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When Teens Ignore Consequences: 10 Proven Strategies for Parents

Updated on February 21, 2025 By Daniel Wong 40 Comments

Are you dealing with teenagers who don’t take responsibility for their actions?

You’ve tried every method you can think of to curb their bad behavior and discipline them, but nothing seems to work.

You may have tried taking away their phones, grounding them, or giving them extra chores.

But this has only led to more defiant behavior and attitude from your teens.

It’s a frustrating situation to be in.

But as parents, we have to understand that correcting our teens’ behavior goes beyond punishment.

In this article, I’ll explain some effective strategies to help you discipline a teenager who doesn’t care about consequences.

(Make sure to download your free quick action guide below.)

FREE QUICK ACTION GUIDE:

Get your FREE copy of

10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

The tips are guaranteed to help you get through to your teen, so download your copy today!

Types of consequences that work

How do you discipline your teenagers?

It’s natural to become angry when they do something wrong. But this will cloud your judgment when you’re dealing with rebellious teenagers.

Refrain from yelling at your teens in a moment of anger. Instead, pause and reflect on the reasons behind their actions and on how you can help them learn from their mistakes.

There are two types of consequences that are most effective in helping your teens learn from their poor choices:

Natural consequences
Logical consequences

Other types of consequences are rarely helpful.

Natural consequences are outcomes that occur naturally as a result of your teenagers’ actions or decisions.

On the other hand, logical consequences are consequences that require your intervention. These consequences are directly related to your teens’ actions and show your teens the lesson they need to learn.

We’ll explore examples of natural and logical consequences later in this article.

Why constant arguing can further hurt your teenager

When your teens make a mistake or misbehave, do you yell at them? How often do heated conflicts break out?

Constant arguments and shouting matches will strain your relationship with your teens.

This makes it harder for them to talk to you about their emotions and struggles. As a result, they’ll be less likely to turn to you for support and advice.

Research studies have also demonstrated the importance of a close parent-teen relationship.

Teenagers who have better relationships with their parents are more likely to have better mental health as young adults. They’re more optimistic and are less likely to be depressed.

It’s important to correct and teach your teens, but the methods you use shouldn’t put a lasting strain on your relationship with them.

10 strategies for handling a difficult teen

It’s frustrating when your teens still misbehave and break the rules despite your efforts to discipline them.

Punishing them for their mistakes doesn’t guarantee that they’ll learn to respect boundaries. In fact, it might lead to your teen shutting you out.

So here are 10 strategies you can use instead to handle a difficult teen:

1. Communicate in an honest and open manner

Start a conversation focused on solving the problem, and let your teen be part of the decision-making process.

If your teen has been displaying several problematic or risky behaviors, tackle just one issue at a time.

Avoid being a parent who sets all the rules and boundaries without considering your teen’s opinions. Instead, make it a point to listen attentively to his or her feelings and concerns.

Maintain eye contact, avoid interrupting, and be honest (but gentle) in sharing your thoughts and emotions.

The discussion should help you and your teen agree on reasonable house rules and consequences for breaking those rules.

2. Be empathetic and understanding

An open line of communication with your teenagers allows you to learn more about their struggles. For example, they may be facing issues related to self-esteem or bullying.

It’s a good idea to reflect on any possible underlying unmet needs that have led to their bad behavior. Their actions could be a call for attention. Or maybe they crave more space and freedom.

It might not solve the problem right away. But understanding the “why” behind their actions will enable you to relate to and empathize with them.

3. Set clear expectations

Your teens can’t follow rules that are vague.

Discuss appropriate boundaries with your teens, and help them understand the reasons behind them. Make the rules as specific as possible.

For example, avoid saying something vague like, “Don’t be back too late.”

Instead, you could say something like, “Please be home before 9 p.m. on weekday nights and 11 p.m. on Saturday nights.”

You should also be clear about the consequences of breaking the rules. It would be good to have the rules and consequences written down or printed out.

4. Be consistent

Your teenagers won’t take your rules seriously if you don’t enforce them.

When you’ve set a rule and a consequence for breaking it, make sure you follow through.

Teenagers might try to take advantage of the situation if one parent is firm while the other parent isn’t. Try to ensure that you and your parenting partner are on the same page.

5. Allow natural consequences to take place

The saying “once bitten, twice shy” comes into play here.

Most of the time, your teens will learn best when they experience the natural consequences of their actions.

Natural consequences don’t require your involvement. As long as the consequences don’t lead to safety concerns, it’s best to avoid stepping in.

For instance, if your teenage son forgets to bring his basketball jersey to school, don’t bail him out by bringing the jersey to school for him. He might not get to play in the basketball game, but at least he’ll learn a valuable lesson.

(Of course, I’m not saying that you should never be kind or gracious to your teens!)

6. Create logical consequences

Like we talked about earlier, logical consequences are consequences that are directly related to your teens’ choices and lead your teens to learn a specific life lesson.

An illogical consequence would be taking away your daughter’s phone because she insulted a teacher.

Another illogical consequence would be giving your son extra chores to do because he received a string of bad grades.

These punishments rob your teens of the opportunity to learn and mature.

In contrast, logical consequences encourage teenagers to take responsibility for their actions.

For instance, you might be forced to restrict your daughter’s screen time if she spends too much time on her devices instead of doing her schoolwork.

Or if your son accidentally damages your neighbor’s car because he was playing soccer in the front yard, then he might need to pay for the damage and write an apology letter.

7. Provide choices

When setting consequences, try to provide your teens with options. Having your teens pick the consequences will make them more likely to accept the consequences.

For example, the consequence of coming home past their curfew could be getting grounded for the weekend. The alternative option could be having an earlier curfew for the following month.

8. Provide positive reinforcement

Positive reinforcement encourages and acknowledges good behavior.

You can apply this principle in the following ways:

Giving your teenagers more freedom
Appreciating them for being responsible
Increasing their privileges

Research has demonstrated that recognizing good behavior is essential for a teenager’s development.

9. Be a role model

You’re shaping your teens’ values and character by modeling the right behavior.

Here are some ways to be a good role model for your teens:

Take full responsibility for your mistakes.
Apologize when you make a mistake.
Never blame others when things don’t go your way.
Practice what you preach. (Teens can spot hypocrisy a mile away!)
Always follow through on your commitments and promises.

10. Seek professional help

If your teen continues to break the rules and display rebellious behavior despite your best efforts, it’s time to get professional help.

Getting professional help doesn’t mean that you’ve failed as a parent!

Sometimes, an underlying condition, like anxiety or ADHD, could be the cause of your teen’s challenging behavior.

(I offer this 1-to-1 coaching program for teens, and I’d be happy to help your teen to get on the right track.)

Conclusion

I’m confident that these 10 tips will help you deal with your teenager who doesn’t seem to care about consequences.

The first step is to reflect on how you react to your teen’s poor behavior.

It’s easy to say or do things in a moment of frustration that can scar your teen permanently.

So take it one tip and one day at a time.

