20 Guaranteed Ways to Mess Up Your Children

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Parenting is nerve-wracking.

You love your children and want them to grow up to be happy, successful adults.

But some days you’re not sure how to make that happen.

Sometimes you fear that something you’re doing or saying will mess them up permanently.

Here’s the good news: Part of great parenting is avoiding mistakes.

The even better news is that you don’t have to discover these mistakes for yourself.

I’ve worked with thousands of children and teenagers, and they’ve told me the mistakes their parents have made.

Here are 20 unintentional ways parents mess up their children, so start avoiding these behaviours today!

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Mistake #1: Frequently tell them that they’re not living up to their potential

Parents often mean well when they say this. They think it’ll encourage their children to work harder and become more focused.

Unfortunately, it has the opposite effect. It makes children feel like a failure.

It also makes children feel as though their parents only love them when they’re successful or working hard.

A more effective approach is to encourage your children to self-reflect.

After all, how they feel about themselves is more important than how others feel about them.

Mistake #2: Scold them harshly when they make unintentional mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes.

But when your children accidentally spill their juice or drop a plate, it’s important not to overreact.

Doing so can cause them to develop a fear of failure. They may start to think that making mistakes is bad.

But in truth, making mistakes is the way we learn.

So when your children make a mistake, stay calm and say something like, “It was an accident. Let’s clean it up.”

Mistake #3: Continually point out their flaws

Some parents continually point out the flaws in their children.

They say they’re too messy, they’re irresponsible, or they don’t work hard enough.

Constant criticism results in a serious reduction in self-esteem. The children may start to believe that they’re not good enough, and will never measure up to expectations.

To motivate your children, try a little inspiration instead.

Tell them what they’ve done well. When you notice their efforts in a specific area, they’ll feel good about themselves.

As such, they’ll be more likely to repeat that behaviour in the future.

Mistake #4: Overemphasise the importance of academics

Academic performance is important, but it’s not the only thing that matters.

Constantly asking, “Have you finished your homework?” is perceived as nagging. It won’t result in better grades, and your relationship with your children will suffer.

Instead, focus on strengthening your relationship, and on helping your children to develop a healthy self-esteem.

You want your children to become independent, confident, and resilient adults. So foster their confidence and they’ll be able to lead meaningful and successful lives.

Mistake #5: Praise them too much

Praise is important, but it’s a tricky thing.

Too much praise can give children a distorted sense of self. Your children may start to feel like they’re entitled to many things in life since they’re so “special”.

General praise isn’t helpful either. Saying things like “Good job” or “Well done” is too broad.

In order for praise to be effective it needs to be specific, so your children know exactly what they’ve done well. That way they can repeat the action in the future.

Try saying things like, “Thanks for taking the clothes out of the washing machine. That really helped me.” Or “You worked really hard on that paper. You should be proud of yourself.”

Mistake #6: Neglect your spouse and marriage

You might not realise it, but your marriage is critical to your children’s upbringing.

Children need to feel safe and secure. One of the best ways you can make them feel that way is to have a loving, supportive relationship with your spouse.

If you neglect your spouse and marriage, your home environment is likely to become tense.

No matter how well you might think you’re hiding it, your children will know. They may even start to avoid being at home.

Mistake #7: Talk as if you always know better than them

No one likes to have someone talk down to them, or to have someone treat them as though they know better.

And let’s face it, your children probably know more about the latest apps, technology, and pop culture than you do.

They have their own experience and perspective, and they deserve to be treated with respect.

If you take a humbler approach, and are willing to learn from them, you’ll find that your relationship will become much stronger.

Mistake #8: Don’t show an interest in the things they care about

Sometimes the things our children care about seem insignificant. Like the latest “who doesn’t like who” classroom drama, or the coolest social media app.

These things are insignificant to us, but they’re incredibly important to our children.

When parents don’t show an interest in the things their children care about, they feel dismissed. They may assume that we’re not interested in their lives – even though that’s not true.

They become far less likely to turn to us when they need help.

Mistake #9: Protect them from the consequences of their actions

When children forget their homework or their wallet, it’s tempting to fix the problem for them.

Doing this occasionally is fine, but doing this too often can cause significant problems. Children need to learn to deal with the consequences of their actions and learn from their mistakes.

As adults, no one protects us or bails us out. We’re forced to take full responsibility for our actions.

Children learn to take responsibility when we allow them to accept the consequences of their actions. Protecting them can rob them of this valuable experience.

Mistake #10: Don’t have regular family meals

Eating together even a few times a week can reap big rewards.

In fact, eating regular family meals can improve academic performance, self-esteem, and resilience.

Regular meals together can also lower the risk of:

Substance abuse
Teen pregnancy
Depression
Eating disorders
Obesity

If you want your children to reap these physical, mental, and emotional benefits, aim to have a family meal at least three or four times a week.

Mistake #11: Talk negatively about your spouse in front of them

Try not to talk negatively about your spouse in front of your children, as this is both unsettling and worrying for them.

While you don’t have to agree on everything, your children need to know that you and your spouse are a strong, united couple. They need to believe you have a committed, loving relationship.

If not, they may start to play one parent off against the other.

Mistake #12: Try to fulfill your unfulfilled dreams through them

Your children are not an opportunity to fulfill your unfulfilled dreams.

They’re individuals, not extensions of you. They may have many of your traits, but that doesn’t mean they have to follow your dreams.

They need to follow their own dreams and live their own life. As parents, it’s our role to support them to fulfill their dreams – not ours.

Mistake #13: Intentionally shame them

Some people think it’s appropriate to use shame as a form of punishment. They may embarrass their children in public when they’ve done the wrong thing.

This isn’t an effective way to teach children to behave, and it leads to emotional scarring. It’s also likely to result in the children repeating this behaviour.

Intentionally shaming your children is hurtful, so explore alternative methods of disciplining them.

Mistake #14: Don’t set boundaries for them

Do you ever feel like your children argue with you about everything? It’s as though everything you say needs to be disputed.

You ask them to tidy up some of their things and they say, “I’m busy. I’ll do it later.”

You ask them to do their homework and they say, “I have the whole weekend to do it. Why do I have to do it now?”

No matter what you do, they still want more freedom and independence.

But boundaries are important. You can rethink some rules as they get older, but stick to the important ones.

Despite the way it may seem, your children need these limits!

Mistake #15: Refuse to apologise when you’ve made a mistake

One of the biggest things that anyone can do is to apologise for making a mistake. It takes courage, but it shows you care and that you know – and do – the right thing.

Even if you’ve had a disagreement and your child said things that were disrespectful, you probably had a part to play too. After all, it takes two hands to clap.

Apologising for the things you said or did sends your child a powerful message. It shows that you’re prepared to do the right thing.

It also strengthens your relationship and heals the pain caused by the argument.

Mistake #16: Treat each of your children equally, instead of focusing on how unique each child is to you

How many times have you heard something like, “It’s not fair – she has more juice than I do!” Or maybe, “He has more pancakes than me!”

If you have more than one child, it’s tempting to make everything equal. The problem is that this doesn’t make them feel as though they’re equal.

Instead, give each child what he or she needs.

When they complain they didn’t get the same amount of juice, you can tell them they’ll get more if they need more.

Focus on their individuality and show them that they’re special and unique to you. Let them know that there’s no one else like them in the whole world.

Mistake #17: Don’t involve them in the process of setting rules and boundaries

As your child gets older and more independent, it’s reasonable to involve them in setting rules and boundaries.

This doesn’t mean you have to let them get their own way. It means that you don’t just lay down the law or announce the rules without any discussion.

Instead, involve them in the process as much as possible.

Involving them in the decision-making process lets them know they have a voice, and their needs have been heard.

