Attitude Archives - Daniel Wong

Teenage Problems with Parents: 3 Types of Conflicts Parents MUST Learn to Resolve

Updated on December 16, 2025 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

The highs can be incredibly rewarding. You feel pride and joy in seeing them learn new things, reach new milestones, and grow more confident in their identity.

But the lows can also hit very hard. Conflicts become more intense, and misunderstandings last longer. Sometimes, your teen’s desire for independence can feel like rejection.

Many changes happen during the teenage years, so tension at home is bound to rise.

Common teenage problems with parents include communication issues, power struggles, and emotional distance.

In this article, we’ll look at three common problems teenagers face in family relationships, especially with their parents. We’ll also explore ways you can rebuild trust, improve communication, and strengthen your bond with your teens.

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Problem #1: Communication breakdown

As your teenagers grow older, you may notice a shift in how they communicate with you.

Conversations now feel shorter, and arguments happen more often. When you do talk, your teen might sound distant, dismissive, or impatient. Instead of proper replies, you might be met with a one-word answer, an exasperated sigh, or a dramatic eye roll.

What it seems like to you

When your teens stop talking, it’s easy to see it as disrespect or defiance.

When your once-chatty child no longer seems interested in your company, it’s understandable to feel hurt or frustrated.

Why this happens

There are a few reasons why your teens might withdraw or avoid conversations with you, including the following:

They’re craving independence and privacy. Adolescence brings major changes—physical, emotional, mental, and social. Your teens may keep more to themselves, especially if they think you might try to fix their problems.
They’re juggling many new expectations and responsibilities. When they’re stressed or tired, they don’t have the energy for long talks.
They fear judgment or consequences. Teens won’t open up if they’re worried you’ll scold, judge, or punish them.
They want to protect you. Some teens keep their struggles to themselves because they don’t want to worry you.

Try to understand why your teen is pulling away. Every teenager is different.

How to foster healthy communication

Here’s how to communicate with your teens in a healthy way:

Listen without interrupting. Your teenagers need to feel heard and safe when talking to you, or they’re less likely to open up to you the next time. You don’t have to agree with everything they say. But give them your full attention without any interruptions, interrogations, or big reactions.
Keep your tone calm and your reactions measured. Teens are bound to make mistakes. When they do, it’s important to respond calmly. Avoid yelling, shaming, or name-calling. Stay firm but respectful. If you need time to cool down, let them know you’ll revisit the conversation once you’ve both had a chance to reflect.
Guide them instead of nagging. When your teens share something, acknowledge their perspective. Avoid jumping right into blame or criticism. Encourage reflection by asking questions such as, “What did you learn from this?” or “What might you do differently next time?” Then, offer your feedback calmly and constructively.
Find shared moments and interests. Meaningful conversations can happen in casual settings, such as during car rides, walks, or mealtimes. You can also explore new hobbies or activities together.
Model humility and honesty. If you’ve said or done something wrong, own up to it. This will help create a culture of respect and humility in your family.

Over time, these small, consistent efforts can help rebuild trust and improve communication with your teens.

Problem #2: Rebellion and struggles over rules and independence

Your teens may stay out later, spend more time online or with friends, or want more privacy. They might refuse to follow the boundaries you’ve set and ignore consequences.

Such disagreements can easily turn into power struggles. These will often leave your teens feeling controlled and you feeling disrespected.

What it seems like to you

From a parent’s perspective, these clashes can look like rebellion or defiance.

You set boundaries because you care about their safety and well-being, but your teens might see them as signs of mistrust or control. Every time they break a rule, talk back, or test a boundary, it can feel like they’re challenging your authority.

Why this happens

During adolescence, teens naturally crave more freedom and independence. Even reasonable boundaries can feel restrictive to them; it’s part of growing up.

This creates conflict, but it’s also an opportunity to guide them. Instead of controlling every decision, you can help your teens learn to make good choices on their own.

Keep in mind that the parts of the brain that handle impulses and decision-making are still developing in teenagers. So your teens might not foresee the consequences of their actions.

But your teens can still make mature choices. Research shows that adult support and a safe space to think help them make wise decisions.

How to set effective rules and boundaries

You play a vital role in teaching and guiding your teen, but it’s important to do so in a way that doesn’t strain your relationship.

Try these strategies:

Set and negotiate the house rules. Involve your teens in setting boundaries and deciding on consequences for breaking them. Be open to hearing their opinions. When they feel heard, they’re more likely to cooperate.
Set boundaries around health and safety, not control. Too many rules can feel like micromanaging and may push your teen to rebel.
Explain the “why.” When teens understand the reason behind a rule, like finishing homework before video games, they’re more likely to respect it.
Set reasonable consequences. Connect consequences to the broken rule. For example, if your teen plays video games before finishing homework, they might lose their gaming privileges the next day. Stay consistent so they take the rules seriously.
Show trust when it’s earned. Your teens may prove that they can handle responsibility over time. If so, gradually loosen certain rules and reward them with more independence.

Discipline and rules are important, but pick your battles wisely. Step in when safety or values are at stake, but allow your teenagers space to learn from their own choices. Sometimes, natural consequences can also teach good lessons.

Problem #3: Emotional distance and mood swings

Your teens may seem distant and no longer eager to spend time with the family.

They might retreat to their rooms, spend hours on their phones, or respond to simple questions with short, snappy answers. Sometimes, it feels like your teenagers are shutting you out.

Their moods can also change in an instant. One moment they’re cheerful and affectionate, the next they’re cold, withdrawn, or defiant.

What it seems like to you

As a parent, this emotional distance is heartbreaking. You might feel helpless, frustrated, or even rejected when your attempts to connect are met with silence.

It can seem like the bond you once had is slipping away, or that your teen no longer values your guidance and reassurance.

Why this happens

Emotional ups and downs are a regular part of adolescence. Your teen’s brain is still developing, and hormonal changes can trigger sudden shifts in mood. Add in peer pressure, academic stress, and self-image struggles. No wonder teenagers get overwhelmed by emotions.

Because teens are still learning to manage their emotions, they may cope by withdrawing, shutting down, or lashing out at others. Their need for independence and their desire to fit in can drive them to spend more time online or with friends rather than with family.

The truth is, they still need your support and assurance. They just struggle to show it.

How to support your teens

Parents play a huge role in helping their teens feel emotionally safe and supported. In fact, research shows that a strong parent-teen bond can help teens build better emotional regulatory skills.

Here’s what you can do:

Show consistent support, even when it’s hard. Empathy goes a long way. Remind your teens that they can talk to you about anything. When they do, give them your full attention.
Validate their feelings. You won’t always agree with your teenagers. Even so, avoid dismissing or minimizing their opinions and emotions. Let them know it’s normal to feel upset, frustrated, or sad sometimes. What matters most is how they manage and respond to those feelings.
Encourage healthy coping habits. Help your teens develop a stress-management routine. You can suggest activities such as journaling, drawing, or playing music. Encourage physical self-care, too. For example, exercise together, prepare healthy meals, and teach them good sleep habits.
Normalize seeking help. Many teens view getting professional help as a sign of weakness. Reassure them that reaching out for support takes courage and strength. Offer to help them find a supportive professional when they’re ready to seek help.

