Are you worried that your teen no longer enjoys spending time with the family?

You’ve been making plans and organizing family activities.

But your teens refuse to join in and would rather hang out with their friends or stay in their room.

If your teen seems to be withdrawing, should you just accept it?

Research shows that teens benefit from quality time with family, particularly eating together and leisure activities.

In this article, I’ll discuss possible reasons why your teenager doesn’t want to be with family. I’ll also include some tips on how to address the issue.

(If your teen lacks motivation sometimes, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

Why teens may not want to spend time with family

A desire for more independence is a natural part of growing up. This stage of life is marked by a process known as individuation – a normal part of becoming an adult.

During this time, teenagers separate themselves from their parents’ influence. This allows them to establish their independence and gain a stronger sense of self.

There are a few possible reasons why your teen has a strong need to develop his or her individuality, including:

• Brain development: During this stage, your teenagers are growing in areas such as intelligence, decision-making, and reasoning. They process information in a more sophisticated manner. This also means they’re likely to have opinions and judgments about various matters.
• Peer influence: Teenagers begin to value their connection with their peers more. They might be able to relate better to their friends, causing them to lean on their friends more for emotional support.
• Need for social acceptance: Research studies show that teenagers typically develop a stronger need to fit in and be accepted. This can lead them to spend more time with their friends than with their parents.
• Desire for novel experiences: Most teenagers like to explore and experiment. They develop new interests that might not align with the family’s traditions and activities.

You might feel hurt when your teens say “no” to spending time with the family.

But your teens’ desire to be independent doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent. This change is often a natural part of the journey toward adulthood.

Signs that your teen wants to be away from family

Parenting teens is an ever-changing experience. As your kids step into this phase of life, you may notice changes in their behavior and interactions with others.

Behavioral indicators

Signs that your teenagers don’t want to spend time with family include the following:

• They’re often out of the house with friends or participating in extracurricular activities.
• They don’t want to be seen with you (e.g., asking you to drop them off a block away from their destination).
• They frequently come up with excuses to miss family gatherings or activities.
• Their need for privacy increases (e.g., they often lock their room door).
• They spend more time exploring new hobbies or interests.
• The conversations you have with them are short and one-sided.

Emotional indicators

You might also notice that your teens’ emotions, body language, and tone of speech change when they’re around you.

Here are some emotional indicators that your teenagers don’t want to spend time with the family:

• Their body language or tone indicates they’re unhappy or disinterested around you (e.g., crossed arms, lack of eye contact).
• They seem emotionally distant or disconnected.
• There’s an increase in conflicts between you and your teens.
• They don’t discuss their thoughts, feelings, or struggles with you.
• During family activities, they lack enthusiasm.

Your teens will naturally have an increased need for independence, leading to the changes listed above.

Having said that, you’ll also have to consider how you’re interacting with and parenting your teens.

The parenting methods that worked well when they were children are unlikely to continue working when they’re teenagers.

How to include your teens in family activities

As a parent, you might feel upset when your teens reject the plans you propose. In frustration, you may nag or criticize them.

Teenagers are especially sensitive to criticism at this stage of their lives. So this can backfire and cause them to distance themselves even more from the family.

Instead, here are some things you can do to encourage your teens to participate in family activities:

• Let them plan the activity: You can let your teens decide what the family should do. Taking turns to make plans for the family can make everyone feel more involved and connected.
• Choose activities they enjoy: Ask your teens to suggest things they’d like to do. As long as their suggestions are safe and reasonable, give them a try.
• Tell them in advance: If you plan to do something as a family, let your teens know in advance. Ask them if they have any preferred date or time. This shows that you respect their time.
• Communicate your expectations: Sit down and discuss the non-negotiables with your teens. Prioritize events and activities they should be part of, and make this a house rule for your teens. These might include things like celebrating a family member’s birthday or participating in an annual family tradition.
• Create family routines and traditions: For example, you might decide to eat out as a family every Sunday evening or watch a movie together every last Friday of the month. Having scheduled and routine activities can take the pressure out of planning and create a culture of spending time together as a family.