It helps them to weigh the pros and cons of the situation, and gives them real life examples of how people negotiate.

Mistake #18: Speak too much and listen too little

One of the biggest mistakes parents make is to lecture, give advice, or criticise, instead of listening and understanding.

Many parents think they’re listening to their children, but their children disagree. The key is not just to listen, but to help them feel heard.

Why?

Because your children won’t change their behaviour unless they first feel understood. So you need to respect their views and opinions, and show them that you’re listening.

Mistake #19: Ignore or downplay their feelings

Sometimes parents say things to their children like, “There’s no need to feel sad” or “There’s no reason to cry.”

This makes the children think that their feelings aren’t valid. It also encourages them to suppress their feelings.

This isn’t healthy.

It’s important to acknowledge feelings, and to teach your children that all feelings are acceptable – but that not all actions are.

Mistake #20: Focus too much on rules while neglecting the relationship

Rules and boundaries are certainly important, but relationships matter more.

You might have a rule that lights-out is at 8.30 pm, but one night your child is still reading at 8:40 pm.

The rule is important, but is it worth damaging the connection you have with your child?

Don’t throw out the rule book, but do maintain a balance. Foster a strong parent-child relationship, and your children will grow up to be happier and more successful.

Conclusion

If you’ve made some of these mistakes, don’t feel too discouraged.

After all, great parents are always learning, growing, and improving.

Make a note of the errors you’ve been committing, and make a firm decision to change your behaviour.

It’s never too late to change, and it’s never too late to strengthen your relationship with your children.

All you have to do is take action – there’s no better time like the present!

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

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16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

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15 Things Parents Unknowingly Do That Annoy Their Children

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 23 Comments

Do you want to have a better relationship with your children?

If so, one of the best things you can do is to avoid annoying them.

Why?

Because if your children are annoyed with you, it’s hard to have a strong parent-child relationship.

And without a strong parent-child relationship, it’s hard to raise happy, responsible and successful children.

I’ve worked with pre-teens and teens for many years. They’ve told me about the many things their parents unknowingly do that irritate them.

Here’s a list of 15 of those things you should stop doing right away.

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Annoying behavior #1: Continually point out your children’s flaws.

It’s easy to point out your children’s flaws:

“You watch too much TV.”
“Why are you so lazy?”
“You need to stop procrastinating.”
“You should study more.”
“Why don’t you try to be more organized?”
“You should pay more attention in class.”
“You should choose your friends more wisely.”

Criticism must be combined with an acknowledgement of good behavior.

You don’t need to go over the top with your praise, but it helps to catch your child doing and being good.

Annoying behavior #2: Treat your children as problems, not people.

Make an effort to speak positively to your children.

Some studies even show that the ideal ratio of positive comments to negative comments is 6:1.

If you talk to your children as if they’re problems you’re trying to fix, they’ll become resentful.

Listen to your children respectfully, demonstrate an interest in their hobbies, and show them common courtesies.

By doing so, you’ll build a better relationship with them.

Annoying behavior #3: Ask your children every day, “Have you completed your homework?”

Yes, it’s important that your children finish their homework on time.

But it’s also important that your children understand that homework isn’t the only thing you care about.

Continually asking “Have you completed your homework?” comes across as nagging.

Rather than nag, establish boundaries to make sure that you and your children are on the same page.

For example, you and your children may decide that as long as they maintain a B average and you don’t receive any complaints from their teachers, you won’t nag them about homework.

This approach allows your children more freedom, with less stress and frustration for both you and them.

Annoying behavior #4: Make your children feel as if they’re never working hard enough.

Your children may feel this way if you frequently comment about their lack of discipline, poor study habits, and inability to manage their time.

While you may be speaking the truth, your children may start to believe that they’ll never be able to measure up to your expectations.

As such, they may stop trying altogether.

You can prevent this by taking the time to understand your children’s feelings, and to focus on the things they’re doing well.

Annoying behavior #5: Give long lectures.

In your mind, giving long lectures may be the best way to get your point across.

But in your children’s minds, this is one of the most annoying things you can do.

Soon enough, your children will zone out, stop listening, and say whatever you want to hear in an attempt to end the lecture.

The better solution is to opt for a two-way conversation.

Encourage your children to share their perspective on the situation, and brainstorm possible solutions together with them.

Annoying behavior #6: Micromanage your children.

Do you manage your children’s schedule, from what they do each day to what they eat to what time they go to bed?

In general, children aged seven and older are capable of managing their schoolwork and other important tasks with minimal adult supervision.

They’ll need some coaching to accomplish this, but remember that the long-term goal of parenting is to “prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child.”

Annoying behavior #7: Break your promises.

You can’t just “talk the talk.” You also need to “walk the walk.”

If you break your promises, your children won’t trust you. This holds true for both big and small promises.

Children remember when a parent breaks a promise, even if it’s as simple as not taking them to a movie when you said you would.

Trust is the foundation of every relationship. So whenever you make a promise, follow through on it.

Annoying behavior #8: End a conversation with the phrase “because I said so.”

Think back to when you were a child.

“Because I said so” is the last thing you wanted to hear coming out from your parents’ mouths, right?

As frustrated as you might be with your children, don’t let this phrase slip out.

If you’re on the verge of losing your cool, take a step back and gather your thoughts.

Restart the conversation later in the day when you and your children have calmed down.

Annoying behavior #9: Continually accuse your children of arguing.

Do you often tell your children to “stop arguing” or to “stop talking back”?

I know . . . from your perspective, your children really are arguing and talking back.

But from their perspective, they’re just speaking their mind. They don’t mean to be rude.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you should tolerate behavior that’s blatantly disrespectful. But it does mean that you must model for your children what it means to be respectful.

Annoying behavior #10: Refuse to apologize, even when it’s clear that you’re in the wrong.

We all make mistakes. But as long as you admit it when you’re wrong, your children will forgive you.

Refusing to apologize to your children is the quickest way to create feelings of resentment and anger.

So if you’ve messed up, swallow your pride and apologize to your children.

If you can’t bring yourself to do so in person, send a text message or write a card instead.

This may not sound like a big deal, but an apology – even one that occurs many years after the fact – can help to restore the relationship.

Annoying behavior #11: Talk as if you know it all.

You probably have more perspective on life than your children, but you must remember that times have changed.

Growing up today isn’t the same as it was when you were a child or teenager.

For instance, it’s likely that your children know more about social media and digital technology than you. This means that, in some ways, they have a better understanding of how the world works.

So don’t act like you know it all. Instead, show your children that you’re willing to learn from them too.

Annoying behavior #12: Tell your children what things were like “when I was your age.”

When you talk as if you know exactly how your children feel, they’ll tune you out before you ever have a chance to make your point.

The pressures your children face today are different than what you dealt with growing up.

The world is more competitive today. There are more distractions to overcome. Technology is ubiquitous.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with sharing stories from your past. Just don’t act like you know everything.

Listen more, speak less, and be open to your children’s views and opinions.

Do these things and you’ll keep the lines of communication between you and your children open.

Annoying behavior #13: Invade your children’s privacy.

An immediate way to destroy trust in your parent-child relationship is to invade your child’s privacy.

You should never go through your children’s personal belongings unless you suspect that they’re in grave danger.

Yes, you have the right to know where they are, who they’re with, and what time they’re expected to come home.

But as your children get older, it’s only natural that they’ll expect to have more freedom and independence.

Annoying behavior #14: Jump to conclusions.

As a parent, it’s easy to let past events influence your perception of future events.

But you must resist the urge to jump to conclusions.

For example, if your child gets a bad grade on a test, your first inclination may be to say, “You didn’t study for the test, did you?”

