Children Archives - Daniel Wong

30 Simple Ways to Set a Good Example for Your Children

August 26, 2019 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

As a parent, you know it’s important to lead by example.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “What you are speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you are saying.”

But life can get so busy.

There are chores to do, errands to run, projects to complete, and events to attend.

And of course, there are also children to bring up.

So it’s to be expected that many parents rarely ask themselves, “Am I setting a good example for my children?”

Through my extensive 1-to-1 work with pre-teens and teens, I’ve observed first-hand how much influence parents have on their children – whether good or bad.

So in this article, I’ll share with you 30 simple ways for you to set a good example for your children.

FREE BONUS: Download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the tips found here, plus 7 exclusive bonus tips that you’ll only find in the PDF.

1. Be vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to tell your children about your failures and shortcomings. Share with them how you’ve learned to be resilient. Explain to them how you overcame the challenges and obstacles you faced.

2. Value relationships over material wealth. I’ve heard it said that we ought to love people and use things. But many people do the opposite: they love things and use people. Show your children that relationships always matter more than things.

3. Embrace challenges. Get outside your comfort zone on a regular basis and confront your fears. Your children will learn from your positive attitude.

4. Be committed to personal development. Always be improving yourself in some way, e.g. knowledge, habits, skills, emotional control. Your children will see how committed you are to leading a better life, day by day.

5. Write cards to your friends. My own mother used to do this often as a way of encouraging her friends. This helped me to see how vital it is to invest in your friendships.

6. Volunteer and do charity work. We all want our children to serve others and contribute to their communities. Let’s set an example by making a difference through some kind of volunteer work.

7. Invite your neighbours over for dinner. By doing this, you’ll show your children the importance of hospitality. You’ll also forge a deeper relationship with your neighbours. [Read more…]

10 Guaranteed Ways to Motivate Your Children to Do Well in School

Updated on July 8, 2019 By Daniel Wong 14 Comments

Do you have trouble motivating your children to study?

It’s a common problem that I see in my coaching work with pre-teens and teens.

In my experience, many parents approach this problem the wrong way.

In this article, I’m going to explain 10 principles for motivating children to do well in school and study hard.

FREE BONUS: Download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the tips found here, plus 3 exclusive bonus tips that you’ll only find in the PDF.

1. Don’t annoy your children

One of the keys to motivating your children to work hard is not to annoy them.

This may seem odd at first, as we’re used to parents getting annoyed with children, not vice versa.

But relationships are a two-way street, and parents can also annoy children.

If your children are continually upset with you over things you say or do, they will find it hard to listen to you.

You may have some great wisdom to offer them, but your children won’t be receptive to your advice.

Parents often engage in power struggles with their children. For some of us, these are habits we learned from our own childhoods.

But power struggles with your children consume a lot of energy. And that’s energy that could be spent on something more constructive.

Another habit to avoid is making comments that suggest your child isn’t good enough.

This may be something you’re not aware that you do.

It may be very subtle. For example, take the statement: “You’re improving, but I know you can do better.” On the surface, it sounds like encouragement. But you’re actually telling your child that he or she isn’t good enough.

Or take a statement that begins: “When I was your age…” These kinds of statements usually involve a comparison that leaves your children feeling bad. So avoid making these types of comments.

Another trap that parents fall into is comparing their children with someone else’s. Parents often hope that these comparisons will inspire their children to do better.

Unfortunately, these comments have the opposite effect.

“I hear that John got A’s in all his subjects the last term” may seem like an innocent remark. But it’s a comparison that leaves your child feeling worse about himself or herself.

This is not the way to motivate your children.

Sometimes, parents try to motivate their children by giving them lectures. But lectures tend to make children feel powerless and resentful.

Instead of lecturing your children, discuss the issue with them and ask them what they think. This is much more effective than lecturing them.

Why?

Because it gets them involved, and makes them part of the solution.

2. Give your children a sense of control

If you want to motivate your children, they need to feel as if they’re in control of their lives.

Being motivated comes from knowing that you can shape your future through the actions you take today.

But if children feel as if their parents are in complete (or almost complete) control, they will have little motivation.

Some parents hover over their children. They micromanage every last detail of their children’s lives.

The result is that the children never develop a sense that they’re responsible for their education and their lives. [Read more…]

Parents, Stop Telling Your Kids to Study Hard for Their Own Good (And What to Do Instead)

Updated on March 14, 2019 By Daniel Wong 27 Comments

Yes, it is for your kids’ own good that they study hard.

But you shouldn’t tell them that.

Why not?

Because if you do, they’ll be less likely to study hard.

(I’ve spoken to and worked with more than 25,000 students, so I say this with confidence.)

In this article, I’ll provide an explanation.

I’ll also share three tips to help your kids develop intrinsic motivation.

BONUS: Is it hard to get through to your child? Download this FREE checklist, 10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

Don’t expect your kids to get an education in school

This might sound strange, so hear me out.

