A Parent’s Complete Guide to High School Dating

Updated on September 30, 2024 By Daniel Wong 2 Comments

Does the thought of your teen dating make you nervous or uneasy?

If you said “yes,” you’re not alone.

As a parent, it’s natural to worry when your teens start dating.

We want them to be happy, healthy, and focused on pursuing meaningful goals.

It isn’t enough to tell your teens that “there will be no dating until you turn 18.” Teenage romance is normal, after all.

It’s important to strike a balance between setting rules, offering guidance, and letting teens explore dating on their own.

In this article, I’ll help you understand what you should know about teen dating. I’ll also share some rules and relationship advice that you can discuss with your teens.

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Why teens fall in love in high school

Do you recall your first experience of falling in love?

Even if it doesn’t exactly mirror your teen’s experiences, you may still be able to relate to some of his or her feelings.

As parents, knowing we’ve been through something similar can help us accept that high school dating is, in fact, a normal part of adolescence.

When your teenagers see their peers in romantic relationships, it invokes a longing to experience the same thing.

In addition, companionship and a sense of belonging become all the more important at this time.

The development of the brain and body during adolescence can also trigger hormonal changes. This may contribute to feelings of being in love and of sexual attraction.

We can’t stop our teens from falling in love – it’s natural. But we can still provide reasonable advice and boundaries to guide them along.

The role of teenage relationships

Unhealthy teenage relationships can indeed take a toll on your teen’s well-being. In contrast, healthy dating does have its benefits.

Research has found that love and romance are core aspects of adolescent development.

Studies have shown that healthy teenage dating can lead to the following benefits:

Reduced aggression and risk-taking behaviors
Improved conflict management
Better communication skills
Better decision-making
Identity development
Emotional growth
Social learning

During this stage of life, your teenagers are still figuring out how to interact with others.

They’re learning to set boundaries, deal with conflicts, and improve communication. But it’s all a work in progress.

This is where healthy dating can help them learn skills and develop abilities to build strong relationships with others. This includes their peers, family members, employers, and future partners.

Teenage love and its complexities: What parents should be aware of

Teenage dating can be a positive experience.

But it’s still important for parents to understand the challenges and complexities surrounding it.

Plus, dating has changed a lot from when we were in our teens’ shoes.

Parents should be mindful of the following aspects of modern teenage dating:

Social media and pop culture influence

An estimated 90% of teenagers between 13 and 17 have used social media. Around 50% report using these platforms daily.

Movies, TV shows, and pop songs are also common forms of media that teenagers consume.

Because of the influence of pop culture and mass media, teens might have an unrealistic view of sex and relationships.

This is where parents can step in to help them differentiate between truth and the fiction they see online or in movies.

Social and dating apps

Social media is a popular way to connect with people from all over the world.

In fact, statistics show that almost half of teens have expressed their interest in another person through social media.

While these platforms can help teens meet new friends and even find love interests, teaching them about online safety is crucial.

Online dangers like grooming, harassment, sexting, and privacy issues are things your teens should be aware of. Some dating apps even let users under 18 create profiles and connect with potential dates.

Of course, your teens don’t need to avoid using the Internet completely. But there should be guidelines on what they should and shouldn’t do.

Relationship red flags

When your teenagers are in love, they may not see certain things that you do.

While you might not be able to control who your teens end up dating, you can still look out for them and point out potential red flags.

Try to have a respectful conversation with your teen if his or her partner shows the following red flags:

Being obsessive and unwilling to give your teen his or her own space
Ignoring your teen’s boundaries
Becoming jealous, manipulative, and controlling
Getting easily angered and having mood swings
Disrespecting you as your teen’s parent

If you see these warning signs, reassure your teens that you care and that you want what’s best for them.

Showing that you’re focused on their well-being will make them more likely to talk to you about the relationship issues they may have.

Best relationship tips to share with your teen

Talking about love, dating, and sex with your teenager can be awkward.

But, as parents, we cannot afford to outsource these conversations to mass media or pop culture.

Don’t leave these conversations till their first heartbreak.

When you see your teens showing an interest in romance, have an honest chat with them.

Not sure where to start?

Here are some important pieces of relationship advice you can share with your teens:

Tip #1: Keep to the rules that have been discussed

Setting hard-and-fast rules without discussing them with your teens will cause them to hide things from you or sneak around behind your back.

Instead, sit your teens down and explain the reasoning behind the rules you set. Ask for their opinions about the rules, and listen attentively.

Certain rules that guard your teen’s safety shouldn’t be negotiable.

But there is room for compromise when it comes to other rules, such as their nighttime curfew or which days they’re allowed to go out.

Of course, all this depends on your teen’s level of maturity and responsibility.

Here is a list of things to consider when setting dating rules for your teens:

What age they’re allowed to start dating: Do they have a grasp of what dating will involve? Do they know what it means to respect themselves and others? Are they handling the other responsibilities in their life well? There’s no right age for dating. So it boils down to your teen’s maturity level. Also, consider the age gap between your teens and their potential partners. Aside from different maturity levels, a significant age gap could lead to legal issues.
Date night expectations: Lay out ground rules for dating. Discuss whether one-on-one dates are appropriate. If they are, your teens should let you know where they’re going, who they’re with, and when they’ll be back when they go out on dates.
Dating safety rules: If your teens are going out with a new partner or someone they’ve just met, you’ll need to establish rules related to safety. These rules may include the types of places they’re allowed to hang out at, how long they should be out, and whether they should be alone with the other person. You may also ask your teens to send you updates on their location or text you from time to time when they’re out.
The level of privacy that’s reasonable: Should your teenager be allowed to close the bedroom door when his or her partner is over? How early into the relationship would you like to meet that special someone? Should you be checking your teen’s messages? Discuss a level of privacy that’s reasonable for your teenager’s age and the current stage of dating.

Work on creating these rules with your teen, listening to and incorporating their input where possible.

It’s also a good idea to give your teens some autonomy to decide on the boundaries and consequences for breaking them.

Tip #2: Set and respect boundaries

Setting boundaries is the key to a healthy relationship. Here are some examples of the different types of boundaries to discuss with your teens:

Physical: Your teens might not be comfortable with certain types of physical touch. These may include holding hands, kissing, or hugging. Perhaps they don’t want to be touched in certain areas. These are important boundaries to have in a relationship.
Sexual: You can discuss your family’s values and principles related to sex. Encourage your teens to think about what they’re comfortable with based on their values and beliefs. Sexual intimacy can leave teenagers feeling vulnerable. So it’s vital to speak about boundaries to prevent premature sexual intimacy.
Emotional: Emotional boundaries help your teens navigate big emotions in a relationship. For instance, your teen may want space and time to cool off before resolving a conflict. Breakups and serious conversations shouldn’t be done over text. And neither party should take out their frustrations on the other. While these might seem like common sense, they are concerns to talk about.
Privacy and personal space: Is your teen’s partner allowed to stay over at your house? Should they be exchanging passwords or looking at each other’s messages?
Financial: How much is your teen comfortable spending on dates? Should both partners take turns paying for meals?

Encourage your teenager to talk openly with their partner from the start. They should both be clear about what they’re okay with and what they’re not.

Also, remind your teens that respect goes both ways. Let them know it’s important to respect their partner’s boundaries.

Tip #3: Don’t take online safety for granted

Connecting with potential love interests online, either through mutual friends on social media or DM-ing someone in your social network, has many risks associated with it.

Your teens should know how to protect themselves online, especially when talking to new people.

There should be clear rules and boundaries for using dating apps for teens under 18.