By jumping to conclusions, you’ll make the situation worse by putting your children on the defensive.

And when your children become defensive, it’ll be challenging to resolve the situation.

Even worse than jumping to conclusions is assuming that your child is lying – before you even gather all the facts. This can lead to future mistrust as well as permanent damage to the parent-child relationship.

Annoying behavior #15: Overreact.

Every parent wants the best for their children, which explains why many parents become anxious when things appear to take a turn for the worse.

Maybe your child’s math grade slips by 10%. Within a few days, you’ve hired a math tutor, started monitoring your child’s every move, and canceled all of your child’s extracurricular activities.

Although it might not seem like it to you, your child will definitely see this as an overreaction.

So before you respond to the situation, find out the reasons for the problem.

Think of potential solutions together with your child and – as far as possible – arrive at a mutually agreeable conclusion.

Conclusion

If you feel like you’re always committing parenting mistakes, don’t be discouraged.

By making a few specific changes, you’ll see a drastic improvement in your children’s development.

I encourage you to review this article periodically and develop an ongoing action plan to strengthen your parent-child relationship.

Yes, you’ll need to put in some effort.

But as Harold Lee once said, “The most important work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes.”

The time to get to work is now!

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

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16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

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12 Reasons Your Child Seems Lazy and Unmotivated (And What You Can Do About It)

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 22 Comments

Everyone struggles with motivation occasionally.

Children and teens are no exceptions.

If your children start to exhibit signs like worsening grades, a lack of interest in activities, or a tendency toward isolation, your children probably aren’t lazy.

They may just be dealing with other issues that haven’t been addressed yet.

The good news is that there are ways to overcome these difficulties and create a healthy environment in which your children can flourish.

In this article, you’ll learn 12 common reasons for your children’s decreased motivation.

You’ll also learn how to address these issues effectively.

Let’s get started!

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Reason #1: Your child feels overwhelmed or discouraged.

Think about how you deal with overwhelming issues as an adult.

If you don’t know where to start, you focus on small portions of the problem or find a way to look at the issue in a new light.

But children don’t automatically know how to do this.

So when a stressful situation arises, walk your children through the problem.

What’s overwhelming about the issue?

Where should we start?

What are some possible solutions?

These types of probing questions will get your children to examine the problem in a calm manner. By working on the problem together with them, they’ll know that they’re not alone.

Children can also become overwhelmed by discouragement.

Remind your children that failures help them to learn, and that you’re no less proud of them when they experience setbacks. Encouragement is an excellent motivator in children, so offer it freely and often.

Reason #2: There’s an ongoing power struggle between you and your child.

Every parent dreads the infamous battle of the wills. It can play out in many ways when it comes to motivation.

For example, if your children are lagging behind in a particular subject and you deal with the situation in a harsh manner, they may simply shut down.

They may refuse to comply with your requests just to further anger you.

Many parents find that offering choices instead of issuing commands works well as an alternative approach.

For instance, you could ask your child, “Would you like to go to the library and find books on this subject, or would you like to approach your teacher for help?”

This type of question gives your children some freedom, while still pointing them in the right direction.

Reason #3: Your child is struggling with perfectionism.

You know the perfectionist when you see him or her: the desire to please, the obsession with getting everything right, and the tendency to procrastinate.

What many people don’t realize about perfectionism is that it can be crippling.

The desire to achieve perfection causes intense pressure as the child develops a paralyzing fear of failure.

So be mindful of the messages you send your children.

If you lose your cool over a broken cup or a bad grade, your children may start to believe that they need to be perfect all the time.

Remind your children that it’s okay to make mistakes. After all, the goal is progress, not perfection.

Reason #4: Your child feels that he or she is being treated as a problem, not a person.

If your children seem lazy or unmotivated, it’s understandable that you’re frustrated.

But if you treat them as if they’re a problem you’re trying to solve, they won’t respond well.

What should you do instead?

Let your children know that you care about who they are as people.

Connect with them over things that interest them. Discuss their favorite books and hobbies. Find out what kind of music they like.

This will help your children to understand that, while they may be struggling, you’ll be there with them the entire way.

Reason #5: Your child feels forced into performing the task or activity.

Children (and adults too!) don’t like being forced into doing things.

So don’t waste your time trying to coerce them into behaving a certain way. They’ll end up feeling frustrated, and so will you.

Instead, motivate your children by emphasizing the reward they’ll get once they finish the task: “When you finish your homework, you can watch TV for half an hour.”

In addition, offer your children choices as often as you can, e.g., “Would you like to take out the trash now or after dinner?”

Reason #6: Your child is under negative influence from peers.

Your son starts swearing. Or you receive news that your daughter has been bullying her classmates.

“That’s not like them,” you think – and it probably isn’t. Most likely, they’re being influenced by those around them.

When you address the issue at hand, don’t jump to conclusions, and don’t be too quick to dish out punishment.

Instead, speak to your children calmly and understand their perspective.

Get them to think about their actions, and help them to reflect on the values and principles they want to live by.

Reason #7: Your child is depressed.

If you’ve witnessed unusual symptoms in your child like fatigue, loss of appetite, irritability, or social withdrawal, he or she may be depressed.

If this describes your child, get professional help immediately.

The longer you wait, the greater the likelihood that the situation will spiral out of control.

Reason #8: Your child has a learning disability.

In some cases, it’s not laziness that’s the issue.

Some children suffer from learning disabilities that hinder them from understanding or retaining information.

They may struggle with basic grammar and math, or find it hard to remember simple equations.

In recent years, there’s been an overdiagnosis of learning disabilities like ADHD. But if you strongly suspect that your child has a learning disability, speak with the school about getting an evaluation done.

If it turns out that your child has a learning disability, you can work with the teachers to develop a plan of action.

Reason #9: Your child isn’t taking care of his or her physical health.

We often underestimate how closely our mental performance is linked to our physical health.

It’s vital that your children have a balanced diet, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly.

Too much sugar and a lack of sleep lead to an inability to focus. This will have a direct impact on your children’s performance in school.

Limit the sweets and processed snacks that you keep around the house. Also, do your best to ensure that everyone in the home gets to bed on time.

Reason #10: Your child feels that he or she is being micromanaged.

No one likes having a boss who’s a micromanager. Neither do children and teenagers like having parents who are micromanagers.

So resist the urge to control every aspect of your children’s lives: what clothes they wear, what food they eat, when they do their homework, which friends they hang out with.

As the saying goes, “Parents should prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child.”

As much as possible, involve your children in the process of establishing rules and determining the consequences when those rules are broken.

This will make it much more likely that they’ll abide by those rules, which means that you won’t need to micromanage them either.

Reason #11: Your child feels that the acceptance he or she receives from you is conditional.

Do you only praise your children when they meet your standards?

Do you show your children that you love them, regardless of their behavior or accomplishments?

If children feel as if they’re only loved when they act a certain way, their motivation will wane, because they may give up trying to earn your love.

Of course, you should have expectations of your children in terms of their values and moral standards. But always remind them that you love them unconditionally.

Reason #12: Your child lacks mentors or role models.

Every child needs a mentor. But it’s hard for parents to play this role, especially when the child reaches the teenage years.

Mentors provide children and teenagers with a fresh perspective on education and life.

More importantly, their advice won’t be perceived as nagging, as it might be if the same advice came from the parents.

Research also shows that children who have a mentor experience greater levels of life satisfaction than children who don’t.

So I encourage you to find a trusted friend who’s willing to meet with your child periodically to mentor him or her. (I also offer this mentoring/coaching program.)

Conclusion

In this article, you’ve learned the 12 most common reasons why children and teens seem lazy or unmotivated.

Depending on the situation, there may be several factors involved.

