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Want to Be a Better Parent? Ask Your Children 7 Simple Questions

September 27, 2017 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

As a parent, you want to raise children who are responsible and self-motivated.

You want them to do well in school, and you want them to communicate with you openly.

You also want to build a happy family.

But I’m sure you’ve already realised that you won’t achieve these goals easily.

Along the way, your children may have become disobedient, rebellious or disengaged. (This is especially likely if your children are pre-teens or teens.)

Your home environment may have become tense or even hostile.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, don’t worry. This article will help.

I don’t claim to be a parenting expert — I’m still learning how to raise my two young boys well.

But over the years I’ve spoken to and worked with thousands of pre-teens and teens. As such, I understand how to get through to them.

In this article, I’ll share with you seven simple questions to ask your children, which will help you to reach your parenting goals.

FREE BONUS: Download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the questions found here, plus 3 exclusive bonus questions that you’ll only find in the PDF.

Question #1: “What can I do to be a better parent?”

The simplest way to become a better parent is to ask your children what they think.

When you ask them Question #1, be prepared for an honest answer.

Your children may point out your flaws.

They may bring up incidents where you were unreasonable or inconsistent.

They may highlight ways in which you haven’t been a good role model.

Is this a scary proposition?

Yes.

But the feedback you get will be invaluable in helping you to become a more effective parent. [Read more…]

What to Do If Your Teen Hates School: 15 Strategies That Work

Updated on May 2, 2019 By Daniel Wong 27 Comments

Is your teen always saying that he hates school?

Does he complain about his teachers and classmates, and about how “useless” the lessons are?

Or maybe he complains that the people in school are “fake”, and that it’s hard to make friends?

If so, as a parent you probably feel concerned and frustrated.

You want to help your teen, but whatever you’ve tried so far hasn’t worked.

Don’t worry.

Given that I work with students – the majority of whom are teens – for a living, I know how common it is for teens to dislike school.

Nonetheless, this is still an issue that must be addressed.

There are many powerful strategies you can employ to help the situation. In this article, I’ll outline 15 of them. (Download the free bonus below to learn five more strategies.)

Let’s get started.

BONUS: Download a free PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the strategies found here, plus 5 exclusive bonus strategies that you’ll only find in the PDF.

1. Don’t assume that your teen is being defiant or rebellious

As children enter the teenage years, they crave autonomy. They are also forming their identity, all while their bodies and brains are going through drastic changes.

As such, teens often exhibit rebellious behaviour.

But don’t assume that this is the only reason your teen tells you she hates school.

Many times, there are other issues at play, e.g. feeling overwhelmed, struggling to keep up with schoolwork, bullying, fear of exams.

2. Think about what you’ve been doing that may have contributed to the problem

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

Do I frequently nag my teen?
Do I always talk about school-related topics?
Do I talk as if my teen’s hobbies are a waste of time, or that they’re merely a distraction from her schoolwork?
Do I compare my teen with her friends, cousins or siblings?
Do I overemphasise the importance of performing well in school?
Do I frequently force or coerce my teen into doing schoolwork?
Do I sign my teen up for classes or programmes without first seeking her consent?

On their own, none of these behaviours will result in your teen hating school.

But in combination, they’ll likely cause a power struggle between you and your teen.

Over time, your teen may develop even more negative emotional associations with school.

3. Use active listening techniques when talking to your teen about the issue

When you talk to your teen about why he hates school (and when you talk to him about other topics too), use active listening techniques such as the following:

Give your teen your full attention
Don’t multitask
Don’t interrupt your teen while he’s talking
Encourage your teen to keep talking, e.g. by saying “go on” or “tell me more”
Empathise with your teen
Seek to understand how he is feeling
Don’t judge
Don’t moralise
As far as possible, don’t provide unsolicited advice
Occasionally summarise what you think your teen has been saying and reflect it back to him, e.g. “It sounds like you feel as if your math teacher doesn’t explain the concepts well, so you dislike math.”

By using active listening techniques, your teen will be more likely to share with you what’s troubling him. [Read more…]

50 Positive Things to Say to Your Children (So You Won’t Need to Nag Anymore!)

Updated on November 8, 2017 By Daniel Wong 1 Comment

Do you nag your children often?

If your answer is “yes”, you’re not alone.

You want your children to be responsible, self-motivated and independent.

Since they’re not there yet, you instinctively nag them to correct their behaviour and attitude.

