Relationships Archives

8 Ways to Get Your Teens to Do Chores

January 18, 2025 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

Are you tired of nagging or yelling at your teens to do their chores?

Do they often grumble or come up with excuses to avoid helping with housework?

Maybe you have to deal with teenage attitude or a tantrum whenever you want your teenagers to get involved.

After a long day of school, extracurricular activities, and homework, the last thing any teenager wants to do is vacuum the floor or fold the laundry. So it’s no surprise that many parents are dealing with teens who don’t want to help out at home.

You don’t have to make your teens love chores for them to step up. But you can show them the importance of participating and encourage them to take responsibility for their assigned tasks.

While this might not be easy, getting them involved in housework is important.

It teaches them valuable skills for self-sufficiency and independence when they leave home. Plus, the research suggests that giving your teens chores can help them grow up to be happier and more successful.

To help you out, I’ll share some of the most effective strategies for getting your teenagers to do their chores.

Let’s dive in!

(If you have trouble getting your teens to listen to you, download the free quick action guide below.)

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1. Make it a family activity

When housework is divided fairly among all family members, helping out becomes part of the culture at home.

Getting everyone involved, including your teen’s younger siblings, is a good idea. While younger kids might not be able to do the same tasks as your teens, they can still help with simpler chores like setting or clearing the table.

The key is getting everyone to contribute.

If you’d like, you can also set aside one or two hours a week for the entire family to work on cleaning and maintaining the house together.

This can make chores feel more like a family activity instead of something your teenagers have to do.

2. Set clear expectations

Part of establishing good communication with your teens involves informing them of your expectations. You can set and communicate expectations clearly to help your teens understand their roles and tasks at home.

To do this, you can sit down as a family to create a weekly chore schedule.

This schedule will map out specific tasks for each family member. For instance, your teen might be assigned to do the laundry on Thursdays and help with the dishes every other weekday night.

This allows your teenagers to build a sense of accountability for their assigned tasks. It also encourages them to get into the habit of helping out at home.

You can also discuss the consequences of missed or overlooked chores. For example, your teen might be assigned an extra task on top of the missed chore.

3. Offer flexibility

One great way to get your teens involved is to offer more flexibility about how they do their chores. This can help your teens feel more in control, which might reduce resistance.

For example, you can let your teenagers decide when they want to do their chores.

While you might prefer having the clothes folded first thing in the morning, your teens might prefer to do it in the evening after dinner.

Flexibility can also apply to the type of chores they’re assigned. You may want to rotate tasks between your teenagers so they don’t get bored with the routine.

You can also let them swap tasks when they need to.

For example, your teenager might be responsible for doing the dishes on Tuesday nights. But let’s say he or she has an event on a coming Tuesday. In this case, your teen can exchange the task with another family member and do the dishes on a different day of the week.

4. Gamify the process

Occasionally, you can try “gamifying” certain chores.

Gamification is a concept where you utilize common elements associated with games. Examples include collecting points, leveling up, or trying to one-up your opponents. You then incorporate them into non-gaming activities.

One way to do this is by creating a reward system. For each chore completed, your teen will gain points. They can then redeem their collected points for various rewards, such as a later curfew or a new pair of shoes.

I recommend that you don’t overdo it though, because you want your teens to still get the message that it’s important for every family member to contribute through chores.

You don’t want your teens to think they’re doing you a favor by completing their chores, which is why they’re able to gain points and get rewards.

You can also turn chores into family challenges.

For example, folding the laundry might feel like a mundane task. But you can divide the family into two teams, split the pile of laundry, and see which team can fold their share the fastest and neatest.

This simple twist turns a routine chore into a lively game. Adding a small reward for the winning team can make it even more exciting and motivate everyone to pitch in with a smile!

5. Be a role model

Research shows that who teenagers choose to look up to can affect their physical and mental health in the long run. Based on the findings, family members have the strongest impact as role models.

As parents, we can be positive role models for our teens in various aspects of life. This includes how we handle household responsibilities. Taking the initiative with chores and managing tasks positively can inspire teens to adopt similar habits.

Of course, juggling work, family, and household responsibilities is tiring. And it’s understandably difficult to have a positive attitude toward housework after you’ve had a long day.

But when your teens see you meeting the same standards you expect from them, they’ll be more likely to follow suit.

You can even involve them in the tasks you’re working on. For example, you can prepare meals with your teens, turning a chore into a bonding activity.

6. Acknowledge your teens’ efforts

Appreciating your teens’ contributions helps build a good attitude toward helping out.

A simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you taking out the trash” can go a long way. You can also highlight how their contributions have positively impacted you or the family.

Let’s say your teenage son took the time to make breakfast for the family.

You could tell him how his effort transformed your busy and stressful morning into an enjoyable experience.

If your teenage daughter helped to declutter the living room, you could express to her how much you appreciate relaxing in a clean and organized space.

Acknowledging your teens’ contributions will make them feel seen and appreciated. This also reinforces their positive behavior.

7. Encourage ownership

You can encourage your teens to take total ownership of their chores so they feel more involved and in control. This means allowing them to decide how they want to approach each task.

Let’s say your teenagers are tasked with cleaning their rooms. You can let them decide how to organize and store their belongings — as long as their space becomes neater.

Perhaps you would like them to help prepare a meal for the family. In this case, you can let them pick the recipe to work on or choose the ingredients.

Allowing them to make independent decisions will make your teenagers feel that their opinions are valued and important.

8. Provide guidance and feedback

While it’s a good idea to leave certain decisions to your teens, you might need to provide guidance and advice on how to carry out specific chores.

This might be especially helpful for younger teens who are still learning how to do certain tasks.

You can give your teenagers a few key tips or demonstrate how to do the task correctly to set them up for success and reduce frustration along the way.

Let’s say your teens haven’t learned to cook yet. You can teach them how to tell whether the food is cooked properly, how high or low the heat should be, or what cooking method to use.

You can also walk them through the cooking process and demonstrate the more complicated steps.

Maybe your younger teens aren’t exactly sure how to do the laundry. In this case, you can teach them the basics, like sorting by color. You can also remind them which fabrics can and cannot be machine-washed.

Another way to provide guidance is to teach them to adjust the washing machine and dryer settings based on the type of laundry.

Of course, this doesn’t mean they must follow your step-by-step instructions to a tee. Instead, you can offer guidance if you notice they’re having trouble with certain tasks or haven’t yet learned how to do them.

Think of it as being a supportive coach — you don’t micromanage, but you’re more than happy to step in and offer guidance when they need pointers.

Conclusion

Getting your teenagers to build the habit of helping out at home isn’t a quick or easy process.

It’s tempting to nag your teens to get them to help with chores, but this can backfire and cause a rift in your relationship with them.

Encouragement, good communication, and clear expectations are more likely to work. These approaches help teens understand that doing chores isn’t just a way to avoid punishment or getting yelled at.

Instead, your teens will see chores as opportunities to contribute to the family and learn valuable life skills.

(If you haven’t already downloaded your free quick action guide below, do it right away.)

FREE QUICK ACTION GUIDE:

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10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

The tips are guaranteed to help you get through to your teen, so download your copy today!

