Daniel Wong

The Simple 3-Letter Word That Successful People Use Every Day

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

Can the secret to success be summed up in a three-letter word?

Well, mostly.

And the word is… “yet.”

It requires some explanation as to why “yet” is such an important word, so please be patient with me.

Earlier this year, I had the honor of speaking at the National Association of Secondary School Principals (NASSP) Conference in Dallas, Texas. I was even more honored because my co-presenter was Dr. Carol Dweck, world-renowned researcher and the Lewis and Virginia Eaton Professor of Psychology at Stanford University.

Me and Dr. Carol Dweck

Me and Dr. Carol Dweck

Dr. Dweck’s research has centered around the themes of human motivation and development. She’s come up with a theory of the fixed vs. growth mindset, which has been proven by numerous studies.

Why effort matters more than ability

Essentially, Dr Dweck’s theory predicts who will be successful over the long term and who won’t. I know, that’s a pretty big claim to make, but she has three decades of research to back her up.

Here’s a summary of the theory:

  • People with a fixed mindset generally believe that their skills and abilities are fixed and won’t improve much, even with practice.
  • Fixed mindsetters focus on the end result more than the process of development.
  • Fixed mindsetters often focus on factors that are beyond their control, e.g. bad luck, unfortunate circumstances, unkind bosses, bad parents.
  • In contrast, growth mindsetters generally believe that no matter what their skill or ability level now, they can improve with effort.
  • Growth mindsetters focus on the process and the journey, instead of merely being concerned about the outcome.
  • Growth mindsetters focus on factors that are within their control, e.g. effort, attitude, choices.

How can a 3-letter word make such a huge difference?

Dr. Dweck has observed that one of the things that’s characteristic of growth mindsetters is that they frequently use the word “yet.”

Fixed mindsetters think or say things like:

  • “I’m not good at making new friends.”
  • “I’m not disciplined.”
  • “I’m not an analytical thinker.”
  • “I don’t have many leadership qualities.”
  • “I can’t cook.”

On the other hand, growth mindsetters simply tag on the word “yet” at the end of those sentences:

  • “I’m not good at making new friends yet.”
  • “I’m not disciplined yet.”
  • “I’m not an analytical thinker yet.”
  • “I don’t have many leadership qualities yet.”
  • “I can’t cook yet.”

It’s a simple word that represents a fundamental shift in mindset. (You can read more examples in this article I’ve written about developing a growth mindset in students.)

Using the word “yet” reminds us that we’re not perfect, that we’re a work-in-progress. Of course, we’ll need to choose which areas we want to focus on and excel at, but we shouldn’t write ourselves off as being bad at something before we’ve even given it a shot.

I’ve worked with students who have concluded that they’re bad at math, bad at science, bad at relationships, bad at life. Worse still, they’ve decided that things will never change, so they subconsciously behave in ways to prove themselves right.

Case study: my fear of public speaking

I can identify, because as a teenager I was like that too. One thing I was especially afraid of was public speaking.

Given that I’ve spoken to thousands of people in various countries, I always get the “yeah, right” look—I mean, the death stare of disbelief—when I mention that I used to have this fear. But it’s true, I promise!

In school, I used to shy away from any opportunity to speak in public: talks, asking questions in class, or sharing my views. To me, being forced to give a class presentation was the worst thing that could happen in life.

Just the thought of speaking in public immobilized me. My stomach would tighten up, my mind would freeze, and my emotions would go out of whack.

This continued until I was 21 years old. One day, I decided that I just couldn’t let this irrational fear get the better of me any longer. I wasn’t familiar with Dr Dweck’s work at the time, but it was then that I changed my thinking from “I’m not confident at public speaking” to “I’m not confident at public speaking yet.”

I promised myself that I would say yes the next time someone asked me to give a talk or presentation. It didn’t matter how big or small the audience would be, and it didn’t matter how long I was supposed to speak for.

I was going to do it. No hesitating, and no excuses. I was going to become a confident public speaker.

After saying yes again and again to speaking opportunities, I eventually realized that I enjoy public speaking, and I’ve never looked back since.

