Teens Archives - Daniel Wong

Understanding Teenage Tantrums: Causes, Management, and Prevention

May 20, 2023 By Daniel Wong 2 Comments

Do you feel like you’re treading on thin ice when you’re around your teen?

Maybe a quick reminder to do his chores is met with a fit.

Or a request to put her phone away at the dining table turns into a big argument.

Teenage tantrums happen when your teen displays an emotional outburst of frustration and anger. As a parent, it can be difficult to handle.

It can leave you feeling exhausted, and make you wonder why your teenager hates you.

It’s common to think that screaming teenagers are either spoiled or disrespectful. Some parents might write it off as teenage attitude. But this is a simplistic view.

Tantrums happen for various reasons, and getting angry at your teen will only make the situation worse.

So, what can you do as a parent?

Understanding the issue at a deeper level is a good first step.

In this article, I’ll explain the most common causes of teenage tantrums and the best ways to manage them.

(Make sure to download your free quick action guide below.)

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Understanding the causes of teenage tantrums

The real reasons behind your teenager’s outbursts aren’t always obvious.

It’s similar to having a fever caused by an underlying ailment. Treating the cause is a longer-lasting solution than just treating the fever.

Similarly, parents need to look deeper when dealing with teenage outbursts.

Here are some possible causes of your teen’s temper tantrums:

Hormonal changes: As teens go through puberty, hormonal shifts can influence their mood. This makes them more susceptible to anxiety, stress, sadness, and frustration.
Social and emotional development: The part of the brain involved in self-regulation doesn’t fully mature until early adulthood. So teenagers aren’t able to process negative emotions as well as adults.
Lack of communication skills: Your teens might not know how to effectively communicate their needs and wants. For instance, asking for more autonomy, freedom, or a bigger part in decision-making are sensitive issues that can be tricky to navigate. As such, tantrums are sometimes an indirect result of a lack of communication skills.
Environmental factors: Exams, looming deadlines, conflicts with friends, the pressure to fit in, and relationship issues can be a lot to handle for teens. This can contribute to teens’ mood swings and angry outbursts.
Mental health issues: Depression, anxiety, ADHD, and other mental health issues can influence a teen’s mood and emotions. For example, teens with ADHD may feel irritated more often, as ADHD affects impulse control.

Of course, some of these causes may not directly be your teens’ fault. But this doesn’t absolve them from taking responsibility for their emotions and actions.

Signs of teenage tantrums

Temper tantrums don’t have to only involve screaming teens.

A variety of behaviors can indicate that your teens are in the midst of a tantrum, including:

Isolating themselves
Screaming, shouting, or swearing
Giving others the cold shoulder
Stomping or pacing
Moaning or whining
Acting aggressively
Throwing items
Crying

The impact of teenage tantrums on adolescents and their environment

Tantrums can impact your teenagers and those around them in various ways.

Some possible consequences that you and your teens might face include:

Your teens might struggle to form healthy relationships with others.
Your teens’ behavioral problems may affect their performance in school.
Your home may no longer feel like a safe space for you and your family.
Your emotional and mental well-being could be affected.
Your relationship with your teens may become strained.

The good news is that emotional regulation is a skill that your teens can learn.

Instilling this valuable life skill in your teens will equip them to manage negative emotions and challenges in the future.

Effective strategies for managing teenage tantrums

Small and intentional changes can make a huge difference. These tips will help you teach your teens how to respect others, communicate effectively, and regulate their emotions.

1. Recognize the triggers

After your teen has a tantrum, think about what events led up to it.

Was your teen trying to share his or her thoughts but felt unheard? Did your teen ask to go out with his or her friends or participate in an activity and you said no?

By recognizing your teen’s triggers, you can learn how to approach certain topics in the future. This will also help you to understand when your teen needs to be heard, is asking for help, or requires emotional support.

2. Respond calmly

When your teen starts to scream at you, it may feel instinctual to respond with anger. But mirroring your teen’s behavior isn’t going to help.

Respect is a two-way street, so refrain from shouting back, making threats, or talking down to your teenager.

Remind yourself to pause and take a deep breath. Modeling self-control and emotional regulation is a great way to lead by example. Your actions will speak much louder than your words ever will at that moment.

You may need to give both you and your teen some time and space before coming back together to work things out.

3. Create a safe space

Create a safe space for your teens to be heard. Be present, listen attentively, and let them speak without any interruptions.

Let them feel safe, seen, and heard, even if they aren’t acting like their best selves.

This reassures them that you’ll be there for them whenever they go through challenging situations.

4. Encourage communication

Communicate with your teens by occasionally paraphrasing what they’ve said. This lets them know that you’re listening and that you acknowledge their feelings are valid.

If your teen doesn’t seem to be calming down, remove yourself from the situation. Once your son or daughter has calmed down, you can discuss possible solutions and ways to work through the issue at hand.

5. Set limits and boundaries

When the tantrum has passed, set reasonable boundaries. Your teenagers must understand that bad behavior isn’t a tool to get what they want.

Teach your teens that being angry or frustrated is okay. But shouting, throwing things, swearing, or disrespecting others is never okay.

Let them know what the consequences of these actions will be, and follow through on the rules you’ve set.

Work with your teenagers to create these rules. Including your teenagers in the process will help them to see that you value their input. This can help to reduce the occurrence of future tantrums.

6. Seek professional help

Seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s one of the bravest things a parent can do.

Therapists, psychologists, and coaches are well-equipped to help your teen. (I work with teens 1-to-1 through this coaching program, so I’d be happy to help.)

And if you’re concerned that a mental health condition is affecting your teen’s behavior, now is the time to engage a professional before the situation gets worse.

Conclusion

Your teens are learning how to handle their big emotions. In a fast-paced, high-stress world, the best thing you can offer them is empathy, patience, and guidance.

Managing teenage tantrums is challenging, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t get it right the first time around.

