Daniel Wong

3 Mistakes That Lead To Mediocrity

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

be fearful of mediocrity

Don’t you hate it when bloggers preach to you as if they have all the answers?

So I’m not planning to do that in this post. 🙂

After all, I still struggle.

I get distracted by unimportant tasks.

I’m not as disciplined as I should be.

I lack the motivation to do some things that I know I ought to.

I am, however, a relentless observer of what makes for a remarkable life. I realize that, in the pursuit of a meaningful life, we often make this mistake:

We confuse what describes us with what defines us.

People describe us based on our characteristics:

  • Physical appearance
  • Social status
  • Occupation
  • Education
  • Abilities
  • Strengths
  • Weaknesses
  • Wealth

But there are only two things that define us: our character and our commitments.

If we focus on our “description” instead of our “definition,” we’ll eventually end up shortchanging ourselves.

Here are three mistakes I’ve seen people make, which lead to mediocrity:

1. You solve problems instead of committing to causes.

It’s easy to become a hostage to the present, hostage to the urgent issues that are crying out for your attention.

Remember, however, that you’re the custodian and creator of the future.

You’re not defined by the problems you solve, especially not the urgent but unimportant ones. You’re defined by the causes you commit yourself to.

Sure, even if you commit yourself to a cause, there will still be fires to put out.

But your focus won’t be on eliminating the problem. Instead, it’ll be on elevating the cause.

There’s a big difference.

Clearly, it’s impossible to commit to that many causes, whether they’re social, environmental, entrepreneurial or family ones. But whatever cause you do commit yourself to, make sure you’re all in, all the time.

2. You work hard to achieve goals instead of working hard to live out your values.

Whether or not you write down your goals, you’re probably a goal-oriented person.

You want to attain a certain amount of material wealth, a certain level of education, or enjoy a certain kind of family life.

Despite our fascination with people who have achieved incredible goals, it’s not the goals we achieve that define us.

We’re defined by the principles we embody.

It’s not about professing what’s important to you or what you stand for. It’s not about declaring what values you hold to.

It’s about allowing those values to get a hold of you and guide you in everything you do.

Mediocrity is centered on performance, rather than principles.

3. You’re more focused on building a legacy than on empowering people.

I know lots of driven, ambitious people who want to both be amazing and do amazing things.

Nothing wrong with that.

Nonetheless, we shouldn’t primarily be concerned about the awesomeness of the campfire that we’re building. Rather, we should concentrate on how we’re keeping other people warm.

We shouldn’t merely aim to help others and meet their needs.

More than that, we should aim to empower them.

If you help people without simultaneously empowering them, you make them feel even more helpless and needy.

This principle holds true whether you’re a social worker, personal trainer, business person, investment banker or parent.

At the heart of it, real poverty isn’t a lack of material things. It’s a feeling of powerlessness. We hurt people every time we help them without also empowering them.

In closing…

Psychiatrist M. Scott Peck wisely observed that “a fundamental sign of mental health is the realization that life is tough.”

There are pressing concerns we need to address if we’re to survive in this world, because life is tough.

But we also need to periodically take a step back from our busy lives to ask ourselves: Who or what defines me?

Yes, it’s your character and your commitments that define you. Nevertheless, when it’s all said and done, it’s your choices that define you.

A meaningful life isn’t built in a day. It’s built one day at a time, one decision at a time.

Let’s not settle for mediocrity when meaning is what we’re after.

Too Young to Make a Choice, Too Old to Make a Change?

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

puppy stuck in tree

Your parents love you a lot.

That’s why, when you were growing up, they probably made a lot of decisions for you:

  • What clothes you wore
  • Which schools you attended
  • What kind of sports and activities you participated in
  • Which friends you hung out with
  • Which toys you played with
  • Which TV shows you watched
  • What time you went to bed

As a kid, you naturally gave in to what your parents wanted you to do.

After all, they knew what was best for you.

(In this other article I wrote, I challenge the idea that parents want what’s best for their children. Most of the time, they only want what’s good.)

Feeling “stuck” when you’re young

I don’t doubt that parents have excellent intentions when they make choices on their children’s behalf.