With patience and persistence, you’ll learn how to correct your teens and connect meaningfully with them too!

(If you have trouble getting your teen to listen to you, download the free quick action guide below.)

FREE QUICK ACTION GUIDE:

Get your FREE copy of

10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

The tips are guaranteed to help you get through to your teen, so download your copy today!

50 Family Conversation Starters to Get Your Teens to Open Up

Updated on February 5, 2024 By Daniel Wong 2 Comments

Do you wish your family dinners were filled with more chatter and meaningful conversations?

With teenagers in the house, it can be tough to make this happen.

As a parent, perhaps you’ve tried getting your teens to talk – asking questions and making conversation – but they respond with a shrug of the shoulders or a one-word answer.

As discouraging as this might be, it’s important to be patient and develop an open line of communication with your teens.

If you do this, it will be much easier to iron out conflicts and talk about deeper issues when they arise.

The good news is that communication is a skill every parent can develop.

In this article, I’ll share with you 50 conversation starters for family gatherings and dinners you can use to bond with your teens.

(But first, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

How to talk to your teen

Adolescence can be a challenging time. As a parent, you’re in a good position to provide a safe and open space for your teenagers to communicate their fears, struggles, and dreams.

But your teens must feel comfortable talking to you. The best way to do this is to look for ways to connect with them.

Here are some tips to help you engage with your teens in day-to-day life:

Listen actively and be fully present. Put your devices away. Show that you’re attentive by paraphrasing what they said and maintaining good eye contact. Research has proven that active listening can help teens open up.
Don’t go overboard with your questions. Teenagers don’t want to be interrogated. Don’t make them feel like they have to spill every last detail about their life, friends, or school – unless they want to.
Ask open-ended questions. Ask questions that begin with “why,” “how,” “what,” “what if,” or “describe,” instead of asking yes or no questions.
Talk about their interests. Ask your teens about their hobbies and interests, then follow up with more questions related to those subjects.

50 family dinner topic starters

Let’s explore different family conversation starters that can help you connect with your teens.

The conversation starters are broken up into categories to help you get your family talking about the family values and topics you want to encourage most.

Friendship

Research shows that friendships are critical for teens’ overall development.

This makes friendship a good topic for meaningful conversations.

Here are some questions you could ask your teens:

“Who is your oldest friend, and how did you meet?” This is a great opportunity for you and your teens to bond over fond memories. You can also explore how the friendship withstood the test of time.

“What qualities do you value most in a friend?” Help your teens set healthy expectations and standards when making and sustaining friendships.

“Share one of the best memories you’ve had with a friend.” If possible, you can even ask your teens if they’re up for recreating the memory with you.

“Is it better to have a few close friends or a large circle of acquaintances?” This question helps your teens gain a deeper understanding of their priorities in relationships.

“What qualities do you think are essential for a lasting and meaningful friendship?” Prompt your teenagers to weigh which values are important to look for and practice. Doing so helps them develop healthy boundaries when making friends.

“Share a story about a time when a friend provided support or made a significant impact in your life.” Asking your teens this question helps you better understand what form of support they prefer when they encounter challenging situations (e.g., a hug, words of encouragement).

“Friendships can change over time. How have your friendships evolved, and how can you ensure that you maintain these friendships?” Discuss the dynamics of healthy friendships. This may include conflict resolution, effective communication, mutual support, etc.

“Sometimes, conflicts arise between friends. How do you usually navigate those types of situations?” Conflict resolution is an important life skill to develop. You and your teens can take this opportunity to discuss how different conflicts can be resolved.

Importance of family

Cultivating a culture of trust and security in the family is vital if you want your teenagers to share their thoughts and concerns with you.

These questions will help you and your teens reflect on the importance of family:

“What are some values our family holds dear?” Take this opportunity to get you and your teens on the same page in terms of family values.

“Share a favorite family tradition and explain why it’s important to you.” Examples might include a trip to the beach every summer or a small celebration at the end of every school year.

“How do you think our family could better support and care for one another?” A follow-up question could be, “What can I do to help you feel better if you’re having a bad day?”

“What is the most valuable lesson you’ve learned from a family member?” You might then discuss how you and your teens can apply this lesson.

“How has our family’s support and love influenced your personal growth and achievements?” Celebrate your teens’ achievements and let them know that you love them unconditionally.

“Discuss a family value that you believe sets us apart and makes our family special.” You might also ask your teenagers how they’ve been practicing this value and how that has impacted them and those around them.

“Discuss a time when our family faced a challenge together and how that experience strengthened our bond as a family unit.” Alternatively, you can ask what you (or your teens) could have done better to support the family in that situation.

Family traditions

Family traditions are activities and practices that symbolize your beliefs and values as a family.

These may be related to traveling, specific celebrations or events you organize, or volunteer work you do together. Or it may be a new tradition that you decide to create together.

Here are some questions about family traditions to ask your teens:

“What is your favorite family holiday tradition, and why?” Something seemingly trivial, like helping to prepare a special dish or putting up decorations, might mean the world to your teens.

“Share a memorable experience from a family vacation or trip.” You might decide to add activities or places your teenagers enjoyed to your next family trip.

“Are there any unique cultural or religious traditions in our family? Why do you think they’re significant?” This question allows you and your teens to bond over shared traditions and beliefs.

“What new traditions would you like to start as a family?” These traditions may or may not be related to religion or culture.

“Talk about a tradition or custom from a different culture that you find interesting.” Encourage discussion around the beauty and uniqueness of other traditions and cultures. This can instill a sense of respect and admiration for people of different backgrounds.

“Share a family recipe that has been passed down through generations and talk about its significance.” You can even suggest making the dish together for the next family gathering.

“Discuss a family tradition you want to preserve and pass on to future generations.” This is an excellent opportunity to nurture a sense of love and respect for generational traditions that are significant to your family.

“What are some of your favorite traditions, and why do you enjoy them?” Foster an appreciation and admiration for your family’s traditions by having your teens talk about the ones they like most.

“Traditions can change or evolve over time. Are there any old ones you’d like to modify?” Encourage your teenagers to think critically and creatively about the traditions they practice. Ask them to suggest ways to modify these traditions to best reflect your family’s values and beliefs.

Personal growth

Adolescence is marked by rapid change, growth, and development.

During this time, teenagers are figuring out who they are and are learning to become comfortable with their identities.

Becoming a young adult can be challenging and confusing, so being supportive of your teens is important.

These questions can help you understand how your teens’ values, identity, and abilities have evolved over time:

“How has being part of our family contributed to your personal growth?” This question helps your teens pinpoint the family values and principles that have played a role in their development.

“Discuss a challenge you faced and how it helped you to become stronger.” Allow your teenagers to reflect on a challenge they overcame. It never hurts to remind them of their resilience.

“Talk about a time when you stepped out of your comfort zone and the lessons you learned.” Take this opportunity to celebrate your teens’ bravery.

“Discuss a hobby or activity that has helped you grow personally and brought you joy.” Look for ways to support your teens as they pursue their interests and hobbies.