Keep persisting and you’ll find approaches that work for you and your teen. And remember to always be kind to and patient with yourself!

(Don’t forget to download your free quick action guide below.)

FREE QUICK ACTION GUIDE:

Get your FREE copy of

10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

The tips are guaranteed to help you get through to your teen, so download your copy today!

How Do You Deal With a Compulsive Lying Teenager? (5 Strategies That Work)

May 2, 2023 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Are you at your wits’ end dealing with a compulsive lying teenager?

You’re not alone.

When looking at behavior related to lying in people aged 6 to 77, researchers found that adolescence was the peak of dishonesty.

In a separate study, it was found that high school students told 4.1 lies on average during a 24-hour span. That’s 150% higher than adults.

If your teenager’s lies go beyond harmless fibs and become consistent and habitual, it’s something to be concerned about.

Honesty is one of the fundamental rules for success in life. Frequent lying erodes trust, leading to strained relationships.

So why do teens feel the need to lie, and how do you know if it’s a problem?

This article explores what’s going on with compulsive lying teens and what you – as a parent – can do about it.

(And if your teen lacks motivation, download a copy of the e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by

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Is your teenager a compulsive liar?

Do you feel concerned about how often you catch your teen telling lies?

As a parent, no amount of lying from your teenager ever feels acceptable. But it’s particularly concerning when your teen’s lies seem to have no purpose or explanation.

This may indicate a more serious problem – a pattern of pathological lying.

Here are some things to look out for in an adolescent who might be a pathological liar:

Lying a lot in a variety of situations
Lying without a specific purpose or reason
Consistently lying over an extended period of time
‌No other mental conditions or disorders that explain the lying

If these things are true about your teen, this could indicate compulsive lying. This means that your teen needs professional help.

Why do teenagers lie?

Research suggests that lying is most common for teens between the ages of 13-15. This is due to their intense desire for freedom at this stage of their development.

Studies have found several factors that can cause teenagers to lie:

To define their own rules: Many teens feel the need to assert their freedom and independence by making their own choices in life. In contrast, many parents try to control or restrict their teens’ behavior. As such, teens may hide the truth.
To avoid getting punished: It makes sense to have house rules. Such rules help to maintain respect and create healthy boundaries. When teens break these rules, they may lie to avoid conflict and steer clear of punishments.
To cover for their friends: Teens may lie because they want to be a loyal friend, so they feel compelled to take the blame to protect a friend.
To avoid disappointing their parents: Teens may lie because they want the approval of their parents and want to avoid causing disappointment. For example, instead of admitting they fell behind in school, they may lie about their homework or grades.
To hide their emotions: Teens may struggle to express their emotions. It can feel safer to lie than to express how they really feel.

What can parents do about compulsive lying?

If your teenager lies compulsively, you probably feel frustrated or angry. But rest assured that there are strategies you can employ to improve the situation. Here are five of them:

1. Be a positive role model

Your words and actions have a profound influence on your teens. If you tell a little white lie here and there, your teens may consider this acceptable behavior and follow your lead.

If you realize that you sometimes lie, make a commitment to living a life of complete integrity.

Make it your priority to become a positive role model for your teens. Talk to them about what you’re doing to become a more honest person, and share your progress with them.

2. Create a safe space for your teenager to open up

It can be challenging for parents and teens to speak openly, particularly when discussing sensitive topics.

Communicating with teens requires intentional effort. But if your teens feel like they can speak with you without the fear of judgment, they’ll be more likely to tell the truth.

Try the following tips:

Use more “I” statements and fewer “you” statements. Tell your teens how you feel, instead of what they did wrong. “I was worried when I couldn’t reach you” is an example of an “I” statement. “You’re always avoiding my calls!” is an example of a “you” statement.
Speak clearly and simply. Communicate in easy-to-understand and specific terms. Don’t give long lectures. Instead, get to the point quickly when sharing your concerns with your teenagers.
Practice active listening. Communication is a two-way street. Encourage open dialogue by listening respectfully, especially when you disagree with your teens. Take the time to understand your teens’ perspective before responding.
Focus on the issue at hand. Bringing up several issues or problems at once will make the situation worse. Focus on the issue at hand and don’t bring up the past.

3. Set rules and boundaries together as a team

If you set all the rules and boundaries without any input from your teens, they’ll feel it’s unfair or unreasonable.

For example, maybe you set a 10 pm curfew for your teens for the weekends. But all of your teens’ friends can stay out until 11 pm. If your teens get home after 10 pm, they’ll be more likely to lie.

A lie about missing the bus is a convenient cover.

Have an open dialogue with your teenagers about the rules and boundaries they’re expected to keep to. Resolve disagreements respectfully together as a team.

This will build mutual respect and trust.

4. Stay in control of your emotions

If you find out that your teens have been lying to you, it can make you feel frustrated and disappointed.

But blowing your top won’t help the situation.

If you lose control of your emotions, it will create an emotional distance between you and your teens. They may give you the silent treatment and refuse to talk things out.

Calm down before speaking with your teens about their actions. Explain the consequences of lying and how you feel.

With a level-headed approach, your teens will be more likely to take responsibility for their mistakes. They’ll also be more likely to make better decisions in the future.

5. Avoid labeling your teenager as a liar

If you give your teenagers negative labels, it will affect how they perceive themselves. It will also affect their self-esteem. Research shows that such labeling is harmful and can cause people to feel devalued.

If you label your teen a liar, he or she may feel defined by it. Instead of trying to be more honest, he or she will continue lying, maybe even to prove you right.

Instead of labeling your teenagers, apply Strategy #2 and get to the root of why they felt the need to lie in the first place. Only then can you begin to work through the issue together.

Conclusion

Dealing with a compulsive lying teenager is tough for any parent.

Start by understanding the reasons why your teen lies. If it’s a deeply ingrained pattern that resembles pathological lying, it’s time to get professional help for your teen.

Fortunately, most teens lie for reasons that parents can understand or at least relate to.

