Daniel Wong

Too Young to Make a Choice, Too Old to Make a Change?

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

puppy stuck in tree

Your parents love you a lot.

That’s why, when you were growing up, they probably made a lot of decisions for you:

  • What clothes you wore
  • Which schools you attended
  • What kind of sports and activities you participated in
  • Which friends you hung out with
  • Which toys you played with
  • Which TV shows you watched
  • What time you went to bed

As a kid, you naturally gave in to what your parents wanted you to do.

After all, they knew what was best for you.

(In this other article I wrote, I challenge the idea that parents want what’s best for their children. Most of the time, they only want what’s good.)

Feeling “stuck” when you’re young

I don’t doubt that parents have excellent intentions when they make choices on their children’s behalf.

But, very often, this is the message that gets communicated to their children:

“You’re too young to make a choice. You’re naïve and foolish, so I’ll make the choice for you.”

Many children grow up believing this message well into their late teens and early 20s. This is a problem.

At the end of the day, all of us need to take full responsibility for our lives. No matter how terrible or overbearing our parents are, we should never blame them for the way our lives turn out.

I don’t deny, however, that our parents have a huge impact on our lives.

The older you get, the more of your own choices you get to make, but many parents still act as if they should always have the final say.

Feeling “stuck” when you’re old

Some time in your late teens or early 20s, you start your first full-time job. You begin taking on a variety of responsibilities: financial, social, family.

Up until that point in your life, you might have felt like you were too young to make a choice.

With all these responsibilities and “adult” things to deal with, you experience a sharp transition.

You’re now too old to make a change.

“I can’t quit my job. If I do, what will happen to my mortgage payments?”

“If I start my own business and fail, how will I provide for my family?”

“If I don’t go down the ‘safe’ path, what will other people think of me? What will my parents think of me?”

Four beliefs to embrace if you want to get “unstuck”

This is a frustrating, painful and helpless situation that many young adults find themselves in.

There’s a way out, but it requires you to embrace these four beliefs:

1. If you want to find happiness and fulfillment, you must run your own race.

Many of us try to run the race that other people want us to run. If we do that, we effectively place our long-term happiness in another person’s keeping.

Clearly, not a good idea.

Running your own race means that you’re only competing against yourself, not against other people.

2. Being a winner isn’t about finishing first. It’s about finishing well.

I’m sure you’ll agree with me that how you finish matters more than how you start.

That’s true in any sort of race or competition, and it’s also true in life.

But being a real winner—one who experiences enduring success—isn’t about finishing first. It’s about finishing well and finishing strong.

It’s about leading a meaningful life that you can be proud of.

It’s about making a difference in the lives of others.

When you understand this, it won’t be so difficult to make changes later on in your life, because you won’t be overly concerned about getting “left behind” if your decisions don’t work out.

3. You’re never too old to dream a new dream.

Neither are you too old to set a new goal.

You won’t achieve every one of your goals, and you won’t realize every one of your dreams.

But joy and meaning are found in the pursuit—and not the attainment—of purposeful goals and dreams.

It’s an unfortunate fact that dreams do die. Choose to walk away from the disappointment and dream a new dream.

4. Being “stuck” isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice.

If you feel “stuck” but aren’t willing to take action to improve your situation, then you’ve chosen to be stuck.

When you start asking “How can I?” instead of “Can I?” you’ll begin to see that there’s always something you can do. There’s always a way out.

The solution may not be immediate, and it may not be easy. But it’s there for you to choose. So choose bravely and wisely.

In closing…

Contrary to how many of us feel as we mature from childhood to adulthood, we’re never too young to make a choice, and we’re never too old to make a change.

Life is too short and too full of wondrous potential for us to feel stuck.

Today, let’s make a choice and make a change.

(This post was inspired by Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho.)

10 Questions That Successful Parents Ask Themselves

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

Parenting

Parenting is an awesome responsibility that involves a huge amount of work.

It isn’t easy to be a great parent!

I’ve had the privilege of speaking to and working with thousands of students and parents. Through these interactions, I’ve come to realize that despite their good intentions, parents often do things that confuse, annoy, anger or frustrate their children.

I’ve noticed the many mistakes that parents make in trying to raise happy and successful children.

I’ve also observed what winning parents do differently.

Based on these observations, I’ve come up with a list of 10 questions that all successful parents ask themselves.

