Daniel Wong, Author at Daniel Wong

Raising Resilient Children: A Simple Tip That Works Wonders

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

resilient children

Every parent has been there before.

You worry that your children won’t be resilient enough to survive in the “real world” when they grow up.

Will they be able to handle disappointments? Will they develop a can-do attitude? Will they overcome their fears?

To prepare your children for the future, you encourage them to work hard. You try to teach them valuable life skills.

But when they meet setbacks, they sometimes falter. Maybe it’s a math test they didn’t do well on. Or a friendship that fell apart. Or a teacher who said something harsh.

They didn’t take it well. They might even have become withdrawn and unmotivated.

So you ask yourself…

How can I help my children to become more resilient?

A simple, effective tip for bringing up resilient children

And the tip is:

Share your challenges and struggles with your children, and explain to them what you’re doing to resolve the situation.

This might sound like a strange approach, but it’s effective.

Here’s why.

I’ve worked with 15,000 students so far. 95% of students tell me that their parents rarely talk about the challenges they face or the mistakes they’ve made. When their parents do talk about their challenges, it’s usually just to complain or to vent their frustrations.

As such, these children don’t understand what it means to tackle challenges head-on, or to iron out unpleasant situations in a mature, responsible way.

Children need to see real-life examples of this.

Who better to lead the way than you?

The key mindset that leads to success

So talk to your children about your challenges. These include complications at work, interpersonal conflicts, and any important decisions you’re about to make.

(Of course, if it’s an exceptionally serious issue that your children would be better off not knowing about, then please use your discretion.)

Outline the choices you’re confronted with. Tell your children how you feel: frustrated, confused, annoyed, hopeful.

Explain why you’ve decided to adopt a positive attitude, and describe how you’re proactively resolving the issue. This way, your children will understand that there’s always something you can do, no matter how futile the situation might seem.

Your children will cultivate a mindset of “Challenges are to be embraced,” rather than “Challenges are to be avoided.” They’ll take on more challenges, instead of shying away from them.

I’m sure you want your children to be successful. And if there’s one thing successful people love, it’s challenges!

3 reasons why you might ignore my advice (but why those reasons aren’t valid)

Right now, you’re probably thinking, “Daniel, this sounds good in theory. But I can’t bring myself to do it…”

Stop right there.

There are three main reasons why parents feel this way. I’ll list the reasons one at a time, and explain why they aren’t valid.

Reason #1: You’re afraid to show your children that you’re not perfect

I have bad news for you. Your children already know you’re not perfect.

Up until the age of five or six, your children looked up to you as Supermom or Superdad. But that all changed when they saw you tell a lie, use a curse word, or lose your temper.

As your children get older, you’ll gain their respect by being humble, not by trying to appear “perfect.”

When I was 13, my parents said something to me in anger, which they shouldn’t have. I felt hurt and troubled. But 30 minutes later, they apologized to me and asked for my forgiveness.

This incident happened years ago, but it still stands out to me as an example of how wonderful my parents are. Their humility made me respect them more, and taught me to take responsibility for my words and actions.

Similarly, when you share your challenges with your children, they’ll admire you for your openness and courage.

Reason #2: You’re afraid that if you talk about your mistakes, it will give your children the right to make mistakes

I’ve got more bad news for you. Your children are going to make mistakes, whether or not you tell them about your mistakes.

But you already knew that.

If you share what you’ve learned from your mistakes, however, your children will become wiser. As they watch you recover from mistakes and setbacks, they’ll begin to grasp this truth:

It’s impossible to be perfect, but it is possible to pursue excellence. The key to success is to focus on developing and improving, not just on achieving the ideal outcome.

When your children understand this, they’ll become more resilient.

Reason #3: It isn’t part of your family culture to be vulnerable

In other words, you’d feel awkward about being so open with your children.

But strong relationships are built on trust. And you can’t build trust without openness and honesty.

No matter what your family culture is like today, there’s always room to grow.

I’m not asking you to start by confessing to a catastrophic mistake you made that cost your company $10 million. Instead, you could share about something insensitive you said to a friend, but how you made amends. Or about your colleagues who spread untrue rumors about you, but how you kept your cool.

As the saying goes, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” So start small, and take it from there — one day at a time, one conversation at a time.

The bottom line

Raising resilient children is a complex topic, but this article outlines a practical tip you can use right away.

I encourage you to talk to your children about the challenges and problems you’re dealing with, and what you’re doing to overcome them.

Not only will this enable your children to become more resilient, it will also help you to build a stronger relationship with them. It will open up the lines of communication, and set the foundation of a happy, healthy family.

So think about one tiny incident you can share with your children. Decide when and where you’ll bring up the topic. Start by doing this once a month, then once every two weeks, then once a week.

Soon enough, it’ll become a habit.

Don’t be surprised when your children start telling you about how they’re confidently working through their own challenges!

When the day comes that your children are independent, mature and resilient, you’ll beam with pride.

But remember, it all begins with being open about your own struggles.

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8 Truths That Successful Students Understand

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 15 Comments

Students

Through my work with more than 20,000 students so far, I’ve begun to see what separates successful students from not-so-successful ones.

And I’m not just talking about academic performance. I’m talking about their overall development, and their willingness to learn and grow, even through disappointments.

The key doesn’t lie in successful students’ innate intelligence or how many study tips they know.

Instead, the foundation of their success lies in their beliefs — the truths they take to heart.

These are the eight most important truths that successful students both understand and embrace:

1. Life is challenging

Many students expect life to be relatively easy. They know that hard work is important, but they don’t believe they’ll need to work that hard to get what they want.

