12 Parenting Mistakes You Don’t Know You’re Making

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 2 Comments

Frustrating, isn’t it?

You try your best as a parent.

You love your children unconditionally. You spend time with them. You give them gifts. You provide them with everything they need.

But somehow they don’t seem to appreciate it.

They complain about their lives. And – more annoyingly – they complain about you being a naggy, unreasonable parent.

You wonder to yourself, “Why don’t they appreciate everything I do for them?”

If this describes your situation, I’m here to help.

Having worked with thousands of children and teens, I realize there are many common mistakes that parents don’t even know they’re making.

I’ll explain 12 of these mistakes, which may be causing your child to be unhappy and unmotivated. (Some of them might surprise you as being mistakes!)

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1. Making your children the center of the universe.

Does your family’s schedule revolve around your children?

Their homework, their needs, their activities, their music lessons, their enrichment classes . . . the list goes on.

Of course, children have practical needs. But when everything revolves around them, they may become self-centered.

And when they’re constantly thinking about themselves – instead of focusing on the needs of others – they’re more likely to be unhappy.

After all, the people who lead the happiest, most meaningful lives are the ones who concentrate on serving others.

So allow your kids to experience a family environment where others receive as much attention as they do. They’ll benefit from it.

2. Constantly telling your children how special they are.

“You can be anything you want to be.”

“You did a fantastic job!”

“You’re so clever!”

If you say these kinds of things to your children too often, they may develop a sense of entitlement.

They may start thinking to themselves, “I’m special, so I should be able to achieve success even if I don’t try too hard.”

This kind of thinking sets children up for misery down the road, because nothing in life worth achieving ever comes easily.

It’s not wrong to encourage your children – just be sure they don’t end up thinking they’re the greatest thing since sliced bread.

3. Expecting the worst from your children.

Some parents say the following to their children:

“You’re so irresponsible.”
“You’re useless!”
“You’re stupid!”
“Why can’t you do anything right?”
“Why are you so unmotivated?”
“You didn’t do your homework, right?”
“Did you get in trouble with your teacher?”
“Are you hanging out with bad company again?”

Saying these things to your children won’t make them change their behavior. This is because over time they’ll internalize those labels they’ve been given.

A child who believes he’s “irresponsible” and “unmotivated” won’t magically become responsible and motivated. Instead, he’ll act out the negative traits he’s been labeled with. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What’s the alternative?

Read on to the next point.

4. Not acknowledging your children’s good behavior.

Don’t let your children’s good behavior go unnoticed.

For example, if you observe that your child has managed to focus for 20 minutes straight, say with a smile, “I notice that you managed to concentrate for 20 minutes.”

If your child submits his homework on time, praise him for it: “I’m proud of you for getting your homework done and for not procrastinating.”

These are simple comments that make a huge difference. The more you focus on your children’s good behavior, the more it will multiply.

5. Trying to achieve your dreams through your children.

It’s easy to see your children as an extension of yourself. After all, your children have half of your genes.

But if you try to achieve your own dreams through your children, they won’t find enduring happiness and success.

I even know parents who have forced their children to become doctors or lawyers, because those were their unfulfilled career ambitions.

Each of us has our own race to run, so don’t coerce your children into following your own agenda.

6. Disciplining your children when you’re angry.

If you want your children to be confident and well-adjusted, you must discipline them.

But this discipline shouldn’t be carried out in the heat of the moment.

If you discipline your children when you’re angry, you’re likely to mete out unreasonable punishments or use excessive force.

In the long run, this will make your children feel bitter and resentful.

So if you’re on the verge of losing your cool, remove yourself from the situation for 10 to 15 minutes. Discipline your child only when you’ve calmed down. You’ll feel better about it, and in the end, so will they.

7. Shaming your children.

No matter what your children have done, refrain from saying any of the following:

“I’m ashamed of you.”
“Stop behaving like a baby.”
“You ungrateful brat!”
“What were you thinking?!”
“I’ll never forgive you for that.”

When children feel a sense of shame, their growth and development is hindered. They may feel unworthy of love, and they may feel like a failure. This will lead to various psychological problems.

