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Is My Teenager a Narcissist? Signs to Take Note of (And How to Handle Narcissism in Teens)

October 18, 2025 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

Signs & How to Handle Narcissism in Teens

Does your teenager often seem entitled and demanding?

Do they crave attention and praise but show little care or empathy for others?

If you’ve ever asked yourself whether your teen might be a narcissist, you’re not alone. Many parents find it challenging to distinguish between what’s normal and what isn’t.

After all, the teenage years are a time of significant change, and it’s natural for teens to become more self-focused as they figure out who they are.

While true narcissistic personality disorder in teens requires a professional diagnosis, recognizing concerning patterns early can help parents provide the right support.

In general, a narcissistic teenager often shows a clear pattern of arrogance, lack of empathy, and an excessive need for admiration. They might seem bold and confident, but this often hides insecurity or discipline problems.

In this article, we’ll dive deeper into the key traits of a narcissistic teenager. This will help you understand what can be normal and what might be cause for concern. We’ll also explore the steps you can take if you notice these signs in your teen.

(If your teen also lacks motivation, make sure to download the free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

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Key characteristics of a narcissistic teenager

It can be worrying or confusing when your teen shows behaviors that seem self-centered or dismissive of others. We can’t expect our teens to be perfect, but it’s important for us to tell the difference between normal “teenage attitude” and narcissism.

Here are some common traits of narcissism in teens to watch for:

Inflated sense of self-importance

Narcissistic teenagers often brag about their talents, appearance, or achievements. They may exaggerate or lie about their achievements to get praise.

They also tend to believe they are superior to their peers. As a result, they might dismiss or look down on other people’s needs and opinions.

Of course, this doesn’t mean your teen can’t show self-confidence or pride in their achievements. It’s healthy for them to build a positive self-image. But at the same time, they should also be able to show kindness and respect toward those around them.

Lack of empathy

Lack of empathy

One of the hallmark signs of narcissism in teenagers is a lack of concern for others.

Narcissistic teens often downplay or dismiss the feelings, needs, or opinions of the people around them.

They might brush off a friend’s struggles or show little compassion for someone in need. For example, they might laugh when a classmate trips and drops their books, or roll their eyes when you mention wanting to donate money to a charity.

They may also disregard the emotions of others and overlook the impact of their words or actions on other people.

This doesn’t mean your teen is expected to put the needs of others above their own all the time. However, they need to be able to show support and concern for other people.

Sense of entitlement

Teens with narcissism believe they deserve special privileges without putting in any effort to earn them.

They often expect things to go their way and for others to comply to keep them happy. When their expectations aren’t met, they can react with frustration and anger, or even throw tantrums.

Additionally, entitled teens might resist rules and boundaries at home or school. They might want the newest phone even though their old one still works, or demand designer clothes while refusing to do anything to earn them.

Constant need for attention and admiration

Most teenagers enjoy receiving recognition. In fact, it’s healthy for them to receive support and encouragement when they achieve something or try new things.

However, narcissistic teens constantly crave this. They thrive on likes and comments on social media and may become restless, upset, or even act out when they’re not in the spotlight.

All teens need validation from the important people in their lives. But if your teen always goes out of their way to draw attention to themselves, it’s a warning sign.

Manipulative behavior

Teenagers with narcissistic traits often use manipulation to get what they want. This can take many forms, such as guilt-tripping, lying, or twisting the truth to suit their case.

They might say things like, “If you really loved me, you’d let me go to that party,” or “Everyone else’s parents let them stay out until midnight.”

They may exaggerate stories to get sympathy. They may also avoid owning up to mistakes, often blaming others for their own actions. They might even convince other people that it’s actually their fault.

Arrogance

Narcissistic teenagers may sometimes come across as arrogant

Narcissistic teenagers may sometimes come across as arrogant, condescending, or dismissive toward others.

As a result, they tend to belittle others or downplay their accomplishments. Oftentimes, this behavior creates tension in friendships and family relationships.

This arrogance can also make them envious of others, while believing that everyone else is jealous of them.

Difficulty handling criticism

Criticism can sting, even for adults. So it’s natural for teens to feel disappointed or upset when they receive negative feedback.

But for narcissistic teenagers, any form of correction can feel almost unbearable.

In these moments, they may respond with anger, defensiveness, or withdrawal. This often manifests as lashing out, blaming others, or shutting down completely rather than taking time to process the feedback.

These behaviors can be frustrating, but they often stem from your teen feeling ashamed or inadequate.

Preoccupation with fantasies

Some narcissistic teens tend to spend a lot of time imagining their success, fame, and influence. They might practice an Oscar speech without ever taking a drama class, or think about their dream mansion while failing their classes.

Teens can and should have ambitions and goals, and some form of daydreaming is also normal.

However, a constant preoccupation with unrealistic fantasies might point to narcissism. These teens might also expect others to support or fulfill these fantasies for them.

Narcissistic behaviors in teenage boys vs. teenage girls

Narcissistic behaviors can show up differently in teenage boys and girls. While the core traits are similar, the way they’re expressed often depends on social roles and personal insecurities.

Understanding these differences can help you spot patterns of narcissistic behavior more accurately.

Teenage boys

Narcissism in teenage boys often shows up in bold and noticeable ways. They might come across as arrogant, entitled, or demanding. Sometimes, they may also use aggression, anger, or hostility to cover up their insecurities.

These traits can manifest in various situations. Examples include bullying others to feel superior, like mocking a younger kid’s basketball skills or spreading rumors about someone who got a better test score.

You might also catch them rebelling against authority figures who try to correct them. They may also exaggerate their strengths or achievements to impress others or maintain a sense of control.

These behaviors can be challenging to deal with. But it’s essential to remember that many of these issues stem from deep-seated insecurity or a lack of proper guidance.

Teenage girls

Narcissism in teenage girls

For teenage girls, narcissism can often show up in more subtle ways. The signs of narcissism in teenage girls include focusing on validation and competing with peers rather than showing obvious aggression.

To maintain their social status, some teen girls may resort to manipulation or exploitation. This can show up as excluding others, playing the victim, or gossiping about friends.

Some examples include uninviting a friend from a sleepover, saying “everyone hates me” when corrected, or posting private texts in a group chat.

For many, appearance and the pursuit of perfection become top priorities.

These behaviors can be confusing and hurtful for those around them. But it’s important to recognize that they can stem from low self-esteem and a fear of not being good enough.

Is it really that bad? Understanding the risks

It’s natural for teenagers to want more independence and to feel more confident at this stage of life. As they begin shaping their identity, it’s also normal for them to become more self-focused. But they should still be able to show care, empathy, and love toward the people around them.

When teens become overly focused on themselves with little regard for others, it may be a sign of narcissism. If your teen is often dishonest or manipulative, this may not be typical teen behavior.

In these cases, it’s important to look deeper at what may be driving their actions.

In the short term, narcissism in your teen can create ongoing conflict and put a strain on family and peer relationships. These behaviors often push others away. As a result, your teen may feel isolated, frustrated, or misunderstood.

In the long term, the risks are even more concerning. If these patterns persist into adulthood, your teenager may struggle to form strong relationships. Due to their lack of concern for those around them, they may even put themselves or others in unhealthy situations. These harms may be emotional, financial, or even physical.

What parents can do about a narcissistic teenager

What parents can do about a narcissistic teenager

Parenting teens isn’t easy. We all want our teens to grow into adults who can love and care for others in a genuine way.

As parents, we play a key role in helping them cultivate important values like kindness and compassion. These will form the foundation for healthy relationships throughout their lives.

If your teen is displaying narcissistic traits, it’s important to address the issue sooner rather than later. It won’t always be easy, and you may face resistance or defiance along the way.

Whether you’re learning how to deal with a narcissistic teenage son or daughter, these strategies can increase your chances of success and guide your teen toward healthier behaviors.

Stay calm and don’t take it personally

When your teen hurts or manipulates you, pause for a moment. Don’t assume they’re being mean on purpose. Look deeper.

Their behavior may be driven by insecurity, anxiety, stress, or even a lack of clear guidance and boundaries.

Try to remain calm and avoid responding emotionally. It is definitely easier said than done, but taking their words or actions too personally can cause the conflict to escalate and make it harder for them to respect and listen to you.

Set clear boundaries

Teens are still at a stage in life where they need guidance. That’s why it’s crucial to establish clear boundaries and enforce consequences when they’re crossed.

Some examples of helpful boundaries at home include:

  • No yelling, name-calling, or putting others down
  • Completing chores or helping out before enjoying privileges
  • Setting limits on daily screen time
  • Sticking to agreed curfews when going out and promptly informing you if plans change

It’s also crucial to connect consequences to the boundary that was broken.

