Parenting is nerve-wracking.

You love your children and want them to grow up to be happy, successful adults.

But some days you’re not sure how to make that happen.

Sometimes you fear that something you’re doing or saying will mess them up permanently.

Here’s the good news: Part of great parenting is avoiding mistakes.

The even better news is that you don’t have to discover these mistakes for yourself.

I’ve worked with thousands of children and teenagers, and they’ve told me the mistakes their parents have made.

Here are 20 unintentional ways parents mess up their children, so start avoiding these behaviours today!

Mistake #1: Frequently tell them that they’re not living up to their potential

Parents often mean well when they say this. They think it’ll encourage their children to work harder and become more focused.

Unfortunately, it has the opposite effect. It makes children feel like a failure.

It also makes children feel as though their parents only love them when they’re successful or working hard.

A more effective approach is to encourage your children to self-reflect.

After all, how they feel about themselves is more important than how others feel about them.

Mistake #2: Scold them harshly when they make unintentional mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes.

But when your children accidentally spill their juice or drop a plate, it’s important not to overreact.

Doing so can cause them to develop a fear of failure. They may start to think that making mistakes is bad.

But in truth, making mistakes is the way we learn.

So when your children make a mistake, stay calm and say something like, “It was an accident. Let’s clean it up.” [Read more…]

Do you want to have a better relationship with your children?

If so, one of the best things you can do is avoid doing the things that annoy them.

Why?

Because if your children are annoyed with you, it’s hard to have a strong parent-child relationship.

And without a strong parent-child relationship, it’s hard to raise happy, responsible, and successful children.

I have worked with thousands of children and teenagers over the years. They’ve told me about the many things their parents unknowingly do that irritate them.

Here’s a list of 15 of those things you should stop doing right away.

Annoying behavior #1: Continually point out your children’s flaws.

It’s easy to point out your children’s flaws:

• “You watch too much TV.”
• “Why are you so lazy?”
• “You need to stop procrastinating.”
• “You should study more.”
• “Why don’t you try to be more organized?”
• “You should pay more attention in class.”
• “You should choose your friends more wisely.”

Criticism must be combined with acknowledgement of good behavior.

You don’t need to go over the top with your praise, but it helps to catch your child doing and being good.

Annoying behavior #2: Treat your children as problems, not people.

Make an effort to speak positively to your children.

Some studies even show that the ideal ratio of positive comments to negative comments is 6:1.

If you talk to your children as if they’re problems you’re trying to fix, they’ll become resentful.

Listen to your children respectfully, demonstrate an interest in their hobbies, and show them common courtesies.

By doing so, you’ll build a better relationship with them.

Annoying behavior #3: Ask your children every day, “Have you completed your homework?”

Yes, it’s important that your children finish their homework on time.

But it’s also important that your children understand that homework isn’t the only thing you care about.

Continually asking “Have you completed your homework?” comes across as nagging.

Rather than nag, establish boundaries to ensure that you and your children are on the same page.

For example, you and your children may decide that as long as they maintain a B average and you don’t receive any complaints from their teachers, you won’t nag them about homework.

This approach allows your children more freedom, with less stress and frustration for both you and them. [Read more…]

Do you want to be a great parent?

Do you want to bring up motivated, responsible, and successful children?

I’m sure you do.

But the journey isn’t always easy. Parenthood is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and it’s filled with challenges and frustrations.

As a parent, there will be times when you feel confused, helpless even.

But that doesn’t mean you’re alone. The truth is, you can rely on the experience of countless parents who have gone before you. You can follow specific, time-tested practices of effective parenting.

Through working with thousands of children and teenagers – and their parents too – I’ve come to realize that parenting is both an art and a science.

Being a great parent calls for flexibility and creativity. At the same time, there are also certain principles that all successful parents follow.

(I’m trying hard to follow these principles too, and I definitely have room for improvement!)

Based on my observations, I’ve put together this list of 57 things great parents do to bring out the best in their children.

1. They “catch” their children being good. They make a conscious effort to acknowledge their children’s good behavior, because they know that kids respond well to positive feedback.

2. They teach their children that the universe doesn’t revolve around them. I’ve worked with many children and teenagers who think that their wants, needs, and problems are the only things that matter. They’ve developed this self-centered attitude because their parents have made them the center of the universe. It’s better to give your kids a sense of perspective about their place in the grand scheme of things.

3. They teach their children to dream big and dare to fail. They give their children the freedom to fail, because they understand the truth of the saying, “If failure isn’t an option, then neither is real success.”

4. They don’t do things for their children that their children can do for themselves. For example, a teenager can schedule his or her own dentist’s appointment. Allowing children to take responsibility for their lives helps them to grow and mature.

5. They build a strong marriage with their spouse. Children want to know that their parents love each other, because this gives them a sense of security. Without this, it’s hard for children to develop to their full potential.

6. They allow natural consequences to run their course. As long as doing so doesn’t put their children’s lives in danger, this is the most effective way to make children learn from their mistakes.

7. They create family traditions and rituals. I know families who go camping once a year, have a celebration on the first day of every school year, and have a family cheer. These kinds of traditions and rituals build family pride, which increases the likelihood that the children will grow up to be well-adjusted.

8. They teach their children that all feelings are okay, but not all actions are. For example, children must understand that it’s okay to feel angry, but that it’s not okay to lash out in violence. [Read more…]

Frustrating, isn’t it?

You try your best as a parent.

You love your children unconditionally. You spend time with them. You give them gifts. You provide them with everything they need.

But somehow they don’t seem to appreciate it.

They complain about their lives. And – more annoyingly – they complain about you being a naggy, unreasonable parent.

You wonder to yourself, “Why don’t they appreciate everything I do for them?”

If this describes your situation, I’m here to help.

Having worked with thousands of children and teens, I realize there are many common mistakes that parents don’t even know they’re making.

I’ll explain 12 of these mistakes, which may be causing your child to be unhappy and unmotivated. (Some of them might surprise you as being mistakes!)

1. Making your children the center of the universe.

Does your family’s schedule revolve around your children?

Their homework, their needs, their activities, their music lessons, their enrichment classes . . . the list goes on.

Of course, children have practical needs. But when everything revolves around them, they may become self-centered.

And when they’re constantly thinking about themselves – instead of focusing on the needs of others – they’re more likely to be unhappy.

After all, the people who lead the happiest, most meaningful lives are the ones who concentrate on serving others.

So allow your kids to experience a family environment where others receive as much attention as they do. They’ll benefit from it.

2. Constantly telling your children how special they are.

“You can be anything you want to be.”

“You did a fantastic job!”

“You’re so clever!”

If you say these kinds of things to your children too often, they may develop a sense of entitlement.

They may start thinking to themselves, “I’m special, so I should be able to achieve success even if I don’t try too hard.”

This kind of thinking sets children up for misery down the road, because nothing in life worth achieving ever comes easily.

It’s not wrong to encourage your children – just be sure they don’t end up thinking they’re the greatest thing since sliced bread. [Read more…]