“Personal growth is a lifelong journey. Is there an aspect you’d like to work on or improve? How can I support you?” Help your teens to understand that many life skills and values can be nurtured through persistence. You can also let them know that you’re invested in their personal growth.

“Let’s discuss our strengths and areas where we can grow.” Reinforce your teens’ confidence by encouraging them to identify their strengths. Then, encourage your teenagers to list practical ways to grow and improve in these areas.

“Learning from our mistakes is an important part of personal growth. Is there a mistake you’ve made recently that you’d like to reflect on?” Encourage your teens to see mistakes as opportunities to learn and improve.

Dreams and aspirations

During adolescence, we learn that our dreams can become a reality.

It’s important to help your teens figure out what’s important to them.

Your teens will likely be sifting through many ideas, passions, and goals. So they need to know that they can talk to you and that you’ll be a positive and supportive sounding board.

These questions can encourage your teenagers to think about their ambitions and how they plan to achieve them:

“What are your biggest dreams for yourself and for our family?” Knowing your teens’ ambitions and dreams opens up opportunities for you to support and empower them along the way.

“Share a personal goal and discuss the steps you’re taking to achieve it.” Encourage your teens to start setting goals and to break down big dreams into smaller actionable steps.

“How can we support each other in pursuing our dreams and aspirations?” Everyone seeks different forms of support. Something as simple as showing up for your teen’s basketball game could be a huge motivator for your teen.

“Discuss a time when someone in our family achieved something significant and how it impacted all of us.” This can help to build a family culture that celebrates the successes of others.

“Share a dream or aspiration you have for yourself that you haven’t yet pursued, and discuss what might be holding you back.” Acknowledge your teenagers’ fears and struggles, and remind them that you’ll always have their back if they need support or advice.

“Sometimes it can be challenging to pursue our dreams. Is there any guidance you need to reach your goals?” Your teens’ needs are unique to their goals. Certain goals may require mentorship or financial support. Others may simply call for encouragement.

“Dreams can evolve over time. Have your aspirations changed recently? If so, what sparked that change?” Enable your teens to understand that changes in goals or ambitions are a part of life. This encourages them to be open to new opportunities.

Death in the family

Grief is a challenging but necessary topic to tackle with your teens.

It’s vital to be there for your teens to help them navigate the feelings that loss and death can cause.

Find a good time to discuss the following questions with your teenagers:

“What are some ways we can honor and remember loved ones who have passed away?” Do your best to put your teens’ responses into action. Honoring these loved ones could be a significant step in the mourning process for your teens.

“How can we support each other during times of grief and loss?” The grieving journey looks different for everyone, even more so for teens who are learning to process difficult emotions.

“Share a story about a family member who has passed away and the impact he or she had on your life.” A conversation around this topic can invoke a sense of gratitude for the life and legacy a late family member has left behind.

“I’ve been thinking about our loved one who has passed away. How do you feel about it? Is there anything you’d like to share?” Asking your teens this question validates their emotions and normalizes the grieving process. This enables them to understand that it’s okay to be sad.

“How can we celebrate and cherish the memories of those we’ve lost?” Work with your teens to build healthy coping mechanisms when dealing with loss as a family.

“How has losing a family member affected our family’s dynamic and relationships?” Validate the fact that the loss of a loved one can have a significant impact on every member of the family.

Drugs and substance abuse

Statistics show that alcohol and drug abuse are major problems.

So it’s vital to create a safe space for your teens to share their opinions about substance abuse and other risky behaviors.

You can ask them the following questions:

“What are your thoughts on drug use and its impact on individuals and families?” Avoid lecturing your teens. Instead, prompt them to think critically about the impact of substance abuse.

“What can we do to support those struggling with addiction?” Encourage your teens to think about ways they can support their peers who are trying to overcome an addiction.

“How do you think the media and popular culture influence our attitudes toward drugs and alcohol?” Cultivate an awareness that songs, movies, and social media can alter your teens’ perception of drugs and alcohol.

“What do you know about the dangers of drugs, and how can we support each other in making responsible choices?” Give your teens an opportunity to share what they’ve learned or heard about the consequences of substance abuse.

“Do you feel comfortable talking to us about the concerns or questions you may have regarding drugs and alcohol?” Reiterate that your teens can always share their concerns with you without fear of judgment.

“What are some strategies we can use as a family to educate ourselves about the risks of substance abuse?” Create a collaborative environment for you and your teens to learn about the dangers of substance abuse as a family.

Conclusion

Parenting teens is challenging.

Ultimately, how well you and your teens communicate will influence the relationship you have with them.

So always approach your teens with a genuine interest in their opinions and thoughts.

Hopefully, these conversation starters will be a catalyst for more meaningful interactions with your teens!

(If your teens sometimes lack motivation, don’t forget to download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

Understanding Teenage Tantrums: Causes, Management, and Prevention

Updated on January 22, 2025 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Do you feel like you’re treading on thin ice when you’re around your teen?

Maybe a quick reminder to do his chores is met with a fit.

Or a request to put her phone away at the dining table turns into a big argument.

Teenage tantrums happen when your teen displays an emotional outburst of frustration and anger. As a parent, it can be difficult to handle.

It can leave you feeling exhausted, and make you wonder why your teenager hates you.

It’s common to think that screaming teenagers are either spoiled or disrespectful. Some parents might write it off as teenage attitude. But this is a simplistic view.

Tantrums happen for various reasons, and getting angry at your teen will only make the situation worse.

So, what can you do as a parent to prevent your teenager from shutting you out?

Understanding the issue at a deeper level is a good first step.

In this article, I’ll explain the most common causes of teenage tantrums and the best ways to manage them.

(Make sure to download your free quick action guide below.)

FREE QUICK ACTION GUIDE:

Get your FREE copy of

10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

The tips are guaranteed to help you get through to your teen, so download your copy today!

Understanding the causes of teenage tantrums

The real reasons behind your teenager’s outbursts aren’t always obvious.

It’s similar to having a fever caused by an underlying ailment. Treating the cause is a longer-lasting solution than just treating the fever.

Similarly, parents need to look deeper when dealing with teenage outbursts.

Here are some possible causes of your teen’s temper tantrums:

Hormonal changes: As teens go through puberty, hormonal shifts can influence their mood. This makes them more susceptible to anxiety, stress, sadness, and frustration.
Social and emotional development: The part of the brain involved in self-regulation doesn’t fully mature until early adulthood. So teenagers aren’t able to process negative emotions as well as adults.
Lack of communication skills: Your teens might not know how to effectively communicate their needs and wants. For instance, asking for more autonomy, freedom, or a bigger part in decision-making are sensitive issues that can be tricky to navigate. As such, tantrums are sometimes an indirect result of a lack of communication skills.
Environmental factors: Exams, looming deadlines, conflicts with friends, the pressure to fit in, and relationship issues can be a lot to handle for teens. This can contribute to teens’ mood swings and angry outbursts.
Mental health issues: Depression, anxiety, ADHD, and other mental health issues can influence a teen’s mood and emotions. For example, teens with ADHD may feel irritated more often, as ADHD affects impulse control.