For example, if your teen ignores their curfew, they might lose the privilege of going out the following weekend. This not only reinforces the rule but also helps your teen understand the importance of accountability.

Your teen might try to reject or push back against these rules you’ve set. But as long as you reinforce them calmly and have conversations with your teen about them, your teen will usually accept them if they’re reasonable boundaries.

Model empathy

Narcissistic teens often live in a world of their own. But it’s never too late to help them pop that bubble and start thinking about others.

Start by showing empathy through your own actions and conversations. For example, if a family friend is sick, involve your teen in putting together a “get well soon” kit.

If your community is hosting a volunteer event, consider attending it together. And when your teen comes to you with problems, listen attentively, validate their feelings, and don’t interrupt them.

When your teen sees you practicing empathy in everyday life, they’re more likely to mirror those behaviors.

Encourage self-awareness

Encourage Self-Awareness

Narcissists have trouble acknowledging the impact of their actions. They may deny responsibility, blame others, or ignore the consequences of their behavior.

Helping your teen build self-awareness is the key to breaking this pattern. The goal isn’t to shame them, but to guide them toward recognizing how their words and actions can have a profound influence on those around them.

Here are a few ways parents can encourage self-awareness in their teens:

  • Ask reflective questions like, “How do you think your friend felt when that happened?”
  • Encourage journaling to help them process their emotions and behaviors
  • Brainstorm alternative ways they could have responded in certain situations
  • When you notice hurtful behavior from others, point out that specific behavior and its consequences
  • Praise your teens in moments when they show accountability or empathy for their family or friends

Building self-awareness takes time, but consistent guidance can help your teen start making connections between their behavior and its impact on others.

Limit social media pressure

It’s easy for teens to tie their self-worth to likes, followers, and online validation.

Constantly comparing themselves to peers can create unhealthy competition and damage their self-esteem. To cover up these insecurities, some teens may turn to narcissistic behaviors, like putting others down out of jealousy.

As a parent, you can guide your teen toward healthier social media habits. Try setting limits on screen time and encouraging offline hobbies, such as sports, arts, or crafts. You can also create screen-free times and zones, like during family meals, to promote bonding and better communication at home.

Seek professional help

If you’ve been trying different strategies to help your teen without much success, it’s time to seek professional help. This is especially important if their behavior causes serious issues at home, at school, or in their social relationships.

Treatment for teen narcissistic personality disorder through psychologists, therapists, or coaches can help your teen:

  • Develop healthy coping strategies to manage anger, stress, and envy
  • Build empathy and emotional awareness
  • Strengthen communication and conflict-resolution skills
  • Reflect on the impact of their words and actions
  • Learn values like respect, accountability, and compassion

Working with a professional allows your teens to share their concerns and work on themselves in a safe and non-judgmental space.

That said, professional support isn’t only for teens. Parents can also benefit from it.

Guidance from a family counselor, therapist, or coach can help you:

  • Reflect on parenting styles and how they may influence your teen’s behavior
  • Improve communication with your teens and reduce conflicts at home
  • Learn strategies to manage frustration, disappointment, and burnout
  • Strengthen trust, connection, and emotional bonds with your teen
  • Create a safe, respectful, and empathetic home environment
  • Set firm boundaries and follow through with implementing them
  • Prioritize self-care in practical ways, so you can better support your teen

With the right support, change is absolutely possible for both you and your teen.

When to seek professional help

When to seek professional help 

While some self-centered behavior is common in adolescence, certain red flags suggest your teen may need extra support, such as:

  • Persistent difficulty forming or maintaining friendships
  • Strained family relationships due to constant conflicts
  • Frequent aggressive outbursts and temper tantrums
  • Consistent dishonesty, manipulation, or “playing the victim”
  • Lack of empathy or concern for others, even in serious situations
  • Obsession with appearance, popularity, or social status at the expense of other priorities
  • Inability to take responsibility for mistakes and a tendency to blame others
  • Declining academic performance
  • Behavioral issues at school

Remember, displaying narcissistic traits doesn’t mean your teen is doomed to become a narcissistic adult. With the right guidance and support, teenagers can develop healthy values.

Conclusion

Narcissistic teenagers typically don’t act out of spite or malice.

More often, their self-centeredness and arrogance are cries for guidance, security, or attention. That’s why it’s important for parents to respond not with panic or guilt, but with calmness and understanding.

Striking the balance between firmness and compassion isn’t always easy, but it is possible. With your help, your teen can rebuild their confidence and form meaningful relationships with those around them.

If you believe your teen could benefit from additional support, I’d be happy to help. Through this 1:1 coaching program, I work with teens to develop empathy, motivation, resilience, and life skills.

(If you haven’t already done so, download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager (Cover)

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.


The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

Filed Under: Communication, Parenting, Relationships, Teens

How to Deal with a Lying Teenager: 8 Ways to Encourage Honesty

September 2, 2025 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

How to Deal with a Lying Teenager

Catching your teen in a lie can be frustrating, especially when you’re trying to build a relationship based on trust.

In those moments, it’s easy to assume your teen is just being defiant or rebellious.

This often leads to punishments or harsh words without stopping to ask why the lie occurred in the first place.

The truth is, teens don’t usually lie just to be difficult. It’s often a coping mechanism they’ve developed in response to their experiences or environment.

To address the issue at its root, it’s crucial to understand the underlying reasons behind the behavior.

In this article, we’ll look at why teens lie and how to deal with a lying teenager. The goal isn’t just to reduce lying in your teens but also to communicate effectively and create a safe space for them.

(Don’t forget to download your free quick action guide below.)

FREE QUICK ACTION GUIDE: 

Get your FREE copy of 

10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.


The tips are guaranteed to help you get through to your teen, so download your copy today!

Why do teenagers lie?

Teenagers often lie for reasons that go beyond simple misbehavior.

The following are some possible reasons why teens might lie:

  • To avoid getting into trouble. Teens may lie to escape punishment when they know they’ve done something wrong.
  • To protect themselves. If they feel afraid, lying can be a way to shield themselves emotionally or physically.
  • To gain freedom. Some teenagers lie to get permission to do things they know would otherwise be off-limits.
  • Due to peer pressure. They might lie to fit in with friends or avoid embarrassment.
  • Low self-esteem. Insecure teens may lie to make themselves seem more capable, confident, or interesting.
  • To feel in control. Lying can be a way to push back against rules or reclaim independence.
  • Lack of awareness. Some teens may not fully understand the harm certain lies can cause.
  • To maintain privacy. As they grow older, teens naturally seek more privacy and may lie to guard it.

Understanding the possible reasons behind your teen’s lies allows you to meet dishonesty with care and empathy. This forms the foundation for building deeper trust and connection.

Is lying a normal part of teen development?

Is lying a normal part of teenage development

Occasional lying is a normal part of teen development, and for some teens, it can even be a sign of healthy social growth.

During these years, teenagers want to explore their identity and assert their independence. Lying can sometimes be a way to protect their privacy, avoid embarrassment, or experiment with new things.

In some cases, they might even lie with a good motive, such as protecting someone else’s feelings.

The important thing is knowing the difference between what’s typical and what could be concerning.

Here are some red flags that may reveal aspects of a lying teenager’s psychology:

  • A consistent pattern of lying, even about small things
  • Lying to manipulate, control, or avoid consequences
  • Lies that hurt, endanger, or emotionally harm themselves or others
  • Hiding unsafe behaviors like substance use or reckless driving
  • Lack of remorse or empathy after being caught in a lie
  • Lying as a default response, even when the truth wouldn’t have serious consequences

If lying becomes frequent, secretive, or harmful, it may be a sign that your teenagers are struggling with deeper challenges.

That’s when they need both your support and correction.

8 effective ways to reduce teenage lying

Getting your teens to stop lying isn’t as simple as punishing them when they slip up.

Harsh reactions can backfire and encourage them to hide things from you because they no longer feel safe being honest.

Of course, this doesn’t mean lying should go without consequences. But the key is finding a balance.

You can create an environment where your teens feel safe enough to open up and share their thoughts. At the same time, you can also help them understand that honesty matters and that lying has real consequences.

Let’s explore what to do when your teenager lies.

1. Model honesty yourself

Research has already established that parents are very influential role models in the lives of their teens.

Even when you don’t notice it, your teens are constantly watching how you act and picking up on your behavior.

