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10 Common Parenting Mistakes That Demotivate Your Children

Updated on June 24, 2020 By Daniel Wong 6 Comments

Wouldn’t it be great if your children were motivated, independent learners?

That way, you wouldn’t have to nag or scold them to do their homework, and life would be easier for everyone.

Parents often tell me how frustrated they are that their children aren’t interested in school.

They’re also concerned that this lack of motivation will carry over to other areas of life.

The problem is that parents often demotivate their children unintentionally.

Here are 10 of the most common mistakes parents make – so do your best to avoid them in your home.

Mistake #1: Give your children too many rewards based on achievement or behaviour

This is a trap that many parents fall into, and for good reason. The first time you try it, it seems to work.

You might tell your children that you’ll pay them a dollar each time they get more than 85% for a class test. This seems to work because they start studying harder.

You think to yourself, “Great. Problem solved!”

Then a few weeks later you realise their motivation has waned. They complain that getting a good grade deserves more than one dollar.

An argument breaks out, and you find yourself justifying the price. You even explain that studying hard is their basic responsibility as a student.

If this describes your situation, you’re not alone.

Many studies show that rewards and punishments work in the short term, but not in the long term.

(Read on to find out what other approaches you can try instead.)

Mistake #2: Overemphasise the importance of academics

Parents think that emphasising the importance of academics will motivate their children to work hard.

The problem is that this approach doesn’t turn your children into lifelong learners.

Learning isn’t just about getting good grades. It’s also about enjoying the process.

When children enjoy learning, they become motivated to keep on learning.

Grades can affect your job prospects, but many great leaders weren’t great students. Unfortunately, many of the students I’ve worked with tell me that their parents seem to think that grades are the only thing that matters.

We now know that there are many different types of intelligence and that the education system only measures some of these.

All parents would agree that social skills, character development, and learning to relax and reflect are also important areas of focus.

When parents dismiss their children’s hobbies and games as a waste of time, they hurt their children’s feelings and damage the parent-child relationship.

Parents must value and respect their children’s activities. Dance and sport can improve kinaesthetic intelligence, and games and discussions can boost intrapersonal intelligence.

These are vital skills for children to learn and carry with them through life. [Read more…]

15 Simple Tips for Raising Confident Children

Updated on June 23, 2020 By Daniel Wong 12 Comments

It’s painful to see your children struggling with self-confidence issues.

They may shy away from challenges or lack courage, and you may be concerned about how they’re maturing.

Parents often tell me they worry about how their children’s lack of confidence will affect their future.

There are many things you can do as a parent to help develop self-assurance in your children.

Read this article to discover 15 practical tips you can implement today.

1. Give them responsibilities

Give your children responsibilities, such as helping you cook dinner or taking care of a younger sibling.

When your children fulfil their responsibilities, they experience an increase in self-worth, which boosts their confidence.

Dr Marty Rossman conducted research to support this theory. He found that children who help out with household chores do better in school, and that they’re also more empathic and caring.

Children feel good when they’re contributing to the family and have an important role to play. They feel needed as an integral part of the family.

You can foster self-confidence in your children by giving them responsibilities. Give your children tasks to take care of regularly so they become dependable and conscientious.

2. Share your own struggles with them

It’s important that your children understand that no one is perfect.

Share your difficulties with your children so they can see that it’s normal to face challenges.

Telling your children about problems you have at work or with various friendships is educational. Your children will begin to realise that it’s OK to be vulnerable and to have problems.

Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, says: “Through my research, I found that vulnerability is the glue that holds relationships together. It’s the magic sauce.”

Your children will gain confidence when they hear about your troubles, and about what you’re doing to overcome them.

They’ll start to accept challenges as normal and realise that nothing worth doing comes easily. [Read more…]

10 Simple Tips to Get Your Kids to Eat Healthy (Without You Nagging!)

Updated on May 7, 2020 By Daniel Wong 6 Comments

Note from Daniel: This is a guest post by Glanies Takahata from The Habit Engineer.

You love your children and want them to be happy.

So you buy them their favourite snacks, and you make sure they always have enough to eat.

But you’re also concerned about their health.

You don’t want them to eat too much sugar, or too much food in general.