Of course, some of these causes may not directly be your teens’ fault. But this doesn’t absolve them from taking responsibility for their emotions and actions.

Signs of teenage tantrums

Temper tantrums don’t have to only involve screaming teens.

A variety of behaviors can indicate that your teens are in the midst of a tantrum, including:

Isolating themselves
Screaming, shouting, or swearing
Giving others the cold shoulder
Stomping or pacing
Moaning or whining
Acting aggressively
Throwing items
Crying

The impact of teenage tantrums on adolescents and their environment

Tantrums can impact your teenagers and those around them in various ways.

Some possible consequences that you and your teens might face include:

Your teens might struggle to form healthy relationships with others.
Your teens’ behavioral problems may affect their performance in school.
Your home may no longer feel like a safe space for you and your family.
Your emotional and mental well-being could be affected.
Your relationship with your teens may become strained.

The good news is that emotional regulation is a skill that your teens can learn.

Instilling this valuable life skill in your teens will equip them to manage negative emotions and challenges in the future.

Effective strategies for managing teenage tantrums

Small and intentional changes can make a huge difference. These tips will help you teach your teens how to respect others, communicate effectively, and regulate their emotions.

1. Recognize the triggers

After your teen has a tantrum, think about what events led up to it.

Was your teen trying to share his or her thoughts but felt unheard? Did your teen ask to go out with his or her friends or participate in an activity and you said no?

By recognizing your teen’s triggers, you can learn how to approach certain topics in the future. This will also help you to understand when your teen needs to be heard, is asking for help, or requires emotional support.

2. Respond calmly

When your teen starts to scream at you, it may feel instinctual to respond with anger. But mirroring your teen’s behavior isn’t going to help.

Respect is a two-way street, so refrain from shouting back, making threats, or talking down to your teenager.

Remind yourself to pause and take a deep breath. Modeling self-control and emotional regulation is a great way to lead by example. Your actions will speak much louder than your words ever will at that moment.

You may need to give both you and your teen some time and space before coming back together to work things out.

3. Create a safe space

Create a safe space for your teens to be heard. Be present, listen attentively, and let them speak without any interruptions.

Let them feel safe, seen, and heard, even if they aren’t acting like their best selves.

This reassures them that you’ll be there for them whenever they go through challenging situations.

4. Encourage communication

Communicate with your teens by occasionally paraphrasing what they’ve said. This lets them know that you’re listening and that you acknowledge their feelings are valid.

If your teen doesn’t seem to be calming down, remove yourself from the situation. Once your son or daughter has calmed down, you can discuss possible solutions and ways to work through the issue at hand.

5. Set limits and boundaries

When the tantrum has passed, set reasonable boundaries. Your teenagers must understand that bad behavior isn’t a tool to get what they want.

Teach your teens that being angry or frustrated is okay. But shouting, throwing things, swearing, or disrespecting others is never okay.

Let them know what the consequences of these actions will be, and follow through on the rules you’ve set.

Work with your teenagers to create these rules. Including your teenagers in the process will help them to see that you value their input. This can help to reduce the occurrence of future tantrums.

6. Seek professional help

Seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s one of the bravest things a parent can do.

Therapists, psychologists, and coaches are well-equipped to help your teen. (I work with teens 1-to-1 through this coaching program, so I’d be happy to help.)

And if you’re concerned that a mental health condition is affecting your teen’s behavior, now is the time to engage a professional before the situation gets worse.

Conclusion

Your teens are learning how to handle their big emotions. In a fast-paced, high-stress world, the best thing you can offer them is empathy, patience, and guidance.

Managing teenage tantrums is challenging, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t get it right the first time around.

Keep persisting and you’ll find approaches that work for you and your teen. And remember to always be kind to and patient with yourself!

(Don’t forget to download your free quick action guide below.)

FREE QUICK ACTION GUIDE:

Get your FREE copy of

10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

The tips are guaranteed to help you get through to your teen, so download your copy today!

How Do You Deal With a Compulsive Lying Teenager? (5 Strategies That Work)

Updated on August 11, 2023 By Daniel Wong 5 Comments

Are you at your wits’ end dealing with a compulsive lying teenager?

You’re not alone.

When looking at behavior related to lying in people aged 6 to 77, researchers found that adolescence was the peak of dishonesty.

In a separate study, it was found that high school students told 4.1 lies on average during a 24-hour span. That’s 150% higher than adults.

If your teenager’s lies go beyond harmless fibs and become consistent and habitual, it’s something to be concerned about.

Honesty is one of the fundamental rules for success in life. Frequent lying erodes trust, leading to strained relationships.

So why do teens feel the need to lie, and how do you know if it’s a problem?

This article explores what’s going on with compulsive lying teens and what you – as a parent – can do about it.

(And if your teen lacks motivation, download a copy of the e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

Is your teenager a compulsive liar?

Do you feel concerned about how often you catch your teen telling lies?

As a parent, no amount of lying from your teenager ever feels acceptable. But it’s particularly concerning when your teen’s lies seem to have no purpose or explanation.

This may indicate a more serious problem – a pattern of pathological lying.

Here are some things to look out for in an adolescent who might be a pathological liar:

Lying a lot in a variety of situations
Lying without a specific purpose or reason
Consistently lying over an extended period of time
‌No other mental conditions or disorders that explain the lying

If these things are true about your teen, this could indicate compulsive lying. This means that your teen needs professional help.

Why do teenagers lie?

Research suggests that lying is most common for teens between the ages of 13-15. This is due to their intense desire for freedom at this stage of their development.

Studies have found several factors that can cause teenagers to lie:

To define their own rules: Many teens feel the need to assert their freedom and independence by making their own choices in life. In contrast, many parents try to control or restrict their teens’ behavior. As such, teens may hide the truth.
To avoid getting punished: It makes sense to have house rules for teens. Such rules help to maintain respect and create healthy boundaries. When teens break these rules, they may lie to avoid conflict and steer clear of punishments.
To cover for their friends: Teens may lie because they want to be a loyal friend, so they feel compelled to take the blame to protect a friend.
To avoid disappointing their parents: Teens may lie because they want the approval of their parents and want to avoid causing disappointment. For example, instead of admitting they fell behind in school, they may lie about their homework or grades.
To hide their emotions: Teens may struggle to express their emotions. It can feel safer to lie than to express how they really feel.

What can parents do about compulsive lying?

If your teenager lies compulsively, you probably feel frustrated or angry. But rest assured that there are strategies you can employ to improve the situation. Here are five of them:

1. Be a positive role model

Your words and actions have a profound influence on your teens. If you tell a little white lie here and there, your teens may consider this acceptable behavior and follow your lead.

If you realize that you sometimes lie, make a commitment to living a life of complete integrity.

Make it your priority to become a positive role model for your teens. Talk to them about what you’re doing to become a more honest person, and share your progress with them.