(Just to be clear, I’m writing this post from a child and a student’s perspective. Also, to avoid repeatedly writing “he or she,” I’ll assume that the child I refer to is a girl.)

1. Do I want what’s good for my child or what’s best?

(This point is inspired by this excellent article.)

It’s natural for parents to advise their children to pursue the safe, predictable and practical route.

Parents do this because they don’t want their children to experience uncertainty or discomfort.

This is the good path.

But is it the best path?

In most cases, no. The best path is usually the one that’s full of challenges, obstacles and disappointments.

It might even be full of the “f” word: failure.

Winning parents distinguish between “good” and “best,” and continually encourage their children to choose “best.”

2. Do I measure my success as a parent by the quality of the relationship, or by how effectively I can control my child?

Winning parents understand that it’s more important to build a relationship with their child than it is to find innovative ways to control her behavior.

Just because your child obeys your instructions doesn’t mean that you’re a world-class parent. It just means that your child is obedient.

If this obedience comes at the cost of your parent-child relationship, the tradeoff might not be worth it.

In addition, you want your child to be confident. The question is: How to raise a confident child if you’re constantly micromanaging them? It isn’t possible.

3. Do I speak to my child as if she’s destined for success?

Let’s say that your child does something bad.

She steals a pen from the school bookshop.

How would most parents react?

Most parents would say to her, “How could you do something like that?!? You’re such a bad girl. You’re so dishonest! I’m ashamed that I’m your parent. I’m going to punish you!”

Successful parents, on the other hand, say something more along the lines of this:

“I’m surprised that you would do something like this. You’re usually such an honest and well-behaved girl. I would never have expected you to do this. I’m still going to punish you so that you’ll learn from this mistake, but this is really so unlike you.”

Children have a strange way of becoming what others’ view of them is—especially their parents’.

If you speak to your children as if they’re destined for success, it’s more than likely that they’ll live up to the good name you’ve already given them.

4. Do I say the following things to my child?

  • I’m proud of you.
  • I believe in you.
  • You can do it!
  • I’m there for you.
  • I love you.
  • I’m sorry. I was wrong.
  • Will you forgive me?
  • Thank you.
  • What do you think?

Winning parents do.

5. Am I trying to make my child successful just so that I will feel successful?

It’s difficult to measure the success of a parent, which explains why many parents subconsciously decide that they’ll measure their own success by how successful their children become.

This can be very unhealthy, because parents can force their own—sometimes narrow and restrictive—definition of success on their children.

Winning parents deliberately define success for themselves, and allow their children to do the same.

6. Do I recognize that I’m responsible to my child and not for her?

Parents often think that they’re responsible for their children.

Responsible for their academic performance, for their behavior, for their social etiquette.

But no—parents are only responsible to their children.

Parents are responsible to their children by giving them love and support and a good home environment.

Children are responsible for their own lives.

If your child misbehaves in school, she’s the one who will be punished, not you.

Successful parents recognize that they aren’t responsible for their children, so these parents don’t carry a burden that they were never meant to carry anyway.

7. Do I model the behavior that I want my child to exhibit?

An example:

Most parents want their children to be curious and to love learning.

If you’re a parent, when was the last time you talked to your child about something you learned recently that you thought was super cool?

8. Do I focus more on what my child does or on who she is becoming?

This anonymous quote sums it up:

Many succeed momentarily by what they know;

some succeed temporarily by what they do;

few succeed permanently by what they are.

Winning parents empower their children to pursue permanent success.

9. Do I end every lecture with LOVE?

When parents reprimand their children, the message of love doesn’t always get communicated.

Successful parents, on the other hand, conclude every lecture with a reminder to their child just how much they love her.

They end with LOVE, not anger or disappointment or frustration.

10. Do I ask my child to make a commitment, or do I force her into doing things?

Winning parents understand that every great student, musician, athlete, entrepreneur, technician, salesperson, etc. came to a point where they made a commitment to greatness.

Commitment involves making a choice. You can’t force someone to be great.

That’s why successful parents don’t coerce their children into taking action. Instead, they allow their children to make choices and to take responsibility for those choices.

In closing…

Parenting is a noble calling.

To all you parents (and future parents) reading this, I know you’re up to the challenge.

Image: Parent and child

How To Care Enough To Change The World

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

A few years ago, I had the privilege of attending a talk by this incredible woman, Marian Wright Edelman.