But, very often, this is the message that gets communicated to their children:

“You’re too young to make a choice. You’re naïve and foolish, so I’ll make the choice for you.”

Many children grow up believing this message well into their late teens and early 20s. This is a problem.

At the end of the day, all of us need to take full responsibility for our lives. No matter how terrible or overbearing our parents are, we should never blame them for the way our lives turn out.

I don’t deny, however, that our parents have a huge impact on our lives.

The older you get, the more of your own choices you get to make, but many parents still act as if they should always have the final say.

Feeling “stuck” when you’re old

Some time in your late teens or early 20s, you start your first full-time job. You begin taking on a variety of responsibilities: financial, social, family.

Up until that point in your life, you might have felt like you were too young to make a choice.

With all these responsibilities and “adult” things to deal with, you experience a sharp transition.

You’re now too old to make a change.

“I can’t quit my job. If I do, what will happen to my mortgage payments?”

“If I start my own business and fail, how will I provide for my family?”

“If I don’t go down the ‘safe’ path, what will other people think of me? What will my parents think of me?”

Four beliefs to embrace if you want to get “unstuck”

This is a frustrating, painful and helpless situation that many young adults find themselves in.

There’s a way out, but it requires you to embrace these four beliefs:

1. If you want to find happiness and fulfillment, you must run your own race.

Many of us try to run the race that other people want us to run. If we do that, we effectively place our long-term happiness in another person’s keeping.

Clearly, not a good idea.

Running your own race means that you’re only competing against yourself, not against other people.

2. Being a winner isn’t about finishing first. It’s about finishing well.

I’m sure you’ll agree with me that how you finish matters more than how you start.

That’s true in any sort of race or competition, and it’s also true in life.

But being a real winner—one who experiences enduring success—isn’t about finishing first. It’s about finishing well and finishing strong.

It’s about leading a meaningful life that you can be proud of.

It’s about making a difference in the lives of others.

When you understand this, it won’t be so difficult to make changes later on in your life, because you won’t be overly concerned about getting “left behind” if your decisions don’t work out.

3. You’re never too old to dream a new dream.

Neither are you too old to set a new goal.

You won’t achieve every one of your goals, and you won’t realize every one of your dreams.

But joy and meaning are found in the pursuit—and not the attainment—of purposeful goals and dreams.

It’s an unfortunate fact that dreams do die. Choose to walk away from the disappointment and dream a new dream.

4. Being “stuck” isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice.

If you feel “stuck” but aren’t willing to take action to improve your situation, then you’ve chosen to be stuck.

When you start asking “How can I?” instead of “Can I?” you’ll begin to see that there’s always something you can do. There’s always a way out.

The solution may not be immediate, and it may not be easy. But it’s there for you to choose. So choose bravely and wisely.

In closing…

Contrary to how many of us feel as we mature from childhood to adulthood, we’re never too young to make a choice, and we’re never too old to make a change.

Life is too short and too full of wondrous potential for us to feel stuck.

Today, let’s make a choice and make a change.

(This post was inspired by Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho.)

10 Questions That Successful Parents Ask Themselves

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

Parenting

Parenting is an awesome responsibility that involves a huge amount of work.

It isn’t easy to be a great parent!

I’ve had the privilege of speaking to and working with thousands of students and parents. Through these interactions, I’ve come to realize that despite their good intentions, parents often do things that confuse, annoy, anger or frustrate their children.

I’ve noticed the many mistakes that parents make in trying to raise happy and successful children.

I’ve also observed what winning parents do differently.

Based on these observations, I’ve come up with a list of 10 questions that all successful parents ask themselves.

(Just to be clear, I’m writing this post from a child and a student’s perspective. Also, to avoid repeatedly writing “he or she,” I’ll assume that the child I refer to is a girl.)

1. Do I want what’s good for my child or what’s best?

(This point is inspired by this excellent article.)

It’s natural for parents to advise their children to pursue the safe, predictable and practical route.

Parents do this because they don’t want their children to experience uncertainty or discomfort.

This is the good path.

But is it the best path?

In most cases, no. The best path is usually the one that’s full of challenges, obstacles and disappointments.

It might even be full of the “f” word: failure.

Winning parents distinguish between “good” and “best,” and continually encourage their children to choose “best.”