2. Create a safe space for your teenager to open up

It can be challenging for parents and teens to speak openly, particularly when discussing sensitive topics.

Communicating with teens requires intentional effort. But if your teens feel like they can speak with you without the fear of judgment, they’ll be more likely to tell the truth.

Try the following tips:

Use more “I” statements and fewer “you” statements. Tell your teens how you feel, instead of what they did wrong. “I was worried when I couldn’t reach you” is an example of an “I” statement. “You’re always avoiding my calls!” is an example of a “you” statement.
Speak clearly and simply. Communicate in easy-to-understand and specific terms. Don’t give long lectures. Instead, get to the point quickly when sharing your concerns with your teenagers.
Practice active listening. Communication is a two-way street. Encourage open dialogue by listening respectfully, especially when you disagree with your teens. Take the time to understand your teens’ perspective before responding.
Focus on the issue at hand. Bringing up several issues or problems at once will make the situation worse. Focus on the issue at hand and don’t bring up the past.

3. Set rules and boundaries together as a team

If you set all the rules and boundaries without any input from your teens, they’ll feel it’s unfair or unreasonable.

For example, maybe you set a 10 pm curfew for your teens for the weekends. But all of your teens’ friends can stay out until 11 pm. If your teens get home after 10 pm, they’ll be more likely to lie.

A lie about missing the bus is a convenient cover.

Have an open dialogue with your teenagers about the rules and boundaries they’re expected to keep to. Resolve disagreements respectfully together as a team.

This will build mutual respect and trust.

4. Stay in control of your emotions

If you find out that your teens have been lying to you, it can make you feel frustrated and disappointed.

But blowing your top won’t help the situation.

If you lose control of your emotions, it will create an emotional distance between you and your teens. They may give you the silent treatment and refuse to talk things out.

Calm down before speaking with your teens about their actions. Explain the consequences of lying and how you feel.

With a level-headed approach, your teens will be more likely to take responsibility for their mistakes. They’ll also be more likely to make better decisions in the future.

5. Avoid labeling your teenager as a liar

If you give your teenagers negative labels, it will affect how they perceive themselves. It will also affect their self-esteem. Research shows that such labeling is harmful and can cause people to feel devalued.

If you label your teen a liar, he or she may feel defined by it. Instead of trying to be more honest, he or she will continue lying, maybe even to prove you right.

Instead of labeling your teenagers, apply Strategy #2 and get to the root of why they felt the need to lie in the first place. Only then can you begin to work through the issue together.

Conclusion

Dealing with a compulsive lying teenager is tough for any parent.

Start by understanding the reasons why your teen lies. If it’s a deeply ingrained pattern that resembles pathological lying, it’s time to get professional help for your teen.

Fortunately, most teens lie for reasons that parents can understand or at least relate to.

Start applying the strategies outlined in this article and be patient. Over time, you’ll foster honest communication between you and your teen.

And if your teen lacks motivation and a sense of responsibility, check out my online course for parents of teens. It’s a proven, step-by-step system to help you get your teen on the right track – guaranteed!

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15 Essential Life Skills for Teens (Does Your Teen Have Them?)

Updated on April 15, 2024 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Do you get nervous thinking about the day your teens will finally move out of the house?

As a parent, your instinct is to shield your children from difficulties and hardship.

So it’s natural to feel concerned about how your teenagers will handle various obstacles in life — especially when you’re miles apart from them.

When that happens, you want them to be well prepared for the challenges that adulthood brings.

The good thing is that it’s never too late to start teaching your teens the life skills they’ll need to thrive in adulthood.

As their parent, you’re in the best position to help them develop the right values and become responsible young adults.

In this article, we’ll talk about 15 important life skills for teens and how you can impart them to your teens.

(And if you’d like your teenagers to become more motivated, make sure to download the free e-book below.)

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1. Time management

Do your teens fall behind on deadlines? Maybe they often leave things to the last minute, causing unnecessary stress and panic.

Effective time management will help your teenagers to stop procrastinating and meet deadlines. Your teens will also be able to get more done in less time.

This will lead to better work-life balance when your teens become adults.

Here are some ways to teach your teens how to manage their time well:

Work with them to plan out a daily and weekly schedule. Encourage them to set enough time aside for homework, chores, and other responsibilities. At the same time, teach them how to balance work, rest, and play.
Provide them with time management tools. Some of these tools may include a digital or written planner, a to-do list, or an app to keep track of events and tasks.
Teach them how to prioritize. Sometimes, a birthday party may clash with a basketball game or music lesson. Help your teens prioritize based on their roles, values, and commitments.

2. Money management

Based on surveys, 75% of young adults would have preferred to learn more finance-related topics in school.

Formal education doesn’t guarantee financial literacy or wisdom. This means that you, as a parent, play a pivotal role in helping your teens learn how to manage their money.

Financial literacy goes a long way in helping your teens avoid debt and build their savings.

You can raise financially-savvy teenagers by following these tips:

Encourage them to cultivate a habit of saving. For instance, when they receive their allowance, you can encourage them to put a portion of it aside for their savings. (Of course, it’s vital that you lead by example in this area too!)
Help them understand that credit doesn’t mean “free money.” Explain to them how credit cards work and how credit card debt can compound quickly over time.
Give them access to budgeting and finance tools. For example, a budget tracker app can help them keep tabs on their expenses.
Introduce them to the concept of insurance. You can relate it to something they’re familiar with, like a car. Explain terms to them such as deductible, premium, exclusions, etc.

3. Decision-making

No one makes the right decision every single time, but you can help your teen make wiser choices in life in general.

Peer influence plays a big role in adolescent decision-making – in both good and bad ways.

Encourage your teens to spend time with friends who have similar beliefs and values. Teach them to establish boundaries and to be brave enough to say no.

Help them weigh the pros and cons of the decisions they’re faced with.

Provide guidance when appropriate, but avoid forcing your opinions on your teenagers. As difficult as it might be, as parents, we must sometimes take the backseat and let them learn from their mistakes.

4. Goal-setting and planning

You might have ambitious teens who dream big.

Structured goal-setting and planning can help your teens unlock their potential. They’ll learn to leverage their talents and strengths to achieve well-defined goals.

Encourage your teens to write down their goals and ambitions. These must be their goals, not the aspirations you wish to fulfill through them.

You can also help them break down a big dream into smaller actionable steps. Ensure that each step toward the goal is measurable and specific.

For instance, if your teen wants to learn Korean, he or she might decide to spend 30 minutes studying the language after dinner every day.

And as long as your teens’ goals are meaningful in some way, do your best to be supportive!

5. Critical thinking

Do your teenagers take things at face value?

If so, encourage them to analyze information and ideas rationally and independently.

That way, your teens can form their own opinions and conclusions that are reasonable and well thought out.

Here’s how you can help your teens practice critical thinking:

Ask them to come up with solutions to real-life problems.
Ask them open-ended questions that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.”
Give them opportunities to make important decisions. For example, would they like to spend the summer break volunteering or attending an educational camp?

