When it comes to intelligence, many people think about grades and academic achievements.

As parents, it’s natural for us to focus on these things. We want our teens to do well in school so they have as many opportunities as possible in the future.

But there’s another kind of intelligence that matters just as much, if not more, than a high GPA. That’s emotional intelligence: the ability to understand and manage emotions well.

During the teenage years, emotional intelligence becomes especially important.

Teens go through rapid physical and mental changes. As a result, they may experience intense or unfamiliar feelings that they do not know how to handle yet. 

In this article, we’ll explore why emotional intelligence matters for teenagers and how you can teach it at home. We’ll also look at some common mistakes to avoid as you support your teens through this stage of life.

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What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is sometimes called EQ (Emotional Quotient). It is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions in healthy ways. This includes both your own emotions and those of others.

Many people are familiar with IQ (Intelligence Quotient). This refers to cognitive abilities such as logic and reasoning.

On the other hand, EQ focuses on how people handle their feelings and respond to social situations.

Emotional intelligence is often described through five core skills:

• Self-awareness: Recognizing your own emotions and understanding why you feel a certain way
• Self-regulation: Managing emotions so they don’t lead to impulsive or harmful reactions
• Empathy: Understanding the feelings and needs of others and recognizing social cues
• Social skills: Communicating clearly and resolving conflicts
• Motivation: Staying driven to pursue goals and improve yourself

The good news is that emotional intelligence is not simply something people are born with or without. These core skills can be learned and strengthened over time.

Why Is Emotional Intelligence Important for Teens?

Emotional intelligence plays a major role in how teenagers handle challenges.

A teen’s ability to understand and manage feelings often determines how they respond when things don’t go as planned.

For example, your teen may receive a lower grade on a test than he or she was hoping for.

A teen with good emotional intelligence might feel disappointed but still be able to reflect on what went wrong and try to improve those areas. Meanwhile, a teen who struggles to regulate their emotions might blame others, give up, or become overwhelmed.

Emotional skills also play a major role in friendships.

Teenagers with higher EQ are generally better at showing empathy and handling disagreements. As a result, they are able to build healthy relationships. On the other hand, teens who struggle with this may find themselves in frequent conflicts with peers or family members.

Research has also shown that emotional intelligence is linked to:

• Better academic performance
• Less risk of school burnout
• Greater personal growth and life satisfaction
• A higher level of resilience
• Lower risk of getting involved in risky behaviors

These benefits extend far beyond the teenage years. Being able to communicate well and build strong connections is valuable at work too.

Keep in mind that adolescence is a time when the brain is still developing the ability to regulate emotions.

Studies show that the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and self-control is still maturing. It continues to develop into the mid-twenties.

At the same time, emotional centers in the brain are highly active during the teenage years. This imbalance can make emotions feel more intense and harder to manage.

Because of this, teens often need guidance to develop the emotional skills that help them respond thoughtfully.

Signs Your Teen May Struggle with Emotional Intelligence

Every teenager experiences emotional ups and downs. But certain patterns may suggest that your teens are having difficulty managing their emotions.

Some signs that your teens may be struggling with emotional intelligence include:

• Frequent tantrums or outbursts, such as yelling or slamming doors
• Withdrawing or shutting down during conflicts instead of communicating
• Struggling to identify or talk about the emotions they’re feeling
• Difficulty calming down after feeling upset or disappointed
• Having very strong reactions to small or manageable problems
• Finding it hard to apologize or take responsibility after making a mistake
• Struggling to show empathy or consider how their actions affect others
• Ignoring other people’s boundaries or perspectives
• Frequent conflicts with peers or family members due to misunderstandings
• Acting impulsively without thinking about possible consequences

If you notice some of these behaviors in your teen, it doesn’t mean they are “problematic.” In many cases, it simply means they are still learning emotional skills. In fact, many adults continue developing these skills throughout life.

The key is to approach these moments with curiosity rather than judgment.

Try to understand what might be driving your teen’s reactions. They may feel unheard or unsure how to express what they are going through.

In some cases, teens may even feel embarrassed or guilty about their intense emotions. At other times, they may simply be dealing with high levels of stress.

As you begin to understand the root causes behind their behavior, it becomes easier to guide them and model healthier responses.

