How to Communicate With Teenagers (11 Actionable Tips for Parents)

Updated on July 2, 2024 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Are you having trouble communicating with your teen?

As a parent, you know that communication is key.

But your teenager may not be opening up to talk to you about day-to-day matters, much less difficult ones.

I coach teens for a living, so I often speak with parents who are struggling to find ways to open the lines of communication with their teens.

Communication can be complex, but the good news is that parenting teens is a skill that you can get better at.

(I’m a father of three myself, so I know there’s always room for me to improve as a parent!)

In this article, I’ll discuss the topic of how to talk to your teenagers so they’ll listen to you and behave responsibly.

Apply the tips below and your relationship with your teen will become stronger too!

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11 tips for communicating with teenagers

How should I talk to my teenager?

If you find yourself asking this question, you’re in the right place.

Learning how to communicate with your teen is essential to maintaining a healthy relationship. Here are some techniques you can use to improve how you and your teen talk to each other.

1. Lecture less, listen more

As a parent, it’s easy to fall into the routine of lecturing your teenagers.

After all, you have a lot of life experience and you want to share it with them. But studies have shown that long or angry lectures simply don’t work.

So find ways to actively engage with your teen. Ask them questions like:

“Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?”
“What did you learn through this experience?”
“How can I support you in this situation?”

Avoid saying things to your teen like:

“What’s wrong with you?”
“What were you thinking?”

By asking questions that engage your teen in a positive way, you’ll build a solid foundation of trust.

2. Break down communication barriers

A communication barrier will develop if you frequently nag, judge, or scold your teens.

When it comes to communication, emotional barriers prevent teens from feeling secure enough to talk about what’s going on in their lives. This can cause them to start lying.

For example, if you talk to your teenage daughter about changing her behaviour, don’t start the conversation by criticising her. Instead, empathise with her and make sure she feels safe opening up about her emotions.

If you want your teens to talk to you more, you must give them your attention. Listen to your teenagers without casting judgment, and avoid jumping in with unsolicited advice.

3. Don’t blame or shame your teen

When something goes wrong in your teen’s life, of course you want to help.

Teenagers will make mistakes, and that’s okay! It’s how they learn and gain wisdom.

When your teens come to you to talk, resist the urge to blame or shame them for whatever has happened.

Instead, be understanding and compassionate. Let your teenagers know that it’s okay that they made a mistake.

Help them to process their emotions and reflect on what they’ve learned through the situation.

By doing so, they’ll feel more comfortable sharing things with you.

4. Help your teen think things through

Too often, teenagers make impulsive decisions. It takes time and experience to understand that thinking things through leads to the best outcomes.

If you know or suspect that your teenager is struggling with a problem, check in to see what’s going on.

Whenever possible, help your teens to think through the situation so they can see things from a different perspective.

Over time, they’ll learn to do this on their own, which is a valuable skill they’ll be able to use for years to come.

5. Don’t let things escalate

As a parent, you’ll have tough days when the stress of everyday life gets to you.

At those times, it’s more likely that a conversation with your teen will result in a heated argument that hurts the relationship.

When the tension starts to rise, you could say something like:

“I need some time to think about this.”
“Let’s talk about this later, please. I need a bit of space to calm down.”

When you say things like that, you ensure that when you do sit down and talk with your teen, you’ll be able to have a calm discussion. This will show your teen that you care about and respect him or her.

6. Make it easy for your teen to engage with you

Is your teen withdrawn?

Sometimes, it’s hard for teens to talk to others about what’s happening in their lives because of a fear of being judged.

Keeping the lines of communication open is essential, especially during the teenage years of self-discovery.

Research has shown – not surprisingly – that when parents listen to their teens actively and attentively, their teens felt a greater sense of closeness, autonomy, and self-worth.

It’s challenging, but do your best to be that kind of parent to your teen every day!

7. Express empathy

Many teenagers feel as if no one understands what they’re going through.

This can cause them to feel lonely, anxious, or angry.

By communicating empathetically with your teen, you’re showing that you’re doing your best to understand how he or she feels.

When you say, “I know this seems unfair,” or “It must be frustrating to feel as if you don’t fit in,” you’re letting your teenager know that you’re trying to put yourself in his or her shoes.

Empathy is a healthy way to create understanding and deal with teenage attitude.

8. Refrain from using threats

Teenagers are developing their sense of identity apart from you, so it’s normal for them to test boundaries.

Your teens might say, “I’ll do it later,” when you’ve already made it clear that you need the chore done now.

As a parent, this is frustrating, and punishments or threats might seem like the most effective approach.

But threats rarely work, and only serve to damage the relationship you have with your teen.

What should you do instead?

Try communication strategies such as:

Giving your teenagers choices whenever possible
Connecting with them more and criticising them less
Talking to them about their hobbies and interests
Saying positive things to them every day

9. Be real with your teen

As a parent, you obviously want to have a great relationship with your teens. Don’t be afraid to tell them this.

Tell them that you love them, and show affection in the ways that they appreciate.

Rather than using “you” statements, which can feel accusatory, try using “I” statements that focus on how you feel.

Here’s an example:

“You” statement: “You’re not working hard enough.”
“I” statement: “I feel worried that you won’t do as well as you expect for the exam next week.”

And here’s one more example:

“You” statement: “You never complete your chores.”
“I” statement: “I really appreciate it when you complete your chores every day.”

To modify a quote by leadership expert Craig Groeschel: “Teens would rather follow a parent who is always real, rather than a parent who is always right.”

10. Apply active listening techniques

You may have heard of active listening before.

It’s the process of listening such that the other person feels heard and understood.

Active listening isn’t just about using specific techniques, but must come from a place of authenticity and empathy.

Make sure to really listen to what your teens are telling you by maintaining eye contact, asking clarifying questions, and using phrases like, “Tell me more.”

Nod periodically and keep your arms uncrossed. In this way, your teenagers will feel as if you’re fully present with them.

11. Focus on specific behaviours instead of making general statements

Avoid making general statements about what your teen is or isn’t doing that you’re concerned about.

For example, don’t tell your teens that they’re not managing their time well.

Instead, say that you noticed that they were on their phone for two hours straight after school. This is despite the fact that you know they have an incomplete project that’s due tomorrow.

When you focus on specific behaviours, your teenagers will be less likely to turn defensive.

You’ll then be able to work together with them to find an acceptable solution.

Conclusion

Everything worth doing in life requires effort and commitment.

It definitely requires lots of effort and commitment on your part to be able to communicate effectively with your teens.

But it’s worth it.

So I encourage you to start using the communication techniques listed in this article today!

If you like this article, please share it with your friends.

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When Is the Best Time to Study? Here’s What You Need to Know

Updated on May 24, 2022 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Do you ever wonder when is the best time to study?

I’ve spoken to and worked with over 20,000 students, so I’ve often heard some variation of this question:

“Will studying at a specific time help me get better grades?”

Here’s the truth…

How you study is more important than when you study.

Every student is unique. The best time to study depends on your circadian rhythm, schedule, extracurricular activities, and learning preferences.

What matters most is that once you determine your optimal time to study, you stick with that schedule.

Don’t wait until you’re feeling motivated to crack open your textbook. Instead, include study time in your daily and weekly routine.

