Teens Archives - Daniel Wong

Rebellious Teens: 25 Practical Tips to Parent Them Effectively

Updated on May 7, 2020 By Daniel Wong 6 Comments

What do you do with a rebellious teen?

It’s a challenging situation for parents to deal with.

Angry answers to innocent questions, slammed doors, refusing to study – these are behaviours you may be all too familiar with.

Rebellious teens can turn the home into a war zone.

Through my work with 25,000 teens so far, I’ve come across every kind of parent-teen problem you can imagine.

I’ve learned what works and what doesn’t. So, in this article, I’m going to share with you 25 tips for handling rebellious teens more effectively.

1. Decide exactly which behaviours are unacceptable

There are many behaviours your teenager displays that might annoy you.

You might not like the clothes she wears, or you might not like the mess in his bedroom.

But if you react to every one of these behaviours, your relationship with your teenager will descend into one long argument.

Over time, your teen will come to see you as a parent who can never be pleased.

Not only that, if you are constantly criticising your teenager, she will soon learn to block it out as “background noise”.

And that’s bad, because when you really need to register your disapproval, it won’t count for anything.

So it’s essential to be clear about the difference between behaviours that are annoying and those that are unacceptable.

To put it another way, you need to pick your battles.

Parents will have their own boundaries regarding behaviour that is annoying and behaviour that is unacceptable.

Screaming at you while you’re trying to explain something or calling you an “idiot” to your face might be examples of unacceptable behaviours.

On the other hand, what time they take a shower and what they choose to eat might be examples of behaviours that you choose to ignore. [Read more…]

Successful and Resilient Students Use These 10 Phrases

Updated on May 7, 2020 By Daniel Wong 21 Comments

The words and phrases you use as you talk to yourself shape the way you feel.

Your self-talk can make you feel discouraged, or it can lift you up.

As a student, it’s important to pay attention to the words you use as you talk to yourself and others about your frustrations.

Here are 10 phrases you can use to become a more successful and resilient student.

1. “I get to” (don’t say “I have to”)

Instead of saying “I have to”, say “I get to”.

The words “I have to” create a feeling of annoyance. The task at hand will become a burden that you can’t escape from.

But if you say “I get to”, you’ll create a feeling of opportunity and gratitude. The task will seem like a privilege instead of a chore.

For example, don’t say to your parents that you have to take part in the school play. Instead, try saying: “I get to participate in the play and see if acting is something I enjoy.”

Notice the difference? Now, it’s not a burden; it’s an opportunity.

Here’s another example.

Instead of thinking to yourself, “I have to go to school”, try saying to yourself, “I get to go to school”.

You’ll instantly feel happier! You’ll also feel more motivated to go to school and to study.

You’ll also remember that millions of children and teenagers around the world want to go to school, but don’t have the opportunity to do so.

2. “I’ll figure it out” (don’t say “I can’t do it”)

There are very few things in life that you simply cannot do. You may need some help, or you may need more information.

Almost always, there’s a solution.

But when you say “I can’t do it”, it stops you from finding the solution. So say “I’ll figure it out” instead, and you’ll become a more successful and resilient student! [Read more…]

30 Simple Ways to Set a Good Example for Your Children

Updated on May 7, 2020 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

As a parent, you know it’s important to lead by example.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “What you are speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you are saying.”

But life can get so busy.

There are chores to do, errands to run, projects to complete, and events to attend.

And of course, there are also children to bring up.

So it’s to be expected that many parents rarely ask themselves, “Am I setting a good example for my children?”

Through my extensive 1-to-1 work with pre-teens and teens, I’ve observed first-hand how much influence parents have on their children – whether good or bad.

So in this article, I’ll share with you 30 simple ways for you to set a good example for your children.

1. Be vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to tell your children about your failures and shortcomings. Share with them how you’ve learned to be resilient. Explain to them how you overcame the challenges and obstacles you faced.

2. Value relationships over material wealth. I’ve heard it said that we ought to love people and use things. But many people do the opposite: they love things and use people. Show your children that relationships always matter more than things.

3. Embrace challenges. Get outside your comfort zone on a regular basis and confront your fears. Your children will learn from your positive attitude.

4. Be committed to personal development. Always be improving yourself in some way, e.g. knowledge, habits, skills, emotional control. Your children will see how committed you are to leading a better life, day by day.

5. Write cards to your friends. My own mother used to do this often as a way of encouraging her friends. This helped me to see how vital it is to invest in your friendships.

6. Volunteer and do charity work. We all want our children to serve others and contribute to their communities. Let’s set an example by making a difference through some kind of volunteer work.