6. Adaptability and resilience

How can you help your teens adapt quickly to change and bounce back from rough times?

Here are some tips to try:

Encourage your teens to pursue new experiences. For instance, they could try out a new sport or join a club.
Help your teens to focus on the positive aspects of change rather than dwelling on disappointments.
Remind your teens to be aware of their inner monologue and how they speak to themselves.
Encourage your teens to devise solutions to problems and weigh out the pros and cons of each one.
Help your teenagers form healthy connections with friends, family members, counselors, and coaches. These people will be able to provide your teenagers with support and guidance.

7. Becoming a self-directed learner

Many teenagers have the mindset that they have to finish their schoolwork and projects.

This isn’t entirely their fault. They’ve learned to think this way due to the punishments or consequences they face – typically at school – if they don’t complete the work.

But having this mindset means that your teens may only finish their tasks and fulfill their responsibilities when someone is coercing them to.

So what you can do instead is to encourage your teenagers to be proactive and self-directed learners.

Help them to see the inherent meaning and purpose behind what they’re currently working on, beyond the outcome they’re trying to achieve.

Encourage them to explore various learning resources and platforms on their own. And provide them with tools to monitor the progress they’re making, such as apps like Lifetick or GoalsOnTrack.

8. Resourcefulness

When your teens face setbacks in life, do they often give up?

Instead of quitting, help them to become more resourceful. Show them how to broaden their horizons when they’re trying to find a way through an obstacle.

Can an organization, professional, or family member offer guidance?

Or can they take a course or use an online tool that might help?

Give your teens opportunities to make significant decisions. Encourage them to reflect on the mistakes they’ve made.

9. Communication

As teenagers develop good communication skills, they’ll be able to convey their thoughts and opinions more clearly.

They’ll also learn to listen more effectively. This can help to prevent unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings.

To enable your teens to improve their communication skills, you can:

Make time to communicate with your teens. Create opportunities for two-way interactions with your teens. This may involve setting up a no-phone rule at the dinner table or scheduling weekly family time to catch up, etc.
Teach your teens the importance of body language in conversations. You can explain to them specific undesirable body language cues (e.g. no eye contact, crossed arms, poor posture).
Emphasize the importance of active listening. Model this whenever your teens or anyone else speaks to you. Teach your teens the key principles of active listening.

10. Emotional intelligence and self-awareness

Your teens may have trouble understanding their emotions. They may also be unaware of how their moods and actions impact the feelings of others.

With greater emotional intelligence, your teens will cultivate empathy and build stronger relationships.

To build your teens’ emotional intelligence, create a safe atmosphere at home where they can talk openly about their emotions, fears, anxieties, etc.

Instead of sweeping their feelings under the rug, validate their emotions through active listening.

11. Leadership and teamwork

The strength of the team is each member. The strength of each member is the team.

– Phil Jackson, former NBA Coach of the Year

It’s essential that your teens learn to lead and to work in a team.

Here’s how you can help your teens to foster collaborative relationships with others:

Teach them to be accountable for their actions. Create a culture of accountability in your home by setting up rules and boundaries. Involve your teens in the process of creating these rules and boundaries.
Give them opportunities to negotiate. Invite your teens to share their ideas and opinions. Leave room for negotiation in instances when you don’t see eye-to-eye with them.
Establish a culture of celebrating other people’s successes. Model for your teens how to support, motivate, and encourage others sincerely.
Teach them to resolve conflicts effectively. Share with them strategies to stay calm in the middle of tense situations. Show them how to disagree respectfully.

12. Empathy and compassion

Teens who have more empathy will be able to build healthier relationships with others.

Here’s how you can empower your teens to develop this valuable life skill:

Create a safe space for them to talk about their feelings and experiences.
Ask them what they notice about another person’s facial expressions or body language.
Remind them to show honor to others, even in the midst of disagreements and conflicts.
Encourage them to volunteer and serve others – you can join them too!

13. Healthy habits and self-care

One of the most important life skills for young adults is knowing how to take care of their physical and mental health.

You can try the following:

Set an example by practicing good sleep hygiene, e.g. putting away your electronic devices an hour before bed, having a relaxing bedtime routine.
Take your teens to their routine health check-ups.
Exercise together with them.
Teach them basic cooking skills.
Show them how to read nutritional labels.

While physical health is important, mental health shouldn’t be overlooked.

According to the World Health Organization, half of all mental health conditions in adulthood begin by age 14.

Here’s how you can help your teens to prioritize their mental well-being:

Destigmatize counseling and mental health support.
Help them create a self-care routine.
Spend 1-on-1 time with them regularly so you can find out how they’re really doing.
Learn and practice relaxation techniques (e.g. deep breathing exercises, art therapy) with them.

14. Basic first aid and emergency preparedness

All teenagers should know how to navigate emergencies. These skills could save their life or someone else’s.

Here’s what you can do:

Encourage them to attend basic first aid training (and join in if you can).
Provide them with personal safety tools and teach them how to use the tools. Personal safety apps like Noonlight can be helpful.
Encourage them to have trusted family members or friends saved as emergency contacts.
Educate them on how to respond to fires, natural disasters, etc.

15. Basic home maintenance skills

Teens without the necessary home maintenance skills may become stressed and overwhelmed when such situations arise.

Get your teenagers involved in basic housekeeping tasks. Teach them to use common household appliances, such as a washing machine and dryer.

It’s a good idea to teach your teens how to:

Clean the gutters
Reset the circuit breaker
Cut off the water supply
Hang shelves
Fix a leaky faucet
Unclog a sink or toilet

Get your teens involved in basic home maintenance tasks as early as possible.

You’ll be teaching them valuable skills that will come in handy when they’re living on their own!

Conclusion

Many valuable life skills can’t be picked up by reading a textbook.

As much as you want your teenagers to get good grades in school, it’s also important for them to become responsible and independent young adults.

By equipping them with the right skills, they’ll be headed down this path!

(If your teens sometimes lack motivation, don’t forget to download the free e-book below.)

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Teaching Values to Teens: 8 Ways to Build Character in Your Teens

Updated on February 5, 2024 By Daniel Wong 6 Comments

Do you wonder if your teen is maturing and developing well?

As a parent, you love your children unconditionally. But they don’t always display the values and character traits you wish they would.

If you’re frustrated by your teenagers’ bad attitude, irresponsible behavior, impatience, or lack of motivation…

… it’s a common situation that parents find themselves in.

You can still help your teens to grow into caring, courageous, and confident adults who contribute to society.

One of the best ways to ensure this is to teach your teens the right values.

Values help teens make better decisions, focus on positive goals, and take responsibility for their actions. They act as an internal compass to guide your teens’ choices and behavior.

How do values do all of this? By boosting intrinsic motivation.

This type of motivation can transform your teens’ approach to school, work, friendships, and family life.

For example, teens who value self-discipline and knowledge will study because it’s meaningful to work hard and learn new things. They won’t study just to get an A or avoid punishment.

