Daniel Wong

Equipping Students to Be Successful & Happy

Parents, Stop Telling Your Kids to Study Hard for Their Own Good (And What to Do Instead)

January 8, 2019 By 23 Comments

Parent and child

Yes, it is for your kids’ own good that they study hard.

But you shouldn’t tell them that.

Why?

Because if you do, they’ll be less likely to study hard.

(I’ve spoken to and worked with more than 25,000 students, so I say this with confidence.)

In this article, I’ll provide an explanation.

I’ll also share three tips to help your kids develop intrinsic motivation.

BONUS: Is it hard to get through to your child? Download this FREE checklist, 10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

Don’t expect your kids to get an education in school

This might sound strange, so hear me out.

We live in a world where knowledge abounds.

It’s incredible that most of this knowledge is available for free online – you just have to seek it out.

A couple of decades ago, to get an education you had almost no choice but to attend school.

But today, you can take courses on Khan Academy, Coursera, Udacity, Udemy, and other websites.

If you’re diligent about taking these courses, you’d acquire more skills and knowledge than you would in almost any traditional school.

This means that, over time, the diplomas and degrees that schools give out will matter less.

It also means that students shouldn’t go to school expecting to get an education. Rather, school should form just one part of a student’s education.

In the future, diplomas and degrees won’t be the ticket to a well-paying job and a comfortable life. (This is already starting to be the case.)

But for now, such certificates still matter.

Statistics show that students who perform better in school are more likely to get jobs that pay better.

And students who study hard are obviously more likely to perform well in school.

Which means that if you want to motivate your kids, you should tell them to work hard in school for their own benefit, right?

Wrong.

Allow me to explain.

3 reasons it’s ineffective to tell your kids to study hard for their own good

Reason #1: Students today aren’t hungry for a “better life”

Teenager listening to music

In developed countries today, most children and teenagers have more material things than they need.

More toys than they need.

More shoes than they need.

More clothes than they need.

More electronic devices than they need.

In contrast, one or two generations ago, most people experienced real hardship.

For example, my parents and grandparents grew up with far less (materially speaking) than I did.

From an early age, it was obvious to my parents that if they wanted to have a more comfortable life in the future, they needed to work hard in school.

Their teachers and parents told them that education was the key to success – and in that era, it was true. [Read more…]

10 Ways That Parents Can Help Teens Get Enough Sleep

Updated on November 9, 2018 By 3 Comments

Sleeping teenNote from Daniel: This is a guest post by Sarah Cummings.

Does your teen get enough sleep?

Probably not.

Scientists recommend that teens get more sleep per night than adults, but many of them get less.

In fact, around 85% of teens are sleep deprived.

As parents, we should take this fact seriously, because sleep is important for physical health, brain function and learning.

So here are 10 tips for parents to help teens get a better night’s sleep…

If your teen lacks motivation, download this FREE e-book, 16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager. The e-book has already been downloaded by more than 20,000 happy parents.

1. Respect your teens’ different rhythms

Teens experience a shift in their circadian rhythms, because of a delayed release of melatonin compared to adults.

Because of this shift, they may not get sleepy until later than you do.

Based on their natural circadian rhythm, they might not go to bed until midnight. If they get the full dose of their recommended hours in, this will cause them to sleep in until 9 am or 10 am.

Of course, this sleep schedule doesn’t work during school days. So they’ll need to shift their sleep schedule gradually – which is what we’ll talk about next.

2. Establish a routine

Talk to your teens and create a routine that you’re both agreeable to.

If your teens are sleeping too late on school nights, the changes need to be made little by little.

If they’re used to going to bed at 1 am, they won’t suddenly be able to fall asleep at 9:30 pm.

As such, you can try to shift their bedtime forward gradually, e.g. 10 minutes earlier each day.

Once your teens are going to bed at the ideal time, try to ensure that they stick to this bedtime during the week and on weekends, too (or as close to it as possible).

This way, their sleeping patterns won’t be affected too much.

If your teens don’t sleep enough on weekdays, they’ll accumulate “sleep debt”. This will make them more likely to break out in pimples, since insufficient sleep is linked to acne and other forms of skin irritation.

Furthermore, the more sleep debt they accumulate, the more likely they are to fall victim to a long list of health problems. [Read more…]

How to Beat Exam Stress: 25 Tips Backed by Research

Updated on September 19, 2018 By 29 Comments

Beat exam stress

Does exam stress frequently affect your grades?

If so, you’re in the right place.

In this article, I’ll share with you scientific tips that are proven to help you overcome exam stress.

I guarantee that if you apply the tips, you’ll become a calmer, happier and more successful student.

Let’s get started!

FREE BONUS: Download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the tips found here, plus 5 exclusive bonus tips that you’ll only find in the PDF.