For example, I once gave a talk to an auditorium filled with 18-year-old students. At the end of the talk, a student came up to me and said, “Thank you for the talk, Daniel! I’m feeling inspired. I’d like to ask you: What can I do to ensure that I find a fulfilling career in the future?”

After telling him that I appreciated his enthusiasm, I recommended that he start by reading two books, Do What You Are and What Color is Your Parachute?.

In an instant, a puzzled look washed over his face. He said dejectedly, “Oh, but I don’t like reading. I won’t be able to make it through two books…”

This student wanted to find a fulfilling career that would last him a few decades, but he wasn’t willing to read two books. Somehow, he believed that building a rewarding career shouldn’t take too much effort.

Unfortunately, this mindset is prevalent among students.

Successful students, on the other hand, understand that life is tough, but that overcoming challenges makes life more meaningful.

2. You can’t always choose your circumstances, but you can always choose your attitude

We all like to think that we’re in control of our lives. But there are so many aspects of our lives that are beyond our control. Of course, this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t plan ahead and make wise decisions.

Successful students realize that they can’t control what mood their teacher is in, or what the weather will be like, or how hard next week’s math test will be.

But they recognize that they can always choose their attitude, and how they respond to the circumstances they’re confronted with.

3. Your education is your responsibility, not your parents’

It seems like many parents today take more of an interest in their children’s academics than their children do.

I’ve met parents who sit right next to their children to ensure that their children complete their homework. These same parents develop a complete studying schedule for their children to follow, because their children have become over-reliant on them.

Just last week, I got to know a family where the father is planning to quit his job so he can monitor his 15-year-old son’s schoolwork more closely.

I don’t doubt that these parents have good intentions. But whose education is it? Is it the parents’ or the children’s?

Successful students understand that their education is their responsibility.

Parents can help by not micromanaging their children. Instead, parents can set medium-term goals together with their children. Every two months or so, parents can give the school teacher a brief call to see how their children are progressing. If the children aren’t living up to their end of the bargain, then the parents can mete out appropriate consequences.

4. Life doesn’t revolve around you

Many students ask themselves, “What can my parents/family do for me?” instead of asking, “What can I do for my parents/family?”

In order for students to find long-term success, they must realize that they’re not the center of the universe.

It’s their social responsibility to show consideration for other people’s feelings and needs, especially those of their family members.

Only then can students begin to cultivate an attitude of service, where they focus on adding value to other people, instead of obsessing over their own desires.

5. Blaming others gets you nowhere

It’s easy for students (and adults too) to blame others. Do any of the following sound familiar?

“The teacher is too boring. That’s why I didn’t do well on the test.”
“My parents are too naggy. That’s why I’m always moody.”
“The lesson wasn’t engaging. That’s why I couldn’t pay attention.”

These complaints may be valid. But taking full responsibility for your education and your life means that you don’t blame other people for how you’ve been feeling, or the disappointments you’ve been experiencing.

Instead, successful students continually ask themselves this vital question: “What is one thing I can do right now to make the situation better?”

This enables them to focus on what they can control, instead of what they can’t.

6. Managing yourself is more important than managing your time

Students today face more distractions than ever before.

Texting. YouTube. Facebook. Twitter. Instagram. Blogs. Online games. And the rest of the Internet.

Students must learn to manage their time and their priorities, but they must first learn to manage themselves.

They must acquire the skills of eliminating distractions, fighting off temptations, and finding intrinsic motivation.

If they don’t, they won’t feel motivated to study, and they’ll succumb to the onslaught of entertainment options available to them 24/7.

7. You’re entitled to few things in life, if at all

80% of the students I work with have a strong sense of entitlement. They feel entitled to:

Use their home computer any time they wish
Own a smartphone
Have a messy room, if they so choose
Lead a comfortable life

They don’t grasp the fact that these aren’t entitlements; they’re privileges. And privileges aren’t given. They’re earned.

Successful students work hard to earn these privileges, knowing that they could lose these privileges if they’re not careful.

8. No one’s perfect, but there’s always room to improve

I’ve worked with a number of students who have unrealistic expectations of themselves, and who place an overwhelming pressure on themselves to perform.

These perfectionist tendencies (most common among those who are the first-born or who are an only child) can lead to serious psychological issues down the road, such as depression and suicidal thoughts.

So if you’re a parent reading this, don’t take it lightly if your child is a perfectionist.

But successful students realize that there’s no such thing as perfection.

They turn their attention away from achievements and the end result. Instead, they focus on improving and developing. They concentrate on the factors that are within their control: their effort and attitude.

Ironically, these students perform better by choosing not to focus on their performance.

The bottom line

If you want your children to become happy and successful, they must accept these eight truths. As parents, our role is to influence and inspire our children to understand these truths, and then live them out.

Is it an easy task? Definitely not.

But I’m convinced that it’s worth the effort. 🙂

7 Phrases That Children Need To Hear From Their Parents

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 32 Comments

Listening

Are you worried that your children aren’t as motivated and hardworking as they should be?

It’s natural that parents want their children to succeed.

Through my work with students, I’ve realized just how much the parent-child relationship affects the child’s development, both emotionally and mentally.

No surprises there.

The stronger the relationship, the better the chances of the child becoming a well-adjusted, successful adult.

This article lists seven simple phrases that will help you to build that relationship.

The more often you use the phrases – I’m not asking you to repeat them every moment of every day, though! – the more likely it is that your child will grow up feeling safe, secure and self-confident. That’s the foundation of long-term success and happiness.