For example, if you discover that you study best from 4 pm to 6 pm, set a recurring daily alarm at 3:50 pm to remind you of your upcoming work session.

If you do this, you’ll find it easier to stay on track with your study habits — and get better grades in the process, too.

Now, how do you determine the best time of day to study? That’s what the rest of this article is about.

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Top benefits of studying in the morning

Most students I’ve worked with find it hard to study before school.

You want to arrive at your classes refreshed and ready to learn — not mentally exhausted from an early morning study session.

That being said, some students function best in the early hours of the day. So you can consider these benefits of getting your work done in the morning:

1. Your mind is fresh

Do you feel most alert and motivated at the start of your day?

Are you refreshed and raring to go after a good night’s sleep?

If so, you might find that the best time to study is in the morning, before daily decisions, chores, and to-do lists cloud your mind.

2. You won’t disrupt your sleep schedule

It’s easy to lose track of time when you’re studying in the evening. Before you know it, the clock reads 11:30 pm — and your alarm is set for 6:00 am the next day!

If you want to do better in school, it’s crucial that you get enough sleep.

Now, you don’t have to follow a morning study routine to become a top student. But you might find it easier to stick to a sleep schedule if you’re not tackling assignments late into the night.

3. Brain-boosting natural light

Studies show that natural light affects our hormones and circadian rhythm while enhancing brain activity. Natural light can improve learning, cognition, mood, and even sleep.

I realise that my own sleep quality is much better when I get natural light in the morning!

If you have a study area where you can get natural light in the morning, you’ll be able to focus and retain new information more effectively.

4. A positive start to your day

When you start the day productively, you’ll often carry that positive energy with you throughout the rest of the day.

Plus, you’ll likely feel more in control and less stressed when you know you’ve completed a challenging task to start the day – before most of your classmates have even rolled out of bed!

Top benefits of studying in the afternoon

Let’s continue exploring the question of when the best time to study is by looking at the benefits of having afternoon study sessions:

1. Easy access to peers and teachers

One study tip that works for most students is to form a homework group.

Everyone has questions from time to time. When you study with a small group of motivated peers, you’ll have someone you can turn to for help.

If you always study alone, you might get discouraged when you’re faced with a hard assignment.

And if it’s early in the morning or late at night, your teachers and peers might not be available to support you.

2. Public spaces and libraries are open

Many of the students I’ve worked with tell me that it isn’t effective to study at home.

Distractions like video games, siblings, and the TV can make it tricky to focus on the task at hand.

If you focus best in a quiet space where there are other students (like a library or study room), the afternoon might be the best time to study for you.

3. Opportunity to integrate new information

I’ve said it before many times in my previous articles, but it bears repeating: cramming doesn’t work.

What approach works better instead?

Studying smarter by periodically reviewing the new material — starting on the day that you learn the new information.

If you choose to study in the afternoon, you’ll have the advantage of reviewing your notes while the information is fresh in your mind. This is because you would have just covered the material in class earlier that same day.

4. Fewer restrictions on your study time

If you get your work done in the afternoon, you’ll have more control over your schedule.

Your study sessions won’t get cut short because you need to go to school or because of late-night fatigue.

Top benefits of studying in the evening

Are you a night owl?

Maybe you realise that you have more energy in the evening and at night, and you can concentrate better during those hours.

Here are a few benefits of doing your schoolwork in the evening:

1. Fewer distractions and noise

Many students excel during the quiet and peaceful nighttime hours because there are fewer distractions.

But be sure to go to bed at a reasonable hour so that you still get sufficient sleep!

2. More conducive to a busy student’s schedule

I’m sure you’re a busy student. Between school, hobbies, chores, and exercise, sometimes the only opportunity to study is in the evening.

That’s fine, so long as you keep track of your homework assignments and prioritise them accordingly.

3. Retention of new information could improve

Some research suggests that students are better able to retain new information when they learn it before going to sleep.

Why?

Because when you’re sleeping, your brain is consolidating the new information so that you can retrieve it later on.

I encourage you to try it out and see if it works for you!

In closing…

Deciding on (and sticking with) a study schedule is a great way to improve your academic performance.

But it’s only one step.

If you want to become a focused and effective student, you need a plan.

That’s why I’ve created The Perfect Study Plan. It’s a proven, step-by-step formula to help you become a straight-A student. Learn more about this exam preparation and study skills course here.

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Helping Teens With Anxiety: 5 Proven Tips

Updated on January 14, 2025 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

It isn’t easy to help teens with anxiety.

You try to reassure them that everything will be okay, but their fears and doubts are paralysing.

You hate to see your teens struggling, but nothing you say seems to ease their worries.

First off, know that you’re not alone.

Anxiety is one of the most common mental health disorders, and anxiety in teens has increased over the years.^[1]

Having said this, everyone feels anxious sometimes, and that’s okay!

Anxiety is a persistent feeling of worry or dread that something terrible will happen in situations that aren’t actually threatening. These feelings can persist even after the event has passed.

Physical changes like increased blood pressure, nausea, and tremors are common.^[2]

It’s crucial that your teenagers learn how to cope with anxiety so that they can face challenges head-on.

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5 tips to help teenagers deal with anxiety

Let’s explore research-backed strategies to equip your teens to develop this important life skill, which will serve them well into the future.

1. Don’t solve your teenagers’ problems for them

Your teens get home from school, slump on the sofa, then immediately begin to complain about their never-ending to-do list.

You already know that they feel social pressure to fit in at school. And now they’re facing additional stress because of their academics and extracurricular activities.

No wonder they feel anxious!

As a parent, it’s natural for you to want to fix your teens’ problems. So, when you hear your teens venting, it can be tempting to say things like:

“If you’re so worried about the test next week, why don’t you start studying now?”
“Don’t worry so much about what other people think. Everything is going to be okay!”
“You should put your phone away whenever you’re doing your work. Then you won’t have trouble meeting all your deadlines.”

Here’s the thing about helping teens with anxiety…

They don’t need a lecture from you, and they don’t need you to fix the situation. They need to know that you’re trying hard to understand their feelings and perspective.

I recommend that you use active listening techniques as frequently as you can.

Give your teens your full attention and try not to offer unsolicited advice. Demonstrate that you empathise with your teens’ feelings by saying something like:

“It sounds like you feel a lot of pressure to juggle your responsibilities, and you’re afraid that you’re not going to be able to fulfil all your responsibilities well.”

Such emotional validation helps teens understand that it’s okay for them to be worried or afraid.^[3] Over time, your teens will feel less overwhelmed and more capable of confronting challenging scenarios.

2. Help your teenagers practise coping skills

The global COVID-19 pandemic upended the lives of teenagers around the world.

School closings led to social isolation and a lack of routine, and many teenagers are still struggling with the unpredictability of it all.

A University of Calgary study reveals that depression and anxiety have doubled in children and adolescents since pre-pandemic times.^[4]

When it comes to helping teenagers who have anxiety, it’s vital to equip them with the tools to deal with feelings of doubt, fear, and uncertainty. Here are two coping skills and strategies that you can encourage your teens to practise:

Breathing exercises

Rapid and shallow breathing is a natural reaction to anxiety.

What’s the problem with this?