7. Invite your neighbours over for dinner. By doing this, you’ll show your children the importance of hospitality. You’ll also forge a deeper relationship with your neighbours. [Read more…]

22 Study Habits That Guarantee Good Grades

Updated on May 6, 2020 By Daniel Wong 13 Comments

Were you hoping to get an A for your last exam?

Maybe you got a B, or maybe you did worse than that.

It’s annoying, isn’t it…

You put in all those hours of studying. You even gave up time with your friends.

So what if I could show you a way to work smarter and not harder, so you get good grades and have time for the things you enjoy and find meaningful?

Even better, what if I could guarantee it?

Well, I can.

All you have to do is adopt these 22 study habits.

(Throughout my career as a student I got straight A’s, so I can promise you that these habits work.)

Want to get the grades you’ve always wanted while also leading a balanced life?

Then let’s get started.

Habit #1: Create a weekly schedule

When you schedule time for a particular task like studying, you’re saying to yourself, “I’m going to focus on studying at this time, on this date, and it’s going to take this number of hours.”

Once it’s down in writing, it becomes a reality and you’re more likely to stick to it.

This might sound weird, but it’s true.

Do this in your calendar, in a spreadsheet, or download a template – whatever works best for you. [Read more…]

10 Guaranteed Ways to Motivate Your Children to Do Well in School

Updated on May 6, 2020 By Daniel Wong 19 Comments

Do you have trouble motivating your children to study?

It’s a common problem that I see in my coaching work with pre-teens and teens.

In my experience, many parents approach this problem the wrong way.

In this article, I’m going to explain 10 principles for motivating children to do well in school and study hard.

1. Don’t annoy your children

One of the keys to motivating your children to work hard is not to annoy them.

This may seem odd at first, as we’re used to parents getting annoyed with children, not vice versa.

But relationships are a two-way street, and parents can also annoy children.

If your children are continually upset with you over things you say or do, they will find it hard to listen to you.

You may have some great wisdom to offer them, but your children won’t be receptive to your advice.

Parents often engage in power struggles with their children. For some of us, these are habits we learned from our own childhoods.

But power struggles with your children consume a lot of energy. And that’s energy that could be spent on something more constructive.

Another habit to avoid is making comments that suggest your child isn’t good enough.

This may be something you’re not aware that you do.

It may be very subtle. For example, take the statement: “You’re improving, but I know you can do better.” On the surface, it sounds like encouragement. But you’re actually telling your child that he or she isn’t good enough.

Or take a statement that begins: “When I was your age…” These kinds of statements usually involve a comparison that leaves your children feeling bad. So avoid making these types of comments.

Another trap that parents fall into is comparing their children with someone else’s. Parents often hope that these comparisons will inspire their children to do better.

Unfortunately, these comments have the opposite effect.

“I hear that John got A’s in all his subjects the last term” may seem like an innocent remark. But it’s a comparison that leaves your child feeling worse about himself or herself.

This is not the way to motivate your children.

Sometimes, parents try to motivate their children by giving them lectures. But lectures tend to make children feel powerless and resentful.

Instead of lecturing your children, discuss the issue with them and ask them what they think. This is much more effective than lecturing them.

Why?

Because it gets them involved, and makes them part of the solution.

2. Give your children a sense of control

If you want to motivate your children, they need to feel as if they’re in control of their lives.

Being motivated comes from knowing that you can shape your future through the actions you take today.

But if children feel as if their parents are in complete (or almost complete) control, they will have little motivation.

Some parents hover over their children. They micromanage every last detail of their children’s lives.

The result is that the children never develop a sense that they’re responsible for their education and their lives. [Read more…]

The Ultimate List of 101 Study Tips for Students

Updated on May 6, 2020 By Daniel Wong 34 Comments

Have you ever wished you could look inside the minds of straight-A students and find out how they do it?

If so, keep reading.

In this article, I’m going to share with you the study tips that will enable you to succeed academically.

This list of 101 study tips for students is divided into the following categories:

Attitude and mindset
Learning methods and techniques
Habits and commitments
Focus
Support from others
Memory and brain function
Structure and routine

Are you ready?

Let’s dive in!

Attitude and mindset

1. Don’t say “I have to”, and instead say “I get to”

The words you use when you talk to yourself are important. They shape your attitude.

Saying to yourself: “Today, I have to work on this assignment” will produce feelings of stress and frustration.

Instead, try saying to yourself: “Today, I get to work on this assignment.” Saying this will remind you that education is a privilege.

This simple change in attitude will give you more motivation and focus to get the task done.

