Have you ever wished that you were more confident?

This isn’t uncommon because many teenagers struggle with self-esteem.

Self-esteem is how you see yourself and recognize your value and abilities. It shapes your decisions, interactions with others, and how you handle challenges.

Believing in yourself makes you more likely to make good decisions, overcome setbacks, and achieve your goals.

Of course, this confidence doesn’t always come naturally, but that’s okay. Even adults struggle with self-esteem at times.

There’s no shame in needing a little guidance to boost your confidence. In this article, I’ll share practical tips on self-esteem for teens to help you feel more confident in your own skin.

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Understanding self-esteem in teens

Self-esteem is how you see yourself, your worth, and your abilities. It can influence how you think and act in everyday life.

Different people have different levels of self-esteem. Some may have low self-esteem, while others may have high self-esteem.

When you have healthy self-esteem, you might find that you:

• Set goals and take steps to achieve them
• Communicate your thoughts, feelings, and needs with confidence
• Feel comfortable being yourself without seeking approval from others
• Maintain clear boundaries and refuse to compromise your principles or values
• Have a growth mindset where you see mistakes as learning opportunities
• Understand that your worth isn’t defined by success or failure
• Bounce back from setbacks and keep trying instead of giving up

Healthy self-esteem is not about:

• Being an extroverted or talkative person
• Thinking you’re better than everyone else
• Never feeling self-doubt or insecurity
• Never feeling worried, anxious, afraid, or disappointed
• Striving for perfection or never making a mistake
• Ignoring feedback or refusing to improve
• Always being happy and confident
• Controlling or overpowering others to feel important
• Avoiding challenges so you never fail

Self-esteem isn’t about who’s the best, bravest, or happiest.

It’s a personal journey that involves learning, growing, and being confident enough to pursue your goals.

Recognizing low self-esteem in teens

Low self-esteem can show up in different ways.

If you’re a teen with poor self-esteem, you might notice some of the following signs:

• Frequently or always putting yourself down
• Thinking you’re not good at anything
• Being overly critical of yourself, especially when you make mistakes
• Avoiding friends or withdrawing from social events
• Feeling very awkward or uncomfortable in social situations
• Comparing yourself to other people
• Changing your appearance or behavior to fit in
• Struggling to accept compliments and taking criticism very personally

Recognizing low self-esteem is the first step to developing a more positive self-image.

When you’re aware of it, you can begin taking steps to build your confidence.

How to build confidence and self-esteem in teenagers

Building self-esteem isn’t an overnight process. It will take time and conscious effort.

But there are many different strategies you can try to boost your self-confidence!

1. Set realistic goals

Having goals gives you direction, but it’s important to set achievable ones.

Instead of aiming for perfection or immediate success, focus on the small steps that lead to progress.

Each step you complete is a success worth celebrating, and recognizing this progress can help you build confidence in your abilities.

Here’s how you can start setting realistic goals:

• Break down big goals and projects into smaller, more manageable tasks
• Give yourself realistic and reasonable deadlines for each small step
• Adjust your goals and deadlines as you move forward
• Keep a journal or use digital apps to track your progress

Your goal doesn’t have to be about getting better grades—though that’s a good one to have!

You can also aim to improve your communication skills, learn a musical instrument, or get more involved in sports.

2. Practice positive self-talk

The way you speak to yourself can significantly affect your confidence and behavior.

If you often put yourself down, believing in yourself and your abilities will be harder.

Here are some ways you can change your self-talk to improve your confidence:

• Create a list of affirmations that resonate with you. You can find inspiring affirmations online, in books, or even in your favorite movies. Write them down in a journal or a note-taking app. As a daily reminder, you can also place them somewhere visible, such as your mirror or wardrobe door.
• Be mindful of how you talk to yourself. If you catch yourself thinking negatively, try to reframe the situation in a more constructive way. For example, if you don’t do well on a test, instead of saying, “I’m not smart enough,” remind yourself, “I can learn from this and do better next time.”
• Speak to yourself the way you’d speak to a friend. You wouldn’t tear down a friend for making a mistake—you’d offer them kindness and encouragement. Try to treat yourself with that same level of care and understanding.

Changing your self-talk takes time and practice, but consistency is key here.

At first, it might feel awkward or weird. But the more you do it, the more naturally it will come to you.

3. Surround yourself with supportive people

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn

This quote helps us realize the importance of choosing our friends wisely.

The quality of your friendships can make a huge difference in how you see yourself. When surrounded by friends, mentors, and people who encourage and support you, you’re more likely to feel confident and proud of who you are.

The right company can also help you feel valued and appreciated rather than insecure.

The following are some traits you can look out for when choosing your friends:

• Uplifting and supportive: They encourage and inspire you to pursue your goals.
• Respectful of boundaries: They don’t do or say things that make you uncomfortable or insecure.
• Honest and trustworthy: They offer genuine compliments and are willing to point out areas for growth.
• Share similar values: You share core beliefs, mindsets, goals, or principles.
• Celebrate with you: They aren’t jealous of your achievements, and you don’t feel like you’re constantly competing with or comparing yourself to them.
• Accepting and authentic: They embrace you as you are and encourage you to grow into the best version of yourself.