Peer Pressure in Teenagers: 7 Ways to Deal With It and Do the Right Thing

November 16, 2024 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

Have you ever done something that didn’t feel right because you wanted to fit in?

Maybe you did something dishonest, talked back to your teacher, or bullied a classmate just to be one of the “cool kids.”

This might have left you feeling guilty or disappointed in yourself. But you found it difficult to stop those behaviors — all because of peer pressure.

It’s perfectly natural to want to be liked by friends. In fact, around 85% of high school teens experience some form of peer pressure. So you’re not alone if you struggle with it.

Resisting peer pressure takes courage, but doing so will help you build solid values and principles and stay true to yourself.

You may also become a good influence on your friends, allowing you to make a positive difference in their lives.

In this article, I’ll discuss how you can recognize and manage negative peer pressure.

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What is peer pressure?

Your peers are those in your social group, such as your friends and classmates. Peer pressure is the influence these people have on your actions, behaviors, and beliefs. It can be negative or positive.

If you do something or behave in a way you usually wouldn’t to be accepted or liked by your friends, you’re experiencing peer pressure.

Causes of peer pressure

During your teenage years, it’s natural to start spending more time with your friends. They play a big role in your life, and your desire to fit in will naturally grow.

It’s not fun to feel left out!

Because of this, your peers may strongly influence your thoughts and actions.

There are a few reasons why you’re more likely to struggle with peer pressure as a teenager:

Strong emotions: Due to how the teenage brain is wired, teens are still learning to deal with different emotions. So it’s easier to feel overwhelmed or pressured into doing something.
Need for acceptance: Research shows that teenagers get more pleasure from being liked by friends than adults do. This leads to greater pressure to follow the crowd.
Desire for novelty: Teens naturally have a stronger desire to try new things. As a result, they might be pressured into trying risky activities like smoking or drinking.
Lower confidence: People with low self-esteem are more likely to be pressured into doing something they don’t like to prove their worth.
Lack of family support: When teens have no family to lean on, they may turn to their friends for comfort, company, and happiness. This means that their friends have a stronger influence on them.

Examples of peer pressure

Peer pressure can show up in many ways.

These are some examples of what peer pressure might cause you to do:

Risky behaviors like smoking, drinking, or speeding
Bullying
Downplaying the importance of academics
Getting the latest technology or devices
Keeping up with the latest fashion trends
Talking a certain way
Taking part in school fights

Peer pressure can often lead to you doing things that aren’t right or make you uncomfortable.

Negative effects of peer pressure

If not managed well, peer pressure can affect your life in different ways.

Some possible negative effects of peer pressure include:

Getting bad grades or failing classes
Getting into trouble with school or local authorities
Experiencing depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues
Losing your sense of identity
Lacking proper boundaries, values, and principles

In serious cases, peer pressure might even cause you to do something that affects your future.

Take, for example, teens who get involved in harmful behaviors, such as fighting or misusing illegal substances. They may be expelled from school or face legal charges.

Positive effects of peer pressure

Not all peer pressure is bad. If you’re part of a friend group that supports and cares for each other, there can be favorable outcomes.

Examples of healthy peer pressure include forming a study group, joining a club, or serving the community together with your friends.

Good peer pressure might contribute to the following:

Learning essential life skills, like teamwork and communication
Building positive qualities, like loyalty and empathy
Getting better grades at school
Feeling more confident
Picking up new hobbies and interests
Giving back through community and charity-related events
Speaking up against bad behaviors like bullying

How to handle peer pressure as a teenager

There’s no secret formula to deal with peer pressure. It takes a lot of courage to be different and stay true to yourself and your values.

Here are some ways you can learn to resist peer pressure:

1. Identify your values

Your values are the beliefs and ideas you hold firm to that guide your thinking and behavior. They help you make decisions and become the person you want to be.

Start to reflect and create a list of values you find the most important. Recall when you felt happy, fulfilled, or proud and what contributed to these feelings.

Were you brave enough to stand up for a classmate who was being bullied? Or maybe you felt a sense of satisfaction after volunteering to help those in need?

These positive encounters and experiences can shape your values.

Here are some examples of positive principles and values that you can live by:

Honesty
Loyalty
Gratitude
Generosity
Growth
Compassion
Accountability
Boldness
Creativity
Determination

Developing the right values makes it easier to resist the pressure to do something wrong just to get the approval of someone else.

2. Practice saying no

You may sometimes find yourself in sticky situations. For example, your friends might pressure you into helping them cheat during an exam.

This is why drawing boundaries and learning to say no is important.

Here are some tips that might help:

Don’t be afraid to say no. Friends who pressure you into doing wrong or risky things are probably not the best group to hang out with. Don’t maintain these friendships at the cost of going against your values or getting into trouble.
Come up with an alternative activity or solution. Maybe your friends want to hang out, but you need to study. You can suggest going out on another day or engaging in a less time-consuming activity.
Be firm with your no’s. Once your friends realize that you’re not easily persuaded, they’ll be less likely to push you to do something you don’t want to do.
Get your parents to support you. For example, they can text you that you need to be home, then you can show the text to your friends. You may also have a secret code to text your parents to signal them to come and get you out of the difficult situation.

After saying your first no or drawing a firm boundary, you might feel afraid, overwhelmed, or anxious. But over time, you’ll gradually feel more comfortable standing up for what you believe.

3. Choose your friends wisely

Your friends don’t need to think, talk, or behave like you. What’s important is that they respect your values and beliefs.

They shouldn’t push you into doing things that make you uncomfortable. And they certainly shouldn’t pressure you into acting in a way that will land you in trouble.

Reflect on this as you form or “trim down” your friend group. You might need to start drawing boundaries with certain classmates, or you might need to make new friends.

Of course, building friendships will take time and effort. Start by participating in a club, social event, sports activity, etc. you’re interested in. This is an excellent way to connect with people who share similar values and goals.

4. Develop healthy self-esteem

Building self-confidence takes patience and time. You’ll have to practice being confident in your identity, strengths, and abilities.

Here are some ways to start developing self-esteem:

Embrace a growth mindset. This means believing that knowledge and skills can be learned. Having this mindset teaches you to embrace failure and view it as a learning opportunity.
Show yourself kindness and compassion. Think about ways in which you can improve your physical and mental well-being. For instance, you can start incorporating exercise into your routine.
Practice positive self-talk. Be aware of how you speak to yourself. Would you talk the same way to a friend or family member? Try to be encouraging and compassionate in your self-talk. You can even practice doing this in front of a mirror.
Understand your strengths and skills. Find ways to sharpen these skills. Maybe you have a musical ear or an eye for design. If so, you can take lessons or courses to develop these talents.

As your self-confidence grows, standing firm on your values and beliefs will become easier. This will help you resist peer pressure.

5. Create a support system

It can be challenging to open up and ask for help when you need it. But knowing how and when to rely on others is key to building your support system.

Choose one or two adults you trust. This could be a parent, teacher, aunt, uncle, or cousin.

If you find it difficult to talk about your struggles, you can start by sharing your successes. Over time, it will become easier to talk about what you’re going through and ask for advice or support.

Having your own support system means you’re less likely to be swayed into doing something dangerous or foolish just to be part of a friend group.