How to Teach Emotional Intelligence at Home

The good news is that teaching EQ doesn’t require formal lessons or complicated programs. Some of the most impactful teaching moments happen during everyday interactions.

Challenges and disagreements can be opportunities for teens to learn to work through their feelings. These moments can also help both of you communicate more openly and strengthen your relationship.

Here are some simple ways you can start teaching emotional intelligence to your teens.

1. Name feelings out loud (model it yourself)

Parents are often a teen’s first example of how emotions should be handled.

Research shows that teenagers often learn emotional skills by observing their parents. In many cases, teens consciously and unconsciously imitate the emotional responses they see at home.

One simple way to teach emotional intelligence is by modeling emotional awareness yourself. This can be as simple as naming your feelings out loud in everyday situations. For example:

• “I’m feeling frustrated with this task, so I’m going to take a short break.”
• “I’m nervous about this meeting, but I’m going to keep reminding myself that I’m prepared.”
• “I think we’re both getting a bit angry, so let’s take a short break before we continue this conversation.”

When teens hear adults acknowledge and manage emotions calmly, they begin to see that feelings are normal and manageable. They also build the vocabulary and confidence to express their own emotions.

There are also many other ways to model emotional intelligence at home, including the following:

• Admit it when you make mistakes. If you misunderstood or responded unfairly to your teen, take responsibility for that. A simple apology and an acknowledgment of how your actions affected your teen can go a long way.
• Show empathy during disagreements. Pause and try to understand your teen’s perspective before moving straight to correction.
• Demonstrate healthy coping strategies. When you feel stressed, show your teen how you manage those feelings through healthy habits. Examples include taking a walk or doing deep breathing exercises.

These small actions help teens see what healthy emotional regulation looks like in real life.

2. Turn conflict into a teaching moment

Conflicts between parents and teens are inevitable. These moments can be frustrating. But they can also become opportunities to teach emotional intelligence.

In fact, research suggests that a moderate amount of conflict between parents and teens is a normal part of development.

These moments can give teenagers opportunities to learn to adapt and manage their responses.

Try revisiting the situation once everyone has had time to calm down. When emotions are more settled, both you and your teen can reflect on what happened. 

You might open the conversation with questions like:

• “Let’s talk about what happened earlier. What were you feeling at that moment?”
• “What do you think caused the situation to escalate?”
• “What do you think we could both do differently next time?”

The goal of this conversation is not to assign blame, but to better understand each other. Keeping your tone calm and curious can help prevent the discussion from turning into another argument.

These conversations may feel uncomfortable at first. But they can help teens become more confident in handling difficult emotions.

Over time, teens learn that conflicts can be resolved respectfully without damaging relationships. Talking through disagreements can also give you valuable insight into what your teen is thinking and feeling.

3. Ask better questions after a hard day

Many parents ask their teens, “How was school today?” Only to receive the familiar response, “Fine.”

School is a major part of a teenager’s daily life, so it can be helpful to encourage them to reflect more on their emotions and interactions throughout the day.

One way to do this is by asking more open-ended questions that naturally invite deeper responses. For example:

• “What was the most challenging part of your day today?”
• “Was there anything that made you feel proud of yourself today?”
• “Did anything frustrating or stressful happen today? How did you handle it?”
• “Did you notice anyone doing something kind today?”
• “Was there a moment when you felt really heard or understood?”

These types of questions encourage teens to reflect more deeply on their emotions and experiences. Over time, they may become more comfortable opening up about what they’re going through.

4. Teach the pause: managing big reactions

Teenagers often react quickly when emotions run high. Learning to pause before responding is one of the most valuable emotional skills they can develop.

You can help by introducing the idea of taking a short pause before reacting in emotionally charged situations. This pause gives teens time to calm down and think more clearly before responding.

There are several simple ways teens can create that pause when emotions start to escalate. For example:

• Create physical distance. Step away from the situation, leave the room for a moment, or take a short walk to reset.
• Practice deep breathing. One example is the box breathing technique. Breathe in through your nose for four seconds and hold for four seconds. Then breathe out through your mouth for four seconds and hold for four seconds. Repeat the cycle.
• Use supportive self-talk. The way we speak to ourselves can influence how we feel. Encourage your teens to acknowledge their emotions without judgment. They can also talk to themselves the way a calm, supportive friend would.
• Set boundaries during conflict. Let the other person know you need a short break before continuing the conversation, so it doesn’t escalate further.