Supporting your teenagers through emotional ups and downs takes patience, empathy, and consistency. They might not admit it, but your support will help them feel more secure and confident.

Conclusion

Parenting teenagers is no easy task. But every disagreement or challenge is also an opportunity to understand each other better and to strengthen your bond.

The key is to listen with empathy, set fair boundaries, and offer consistent support. By doing so, you create a safe and loving space your teens can always return to while they learn to navigate the outside world.

Teens can also benefit from extra guidance from a coach or mentor. Through my coaching program, I’ve helped teens around the world build strong values and improve their communication. This empowers them to form healthier relationships with family and friends.

So check out the coaching program today!

(And if you haven’t already done so, download your free quick action guide below.)

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10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

The tips are guaranteed to help you get through to your teen, so download your copy today!

How to Deal with a Lying Teenager: 8 Ways to Encourage Honesty

September 2, 2025 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

Catching your teen in a lie can be frustrating, especially when you’re trying to build a relationship based on trust.

In those moments, it’s easy to assume your teen is just being defiant or rebellious.

This often leads to punishments or harsh words without stopping to ask why the lie occurred in the first place.

The truth is, teens don’t usually lie just to be difficult. It’s often a coping mechanism they’ve developed in response to their experiences or environment.

To address the issue at its root, it’s crucial to understand the underlying reasons behind the behavior.

In this article, we’ll look at why teens lie and how to deal with a lying teenager. The goal isn’t just to reduce lying in your teens but also to communicate effectively and create a safe space for them.

(Don’t forget to download your free quick action guide below.)

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Why do teenagers lie?

Teenagers often lie for reasons that go beyond simple misbehavior.

The following are some possible reasons why teens might lie:

To avoid getting into trouble. Teens may lie to escape punishment when they know they’ve done something wrong.
To protect themselves. If they feel afraid, lying can be a way to shield themselves emotionally or physically.
To gain freedom. Some teenagers lie to get permission to do things they know would otherwise be off-limits.
Due to peer pressure. They might lie to fit in with friends or avoid embarrassment.
Low self-esteem. Insecure teens may lie to make themselves seem more capable, confident, or interesting.
To feel in control. Lying can be a way to push back against rules or reclaim independence.
Lack of awareness. Some teens may not fully understand the harm certain lies can cause.
To maintain privacy. As they grow older, teens naturally seek more privacy and may lie to guard it.

Understanding the possible reasons behind your teen’s lies allows you to meet dishonesty with care and empathy. This forms the foundation for building deeper trust and connection.

Is lying a normal part of teen development?

Occasional lying is a normal part of teen development, and for some teens, it can even be a sign of healthy social growth.

During these years, teenagers want to explore their identity and assert their independence. Lying can sometimes be a way to protect their privacy, avoid embarrassment, or experiment with new things.

In some cases, they might even lie with a good motive, such as protecting someone else’s feelings.

The important thing is knowing the difference between what’s typical and what could be concerning.

Here are some red flags that may reveal aspects of a lying teenager’s psychology:

A consistent pattern of lying, even about small things
Lying to manipulate, control, or avoid consequences
Lies that hurt, endanger, or emotionally harm themselves or others
Hiding unsafe behaviors like substance use or reckless driving
Lack of remorse or empathy after being caught in a lie
Lying as a default response, even when the truth wouldn’t have serious consequences

If lying becomes frequent, secretive, or harmful, it may be a sign that your teenagers are struggling with deeper challenges.

That’s when they need both your support and correction.

8 effective ways to reduce teenage lying

Getting your teens to stop lying isn’t as simple as punishing them when they slip up.

Harsh reactions can backfire and encourage them to hide things from you because they no longer feel safe being honest.

Of course, this doesn’t mean lying should go without consequences. But the key is finding a balance.

You can create an environment where your teens feel safe enough to open up and share their thoughts. At the same time, you can also help them understand that honesty matters and that lying has real consequences.

Let’s explore what to do when your teenager lies.

1. Model honesty yourself

Research has already established that parents are very influential role models in the lives of their teens.

Even when you don’t notice it, your teens are constantly watching how you act and picking up on your behavior.

If they see you bending the truth, they may start to believe that dishonesty is acceptable. This includes small acts, such as making excuses instead of owning up to a mistake or telling a white lie to spare someone’s feelings.

These moments might seem harmless, but they can send mixed messages. That’s why it’s essential to model honesty in a manner that’s kind, respectful, and thoughtful.

When your teens see you practicing truth-telling with care, they learn that honesty isn’t about being blunt or critical; it’s about being genuine. They’ll learn how to speak the truth with kindness and empathy.

Modeling this for your teens can help them build integrity and encourage them to be truthful in their own lives, even when it’s hard.

Teens are much more likely to value honesty if they regularly see it in action at home.

2. Stay calm when your teen actually tells the truth

It’s completely natural to feel upset when your teenagers admit to something they wish hadn’t happened.

Maybe they broke a rule or got a bad grade at school. But if your initial reaction is anger or rage, your teen may start hiding things from you out of fear.

When they own up to something, stay calm in the moment.

You can still talk about the consequences later, but your initial response will set the tone. Thank them for being honest, and ask questions to understand the whole story.

When teens know they can come to you without being immediately judged or punished, they’re far more likely to be honest in the future.

3. Don’t set unrealistic rules

When your rules are too strict or your expectations feel impossible to meet, your teens might lie for different reasons.

For example, if you expect perfect grades and complete obedience, your teen could hide some things to avoid disappointing you.

Of course, it can sometimes be tricky to tell what’s unrealistic, and these standards may vary from one teenager to another.

But say your teen is afraid to come to you with bad news, always hides things, or feels insecure and unsure of themselves. If so, your expectations may need to be adjusted to make room for honesty and growth.

It’s also helpful to have open conversations about the house rules for your teens and the consequences of breaking them. That way, they may feel more involved in the decision-making process.

4. Give them privacy

Teens need space to grow and build independence. But if they feel like you’re always watching, questioning, or controlling them, they may start lying to protect their personal space.

Giving your teens privacy doesn’t mean backing off completely or ignoring red flags.

Instead, it’s best to respect their need for privacy, such as allowing them to have their own conversations with friends in most situations.

It’s also vital to avoid secretive actions. For example, you might check their phone, read their journal, or track their location without them knowing.

Doing this behind their backs can break trust and damage your relationship. If you’re concerned about their safety or well-being, it’s better to have an honest conversation and explain why you’re checking in.

5. Make consequences logical, not punitive

Harsh punishments can backfire by making teens more secretive and less likely to open up.

Instead, set reasonable and logical consequences. This type of consequence focuses specifically on addressing the problem caused by your teen.

Let’s say your teen lies about getting home before curfew. In this case, grounding them the following weekend makes sense and is directly related to the behavior.

According to research, teens are more likely to respond positively to logical consequences.