6. Think about the possible consequences

If you find it hard to say no, consider the consequences of the action or decision. It might be far more unpleasant to deal with those consequences than to say no in the present.

Before you give in to peer pressure, consider what could happen if you give in. Will you feel guilty or disappointed later on? Will you get grounded or suspended from school?

Take a moment and pause before you act so you can make good decisions every time.

When you’re in a sticky situation, you can also ask your peers questions. For instance, if you’re being pressured into doing something dangerous or harmful, you can ask them:

What if we get caught?
Isn’t this bad for our health?
Does this seem dangerous to you?
Whose idea was this?
Isn’t there a chance we might get expelled or arrested?
What will we gain from doing this?

7. Fill your time with positive activities

Think about how you can use your time wisely. For instance, you can take up a leadership position in a club or do volunteer work on the weekends.

There are several reasons why filling your time meaningfully can help you deal with peer pressure. Firstly, having other commitments gives you a reason to avoid or get out of uncomfortable situations.

These activities are also a great way to make new friends who share the same interests or values as you.

Additionally, using your time wisely leaves you with less energy for dangerous or harmful activities. You’ll be occupied, so you won’t be bored enough to be tempted into trying something risky just for fun.

Conclusion

Everyone has experienced peer pressure at some point in their lives. It’s a natural desire to want to belong and fit in.

But learning how to deal with peer pressure is an important skill every teenager should learn early on. Even adults struggle with saying no and staying true to their values!

As you learn to resist peer pressure now, you’ll gain the confidence to draw boundaries and make good decisions in the future.

If you need further help or guidance, check out the one-on-one coaching program I offer for teens. I’ve spent many thousands of hours coaching teens around the world, and I’d be happy to help!

(And if you haven’t already downloaded your free quick action guide, you can do so below.)

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The Smart Way to Argue With Your Teen: 9 Tips to Resolve Conflicts Fast

Updated on July 1, 2025 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Do you often feel frustrated because of the conflicts you have with your teens?

No parent wants to fight with their teenagers. So what can you do when your teens argue with you?

It helps to first understand that having some conflict is normal.

As teens undergo a period of rapid change, they start craving more independence. They want more control over their life and decisions.

But not all conflicts are inherently negative. In fact, conflicts can even be beneficial if handled correctly.

According to research, healthy conflicts are opportunities for growth and learning. Arguing with parents can help teenagers develop better social skills and empathy.

As a parent, arguments can be opportunities to show your teenager what healthy conflict resolution patterns look like.

On the other hand, frequent and unconstructive conflicts can be harmful. They can affect your teenagers’ self-esteem and how well they cope at school.

So, as parents, we need to manage conflicts well.

In this article, I’ll share with you 9 tips to manage your teenagers’ attitude and effectively handle arguments with them.

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Tip #1: Choose the right time and place

Choosing the right time and place is key when you need to have a serious conversation with your teen.

For example, if your teen has a big exam the following day, discussing the issue the night before probably isn’t a good idea.

Or maybe you’re in public or around friends and family. Talking about the issue there and then might cause embarrassment and make the situation awkward for other people.

If you’re caught in this predicament, try saying, “I really want to understand your feelings and hear what you have to say. But now’s probably not a good time to talk. Can we discuss this later at home?”

This also gives you and your teenager extra time to cool down.

Ideally, you want to approach the issue when both of you are calm and free to talk. You also want to ensure that there’s enough time to resolve the conflict without feeling like you’re rushing the process.

And make sure to pick a place that offers privacy and is free of distractions.

Tip #2: Listen actively

When arguments get heated, it’s tempting to talk over your teens.

It’s even harder to listen when you don’t agree with or understand the reasons behind their actions.

You might jump to conclusions or wrongly accuse them. This can lead to bitterness in the relationship.

Remember that communication is a two-way street.

So let your teens share their opinions. Show that you’re listening by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and paraphrasing what they say.

Listen with the intention of understanding, not with the intention of refuting their point of view.

Research shows that attentively listening to teenagers helps them feel more connected to you.

This also encourages them to be honest with you, and makes them more likely to open up in the future.

Your teenagers need to know that you’re trying to understand their situation and feelings. By doing so, you’re showing your teens that you value their honesty and opinions.

Tip #3: Avoid lecturing or digging up the past

When you argue, do you find yourself repeating the same thing over and over again?

Or maybe you go off track and dig up your teens’ past mistakes?

When you’re worried about your teens’ future, you may end up lecturing or nagging.

This can cause them to become anxious, overwhelmed, or annoyed. Eventually, your teens may learn to tune your words out.

Instead of lecturing, here’s how to communicate with your teen:

Have a conversation only when your teen is ready. If your teen is angry and frustrated, your words might not have much impact. Wait until your teen is more receptive, then discuss the issue.
Ask questions to understand the situation better. Try to understand the reasoning behind your teen’s decisions and actions. Ask positive questions like, “How are you feeling?” and “How did you make that decision?” Avoid negative questions like, “What’s wrong with you?”
Don’t interrupt your teen. If you interrupt your teen, it shows that you’re dismissive of your teen’s opinions. Discuss matters when you’re calm so you’ll be more likely to catch yourself before interrupting your teen.

For your words to carry weight, it’s important to speak less and listen more.

When you listen to understand, you’ll be in the best position to respond wisely and resolve the conflict effectively.

Tip #4: Focus on the behavior, not the person

Name-calling and criticizing won’t help the situation.

Making assumptions about your teens’ motives can push them into a defensive stance and affect your relationship with them.

During a conflict, try to mainly state facts about your teenagers’ actions and decisions. Don’t use negative labels or jump to conclusions.

For example, avoid saying something like, “You’re a liar. You skipped school today because you were too lazy to get out of bed.”

Instead, say something like, “I heard you skipped school today. Can you tell me more about what happened?”

It’s also crucial to watch your tone of voice. Being empathetic and calm creates a safe environment for your teens to tell the truth.

Tip #5: Apologize when necessary

Apologizing is something that many parents shy away from. It’s understandably uncomfortable to apologize to your teens.

But the fact is that we all make mistakes.

Apologizing to your teens is a great way to model honesty, humility, and integrity. It shows that you care about and respect your teens’ feelings.

This helps to build a healthy relationship, with no one holding grudges against the other person.

If you know you’ve made a mistake, here are some tips to keep in mind when apologizing to your teens:

Make sure you mean it. An inauthentic apology will make things worse. Give yourself time to reflect on your words and actions, and say sorry when you genuinely mean it.
Watch your tone. Avoid using an angry, sarcastic, or defensive tone.
Admit your mistakes. Admit what you’ve done wrong. Sometimes, your actions might not have been wrong, but your teens’ feelings were still hurt. If so, say you’re sorry that their feelings were hurt.
Keep it short. Don’t defend yourself with a “but” after you say, “I’m sorry.” Avoid the temptation to justify your actions or lecture your teens about what they did wrong. Keep your apology short, and let your teens know you’re available to talk more if they’d like to.

You can also ask your teens for pointers on what you could have done better or how you can support them moving forward.

Tip #6: Set clear expectations and boundaries

When there’s no conflict, it’s a good idea to set some boundaries.