1. Clear your room and your desk

Have you heard the saying “A cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind”?

It turns out it’s not just something your mother says to get you to clean your room. It’s scientifically correct.[1]

The more clutter you have around your workspace, the less you’re able to concentrate on preparing for the exam. This is because your brain is being bombarded by so many distractions.

Physical clutter overloads your brain and impairs your ability to think, which leads to stress.

So you need to clear your desk and your room. Do the following:

  • Reduce as much clutter as you can around your workspace. Get rid of anything that doesn’t need to be there, e.g. photos, snacks, staplers. Move them out of sight, or out of your room completely.
  • Use drawers. Store things away in your drawers or wardrobe. The only things you should have on your desk are the tools and books you need to complete your current assignment.
  • Clean your space. Now that you’ve cleared your space, give your desk and room a good clean.
  • Straighten up before you go. Take 5 minutes at the end of the day to clear everything away, so you can start again tomorrow with an uncluttered desk and an uncluttered mind.

2. Read something for leisure

It’s proven that reading for pleasure can reduce stress by up to 68%.[2]

Reading relaxes your body by lowering your heart rate and easing the tension in your muscles.

So the next time you feel the tension rise at the thought of an impending exam, pick up a good book and give yourself a 10-minute reading break. [Read more…]

40 Things Children Should Know How to Do Before They Turn 13

Updated on July 21, 2018 By 17 Comments

Happy pre-teens and teensAs a parent, do you sometimes do things for your children that they should do for themselves?

I’m a parent too, so I know this is a trap that’s easy to fall into.

As time goes by, you may even start to think that you need to keep doing these things for your children.

If you don’t, these things won’t get done at all!

Sound familiar?

I’ve spoken to and worked with 25,000 pre-teens and teens so far. It surprises me that most of them haven’t developed the life skills needed to succeed in school and adulthood.

To help parents, I’ve created this list of 40 things that children should know how to do before they turn 13.

(To gain access to 10 more items, download the free bonus below.)

I’ve separated the list into five categories:

  • General life skills and self-management
  • Social/communication skills and relationships
  • Money
  • Home
  • Emotions
FREE BONUS: Download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the items found here, plus 10 exclusive bonus items that you’ll only find in the PDF.

General life skills and self-management

1. Use a calendar or planner to keep track of important events and dates.

2. Handle their schoolwork, revision, etc. on their own without reminders or nagging.

3. Wake up on their own every morning without relying on their parents.

4. Writing things down and setting reminders to ensure that they don’t forget important information, items, etc.

5. Keep their room, desk, personal belongings, etc. organised.

6. Contact their tutors, teachers, coaches, etc. when necessary instead of relying on their parents to do it on their behalf.

7. Develop a rough daily and weekly schedule.

8. Create a plan to prepare for a test, achieve a goal, complete a project, etc.

9. Prioritise tasks.

10. Pack their bag on their own.

11. Take public transportation. [Read more…]

How to Get Motivated to Study: 23 Tips for Students Who Procrastinate

Updated on December 5, 2018 By 39 Comments

how to get motivated to studyIs it hard for you to get motivated to study?

Let’s face it…

It’s so easy to watch just one more YouTube video, or to scroll through your social media feed just one more time.

But your exams are approaching. They’re getting nearer by the day.

You have a rising sense of panic, but you don’t know where to begin. The more you panic, the harder it is to get to work.

If this is the situation you’re in, keep reading.

In this article, I’m going to explain 23 proven strategies that successful students use to motivate themselves to study.

Get ready to say goodbye to procrastination!

FREE BONUS: This article is 3,000 words long, so I’ve created a PDF summary for your convenience. Download it here for free. The PDF contains all the tips found here, plus 7 exclusive bonus tips that you’ll only find in the PDF.

1. Discover why you procrastinate

Procrastination is a complex problem that can have many different causes.

Here are some of the most common:

  • You’ve convinced yourself that your homework is beyond your abilities
  • Putting off your homework is a way of rebelling against your parents or teachers
  • You’ve decided the topic is boring
  • You’re waiting for the “perfect” time to start
  • The task has become so overwhelming that you don’t know where to start

Understanding why you procrastinate is a key first step to getting motivated.

Spend some time reflecting on what makes you procrastinate. This will enable you to identify which of the following tips will help you the most.

2. Break the material down into chunks

A major cause of procrastination is that the task ahead seems overwhelming.

That’s when you need to “chunk down”.

Break down each task into small chunks.

Assign yourself a certain number of those chunks each day. Suddenly, you’re no longer faced with a scary task, but rather a series of manageable chunks.

A chunk might be reading three pages of your textbook, completing five multiple-choice questions, or finding three reference articles on the Internet for your paper.