Ways to address your teen not wanting to be with family

Have you ever wondered what to do when your teenagers shut you out?

Maybe your teens have been isolating themselves from the family or giving you the cold shoulder whenever you talk to them.

No parent is perfect. But it’s still important for us as parents to reflect on how we treat and communicate with our teenagers.

Here are some tips on how you can foster a stronger bond with your teenagers and encourage them to spend time with the family:

• Respect their boundaries and privacy. Your teenagers may distance themselves from you if you overstep their boundaries. Some examples include asking too many questions, frequently reading their text messages, and not allowing them to hang out with their friends.
• Listen when they speak. When your teens share their interests, struggles, or the events of their day, it’s important to listen actively. Avoid interrupting them or talking over them. Acknowledge their feelings and opinions. This will create an emotionally safe space for them.
• Avoid blaming and shaming. Don’t start conversations by criticizing, blaming, or shaming your teens. Be understanding and empathetic when your teens tell you about a problem or challenge they’re facing. Help them reflect on what they could have done better without belittling or lecturing them.
• Spend time with them regularly. Eat dinner together, or invite them to join you while running errands, then grab a snack at their favorite place on the way home. You can also learn a new sport or pick up a new hobby with your teens.
• Be present. When your teenagers need you, be there for them as much as possible. Support them at competitions and make time for them when they need a shoulder to lean (or cry) on.

It’s essential to build a strong bond with your teens.

Research shows that teens who have strong bonds with their parents and spend time with them regularly have fewer behavioral problems. They’re also less likely to take part in delinquent or risky behaviors.

What to do if your teenager wants to move out

If your teen tells you that he or she wants to move out, you might feel shocked. But it’s important to assess the situation objectively if your teen brings up the topic.

Let’s say that your teen isn’t old enough or isn’t capable of living independently yet. If so, it’s best to keep your teen at home or to get your teen to live with other family members (if that’s a viable option).

Here are some steps you can take if your teenager wants to move out:

• Find out the real reason why. Try to get to the root of why he or she wants to leave. Your teen may want more independence or may want to live closer to school.
• Approach the situation calmly. If your teen threatens to leave during a fight, ensure that both of you take the time and space needed to cool down before discussing the issue calmly.
• Work through the problems together. If a relationship or family issue is the main reason your teen wants to move out, it needs to be addressed right away. You can do this by working through your parent-teen conflicts or attending family therapy.
• Help your teen assess if he or she is ready. Depending on your teen’s age and maturity level, you can calmly lay out the realities of moving out, such as rent, insurance, groceries, etc. This might help your teen realize the benefits of living at home until he or she is truly ready to live independently. You might need to teach your teenagers life skills like cooking or budgeting to prepare them for the move.

Conclusion

A healthy parent-teen relationship takes time and persistence to cultivate.

Show empathy and basic respect whenever you communicate with your teenagers.

Make sure they feel as if you’re treating them as people – not problems to be solved or projects to be worked on.

As you build a strong relationship with your teens, they’ll look forward to spending time with you and the family!

(If you haven’t already done so, download your free e-book below.)

Do you wish your family dinners were filled with more chatter and meaningful conversations?

With teenagers in the house, it can be tough to make this happen.

As a parent, perhaps you’ve tried getting your teens to talk – asking questions and making conversation – but they respond with a shrug of the shoulders or a one-word answer.

As discouraging as this might be, it’s important to be patient and develop an open line of communication with your teens.

If you do this, it will be much easier to iron out conflicts and talk about deeper issues when they arise.

The good news is that communication is a skill every parent can develop.

In this article, I’ll share with you 50 conversation starters for family gatherings and dinners you can use to bond with your teens.

(But first, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

How to talk to your teen

Adolescence can be a challenging time. As a parent, you’re in a good position to provide a safe and open space for your teenagers to communicate their fears, struggles, and dreams.

But your teens must feel comfortable talking to you. The best way to do this is to look for ways to connect with them.