These rules and expectations help to guide future conflicts in a constructive way. They can also help to prevent both parties from crossing the line when things get heated.

Some examples of boundaries and rules you might decide to establish include:

No name-calling, swearing, or using degrading language
No yelling at the other person
Listen to the other person without interrupting
Focus on the issue at hand and avoid bringing up the past
Either party can call for a time-out if he or she feels overwhelmed

The rules you set should apply to both you and your teen, as far as possible.

Find a good time to sit down with your teen to discuss and agree on these rules and boundaries.

Tip #7: Offer choices and compromises

Negotiation and communication are essential life skills that teens need to have to work well with peers and colleagues. It will also help them to build healthy relationships.

As parents, we can give our teenagers the opportunity to learn how to communicate and negotiate in a mature and respectful way.

When you don’t see eye to eye with your teens, keep these tips in mind:

Don’t be dismissive. Saying things like, “My house, my rules,” or “Stop arguing with me” won’t help.
Listen attentively to your teens’ point of view. Explain your perspective, then listen and try to understand where your teens are coming from.
Come up with options. If both of you don’t agree, try to discuss different choices and solutions. Maybe your teen wants to go out on a weekday night and won’t be able to help with the chores. You can let your teen choose between swapping duties with a family member or helping out on an extra night the following week.
Lower your expectations. Both parties can lower their expectations slightly to meet in the middle. For instance, you might allow your teens to go to a party if they agree that you’ll pick them up at 11 pm.
Be clear about what’s not negotiable. At times, you’ll have to be firm. For instance, risky behaviors like doing drugs and speeding while driving are prohibited. These rules for teens can’t be negotiated.
Clarify the final decision. To end the discussion, repeat exactly what you both have agreed on to prevent misunderstandings.

Remember that compromise isn’t a sign of weakness. It shows that you’re willing to hear your teens out and use your parental authority to guide, not control.

Tip #8: Don’t argue in the heat of the moment

There’s a lot of truth to the saying, “Think before you speak.”

If you often regret what you’ve said to your teens in the heat of the moment, try this the next time.

As soon as you realize you’re getting frustrated, take a deep breath and suggest taking a break.

Remind yourself that lashing out at your teenager won’t fix anything. In fact, it will almost certainly make the situation worse.

During the break, try to do something that helps you relax, like taking a walk or enjoying a cup of tea.

Don’t dwell on what made you mad. Instead, focus on how you can resolve the issue. Be realistic about what’s in your control and what isn’t.

Once you and your teen are ready, you can come together to resolve the conflict.

Tip #9: Focus on the bigger picture

“Because I said so” and “I pay for everything you own” are a couple of phrases that parents use to “win” arguments.

But this isn’t constructive. Trying to win arguments will strain your relationship with your teenagers.

Ultimately, you need to focus on the bigger picture.

What values do you want to impart to your teens? How can you meet in the middle? How can you show them that you still love them even though you’re arguing?

No matter how tough or indifferent your teenagers might seem, they still need you to be there for them. They need your support, love, and attention.

So don’t aim to win arguments.

The goal is to teach good values and develop a stronger relationship with your teens. Your words and actions should reflect this.

Conclusion

No family is perfect, and not every argument turns out the way you want it to.

Sometimes, you’ll be able to resolve issues quickly. At other times, you might get into a heated quarrel that leads to hurt feelings.

Despite this, every conflict is an opportunity for you and your teens to grow. Nothing will strengthen your relationship more than learning to work through problems that arise.

So give these 9 tips a try the next time you have an argument with your teens. You’ll be glad you did!

(Make sure to download your free e-book below.)

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Reconnecting With Your Teen: 10 Practical Tips for Parents

Updated on January 30, 2024 By Daniel Wong 2 Comments

Are you worried that you and your teenager are drifting apart?

Maybe your teen is busy with school, other activities, or spending time with friends.

And when your teen isn’t, the door to his or her room is closed.

You can barely have a decent conversation with your teenager – much less hang out as a family. And when you share meals, everyone is on their phones.

It’s perfectly normal for your relationship with your teens to change over time, as they’ll have a growing need for independence.

But building a strong bond with them is still important.

Researchers have found that a good parent-teen relationship improves a teen’s mental health and reduces the likelihood of risky behavior and substance abuse.

Plus, these teens tend to experience lower levels of depression and stress.

In this article, I’ll discuss some of the best ways to reconnect with your teenagers and foster a meaningful bond with them.

(If your teen lacks motivation, download the free e-book below.)

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16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

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Tip #1: Listen without judgment

Your teens are looking for support as they navigate new challenges and changes in life.

As parents, the best thing we can do is become a safe space for our teens to talk about their experiences and worries without fear of judgment.

Here are some tips that might help when your teens need a listening ear:

Let your teen speak without interruptions. Imagine your teen says, “Someone from my math class asked me out on a date.” You react by saying, “You’re not allowed to date at this age,” then cut off the conversation. This eliminates the opportunity to have a healthy discussion about boundaries, dating, and sex. Instead, encourage dialogue with open-ended questions like “How do you feel?” and “Do you feel ready to start dating?”
Show that you’re listening. Check your body language whenever your teens talk to you. Are you making eye contact and nodding once in a while? Or do you sigh, roll your eyes, and continue using your phone when they come to you with a problem? If your teens don’t think you care, they won’t want to talk to you.
Avoid catastrophizing. For example, some parents may think it’s best to “scare” their teens out of dating by saying it will lead to heartbreak and betrayal. But if your teens feel anxious and afraid after talking to you, they may be less likely to open up to you in the future. Instead, you can help your teens to weigh the pros and cons of different choices. This encourages your teens to think more deeply and make wise decisions.

Encouraging and holding healthy conversations with your teenagers will take some practice. But learning to communicate is the key to building a strong relationship with your teens.

Tip #2: Find time to spend together

Without any effort to make proper family time happen, you might find that you and your teens are drifting apart.

So it’s important to intentionally create time and space to enjoy each other’s company.

Here are some ways to encourage your teens to spend more time together as a family:

Let your teens play a role in deciding what the family will do together
Pick activities that your teens already enjoy
Schedule weekly family time together and make it a routine
Let your teens know in advance if there is going to be a family activity or get-together

It also helps to show that you respect your teen’s time and independence. You can ask them if they have a preferred time and date before planning a family event or activity.

Tip #3: Respect your teen’s independence

A growing need for independence is a natural part of adolescence. The tricky part lies in finding the sweet spot between helicopter parenting and hands-off parenting.

Helicopter parents are parents who are overly involved in their teenager’s life.

Some research shows that this parenting style can negatively impact a teen’s mental health. It can also negatively affect teenagers’ learning and level of self-efficacy.

On the other hand, giving your teens too much freedom with little guidance can also lead to problems down the road.

Here’s how you can nurture healthy independence in your teens:

Start involving your teens in decisions and giving them opportunities to make their own. You can teach your teens the process of making wise decisions. This typically involves weighing the benefits and risks of each option.
Respect your teens’ opinions and emotions. They might have a different view from you about some issues. Respect and acknowledge your teens’ opinions instead of brushing them off. Of course, you should provide guidance if their opinions contradict your family’s principles and values.
Give your teens the privacy they need. For example, it’s probably reasonable for you to knock on your teens’ door before entering, and to avoid bombarding them with texts when they’re out with their friends.