3. Reward yourself

Every time you complete one or two chunks, reward yourself with a short period of relaxation.

It could be five minutes on your favourite smartphone game, a short walk, or playing the guitar.

Rewarding yourself with short and enjoyable breaks is a key part of the “chunking down” technique. [Read more…]

How to Deal With a Disrespectful Teenager: 10 Tips for Frustrated Parents

Updated on December 5, 2018 By 25 Comments

Dealing with a disrespectful teenagerAre you dealing with a disrespectful teenager?

Maybe he mutters under his breath when you ask him to do his homework.

Or maybe she slams her bedroom door when you tell her she can’t go out with her friends.

If so, you’re probably at your wits’ end.

You love your teenagers and you want the best for them.

But you also want them to accept that there are rules in your family, just as there are rules in the outside world.

Don’t be alarmed. Disrespect towards parents is common as youngsters navigate the waters between childhood and adulthood.

But you can’t deal with disrespect by simply ignoring it.

You need a strategy. There are things you need to do, and things you need to avoid doing.

This article explains 10 tips for successfully handling disrespectful teenagers.

FREE BONUS: Download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the tips found here, plus 3 exclusive bonus tips that you’ll only find in the PDF.

1. Understand the teenage brain

During childhood, there’s tremendous brain development. By age six, 95% of the brain’s structure has already been formed.

Picture it as a sudden development of the wiring of the brain.

The problem is that the new wiring hasn’t yet been connected to the key parts of the brain.

As Molly Edmonds writes, the teenage brain is like an entertainment centre whose components haven’t yet been hooked up.

There are loose wires everywhere. The speaker system hasn’t been connected to the DVD player. And the DVD player hasn’t been configured to work with the TV.

And as for the remote control – it hasn’t even arrived yet!

In this analogy, the remote control is the prefrontal cortex.

That’s the part of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments, and controls impulses and emotions. But in the teenage brain, it hasn’t been properly connected yet.

What does this mean in practice?

It means teenagers can get frustrated easily, with themselves and with external situations. It makes them impulsive and subject to mood swings that you and I don’t experience.

That’s a heady cocktail that can turn teenagers into emotional wrecks.

Understanding that there’s a biological basis for your teenager’s difficult behaviour makes it much easier to deal with.

It helps you to focus on the behaviour rather than the person.

2. Think about the emotional needs underlying the behaviour

When teenagers are disrespectful to their parents, it’s sometimes a sign that they have emotional needs that aren’t being met.

Sometimes the disrespectful behaviour is a way of getting attention.

Other times, it’s an indication that they don’t feel accepted.

Sit down with your teenager and tell her that you’re there for her if she wants to talk about something. Remind her that you love her unconditionally. [Read more…]

12 Skills That Good Parents Have (Backed by Science)

Updated on November 9, 2018 By 8 Comments

Good parenting skills

Do you want to have good parenting skills?

Of course you do.

You want to help your children make the most of their potential, and you want them to be contributing members of society.

But it’s time-consuming to sift through all the parenting tips out there.

What makes it more confusing is that the tips from different “parenting experts” are often contradictory!

I wanted to know what parenting skills and tips have been proven to be effective. So I read through all the scientific articles I could find.

Based on many hours of research, I’ve come up with this list of 12 good parenting skills. (If you’d like to discover another three skills effective parents have, download the free bonus below.)

FREE BONUS: Download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the skills found here, plus 3 exclusive bonus skills that you’ll only find in the PDF.

Parenting skill #1: Focus more on your children’s positive behaviour than negative behaviour.

Yale University psychology professor Alan Kazdin explains that parents should be intentional about focusing more on their children’s positive behaviour than on their negative behaviour.[1]

The more parents scold or reprimand, the more the bad behaviour gets repeated.

When they receive a lot of scolding, children start to internalise the belief that “I’m a bad child who misbehaves and gets scolded”.

As such, they don’t feel motivated to correct their behaviour, because it has already become a part of their identity.

Effective parents understand that the better approach is to acknowledge or describe their children’s good behaviour when they see it.

You may have to go out of your way to do this, but you’ll soon observe your children’s behaviour improving.

Parenting skill #2: Teach your children to focus on the needs of others.

Lara Aknin’s research shows that children find happiness through giving to others.[2]

In fact, children find greater happiness when they give to others sacrificially.

These are interesting findings, because most of us are naturally self-centred. We look out for our own needs before the needs of others.

But the research indicates that if we overcome our selfish nature and focus on the needs of others, we’ll be happier.

If you want your children to lead joyful, fulfilling lives, teach them to serve others and contribute. Involve them in activities where they get to help others and make a positive impact.

When your children think more in terms of contribution and less in terms of achievement, they’ll be on the path of building a meaningful life. [Read more…]