Here are some pieces of advice to share with your teens:

Sexting and sending nudes is very dangerous, even more so for teens. Don’t be pressured into sending messages or pictures you’re uncomfortable with. Leaked nudes are becoming an increasingly common occurrence.
Remember that what you post stays online. As a rule of thumb, only post updates or photos you’d be comfortable showing your teacher or grandmother.
People might not be who they say they are. Be cautious about trusting new people with your personal information, like your name, address, or school.
Be extra careful if you wish to meet up with the person. Inform either parent beforehand, and meet in a public place. You should tell either parent your entire itinerary and provide regular location or text updates during the date.

Here’s a resource with expert tips for online safety that you can share with your teen.

Telling your teenager to completely avoid social media or talking to people online is impossible. Sometimes, online friendships can bloom into romance. So discuss ground rules as early as possible and stay updated on the apps your teens are using.

Tip #4: Don’t lose sight of your priorities

As a teenager, juggling school, family, extracurricular activities, and relationships can be tricky.

This doesn’t mean teenagers shouldn’t spend time with their partners or go on date nights. But certain rules and boundaries can help them manage their time and energy better.

Some aspects to consider include the following:

Whether they should complete their schoolwork and chores before going out
How much time they should reserve for family dinners or outings
How many days or nights a week they’re allowed to go out
What their curfew is for date nights

Dealing with breakups

Teenagers are still figuring out how to handle big feelings, so breakups can be tough on them.

Your teens might not break the news to you that they’ve ended things with their partner. So look for signs of a breakup.

These may include a change in your teenager’s daily mood, eating habits, school performance, and sleeping routine.

He or she might also withdraw from friends or family members and stop doing activities they used to enjoy.

When your teens are ready to talk about it, there are various ways you can support them, including the following:

Don’t minimize their emotions. Validate their big feelings. Try to make yourself available when your teens need you, and create a non-judgemental space for them to share their experiences.
Listen to them when they’re ready to talk. Don’t interrupt, nag, or make negative remarks like “I told you so” or “It’s not a big deal.” Put away all distractions when your teens are speaking.
Do things that make your teens feel loved. You can sit by them as they watch their favorite movie or you can cook their favorite meal for them.
Encourage them to get support from trusted friends. Your teens might not feel comfortable sharing every single detail with you, and that’s okay.

While breakups are painful, they can be a valuable opportunity for your teenagers to learn how to deal with sadness, anger, and rejection.

Conclusion

Talking about romance, love, and sex with your teens can be awkward. But these aren’t one-and-done conversations.

This is new territory for both you and your teens. Things like rules, boundaries, values, and opinions will change over time. So it’s perfectly normal to revisit these discussions.

With the right approach, you’ll be a safe place your teens will go to in order to get dating advice and emotional support.

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Top 10 Tips for School-Life Balance: How to Juggle Studies, Social Life, and Work

September 29, 2023 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

Do you feel like you have too much on your plate?

Between your exams, homework, extracurricular activities, chores, and a part-time job… your schedule is packed.

You feel like you don’t have enough time to sleep and relax.

And you also feel like you don’t have enough time for your friends and family.

School-life balance isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity.

Without it, you won’t be a successful or happy student.

By striking a balance, you’ll have more time to pursue your hobbies, improve your health, and connect with the people you love.

You’ll also get better grades while preventing mental and emotional burnout.

The good news is that any student can learn how to create an optimal balance between school, work, and other important things in life.

In this article, I’ll share some of the best tips on how you can achieve this.

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Benefits of school-life balance

Are you constantly feeling stressed or overwhelmed? If so, you probably need to create boundaries in your life.

Besides reducing stress, a healthy school-life balance can lead to some important benefits:

Greater mental clarity: Achieving balance means that you’re getting enough sleep and rest. Sufficient sleep boosts your memory and learning. It also helps your brain to consolidate new memories, helping you to remember what you learn.
Higher productivity: Having school-life balance ensures that you don’t push yourself too hard. Research shows that increasing the number of hours spent working doesn’t increase output beyond a certain point. The lack of a rest day also decreases productivity.
Improved physical health: Attaining school-life balance means that you have time to work on your fitness and health. You’ll have the time and energy to eat healthily and exercise regularly.
Improved mental health: Giving yourself time to rest, play, and hang out with friends and family can reduce stress and anxiety. Regular exercise also builds emotional resilience.
Academic success: Leading a balanced life enables you to be more productive. You’ll be able to focus and absorb information better during class, which will lead to an improvement in your grades.
Greater happiness and fulfillment: You’ll have the time to pursue your interests, serve others, and nurture meaningful relationships.

As a student, one of your main responsibilities is to learn as effectively as you can in school. But this pursuit should never come at the expense of your health and relationships.

How to balance school, work, friends, and family

Working part-time as a student comes with many benefits, besides a paycheck!

You’ll get to explore career options, develop skills, and improve your résumé.

But you’ll burn out quickly if you don’t manage your time and priorities well.

These tips can help you strike a balance between school, work, and your personal life:

1. Prioritize your tasks

Have a daily to-do list of the tasks you plan to complete.

Arrange them based on urgency and how much time they’ll take. Add these commitments to a daily schedule, ensuring you have some buffer time between each item.

Also, make sure to allocate time for rest and family.

2. Set realistic goals

Break down big academic goals and projects into smaller chunks. Make sure that each sub-task is specific and measurable.

For example, you might decide that you’ll read and take notes for chemistry chapter three from 4 to 6 p.m. on Monday.

3. Use time management strategies

Time blocking is an effective method in which you divide your day into smaller segments of time.

Each block is dedicated to one type of work only. You can also group similar tasks into a time block to boost your productivity.

The Pomodoro technique is another strategy I recommend. This technique involves dividing your time into 25-minute blocks of focused work followed by short breaks.

4. Reduce distractions and procrastination

Find a conducive environment in which to study, and turn off all notifications while you’re working.

Ensure your study space is clutter-free by keeping only the required materials and stationery on it.

5. Create clear boundaries and cut-off times

As far as possible, keep to a fixed cut-off time for your work and studies.

For example, you might decide that you’ll stop studying at 9 p.m. each day and that you’ll only handle work-related matters during your shift.

You also need to be aware of your limitations.

If your work is affecting your grades, sleep, or health, consider taking a break or speaking to your employer about working shorter hours.

6. Schedule time for exercise and sleep

The three pillars of health to prioritize as a student are the following:

Diet: Research has found an association between healthy eating and better academic performance. Fruits and vegetables provide nutrients like vitamins C and E, iron, and folate. These nutrients are linked to better thinking skills and school performance. Researchers have also found a link between high consumption of processed foods and sugar with poorer memory and learning.
Sleep: Getting enough sleep can help you remember, store, and apply the information you’ve learned. Scientists have even discovered that sleep can improve memory retention and recall by 20-40%.
Exercise: Regular physical activity can improve focus, attention, memory, and learning. It also boosts your planning and language skills. The World Health Organization recommends that most teenagers engage in at least 60 minutes of moderate or vigorous physical activity a day on average.

7. Be structured about the time spent with your friends

Some students spend too much time hanging out with their friends, while others neglect their social life.

To find balance, decide how much time each week you’ll spend with your friends on average.

For instance, you might decide that you’ll hang out with your friends for 2 to 3 hours outside of school each week on average.

Of course, you might not be able to keep to this all the time. But it’s always better to have a rough guideline in place rather than to make decisions on the spot each time.

8. Participate in productive or meaningful activities with your friends

You can suggest to your friends that you participate in activities together, such as:

Joining the same clubs or extracurricular activities
Working out, hiking, or learning a new sport
Studying and doing assignments
Running errands
Doing volunteer work

Carrying out these activities in a group offers opportunities to build and develop strong friendships.

You’ll also be doing things with your friends that you would have otherwise done alone, so you’ll be saving time.

9. Discuss routines and schedules with your family

Being proactive about discussing the plans for family events, meals, chores, etc., will reduce conflict and stress.

