Parenting Archives - Daniel Wong

Is My Teenager a Narcissist? Signs to Take Note of (And How to Handle Narcissism in Teens)

October 18, 2025 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

Does your teenager often seem entitled and demanding?

Do they crave attention and praise but show little care or empathy for others?

If you’ve ever asked yourself whether your teen might be a narcissist, you’re not alone. Many parents find it challenging to distinguish between what’s normal and what isn’t.

After all, the teenage years are a time of significant change, and it’s natural for teens to become more self-focused as they figure out who they are.

While true narcissistic personality disorder in teens requires a professional diagnosis, recognizing concerning patterns early can help parents provide the right support.

In general, a narcissistic teenager often shows a clear pattern of arrogance, lack of empathy, and an excessive need for admiration. They might seem bold and confident, but this often hides insecurity or discipline problems.

In this article, we’ll dive deeper into the key traits of a narcissistic teenager. This will help you understand what can be normal and what might be cause for concern. We’ll also explore the steps you can take if you notice these signs in your teen.

(If your teen also lacks motivation, make sure to download the free e-book below.)

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Key characteristics of a narcissistic teenager

It can be worrying or confusing when your teen shows behaviors that seem self-centered or dismissive of others. We can’t expect our teens to be perfect, but it’s important for us to tell the difference between normal “teenage attitude” and narcissism.

Here are some common traits of narcissism in teens to watch for:

Inflated sense of self-importance

Narcissistic teenagers often brag about their talents, appearance, or achievements. They may exaggerate or lie about their achievements to get praise.

They also tend to believe they are superior to their peers. As a result, they might dismiss or look down on other people’s needs and opinions.

Of course, this doesn’t mean your teen can’t show self-confidence or pride in their achievements. It’s healthy for them to build a positive self-image. But at the same time, they should also be able to show kindness and respect toward those around them.

Lack of empathy

One of the hallmark signs of narcissism in teenagers is a lack of concern for others.

Narcissistic teens often downplay or dismiss the feelings, needs, or opinions of the people around them.

They might brush off a friend’s struggles or show little compassion for someone in need. For example, they might laugh when a classmate trips and drops their books, or roll their eyes when you mention wanting to donate money to a charity.

They may also disregard the emotions of others and overlook the impact of their words or actions on other people.

This doesn’t mean your teen is expected to put the needs of others above their own all the time. However, they need to be able to show support and concern for other people.

Sense of entitlement

Teens with narcissism believe they deserve special privileges without putting in any effort to earn them.

They often expect things to go their way and for others to comply to keep them happy. When their expectations aren’t met, they can react with frustration and anger, or even throw tantrums.

Additionally, entitled teens might resist rules and boundaries at home or school. They might want the newest phone even though their old one still works, or demand designer clothes while refusing to do anything to earn them.

Constant need for attention and admiration

Most teenagers enjoy receiving recognition. In fact, it’s healthy for them to receive support and encouragement when they achieve something or try new things.

However, narcissistic teens constantly crave this. They thrive on likes and comments on social media and may become restless, upset, or even act out when they’re not in the spotlight.

All teens need validation from the important people in their lives. But if your teen always goes out of their way to draw attention to themselves, it’s a warning sign.

Manipulative behavior

Teenagers with narcissistic traits often use manipulation to get what they want. This can take many forms, such as guilt-tripping, lying, or twisting the truth to suit their case.

They might say things like, “If you really loved me, you’d let me go to that party,” or “Everyone else’s parents let them stay out until midnight.”

They may exaggerate stories to get sympathy. They may also avoid owning up to mistakes, often blaming others for their own actions. They might even convince other people that it’s actually their fault.

Arrogance

Narcissistic teenagers may sometimes come across as arrogant, condescending, or dismissive toward others.

As a result, they tend to belittle others or downplay their accomplishments. Oftentimes, this behavior creates tension in friendships and family relationships.

This arrogance can also make them envious of others, while believing that everyone else is jealous of them.

Difficulty handling criticism

Criticism can sting, even for adults. So it’s natural for teens to feel disappointed or upset when they receive negative feedback.

But for narcissistic teenagers, any form of correction can feel almost unbearable.

In these moments, they may respond with anger, defensiveness, or withdrawal. This often manifests as lashing out, blaming others, or shutting down completely rather than taking time to process the feedback.

These behaviors can be frustrating, but they often stem from your teen feeling ashamed or inadequate.

Preoccupation with fantasies

Some narcissistic teens tend to spend a lot of time imagining their success, fame, and influence. They might practice an Oscar speech without ever taking a drama class, or think about their dream mansion while failing their classes.

Teens can and should have ambitions and goals, and some form of daydreaming is also normal.

However, a constant preoccupation with unrealistic fantasies might point to narcissism. These teens might also expect others to support or fulfill these fantasies for them.

Narcissistic behaviors in teenage boys vs. teenage girls

Narcissistic behaviors can show up differently in teenage boys and girls. While the core traits are similar, the way they’re expressed often depends on social roles and personal insecurities.

Understanding these differences can help you spot patterns of narcissistic behavior more accurately.

Teenage boys

Narcissism in teenage boys often shows up in bold and noticeable ways. They might come across as arrogant, entitled, or demanding. Sometimes, they may also use aggression, anger, or hostility to cover up their insecurities.

These traits can manifest in various situations. Examples include bullying others to feel superior, like mocking a younger kid’s basketball skills or spreading rumors about someone who got a better test score.

You might also catch them rebelling against authority figures who try to correct them. They may also exaggerate their strengths or achievements to impress others or maintain a sense of control.

These behaviors can be challenging to deal with. But it’s essential to remember that many of these issues stem from deep-seated insecurity or a lack of proper guidance.

Teenage girls

For teenage girls, narcissism can often show up in more subtle ways. The signs of narcissism in teenage girls include focusing on validation and competing with peers rather than showing obvious aggression.

To maintain their social status, some teen girls may resort to manipulation or exploitation. This can show up as excluding others, playing the victim, or gossiping about friends.

Some examples include uninviting a friend from a sleepover, saying “everyone hates me” when corrected, or posting private texts in a group chat.

For many, appearance and the pursuit of perfection become top priorities.

These behaviors can be confusing and hurtful for those around them. But it’s important to recognize that they can stem from low self-esteem and a fear of not being good enough.

Is it really that bad? Understanding the risks

It’s natural for teenagers to want more independence and to feel more confident at this stage of life. As they begin shaping their identity, it’s also normal for them to become more self-focused. But they should still be able to show care, empathy, and love toward the people around them.

When teens become overly focused on themselves with little regard for others, it may be a sign of narcissism. If your teen is often dishonest or manipulative, this may not be typical teen behavior.

In these cases, it’s important to look deeper at what may be driving their actions.

In the short term, narcissism in your teen can create ongoing conflict and put a strain on family and peer relationships. These behaviors often push others away. As a result, your teen may feel isolated, frustrated, or misunderstood.

In the long term, the risks are even more concerning. If these patterns persist into adulthood, your teenager may struggle to form strong relationships. Due to their lack of concern for those around them, they may even put themselves or others in unhealthy situations. These harms may be emotional, financial, or even physical.

What parents can do about a narcissistic teenager

Parenting teens isn’t easy. We all want our teens to grow into adults who can love and care for others in a genuine way.

As parents, we play a key role in helping them cultivate important values like kindness and compassion. These will form the foundation for healthy relationships throughout their lives.

If your teen is displaying narcissistic traits, it’s important to address the issue sooner rather than later. It won’t always be easy, and you may face resistance or defiance along the way.

Whether you’re learning how to deal with a narcissistic teenage son or daughter, these strategies can increase your chances of success and guide your teen toward healthier behaviors.

Stay calm and don’t take it personally

When your teen hurts or manipulates you, pause for a moment. Don’t assume they’re being mean on purpose. Look deeper.

Their behavior may be driven by insecurity, anxiety, stress, or even a lack of clear guidance and boundaries.

Try to remain calm and avoid responding emotionally. It is definitely easier said than done, but taking their words or actions too personally can cause the conflict to escalate and make it harder for them to respect and listen to you.