Parents can model these strategies as well. When teens see adults pause and return to the conversation calmly, it sends a powerful message. Over time, they begin to understand that strong emotions don’t have to control their behavior.

5. Create space for empathy (even when it’s uncomfortable)

Empathy is the ability to understand how someone else might be feeling. This skill often develops through everyday situations and conversations.

For example, let’s say your teen has an argument with a sibling or complains about a friend. In this situation, you can gently encourage your teen to consider the other person’s perspective as well.

You might ask questions such as:

• Why do you think your sister reacted that way?
• What do you think your friend might have been feeling at that moment?
• How would you hope to be treated if you were in your friend’s position?

These types of questions encourage teens to step outside their own perspective. It also nudges them to think about how their actions affect others. 

6. Validate feelings before fixing problems

One of the most powerful ways to encourage emotional intelligence is also one of the simplest: Acknowledge your teen’s feelings before offering solutions.

When teens share a challenge they’re facing, many parents instinctively jump straight into problem-solving.

While the intention is helpful, this can make teens feel like their emotions are being brushed aside.

For example, imagine your teen failed a test and feels disappointed. Now, imagine you respond by saying, “You don’t need to be upset. Just study harder for the next test.”

This advice is well-intentioned, but it might unintentionally dismiss the emotion behind the experience.

A more supportive response might sound like, “That sounds really frustrating. I can see why you’d feel disappointed about that grade.”

Once teens feel heard and understood, they’re usually much more open to discussing solutions. Validation doesn’t mean you agree with everything your teens say. It simply shows that their emotions matter and deserve to be acknowledged.

What NOT to Do When Building Emotional Intelligence in Teens

There are many ways to help teens develop emotional intelligence. But it’s also important to be aware of common mistakes parents sometimes make.

Many of these responses come from a place of care, but they can unintentionally make it harder for teens to learn how to manage their emotions.

Here are a few things to watch out for:

• Dismissing their feelings. Phrases like “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not a big deal” may seem harmless, but they can make teens feel misunderstood or invalidated. What seems small to you may feel significant to them.
• Punishing emotional reactions instead of guiding your teens. Disrespectful behavior should still be addressed, but the goal should be to guide teens toward healthier ways of expressing their feelings. For example, you might say, “It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to shout or insult someone. Let’s talk about a different way to handle that.” This approach sets proper house rules and boundaries while still acknowledging the emotion.
• Expecting emotional maturity too quickly. Teens are still learning how to recognize, process, and regulate their emotions. Expecting your teen to respond with emotional maturity in every situation can put unnecessary pressure on them. Like any other skill, emotional regulation takes time and practice to develop.

As parents, mistakes are bound to happen from time to time. What matters most is being willing to reflect on these moments and communicate openly.

When to Seek Extra Support

Parents play a powerful role in enabling teens to build emotional intelligence. Having said that, some teens may benefit from additional support along the way.

This may be helpful if your teen often feels overwhelmed or stressed or is struggling to build healthy relationships.

Seeking guidance from a professional, such as a therapist or teen coach, doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent. In many cases, it simply means you’re providing your teens with additional tools and support that complement what they learn at home and at school.

I’ve worked with countless teens around the world to develop stronger emotional skills through my coaching program.

Coaching helped these teens build healthier relationships and learn better ways to cope with challenges. If you think your teen could benefit from extra guidance, feel free to reach out. The right support can help your teen navigate this stage of life with confidence and resilience.

(If you haven’t already done so, download your free e-book below.)

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Does your teenager often seem entitled and demanding?

Do they crave attention and praise but show little care or empathy for others?

If you’ve ever asked yourself whether your teen might be a narcissist, you’re not alone. Many parents find it challenging to distinguish between what’s normal and what isn’t.

After all, the teenage years are a time of significant change, and it’s natural for teens to become more self-focused as they figure out who they are.

While true narcissistic personality disorder in teens requires a professional diagnosis, recognizing concerning patterns early can help parents provide the right support.