Shallow breaths make anxiety worse — and can even lead to panic attacks.^[5]

Teach your teens to take slow, deep, and steady breaths. As clinical psychologist Juli Fraga says: “Deep breathing can help intense sensations, experiences, and emotions feel less threatening.”

Journaling

If your teens have a difficult time talking about their anxiety, invite them to try journaling. They’ll probably find that their thoughts are less scary when they’re written down.

Here are some apps that make it easy for teens to journal regularly. By doing so, their anxious thoughts won’t creep into every moment of the day.

3. Encourage your teenagers to volunteer

When it comes to working with teens who have anxiety, sometimes the best solution is to start doing things for the benefit of others.

Research shows that volunteering helps our overall mental well-being.^[6] One reason for this is that serving others releases dopamine, which reduces stress and increases positive emotions.

I’ve noticed the benefits of volunteering first-hand with my coaching clients.

When teenagers are engaged in helping others, they often become more grateful. They learn to think beyond themselves, which gives them a sense of purpose and meaning.^[7]

If your anxious teens are hesitant to volunteer, don’t force them into it. Instead, find a community activity or service-learning project that you can participate in as a family.

Your teen will see that you, too, are committed to giving back — and you’ll strengthen your relationship with your teen in the process.

4. Encourage your teenagers to take care of their physical health

Sometimes, simple lifestyle changes are what it takes to decrease teenage anxiety.

According to Harvard Health Publishing, sleep problems are widespread in individuals with anxiety.

That probably doesn’t come as a surprise.

It can be a vicious cycle — teenagers can’t sleep when they’re anxious, yet they feel overwhelmed because they’re not well-rested!

If your teenagers struggle to sleep, try helping them to:

Limit screen and phone time before bed.
Avoid bright lights at night.
Develop an evening routine. This could include a hot shower, reading a book, or relaxing with a cup of caffeine-free tea.
Get morning sunlight whenever possible.

When it comes to helping anxious teens, exercise matters, too.

Physical activity stimulates the production of serotonin and endorphins, both of which positively affect teens’ ability to manage stress and anxiety.^[8] And teens don’t necessarily need to join a gym — a brisk 15-minute walk will do the trick.

It’s also important to promote healthy eating habits.

When we’re worried, it’s tempting to make a bee-line for a soda or candy bar, but sugar and caffeine can worsen anxiety.^[9]

I suggest keeping healthy foods easily accessible. Here are a few of my favourites that will enable your teenagers to study smarter while keeping anxiety at bay:

Blueberries
Almonds
Eggs
Dark chocolate
Yogurt

5. Pay attention to your teenagers’ strengths

The teenage years are a curious time of transition.

Teens’ brains are changing, and they’re seeking more autonomy. At the same time, they’re discovering their personality, talents, and interests.

As your teens navigate these changes, it’s natural for them to sometimes question their self-worth.

Negative thoughts might start to seep in, such as: “Why am I such a failure?” or “Do my friends actually like me?”

Say positive things to your teens often. Celebrate their unique strengths, and encourage self-compassion.

Your teens will gradually learn to become okay with their flaws, thus reducing their anxiety levels and building self-esteem.

In closing…

I know it’s challenging to watch your teens struggle.

But the next time you have the urge to fix their problems, use these 5 proven tips instead.

You’ll help your teenagers to develop essential skills and habits, no matter what challenges come their way.

Depending on the situation, they may need some extra support.

Maybe they’ve experienced a traumatic life event. Or maybe, even after implementing the tips in this article, they still can’t stop worrying — and it’s crippling them.

If so, the 1-to-1 coaching programme I offer will help. Through this coaching programme, I equip teens with the mindset and tools to overcome these problems and thrive. You can learn more about the coaching programme here.

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References for this article:

1. Data and Statistics on Children’s Mental Health. (2022).
https://www.cdc.gov/children-mental-health/data-research/

2. Stress vs. anxiety – Knowing the Difference Is Critical to Your Health. (2018).
https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/external/2018/06/stress-vs-anxiety/

3. Six Ways You Can Validate a Teen (And Anyone Else!). (2020).
https://evolvetreatment.com/blog/six-ways-validate-teens/

4. Depression And Anxiety Double In Youth Compared to Pre-Pandemic. (2021).
https://www.forbes.com/sites/williamhaseltine/2021/08/25/depression-and-anxiety-double-in-youth-compared-to-pre-pandemic/?sh=36920882139f

5. How shallow breathing affects your whole body. (2020).
https://www.headspace.com/articles/shallow-breathing-whole-body

6. How Volunteering Can Help Your Mental Health. (2018).
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_volunteering_can_help_your_mental_health

7. Five Ways to Help Teens Build a Sense of Self-Worth. (2018).
https://www.mindful.org/five-ways-to-help-teens-build-a-sense-of-self-worth/

8. 5 lifestyle changes that may help with managing anxiety or depression. (2022).
https://newsroom.uhc.com/health/coping-with-anxiety-depression.html

9. The 4 Worst Foods for Your Anxiety. (2021).
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/surprising-foods-trigger-anxiety

8 Bad Study Habits You Need to Eliminate Immediately

April 19, 2022 By Daniel Wong 17 Comments

Are you ready to get rid of your bad study habits permanently?

Maybe you’ve picked up a few ineffective study habits over the years.

Maybe you’re tired of feeling stressed out and overwhelmed — like no matter how hard you study, you’re always behind.

Well, I’ve got good news for you…

With the right strategies and mindset, you can achieve academic success.

Once you eliminate the 8 bad study habits discussed in this article, you’ll become a better student. You’ll also be more prepared for life after school.

So let’s explore this list of bad habits for students — and my tips for what to do instead — so you can start getting better grades today.

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Bad habit #1: Procrastinating until the last minute

Do you wait until the night before an exam to crack open your textbook and review your notes?

Do you struggle to begin homework assignments, even when your stress levels are rising and the deadlines are fast approaching?

If so, you’re not alone. According to the American Psychological Association, 80 to 95% of college students and 86% of high school students struggle with procrastination!

But just because procrastination is a common problem, that clearly doesn’t make it an effective study habit.

Cramming doesn’t work. So if you want to do well in school, you need to study smarter.

You need to get the basics right and do things like:

Plan out your day and week in advance.
Set aside regular blocks of time for homework and study sessions.
Periodically review the material covered in class.

(If you still feel too overwhelmed to get to work, learn how to motivate yourself to study with these 23 tips.)

Bad habit #2: Studying in front of the TV or with digital devices next to you

After an exhausting day at school, you still have a long list of homework assignments to complete.

You’re tired of sitting at a desk, so you cosy up on the sofa with your textbook and homework. It’s too quiet, so you turn on the TV.

What’s the problem with this?

Soon you have one eye on your homework and the other on the TV.

To avoid poor study habits, it’s vital that you remove as many distractions as possible. That includes your smartphone and tablet, too.

I recommend setting up a dedicated study space where you can control the environment for optimal study sessions.

Leave your digital devices in a different room so you’re not tempted to use them. By doing this, you’ll learn how to focus when studying and have more time to enjoy your favourite shows later.

Pro tip: Any place you associate with relaxation — like your bed — isn’t an optimal place to study. So make a commitment today not to do any work while lying in bed!