Set clear boundaries

Teens are still at a stage in life where they need guidance. That’s why it’s crucial to establish clear boundaries and enforce consequences when they’re crossed.

Some examples of helpful boundaries at home include:

No yelling, name-calling, or putting others down
Completing chores or helping out before enjoying privileges
Setting limits on daily screen time
Sticking to agreed curfews when going out and promptly informing you if plans change

It’s also crucial to connect consequences to the boundary that was broken.

For example, if your teen ignores their curfew, they might lose the privilege of going out the following weekend. This not only reinforces the rule but also helps your teen understand the importance of accountability.

Your teen might try to reject or push back against these rules you’ve set. But as long as you reinforce them calmly and have conversations with your teen about them, your teen will usually accept them if they’re reasonable boundaries.

Model empathy

Narcissistic teens often live in a world of their own. But it’s never too late to help them pop that bubble and start thinking about others.

Start by showing empathy through your own actions and conversations. For example, if a family friend is sick, involve your teen in putting together a “get well soon” kit.

If your community is hosting a volunteer event, consider attending it together. And when your teen comes to you with problems, listen attentively, validate their feelings, and don’t interrupt them.

When your teen sees you practicing empathy in everyday life, they’re more likely to mirror those behaviors.

Encourage self-awareness

Narcissists have trouble acknowledging the impact of their actions. They may deny responsibility, blame others, or ignore the consequences of their behavior.

Helping your teen build self-awareness is the key to breaking this pattern. The goal isn’t to shame them, but to guide them toward recognizing how their words and actions can have a profound influence on those around them.

Here are a few ways parents can encourage self-awareness in their teens:

Ask reflective questions like, “How do you think your friend felt when that happened?”
Encourage journaling to help them process their emotions and behaviors
Brainstorm alternative ways they could have responded in certain situations
When you notice hurtful behavior from others, point out that specific behavior and its consequences
Praise your teens in moments when they show accountability or empathy for their family or friends

Building self-awareness takes time, but consistent guidance can help your teen start making connections between their behavior and its impact on others.

Limit social media pressure

It’s easy for teens to tie their self-worth to likes, followers, and online validation.

Constantly comparing themselves to peers can create unhealthy competition and damage their self-esteem. To cover up these insecurities, some teens may turn to narcissistic behaviors, like putting others down out of jealousy.

As a parent, you can guide your teen toward healthier social media habits. Try setting limits on screen time and encouraging offline hobbies, such as sports, arts, or crafts. You can also create screen-free times and zones, like during family meals, to promote bonding and better communication at home.

Seek professional help

If you’ve been trying different strategies to help your teen without much success, it’s time to seek professional help. This is especially important if their behavior causes serious issues at home, at school, or in their social relationships.

Treatment for teen narcissistic personality disorder through psychologists, therapists, or coaches can help your teen:

Develop healthy coping strategies to manage anger, stress, and envy
Build empathy and emotional awareness
Strengthen communication and conflict-resolution skills
Reflect on the impact of their words and actions
Learn values like respect, accountability, and compassion

Working with a professional allows your teens to share their concerns and work on themselves in a safe and non-judgmental space.

That said, professional support isn’t only for teens. Parents can also benefit from it.

Guidance from a family counselor, therapist, or coach can help you:

Reflect on parenting styles and how they may influence your teen’s behavior
Improve communication with your teens and reduce conflicts at home
Learn strategies to manage frustration, disappointment, and burnout
Strengthen trust, connection, and emotional bonds with your teen
Create a safe, respectful, and empathetic home environment
Set firm boundaries and follow through with implementing them
Prioritize self-care in practical ways, so you can better support your teen

With the right support, change is absolutely possible for both you and your teen.

When to seek professional help

While some self-centered behavior is common in adolescence, certain red flags suggest your teen may need extra support, such as:

Persistent difficulty forming or maintaining friendships
Strained family relationships due to constant conflicts
Frequent aggressive outbursts and temper tantrums
Consistent dishonesty, manipulation, or “playing the victim”
Lack of empathy or concern for others, even in serious situations
Obsession with appearance, popularity, or social status at the expense of other priorities
Inability to take responsibility for mistakes and a tendency to blame others
Declining academic performance
Behavioral issues at school

Remember, displaying narcissistic traits doesn’t mean your teen is doomed to become a narcissistic adult. With the right guidance and support, teenagers can develop healthy values.

Conclusion

Narcissistic teenagers typically don’t act out of spite or malice.

More often, their self-centeredness and arrogance are cries for guidance, security, or attention. That’s why it’s important for parents to respond not with panic or guilt, but with calmness and understanding.

Striking the balance between firmness and compassion isn’t always easy, but it is possible. With your help, your teen can rebuild their confidence and form meaningful relationships with those around them.

If you believe your teen could benefit from additional support, I’d be happy to help. Through this 1:1 coaching program, I work with teens to develop empathy, motivation, resilience, and life skills.

(If you haven’t already done so, download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

How to Deal with a Lying Teenager: 8 Ways to Encourage Honesty

September 2, 2025 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

Catching your teen in a lie can be frustrating, especially when you’re trying to build a relationship based on trust.

In those moments, it’s easy to assume your teen is just being defiant or rebellious.

This often leads to punishments or harsh words without stopping to ask why the lie occurred in the first place.

The truth is, teens don’t usually lie just to be difficult. It’s often a coping mechanism they’ve developed in response to their experiences or environment.

To address the issue at its root, it’s crucial to understand the underlying reasons behind the behavior.

In this article, we’ll look at why teens lie and how to deal with a lying teenager. The goal isn’t just to reduce lying in your teens but also to communicate effectively and create a safe space for them.

(Don’t forget to download your free quick action guide below.)

FREE QUICK ACTION GUIDE:

Get your FREE copy of

10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

The tips are guaranteed to help you get through to your teen, so download your copy today!

Why do teenagers lie?

Teenagers often lie for reasons that go beyond simple misbehavior.

The following are some possible reasons why teens might lie:

To avoid getting into trouble. Teens may lie to escape punishment when they know they’ve done something wrong.
To protect themselves. If they feel afraid, lying can be a way to shield themselves emotionally or physically.
To gain freedom. Some teenagers lie to get permission to do things they know would otherwise be off-limits.
Due to peer pressure. They might lie to fit in with friends or avoid embarrassment.
Low self-esteem. Insecure teens may lie to make themselves seem more capable, confident, or interesting.
To feel in control. Lying can be a way to push back against rules or reclaim independence.
Lack of awareness. Some teens may not fully understand the harm certain lies can cause.
To maintain privacy. As they grow older, teens naturally seek more privacy and may lie to guard it.

Understanding the possible reasons behind your teen’s lies allows you to meet dishonesty with care and empathy. This forms the foundation for building deeper trust and connection.

Is lying a normal part of teen development?

Occasional lying is a normal part of teen development, and for some teens, it can even be a sign of healthy social growth.

During these years, teenagers want to explore their identity and assert their independence. Lying can sometimes be a way to protect their privacy, avoid embarrassment, or experiment with new things.

In some cases, they might even lie with a good motive, such as protecting someone else’s feelings.

The important thing is knowing the difference between what’s typical and what could be concerning.

Here are some red flags that may reveal aspects of a lying teenager’s psychology:

A consistent pattern of lying, even about small things
Lying to manipulate, control, or avoid consequences
Lies that hurt, endanger, or emotionally harm themselves or others
Hiding unsafe behaviors like substance use or reckless driving
Lack of remorse or empathy after being caught in a lie
Lying as a default response, even when the truth wouldn’t have serious consequences

If lying becomes frequent, secretive, or harmful, it may be a sign that your teenagers are struggling with deeper challenges.

That’s when they need both your support and correction.

8 effective ways to reduce teenage lying

Getting your teens to stop lying isn’t as simple as punishing them when they slip up.

Harsh reactions can backfire and encourage them to hide things from you because they no longer feel safe being honest.

Of course, this doesn’t mean lying should go without consequences. But the key is finding a balance.