If they see you bending the truth, they may start to believe that dishonesty is acceptable. This includes small acts, such as making excuses instead of owning up to a mistake or telling a white lie to spare someone’s feelings.

These moments might seem harmless, but they can send mixed messages. That’s why it’s essential to model honesty in a manner that’s kind, respectful, and thoughtful.

When your teens see you practicing truth-telling with care, they learn that honesty isn’t about being blunt or critical; it’s about being genuine. They’ll learn how to speak the truth with kindness and empathy.

Modeling this for your teens can help them build integrity and encourage them to be truthful in their own lives, even when it’s hard.

Teens are much more likely to value honesty if they regularly see it in action at home.

2. Stay calm when your teen actually tells the truth

Listen when your teenager tells the truth

It’s completely natural to feel upset when your teenagers admit to something they wish hadn’t happened.

Maybe they broke a rule or got a bad grade at school. But if your initial reaction is anger or rage, your teen may start hiding things from you out of fear.

When they own up to something, stay calm in the moment.

You can still talk about the consequences later, but your initial response will set the tone. Thank them for being honest, and ask questions to understand the whole story.

When teens know they can come to you without being immediately judged or punished, they’re far more likely to be honest in the future.

3. Don’t set unrealistic rules

When your rules are too strict or your expectations feel impossible to meet, your teens might lie for different reasons.

For example, if you expect perfect grades and complete obedience, your teen could hide some things to avoid disappointing you.

Of course, it can sometimes be tricky to tell what’s unrealistic, and these standards may vary from one teenager to another.

But say your teen is afraid to come to you with bad news, always hides things, or feels insecure and unsure of themselves. If so, your expectations may need to be adjusted to make room for honesty and growth.

It’s also helpful to have open conversations about the house rules for your teens and the consequences of breaking them. That way, they may feel more involved in the decision-making process.

4. Give them privacy

Teens need space to grow and build independence. But if they feel like you’re always watching, questioning, or controlling them, they may start lying to protect their personal space.

Giving your teens privacy doesn’t mean backing off completely or ignoring red flags.

Instead, it’s best to respect their need for privacy, such as allowing them to have their own conversations with friends in most situations.

It’s also vital to avoid secretive actions. For example, you might check their phone, read their journal, or track their location without them knowing.

Doing this behind their backs can break trust and damage your relationship. If you’re concerned about their safety or well-being, it’s better to have an honest conversation and explain why you’re checking in.

5. Make consequences logical, not punitive

Give them privacyHarsh punishments can backfire by making teens more secretive and less likely to open up.

Instead, set reasonable and logical consequences. This type of consequence focuses specifically on addressing the problem caused by your teen.

Let’s say your teen lies about getting home before curfew. In this case, grounding them the following weekend makes sense and is directly related to the behavior.

According to research, teens are more likely to respond positively to logical consequences.

Consequences like these help your teens understand cause and effect without creating shame or pain. The goal is to teach, so they can learn from their actions and make better choices in the future.

6. Encourage open dialogue

Instead of lecturing or nagging your teens, create opportunities for open and honest conversations. The key here is to intentionally connect with your teens.

You can ask them open-ended questions like, “How have you been feeling about school lately?” or “Is anything making you anxious right now?”

Show genuine curiosity and avoid overreacting when they do or don’t open up. When teens feel like they can talk to you without being judged, they’re far less likely to lie.

7. Watch for patterns and triggers

Lying is often a sign of something deeper, such as a fear of failure, low self-esteem, or the feeling of being misunderstood.

Instead of seeing lies as just bad behavior, try to look for the patterns or emotional triggers behind them.

For example, if your teens often lie about grades, they might be afraid of disappointing you or feel pressure to meet high expectations. If they lie mainly around friends or new people, they may feel the need to fit in or be accepted.

And if they often lie after breaking house rules, it could be a sign that they’re struggling with tight boundaries and fear the consequences.

By noticing when and why the lies tend to happen, you can better understand what your teen might be trying to avoid or protect. This insight can help you support their needs more effectively.

8. Get professional help if needed

Get professional help if needed

Lying can become frequent, manipulative, or tied to risky behaviors like substance use or reckless driving. In such cases, it’s best to seek support from a professional.

Professionals can help uncover the underlying issues behind the behavior. At the same time, they can provide both you and your teen with healthier communication and coping strategies.

As an example, I offer this one-on-one coaching program for teens.

Reaching out for help isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a sign of strength and courage. It shows your commitment to your teen’s well-being and your willingness to strengthen the relationship.

Conclusion

Catching your teen in a lie can trigger frustration, disappointment, and anger.

But as the adult in the situation, you need to pause and manage your emotions before responding. Reacting with harshness will likely push your teen further away and reinforce the very behavior you’re trying to stop.

So approach each situation with curiosity and care. You can still be firm and set appropriate consequences, but do so in a way that guides rather than punishes.

By doing this, you’ll lay the groundwork for a healthy and honest relationship with your teenagers.

(If you haven’t already done so, download your free quick action guide below.)

FREE QUICK ACTION GUIDE: 

Get your FREE copy of 

10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.


The tips are guaranteed to help you get through to your teen, so download your copy today!

Filed Under: Attitude, Communication, Parenting, Teens

Communication Skills for Teens: 7 Skills Every Teen Should Develop

April 8, 2024 By Daniel Wong 10 Comments

Communication skills for teens

Are you often misunderstood?

Or do you argue a lot with your friends and family?

Maybe you have a hard time conveying your feelings and opinions. And when you try to, no one seems to listen.

Communication is a key life skill for teenagers. But through my many years of coaching teens, I’ve realized that this is an area many struggle with.

This could be due to the changes that occur in the brain during the teenage years. These changes can contribute to unpredictable emotions, which affect your interactions with others.

Of course, taking responsibility for your words and actions is always important. But the earlier you learn to communicate and handle big feelings, the more likely you are to have healthy and happy relationships.

In this article, I’ll discuss some techniques you can learn to build your communication skills.

(Don’t forget to download your free quick action guide below.)

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Benefits of good communication skills

When you learn to communicate well, you can talk about your thoughts, feelings, and needs respectfully. It also helps the other person to be more open and receptive to what you have to say.

The benefits of having good communication skills include being able to:

  • Collaborate effectively. Maybe you’re working on a group project or collaborating with colleagues. In these instances, your communication skills will help you and your peers to be more efficient and productive.
  • Prevent misunderstandings. Good communication makes understanding what someone else is trying to say easier. It also prevents the other person from misjudging or misinterpreting your words.
  • Handle and resolve conflicts. You’ll be able to talk about problems in an honest, calm, and respectful way. This allows both parties to focus on finding a solution instead of getting frustrated with each other.
  • Establish trust. Great communication lets other people know you want to understand their opinions, ideas, and feelings. By making them feel heard, you’ll create a safe environment for them to be honest and to open up.
  • Build empathy. As you learn to listen actively, you’ll understand other people’s points of view better. This will help you to build a deeper sense of empathy for those around you.

Communicating well enables you to form healthy relationships at home, school, and work. As a result, you’ll enjoy more happiness and fulfillment in your relationships.

7 important communication skills for teenagers to learn

teenagers bullying a classmateSometimes, we might not be aware that how we interact with others is hurtful to them or even ourselves.

For example, you might suppress your feelings and opinions because you’re afraid of upsetting someone else.

Or maybe you’re used to shouting to get your point across.

These habits might be difficult to change at first. But with patience and practice, you’ll be able to learn to communicate in a healthy way.

Here are the skills to develop if you want to improve how you communicate.

Skill #1: Listening actively

Communicating well is about more than just talking.

You’ll only be able to give the most suitable response when you hear the other person’s side of the story.

This is why it’s important to listen actively when someone else speaks. It’ll also make the other party feel heard and respected.

Here are some tips to keep in mind:

  • Have the right intentions. When you listen, do so to understand where the other person is coming from. Don’t do it to argue back or dismiss the points that have been raised.
  • Listen without interrupting. Don’t speak over others, even if you feel angry or misunderstood. This makes it seem like you don’t care about what they have to say.
  • Put away distractions. When someone is speaking to you, it’s important to show that you’re paying attention. For instance, put your phone away and focus only on the conversation at hand.

Be fully present and focused on the conversation. And instead of jumping to conclusions, ask questions to prevent confusion and misunderstandings.

Skill #2: Choosing the right communication channel

teenagers using a smartphoneHave you ever sent a quick, neutral text only for it to be perceived as passive-aggressive?

Maybe you’ve spent hours texting back and forth to resolve an issue that should have been discussed face-to-face.

Choosing the right method to get your message across can be tricky.

