Do you wish you had a better relationship with your children?
Maybe your children don’t communicate much with you. They spend most of their time in their room, glued to their smartphone or computer.
Maybe they also lack motivation – except when it comes to social media and gaming.
If this describes your children, don’t despair. In this article, I’ll share with you specific ways to improve the situation.
I’ve spoken to and worked with 20,000 pre-teens and teens, and they’ve confessed to me why they behave this way.
Want to know the reason?
It’s because of the way their parents talk to them.
Of course, the parent-child relationship is a two-way street. But if parents stopped saying certain things, children would become more communicative, respectful, and responsible.
So here’s a list of 15 things that parents should stop saying to their children:
1. “You always …” or “You never …”
Have you ever said any of the following to your children?
- “You always wake up late.”
- “You always take the easy way out.”
- “You always get in trouble at school.”
- “You never submit your homework on time.”
- “You never do your chores.”
- “You never put your clothes in the laundry basket.”
When you use the phrase “You always …” or “You never …” your children will become defensive. The conversation may then turn into an argument.
After all, there probably have been times when your children did wake up on time, submit their homework before the deadline, or put their clothes in the laundry basket.
So try this approach instead.
State objective facts that your children can’t refute. For instance, you could say to your child: “Over the past week, you’ve woken up late three times, by more than 20 minutes each time. This is an issue we need to resolve.”
By citing specific examples, you and your children will have a more fruitful discussion.
2. “You should be ashamed of yourself.”
The aim isn’t to guilt your children into changing their behavior. Rather, the aim is to coach them to make decisions based on the right values and principles.
Instead of saying “You should be ashamed of yourself,” process the situation with your children.
Help them to see what alternatives they could have considered, so that they’ll make the right choice in the future. [Read more…]