For example, your whole family might commit to having family dinners together at 7 p.m. on Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. You might also have a family outing or activity scheduled every other weekend.

It’s also a good idea to discuss your chores and household responsibilities with your parents.

You can create a family chore chart that lists the tasks each family member is responsible for. For instance, you might be responsible for doing the laundry every Monday and walking the dog every Wednesday.

10. Make the most of your study time

Every student can achieve school-life balance. It just boils down to managing your time, prioritizing, and drawing healthy boundaries.

To study productively, I encourage you to:

Break big tasks down into smaller ones to reduce procrastination
Make sure your environment is distraction-free
At the beginning of each day, create a brief daily plan that lists the specific tasks you intend to complete

You can also experiment with various study techniques, including:

The Feynman technique
Spaced repetition
Flashcards
Mind mapping

Conclusion

As a student, it’s important to set boundaries and keep to them. You might also need to adjust these boundaries over time.

If you’re always tired, stressed, or unhappy, it’s a good time to reflect on how you could attain a better school-life balance.

After all, a happy and healthy student is a productive student!

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20 Best Books for Students to Get Motivated and Inspired

Updated on July 6, 2024 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

The right book read at the right time has the power to change your life.

The best books for students open your mind to new possibilities, help you get on the correct path, and spark curiosity about the world.

Are you ready to discover the books you ought to read for your personal development?

Maybe you feel like it’s time to start thinking about your financial future. Or maybe you’re looking for a novel that will engage your imagination.

Then look no further!

From classical literature to personal growth, this list of 20 must-read books for students will help you to thrive. What’s more, reading is a great habit for students to develop.

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20 must-read books for students

Check out these books for students who need a little inspiration or motivation:

Animal Farm by George Orwell
The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
The Boy in the Striped Pajamas by John Boyne
The Evolution of a Girl by L. E. Bowman
Indistractable by Nir Eyal
Elastic Habits by Stephen Guise
It’s Not About You by Tom Rath
Make Your Bed by Admiral William H. McRaven
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey
The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod
Just As You Are by Michelle Skeen and Kelly Skeen
The Success Principles by Jack Canfield
Shoot Your Shot by Vernon Brundage Jr.
Why Didn’t They Teach Me This in School? 99 Personal Money Management Principles to Live By by Cary Siegel
Do Hard Things by Alex Harris and Brett Harris
You Are Awesome by Matthew Syed
A Year of Positive Thinking for Teens by Katie Hurley
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Teens by Richard Carlson
In Order to Live: A North Korean Girl’s Journey to Freedom by Yeonmi Park

Now, let’s take a closer look at each of these books to find out why they’re the best ones for students to read.

1. Animal Farm by George Orwell

Written in 1945 by George Orwell, Animal Farm is a political satire that takes place on a farm. The animals, tired of being exploited by their human masters, overthrow them and set up an egalitarian society.

But the animals in charge let the power get to their heads – power always corrupts. They use propaganda to gain power and control the other animals.

This book explores the theme of the ability of everyday individuals to stand up for what they believe in and for those who can’t stand up for themselves.

2. The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Beautifully written by French author Antoine de Saint- Exupéry, The Little Prince tells the story of a young boy living in a distant land with a unique flower – or so he thought.

Aware of the vanity of his flower, the little prince decides to leave his home. Arriving on Earth, he travels to a rose garden that has many flowers. This makes him realise that his flower isn’t unique.

Over time, the young boy meets a fox who teaches him to appreciate everything around him.

Initially struggling to look beneath the surface, as many adults do, the little prince masters the art of looking deeper to reveal the true beauty of life.

This book touches on the themes of love, friendship, courage, kindness, and loyalty – all of which you can learn to harness through your years as a student.

3. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas by John Boyne

Set in World War 2, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas tells the story of nine-year-old Bruno, the son of a German commandant.

Bruno forges a friendship with a boy the same age as him named Shmuel. Bruno is unaware of the purpose of the place where his father works, Auschwitz, and therefore doesn’t understand what is going on or the danger his friend is in.

The book tackles complex and difficult topics and presents themes of innocence and the importance of friendship and family ties.

4. The Evolution of a Girl by L.E. Bowman

The Evolution of a Girl by L.E. Bowman is a collection that uses poetry and stories to mirror the transformation of a young girl into a woman – a go-to guide for teenage girls.

The book shares a series of life lessons for young women on self-acceptance, self-love, and growth during these transitional years.

These lessons help girls develop a strength they can carry throughout their lives.

Bowman takes on themes of heartbreak and anger that lead to transformation and rebirth.

5. Indistractable by Nir Eyal

In Indistractable, Nir Eyal details the things that cause us to get distracted. The author explains why turning off all our devices (phones, computers, etc.) isn’t always the right way to overcome distractions.

If you want to succeed and make the most of your life, you need to avoid things that cause you to deviate from the path you need to be on.

You have to live your life not only doing the right things, but also not doing things you’ll regret later.

This is an excellent book for students, so I encourage you to read it right away!

6. Elastic Habits by Stephen Guise

Create lasting habits with this powerful book by Stephen Guise.

Elastic Habits shows you how to develop excellent habits by making minor changes each day.

Never miss a day! These mini-milestones can lead you towards establishing positive habits that will stay with you throughout your life.

What makes the concepts in this book helpful is that you’ll have flexibility in developing habits. You get to select the activity you want to work on, when you want to work on it, and how intense the effort will be.

You’ll find strategies to improve your study habits and make it more fun to pursue your goals!

7. It’s Not About You by Tom Rath

“Life is not about you. It’s about what you do for others.”

As a sixteen-year-old with a rare genetic disorder, Rath sought a meaningful life in the nurturing care of his family, including his grandfather, Don Clifton.

Rath teaches us how to answer life’s great questions in this empowering self-help memoir.

This book’s message teaches us that life’s greater purpose is to focus less on what we want to achieve and more on what we can do to contribute.

8. Make Your Bed by Admiral William H. McRaven

Make Your Bed contains ten life lessons that Admiral William H. McRaven learned during his Navy SEAL training.

These lessons helped him overcome challenges during his long Navy career and throughout his life.

As he writes in the book:

“Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter. If you can’t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right.”

Starting the day by making your bed increases your motivation to move through your other daily tasks. As a result, your days will become more productive and fruitful.

9. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck explores the idea that we have two mindsets: fixed and growth.

The fixed mindset is a belief that your abilities are set in stone and that staying in your comfort zone is the best way to feel validated.

But developing a growth mindset is vital if you want to succeed in life and make the most of the opportunities you’re presented with.

The growth mindset is the belief that your fundamental qualities and abilities are things you can build upon and improve.

This book explains how your conscious and unconscious thoughts can affect you. It also explains how simple changes in the words you use can have a profound effect on your behaviour.

10. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey

Teens today face new challenges like cyberbullying and constant online distractions.

Covey offers a simple, step-by-step approach to help teens boost their self-image, build healthy friendships, counter peer pressure, and reach their goals.

The main focus is on ensuring that you’re proactive because this paves the way for students to master the other habits.

The first three habits focus on self-improvement, while the next four habits cover topics to do with how we relate to others.

Students who want to improve their lives in significant ways should read this book!

11. The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod

This book aims to encourage you to adopt a powerful and energising morning routine.

A solid morning routine will catapult you towards success!

Elrod explains the six steps you can take every morning to get you on the right track:

Silence
Affirmations
Visualisation
Exercise
Reading
Scribing

12. Just As You Are by Michelle Skeen and Kelly Skeen

“Stop comparing yourself to others – you’re special just as you are!”

Offering many practical solutions, Just As You Are is a teen’s guide to self-acceptance and developing lasting self-esteem.