You can create an environment where your teens feel safe enough to open up and share their thoughts. At the same time, you can also help them understand that honesty matters and that lying has real consequences.

Let’s explore what to do when your teenager lies.

1. Model honesty yourself

Research has already established that parents are very influential role models in the lives of their teens.

Even when you don’t notice it, your teens are constantly watching how you act and picking up on your behavior.

If they see you bending the truth, they may start to believe that dishonesty is acceptable. This includes small acts, such as making excuses instead of owning up to a mistake or telling a white lie to spare someone’s feelings.

These moments might seem harmless, but they can send mixed messages. That’s why it’s essential to model honesty in a manner that’s kind, respectful, and thoughtful.

When your teens see you practicing truth-telling with care, they learn that honesty isn’t about being blunt or critical; it’s about being genuine. They’ll learn how to speak the truth with kindness and empathy.

Modeling this for your teens can help them build integrity and encourage them to be truthful in their own lives, even when it’s hard.

Teens are much more likely to value honesty if they regularly see it in action at home.

2. Stay calm when your teen actually tells the truth

It’s completely natural to feel upset when your teenagers admit to something they wish hadn’t happened.

Maybe they broke a rule or got a bad grade at school. But if your initial reaction is anger or rage, your teen may start hiding things from you out of fear.

When they own up to something, stay calm in the moment.

You can still talk about the consequences later, but your initial response will set the tone. Thank them for being honest, and ask questions to understand the whole story.

When teens know they can come to you without being immediately judged or punished, they’re far more likely to be honest in the future.

3. Don’t set unrealistic rules

When your rules are too strict or your expectations feel impossible to meet, your teens might lie for different reasons.

For example, if you expect perfect grades and complete obedience, your teen could hide some things to avoid disappointing you.

Of course, it can sometimes be tricky to tell what’s unrealistic, and these standards may vary from one teenager to another.

But say your teen is afraid to come to you with bad news, always hides things, or feels insecure and unsure of themselves. If so, your expectations may need to be adjusted to make room for honesty and growth.

It’s also helpful to have open conversations about the house rules for your teens and the consequences of breaking them. That way, they may feel more involved in the decision-making process.

4. Give them privacy

Teens need space to grow and build independence. But if they feel like you’re always watching, questioning, or controlling them, they may start lying to protect their personal space.

Giving your teens privacy doesn’t mean backing off completely or ignoring red flags.

Instead, it’s best to respect their need for privacy, such as allowing them to have their own conversations with friends in most situations.

It’s also vital to avoid secretive actions. For example, you might check their phone, read their journal, or track their location without them knowing.

Doing this behind their backs can break trust and damage your relationship. If you’re concerned about their safety or well-being, it’s better to have an honest conversation and explain why you’re checking in.

5. Make consequences logical, not punitive

Harsh punishments can backfire by making teens more secretive and less likely to open up.

Instead, set reasonable and logical consequences. This type of consequence focuses specifically on addressing the problem caused by your teen.

Let’s say your teen lies about getting home before curfew. In this case, grounding them the following weekend makes sense and is directly related to the behavior.

According to research, teens are more likely to respond positively to logical consequences.

Consequences like these help your teens understand cause and effect without creating shame or pain. The goal is to teach, so they can learn from their actions and make better choices in the future.

6. Encourage open dialogue

Instead of lecturing or nagging your teens, create opportunities for open and honest conversations. The key here is to intentionally connect with your teens.

You can ask them open-ended questions like, “How have you been feeling about school lately?” or “Is anything making you anxious right now?”

Show genuine curiosity and avoid overreacting when they do or don’t open up. When teens feel like they can talk to you without being judged, they’re far less likely to lie.

7. Watch for patterns and triggers

Lying is often a sign of something deeper, such as a fear of failure, low self-esteem, or the feeling of being misunderstood.

Instead of seeing lies as just bad behavior, try to look for the patterns or emotional triggers behind them.

For example, if your teens often lie about grades, they might be afraid of disappointing you or feel pressure to meet high expectations. If they lie mainly around friends or new people, they may feel the need to fit in or be accepted.

And if they often lie after breaking house rules, it could be a sign that they’re struggling with tight boundaries and fear the consequences.

By noticing when and why the lies tend to happen, you can better understand what your teen might be trying to avoid or protect. This insight can help you support their needs more effectively.

8. Get professional help if needed

Lying can become frequent, manipulative, or tied to risky behaviors like substance use or reckless driving. In such cases, it’s best to seek support from a professional.

Professionals can help uncover the underlying issues behind the behavior. At the same time, they can provide both you and your teen with healthier communication and coping strategies.

As an example, I offer this one-on-one coaching program for teens.

Reaching out for help isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a sign of strength and courage. It shows your commitment to your teen’s well-being and your willingness to strengthen the relationship.

Conclusion

Catching your teen in a lie can trigger frustration, disappointment, and anger.

But as the adult in the situation, you need to pause and manage your emotions before responding. Reacting with harshness will likely push your teen further away and reinforce the very behavior you’re trying to stop.

So approach each situation with curiosity and care. You can still be firm and set appropriate consequences, but do so in a way that guides rather than punishes.

By doing this, you’ll lay the groundwork for a healthy and honest relationship with your teenagers.

(If you haven’t already done so, download your free quick action guide below.)

FREE QUICK ACTION GUIDE:

Get your FREE copy of

10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

The tips are guaranteed to help you get through to your teen, so download your copy today!

Think You’re Failing as a Parent of Teens? Read This First

June 27, 2025 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

As a parent of a teenager, you’ve probably experienced moments of doubt.

Maybe you replay arguments in your head, wonder if you said the wrong thing, or question whether you’re doing enough.

Here’s the truth: These emotions don’t mean you’re failing as a parent. They show how much you care about your teenager’s well-being and future.

If you’re feeling like you’re failing as a parent, you’re not alone. In this article, you’ll discover:

How to overcome these feelings of self-doubt
Practical strategies to rebuild your confidence as a parent
Simple steps you can take starting today to become a more effective parent

(Don’t forget to get your free quick action guide below.)

FREE QUICK ACTION GUIDE:

Get your FREE copy of

10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

The tips are guaranteed to help you get through to your teen, so download your copy today!

When parenting doesn’t feel like enough

The teen years bring major changes, not just for your teenager but also for you as a parent. As your teen matures, their behavior and emotions can shift rapidly, which is why parenting teens can sometimes feel unpredictable.

If your teen seems angry, distant, or uninterested in spending time with the family, it’s easy to question yourself. Add in the pressures of work, household responsibilities, or financial stress, and your energy and patience can quickly run out.

As a result, you may feel like you’re not being the best parent you can be. But just because you think that way doesn’t mean it’s true.

These feelings of self-doubt often come from a place of love and concern, not from actual failure. So the very fact that you’re reflecting on your actions already speaks volumes about the kind of parent you are.

What it feels like when you think you’re failing as a parent

Feelings of failure or inadequacy often show up in small ways. You might not even realize it right away.

Here are a few common patterns that many parents of teens experience when they’re caught in a cycle of self-doubt or guilt.

Constant self-doubt and “impostor syndrome”

Parents experiencing “impostor syndrome” often feel like they’re just pretending to have it all together. They question whether they do enough for their teens and struggle with self-doubt and criticism.

If you have “impostor syndrome,” you may notice the following signs:

Constantly worrying that others will find out you’re not a “real” or capable parent
Doubting your ability to guide, discipline, or emotionally support your teen
Downplaying your successes and brushing off positive feedback
Comparing yourself with other parents and feeling like they’re doing a better job
Feeling like your teen would be better off with someone more competent
Withdrawing from social connections and isolating yourself from other parents
Being overly critical of yourself whenever you make a mistake

These patterns can be emotionally draining, so it’s important to recognize them as early on as possible.

Measuring yourself against an ideal (or your own upbringing)

If you feel like you’re failing as a parent, it’s often because you’ve set high or even unrealistic expectations for yourself.

You may have a standard for perfection in mind, and missing this mark can cause your self-doubt to grow.

This also leads to comparisons. You might feel guilty when your parenting doesn’t look like what you see on social media.