Whether your kids are picky eaters or junk food lovers, there are simple ways for you to influence them to eat healthy.

In this article, I’ll share with you the 10 best tips I know.

The tips are organised according to these three sections:

Part A: Eating less junk food
Part B: Eating more nutritious food
Part C: Eating less in general

Let’s start with the first section.

Part A: Eating less junk food

Tip #1: Buy only one serving of junk food at a time

It’s hard to tell your kids to stop snacking on candy or potato chips without coming across as a nag.

The simple solution?

Make it a family rule that you only buy one serving of junk food (or the smallest packet available) at a time.

This means that when you buy a chocolate bar for your kids, it’s just one chocolate bar – not a whole pack of chocolate bars.

The same principle applies to all other types of junk food.

Value packs appeal to us because we think we’re getting more bang for our buck. In addition, we assume that we’ll be able to control the amount of junk food we eat.

But the research says otherwise.

When researchers gave people bigger bags of snacks, they ate an average of 53% more than those who were given smaller bags.

So by buying value packs, it’s actually a case of being penny wise but pound foolish.

When you buy only one serving of junk food at a time, you allow your kids to indulge, but you also limit the amount of junk food they eat.

If they’d like more, they’ll either have to wait for the next grocery run, or they’ll need to pay for the snacks out of their own pocket. [Read more…]

20 Guaranteed Ways to Mess Up Your Children

Updated on May 7, 2020 By Daniel Wong 3 Comments

Parenting is nerve-wracking.

You love your children and want them to grow up to be happy, successful adults.

But some days you’re not sure how to make that happen.

Sometimes you fear that something you’re doing or saying will mess them up permanently.

Here’s the good news: Part of great parenting is avoiding mistakes.

The even better news is that you don’t have to discover these mistakes for yourself.

I’ve worked with thousands of children and teenagers, and they’ve told me the mistakes their parents have made.

Here are 20 unintentional ways parents mess up their children, so start avoiding these behaviours today!

Mistake #1: Frequently tell them that they’re not living up to their potential

Parents often mean well when they say this. They think it’ll encourage their children to work harder and become more focused.

Unfortunately, it has the opposite effect. It makes children feel like a failure.

It also makes children feel as though their parents only love them when they’re successful or working hard.

A more effective approach is to encourage your children to self-reflect.

After all, how they feel about themselves is more important than how others feel about them.

Mistake #2: Scold them harshly when they make unintentional mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes.

But when your children accidentally spill their juice or drop a plate, it’s important not to overreact.

Doing so can cause them to develop a fear of failure. They may start to think that making mistakes is bad.

But in truth, making mistakes is the way we learn.

So when your children make a mistake, stay calm and say something like, “It was an accident. Let’s clean it up.” [Read more…]

15 Things Parents Unknowingly Do That Annoy Their Children

Updated on September 30, 2020 By Daniel Wong 21 Comments

Do you want to have a better relationship with your children?

If so, one of the best things you can do is to avoid annoying them.

Why?

Because if your children are annoyed with you, it’s hard to have a strong parent-child relationship.

And without a strong parent-child relationship, it’s hard to raise happy, responsible, and successful children.

I have worked with thousands of children and teenagers over the years. They’ve told me about the many things their parents unknowingly do that irritate them.

Here’s a list of 15 of those things you should stop doing right away.

Annoying behavior #1: Continually point out your children’s flaws.

It’s easy to point out your children’s flaws:

“You watch too much TV.”
“Why are you so lazy?”
“You need to stop procrastinating.”
“You should study more.”
“Why don’t you try to be more organized?”
“You should pay more attention in class.”
“You should choose your friends more wisely.”

Criticism must be combined with an acknowledgement of good behavior.

You don’t need to go over the top with your praise, but it helps to catch your child doing and being good.

Annoying behavior #2: Treat your children as problems, not people.

Make an effort to speak positively to your children.

Some studies even show that the ideal ratio of positive comments to negative comments is 6:1.

If you talk to your children as if they’re problems you’re trying to fix, they’ll become resentful.

Listen to your children respectfully, demonstrate an interest in their hobbies, and show them common courtesies.

By doing so, you’ll build a better relationship with them.

Annoying behavior #3: Ask your children every day, “Have you completed your homework?”