In general, consider these factors when deciding how to communicate with someone:

  • Closeness of the relationship. How well do you know the other person? A text message might be better if he or she is an acquaintance. You may have additional options to consider for someone you’re closer to, like a phone call or meeting in person.
  • Sensitivity of the issue. Are you talking about a private or sensitive issue? If so, a phone call or in-person meeting might be better. Emails and texts can be easily misinterpreted without hearing the person’s tone of voice or seeing nonverbal cues.
  • How much information there is to share. Text messages are great for short or casual conversations. On the other hand, phone calls and in-person conversations are better for discussing more complicated issues.
  • Urgency of the issue. If the issue is urgent, you’ll get your message across faster through a phone call or in-person conversation rather than an email or text.

By choosing the right communication channel, there will be less room for misunderstandings.

Skill #3: Being clear, direct, and concise

Have you ever listened to someone talk and had no clue what they were trying to say?

This is why it’s essential to be clear and direct.

You might not be comfortable talking about certain issues. But beating around the bush or bottling up your feelings will affect the relationship in the long run.

Of course, you should always be respectful with your choice of words and tone. Instead of saying, “You’re ridiculous,” you could try saying, “I’m frustrated because you didn’t keep your promise.”

You can also plan what you want to say before the conversation. If it’s a serious issue, take some time to think about how you can calmly discuss it.

Plan what the purpose of the discussion will be. What are you upset about? What solutions will you propose? Once you’ve thought things out, you can talk about the problem.

Then you can listen to the other party’s point of view. Being clear and concise prevents the listener from getting confused while you’re talking.

Skill #4: Being aware of your body language

teengs with motorcycles helmet talkingYour body language can tell the other person if you’re listening and truly care. Some of these positive cues include:

  • Maintaining eye contact
  • Nodding occasionally
  • Smiling
  • Displaying an “open” posture

Even the distance between you and the other person can make a difference. For instance, standing too close to someone while you’re talking to them might make them feel uncomfortable.

Skill #5: Keeping your emotions in check

Big and intense feelings aren’t bad.

It’s perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed or frustrated from time to time. But our emotions shouldn’t drive us to say mean or unhelpful things.

Instead of suppressing your feelings or letting them get out of control, here’s what you can try instead:

  • Practice being aware of your emotions. When you start to get angry, pause and take a deep breath. If necessary, excuse yourself from the conversation so you have some time to think.
  • Learn how to name your emotions. Is it disappointment, anger, or jealousy? You could be experiencing more than one type of emotion at the moment. As you name your emotions, try to identify the reasons behind them.
  • Accept your emotions, but don’t let them control you. You don’t have to feel bad for having intense emotions. What matters is what you do with them.
  • Figure out healthy ways to cope with your emotions. For example, journaling or going for a quick run can help you process your feelings and think more clearly.

Learning to be the master of your emotions helps you make good decisions in terms of what to say.

Skill #6: Understanding how to handle conflict

teenagers arguing in the hallwayConflicts are a normal part of relationships, so shying away from them won’t help.

Conflict resolution is an important skill that can be learned and practiced. Here are some tips to help you handle conflicts:

  • Use more “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, you can say, “I feel unimportant when you show up late,” instead of, “You’re so irresponsible for being late.” “I” statements help the other person understand your emotions without feeling the need to defend themselves.
  • Empathize with the other person. Ask them how they feel. Listen attentively to their response and try to understand where they’re coming from instead of jumping to conclusions.
  • Don’t bring up the past. Bringing up things from the past won’t help to solve the problem. It will likely just make you and the other person more frustrated. So ensure that your conversation focuses on the current issue.

Most importantly, pick your battles wisely. Conflicts are emotionally exhausting. So knowing when to disengage and move on from the conversation is essential.

Skill #7: Controlling your tone and volume

Your tone of voice is as powerful as your words. Speaking loudly and using an impatient, dismissive, or sarcastic tone can lead to conflicts or worsen current ones.

When you’re in a conversation, try to be aware of the tone and volume of your voice. Shouting or talking with a rude tone can become a bad habit that we get accustomed to if we don’t practice self-awareness.

Maybe you know you struggle to use a calm and respectful tone when you’re frustrated or stressed. If so, make it a point to excuse yourself from the conversation to cool down first before restarting it later.

Conclusion

It takes a lot of practice to communicate well. So don’t be discouraged if you don’t always get it right.

What’s most important is the willingness to own up to your mistakes and learn from them.

As you become a better communicator, you’ll be able to have fruitful and meaningful conversations with those around you!

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The Smart Way to Argue With Your Teen: 9 Tips to Resolve Conflicts Fast

Updated on July 1, 2025 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

The smart way to argue with your teenDo you often feel frustrated because of the conflicts you have with your teens?

No parent wants to fight with their teenagers. So what can you do when your teens argue with you?

It helps to first understand that having some conflict is normal.

As teens undergo a period of rapid change, they start craving more independence. They want more control over their life and decisions.

But not all conflicts are inherently negative. In fact, conflicts can even be beneficial if handled correctly.

According to research, healthy conflicts are opportunities for growth and learning. Arguing with parents can help teenagers develop better social skills and empathy.

As a parent, arguments can be opportunities to show your teenager what healthy conflict resolution patterns look like.

On the other hand, frequent and unconstructive conflicts can be harmful. They can affect your teenagers’ self-esteem and how well they cope at school.

So, as parents, we need to manage conflicts well.

In this article, I’ll share with you 9 tips to manage your teenagers’ attitude and effectively handle arguments with them.

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Tip #1: Choose the right time and place

Choosing the right time and place is key when you need to have a serious conversation with your teen.

For example, if your teen has a big exam the following day, discussing the issue the night before probably isn’t a good idea.

Or maybe you’re in public or around friends and family. Talking about the issue there and then might cause embarrassment and make the situation awkward for other people.

If you’re caught in this predicament, try saying, “I really want to understand your feelings and hear what you have to say. But now’s probably not a good time to talk. Can we discuss this later at home?”

This also gives you and your teenager extra time to cool down.

Ideally, you want to approach the issue when both of you are calm and free to talk. You also want to ensure that there’s enough time to resolve the conflict without feeling like you’re rushing the process.

And make sure to pick a place that offers privacy and is free of distractions.

Tip #2: Listen actively

Father having a conversation with his sonWhen arguments get heated, it’s tempting to talk over your teens.

It’s even harder to listen when you don’t agree with or understand the reasons behind their actions.

You might jump to conclusions or wrongly accuse them. This can lead to bitterness in the relationship.

Remember that communication is a two-way street.

So let your teens share their opinions. Show that you’re listening by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and paraphrasing what they say.

Listen with the intention of understanding, not with the intention of refuting their point of view.

Research shows that attentively listening to teenagers helps them feel more connected to you.

This also encourages them to be honest with you, and makes them more likely to open up in the future.

Your teenagers need to know that you’re trying to understand their situation and feelings. By doing so, you’re showing your teens that you value their honesty and opinions.

Tip #3: Avoid lecturing or digging up the past

When you argue, do you find yourself repeating the same thing over and over again?

Or maybe you go off track and dig up your teens’ past mistakes?

When you’re worried about your teens’ future, you may end up lecturing or nagging.

This can cause them to become anxious, overwhelmed, or annoyed. Eventually, your teens may learn to tune your words out.

Instead of lecturing, here’s how to communicate with your teen:

  • Have a conversation only when your teen is ready. If your teen is angry and frustrated, your words might not have much impact. Wait until your teen is more receptive, then discuss the issue.
  • Ask questions to understand the situation better. Try to understand the reasoning behind your teen’s decisions and actions. Ask positive questions like, “How are you feeling?” and “How did you make that decision?” Avoid negative questions like, “What’s wrong with you?”
  • Don’t interrupt your teen. If you interrupt your teen, it shows that you’re dismissive of your teen’s opinions. Discuss matters when you’re calm so you’ll be more likely to catch yourself before interrupting your teen.

For your words to carry weight, it’s important to speak less and listen more.

When you listen to understand, you’ll be in the best position to respond wisely and resolve the conflict effectively.

Tip #4: Focus on the behavior, not the person

Name-calling and criticizing won’t help the situation.

Making assumptions about your teens’ motives can push them into a defensive stance and affect your relationship with them.

During a conflict, try to mainly state facts about your teenagers’ actions and decisions. Don’t use negative labels or jump to conclusions.

For example, avoid saying something like, “You’re a liar. You skipped school today because you were too lazy to get out of bed.”

Instead, say something like, “I heard you skipped school today. Can you tell me more about what happened?”