You might compare yourself to friends or relatives who seem to have everything under control. It’s also common to wonder why you raise your teens the same way your parents raised you.

But these comparisons aren’t always fair or healthy.

They overlook the fact that everyone’s circumstances, strengths, and struggles are different. Ultimately, there’s no single right way to parent, and what matters most is that you’re willing to grow alongside your teen.

Emotional burnout and guilt loops

Being constantly worried about failing as a parent can be draining on your mind, body, and emotions.

The guilt of not doing “enough” can make rest feel like a luxury you haven’t earned, even though it’s what you need. You may push yourself even harder instead of allowing yourself to pause and recharge.

When burnout sets in, being patient, attentive, or emotionally available for your teen becomes much harder. Over time, this creates a cycle of guilt and fatigue, making it even more difficult to care for yourself and be fully present for your teen.

The invisible load moms carry

Many mothers of teens carry an invisible weight that often goes unnoticed. They’re expected to manage the home, contribute financially, and be a pillar of support for the entire family.

This pressure to “do it all” can quickly become overwhelming and make them feel like a failure as a mom.

Research shows this guilt is often even greater in working mothers. These women feel caught between their careers and spending more time with their families.

When your reality doesn’t match your own standards or what you see on social media, “mom guilt” can grow.

It becomes a quiet, constant feeling that what you do is never enough, especially when no one sees the effort behind it all.

You may also face criticism for your parenting choices and practices. This can feed into your self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy.

Failing as a father: the modern-day identity crisis

Today, fathers are caught between traditional expectations and new responsibilities.

In the past, being a “good dad” was just about providing and protecting. Now, fathers also wish to be emotionally present and actively involved in their teens’ lives.

This might make them feel torn between earning more to provide for their family and spending more time with their teens.

They may also feel reluctant to seek help or advice, fearing it will make them seem weak or incapable.

As a result, many fathers feel unsure of themselves. They may often question whether they’re doing enough, even when they’re trying their hardest.

Reframing the idea of failure

What we often see as “failure” may just be falling short of the high standards we’ve set for ourselves.

Perhaps you had an ideal picture of how organized, present, or prepared you’d be as a parent. But there’s no set timeline or roadmap defining what it means to be the perfect parent.

Parenthood is about growth, not perfection. No one gave us a manual for raising teens, so what’s important is our willingness to learn and adapt.

All parents make mistakes.

They might mishandle an argument or struggle to set clear rules for their teens. The key is not to view these moments as failures but as opportunities to learn, improve, and become better parents.

How to bounce back and rebuild confidence as a parent

Here are three recovery strategies that can help you overcome the feeling of failing as a parent:

1. Challenge the inner critic

The voice inside your head that constantly tells you you’ve failed as a parent is an obstacle you need to overcome, a habit you need to break.

Like any habit, it can be unlearned with awareness and practice.

Start by paying attention to your self-talk. When you think something harsh or critical toward yourself, pause and ask whether it’s accurate or helpful.

If not, try to reframe the situation. Instead of “I’m a horrible parent,” you could say, “Today was tough, but I’m doing my best, and that’s what counts.”

Self-kindness and self-compassion aren’t about ignoring or covering up mistakes, but about granting yourself the grace to learn from them.

This shift not only helps you bounce back more quickly but also models resilience and self-compassion for your teens.

2. Lower the bar realistically

Perfection is a myth, and chasing it will only lead to burnout.

Instead of striving for perfection, focus on consistency and being open to growth.

Here’s what lowering the bar realistically might look like:

Letting go of the need for every conversation with your teen to go perfectly
Prioritizing connection and understanding over trying to control every outcome
Allowing yourself to be “good enough” instead of perfect, especially on your bad days

When you make a mistake, don’t beat yourself up over not being perfect.

Instead, focus on how you can learn from it and respond differently next time. That might mean apologizing to your teen or taking a moment to calm down before trying to resolve a conflict.

These small shifts can help you see good parenting as the willingness to reflect, adapt, and improve.

After all, one rough day won’t define your teen’s future. What matters most is how you grow from those moments together.

3. Community, not comparison

It’s easy to feel like other parents have it all figured out, especially when you see them doing the things you wish you could do for your teen.

But every parent faces unique challenges and struggles behind the scenes.

That’s why building a supportive community is so important. It helps break the cycle of comparison and reminds you that you’re not alone.

Here are some ways to find connection and support:

Ask trusted friends or family for advice
Join a parenting group, either in person or online
Work with a therapist, coach, or mentor
Connect through local meetups, online groups, or parenting forums
Try apps like Peanut to meet other moms navigating similar seasons of life

Parenting isn’t meant to be done in isolation. You’ll feel more understood and supported when you begin connecting instead of comparing.

Conclusion

Parenting teens doesn’t come with a manual, which means mistakes are bound to happen.

But that doesn’t mean you’re failing as a parent. What truly matters is how you respond when things don’t go as planned.

Try being honest with your teen rather than getting stuck in guilt or self-blame. Explain what you’re working on and invite them into that growth process.

Teens don’t need a perfect parent. They need someone who takes accountability and is willing to grow with them.

And you don’t have to do it all alone. If you’re ready to stop second-guessing yourself and give your teen the support they need, check out the coaching program I offer for teens.

It’s designed to help teens build motivation, confidence, and resilience. I’d be happy to help your teen!

(If you haven’t already done so, download your free quick action guide below.)

FREE QUICK ACTION GUIDE:

Get your FREE copy of

10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

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How to Stop Helicopter Parenting and Allow Your Teen to Be Independent

April 14, 2025 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

Helicopter parenting is like keeping the training wheels on your teen’s bike for too long.

When the time comes for your teens to ride on their own, they may not be able to go far without support.

As parents, we always want the best for our teens. Out of love and good intentions, we try to protect them from disappointment and failure.

But being overly protective or too involved can backfire. It stops your teens from developing the confidence and skills they need to navigate life independently.

In this article, I’ll explore common signs of helicopter parenting.

I’ll also walk you through some practical tips that can help you stop helicopter parenting your teenagers.

(But first, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

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What are helicopter parents?

Helicopter parents are those who “hover” over their teenagers’ lives. They closely monitor and control their teens to shield them from mistakes or disappointments.

These parents are very involved in their teens’ lives—social interactions, academics, and extracurricular activities. They often step in and solve issues before their teens have a chance to learn from them.

But research shows that helicopter parenting can have negative effects on teens. These include:

Lower self-esteem
Symptoms of anxiety or depression
Poorer ability to adapt to challenges
Struggles with emotional regulation and resilience
Lack of independence

Characteristics of helicopter parents

Helicopter parents often don’t realize they’re over-involved because their actions come from a place of love and good intentions.

Recognizing the signs can help you step back and give your teen room to grow.

Here are some traits of helicopter parents:

Overprotectiveness: Shielding your teen from risks, mistakes, or disappointment.
Fear of failure: Viewing mistakes as things that should be avoided instead of as learning opportunities.
Difficulty letting go: Making decisions for your teens without allowing them to voice their opinions.
Tendency to solve problems for your teen: Stepping in at the first sign of struggle or conflict.
Over-involvement: Managing every aspect of your teen’s life, such as academics, social life, and dating.
Constant supervision: Always monitoring your teen’s whereabouts and online activity.
Micromanaging school-related activities: Closely monitoring schoolwork, grades, and extracurricular activities.
Unrealistic expectations: Pressuring your teen to get good grades, awards, and accomplishments.
High anxiety: Frequently or constantly worrying about your teen’s well-being and future.

Helicopter parenting examples

Helicopter parenting can take many forms and often looks like protection.

Here are some common examples of how it plays out in the lives of teenagers:

Arguing with teachers over grades instead of letting your teens advocate for themselves or learn from their mistakes
Taking over or overseeing every assignment and college application to ensure perfection
Preventing your teens from engaging in certain hobbies or activities that don’t seem “useful”
Dictating who they can and cannot be friends with or date
Controlling their diet and what they can or cannot eat
Tracking their location and looking through their personal belongings or devices without permission
Dictating how your teens should reply to messages and emails or what they should post on social media
Making career or college choices for your teens without considering their opinions or interests
Monitoring their study habits excessively and enforcing tight schedules without room for flexibility
Taking over responsibilities from your teens, such as tracking deadlines or appointments
Discouraging your teens from trying new activities or learning new skills for fear of them making mistakes

On the surface, these actions may seem like you’re setting your teens up for success by shielding them from failure, stress, or obstacles.