Consequences like these help your teens understand cause and effect without creating shame or pain. The goal is to teach, so they can learn from their actions and make better choices in the future.

6. Encourage open dialogue

Instead of lecturing or nagging your teens, create opportunities for open and honest conversations. The key here is to intentionally connect with your teens.

You can ask them open-ended questions like, “How have you been feeling about school lately?” or “Is anything making you anxious right now?”

Show genuine curiosity and avoid overreacting when they do or don’t open up. When teens feel like they can talk to you without being judged, they’re far less likely to lie.

7. Watch for patterns and triggers

Lying is often a sign of something deeper, such as a fear of failure, low self-esteem, or the feeling of being misunderstood.

Instead of seeing lies as just bad behavior, try to look for the patterns or emotional triggers behind them.

For example, if your teens often lie about grades, they might be afraid of disappointing you or feel pressure to meet high expectations. If they lie mainly around friends or new people, they may feel the need to fit in or be accepted.

And if they often lie after breaking house rules, it could be a sign that they’re struggling with tight boundaries and fear the consequences.

By noticing when and why the lies tend to happen, you can better understand what your teen might be trying to avoid or protect. This insight can help you support their needs more effectively.

8. Get professional help if needed

Lying can become frequent, manipulative, or tied to risky behaviors like substance use or reckless driving. In such cases, it’s best to seek support from a professional.

Professionals can help uncover the underlying issues behind the behavior. At the same time, they can provide both you and your teen with healthier communication and coping strategies.

As an example, I offer this one-on-one coaching program for teens.

Reaching out for help isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a sign of strength and courage. It shows your commitment to your teen’s well-being and your willingness to strengthen the relationship.

Conclusion

Catching your teen in a lie can trigger frustration, disappointment, and anger.

But as the adult in the situation, you need to pause and manage your emotions before responding. Reacting with harshness will likely push your teen further away and reinforce the very behavior you’re trying to stop.

So approach each situation with curiosity and care. You can still be firm and set appropriate consequences, but do so in a way that guides rather than punishes.

By doing this, you’ll lay the groundwork for a healthy and honest relationship with your teenagers.

(If you haven’t already done so, download your free quick action guide below.)

FREE QUICK ACTION GUIDE:

Get your FREE copy of

10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

The tips are guaranteed to help you get through to your teen, so download your copy today!

How to Stop Helicopter Parenting and Allow Your Teen to Be Independent

April 14, 2025 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

Helicopter parenting is like keeping the training wheels on your teen’s bike for too long.

When the time comes for your teens to ride on their own, they may not be able to go far without support.

As parents, we always want the best for our teens. Out of love and good intentions, we try to protect them from disappointment and failure.

But being overly protective or too involved can backfire. It stops your teens from developing the confidence and skills they need to navigate life independently.

In this article, I’ll explore common signs of helicopter parenting.

I’ll also walk you through some practical tips that can help you stop helicopter parenting your teenagers.

(But first, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

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16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

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What are helicopter parents?

Helicopter parents are those who “hover” over their teenagers’ lives. They closely monitor and control their teens to shield them from mistakes or disappointments.

These parents are very involved in their teens’ lives—social interactions, academics, and extracurricular activities. They often step in and solve issues before their teens have a chance to learn from them.

But research shows that helicopter parenting can have negative effects on teens. These include:

Lower self-esteem
Symptoms of anxiety or depression
Poorer ability to adapt to challenges
Struggles with emotional regulation and resilience
Lack of independence

Characteristics of helicopter parents

Helicopter parents often don’t realize they’re over-involved because their actions come from a place of love and good intentions.

Recognizing the signs can help you step back and give your teen room to grow.

Here are some traits of helicopter parents:

Overprotectiveness: Shielding your teen from risks, mistakes, or disappointment.
Fear of failure: Viewing mistakes as things that should be avoided instead of as learning opportunities.
Difficulty letting go: Making decisions for your teens without allowing them to voice their opinions.
Tendency to solve problems for your teen: Stepping in at the first sign of struggle or conflict.
Over-involvement: Managing every aspect of your teen’s life, such as academics, social life, and dating.
Constant supervision: Always monitoring your teen’s whereabouts and online activity.
Micromanaging school-related activities: Closely monitoring schoolwork, grades, and extracurricular activities.
Unrealistic expectations: Pressuring your teen to get good grades, awards, and accomplishments.
High anxiety: Frequently or constantly worrying about your teen’s well-being and future.

Helicopter parenting examples

Helicopter parenting can take many forms and often looks like protection.

Here are some common examples of how it plays out in the lives of teenagers:

Arguing with teachers over grades instead of letting your teens advocate for themselves or learn from their mistakes
Taking over or overseeing every assignment and college application to ensure perfection
Preventing your teens from engaging in certain hobbies or activities that don’t seem “useful”
Dictating who they can and cannot be friends with or date
Controlling their diet and what they can or cannot eat
Tracking their location and looking through their personal belongings or devices without permission
Dictating how your teens should reply to messages and emails or what they should post on social media
Making career or college choices for your teens without considering their opinions or interests
Monitoring their study habits excessively and enforcing tight schedules without room for flexibility
Taking over responsibilities from your teens, such as tracking deadlines or appointments
Discouraging your teens from trying new activities or learning new skills for fear of them making mistakes

On the surface, these actions may seem like you’re setting your teens up for success by shielding them from failure, stress, or obstacles.

In the short term, your teens might even gain an advantage—such as better grades, fewer conflicts, or a smoother path forward.

However, in the long run, this level of control can hinder their growth and development. It will make it harder for them to solve problems, navigate challenges, and make wise decisions independently.

What causes helicopter parenting?

Understanding why you may be helicopter parenting is the first step toward change.

By identifying the root causes, you can work on targeted strategies to reduce over-involvement.

Here are some possible causes of helicopter parenting:

Concern and a sense of duty: You may be a helicopter parent because of a strong desire to protect and provide for your teenagers in every way possible.
Fear of the future: You are worried that a blunder or slip-up might have a lasting impact on your teenager’s future.
Social pressure: Seeing other parents micromanage their teens and compare grades makes you feel like you should do the same. This is to ensure your teenagers can keep up with their peers.
Personal insecurities: If you have failures or mistakes from the past that you haven’t let go of yet, you may project these fears onto your teens.
Desire for control: If you struggle to trust your teen’s judgment, you may take over the decision-making process. This is so you can ensure he or she makes the right choice.
Cultural expectations: Some cultures emphasize parental control in academics, career, and life choices. Parents are deemed to be responsible for their children’s success.

Letting go doesn’t mean caring less. It means equipping your teens to handle life’s challenges independently.

How to not be a helicopter parent

Shifting from the helicopter parenting style doesn’t mean that you should let your teens do whatever they want.

It comes down to knowing how to balance allowing them to be independent and providing structure and guidance when needed.

Here are some tips:

Encourage independence gradually

If you’ve been helicopter parenting for most of your teen’s life, it can be difficult for both parties to shift toward a more balanced approach.

Your teen might struggle with newfound freedom and make impulsive decisions, while you may find it hard to let go completely.

