15 Things Parents Unknowingly Do That Annoy Their Children

Do you want to have a better relationship with your children?

If so, one of the best things you can do is to avoid annoying them.

Why?

Because if your children are annoyed with you, it’s hard to have a strong parent-child relationship.

And without a strong parent-child relationship, it’s hard to raise happy, responsible and successful children.

I’ve worked with pre-teens and teens for many years. They’ve told me about the many things their parents unknowingly do that irritate them.

Here’s a list of 15 of those things you should stop doing right away.

Annoying behavior #1: Continually point out your children’s flaws.

It’s easy to point out your children’s flaws:

• “You watch too much TV.”
• “Why are you so lazy?”
• “You need to stop procrastinating.”
• “You should study more.”
• “Why don’t you try to be more organized?”
• “You should pay more attention in class.”
• “You should choose your friends more wisely.”

Criticism must be combined with an acknowledgement of good behavior.

You don’t need to go over the top with your praise, but it helps to catch your child doing and being good.

Annoying behavior #2: Treat your children as problems, not people.

Make an effort to speak positively to your children.

Some studies even show that the ideal ratio of positive comments to negative comments is 6:1.

If you talk to your children as if they’re problems you’re trying to fix, they’ll become resentful.

Listen to your children respectfully, demonstrate an interest in their hobbies, and show them common courtesies.

By doing so, you’ll build a better relationship with them.

Annoying behavior #3: Ask your children every day, “Have you completed your homework?”

Yes, it’s important that your children finish their homework on time.

But it’s also important that your children understand that homework isn’t the only thing you care about.

Continually asking “Have you completed your homework?” comes across as nagging.

Rather than nag, establish boundaries to make sure that you and your children are on the same page.

For example, you and your children may decide that as long as they maintain a B average and you don’t receive any complaints from their teachers, you won’t nag them about homework.

This approach allows your children more freedom, with less stress and frustration for both you and them.

Annoying behavior #4: Make your children feel as if they’re never working hard enough.

Your children may feel this way if you frequently comment about their lack of discipline, poor study habits, and inability to manage their time.

While you may be speaking the truth, your children may start to believe that they’ll never be able to measure up to your expectations.

As such, they may stop trying altogether.

You can prevent this by taking the time to understand your children’s feelings, and to focus on the things they’re doing well.

Annoying behavior #5: Give long lectures.

In your mind, giving long lectures may be the best way to get your point across.

But in your children’s minds, this is one of the most annoying things you can do.

Soon enough, your children will zone out, stop listening, and say whatever you want to hear in an attempt to end the lecture.

The better solution is to opt for a two-way conversation.

Encourage your children to share their perspective on the situation, and brainstorm possible solutions together with them.

Annoying behavior #6: Micromanage your children.

Do you manage your children’s schedule, from what they do each day to what they eat to what time they go to bed?

In general, children aged seven and older are capable of managing their schoolwork and other important tasks with minimal adult supervision.

They’ll need some coaching to accomplish this, but remember that the long-term goal of parenting is to “prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child.”

Annoying behavior #7: Break your promises.

You can’t just “talk the talk.” You also need to “walk the walk.”

If you break your promises, your children won’t trust you. This holds true for both big and small promises.

Children remember when a parent breaks a promise, even if it’s as simple as not taking them to a movie when you said you would.

Trust is the foundation of every relationship. So whenever you make a promise, follow through on it.

Annoying behavior #8: End a conversation with the phrase “because I said so.”

Think back to when you were a child.

“Because I said so” is the last thing you wanted to hear coming out from your parents’ mouths, right?

As frustrated as you might be with your children, don’t let this phrase slip out.

If you’re on the verge of losing your cool, take a step back and gather your thoughts.

Restart the conversation later in the day when you and your children have calmed down.

Annoying behavior #9: Continually accuse your children of arguing.

Do you often tell your children to “stop arguing” or to “stop talking back”?

I know . . . from your perspective, your children really are arguing and talking back.

But from their perspective, they’re just speaking their mind. They don’t mean to be rude.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you should tolerate behavior that’s blatantly disrespectful. But it does mean that you must model for your children what it means to be respectful.

Annoying behavior #10: Refuse to apologize, even when it’s clear that you’re in the wrong.

We all make mistakes. But as long as you admit it when you’re wrong, your children will forgive you.

Refusing to apologize to your children is the quickest way to create feelings of resentment and anger.

So if you’ve messed up, swallow your pride and apologize to your children.

If you can’t bring yourself to do so in person, send a text message or write a card instead.

This may not sound like a big deal, but an apology – even one that occurs many years after the fact – can help to restore the relationship.

Annoying behavior #11: Talk as if you know it all.

You probably have more perspective on life than your children, but you must remember that times have changed.

Growing up today isn’t the same as it was when you were a child or teenager.

For instance, it’s likely that your children know more about social media and digital technology than you. This means that, in some ways, they have a better understanding of how the world works.

So don’t act like you know it all. Instead, show your children that you’re willing to learn from them too.

Annoying behavior #12: Tell your children what things were like “when I was your age.”

When you talk as if you know exactly how your children feel, they’ll tune you out before you ever have a chance to make your point.

The pressures your children face today are different than what you dealt with growing up.

The world is more competitive today. There are more distractions to overcome. Technology is ubiquitous.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with sharing stories from your past. Just don’t act like you know everything.

Listen more, speak less, and be open to your children’s views and opinions.

Do these things and you’ll keep the lines of communication between you and your children open.

Annoying behavior #13: Invade your children’s privacy.

An immediate way to destroy trust in your parent-child relationship is to invade your child’s privacy.

You should never go through your children’s personal belongings unless you suspect that they’re in grave danger.

Yes, you have the right to know where they are, who they’re with, and what time they’re expected to come home.

But as your children get older, it’s only natural that they’ll expect to have more freedom and independence.

Annoying behavior #14: Jump to conclusions.

As a parent, it’s easy to let past events influence your perception of future events.

But you must resist the urge to jump to conclusions.

For example, if your child gets a bad grade on a test, your first inclination may be to say, “You didn’t study for the test, did you?”

By jumping to conclusions, you’ll make the situation worse by putting your children on the defensive.

And when your children become defensive, it’ll be challenging to resolve the situation.

Even worse than jumping to conclusions is assuming that your child is lying – before you even gather all the facts. This can lead to future mistrust as well as permanent damage to the parent-child relationship.

Annoying behavior #15: Overreact.

Every parent wants the best for their children, which explains why many parents become anxious when things appear to take a turn for the worse.

Maybe your child’s math grade slips by 10%. Within a few days, you’ve hired a math tutor, started monitoring your child’s every move, and canceled all of your child’s extracurricular activities.

Although it might not seem like it to you, your child will definitely see this as an overreaction.

So before you respond to the situation, find out the reasons for the problem.

Think of potential solutions together with your child and – as far as possible – arrive at a mutually agreeable conclusion.

Conclusion

If you feel like you’re always committing parenting mistakes, don’t be discouraged.

By making a few specific changes, you’ll see a drastic improvement in your children’s development.

I encourage you to review this article periodically and develop an ongoing action plan to strengthen your parent-child relationship.

Yes, you’ll need to put in some effort.

But as Harold Lee once said, “The most important work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes.”

The time to get to work is now!

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