Becoming a “yet” man/woman

That’s my little story of how the word “yet” has empowered me.

I’m still in the process of applying this “yet” mindset. I want to become a world-class husband and father; I want to grow as a leader and strategic thinker; I want to develop traits like courage and fortitude. I’ll be the first to admit that I have plenty of work to do in these areas!

What about you? Are there skills or competencies that you’ve already decided you’ll never be able to acquire, regardless of how hard you try?

And are you willing to make it a daily habit to become a “yet” man/woman?

Life is a journey of learning, loving, growing and contributing. We’re not there. Yet.

3 Lessons I Learned From Not Being Able To Walk

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

Back pain - Photo courtesy of Jens Cramer

Three weeks ago, I suffered a terrible lower back injury while lifting weights.

(I was doing single leg deadlifts with bad form. Just in case you’re thinking of doing some single leg deadlifts yourself, here’s a link that teaches you how to perform them with proper form. Okay, random note over.)

I’m glad to say that I’m 95% recovered, but the past three weeks haven’t been fun.

I experienced a constant, sharp pain.

I couldn’t bend my back.

I couldn’t sleep because of the discomfort.

I had trouble even getting out of bed.

I could barely walk.

I spent most of my time at home either lying or sitting down.

How my wife made me feel like a 90-year-old

Man with a walking stick - Photo courtesy of Thomas Lieser

My wonderful wife, Michele, even had to put on my socks and shoes for me.

(I felt like a 90-year-old when she did that—don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against elderly people—but I’m blessed to have such a patient and caring wife!)

One of the saddest things was that we were forced to cancel our honeymoon.

We’d planned to spend a week in Korea, but we figured that I wasn’t in any condition to travel. I’m sure we wouldn’t have enjoyed ourselves much if we’d spent all of our time cooped up in the hotel anyway.

An unfortunate turn of events, but of course I’ll take full responsibility for not performing the single leg deadlifts correctly in the first place.

But being immobile gave me time to think about what I could learn from the experience.

Here are three lessons I learned that I hope you’ll find helpful, regardless of whether or not you ever injure your back:

Lesson #1: Life is relationships, the rest is just details

That’s a quote from Dr. Scott Sticksel. It captures a truth that’s hard to fully wrap your head around, especially for someone like me.

I enjoy my work and I enjoy feeling productive. I like checking things off my to-do list, and I get plenty of satisfaction from finishing a task or completing a project.

You go-getters out there know what I’m talking about, right?

Purposeful work adds joy and meaning to our lives, but our work is just one aspect of who we are and of what makes for a significant life.

This back injury reminded me that the quality of our relationships largely determines the quality of our lives.

I’ve felt very loved over the past three weeks, particularly by my family, parents-in-law, and aunt-in-law.

Here are just some of the things they did for me:

  • Dropped by to see how I was doing
  • Cooked for me
  • Washed the dishes
  • Cleaned the house
  • Took out the trash
  • Gave me a massage
  • Drove me around
  • Got me an abdominal binder to speed up my recovery
  • Sent me encouraging text messages

I know, I know… I’m so lucky!

And to think that when I was growing up I didn’t even want to hang out with my family because I thought they weren’t “cool.” I wanted to spend all of my free time with my friends—that’s what the “cool” kids did.

But I’ve since grown a lot closer to my family, and to Michele’s family too. They serve as a continual reminder to me (especially through this recent episode) to intentionally invest in the relationships I value most.

Clichéd but true: Life is relationships, the rest is just details.

Lesson #2: What describes you shouldn’t define you

I’ve always been physically active. I played basketball competitively for many years; I was trained as a platoon commander in the army; I lift weights regularly; I enjoy activities like hiking, skydiving and bungee jumping.

Over the years, I subconsciously started to take pride in the fact that I was fitter and stronger than the average person.

I’m ashamed to admit that I began to feel better about myself when I saw people who were in worse physical shape than me.

But this conceited view of myself fell apart when I injured my back.

I turned into a weakling who could neither move around freely nor carry anything that weighed more than a couple of pounds. Like I’ve already mentioned, I even needed my wife’s help to put on my socks and shoes!

I felt both helpless and useless.