It’s also crucial to watch your tone of voice. Being empathetic and calm creates a safe environment for your teens to tell the truth.

Tip #5: Apologize when necessary

Mother and sonApologizing is something that many parents shy away from. It’s understandably uncomfortable to apologize to your teens.

But the fact is that we all make mistakes.

Apologizing to your teens is a great way to model honesty, humility, and integrity. It shows that you care about and respect your teens’ feelings.

This helps to build a healthy relationship, with no one holding grudges against the other person.

If you know you’ve made a mistake, here are some tips to keep in mind when apologizing to your teens:

  • Make sure you mean it. An inauthentic apology will make things worse. Give yourself time to reflect on your words and actions, and say sorry when you genuinely mean it.
  • Watch your tone. Avoid using an angry, sarcastic, or defensive tone.
  • Admit your mistakes. Admit what you’ve done wrong. Sometimes, your actions might not have been wrong, but your teens’ feelings were still hurt. If so, say you’re sorry that their feelings were hurt.
  • Keep it short. Don’t defend yourself with a “but” after you say, “I’m sorry.” Avoid the temptation to justify your actions or lecture your teens about what they did wrong. Keep your apology short, and let your teens know you’re available to talk more if they’d like to.

You can also ask your teens for pointers on what you could have done better or how you can support them moving forward.

Tip #6: Set clear expectations and boundaries

When there’s no conflict, it’s a good idea to set some boundaries.

These rules and expectations help to guide future conflicts in a constructive way. They can also help to prevent both parties from crossing the line when things get heated.

Some examples of boundaries and rules you might decide to establish include:

  • No name-calling, swearing, or using degrading language
  • No yelling at the other person
  • Listen to the other person without interrupting
  • Focus on the issue at hand and avoid bringing up the past
  • Either party can call for a time-out if he or she feels overwhelmed

The rules you set should apply to both you and your teen, as far as possible.

Find a good time to sit down with your teen to discuss and agree on these rules and boundaries.

Tip #7: Offer choices and compromises

Negotiation and communication are essential life skills that teens need to have to work well with peers and colleagues. It will also help them to build healthy relationships.

As parents, we can give our teenagers the opportunity to learn how to communicate and negotiate in a mature and respectful way.

When you don’t see eye to eye with your teens, keep these tips in mind:

  • Don’t be dismissive. Saying things like, “My house, my rules,” or “Stop arguing with me” won’t help.
  • Listen attentively to your teens’ point of view. Explain your perspective, then listen and try to understand where your teens are coming from.
  • Come up with options. If both of you don’t agree, try to discuss different choices and solutions. Maybe your teen wants to go out on a weekday night and won’t be able to help with the chores. You can let your teen choose between swapping duties with a family member or helping out on an extra night the following week.
  • Lower your expectations. Both parties can lower their expectations slightly to meet in the middle. For instance, you might allow your teens to go to a party if they agree that you’ll pick them up at 11 pm.
  • Be clear about what’s not negotiable. At times, you’ll have to be firm. For instance, risky behaviors like doing drugs and speeding while driving are prohibited. These rules for teens can’t be negotiated.
  • Clarify the final decision. To end the discussion, repeat exactly what you both have agreed on to prevent misunderstandings.

Remember that compromise isn’t a sign of weakness. It shows that you’re willing to hear your teens out and use your parental authority to guide, not control.

Tip #8: Don’t argue in the heat of the moment

Father and son talkingThere’s a lot of truth to the saying, “Think before you speak.”

If you often regret what you’ve said to your teens in the heat of the moment, try this the next time.

As soon as you realize you’re getting frustrated, take a deep breath and suggest taking a break.

Remind yourself that lashing out at your teenager won’t fix anything. In fact, it will almost certainly make the situation worse.

During the break, try to do something that helps you relax, like taking a walk or enjoying a cup of tea.

Don’t dwell on what made you mad. Instead, focus on how you can resolve the issue. Be realistic about what’s in your control and what isn’t.

Once you and your teen are ready, you can come together to resolve the conflict.

Tip #9: Focus on the bigger picture

“Because I said so” and “I pay for everything you own” are a couple of phrases that parents use to “win” arguments.

But this isn’t constructive. Trying to win arguments will strain your relationship with your teenagers.

Ultimately, you need to focus on the bigger picture.

What values do you want to impart to your teens? How can you meet in the middle? How can you show them that you still love them even though you’re arguing?

No matter how tough or indifferent your teenagers might seem, they still need you to be there for them. They need your support, love, and attention.

So don’t aim to win arguments.

The goal is to teach good values and develop a stronger relationship with your teens. Your words and actions should reflect this.

Conclusion

No family is perfect, and not every argument turns out the way you want it to.

Sometimes, you’ll be able to resolve issues quickly. At other times, you might get into a heated quarrel that leads to hurt feelings.

Despite this, every conflict is an opportunity for you and your teens to grow. Nothing will strengthen your relationship more than learning to work through problems that arise.

So give these 9 tips a try the next time you have an argument with your teens. You’ll be glad you did!

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Reconnecting With Your Teen: 10 Practical Tips for Parents

Updated on January 30, 2024 By Daniel Wong 2 Comments

Connect with your teenAre you worried that you and your teenager are drifting apart?

Maybe your teen is busy with school, other activities, or spending time with friends.

And when your teen isn’t, the door to his or her room is closed.

You can barely have a decent conversation with your teenager – much less hang out as a family. And when you share meals, everyone is on their phones.

It’s perfectly normal for your relationship with your teens to change over time, as they’ll have a growing need for independence.

But building a strong bond with them is still important.

Researchers have found that a good parent-teen relationship improves a teen’s mental health and reduces the likelihood of risky behavior and substance abuse.

Plus, these teens tend to experience lower levels of depression and stress.

In this article, I’ll discuss some of the best ways to reconnect with your teenagers and foster a meaningful bond with them.

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Tip #1: Listen without judgment

Your teens are looking for support as they navigate new challenges and changes in life.

As parents, the best thing we can do is become a safe space for our teens to talk about their experiences and worries without fear of judgment.

Here are some tips that might help when your teens need a listening ear:

  • Let your teen speak without interruptions. Imagine your teen says, “Someone from my math class asked me out on a date.” You react by saying, “You’re not allowed to date at this age,” then cut off the conversation. This eliminates the opportunity to have a healthy discussion about boundaries, dating, and sex. Instead, encourage dialogue with open-ended questions like “How do you feel?” and “Do you feel ready to start dating?”
  • Show that you’re listening. Check your body language whenever your teens talk to you. Are you making eye contact and nodding once in a while? Or do you sigh, roll your eyes, and continue using your phone when they come to you with a problem? If your teens don’t think you care, they won’t want to talk to you.
  • Avoid catastrophizing. For example, some parents may think it’s best to “scare” their teens out of dating by saying it will lead to heartbreak and betrayal. But if your teens feel anxious and afraid after talking to you, they may be less likely to open up to you in the future. Instead, you can help your teens to weigh the pros and cons of different choices. This encourages your teens to think more deeply and make wise decisions.

Encouraging and holding healthy conversations with your teenagers will take some practice. But learning to communicate is the key to building a strong relationship with your teens.

Tip #2: Find time to spend together

Mother and teenage daughter eating oranges

Without any effort to make proper family time happen, you might find that you and your teens are drifting apart.

So it’s important to intentionally create time and space to enjoy each other’s company.

Here are some ways to encourage your teens to spend more time together as a family:

  • Let your teens play a role in deciding what the family will do together
  • Pick activities that your teens already enjoy
  • Schedule weekly family time together and make it a routine
  • Let your teens know in advance if there is going to be a family activity or get-together

It also helps to show that you respect your teen’s time and independence. You can ask them if they have a preferred time and date before planning a family event or activity.

Tip #3: Respect your teen’s independence

A growing need for independence is a natural part of adolescence. The tricky part lies in finding the sweet spot between helicopter parenting and hands-off parenting.

Helicopter parents are parents who are overly involved in their teenager’s life.

Some research shows that this parenting style can negatively impact a teen’s mental health. It can also negatively affect teenagers’ learning and level of self-efficacy.

On the other hand, giving your teens too much freedom with little guidance can also lead to problems down the road.

Here’s how you can nurture healthy independence in your teens:

  • Start involving your teens in decisions and giving them opportunities to make their own. You can teach your teens the process of making wise decisions. This typically involves weighing the benefits and risks of each option.
  • Respect your teens’ opinions and emotions. They might have a different view from you about some issues. Respect and acknowledge your teens’ opinions instead of brushing them off. Of course, you should provide guidance if their opinions contradict your family’s principles and values.
  • Give your teens the privacy they need. For example, it’s probably reasonable for you to knock on your teens’ door before entering, and to avoid bombarding them with texts when they’re out with their friends.

