Have you ever done something that didn’t feel right because you wanted to fit in?
Maybe you did something dishonest, talked back to your teacher, or bullied a classmate just to be one of the “cool kids.”
This might have left you feeling guilty or disappointed in yourself. But you found it difficult to stop those behaviors — all because of peer pressure.
It’s perfectly natural to want to be liked by friends. In fact, around 85% of high school teens experience some form of peer pressure. So you’re not alone if you struggle with it.
Resisting peer pressure takes courage, but doing so will help you build solid values and principles and stay true to yourself.
You may also become a good influence on your friends, allowing you to make a positive difference in their lives.
In this article, I’ll discuss how you can recognize and manage negative peer pressure.
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What is peer pressure?
Your peers are those in your social group, such as your friends and classmates. Peer pressure is the influence these people have on your actions, behaviors, and beliefs. It can be negative or positive.
If you do something or behave in a way you usually wouldn’t to be accepted or liked by your friends, you’re experiencing peer pressure.
Causes of peer pressure
During your teenage years, it’s natural to start spending more time with your friends. They play a big role in your life, and your desire to fit in will naturally grow.
It’s not fun to feel left out!
Because of this, your peers may strongly influence your thoughts and actions.
There are a few reasons why you’re more likely to struggle with peer pressure as a teenager:
- Strong emotions: Due to how the teenage brain is wired, teens are still learning to deal with different emotions. So it’s easier to feel overwhelmed or pressured into doing something.
- Need for acceptance: Research shows that teenagers get more pleasure from being liked by friends than adults do. This leads to greater pressure to follow the crowd.
- Desire for novelty: Teens naturally have a stronger desire to try new things. As a result, they might be pressured into trying risky activities like smoking or drinking.
- Lower confidence: People with low self-esteem are more likely to be pressured into doing something they don’t like to prove their worth.
- Lack of family support: When teens have no family to lean on, they may turn to their friends for comfort, company, and happiness. This means that their friends have a stronger influence on them.
Examples of peer pressure
Peer pressure can show up in many ways.
These are some examples of what peer pressure might cause you to do:
- Risky behaviors like smoking, drinking, or speeding
- Bullying
- Downplaying the importance of academics
- Getting the latest technology or devices
- Keeping up with the latest fashion trends
- Talking a certain way
- Taking part in school fights
Peer pressure can often lead to you doing things that aren’t right or make you uncomfortable.
Negative effects of peer pressure
If not managed well, peer pressure can affect your life in different ways.
Some possible negative effects of peer pressure include:
- Getting bad grades or failing classes
- Getting into trouble with school or local authorities
- Experiencing depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues
- Losing your sense of identity
- Lacking proper boundaries, values, and principles
In serious cases, peer pressure might even cause you to do something that affects your future.
Take, for example, teens who get involved in harmful behaviors, such as fighting or misusing illegal substances. They may be expelled from school or face legal charges.
Positive effects of peer pressure
Not all peer pressure is bad. If you’re part of a friend group that supports and cares for each other, there can be favorable outcomes.
Examples of healthy peer pressure include forming a study group, joining a club, or serving the community together with your friends.
Good peer pressure might contribute to the following:
- Learning essential life skills, like teamwork and communication
- Building positive qualities, like loyalty and empathy
- Getting better grades at school
- Feeling more confident
- Picking up new hobbies and interests
- Giving back through community and charity-related events
- Speaking up against bad behaviors like bullying
How to handle peer pressure as a teenager
There’s no secret formula to deal with peer pressure. It takes a lot of courage to be different and stay true to yourself and your values.
Here are some ways you can learn to resist peer pressure:
1. Identify your values
Your values are the beliefs and ideas you hold firm to that guide your thinking and behavior. They help you make decisions and become the person you want to be.
Start to reflect and create a list of values you find the most important. Recall when you felt happy, fulfilled, or proud and what contributed to these feelings.
Were you brave enough to stand up for a classmate who was being bullied? Or maybe you felt a sense of satisfaction after volunteering to help those in need?
These positive encounters and experiences can shape your values.
Here are some examples of positive principles and values that you can live by:
- Honesty
- Loyalty
- Gratitude
- Generosity
- Growth
- Compassion
- Accountability
- Boldness
- Creativity
- Determination
Developing the right values makes it easier to resist the pressure to do something wrong just to get the approval of someone else.
2. Practice saying no
You may sometimes find yourself in sticky situations. For example, your friends might pressure you into helping them cheat during an exam.
This is why drawing boundaries and learning to say no is important.