I realized that I’d allowed myself to become defined by my physical health, when that’s merely a trait that described me.

We’re described by our…

  • Physical health
  • Height
  • Weight
  • Occupation
  • Social status
  • Net worth
  • Marital status
  • Achievements

But we should be careful never to let any of these define us. If we do—in the same way that I did—we set ourselves up for disappointment in the long run.

We’re defined by these two things: our character and our commitments.

We’re defined by our values and our beliefs, and by how courageously and resolutely we live them out.

There’s no doubt that physical health matters, but it’s our character and commitments that are of lasting worth.

Lesson #3: Happiness is a battle

My back injury made it difficult for me to be happy.

Hey, I wrote a book called The Happy Student, so I work hard at being happy and discovering the keys to long-term happiness.

I’d be a hypocrite if I walked around with a frowny face all day long, right?

But my back pain was so continuous, so present, and so severe that it was a challenge for me to think of anything besides the pain.

That’s when I understood afresh that happiness isn’t an emotion; it’s a choice. More than that, it’s a battle—most of the time, an uphill one.

It’s a fact that life is tough, and it’s full of stress and struggle. It’s also a fact that anything worth achieving usually takes twice as much effort and twice as long as you’d initially estimated.

Does this mean we’ll never be happy?

Of course not. It just means that if you want to be happy—to have a good life, not just an occasional good day—then you’ll have to fight for your happiness.

Every time you choose to be grateful, choose to pay a sincere compliment, choose to look for opportunities amidst the problems, choose to give hope to someone in a seemingly hopeless situation… you’re winning the battle, one blow at a time.

Choosing to be habitually joyful is a decision of the will, a declaration of intentionality, an act of courage.

It’s a choice I’m still learning to make daily regardless of my circumstances, but I know it’s one we all need to embrace if we want to find enduring peace and fulfillment.

In closing…

I’m thrilled that I’ve almost fully recovered from the injury. Now when I pick up something from the floor or bend down to tie my shoelaces, I’m uncommonly thankful I can! I definitely won’t be taking my health for granted in the near future.

I’m even more thankful that I could learn these three lessons for myself and share them with you. Now you don’t need to injure your back to learn them. 🙂

On Rejection, Disappointment, And Living Courageously

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

Rejection

I fearfully opened the email.

It read:

“Dear Daniel, I regret to inform you that we’re not interested in your manuscript. Best of luck finding a suitable publisher.”

I’d been rejected. Again.

I sighed. This feeling was becoming much too familiar.

At least this publisher bothered to take a minute to write me a reply, I thought. Better than the dozens of other publishers who hadn’t even shown me that courtesy.

I had already submitted my manuscript to so many publishers and agents that I’d lost count.

I was on the brink of giving up. A wannabe author can only take so much rejection, right?

My great idea that nobody liked

Months earlier, I’d developed the concept for the book. Its title would be The Happy Student: 5 Steps to Academic Fulfillment and Success.

I had it all planned out.

Not your typical self-help or how-to book, The Happy Student wouldn’t just hype readers up or make them experience a temporary surge of motivation.

Instead, it would empower them to find enduring success and fulfillment. It wouldn’t merely be an inspirational book; it would equip readers with the precious life skills that young adults need to thrive.

The Happy Student would be based on my personal experiences.

16 years of being a straight-A but mostly unhappy student, 16 years of constant questioning what the purpose of education is, 16 years of wisdom and insight… all compiled into an easy-to-read manual of life.

A book written by a student, for students.

“Happy and successful”—that would be the book’s catchphrase.

Doesn’t this all sound fantastic? It did to me, at least.

The Happy Student would impact readers around the world. It would be on all the bestseller lists.

Students and parents would flock to bookstores to get their copy. It would be the start of a global “happy” revolution.

And with the royalty payments I would receive, I’d be set for life.

Or so I imagined.

Dealing with discouragement and disappointment

But I couldn’t even get a single agent or publisher to take a second look at—much less like or love—my manuscript.

A far cry from being an international bestseller!

It wasn’t just the rejections from publishers and agents that left me feeling discouraged.