It might seem easier to control your teens and make decisions for them to ensure they never fail.

But teenagers need the freedom to learn from their mistakes. This helps them grow into responsible and independent adults.

Tip #4: Give your teen compliments

Father teaching son how to drive

Complimenting your teens helps to build a stronger bond and improve their confidence.

When giving compliments, always be genuine – teenagers can spot insincerity from a mile away.

In addition, try to make the praise focused on the process and on the progress your teens are making, rather than on the outcome or result.

This approach encourages your teens to focus on growing and improving. It also helps your teens to develop resilience and intrinsic motivation.

For example, you can replace “Wow, great job getting an A on your chemistry exam” with a more process-focused compliment.

This might go something like: “I saw you working really hard to prepare for this chemistry exam. It looks like your effort led to this big improvement.”

Tip #5: Show interest in what your teen is interested in

Pay attention to what your teens are passionate about, and try to maintain an attitude of curiosity. This will give you another avenue to connect with them.

For example, if your daughter enjoys learning how to use makeup, you can buy lipstick for her as a birthday gift.

Or maybe your son loves playing soccer. If so, you can make it a point to pick him up after soccer practice and bring along his favorite snack or drink.

Knowing what your teens love will also allow you to give compliments that matter to them – instead of only praising them when they do well in school.

Telling your teens how skilled they’ve become at a sport, video game, or any activity they enjoy will mean a lot to them.

Tip #6: Be intentional about showing unconditional love

Unconditional love is one of the greatest gifts teenagers can receive from their parents.

This involves accepting and loving your teenagers even when they fall short of certain expectations.

Here are some ways you can demonstrate unconditional love to your teens:

  • Telling your teens you love them for who they are (and not for what they have achieved)
  • Forgiving your teens when they’ve made a mistake
  • Refraining from bringing up mistakes they’ve made in the past
  • Refraining from name-calling or attacking your teens verbally
  • Supporting your teens in their dreams and ambitions (even if it’s not what you want for them)

If you show your teenagers unconditional love, they won’t feel anxious or worried about needing to “earn” your love.

Plus, this will build the parent-teen relationship, which will enhance your teens’ sense of self-worth.

Tip #7: Welcome your teen’s friends

Teenagers playing video games

Your teenagers will appreciate the effort you put into making your home a comfortable space for them and their friends to hang out.

It’s likely that friends play a significant role in your teens’ lives. So showing that you genuinely care for their friends can help strengthen the bond you share with your teens.

You don’t need to own a fancy house or a ping pong table to be welcoming toward your teenagers’ friends.

What’s most important is creating a space for your teenagers to have fun and make lifelong memories together with their friends.

Tip #8: Be available when you’re needed, as far as possible

Your teens are still learning to juggle school, family, friends, and maybe even work or a relationship. It’s challenging for them. So this is where you can provide support and encouragement.

You can do this by putting your phone and other distractions away when your teenagers want to talk.

It’s also a good idea to ask your teens how you can best support them when they’re struggling.

In many situations, it’s important for you to be cautious and not to show too many big emotions when you’re trying to empathize with your teens.

For example, let’s say that your son just had a big argument with his girlfriend. You might be tempted to say mean things about his girlfriend to make him feel better.

But big reactions like this can backfire, especially if your son chooses to make up with his girlfriend the following day.

Instead, try to empathize with your teens calmly and help them to analyze the situation when they’re ready to.

Tip #9: Demonstrate patience and understanding

Dealing with your teen’s poor behavior after you’ve already had a long day is stressful for any parent.

Here are some ways to deal with a teenage tantrum or a misbehaving teen:

  • Set house rules and consequences for breaking them, and be consistent. If your teens are acting up, you can ask them to take some time to cool off before discussing the issue again.
  • Remind yourself not to take things too personally. Your teens should be held accountable for mean or hurtful things they say or do. But as a parent, it’s unwise to fight fire with fire. Try to stay calm and level-headed instead of yelling back at your teens.
  • Listen to your teenagers without interrupting them. Try to put yourself in their shoes to understand their emotions and struggles better.
  • Make time to take care of yourself. Self-care as a parent might sound taboo. But prioritizing your well-being will put you in the best position to be a patient and understanding parent.

Learn to forgive yourself too. And don’t hold back from extending a genuine apology to your teens if you’ve said or done something hurtful in a moment of anger.

Tip #10: Show your teen that you trust him or her

Teenage girl posing on a grass field

Give your teenagers opportunities to be independent. Let them make their own decisions whenever possible.

You can also give your teens more privileges when they demonstrate responsibility and honesty.

For example, you could extend your teens’ curfew if they’ve shown that they’ve been able to keep to their curfew consistently.

Additionally, keep in mind that trust is a two-way street.

Do your best to model responsibility, honesty, and accountability to your teens. Staying true to your words and promises is a great way to do this.

Conclusion

To guide and support your teens, you’ll need to create a healthy bond with them.

The good news is that there are various steps you can take to reconnect with your teens and develop a great relationship with them.

So start implementing the tips in this article today!

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6 Signs You’re a Perfectionist Parent (And How It Impacts Teens)

Updated on May 3, 2025 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

Perfectionist Parent

Do you expect too much from your teenagers?

That might be a hard question to answer.

As parents, we want to see our teenagers succeed in life.

Whether that’s doing well on their exams or winning a competition, it’s natural to feel proud of their accomplishments.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting your teenagers to succeed.

You might think that expecting impeccable behavior and excellent performance will motivate your teens to do their best. But in fact, it can do the opposite – causing burnout, anxiety, and a strained relationship with your teens.

In this article, I’ll discuss some common signs that you may be a perfectionist parent. We’ll also explore the reasons behind perfectionist parenting and what impact this may have on your teenagers.

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Why do parents want their teens to be perfect?

The desire to see your teenagers achieve success isn’t harmful. But it can become an issue if it causes you to put unnecessary pressure on your teenagers.

In the long run, this unhealthy pressure can affect your teens’ mental well-being and even strain your relationship with them.

Understanding why you’re inclined to have high expectations of your teenagers is important. This can help you keep unhealthy mindsets or beliefs in check.

The following are some possible reasons why you expect your teenagers to be “perfect” in various ways:

Reason #1: The “perfect parent” syndrome

Some research suggests that parenting styles – both bad and good – can be passed down from one generation to the next.

It’s natural for people to pick up perspectives and mindsets similar to those of their parents.

Because of this, you might want your teenagers to be “perfect” if your parents had those expectations of you.

Reason #2: Projection of unfulfilled dreams

As parents, we strive to give our teenagers the opportunities we never had.

You may have had goals that you never had the chance to pursue. These could be things like going to a prestigious college or taking up a well-respected profession.

As a result, you may project these unmet ambitions onto your teenagers and expect them to achieve the dreams you had for yourself.

Furthermore, you might feel like your teenagers should be able to accomplish these goals. This is because they now have opportunities and advantages you didn’t have when you were younger.

Reason #3: Fear of judgment by others

Research indicates that perfectionism can manifest itself in different ways.

For some, perfectionism involves having unrealistic expectations of other people. It can also be linked to the fear of negative judgments from those around you.

When these aspects of perfectionism come together, it might cause you to have high expectations of your teenagers. This is because you’re worried about how others perceive you and your family.

You may want your teens to do well in school or sports so that you’ll be respected by others.

Perhaps when they get good grades or win a contest, you feel like you’ve indirectly earned bragging rights.

Reason #4: Love and pride

parent and teenager celebrating graduationThe natural desire of parents is to see their teenagers accomplish great things.

Seeing them do well makes you happy and proud – and that’s perfectly okay.

Many parents put a lot of pressure on their teens to work hard to achieve certain goals.

This expectation might be harmful if it drives your teens to prioritize their grades and accomplishments above everything else.

Now that you understand why some parents want their teens to be perfect, let’s take a look at some of the signs that you might be putting too much pressure on them.

6 signs that you’re a perfectionist parent

Remember that there’s nothing wrong with having expectations of your teenagers.

They should fulfill their responsibilities in school, help out at home, and treat others with respect – these are reasonable expectations.

But where do you draw the line?

The following are possible signs that you have the unhealthy expectation of your teenagers being perfect:

Sign #1: There’s an overemphasis on academic success

Your teen’s grades and exam scores are thought of as “life-altering.”