But, at the same time, you realise that all this nagging isn’t working.

Sound familiar?

If so, this article is for you.

I’ve had years of experience working with thousands of children and teenagers. So I now understand the factors that help them to become mature and responsible.

One of the most important factors is how their parents speak to them.

The more positive interactions between the parent and child, the less likely it is that the parent will need to nag the child in order to gain compliance.

It’s also more likely that a strong parent-child bond will form.

In fact, there’s a supposed “magic ratio” of 5 to 1 in healthy relationships: 5 positive expressions of feelings and actions for every negative expression.

So, in this article, I’ll share with you 50 positive things you can say to your children, so that – in the long run – you won’t need to nag them anymore!

Before we get to the list, here’s a bonus for you . . .

BONUS: Download a free poster that contains the top 12 positive things to say to your children. You can print out the poster as a daily reminder of the phrases to use.

Here’s the list:

1. “I’m grateful for you.” Children feel special when they know you’re thankful that they’re a part of your life.

2. “What do you think?” Ask this question to show that you value your children’s opinions.

3. “I enjoy spending time with you.” Children and teenagers behave better when they know that you love them and like them.

4. “All of us make mistakes.” Say this instead of harshly criticising your children for accidental mistakes.

5. “You’re special to me.” This phrase will help to fill your children’s “love tank”.

6. “I appreciate it when you . . .” For example, you might say, “I appreciate it when you set the table for dinner.”

7. “I trust you.” Children and teenagers who feel as if their parents trust them are more likely to become trustworthy.

8. “You’re getting better at . . .” When you notice your children’s progress, they’ll feel encouraged and motivated. [Read more…]

50 Ways to Get Your Children to Respect You

May 2, 2017 By Daniel Wong 2 Comments

It’s frustrating, isn’t it?

You try hard as a parent. You do so much for your children, but they’re frequently not respectful toward you.

Sometimes they ignore what you say, or they talk back to you. They even ask you to stop nagging.

I’ve spoken to and worked with close to 25,000 children and teenagers so far, so I know what will get them to respect you as a parent.

When I say “respect”, I’m referring to a sense of admiration and honour that your children have toward you.

I’m not referring to your children feeling afraid of you.

In other words, if you want to get your children to respect you, you’ll need to earn it.

Here are 50 tips that will help you to do just that . . .

BONUS: Download a free PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the tips found here, plus 5 exclusive bonus tips that you’ll only find in the PDF.

1. Respect your children

Children learn from watching you, and they’re likely to copy your behaviour. When you demonstrate basic respect toward your children, they’ll demonstrate respect toward you.

I’m not saying that you should let your children walk all over you. But I am saying that you shouldn’t belittle or shame them, nor should you criticise them harshly.

2. Focus more on the relationship than the rules

You don’t need to throw out the rulebook.

Just show your children that you value the parent-child relationship by speaking kindly to them and trying to understand their perspective. [Read more…]

10 Common Parenting Mistakes That Demotivate Your Children

Updated on July 4, 2017 By Daniel Wong 1 Comment

Wouldn’t it be great if your children were motivated, independent learners?

That way, you wouldn’t have to nag or scold them to do their homework, and life would be easier for everyone.

Parents often tell me how frustrated they are that their children aren’t interested in school.

They’re also concerned that this lack of motivation will carry over to other areas of life.

The problem is that parents often demotivate their children unintentionally.

Here are 10 of the most common mistakes parents make – so do your best to avoid them in your home.

Get my FREE e-book, 16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager. The e-book has already been downloaded by more than 18,000 happy parents.

Mistake #1: Give your children too many rewards based on achievement or behaviour

This is a trap that many parents fall into, and for good reason. The first time you try it, it seems to work.

You might tell your children that you’ll pay them a dollar each time they get more than 85% for a class test. This seems to work because they start studying harder.

You think to yourself, “Great. Problem solved!”

Then a few weeks later you realise their motivation has waned. They complain that getting a good grade deserves more than one dollar.

An argument breaks out, and you find yourself justifying the price. You even explain that studying hard is their basic responsibility as a student.

If this describes your situation, you’re not alone.

Many studies show that rewards and punishments work in the short term, but not in the long term.

(Read on to find out what other approaches you can try instead.)

Mistake #2: Overemphasise the importance of academics

Parents think that emphasising the importance of academics will motivate their children to work hard.