Here are the seven phrases:

1. “I love you”

This is an obvious but vital one.

Children need to know that you love and accept them unconditionally. You might feel awkward about saying “I love you” to your children, especially if it isn’t part of your family culture. But I encourage you to say it at least once a month. If you say it once a week or once a day, even better.

95% of the teenagers I work with confess to me that they feel as though their parents love them more when they perform well in school or in their other activities.

In extreme cases, these children grow up believing that they’ll never be good enough. This can cause them to be unmotivated, or to exhibit other behavioral problems.

The simple solution?

Say “I love you” to your children. Often.

2. “Go for it!”

Of course, if your children are about to do something dangerous or unethical, you shouldn’t tell them to “go for it.” You should step in.

But when they’re faced with a challenge that they’ll benefit from taking on, they need your encouragement to bolster their confidence.

Parents tend to be too cautious, because they take a short-term view of parenting. I’m a parent myself, so I know how tempting this can be.

I believe that the goal of parenting isn’t to shelter our children or to provide them with a comfortable life. It’s to prepare them for adulthood, where they won’t just survive – they’ll thrive.

Adulthood is full of challenges, so in childhood and adolescence your kids need all the practice they can get in overcoming them.

To do that, they’ll need your support, and for you to tell them, “Go for it!”

3. “I’m proud of you”

I recommend that you say this to your children frequently, and not just when they’ve accomplished something remarkable.

Being proud of your children for what they’ve done is different from being proud of them for who they are.

There’s nothing wrong with being proud of your children for what they’ve achieved. But they need to know that you’ll still be proud of them, even if they don’t achieve anything impressive.

Whenever you observe your children displaying kindness, generosity, humility, courage, or any other positive behavior, take the opportunity to say, “I’m proud of you.”

Don’t underestimate the tremendous power of this simple phrase.

4. “I believe in you”

For many people, childhood and adolescence are times of self-doubt.

Am I capable enough?

What will people think of me if I fail?

Do I have what it takes?

Why can’t I be as smart as Tim, or as popular as Jaime?

These are the kinds of questions that children ask themselves.

In the midst of their doubt, they need you to be their loyal advocate, their ardent fan.

It breaks my heart when teenagers tell me that their parents are their biggest critic, not their biggest fan. Their parents belittle them and put them down. On occasion, their parents even call them “useless” or “stupid.”

I’m blessed that, throughout my own life, my parents have told me that they believe in me – especially when I didn’t believe in myself. This gave me the confidence to dream big and dare to fail.

This is a gift that you can share with your children too, as you say to them, “I believe in you.”

5. “Will you forgive me?”

As a parent, you’re an authority figure in your home. Apologizing to your children is hard, because your pride is at stake.

But leaders go first. As a leader in your home, you must take the first step.

For example, if you’ve said something unkind during an argument with your child, be the first one to say, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Will you forgive me?”

As you model this kind of humility, your children will develop new respect for you. This is also an excellent opportunity to show your children that we all make mistakes, but that it’s crucial to take responsibility for them.

6. “Will you show me how you did that?”

At some point, your children will know more about certain things than you. Maybe they already know more about social media or music or Internet marketing than you.

I know many parents who act as if they know more than their children in every area. When their children bring up almost any topic, these parents cut them off, jump to conclusions, or cast judgment.

Soon enough, these children stop communicating openly with their parents. “Why should I talk to my parents, when they don’t actually listen to what I have to say?” these children think.

So if your children know more about something than you, I encourage you to say, “That’s interesting. Tell me more.”

And if you see your children doing something you’re not able to, why not ask them, “Will you show me how you did that?”

A few days ago, I was waiting to get a haircut when I saw a 14-year-old boy playing with a Rubik’s cube. He solved the Rubik’s cube in less than 15 seconds. I was impressed!

The boy’s mother was sitting next to him. She remarked, “Wow! Will you show me how you did that?” Grinning with pride, the boy explained step-by-step how to solve a Rubik’s cube.

When you take a genuine interest in your children’s hobbies, they feel valued and respected. This is vital for a healthy parent-child relationship.

7. “I’m here for you”

As children get older, they want more independence. They want the freedom to make choices, and to chart their own course.

Parents may start to feel as if their children don’t want to have anything to do with them. But this isn’t the case.

Even the most rebellious teenagers I’ve worked with care about what their parents think, at some level.

If your children are in their teens, allow them to make as many of their own choices as possible. After all, they’re going to be adults in a few short years. They’ll appreciate your advice and counsel, as long as you make it clear that the final decision is theirs. Naturally, they must deal with the consequences of their choices too.

By saying “I’m here for you,” your children will know that you’re there to help if the going gets tough. This way, they’ll be more confident as they venture out into the world.

The bottom line

Parenting is an adventure that’s full of both frustration and joy, but it doesn’t have to be complicated.

That’s where these seven simple phrases come in.

Start small. Choose one phrase, and use it at least once in the coming month. The next month, add one more phrase to your repertoire.

Soon enough, you’ll be using all seven phrases as a habit. And you’ll be well on your way to bringing up happy and successful children – one day at a time, and one phrase at a time.

Image: Listening

How To Be Excellent Without Being Exhausted

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 29 Comments

Rock climbing - Photo courtesy of Harsh1.0

It’s a struggle, isn’t it?

You want to give your best in your work, but you also want to invest in your relationships, hobbies, and personal growth. You want to pursue excellence in all areas of your life.

But it seems impossible to find the right balance.

