’t even remember most of your grades. If you get a bad grade, learn from your mistakes and prepare better for the next exam.

3. Use the Internet as a tool for education more than entertainment. The Internet can keep you entertained for hours. But with sites like Udemy, Udacity and How Stuff Works, the Internet can also make you a far more educated person.

4. Stress is a fact of life, but it should never become a way of life. This means that it’s normal to feel stressed and tired once in a while. But if you feel stressed and tired almost every day, then you need to reevaluate your life to see what you ought to be doing differently. [Read more…]

30 Things That Young People Need to Know Are NOT Important in Life

Updated on June 24, 2020 By Daniel Wong 27 Comments

Let’s be honest.

We all spend time thinking about or doing things that aren’t important in life.

It can take a lot of time and energy, and it distracts us from the things that do matter.

Children and teenagers are particularly prone to this. I admit that I was definitely like this when I was younger as well!

I’ve spoken to and worked with more than 20,000 students thus far. Based on my experiences and observations, I’ve come up with this list of things that young people need to realise are not important in life.

1. How many friends or followers you have on social media

Many people measure their self-worth by the number of friends or followers they have on social media, but this isn’t important in the long run.

Those followers won’t help you when you have a rough day, and they won’t support you when you’re feeling down.

They’ll just post images to show the best parts of their lives – too much time spent on social media leads to depression for this very reason.

2. How many “likes” you get on social media

The number of “likes” or comments on a social media post can seem important. It can seem like an indication of your popularity.

The thing to remember is that the number of likes you get isn’t nearly as important as the number of true friends you have. Nor is it as important as the relationships you have with your family members.

3. Living in the past

Everyone can get caught up living in the past. Either reliving the good times, or rehashing mistakes you’ve made.

According to research conducted by Matt Killingsworth, we’re happiest when we live in the moment.

So make the decision to be fully present wherever you are. [Read more…]

You Weren’t Born to Just Get Good Grades, Get a Good Job and Die

Updated on May 7, 2020 By Daniel Wong 10 Comments

As a society, what are our goals and aspirations?

Based on my observations, it’s to get good grades, get a good job, and then die.

That might sound strange or morbid, so allow me to explain.

I work with children and teenagers to help them make the most of their potential. As such, I interact with many parents on a daily basis.

These are some of the most common things I hear from parents:

“I want my child to get good grades so that he can get into a good school.”
“I don’t expect my child to get straight As, but her grades should be good enough.”
“I want my child to do well enough so that he can get a good job in the future.”
“I hope my child will be able to get into a good profession like medicine or law.”

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get good grades or a good job. (By the way, the title of this article was inspired by a poster I saw that read, “You weren’t born to just pay bills and die.”)

But it seems like in our society, getting good grades and getting a good job aren’t just goals or concerns. They’re obsessions.

They’re what we spend most of our waking hours striving toward tirelessly.

They’re what we seem to think the point of education is – and possibly the point of life, too.

Of course, most of us would declare that we absolutely do not believe that the purpose of life is to get good grades, get a good job, and then die.

But given how much we emphasize to our children the importance of succeeding academically and getting a well-paying job, it would be hard to claim otherwise.

After all, it’s the story that’s been told for generations . . .

Study hard, so that you’ll do well academically.

So that you can get into a good school.

So that you can get a good diploma or degree.

So that you can get a good job.

I question the truth of this story, because we live in an information age where new opportunities abound. So the path to having a rewarding career is no longer that simple or direct – but that’s not the focus of this article.

I want to question the belief underlying the “get good grades and a good job” story, not the accuracy of the story itself.

The fundamental belief is that getting a good job – traditionally defined as a job that’s stable and lucrative – is the key to success and happiness.

What could be more inspiring than the hope of attaining success and happiness, right?

But few people wake up every morning feeling thrilled at the prospect of spending the day in the pursuit of good grades or a good job.

It’s more common for people to ask themselves, “Isn’t there more to life than just trying to get good grades or a good job?”

One reason the “get good grades and a good job” story isn’t inspiring is that it’s all about you.