The problem is that this approach doesn’t turn your children into lifelong learners.

Learning isn’t just about getting good grades. It’s also about enjoying the process.

When children enjoy learning, they become motivated to keep on learning.

Grades can affect your job prospects, but many great leaders weren’t great students. Unfortunately, many of the students I’ve worked with tell me that their parents seem to think that grades are the only thing that matters.

We now know that there are many different types of intelligence and that the education system only measures some of these.

All parents would agree that social skills, character development, and learning to relax and reflect are also important areas of focus.

When parents dismiss their children’s hobbies and games as a waste of time, they hurt their children’s feelings and damage the parent-child relationship.

Parents must value and respect their children’s activities. Dance and sport can improve kinaesthetic intelligence, and games and discussions can boost intrapersonal intelligence.

These are vital skills for children to learn and carry with them through life. [Read more…]

15 Simple Tips for Raising Confident Children

Updated on February 1, 2017 By Daniel Wong 10 Comments

It’s painful to see your children struggling with self-confidence issues.

They may shy away from challenges or lack courage, and you may be concerned about how they’re maturing.

Parents often tell me they worry about how their children’s lack of confidence will affect their future.

There are many things you can do as a parent to help develop self-assurance in your children.

Read this article to discover 15 practical tips you can implement today.

Get my FREE e-book, 16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager. The e-book has already been downloaded by more than 18,000 happy parents.

1. Give them responsibilities

Give your children responsibilities, such as helping you cook dinner or taking care of a younger sibling.

When your children fulfil their responsibilities, they experience an increase in self-worth, which boosts their confidence.

Dr Marty Rossman conducted research to support this theory. He found that children who help out with household chores do better in school, and that they’re also more empathic and caring.

Children feel good when they’re contributing to the family and have an important role to play. They feel needed as an integral part of the family.

You can foster self-confidence in your children by giving them responsibilities. Give your children tasks to take care of regularly so they become dependable and conscientious.

2. Share your own struggles with them

It’s important that your children understand that no one is perfect.

Share your difficulties with your children so they can see that it’s normal to face challenges.

Telling your children about problems you have at work or with various friendships is educational. Your children will begin to realise that it’s OK to be vulnerable and to have problems.

Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, says: “Through my research, I found that vulnerability is the glue that holds relationships together. It’s the magic sauce.”

Your children will gain confidence when they hear about your troubles, and about what you’re doing to overcome them.

They’ll start to accept challenges as normal and realise that nothing worth doing comes easily. [Read more…]

10 Simple Tips to Get Your Kids to Eat Healthy (Without You Nagging!)

Updated on July 4, 2017 By Daniel Wong 6 Comments

Note from Daniel: This is a guest post by Glanies Takahata from The Habit Engineer.

You love your children and want them to be happy.

So you buy them their favourite snacks, and you make sure they always have enough to eat.

But you’re also concerned about their health.

You don’t want them to eat too much sugar, or too much food in general.

Whether your kids are picky eaters or junk food lovers, there are simple ways for you to influence them to eat healthy.

In this article, I’ll share with you the 10 best tips I know.

The tips are organised according to these three sections:

Part A: Eating less junk food
Part B: Eating more nutritious food
Part C: Eating less in general

Let’s start with the first section.

FREE E-BOOK: Don’t forget to download a copy of Daniel’s free e-book, 16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

Part A: Eating less junk food

Tip #1: Buy only one serving of junk food at a time

It’s hard to tell your kids to stop snacking on candy or potato chips without coming across as a nag.

The simple solution?

Make it a family rule that you only buy one serving of junk food (or the smallest packet available) at a time.

This means that when you buy a chocolate bar for your kids, it’s just one chocolate bar – not a whole pack of chocolate bars.

The same principle applies to all other types of junk food.

Value packs appeal to us because we think we’re getting more bang for our buck. In addition, we assume that we’ll be able to control the amount of junk food we eat.

But the research says otherwise.

When researchers gave people bigger bags of snacks, they ate an average of 53% more than those who were given smaller bags.

So by buying value packs, it’s actually a case of being penny wise but pound foolish.

When you buy only one serving of junk food at a time, you allow your kids to indulge, but you also limit the amount of junk food they eat.

If they’d like more, they’ll either have to wait for the next grocery run, or they’ll need to pay for the snacks out of their own pocket. [Read more…]