Your teenagers barely have time for themselves, as the bulk of their schedule is dedicated to school, extra classes, and studying.

If your teens get grades below your expectations, you might get angry. You may also compare their grades to those of their peers.

This isn’t to say that you should never encourage your teens to study hard or set academic goals. But their grades should never be prioritized over their health or character development.

Sign #2: Your teen’s daily schedule is packed

Are your teenagers barely able to catch a break due to a packed schedule?

Do extracurricular activities, sports, music lessons, and school-related activities take up all their extra time?

Your teens may not have enough time to sleep, rest, or pursue their own interests. This is detrimental to them in the long run.

In fact, research clearly shows that teenagers need more rest and sleep than adults do. A lack of sleep will affect their mental well-being and make it harder for them to focus in school.

Sign #3: Your self-worth is dependent on your teen’s success

father and daughter petting the dogIt’s natural for you to derive joy from your teen’s achievements.

But this can become unhealthy when your self-worth is tied to how your teens perform.

When they do well, you feel like you’ve succeeded as a parent. Getting to tell your friends and other family members about their achievements makes you excited.

But when your teens don’t do as well as you’d hoped, your self-esteem and confidence plummet.

Having this sort of dependence on your teenagers is unhealthy for both parties. If you have this mindset, remember that your worth and success as a parent isn’t based on your teen’s accomplishments.

Sign #4: Things have to be done your way

When your teens do something, do you micromanage them? And are you overly critical?

Perhaps you tend to focus more on the results than on the process or the progress they’ve made.

This might happen when your teenagers try to help with chores at home – or maybe when they’re learning a new musical instrument, language, or sport.

You may notice that you correct them or take over what they’re doing. You also want them to do things in the specific way you prefer.

This “my way or the highway” mindset can stunt your teenagers’ growth.

Sign #5: Your teen doesn’t get much flexibility

Your teens get little flexibility, especially regarding the rules and boundaries you’ve set at home.

Your teens may demonstrate a reasonable level of maturity and responsibility. But you still feel hesitant to give them more freedom.

For example, you might always refuse to extend their curfew or let them go out on a weekday night. The consequences tied to your house rules might also be harsh.

It’s important to realize that teenagers have a growing need for independence at this stage of life.

Rules that have been helpful when they were kids might no longer be appropriate now that they’re teens.

Of course, there’s still a need for boundaries for your teens. But these can be discussed with them and negotiated, especially if your teenagers show some level of responsibility.

Sign #6: You rarely praise your teen

Father and teenage sonAnother sign you may be a perfectionist parent is a lack of praise or warmth.

You’re quick to point out any mistakes your teens make, and you’re not likely to praise them for something they’ve done well.

Research has even shown that parents tend to overestimate their use of praise. They also often underestimate the amount of criticism they give.

It’s easy for parents to hop on the criticism bandwagon.

But support and encouragement go much further in helping your teens to make the most of their potential.

The effects of perfectionist parenting on teenagers

Perfectionist parenting doesn’t just prevent your teens from learning from their mistakes. It can also affect their character development.

Let’s take a closer look at some of the possible effects of perfectionist parenting:

Effect #1: Low self-esteem

The words you use impact your teenagers more than you realize.

Criticizing your teens frequently can lower their self-esteem.

Unsurprisingly, studies have found that criticism from parents can lead to negative emotions in their teenagers.

Persistent criticism can damage a teenager’s self-image. It can also make him or her more vulnerable to mental health conditions, such as depression.

These problems may continue well into adulthood.

Effect #2: Fear of failure

Micromanaging, criticizing, and having high expectations of your teenagers may lead to a fear of failure.

As a result, your teenagers may not feel confident enough to try new things or step outside their comfort zone.

Your teens might view failure as a life-altering event instead of as a growth opportunity. This may also cause your teens to be perfectionists in the future.

Effect #3: Lack of coping skills

At this stage of life, having some amount of autonomy and independence is essential for teens’ development.

Perfectionist parenting prevents teens from making mistakes and learning from them.

These types of parents tend to “overparent.” This means that they may be overly involved in their teenager’s life.

For instance, they may be too protective or controlling.

Research has indeed found that overparenting makes it harder for teens to develop into self-sufficient adults. These teens may lack self-regulation skills, which can affect their decision-making and problem-solving skills.

Effect #4: Burnout

young man lying in bedContinually meeting high expectations is a heavy load for your teenagers to shoulder.

In addition, your teenagers may have a packed schedule with little time to relax and rest.

In the long run, your teens may also experience academic burnout. This happens when they’re overwhelmed and can no longer cope with stressful situations at school.

As a result, your teens may develop unhealthy coping mechanisms in response to the immense stress. This might lead to bad grades or drive them to rebel against your wishes.

While doing well in school is important, it shouldn’t come at the expense of your teen’s health and well-being.

Effect #5: Social isolation

A packed schedule leaves little room for your teens to socialize and hang out with friends and family.

Your teens might not have the time or energy to build healthy relationships and friendships. This could leave them feeling isolated.

Friendships play a huge role during the teenage years. Without real friends, teenagers are more vulnerable to bullying, depression, and anxiety.

On the other hand, supportive and healthy friendships can lead to an increase in happiness and self-esteem. These friendships also help your teens to cope better with stress.

Effect #6: Strained parent-teen relationship

Setting rules and carrying out the consequences for breaking them might cause temporary tension between you and your teens. But this plays a key role in disciplining your teens and teaching your teens good values.

But being overly strict and authoritative can backfire.

Your teenagers may feel as if you don’t understand them. This may lead to conflicts that can strain the relationship.

When setting boundaries, it’s important to explain the reasoning behind them. Try to involve your teens in the discussion instead of setting hard-and-fast rules with no room for negotiation.

Frequent criticism and harsh words can also cause a rift in the relationship and create a tense environment at home.

So try using positive words and encouragement to motivate your teens. Plus, being patient and understanding when they make mistakes goes a long way in fostering a strong parent-teen relationship.

Conclusion

father standing against the wall

Parenting teens isn’t easy.

While we want only the best for them, it’s important to realize that perfectionism won’t get them there.

Remind your teens that mistakes should be seen as learning opportunities.

Ultimately, your teens are still learning and growing.

As a parent, you have the privilege of guiding them as they journey through both the ups and downs of life!

(Don’t forget to download your free e-book below.)

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Filed Under: Communication, Parenting, Teens

A Parent’s Complete Guide to High School Dating

Updated on September 30, 2024 By Daniel Wong 2 Comments

teenagers going on a date

Does the thought of your teen dating make you nervous or uneasy?

If you said “yes,” you’re not alone.

As a parent, it’s natural to worry when your teens start dating.

We want them to be happy, healthy, and focused on pursuing meaningful goals.

It isn’t enough to tell your teens that “there will be no dating until you turn 18.” Teenage romance is normal, after all.

It’s important to strike a balance between setting rules, offering guidance, and letting teens explore dating on their own.

In this article, I’ll help you understand what you should know about teen dating. I’ll also share some rules and relationship advice that you can discuss with your teens.

(If your teen lacks motivation, download your free e-book below.)

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Why teens fall in love in high school

Do you recall your first experience of falling in love?

Even if it doesn’t exactly mirror your teen’s experiences, you may still be able to relate to some of his or her feelings.

As parents, knowing we’ve been through something similar can help us accept that high school dating is, in fact, a normal part of adolescence. 

When your teenagers see their peers in romantic relationships, it invokes a longing to experience the same thing.

In addition, companionship and a sense of belonging become all the more important at this time. 

The development of the brain and body during adolescence can also trigger hormonal changes. This may contribute to feelings of being in love and of sexual attraction. 

We can’t stop our teens from falling in love – it’s natural. But we can still provide reasonable advice and boundaries to guide them along.

The role of teenage relationships

Unhealthy teenage relationships can indeed take a toll on your teen’s well-being. In contrast, healthy dating does have its benefits.

Research has found that love and romance are core aspects of adolescent development. 

Studies have shown that healthy teenage dating can lead to the following benefits:

  • Reduced aggression and risk-taking behaviors
  • Improved conflict management 
  • Better communication skills
  • Better decision-making
  • Identity development 
  • Emotional growth
  • Social learning

During this stage of life, your teenagers are still figuring out how to interact with others.

They’re learning to set boundaries, deal with conflicts, and improve communication. But it’s all a work in progress.

This is where healthy dating can help them learn skills and develop abilities to build strong relationships with others. This includes their peers, family members, employers, and future partners. 

Teenage love and its complexities: What parents should be aware of

Teenage dating can be a positive experience.