Some of my friends’ remarks were discouraging too:

  • “Come on, Daniel. Who gets a book published when they’re 20-something years old?”
  • “Maybe you should wait until you have more credibility before you approach publishers and agents.”
  • “You know, people who write books on education usually have a PhD in psychology or education.”

I don’t blame my friends.

They weren’t trying to be negative or nasty. They were just being realistic.

Discouraging friends. Discouraging publishers. Discouraging agents.

I had no idea that trying to get a book published would make me feel so hopeless!

How to write a (moderately) successful book

Fast forward one and a half years.

The Happy Student has sold thousands of copies, and it comes in both an International and Asian edition.

I’d call it a moderate success.

It’s not quite—and has never been—a top-ranked Amazon book. Neither can I choose to retire now and just live off my royalty payments.

So some of the dreams I mentioned earlier have come true, but not all of them.

I’ve learned not to find satisfaction in my status as a “published author.”

Instead, my greatest reward comes every time readers tell me that The Happy Student has inspired and empowered them to pursue excellence, that it has changed their outlook on life in some way.

That’s what makes it all worth it.

Today, when people say things to me like “What an achievement that you’re already a published author!” or “You’re an impressive young man,” I shrug off the comments.

My long list of fears

To me, I’m just a normal guy who had a normal dream. A normal dream that made me afraid.

Afraid of rejection. Afraid of what others would think of me. Afraid of disappointing myself. Afraid of failure.

Through the book-writing experience, I’ve learned that there’s no such thing as being fearless. Everyone has fears. I, for one, have plenty of them.

I’ll confess that it even took me a while to get over the fear of writing this post.

As someone who aspires to always be tough, strong and steadfast, it’s not natural for me to put myself out there through my writing.

The thought of allowing myself to be vulnerable… it makes me uncomfortable. Terrified, even.

So I’m writing this post in the hope that it will encourage you to do what you already know you ought to.

If that’s you, you know who you are.

I hope this post is that push you need to take on that project, start that business, nurture that relationship, or have that conversation.

After all, courage isn’t the absence of fear; it’s the willingness to confront fear.

And the only way you’ll be willing to confront your fears is to get beyond yourself, to see that conquering your fears is really about benefiting others.

Sure, facing your fears will benefit you by making you a bigger person, but your example will also give someone else the courage to face their fears.

Living without regret

Going back to my publishing story, I eventually got in touch with an agent who was interested in my book project, but not interested enough to take me on board as her client.

But she generously connected me with David Hancock, CEO of Morgan James Publishing, the firm that eventually published The Happy Student.

The rest is history.

Would I have regretted it if I’d put in all that effort to try and get the book published, but no publisher ever accepted the manuscript?

If you’d asked me that question before I embarked on the project, I would’ve said “yes.”

Ask me now, and I’ll reply, “Not at all.”

This change in perspective happened because I realize it’s far more likely that you’ll regret the things you don’t try at all, rather than the things you try and fail at.

How to live courageously

The courage to try and fail—that’s something that needs to be cultivated. You don’t wake up one day and suddenly find that you’ve had a big bravery boost.

The easiest way to build courage is to continually get beyond yourself.

Stop asking “What’s in it for me?”, and start asking “How will this add value to someone else?”

Stop asking “What will people think of me if I fail?”. Stop caring what people think and start asking “How many lives will I fail to make a difference to if I don’t at least try?”

Courage isn’t about focusing on yourself and your fears and your challenges.

It’s about focusing on others.

No matter what your dream is, I’m sure it will take courage for you to realize it.

Think about others, and I know you’ll find all the courage you’ll need.

So take the next step. The world is counting on you. 🙂

10 Ways To Make The Most Of Criticism

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

online comment

online comment

online comment

online comment

These are just a few of the many nasty comments I’ve received from Yahoo! readers.

When I started blogging for Yahoo! last year, I didn’t have any idea that I would generate this much hatred!

(To be fair, I’ve also received lots of encouraging comments.)

Writing for Yahoo! has been a humbling experience, because I’ve never been the target of such intense criticism and negativity before.

At first, I felt upset about receiving this kind of feedback.