The series of insights from psychologist Michelle Skeen and her daughter, Kelly Skeen, consist of simple tips.

These tips will enable you to eliminate feelings of inadequacy, to stop comparing yourself with others, and to accept yourself fully.

13. The Success Principles by Jack Canfield

“Don’t worry about your failures, worry about the chances you miss when you don’t even try…”

Jack Canfield gets to the heart of achieving enduring success in this book.

He writes about the numerous principles that helped him throughout his life. He shares them so that anyone can learn how to lead a meaningful and fulfilling life.

As you read this book, you’ll understand how believing you can achieve your goals, working to achieve your goals, and taking full responsibility for your life will get you headed in the right direction.

14. Shoot Your Shot by Vernon Brundage Jr.

Many teenagers and students aspire to be just like their favourite athletes.

That’s precisely what this book is about.

Reading this book provides you with a chance to understand the tips and tricks of successful athletes that can also be integrated into your day-to-day life. As a result, you’ll be one step closer to achieving your goals.

Shoot Your Shot introduces the fundamental principles that elite basketball players follow, which will guide you as you strive to make the most of your potential.

15. Why Didn’t They Teach Me This in School?: 99 Personal Money Management Principles to Live By by Cary Siegel

Why Didn’t They Teach Me This in School? is a fantastic book for students who want to improve their money management skills.

In this book, you’ll discover eight lessons broken down into 99 clear and concise principles to help you manage your personal finances well.

What makes it one of the best books for students is that it isn’t a dry or boring read about money.

Instead, it contains interesting and practical examples to make the material relatable and memorable.

16. Do Hard Things by Alex Harris and Brett Harris

Rather than portraying adolescence as a time of escape from responsibility, Do Hard Things redefines the teenage years as a catapult for a meaningful life.

Through personal anecdotes and practical examples, the authors challenge you to get outside your comfort zone and do challenging things.

As a student, you’ll gain inspiration and clarity about the future through this fascinating book.

In fact, Alex Harris and Brett Harris were teens when they wrote the book.

Read the book and get ready to feel motivated to take on challenges and lead an extraordinary life!

17. You Are Awesome by Matthew Syed

This book invites teenagers to defy self-doubt, fearlessly explore and discover, and develop confidence in themselves.

You Are Awesome is an invitation to embrace change and stop doubting yourself.

Students will benefit from this book’s practicality and positivity. As you read the book, you’ll become more self-aware.

You’ll also become better prepared for whatever life throws at you.

18. A Year of Positive Thinking for Teens by Katie Hurley

This book‘s philosophy centres around the idea that harnessing positive thinking can increase your happiness and motivation to beat stress.

It will also help you to focus on achieving your goals.

A Year of Positive Thinking for Teens introduces principles and strategies to help students take action, overcome teenage anxiety, and build resilience.

This book is especially useful for teensagers who struggle with distorted or negative thinking that’s holding them back.

19. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Teens: Simple Ways to Keep Your Cool in Stressful Times by Richard Carlson

Being a teen can be tough. Richard Carlson understands this, and explains in Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Teens how teenagers can learn to thrive.

The book covers various topics, including peer pressure, homework, dating, etc., through a series of inspirational essays.

Carlson offers different methods and advice to handle the challenges that teens face.

For example, he recommends that teens always look for the positive in a given situation, and remember that they can make a difference in the world.

This is a must-read book for students!

20. In Order to Live: A North Korean Girl’s Journey to Freedom by Yeonmi Park

Yeonmi Park shares her fascinating story in In Order to Live: A North Korean Girl’s Journey to Freedom.

She writes honestly about the fear of living under a dictatorship, the threat of dying from disease and starvation, and even execution.

She fled North Korea at the age of 13 and she hoped to reunite with her sister. She made it to China, only to be forced into human trafficking.

When she finally found freedom in South Korea, she encountered further challenges that she eventually overcame.

This is an exhilarating and heartrending book that will change the way you look at the world.

Conclusion

Don’t underestimate the power of books during your student years.

Why not save this list of the 20 best books for students and make your way through them in your leisure time?

It’s an investment of time that will definitely pay off!

(And if you’d like a free quick action guide to enable you to overcome procrastination once and for all, make sure to download the PDF below.)

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How to Communicate With Teenagers (11 Actionable Tips for Parents)

Updated on July 2, 2024 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Are you having trouble communicating with your teen?

As a parent, you know that communication is key.

But your teenager may not be opening up to talk to you about day-to-day matters, much less difficult ones.

I coach teens for a living, so I often speak with parents who are struggling to find ways to open the lines of communication with their teens.

Communication can be complex, but the good news is that parenting teens is a skill that you can get better at.

(I’m a father of three myself, so I know there’s always room for me to improve as a parent!)

In this article, I’ll discuss the topic of how to talk to your teenagers so they’ll listen to you and behave responsibly.

Apply the tips below and your relationship with your teen will become stronger too!

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11 tips for communicating with teenagers

How should I talk to my teenager?

If you find yourself asking this question, you’re in the right place.

Learning how to communicate with your teen is essential to maintaining a healthy relationship. Here are some techniques you can use to improve how you and your teen talk to each other.

1. Lecture less, listen more

As a parent, it’s easy to fall into the routine of lecturing your teenagers.

After all, you have a lot of life experience and you want to share it with them. But studies have shown that long or angry lectures simply don’t work.

So find ways to actively engage with your teen. Ask them questions like:

“Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?”
“What did you learn through this experience?”
“How can I support you in this situation?”

Avoid saying things to your teen like:

“What’s wrong with you?”
“What were you thinking?”

By asking questions that engage your teen in a positive way, you’ll build a solid foundation of trust.

2. Break down communication barriers

A communication barrier will develop if you frequently nag, judge, or scold your teens.

When it comes to communication, emotional barriers prevent teens from feeling secure enough to talk about what’s going on in their lives. This can cause them to start lying.

For example, if you talk to your teenage daughter about changing her behaviour, don’t start the conversation by criticising her. Instead, empathise with her and make sure she feels safe opening up about her emotions.

If you want your teens to talk to you more, you must give them your attention. Listen to your teenagers without casting judgment, and avoid jumping in with unsolicited advice.

3. Don’t blame or shame your teen

When something goes wrong in your teen’s life, of course you want to help.

Teenagers will make mistakes, and that’s okay! It’s how they learn and gain wisdom.

When your teens come to you to talk, resist the urge to blame or shame them for whatever has happened.

Instead, be understanding and compassionate. Let your teenagers know that it’s okay that they made a mistake.

Help them to process their emotions and reflect on what they’ve learned through the situation.

By doing so, they’ll feel more comfortable sharing things with you.

4. Help your teen think things through

Too often, teenagers make impulsive decisions. It takes time and experience to understand that thinking things through leads to the best outcomes.

If you know or suspect that your teenager is struggling with a problem, check in to see what’s going on.

Whenever possible, help your teens to think through the situation so they can see things from a different perspective.

Over time, they’ll learn to do this on their own, which is a valuable skill they’ll be able to use for years to come.

5. Don’t let things escalate

As a parent, you’ll have tough days when the stress of everyday life gets to you.

At those times, it’s more likely that a conversation with your teen will result in a heated argument that hurts the relationship.

When the tension starts to rise, you could say something like:

“I need some time to think about this.”
“Let’s talk about this later, please. I need a bit of space to calm down.”

When you say things like that, you ensure that when you do sit down and talk with your teen, you’ll be able to have a calm discussion. This will show your teen that you care about and respect him or her.

6. Make it easy for your teen to engage with you

Is your teen withdrawn?

Sometimes, it’s hard for teens to talk to others about what’s happening in their lives because of a fear of being judged.

Keeping the lines of communication open is essential, especially during the teenage years of self-discovery.