Start applying the strategies outlined in this article and be patient. Over time, you’ll foster honest communication between you and your teen.

And if your teen lacks motivation and a sense of responsibility, check out my online course for parents of teens. It’s a proven, step-by-step system to help you get your teen on the right track – guaranteed!

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by

many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

15 Essential Life Skills for Teens (Does Your Teen Have Them?)

Updated on April 14, 2023 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Do you get nervous thinking about the day your teens will finally move out of the house?

As a parent, your instinct is to shield your children from difficulties and hardship.

So it’s natural to feel concerned about how your teenagers will handle various obstacles in life — especially when you’re miles apart from them.

When that happens, you want them to be well prepared for the challenges that adulthood brings.

The good thing is that it’s never too late to start teaching your teens the life skills they’ll need to thrive in adulthood.

As their parent, you’re in the best position to help them develop the right values and become responsible young adults.

In this article, we’ll talk about 15 important life skills for teens and how you can impart them to your teens.

(And if you’d like your teenagers to become more motivated, make sure to download the free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by

many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

1. Time management

Do your teens fall behind on deadlines? Maybe they often leave things to the last minute, causing unnecessary stress and panic.

Effective time management will help your teenagers to stop procrastinating and meet deadlines. Your teens will also be able to get more done in less time.

This will lead to better work-life balance when your teens become adults.

Here are some ways to teach your teens how to manage their time well:

Work with them to plan out a daily and weekly schedule. Encourage them to set enough time aside for homework, chores, and other responsibilities. At the same time, teach them how to balance work, rest, and play.
Provide them with time management tools. Some of these tools may include a digital or written planner, a to-do list, or an app to keep track of events and tasks.
Teach them how to prioritize. Sometimes, a birthday party may clash with a basketball game or music lesson. Help your teens prioritize based on their roles, values, and commitments.

2. Money management

Based on surveys, 75% of young adults would have preferred to learn more finance-related topics in school.

Formal education doesn’t guarantee financial literacy or wisdom. This means that you, as a parent, play a pivotal role in helping your teens learn how to manage their money.

Financial literacy goes a long way in helping your teens avoid debt and build their savings.

You can raise financially-savvy teenagers by following these tips:

Encourage them to cultivate a habit of saving. For instance, when they receive their allowance, you can encourage them to put a portion of it aside for their savings. (Of course, it’s vital that you lead by example in this area too!)
Help them understand that credit doesn’t mean “free money.” Explain to them how credit cards work and how credit card debt can compound quickly over time.
Give them access to budgeting and finance tools. For example, a budget tracker app can help them keep tabs on their expenses.
Introduce them to the concept of insurance. You can relate it to something they’re familiar with, like a car. Explain terms to them such as deductible, premium, exclusions, etc.

3. Decision-making

No one makes the right decision every single time, but you can help your teen make wiser choices in life in general.

Peer influence plays a big role in adolescent decision-making – in both good and bad ways.

Encourage your teens to spend time with friends who have similar beliefs and values. Teach them to establish boundaries and to be brave enough to say no.

Help them weigh the pros and cons of the decisions they’re faced with.

Provide guidance when appropriate, but avoid forcing your opinions on your teenagers. As difficult as it might be, as parents, we must sometimes take the backseat and let them learn from their mistakes.

4. Goal-setting and planning

You might have ambitious teens who dream big.

Structured goal-setting and planning can help your teens unlock their potential. They’ll learn to leverage their talents and strengths to achieve well-defined goals.

Encourage your teens to write down their goals and ambitions. These must be their goals, not the aspirations you wish to fulfill through them.

You can also help them break down a big dream into smaller actionable steps. Ensure that each step toward the goal is measurable and specific.

For instance, if your teen wants to learn Korean, he or she might decide to spend 30 minutes studying the language after dinner every day.

And as long as your teens’ goals are meaningful in some way, do your best to be supportive!

5. Critical thinking

Do your teenagers take things at face value?

If so, encourage them to analyze information and ideas rationally and independently.

That way, your teens can form their own opinions and conclusions that are reasonable and well thought out.

Here’s how you can help your teens practice critical thinking:

Ask them to come up with solutions to real-life problems.
Ask them open-ended questions that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.”
Give them opportunities to make important decisions. For example, would they like to spend the summer break volunteering or attending an educational camp?

6. Adaptability and resilience

How can you help your teens adapt quickly to change and bounce back from rough times?

Here are some tips to try:

Encourage your teens to pursue new experiences. For instance, they could try out a new sport or join a club.
Help your teens to focus on the positive aspects of change rather than dwelling on disappointments.
Remind your teens to be aware of their inner monologue and how they speak to themselves.
Encourage your teens to devise solutions to problems and weigh out the pros and cons of each one.
Help your teenagers form healthy connections with friends, family members, counselors, and coaches. These people will be able to provide your teenagers with support and guidance.

7. Becoming a self-directed learner

Many teenagers have the mindset that they have to finish their schoolwork and projects.

This isn’t entirely their fault. They’ve learned to think this way due to the punishments or consequences they face – typically at school – if they don’t complete the work.

But having this mindset means that your teens may only finish their tasks and fulfill their responsibilities when someone is coercing them to.

So what you can do instead is to encourage your teenagers to be proactive and self-directed learners.

Help them to see the inherent meaning and purpose behind what they’re currently working on, beyond the outcome they’re trying to achieve.

Encourage them to explore various learning resources and platforms on their own. And provide them with tools to monitor the progress they’re making, such as apps like Lifetick or GoalsOnTrack.

8. Resourcefulness

When your teens face setbacks in life, do they often give up?

Instead of quitting, help them to become more resourceful. Show them how to broaden their horizons when they’re trying to find a way through an obstacle.

Can an organization, professional, or family member offer guidance?

Or can they take a course or use an online tool that might help?

Give your teens opportunities to make significant decisions. Encourage them to reflect on the mistakes they’ve made.