After all, I spend hours writing each article, and I sincerely want to add value to my readers. Moreover, I do all of this writing without getting paid a single cent.

Are you pushing your own buttons?

But I’ve come to realize that every time we feel offended or upset, it’s an indication that we have our own personal issues we need to address.

We lose our cool when our “buttons” are pushed, but we have to take full responsibility for these buttons in the first place.

Do we have insecurities we need to overcome? Are there things in our past that we have yet to deal with? What areas do we need to grow in?

Reflecting on my experience as a Yahoo! blogger, I’ve come up with 10 ways to deal with criticism.

Here they are:

1. Don’t take the criticism personally.

Understand that you’re not being attacked personally.

The critic just has an issue with your ideas or behaviour. It’s only when you refuse to take the criticism personally that you’ll be able to benefit from it.

2. Look for the truth in the criticism.

Take a step back from the situation and ask yourself which aspects of the criticism are valid. This will allow you to decide on the action steps you can take to develop yourself.

3. Wait before responding to the criticism.

It’s natural to feel angry when someone criticizes you. Take at least 15 minutes to cool off before you respond to the criticism.

If you respond immediately, it’s more likely that you’ll say something you’ll regret.

4. Learn that you don’t always have to be right.

Getting criticized reminds you that not everyone agrees with you. When you let go of your need to be right all the time, your mind will be opened to new perspectives and ideas.

5. Remember that it’s okay to have flaws.

No one is perfect, and that’s alright. Receiving criticism reminds you of this.

6. Work on your unresolved issues.

If you feel offended by the criticism, it’s a sign that you have other issues to work on.

Are you a people-pleaser? Do you have deep-seated fears? Do you have an anger management problem?

This is a great opportunity for you to pinpoint any unresolved issues you might have and get to work on addressing them.

7. Remind yourself that it’s only people who dare to try who will ever be criticized.

The way to prevent yourself from ever getting criticized is simple: Do nothing. Attempt nothing. Say nothing.

If you want to make a lasting difference in this world and to the people around you, you’re going be criticized, sooner or later.

This means that if you continually receive criticism, you’re on the right track!

8. Learn to forgive.

If you’ve been hurt by the criticism, learn to let go and to forgive the critic.

This way, you won’t carry around an unnecessary burden, and you’ll be able to make the most of the feedback.

9. Remind yourself that haters are going to hate.

No matter how solid your plan is, how innovative your idea is, how eloquent your speech is, how well-written your article is—there will be someone who has something negative to say.

Ignore the people who hate just for the sake of hating. There are plenty of such people out there.

10. Develop your personal definition of success.

Years ago, I wrote down my personal definition of success:

“Success to me is loving life and loving lives, constantly giving and constantly growing.”

Every time I feel discouraged, I refer to this and remind myself that as long as I’m living according to this definition, then I’m a success, regardless of what the critics say.

I encourage you to write down your own definition today and review it every time you receive negative feedback. This will allow you to see the criticism in a new light.

In closing…

I love this saying by Emil Rhodes: “No one ever built a statue to a critic.”

Instead, people build statues to those who dream big and dare to fail, those who dare to be criticized.

If we’re serious about developing ourselves and leading a meaningful life, we’re going to get criticized.

So let’s turn the criticism we receive from a stumbling block into a stepping stone to greater things!

Want a More Exciting Life? The One Mindset Change You Need to Make

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

skydiving

Ever wonder how some people manage to always be so full of enthusiasm and excitement?

They’re continually working on new projects and coming up with innovative ideas.

Whatever they do, they do it with passion. It seems like they’re on a perpetual mission to change the world.

Maybe you feel like you’re on the other end of the spectrum.

Shouldn’t life be more exciting?

Most of the time, life is a struggle. There are so many mundane things you have to do, so many obligations you have to fulfill.

You’re overwhelmed by all the stress and problems you face.

It’s not that you don’t have your happy moments.

When you’re hanging out with your friends or watching your favorite TV show or listening to music… life seems a little bit better.

But those moments feel like a temporary escape from the rest of your uninteresting life.

You really wish your life were more thrilling, more filled with a sense of adventure. But you just don’t know how to get out of the rut you’re in.