Bad habit #3: Memorising your notes without fully understanding the material

Memorising your notes might help you ace a test in the short term, especially if it’s an easy test.

But rote memorisation won’t help you retain information for the long term.

So focus on understanding all the new material that’s covered in class. Process and summarise what your teacher says by jotting down notes that make sense to you.

You’ll retain information more effectively and set yourself up for success when you learn how to take notes properly.

Put any new information into context by connecting it to your existing knowledge.

And if you just can’t understand certain concepts or equations, ask your teacher for help. Do this as soon as possible so you can clarify your doubts way before the next test or exam.

Bad habit #4: Being disorganised

No list of bad study habits for students would be complete without mentioning a lack of organisation.

I know it’s hard to stay organised as a busy student. But being disorganised leads to forgotten exam dates, missed assignments, and plenty of stress.

So take 5 to 10 minutes each day to put things in order. Do things like:

File your class notes and material.
Write down the tasks you need to complete for the day.
Check your calendar or planner to see what events and deadlines are coming up.
Clear your desk.
Throw away or recycle old papers or brochures that you no longer need.

It doesn’t take much time to create a calm, organised environment so that you can achieve your academic goals and be successful in school.

Bad habit #5: Not asking for help when you need it

Like we talked about briefly earlier, if you have a question about a concept or an assignment, don’t hesitate to ask your teacher for guidance.

Everyone has questions — it’s just that straight-A students ask for help when they need it.

Regularly review your notes and flag any questions you might have by highlighting the relevant section or by using sticky notes.

Find an opportunity to speak with your teacher (or a knowledgeable classmate) to get these questions answered.

If you do this consistently, you’ll keep up with the material and avoid feeling stressed the night before the exam.

Bad habit #6: Multitasking

What looks like multitasking is really switching back and forth between multiple tasks, which reduces productivity and increases mistakes by up to 50%.
– Susan Cain

We’ve all been there before…

A few minutes into a study session, you remember that you need to reply to a text about a group project. So you unlock your phone and send that text.

Then you read another page of your textbook, and a line in the chapter reminds you of a video you’ve been meaning to watch. The video is only a few minutes long, so you decide to watch it right away.

Now you’re back to studying. But wait — do you have a math test next week? You’d better check on that now before you forget.

You then realise that you’ve been “studying” for an hour, but you’ve hardly made any progress!

Here’s the thing…

Multitasking doesn’t work. It makes you less productive and more distracted because you’re just switching between tasks.

Instead of switching between assignments or trying to do multiple tasks at once, focus on one thing at a time.

If a distracting thought pops into your head, jot it down on a notepad. You can return to this list at the end of your study session.

Bad habit #7: Neglecting your physical health

Exercising, eating well, and getting enough sleep are essential habits that will impact your health and well-being.

You might think that you’re too busy to take care of your physical health.

But if you take care of your physical health, the science shows that you’ll actually be more focused and productive!

It is possible to become a top student while leading a healthy, well-balanced life. You can start with these simple tips:

Do some form of exercise every day, even if it’s just a brisk 10-minute walk.
Keep a water bottle and healthy snacks on or close to your desk.
Stick to a bedtime routine that helps you to wind down.
Wake up and go to sleep at around the same time each day.
Do deep breathing exercises to help you manage stress.

Bad habit #8: Always studying alone

Sometimes you need to study alone to maximise your focus and understand new material.

Other times, you might find it helpful to study with a small group of motivated students. Studying in a group is a fun way to keep yourself accountable and eliminate bad study habits.

When I was in university, I remember taking a class where the homework assignments were extremely tedious and challenging. By doing the assignments at the same time as my study groupmates, I felt far more motivated to complete the work.

Another advantage to studying in a group is that you can support one another when you have questions.

You can get the answers you need while helping your groupmates to do the same.

Pro tip: Keep the size of your study group to 3 or 4 students to minimise distractions.

In closing…

If you eliminate these 8 bad study habits, you’ll be on your way to becoming an effective student.

But I know that students often need some extra support.

That’s why I’ve created The Perfect Study Plan online course. It’s a proven, easy-to-follow course that will enable you to stop procrastinating and to start acing every exam you take.

Learn more about the study skills and exam preparation course here and discover the step-by-step system you need to become a top student who leads a balanced life too!

FREE QUICK ACTION GUIDE:

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How to Handle an Angry Teen: 20 Strategies You Can Deploy Today

Updated on January 22, 2025 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

Dealing with an angry teen is like standing in the middle of a hurricane.

What’s the best way to deal with the situation?

Should you match your teenagers’ anger with your anger? Should you threaten them with the loss of privileges?

Or should you give in and hope they won’t blow up again?

Over the years, I’ve spoken to and worked with over 20,000 teenagers. This means that I’ve also interacted with many confused and frustrated parents.

Teens’ anger isn’t something you can prevent or control. But how you respond to it is something you can control.

Here are 20 strategies to help you navigate these challenging situations.

(Download the free PDF below to learn 5 bonus strategies.)

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1. Remember the “boiling kettle” analogy

When your teen is angry, think of the “boiling kettle” analogy.

When a kettle boils, steam comes out of the spout. But the steam is just a “symptom” of the water boiling.

To stop the steam from coming out, you need to turn off the fire.

Similarly, your teen’s anger is a symptom too. It’s the visible part of something deeper that is causing your teen’s problematic behaviour.

In the boiling kettle analogy, it’s the fire that’s the “root cause” of the steam.

It’s the same with your teen. So don’t focus on the anger itself. Instead, find the root cause of the anger:

Does your teen feel unloved?
Does your teen feel neglected?
Is your teen suffering from body image issues?
Is your teen a victim of bullying?
Is your teen struggling with anxiety?

(The list of questions above isn’t exhaustive.)

Your teen can learn anger management techniques. But if the underlying issues aren’t addressed, then the anger problem will persist.

2. Remember that your teen’s behaviour isn’t a reflection of your competence as a parent

The teenage years are a difficult time for your child.

Huge hormonal changes are taking place and – at the same time – your child’s brain is changing rapidly.

Many parents take their teenager’s behaviour personally. They may feel guilty and may feel as if they’ve messed up as parents. They may start obsessing over the mistakes they’ve made as parents.

But it’s important to remember that even if there was such a thing as a perfect parent (which there isn’t), no child would turn out perfect.

The physical changes taking place inside your teenager would still create at least some turmoil.

Of course, your teenager’s anger may be directed at you. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re a bad parent.

Try to look at the situation objectively.

As an adult, you have inner resources that your teenager doesn’t. You have more control over your emotions, which means that you have the ability to defuse a heated situation.

It will often seem as though your teenager is verbally assaulting you. But this is where you need to exercise self-control.

Instead of reacting violently to your teenager’s anger, see her anger as a cry for help.

Teenagers haven’t yet learned how to manage their emotions. Instead of asking for help, they often bottle up their emotions until they explode in an angry outburst.

This can be triggered by a combination of school-related pressure, friendship issues, and an emotionally unsafe home environment.

3. Hear your teen out, even if he or she is sharing negative feelings

When teens share their thoughts and feelings, much of what they say may be negative.

For example, they may complain about their teachers, or about how much homework they’re getting, or about certain school rules.

Your teen’s view of the situation might be imbalanced, but refrain from interrupting him.