Maybe you often need to work late to get the job done, which means that you’re forced to cancel dinner appointments with friends. Or you try to do it all and have it all but end up sacrificing sleep, which makes you feel constantly worn out.

It’s a daily dilemma that frustrates you. It eats away at your soul, just a little.

It makes you wonder if you’re living well, if you’re devoting your time and energy to the things that count.

Is this the way life was meant to be? If you pursue excellence, does that necessarily mean you’ll also be exhausted?

When my best wasn’t good enough

I’ve been wrestling with these thoughts over the past few years. As a husband and father who was working a full-time job (which I just left), running a business, trying to exercise regularly and eat healthily, and striving to fulfill my other responsibilities with both enthusiasm and commitment…

I was tired.

Physically tired, but emotionally too. I was giving my best, but I felt like my best wasn’t nearly good enough.

I was barely staying afloat on all fronts. I was surviving, not thriving.

Don’t get me wrong. Life was never supposed to be a walk in the park, because it’s in overcoming frustrations and challenges that life becomes meaningful.

As Howard Hendricks once remarked:

A man who complains that the coffee is too cold or the beer too warm is a man who thinks he is on a cruise ship.

Life isn’t a cruise to the Bahamas. I’ve learned that it’s hard, and sometimes painful, to even attempt to make a difference and create an impact.

Tiredness and stress are facts of life, but when they become a way of life, it’s time to reexamine the way we make decisions.

It’s a bad idea to give your best in everything you do

When you were growing up, your parents might have said things to you like:

“How you do anything is how you do everything.”
“Anything worth doing is worth doing well.”
“You become what you do.”
“It’s more important to do your best than to be the best.”

These are all good sayings. I agree that we should establish excellence as both a habit and a prevailing attitude, but I’ve realized that it’s impossible to be excellent at everything.

I’ve tried, and it left me confused and discouraged.

In the past, I was obsessed about excellence. I even wanted to be an excellent text messager. I never used any short forms or abbreviations in my texts, and I would proofread every text twice before sending it.

I know that sounds like compulsive behavior, but I just wanted to be excellent at everything I did! (Nowadays, I use plenty of abbreviations and I don’t proofread my texts unless there’s potential for confusion. 🙂 )

I adopted this approach toward my assignments, projects, emails, physical health, relationships and business. And it worked, until the number of my responsibilities—none of which I could defer or delegate—increased to the point where I had no choice but to consider an alternative.

I no longer believe in the give-your-best-in-every-single-thing-you-do type of excellence, because this can lead to an unsustainable preoccupation with perfection.

I’ve been there, done that.

If you’re in a situation where you have three big assignments due the following day, 100 unread emails in your inbox, a family member who’s ill whom you need to take care of, and you feel like you’re falling sick yourself, you know what I mean.

Two steps to help you spend your time wisely

That’s why I advocate selective excellence.

You can’t just decide to be excellent; you need to decide specifically what you want to be excellent at.

Here’s a simple two-step system I recommend that will enable you to focus your efforts and energy on the tasks worth doing excellently:

1. Write down every task you typically spend more than 15 minutes on each day.

This could include things like replying to emails, attending class or meetings, filing documents, doing household chores, and preparing meals.

Can you eliminate or delegate any of these tasks? If yes, then do it. The remaining items on the list should all be important tasks that you can’t not do.

2. For tasks that you can’t eliminate or delegate, categorize them into A, B or C tasks.

This categorization is based on the likely impact of the task. Ask yourself: In one year’s time, will it matter how much effort I devote to this task today?

If the answer is “yes,” then it’s an A task.

If the answer is “probably,” then it’s a B task.

And if the answer is “probably not,” then it’s a C task.

Of course, there are bound to be gray areas. I recommend that, by default, you place the task in question in the lower category, e.g. if you’re not sure if it’s an A or B task, label it as a B task. The fact that you’re in a dilemma about whether it’s an A or B task shows that it’s probably not that critical.

A tasks require your undivided attention. Work on these tasks first every day, and don’t multitask while you’re at it. Prioritize A tasks by blocking out specific parts of your calendar to complete them. In the long term, A tasks are the ones that will define your education, career, relationships and life, so do them excellently.

B tasks are important but not critical. These tasks can’t be neglected, but they don’t call for an “excellent” effort, because “good enough” will do without compromising on the end result. Work on B tasks only when you’re done with the A tasks for the day.

C tasks are routine tasks that aren’t of lasting consequence. Complete these tasks as quickly as you can while maintaining a reasonable level of accuracy and meticulousness. Schedule C tasks for times when your energy levels are lower.

To give you an idea of what tasks might fall into each of the three categories, here are some of my A, B and C tasks:

A tasks – Writing a new blog post, preparing for a talk, planning for the coming year, spending time with family
B tasks – Replying to (most) emails, scheduling meetings
C tasks – Household chores (I promise I don’t do a shoddy job of these just because they’re C tasks!), filing documents, keeping track of expenses, placing emails in the right folders

The ABC framework will help you to pursue excellence in a focused, and even ruthless, way.

Excellence without exhaustion is achievable

Over to you: Are you spending too much time on non-A tasks? And are there any areas where you need to readjust your priorities?

For most people, absolute excellence—where you try to do your best in everything—leads to exhaustion.

Selective excellence is the only alternative that works. It isn’t a copout or a compromise. It’s a conscious choice to determine what matters most, and to invest wholeheartedly in those things.

So let’s not just be excellent. Let’s be extremely excellent at the things that are extremely important. 🙂

Image: Rock climbing

15 Rules for Success in Life (That All Students Should Know)

Updated on April 23, 2026 By Daniel Wong 11 Comments

What are good rules for success in life — the rules that motivated and focused students follow to do well in school and beyond?