How to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks

People who lead inspired lives and people who lead thoroughly uninspired ones—the cards they’re dealt in life are usually fairly alike.

It’s what they do with those cards they’re dealt that makes the difference.

Clichéd, I know. But it’s true.

As author Jack Penn once said, “One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks.”

It all starts with your mindset.

There are basically two approaches you can have. You can either choose to:

  • Protect life, or
  • Pursue it

Mindset #1: Protecting life

When you try to protect life, you operate from a place of fear.

Fear is a natural response to life in general. After all, there are an infinite number of bad things that could happen to you!

Many companies prey on our desire for protection.

Protection from death.

Protection from disease.

Protection from discomfort.

That’s why companies that sell insurance, make seat belts, produce vaccines and mosquito nets, and manufacture air conditioning units are profitable.

I’m not saying that these products are bad. I, for one, can’t think of anything better than enjoying some air conditioning on a sweltering day.

But if your prevailing thought is about how you ought to protect your life, then you’re never going to have a meaningful and exciting one.

Mindset #2: Pursuing life

People who lead a life of purpose have come to the realization that death is an inescapable reality.

They have fully come to terms with their mortality.

This explains why they’re constantly on a mission.

They’re not just here on earth to find something to do. They’re here on earth to do something.

When you pursue life, you don’t sit around and wait for things to happen. Instead, you make things happen.

You have a strong bias for action, even when you’re not 100% sure what the best thing to do is.

You recognize that a little action trumps a lot of thinking, every time.

Even when it comes to areas of your life such as relationships, you take the initiative to cultivate strong ones.

You don’t just go with the flow and hope that you’ll end up with good relationships.

3 simple ways to find happiness

It’s interesting to note that in happiness surveys conducted all around the world, the three basic factors that contribute most to happiness are the same:

  1. Good relationships
  2. Good health
  3. Satisfying work

When you boil it down to these three elements, it doesn’t seem like happiness should be that hard to find, right?

Being happy shouldn’t be our only goal, but you’ll probably agree with me that it is an important one.

When you choose to pursue life, instead of protect it, there’s no doubt that you’ll make plenty of progress in terms of your relationships, health and work.

Building strong relationships, being physically healthy, and choosing to do meaningful work—these are areas we have a lot of control over.

It just requires that we take full responsibility for our lives and intentionally make choices that are in line with what we want in the long term.

In closing…

The desire to protect life is what’s natural to us.

But what’s necessary, if we want to leave behind a marvelous legacy, is to pursue life.

It’s clear that winners focus on winning.

But losers don’t focus on losing, obviously. Rather, they focus on getting by, on merely surviving.

Losers protect life. Winners pursue it.

Experiencing a life of adventure—and finding long-lasting happiness, too—isn’t a matter of chance. It’s a matter of choice.

Let’s choose wisely.

Give Me Two Minutes And I’ll Show You If You’re Educated Or Not

Updated on August 10, 2021 By

keep calm and educate

“What is a college? An institute of learning. What is a business? An institute of learning. Life, itself, is an institute of learning.” – Thomas Edison

So you’re done with your formal education.

You’ve gone through 12 years or 16 years—or even longer than that—of schooling.

You’ve memorized countless facts and equations (how many of those facts and equations you still remember today—that’s probably a different story), taken hundreds of tests and exams, and sat through thousands of hours of class.

But all of this doesn’t guarantee that you’re an educated person.

Going to school isn’t the same as getting an education.

I recently read a wonderful book on education entitled Weapons of Mass Instruction by John Taylor Gatto.

In his book, Gatto explains what it means to be educated (I’ve summarized his points):

  • Educated people aren’t at a loss about what to do with their time. They don’t feel bored when they’re alone because enjoy their own company.
  • Educated people have the ability to build strong relationships wherever they go.
  • Educated people have fully come to terms with their mortality. They live their lives knowing that death is an inescapable reality.
  • Educated people reflect on their life experiences and continually gain new insights, even up until the point of death.
  • Educated people have a healthy self-esteem.
  • Educated people are knowledgeable about different cultures.
  • Educated people are proactive about creating new ideas.
  • Educated people discover truth for themselves by analyzing the evidence they’re presented with. They don’t try to discover truth by memorizing the opinions of others, not even the opinions of so-called “experts.”
  • Educated people seek to make a living by meeting the needs of others.
  • Educated people don’t deceive themselves into thinking that money will buy them happiness. Instead, they recognize that the most valuable things—love, curiosity, courage, empathy—are free of charge.
  • Educated people actively seek variety in their lives.