Instead, try gradually encouraging independence. Start with small steps, like allowing your teens to manage their own schedule or control how they spend their allowance.

As they build confidence, you can encourage them to make bigger decisions. These include managing their social activities, appointments, and who they date or spend time with.

Remind your teens that they will have the freedom to make certain decisions, but they can always turn to you for support or advice if they ever need it.

Of course, you can offer advice and guidance when they ask for it. But if the situation isn’t dangerous, let your teens decide for themselves.

This will help them understand choices and their consequences, allowing them to make better decisions in the future.

Foster resilience through failure

Mistakes are part and parcel of learning and growing as a person. Watching your teens experience failure, disappointment, or heartbreak is painful. But this can help them build resilience to handle the ups and downs of life.

Here’s how you and your teens can constructively handle setbacks:

Help your teens understand that everyone makes mistakes. Talk openly about your own failures and what you learned from them. Instead of criticizing, establish an open line of communication with your teens. Doing so will make them feel comfortable coming to you for support when things go wrong.
Encourage problem-solving. Instead of solving every issue or conflict for your teenagers, teach them how to brainstorm solutions. You can also show them how to weigh the pros and cons of each option. Then, allow them to proactively work toward resolving the problem.
Promote a growth mindset. Remind your teens that failure is a step toward growth, not something to avoid or fear. Let them know that their mistakes or failures will not define them as a person.
Celebrate effort, not just results. Compliment your teen’s hard work and determination, regardless of the outcomes.

Set healthy boundaries as a parent

Setting boundaries for yourself as a parent allows you to give your teens more space and independence.

Some ways you can draw healthy boundaries for yourself as a parent include the following:

Respect your teens’ privacy. Avoid going through their personal belongings or reading their messages without permission.
Avoid micromanaging. Set expectations for school and chores, but let your teenagers proactively figure out how to meet them.
Set communication expectations. Maybe you tend to ask for constant updates on your teens’ whereabouts. Instead of doing this, you can set a rule for your teens to send you a message when they arrive at their destination.
Let your teens handle their own conflicts. Avoid stepping in immediately. Encourage them to resolve disagreements with friends or teachers on their own.

Manage your own fears and anxiety

Helicopter parents act out of love, but their actions are also driven by their own fears and worries.

They may be stressed about many different aspects of their teens’ lives, such as their safety, success, future, or health.

Here are some ways you can start managing your fears and anxieties:

Identify what triggers make you anxious, for instance, reading the news or speaking with overly negative people.
Challenge your thinking and ask yourself if your concerns are realistic or if you’re catastrophizing.
Develop a growth mindset, which will help you see mistakes—both yours and your teen’s—as learning experiences.
Establish a stress management routine and find ways to prioritize your own well-being.
Seek support from a coach, therapist, or friends and family you trust, as they can help to offer perspective and reassurance.

It’s completely natural to have concerns about your teen’s future. But instead of projecting these fears onto your teens, you may need to shift your mindset to focus on what will help them grow.

Model confidence and trust

If your teens see that you’re always stressed, they may doubt their ability to overcome setbacks.

Instead of letting worry take over, focus on modeling confidence and trust. Here’s how you can do that:

When facing challenges, adopt a problem-solving mindset instead of panicking. This will teach your teens to handle problems with confidence and resilience.
Encourage self-reliance. When your teens ask for help with something they can figure out on their own, encourage them to try to handle the situation by themselves first. This helps them become more confident in their own decision-making skills.
Let your teenagers make decisions, and avoid stepping in at the first sign of trouble. Doing this shows your teens that you trust their ability to handle challenges and overcome obstacles.
Gradually show more trust in different ways. You can start by giving them personal responsibilities, like planning a family outing or handling their finances. Through these opportunities, teens learn to take ownership and be accountable for their choices.

Conclusion

We can always be there for our teens now. But we can’t do that for the rest of their lives.

This is why it’s so important to learn how to stop helicopter parenting.

While this can be a challenging process, it will help your teenagers develop the life skills they need to thrive long after they’ve left the nest.

If you’d like to get some help for your teenager, I highly recommend the one-on-one coaching program I offer for teens.

In this program, I’ll personally work with your teenager to enable him or her to become motivated, responsible, and resilient.

Get in touch today to find out more!

(If you haven’t already done so, download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

Anger Management for Teenagers: Practical Tips to Manage Your Emotions

January 14, 2025 By Daniel Wong 2 Comments

Do you often feel like you have no control over your anger?

Uncontrolled anger can cause problems. But even when we understand this, staying calm can still be challenging when things don’t go our way.

Sometimes, we might not know why we got angry, and once we cool down, feelings of guilt or helplessness may start to creep in.

No one wants to feel like their emotions control them. But if this is your experience, you’re not alone.

The fact that you’re reading this shows that you’ve already taken the first and most challenging step—realizing that it’s a problem.

In this article, I’ll discuss strategies for regaining control over your anger and becoming the best version of yourself.

(And if you want to improve your focus and reduce procrastination, download your free quick action guide below.)

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Is it normal for a teenager to be angry all the time?

Like happiness, sadness, or excitement, anger is a normal human emotion we’ve all experienced at some point in our lives.

Anger isn’t a destructive emotion. It can be a healthy way to express your feelings and advocate for positive change. In fact, anger may be justified when something unfair happens.

But this is only so when it’s kept under control.

As a teenager, anger is a feeling you may struggle to manage well.

At this stage of life, your body is going through many changes—physically, mentally, and socially. As a result, you might feel your emotions more intensely than before.

Knowing how to cope with these difficult feelings takes time and practice, so it’s okay if you’re still learning how to do that.

While sometimes feeling frustrated or angry is normal, you shouldn’t always feel that way.

Giving in to your anger all the time can have harmful consequences, especially when it leads you to engage in risky behavior.

Why are teenagers so angry?

Teenagers undergo many physical, mental, emotional, and social changes in this stage of life.

This can cause them to experience stronger emotions. Aside from this, there might be other underlying reasons why teenagers often become angry.

Some of these reasons include:

Struggling with family issues
Dealing with a mental health condition like depression
Going through difficult situations at school, such as bullying
Getting stressed because of schoolwork, assignments, or exams
Having friendship-related problems or conflicts

Reflecting on the possible causes might be helpful if you get angry often. This can be a great way to devise strategies that effectively target these root causes.

How to control your anger as a teenager

Learning to control your anger takes patience and practice.

Managing your anger doesn’t mean suppressing it or avoiding feeling it. It also doesn’t mean you have to find ways to control the situation or other people so they don’t upset you.

Instead, anger management boils down to controlling your response when you’re angry.

Let’s explore some anger management tips for teens that can help you take charge of your emotions and react more positively.

Anger management techniques for teens

In a moment of anger, it’s easy to become so caught up in our feelings that we do or say things we regret later on.

When you get angry, your first response may be to act immediately without thinking.