It might seem easier to control your teens and make decisions for them to ensure they never fail.

But teenagers need the freedom to learn from their mistakes. This helps them grow into responsible and independent adults.

Tip #4: Give your teen compliments

Complimenting your teens helps to build a stronger bond and improve their confidence.

When giving compliments, always be genuine – teenagers can spot insincerity from a mile away.

In addition, try to make the praise focused on the process and on the progress your teens are making, rather than on the outcome or result.

This approach encourages your teens to focus on growing and improving. It also helps your teens to develop resilience and intrinsic motivation.

For example, you can replace “Wow, great job getting an A on your chemistry exam” with a more process-focused compliment.

This might go something like: “I saw you working really hard to prepare for this chemistry exam. It looks like your effort led to this big improvement.”

Tip #5: Show interest in what your teen is interested in

Pay attention to what your teens are passionate about, and try to maintain an attitude of curiosity. This will give you another avenue to connect with them.

For example, if your daughter enjoys learning how to use makeup, you can buy lipstick for her as a birthday gift.

Or maybe your son loves playing soccer. If so, you can make it a point to pick him up after soccer practice and bring along his favorite snack or drink.

Knowing what your teens love will also allow you to give compliments that matter to them – instead of only praising them when they do well in school.

Telling your teens how skilled they’ve become at a sport, video game, or any activity they enjoy will mean a lot to them.

Tip #6: Be intentional about showing unconditional love

Unconditional love is one of the greatest gifts teenagers can receive from their parents.

This involves accepting and loving your teenagers even when they fall short of certain expectations.

Here are some ways you can demonstrate unconditional love to your teens:

Telling your teens you love them for who they are (and not for what they have achieved)
Forgiving your teens when they’ve made a mistake
Refraining from bringing up mistakes they’ve made in the past
Refraining from name-calling or attacking your teens verbally
Supporting your teens in their dreams and ambitions (even if it’s not what you want for them)

If you show your teenagers unconditional love, they won’t feel anxious or worried about needing to “earn” your love.

Plus, this will build the parent-teen relationship, which will enhance your teens’ sense of self-worth.

Tip #7: Welcome your teen’s friends

Your teenagers will appreciate the effort you put into making your home a comfortable space for them and their friends to hang out.

It’s likely that friends play a significant role in your teens’ lives. So showing that you genuinely care for their friends can help strengthen the bond you share with your teens.

You don’t need to own a fancy house or a ping pong table to be welcoming toward your teenagers’ friends.

What’s most important is creating a space for your teenagers to have fun and make lifelong memories together with their friends.

Tip #8: Be available when you’re needed, as far as possible

Your teens are still learning to juggle school, family, friends, and maybe even work or a relationship. It’s challenging for them. So this is where you can provide support and encouragement.

You can do this by putting your phone and other distractions away when your teenagers want to talk.

It’s also a good idea to ask your teens how you can best support them when they’re struggling.

In many situations, it’s important for you to be cautious and not to show too many big emotions when you’re trying to empathize with your teens.

For example, let’s say that your son just had a big argument with his girlfriend. You might be tempted to say mean things about his girlfriend to make him feel better.

But big reactions like this can backfire, especially if your son chooses to make up with his girlfriend the following day.

Instead, try to empathize with your teens calmly and help them to analyze the situation when they’re ready to.

Tip #9: Demonstrate patience and understanding

Dealing with your teen’s poor behavior after you’ve already had a long day is stressful for any parent.

Here are some ways to deal with a teenage tantrum or a misbehaving teen:

Set house rules and consequences for breaking them, and be consistent. If your teens are acting up, you can ask them to take some time to cool off before discussing the issue again.
Remind yourself not to take things too personally. Your teens should be held accountable for mean or hurtful things they say or do. But as a parent, it’s unwise to fight fire with fire. Try to stay calm and level-headed instead of yelling back at your teens.
Listen to your teenagers without interrupting them. Try to put yourself in their shoes to understand their emotions and struggles better.
Make time to take care of yourself. Self-care as a parent might sound taboo. But prioritizing your well-being will put you in the best position to be a patient and understanding parent.

Learn to forgive yourself too. And don’t hold back from extending a genuine apology to your teens if you’ve said or done something hurtful in a moment of anger.

Tip #10: Show your teen that you trust him or her

Give your teenagers opportunities to be independent. Let them make their own decisions whenever possible.

You can also give your teens more privileges when they demonstrate responsibility and honesty.

For example, you could extend your teens’ curfew if they’ve shown that they’ve been able to keep to their curfew consistently.

Additionally, keep in mind that trust is a two-way street.

Do your best to model responsibility, honesty, and accountability to your teens. Staying true to your words and promises is a great way to do this.

Conclusion

To guide and support your teens, you’ll need to create a healthy bond with them.

The good news is that there are various steps you can take to reconnect with your teens and develop a great relationship with them.

So start implementing the tips in this article today!

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A Parent’s Complete Guide to High School Dating

Updated on September 30, 2024 By Daniel Wong 2 Comments

Does the thought of your teen dating make you nervous or uneasy?

If you said “yes,” you’re not alone.

As a parent, it’s natural to worry when your teens start dating.

We want them to be happy, healthy, and focused on pursuing meaningful goals.

It isn’t enough to tell your teens that “there will be no dating until you turn 18.” Teenage romance is normal, after all.

It’s important to strike a balance between setting rules, offering guidance, and letting teens explore dating on their own.

In this article, I’ll help you understand what you should know about teen dating. I’ll also share some rules and relationship advice that you can discuss with your teens.

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Why teens fall in love in high school

Do you recall your first experience of falling in love?

Even if it doesn’t exactly mirror your teen’s experiences, you may still be able to relate to some of his or her feelings.

As parents, knowing we’ve been through something similar can help us accept that high school dating is, in fact, a normal part of adolescence.

When your teenagers see their peers in romantic relationships, it invokes a longing to experience the same thing.

In addition, companionship and a sense of belonging become all the more important at this time.

The development of the brain and body during adolescence can also trigger hormonal changes. This may contribute to feelings of being in love and of sexual attraction.

We can’t stop our teens from falling in love – it’s natural. But we can still provide reasonable advice and boundaries to guide them along.

The role of teenage relationships

Unhealthy teenage relationships can indeed take a toll on your teen’s well-being. In contrast, healthy dating does have its benefits.

Research has found that love and romance are core aspects of adolescent development.

Studies have shown that healthy teenage dating can lead to the following benefits:

Reduced aggression and risk-taking behaviors
Improved conflict management
Better communication skills
Better decision-making
Identity development
Emotional growth
Social learning

During this stage of life, your teenagers are still figuring out how to interact with others.

They’re learning to set boundaries, deal with conflicts, and improve communication. But it’s all a work in progress.

This is where healthy dating can help them learn skills and develop abilities to build strong relationships with others. This includes their peers, family members, employers, and future partners.

Teenage love and its complexities: What parents should be aware of

Teenage dating can be a positive experience.

But it’s still important for parents to understand the challenges and complexities surrounding it.