9. Communication

As teenagers develop good communication skills, they’ll be able to convey their thoughts and opinions more clearly.

They’ll also learn to listen more effectively. This can help to prevent unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings.

To enable your teens to improve their communication skills, you can:

Make time to communicate with your teens. Create opportunities for two-way interactions with your teens. This may involve setting up a no-phone rule at the dinner table or scheduling weekly family time to catch up, etc.
Teach your teens the importance of body language in conversations. You can explain to them specific undesirable body language cues (e.g. no eye contact, crossed arms, poor posture).
Emphasize the importance of active listening. Model this whenever your teens or anyone else speaks to you. Teach your teens the key principles of active listening.

10. Emotional intelligence and self-awareness

Your teens may have trouble understanding their emotions. They may also be unaware of how their moods and actions impact the feelings of others.

With greater emotional intelligence, your teens will cultivate empathy and build stronger relationships.

To build your teens’ emotional intelligence, create a safe atmosphere at home where they can talk openly about their emotions, fears, anxieties, etc.

Instead of sweeping their feelings under the rug, validate their emotions through active listening.

11. Leadership and teamwork

The strength of the team is each member. The strength of each member is the team.

– Phil Jackson, former NBA Coach of the Year

It’s essential that your teens learn to lead and to work in a team.

Here’s how you can help your teens to foster collaborative relationships with others:

Teach them to be accountable for their actions. Create a culture of accountability in your home by setting up rules and boundaries. Involve your teens in the process of creating these rules and boundaries.
Give them opportunities to negotiate. Invite your teens to share their ideas and opinions. Leave room for negotiation in instances when you don’t see eye-to-eye with them.
Establish a culture of celebrating other people’s successes. Model for your teens how to support, motivate, and encourage others sincerely.
Teach them to resolve conflicts effectively. Share with them strategies to stay calm in the middle of tense situations. Show them how to disagree respectfully.

12. Empathy and compassion

Teens who have more empathy will be able to build healthier relationships with others.

Here’s how you can empower your teens to develop this valuable life skill:

Create a safe space for them to talk about their feelings and experiences.
Ask them what they notice about another person’s facial expressions or body language.
Remind them to show honor to others, even in the midst of disagreements and conflicts.
Encourage them to volunteer and serve others – you can join them too!

13. Healthy habits and self-care

One of the most important life skills for young adults is knowing how to take care of their physical and mental health.

You can try the following:

Set an example by practicing good sleep hygiene, e.g. putting away your electronic devices an hour before bed, having a relaxing bedtime routine.
Take your teens to their routine health check-ups.
Exercise together with them.
Teach them basic cooking skills.
Show them how to read nutritional labels.

While physical health is important, mental health shouldn’t be overlooked.

According to the World Health Organization, half of all mental health conditions in adulthood begin by age 14.

Here’s how you can help your teens to prioritize their mental well-being:

Destigmatize counseling and mental health support.
Help them create a self-care routine.
Spend 1-on-1 time with them regularly so you can find out how they’re really doing.
Learn and practice relaxation techniques (e.g. deep breathing exercises, art therapy) with them.

14. Basic first aid and emergency preparedness

All teenagers should know how to navigate emergencies. These skills could save their life or someone else’s.

Here’s what you can do:

Encourage them to attend basic first aid training (and join in if you can).
Provide them with personal safety tools and teach them how to use the tools. Personal safety apps like Noonlight can be helpful.
Encourage them to have trusted family members or friends saved as emergency contacts.
Educate them on how to respond to fires, natural disasters, etc.

15. Basic home maintenance skills

Teens without the necessary home maintenance skills may become stressed and overwhelmed when such situations arise.

Get your teenagers involved in basic housekeeping tasks. Teach them to use common household appliances, such as a washing machine and dryer.

It’s a good idea to teach your teens how to:

Clean the gutters
Reset the circuit breaker
Cut off the water supply
Hang shelves
Fix a leaky faucet
Unclog a sink or toilet

Get your teens involved in basic home maintenance tasks as early as possible.

You’ll be teaching them valuable skills that will come in handy when they’re living on their own!

Conclusion

Many valuable life skills can’t be picked up by reading a textbook.

As much as you want your teenagers to get good grades in school, it’s also important for them to become responsible and independent young adults.

By equipping them with the right skills, they’ll be headed down this path!

(If your teens sometimes lack motivation, don’t forget to download the free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by

many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

Teaching Values to Teens: 8 Ways to Build Character in Your Teens

Updated on May 10, 2023 By Daniel Wong 6 Comments

Do you wonder if your teen is maturing and developing well?

As a parent, you love your children unconditionally. But they don’t always display the values and character traits you wish they would.

If you’re frustrated by your teenagers’ bad attitude, irresponsible behavior, impatience, or lack of motivation…

… it’s a common situation that parents find themselves in.

You can still help your teens to grow into caring, courageous, and confident adults who contribute to society.

One of the best ways to ensure this is to teach your teens the right values.

Values help teens make better decisions, focus on positive goals, and take responsibility for their actions. They act as an internal compass to guide your teens’ choices and behavior.

How do values do all of this? By boosting intrinsic motivation.

This type of motivation can transform your teens’ approach to school, work, friendships, and family life.

For example, teens who value self-discipline and knowledge will study because it’s meaningful to work hard and learn new things. They won’t study just to get an A or avoid punishment.

To give your teens the best chance at finding fulfillment and success, follow these tips to help them develop the right values.

(And if your teen lacks motivation, make sure to download the e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by

many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

Tip #1: Model the values you want your teen to have

This tip might seem obvious. But your actions and words greatly influence your teenagers’ behavior, attitude, and beliefs.

How you respond to a stressful event or approach an argument influences how your teens will react when they face a similar situation.

For example, it’s important to stay calm when explaining to your teens why you felt frustrated that they didn’t finish their chores.

By talking calmly to your teens – instead of shouting – you’re demonstrating that respect is a value that matters to you.