Here are some tips that might help:
- Don’t be afraid to say no. Friends who pressure you into doing wrong or risky things are probably not the best group to hang out with. Don’t maintain these friendships at the cost of going against your values or getting into trouble.
- Come up with an alternative activity or solution. Maybe your friends want to hang out, but you need to study. You can suggest going out on another day or engaging in a less time-consuming activity.
- Be firm with your no’s. Once your friends realize that you’re not easily persuaded, they’ll be less likely to push you to do something you don’t want to do.
- Get your parents to support you. For example, they can text you that you need to be home, then you can show the text to your friends. You may also have a secret code to text your parents to signal them to come and get you out of the difficult situation.
After saying your first no or drawing a firm boundary, you might feel afraid, overwhelmed, or anxious. But over time, you’ll gradually feel more comfortable standing up for what you believe.
3. Choose your friends wisely
Your friends don’t need to think, talk, or behave like you. What’s important is that they respect your values and beliefs.
They shouldn’t push you into doing things that make you uncomfortable. And they certainly shouldn’t pressure you into acting in a way that will land you in trouble.
Reflect on this as you form or “trim down” your friend group. You might need to start drawing boundaries with certain classmates, or you might need to make new friends.
Of course, building friendships will take time and effort. Start by participating in a club, social event, sports activity, etc. you’re interested in. This is an excellent way to connect with people who share similar values and goals.
4. Develop healthy self-esteem
Building self-confidence takes patience and time. You’ll have to practice being confident in your identity, strengths, and abilities.
Here are some ways to start developing self-esteem:
- Embrace a growth mindset. This means believing that knowledge and skills can be learned. Having this mindset teaches you to embrace failure and view it as a learning opportunity.
- Show yourself kindness and compassion. Think about ways in which you can improve your physical and mental well-being. For instance, you can start incorporating exercise into your routine.
- Practice positive self-talk. Be aware of how you speak to yourself. Would you talk the same way to a friend or family member? Try to be encouraging and compassionate in your self-talk. You can even practice doing this in front of a mirror.
- Understand your strengths and skills. Find ways to sharpen these skills. Maybe you have a musical ear or an eye for design. If so, you can take lessons or courses to develop these talents.
As your self-confidence grows, standing firm on your values and beliefs will become easier. This will help you resist peer pressure.
5. Create a support system
It can be challenging to open up and ask for help when you need it. But knowing how and when to rely on others is key to building your support system.
Choose one or two adults you trust. This could be a parent, teacher, aunt, uncle, or cousin.
If you find it difficult to talk about your struggles, you can start by sharing your successes. Over time, it will become easier to talk about what you’re going through and ask for advice or support.
Having your own support system means you’re less likely to be swayed into doing something dangerous or foolish just to be part of a friend group.
6. Think about the possible consequences
If you find it hard to say no, consider the consequences of the action or decision. It might be far more unpleasant to deal with those consequences than to say no in the present.
Before you give in to peer pressure, consider what could happen if you give in. Will you feel guilty or disappointed later on? Will you get grounded or suspended from school?
Take a moment and pause before you act so you can make good decisions every time.
When you’re in a sticky situation, you can also ask your peers questions. For instance, if you’re being pressured into doing something dangerous or harmful, you can ask them:
- What if we get caught?
- Isn’t this bad for our health?
- Does this seem dangerous to you?
- Whose idea was this?
- Isn’t there a chance we might get expelled or arrested?
- What will we gain from doing this?
7. Fill your time with positive activities
Think about how you can use your time wisely. For instance, you can take up a leadership position in a club or do volunteer work on the weekends.
There are several reasons why filling your time meaningfully can help you deal with peer pressure. Firstly, having other commitments gives you a reason to avoid or get out of uncomfortable situations.
These activities are also a great way to make new friends who share the same interests or values as you.
Additionally, using your time wisely leaves you with less energy for dangerous or harmful activities. You’ll be occupied, so you won’t be bored enough to be tempted into trying something risky just for fun.
Conclusion
Everyone has experienced peer pressure at some point in their lives. It’s a natural desire to want to belong and fit in.
But learning how to deal with peer pressure is an important skill every teenager should learn early on. Even adults struggle with saying no and staying true to their values!
As you learn to resist peer pressure now, you’ll gain the confidence to draw boundaries and make good decisions in the future.
If you need further help or guidance, check out the one-on-one coaching program I offer for teens. I’ve spent many thousands of hours coaching teens around the world, and I’d be happy to help!
(And if you haven’t already downloaded your free quick action guide, you can do so below.)
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