To give your teens the best chance at finding fulfillment and success, follow these tips to help them develop the right values.

(And if your teen lacks motivation, make sure to download the e-book below.)

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Tip #1: Model the values you want your teen to have

This tip might seem obvious. But your actions and words greatly influence your teenagers’ behavior, attitude, and beliefs.

How you respond to a stressful event or approach an argument influences how your teens will react when they face a similar situation.

For example, it’s important to stay calm when explaining to your teens why you felt frustrated that they didn’t finish their chores.

By talking calmly to your teens – instead of shouting – you’re demonstrating that respect is a value that matters to you.

Other examples of how to model certain values for your teens include:

Self-discipline: Having a morning routine, always being punctual, eating healthily, exercising regularly.
Generosity: Giving to those in need, helping neighbors, doing favors without expecting anything in return.
Excellence: Putting aside distractions and focusing on the task at hand, doing small things (like making your bed) well, going the extra mile to serve and help others
Integrity: Owning up to mistakes, not blaming others, not lying even if it affects you negatively, not cutting corners.

Tip #2: Be aware of teachable moments

Teachable moments are opportunities to help your teens learn valuable lessons.

Most teachable moments occur when your teens have made a mistake.

Keep an eye out for these moments because you can use them to show your teens how to live out their values in practical ways.

A teachable moment is not the time to give a lecture. Your teens probably already know that they’ve messed up.

As a parent, you can help your teens to identify habits and behaviors that go against their values.

For example, if your teen is frustrated with himself for not doing well on an exam, you can listen to him as he shares his feelings. Refrain from criticizing or lecturing him.

Understand what values matter to him. Help him to see if there is a gap between his actual habits and his ideal habits, based on the kind of person he wants to become.

Discuss with him ways that he can ensure that his future behavior will be aligned with his values.

When you recognize these teachable moments, you can use them to help your teens become more resilient, confident, and persistent.

Tip #3: Regularly discuss values at home

Talk about your values and the values you admire in others.

While you can’t force teens to share your values, you can help them to think about what values matter most to them.

How do they want to be treated, and how do they treat others? How do they decide what to do in tough situations?

Periodically share with them what’s most important to you and why. This will highlight the role of values in living a purposeful and fulfilling life.

Here are a few approaches you can try:

Ask your teens about their values. You could bring up the topic over dinner or when your teens seem relaxed. Ask them about what kind of person they want to become.
Ask your teens about how they view the role of values in family, society, etc. Take the time to understand their opinions and perspectives.
Discuss the values demonstrated in various shows, videos, games, etc. Don’t cast judgment on your teens’ hobbies or preferences. Instead, have an open conversation with them about the values demonstrated in various shows, videos, games, etc. and whether those values have an influence on them.

Tip #4: Volunteer together with your teen

Getting out into the community and volunteering with your teens is a way to put values into practice.

Your teens will learn about compassion, gratitude, and being of service to others.

In addition, volunteering can improve health, boost confidence, and provide your teens with an opportunity to learn new skills.

The right volunteering opportunity will also connect your teens with others who share similar values.

What’s more, doing volunteer work with your teens allows you to spend quality time together.

Of course, you can’t force your teens to volunteer if they really don’t want to. But hopefully, they’ll at least see the joy and meaning you find in volunteering.

Here are some volunteering opportunities you could explore with your teenagers:

Helping out at an animal shelter
Distributing food at a food bank
Volunteering at a library
Tutoring underprivileged children
Cleaning up parks and playgrounds

Tip #5: Support your teen during tough times

Adolescence is full of challenges. Here are some statistics to illustrate the issues teens face:

19% of students have experienced bullying at school
14.9% of teens have experienced cyberbullying
12.8% of youths aged 12 to 17 have experienced major depressive episodes

As a parent, it’s important not to write your teens’ issues off as “childish” or “just a phase.” To find healthy ways to handle and overcome these issues, your teens will need your support.

When you go through challenging times yourself, share with your teenagers what you’re learning and how you’re growing as a person.

Resilience helps teens recover from setbacks and failures in life. It also enables teens to counteract stress and develop confidence in their abilities.

Tip #6: Recognize when your teen demonstrates good values

When your teens demonstrate good values, acknowledge their growth.

If your teens volunteer at an animal shelter over the weekend, drive them there if you can and ask them about the experience when they get home.

If your teens spend a few hours picking up litter at a park, drop by with drinks and snacks for them.

Your teens will realize that showing kindness and serving others are intrinsically meaningful.

And when you praise your teens for displaying good values, make sure to focus on praising the process rather than the outcome.

Tip #7: Look out for who is influencing your teen

You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. – Jim Rohn

Do you know who your teens hang out with? Do their friends display good values and behavior?

Here are some ways to reduce the likelihood that your teens will give in to negative influences:

Have honest and open conversations with your teens. Share your thoughts and concerns with your teenagers, while making it clear that you know you can’t completely control who they hang out with.
Refraining from saying bad things about your teens’ friends. Even if you dislike your teens’ friends, don’t criticize them harshly because your teens probably won’t take it well.
Help your teens to see situations as they are. For example, if you’ve noticed that your daughter’s friend frequently insults her, talk to her about setting healthy boundaries.
Get to know your teens’ friends and their families. Invite your teens’ friends to spend time at your house, and have their families come over for a meal too.

Tip #8: Share your experiences (without lecturing!)

Do you remember the challenges you faced as a teen? Throughout your life, what experiences helped you develop your core values?

Share such experiences with your teens.

Tell your teenagers about the values that are closest to your heart. Describe how you’ve been trying to live out those values in practical ways.

And show your teens how this journey of embodying those values has made your life richer and more fulfilling.

Conclusion

Values are the bedrock of your teenagers’ development.

The values they embrace will determine their choices and habits.

By instilling the right values in your teens, they’ll naturally become confident and responsible teens who lead purposeful lives!

(Don’t forget to download your e-book below, if you haven’t already done so.)

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16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

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My Teenager Hates Me: What Can I Do as a Parent?

Updated on May 9, 2024 By Daniel Wong 1 Comment

Have you ever thought to yourself, “My teenager hates me”?

It’s more common than you might think for teens to say that they hate their parents.

As your teenager moves through adolescence, you may be on the receiving end of harsh words.

You may even feel like your teenager doesn’t want to spend time with family.

This can leave you feeling unappreciated, frustrated, and angry.

So what can you do to change your teen’s hurtful behavior and address your teen’s unmet emotional needs?

Learning some new parenting strategies is an excellent start.

The tips in this article will help you build a better and more respectful relationship with your teen.

Let’s start by exploring some common reasons why teens become angry with their parents.

(And if your teen also doesn’t listen to you, make sure to download the quick action guide below.)

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10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

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Why do teenagers hate their parents?

Through the thousands of hours I’ve spent coaching teens 1-to-1, I’ve gained valuable insights into this issue.

I’ve uncovered common themes in what teenagers find annoying and frustrating about their parents.