In general, a narcissistic teenager often shows a clear pattern of arrogance, lack of empathy, and an excessive need for admiration. They might seem bold and confident, but this often hides insecurity or discipline problems.

In this article, we’ll dive deeper into the key traits of a narcissistic teenager. This will help you understand what can be normal and what might be cause for concern. We’ll also explore the steps you can take if you notice these signs in your teen.

(If your teen also lacks motivation, make sure to download the free e-book below.)

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Key characteristics of a narcissistic teenager

It can be worrying or confusing when your teen shows behaviors that seem self-centered or dismissive of others. We can’t expect our teens to be perfect, but it’s important for us to tell the difference between normal “teenage attitude” and narcissism.

Here are some common traits of narcissism in teens to watch for:

Inflated sense of self-importance

Narcissistic teenagers often brag about their talents, appearance, or achievements. They may exaggerate or lie about their achievements to get praise.

They also tend to believe they are superior to their peers. As a result, they might dismiss or look down on other people’s needs and opinions.

Of course, this doesn’t mean your teen can’t show self-confidence or pride in their achievements. It’s healthy for them to build a positive self-image. But at the same time, they should also be able to show kindness and respect toward those around them.

Lack of empathy

One of the hallmark signs of narcissism in teenagers is a lack of concern for others.

Narcissistic teens often downplay or dismiss the feelings, needs, or opinions of the people around them.

They might brush off a friend’s struggles or show little compassion for someone in need. For example, they might laugh when a classmate trips and drops their books, or roll their eyes when you mention wanting to donate money to a charity.

They may also disregard the emotions of others and overlook the impact of their words or actions on other people.

This doesn’t mean your teen is expected to put the needs of others above their own all the time. However, they need to be able to show support and concern for other people.

Sense of entitlement

Teens with narcissism believe they deserve special privileges without putting in any effort to earn them.

They often expect things to go their way and for others to comply to keep them happy. When their expectations aren’t met, they can react with frustration and anger, or even throw tantrums.

Additionally, entitled teens might resist rules and boundaries at home or school. They might want the newest phone even though their old one still works, or demand designer clothes while refusing to do anything to earn them.

Constant need for attention and admiration

Most teenagers enjoy receiving recognition. In fact, it’s healthy for them to receive support and encouragement when they achieve something or try new things.

However, narcissistic teens constantly crave this. They thrive on likes and comments on social media and may become restless, upset, or even act out when they’re not in the spotlight.

All teens need validation from the important people in their lives. But if your teen always goes out of their way to draw attention to themselves, it’s a warning sign.

Manipulative behavior

Teenagers with narcissistic traits often use manipulation to get what they want. This can take many forms, such as guilt-tripping, lying, or twisting the truth to suit their case.

They might say things like, “If you really loved me, you’d let me go to that party,” or “Everyone else’s parents let them stay out until midnight.”

They may exaggerate stories to get sympathy. They may also avoid owning up to mistakes, often blaming others for their own actions. They might even convince other people that it’s actually their fault.

Arrogance

Narcissistic teenagers may sometimes come across as arrogant, condescending, or dismissive toward others.

As a result, they tend to belittle others or downplay their accomplishments. Oftentimes, this behavior creates tension in friendships and family relationships.

This arrogance can also make them envious of others, while believing that everyone else is jealous of them.

Difficulty handling criticism

Criticism can sting, even for adults. So it’s natural for teens to feel disappointed or upset when they receive negative feedback.

But for narcissistic teenagers, any form of correction can feel almost unbearable.

In these moments, they may respond with anger, defensiveness, or withdrawal. This often manifests as lashing out, blaming others, or shutting down completely rather than taking time to process the feedback.

These behaviors can be frustrating, but they often stem from your teen feeling ashamed or inadequate.

Preoccupation with fantasies

Some narcissistic teens tend to spend a lot of time imagining their success, fame, and influence. They might practice an Oscar speech without ever taking a drama class, or think about their dream mansion while failing their classes.

Teens can and should have ambitions and goals, and some form of daydreaming is also normal.

However, a constant preoccupation with unrealistic fantasies might point to narcissism. These teens might also expect others to support or fulfill these fantasies for them.