Instead of doing that, you can try the following tips to get your anger back in check and respond with wisdom:

Pay attention to early warning signs: Notice the first signs of anger, like a racing heartbeat, clenched fists, or faster breathing. If you catch these signals early, you can start taking steps to calm down before your anger turns into full-blown rage.
Think before speaking: It’s instinctive to say exactly what’s going through your mind in a moment of anger. The next time you feel angry, try to stop and collect your thoughts for a few seconds before speaking.
Remind yourself of the consequences: Before acting on your anger, take a brief moment to think about the possible outcome of your reaction. Will it sour your friendship with the other person? Will it get you into trouble with the school authorities? Will it impact your future?
Take a few deep breaths: Count to ten while taking deep breaths. Breathe slowly and try to relax your body each time you take a breath. This will give you some time to collect your thoughts.
Take a break: If you don’t think you’ll be able to control your response at that moment, make it a point to walk away. Once you’ve regained your cool, you can ask to discuss the issue again.
Pick your battles: Many situations aren’t worth your energy, emotions, or time. The next time you feel your blood boiling, ask yourself, “Is this worth me getting stressed or angry over?” In most cases, the answer would be “no.”

It will take consistent effort to change your instinctive reaction. The next time you get angry or frustrated, you can start by applying one or two of the tips above.

Good communication skills are also essential for resolving conflicts or arguments. Of course, it can be tempting to shout or throw a fit to have things go your way.

But expressing your thoughts and feelings calmly and clearly will improve the outcome.

Anger management activities for teens

Becoming the master of your emotions takes practice.

You don’t have to wait for the next time you get angry to start learning how to manage your emotions better.

These are some strategies you can carry out daily to increase your control over your emotions in the long run:

Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of the present moment and your feelings. It helps you develop a stronger awareness and sensitivity toward your own emotions. You can allocate 10-20 minutes a day to mindfulness training. During each session, find a quiet spot to sit and focus on your breathing. Practice returning your attention to your breathing each time you catch your mind wandering. Over time, you can develop this into a good habit that can help you manage your anger.
Exercise: Exercise improves your physical and mental health. It releases feel-good hormones, helps you sleep better, and reduces stress. This can help you tackle frustrating situations with a calmer mind.
Start journaling: Write down your feelings and what your triggers are. Reflect on the most common reasons you got angry, how you responded, and what you could have done better. You can also reflect on the consequences of your response.
Try other relaxation techniques: Pilates and deep breathing are some examples. These techniques can soothe muscle tension and make it easier for you to relax.
Pick up a hobby: Try exploring different fun or relaxing activities. They can serve as an outlet for you to reduce your anger, stress, and tension. Drawing, painting, reading, or exercising are all examples of hobbies that can help you blow off steam.

If you find that you’re getting angry more often than not, you might be struggling with anger management issues.

It’s vital to seek the help of a professional if your anger often leads to violent or impulsive behaviors. A therapist or coach can help you devise a management plan so you don’t have to navigate these challenges alone.

Conclusion

Knowing how to control intense emotions, such as anger, can lead to many benefits.

You’ll be able to communicate more effectively and develop stronger relationships. You’ll also experience less stress, make better decisions, and feel more confident in your ability to take on challenges.

So, while managing your anger isn’t easy, it’s definitely something to work on while you’re still in the teenage years!

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Why Is My Teen So Angry and What Can I Do About It?

Updated on January 22, 2025 By Daniel Wong 7 Comments

Do you always feel like you’re walking on eggshells around your teenager?

It’s natural to feel baffled and frustrated when dealing with a teenager’s attitude. Many different factors can impact your teenager’s emotions – the key is to identify the root cause of this anger.

Think of it this way…

When gardening, you don’t want to cut off just the top of the weeds. That would only be a temporary fix.

You need to pull the weeds out by the roots.

The next time your teens get upset, don’t dwell on their emotions or misbehavior. Instead, focus on finding the actual cause behind the outburst.

When you address the underlying issue, you can respond in an appropriate way. This will help to reduce and prevent future teenage tantrums and arguments.

In this article, I’ll talk about possible reasons why your teenager is angry.

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The difference between justified and unhealthy anger

Everyone gets angry on occasion, and that’s completely normal. But your teens need to learn the difference between justifiable anger and unhealthy, destructive anger.

Justifiable anger is a normal response when teens encounter a threat or an unpleasant situation. For instance, they might have been accused or punished for something they didn’t do.

As a parent, you can teach your teens to process and express this kind of anger in healthy ways.

Remind them that all emotions are real and valid (including anger), but not all behaviors are acceptable.

So while it’s okay for them to react by doing things like crying, they should never hurt themselves or anyone else.

Unhealthy anger, on the other hand, is anger that is out of control, violent, or happens very frequently.

If your teen blows up at every little thing, he or she might be dealing with a mental health condition. In this case, it’s best to seek the advice of a therapist or trained professional.

7 reasons why your teenager might be angry

Teenagers can get angry for different reasons. But keep in mind that no teen wants to be angry.

It’s easier for them to become overwhelmed by their emotions at this stage of life. This is because they don’t have the same skills or mental resources as adults to manage their anger.

The best way to teach your teens to manage their frustration is to help them recognize the root cause of it.

Let’s explore some common reasons why teenagers display anger:

1. Brain development

Teens’ brains are still developing.

The amygdala of the brain matures earlier. This is the “emotional” part of the brain responsible for fear and aggressive behavior.

In contrast, the prefrontal cortex develops slower. This is the “rational” part of the brain that controls things related to reasoning and thinking through the consequences of actions.

Because their brains are still maturing, teenagers can be quickly overwhelmed by their feelings. They’re also more likely to act on impulse and misread social cues or facial expressions.

This makes it more difficult for them to regulate their anger and emotions.

Their brain development isn’t something that can be changed just like that. But knowing that there’s a scientific explanation behind your teens’ anger can help you empathize with them.

2. Stress at school

It’s challenging to act your best when dealing with stress and worries. When your body is always in fight-or-flight mode, it can be more difficult to think rationally and manage your emotions.

The survey mentioned in this article found that 83% of teens identified school as a major stressor.

Your teenagers might be worried about their grades, or they might be facing problems with their classmates. As a result, your teens may take out their frustration on people at home.

If this applies to your teens, you can work with them to build strategies to cope better at school.

You can teach them time management skills, help them create a daily schedule, and provide a quiet and conducive space for them to work.

3. Identity and independence

It’s perfectly normal for your teens to want more autonomy and independence at this stage of their lives.

Your teens are on a journey of figuring out who they are apart from you, and will likely start to disagree with you and form their own opinions.

Your teenagers might also get upset and rebel when you set rules and boundaries related to what they can and cannot do.

Finding the balance between protecting your teens and giving them the freedom to explore can be tricky.

But it helps to sit down with your teenagers to discuss specific boundaries and the consequences of breaking them. Make your teenagers partners in this process and explain the reasoning behind the different household rules.

4. Social challenges

There are various social challenges your teens may be facing, including the following:

Feeling left out or excluded by their peers
Being bullied or made fun of
Not having friends to hang out with or turn to for support
Getting into arguments and losing friends

Naturally, your teenagers crave connection with their peers. Plus, what others think about them is also important to them.