2. Do I measure my success as a parent by the quality of the relationship, or by how effectively I can control my child?

Winning parents understand that it’s more important to build a relationship with their child than it is to find innovative ways to control her behavior.

Just because your child obeys your instructions doesn’t mean that you’re a world-class parent. It just means that your child is obedient.

If this obedience comes at the cost of your parent-child relationship, the tradeoff might not be worth it.

In addition, you want your child to be confident. The question is: How to raise a confident child if you’re constantly micromanaging them? It isn’t possible.

3. Do I speak to my child as if she’s destined for success?

Let’s say that your child does something bad.

She steals a pen from the school bookshop.

How would most parents react?

Most parents would say to her, “How could you do something like that?!? You’re such a bad girl. You’re so dishonest! I’m ashamed that I’m your parent. I’m going to punish you!”

Successful parents, on the other hand, say something more along the lines of this:

“I’m surprised that you would do something like this. You’re usually such an honest and well-behaved girl. I would never have expected you to do this. I’m still going to punish you so that you’ll learn from this mistake, but this is really so unlike you.”

Children have a strange way of becoming what others’ view of them is—especially their parents’.

If you speak to your children as if they’re destined for success, it’s more than likely that they’ll live up to the good name you’ve already given them.

4. Do I say the following things to my child?

  • I’m proud of you.
  • I believe in you.
  • You can do it!
  • I’m there for you.
  • I love you.
  • I’m sorry. I was wrong.
  • Will you forgive me?
  • Thank you.
  • What do you think?

Winning parents do.

5. Am I trying to make my child successful just so that I will feel successful?

It’s difficult to measure the success of a parent, which explains why many parents subconsciously decide that they’ll measure their own success by how successful their children become.

This can be very unhealthy, because parents can force their own—sometimes narrow and restrictive—definition of success on their children.

Winning parents deliberately define success for themselves, and allow their children to do the same.

6. Do I recognize that I’m responsible to my child and not for her?

Parents often think that they’re responsible for their children.

Responsible for their academic performance, for their behavior, for their social etiquette.

But no—parents are only responsible to their children.

Parents are responsible to their children by giving them love and support and a good home environment.

Children are responsible for their own lives.

If your child misbehaves in school, she’s the one who will be punished, not you.

Successful parents recognize that they aren’t responsible for their children, so these parents don’t carry a burden that they were never meant to carry anyway.

7. Do I model the behavior that I want my child to exhibit?

An example:

Most parents want their children to be curious and to love learning.

If you’re a parent, when was the last time you talked to your child about something you learned recently that you thought was super cool?

8. Do I focus more on what my child does or on who she is becoming?

This anonymous quote sums it up:

Many succeed momentarily by what they know;

some succeed temporarily by what they do;

few succeed permanently by what they are.

Winning parents empower their children to pursue permanent success.

9. Do I end every lecture with LOVE?

When parents reprimand their children, the message of love doesn’t always get communicated.

Successful parents, on the other hand, conclude every lecture with a reminder to their child just how much they love her.

They end with LOVE, not anger or disappointment or frustration.

10. Do I ask my child to make a commitment, or do I force her into doing things?

Winning parents understand that every great student, musician, athlete, entrepreneur, technician, salesperson, etc. came to a point where they made a commitment to greatness.

Commitment involves making a choice. You can’t force someone to be great.

That’s why successful parents don’t coerce their children into taking action. Instead, they allow their children to make choices and to take responsibility for those choices.

In closing…

Parenting is a noble calling.

To all you parents (and future parents) reading this, I know you’re up to the challenge.

Image: Parent and child

How To Care Enough To Change The World

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

A few years ago, I had the privilege of attending a talk by this incredible woman, Marian Wright Edelman.

Marian Wright Edelman

Children’s rights activist, Marian Wright Edelman

Edelman is the founder and president of the Children’s Defense Fund, and she’s been awarded more than 65 (yes, 65!) honorary degrees. She was also the first black woman to be admitted to the Mississippi bar.

To say that she’s an impressive woman is an understatement!

The way that Edelman concluded her speech was exceptionally memorable.