Marian Wright Edelman

Children’s rights activist, Marian Wright Edelman

Edelman is the founder and president of the Children’s Defense Fund, and she’s been awarded more than 65 (yes, 65!) honorary degrees. She was also the first black woman to be admitted to the Mississippi bar.

To say that she’s an impressive woman is an understatement!

The way that Edelman concluded her speech was exceptionally memorable.

“I cannot preach like Martin Luther King, Jr. or turn a poetic phrase like Maya Angelou…”

She proceeded to list a large number of distinguished people, and the characteristics they possessed that she did not.

What you can achieve when you care enough

Edelman went on to say:

“But I care and am willing to serve and raise my voice with others for children… I care and am willing to serve and sacrifice to build our children a better future.

“I care. I really, really care. You can change the world if you care enough.”

You can change the world if you care enough.

If that statement is true (I like to think that it is), it’s no surprise that a lot of advice you hear from career development gurus revolves around pursuing a line of work you care deeply about.

It’s entirely true that in today’s Information Age, it’s no longer enough just to be compliant, competent or even charismatic. You need to care.

In pursuit of excellence

Caring is the only way to become a person of excellence.

No great parent, teacher, athlete, mechanic, nurse, businessman or musician has attained greatness by chance. They cared enough to consciously pursue excellence.

After all, excellence can’t be forced down someone’s throat; it’s a deliberate decision.

“Care” is a simple word, but it’s a word that’s much easier said than felt, and much easier felt than demonstrated.

I’ve observed that a majority of people don’t genuinely care about what they do, whether it’s in their work, their academics, or in other areas of their life.

Most people do things because they have to, or because it’s expected of them, or because it’s what they’ve been doing out of habit for years.

The danger of not caring

I know from personal experience that it’s all too easy to go down this path of stability and comfort, but it comes at a high price.

When we choose not to care, we effectively choose mediocrity over excellence.

I recently asked myself: When it comes to the most important things in my life, how much do I care?

I came up with these five levels of “caring” so that I could perform an honest self-assessment. I trust that you’ll find this framework helpful, too.

Level 1: Invisible caring

At this lowest level of caring, you have a weak feeling about something, but you worry that other people might consider that “something” insignificant.

You feel embarrassed or shy about admitting that you care, and you don’t take any concrete steps to show it.

To everyone but you, your caring is invisible.

Level 2: Instinctive caring

Level 2 is where you care because you feel compelled to. Instinctive caring is usually motivated by fear.

Many people get stuck at this level. For example, an employee who cares about the quality of the report he’s writing only because he doesn’t want his boss to get upset is at Level 2.

A student who cares enough to complete her homework with the bare minimum effort—simply to avoid her teacher’s wrath—is also at Level 2.

Level 3: Incidental caring

Incidental caring usually just “happens,” but you can’t fully explain its origin. It’s like when you read your first poem and got hooked on poetry, or when you attended a football game and fell in love with the sport.

At Level 3, you care about something as far as you’re able to derive pleasure and satisfaction from it.

Level 4: Inconvenient caring

Level 4 is very different from Levels 1, 2 and 3. The first three levels are based on emotion, while Level 4 is based on a sense of purpose.

At Level 4, you care about something so much that you’re willing to inconvenience yourself, if that’s what it takes to demonstrate that you care. You might even be willing to make yourself uncomfortable.

I know people who care so much about poverty alleviation work that they gave up their extremely comfortable lives to move to places with few comforts to speak of.

I also know plenty of entrepreneurs who care so much about their businesses and about adding value to their customers that they sacrifice sleep and their social lives.

Inconvenient caring happens when you understand that one person really can make a difference.

Level 5: Infectious caring

Infectious caring is about caring to the extent that your overwhelming passion and love spread to the people around you. Infectious caring compels others to join you in fighting for your cause.

As I noted earlier, one person really can make a difference, but one person alone can’t change the world. You’ll need a group, a team, a community, a tribe in order to do that.

Level 5 is where your influence gets multiplied exponentially because of the following you build, but it’s not an easy level to reach. You’ll undoubtedly have to go through struggle, pain and disappointment in order to get there.

Level 5 is what happens when you care so much that it’s no longer just about what you think or feel; it’s about who you are.

In closing…

I’m not so naïve to think that we have the time to care infectiously—or even inconveniently, for that matter—about numerous things. But I think we owe it to ourselves to find the few things where we can reach Level 5.