But it’s still important for parents to understand the challenges and complexities surrounding it.

Plus, dating has changed a lot from when we were in our teens’ shoes. 

Parents should be mindful of the following aspects of modern teenage dating:

Social media and pop culture influence 

An estimated 90% of teenagers between 13 and 17 have used social media. Around 50% report using these platforms daily.

Movies, TV shows, and pop songs are also common forms of media that teenagers consume. 

Because of the influence of pop culture and mass media, teens might have an unrealistic view of sex and relationships.

This is where parents can step in to help them differentiate between truth and the fiction they see online or in movies.

Social and dating apps

Social media is a popular way to connect with people from all over the world. 

In fact, statistics show that almost half of teens have expressed their interest in another person through social media.

While these platforms can help teens meet new friends and even find love interests, teaching them about online safety is crucial.

Online dangers like grooming, harassment, sexting, and privacy issues are things your teens should be aware of. Some dating apps even let users under 18 create profiles and connect with potential dates.

Of course, your teens don’t need to avoid using the Internet completely. But there should be guidelines on what they should and shouldn’t do.

Relationship red flags 

When your teenagers are in love, they may not see certain things that you do.

While you might not be able to control who your teens end up dating, you can still look out for them and point out potential red flags.

Try to have a respectful conversation with your teen if his or her partner shows the following red flags:

  • Being obsessive and unwilling to give your teen his or her own space
  • Ignoring your teen’s boundaries
  • Becoming jealous, manipulative, and controlling
  • Getting easily angered and having mood swings 
  • Disrespecting you as your teen’s parent

If you see these warning signs, reassure your teens that you care and that you want what’s best for them.

Showing that you’re focused on their well-being will make them more likely to talk to you about the relationship issues they may have.

Best relationship tips to share with your teen

Talking about love, dating, and sex with your teenager can be awkward.

But, as parents, we cannot afford to outsource these conversations to mass media or pop culture. 

Don’t leave these conversations till their first heartbreak.

When you see your teens showing an interest in romance, have an honest chat with them.

Not sure where to start?

Here are some important pieces of relationship advice you can share with your teens: 

Tip #1: Keep to the rules that have been discussed 

Setting hard-and-fast rules without discussing them with your teens will cause them to hide things from you or sneak around behind your back.

Instead, sit your teens down and explain the reasoning behind the rules you set. Ask for their opinions about the rules, and listen attentively.

Certain rules that guard your teen’s safety shouldn’t be negotiable.

But there is room for compromise when it comes to other rules, such as their nighttime curfew or which days they’re allowed to go out.

Of course, all this depends on your teen’s level of maturity and responsibility. 

Here is a list of things to consider when setting dating rules for your teens: 

  • What age they’re allowed to start dating: Do they have a grasp of what dating will involve? Do they know what it means to respect themselves and others? Are they handling the other responsibilities in their life well? There’s no right age for dating. So it boils down to your teen’s maturity level. Also, consider the age gap between your teens and their potential partners. Aside from different maturity levels, a significant age gap could lead to legal issues.
  • Date night expectations: Lay out ground rules for dating. Discuss whether one-on-one dates are appropriate. If they are, your teens should let you know where they’re going, who they’re with, and when they’ll be back when they go out on dates.
  • Dating safety rules: If your teens are going out with a new partner or someone they’ve just met, you’ll need to establish rules related to safety. These rules may include the types of places they’re allowed to hang out at, how long they should be out, and whether they should be alone with the other person. You may also ask your teens to send you updates on their location or text you from time to time when they’re out.
  • The level of privacy that’s reasonable: Should your teenager be allowed to close the bedroom door when his or her partner is over? How early into the relationship would you like to meet that special someone? Should you be checking your teen’s messages? Discuss a level of privacy that’s reasonable for your teenager’s age and the current stage of dating. 

Work on creating these rules with your teen, listening to and incorporating their input where possible.

It’s also a good idea to give your teens some autonomy to decide on the boundaries and consequences for breaking them.

Tip #2: Set and respect boundaries

Setting boundaries is the key to a healthy relationship. Here are some examples of the different types of boundaries to discuss with your teens:

  • Physical: Your teens might not be comfortable with certain types of physical touch. These may include holding hands, kissing, or hugging. Perhaps they don’t want to be touched in certain areas. These are important boundaries to have in a relationship.
  • Sexual: You can discuss your family’s values and principles related to sex. Encourage your teens to think about what they’re comfortable with based on their values and beliefs. Sexual intimacy can leave teenagers feeling vulnerable. So it’s vital to speak about boundaries to prevent premature sexual intimacy.
  • Emotional: Emotional boundaries help your teens navigate big emotions in a relationship. For instance, your teen may want space and time to cool off before resolving a conflict. Breakups and serious conversations shouldn’t be done over text. And neither party should take out their frustrations on the other. While these might seem like common sense, they are concerns to talk about. 
  • Privacy and personal space: Is your teen’s partner allowed to stay over at your house? Should they be exchanging passwords or looking at each other’s messages?
  • Financial: How much is your teen comfortable spending on dates? Should both partners take turns paying for meals?

Encourage your teenager to talk openly with their partner from the start. They should both be clear about what they’re okay with and what they’re not.

Also, remind your teens that respect goes both ways. Let them know it’s important to respect their partner’s boundaries.

Tip #3: Don’t take online safety for granted

teen texting online

Connecting with potential love interests online, either through mutual friends on social media or DM-ing someone in your social network, has many risks associated with it.

Your teens should know how to protect themselves online, especially when talking to new people. 

There should be clear rules and boundaries for using dating apps for teens under 18.

 Here are some pieces of advice to share with your teens: 

  • Sexting and sending nudes is very dangerous, even more so for teens. Don’t be pressured into sending messages or pictures you’re uncomfortable with. Leaked nudes are becoming an increasingly common occurrence.
  • Remember that what you post stays online. As a rule of thumb, only post updates or photos you’d be comfortable showing your teacher or grandmother.
  • People might not be who they say they are. Be cautious about trusting new people with your personal information, like your name, address, or school.
  • Be extra careful if you wish to meet up with the person. Inform either parent beforehand, and meet in a public place. You should tell either parent your entire itinerary and provide regular location or text updates during the date.

Here’s a resource with expert tips for online safety that you can share with your teen.

Telling your teenager to completely avoid social media or talking to people online is impossible. Sometimes, online friendships can bloom into romance. So discuss ground rules as early as possible and stay updated on the apps your teens are using.

Tip #4: Don’t lose sight of your priorities 

As a teenager, juggling school, family, extracurricular activities, and relationships can be tricky. 

This doesn’t mean teenagers shouldn’t spend time with their partners or go on date nights. But certain rules and boundaries can help them manage their time and energy better. 

Some aspects to consider include the following:

  • Whether they should complete their schoolwork and chores before going out
  • How much time they should reserve for family dinners or outings
  • How many days or nights a week they’re allowed to go out
  • What their curfew is for date nights

Dealing with breakups

Teenagers are still figuring out how to handle big feelings, so breakups can be tough on them.

Your teens might not break the news to you that they’ve ended things with their partner. So look for signs of a breakup.

These may include a change in your teenager’s daily mood, eating habits, school performance, and sleeping routine.

He or she might also withdraw from friends or family members and stop doing activities they used to enjoy. 

When your teens are ready to talk about it, there are various ways you can support them, including the following:

  • Don’t minimize their emotions. Validate their big feelings. Try to make yourself available when your teens need you, and create a non-judgemental space for them to share their experiences.
  • Listen to them when they’re ready to talk. Don’t interrupt, nag, or make negative remarks like “I told you so” or “It’s not a big deal.” Put away all distractions when your teens are speaking. 
  • Do things that make your teens feel loved. You can sit by them as they watch their favorite movie or you can cook their favorite meal for them.
  • Encourage them to get support from trusted friends. Your teens might not feel comfortable sharing every single detail with you, and that’s okay.

While breakups are painful, they can be a valuable opportunity for your teenagers to learn how to deal with sadness, anger, and rejection.

Conclusion

Talking about romance, love, and sex with your teens can be awkward. But these aren’t one-and-done conversations. 

This is new territory for both you and your teens. Things like rules, boundaries, values, and opinions will change over time. So it’s perfectly normal to revisit these discussions.

With the right approach, you’ll be a safe place your teens will go to in order to get dating advice and emotional support.

(Don’t forget to download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager (Cover)

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.


The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

Filed Under: Attitude, Communication, Happiness, Parenting, Relationships, Teens Tagged With: teen dating, teen relationship, teenage relationship

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