Because of this, social challenges can cause your teen to feel lonely and unhappy.

If your teen is experiencing loneliness, it’s important to make yourself available. You can also plan simple activities together, like going on a walk. This can help to build a stronger connection with your teen.

5. Lack of coping skills

When faced with an unpleasant or painful situation, your teenager might use anger or rage to release and cope with their difficult emotions.

As a parent, it’s important to remember that your teenagers aren’t doing this to annoy or frustrate you. They might be sad or hurt, so they’re resorting to bad behavior to remedy those feelings indirectly.

You can teach your teens healthy coping mechanisms when they face challenges or stress. These include:

Talking to someone they trust, like a parent or friend
Participating in activities that help them relieve stress, such as a sport or journaling
Seeking professional help and support, for instance, from a coach or therapist

6. Sleep deprivation

Research suggests that there’s a link between sleep deprivation and mood changes. More specifically, a lack of sleep can worsen mood and increase anger, depression, and anxiety.

This is because sleep deprivation can lead to changes in the amygdala. When a person doesn’t get enough sleep, this part of the brain may react more strongly to triggers and stress.

It’s recommended that teens get 8 to 10 hours of sleep each night. A solid sleep schedule will enable your teens to cope with daily stressors and regulate their emotions better.

You can encourage your teens to prioritize sleep by helping them establish a regular bedtime routine. It’s also a good idea to set limits related to screen time and social media use.

7. Feeling misunderstood

Do you sometimes feel like you’re on a completely different wavelength from your teenagers?

It’s normal for you and your teenagers to have different opinions and expectations.

But without proper communication, this can lead to heated arguments and conflicts. Dismissing your teens’ point of view can also make them feel hurt and unimportant, which will eventually cause them to blow up.

To bridge this gap, building a good line of communication with your teenagers is essential. Do your best to make the interactions a two-way street.

Avoid jumping to conclusions. Instead, make it a point to listen actively when your teen speaks. This will allow you to understand them better and build trust and mutual respect in your relationship.

How do you discipline a teen with anger issues?

Handling an angry teen is challenging. As tempting as it might be, fighting fire with fire won’t solve the problem.

Instead of threatening them or raising your voice at them, hear your teens out when they share their feelings and opinions. If things get too heated, call a time-out.

When your teen isn’t angry, it’s also a good idea to lay the groundwork for healthy conflicts and discussions.

This could involve setting boundaries for expressing anger and consequences for crossing those boundaries. You can also teach your teens about healthy and appropriate ways to express their emotions.

Conclusion

Empathy and communication are key when it comes to dealing with an angry teen. As a parent, you play an important role in ensuring your teens feel heard and understood.

You’re also in a good position to teach them coping mechanisms and emotional regulation skills.

With your guidance and support, your teens will learn to express and cope with their emotions in healthy ways.

This will empower them to build fulfilling relationships with those around them!

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7 Signs of an Entitled Teenager (Parents, Take Note!)

Updated on February 20, 2025 By Daniel Wong 2 Comments

Do you feel like your teens make too many demands without expressing much appreciation?

Realizing that you have an entitled teenager is a tough pill to swallow.

If left unchecked, your teenagers may carry this sense of entitlement into adulthood.

This is why it’s crucial to address and correct these behaviors as early on as possible.

Fortunately, your teens are still in a teachable stage of life where they can learn values like compassion and gratitude. Your guidance will play a big role in helping them to do just that.

In this article, I’ll discuss the causes of teenage entitlement and the signs of an entitled teenager.

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What is entitlement and how does it affect teenagers?

Entitled teenagers feel that they are owed something even if they haven’t done anything to deserve it.

Surprisingly, research notes that entitlement in teenagers can be helpful at times.

Helpful entitlement is when teens are able to realistically gauge what to expect from others and stand up for their needs.

For example, they should be confident in their parents’ ability to provide for their basic needs.

Conversely, harmful entitlement causes teenagers to be ungrateful and demanding. As a result, they believe they should have their wants fulfilled, regardless of other people’s feelings or needs.

This could have a negative impact on the different areas of a teenager’s life.

Entitled teenagers don’t treat others with compassion and respect. This can make it harder for them to develop and maintain healthy relationships with others.

Unhealthy entitlement is also associated with lower self-esteem and a higher risk of depression and anxiety.

On top of that, teens who have everything taken care of by their parents may have weaker problem-solving skills. Entitled teens are also less likely to be good team players.

So it’s essential to nip this problem in the bud when you spot it.

What causes entitled behavior?

There are a number of possible causes of entitled behavior in teenagers.

Getting to the root cause can help you develop better strategies to manage and address the problem.

The following are possible causes of teenage entitlement:

Indulgent parenting: Research suggests that privileged adolescents are more likely to be entitled. This is because of how other people, including their parents, treat them. If your teens have all their wants fulfilled by you, this may cause them to expect others to do the same.
Inconsistent or non-existent boundaries: Saying “yes” to all your teenager’s demands and failing to address bad behavior can lead to entitlement. If your teens make irresponsible decisions without having to face any consequences, they’re also more likely to continue behaving this way.
Absence of good role models: Do you look down on certain kinds of people? Do you disrespect others? Do you frequently complain or rarely show gratitude? If so, you might notice your teens behaving the same way. This is because teens often mirror their parents’ behaviors.
Lack of opportunities: How often do your teens get the chance to learn to be kind and considerate – either through volunteer work or at home? If your teens have never had to put someone else’s needs above their own, they may develop a sense of entitlement.
Social media or peer influence: Teenagers are easily influenced by what they see around them or on social media. Seeing their friends or influencers leading glamorous lives may cause your teens to have an unhealthy perspective on satisfying their wants.

Recognizing the traits of an entitled teenager

Parenting teens is challenging. It’s easy to feel demoralized when your teenagers behave a certain way, but remember that no parent is perfect.

What’s important is being able to recognize unwanted behavior. This then allows you to address it.

Take note that it’s completely normal for your teens to have their own desires.

What sets unhealthy entitlement apart are these traits:

Ingratitude
Disrespect
Comparison
Irresponsibility

Examples of entitled behavior include throwing a tantrum when told “no” or expecting others to pick up after them.

Let’s take a closer look at the most common signs of an entitled teenager:

Sign #1: Making many unwarranted demands

Do you often get bombarded with demands for things your teens don’t actually need?

Whether it’s the latest phone or branded clothes and shoes – your teens seem to have a never-ending wishlist.

They don’t seem to consider how much effort, time, or money would go into fulfilling their requests.

What’s more, your teenagers don’t practice financial responsibility. They don’t budget or save, and they make costly purchases on a whim.

You might also notice that they often compare themselves to those around them. They may resort to buying new and expensive items to fit in or to feel superior to others.

Sign #2: Reacting negatively when told “no”

Do your teenagers react negatively every time they’re told “no”?

Entitled teenagers aren’t accustomed to handling disappointment when things don’t go their way.

Teenagers might throw a tantrum, give you the cold shoulder, or rudely talk back when you deny them something they’ve asked for.