Narcissistic behaviors in teenage boys vs. teenage girls

Narcissistic behaviors can show up differently in teenage boys and girls. While the core traits are similar, the way they’re expressed often depends on social roles and personal insecurities.

Understanding these differences can help you spot patterns of narcissistic behavior more accurately.

Teenage boys

Narcissism in teenage boys often shows up in bold and noticeable ways. They might come across as arrogant, entitled, or demanding. Sometimes, they may also use aggression, anger, or hostility to cover up their insecurities.

These traits can manifest in various situations. Examples include bullying others to feel superior, like mocking a younger kid’s basketball skills or spreading rumors about someone who got a better test score.

You might also catch them rebelling against authority figures who try to correct them. They may also exaggerate their strengths or achievements to impress others or maintain a sense of control.

These behaviors can be challenging to deal with. But it’s essential to remember that many of these issues stem from deep-seated insecurity or a lack of proper guidance.

Teenage girls

For teenage girls, narcissism can often show up in more subtle ways. The signs of narcissism in teenage girls include focusing on validation and competing with peers rather than showing obvious aggression.

To maintain their social status, some teen girls may resort to manipulation or exploitation. This can show up as excluding others, playing the victim, or gossiping about friends.

Some examples include uninviting a friend from a sleepover, saying “everyone hates me” when corrected, or posting private texts in a group chat.

For many, appearance and the pursuit of perfection become top priorities.

These behaviors can be confusing and hurtful for those around them. But it’s important to recognize that they can stem from low self-esteem and a fear of not being good enough.

Is it really that bad? Understanding the risks

It’s natural for teenagers to want more independence and to feel more confident at this stage of life. As they begin shaping their identity, it’s also normal for them to become more self-focused. But they should still be able to show care, empathy, and love toward the people around them.

When teens become overly focused on themselves with little regard for others, it may be a sign of narcissism. If your teen is often dishonest or manipulative, this may not be typical teen behavior.

In these cases, it’s important to look deeper at what may be driving their actions.

In the short term, narcissism in your teen can create ongoing conflict and put a strain on family and peer relationships. These behaviors often push others away. As a result, your teen may feel isolated, frustrated, or misunderstood.

In the long term, the risks are even more concerning. If these patterns persist into adulthood, your teenager may struggle to form strong relationships. Due to their lack of concern for those around them, they may even put themselves or others in unhealthy situations. These harms may be emotional, financial, or even physical.

What parents can do about a narcissistic teenager

Parenting teens isn’t easy. We all want our teens to grow into adults who can love and care for others in a genuine way.

As parents, we play a key role in helping them cultivate important values like kindness and compassion. These will form the foundation for healthy relationships throughout their lives.

If your teen is displaying narcissistic traits, it’s important to address the issue sooner rather than later. It won’t always be easy, and you may face resistance or defiance along the way.

Whether you’re learning how to deal with a narcissistic teenage son or daughter, these strategies can increase your chances of success and guide your teen toward healthier behaviors.

Stay calm and don’t take it personally

When your teen hurts or manipulates you, pause for a moment. Don’t assume they’re being mean on purpose. Look deeper.

Their behavior may be driven by insecurity, anxiety, stress, or even a lack of clear guidance and boundaries.

Try to remain calm and avoid responding emotionally. It is definitely easier said than done, but taking their words or actions too personally can cause the conflict to escalate and make it harder for them to respect and listen to you.

Set clear boundaries

Teens are still at a stage in life where they need guidance. That’s why it’s crucial to establish clear boundaries and enforce consequences when they’re crossed.

Some examples of helpful boundaries at home include:

• No yelling, name-calling, or putting others down
• Completing chores or helping out before enjoying privileges
• Setting limits on daily screen time
• Sticking to agreed curfews when going out and promptly informing you if plans change

It’s also crucial to connect consequences to the boundary that was broken.

For example, if your teen ignores their curfew, they might lose the privilege of going out the following weekend. This not only reinforces the rule but also helps your teen understand the importance of accountability.

Your teen might try to reject or push back against these rules you’ve set. But as long as you reinforce them calmly and have conversations with your teen about them, your teen will usually accept them if they’re reasonable boundaries.