Don’t get me wrong. Success isn’t mainly about achievement. It’s about purpose, meaning, and contribution.

Most people think the secret to success lies in setting goals.

At the beginning of every new year, we say we’ll study harder, exercise daily, read more, go to sleep by 9pm…

But then life happens.

School assignments. Chores. Responsibilities. Family commitments. Our well-meaning resolutions slip down our list of priorities until soon, they’ve disappeared.

Sound familiar?

After all, studies show that 80% of people experience this.

Sure, setting the right goals — whether they’re academic goals or other types of goals — is important. But what you really need for a meaningful and purpose-driven life is a list of rules to live by.

Let’s explore why it’s crucial to have fewer goals and more rules. I’ll also share my top 15 tips for success and explain how to create rules that work for you.

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Me, the former compulsive goal-setter

Not long ago, I was a compulsive goal-setter.

Every year I would set more than 50 goals to cover all areas of my life: sleep, exercise, academics, career, personal finance, personal development, spirituality, relationships, community service, and leisure.

Pretty long list, I know.

I even set a goal for spontaneity: Do at least one random thing a week.

My friends thought I was hilarious (or, more likely, ridiculous) for turning spontaneity into a goal!

But here’s what I discovered:

Obsessing over goal-setting is counter-productive. I was stressed out and overextended trying to track and achieve all those goals.

Why you need more rules and fewer goals

Nowadays, I set far fewer goals for myself. Instead of goals, I set rules for success.

Please don’t misunderstand. I don’t have it all figured out. I’m still learning, and I always will be! But here’s what I have learned about success so far:

You’re more likely to keep to a rule than a goal.

What’s the difference between a rule and a goal?

A goal is a target. It’s something you hope to achieve, or to which you aspire.

On the other hand, a rule is a law to abide by, a standard to adhere to. It’s non-negotiable, so you do it no matter what.

Some might say the difference between a goal and a rule is a matter of semantics, but I say there’s more to it.

Goals inspire hope, while rules mandate action. Goals focus on the desired outcome, while rules focus on the process that will lead to that outcome.

Here’s an example: “My goal is to get straight A’s this year.” That’s a lofty target, but not much more.

Reframed as rules for success, this statement becomes: “I make time to study every day after school for at least two hours” and “I’m going to apply at least 10 test-taking strategies that will calm my anxiety about exams”.

When you take specific actions, you’re more likely to achieve your goals.

Rules are important in both sports and life

Hear me out…

We shouldn’t flood our lives with rules, either. I’d even say we should break many of the unhelpful “rules” we hear daily. The ones like:

“There’s always a right and a wrong answer.”

“Avoid failure at all costs.”

“Succeed in school, and you’ll succeed in life.”

Success is about more than making a certain amount of money or getting into a specific school.

That said, well-set rules play a vital role in life. Let’s look to sports for some excellent examples:

In basketball, you must stand behind the line when you’re shooting free throws.
In tennis, the ball must land within the box when you serve.
In soccer, only the goalkeeper can use his or her hands.

Rules make these games orderly, fun, and exciting. There’d be too much chaos and confusion for the games to be enjoyable for players and spectators if not for the rules.

Similarly, setting rules for success in life will help you live more intentionally — and achieve what’s most important to you.

What you want now vs. what you want most

What do you want to do right now? Is it to watch TV, go on social media, or eat junk food?

Now, what do you want to do most? Probably do meaningful work, build strong relationships, volunteer, exercise, or expand your knowledge.

When we think of freedom, we usually think about having the flexibility to do what we want right now. But my definition of freedom is doing more of what you want to do most — those things that are truly important.

That’s easier said than done.

Most of us choose immediate gratification over long-term happiness. But by setting boundaries or rules, we create the freedom to focus on what we want most, even when it’s challenging.

Freedom means having the right kind of boundaries

Freedom, then, isn’t the absence of boundaries. Instead, it’s having the right boundaries.

Imagine if this fish didn’t have the “boundary” of the fishbowl. If someone smashed the fishbowl and let all the water out, the fish wouldn’t survive for more than a few minutes.

Rules and boundaries keep us on track by helping us do what we ought to and lead more abundant lives.

You need rules to lead a principles-centred life

We’ve distinguished between goals and rules for success, but we also need to differentiate between rules and principles.

Principles are guidelines, but they don’t outline specific actions that you can or cannot take.

Going back to the basketball example, the main principle of basketball is that you want to score more points than your opponent.

But this principle doesn’t specifically tell you what you are and are not allowed to do in your quest to outscore your opponent.

Should you launch shots from half-court? Should you focus more on defence or offence? Should you dribble or pass more?

Similarly, you might decide to live by certain principles, but that’s not enough to ensure your noble intentions lead to committed action and consistent results.

For instance, you might decide you want your life to focus on contribution rather than achievement.

That’s an admirable principle to live by, but what does it look like in your daily life? Like when you need to write a 10-page report by the end of tomorrow?

In theory, you only need principles. In practice, you need rules to live out those principles.

Another example: If you want to lead a life of kindness, generosity and courage, you won’t accomplish this by saying, “Today, I’m going to be kind, generous, and courageous.”

Instead, you’ll need to set specific rules that will enable you to live out those values daily. No one can build a great life in a day. We create successful and meaningful lives one day at a time, one decision at a time.

15 time-tested rules for success in life

So, what are some rules for success that might make your life — and the lives of those around you — better?