As much as you might want to give in to soothe the situation, it’s important to be firm. If you give in after your teens lash out or throw a fit, it will cause more harm in the long run.

Sign #3: Rarely expressing gratitude

Entitled teens often struggle to express gratitude, whether through a simple “thank you” or acts of kindness.

If an aunt or uncle buys them a birthday gift or a stranger holds the door for them, you may notice that your teenagers don’t acknowledge these gestures.

A lack of gratitude may also manifest as your teens constantly complaining. For instance, they might refuse to eat dinner unless the food is something they really want to eat.

Teaching gratitude to your teens extends beyond coercing a reluctant “thank you.”

Pointing out the kind acts of others can be beneficial. Additionally, fostering a culture of giving in your household and engaging in family volunteer work can contribute to this process.

Sign #4: Expecting to receive special treatment

Your teenagers might expect special treatment from others, whether it’s in school, at home, or in various social situations.

Your teens might enjoy being the center of attention, even on occasions like someone else’s birthday.

They may also assume that someone else will handle the cleanup responsibilities at home.

While it’s crucial to give your teenagers attention and care when needed, it’s equally important to remind them that they aren’t at the center of the universe.

Encourage your teens to consider the feelings of others. For example, you could take them shopping for a friend’s birthday or suggest that they help their cousin to make wedding preparations.

Sign #5: Disregarding rules and boundaries

You might have observed that your teenagers frequently ignore rules at home, school, and in public.

When you establish curfews, assign chores, or ask them to complete their homework, your teenagers may react strongly or kick up a fuss.

This defiant behavior may stem from a lack of respect for authority figures.

Your teens might think they know better than their parents or teachers and, as a result, refuse to follow their instructions or rules.

Moreover, your teenagers might disregard boundaries. They aren’t afraid to test another person’s limits, such as repeatedly calling a friend by a nickname that’s hurtful.

Teaching your teens to respect rules and boundaries starts at home. Create a clear list of rules and consequences for breaking them, and consistently enforce them.

Sign #6: Being unwilling to take responsibility

Another sign of an entitled teenager is the unwillingness to fulfill their roles and responsibilities at home or school.

Because your teens expect everything to be done for them, they refuse to do their homework or study for exams if they don’t feel like it. This can lead to bad grades.

At home, your teenagers don’t do chores or help around the house.

When they make a mistake, they don’t take any responsibility for it. Instead, your teens might try to shift the blame to someone else.

Sign #7: Finding it difficult to deal with failure

Entitled teenagers are used to having things go their way. Because of this, they might not know how to respond to or handle disappointments and failures in life.

They lack perseverance and frequently rely on others to solve their problems.

This might show up in different ways. For example, you might notice that your teenagers give up easily when doing a difficult assignment.

If this is the case, try to remind your teens that setbacks are part and parcel of life.

Lend them a listening ear, and help them to see failure as an opportunity to learn and improve.

Effective strategies to deal with entitled behavior

Dealing with an entitled teen can be tricky.

But there are steps you can take to curb this type of behavior, including the following:

Start setting and enforcing rules and consequences for breaking those rules.
Avoid picking up after your teenagers all the time or covering for their mistakes.
Discuss the differences between needs and wants with your teenagers.
When you say “no,” don’t go back on it just because your teen throws a tantrum.
Create a chore chart for the family and assign chores to your teens.
Don’t compare your teenagers or yourself to other people.

You don’t have to make these changes all at once. Identify the root issue and pick a couple of solutions you think might work.

Ultimately, what’s most important is modeling positive behavior for your teenagers.

This way, your teens won’t feel like your advice or instructions are hypocritical.

Conclusion

As a parent, it’s natural to want to give your teens the best of everything in life.

But this shouldn’t be done in a way that robs your teens of the opportunity to learn values like gratitude and responsibility.

Of course, dealing with entitlement isn’t easy.

But with patience and consistency, you’ll raise kind, humble, and responsible teenagers!

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A Parent’s Complete Guide to High School Dating

Updated on September 30, 2024 By Daniel Wong 2 Comments

Does the thought of your teen dating make you nervous or uneasy?

If you said “yes,” you’re not alone.

As a parent, it’s natural to worry when your teens start dating.

We want them to be happy, healthy, and focused on pursuing meaningful goals.

It isn’t enough to tell your teens that “there will be no dating until you turn 18.” Teenage romance is normal, after all.

It’s important to strike a balance between setting rules, offering guidance, and letting teens explore dating on their own.

In this article, I’ll help you understand what you should know about teen dating. I’ll also share some rules and relationship advice that you can discuss with your teens.

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Why teens fall in love in high school

Do you recall your first experience of falling in love?

Even if it doesn’t exactly mirror your teen’s experiences, you may still be able to relate to some of his or her feelings.

As parents, knowing we’ve been through something similar can help us accept that high school dating is, in fact, a normal part of adolescence.

When your teenagers see their peers in romantic relationships, it invokes a longing to experience the same thing.

In addition, companionship and a sense of belonging become all the more important at this time.

The development of the brain and body during adolescence can also trigger hormonal changes. This may contribute to feelings of being in love and of sexual attraction.

We can’t stop our teens from falling in love – it’s natural. But we can still provide reasonable advice and boundaries to guide them along.

The role of teenage relationships

Unhealthy teenage relationships can indeed take a toll on your teen’s well-being. In contrast, healthy dating does have its benefits.

Research has found that love and romance are core aspects of adolescent development.

Studies have shown that healthy teenage dating can lead to the following benefits:

Reduced aggression and risk-taking behaviors
Improved conflict management
Better communication skills
Better decision-making
Identity development
Emotional growth
Social learning

During this stage of life, your teenagers are still figuring out how to interact with others.

They’re learning to set boundaries, deal with conflicts, and improve communication. But it’s all a work in progress.

This is where healthy dating can help them learn skills and develop abilities to build strong relationships with others. This includes their peers, family members, employers, and future partners.

Teenage love and its complexities: What parents should be aware of

Teenage dating can be a positive experience.

But it’s still important for parents to understand the challenges and complexities surrounding it.

Plus, dating has changed a lot from when we were in our teens’ shoes.

Parents should be mindful of the following aspects of modern teenage dating:

Social media and pop culture influence

An estimated 90% of teenagers between 13 and 17 have used social media. Around 50% report using these platforms daily.

Movies, TV shows, and pop songs are also common forms of media that teenagers consume.

Because of the influence of pop culture and mass media, teens might have an unrealistic view of sex and relationships.

This is where parents can step in to help them differentiate between truth and the fiction they see online or in movies.

Social and dating apps

Social media is a popular way to connect with people from all over the world.

In fact, statistics show that almost half of teens have expressed their interest in another person through social media.

While these platforms can help teens meet new friends and even find love interests, teaching them about online safety is crucial.

Online dangers like grooming, harassment, sexting, and privacy issues are things your teens should be aware of. Some dating apps even let users under 18 create profiles and connect with potential dates.

Of course, your teens don’t need to avoid using the Internet completely. But there should be guidelines on what they should and shouldn’t do.

Relationship red flags

When your teenagers are in love, they may not see certain things that you do.