So if your children have made a mistake, don’t find fault with them as people. Instead, focus on their actions and what you’d like them to do differently in the future.

And do remind them that you love them. This will teach them that they’re worthy of love even when they make mistakes, leading to strong feelings of self-worth.

8. Being a friend to your children rather than a parent.

If your children like you and enjoy spending time with you, that’s great. But your children need you to be a parent more than they need you as a friend.

Good parenting involves making hard decisions. It involves disciplining your children, establishing boundaries, setting expectations, and meting out consequences.

Even if you do these things perfectly, your children might still be disgruntled, and that can hurt your feelings.

But don’t worry, because they won’t stay that way for long. They’ll soon realize that you’re preparing them for adult life.

9. Not teaching your children to manage their emotions.

Life is full of stress, disappointment, and hardship. If children don’t learn to manage their emotions, they’ll be overwhelmed by challenges.

So it’s important that you teach your children how to regulate their emotions. Here are some ways you can do this:

Set a good example by managing your own emotions well
Pay attention to your emotions as well as your children’s
Don’t dismiss your children’s emotions
Empathize with your children
Encourage your children to talk about their emotions
Avoid judging your children’s emotions
Teach your children to name their emotions

When your children can handle their emotions no matter what trials life throws at them, they’ll be prepared for just about anything. This is one of the best gifts you can give them.

10. Comparing your children with others.

“Don’t compare” – this is probably the most popular piece of advice in the history of parenting.

But no matter how many times you hear it, it’s still tempting to compare your children with others. (I’m a parent too, so I speak from experience!)

When parents compare, children get the message that “my parents would love me more if only I were more like so-and-so.”

This can make children feel insecure, which harms their emotional and mental development.

So resist the urge to compare, remembering that your children are uniquely gifted with their own skills, abilities, and personality traits. They’re worthy of love and understanding just as they are.

11. Shielding your children from the consequences of their choices.

One of the most important life lessons is that choices lead to consequences. The sooner we understand this truth, the sooner we’ll start to make wise decisions.

Don’t hinder your children’s development by bailing them out. (Of course, the exception is when they’d be in physical danger if you didn’t do so.)

For example, if your children forget to bring their homework to school, don’t drive to school to drop it off. They’ll be forced to become more organized in the future.

And if your children refuse to put their clothes in the laundry basket, don’t do it for them. They’ll learn to do so when they have to re-wear their dirty clothes because they ran out of clean ones.

By all means, show your children grace and compassion, but don’t go overboard. If you do, your children won’t learn to take full responsibility for their lives.

And without that understanding, it’s impossible to be successful and happy in the long run.

12. Not prioritizing your marriage over your children.

I don’t claim to be a marriage expert. But through my work with children and teens, I’ve realized that they would rather know that their parents love each other than that their parents love them.

Author and therapist David Code says that “families centered on children create anxious, exhausted parents and demanding, entitled children.”

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that the parent-child relationship isn’t important. I’m just saying that it’s crucial for you to focus on meeting your spouse’s needs, not just your children’s.

Be intentional about strengthening your marriage, and your children will be happier and more well-adjusted as a result. And you and your spouse will be great role models for your children’s own eventual marriages.

Conclusion

Parenting is an art, so there’s no one-size-fits-all approach that works 100% of the time.

But if your goal is to raise children who are happy and successful, there are some things you should not do. In this article, I’ve outlined 12 of them.

If you feel like you’ve made many of these mistakes, rest assured that you’re not alone. Parenting is probably the toughest job in the world!

The first step to change is awareness, which you now have. The rest of the journey is about gradual improvement.

So take it one step at a time.

Think about which of the 12 mistakes you commit most often, and come up with a parenting improvement plan.

Implementing this plan will take commitment and hard work, but you’ll see results over time.

And down the road, your children will thank you too. 🙂

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

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20 Simple Ways to Get Your Children to Listen to You

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Mother and daughter

It’s frustrating, isn’t it?

As a parent, you make countless sacrifices for your children.

You want the best for them, and you want them to become happy and successful.