Below is a list of the most common complaints I’ve heard from teens about their parents:

Reason #1: Their parents frequently remind them not to waste their potential

Telling teens that they aren’t living up to their potential may seem like a good idea – but it can have an adverse effect.

Teenagers often feel like a failure if they’re on the receiving end of this type of comment. It also leads teens to believe that their parents’ love is dependent on how successful they are.

Here’s what to do instead…

Without nagging or lecturing your teens, encourage them to reflect on their current situation. Help them to gain self-awareness without criticizing or reprimanding them. Ask them gently about what they plan to do to make progress.

Don’t forget to celebrate small wins along the way. You can also make positive comments to acknowledge your teens’ effort when they work hard or implement good study habits, regardless of the outcome.

Reason #2: Their parents overreact to small mistakes

We all make mistakes. It’s a part of how we learn and grow.

But the way you respond to your teens’ mistakes can cause problems.

For example, your teenager might have lost track of time while hanging out with his friends. He’s now late in getting home, and you’re annoyed.

It’s important to take a step back and respond rather than react.

You can do this by first asking your teen why he’s late. Once you understand the situation better, you can then discuss strategies with him to prevent the same thing from happening in the future.

For example, he might decide to set an alarm on his phone as a reminder for him to start heading home.

The key is to not overreact. If you frequently overreact, it will create emotional distance between you and your teen.

Reason #3: Their parents continually criticize and nag them

When raising teenagers, there will be opportunities for you to provide constructive criticism. Nevertheless, no one enjoys receiving constant criticism.

If you continually criticize your teens, it will hurt their self-esteem. Your teens might even become convinced that it’s impossible to live up to your expectations.

Try replacing negative comments with acknowledgments of your teens’ progress. Make a positive comment whenever you observe your teens trying hard or behaving responsibly.

This is a fantastic way to motivate your teenagers and show them that you’re their biggest supporter.

Reason #4: Their parents overemphasize academic achievement

Academics are important. But they aren’t the only aspect of your teens’ life worth discussing.

Rather than only asking your teens questions related to school, focus on building a connection with them. Try starting conversations by talking about things that your teens are interested in.

Find out more about what they like and dislike, and about what their perspective is on various issues.

The deeper the connection you have with your teens, the more likely it is that you’ll be able to influence them when it counts.

Reason #5: They feel disrespected by their parents

Nobody likes to be talked down to or treated disrespectfully.

Even though you have more knowledge and experience than your teenagers, avoid being condescending.

Think back to when you were a teenager. You probably thought you knew better than your parents, so don’t be surprised if your teens think they know better than you!

So treat your teens with respect, if not it’ll be hard for you to expect the same kind of treatment from them.

Reason #6: They feel as if their interests aren’t valued

As individuals, we all have unique interests. These are things that spark our curiosity or inspire us. It’s what makes us who we are.

Parents often overlook the things that matter to their teenagers. When you continually focus on how your teens are doing in their academics or sports, they may feel like you’re not treating them as people.

They may feel like you’re treating them as a project.

So try to not be dismissive of things that are important to your teens, but which you might think are a waste of time, e.g. gaming, shows, social media.

The more you get to know your teen, the more they will understand how much you care about them.

Reason #7: They feel pressured to pursue their parents’ dreams

As a parent, it can be tempting to view your teens as younger versions of yourself.

You work hard to provide opportunities for your teens to do things you couldn’t do when you were younger. Perhaps you overemphasize a certain career path or extracurricular interest.

But I encourage you not to do this. If you do, it will only end with frustration and disappointment.

Don’t pressure your teenagers to pursue your dreams.

Your teens have their own identities and interests. You need to respect their individuality and support them as they work toward goals they find meaningful.

Reason #8: Their parents refuse to apologize when they’re wrong

One of the reasons your teenagers may hate you is that you never – or almost never – apologize.

As a parent, it can be tough to admit when you’re wrong. The truth is, anyone you’ve harmed through your words or actions deserves an apology.

If you’re in the wrong or you’ve messed up, acknowledge it to your teens.

Apologizing takes courage, but it models responsible behavior for your teenagers. It can inspire them to do the same when faced with a similar situation.

Reason #9: Their parents don’t include them in the decision-making process

As teens get older, they’ll start to test existing boundaries. This is normal! Teens are in the process of figuring out who they are and taking steps toward independence.

As such, it only makes sense to include your teens in setting rules and boundaries.

This doesn’t mean you should become a pushover. Working in collaboration to establish healthy boundaries is beneficial to both parents and teens.

An additional bonus is that your teen will see that you’re willing to negotiate.

For example, let’s say you want to set a curfew. This will give you peace of mind while also teaching your teen the importance of responsibility.

You can sit down together and decide on an appropriate time. As a parent, you have the final say, but the goal is to have a respectful discussion.

By involving teens in the decision-making process, you empower them to be more responsible. At the same time, they’ll also develop negotiation skills.

Reason #10: Their parents don’t really listen to them

The best person to answer the question, “Why does my teenager hate me?” is your teenager. If you listen carefully, you’ll come to understand why he or she feels resentful or frustrated.

Listening is one of the greatest gifts you can give your teenager.

Some teenagers go through a phase where they spend more time alone as they deal with difficult issues. This reluctance to open up can cause them to be misunderstood.

As a parent, it’s important to learn specific strategies for how to talk to teens. Invite them to open up and listen without judgment when they do. The key is to go beyond just listening and make sure your teens feel heard and supported.

Reason #11: Their parents downplay their feelings

When your teenagers are upset, the last thing they want to hear is, “Oh, it’s nothing to get upset about.”

So don’t dismiss or downplay your teens’ feelings. Doing so invalidates and minimizes issues that are important to your teens.

If this continues, your teens will eventually stop opening up to you.

Be there for your teens not only in the good times, but also in the tough times. It can be a great relief for teenagers to express anger, sadness, or frustration and know their parents will support them instead of judging them.

Reason #12: Their parents focus on rules and neglect the relationship

Every household needs rules to ensure everything runs smoothly. But making rules the focal point of everything is ineffective. It can also hurt your relationship with your teen.

For example, let’s say that you and your family have agreed to eat dinner together at 7pm. But your teen suddenly feels like eating earlier because she needs to work on an assignment. This isn’t the end of the world!

Yes, family time is important, but your teen also needs some flexibility. So you can discuss with her how you can work around this situation while still understanding the values that matter to your family.

As with many things, balance is key.

Conclusion

As a parent, there are a variety of ways to mend the relationship with your teen. So don’t lose hope!

Start by identifying which of the reasons listed in this article ring true for you and your teen. Then, put the relevant tips into practice to help your teen become less frustrated and resentful.

As you do this, you’ll bring out the best in your teen and strengthen the relationship too.

And if your teenager is also unmotivated or irresponsible, try my online course for parents of teens. It’s a step-by-step system called Transform Your Teen Today. It’s been proven to work and it even comes with a 100% money-back guarantee!

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10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

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