While you might not be able to control who your teens end up dating, you can still look out for them and point out potential red flags.

Try to have a respectful conversation with your teen if his or her partner shows the following red flags:

Being obsessive and unwilling to give your teen his or her own space
Ignoring your teen’s boundaries
Becoming jealous, manipulative, and controlling
Getting easily angered and having mood swings
Disrespecting you as your teen’s parent

If you see these warning signs, reassure your teens that you care and that you want what’s best for them.

Showing that you’re focused on their well-being will make them more likely to talk to you about the relationship issues they may have.

Best relationship tips to share with your teen

Talking about love, dating, and sex with your teenager can be awkward.

But, as parents, we cannot afford to outsource these conversations to mass media or pop culture.

Don’t leave these conversations till their first heartbreak.

When you see your teens showing an interest in romance, have an honest chat with them.

Not sure where to start?

Here are some important pieces of relationship advice you can share with your teens:

Tip #1: Keep to the rules that have been discussed

Setting hard-and-fast rules without discussing them with your teens will cause them to hide things from you or sneak around behind your back.

Instead, sit your teens down and explain the reasoning behind the rules you set. Ask for their opinions about the rules, and listen attentively.

Certain rules that guard your teen’s safety shouldn’t be negotiable.

But there is room for compromise when it comes to other rules, such as their nighttime curfew or which days they’re allowed to go out.

Of course, all this depends on your teen’s level of maturity and responsibility.

Here is a list of things to consider when setting dating rules for your teens:

What age they’re allowed to start dating: Do they have a grasp of what dating will involve? Do they know what it means to respect themselves and others? Are they handling the other responsibilities in their life well? There’s no right age for dating. So it boils down to your teen’s maturity level. Also, consider the age gap between your teens and their potential partners. Aside from different maturity levels, a significant age gap could lead to legal issues.
Date night expectations: Lay out ground rules for dating. Discuss whether one-on-one dates are appropriate. If they are, your teens should let you know where they’re going, who they’re with, and when they’ll be back when they go out on dates.
Dating safety rules: If your teens are going out with a new partner or someone they’ve just met, you’ll need to establish rules related to safety. These rules may include the types of places they’re allowed to hang out at, how long they should be out, and whether they should be alone with the other person. You may also ask your teens to send you updates on their location or text you from time to time when they’re out.
The level of privacy that’s reasonable: Should your teenager be allowed to close the bedroom door when his or her partner is over? How early into the relationship would you like to meet that special someone? Should you be checking your teen’s messages? Discuss a level of privacy that’s reasonable for your teenager’s age and the current stage of dating.

Work on creating these rules with your teen, listening to and incorporating their input where possible.

It’s also a good idea to give your teens some autonomy to decide on the boundaries and consequences for breaking them.

Tip #2: Set and respect boundaries

Setting boundaries is the key to a healthy relationship. Here are some examples of the different types of boundaries to discuss with your teens:

Physical: Your teens might not be comfortable with certain types of physical touch. These may include holding hands, kissing, or hugging. Perhaps they don’t want to be touched in certain areas. These are important boundaries to have in a relationship.
Sexual: You can discuss your family’s values and principles related to sex. Encourage your teens to think about what they’re comfortable with based on their values and beliefs. Sexual intimacy can leave teenagers feeling vulnerable. So it’s vital to speak about boundaries to prevent premature sexual intimacy.
Emotional: Emotional boundaries help your teens navigate big emotions in a relationship. For instance, your teen may want space and time to cool off before resolving a conflict. Breakups and serious conversations shouldn’t be done over text. And neither party should take out their frustrations on the other. While these might seem like common sense, they are concerns to talk about.
Privacy and personal space: Is your teen’s partner allowed to stay over at your house? Should they be exchanging passwords or looking at each other’s messages?
Financial: How much is your teen comfortable spending on dates? Should both partners take turns paying for meals?

Encourage your teenager to talk openly with their partner from the start. They should both be clear about what they’re okay with and what they’re not.

Also, remind your teens that respect goes both ways. Let them know it’s important to respect their partner’s boundaries.

Tip #3: Don’t take online safety for granted

Connecting with potential love interests online, either through mutual friends on social media or DM-ing someone in your social network, has many risks associated with it.

Your teens should know how to protect themselves online, especially when talking to new people.

There should be clear rules and boundaries for using dating apps for teens under 18.

Here are some pieces of advice to share with your teens:

Sexting and sending nudes is very dangerous, even more so for teens. Don’t be pressured into sending messages or pictures you’re uncomfortable with. Leaked nudes are becoming an increasingly common occurrence.
Remember that what you post stays online. As a rule of thumb, only post updates or photos you’d be comfortable showing your teacher or grandmother.
People might not be who they say they are. Be cautious about trusting new people with your personal information, like your name, address, or school.
Be extra careful if you wish to meet up with the person. Inform either parent beforehand, and meet in a public place. You should tell either parent your entire itinerary and provide regular location or text updates during the date.

Here’s a resource with expert tips for online safety that you can share with your teen.

Telling your teenager to completely avoid social media or talking to people online is impossible. Sometimes, online friendships can bloom into romance. So discuss ground rules as early as possible and stay updated on the apps your teens are using.

Tip #4: Don’t lose sight of your priorities

As a teenager, juggling school, family, extracurricular activities, and relationships can be tricky.

This doesn’t mean teenagers shouldn’t spend time with their partners or go on date nights. But certain rules and boundaries can help them manage their time and energy better.

Some aspects to consider include the following:

Whether they should complete their schoolwork and chores before going out
How much time they should reserve for family dinners or outings
How many days or nights a week they’re allowed to go out
What their curfew is for date nights

Dealing with breakups

Teenagers are still figuring out how to handle big feelings, so breakups can be tough on them.

Your teens might not break the news to you that they’ve ended things with their partner. So look for signs of a breakup.

These may include a change in your teenager’s daily mood, eating habits, school performance, and sleeping routine.

He or she might also withdraw from friends or family members and stop doing activities they used to enjoy.

When your teens are ready to talk about it, there are various ways you can support them, including the following:

Don’t minimize their emotions. Validate their big feelings. Try to make yourself available when your teens need you, and create a non-judgemental space for them to share their experiences.
Listen to them when they’re ready to talk. Don’t interrupt, nag, or make negative remarks like “I told you so” or “It’s not a big deal.” Put away all distractions when your teens are speaking.
Do things that make your teens feel loved. You can sit by them as they watch their favorite movie or you can cook their favorite meal for them.
Encourage them to get support from trusted friends. Your teens might not feel comfortable sharing every single detail with you, and that’s okay.

While breakups are painful, they can be a valuable opportunity for your teenagers to learn how to deal with sadness, anger, and rejection.

Conclusion

Talking about romance, love, and sex with your teens can be awkward. But these aren’t one-and-done conversations.

This is new territory for both you and your teens. Things like rules, boundaries, values, and opinions will change over time. So it’s perfectly normal to revisit these discussions.

With the right approach, you’ll be a safe place your teens will go to in order to get dating advice and emotional support.

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