If you haven’t yet found that something, I encourage you to keep looking and exploring. I’m sure you’ll find it if you search hard enough and introspectively enough. 🙂

Life truly is too short for us not to care.

So let’s care infectiously. Let’s go change the world.

Students’ Fear of Failure Begins With the Teacher

Updated on January 5, 2026 By

newspaper cutaway

Last week, I wrote an article for TODAY Newspaper entitled “Success in spite of school, not because of it.”

I received many comments, both online and in person, about my view that if the education system continues the way it is, we are headed down the path of mediocrity. Now is the time to begin paving the way toward excellence and greatness.

The most insightful remark I received came from a good friend of mine who’s a teacher.

She responded to my observation that “schools generally teach students to fear failure, to be obsessively competitive and to be a passive learner.”

She wrote:

… the fear of failure begins in the teacher. That’s the root of the issue in our education system. One of the indicators to measure a teacher’s performance is the student’s results.

More often than not, the teacher is blinded to the student’s fear of failure because it is more daunting to come to terms with the fact that the fear stems from us [teachers].

When we deny our own condition, we fail to see what is happening in the student because it reminds us of who … we really are.

It’s entirely true that what gets measured gets done. But when it comes to measuring our teachers’ performance, are we measuring the right things?

Do You Want To Lead A Meaningful Or Memorable Life?

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

motivational poster

Who could disagree with this saying?

Those crazy nights that often involve alcohol, friends, loud music and irresponsible behavior—those are the ones that remain permanently etched in your mind.

You’re probably not going to say something like, “For the past month, I’ve slept at least eight hours every single night. It’s been AMAZING!”

Everyone enjoys talking about the wonderful things that have happened in the past and reminiscing about the good old days.

It’s also undeniable that shared memories bond people together. That’s why leaders intentionally create shared experiences in an attempt to foster unity and camaraderie.

Why good memories can be bad

But, at the same time, I think that memories are overrated.

The increased accessibility to innovations like photography has made it possible to conveniently record our memories—maybe too conveniently. It’s not uncommon to see people at any sort of event who are so intent on snapping the perfect picture that they forget to take it all in, to fully experience the sights, sounds and emotions. (I’ll admit that sometimes I’m guilty of this too!)

They’re so caught up trying to capture the moment that they fail to enjoy the moment.

The over-glorification of memories often causes the present moment to be eroded of its rightful significance. After all, the only moment we ever really have is the present one. It’s in the present moment that we experience life and create lasting success.

Moreover, if we focus too much on memories, it’s possible that we can become inward-looking and self-centered.

Making selfish memories?

I have a story that illustrates this.

More than 15 years ago, my Aunt Violet passed away after an agonizing battle with cancer. In the last few months of her life, the cancer reduced her to a walking skeleton and robbed her of some of her mental capacity, too.

It was heartbreaking to watch Aunt Violet degenerate physically.

But it was especially shocking when Aunt Violet’s good friend (I’ll call her Jane) declared that she wasn’t going to visit any more.

The reason? Jane wanted to preserve her memory of Aunt Violet as a strong, healthy and happy person. If Jane had frequently visited Aunt Violet in the hospital, Jane would have remembered her as a frail, emaciated and exhausted person instead.

Is it understandable that Jane made that decision? Sure.

But was it also an inward-looking one that prevented Aunt Violet from saying a proper farewell to her good friend Jane? Without a doubt.

Because our memories only exist inside of our own head—and no one else’s—the desire to make pleasant memories can be an insular one that, at times, has selfish motivations.

Create meaning, not memories

All this talk about the value of memories begs a deeper question: What’s the point of life, anyway?

I don’t claim to know the exact meaning of life, but I do know that life isn’t mainly about accumulating fond memories. If that were the primary purpose of life, that would be far too trivial a reason for our existence.

Life is much more about making a difference in the lives of others, about contributing, about loving people, about being immersed in a story that’s far greater than yourself.

The point of life isn’t to create more and more fantastic, unforgettable and epic memories. Rather, I believe that life is largely about creating meaning.

Amazing memories ought to be the by-product of purposeful living. Memories are little treasures that you pick up along the way, but they aren’t what the journey is about.

In closing, a memorable life isn’t necessarily a meaningful one, but a meaningful life is certainly a memorable one.

So let’s choose meaning over memories. Ironically, that’s the way to create the most beautiful memories of all.