Yes, it’s important that your children finish their homework on time.

But it’s also important that your children understand that homework isn’t the only thing you care about.

Continually asking “Have you completed your homework?” comes across as nagging.

Rather than nag, establish boundaries to ensure that you and your children are on the same page.

For example, you and your children may decide that as long as they maintain a B average and you don’t receive any complaints from their teachers, you won’t nag them about homework.

This approach allows your children more freedom, with less stress and frustration for both you and them. [Read more…]

12 Reasons Your Child Seems Lazy and Unmotivated (And What You Can Do About It)

Updated on September 30, 2020 By Daniel Wong 19 Comments

Everyone struggles with motivation occasionally.

Children and teens are no exceptions.

If your children start to exhibit signs like worsening grades, a lack of interest in activities, or a tendency toward isolation, your children probably aren’t lazy.

They may just be dealing with other issues that haven’t been addressed yet.

Thankfully, there are ways to overcome these difficulties and create a healthy environment in which your children can flourish.

In this article, you’ll learn 12 common reasons for your children’s decreased motivation.

You’ll also learn how to address these issues both sensitively and effectively.

Let’s get started!

Reason #1: Your child feels overwhelmed or discouraged.

Think about how you deal with overwhelming issues as an adult.

If you don’t know where to start, you focus on small portions of the problem or find a way to look at the issue in a new light.

But children don’t automatically know how to do this.

So when a stressful situation arises, walk your children through the problem.

What’s overwhelming about the issue?

Where should we start?

What are some possible solutions?

These types of probing questions will get your children to examine the problem in a calm manner. By working on the problem together with them, they’ll know that they’re not alone.

Children can also become overwhelmed by discouragement.

Remind your children that failures help them to learn, and that you’re no less proud of them when they experience setbacks. Encouragement is an excellent motivator in children, so offer it freely and often.

Reason #2: There’s an ongoing power struggle between you and your child.

Every parent dreads the infamous battle of the wills. It can play out in many ways when it comes to motivation.

For example, if your children are lagging behind in a particular subject and you deal with the situation in a harsh manner, they may simply shut down.

They may refuse to comply with your requests just to further anger you.

Many parents find that offering choices instead of issuing commands works well as an alternative approach.

For instance, you could ask your child, “Would you like to go to the library and find books on this subject, or would you like to approach your teacher for help?”

This type of question gives your children some freedom, while still pointing them in the right direction. [Read more…]

20 Powerful Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Updated on May 7, 2020 By Daniel Wong 5 Comments

Do you want your teenager to become a mature, responsible adult?

I’m sure you do, but there will definitely be roadblocks along the way.

Teenagers are going through many changes, so you’ll need to adjust your parenting style too. Parenthood is a hard job that gets even harder when your child reaches the teenage years.

I know this for a fact, because I’ve spoken to and worked with more than 20,000 teenagers.

Through my work, I’ve come to realize that no two teenagers are the same.

That may be stating the obvious. But, at the same time, there are proven tips that every parent can use to raise a happy, successful, and well-adjusted teenager.

Here are 20 powerful tips I recommend that every parent follow.

1. Pick your battles.

Things like hairstyle and choice of clothes don’t matter much in the long run.

So focus on the things that do matter: responsibilities, values, and character.

It’s better to pick your battles than to turn every disagreement into a shouting match.

2. Decide on rules and boundaries in advance.

I’ve worked with many teenagers who feel that they live under the thumb of their parents.

Teenagers who help to create rules and boundaries are more likely to follow them.

So, whenever possible, involve your teenager in the process of creating rules and setting boundaries. Put these rules down in writing, along with any consequences in the case that your teenager breaks the rules.

3. Address one issue at a time.

It’s important to focus when you’re trying to be productive. The same principle holds true when parenting your teenager.

Teenagers often exhibit more than one problematic behavior at a time.

Address each issue separately, because if you try to tackle all the issues at once, you won’t get anywhere.

4. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements.

This is a subtle change that can have a major impact on your parent-child relationship.

Here’s an example: Saying “I feel disrespected when you speak to me like that” is far better than saying “You are so rude.”

“I” statements are less accusatory than “you” statements, so your teenager will likely respond better to the former rather than the latter. [Read more…]