Here are some tips to help you engage with your teens in day-to-day life:

• Listen actively and be fully present. Put your devices away. Show that you’re attentive by paraphrasing what they said and maintaining good eye contact. Research has proven that active listening can help teens open up.
• Don’t go overboard with your questions. Teenagers don’t want to be interrogated. Don’t make them feel like they have to spill every last detail about their life, friends, or school – unless they want to.
• Ask open-ended questions. Ask questions that begin with “why,” “how,” “what,” “what if,” or “describe,” instead of asking yes or no questions.
• Talk about their interests. Ask your teens about their hobbies and interests, then follow up with more questions related to those subjects.

50 family dinner topic starters

Let’s explore different family conversation starters that can help you connect with your teens.

The conversation starters are broken up into categories to help you get your family talking about the family values and topics you want to encourage most.

Friendship

Research shows that friendships are critical for teens’ overall development.

This makes friendship a good topic for meaningful conversations.

Here are some questions you could ask your teens:

1. “Who is your oldest friend, and how did you meet?” This is a great opportunity for you and your teens to bond over fond memories. You can also explore how the friendship withstood the test of time.

2. “What qualities do you value most in a friend?” Help your teens set healthy expectations and standards when making and sustaining friendships.

3. “Share one of the best memories you’ve had with a friend.” If possible, you can even ask your teens if they’re up for recreating the memory with you.

4. “Is it better to have a few close friends or a large circle of acquaintances?” This question helps your teens gain a deeper understanding of their priorities in relationships.

5. “What qualities do you think are essential for a lasting and meaningful friendship?” Prompt your teenagers to weigh which values are important to look for and practice. Doing so helps them develop healthy boundaries when making friends.

6. “Share a story about a time when a friend provided support or made a significant impact in your life.” Asking your teens this question helps you better understand what form of support they prefer when they encounter challenging situations (e.g., a hug, words of encouragement).

7. “Friendships can change over time. How have your friendships evolved, and how can you ensure that you maintain these friendships?” Discuss the dynamics of healthy friendships. This may include conflict resolution, effective communication, mutual support, etc.

8. “Sometimes, conflicts arise between friends. How do you usually navigate those types of situations?” Conflict resolution is an important life skill to develop. You and your teens can take this opportunity to discuss how different conflicts can be resolved.

Importance of family

Cultivating a culture of trust and security in the family is vital if you want your teenagers to share their thoughts and concerns with you.

These questions will help you and your teens reflect on the importance of family:

9. “What are some values our family holds dear?” Take this opportunity to get you and your teens on the same page in terms of family values.

10. “Share a favorite family tradition and explain why it’s important to you.” Examples might include a trip to the beach every summer or a small celebration at the end of every school year.

11. “How do you think our family could better support and care for one another?” A follow-up question could be, “What can I do to help you feel better if you’re having a bad day?”

12. “What is the most valuable lesson you’ve learned from a family member?” You might then discuss how you and your teens can apply this lesson.

13. “How has our family’s support and love influenced your personal growth and achievements?” Celebrate your teens’ achievements and let them know that you love them unconditionally.

14. “Discuss a family value that you believe sets us apart and makes our family special.” You might also ask your teenagers how they’ve been practicing this value and how that has impacted them and those around them.

15. “Discuss a time when our family faced a challenge together and how that experience strengthened our bond as a family unit.” Alternatively, you can ask what you (or your teens) could have done better to support the family in that situation.

Family traditions

Family traditions are activities and practices that symbolize your beliefs and values as a family.

These may be related to traveling, specific celebrations or events you organize, or volunteer work you do together. Or it may be a new tradition that you decide to create together.

Here are some questions about family traditions to ask your teens:

16. “What is your favorite family holiday tradition, and why?” Something seemingly trivial, like helping to prepare a special dish or putting up decorations, might mean the world to your teens.

17. “Share a memorable experience from a family vacation or trip.” You might decide to add activities or places your teenagers enjoyed to your next family trip.

18. “Are there any unique cultural or religious traditions in our family? Why do you think they’re significant?” This question allows you and your teens to bond over shared traditions and beliefs.

