Maybe he mutters under his breath when you ask him to do his homework.

Or maybe she slams her bedroom door when you tell her she can’t go out with her friends.

If so, you are probably at your wits’ end.

You love your teenagers and you want the best for them.

But you also want them to accept that there are rules in your family, just as there are rules in the outside world.

Don’t be alarmed. Disrespect towards parents is common as youngsters navigate the waters between childhood and adulthood.

But you can’t deal with disrespect by simply ignoring it.

You need a strategy. There are things you need to do, and things you need to avoid doing.

This article explains 10 tips for successfully handling disrespectful teenagers.

1. Understand the teenage brain

During childhood, there’s tremendous brain development. By age six, 95% of the brain’s structure has already been formed.

Picture it as a sudden development of the wiring of the brain.

The problem is that the new wiring hasn’t yet been connected to the key parts of the brain.

As Molly Edmonds writes, the teenage brain is like an entertainment centre whose components haven’t yet been hooked up.

There are loose wires everywhere. The speaker system hasn’t been connected to the DVD player. And the DVD player hasn’t been configured to work with the TV.

And as for the remote control – it hasn’t even arrived yet!

In this analogy, the remote control is the prefrontal cortex.

That’s the part of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments, and controls impulses and emotions. But in the teenage brain, it hasn’t been properly connected yet.

What does this mean in practice?

It means teenagers can get frustrated easily, with themselves and with external situations. It makes them impulsive and subject to mood swings that you and I don’t experience.

That’s a heady cocktail that can turn teenagers into emotional wrecks.

Understanding that there’s a biological basis for your teenager’s difficult behaviour makes it much easier to deal with.

It helps you to focus on the behaviour rather than the person.

2. Think about the emotional needs underlying the behaviour

When teenagers are disrespectful to their parents, it’s sometimes a sign that they have emotional needs that aren’t being met.

Sometimes the disrespectful behaviour is a way of getting attention.

Other times, it’s an indication that they don’t feel accepted.

Sit down with your teenager and tell her that you’re there for her if she wants to talk about something. Remind her that you love her unconditionally. [Read more…]

You want them to do well in school, and you want them to communicate with you openly.

You also want to build a happy family.

But I’m sure you’ve already realised that you won’t achieve these goals easily.

Along the way, your children may have become disobedient, rebellious or disengaged. (This is especially likely if your children are pre-teens or teens.)

Your home environment may have become tense or even hostile.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, don’t worry. This article will help.

I don’t claim to be a parenting expert — I’m still learning how to raise my two young boys well.

But over the years I’ve spoken to and worked with thousands of pre-teens and teens. As such, I understand how to get through to them.

In this article, I’ll share with you seven simple questions to ask your children, which will help you to reach your parenting goals.

Question #1: “What can I do to be a better parent?”

The simplest way to become a better parent is to ask your children what they think.

When you ask them Question #1, be prepared for an honest answer.

Your children may point out your flaws.

They may bring up incidents where you were unreasonable or inconsistent.

They may highlight ways in which you haven’t been a good role model.

Is this a scary proposition?

Yes.

But the feedback you get will be invaluable in helping you to become a more effective parent. [Read more…]

If your answer is “yes”, you’re not alone.

You want your children to be responsible, self-motivated and independent.

Since they’re not there yet, you instinctively nag them to correct their behaviour and attitude.

But, at the same time, you realise that all this nagging isn’t working.

Sound familiar?

If so, this article is for you.

I’ve had years of experience working with thousands of children and teenagers. So I now understand the factors that help them to become mature and responsible.

One of the most important factors is how their parents speak to them.

The more positive interactions between the parent and child, the less likely it is that the parent will need to nag the child in order to gain compliance.

It’s also more likely that a strong parent-child bond will form.

In fact, there’s a supposed “magic ratio” of 5 to 1 in healthy relationships: 5 positive expressions of feelings and actions for every negative expression.

So, in this article, I’ll share with you 50 positive things you can say to your children, so that – in the long run – you won’t need to nag them anymore!

Before we get to the list, here’s a bonus for you . . .

Here’s the list:

1. “I’m grateful for you.” Children feel special when they know you’re thankful that they’re a part of your life.

2. “What do you think?” Ask this question to show that you value your children’s opinions.

3. “I enjoy spending time with you.” Children and teenagers behave better when they know that you love them and like them.

4. “All of us make mistakes.” Say this instead of harshly criticising your children for accidental mistakes.

5. “You’re special to me.” This phrase will help to fill your children’s “love tank”.

6. “I appreciate it when you . . .” For example, you might say, “I appreciate it when you set the table for dinner.”

7. “I trust you.” Children and teenagers who feel as if their parents trust them are more likely to become trustworthy.

8. “You’re getting better at . . .” When you notice your children’s progress, they’ll feel encouraged and motivated. [Read more…]