We live in a world where knowledge abounds.

It’s incredible that most of this knowledge is available for free online – you just have to seek it out.

A couple of decades ago, to get an education you had almost no choice but to attend school.

But today, you can take courses on Khan Academy, Coursera, Udacity, Udemy, and other websites.

If you’re diligent about taking these courses, you’d acquire more skills and knowledge than you would in almost any traditional school.

This means that, over time, the diplomas and degrees that schools give out will matter less.

It also means that students shouldn’t go to school expecting to get an education. Rather, school should form just one part of a student’s education.

In the future, diplomas and degrees won’t be the ticket to a well-paying job and a comfortable life. (This is already starting to be the case.)

But for now, such certificates still matter.

Statistics show that students who perform better in school are more likely to get jobs that pay better.

And students who study hard are obviously more likely to perform well in school.

Which means that if you want to motivate your kids, you should tell them to work hard in school for their own benefit, right?

Wrong.

Allow me to explain.

3 reasons it’s ineffective to tell your kids to study hard for their own good

Reason #1: Students today aren’t hungry for a “better life”

In developed countries today, most children and teenagers have more material things than they need.

More toys than they need.

More shoes than they need.

More clothes than they need.

More electronic devices than they need.

In contrast, one or two generations ago, most people experienced real hardship.

For example, my parents and grandparents grew up with far less (materially speaking) than I did.

From an early age, it was obvious to my parents that if they wanted to have a more comfortable life in the future, they needed to work hard in school.

Their teachers and parents told them that education was the key to success – and in that era, it was true. [Read more…]

10 Ways That Parents Can Help Teens Get Enough Sleep

Updated on November 9, 2018 By Daniel Wong 3 Comments

Note from Daniel: This is a guest post by Sarah Cummings.

Does your teen get enough sleep?

Probably not.

Scientists recommend that teens get more sleep per night than adults, but many of them get less.

In fact, around 85% of teens are sleep deprived.

As parents, we should take this fact seriously, because sleep is important for physical health, brain function and learning.

So here are 10 tips for parents to help teens get a better night’s sleep…

If your teen lacks motivation, download this FREE e-book, 16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager. The e-book has already been downloaded by more than 20,000 happy parents.

1. Respect your teens’ different rhythms

Teens experience a shift in their circadian rhythms, because of a delayed release of melatonin compared to adults.

Because of this shift, they may not get sleepy until later than you do.

Based on their natural circadian rhythm, they might not go to bed until midnight. If they get the full dose of their recommended hours in, this will cause them to sleep in until 9 am or 10 am.

Of course, this sleep schedule doesn’t work during school days. So they’ll need to shift their sleep schedule gradually – which is what we’ll talk about next.

2. Establish a routine

Talk to your teens and create a routine that you’re both agreeable to.

If your teens are sleeping too late on school nights, the changes need to be made little by little.

If they’re used to going to bed at 1 am, they won’t suddenly be able to fall asleep at 9:30 pm.

As such, you can try to shift their bedtime forward gradually, e.g. 10 minutes earlier each day.

Once your teens are going to bed at the ideal time, try to ensure that they stick to this bedtime during the week and on weekends, too (or as close to it as possible).

This way, their sleeping patterns won’t be affected too much.

If your teens don’t sleep enough on weekdays, they’ll accumulate “sleep debt”. This will make them more likely to break out in pimples, since insufficient sleep is linked to acne and other forms of skin irritation.

Furthermore, the more sleep debt they accumulate, the more likely they are to fall victim to a long list of health problems. [Read more…]

40 Things Children Should Know How to Do Before They Turn 13

Updated on July 21, 2018 By Daniel Wong 18 Comments

As a parent, do you sometimes do things for your children that they should do for themselves?

I’m a parent too, so I know this is a trap that’s easy to fall into.

As time goes by, you may even start to think that you need to keep doing these things for your children.

If you don’t, these things won’t get done at all!

Sound familiar?

I’ve spoken to and worked with 25,000 pre-teens and teens so far. It surprises me that most of them haven’t developed the life skills needed to succeed in school and adulthood.

To help parents, I’ve created this list of 40 things that children should know how to do before they turn 13.

(To gain access to 10 more items, download the free bonus below.)

I’ve separated the list into five categories:

General life skills and self-management
Social/communication skills and relationships
Money
Home
Emotions

FREE BONUS: Download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the items found here, plus 10 exclusive bonus items that you’ll only find in the PDF.

General life skills and self-management

1. Use a calendar or planner to keep track of important events and dates.

2. Handle their schoolwork, revision, etc. on their own without reminders or nagging.

3. Wake up on their own every morning without relying on their parents.

4. Writing things down and setting reminders to ensure that they don’t forget important information, items, etc.

5. Keep their room, desk, personal belongings, etc. organised.

6. Contact their tutors, teachers, coaches, etc. when necessary instead of relying on their parents to do it on their behalf.