Other examples of how to model certain values for your teens include:

Self-discipline: Having a morning routine, always being punctual, eating healthily, exercising regularly.
Generosity: Giving to those in need, helping neighbors, doing favors without expecting anything in return.
Excellence: Putting aside distractions and focusing on the task at hand, doing small things (like making your bed) well, going the extra mile to serve and help others
Integrity: Owning up to mistakes, not blaming others, not lying even if it affects you negatively, not cutting corners.

Tip #2: Be aware of teachable moments

Teachable moments are opportunities to help your teens learn valuable lessons.

Most teachable moments occur when your teens have made a mistake.

Keep an eye out for these moments because you can use them to show your teens how to live out their values in practical ways.

A teachable moment is not the time to give a lecture. Your teens probably already know that they’ve messed up.

As a parent, you can help your teens to identify habits and behaviors that go against their values.

For example, if your teen is frustrated with himself for not doing well on an exam, you can listen to him as he shares his feelings. Refrain from criticizing or lecturing him.

Understand what values matter to him. Help him to see if there is a gap between his actual habits and his ideal habits, based on the kind of person he wants to become.

Discuss with him ways that he can ensure that his future behavior will be aligned with his values.

When you recognize these teachable moments, you can use them to help your teens become more resilient, confident, and persistent.

Tip #3: Regularly discuss values at home

Talk about your values and the values you admire in others.

While you can’t force teens to share your values, you can help them to think about what values matter most to them.

How do they want to be treated, and how do they treat others? How do they decide what to do in tough situations?

Periodically share with them what’s most important to you and why. This will highlight the role of values in living a purposeful and fulfilling life.

Here are a few approaches you can try:

Ask your teens about their values. You could bring up the topic over dinner or when your teens seem relaxed. Ask them about what kind of person they want to become.
Ask your teens about how they view the role of values in family, society, etc. Take the time to understand their opinions and perspectives.
Discuss the values demonstrated in various shows, videos, games, etc. Don’t cast judgment on your teens’ hobbies or preferences. Instead, have an open conversation with them about the values demonstrated in various shows, videos, games, etc. and whether those values have an influence on them.

Tip #4: Volunteer together with your teen

Getting out into the community and volunteering with your teens is a way to put values into practice.

Your teens will learn about compassion, gratitude, and being of service to others.

In addition, volunteering can improve health, boost confidence, and provide your teens with an opportunity to learn new skills.

The right volunteering opportunity will also connect your teens with others who share similar values.

What’s more, doing volunteer work with your teens allows you to spend quality time together.

Of course, you can’t force your teens to volunteer if they really don’t want to. But hopefully, they’ll at least see the joy and meaning you find in volunteering.

Here are some volunteering opportunities you could explore with your teenagers:

Helping out at an animal shelter
Distributing food at a food bank
Volunteering at a library
Tutoring underprivileged children
Cleaning up parks and playgrounds

Tip #5: Support your teen during tough times

Adolescence is full of challenges. Here are some statistics to illustrate the issues teens face:

19% of students have experienced bullying at school
14.9% of teens have experienced cyberbullying
12.8% of youths aged 12 to 17 have experienced major depressive episodes

As a parent, it’s important not to write your teens’ issues off as “childish” or “just a phase.” To find healthy ways to handle and overcome these issues, your teens will need your support.

When you go through challenging times yourself, share with your teenagers what you’re learning and how you’re growing as a person.

Resilience helps teens recover from setbacks and failures in life. It also enables teens to counteract stress and develop confidence in their abilities.

Tip #6: Recognize when your teen demonstrates good values

When your teens demonstrate good values, acknowledge their growth.

If your teens volunteer at an animal shelter over the weekend, drive them there if you can and ask them about the experience when they get home.

If your teens spend a few hours picking up litter at a park, drop by with drinks and snacks for them.

Your teens will realize that showing kindness and serving others are intrinsically meaningful.

And when you praise your teens for displaying good values, make sure to focus on praising the process rather than the outcome.

Tip #7: Look out for who is influencing your teen

You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. – Jim Rohn

Do you know who your teens hang out with? Do their friends display good values and behavior?

Here are some ways to reduce the likelihood that your teens will give in to negative influences:

Have honest and open conversations with your teens. Share your thoughts and concerns with your teenagers, while making it clear that you know you can’t completely control who they hang out with.
Refraining from saying bad things about your teens’ friends. Even if you dislike your teens’ friends, don’t criticize them harshly because your teens probably won’t take it well.
Help your teens to see situations as they are. For example, if you’ve noticed that your daughter’s friend frequently insults her, talk to her about setting healthy boundaries.
Get to know your teens’ friends and their families. Invite your teens’ friends to spend time at your house, and have their families come over for a meal too.

Tip #8: Share your experiences (without lecturing!)

Do you remember the challenges you faced as a teen? Throughout your life, what experiences helped you develop your core values?

Share such experiences with your teens.

Tell your teenagers about the values that are closest to your heart. Describe how you’ve been trying to live out those values in practical ways.

And show your teens how this journey of embodying those values has made your life richer and more fulfilling.

Conclusion

Values are the bedrock of your teenagers’ development.

The values they embrace will determine their choices and habits.

By instilling the right values in your teens, they’ll naturally become confident and responsible teens who lead purposeful lives!

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My Teenager Hates Me: What Can I Do as a Parent?

Updated on February 6, 2023 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

Have you ever thought to yourself, “My teenager hates me”?

It’s more common than you might think for teens to say that they hate their parents.

As your teenager moves through adolescence, you may be on the receiving end of harsh words. This can leave you feeling unappreciated, frustrated, and angry.

So what can you do to change your teen’s hurtful behavior and address your teen’s unmet emotional needs?

Learning some new parenting strategies is an excellent start.

The tips in this article will help you build a better and more respectful relationship with your teen.

Let’s start by exploring some common reasons teens become angry with their parents.