“I cannot preach like Martin Luther King, Jr. or turn a poetic phrase like Maya Angelou…”

She proceeded to list a large number of distinguished people, and the characteristics they possessed that she did not.

What you can achieve when you care enough

Edelman went on to say:

“But I care and am willing to serve and raise my voice with others for children… I care and am willing to serve and sacrifice to build our children a better future.

“I care. I really, really care. You can change the world if you care enough.”

You can change the world if you care enough.

If that statement is true (I like to think that it is), it’s no surprise that a lot of advice you hear from career development gurus revolves around pursuing a line of work you care deeply about.

It’s entirely true that in today’s Information Age, it’s no longer enough just to be compliant, competent or even charismatic. You need to care.

In pursuit of excellence

Caring is the only way to become a person of excellence.

No great parent, teacher, athlete, mechanic, nurse, businessman or musician has attained greatness by chance. They cared enough to consciously pursue excellence.

After all, excellence can’t be forced down someone’s throat; it’s a deliberate decision.

“Care” is a simple word, but it’s a word that’s much easier said than felt, and much easier felt than demonstrated.

I’ve observed that a majority of people don’t genuinely care about what they do, whether it’s in their work, their academics, or in other areas of their life.

Most people do things because they have to, or because it’s expected of them, or because it’s what they’ve been doing out of habit for years.

The danger of not caring

I know from personal experience that it’s all too easy to go down this path of stability and comfort, but it comes at a high price.

When we choose not to care, we effectively choose mediocrity over excellence.

I recently asked myself: When it comes to the most important things in my life, how much do I care?

I came up with these five levels of “caring” so that I could perform an honest self-assessment. I trust that you’ll find this framework helpful, too.

Level 1: Invisible caring

At this lowest level of caring, you have a weak feeling about something, but you worry that other people might consider that “something” insignificant.

You feel embarrassed or shy about admitting that you care, and you don’t take any concrete steps to show it.

To everyone but you, your caring is invisible.

Level 2: Instinctive caring

Level 2 is where you care because you feel compelled to. Instinctive caring is usually motivated by fear.

Many people get stuck at this level. For example, an employee who cares about the quality of the report he’s writing only because he doesn’t want his boss to get upset is at Level 2.

A student who cares enough to complete her homework with the bare minimum effort—simply to avoid her teacher’s wrath—is also at Level 2.

Level 3: Incidental caring

Incidental caring usually just “happens,” but you can’t fully explain its origin. It’s like when you read your first poem and got hooked on poetry, or when you attended a football game and fell in love with the sport.

At Level 3, you care about something as far as you’re able to derive pleasure and satisfaction from it.

Level 4: Inconvenient caring

Level 4 is very different from Levels 1, 2 and 3. The first three levels are based on emotion, while Level 4 is based on a sense of purpose.

At Level 4, you care about something so much that you’re willing to inconvenience yourself, if that’s what it takes to demonstrate that you care. You might even be willing to make yourself uncomfortable.

I know people who care so much about poverty alleviation work that they gave up their extremely comfortable lives to move to places with few comforts to speak of.

I also know plenty of entrepreneurs who care so much about their businesses and about adding value to their customers that they sacrifice sleep and their social lives.

Inconvenient caring happens when you understand that one person really can make a difference.

Level 5: Infectious caring

Infectious caring is about caring to the extent that your overwhelming passion and love spread to the people around you. Infectious caring compels others to join you in fighting for your cause.

As I noted earlier, one person really can make a difference, but one person alone can’t change the world. You’ll need a group, a team, a community, a tribe in order to do that.

Level 5 is where your influence gets multiplied exponentially because of the following you build, but it’s not an easy level to reach. You’ll undoubtedly have to go through struggle, pain and disappointment in order to get there.

Level 5 is what happens when you care so much that it’s no longer just about what you think or feel; it’s about who you are.

In closing…

I’m not so naïve to think that we have the time to care infectiously—or even inconveniently, for that matter—about numerous things. But I think we owe it to ourselves to find the few things where we can reach Level 5.

If you haven’t yet found that something, I encourage you to keep looking and exploring. I’m sure you’ll find it if you search hard enough and introspectively enough. 🙂

Life truly is too short for us not to care.