Your teen wants to know that you’re trying to understand how he feels about the situation. This means you need to put aside your own views for a while and listen to your teen.

Resist the temptation to correct your teen and tell him how he should view the situation. Try not to minimise the situation by moralising or by informing him that “that’s life”.

If you cast judgment, your teen will be less likely to share his feelings with you in the future. This would be damaging in the long run, because it’s vital to keep the lines of communication with your teen open.

The less your teen shares with you about his life, the harder it becomes for you to influence him. It will then become harder to coach your teen through the challenges ahead.

4. Explain the concept of cognitive distortions to your teen

Cognitive distortions are ways in which our minds convince us of something that isn’t true.

They are inaccurate thoughts about ourselves and the world around us. They often reinforce our negative thinking or emotions.

There are 15 common cognitive distortions and you can read about them here.

In this section, I’m going to describe three prevalent ones:

Filtering. This is when a person takes negative events and magnifies them. At the same time, they filter out the positive aspects of the situation.
Polarised thinking. This is when a person sees situations in extremes. Things are either black or white, with no middle ground between the two.
Overgeneralisation. This is where a single event is used to form a general conclusion. When something bad happens once, the person concludes that the bad thing will happen again in the future.

When we get angry, it’s almost always due to a cognitive distortion.

Try explaining this to your teenager. When she realises this, it will help her to manage her anger by looking at the situation through another lens.

In addition, as a parent, you may find it useful to refer to this brief summary of cognitive distortions that result in anger, created by Corner Canyon Counseling and Psychological Services.

Through understanding the various cognitive distortions that exist, your teenager will become aware of her flawed habits of thinking that she needs to change.

5. Don’t threaten your teen

When your teen becomes angry, you may feel tempted to use threats as a way of calming him down.

For example, you might say: “If you don’t calm down now, I’m going to take away your phone.”

Or you might say: “If you don’t stop shouting, you’ll be grounded for a month.”

But this approach won’t work in the long run.

If you use threats, your teen will resent you. Threats may work in the short term, but in the long term, they will damage the relationship you have with your teen.

What’s more, threats do nothing to resolve the anger issue.

Your teen’s anger is not just a behavioural problem. It’s a sign that something is wrong, that some emotional need is not being met.

6. Explain to your teen how he or she can express anger in an appropriate way

There’s no point in doing this while your teenager is still angry.

Wait until the episode has passed and your teenager is calm and relaxed.

Explain to her that all feelings are acceptable, but not all behaviours are acceptable. Explain to her that it’s okay to feel angry, and that there’s no need to feel guilty about it.

Share with her that there are ways to express anger without hurting others.

Teach your teenager how to recognise the signs that she’s on the verge of a meltdown:

Clenched jaw
Headache
Increase in heart rate
Sweaty palms
Dizziness

Tell your teenager that when she’s angry, she doesn’t need to act on her feelings right away.

Ask your teenager to practise counting to ten slowly, or to try this breathing exercise:

Breathe in for four counts
Hold your breath for four counts
Breathe out for four counts

7. Discuss family rules related to expressing anger

When the situation has passed and everyone is calm, schedule a discussion about how everyone in the family will express their anger.

During the family discussion, decide on the boundaries your family will commit to.

Come to a consensus that these rules will apply to everyone in the family, including you as a parent.

For example, your family might decide that it’s not acceptable to:

Break things
Use vulgarities
Engage in name-calling
Storm off in the middle of a conversation
Slam the door
Kick or throw furniture around

This is a good opportunity to talk about the difference between feeling angry and being aggressive.

Make sure that everyone is on the same page with regard to the rules. You might find it helpful to write down the rules and put them somewhere visible, such as on the fridge door.

8. Call a timeout if the situation becomes heated

When a situation with your teen becomes heated, try calling a “timeout”. In fact, calling a timeout can be part of the family rules that we just talked about.

When tempers are flaring, there’s no point in allowing the situation to escalate further.

For example, you could say: “We’re both getting angry, so let’s please take a break. How about we discuss this again after dinner?”

If your teen persists in arguing, try to disengage. After all, conflicts are never resolved when the parties involved have lost their cool.

9. Keep the lines of communication with your teen open

Remember that one of the most important things you can do as a parent is to keep the lines of communication open.

Of course, this is easier said than done when you have an angry teenager on your hands.

Refrain from casting judgment, jumping to conclusions, or lecturing your teenager. If your teenager is angry, it means that he needs empathy (as discussed in Strategy #3).

Ask for your teenager’s opinion. Encourage him to share his point of view. Seek to understand his perspective.

By keeping the lines of communication open, your teenager will eventually share his feelings. As such, you’ll be able to get to the root of the issue.

10. Find a win-win (or at least no-lose) solution to every conflict

When dealing with any conflict with your teen, try to find a win-win solution.

Avoid an outcome where your teen feels that you won and she lost. Such outcomes will lead to your teen becoming even angrier.

For example, when setting boundaries related to curfew timings, phone usage, or screen time, be willing to negotiate with your teen.

This way, she will feel that she has a part to play in developing the solution. She won’t be resentful if she feels that she was involved in the process of setting the boundary.

Adult life involves plenty of compromise and negotiation, so this is a good opportunity to enable your teen to develop this life skill.

The solution you both agree on may be a compromise between what you want and what your teen wants. But if you can both live with it, it’s better than creating a rule that you simply impose by force.

11. Reach out to your teen’s teachers

If your teenager is becoming aggressive, reach out to his teachers. Let them know what you’ve observed about your teenager at home.

Your teenager’s teachers may have information to share that will help you understand why he is acting out.

Could it be that he is being ostracised by his classmates?

Maybe he is hanging out with bad company?

Or perhaps he is struggling to keep up with his schoolwork?

Your teenager’s teachers may be able to help you figure out why your teenager is being aggressive at home.

12. Model for your teen how to manage anger effectively

If your teen sees you losing your temper frequently, it will be hard for her to learn how to handle her anger.

Family life sometimes involves moments of conflict and anger. But when you get angry with a family member, model for your teen how to resolve the conflict peacefully.

Research shows that children who observe their parents having mild conflicts and resolving those conflicts display higher levels of emotional intelligence later on.

This principle applies to your relationship with your teen too. If you’ve lost your temper at your teen, apologise to her and make amends.

Many parents find it hard to apologise to their children. Some parents think that apologising is an act of weakness, or that it implies that they lack authority.

But this isn’t true.

When you offer a genuine apology to your teen, you’re modelling accountability. You’re showing your teen the importance of taking responsibility for your actions.

You’re also displaying humility, which will earn your teen’s respect.

13. Do something together with your teen that he or she enjoys

When your teenager displays anger at home, you may feel a need to deal with the issue right away.

But most of the time, this isn’t the best approach. For a start, take the focus away from the anger issue altogether.

Go and do something fun with your teenager. Watch a movie, go for a hike, visit an amusement park, or go bowling.

These activities will allow you to build a connection with your teenager. In turn, this will make it easier to understand the issues behind your teenager’s anger.

But if you keep trying to address the anger issue directly, you may end up backing your teenager into a corner.

She may start to feel that you view her as a problem that needs to be fixed, which will exacerbate the situation.

So spend meaningful time with your teenager and work on the relationship first.