Plus, dating has changed a lot from when we were in our teens’ shoes.

Parents should be mindful of the following aspects of modern teenage dating:

Social media and pop culture influence

An estimated 90% of teenagers between 13 and 17 have used social media. Around 50% report using these platforms daily.

Movies, TV shows, and pop songs are also common forms of media that teenagers consume.

Because of the influence of pop culture and mass media, teens might have an unrealistic view of sex and relationships.

This is where parents can step in to help them differentiate between truth and the fiction they see online or in movies.

Social and dating apps

Social media is a popular way to connect with people from all over the world.

In fact, statistics show that almost half of teens have expressed their interest in another person through social media.

While these platforms can help teens meet new friends and even find love interests, teaching them about online safety is crucial.

Online dangers like grooming, harassment, sexting, and privacy issues are things your teens should be aware of. Some dating apps even let users under 18 create profiles and connect with potential dates.

Of course, your teens don’t need to avoid using the Internet completely. But there should be guidelines on what they should and shouldn’t do.

Relationship red flags

When your teenagers are in love, they may not see certain things that you do.

While you might not be able to control who your teens end up dating, you can still look out for them and point out potential red flags.

Try to have a respectful conversation with your teen if his or her partner shows the following red flags:

Being obsessive and unwilling to give your teen his or her own space
Ignoring your teen’s boundaries
Becoming jealous, manipulative, and controlling
Getting easily angered and having mood swings
Disrespecting you as your teen’s parent

If you see these warning signs, reassure your teens that you care and that you want what’s best for them.

Showing that you’re focused on their well-being will make them more likely to talk to you about the relationship issues they may have.

Best relationship tips to share with your teen

Talking about love, dating, and sex with your teenager can be awkward.

But, as parents, we cannot afford to outsource these conversations to mass media or pop culture.

Don’t leave these conversations till their first heartbreak.

When you see your teens showing an interest in romance, have an honest chat with them.

Not sure where to start?

Here are some important pieces of relationship advice you can share with your teens:

Tip #1: Keep to the rules that have been discussed

Setting hard-and-fast rules without discussing them with your teens will cause them to hide things from you or sneak around behind your back.

Instead, sit your teens down and explain the reasoning behind the rules you set. Ask for their opinions about the rules, and listen attentively.

Certain rules that guard your teen’s safety shouldn’t be negotiable.

But there is room for compromise when it comes to other rules, such as their nighttime curfew or which days they’re allowed to go out.

Of course, all this depends on your teen’s level of maturity and responsibility.

Here is a list of things to consider when setting dating rules for your teens:

What age they’re allowed to start dating: Do they have a grasp of what dating will involve? Do they know what it means to respect themselves and others? Are they handling the other responsibilities in their life well? There’s no right age for dating. So it boils down to your teen’s maturity level. Also, consider the age gap between your teens and their potential partners. Aside from different maturity levels, a significant age gap could lead to legal issues.
Date night expectations: Lay out ground rules for dating. Discuss whether one-on-one dates are appropriate. If they are, your teens should let you know where they’re going, who they’re with, and when they’ll be back when they go out on dates.
Dating safety rules: If your teens are going out with a new partner or someone they’ve just met, you’ll need to establish rules related to safety. These rules may include the types of places they’re allowed to hang out at, how long they should be out, and whether they should be alone with the other person. You may also ask your teens to send you updates on their location or text you from time to time when they’re out.
The level of privacy that’s reasonable: Should your teenager be allowed to close the bedroom door when his or her partner is over? How early into the relationship would you like to meet that special someone? Should you be checking your teen’s messages? Discuss a level of privacy that’s reasonable for your teenager’s age and the current stage of dating.

Work on creating these rules with your teen, listening to and incorporating their input where possible.

It’s also a good idea to give your teens some autonomy to decide on the boundaries and consequences for breaking them.

Tip #2: Set and respect boundaries

Setting boundaries is the key to a healthy relationship. Here are some examples of the different types of boundaries to discuss with your teens:

Physical: Your teens might not be comfortable with certain types of physical touch. These may include holding hands, kissing, or hugging. Perhaps they don’t want to be touched in certain areas. These are important boundaries to have in a relationship.
Sexual: You can discuss your family’s values and principles related to sex. Encourage your teens to think about what they’re comfortable with based on their values and beliefs. Sexual intimacy can leave teenagers feeling vulnerable. So it’s vital to speak about boundaries to prevent premature sexual intimacy.
Emotional: Emotional boundaries help your teens navigate big emotions in a relationship. For instance, your teen may want space and time to cool off before resolving a conflict. Breakups and serious conversations shouldn’t be done over text. And neither party should take out their frustrations on the other. While these might seem like common sense, they are concerns to talk about.
Privacy and personal space: Is your teen’s partner allowed to stay over at your house? Should they be exchanging passwords or looking at each other’s messages?
Financial: How much is your teen comfortable spending on dates? Should both partners take turns paying for meals?

Encourage your teenager to talk openly with their partner from the start. They should both be clear about what they’re okay with and what they’re not.

Also, remind your teens that respect goes both ways. Let them know it’s important to respect their partner’s boundaries.

Tip #3: Don’t take online safety for granted

Connecting with potential love interests online, either through mutual friends on social media or DM-ing someone in your social network, has many risks associated with it.

Your teens should know how to protect themselves online, especially when talking to new people.

There should be clear rules and boundaries for using dating apps for teens under 18.

Here are some pieces of advice to share with your teens:

Sexting and sending nudes is very dangerous, even more so for teens. Don’t be pressured into sending messages or pictures you’re uncomfortable with. Leaked nudes are becoming an increasingly common occurrence.
Remember that what you post stays online. As a rule of thumb, only post updates or photos you’d be comfortable showing your teacher or grandmother.
People might not be who they say they are. Be cautious about trusting new people with your personal information, like your name, address, or school.
Be extra careful if you wish to meet up with the person. Inform either parent beforehand, and meet in a public place. You should tell either parent your entire itinerary and provide regular location or text updates during the date.

Here’s a resource with expert tips for online safety that you can share with your teen.

Telling your teenager to completely avoid social media or talking to people online is impossible. Sometimes, online friendships can bloom into romance. So discuss ground rules as early as possible and stay updated on the apps your teens are using.

Tip #4: Don’t lose sight of your priorities

As a teenager, juggling school, family, extracurricular activities, and relationships can be tricky.

This doesn’t mean teenagers shouldn’t spend time with their partners or go on date nights. But certain rules and boundaries can help them manage their time and energy better.

Some aspects to consider include the following:

Whether they should complete their schoolwork and chores before going out
How much time they should reserve for family dinners or outings
How many days or nights a week they’re allowed to go out
What their curfew is for date nights

Dealing with breakups

Teenagers are still figuring out how to handle big feelings, so breakups can be tough on them.

Your teens might not break the news to you that they’ve ended things with their partner. So look for signs of a breakup.

These may include a change in your teenager’s daily mood, eating habits, school performance, and sleeping routine.

He or she might also withdraw from friends or family members and stop doing activities they used to enjoy.