Research has shown – not surprisingly – that when parents listen to their teens actively and attentively, their teens felt a greater sense of closeness, autonomy, and self-worth.

It’s challenging, but do your best to be that kind of parent to your teen every day!

7. Express empathy

Many teenagers feel as if no one understands what they’re going through.

This can cause them to feel lonely, anxious, or angry.

By communicating empathetically with your teen, you’re showing that you’re doing your best to understand how he or she feels.

When you say, “I know this seems unfair,” or “It must be frustrating to feel as if you don’t fit in,” you’re letting your teenager know that you’re trying to put yourself in his or her shoes.

Empathy is a healthy way to create understanding and deal with teenage attitude.

8. Refrain from using threats

Teenagers are developing their sense of identity apart from you, so it’s normal for them to test boundaries.

Your teens might say, “I’ll do it later,” when you’ve already made it clear that you need the chore done now.

As a parent, this is frustrating, and punishments or threats might seem like the most effective approach.

But threats rarely work, and only serve to damage the relationship you have with your teen.

What should you do instead?

Try communication strategies such as:

Giving your teenagers choices whenever possible
Connecting with them more and criticising them less
Talking to them about their hobbies and interests
Saying positive things to them every day

9. Be real with your teen

As a parent, you obviously want to have a great relationship with your teens. Don’t be afraid to tell them this.

Tell them that you love them, and show affection in the ways that they appreciate.

Rather than using “you” statements, which can feel accusatory, try using “I” statements that focus on how you feel.

Here’s an example:

“You” statement: “You’re not working hard enough.”
“I” statement: “I feel worried that you won’t do as well as you expect for the exam next week.”

And here’s one more example:

“You” statement: “You never complete your chores.”
“I” statement: “I really appreciate it when you complete your chores every day.”

To modify a quote by leadership expert Craig Groeschel: “Teens would rather follow a parent who is always real, rather than a parent who is always right.”

10. Apply active listening techniques

You may have heard of active listening before.

It’s the process of listening such that the other person feels heard and understood.

Active listening isn’t just about using specific techniques, but must come from a place of authenticity and empathy.

Make sure to really listen to what your teens are telling you by maintaining eye contact, asking clarifying questions, and using phrases like, “Tell me more.”

Nod periodically and keep your arms uncrossed. In this way, your teenagers will feel as if you’re fully present with them.

11. Focus on specific behaviours instead of making general statements

Avoid making general statements about what your teen is or isn’t doing that you’re concerned about.

For example, don’t tell your teens that they’re not managing their time well.

Instead, say that you noticed that they were on their phone for two hours straight after school. This is despite the fact that you know they have an incomplete project that’s due tomorrow.

When you focus on specific behaviours, your teenagers will be less likely to turn defensive.

You’ll then be able to work together with them to find an acceptable solution.

Conclusion

Everything worth doing in life requires effort and commitment.

It definitely requires lots of effort and commitment on your part to be able to communicate effectively with your teens.

But it’s worth it.

So I encourage you to start using the communication techniques listed in this article today!

If you like this article, please share it with your friends.

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Helping Teens With Anxiety: 5 Proven Tips

Updated on January 14, 2025 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

It isn’t easy to help teens with anxiety.

You try to reassure them that everything will be okay, but their fears and doubts are paralysing.

You hate to see your teens struggling, but nothing you say seems to ease their worries.

First off, know that you’re not alone.

Anxiety is one of the most common mental health disorders, and anxiety in teens has increased over the years.^[1]

Having said this, everyone feels anxious sometimes, and that’s okay!

Anxiety is a persistent feeling of worry or dread that something terrible will happen in situations that aren’t actually threatening. These feelings can persist even after the event has passed.

Physical changes like increased blood pressure, nausea, and tremors are common.^[2]

It’s crucial that your teenagers learn how to cope with anxiety so that they can face challenges head-on.

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5 tips to help teenagers deal with anxiety

Let’s explore research-backed strategies to equip your teens to develop this important life skill, which will serve them well into the future.

1. Don’t solve your teenagers’ problems for them

Your teens get home from school, slump on the sofa, then immediately begin to complain about their never-ending to-do list.

You already know that they feel social pressure to fit in at school. And now they’re facing additional stress because of their academics and extracurricular activities.

No wonder they feel anxious!

As a parent, it’s natural for you to want to fix your teens’ problems. So, when you hear your teens venting, it can be tempting to say things like:

“If you’re so worried about the test next week, why don’t you start studying now?”
“Don’t worry so much about what other people think. Everything is going to be okay!”
“You should put your phone away whenever you’re doing your work. Then you won’t have trouble meeting all your deadlines.”

Here’s the thing about helping teens with anxiety…

They don’t need a lecture from you, and they don’t need you to fix the situation. They need to know that you’re trying hard to understand their feelings and perspective.

I recommend that you use active listening techniques as frequently as you can.

Give your teens your full attention and try not to offer unsolicited advice. Demonstrate that you empathise with your teens’ feelings by saying something like:

“It sounds like you feel a lot of pressure to juggle your responsibilities, and you’re afraid that you’re not going to be able to fulfil all your responsibilities well.”

Such emotional validation helps teens understand that it’s okay for them to be worried or afraid.^[3] Over time, your teens will feel less overwhelmed and more capable of confronting challenging scenarios.

2. Help your teenagers practise coping skills

The global COVID-19 pandemic upended the lives of teenagers around the world.

School closings led to social isolation and a lack of routine, and many teenagers are still struggling with the unpredictability of it all.

A University of Calgary study reveals that depression and anxiety have doubled in children and adolescents since pre-pandemic times.^[4]

When it comes to helping teenagers who have anxiety, it’s vital to equip them with the tools to deal with feelings of doubt, fear, and uncertainty. Here are two coping skills and strategies that you can encourage your teens to practise:

Breathing exercises

Rapid and shallow breathing is a natural reaction to anxiety.

What’s the problem with this?

Shallow breaths make anxiety worse — and can even lead to panic attacks.^[5]

Teach your teens to take slow, deep, and steady breaths. As clinical psychologist Juli Fraga says: “Deep breathing can help intense sensations, experiences, and emotions feel less threatening.”

Journaling

If your teens have a difficult time talking about their anxiety, invite them to try journaling. They’ll probably find that their thoughts are less scary when they’re written down.

Here are some apps that make it easy for teens to journal regularly. By doing so, their anxious thoughts won’t creep into every moment of the day.

3. Encourage your teenagers to volunteer

When it comes to working with teens who have anxiety, sometimes the best solution is to start doing things for the benefit of others.

Research shows that volunteering helps our overall mental well-being.^[6] One reason for this is that serving others releases dopamine, which reduces stress and increases positive emotions.

I’ve noticed the benefits of volunteering first-hand with my coaching clients.

When teenagers are engaged in helping others, they often become more grateful. They learn to think beyond themselves, which gives them a sense of purpose and meaning.^[7]

If your anxious teens are hesitant to volunteer, don’t force them into it. Instead, find a community activity or service-learning project that you can participate in as a family.

Your teen will see that you, too, are committed to giving back — and you’ll strengthen your relationship with your teen in the process.

4. Encourage your teenagers to take care of their physical health

Sometimes, simple lifestyle changes are what it takes to decrease teenage anxiety.

According to Harvard Health Publishing, sleep problems are widespread in individuals with anxiety.

That probably doesn’t come as a surprise.

It can be a vicious cycle — teenagers can’t sleep when they’re anxious, yet they feel overwhelmed because they’re not well-rested!

If your teenagers struggle to sleep, try helping them to:

Limit screen and phone time before bed.
Avoid bright lights at night.
Develop an evening routine. This could include a hot shower, reading a book, or relaxing with a cup of caffeine-free tea.
Get morning sunlight whenever possible.