In the short term, your teens might even gain an advantage—such as better grades, fewer conflicts, or a smoother path forward.

However, in the long run, this level of control can hinder their growth and development. It will make it harder for them to solve problems, navigate challenges, and make wise decisions independently.

What causes helicopter parenting?

Understanding why you may be helicopter parenting is the first step toward change.

By identifying the root causes, you can work on targeted strategies to reduce over-involvement.

Here are some possible causes of helicopter parenting:

Concern and a sense of duty: You may be a helicopter parent because of a strong desire to protect and provide for your teenagers in every way possible.
Fear of the future: You are worried that a blunder or slip-up might have a lasting impact on your teenager’s future.
Social pressure: Seeing other parents micromanage their teens and compare grades makes you feel like you should do the same. This is to ensure your teenagers can keep up with their peers.
Personal insecurities: If you have failures or mistakes from the past that you haven’t let go of yet, you may project these fears onto your teens.
Desire for control: If you struggle to trust your teen’s judgment, you may take over the decision-making process. This is so you can ensure he or she makes the right choice.
Cultural expectations: Some cultures emphasize parental control in academics, career, and life choices. Parents are deemed to be responsible for their children’s success.

Letting go doesn’t mean caring less. It means equipping your teens to handle life’s challenges independently.

How to not be a helicopter parent

Shifting from the helicopter parenting style doesn’t mean that you should let your teens do whatever they want.

It comes down to knowing how to balance allowing them to be independent and providing structure and guidance when needed.

Here are some tips:

Encourage independence gradually

If you’ve been helicopter parenting for most of your teen’s life, it can be difficult for both parties to shift toward a more balanced approach.

Your teen might struggle with newfound freedom and make impulsive decisions, while you may find it hard to let go completely.

Instead, try gradually encouraging independence. Start with small steps, like allowing your teens to manage their own schedule or control how they spend their allowance.

As they build confidence, you can encourage them to make bigger decisions. These include managing their social activities, appointments, and who they date or spend time with.

Remind your teens that they will have the freedom to make certain decisions, but they can always turn to you for support or advice if they ever need it.

Of course, you can offer advice and guidance when they ask for it. But if the situation isn’t dangerous, let your teens decide for themselves.

This will help them understand choices and their consequences, allowing them to make better decisions in the future.

Foster resilience through failure

Mistakes are part and parcel of learning and growing as a person. Watching your teens experience failure, disappointment, or heartbreak is painful. But this can help them build resilience to handle the ups and downs of life.

Here’s how you and your teens can constructively handle setbacks:

Help your teens understand that everyone makes mistakes. Talk openly about your own failures and what you learned from them. Instead of criticizing, establish an open line of communication with your teens. Doing so will make them feel comfortable coming to you for support when things go wrong.
Encourage problem-solving. Instead of solving every issue or conflict for your teenagers, teach them how to brainstorm solutions. You can also show them how to weigh the pros and cons of each option. Then, allow them to proactively work toward resolving the problem.
Promote a growth mindset. Remind your teens that failure is a step toward growth, not something to avoid or fear. Let them know that their mistakes or failures will not define them as a person.
Celebrate effort, not just results. Compliment your teen’s hard work and determination, regardless of the outcomes.

Set healthy boundaries as a parent

Setting boundaries for yourself as a parent allows you to give your teens more space and independence.

Some ways you can draw healthy boundaries for yourself as a parent include the following:

Respect your teens’ privacy. Avoid going through their personal belongings or reading their messages without permission.
Avoid micromanaging. Set expectations for school and chores, but let your teenagers proactively figure out how to meet them.
Set communication expectations. Maybe you tend to ask for constant updates on your teens’ whereabouts. Instead of doing this, you can set a rule for your teens to send you a message when they arrive at their destination.
Let your teens handle their own conflicts. Avoid stepping in immediately. Encourage them to resolve disagreements with friends or teachers on their own.

Manage your own fears and anxiety

Helicopter parents act out of love, but their actions are also driven by their own fears and worries.

They may be stressed about many different aspects of their teens’ lives, such as their safety, success, future, or health.

Here are some ways you can start managing your fears and anxieties:

Identify what triggers make you anxious, for instance, reading the news or speaking with overly negative people.
Challenge your thinking and ask yourself if your concerns are realistic or if you’re catastrophizing.
Develop a growth mindset, which will help you see mistakes—both yours and your teen’s—as learning experiences.
Establish a stress management routine and find ways to prioritize your own well-being.
Seek support from a coach, therapist, or friends and family you trust, as they can help to offer perspective and reassurance.

It’s completely natural to have concerns about your teen’s future. But instead of projecting these fears onto your teens, you may need to shift your mindset to focus on what will help them grow.

Model confidence and trust

If your teens see that you’re always stressed, they may doubt their ability to overcome setbacks.

Instead of letting worry take over, focus on modeling confidence and trust. Here’s how you can do that:

When facing challenges, adopt a problem-solving mindset instead of panicking. This will teach your teens to handle problems with confidence and resilience.
Encourage self-reliance. When your teens ask for help with something they can figure out on their own, encourage them to try to handle the situation by themselves first. This helps them become more confident in their own decision-making skills.
Let your teenagers make decisions, and avoid stepping in at the first sign of trouble. Doing this shows your teens that you trust their ability to handle challenges and overcome obstacles.
Gradually show more trust in different ways. You can start by giving them personal responsibilities, like planning a family outing or handling their finances. Through these opportunities, teens learn to take ownership and be accountable for their choices.

Conclusion

We can always be there for our teens now. But we can’t do that for the rest of their lives.

This is why it’s so important to learn how to stop helicopter parenting.

While this can be a challenging process, it will help your teenagers develop the life skills they need to thrive long after they’ve left the nest.

If you’d like to get some help for your teenager, I highly recommend the one-on-one coaching program I offer for teens.

In this program, I’ll personally work with your teenager to enable him or her to become motivated, responsible, and resilient.

Get in touch today to find out more!

(If you haven’t already done so, download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

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Punishment vs. Consequence: Which One Should You Use for Your Teens?

Updated on September 5, 2025 By Daniel Wong 3 Comments

What’s the best way to discipline your teens?

And how can you get them to follow the rules and teach them good values at the same time?

These are a couple of common questions parents have when raising teenagers. After all, teens are at a stage where they’re testing boundaries, seeking independence, and figuring out how the world works.

Mistakes are bound to happen — it’s a natural part of growing up, even though they often leave parents frustrated or worried.

But when your teens do make a mistake, it’s easy to get emotional and turn to punishment to correct their behavior.

As parents, we react this way because we want the best for our teens. But even with the best intentions, punishment often fails to help teens understand why their actions were wrong or harmful.

Instead, focusing on consequences is typically a better way to help them learn and make wiser choices in the future.

In this article, I’ll explain the differences between punishment and consequences for teens and show you some punishment vs consequence examples. I’ll also share practical tips for disciplining and parenting teens.

(If you want your teen to be more motivated, download your free e-book below.)

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What’s the difference between a punishment and consequence?

Many people use the terms punishment and consequence interchangeably. But there are some significant differences between the two.

To better understand discipline strategies, let’s define punishment and consequence and examine how they differ.

Understanding these concepts is key to choosing the right approach for your teen.

Punishment

Punishments are used to cause pain, shame, or harm.

The main goal is to instill fear or embarrassment in teens so that they will learn their lesson and not repeat the mistake. By doing so, parents convey the message that they, as parents, are in control and have full authority over their teens’ behaviors and actions.