14. Help your teen identify the triggers that set him or her off

Teens often lack awareness as to what triggers their emotional responses.

So it’s helpful to encourage your teen to reflect on what kinds of comments or situations trigger his anger.

Is it when someone makes a comment about his appearance or abilities? Or is it when he feels as if his character is being called into question?

Through this process of reflection, your teen will become more self-aware.

This self-awareness will allow him to identify the deeper issues that spark his anger. He can then begin to work on these issues in an intentional way.

15. Don’t treat your teen as a child

As children develop into teenagers, parents often struggle to adjust their parenting methods.

If you’re not careful, you might still be treating your teenager as if she’s a child, when she’s actually on the cusp of adulthood.

But there’s a powerful force at work in your teenager, which is urging her to develop her own identity. It’s pushing her toward independence, even if you might not think she’s ready for it.

If you keep talking to your teenager as you did when she was a child, she will likely rebel and display more anger.

Instead, try seeing your teenager as an adult who lacks experience. This will enable you to shift from being an authority figure to being a coach and mentor to your teenager.

This shift is vital if you want your teenager to make the most of her potential and overcome her anger issues.

16. Help your teen to develop problem-solving skills

Anger in teens often arises when they are confronted with a problem and can’t think of a constructive way to deal with it.

The problem can take many different forms:

A project team member who is not pulling his weight and is leaving your teen to do all the work
Classmates who are gossiping about your teen
A teacher who picks on your teen
Your teen being unable to stay on top of his schoolwork

If your teen lacks problem-solving skills, he may start to feel helpless. As a result, he may lash out in anger.

So I encourage you to teach your teen the steps of problem-solving:

Identify the problem
Think of at least 2 to 3 possible solutions
Evaluate each possible solution based on advantages and disadvantages
Choose a solution
Implement the solution
Reflect on how things turned out and what lessons you learned

When your teen is equipped with these problem-solving skills, he will feel more confident when confronted with a challenge.

Instead of feeling discouraged and frustrated, your teen will take positive steps toward overcoming the problem.

17. Develop family rules about screen time

If your teenager is aggressive, screen time might be a key contributing factor.

Too much screen time results in teenagers who are “wired and tired” – they’re agitated but exhausted at the same time.

Here are three ways that excessive screen time can lead to increased aggression in teenagers:

Suppression of melatonin. Melatonin is a sleep-inducing hormone that gets released at night. But the light emitted by the screens of various electronic devices mimics daylight. This suppresses the release of melatonin and affects your sleep.
Over-reliance on dopamine. Dopamine is a feel-good chemical released by your brain. Too much screen time causes the release of excessive amounts of dopamine. This creates a need in your teenager for ever-increasing levels of stimulation.
Overloading the sensory system. Screen time depletes your teenager’s mental resources, making her unable to process what’s happening around her. To cope with this, your teenager may become prone to angry outbursts.

These factors can lead to a state of stress and unease in your teenager, which further affects her ability to manage her anger.

Similar to what we talked about under Strategy #7, it’s crucial that you lead a discussion about family rules related to screen time.

For example, you might decide that – as a family – you…

Will not use electronic devices during mealtimes
Will not have a TV in your home
Will create a daily schedule for when you will have screen time
Will charge your electronic devices in the living room (not the bedroom) every night
Will not have any screen time within 1 hour of bedtime

18. Get help for your teen

As we’ve already discussed in this article, recurring episodes of anger is a clear sign that something deeper is going on with your teen.

Identifying the deeper issue isn’t always straightforward.

It’s necessary to take a holistic approach that investigates factors related to your teen’s physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

Parent-teen relationships are complicated. As the parent, you’re often too involved to be able to assess the situation objectively.

(I’m a parent of two myself, so I know this for a fact!)

Getting a neutral third party – who is also a professional – involved is often a key turning point, which results in your teen’s positive transformation.

I work with teens 1-to-1 to help them work through their anger issues. I also empower them to become motivated, responsible and resilient.

I encourage you to get help for your teen today before the situation worsens.

19. Don’t focus on winning the argument

As a parent, you’re used to being the authority figure in your home. It’s natural that you don’t want to lose face.

In an argument with your teenager, you may feel as if you have to win in order to maintain your position of authority.

But if you focus on winning the argument with your teenager, you may end up winning the battle but losing the war.

If your teenager always comes away from arguments feeling that he has lost, he will eventually stop talking to you about his problems.

Your teenager will start to resent you, which will fuel even more anger in him.

20. Aim to achieve the “5:1 ratio” in your relationship with your teen

Research has shown that for a healthy marriage, there is typically a ratio of at least five positive interactions for every negative interaction.

Having worked with teens for years, I’ve observed that this principle applies in the parent-teen relationship too.

Ensure that your positive interactions with your teen far outweigh the negative ones.

When your teen displays anger, remember that anger is often a symptom of low self-esteem.

The teenage years are difficult ones, and your teen is still trying to develop her own identity. As such, she probably struggles with some – if not many – self-esteem issues.

This is why it isn’t a good idea to continually criticise your teen. No adult likes to be criticised all the time either!

If you express constant disapproval of your teen, it will undermine her self-esteem. She’ll then become even angrier.

You may observe many things about your teen’s attitude and behaviour that warrant correction.

But remember the 5:1 ratio.

Ask yourself these questions:

Will it help the situation if I criticise my teen?
Is this a battle worth fighting, or can I let it go?
Is there a gentler way that I can address the issue?

So be sparing with your criticism, but be generous with your appreciation, kind words, and empathy.

Conclusion

Dealing with teenage anger is a complex issue.

It requires various parenting skills, including the ability to listen, empathise, and understand the underlying reason why your teen is angry.

It also requires that your teen develops the tools he or she needs to overcome the anger issue.

These tools include:

Understanding cognitive distortions
Becoming more aware of what triggers his or her anger
Acquiring problem-solving skills

If you get help for your teen and apply the strategies in this article, I’m confident that the situation will improve tremendously.

So don’t lose hope!

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11 Tips to Get Better at Math

Updated on May 11, 2023 By Daniel Wong 11 Comments

Are you struggling with how to get better at math?

If you’re like many students, you find math frustrating and overwhelming.

Maybe your palms get sweaty just thinking about solving equations and memorising formulas. Or maybe you feel like you’re not a “math person” — like no matter how hard you try, you’ll never understand the fundamentals of geometry or algebra.

I get it. Math is tough, and it only gets more difficult as you progress in your studies.

But you don’t have to love numbers to learn how to get good grades in math. With the right attitude and strategies, anyone can learn how to become better at math.

Plus, math is one skill you’ll use long after you complete your formal education. From managing money to filing taxes to baking cakes, confidence with numbers will help you every day.

So, how do you get better at math for long-term success?

Let’s explore these 11 tips that will help you exchange anxiety for confidence, regardless of what problem your teacher (or life) throws your way.

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1. Relate math problems to real-life situations

Without mathematics, there’s nothing you can do. Everything around you is mathematics. Everything around you is numbers.
– Shakuntala Devi, writer and mental calculator.

What do you see when you look at a complicated math equation? A random jumble of letters and numbers?

No wonder you feel stressed because of math!

One simple tip to get better at math is to make practical connections to real-life scenarios whenever possible.