When it comes to helping anxious teens, exercise matters, too.

Physical activity stimulates the production of serotonin and endorphins, both of which positively affect teens’ ability to manage stress and anxiety.^[8] And teens don’t necessarily need to join a gym — a brisk 15-minute walk will do the trick.

It’s also important to promote healthy eating habits.

When we’re worried, it’s tempting to make a bee-line for a soda or candy bar, but sugar and caffeine can worsen anxiety.^[9]

I suggest keeping healthy foods easily accessible. Here are a few of my favourites that will enable your teenagers to study smarter while keeping anxiety at bay:

Blueberries
Almonds
Eggs
Dark chocolate
Yogurt

5. Pay attention to your teenagers’ strengths

The teenage years are a curious time of transition.

Teens’ brains are changing, and they’re seeking more autonomy. At the same time, they’re discovering their personality, talents, and interests.

As your teens navigate these changes, it’s natural for them to sometimes question their self-worth.

Negative thoughts might start to seep in, such as: “Why am I such a failure?” or “Do my friends actually like me?”

Say positive things to your teens often. Celebrate their unique strengths, and encourage self-compassion.

Your teens will gradually learn to become okay with their flaws, thus reducing their anxiety levels and building self-esteem.

In closing…

I know it’s challenging to watch your teens struggle.

But the next time you have the urge to fix their problems, use these 5 proven tips instead.

You’ll help your teenagers to develop essential skills and habits, no matter what challenges come their way.

Depending on the situation, they may need some extra support.

Maybe they’ve experienced a traumatic life event. Or maybe, even after implementing the tips in this article, they still can’t stop worrying — and it’s crippling them.

If so, the 1-to-1 coaching programme I offer will help. Through this coaching programme, I equip teens with the mindset and tools to overcome these problems and thrive. You can learn more about the coaching programme here.

FREE E-BOOK:

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16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

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References for this article:

1. Data and Statistics on Children’s Mental Health. (2022).
https://www.cdc.gov/children-mental-health/data-research/

2. Stress vs. anxiety – Knowing the Difference Is Critical to Your Health. (2018).
https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/external/2018/06/stress-vs-anxiety/

3. Six Ways You Can Validate a Teen (And Anyone Else!). (2020).
https://evolvetreatment.com/blog/six-ways-validate-teens/

4. Depression And Anxiety Double In Youth Compared to Pre-Pandemic. (2021).
https://www.forbes.com/sites/williamhaseltine/2021/08/25/depression-and-anxiety-double-in-youth-compared-to-pre-pandemic/?sh=36920882139f

5. How shallow breathing affects your whole body. (2020).
https://www.headspace.com/articles/shallow-breathing-whole-body

6. How Volunteering Can Help Your Mental Health. (2018).
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_volunteering_can_help_your_mental_health

7. Five Ways to Help Teens Build a Sense of Self-Worth. (2018).
https://www.mindful.org/five-ways-to-help-teens-build-a-sense-of-self-worth/

8. 5 lifestyle changes that may help with managing anxiety or depression. (2022).
https://newsroom.uhc.com/health/coping-with-anxiety-depression.html

9. The 4 Worst Foods for Your Anxiety. (2021).
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/surprising-foods-trigger-anxiety

The 10 Most Dangerous Things That Students Can Say to Themselves

Updated on July 6, 2024 By Daniel Wong 12 Comments

The way you talk to yourself has a huge impact on how you handle challenges.

It affects how you perform in every area of life, including your academics.

Negative thoughts sometimes become so much a part of your “self-talk” that you’re barely even aware of them.

In this article, I’ll show you the 10 most dangerous things that students can say to themselves, and why these 10 things prevent students from achieving their goals.

(To learn 3 bonus tips, download the free PDF summary below.)

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1. “I don’t feel like it”

There will be times when you don’t feel like doing something that you ought to.

One thing that successful students all have in common is that they don’t allow themselves to be driven by emotion.

To succeed, you must be able to put your feelings aside and follow through on your commitments, even when you don’t feel like it.

For example, if you’ve made a commitment to study for at least 1 hour every weekday, do everything necessary to keep to that commitment.

Or if you’ve decided to go for a 20-minute walk every evening, make sure you do it, regardless of how you feel.

To make it more enjoyable, you could listen to an audiobook or podcast during the walk. (That’s what I do during my walks, and it helps a lot!)

Doing things only when you feel motivated to do them isn’t a reliable way of reaching your goals.

This is because you definitely won’t feel motivated all the time.

It’s important to be able to do productive and meaningful things even when you don’t feel like doing them.

Over time, you’ll build self-discipline.

2. “I’ll do it later”

Procrastination is the enemy of success, because it prevents you from being prepared to perform at your best.

To combat procrastination, the first thing to do is recognise that you’re engaging in it.

If you find yourself frequently saying “I’ll do it later” or “I’ll do it the day before it’s due”, these are common signs of procrastination.

The most effective way of dealing with procrastination is to make specific commitments, e.g. “I complete all my assignments at least 2 days before they’re due”, “I start studying for every class test at least 1 week in advance”.

You can go even further than this and prioritise the very things that you least want to do. This turns procrastination on its head: the things you want to avoid doing, you do first.

Another way of dealing with procrastination is to say no to perfectionism.

Sometimes we procrastinate because we feel that something has to be perfect. The fear of falling short of perfection is what causes us to procrastinate.

If you find yourself falling into this trap, tell yourself every day that progress and the process are what matter most, not perfection.

3. “I don’t have enough time”

We all get 24 hours a day. How is it that some students are so productive while others aren’t?

The answer boils down to planning and prioritisation.

If you feel you don’t have enough time to study and do other meaningful things, the problem could be that you aren’t doing enough planning.

Planning means allocating your time to specific tasks so that you achieve your goals.

When you have a plan, you “make” the time you need to accomplish a particular task.

So when you say “I don’t have enough time”, check that you’ve set aside time in your daily and weekly schedule for the task.

If you haven’t, this would explain why it feels as if you don’t have enough time.

The second aspect is prioritisation.

It’s often the case that students who say they don’t have enough time to study, read, exercise, etc. do have enough time to play video games or watch shows or go on social media every day.

If this is the case for you, then it’s a matter of priorities.

Prioritising is the act of deciding that some things in your life are more important than others.

For example, when thinking about doing fun activities like playing video games, ask yourself: “Will this help me get to where I want to be in 5 years or 10 years?”

Of course, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t play any video games at all.

I’m just saying that the way you spend your time should reflect what you claim is most important to you.

4. “It’s too late to…”

There’s a famous Chinese proverb that says, “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”

This principle applies to almost everything we do.

For example, you may feel that it’s too late to learn to play the guitar. Yes, it would have been good if you’d started learning to play the guitar 3 years ago.

But don’t let that thought prevent you from starting today.

Or you may feel that it’s too late to build a better relationship with your parents, because you’ve had a bad relationship with them for the past 5 years.

But without a doubt, today is the best day to start improving your relationship with your parents.

5. “I’m just not good at this”

When you’re learning a new skill or area of knowledge, do you ever think to yourself that “I’m just not good at this”?

If so, that’s a limiting mindset that will prevent you from growing and developing.

If you have this mindset, you’ll find excuses not to do your homework or to try to master a new topic.

Dr. Carol Dweck of Stanford University has identified two kinds of mindsets: the fixed mindset and the growth mindset.

People with a fixed mindset tend to fear failure. They frequently avoid challenges or anything that makes them feel bad about their level of ability.

On the other hand, people with a growth mindset take on challenges. They accept the discomfort that goes along with challenges, because they know it’s part of the learning process.