Before we start, remember that life is about more than getting good grades or making lots of money.

What does success look like to you? What brings meaning and purpose to your life?

When making a list of rules, they must work for you. We’ll explore this further in a moment.

First, take a look at these 15 time-tested rules I do my best to follow. I hope some will inspire you, too.

1. Spend time in quiet reflection

We live in a noisy world with lots of distractions. It’s easy to get caught up in our to-do lists and forget about what matters most. So, every day, I do my best to spend at least 10 minutes in quiet reflection. I relax, think about my day, and observe any feelings that arise.

Make time for quiet reflection to check in with your emotions and appreciate life’s gifts. You’ll gain clarity on what’s most important to you.

2. Exercise regularly

Your brain loves exercise. Twenty minutes of activity is all it takes to improve brain functions like memory, attention span, and thinking.

Plus, regular exercise helps manage stress and improves overall health and wellness. (Check out my time-management tips for students if you’re wondering how to fit exercise into your schedule.)

My rule is to exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, five days a week. Choose some exercise rules that work for you. Even a brisk walk will do the trick!

3. Read for at least 15 minutes a day

I know it’s challenging to find time to read when you’re busy with school assignments and other commitments.

But a regular reading habit improves memory, concentration, focus, vocabulary, and even sleep.

What you read is not that important (although tweets on Twitter don’t count), so have fun exploring topics that interest you!

4. Keep a gratitude journal

Want to feel happier and healthier?

Write down what you’re thankful for. Studies show that students who kept a gratitude journal experienced less depression, lower risk of heart disease, and reported eating more healthily too.

If you feel as if writing requires too much effort, at least take a minute each day to think about a couple of things you’re thankful for.

5. Compliment one person daily

When was the last time someone told you they admired your perseverance or appreciated your thoughtfulness? How did it make you feel?

It’s hardly a secret that receiving compliments makes our day a little better.

But what if I told you that dishing out compliments directly benefits you, too? It’s true. Say a few nice things to others, and you’ll build your confidence, improve your long-term positive thinking, and make better decisions.

6. Chatting face-to-face? Put your phone away

Did you know there’s a term for looking at your phone while someone is talking to you?

It’s called “phubbing”, or phone snubbing.

While it might seem harmless, “phubbing” can disrupt relationships and impact your mental health. When you’re chatting with someone face-to-face, show respect for the other person and make the conversation more enjoyable by putting your phone away.

7. Have dinner at home

You’re a busy student, so a sit-down dinner every night may not be possible. That’s okay. When you can, though, eat at home. Avoid watching TV or looking at your phone, and instead practise mindful eating.

If you can eat with a family member, great! Ask about their day, and chat about yours.

8. Be five minutes early

Want to avoid stress and show respect for your teachers and classmates? Arrive to class five minutes early. You’ll feel confident, relaxed, and prepared to learn.

Simple rules for success like this benefit all areas of your life, so make it a practice now.

9. Provide criticism in person

A group member didn’t do their part of the project, so now you’re staying up all night to finish it on time. You pull out your phone to write them a strongly worded text message.

For most people, it’s easier to send negative feedback via text message or email than to say it in person. But easier doesn’t always mean better.

Written messages can cause misunderstandings. There are no in-person social cues, so your words can come across harsher than intended.

In addition, it’s one-sided. Constructive criticism is important, but save it for face-to-face conversations.

10. Plan your day the night before

Have you heard of decision fatigue? It takes a lot of mental energy to make decisions, and when your brain gets tired, you start making flawed decisions.

If you’re overwhelmed with tasks, debating what to do first can sap productivity.

Instead, at the end of each day, take 5 or 10 minutes to plan out your next day. You’ll feel less stressed, sleep better, and have plenty of mental energy to dive into your to-do list.

11. Only check email and social media three times a day

How many times a day do you check social media? Ten times? Twenty?

Would you be surprised to learn that some teens check social media 100 times a day? Social media is addictive. Often we spend more time mindlessly scrolling than we realise; we waste valuable attention we could use elsewhere.

One of my top rules for success is to only check email and social media three times a day, as far as possible. Stick with it to become a more disciplined student.

12. Ask if others have time to talk (or text)

There’s a good chance you don’t remember the days of landlines and answering machines — a time when you couldn’t always expect an immediate response.

Thanks to the smartphones in our pockets, the story’s a little different today. But just because our friends can answer immediately doesn’t mean we should expect them to. Instead, be courteous. Ask if they can talk or text. Your friends will soon start to do the same to you, too.

13. Don’t gossip

At first, gossip seems harmless… maybe even a little fun. Until your friend discovers you’ve been talking bad about her. Now you’ve hurt a relationship that meant a lot to you.

Gossip is a waste of energy and a harmful habit. Build people up and spread positivity instead.

14. Ask your teachers for feedback

Once a month or once every two months, ask your teachers for feedback.

I know that sounds scary. No one enjoys receiving criticism!

Feedback will make you a better student and provide you with an opportunity to course-correct early on.

What’s more, learning to accept feedback gracefully is an important communication skill that will serve you long into the future.

15. Proofread assignments and emails

Take a few minutes to proofread your assignments and emails. It shows thoughtfulness and thoroughness and will keep silly mistakes at bay. Proofreading also displays professionalism, clarity, and accuracy.

How to make rules work for you

These rules for success in life work for me, and I hope they help you, too.

You don’t need to implement every rule here. Use what works for you, then brainstorm your own list of rules to live by.

Start by deciding what success means to you. Again, it’s not only about getting straight A’s or accumulating wealth. Those factors don’t define your self-worth.