If your teacher writes a difficult equation on the board, ask yourself how you might use the formula outside the classroom.

It’s always more challenging to memorise something we don’t understand. But getting better at math becomes purposeful and relevant when we make it meaningful.

Here’s an example…

B = 60 + 0.25M, where B = 300

This equation doesn’t mean anything to you. Maybe you can solve it, but you probably don’t care much about it.

Now, what if I told you this math equation represents your phone bill. M = minutes used; B = total amount due.

You suddenly have a real-life connection to the problem. It’s not just an assortment of letters and numbers but a practical scenario involving money.

Remember that a valuable reason to get better at math is to make everyday decisions easier. So start relating your math assignments to real-life situations whenever you can.

If you do this, those tricky formulas might start to make more sense.

2. Master basic math skills

Sometimes, studying math can feel like learning a foreign language. So why not treat it like one?

You wouldn’t attempt an entire conversation in Spanish if you didn’t already know a few essential words. Instead, you’d learn words like hola and gracias.

Then, you’d practise stringing a handful of words into a sentence. Eventually, after some repetition, you’d have a solid foundation to advance your language skills.

Complex math computations build off of foundational skills, too.

Develop and maintain the basics, such as fractions and decimals. Avoid moving on to higher levels of math until you fully understand the underlying principles — even if that means doing a few extra practice problems along the way.

You’ll soon discover that you can learn how to get good at math.

3. Break down intricate problems

There’s no way around it: you’ll face tricky math problems on your academic journey.

It’s easy to get flustered by complex questions, but remember that these questions build off skills you already possess.

Ask yourself this question:

How can I break this math problem into smaller, more manageable parts?

Read and reread the question carefully. Take a deep breath.

Do you recognise any familiar concepts or formulas within the larger problem? By “chunking” a challenging problem down into bite-size sections, you’ll avoid feeling overwhelmed.

If you’re still stuck, consider simplifying the numbers. Does the problem become more manageable if you’re working with 10 instead of 10,000? 2/3 instead of 37/52? (Just don’t forget to revert to the original numbers before writing your final answer!)

When faced with challenging problems in life and in math, ask yourself how you could simplify the situation.

You might be surprised at how obvious the answer becomes!

4. Make the most of practice tests

Education isn’t mainly about getting good grades. That being said, exams are an unavoidable part of your academic career.

Practice tests are a powerful tool to help you prepare well, but there’s a problem.

Many students learn how to tackle a tough question on their practice test weeks or even months before the exam. They then sometimes forget how to solve the same type of question when it shows up later on the actual exam.

Here’s what I recommend that you do:

Place a sticky note on the page whenever you encounter a tricky question. Get the help you need to understand the problem. Regularly review all the practice questions you flagged with a sticky note in the days and weeks leading up to the exam.

If you add this to your list of test preparation and test-taking strategies, you’ll see an improvement in your math grades.

5. Establish a consistent study routine

Studies show that cramming doesn’t work.

If you cram, you might be able to memorise equations or formulas for a while, but you won’t retain the information for long.

What should you do instead?

Establish a consistent study routine to review math problems and formulas.

Try setting up a study group with three to four other motivated students if you need some accountability.

After a lot of research and experimentation, here’s a routine for periodic review that I’ve found works well for most students:

1 day after learning the new information
3 days after the first review
7 days after the second review
21 days after the third review
30 days after the fourth review
45 days after the fifth review
60 days after the sixth review

Use this schedule to commit fundamental math concepts and formulas to long-term memory. You should only need about 10 to 15 minutes for each review session for each topic.

(For more tips on how to improve your study habits so that you learn how to be better at math, here are the rules I followed to become a straight-A student.)

6. Write down each step

We’ve all been there before…

You get your math exam back and you review the questions you got wrong. You realise you did everything right for a number of questions — except for one tiny mistake. This means that you still got the final answer wrong.

Rushing through the process of solving math problems doesn’t help your accuracy.

So it’s crucial that you write down each step. This way, you can check your intermediate calculations on the way to your final answer. By doing this, you’ll avoid errors and uncover mistakes you made along the way.

Here’s another tip: It makes a difference if you’re organised and neat. If you can’t read your handwriting, you can’t check your process. Try working vertically, and only use one line on your paper for each step.

7. Practise mental math

Now, some of you might be thinking:

“Isn’t practising mental math the opposite of writing down each step as you work through a problem?”

Well, not exactly.

When I talk about mental math, I’m referring to simple calculations that you can do in your head.

Your brain is like a muscle. To keep it strong, you’ve got to use it and challenge it.

Mental math is an excellent way to do just that. Plus, it will enable you to strengthen your understanding of numerical relationships.

Try using mental math while you’re out shopping or dining at a restaurant. Help your parents calculate a tip without using your smartphone. Estimate what the sales tax will be at the grocery store.

Keep practising, and eventually, complicated mental math will seem simple!

You’ll stop wondering to yourself, “How do I get better at math?” Instead, you’ll start revelling in your newfound confidence with numbers.

8. Improve your number sense

Number sense refers to how comfortable you are with numbers and basic math.

Some people have better number sense than others, and that’s okay! With practice, anyone can improve their number sense.

Here’s a fun trick to cultivate number sense: Make guesses or estimations.

As you go about your day-to-day activities, think about the distances, amounts, and measurements you encounter.

How many miles do you need to travel to get to soccer practice? How many gallons of water does it take to fill a swimming pool? How many tablespoons of sugar could fit in that bowl?

Whenever you can, do the actual calculations to see how accurate you were.

The more you make estimations about the world around you, the better your approximations will get — and the more comfortable you’ll feel about dealing with numbers.

9. Focus on the process of solving problems

I’ve said it before in many articles: Students who succeed in school concentrate on learning the information, not on getting straight A’s.

Sure, it feels nice to get good grades. But what’s far more important are the positive habits that shape who you’re becoming through the process of learning effectively.

The same principle applies to learning how to get better at math.

Getting the correct answer on an exam is great. But what matters is that you understand the process that brought you to that right answer.

These are the same kinds of processes that will help you navigate the world outside of school.

As you tackle increasingly tricky math topics like calculus and complex numbers, remember why you’re learning specific formulas. If you don’t understand the process behind a calculation, approach your teacher for help.

Plus, when you swap memorising facts for understanding processes, you’ll get better grades too.

10. Ask questions

When it comes to getting better at math, there’s never any shame in asking for guidance when you need it.

If you have a question, go to your teachers or parents for support. They want to help you succeed!

Here are some helpful tips for asking better questions so that you can get better at math:

Be as specific with your questions as possible.
Listen attentively.
Take notes so that you have additional information to refer to later on.
Repeat back to your teacher what you heard to check your understanding.
Clarify your doubts early on; don’t wait until the day before an exam to seek help.

11. Stay positive

Getting better at math might seem impossible in the beginning. But with the right mindset and tools, you can improve your understanding of numbers — and get better math grades, too.

Your mindset is vital, and the phrases you say to yourself will shape how you feel. In other words, positive self-talk will help you become a more successful and resilient student. Negative self-talk will achieve the opposite.

Here are a few mantras that I’ve found to be especially helpful:

“The harder it gets, the harder I try.”
“I don’t stop when I’m tired. I stop when I’m done.”
“Progress, not perfection.”