Why do I say that?

I mean, shouldn’t you be inspired by a story that’s all about yourself? [Read more…]

9 Things Students Have to Be Thankful for (but Usually Aren’t)

Updated on June 24, 2020 By Daniel Wong 9 Comments

Students have so many things they complain about, right?

Too much homework.

Naggy parents.

Not enough money.

Early mornings.

Strict teachers.

The list goes on and on.

When I was a student, I used to complain about everything. But one day I realized that the antidote to complaining is gratitude.

So after reading this article, I felt inspired to come up with a list of nine things that students have to be thankful for – but usually aren’t.

Here’s the list:

1. Naggy parents = People who love you unconditionally

2. Internet/phone/TV restrictions = Parents who care about your future

3. No pocket money to buy the coolest clothes = Learning the difference between wants and needs

4. Homework = Opportunity to acquire new knowledge and skills

5. Early school day mornings = Getting a quality education

6. Tests and exams = Valuable feedback on your learning progress

7. Group projects = Learning collaboration and interpersonal skills

8. Difficult concepts and topics = Developing perseverance

9. Mandatory subjects you dislike = Growing in patience

It’s natural to focus on the negative things in life, rather than the positive.

But to find long-term happiness and success, we must cultivate the habit of gratitude.

I hope this article helps you to do that in a small way. 🙂

Please “like” this article and share it with your friends.

Image: Happy student

50 Priceless Gifts Your Children Will Treasure for Life (That Don’t Cost a Cent)

Updated on May 7, 2020 By Daniel Wong 21 Comments

What are the best gifts to give your children?

The latest smartphone? A new laptop? A fun vacation?

There’s nothing wrong with giving children material things. But through my interactions with thousands of students, I realize that the gifts they value most usually don’t cost a cent.

Nevertheless, these gifts will bring them long-lasting joy, fulfillment, and success.

Inspired by this article, I came up with this list of 50 gifts your children will treasure for life, and which don’t cost a cent.

1. Responsibilities

Through responsibilities, children learn to be responsible. And being responsible is a key factor that leads to enduring success.

2. Contentment

More shoes, more clothes, more money, more electronic devices … It’s easy to feel as if you never have enough. But if children don’t learn to be contented, they’ll never be happy.

3. Vulnerability

Be vulnerable with your children by sharing your challenges and weaknesses – as well as what you’re doing to overcome them. This way, your children will learn that they don’t have to pretend to be perfect.

4. Managing their emotions

Children must learn to deal with emotions like anger, frustration, and disappointment in order to lead a productive life.

5. Letters

My mom has been writing me letters for years, and I’ve kept all of them. In these letters, she shared her hopes, dreams, and concerns with me. Each letter has inspired me to live with a stronger sense of purpose and determination. (I love you, Mom!)

6. Family rituals

Family rituals are great for bonding. Research also shows that they help children to develop socially. These rituals could be as simple as having breakfast as a family every Saturday morning, or having a weekly family meeting. [Read more…]

50 Life Lessons Every Parent Should Teach Their Children

Updated on June 24, 2020 By Daniel Wong 13 Comments

Ever feel like parenting is the toughest job in the world?

Parenting involves plenty of hard work. What’s more, there are no guarantees.

No matter how much you love your children, no matter how much time you spend with them, no matter how “perfect” of a parent you are … you can’t guarantee that your children will become successful and happy.

Nonetheless, there are many valuable life lessons you can impart to your children.

As your children learn these lessons, they’re more likely to grow up to be confident, well-adjusted, contributing members of society.

I’ve come up with this list of 50 life lessons that every parent should teach their children.

It’s taken me my whole life to learn these lessons. So I’m passionate about sharing them with my son (and future children), as well as the students I work with.

1. Success is more about contribution than it is about achievement.

2. Don’t worry too much about what other people think of you. They think about you a lot less than you imagine.

3. Focus on progress, not perfection.

4. Run your own race, not the race that other people expect you to run.

5. You cannot always choose your circumstances, but you can always choose your attitude. [Read more…]