Instead, ask these questions:

What do I love?
What’s important to me?
What does the world need?
How to not care what people think while doing what’s most meaningful?
What does it mean to lead a good life?
How can I make choices that benefit others?

It’s okay if you don’t know all of the answers. These prompts are tools you can use to start discovering what’s meaningful and important to you.

Then, choose one rule you’d like to incorporate. Write it down in a notebook or a note-taking app. Get specific about when and how you’ll put the rule into practice.

Spend one month focusing on the rule until it turns into a habit. Next month, add one new rule.

Remember, we’re writing rules for success in life — not creating a list of lofty goals.

But don’t worry. When you establish the right rules, you’ll inevitably achieve your goals, too.

Want more tips and systems to become an organised, focused, and disciplined student?

Check out the Straight-A Student Weekly Checklist. It’s a comprehensive system I’ve created for academic achievement, with easy rules for success that will improve all areas of your life!

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free quick action guide below.)

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The Simple 3-Letter Word That Successful People Use Every Day

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong

Can the secret to success be summed up in a three-letter word?

Well, mostly.

And the word is… “yet.”

It requires some explanation as to why “yet” is such an important word, so please be patient with me.

Earlier this year, I had the honor of speaking at the National Association of Secondary School Principals (NASSP) Conference in Dallas, Texas. I was even more honored because my co-presenter was Dr. Carol Dweck, world-renowned researcher and the Lewis and Virginia Eaton Professor of Psychology at Stanford University.

Me and Dr. Carol Dweck

Dr. Dweck’s research has centered around the themes of human motivation and development. She’s come up with a theory of the fixed vs. growth mindset, which has been proven by numerous studies.

Why effort matters more than ability

Essentially, Dr Dweck’s theory predicts who will be successful over the long term and who won’t. I know, that’s a pretty big claim to make, but she has three decades of research to back her up.

Here’s a summary of the theory:

People with a fixed mindset generally believe that their skills and abilities are fixed and won’t improve much, even with practice.
Fixed mindsetters focus on the end result more than the process of development.
Fixed mindsetters often focus on factors that are beyond their control, e.g. bad luck, unfortunate circumstances, unkind bosses, bad parents.
In contrast, growth mindsetters generally believe that no matter what their skill or ability level now, they can improve with effort.
Growth mindsetters focus on the process and the journey, instead of merely being concerned about the outcome.
Growth mindsetters focus on factors that are within their control, e.g. effort, attitude, choices.

How can a 3-letter word make such a huge difference?

Dr. Dweck has observed that one of the things that’s characteristic of growth mindsetters is that they frequently use the word “yet.”

Fixed mindsetters think or say things like:

“I’m not good at making new friends.”
“I’m not disciplined.”
“I’m not an analytical thinker.”
“I don’t have many leadership qualities.”
“I can’t cook.”

On the other hand, growth mindsetters simply tag on the word “yet” at the end of those sentences:

“I’m not good at making new friends yet.”
“I’m not disciplined yet.”
“I’m not an analytical thinker yet.”
“I don’t have many leadership qualities yet.”
“I can’t cook yet.”

It’s a simple word that represents a fundamental shift in mindset. (You can read more examples in this article I’ve written about developing a growth mindset in students.)

Using the word “yet” reminds us that we’re not perfect, that we’re a work-in-progress. Of course, we’ll need to choose which areas we want to focus on and excel at, but we shouldn’t write ourselves off as being bad at something before we’ve even given it a shot.

I’ve worked with students who have concluded that they’re bad at math, bad at science, bad at relationships, bad at life. Worse still, they’ve decided that things will never change, so they subconsciously behave in ways to prove themselves right.

Case study: my fear of public speaking

I can identify, because as a teenager I was like that too. One thing I was especially afraid of was public speaking.

Given that I’ve spoken to thousands of people in various countries, I always get the “yeah, right” look—I mean, the death stare of disbelief—when I mention that I used to have this fear. But it’s true, I promise!

In school, I used to shy away from any opportunity to speak in public: talks, asking questions in class, or sharing my views. To me, being forced to give a class presentation was the worst thing that could happen in life.

Just the thought of speaking in public immobilized me. My stomach would tighten up, my mind would freeze, and my emotions would go out of whack.

This continued until I was 21 years old. One day, I decided that I just couldn’t let this irrational fear get the better of me any longer. I wasn’t familiar with Dr Dweck’s work at the time, but it was then that I changed my thinking from “I’m not confident at public speaking” to “I’m not confident at public speaking yet.”

I promised myself that I would say yes the next time someone asked me to give a talk or presentation. It didn’t matter how big or small the audience would be, and it didn’t matter how long I was supposed to speak for.

I was going to do it. No hesitating, and no excuses. I was going to become a confident public speaker.

After saying yes again and again to speaking opportunities, I eventually realized that I enjoy public speaking, and I’ve never looked back since.

Becoming a “yet” man/woman

That’s my little story of how the word “yet” has empowered me.

I’m still in the process of applying this “yet” mindset. I want to become a world-class husband and father; I want to grow as a leader and strategic thinker; I want to develop traits like courage and fortitude. I’ll be the first to admit that I have plenty of work to do in these areas!

What about you? Are there skills or competencies that you’ve already decided you’ll never be able to acquire, regardless of how hard you try?

And are you willing to make it a daily habit to become a “yet” man/woman?

Life is a journey of learning, loving, growing and contributing. We’re not there. Yet.

3 Lessons I Learned From Not Being Able To Walk

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong

Back pain - Photo courtesy of Jens Cramer

Three weeks ago, I suffered a terrible lower back injury while lifting weights.