So the next time you’re learning something new and the thought “I’m just not good at this” pops into your head, remind yourself that this feeling of being stretched is a good thing.

Feel the discomfort and push through it as you put in the effort to improve!

6. “Nothing ever goes my way”

We all experience setbacks, and we all have days when nothing seems to go right.

But if you find yourself frequently thinking that “nothing ever goes my way”, ask yourself if this is accurate.

This kind of thinking is an example of what psychologists call all-or-nothing thinking.

Look back over the past month and make a list of all the situations that turned out well.

Maybe you did better than expected on a test, or maybe you made a couple of new friends, or maybe your physical fitness improved.

Through the process of making this list, you’ll begin to see that this kind of all-or-nothing thinking is rarely objective.

7. “If only…”

A limiting belief that will prevent you from succeeding as a student is the notion that something is holding you back.

This often takes the form of thoughts that begin with the statement “If only…”

For example, you might think to yourself:

“If only I was born into a wealthier family…”
“If only my parents gave me more freedom…”
“If only I went to a better school…”
“If only I didn’t have to travel so far to get to school…”
“If only other people made an effort to understand me better…”
“If only I was better-looking…”

These thoughts are sometimes based on valid observations.

You’ll always be able to find someone who has something you don’t. At the same time, there are always countless things for you to be thankful for.

Don’t let these “if only” thoughts become an excuse for not doing your best.

History is full of people who made profound contributions to the world, but who had to overcome huge obstacles along the way.

8. “I’m not __________ enough to…”

This is another kind of limiting belief that will stop you from making the most of your potential as a student.

It might take the form of something like “I’m not smart enough to get good grades” or “I’m not confident enough to be on the school debate team”.

These thoughts will stop you from even attempting something challenging.

If you struggle with these thoughts, there are two aspects to focus on.

First, ask yourself if the belief is accurate. Is it really true that you’re not smart enough or confident enough?

Second, even if there’s some truth to the belief, what’s to stop you from improving and putting yourself in a better position to succeed?

For example, if you lack confidence, you can take practical steps to become more assertive, improve your communication and leadership skills, contribute to the community, etc. As a result, you’ll become more confident.

Remember that the thoughts you have about your abilities are often self-fulfilling.

As Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.”

9. “It’s my teacher’s/parent’s/friend’s fault”

There will be times when people let you down. But at the end of the day, we’re fully responsible for our lives.

After all, if you’re not responsible for your life, then who is?

So even though your friends, teachers and family members may not live up to your expectations, there’s no point blaming them.

Instead, think about what you can do to take ownership of the situation.

For example, if you’re tempted to blame your teacher for not explaining the material clearly, hold your tongue.

Decide what you can do to learn the material. Are there notes you can refer to? Are there videos that you can find online? Would it help if you clarify your doubts with your teacher outside of class time?

If you take this proactive approach, you’ll find that there’s almost always something you can do to take ownership of the situation.

Taking responsibility for your life may seem scary at first.

But it will actually give you a greater sense of control and autonomy, because it puts you in the driver’s seat of your life.

10. “I’ll try to…”

When you say that you’ll “try” to do something, you’re not making a firm commitment to take action. All you’re promising to do is “try”.

This gives you a convenient way out if things don’t go smoothly.

Instead of saying that you’ll try to take notes in class, say that you will take notes in class.

Instead of saying that you’ll try to get to bed before 10 pm, say that you will get to bed before 10 pm. If you need to, set an alarm for 9:45 pm every night as a reminder for you to get ready for bed.

Make an unwavering commitment to the positive changes you want to see in your life.

Conclusion

Are you guilty of any of the negative thought patterns listed in this article?

(To learn 3 bonus tips, download the free PDF summary below.)

If so, don’t be discouraged. It’s all too easy to give in to such thoughts.

The first step in changing these thought patterns is to become more aware of them.

The next time you find yourself falling into one of these thought patterns, ask yourself these two questions:

“Is this thought objectively true?”
“Is this thought helpful?”

Most of the time, the answer to those two questions is no. You can then start to have a healthier internal dialogue with yourself.

By becoming more intentional about the thoughts you think, you’ll be on your way to developing better beliefs.

In turn, this will enable you to find meaning, fulfilment and success in your life as a student!

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7 Ways to Support Your Child’s Mental Health

Updated on September 30, 2024 By Daniel Wong 3 Comments

Note from Daniel: This is a guest post by John Lim.

When I was 2, my sister was born.

I reacted to her birth by hiding in my toy car the whole night and refusing to come out.

Why?

Because I was jealous of all the attention that my sister was getting. I felt sad that no one seemed to care about me.

It doesn’t matter if your child is 2 or 22 – it can sometimes be hard for him to express how he feels.

As a parent, this can be challenging and frustrating for you.

After all, how can you support your child’s mental health if he doesn’t talk about how he feels?

Mental health isn’t just about psychological and emotional problems. It’s also about psychological and emotional well-being.

So in this article, we’ll focus on the positive aspects of your child’s mental health – resilience, optimism, and well-being.

Here are 7 tips that I trust you’ll find useful.

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1. Understand the signs that your child is struggling.

Train yourself to be attuned to your child’s emotional needs.

Every child exhibits different signs when they’re struggling. For example, when I struggled emotionally as a child, I became quiet. I wouldn’t say a word to anyone about my problems.

Over time, my parents noticed that whenever I was quiet, something was probably wrong.

They would then give me the space I needed to work through the problem.

Knowing what signs your child exhibits when she’s going through a hard time is a good way to understand her better.

Here are some of the common signs:

Your child isn’t as talkative as she used to be.
Your child is more withdrawn.
Your child doesn’t want to spend time with her friends.
Your child frequently says that he or she hates school.
Your child isn’t excited by the things that used to bring her joy, e.g. games, sports, music, art, reading, family outings.
Your child’s mood fluctuates. One moment, she might be angry or explosive, then a short while later she might be sad or distressed.
Your child is hyperactive and has trouble focusing on any given task (which are signs of ADHD).

To understand your child better, ask yourself these questions:

When was the last time she struggled psychologically and emotionally?
How did she behave during that period of time?
What did I do that helped the situation?
How did she respond to my help?

2. Spend quality time with your child.

There are no shortcuts. If you want to understand your child, you need to spend time with him.

In Carl Honoré’s In Praise of Slow, he talks about how his life was transformed one night when he was reading bedtime stories to his child.

The title of the book was One-Minute Bedtime Stories.

He realised that in his pursuit of being more productive and getting more done, he had treated time with his child as just another task he had to complete.

Hence the bedtime stories that each took only one minute to read.

Like most parents, you’re probably really busy. But ask yourself this question: “Why am I so busy?”

Yes, you’re busy working hard to provide for your family. But if you can’t spend any quality time with your child, is there a point to your busyness?

I encourage you to organise an outing with your child. Go for a hike or have a meal. Play a board game.

The point is to be intentional about it.

Here are some tips that you might find helpful:

Schedule in regular family meals.

Be serious about having meals together as a family. If you don’t put it in your calendar, it’s probably not going to happen.

Treat family mealtimes as sacred. Don’t let anything get in the way of you being present for these meals.

Set fixed boundaries related to work and family.

Have you ever checked the time at work and thought to yourself: “It’s 6 p.m. already?! I haven’t got enough work done for the day!”

At these moments, you have a choice.

You can carry on with your work, or you can shut down your computer and go home to be with your family.

Being with your family means being physically and emotionally present.

After all, work is infinite – there’s always more work you could do, no matter how much work you do today.

On the other hand, time is finite. If you don’t make time to spend with your children now, before you know it they’ll be all grown up.

Put your phone away.

When I’m out with my family for dinner, I leave my phone at home. That’s because I want to give them the attention they deserve.