When your teens are ready to talk about it, there are various ways you can support them, including the following:

Don’t minimize their emotions. Validate their big feelings. Try to make yourself available when your teens need you, and create a non-judgemental space for them to share their experiences.
Listen to them when they’re ready to talk. Don’t interrupt, nag, or make negative remarks like “I told you so” or “It’s not a big deal.” Put away all distractions when your teens are speaking.
Do things that make your teens feel loved. You can sit by them as they watch their favorite movie or you can cook their favorite meal for them.
Encourage them to get support from trusted friends. Your teens might not feel comfortable sharing every single detail with you, and that’s okay.

While breakups are painful, they can be a valuable opportunity for your teenagers to learn how to deal with sadness, anger, and rejection.

Conclusion

Talking about romance, love, and sex with your teens can be awkward. But these aren’t one-and-done conversations.

This is new territory for both you and your teens. Things like rules, boundaries, values, and opinions will change over time. So it’s perfectly normal to revisit these discussions.

With the right approach, you’ll be a safe place your teens will go to in order to get dating advice and emotional support.

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Top 10 Tips for School-Life Balance: How to Juggle Studies, Social Life, and Work

Updated on July 14, 2025 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

Do you feel like you have too much on your plate?

Between your exams, homework, extracurricular activities, chores, and a part-time job… your schedule is packed.

You feel like you don’t have enough time to sleep and relax.

And you also feel like you don’t have enough time for your friends and family.

School-life balance isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity.

Without it, you won’t be a successful or happy student.

By striking a balance, you’ll have more time to pursue your hobbies, improve your health, and connect with the people you love.

You’ll also get better grades while preventing mental and emotional burnout.

The good news is that any student can learn how to create an optimal balance between school, work, and other important things in life.

In this article, I’ll share some of the best tips on how you can achieve this.

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Benefits of school-life balance

Are you constantly feeling stressed or overwhelmed? If so, you probably need to create boundaries in your life.

Besides reducing stress, a healthy school-life balance can lead to some important benefits:

Greater mental clarity: Achieving balance means that you’re getting enough sleep and rest. Sufficient sleep boosts your memory and learning. It also helps your brain to consolidate new memories, helping you to remember what you learn.
Higher productivity: Having school-life balance ensures that you don’t push yourself too hard. Research shows that increasing the number of hours spent working doesn’t increase output beyond a certain point. The lack of a rest day also decreases productivity.
Improved physical health: Attaining school-life balance means that you have time to work on your fitness and health. You’ll have the time and energy to eat healthily and exercise regularly.
Improved mental health: Giving yourself time to rest, play, and hang out with friends and family can reduce stress and anxiety. Regular exercise also builds emotional resilience.
Academic success: Leading a balanced life enables you to be more productive. You’ll be able to focus and absorb information better during class, which will lead to an improvement in your grades.
Greater happiness and fulfillment: You’ll have the time to pursue your interests, serve others, and nurture meaningful relationships.

As a student, one of your main responsibilities is to learn as effectively as you can in school. But this pursuit should never come at the expense of your health and relationships.

How to balance school, work, friends, and family

Working part-time as a student comes with many benefits, besides a paycheck!

You’ll get to explore career options, develop skills, and improve your résumé.

But you’ll burn out quickly if you don’t manage your time and priorities well.

These tips can help you strike a balance between school, work, and your personal life:

1. Prioritize your tasks

Have a daily to-do list of the tasks you plan to complete.

Arrange them based on urgency and how much time they’ll take. Add these commitments to a daily schedule, ensuring you have some buffer time between each item.

Also, make sure to allocate time for rest and family.

2. Set realistic goals

Break down big academic goals and projects into smaller chunks. Make sure that each sub-task is specific and measurable.

For example, you might decide that you’ll read and take notes for chemistry chapter three from 4 to 6 p.m. on Monday.

3. Use time management strategies

Time blocking is an effective method in which you divide your day into smaller segments of time.

Each block is dedicated to one type of work only. You can also group similar tasks into a time block to boost your productivity.

The Pomodoro technique is another strategy I recommend. This technique involves dividing your time into 25-minute blocks of focused work followed by short breaks.

4. Reduce distractions and procrastination

Find a conducive environment in which to study, and turn off all notifications while you’re working.

Ensure your study space is clutter-free by keeping only the required materials and stationery on it.

5. Create clear boundaries and cut-off times

As far as possible, keep to a fixed cut-off time for your work and studies.

For example, you might decide that you’ll stop studying at 9 p.m. each day and that you’ll only handle work-related matters during your shift.

You also need to be aware of your limitations.

If your work is affecting your grades, sleep, or health, consider taking a break or speaking to your employer about working shorter hours.

6. Schedule time for exercise and sleep

The three pillars of health to prioritize as a student are the following:

Diet: Research has found an association between healthy eating and better academic performance. Fruits and vegetables provide nutrients like vitamins C and E, iron, and folate. These nutrients are linked to better thinking skills and school performance. Researchers have also found a link between high consumption of processed foods and sugar with poorer memory and learning.
Sleep: Getting enough sleep can help you remember, store, and apply the information you’ve learned. Scientists have even discovered that sleep can improve memory retention and recall by 20-40%.
Exercise: Regular physical activity can improve focus, attention, memory, and learning. It also boosts your planning and language skills. The World Health Organization recommends that most teenagers engage in at least 60 minutes of moderate or vigorous physical activity a day on average.

7. Be structured about the time spent with your friends

Some students spend too much time hanging out with their friends, while others neglect their social life.

To find balance, decide how much time each week you’ll spend with your friends on average.

For instance, you might decide that you’ll hang out with your friends for 2 to 3 hours outside of school each week on average.

Of course, you might not be able to keep to this all the time. But it’s always better to have a rough guideline in place rather than to make decisions on the spot each time.

8. Participate in productive or meaningful activities with your friends

You can suggest to your friends that you participate in activities together, such as:

Joining the same clubs or extracurricular activities
Working out, hiking, or learning a new sport
Studying and doing assignments
Running errands
Doing volunteer work

Carrying out these activities in a group offers opportunities to build and develop strong friendships.

You’ll also be doing things with your friends that you would have otherwise done alone, so you’ll be saving time.

9. Discuss routines and schedules with your family

Being proactive about discussing the plans for family events, meals, chores, etc., will reduce conflict and stress.

For example, your whole family might commit to having family dinners together at 7 p.m. on Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. You might also have a family outing or activity scheduled every other weekend.

It’s also a good idea to discuss your chores and household responsibilities with your parents.

You can create a family chore chart that lists the tasks each family member is responsible for. For instance, you might be responsible for doing the laundry every Monday and walking the dog every Wednesday.

10. Make the most of your study time

Every student can achieve school-life balance. It just boils down to managing your time, prioritizing, and drawing healthy boundaries.

To study productively, I encourage you to:

Break big tasks down into smaller ones to reduce procrastination
Make sure your environment is distraction-free
At the beginning of each day, create a brief daily plan that lists the specific tasks you intend to complete

You can also experiment with various study techniques, including:

The Feynman technique
Spaced repetition
Flashcards
Mind mapping

Conclusion

As a student, it’s important to set boundaries and keep to them. You might also need to adjust these boundaries over time.