As such, helping your children regain their motivation will likely require a multi-pronged approach.

Take it one step at a time and one day at a time. I’m confident that your efforts will pay off in the long run, and you’ll see that your children have become more diligent, responsible and motivated!

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

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40 Good Habits for Students to Practise Every Day

Updated on September 30, 2024 By Daniel Wong 56 Comments

Why are some students more successful than others?

While there are many possible reasons, it often comes down to one thing…

They know the good habits for students they ought to practise.

Students with good habits achieve the most success. These habits give them the structure they need to reach their goals.

So I’ve created a list of 40 good habits for students to practise every day.

As you develop these habits, you’ll become a happier, healthier and more successful student.

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Here are the best habits for students

Good habits for students are ones that will serve you well in all areas of your life, not just in school.

The following list includes habits to improve your physical health, motivation, self-discipline, and more.

1. Write down the three to five most important tasks to accomplish for the day.

Without a written list to help you stay on track, it’s easy to overlook and put off important tasks.

By writing down your three to five most important tasks for the day, you’ll focus on the critical tasks, not just the urgent ones.

If you want to study smart and become more productive, start cultivating this habit today.

2. Update your calendar with key dates and events.

A calendar is a great way to stay on schedule, day after day, while also planning for the future.

Using a calendar for things related to school is one of the most important habits for students to stay organised.

You can use a physical calendar or an online one like Google Calendar to record test dates, project submission deadlines, term breaks, etc.

This way, you’ll be on top of things at all times.

3. Work on your most challenging task during your most productive time of day.

Tackle your most challenging task when your mind and body are fresh.

This will ensure that you have the energy to complete the task most efficiently. It’ll make the rest of your day more productive too!

4. Write down at least one thing you’re thankful for.

Are you thankful for your friends? How about your family? What about your education?

Gratitude is a good habit for students to practise daily. It only takes a couple of minutes to write down something you’re thankful for.

But this useful habit will help you find long-term success and happiness.

5. Perform focused deep breathing for two minutes.

Stress can negatively impact academic performance, but there’s a quick solution to this.

Deep breathing is scientifically proven to reduce stress and even increase willpower.

So take just two minutes and perform focused deep breathing every day.

I recommend that you do these deep breathing exercises right before tests and exams to relieve stress as well.

6. Read your favourite inspirational quote.

For a quick boost of motivation to study, read your favourite inspirational quote.

My personal favourite is this one by Jim Rohn: “Don’t wish it were easier. Wish you were better.” If you don’t have a favourite, here is a list for you to refer to.

7. Perform a random act of kindness.

You’ll feel better about yourself, as well as life in general, when you get into the excellent habit of performing a random act of kindness at least once a day.

This good habit for students to cultivate doesn’t require a lot of time.

It could be something as simple as giving someone a genuine compliment or giving up your seat on the bus.

8. Get five minutes of sun.

Be sure to include going outside in your list of healthy habits to practise.

There are many benefits of getting some sun every day.

For example, it improves brain function, enhances sleep quality, and reduces the risk of certain cancers.

So don’t spend your entire day cooped up inside!

9. Do something that scares you.

This is the best way to build courage and develop confidence.

Yes, it’s scary to face your fears, so I encourage you to start small. List your fears and decide on a tiny action you can take today to overcome just one of those fears.

10. Spend time with like-minded people whom you want to learn from.

As a student, you come in contact with many people throughout your day.

Spend time with like-minded individuals whom you want to learn from.

These people will change the way you think, while giving you advice about how to improve your life.

11. Eat breakfast within 30 minutes of waking up.

Eating breakfast is a healthy habit for students that you shouldn’t overlook.

It’s easy to find a reason to skip breakfast, but this is a mistake.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and you should eat it within 30 minutes of rising.

This will give you the energy you need to take on the day.

12. Drink at least eight glasses of water.

The health benefits of drinking water are tremendous. Everyone knows they should drink eight glasses of water a day, but few people actually do this.

Make this a habit and your body will thank you down the road.

13. Exercise for at least 15 minutes.

You may not have time to hit the gym for an hour or two, but a short burst of daily exercise is an essential healthy habit for students.

Everyone can find 15 minutes in their day to exercise.

This can be as simple as going for a brisk walk or doing some calisthenics.

Over time, you’ll find that you’re more energetic and that you fall sick less often too.

14. Go to bed and wake up at roughly the same time every day.

It’s hard to be well-rested when your sleep schedule is all over the place.

You might find it hard to go to bed and wake up at exactly the same time every day, but try to stay within a 30-minute window.

15. Get at least eight hours of sleep every night.

Getting enough sleep is a healthy habit that many students struggle to incorporate in their lives.

Most people need at least eight hours of sleep every night in order to function optimally.

So set your schedule to ensure that you’re working toward this goal.

(Learn how getting eight hours of sleep a night helped me to become a better – and happier – student.)

16. Follow a bedtime routine.

If you lack a bedtime routine, you may find it difficult to wind down and enter “sleep mode”.

Establish a routine that you can follow, night in and night out. This can be as simple as:

Take a shower
Dim the lights
Put on some relaxing music
Read a few pages of your favourite book
Journal for a few minutes
Turn off the lights

17. Set up your phone so that you receive reminders for things you have to do.

With a reminder or task app like Todoist, you can turn your phone into your personal assistant.

Set up your device to remind you of things you have to do, a meeting you have scheduled with your advisor, or a phone call you need to make.

18. If you’re trying to change a bad habit, set up a reward and punishment system.

Bad habits are hard to break. To give yourself an extra incentive, set up a reward and punishment system.

When you make progress, reward yourself. But when you take a step back, enforce a punishment. This holds you accountable, allowing you to change the habit sooner rather than later.

19. If you don’t understand something that was taught in school, clarify your doubts on that same day.

Even the best students don’t understand everything at first.

If you don’t understand a particular concept that your teacher talked about in class, clarify your doubts that same day. This good habit will ensure that you keep up with the material.

20. Create a study plan for any upcoming tests or exams.

Without a study plan to enable you to concentrate, you’ll lack the structure you need to best prepare for an upcoming test or exam.

Make your plan clear and specific, and add in timelines too.

If there’s one study tip you should implement, it’s this one!

21. Be at least five minutes early for every appointment.

Arriving late for an appointment is never a good idea.

It’s a good habit for students to arrive five minutes early for every appointment, as this will ease your stress and show the other person how much you care about the appointment.

22. Review your homework list.

There’s nothing worse than finding out you have an assignment due the next day that you haven’t even started on.

Guard against this by keeping your homework list current and combining it with reminders on your phone (see Point #17 above).

23. Before you start work, make sure you have all the materials and resources you need.

Organisation is essential to reaching your goals.

Before you start any task, make sure you have everything you need, e.g., notes, stationery, textbook, calculator.

Not only will this keep you organised for school-related tasks, it will also help you avoid unnecessary distractions and interruptions.

24. When memorising information, use mnemonic devices whenever possible.

For example, if you’re trying to memorise the electromagnetic spectrum, you might use this mnemonic device:

Ricky (Radio)
Martin (Microwaves)
Is (Infrared)
Very (Visible)
Unique (Ultraviolet) and
eXtremely (X-rays)
Glamorous (Gamma rays)

Such mnemonic devices help you to learn information faster, while aiding in recall too.

25. Focus on one task at a time; don’t multitask.

Research shows that multitasking negatively affects productivity. If you think you’re more productive by multitasking, you’re just tricking yourself.

So choose one task to work on and stick with it until you’re done. This study habit alone will make you a much better student!

26. Before you get down to work, remove all distractions.

There are many things you can do to avoid distractions while studying.

Before you begin your study session, remove as many distractions as possible, e.g., phone, Internet, games, unnecessary notes on your study table.