But they just don’t listen to you.

Sometimes they don’t follow your instructions. Other times, they refuse to take your advice.

Understandably, you feel angry and helpless.

But take heart, because there are simple ways to get your children to listen to you. I’ve spoken to and worked with thousands of pre-teens and teens, so I’ll share with you the 20 best tips I know.

(Don’t forget to download your free e-book below.)

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16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

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1. Don’t make threats.

It’s tempting to threaten your children, especially when you’re at your wits’ end.

Resist this urge, because making threats will damage your parent-child relationship in the long run. The threats will eventually lose their effectiveness too.

What’s the alternative?

Read the rest of this article to find out.

2. Address your children by name.

Imagine if someone started barking orders at you without addressing you by name.

Would you feel like obeying those orders?

Probably not.

So if you start the conversation by calling your children by their name, they’ll feel respected. As such, they’ll be more likely to listen to what you have to say.

3. Get your children’s attention first.

Before you start giving instructions or suggestions, make sure you have your child’s full attention.

If necessary, walk up to him and put your hand on his shoulder. Establish eye contact, and ensure that he has turned his focus toward you.

Only then should you begin talking.

4. Make sure that your requests are reasonable.

Reasonable

Before you make your request, ask yourself the following questions:

Is the request really necessary?
Is it a matter of preference or principle?
How urgent is the request?
Is now the best time to make the request?

As parents, we must pick our battles. By asking the questions listed above, you’ll ensure that the battles you pick are worth fighting.

5. State your expectations ahead of time.

For instance, if you’re going to attend a wedding dinner as a family, let your children know your expectations (in terms of their behavior) ahead of time. Be as specific as possible.

In addition, state the consequences they’ll face if they choose not to behave according to those expectations.

6. Give your children choices and alternatives.

If you don’t give your children choices, they’ll perceive you as being authoritarian.

Here are some types of alternatives you could give them:

Do the task today or tomorrow
Do the task every day for 10 minutes, or once a week for an hour
Do the task using Method A, B, or C
Do Task A this week or Task B next week

7. Brainstorm possible solutions with your children.

If your child doesn’t agree to any of the options you’ve provided, brainstorm other possible options.

Get a sheet of paper and write down all the ideas that you and your child come up with. Take 10 to 15 minutes to do this.

Next, evaluate each of the ideas. Both of you get a chance to share your opinions on each of the options.

This may take a while, but you’ll usually be able to find a solution that you and your child are agreeable to.

8. Share with your children how you feel.

Happy face and sad face

In particular, the “When you … I feel …” approach is effective in getting through to children.

Here are some examples of how you might use this approach:

“When you bully your classmates, I feel anxious because I want you to become a person of strong values and character.
“When you refuse to study for your exams, I feel worried because I want you to make the most of your education and your talents.”
“When you speak to your teachers disrespectfully, I feel discouraged because I feel like I haven’t taught you well as your parent.”

9. Give your children your full attention.

Point #3 was about making sure that you have your children’s attention before you speak.

This point is about giving your children your full attention whenever they speak to you. This means putting away your electronic devices, newspapers, or books.

By doing this, your children will likely show you similar respect when you speak to them.

10. Phrase your requests “positively.”

Children respond better when the request is phrased “positively” rather than “negatively.”

These are a couple of examples to illustrate what I mean:

Example 1

Negative phrasing: “No shouting!”

Positive phrasing: “Please speak quietly when you’re indoors. You may shout when you’re outdoors.”

Example 2

Negative phrasing: “Stop watching TV!”

Positive phrasing: “Please turn off the TV and focus on your homework. During the school holidays, you’ll have more time to watch TV.”

11. Give your children advance notice.

As an example, if your children are in the middle of a game, give them advance notice if their fun is going to be cut short.

30 minutes before your family needs to leave the house, tell them they have 30 minutes remaining. Give them another warning 10 minutes before it’s time to go.

This way, they’ll be mentally prepared and won’t kick up a fuss.

12. State your requests as simply as possible.

Keep it simple

Children are more likely to listen when your requests are stated in a clear, direct, and simple manner.