This list isn’t exhaustive, but it does help you to see that there’s a huge difference between being learned and being educated.

Okay, your two minutes are up.

Are you educated?

I know I’ve got plenty of work to do if I want to consider myself educated!

3 Mistakes That Lead To Mediocrity

Updated on January 6, 2026 By

be fearful of mediocrity

Don’t you hate it when bloggers preach to you as if they have all the answers?

So I’m not planning to do that in this post. 🙂

After all, I still struggle.

I get distracted by unimportant tasks.

I’m not as disciplined as I should be.

I lack the motivation to do some things that I know I ought to.

I am, however, a relentless observer of what makes for a remarkable life. I realize that, in the pursuit of a meaningful life, we often make this mistake:

We confuse what describes us with what defines us.

People describe us based on our characteristics:

  • Physical appearance
  • Social status
  • Occupation
  • Education
  • Abilities
  • Strengths
  • Weaknesses
  • Wealth

But there are only two things that define us: our character and our commitments.

If we focus on our “description” instead of our “definition,” we’ll eventually end up shortchanging ourselves.

Here are three mistakes I’ve seen people make, which lead to mediocrity:

1. You solve problems instead of committing to causes.

It’s easy to become a hostage to the present, hostage to the urgent issues that are crying out for your attention.

Remember, however, that you’re the custodian and creator of the future.

You’re not defined by the problems you solve, especially not the urgent but unimportant ones. You’re defined by the causes you commit yourself to.

Sure, even if you commit yourself to a cause, there will still be fires to put out.

But your focus won’t be on eliminating the problem. Instead, it’ll be on elevating the cause.

There’s a big difference.

Clearly, it’s impossible to commit to that many causes, whether they’re social, environmental, entrepreneurial or family ones. But whatever cause you do commit yourself to, make sure you’re all in, all the time.

2. You work hard to achieve goals instead of working hard to live out your values.

Whether or not you write down your goals, you’re probably a goal-oriented person.

You want to attain a certain amount of material wealth, a certain level of education, or enjoy a certain kind of family life.

Despite our fascination with people who have achieved incredible goals, it’s not the goals we achieve that define us.

We’re defined by the principles we embody.

It’s not about professing what’s important to you or what you stand for. It’s not about declaring what values you hold to.

It’s about allowing those values to get a hold of you and guide you in everything you do.

Mediocrity is centered on performance, rather than principles.

3. You’re more focused on building a legacy than on empowering people.

I know lots of driven, ambitious people who want to both be amazing and do amazing things.

Nothing wrong with that.

Nonetheless, we shouldn’t primarily be concerned about the awesomeness of the campfire that we’re building. Rather, we should concentrate on how we’re keeping other people warm.

We shouldn’t merely aim to help others and meet their needs.

More than that, we should aim to empower them.

If you help people without simultaneously empowering them, you make them feel even more helpless and needy.

This principle holds true whether you’re a social worker, personal trainer, business person, investment banker or parent.

At the heart of it, real poverty isn’t a lack of material things. It’s a feeling of powerlessness. We hurt people every time we help them without also empowering them.

In closing…

Psychiatrist M. Scott Peck wisely observed that “a fundamental sign of mental health is the realization that life is tough.”

There are pressing concerns we need to address if we’re to survive in this world, because life is tough.

But we also need to periodically take a step back from our busy lives to ask ourselves: Who or what defines me?

Yes, it’s your character and your commitments that define you. Nevertheless, when it’s all said and done, it’s your choices that define you.

A meaningful life isn’t built in a day. It’s built one day at a time, one decision at a time.

Let’s not settle for mediocrity when meaning is what we’re after.