Model empathy

Narcissistic teens often live in a world of their own. But it’s never too late to help them pop that bubble and start thinking about others.

Start by showing empathy through your own actions and conversations. For example, if a family friend is sick, involve your teen in putting together a “get well soon” kit.

If your community is hosting a volunteer event, consider attending it together. And when your teen comes to you with problems, listen attentively, validate their feelings, and don’t interrupt them.

When your teen sees you practicing empathy in everyday life, they’re more likely to mirror those behaviors.

Encourage self-awareness

Narcissists have trouble acknowledging the impact of their actions. They may deny responsibility, blame others, or ignore the consequences of their behavior.

Helping your teen build self-awareness is the key to breaking this pattern. The goal isn’t to shame them, but to guide them toward recognizing how their words and actions can have a profound influence on those around them.

Here are a few ways parents can encourage self-awareness in their teens:

• Ask reflective questions like, “How do you think your friend felt when that happened?”
• Encourage journaling to help them process their emotions and behaviors
• Brainstorm alternative ways they could have responded in certain situations
• When you notice hurtful behavior from others, point out that specific behavior and its consequences
• Praise your teens in moments when they show accountability or empathy for their family or friends

Building self-awareness takes time, but consistent guidance can help your teen start making connections between their behavior and its impact on others.

Limit social media pressure

It’s easy for teens to tie their self-worth to likes, followers, and online validation.

Constantly comparing themselves to peers can create unhealthy competition and damage their self-esteem. To cover up these insecurities, some teens may turn to narcissistic behaviors, like putting others down out of jealousy.

As a parent, you can guide your teen toward healthier social media habits. Try setting limits on screen time and encouraging offline hobbies, such as sports, arts, or crafts. You can also create screen-free times and zones, like during family meals, to promote bonding and better communication at home.

Seek professional help

If you’ve been trying different strategies to help your teen without much success, it’s time to seek professional help. This is especially important if their behavior causes serious issues at home, at school, or in their social relationships.

Treatment for teen narcissistic personality disorder through psychologists, therapists, or coaches can help your teen:

• Develop healthy coping strategies to manage anger, stress, and envy
• Build empathy and emotional awareness
• Strengthen communication and conflict-resolution skills
• Reflect on the impact of their words and actions
• Learn values like respect, accountability, and compassion

Working with a professional allows your teens to share their concerns and work on themselves in a safe and non-judgmental space.

That said, professional support isn’t only for teens. Parents can also benefit from it.

Guidance from a family counselor, therapist, or coach can help you:

• Reflect on parenting styles and how they may influence your teen’s behavior
• Improve communication with your teens and reduce conflicts at home
• Learn strategies to manage frustration, disappointment, and burnout
• Strengthen trust, connection, and emotional bonds with your teen
• Create a safe, respectful, and empathetic home environment
• Set firm boundaries and follow through with implementing them
• Prioritize self-care in practical ways, so you can better support your teen

With the right support, change is absolutely possible for both you and your teen.

When to seek professional help

While some self-centered behavior is common in adolescence, certain red flags suggest your teen may need extra support, such as:

• Persistent difficulty forming or maintaining friendships
• Strained family relationships due to constant conflicts
• Frequent aggressive outbursts and temper tantrums
• Consistent dishonesty, manipulation, or “playing the victim”
• Lack of empathy or concern for others, even in serious situations
• Obsession with appearance, popularity, or social status at the expense of other priorities
• Inability to take responsibility for mistakes and a tendency to blame others
• Declining academic performance
• Behavioral issues at school

Remember, displaying narcissistic traits doesn’t mean your teen is doomed to become a narcissistic adult. With the right guidance and support, teenagers can develop healthy values.

Conclusion

Narcissistic teenagers typically don’t act out of spite or malice.

More often, their self-centeredness and arrogance are cries for guidance, security, or attention. That’s why it’s important for parents to respond not with panic or guilt, but with calmness and understanding.

Striking the balance between firmness and compassion isn’t always easy, but it is possible. With your help, your teen can rebuild their confidence and form meaningful relationships with those around them.

If you believe your teen could benefit from additional support, I’d be happy to help. Through this 1:1 coaching program, I work with teens to develop empathy, motivation, resilience, and life skills.

(If you haven’t already done so, download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!