Here are some common characteristics of punishments:

There’s often no link between the punishment and the misbehavior or mistake. For instance, a parent may punish their teenagers for lying by grounding them for the weekend.
Sometimes, punishments can look like a withdrawal of love or respect. Some examples include name-calling, yelling, isolating, or giving the silent treatment. The idea is that by making the teenager feel bad or guilty for a mistake, he or she will think twice before repeating it.
Punishments are typically imposed when the parent is in an emotional state. The parent may be angry, hurt, fearful, or frustrated due to their teen’s mistake. As such, the parent may react without thinking too much and default to punishment to correct the bad behavior.

However, most forms of punishment don’t teach accountability or responsibility.

Your teens won’t understand why their actions were wrong or harmful. Instead, punishment often shifts their focus to their own negative feelings rather than understanding the harm caused by their actions.

As a result, punishment may lead to unintended consequences.

Teens might become reluctant to admit their mistakes and may even lie or cheat to avoid being punished. Harsh punishments can also cause resentment or anger, creating deeper rifts between you and your teens.

Research also suggests that harsh forms of punishment increase the risk of problematic behaviors. Additionally, it adds to a teen’s risk of experiencing depression and anxiety.

Consequence

Consequences are all about teaching teens to learn from their actions. This helps them understand how their behavior impacts them or other people.

There are two main types of consequences. They are:

Natural consequences: These happen naturally and without intervention from anyone. For example, your teens might fail a test they refused to study for. Or your teens will feel cold if they refuse to wear a jacket outside during winter.
Logical consequences: These are planned or carried out by parents. For example, teens who are often distracted by their phones may have their phones taken away while studying so they can stay focused.

Both natural and logical consequences play key roles in teaching teens how to make better choices in the future.

Ultimately, punishments force compliance through fear. They focus on making someone feel bad or guilty to deter them from repeating their actions.

In contrast, consequences help teenagers to understand the results of their choices.

Evaluating when to use a consequence vs. punishment

In almost all cases, consequences will likely be the better approach to disciplining your teen.

In the next couple of sections, we’ll explore specific scenarios to help you guide your teen toward making better decisions.

When to use consequences

Consequences can be used in most cases to correct bad behavior.

It’s tempting to want to protect your teens from any unwanted outcomes. However, as long as they’re not at risk of harm, you should allow them to experience natural consequences. Doing this will teach them valuable life lessons.

For example, imagine your teenage son procrastinating on a school project, and now he wants your help at the last minute.

Refusing to step in and fix the problem allows him to learn the natural consequence of getting a bad grade due to poor time management.

You can also use logical consequences to teach teens responsibility.

Before a conflict arises, sit down with your teens to establish house rules and agree on logical consequences for breaking them.

You can also tie these consequences to a task and timeline. For instance, if your teens miss their curfew, a logical consequence could be limiting their time out the following weekend.

They can also be allowed to make amends. If they stick to their curfew for a specific duration, they can earn back the privilege of staying out later in the future.

This approach teaches teenagers that privileges are earned through responsible behavior. They may lose them if they don’t follow the rules, but they can earn them back by showing positive change through their actions.

When punishment may be appropriate

In most cases, imposing punishments is not the best approach. Instead, natural and logical consequences provide a better way to help teens learn from their mistakes.

Natural consequences—where teens experience the direct results of their behavior—are typically the most effective. However, when natural consequences don’t apply, logical consequences can still help guide teens toward more responsible choices, particularly in serious situations that involve risky or harmful behaviors.

For example, if your teen is engaging in bullying at school, a logical consequence would be requiring them to take responsibility for their actions in a way that promotes understanding and accountability.

This might include writing an apology letter or participating in activities that promote empathy, such as volunteering for an anti-bullying campaign.

Unlike punishment, which may lead to resentment or fear, logical consequences help teens comprehend the impact of their actions and encourage personal growth.

Pairing logical consequences with open and honest conversations is key. Discussing why certain behaviors are harmful can help teens reflect on their choices.

For instance, if your teenage daughter admits to bullying a classmate due to peer pressure, the conversation can focus on finding healthier ways to build friendships and self-esteem. Encouraging your daughter to seek out supportive peer groups can be a proactive step toward preventing future harmful behavior.

The goal is not to make your teens feel bad. Instead, it’s to help them understand the effects of their actions and develop the skills needed to make better decisions down the road.

By using natural and logical consequences instead of punishment, you’ll guide your teenagers toward responsibility in a way that fosters growth, empathy, and accountability.

Practical tips for parents

Consequences for teens can only be effective when they’re carried out the right way.

Here are some tips for you to keep in mind when disciplining your teens.

Frame the conversation

When addressing misbehavior, it is important to have an honest conversation with your teen.

The purpose of this conversation isn’t to shame your teenager or make him or her feel guilty. Instead, you can discuss why certain decisions were made and why those choices were wrong or harmful.

Try to speak in a neutral, calm, and rational tone of voice.

Focus on the behavior rather than the person. For example, avoid saying, “You’re so lazy and irresponsible.” Instead, you can say, “When you don’t do your chores, it means that everyone else will have to take on your share of the work.”

When you focus on your teens’ behavior, they’ll be less likely to turn defensive.

During such interactions, it’s also best to give your teens a chance to explain their perspective and open up about their emotions.

Another tip when communicating with teens is to listen when they speak without interrupting them.

Be consistent

Consistency is key to ensuring the effectiveness of your consequences.

Your teenagers should understand that certain actions lead to specific consequences each time.

It’s a good idea to avoid bending the rules out of guilt or frustration, as this might send your teens mixed messages.

Teens may also try to bargain or talk their way out of consequences. Enforcing boundaries is even more important in these moments so your teens learn to take your expectations and rules seriously.

Some consequences may be inconvenient or difficult to implement. So give yourself time to think of consequences that make sense. You don’t want to have many consequences that are impractical or that add to your workload.

Avoid emotional reactions

When your teen makes a mistake, it can be challenging to ensure that your emotions don’t influence your actions.

It feels natural to act based on anger or frustration. But doing so will cause the situation to escalate. As a result, it will be harder for your teens to learn from their mistakes and might even cause your relationship with them to sour.

If you realize that you’re becoming angry, give yourself and your teen some space and time to cool off before coming together to talk again.

Encourage your teen to reflect

Each mistake your teenagers make is an opportunity to build self-awareness. It’s also a chance for them to develop their problem-solving and decision-making skills.

Encourage your teens to reflect on how their actions have affected themselves or those around them.

For example, if your teenage son doesn’t study and fails an important test, ask him reflective questions like, “How do you feel about the result?” or “What do you think led to it?” or “What can you do differently next time?”

Conclusion

No teen or parent is perfect, and mistakes are a part of life.

When your teens mess up, set clear and firm consequences while encouraging them to reflect on their actions. Be empathetic so they know they can always come to you when they feel confused or when they’ve made a bad decision.

Finally, remember that, as a parent, you set the tone for accountability.

When you make a mistake, take full responsibility and apologize. Modeling humility teaches your teens that everyone messes up sometimes—but it’s what we do to make amends that matters most.

Through my coaching program, I’ve helped countless teens learn to make good decisions and become motivated and responsible. I would love to help your teen!

(Don’t forget to download your free e-book below.)

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16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

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8 Ways to Get Your Teens to Do Chores

January 18, 2025 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

Are you tired of nagging or yelling at your teens to do their chores?

Do they often grumble or come up with excuses to avoid helping with housework?

Maybe you have to deal with teenage attitude or a tantrum whenever you want your teenagers to get involved.

After a long day of school, extracurricular activities, and homework, the last thing any teenager wants to do is vacuum the floor or fold the laundry. So it’s no surprise that many parents are dealing with teens who don’t want to help out at home.

You don’t have to make your teens love chores for them to step up. But you can show them the importance of participating and encourage them to take responsibility for their assigned tasks.

While this might not be easy, getting them involved in housework is important.

It teaches them valuable skills for self-sufficiency and independence when they leave home. Plus, the research suggests that giving your teens chores can help them grow up to be happier and more successful.

To help you out, I’ll share some of the most effective strategies for getting your teenagers to do their chores.

Let’s dive in!

(If you have trouble getting your teens to listen to you, download the free quick action guide below.)