27. Break down a big task into several smaller ones.

A big task, such as a 10-page report, can be intimidating. But if you break that task down into 10 writing sessions of one page each, you’ll find it much easier to complete the report.

Adopt this approach and you’ll gradually overcome your habit of procrastination.

28. Whenever possible, do your regular homework at the same time and place every day.

Just as you should establish a sleep routine, you should also establish a homework routine to ensure that you don’t procrastinate.

Have a time and place for completing your regular homework, as this will improve your overall productivity and allow you to get your homework done faster.

29. Check through your homework after you’ve completed it.

As you reach the end of a homework assignment, you’ll probably begin to think about what you’re going to do during your break.

But don’t mark the assignment as “complete” until you’ve checked through it for mistakes.

This little bit of extra effort will pay off in the long run!

30. Take regular breaks – at least one every hour.

Research shows that taking regular breaks improves attention and productivity.

Taking one break an hour will keep you fresh, allowing you to work at your peak concentration for a longer period of time.

31. Give yourself a small reward after you complete each major task.

Reward systems don’t just work for young children.

Students benefit from such systems as well, as it gives you the incentive to work through a task in a timely manner.

32. Organise your notes and assignments.

Being organised is essential to succeeding in school, so establish good habits for staying on top of your schoolwork.

Take just 5 to 10 minutes every day to organise your notes and assignments.

When it’s time to prepare for your next test or exam, you won’t find yourself looking all over the place just to find the resources you need.

33. Clear your study table at the end of each day.

When your day comes to an end, clear your study table so that you’ll have a fresh start the following day.

You don’t want your day to start with a desk full of clutter, because this will likely make you feel unmotivated.

34. Read for at least 10 minutes a day.

With so many benefits of reading – from reducing the risk of Alzheimer’s disease to lowering stress levels – it’s something you should do every day.

I recommend that you include reading as part of your bedtime routine (see Point #16).

35. Whenever you face a problem, ask yourself: “What is one thing I can do right now to make the situation better?”

This is a difficult habit to get into, as many people instinctively shy away from a problem or try to think past it.

Don’t do this. Instead, find the one thing you can do right now to make the situation better.

This may not solve your problem immediately, but it will put you on the road to doing so.

36. Ask for help, if necessary.

This doesn’t mean you should always rely on others for answers, but there’s nothing wrong with reaching out for help when you’re stuck.

Furthermore, research shows that asking for advice makes a good impression on others.

37. Learn something outside the syllabus.

School has a syllabus, but life doesn’t. Learning for the sake of learning is an excellent habit for students to cultivate that will last a lifetime.

Every day, strive to learn something outside the school syllabus. I encourage you to read a book, take an online course, or learn a new skill.

There are so many resources available on the Internet, so the information is really just a click away.

38. Spend a few minutes reflecting on the day gone by.

At the end of each day, take the time to look back and reflect on what happened during the day.

Did you make progress toward your goals? What were your successes and failures? What good (and not-so-good) decisions did you make?

This simple habit of reflection will help you to get better, day by day.

39. Spend at least 15 minutes talking to your family.

You probably already know you should do this.

Family is one of the most important things in the world, so don’t take it for granted.

40. Spend 20 minutes doing something relaxing.

Maybe you enjoy listening to music to relax your mind and body. Or maybe you enjoy reading.

Whatever you prefer, give yourself 20 minutes a day to do something relaxing. This will help you to be a calm, relaxed, and positive person.

Start with just one new good habit

As you review this list of good habits for students to practise daily, remember that you’re always in a position to make a change.

It takes 21 days or more to develop a new habit, so there’s no such thing as overnight success.

But the process will be worth it.

Just make sure you don’t pick up any bad study habits along the way, which will hold your progress back.

As you develop good habits, you’ll experience positive changes. You’ll become a healthier, more productive, and more successful student. So get started today! 🙂

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20 Powerful Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 7 Comments

Do you want your teenager to become a mature, responsible adult?

I’m sure you do, but there will definitely be roadblocks along the way.

Teenagers are going through many changes, so you’ll need to adjust your parenting style too. Parenthood is a hard job that gets even harder when your child reaches the teenage years.

I know this for a fact, because I’ve spoken to and worked with more than 20,000 teenagers.

Through my work, I’ve come to realize that no two teenagers are the same.

That may be stating the obvious. But, at the same time, there are proven tips that every parent can use to raise a happy, successful, and well-adjusted teenager.

Here are 20 powerful tips I recommend that every parent follow.

(Don’t forget to download your free e-book below.)

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1. Pick your battles.

Things like hairstyle and choice of clothes don’t matter much in the long run.

So focus on the things that do matter: responsibilities, values, and character.

It’s better to pick your battles than to turn every disagreement into a shouting match.

2. Decide on rules and boundaries in advance.

I’ve worked with many teenagers who feel that they live under the thumb of their parents.

Teenagers who help to create rules and boundaries are more likely to follow them.

So, whenever possible, involve your teenager in the process of creating rules and setting boundaries. Put these rules down in writing, along with any consequences in the case that your teenager breaks the rules.

3. Address one issue at a time.

It’s important to focus when you’re trying to be productive. The same principle holds true when parenting your teenager.

Teenagers often exhibit more than one problematic behavior at a time.

Address each issue separately, because if you try to tackle all the issues at once, you won’t get anywhere.

4. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements.

This is a subtle change that can have a major impact on your parent-child relationship.

Here’s an example: Saying “I feel disrespected when you speak to me like that” is far better than saying “You are so rude.”

“I” statements are less accusatory than “you” statements, so your teenager will likely respond better to the former rather than the latter.

5. Help them reflect on their choices.

As far as possible, don’t nag or criticize your teenager. Instead, calmly discuss what he could do differently in the future and other options he could have considered.

When your teenager disobeys you, you might be tempted to say something like, “How dare you?! I told you that you weren’t allowed to do that.”

But this parenting approach won’t work in the long term.

By helping your teenager to reflect on his choices, he’ll grow and mature more quickly.

6. Keep the lines of communication open.

Teenagers must know that they can come to you with their problems, without you jumping to conclusions or overreacting.

If they don’t have this assurance, they won’t share their problems with you.

Here are some ways to keep the lines of communication open:

Listen more
Speak less
Don’t lecture
If you do lecture, be brief
Ask for your teenager’s opinion
Don’t interrupt your teenager
Show basic courtesies to your teenager

7. Don’t lecture or discipline them when you’re angry.

When you’re calm, it’s easier to converse in a civilized manner and to negotiate effectively with your teenager.

It can be difficult to take a step back in the heat of the moment, but as you do so consistently, you’ll find that your relationship with your teenager will improve.

8. Explain your values without preaching.

Your values probably aren’t the same as your teenager’s. But this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t share what you believe.

Rather than preach to your teenager, tell stories from your own life and from the lives of inspiring people you know.

It’s more likely that you’ll get through to your teenager this way, because preaching and lecturing come across as condescending.

9. Respect their opinions and feelings.

Your teenager has her own opinions and feelings. You don’t have to agree with them, but you must respect them.

For example, your teenager might declare that extracurricular activities are a waste of time. Instead of telling her why she’s wrong, ask questions to understand her point of view.

You might just realize that she’s thought about certain perspectives that you haven’t.

10. Educate yourself on teen development.

Parents who educate themselves on teen development usually have a better relationship with their children.

As with anything worth doing, becoming a world-class parent takes effort. I encourage you to read books (like these), attend seminars, and take courses.

The more you learn, the more you’ll be amazed at how much you didn’t know before!

11. Respect their privacy.

Unless you suspect that your teenager is in physical danger, resist the urge to snoop around.