So let’s care infectiously. Let’s go change the world.

What Campfire-Building Can Teach Us About Achieving Greatness

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

campfire

You’re pretty ambitious. You have goals and dreams, and you’re hardworking. You want to be successful, and you have the drive to make it happen.

You won’t ever be satisfied with average, or even good. You want to be great.

But as you pursue greatness—whether it’s in your academics, your career, your business, your relationships or your life—you sometimes wonder if it’s worth it.

The sacrifices, the disappointments, the frustrations… what’s it all for?

In an attempt to do more and be more, maybe you feel like you’ve lost sight of what’s truly valuable.

I’ve by no means achieved greatness—far, far, far from it. But in thinking about what it means to live a great life, I’ve realized that it’s a lot like building a campfire on a cold night.

Allow me to explain this analogy as I share with you some of my reflections.

1. Your legacy isn’t about how awesome of a campfire you built. It’s about how you kept other people warm.

Maybe you have dreams of becoming CEO one day, or maybe you want to attain a certain rank in your company, or maybe you want to start your own business. Whatever your aspirations may be, I’m sure you want to leave behind a wonderful legacy.

A bigger role will give you more opportunities to build a bigger campfire, but people won’t remember you for the size of your campfire.

They won’t remember you for what you accomplished for yourself, regardless of how astonishing those accomplishments might be.

They’ll remember you for what you accomplished for the sake of others. They’ll remember you for the difference you made and the lives you touched.

2. People want to know that you’re willing to sit with them in the cold.

Before you start building a huge campfire in the hopes that you’ll keep a multitude of people warm, bear in mind that people want to know—first and foremost—that you’re willing to sit with them in the cold, even if there’s totally no way you could build a campfire.

They want to know that you’re prepared to make the effort to listen to them, to understand what they’re going through.

They want to know that you’re willing to be with them, although you might not be able to do anything for them.

They want to know that you’re a caring human being first, campfire-builder second.

They want to know that you see them as people, not as a project.

They want to know that even if it were utterly impossible to provide them with physical warmth, you’d stay there with them to provide them with emotional warmth.

3. Not everyone knows how to build a campfire, and that’s alright.

What if you just don’t have the knowledge or abilities to build a campfire?

You don’t have to worry, because there’s still a vital role for you to play. As marketing guru Harry Beckwith once said, “There’s no such thing as an ordinary job. There are only people who choose to perform them in ordinary ways.”

Your skill might be making a good cup of hot chocolate, or it might be knitting a sweater—both of which will also help to keep others warm.

Your skill might even simply be cheering people up with your kindness!

These jobs might not be glamorous, but that doesn’t mean they’re not important.

4. Whatever skills you have, you can always get better.

No matter how good you are at building a campfire, making a cup of hot chocolate, knitting a sweater, or cheering people up, you can always improve.

There’s always another level to strive for, and there’s always something new to learn.

If you keep honing your skills, you’ll undoubtedly keep more people warm.

5. It’s vital that you keep yourself warm first.

Even though you want to help as many people as possible—and as quickly as possible, too—it’s still a freezing night, and you’ll get frostbite if you don’t look out for your own safety.

You need to ensure that your own clothing is suitably warm and that you’re not overworked.

In the pursuit of greatness, it’s vital that you make it a priority to take care of your own needs: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. If you neglect any of these areas, you’re likely to experience burnout.

Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish; it’s the right thing to do. You won’t be able to effectively add value to other people if you’re not in an optimal condition yourself.

In conclusion…

Attempting to create a masterpiece out of your life really is like building a campfire. It’s tiring, it’s fun, and it’s rewarding.

It’s a good thing that greatness isn’t about you and your campfire, because the most epic campfire could never compare to the innocent beauty of touching lives and of keeping people warm and happy.

So greatness is about you, but not really. It’s mainly about others.

There’s work to be done. Let’s get started. 🙂

How to Take Charge of Your Stress and Busyness

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

It’s a picture-perfect evening at the beach.

The sun is setting. The seagulls are squawking. The waves are gently brushing against the shore.

The beach is almost deserted, except for a young couple out for a walk with their five-year-old son. As they stroll along, the son picks up some seashells.