(And if your teen also doesn’t listen to you, make sure to download the quick action guide below.)

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Why do teenagers hate their parents?

Through the thousands of hours I’ve spent coaching teens 1-to-1, I’ve gained valuable insights into this issue.

I’ve uncovered common themes in what teenagers find annoying and frustrating about their parents.

Below is a list of the most common complaints I’ve heard from teens about their parents:

Reason #1: Their parents frequently remind them not to waste their potential

Telling teens that they aren’t living up to their potential may seem like a good idea – but it can have an adverse effect.

Teenagers often feel like a failure if they’re on the receiving end of this type of comment. It also leads teens to believe that their parents’ love is dependent on how successful they are.

Here’s what to do instead…

Without nagging or lecturing your teens, encourage them to reflect on their current situation. Help them to gain self-awareness without criticizing or reprimanding them. Ask them gently about what they plan to do to make progress.

Don’t forget to celebrate small wins along the way. You can also make positive comments to acknowledge your teens’ effort when they work hard or implement good study habits, regardless of the outcome.

Reason #2: Their parents overreact to small mistakes

We all make mistakes. It’s a part of how we learn and grow.

But the way you respond to your teens’ mistakes can cause problems.

For example, your teenager might have lost track of time while hanging out with his friends. He’s now late in getting home, and you’re annoyed.

It’s important to take a step back and respond rather than react.

You can do this by first asking your teen why he’s late. Once you understand the situation better, you can then discuss strategies with him to prevent the same thing from happening in the future.

For example, he might decide to set an alarm on his phone as a reminder for him to start heading home.

The key is to not overreact. If you frequently overreact, it will create emotional distance between you and your teen.

Reason #3: Their parents continually criticize and nag them

When raising teenagers, there will be opportunities for you to provide constructive criticism. Nevertheless, no one enjoys receiving constant criticism.

If you continually criticize your teens, it will hurt their self-esteem. Your teens might even become convinced that it’s impossible to live up to your expectations.

Try replacing negative comments with acknowledgments of your teens’ progress. Make a positive comment whenever you observe your teens trying hard or behaving responsibly.

This is a fantastic way to motivate your teenagers and show them that you’re their biggest supporter.

Reason #4: Their parents overemphasize academic achievement

Academics are important. But they aren’t the only aspect of your teens’ life worth discussing.

Rather than only asking your teens questions related to school, focus on building a connection with them. Try starting conversations by talking about things that your teens are interested in.

Find out more about what they like and dislike, and about what their perspective is on various issues.

The deeper the connection you have with your teens, the more likely it is that you’ll be able to influence them when it counts.

Reason #5: They feel disrespected by their parents

Nobody likes to be talked down to or treated disrespectfully.

Even though you have more knowledge and experience than your teenagers, avoid being condescending.

Think back to when you were a teenager. You probably thought you knew better than your parents, so don’t be surprised if your teens think they know better than you!

So treat your teens with respect, if not it’ll be hard for you to expect the same kind of treatment from them.

Reason #6: They feel as if their interests aren’t valued

As individuals, we all have unique interests. These are things that spark our curiosity or inspire us. It’s what makes us who we are.

Parents often overlook the things that matter to their teenagers. When you continually focus on how your teens are doing in their academics or sports, they may feel like you’re not treating them as people.

They may feel like you’re treating them as a project.

So try to not be dismissive of things that are important to your teens, but which you might think are a waste of time, e.g. gaming, shows, social media.

The more you get to know your teen, the more they will understand how much you care about them.

Reason #7: They feel pressured to pursue their parents’ dreams

As a parent, it can be tempting to view your teens as younger versions of yourself.

You work hard to provide opportunities for your teens to do things you couldn’t do when you were younger. Perhaps you overemphasize a certain career path or extracurricular interest.

But I encourage you not to do this. If you do, it will only end with frustration and disappointment.

Don’t pressure your teenagers to pursue your dreams.

Your teens have their own identities and interests. You need to respect their individuality and support them as they work toward goals they find meaningful.

Reason #8: Their parents refuse to apologize when they’re wrong

One of the reasons your teenagers may hate you is that you never – or almost never – apologize.

As a parent, it can be tough to admit when you’re wrong. The truth is, anyone you’ve harmed through your words or actions deserves an apology.

If you’re in the wrong or you’ve messed up, acknowledge it to your teens.

Apologizing takes courage, but it models responsible behavior for your teenagers. It can inspire them to do the same when faced with a similar situation.

Reason #9: Their parents don’t include them in the decision-making process

As teens get older, they’ll start to test existing boundaries. This is normal! Teens are in the process of figuring out who they are and taking steps toward independence.

As such, it only makes sense to include your teens in setting rules and boundaries.

This doesn’t mean you should become a pushover. Working in collaboration to establish healthy boundaries is beneficial to both parents and teens.

An additional bonus is that your teen will see that you’re willing to negotiate.

For example, let’s say you want to set a curfew. This will give you peace of mind while also teaching your teen the importance of responsibility.

You can sit down together and decide on an appropriate time. As a parent, you have the final say, but the goal is to have a respectful discussion.

By involving teens in the decision-making process, you empower them to be more responsible. At the same time, they’ll also develop negotiation skills.

Reason #10: Their parents don’t really listen to them

The best person to answer the question, “Why does my teenager hate me?” is your teenager. If you listen carefully, you’ll come to understand why he or she feels resentful or frustrated.

Listening is one of the greatest gifts you can give your teenager.

Some teenagers go through a phase where they spend more time alone as they deal with difficult issues. This reluctance to open up can cause them to be misunderstood.

As a parent, it’s important to learn specific strategies for how to talk to teens. Invite them to open up and listen without judgment when they do. The key is to go beyond just listening and make sure your teens feel heard and supported.

Reason #11: Their parents downplay their feelings

When your teenagers are upset, the last thing they want to hear is, “Oh, it’s nothing to get upset about.”