19. “What new traditions would you like to start as a family?” These traditions may or may not be related to religion or culture.

20. “Talk about a tradition or custom from a different culture that you find interesting.” Encourage discussion around the beauty and uniqueness of other traditions and cultures. This can instill a sense of respect and admiration for people of different backgrounds.

21. “Share a family recipe that has been passed down through generations and talk about its significance.” You can even suggest making the dish together for the next family gathering.

22. “Discuss a family tradition you want to preserve and pass on to future generations.” This is an excellent opportunity to nurture a sense of love and respect for generational traditions that are significant to your family.

23. “What are some of your favorite traditions, and why do you enjoy them?” Foster an appreciation and admiration for your family’s traditions by having your teens talk about the ones they like most.

24. “Traditions can change or evolve over time. Are there any old ones you’d like to modify?” Encourage your teenagers to think critically and creatively about the traditions they practice. Ask them to suggest ways to modify these traditions to best reflect your family’s values and beliefs.

Personal growth

Adolescence is marked by rapid change, growth, and development.

During this time, teenagers are figuring out who they are and are learning to become comfortable with their identities.

Becoming a young adult can be challenging and confusing, so being supportive of your teens is important.

These questions can help you understand how your teens’ values, identity, and abilities have evolved over time:

25. “How has being part of our family contributed to your personal growth?” This question helps your teens pinpoint the family values and principles that have played a role in their development.

26. “Discuss a challenge you faced and how it helped you to become stronger.” Allow your teenagers to reflect on a challenge they overcame. It never hurts to remind them of their resilience.

27. “Talk about a time when you stepped out of your comfort zone and the lessons you learned.” Take this opportunity to celebrate your teens’ bravery.

28. “Discuss a hobby or activity that has helped you grow personally and brought you joy.” Look for ways to support your teens as they pursue their interests and hobbies.

29. “Personal growth is a lifelong journey. Is there an aspect you’d like to work on or improve? How can I support you?” Help your teens to understand that many life skills and values can be nurtured through persistence. You can also let them know that you’re invested in their personal growth.

30. “Let’s discuss our strengths and areas where we can grow.” Reinforce your teens’ confidence by encouraging them to identify their strengths. Then, encourage your teenagers to list practical ways to grow and improve in these areas.

31. “Learning from our mistakes is an important part of personal growth. Is there a mistake you’ve made recently that you’d like to reflect on?” Encourage your teens to see mistakes as opportunities to learn and improve.

Dreams and aspirations

During adolescence, we learn that our dreams can become a reality.

It’s important to help your teens figure out what’s important to them.

Your teens will likely be sifting through many ideas, passions, and goals. So they need to know that they can talk to you and that you’ll be a positive and supportive sounding board.

These questions can encourage your teenagers to think about their ambitions and how they plan to achieve them:

32. “What are your biggest dreams for yourself and for our family?” Knowing your teens’ ambitions and dreams opens up opportunities for you to support and empower them along the way.

33. “Share a personal goal and discuss the steps you’re taking to achieve it.” Encourage your teens to start setting goals and to break down big dreams into smaller actionable steps.

34. “How can we support each other in pursuing our dreams and aspirations?” Everyone seeks different forms of support. Something as simple as showing up for your teen’s basketball game could be a huge motivator for your teen.

35. “Discuss a time when someone in our family achieved something significant and how it impacted all of us.” This can help to build a family culture that celebrates the successes of others.

36. “Share a dream or aspiration you have for yourself that you haven’t yet pursued, and discuss what might be holding you back.” Acknowledge your teenagers’ fears and struggles, and remind them that you’ll always have their back if they need support or advice.

37. “Sometimes it can be challenging to pursue our dreams. Is there any guidance you need to reach your goals?” Your teens’ needs are unique to their goals. Certain goals may require mentorship or financial support. Others may simply call for encouragement.

38. “Dreams can evolve over time. Have your aspirations changed recently? If so, what sparked that change?” Enable your teens to understand that changes in goals or ambitions are a part of life. This encourages them to be open to new opportunities.