If you’re always tired, stressed, or unhappy, it’s a good time to reflect on how you could attain a better school-life balance.

After all, a happy and healthy student is a productive student!

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Why Your Teenager Doesn’t Want to Spend Time With Family (And How to Change That)

Updated on July 1, 2025 By Daniel Wong 9 Comments

Are you worried that your teen no longer enjoys spending time with the family?

You’ve been making plans and organizing family activities.

But your teens refuse to join in and would rather hang out with their friends or stay in their room.

If your teen seems to be withdrawing, should you just accept it?

Research shows that teens benefit from quality time with family, particularly eating together and leisure activities.

In this article, I’ll discuss possible reasons why your teenager doesn’t want to be with family. I’ll also include some tips on how to address the issue.

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Why teens may not want to spend time with family

A desire for more independence is a natural part of growing up. This stage of life is marked by a process known as individuation – a normal part of becoming an adult.

During this time, teenagers separate themselves from their parents’ influence. This allows them to establish their independence and gain a stronger sense of self.

There are a few possible reasons why your teen has a strong need to develop his or her individuality, including:

Brain development: During this stage, your teenagers are growing in areas such as intelligence, decision-making, and reasoning. They process information in a more sophisticated manner. This also means they’re likely to have opinions and judgments about various matters.
Peer influence: Teenagers begin to value their connection with their peers more. They might be able to relate better to their friends, causing them to lean on their friends more for emotional support.
Need for social acceptance: Research studies show that teenagers typically develop a stronger need to fit in and be accepted. This can lead them to spend more time with their friends than with their parents.
Desire for novel experiences: Most teenagers like to explore and experiment. They develop new interests that might not align with the family’s traditions and activities.

You might feel hurt when your teens say “no” to spending time with the family.

But your teens’ desire to be independent doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent. This change is often a natural part of the journey toward adulthood.

Signs that your teen wants to be away from family

Parenting teens is an ever-changing experience. As your kids step into this phase of life, you may notice changes in their behavior and interactions with others.

Behavioral indicators

Signs that your teenagers don’t want to spend time with family include the following:

They’re often out of the house with friends or participating in extracurricular activities.
They don’t want to be seen with you (e.g., asking you to drop them off a block away from their destination).
They frequently come up with excuses to miss family gatherings or activities.
Their need for privacy increases (e.g., they often lock their room door).
They spend more time exploring new hobbies or interests.
The conversations you have with them are short and one-sided.

Emotional indicators

You might also notice that your teens’ emotions, body language, and tone of speech change when they’re around you.

Here are some emotional indicators that your teenagers don’t want to spend time with the family:

Their body language or tone indicates they’re unhappy or disinterested around you (e.g., crossed arms, lack of eye contact).
They seem emotionally distant or disconnected.
There’s an increase in conflicts between you and your teens.
They don’t discuss their thoughts, feelings, or struggles with you.
During family activities, they lack enthusiasm.

Your teens will naturally have an increased need for independence, leading to the changes listed above.

Having said that, you’ll also have to consider how you’re interacting with and parenting your teens.

The parenting methods that worked well when they were children are unlikely to continue working when they’re teenagers.

How to include your teens in family activities

As a parent, you might feel upset when your teens reject the plans you propose. In frustration, you may nag or criticize them.

Teenagers are especially sensitive to criticism at this stage of their lives. So this can backfire and cause them to distance themselves even more from the family.

Instead, here are some things you can do to encourage your teens to participate in family activities:

Let them plan the activity: You can let your teens decide what the family should do. Taking turns to make plans for the family can make everyone feel more involved and connected.
Choose activities they enjoy: Ask your teens to suggest things they’d like to do. As long as their suggestions are safe and reasonable, give them a try.
Tell them in advance: If you plan to do something as a family, let your teens know in advance. Ask them if they have any preferred date or time. This shows that you respect their time.
Communicate your expectations: Sit down and discuss the non-negotiables with your teens. Prioritize events and activities they should be part of, and make this a house rule for your teens. These might include things like celebrating a family member’s birthday or participating in an annual family tradition.
Create family routines and traditions: For example, you might decide to eat out as a family every Sunday evening or watch a movie together every last Friday of the month. Having scheduled and routine activities can take the pressure out of planning and create a culture of spending time together as a family.

Ways to address your teen not wanting to be with family

Have you ever wondered what to do when your teenagers shut you out?

Maybe your teens have been isolating themselves from the family or giving you the cold shoulder whenever you talk to them.

No parent is perfect. But it’s still important for us as parents to reflect on how we treat and communicate with our teenagers.

Here are some tips on how you can foster a stronger bond with your teenagers and encourage them to spend time with the family:

Respect their boundaries and privacy. Your teenagers may distance themselves from you if you overstep their boundaries. Some examples include asking too many questions, frequently reading their text messages, and not allowing them to hang out with their friends.
Listen when they speak. When your teens share their interests, struggles, or the events of their day, it’s important to listen actively. Avoid interrupting them or talking over them. Acknowledge their feelings and opinions. This will create an emotionally safe space for them.
Avoid blaming and shaming. Don’t start conversations by criticizing, blaming, or shaming your teens. Be understanding and empathetic when your teens tell you about a problem or challenge they’re facing. Help them reflect on what they could have done better without belittling or lecturing them.
Spend time with them regularly. Eat dinner together, or invite them to join you while running errands, then grab a snack at their favorite place on the way home. You can also learn a new sport or pick up a new hobby with your teens.
Be present. When your teenagers need you, be there for them as much as possible. Support them at competitions and make time for them when they need a shoulder to lean (or cry) on.

It’s essential to build a strong bond with your teens.

Research shows that teens who have strong bonds with their parents and spend time with them regularly have fewer behavioral problems. They’re also less likely to take part in delinquent or risky behaviors.

What to do if your teenager wants to move out

If your teen tells you that he or she wants to move out, you might feel shocked. But it’s important to assess the situation objectively if your teen brings up the topic.

Let’s say that your teen isn’t old enough or isn’t capable of living independently yet. If so, it’s best to keep your teen at home or to get your teen to live with other family members (if that’s a viable option).

Here are some steps you can take if your teenager wants to move out:

Find out the real reason why. Try to get to the root of why he or she wants to leave. Your teen may want more independence or may want to live closer to school.
Approach the situation calmly. If your teen threatens to leave during a fight, ensure that both of you take the time and space needed to cool down before discussing the issue calmly.
Work through the problems together. If a relationship or family issue is the main reason your teen wants to move out, it needs to be addressed right away. You can do this by working through your parent-teen conflicts or attending family therapy.
Help your teen assess if he or she is ready. Depending on your teen’s age and maturity level, you can calmly lay out the realities of moving out, such as rent, insurance, groceries, etc. This might help your teen realize the benefits of living at home until he or she is truly ready to live independently. You might need to teach your teenagers life skills like cooking or budgeting to prepare them for the move.

Conclusion

A healthy parent-teen relationship takes time and persistence to cultivate.

Show empathy and basic respect whenever you communicate with your teenagers.

Make sure they feel as if you’re treating them as people – not problems to be solved or projects to be worked on.

As you build a strong relationship with your teens, they’ll look forward to spending time with you and the family!

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