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1. Make it a family activity

When housework is divided fairly among all family members, helping out becomes part of the culture at home.

Getting everyone involved, including your teen’s younger siblings, is a good idea. While younger kids might not be able to do the same tasks as your teens, they can still help with simpler chores like setting or clearing the table.

The key is getting everyone to contribute.

If you’d like, you can also set aside one or two hours a week for the entire family to work on cleaning and maintaining the house together.

This can make chores feel more like a family activity instead of something your teenagers have to do.

2. Set clear expectations

Part of establishing good communication with your teens involves informing them of your expectations. You can set and communicate expectations clearly to help your teens understand their roles and tasks at home.

To do this, you can sit down as a family to create a weekly chore schedule.

This schedule will map out specific tasks for each family member. For instance, your teen might be assigned to do the laundry on Thursdays and help with the dishes every other weekday night.

This allows your teenagers to build a sense of accountability for their assigned tasks. It also encourages them to get into the habit of helping out at home.

You can also discuss the consequences of missed or overlooked chores. For example, your teen might be assigned an extra task on top of the missed chore.

3. Offer flexibility

One great way to get your teens involved is to offer more flexibility about how they do their chores. This can help your teens feel more in control, which might reduce resistance.

For example, you can let your teenagers decide when they want to do their chores.

While you might prefer having the clothes folded first thing in the morning, your teens might prefer to do it in the evening after dinner.

Flexibility can also apply to the type of chores they’re assigned. You may want to rotate tasks between your teenagers so they don’t get bored with the routine.

You can also let them swap tasks when they need to.

For example, your teenager might be responsible for doing the dishes on Tuesday nights. But let’s say he or she has an event on a coming Tuesday. In this case, your teen can exchange the task with another family member and do the dishes on a different day of the week.

4. Gamify the process

Occasionally, you can try “gamifying” certain chores.

Gamification is a concept where you utilize common elements associated with games. Examples include collecting points, leveling up, or trying to one-up your opponents. You then incorporate them into non-gaming activities.

One way to do this is by creating a reward system. For each chore completed, your teen will gain points. They can then redeem their collected points for various rewards, such as a later curfew or a new pair of shoes.

I recommend that you don’t overdo it though, because you want your teens to still get the message that it’s important for every family member to contribute through chores.

You don’t want your teens to think they’re doing you a favor by completing their chores, which is why they’re able to gain points and get rewards.

You can also turn chores into family challenges.

For example, folding the laundry might feel like a mundane task. But you can divide the family into two teams, split the pile of laundry, and see which team can fold their share the fastest and neatest.

This simple twist turns a routine chore into a lively game. Adding a small reward for the winning team can make it even more exciting and motivate everyone to pitch in with a smile!

5. Be a role model

Research shows that who teenagers choose to look up to can affect their physical and mental health in the long run. Based on the findings, family members have the strongest impact as role models.

As parents, we can be positive role models for our teens in various aspects of life. This includes how we handle household responsibilities. Taking the initiative with chores and managing tasks positively can inspire teens to adopt similar habits.

Of course, juggling work, family, and household responsibilities is tiring. And it’s understandably difficult to have a positive attitude toward housework after you’ve had a long day.

But when your teens see you meeting the same standards you expect from them, they’ll be more likely to follow suit.

You can even involve them in the tasks you’re working on. For example, you can prepare meals with your teens, turning a chore into a bonding activity.

6. Acknowledge your teens’ efforts

Appreciating your teens’ contributions helps build a good attitude toward helping out.

A simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you taking out the trash” can go a long way. You can also highlight how their contributions have positively impacted you or the family.

Let’s say your teenage son took the time to make breakfast for the family.

You could tell him how his effort transformed your busy and stressful morning into an enjoyable experience.

If your teenage daughter helped to declutter the living room, you could express to her how much you appreciate relaxing in a clean and organized space.

Acknowledging your teens’ contributions will make them feel seen and appreciated. This also reinforces their positive behavior.

7. Encourage ownership

You can encourage your teens to take total ownership of their chores so they feel more involved and in control. This means allowing them to decide how they want to approach each task.

Let’s say your teenagers are tasked with cleaning their rooms. You can let them decide how to organize and store their belongings — as long as their space becomes neater.

Perhaps you would like them to help prepare a meal for the family. In this case, you can let them pick the recipe to work on or choose the ingredients.

Allowing them to make independent decisions will make your teenagers feel that their opinions are valued and important.

8. Provide guidance and feedback

While it’s a good idea to leave certain decisions to your teens, you might need to provide guidance and advice on how to carry out specific chores.

This might be especially helpful for younger teens who are still learning how to do certain tasks.

You can give your teenagers a few key tips or demonstrate how to do the task correctly to set them up for success and reduce frustration along the way.

Let’s say your teens haven’t learned to cook yet. You can teach them how to tell whether the food is cooked properly, how high or low the heat should be, or what cooking method to use.

You can also walk them through the cooking process and demonstrate the more complicated steps.

Maybe your younger teens aren’t exactly sure how to do the laundry. In this case, you can teach them the basics, like sorting by color. You can also remind them which fabrics can and cannot be machine-washed.

Another way to provide guidance is to teach them to adjust the washing machine and dryer settings based on the type of laundry.

Of course, this doesn’t mean they must follow your step-by-step instructions to a tee. Instead, you can offer guidance if you notice they’re having trouble with certain tasks or haven’t yet learned how to do them.

Think of it as being a supportive coach — you don’t micromanage, but you’re more than happy to step in and offer guidance when they need pointers.

Conclusion

Getting your teenagers to build the habit of helping out at home isn’t a quick or easy process.

It’s tempting to nag your teens to get them to help with chores, but this can backfire and cause a rift in your relationship with them.

Encouragement, good communication, and clear expectations are more likely to work. These approaches help teens understand that doing chores isn’t just a way to avoid punishment or getting yelled at.

Instead, your teens will see chores as opportunities to contribute to the family and learn valuable life skills.

(If you haven’t already downloaded your free quick action guide below, do it right away.)

FREE QUICK ACTION GUIDE:

Get your FREE copy of

10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

The tips are guaranteed to help you get through to your teen, so download your copy today!

Words of Encouragement for Teens: 35 Quotes to Keep Your Teens’ Spirits Up

Updated on October 21, 2025 By Daniel Wong 11 Comments

Do you have a hard time knowing what to say when your teen is feeling down or frustrated?

As parents, finding the right words to say to your teens during such times can be tricky. After all, our teenage years might feel like a distant memory, so putting ourselves in their shoes can be challenging.

To help you out, I’ve compiled some of the best encouraging quotes for teens to help get them back on their feet.

These positive affirmations can lift your teens in tough times, especially if you don’t share them with your teens in the form of a lecture.

While your words matter, what carries just as much weight is you living them out in your daily life. When they aren’t backed by your actions, they’re much more likely to fall on deaf ears.

For example, do you encourage your teens to always look on the bright side but become pessimistic yourself when something goes wrong?

It’s definitely easier said than done. But when you truly walk the talk, your words of encouragement will have a much greater impact.

By modeling them, these quotes can be caught by your teens, instead of taught to them.

So read on to explore the inspiring quotes you and your teens can apply immediately.

(If your teens sometimes lack motivation, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

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Table of Contents:

Self-confidence and self-worth
Resilience and growth
Positivity and mental well-being
Kindness and relationships
Courage and purpose

Self-confidence and self-worth

Research shows that a teen’s family environment plays a massive role in the development of self-esteem. A warm and supportive home is much more likely to help teens improve their confidence and well-being.

By creating a loving environment through your words and actions, your teens will gain the confidence to develop their own identity.

Here are some quotes that can help your teens build a positive self-image.

1. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

Teenagers often base their self-image on what their peers and friends think of them. Though difficult, this quote can help your teenagers understand that no one should have the power to define their potential or worth.

2. “Believe you can, and you’re halfway there.” — Theodore Roosevelt

It can be hard to believe you can accomplish many things as a young person. This quote reminds your teens about their true capabilities and encourages them to take that first step to pursue their goals and dreams.