You have a right to know where she is, whom she’s hanging out with, and what time she’s expected to be home.

But, in general, you don’t have the right to read her text messages or her journal, or to go through her personal belongings.

By showing your teenager respect, she’ll learn to show you respect too.

12. Give them responsibilities.

Without responsibilities, your teenager will never learn to be responsible.

For example, teenagers today are busy, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t help out around the house. If you think your teenager’s time is too important for him to perform chores, it’s only a matter of time before he concludes that he is too important to perform chores.

Having this mindset is what leads to an unhealthy sense of entitlement in the future.

13. Apologize when you’ve made a mistake.

No parent is perfect, so don’t be too proud to admit it when you’ve made a mistake.

By modeling humility for your teenager, she’ll be more likely to follow your example.

What’s more, her respect for you will grow, and you’ll develop a stronger relationship with her in the process.

14. Don’t bail them out.

When your teenager makes a mistake, he must learn to take full responsibility for his actions.

If he habitually oversleeps, don’t drive him to school each time.

If he forgets to bring his homework to school time and time again, don’t bring it to school for him.

If he breaks the school rules repeatedly, don’t intervene to prevent him from getting punished.

It’s important to show your teenager grace, but not at the expense of helping him to understand that choices lead to consequences.

15. Whenever possible, give them choices.

Nobody likes to feel as though they’re being forced into doing something, especially teenagers.

Teenagers crave a sense of autonomy and control. So, whenever possible, give them a choice, e.g., when they’d prefer to do their homework, what food they’d like to eat, what they’d like to do as a family.

(Of course, I’m not suggesting that you bend over backwards to satisfy any ridiculous requests!)

16. Acknowledge their good behavior.

Rather than point out your teenager’s flaws, make an intentional effort to acknowledge her good behavior.

After all, teenagers can’t be nagged into changing their behavior.

The more effective approach is to make a remark like “I notice that you were focused today while doing your homework” or “Thank you for putting your dirty clothes in the laundry basket.”

In the long run, the behavior you focus on – whether good or bad – will multiply. So you might as well pay more attention to your teenager’s good behavior.

17. Choose the right time to talk about challenging issues.

Pick the right time to talk about serious issues related to grades, alcohol, sex, etc.

Schedule a time with your teenager in advance so that he doesn’t get caught off guard. And do your best to catch him at a time when he isn’t tired or cranky.

This will give you the best chance of having a productive conversation about the issue at hand.

18. Be vulnerable.

Dare to open up to your teenager. Share with her the mistakes you’ve made and the setbacks you’ve experienced. Explain to her what you’ve learned through the process of overcoming those challenges.

Opening up to your teenager shows your personal side. It will also make her feel more comfortable about sharing her struggles with you.

19. Show an interest in the things they care about.

You probably don’t share many of the same interests as your teenager. So make an effort to find out about his hobbies.

What type of music does he like?

Which shows does he follow?

Which YouTube channels is he subscribed to?

By showing an interest in the things your teenager cares about, you’ll build a stronger connection with him.

20. Have regular family meals.

Many studies have shown that having regular family meals is beneficial for the development of children and teenagers.

Eating together as a family has been linked to:

Lower incidence of substance abuse
Lower incidence of depression
Lower incidence of eating disorders
Improved academic performance
Higher self-esteem

It may not be possible to eat together every night, but try to do so at least three or four times a week.

Conclusion

I know what you’re thinking . . . This is a lot of advice to soak in.

At this point, you may feel overwhelmed. You may even feel like you’ll never be the perfect parent to your teenager.

But remember, it’s about progress, not perfection.

I encourage you to revisit this article often. When doing so, ask yourself these questions:

How many of these tips have I implemented?
Which tips have worked?
Which tips haven’t worked?
What can I do differently in the coming week or month?

As you identify what’s working and what isn’t, you’ll find yourself growing into a parent who knows how to bring out the best in your teenager.

Parenting teenagers is hard work, but I know you have what it takes to do a great job!

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

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15 Ways to Inspire Your Children to Pursue Excellence

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 15 Comments

Do your children seem content to just coast through life?

Do they do enough to get by, while never making the most of their potential?

As a parent, you try to help your children see the importance of doing their best.

But they don’t always take your words to heart.

They seem to think it’s cool to be laid-back – but you definitely don’t.

So you worry that your children won’t be able to find success in the future if they don’t change their mindset.

If this describes your situation, I’m here to share with you specific, practical ways to help your children strive for excellence.

Just to be clear, when I say “excellence” I’m not referring to getting straight A’s or racking up accomplishments.

There’s nothing wrong with working toward these kinds of achievements. But the pursuit of excellence is about much more than that.

It’s about becoming the best that you can be.

It’s about cultivating a deep love for learning.

It’s about continually learning and growing.

It’s about making a difference in the lives of others.

It’s about maximizing your talents and abilities.

I specialize in empowering students to become motivated, focused, disciplined, and resilient.

Through speaking to and working with more than 20,000 students over the years, I’ve come to understand what parents can do to help, too.

In this article, I’ll share with you 15 powerful ways to inspire your children to pursue excellence.

(Don’t forget to download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

1. Emphasize contribution over achievement.

Many children and teens lose motivation when they feel as though they can’t live up to the expectations of those around them.

This applies especially in the area of academics, because they feel strong pressure to achieve certain grades.

When they don’t get those grades, they become discouraged.

To enable your children to regain focus and motivation, emphasize that education isn’t mainly about getting good grades.

Instead, it’s about acquiring the skills and knowledge that will allow them to contribute more effectively.

By focusing on contribution rather than achievement, your children will find greater purpose in their education. This will make it more likely that they’ll pursue excellence and get good grades too.

2. Show your children that hard work is fun.

In order for your children to make the most of their potential, they’ll need to put in plenty of hard work.

The problem is, most students see hard work as something to be avoided whenever possible.

But hard work is both meaningful and rewarding. To help your children see this, share with them the joy of overcoming obstacles, solving problems, and reaping the fruit of their labor.

Gradually, they’ll start to see that hard work isn’t something to be dreaded. It’s something to be enjoyed!

3. Give your children descriptive praise.

What’s descriptive praise?

It’s the kind of praise where you acknowledge your children’s good behavior by specifically describing what they did, rather than using generic phrases like “Well done” or “Good job.”

For example, you might say to your children, “I noticed that you finished all your homework before going out with your friends. That’s responsible of you.”

Descriptive praise is an effective tool in encouraging your children to improve their attitude and effort.

4. Focus on solutions and opportunities, not problems.

This is especially important when it comes to your own life, because your attitude affects your children’s attitude.

So make an effort to reframe problems as opportunities, and explain to your children how you’re taking advantage of these opportunities.

By doing so, they’ll be more likely to embrace this positive mindset too.

In addition, teach your children to ask this question whenever they’re faced with a difficult situation: “What is one thing I can do right now to make the situation better?”

This is a powerful question that will open their eyes to the productive actions they could take, rather than indulging in complaining.

5. Show your children that you’re pursuing excellence, too.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a mechanic, chef, nurse, bus driver, CEO, or homemaker – you can always improve. You can work toward becoming a master at your craft.

As your children observe you attending seminars, taking online courses, and reading books, they’ll be inspired to pursue excellence, too.

6. Don’t complain.

I’m sure you know people who complain all the time.

Do you enjoy hanging out with them? Probably not.

If you continually complain about your work, the weather, or the government, it’s a sign that you haven’t taken full responsibility for your life.

Taking full responsibility for your life means that you don’t make excuses. In contrast, you focus on what’s within your control to make the situation – and your life – better.

Through your can-do attitude, you’ll influence your children to adopt this attitude as well.