Most of these seashells are chipped or broken. They’re still beautiful, but they’re more like seashell fragments.

All of a sudden, the son spots something bright orange in the distance, 20 feet into the sea. He sprints toward it. When he gets to the water’s edge, he exclaims, “Mom! Dad! It’s a starfish! It’s a starfish!”

“Go get it, son!” comes the reply.

So the son runs into the shallow water and gets within 10 feet of the starfish. Then he stops. He seems confused. He turns around and runs back to his parents.

Now Mom and Dad are puzzled. “What’s wrong, son? Go get the starfish!”

Once more, the son dashes at full speed toward the starfish. This time, he gets even closer. He could just reach out and pick up the starfish.

“Pick it up, son! Pick it up!” Mom and Dad shout.

But the son is so confused that he’s close to tears. He looks at his parents, then he looks at the starfish.

Finally, he looks down as his hands. “But Mom and Dad, my hands are full of seashells…”

Say “no” to good, say “yes” to great

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the things you have to do—in school, at work or at home—this post is for you.

I heard this seashell-and-starfish story three years ago, and it’s completely changed the way I make important decisions. Here’s how the story relates to taking charge of your stress and busyness.

The seashells represent good things, while the starfish represents great things. You become overly stressed and busy when your hands are full of seashells.

No one wants to feel like the five-year-old boy did at the end of the story!

In Good to Great, business philosopher Jim Collins talks about how, for companies, the enemy of “great” isn’t “bad.” Instead, the enemy of “great” is “good.”

It’s usually clear if a decision is a bad one, so naturally you won’t be tempted to choose it. But companies often make good decisions—ones that are profitable in the short term but harmful in the long term—at the expense of great decisions.

Good decisions promise immediate returns, but aren’t in line with the company’s mission, purpose and core values. Ironically, it’s precisely these “good” decisions that prevent companies from becoming exceptional.

None of us want to settle for mediocrity. We want to attain excellence.

I don’t mean that in terms of achievements or material wealth, but rather in terms of our contribution to society and personal fulfillment.

My definition of a good life is one that’s characterized by busyness and tiredness. A good life is full of activity. It’s a life where you’re always picking up seashells.

Live a good life for too long and you’ll feel burned out. Maybe you feel that way today?

If there’s way too much stress and busyness in your life, there’s a high chance that it’s because your hands are filled with seashells.

In contrast, a great life is characterized by fruitfulness and fulfillment. A great life is about doing only the right things. It’s about having razor-sharp focus in doing only the things that matter.

You might rack up fewer accomplishments if you lead a great life compared to if you lead a good life. But these accomplishments will be the ones that truly count. They are the ones that make a difference in the long run.

A great life is one in which you only pick up starfish.

The path of intentional abandonment

No matter what stage you’re at in life, there are always plenty of great opportunities to pursue. There are clubs to join, talks to go for, projects to take on, people to meet.

The question isn’t whether these opportunities are great. The question is whether these opportunities are great for you. One person’s starfish can be another person’s seashell.

In order to lead a great life, you need to choose the path of intentional abandonment of everything good, in pursuit of only the best.

I invite you to answer the following questions to help you do that:

  • What values are most important to you?
  • Is this decision in line with those values?
  • Do have a clear idea of the kind of person you want to become? What character traits would the ideal-you possess?
  • What are some things you need to do in order to become that person?
  • Is this decision aligned with the person you want to become?
  • Is this project/club/etc. something you merely think is cool, or is it something you really care about?
  • If you take on this project/join this club/etc., will it have an impact one year down the road? How about five years?
  • Will taking on this project/joining this club/etc. force you to compromise on the other areas of your life that are more important to you?
  • Is your decision motivated by a desire for achievement and prestige, or are you motivated by a deep sense of purpose?
  • Are there things or activities you need to stop doing? Create a stop-doing list today and take action. A stop-doing list is often more helpful than a to-do list!

It’s a good thing that decisions aren’t always so difficult. Most of the time, the right choice becomes clear once you ask yourself, “Is this a seashell or a starfish?”

I’ll say it again in closing: Choose the path of intentional abandonment of everything good, in pursuit of only the best.

Choose excellence without exhaustion. Choose greatness. Choose the starfish.