3. “We must not allow other people’s limited perceptions to define us.” — Virginia Satir

Teenagers are strongly affected by what others think or say about them. It helps to remind your teens that people only see a tiny part of their lives, so others should not and cannot define their identity or capabilities.

4. “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Because of social media, many teenagers believe they must dress, act, or talk a certain way to fit in. Let your teens know that pretending to be someone they’re not is exhausting. Doing this also robs them of the opportunity to explore their own interests and ambitions.

5. “Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.” — Samuel Johnson

You can encourage your teens to develop more confidence in learning and trying new things. Taking that leap of faith opens the door to many more opportunities to reach new milestones in their academics, sports, or hobbies.

6. “The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique.” — Walt Disney

Even as adults, it can be daunting to be unapologetically yourself. This quote can help create a safe space for your teens to explore their unique interests, hobbies, and passions without fear of judgment.

7. “You are enough just as you are.” — Meghan Markle

Having great goals is good, but it can be disappointing when you don’t achieve them. Let your teens know that their worth isn’t defined by their grades, accomplishments, or material possessions.

Resilience and growth

Adolescence comes with its own set of challenges and disappointments.

Research suggests that teenagers often worry about their academics and school grades. Another common concern they share is their relationships with their peers.

Your support can go a long way in helping your teens navigate the ups and downs they face. Here are some quotes you can use to keep your teenagers motivated.

8. “The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” — Nelson Mandela

Teenagers might fear stepping outside their comfort zone and trying new things. Help them build a growth mindset by framing failure as an opportunity to learn and improve.

9. “Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths.” — Arnold Schwarzenegger

Your teens have probably heard the saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” This is a less clichéd way to discuss the importance of facing and overcoming challenges — instead of avoiding them — to grow as a person.

10. “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sometimes, it can be helpful to remind teenagers that life is full of ups and downs. The valley lows they have faced and will face will not define them. Rather, it is their inner qualities and character that are most important.

11. “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” — Charles R. Swindoll

Help your teens understand that life can sometimes be unfair and difficult. While we cannot control many things, we can change how we respond to the various situations we encounter in life.

12. “Do not judge me by my success. Judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” — Nelson Mandela

Another way to nurture a growth mindset in teens is to remind them to focus on the process rather than the outcome. This quote emphasizes the journey and the lessons learned along the way instead of whether or not the desired outcomes were reached.

13. “We grow through what we go through.” — Anonymous

Help your teens understand that challenges allow them to develop their character and build resilience.

14. “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” — Napoleon Hill

Let your teens know that the difficulties they face can lead to growth and learning that would otherwise not be possible.

Positivity and mental well-being

“Just stay positive.”

While this phrase is often said with the best intentions, it isn’t actually an effective way to raise your teen’s spirits.

Instead, here are some other quotes you can use to encourage them to be hopeful in difficult times.

15. “Keep your face always toward the sunshine—and shadows will fall behind you.” — Walt Whitman

This quote talks about maintaining a positive and hopeful spirit by focusing on the good rather than the bad. Of course, this does not mean we shouldn’t acknowledge that “shadows” exist. It’s still important to validate your teen’s challenges and the emotions that come with them. At the same time, reminding your teens to focus on the positives can help fuel their hope.

16. “If you are always trying to be normal, you’ll never know how amazing you can be.” — Maya Angelou

Focusing on being like everyone else can dim your teen’s true potential. Let him or her know that everyone has their own unique strengths and ambitions to explore and discover.

17. “You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind.” — Joyce Meyer

This quote helps your teen understand that his or her mindset holds much power in determining how life will turn out. Having a hopeful view in life encourages teens to take healthy risks, embrace failure, and try new things.

18. “Your mind is a powerful thing. When you fill it with positive thoughts, your life will start to change.” — Anonymous

This is another great quote to remind teenagers that their mindset can shape their actions, decisions, behavior, and lives.

19. “The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” — Steve Jobs

Your mindset towards your tasks and responsibilities will influence the results you achieve. Teaching your teens how to nurture an interest and love for the things they do can motivate them to always give it their best shot.

20. “Mental health is not a destination but a process. It’s about how you drive, not where you’re going.” — Noam Shpancer

Acknowledge that maintaining mental health is a process that takes time, practice, and adaptation. To model this, guide your teens in building small yet powerful habits, like self-care and rest, to improve their mental well-being.

Kindness and relationships

One of the most important values to teach teenagers is kindness.

It’s a powerful virtue that lays the foundation for your teen to build genuine relationships with others.

21. “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” — Aesop

This quote emphasizes the power of small yet thoughtful gestures. Help your teen understand that kindness doesn’t always have to be extravagant. It can be as simple as greeting a server with a smile or sharing snacks with a classmate who didn’t bring a meal.

22. “In a world where you can be anything, be kind.” — Jennifer Dukes Lee

When it’s easy to be selfish, teach your teens that they can always choose to be kind.

23. “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” — Mark Twain

This quote describes kindness as a powerful substance that transcends all physical limitations. It’s also universally understood. This is a great way to remind your teenagers that they can be kind to just about anyone.

24. “Everybody can be great because everybody can serve.” — Martin Luther King, Jr.

One of the best ways to lead a meaningful and fulfilling life is to help those who need it. You can encourage your teens to take part in volunteer and community work, empowering them to look beyond their needs to those of others.

25. “Peace begins with a smile.” — Mother Teresa

Harmony is built upon the simplest acts of kindness, like a smile. Teach your teens that they can be kind and loving through simple gestures.

26. “My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.” — Henry Ford

This quote teaches your teens the importance of being an encouraging and supportive friend.

27. “The only way to have a friend is to be one.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

It’s important to remind your teens that if they want to build genuine friendships, they must first carry the qualities of a good friend. These include kindness, understanding, loyalty, and support.

28. “We rise by lifting others.” — Robert Ingersoll

Encourage your teens to support and celebrate other people’s achievements. It’s easy to be trapped in the cycle of competition, comparison, and envy. So they need to be reminded that cheering others on ultimately leads to their growth and happiness.

Courage and purpose

At a teen’s stage of life, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and to be afraid of taking risks.

Building up courage in your teens will take time, persistence, and a lot of encouragement. Here are some quotes that can help.

29. “Courage is not the absence of fear but the triumph over it.” — Nelson Mandela

It’s comforting to know that true courage does not mean never feeling afraid or anxious. Rather, it’s about facing your fears, stepping outside your comfort zone, and trying new things to reach your goals.

30. “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” — E.E. Cummings

Embracing the person you truly are takes a lot of bravery in a world that wants you to conform to certain expectations and standards.

31. “The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” — Robert Byrne

This quote helps your teens understand that a fulfilling life is one filled with purpose. There are different ways to guide your teens in finding this purpose. For example, you can encourage them to read and reflect, learn new skills, start a charity or business, or do community work.

32. “Success is not final; failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.” — Winston Churchill

Both success and failure are temporary. Teach your teens that they should celebrate their achievements but not become complacent. At the same time, they can acknowledge their disappointment but not give up on their goals. What matters at the end of the day is how they continue their journey.

33. “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” — Steve Jobs

It’s hard for teenagers to imagine that life doesn’t last forever. Understanding that life is unpredictable can motivate your teens to boldly pursue their dreams and goals.

34. “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

Having faith in your vision and aspirations can change the course of your life. Help your teens believe in the value and potential of their goals. This will motivate them to take the steps and face the challenges they need to reach their goals.

35. “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” — George Eliot

Let your teens know that no matter their past decisions or mistakes, it is never too late for them to pursue a different goal or become who they want to be.

Conclusion

Communicating with teens and knowing how to use your words effectively with them is a journey that’s never too late to begin.

By sharing these quotes with your teens – making sure not to do it in a naggy or preachy way – you can nurture resilience, hope, courage, and empathy in them.

Most importantly, remember that your actions amplify your words.

Your teens are keen observers and will quickly model their habits and behavior after yours. When your actions align with your words, you build trust with them, making your guidance all the more impactful!

(If you haven’t already downloaded your free e-book, get it below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!