Daniel Wong

3 Lessons I Learned From Not Being Able To Walk

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

Back pain - Photo courtesy of Jens Cramer

Three weeks ago, I suffered a terrible lower back injury while lifting weights.

(I was doing single leg deadlifts with bad form. Just in case you’re thinking of doing some single leg deadlifts yourself, here’s a link that teaches you how to perform them with proper form. Okay, random note over.)

I’m glad to say that I’m 95% recovered, but the past three weeks haven’t been fun.

I experienced a constant, sharp pain.

I couldn’t bend my back.

I couldn’t sleep because of the discomfort.

I had trouble even getting out of bed.

I could barely walk.

I spent most of my time at home either lying or sitting down.

How my wife made me feel like a 90-year-old

Man with a walking stick - Photo courtesy of Thomas Lieser

My wonderful wife, Michele, even had to put on my socks and shoes for me.

(I felt like a 90-year-old when she did that—don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against elderly people—but I’m blessed to have such a patient and caring wife!)

One of the saddest things was that we were forced to cancel our honeymoon.

We’d planned to spend a week in Korea, but we figured that I wasn’t in any condition to travel. I’m sure we wouldn’t have enjoyed ourselves much if we’d spent all of our time cooped up in the hotel anyway.

An unfortunate turn of events, but of course I’ll take full responsibility for not performing the single leg deadlifts correctly in the first place.

But being immobile gave me time to think about what I could learn from the experience.

Here are three lessons I learned that I hope you’ll find helpful, regardless of whether or not you ever injure your back:

Lesson #1: Life is relationships, the rest is just details

That’s a quote from Dr. Scott Sticksel. It captures a truth that’s hard to fully wrap your head around, especially for someone like me.

I enjoy my work and I enjoy feeling productive. I like checking things off my to-do list, and I get plenty of satisfaction from finishing a task or completing a project.

You go-getters out there know what I’m talking about, right?

Purposeful work adds joy and meaning to our lives, but our work is just one aspect of who we are and of what makes for a significant life.

This back injury reminded me that the quality of our relationships largely determines the quality of our lives.

I’ve felt very loved over the past three weeks, particularly by my family, parents-in-law, and aunt-in-law.

Here are just some of the things they did for me:

  • Dropped by to see how I was doing
  • Cooked for me
  • Washed the dishes
  • Cleaned the house
  • Took out the trash
  • Gave me a massage
  • Drove me around
  • Got me an abdominal binder to speed up my recovery
  • Sent me encouraging text messages

I know, I know… I’m so lucky!

And to think that when I was growing up I didn’t even want to hang out with my family because I thought they weren’t “cool.” I wanted to spend all of my free time with my friends—that’s what the “cool” kids did.

But I’ve since grown a lot closer to my family, and to Michele’s family too. They serve as a continual reminder to me (especially through this recent episode) to intentionally invest in the relationships I value most.

Clichéd but true: Life is relationships, the rest is just details.

Lesson #2: What describes you shouldn’t define you

I’ve always been physically active. I played basketball competitively for many years; I was trained as a platoon commander in the army; I lift weights regularly; I enjoy activities like hiking, skydiving and bungee jumping.

Over the years, I subconsciously started to take pride in the fact that I was fitter and stronger than the average person.

I’m ashamed to admit that I began to feel better about myself when I saw people who were in worse physical shape than me.

But this conceited view of myself fell apart when I injured my back.

I turned into a weakling who could neither move around freely nor carry anything that weighed more than a couple of pounds. Like I’ve already mentioned, I even needed my wife’s help to put on my socks and shoes!

I felt both helpless and useless.

I realized that I’d allowed myself to become defined by my physical health, when that’s merely a trait that described me.

We’re described by our…

  • Physical health
  • Height
  • Weight
  • Occupation
  • Social status
  • Net worth
  • Marital status
  • Achievements

But we should be careful never to let any of these define us. If we do—in the same way that I did—we set ourselves up for disappointment in the long run.

We’re defined by these two things: our character and our commitments.

We’re defined by our values and our beliefs, and by how courageously and resolutely we live them out.

There’s no doubt that physical health matters, but it’s our character and commitments that are of lasting worth.

Lesson #3: Happiness is a battle

My back injury made it difficult for me to be happy.

Hey, I wrote a book called The Happy Student, so I work hard at being happy and discovering the keys to long-term happiness.

I’d be a hypocrite if I walked around with a frowny face all day long, right?

But my back pain was so continuous, so present, and so severe that it was a challenge for me to think of anything besides the pain.

That’s when I understood afresh that happiness isn’t an emotion; it’s a choice. More than that, it’s a battle—most of the time, an uphill one.

It’s a fact that life is tough, and it’s full of stress and struggle. It’s also a fact that anything worth achieving usually takes twice as much effort and twice as long as you’d initially estimated.

Does this mean we’ll never be happy?

Of course not. It just means that if you want to be happy—to have a good life, not just an occasional good day—then you’ll have to fight for your happiness.

Every time you choose to be grateful, choose to pay a sincere compliment, choose to look for opportunities amidst the problems, choose to give hope to someone in a seemingly hopeless situation… you’re winning the battle, one blow at a time.

Choosing to be habitually joyful is a decision of the will, a declaration of intentionality, an act of courage.