7. Be enthusiastic about life.

I know . . . it’s hard to be enthusiastic about life when there are so many frustrations to deal with and problems to solve.

But enthusiasm makes life more interesting and fun. It also makes it more likely that you’ll find success in the long run, because you won’t lose heart so easily.

Not only that, enthusiasm is contagious. Given the influence you have over your children, the more enthusiastic you are about life, the more enthusiastic they’ll be. And the entire family will have more fun!

8. Lead by example.

No matter how many times your children call you “uncool” or “old-fashioned,” don’t be fooled into thinking that they aren’t observing you.

As the leader of your home, your children look to you as a role model.

So if you want them to be passionate about learning, show them that you’re passionate about learning.

If you want them to be focused and disciplined, show them that you’re focused and disciplined.

If you want them to serve the community, show them that you’re serving the community.

As you do this, your children will follow your lead.

9. Remind your children that you love and accept them unconditionally.

Many of the students I work with tell me that they feel as though their parents would love and accept them more, if only they . . .

Got better grades
Studied harder
Performed better in their extracurricular activities
Used their phones less
Watched less TV

The list goes on.

Of course, I’m not saying it’s good to watch hours of TV every day or to perform badly in school.

But when children and teens feel that their parents’ acceptance is conditional, they’ll typically turn to the online world or to their friends to find acceptance.

This means that they’ll have less time and energy for more meaningful pursuits.

If you want your children to pursue excellence, remind them often that you love and accept them unconditionally.

This way, it will be easier to hold them to high standards of behavior without jeopardizing your parent-child relationship.

10. Read.

As the saying goes, “Leaders are readers.”

In fact, I don’t know a single successful person who doesn’t read at least ten books a year.

Reading widely exposes you to new perspectives and ideas, enhancing your knowledge.

As you read, share with your children the interesting things you’re learning. This will spark in them a love for learning, which is the foundation of excellence.

11. Stand for something.

At the heart of it, excellence is about becoming a person of principles and character.

In other words, excellence is less about what you do, and more about who you’re becoming.

In order for your children to understand the importance of values and principles, you must stand for something yourself.

It might be a cause you commit to or a set of principles you adhere to. Whatever it is, demonstrate to your children what you live for, and what you’d die for.

12. Develop a clear vision for your family.

When your family has a collective vision that you’re all working toward, your children will begin to see that the world doesn’t revolve around them.

They’ll understand that they have responsibilities to fulfill, one of which is to maximize their talents and abilities in the service of others.

This week, I encourage you to hold a family meeting and develop a mission statement.

(You can find some guidelines for writing a family mission statement here.)

13. Overcome your fears.

As you pursue excellence, you’ll need to overcome your fears.

If you want your children to lead great lives, show them that you’re passionate about personal growth.

Whether you have a fear of public speaking, heights, rejection, or spiders, take small steps to conquer that fear every day.

This way, your children will be inspired to embark on their own journey of overcoming their fears.

14. Share your struggles with your children.

Dare to be vulnerable. Talk to your children about some of the struggles you’re going through.

As you do this, share with them what you’re doing to overcome these struggles, and how you maintain a positive attitude through it all.

Over time, your children will understand that life is full of challenges, but that working through them is what makes life meaningful.

15. Speak less and listen more.

Tips #1 through #14 are things you should either do or say. But the most powerful way to inspire your children to pursue excellence is to first listen to them.

It’s through listening to them that you’ll understand their dreams, desires, insecurities and challenges.

With this understanding, you’ll know how best to encourage them to be courageous and committed.

So lecture and scold your children less, and listen to them more.

Not only will this strengthen your parent-child relationship, it will also propel your children down the path of enduring success.

Conclusion

As a parent, you want your children to find long-term happiness, fulfillment and success.

By applying the 15 tips outlined in this article, you’ll help your children to do that.

If you put the tips into practice one tip at a time and one day at a time, you’ll see improvements.

So I encourage you to try out just one tip that you find relevant, starting today. Review your progress weekly and implement a new tip every couple of weeks.

Over time, your children will be inspired to pursue excellence!

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

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57 Things Great Parents Do to Bring Out the Best in Their Children

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 12 Comments

Do you want to be a great parent?

Do you want to bring up motivated, responsible, and successful children?

I’m sure you do.

But the journey isn’t always easy. Parenthood is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and it’s filled with challenges and frustrations.

As a parent, there will be times when you feel confused, helpless even.

But that doesn’t mean you’re alone. The truth is, you can rely on the experience of countless parents who have gone before you. You can follow specific, time-tested practices of effective parenting.

Through working with thousands of children and teenagers – and their parents too – I’ve come to realize that parenting is both an art and a science.

Being a great parent calls for flexibility and creativity. At the same time, there are also certain principles that all successful parents follow.

(I’m trying hard to follow these principles too, and I definitely have room for improvement!)

Based on my observations, I’ve put together this list of 57 things great parents do to bring out the best in their children.

(Don’t forget to download your free e-book below.)

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1. They “catch” their children being good. They make a conscious effort to acknowledge their children’s good behavior, because they know that kids respond well to positive feedback.

2. They teach their children that the universe doesn’t revolve around them. I’ve worked with many children and teenagers who think that their wants, needs, and problems are the only things that matter. They’ve developed this self-centered attitude because their parents have made them the center of the universe. It’s better to give your kids a sense of perspective about their place in the grand scheme of things.

3. They teach their children to dream big and dare to fail. They give their children the freedom to fail, because they understand the truth of the saying, “If failure isn’t an option, then neither is real success.”

4. They don’t do things for their children that their children can do for themselves. For example, a teenager can schedule his or her own dentist’s appointment. Allowing children to take responsibility for their lives helps them to grow and mature.

5. They build a strong marriage with their spouse. Children want to know that their parents love each other, because this gives them a sense of security. Without this, it’s hard for children to develop to their full potential.

6. They allow natural consequences to run their course. As long as doing so doesn’t put their children’s lives in danger, this is the most effective way to make children learn from their mistakes.

7. They create family traditions and rituals. I know families who go camping once a year, have a celebration on the first day of every school year, and have a family cheer. These kinds of traditions and rituals build family pride, which increases the likelihood that the children will grow up to be well-adjusted.

8. They teach their children that all feelings are okay, but not all actions are. For example, children must understand that it’s okay to feel angry, but that it’s not okay to lash out in violence.

9. They treat everyone with respect. This way, their children learn that everyone is worthy of respect, no matter how “important” or “unimportant” society deems them to be.

10. They address the issues underlying their children’s problematic behavior. When children and teenagers act up, it’s usually because they have a need that isn’t being met: love, acceptance, security, stability, respect, trust, etc. Great parents seek to identify this unmet need so they can get to the root of the problem.

11. They’re curious about the world around them. This helps to cultivate joyful curiosity in their children, too, which makes it more likely that they’ll grow up to be lifelong learners.

12. They keep their promises. By doing so, their children understand the importance of integrity and commitment.

13. They express their requests “positively.” For example, great parents don’t say, “No TV!” Instead they say, “When you finish your homework, you can watch TV.” This positive approach is far more effective in getting through to children and teenagers.

14. They show an interest in their children’s hobbies and passions. Great parents make the effort to learn about the games, celebrities, music, and other things that their children like. This helps to build a strong parent-child relationship.

15. They show affection toward their children. They do this in the form of both physical touch and encouraging words.

16. They manage their own anxiety. Anxious parents produce anxious children. Great parents consciously manage their negative emotions so as not to affect their children adversely.

17. They don’t take a “one size fits all” approach toward parenting. Every child is different, which means that a different parenting style is needed for each child.

18. They teach their children positive thinking skills. As the saying goes, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” Children can only react to difficult situations wisely when they’re equipped with positive thinking skills and a positive attitude.