What the Education System Can Teach Us About Doing Things Right

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

factory

Given that many of us go through 12 years or 16 years—or even longer than that—of formal education, it’s no surprise that most of us have strong feelings about the education system.

I’m no exception. It’s these strong feelings that compelled me to write a book entitled The Happy Student: 5 Steps to Academic Fulfillment and Success, which aims to help students find new meaning and motivation in the pursuit of academic success.

The public education system as a factory

The public education system today, as it exists all over the world, is a relic of the Industrial Revolution of the 18th and 19th century.

It was during the Industrial Revolution that many factories were built. Large numbers of factories meant that large numbers of workers were needed.

It was a specific type of worker that was required—one who was obedient, compliant, and who didn’t do too much thinking for him or herself.

In order to efficiently produce workers like this, students were treated like a commodity. Public education was the “factory”; the obedient worker was the “product.”

The “factory” concept of public education is still around today.

Students are brought to the start of the assembly line at age 6 (or even younger), and the “product” is expected to be completed by their late teens or early 20s.

Students are “processed” in batches. Quality control is done in the form of exams and standardized tests.

In addition, the factory largely determines what kinds of products can be manufactured: engineers, doctors, lawyers, economists, teachers, technicians, etc.

No product that’s too weird or out-of-the-ordinary, please!

Education needs a revolution too

The Industrial Revolution was a world-changing phenomenon that made it necessary for public education to be set up as a one-size-fits-all factory.

But times have changed. The Digital Revolution means that gradual, evolutionary changes in education simply won’t cut it.

We need a revolution in education, too.

We need people who are persistent, proactive and passionate—but we’re not going to develop people who possess those traits through our current system.

By and large, people who are persistent, proactive and passionate have become that way despite the “factory” model of education, not because of it. They’ve overcome the odds!

The whole point of this article

I’m no expert on education policy, but I know that things have to change.

The “factory” model was founded on the following principles:

  • It’s easy to run
  • It’s easy to administer
  • It’s easy to quantify results

My whole point is this: Easier isn’t always better. Not when it comes to the education system, and not when it comes to our personal lives.

Let’s choose the better way, regardless of whether or not it’s easier.

A Simple Way to Make Faster and Better Decisions

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

motivational quote

Recently, I was looking for something to help me stay motivated, so I decided to put up this quote at my work desk. It’s been more effective than I expected!

Of course, the fact that I put up this quote at all means that I occasionally stop when I’m tired, discouraged or bored.

I sometimes lack the willpower to do what I know I ought to. I don’t always make the best possible decision—and I’m guessing I’m not the only one who struggles in this area.

(As an aside, one of my colleagues commented: “Daniel, that quote isn’t completely true. At least once a day, I see you taking a break to have a snack. Obviously, you also stop when you’re hungry!)

What you desire now vs. what you desire most

It’s human nature to focus on the short-term rather than the long-term, to be attracted to pleasure and to avoid pain. When we make choices based on how we feel, we tend to give in to what we desire now, at the expense of what we desire most.

But we all know that in order to lead fruitful and meaningful lives, we need to consistently make decisions that involve delayed gratification.

This applies in every area of our lives: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual.

How, then, do we consistently make good decisions?

The magical question to help you make better choices

I’ve found that just by asking this one question, most decisions become incredibly straightforward:

Will I choose character or compromise?

What this question implies is that every choice you make isn’t one between surfing the Internet and working on that important report; it isn’t one between ice cream and broccoli; it isn’t one between lashing out at someone and controlling your temper.

Instead, every choice you make is really one between character and compromising on your character.

Whenever you make a decision, you’re either becoming a person of greater character, integrity, determination, love, courage, humility, generosity, kindness—or you’re becoming a person who possesses less of these traits.

There’s very little middle ground.

Making a decision isn’t merely about deciding what to do. It’s about deciding who you are, and who you want to become.

After all, your destiny isn’t built in a day. It’s built day by day. We need to continually remind ourselves that a great life consists of many great days and many great decisions. There’s really no chance of us building a lasting legacy without focused, intentional effort.

In closing, asking “Will I choose character or compromise?” won’t necessarily make it easier for you to do the right thing, but it will certainly make it clearer what you ought to do.

I’ll confess that choosing character in every situation is a daily battle for me, but I know that it’s one worth fighting.

As leadership expert John Maxwell said, “Talent is a gift, but character is a choice.”

Let’s choose wisely. 🙂