Death in the family

Grief is a challenging but necessary topic to tackle with your teens.

It’s vital to be there for your teens to help them navigate the feelings that loss and death can cause.

Find a good time to discuss the following questions with your teenagers:

39. “What are some ways we can honor and remember loved ones who have passed away?” Do your best to put your teens’ responses into action. Honoring these loved ones could be a significant step in the mourning process for your teens.

40. “How can we support each other during times of grief and loss?” The grieving journey looks different for everyone, even more so for teens who are learning to process difficult emotions.

41. “Share a story about a family member who has passed away and the impact he or she had on your life.” A conversation around this topic can invoke a sense of gratitude for the life and legacy a late family member has left behind.

42. “I’ve been thinking about our loved one who has passed away. How do you feel about it? Is there anything you’d like to share?” Asking your teens this question validates their emotions and normalizes the grieving process. This enables them to understand that it’s okay to be sad.

43. “How can we celebrate and cherish the memories of those we’ve lost?” Work with your teens to build healthy coping mechanisms when dealing with loss as a family.

44. “How has losing a family member affected our family’s dynamic and relationships?” Validate the fact that the loss of a loved one can have a significant impact on every member of the family.

Drugs and substance abuse

Statistics show that alcohol and drug abuse are major problems.

So it’s vital to create a safe space for your teens to share their opinions about substance abuse and other risky behaviors.

You can ask them the following questions:

45. “What are your thoughts on drug use and its impact on individuals and families?” Avoid lecturing your teens. Instead, prompt them to think critically about the impact of substance abuse.

46. “What can we do to support those struggling with addiction?” Encourage your teens to think about ways they can support their peers who are trying to overcome an addiction.

47. “How do you think the media and popular culture influence our attitudes toward drugs and alcohol?” Cultivate an awareness that songs, movies, and social media can alter your teens’ perception of drugs and alcohol.

48. “What do you know about the dangers of drugs, and how can we support each other in making responsible choices?” Give your teens an opportunity to share what they’ve learned or heard about the consequences of substance abuse.

49. “Do you feel comfortable talking to us about the concerns or questions you may have regarding drugs and alcohol?” Reiterate that your teens can always share their concerns with you without fear of judgment.

50. “What are some strategies we can use as a family to educate ourselves about the risks of substance abuse?” Create a collaborative environment for you and your teens to learn about the dangers of substance abuse as a family.

Conclusion

Parenting teens is challenging.

Ultimately, how well you and your teens communicate will influence the relationship you have with them.

So always approach your teens with a genuine interest in their opinions and thoughts.

Hopefully, these conversation starters will be a catalyst for more meaningful interactions with your teens!

(If your teens sometimes lack motivation, don’t forget to download your free e-book below.) 

As a parent, you’ve probably asked yourself many times how you can get your teenagers to do their homework.

“I’ll do it later”, “I’ve done enough studying today,” or “leave me alone” are not uncommon phrases to hear when asking teens about the status of their assignments.

If this sounds like your household, don’t worry – you’re not alone.

Social media, streaming platforms, and online gaming have become very popular. It’s no wonder that teens find it difficult to focus on their studies, and parents struggle with motivating their teenagers.

If you want to learn how to motivate teens to do their homework, then you’re in the right place. I’ve outlined 9 strategies you can use to get your teens to do their schoolwork.

Let’s take a closer look.

1. Create a routine

Life with teenagers can be chaotic. As such, establishing a study routine for them to commit to can improve their productivity dramatically.

Think about when your teens are the most productive – whether it’s when they get home from school or later in the evening after they’ve had some downtime.

Study blocks are a good approach to use. Encourage your teens to set aside one- to two-hour blocks each day and dedicate them to homework.

This may change depending on the day and what other activities or chores your teens need to do.

You can help by setting up a calendar that highlights the times available each day. If your teenagers have a time frame to work with and know they can have some downtime, it can be motivating.