19. They’re encouraging and supportive toward their children. Life is full of challenges and disappointment. Children need their parents’ encouragement in order to build confidence, especially when they’re young.

20. They remind their children that their love is unconditional. These reminders are frequent to ensure that their children know they’re fully loved, regardless of how they behave. (At the same time, great parents don’t ignore or condone bad behavior.)

21. They develop a mission statement for their family. They involve their children in this process too, to ensure that the whole family is working toward the same vision and goals. Here’s a detailed article to guide you through the process of creating a family mission statement.

22. They practice what they preach. For example, they want their children to love learning, so they demonstrate that they’re learning new things every day too. They want their children to be kind and respectful, so they show kindness and respect to everyone they meet.

23. They’re patient with their children. They take time to explain things; they listen to their children’s stories; they remain calm when their children frustrate them. As a parent myself, I know this is easier said than done. But I’ve observed that great parents do it consistently!

24. They make family time a priority. They don’t overschedule their children’s lives with enrichment classes and music lessons. Instead, they make it clear that spending time together as a family is a higher priority than these activities.

25. They spend one-on-one time with each of their children. They do this on a regular basis, because it’s a powerful way to build the parent-child bond.

26. They model for their children what it means to lead a balanced life. They don’t succumb to addictions or distractions. In addition, they teach their children how to take care of their physical, emotional, and mental health.

27. When they make a mistake, they apologize. They model humility for their children. What’s more, they aren’t afraid to ask their children for feedback on their parenting style, because this helps them to continually improve as parents.

28. They don’t blame others when things go wrong. They take full responsibility for their actions, and don’t play the victim. This helps their children to grasp the importance of taking ownership of their lives.

29. They don’t try to fulfill their unfulfilled dreams through their children. They allow their children to run their own race, instead of the race they think their children ought to run.

30. They give their children responsibilities. Many children and teenagers today are so busy with their academics and extra-curricular activities that their parents have reduced (or eliminated) their household responsibilities. In the long run, this can cause them to become entitled. Great parents don’t make this mistake.

31. They set clear, reasonable boundaries for their children. They’re consistent in enforcing these boundaries. This provides their children with structure and security as they grow up.

32. They establish family routines. This applies to family meals, homework time, chores, and so on. This helps to build family cohesion.

33. They forgive themselves when they make a mistake. They know that parenting is a learning process, so they don’t beat themselves up when they falter. Instead, they make amends and seek external help if necessary.

34. They forgive others (including their children) easily. They build families in which forgiveness is freely given and freely received. This is the foundation of a united family.

35. They find ways to manage stress. We live in a competitive world. Understandably, parents face a lot of stress at work and at home. Great parents use various techniques to manage this stress, because they know that if they don’t, they’ll be short-tempered and unreasonable – not a good combination if you want to be a world-class parent!

36. They make time to have fun as a family. Not only does this create lasting family memories, it also helps their children to see that time with family can be enjoyable.

37. They discipline their children instead of punishing them. What’s the difference between discipline and punishment? Discipline uses logical consequences to help children learn from their mistakes, and is carried out calmly. On the other hand, punishment is often meted out in anger, and is a means to make children “suffer” for their bad behavior.

38. They really listen to their children. When their children talk to them, they put aside their newspapers and electronic devices. They listen without interrupting, judging, or criticizing. As a result, their children feel valued, and are more likely to communicate openly.

39. They don’t shame or belittle their children. Great parents don’t say hurtful things that would damage their children’s self-esteem. They understand the power of words, so they refrain from insulting or humiliating their children.

40. They respect their children’s privacy. They don’t spy on their children unless they suspect that their children are in grave danger. By respecting their children’s privacy, they create a culture of respect at home.

41. They allow their children to make mistakes. Experiencing failure and disappointment is essential if you want your children to become resilient. Furthermore, great parents know that progress matters more than perfection.

42. They practice gratitude. They resist the temptation to complain, and instead choose to focus on the things they have to be thankful for. In addition, they teach their children to cultivate the habit of gratitude. Research shows that people who regularly practice gratitude are happier, kinder, and healthier – so this is something all children should learn to do!

43. They encourage their children to experiment and explore. They’re often heard saying to their children, “Go for it!” (Unless the situation is potentially dangerous, of course.) By moving outside their comfort zones, their children develop courage and confidence.

44. They teach their children about money. As their children are growing up, they show them how to save, invest, create a budget, write a check, and spend wisely. These are skills that will prove essential down the road.

45. They take care of their own physical and emotional needs. As a result, they prevent themselves from burning out. This enables them to be better, more engaged parents.

46. They explain the rationale behind the boundaries they set. Parents who don’t do this run the risk of being perceived as authoritarian or dictatorial – and children won’t put up with such a parent for long. By explaining the reasons behind their boundaries, great parents also model for their children what it means to think logically.

47. They teach their children emotional intelligence. They show their children how to understand and label emotions, how to empathize with others, and how to see things from others’ perspectives.

48. They focus on their long-term parenting goals. They remind themselves that the objective of parenting is to raise resilient, well-adjusted children who will be contributing members of society. They don’t get so caught up in trying to force their children to finish their food or complete their homework that they lose sight of these long-term parenting goals.

49. They involve their children in solving problems. When children are part of the problem-solving process, they develop thinking skills. And if the problem is related to the children’s own undesirable behavior, they’re much more likely to commit to changing that behavior.

50. They do small things to make their children feel special. I’m proud to say that my own parents are great parents. They wrote me letters and left me special messages (in fact, they still do this today). This made me feel loved and appreciated.

51. They don’t lecture their children. Children and teenagers don’t respond well to lectures – especially long ones. When great parents communicate with their children, they’re clear, specific, and brief.

52. They do “boring” things with their children. The families I know who have the strongest bonds do plenty of mundane things together, e.g., grocery trips, household chores, home improvement projects. Great parents know that it’s in these “boring” things that family bonds are built.

53. They instill in their children a sense of destiny. What I appreciate most about my parents is that they implanted in me and my siblings a sense of purpose, a desire to make a difference. This has enabled us to stay relatively focused on doing things to serve others and add value to the world.

54. They create an emotionally “safe” home environment. They do this by limiting criticism, nagging, and harsh words. This fosters an environment where every family member feels safe and respected, and where the lines of communication remain open.

55. They emphasize the importance of the process over the outcome. Great parents don’t obsess over achievements and accomplishments. Instead, they focus on helping their children to grow, improve, and develop. Interestingly, their children attain better outcomes as a result of this process-oriented approach.

56. They help their children to find a coach/mentor. Research shows that children who have a mentor in their life have 30% higher levels of life satisfaction. Having worked with thousands of children and teenagers, I’ve observed how much they benefit from the mentoring relationship they have with me.

57. They teach their children that being successful is what matters, not looking successful. Looking successful is about achievement, wealth, and popularity. On the other hand, being successful is about contribution, character, and integrity. Great parents know that being successful is what counts.

Conclusion

I know . . . this is a long article.

So you might be feeling overwhelmed by the number of improvements you want to make as a parent.

But I encourage you to take it one step at a time.

Here’s what I recommend you do:

Based on this article, list the top three things you’d like to work on.
List the specific things you plan to do differently.
Implement this plan for four weeks.
At the end of those four weeks, review your progress and make adjustments to your plan. Pick another item or two from the list to work on when you feel ready, or keep working on the same ones to reinforce them further.
Repeat this process for the following four weeks.

As you make headway, you’ll find yourself enjoying parenthood more.

Before you know it, you’ll be a great parent who brings out the best in your children.

The journey won’t be easy, but I know you’re up to the challenge!

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!