So don’t dismiss or downplay your teens’ feelings. Doing so invalidates and minimizes issues that are important to your teens.

If this continues, your teens will eventually stop opening up to you.

Be there for your teens not only in the good times, but also in the tough times. It can be a great relief for teenagers to express anger, sadness, or frustration and know their parents will support them instead of judging them.

Reason #12: Their parents focus on rules and neglect the relationship

Every household needs rules to ensure everything runs smoothly. But making rules the focal point of everything is ineffective. It can also hurt your relationship with your teen.

For example, let’s say that you and your family have agreed to eat dinner together at 7pm. But your teen suddenly feels like eating earlier because she needs to work on an assignment. This isn’t the end of the world!

Yes, family time is important, but your teen also needs some flexibility. So you can discuss with her how you can work around this situation while still understanding the values that matter to your family.

As with many things, balance is key.

Conclusion

As a parent, there are a variety of ways to mend the relationship with your teen. So don’t lose hope!

Start by identifying which of the reasons listed in this article ring true for you and your teen. Then, put the relevant tips into practice to help your teen become less frustrated and resentful.

As you do this, you’ll bring out the best in your teen and strengthen the relationship too.

And if your teenager is also unmotivated or irresponsible, try my online course for parents of teens. It’s a step-by-step system called Transform Your Teen Today. It’s been proven to work and it even comes with a 100% money-back guarantee!

FREE QUICK ACTION GUIDE:

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10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

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How to Choose the Right Coach for Your Teen

Updated on May 23, 2023 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

Every teenager needs guidance to navigate the challenges of adolescence.

But as a parent, you’ve probably noticed that your teen often rejects your guidance.

The more you tell your teen what choices he or she ought to make, the less likely your teen is to listen.

So what should you do?

Connect your teen with an experienced coach. A skilled coach and mentor can transform unmotivated teens into motivated and responsible young adults.

These positive changes can ease the tension in your relationship with your teen. For many parents, this is the biggest benefit of finding the right coach.

How should you choose the right coach for your teen?

Every teen has unique challenges to overcome and opportunities to make the most of. So it’s important to look for a coach who has the right combination of skills and experience to meet your teen’s needs.

Here’s what to do first…

Identify the goals to be achieved through coaching

When a coach works with teens, the focus isn’t usually just on academics. If school performance is a concern you have about your teen, a holistic approach is most effective.

A coach can work with your teen to develop the intrinsic motivation needed to do well in school. A coach will also help your teen to develop the mindset and practical skills necessary to thrive.

This process involves many aspects of development for your teen. So it helps to start your search for a coach by listing the main concerns you have about your teenager.

Think about the outcomes you want to achieve through the coaching sessions. Ask yourself questions like:

Why am I looking for a coach for my teen?
What do I want my teen to learn through the coaching sessions?
Which areas does my teen need the most guidance in?

Below are some common areas for improvement that I help my teenage coaching clients to make progress in:

Common area for improvement #1: Motivation

A lack of intrinsic motivation is a common but serious problem that many teenagers struggle with.

A coach can help teens to find the inner drive to learn and improve. As a result, these teenagers will be able to reach their full potential in school and life.

Common area for improvement #2: Responsibility

Do you think your teen sometimes behaves irresponsibly?

If so, you’re not alone.

Teenagers need to learn to make wise decisions, but the desire to do so has to come from within. A coach can help teens shift towards more responsible and mature behavior.

Common area for improvement #3: Sense of purpose

Many teenagers coast through life without a strong sense of purpose.

A lack of direction can lead to frustration for both teens and their parents. It’s difficult for many teens to understand how to make meaningful choices and lead a meaningful life.

At a time when they’re making important decisions about the future, a sense of purpose can guide your teen in the right direction.

A coach can help your teen to cultivate passion and live a life that’s founded on the right values.

Common area for improvement #4: Attitude and mindset

We all know how important it is to develop mental strength. But many teens lack the fortitude to overcome challenges and setbacks.

Coaching can enable teens to become more process-oriented and resilient. Instead of focusing too much on grades or achievement, they’ll learn to find joy in the process of attaining mastery.

As such, they’ll develop a more positive attitude toward school and other areas of life.

Common area for improvement #5: Respect

Respect for authority figures – especially parents – can be dramatically improved through coaching.

You’re probably already aware that teenagers’ disrespectful behavior can damage relationships and cause frustration for everyone involved.

The right coach can help your teen to understand the importance of respect, such that your teen will change his or her behavior for the better.

Common area for improvement #6: Time management

Coaching will equip your teenager with the skills needed to manage his or her time effectively.

Your teen will learn how to reduce procrastination and overcome distractions. Your teen will also learn how to stay organized and prioritize well.

These time management skills will benefit your teenager both in the short term and the long term!

Common area for improvement #7: Study skills

As a parent, you know it can sometimes be hard to get a teen to study.

Some teens lack the motivation to study, while others need more practical support. Coaching addresses both of these issues.

If your teenager doesn’t know how to study effectively, ensure that the coach you engage is able to teach study skills.

Here’s what to look for in a coach…

The right coach is uniquely qualified to guide teens to become motivated, confident, and responsible. The right coach empowers teens to thrive and to maximize their potential.

So what factors should you consider when looking for a coach for your teen?

1. Experience and background

Look for a coach who specializes in working with teens. Choose a coach who has experience working with teens who face similar problems as your teen.

2. Expertise

Take a look at the articles and books the coach has written, the videos the coach has published, the interviews the coach has done, the talks the coach has given, etc. These should demonstrate the coach’s knowledge and expertise.

3. Professional development

You’re looking to engage someone who will inspire your teen to grow and develop. So the coach you choose should be an example of someone who embraces lifelong learning. Coaches who continually strive to improve themselves are in the best position to mentor your teenager.

4. Proven results

Read the testimonials and success stories of the coach’s previous clients to see if the coach has a proven track record.