2. Take full responsibility for your own learning

When you take responsibility for your learning, you’ll become more proactive.

One way to bring about a change in this area is to ask yourself: “If I’m not responsible for my learning, then who is?”

Asking yourself this question will help you to realise that no one else is responsible for your learning – not your teachers, and not your parents.

3. Do more than what others are willing to do

In academics – as in any other area of human endeavour – the students who excel are the ones who are prepared to go the extra mile.

Instead of doing the bare minimum to meet the requirements, do more than what others are willing to do.

This might mean doing two or three more questions than the ones that your teacher assigned.

It might mean looking up additional resources, or it might mean proofreading your essay one final time.

4. Don’t focus on grades too much

As a student, it’s easy to become fixated on grades.

But remember that grades are just a form of feedback; they aren’t an end in themselves.

Don’t allow a focus on grades to cause you to forget that it’s the process of learning that counts in the long run.

5. View challenges positively

When you’re learning something new, you’re likely to feel overwhelmed.

This is why you must develop what Dr Carol Dweck calls a “growth mindset”.

This means that instead of telling yourself that something is “too hard”, you tell yourself that it’s an opportunity to “grow” your brain.

After all, the more challenges you take on, the more you’ll learn.

6. Write down 3 to 5 reasons why you want to do well academically

One key to succeeding as a student is to be clear about why you want to succeed.

As Jim Rohn once said: “If you have enough reasons, you can do the most incredible things.”

Write down 3 to 5 reasons why you want to perform well in school, and read the list daily.

7. Volunteer and serve others regularly

This will remind you that education never occurs in a vacuum. Education is always about learning from others or passing on that knowledge to others.

By volunteering and serving others, you’ll start to see that your life isn’t mainly about you. It’s about using your skills and knowledge to make the world a better place.

In turn, this will give you the willpower to persevere in the midst of obstacles.

8. Regain your focus by asking these two questions…

The first question is: “What’s important now?”

The second question is: “What’s important next?”

A lack of focus is often the result of trying to do too many things at the same time.

When you find yourself unable to focus, these two questions will bring you back to the present.

9. Use systems and routines

Focus on developing systems and routines, instead of continually thinking about what you want to accomplish.

Students who perform well attribute their success not to lofty goals, but to their daily systems and processes.

The problem with focusing too much on goals is that this doesn’t enable you to connect your goals with the effort required.

Success involves committing to a discipline and a routine, even when the going gets tough. [Read more…]

Parents, Stop Telling Your Kids to Study Hard for Their Own Good (And What to Do Instead)

Updated on May 7, 2020 By Daniel Wong 30 Comments

Yes, it is for your kids’ own good that they study hard.

But you shouldn’t tell them that.

Why not?

Because if you do, they’ll be less likely to study hard.

(I’ve spoken to and worked with more than 20,000 students, so I say this with confidence.)

In this article, I’ll provide an explanation.

I’ll also share three tips to help your kids develop intrinsic motivation.

Don’t expect your kids to get an education in school

This might sound strange, so hear me out.

We live in a world where knowledge abounds.

It’s incredible that most of this knowledge is available for free online – you just have to seek it out.

A couple of decades ago, to get an education you had almost no choice but to attend school.

But today, you can take courses on Khan Academy, Coursera, Udacity, Udemy, and other websites.

If you’re diligent about taking these courses, you’d acquire more skills and knowledge than you would in almost any traditional school.

This means that, over time, the diplomas and degrees that schools give out will matter less.

It also means that students shouldn’t go to school expecting to get an education. Rather, school should form just one part of a student’s education.

In the future, diplomas and degrees won’t be the ticket to a well-paying job and a comfortable life. (This is already starting to be the case.)

But for now, such certificates still matter.

Statistics show that students who perform better in school are more likely to get jobs that pay better.

And students who study hard are obviously more likely to perform well in school.

Which means that if you want to motivate your kids, you should tell them to work hard in school for their own benefit, right?

Wrong.

Allow me to explain.

3 reasons it’s ineffective to tell your kids to study hard for their own good

Reason #1: Students today aren’t hungry for a “better life”

In developed countries today, most children and teenagers have more material things than they need.

More toys than they need.

More shoes than they need.

More clothes than they need.

More electronic devices than they need.

In contrast, one or two generations ago, most people experienced real hardship.

For example, my parents and grandparents grew up with far less (materially speaking) than I did.

From an early age, it was obvious to my parents that if they wanted to have a more comfortable life in the future, they needed to work hard in school.

Their teachers and parents told them that education was the key to success – and in that era, it was true. [Read more…]