(I was doing single leg deadlifts with bad form. Just in case you’re thinking of doing some single leg deadlifts yourself, here’s a link that teaches you how to perform them with proper form. Okay, random note over.)

I’m glad to say that I’m 95% recovered, but the past three weeks haven’t been fun.

I experienced a constant, sharp pain.

I couldn’t bend my back.

I couldn’t sleep because of the discomfort.

I had trouble even getting out of bed.

I could barely walk.

I spent most of my time at home either lying or sitting down.

How my wife made me feel like a 90-year-old

Man with a walking stick - Photo courtesy of Thomas Lieser

My wonderful wife, Michele, even had to put on my socks and shoes for me.

(I felt like a 90-year-old when she did that—don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against elderly people—but I’m blessed to have such a patient and caring wife!)

One of the saddest things was that we were forced to cancel our honeymoon.

We’d planned to spend a week in Korea, but we figured that I wasn’t in any condition to travel. I’m sure we wouldn’t have enjoyed ourselves much if we’d spent all of our time cooped up in the hotel anyway.

An unfortunate turn of events, but of course I’ll take full responsibility for not performing the single leg deadlifts correctly in the first place.

But being immobile gave me time to think about what I could learn from the experience.

Here are three lessons I learned that I hope you’ll find helpful, regardless of whether or not you ever injure your back:

Lesson #1: Life is relationships, the rest is just details

That’s a quote from Dr. Scott Sticksel. It captures a truth that’s hard to fully wrap your head around, especially for someone like me.

I enjoy my work and I enjoy feeling productive. I like checking things off my to-do list, and I get plenty of satisfaction from finishing a task or completing a project.

You go-getters out there know what I’m talking about, right?

Purposeful work adds joy and meaning to our lives, but our work is just one aspect of who we are and of what makes for a significant life.

This back injury reminded me that the quality of our relationships largely determines the quality of our lives.

I’ve felt very loved over the past three weeks, particularly by my family, parents-in-law, and aunt-in-law.

Here are just some of the things they did for me:

Dropped by to see how I was doing
Cooked for me
Washed the dishes
Cleaned the house
Took out the trash
Gave me a massage
Drove me around
Got me an abdominal binder to speed up my recovery
Sent me encouraging text messages

I know, I know… I’m so lucky!

And to think that when I was growing up I didn’t even want to hang out with my family because I thought they weren’t “cool.” I wanted to spend all of my free time with my friends—that’s what the “cool” kids did.

But I’ve since grown a lot closer to my family, and to Michele’s family too. They serve as a continual reminder to me (especially through this recent episode) to intentionally invest in the relationships I value most.

Clichéd but true: Life is relationships, the rest is just details.

Lesson #2: What describes you shouldn’t define you

I’ve always been physically active. I played basketball competitively for many years; I was trained as a platoon commander in the army; I lift weights regularly; I enjoy activities like hiking, skydiving and bungee jumping.

Over the years, I subconsciously started to take pride in the fact that I was fitter and stronger than the average person.

I’m ashamed to admit that I began to feel better about myself when I saw people who were in worse physical shape than me.

But this conceited view of myself fell apart when I injured my back.

I turned into a weakling who could neither move around freely nor carry anything that weighed more than a couple of pounds. Like I’ve already mentioned, I even needed my wife’s help to put on my socks and shoes!

I felt both helpless and useless.

I realized that I’d allowed myself to become defined by my physical health, when that’s merely a trait that described me.

We’re described by our…

Physical health
Height
Weight
Occupation
Social status
Net worth
Marital status
Achievements

But we should be careful never to let any of these define us. If we do—in the same way that I did—we set ourselves up for disappointment in the long run.

We’re defined by these two things: our character and our commitments.

We’re defined by our values and our beliefs, and by how courageously and resolutely we live them out.

There’s no doubt that physical health matters, but it’s our character and commitments that are of lasting worth.

Lesson #3: Happiness is a battle

My back injury made it difficult for me to be happy.

Hey, I wrote a book called The Happy Student, so I work hard at being happy and discovering the keys to long-term happiness.

I’d be a hypocrite if I walked around with a frowny face all day long, right?

But my back pain was so continuous, so present, and so severe that it was a challenge for me to think of anything besides the pain.

That’s when I understood afresh that happiness isn’t an emotion; it’s a choice. More than that, it’s a battle—most of the time, an uphill one.

It’s a fact that life is tough, and it’s full of stress and struggle. It’s also a fact that anything worth achieving usually takes twice as much effort and twice as long as you’d initially estimated.

Does this mean we’ll never be happy?

Of course not. It just means that if you want to be happy—to have a good life, not just an occasional good day—then you’ll have to fight for your happiness.

Every time you choose to be grateful, choose to pay a sincere compliment, choose to look for opportunities amidst the problems, choose to give hope to someone in a seemingly hopeless situation… you’re winning the battle, one blow at a time.

Choosing to be habitually joyful is a decision of the will, a declaration of intentionality, an act of courage.

It’s a choice I’m still learning to make daily regardless of my circumstances, but I know it’s one we all need to embrace if we want to find enduring peace and fulfillment.

In closing…

I’m thrilled that I’ve almost fully recovered from the injury. Now when I pick up something from the floor or bend down to tie my shoelaces, I’m uncommonly thankful I can! I definitely won’t be taking my health for granted in the near future.

I’m even more thankful that I could learn these three lessons for myself and share them with you. Now you don’t need to injure your back to learn them. 🙂