2. Provide a distraction-free space to work

It’s natural for teenagers’ workspaces to become cluttered over time.

But when it comes to motivating your teens to do their homework, it’s vital to clear some space and provide an environment that’s free from distractions.

Research shows that maintaining a clutter-free area can enhance productivity. Lighting, temperature, and noise are also factors to consider when creating an environment that’s conducive to studying.

Adding motivational quotes for students on sticky notes around the room can help to keep your teens going if they start to lose steam.

3. Don’t force your teen to do the homework

At the end of the day, it’s your teen’s responsibility to do the homework. As a parent, you can only do so much to help.

If you force your teens to do their homework by using threats and punishments, they’ll become resentful.

It will likely lead to a power struggle, and your teens will become more rebellious and defiant.

Have calm discussions with your teens about the expectations related to schoolwork, and take the time to understand their perspective.

Then you can work together with them to find some solutions that everyone involved finds acceptable.

4. Establish that homework is your teen’s responsibility

It’s only natural to want to see your teenagers succeed by focusing on studying and putting in their best effort.

That’s why getting teens to do their homework is a common point of frustration for many parents.

The problem is that this often leads to situations where parents become more invested in their teens’ study time than their teens are. It’s important to remember that homework is your teen’s responsibility, not yours.

While you can offer them help and guidance, you should never take ownership of their schoolwork.

I’m sure you want to raise happy and successful teens, and one of the best ways to do that is to ensure they understand what their responsibilities are.

5. Set expectations and consequences

Establishing clear expectations and consequences can improve your and your teenager’s experience with school work.

You’ll want to avoid harshly laying down the law when it comes to getting your teens to do their homework. This approach will backfire and will cause them to rebel.

Instead, take some time to calmly communicate with your teens and actively listen to them.

The conversation you have should be collaborative. Go through your expectations when it comes to your teen’s homework and the consequences of not meeting those expectations. Make sure everything is clearly outlined, and make sure that your teen finds the expectations reasonable.

By taking this approach, you’ll avoid – or at least minimise – arguments about unfinished assignments in the future.

6. Do your best not to micromanage your teen

Sometimes, pushing your teenagers too hard to do their homework or checking in too frequently can backfire and make them push back.

You may find that when left on their own, teenagers can be productive and finish what they need to.

Make a conscious decision to give your teens space to work on their own. Your teen will see this trust as a sign of confidence, which will strengthen your relationship.

7. Work on your tasks at the same time as your teen

As adults, we have some form of “homework” that needs to be done too, such as things related to invoices, bills, investments, online courses, etc.

So use this as an opportunity to set an example for your teenagers. If they’re open to the idea, do your “homework” while they’re doing their homework.

By spending time together and being productive, you can be a positive role model for your teenagers. You can show them what it looks like to take on tasks, finish them, and enjoy the feeling of accomplishment.

8. Stay calm and communicate clearly

When trying to motivate your teens to do their homework, stay calm and avoid arguing with them. Yelling will only distance your teens from you and make the subject of homework one that’s tinged with negativity.

Nurture your relationship with your teenager by speaking to them calmly and listening to what they have to say.

Show them that you value their opinions and reinforce that their voice matters.

9. Help your teen prioritise

As a parent, I’m sure you have a to-do list. It’s not always possible to get through it every day, but prioritising the most important tasks can do wonders.

The same thing goes for teenagers and their homework.

If your teens are open to the idea, sit down with them to help them prioritise their most important tasks. That way, when their energy level is at its peak, they can begin with the more time-consuming or challenging assignments.

When they learn to prioritise, they’ll be less overwhelmed and more focused.

Conclusion

Homework is an essential part of every student’s life.

As a parent, you understand the importance of your teens doing their best in school so that they’ll make the most of their potential.

So it’s about finding that happy medium between how to get your teens to do their homework while also giving them the chance to take complete ownership of their education.

You won’t always be there to give your teens a nudge, so by applying the tips in this article, they’ll be on their way to becoming responsible and effective students.

(If you’d like your teenagers to become more motivated, make sure to download the free e-book below!)