You might think that leaving your phone at home sounds extreme. But I encourage you to give it a try – you might just decide that you’ll make it a habit.

And when you’re with your children, put your phone on airplane mode. This way, you won’t get distracted by messages, calls or notifications.

At the end of the day, you need to ask yourself: “How important are my children to me?”

If they’re important to you, make time to build a stronger relationship with them.

3. Be with your child; don’t do for your child.

Your child may be your child.

But she’s also growing up. She’s figuring out how to do things on her own. She’s gaining a sense of independence and autonomy.

If your child is going through a rough time, it might be tempting for you to jump in and fix the problem.

But this won’t be beneficial for your child’s mental health in the long run.

Mental health is like a muscle that’s built over time. Helping your child today won’t always help your child tomorrow.

Instead, let her try to resolve the problem herself. This will help her grow in her ability to bounce back from setbacks.

For example, if your child fails a test, don’t ask the teacher why his grading was so strict.

Instead, ask your child what she learned from the experience, and understand her feelings about the situation. Help her to decide what she can do differently next time.

In general, before taking any action, talk to your child and understand her perspective on the situation. Tell her that you’re there for her.

It’s vital that you show her that you’ll give her all the support she needs.

But it’s even more vital that you stop yourself from fixing the problem for her.

4. Model for your child emotional first aid

When you fall down and get a cut, you put on a bandage.

When you suffer a cut emotionally, do you have the emotional equivalent of a bandage?

Your child suffers emotional cuts when…

He fails an exam he studied hard for.
He gets betrayed by his friends.
He doesn’t make it to the basketball team because he isn’t good enough.
He gets scolded harshly by his teacher in front of the whole class.

Clinical psychologist Guy Winch coined the term “emotional first aid”.

He notes that “whilst every household has a medicine cabinet full of bandages, ointments and pain relievers for treating basic physical maladies, we have no such medicine cabinet for the minor psychological injuries we sustain in daily life”.

You can enable your child to build an emotional first-aid kit to help himself when things go wrong.

You can also teach him strategies for self-care on days when nothing seems to be going his way.

Here are some tips that I recommend:

Encourage your child to talk to someone when he’s going through a tough time.
Ask him to write a letter of love to himself. This letter will celebrate his positive qualities and traits.
Encourage him to draw or sketch something.
If he likes writing, give him a diary so he can record his thoughts and feelings.
Encourage him to spend some time in nature.

More importantly, model emotional first aid for your child.

Over dinner, you might share with him about the hard day you had at work and how you felt.

Don’t just talk about what you did to work through the challenges; talk about how you felt too. This will expand your child’s capacity to empathise and to label his own emotions.

You can also adopt healthy habits like regular exercise, getting enough sleep, reading for leisure, etc. to show your child how you improve your own mental well-being.

5. Share your emotions with your child.

To improve your child’s emotional well-being, she needs to be able to identify the emotions that she feels.

This means it’s crucial that – in your family – you go beyond only saying that you feel bad or okay or good.

Increasing the range of vocabulary your child uses to describe her emotions will enable her to better express her feelings.

How can you help your child to increase her range of emotional vocabulary?

I recommend playing a game called “Feelings Scrabble”.

Here’s how the game works.

First, ask your child to say any word that’s related to an emotion. Ask her to explain what the word means, and to share an example of a time when she felt that way.

For example, she might say, “Sad.” Then, you can ask her to share what “sad” means to her and talk about an incident where she felt sad.

Next, it’s your turn to do the same thing. Try using less common words like “shame”, “amusement”, “desperate”, “horrified”, “disturbed”, etc.

In addition, you can increase your child’s emotional vocabulary by talking about your day and how you felt at various points during the day.

I’m not saying that you should be talking about your feelings all the time. But it’s important to show your child that it’s okay to talk about her feelings, and that sometimes it’s okay to not be okay.

What’s not okay is bottling up everything inside you, pretending that everything is fine.

6. Thank your child.

My mother loves to cook for the family.

When my siblings and I were younger, my mother would often write instructions about what we should do for lunch when we got back from school.

She would write a note and put it on the fridge that said something like this:

There’s fish in the container and there’s rice in the pot. Please heat up the food before eating and wash the dishes after your meal. Thanks for doing the washing and eating.

In hindsight, this sounds strange to me.

I mean… shouldn’t it have been expected that my siblings and I wash the dishes after the meal? Why should my mother have needed to thank us for doing something so basic?

But now I appreciate that my mother did this.

You might feel weird about showing appreciation toward your child. But thanking your child for the things he does shows him that you don’t take these things for granted.

It helps him to build his self-esteem and self-confidence too, so don’t shy away from frequently expressing genuine appreciation.

7. Write a letter to your child.

I didn’t do too well for the A-Levels, a major exam I took when I was 18. In fact, the grades for my four main A-Level subjects spelt BBAD.

To me, those were indeed BAD grades!

I was disappointed because I had always wanted to be a doctor. But with those grades, that dream wasn’t going to be realised.

I stopped talking to my parents for some time because I didn’t know how to answer their questions related to my plans for university.

Then one night, I saw a handwritten letter on my desk.

It was from my dad, who encouraged me not to give up. To keep trying. To know that he would always support me no matter what.

That letter meant the world to me!

Sometimes, it might be hard for you to convey your heartfelt emotions to your child face to face. You can try writing a letter to her instead.

Be honest about your feelings regarding what she’s going through. Empathise with her. Let her know that you’ll always be there for her.

Most importantly, celebrate her admirable qualities – not her achievements, but her qualities.

Let her know how much she means to you. Tell her why she’s unique and special.

Celebrate her for who she is, not who you want her to be.

For example, you might write:

Dear Jane,

[State your observation]

Lately, I’ve noticed that you seem quieter than usual. You’ve been coming home later, and your teacher has also told me that you’ve been skipping classes.

[Share how you feel]

I’m worried for you because I don’t know what might happen to you when you stay out so late. I’m also afraid that you might end up being expelled from school.

[Talk about why you’re writing the letter]

I might not fully understand how you feel. But I want you to know that I’m here for you. I also want to use this opportunity to celebrate your qualities, and to tell you how much I love you.

[Celebrate your child’s qualities]

Jane, I admire how you’re so compassionate. It inspires me to see you volunteering to help people with intellectual disabilities. You’ve helped so many of them to lead richer and more fulfilling lives.

I also admire how sacrificial you are when it comes to how you spend your time and what you’re willing to do for your friends and family.

Your heart of service and love is something that stirs me to lead a life that’s focused on the needs of others.

[End by sharing that you’re there for your child]

I love you deeply. You’re my precious daughter, and you’ve always mattered so much to me. If there’s anything I can do to support you better, please let me know.

Love,
Dad

You might not notice an immediate change in your child after you give her this letter.

That’s okay. Don’t expect things to change right away.

But at least your child knows that you’re there for her, and that your love for her is unconditional.

And, for now, that’s enough.

Conclusion

Supporting your child’s mental health isn’t only about focusing on the “problematic” aspects like anxiety, fear, and depression.

It’s also about fostering positive aspects like resilience, optimism, and well-being.

It’s vital that you remind yourself of this truth, as stated by Robert Moorehead: “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”

Your child is a gift. A blessing. Someone who – despite the challenges along the parenting journey – takes your breath away.

Remember those moments when you laughed or cried together?

It’s easy to forget those moments, especially when your child is rebellious, angry, stubborn, or disrespectful. But never lose that sense of wonder.

Be with your child. Listen to him. Connect with him.

After all, to support your child’s mental health, it’s connection that matters most.

So invest the time to build and strengthen that connection today!

John Lim is a social worker in Singapore. He was nominated as the Student Social Worker of the Year while he was studying in England. He loves working with young people to help them understand their emotions better. He writes regularly about mental health issues here.

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