Of course, no friend is perfect.

Everyone is on their own journey of growth and learning. That said, it’s still possible to have friends who genuinely care and who want the best for you.

To help you set realistic expectations, having good friends does not mean that you’ll:

• Always agree on everything: Conflicts and disagreements happen. But good friends work through them with respect.
• Spend time together 24/7: Everyone needs their own space and personal time.
• Rely on them for your self-worth: While friends can support and inspire you, your main source of confidence should still come from within.

Remember, you should strive to be the kind of friend you’d like to have.

By treating others with love, respect, and kindness, you can create meaningful connections with those around you.

4. Embrace mistakes as learning opportunities

Embracing a growth mindset helps you understand that mistakes are learning opportunities.

Instead of seeing setbacks as failures, you can see them as a chance to learn, grow, and improve. After all, everyone makes mistakes.

When you understand that mistakes are part of life, you feel more confident about trying new things or stepping outside your comfort zone.

Whenever you’re disappointed, you can ask yourself questions to reflect on. Examples include, “What can I learn from this experience?” or “How can I improve moving forward?”

You can also think about people or mentors from whom you can seek advice and guidance.

5. Engage in activities you enjoy

Doing things you enjoy is a great way to boost your confidence.

When you spend time on activities you love, you’ll feel a sense of accomplishment. This naturally makes you more confident in your abilities.

If you haven’t found something you like, start by exploring different activities that seem exciting or fun.

These could be hobbies, sports, creative tasks, or social activities. Experiment with various options to figure out what you like most.

Once you’ve found something you love, make time for it regularly—whether it’s every day or a couple of times a week.

Doing things that bring you joy can relieve stress, prevent burnout, and help you feel good about yourself.

Activities to boost self-esteem in teens

The activities you engage in can play a significant role in building your self-esteem.

Let’s explore some practical ways to boost your confidence through the things you do:

1. Journaling

Journaling is a powerful tool for examining the ups and downs of everyday life.

It also helps you celebrate your strengths and achievements, process your feelings, and reflect on how you can improve.

If you’re not used to journaling, the following tips can help you get started:

• Choose between a physical notebook or a digital app
• Block out some time each day to journal
• Start small by writing a few sentences each day
• You can use online prompts to give you ideas on what to journal about
• Don’t be afraid to be completely honest and transparent when you journal

2. Volunteer work

Volunteering is a meaningful way to give back to your community as you work on building your self-esteem.

Volunteering can provide a strong sense of purpose, accomplishment, and satisfaction.

There are several ways you can start getting involved in volunteer work, including:

• Looking online for opportunities to volunteer at local organizations, schools, or community centers
• Talking to your friends, family members, or teachers to seek recommendations and opportunities
• Joining community service clubs at school that organize volunteer projects

Consider inviting a friend or family member to volunteer with you. Having someone by your side can make volunteer work more enjoyable and less daunting.

3. Physical activity

Physical exercise is an effective way to keep the mind and body healthy.

Research has also shown that it can improve self-awareness and self-esteem in younger people.

Staying active can improve your mood, increase your energy levels, help you sleep better, and promote a healthier body image.

It also puts you in a better position to be productive and achieve more throughout your day.

These effects can collectively lead to greater self-confidence.

4. Developing new skills

Expanding your skillset is a great way to boost self-esteem.

Here are some ways you might develop your skills:

• Learning to play a new musical instrument
• Picking up a new language
• Practicing life skills like cooking or managing your finances
• Mastering a sport you enjoy
• Exploring creative hobbies, such as digital art or crocheting

By stepping out of your comfort zone and overcoming new challenges, you can build your confidence.

The role of social media and its impact on self-esteem in teens

Social media can impact your self-esteem, both positively and negatively.

A positive online environment lets teens connect with and seek support from peers with similar interests. It also allows teens to express themselves creatively, helping to build their identity and confidence.

Conversely, social media can lead to poorer self-esteem if not managed correctly. The following are some examples of how this can happen:

• Seeing edited photos online might make you feel bad about your own appearance
• Viewing other people’s “picture-perfect” posts may make you feel like you’re not good enough
• Mean comments and harassment can hurt your confidence
• Seeing others have fun without you might make you feel left out
• Relying on likes and follows to feel good about yourself can be exhausting

To create a healthier relationship with social media, you can try these tips:

• Follow inspiring accounts that promote self-confidence
• Set a time limit to avoid excessive social media use
• Engage with supportive and uplifting communities
• Mute, unfollow, or block people who influence you negatively

If you feel insecure, anxious, or sad every time you use social media, consider taking a break from it.

A social media break can help you recenter your focus and appreciate your life without constant comparison.

Conclusion

The journey to building self-confidence doesn’t have to be lonely.

If you’re struggling with low self-esteem, asking for help is okay. You can talk to a trusted friend, family member, teacher, or counselor for support or guidance.

You can also seek guidance from a coach or mentor. Through my one-on-one coaching program, I’ve had the privilege of helping many teens boost their confidence, resilience, and motivation.

Building self-esteem takes time and patience, and I’d be happy to support you on that journey!

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