It’s a choice I’m still learning to make daily regardless of my circumstances, but I know it’s one we all need to embrace if we want to find enduring peace and fulfillment.

In closing…

I’m thrilled that I’ve almost fully recovered from the injury. Now when I pick up something from the floor or bend down to tie my shoelaces, I’m uncommonly thankful I can! I definitely won’t be taking my health for granted in the near future.

I’m even more thankful that I could learn these three lessons for myself and share them with you. Now you don’t need to injure your back to learn them. 🙂

10 Questions That Successful Parents Ask Themselves

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

Parenting

Parenting is an awesome responsibility that involves a huge amount of work.

It isn’t easy to be a great parent!

I’ve had the privilege of speaking to and working with thousands of students and parents. Through these interactions, I’ve come to realize that despite their good intentions, parents often do things that confuse, annoy, anger or frustrate their children.

I’ve noticed the many mistakes that parents make in trying to raise happy and successful children.

I’ve also observed what winning parents do differently.

Based on these observations, I’ve come up with a list of 10 questions that all successful parents ask themselves.

(Just to be clear, I’m writing this post from a child and a student’s perspective. Also, to avoid repeatedly writing “he or she,” I’ll assume that the child I refer to is a girl.)

1. Do I want what’s good for my child or what’s best?

(This point is inspired by this excellent article.)

It’s natural for parents to advise their children to pursue the safe, predictable and practical route.

Parents do this because they don’t want their children to experience uncertainty or discomfort.

This is the good path.

But is it the best path?

In most cases, no. The best path is usually the one that’s full of challenges, obstacles and disappointments.

It might even be full of the “f” word: failure.

Winning parents distinguish between “good” and “best,” and continually encourage their children to choose “best.”

2. Do I measure my success as a parent by the quality of the relationship, or by how effectively I can control my child?

Winning parents understand that it’s more important to build a relationship with their child than it is to find innovative ways to control her behavior.

Just because your child obeys your instructions doesn’t mean that you’re a world-class parent. It just means that your child is obedient.

If this obedience comes at the cost of your parent-child relationship, the tradeoff might not be worth it.

In addition, you want your child to be confident. The question is: How to raise a confident child if you’re constantly micromanaging them? It isn’t possible.

3. Do I speak to my child as if she’s destined for success?

Let’s say that your child does something bad.

She steals a pen from the school bookshop.

How would most parents react?

Most parents would say to her, “How could you do something like that?!? You’re such a bad girl. You’re so dishonest! I’m ashamed that I’m your parent. I’m going to punish you!”

Successful parents, on the other hand, say something more along the lines of this:

“I’m surprised that you would do something like this. You’re usually such an honest and well-behaved girl. I would never have expected you to do this. I’m still going to punish you so that you’ll learn from this mistake, but this is really so unlike you.”

Children have a strange way of becoming what others’ view of them is—especially their parents’.

If you speak to your children as if they’re destined for success, it’s more than likely that they’ll live up to the good name you’ve already given them.

4. Do I say the following things to my child?

  • I’m proud of you.
  • I believe in you.
  • You can do it!
  • I’m there for you.
  • I love you.
  • I’m sorry. I was wrong.
  • Will you forgive me?
  • Thank you.
  • What do you think?

Winning parents do.

5. Am I trying to make my child successful just so that I will feel successful?

It’s difficult to measure the success of a parent, which explains why many parents subconsciously decide that they’ll measure their own success by how successful their children become.

This can be very unhealthy, because parents can force their own—sometimes narrow and restrictive—definition of success on their children.

Winning parents deliberately define success for themselves, and allow their children to do the same.

6. Do I recognize that I’m responsible to my child and not for her?

Parents often think that they’re responsible for their children.

Responsible for their academic performance, for their behavior, for their social etiquette.

But no—parents are only responsible to their children.

Parents are responsible to their children by giving them love and support and a good home environment.

Children are responsible for their own lives.

If your child misbehaves in school, she’s the one who will be punished, not you.

Successful parents recognize that they aren’t responsible for their children, so these parents don’t carry a burden that they were never meant to carry anyway.

7. Do I model the behavior that I want my child to exhibit?

An example:

Most parents want their children to be curious and to love learning.

If you’re a parent, when was the last time you talked to your child about something you learned recently that you thought was super cool?

8. Do I focus more on what my child does or on who she is becoming?

This anonymous quote sums it up:

Many succeed momentarily by what they know;

some succeed temporarily by what they do;

few succeed permanently by what they are.

Winning parents empower their children to pursue permanent success.

9. Do I end every lecture with LOVE?

When parents reprimand their children, the message of love doesn’t always get communicated.

Successful parents, on the other hand, conclude every lecture with a reminder to their child just how much they love her.

They end with LOVE, not anger or disappointment or frustration.

10. Do I ask my child to make a commitment, or do I force her into doing things?

Winning parents understand that every great student, musician, athlete, entrepreneur, technician, salesperson, etc. came to a point where they made a commitment to greatness.

Commitment involves making a choice. You can’t force someone to be great.

That’s why successful parents don’t coerce their children into taking action. Instead, they allow their children to make choices and to take responsibility for those choices.

In closing…

Parenting is a noble calling.

To all you parents (and future parents) reading this, I know you’re up to the challenge.

Image: Parent and child