Questions to ask a potential coach

If you’ve found a coach for your teen who seems suitable, here are some questions to ask:

Question #1: What coaching methodology do you use?

Find out how the coach plans to guide your teen toward making positive changes.

What approaches or techniques does the coach use? What is his or her coaching philosophy? What makes his or her approach effective?

Question #2: Do you offer a trial session?

A trial session is a great way to see how well your teen and the coach get along. The better the connection, the more likely it is that your teen will benefit from the coaching sessions.

Question #3: What’s your availability like?

Given your teen’s schedule and commitments, does the coach have available slots to work with your teen? Can the coach start the sessions right away, or is there a waiting list?

Question #4: What’s the structure of the coaching sessions?

Here are some related questions:

What’s the recommended frequency of the coaching sessions?
How long is each session?
Will you provide periodic updates to the parents?
Do I pay for the sessions one at a time, or do you offer some kind of package?
What’s your refund policy?

Conclusion

No matter what challenges your teen is currently facing, I hope you’re now convinced that he or she would benefit from coaching.

And after reading this article, I hope you also know how to choose the right coach for your teen.

Over the past decade, I’ve spent thousands and thousands of hours coaching teens 1-to-1. It brings me incredible joy to see my teenage coaching clients become motivated, confident, resilient, purpose-driven, and responsible!

To find out more about the 1-to-1 coaching program I offer for teens, visit this page. Or you can also click the link in the box below…

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Coaching for Teens: Can It Help My Teen to Become Motivated?

Updated on May 23, 2023 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

Are you having a difficult time getting your teen to study, do chores, or participate in family activities?

Maybe you’ve noticed that your teen seems unmotivated and directionless.

You’ve been watching your teen avoid challenges, behave irresponsibly, and spend hours on his or her phone.

As a parent, you’ve been doing everything you can think of to get through to your teen.

If this sounds like the situation in your home, it’s time to consider engaging a coach for your teen.

Your teen’s performance in all areas of life will dramatically improve when he or she connects with an experienced coach.

This article explores the purpose of coaching, so you can decide if it’s the right solution for your teen.

Signs that your teen needs a coach

Here are some indicators that your teen would benefit from working with a coach:

Sign #1: Your teen lacks motivation or has a negative attitude

A particular situation or event can cause teenagers to develop negative thoughts and a negative attitude.

For example, your teen may dislike a particular teacher, so he or she stops attending class.

Or maybe your teen feels overwhelmed by everything going on in school, so he or she procrastinates as a way of escape.

A coach can help your teen to become more self-aware, and inspire your teen to change for the better.

Sign #2: Your teen lacks organizational skills

Here are some signs that your teen lacks organizational skills:

Your teen forgets to submit homework on time
Your teen misplaces his or her personal items
Your teen doesn’t plan ahead
Your teen doesn’t prepare well for tests and exams
Your teen doesn’t keep track of events and deadlines
Your teen doesn’t prioritize well

A coach can work with your teenager to equip him or her with the planning and organizational skills needed to cope with the demands of school, extra-curricular activities, etc.

This process will also prepare your teen for the future, where organizational skills will matter even more in the workplace and in managing adult life.

Sign #3: Your teen is addicted to texting, gaming, social media, videos, shows, etc.

Do you frequently find your teen in front of the TV, computer, or on his or her phone?

It’s easy for teenagers can get caught up in the digital world, which is often entertaining and addictive.

A coach can work with your teen to find the right balance. A coach can also enable your teen to develop healthy habits when it comes to screen time.

Sign #4: Your teen gives up easily or struggles with anxiety

Teens who lack resilience often give up when they’re faced with challenges or with tasks that require significant effort.

If this describes your teen, a coach can work with him or her to get to the root of the issue. A coach can guide your teen toward developing perseverance and a strong work ethic.

Sometimes teens need to learn strategies to break down big projects into smaller tasks. They may also need to learn to view challenges positively instead of negatively. A skilled coach will be able to help your teen in these areas too.

What benefits will your teen receive through working with a coach?

An experienced coach is trained to help teenagers overcome their struggles so they can confidently face the future.

Here are some benefits your teen will receive through working with a coach:

Benefit #1: Your teen will develop a sense of purpose

Coaching will change your teen’s perception that school, extracurricular activities, family commitments, etc. are boring or pointless.

When teens have a strong sense of purpose, they naturally develop intrinsic motivation in all areas of their lives.

Benefit #2: Your teen will find a renewed passion for learning

At times, it may seem impossible for you to motivate your teen to study. But with support from a coach, your teen will take ownership of his or her education.

A coach will guide your teenager to develop traits like focus, confidence, and discipline. Your teen will start to take school seriously and will become an effective student.

Benefit #3: Your teen will become responsible and will make good decisions

Irresponsible choices can lead teens down the wrong path in life. Coaching will help your teenager develop responsibility and make wise decisions.

A coach will ensure that your teen has the right foundation for becoming a trustworthy and competent adult. When faced with tough choices, your teen will be equipped to choose the best path forward.

Benefit #4: Your teen will build healthy habits

Healthy habits are the building blocks of a successful and balanced life. But it isn’t always easy for parents to get their teenagers to develop new habits or eliminate harmful behaviors or thought patterns.

This is where coaching comes in.

A coach will teach your teenager how to develop the right habits and will ensure that the habits formed are permanent.

Benefit #5: Your teen will plan for the future

A coach will guide your teen to think long-term instead of short-term. Your teen will plan for the future effectively and will set meaningful goals that he or she feels inspired to work toward.

At the same time, your teen will implement customized strategies to reach those goals.

Conclusion

At some point, most teenagers will lack motivation, focus, and direction.

I encourage you to get help for your teen as soon as possible, before the situation worsens.

After reading this article, I hope you’re now aware of how your teen would benefit from coaching.

To learn more about choosing a suitable coach for your teen, read this article next. Alternatively, you can click the link in the box below…

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How to Choose the Right Coach for Your Teen