7. Develop a rough daily and weekly schedule.

8. Create a plan to prepare for a test, achieve a goal, complete a project, etc.

9. Prioritise tasks.

10. Pack their bag on their own.

11. Take public transportation. [Read more…]

How to Deal With a Disrespectful Teenager: 10 Tips for Frustrated Parents

Updated on May 2, 2019 By Daniel Wong 62 Comments

Are you dealing with a disrespectful teenager?

Maybe he mutters under his breath when you ask him to do his homework.

Or maybe she slams her bedroom door when you tell her she can’t go out with her friends.

If so, you are probably at your wits’ end.

You love your teenagers and you want the best for them.

But you also want them to accept that there are rules in your family, just as there are rules in the outside world.

Don’t be alarmed. Disrespect towards parents is common as youngsters navigate the waters between childhood and adulthood.

But you can’t deal with disrespect by simply ignoring it.

You need a strategy. There are things you need to do, and things you need to avoid doing.

This article explains 10 tips for successfully handling disrespectful teenagers.

FREE BONUS: Download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the tips found here, plus 3 exclusive bonus tips that you’ll only find in the PDF.

1. Understand the teenage brain

During childhood, there’s tremendous brain development. By age six, 95% of the brain’s structure has already been formed.

Picture it as a sudden development of the wiring of the brain.

The problem is that the new wiring hasn’t yet been connected to the key parts of the brain.

As Molly Edmonds writes, the teenage brain is like an entertainment centre whose components haven’t yet been hooked up.

There are loose wires everywhere. The speaker system hasn’t been connected to the DVD player. And the DVD player hasn’t been configured to work with the TV.

And as for the remote control – it hasn’t even arrived yet!

In this analogy, the remote control is the prefrontal cortex.

That’s the part of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments, and controls impulses and emotions. But in the teenage brain, it hasn’t been properly connected yet.

What does this mean in practice?

It means teenagers can get frustrated easily, with themselves and with external situations. It makes them impulsive and subject to mood swings that you and I don’t experience.

That’s a heady cocktail that can turn teenagers into emotional wrecks.

Understanding that there’s a biological basis for your teenager’s difficult behaviour makes it much easier to deal with.

It helps you to focus on the behaviour rather than the person.

2. Think about the emotional needs underlying the behaviour

When teenagers are disrespectful to their parents, it’s sometimes a sign that they have emotional needs that aren’t being met.

Sometimes the disrespectful behaviour is a way of getting attention.

Other times, it’s an indication that they don’t feel accepted.

Sit down with your teenager and tell her that you’re there for her if she wants to talk about something. Remind her that you love her unconditionally. [Read more…]

12 Skills That Good Parents Have (Backed by Science)

Updated on November 9, 2018 By Daniel Wong 12 Comments

Do you want to have good parenting skills?

Of course you do.

You want to help your children make the most of their potential, and you want them to be contributing members of society.

But it’s time-consuming to sift through all the parenting tips out there.

What makes it more confusing is that the tips from different “parenting experts” are often contradictory!

I wanted to know what parenting skills and tips have been proven to be effective. So I read through all the scientific articles I could find.

Based on many hours of research, I’ve come up with this list of 12 good parenting skills. (If you’d like to discover another three skills effective parents have, download the free bonus below.)

FREE BONUS: Download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the skills found here, plus 3 exclusive bonus skills that you’ll only find in the PDF.

Parenting skill #1: Focus more on your children’s positive behaviour than negative behaviour.

Yale University psychology professor Alan Kazdin explains that parents should be intentional about focusing more on their children’s positive behaviour than on their negative behaviour.^[1]

The more parents scold or reprimand, the more the bad behaviour gets repeated.

When they receive a lot of scolding, children start to internalise the belief that “I’m a bad child who misbehaves and gets scolded”.

As such, they don’t feel motivated to correct their behaviour, because it has already become a part of their identity.

Effective parents understand that the better approach is to acknowledge or describe their children’s good behaviour when they see it.

You may have to go out of your way to do this, but you’ll soon observe your children’s behaviour improving.

Parenting skill #2: Teach your children to focus on the needs of others.

Lara Aknin’s research shows that children find happiness through giving to others.^[2]

In fact, children find greater happiness when they give to others sacrificially.

These are interesting findings, because most of us are naturally self-centred. We look out for our own needs before the needs of others.

But the research indicates that if we overcome our selfish nature and focus on the needs of others, we’ll be happier.

If you want your children to lead joyful, fulfilling lives, teach them to serve others and contribute. Involve them in activities where they get to help others and make a positive impact.

When your children think more in terms of contribution and less in terms of achievement, they’ll be on the path of building a meaningful life. [Read more…]

30 Simple Ways to Set a Good Example for Your Children