If you’re struggling to maintain a positive mindset about math, you can give these phrases a try too.

And if you’d like some help to become a focused, motivated and resilient student, you can learn more about the one-to-one coaching programme I offer. It would be my joy to work with you!

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How to Deal With Teenage Attitude: 7 Tips for Parents

Updated on July 14, 2023 By Daniel Wong 14 Comments

How to deal with teenage attitude – that’s what so many frustrated parents want to know.

As someone who’s been coaching teens for years, I often speak with parents who are overwhelmed by their teenager’s attitude.

Since you’re reading this article, I’m sure you love your teens and want to set them up for success.

Yet almost everything you say or do elicits an eye-roll in response.

Do any of the following scenarios sound familiar to you?

Your teenagers hate school and don’t have long-term academic goals (or other meaningful goals, for that matter). When you tell them that there’ll be no video games until they finish their homework, they storm off.

Or maybe you want to spend some family time together, but your teens prefer to use social media or watch videos instead.

And if you ask about your teen’s day? Well, you’re lucky if you get a three-word reply.

Knowing how to deal with teenage attitude is tricky. You don’t want to worsen the situation and suffer through another teenage tantrum, but you’re also unwilling to tolerate disrespectful behaviour.

Here’s what you need to remember…

Your teenager’s attitude often has little to do with you.

Teenagehood is a tricky time. Teens are developing their sense of identity, yet they still feel powerless, confined by rules and schedules.

But here’s some good news:

While parenting teens is never easy, there are ways to learn how to handle teenage attitude – simple steps you can take today to improve your relationship with your teens and get through to them.

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7 ways to deal with teenage attitude problems

Understanding your teen’s challenging behaviour can be emotionally overwhelming, but these proven tips will help:

1. Offer advice only if your teen is open to it

As a parent, it’s hard to watch your teenagers struggle with their problems — especially when you know you can help.

After all, you’ve experienced a lot more than your teens have. If only they would listen to you, you could easily give them the solutions they need.

You want to support your teens to become excellent students who lead meaningful lives. But they’re in the process of discovering their unique identity. They need to develop their own preferences and learn from their mistakes.

If your teenagers are open to it, you can still guide and coach them. But do your best to listen more and speak less.

Avoid forcing your opinion on your teenagers, even if you think you know what’s best for them.

They’ll be more inclined to share their thoughts and feelings with you (without the bad attitude) if you listen rather than lecture.

2. Set clear boundaries together with your teen

If you want your teenagers to respect boundaries, involve them in the rule-setting process.

If you do this, they’ll see that you value and respect their feelings and opinions.

Now, the rules should seem reasonable to everyone in the family. You’re not letting your teens walk all over you, but rather you’re listening to their concerns and working together to create fair boundaries.

As far as possible, make the boundaries apply to you (as the parent) too. In my own family, I’ve found that my children are more willing to abide by the rules when they apply to me and my wife too.

When you set rules with your teens, they will be much more likely to go along with them.

And you know what’s even better? You won’t have to struggle with the issue of how to deal with teenage attitude.

3. Give your teen autonomy

Does it feel like just a short while ago your teenager was a toddler?

Do you remember that small child who always wanted to spend time with you and relied on you for almost everything?

I don’t need to tell you how quickly kids grow up, so the process of raising independent grownups begins now.

Teenagers often feel like their lives are out of their control and that their freedom is always being limited.

They’re discovering their identity yet often feel frustrated by their lack of independence. This sometimes leads to a poor attitude and risky teenage behaviours.

After all, teens who don’t feel right can’t act right.

So give your teens autonomy whenever you’re able to. This might mean compromising on the small things (like a hairstyle or fashion choice), but in return, you’ll have more energy for the things that matter.

Teens should have the final say with regard to most of the things going on in their lives, e.g. which subjects to take, which activities to participate in, how to complete a project.

4. Stay calm

You politely ask your daughter to wash the dishes after dinner.

She gets angry, says she doesn’t want to, then slams her bedroom door.

Your frustration starts to rise and you lecture her. How else should you deal with such teenage attitude?

Of course, rude and disrespectful behaviour is never acceptable.

That being said, losing your temper will cause your teen to shut down or become defensive. It definitely won’t lead to a productive conversation about your teen’s inappropriate actions.

When you feel as if you’re about to lose your cool, take a few deep breaths.

Stay calm (here are some good tips to do that) and, if necessary, address the issue at a later time when both you and your teen have calmed down.

5. Spend quality time with your teen

It might seem like your teenagers don’t want to spend time with you. It might seem like whatever you do or say is annoying to them.

Here’s the thing to keep in mind about dealing with teenage attitude…

Your teens crave your love and support, even if they don’t express it.

They might begin to feel neglected if it appears that their other siblings or your work or hobbies are more important to you than they are.

If they feel this way, their behaviour will get worse.

So set aside regular time to spend with your teen, and ensure that your teen is available at that time too.

Use these opportunities to show that you care about your teen and about his or her interests and hobbies.

Over time, your teen’s confidence and self-esteem will improve, and so will the parent-teen relationship.

Quality time doesn’t have to be extravagant. A walk around the neighbourhood or an afternoon out for ice cream is all it takes to demonstrate that you enjoy spending time with your teen.

And make sure to avoid lecturing or nagging during this quality time — quality time should be something you both look forward to!

6. Don’t take bad behaviour personally

When it comes to how to deal with teenage attitude, it’s easy to feel like you’re not handling the situation well.

You want to help your teens take responsibility for their lives so they become successful, happy adults.

But all your teens do is complain, talk back to you, and question your authority.

You might think to yourself, “My teenager hates me.” But that’s rarely the case.

It helps to remember that how they behave frequently has less to do with you and more to do with their developmental stage.

Their brains are changing. They’re learning how to express their heightened emotions while also discovering their identity.

That’s a lot to handle for a young person!

Again, I’m not saying you should condone bad behaviour. But when you realise that their attitude isn’t a personal attack directed at you, it will be easier to communicate with your teen clearly and effectively.

In turn, it’s more likely that you’ll be able to get your teenager to listen to you.

7. Build your teen’s self-confidence

You want to help your teens develop positive lifelong habits.

So, you offer constructive criticism. You tell your teens what they should be doing: studying more, cleaning up, eating healthily, reducing screentime…

While you’re trying to enable your teens to become more responsible, don’t forget to say positive things to them, too!

Research shows that recognising positive behaviour in teens promotes identity formation and moral reasoning.

I recommend practising descriptive praise instead of evaluative praise. (Here are some examples of descriptive praise.)

By doing this, you’ll reinforce positive behaviour, build your teens’ self-confidence, and support habits for long-term success.

Plus, you’ll have more peace in your household, leading to fewer conflicts between you and your teens.

In closing…

Knowing how to handle teenage attitude can be stressful and exhausting.

Start applying the tips outlined in this article, and keep persevering.

As time goes by, your family life will be more harmonious, and your relationship with your teen will improve too.

And if you’ve found this article useful, check out my online course for parents of teens called Transform Your Teen Today: 7 Steps to Turn Your Child Into a Motivated & Responsible Teen.

Through the course, you’ll get the exact strategies and support you need to empower your teen to go through a positive transformation – starting today!

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