Many parents make the mistake of repeating themselves to emphasize their point. But children often perceive this as nagging, and become less willing to listen.

So use as few words as possible to get your point across, and use simple language too.

13. Try to understand things from your children’s perspective.

Think back to when you were your children’s age.

Did you like it when your parents cut you off while you were speaking?

Or when you were playing with your friends, did you like it when your parents interrupted you?

Take a few minutes to think about the situation from your child’s point of view. This will help you to understand why she’s behaving the way she is. It will also give you fresh ideas about how to connect with her.

14. Acknowledge what your children have to say.

Children love using the word “but.”

“But I’m busy now…”

“But that’s so unfair…”

“But my friends don’t have to do this…”

“But I can do the homework later…”

Sound familiar?

How do you respond to statements like these from your children? By clamping down, or by exercising your parental authority in some other way?

I encourage you to first acknowledge what your children have said. You could say something like:

“I can see that you’re in the middle of your game…”
“I know this seems unfair to you…”
“I understand that your friends don’t have to do this…”
“I know it seems like your homework isn’t urgent…”

This will help your children to feel understood, which will make them more receptive to what you have to say.

15. Empathize with your children and identify their feelings.

As a follow-up to Points #13 and #14, identify your children’s feelings. Are they feeling frustrated, discouraged, disappointed, or betrayed?

If you can’t identify their emotions, then do the next best thing: ask them.

By showing your children that you understand their feelings – or that you’re trying to understand their feelings – they’ll be more likely to listen to you.

16. Stay calm.

Keep calm

This is easier said than done, I know.

But it’s vital that you stay calm, because nothing productive ever results from a shouting match.

So once you notice yourself getting agitated, take three or four deep breaths. Breathe in for three seconds, and breathe out for three seconds.

If necessary, remove yourself from the situation for 10 to 15 minutes. Restart the conversation when you’ve calmed down.

17. Be gentle but firm.

Speak to your children gently but firmly. Your children should know that you, as the parent, are the authority figure. But they should also feel respected and understood.

This is a fine balance that parents must strike, but it’s key if you want your children to listen to you willingly.

18. Be consistent and keep your word.

After you’ve set a rule, be consistent and follow through. If you don’t, your words will carry less weight in the future, and your children won’t take you seriously.

On a related note, make good on all your promises.

Whether it’s a promise you made to bring your children to the park, buy them a phone, or get them new clothes, keep your word.

I’ve spoken to children who don’t trust their parents because of broken promises in the past. And you can’t build a strong relationship without trust.

19. If necessary, end the discussion.

This approach should only be used as a last resort.

If you’ve already tried all the other tips but still can’t reach an agreement, then close the discussion.

For example, your child might want to go for a sleepover, but for various reasons you’ve decided that it isn’t a good idea.

You might end the discussion by saying, “I know you really want to go for this sleepover. But I’ve explained to you why I’m concerned about your safety and why I can’t allow you to go. I’m not changing my mind about this.”

20. Spend one-on-one time with your children.

Son and mother

At the heart of it, getting your children to listen to you is less about techniques and more about the parent-child relationship.

One of the best ways to build this relationship is to spend one-on-one time with your children. I’m not discounting the importance of family time, but one-on-one time is special.

Some parents continue to do this, even though their children are already adults. As you might expect, these parents typically have a wonderful relationship with each of their children.

And when you have a healthy parent-child relationship, your child will listen to you readily.

The bottom line

Getting your children to listen to your requests, suggestions, or advice – it’s one of the biggest challenges for parents.

But it doesn’t have to be a source of frustration for you anymore.

By using the 20 tips in this article, you’ll build a strong relationship with each of your children. Over time, your children will go from not listening to you to listening to you willingly.

This change will take time, and will require commitment. But it’ll be worth it.

I’m confident that you’re up to the challenge!

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

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30 Tips to Stop Procrastinating and Find Motivation to Do Homework

Updated on December 17, 2025 By Daniel Wong 45 Comments

To stop procrastinating on homework, you need to find motivation to do the homework in the first place.

But first, you have to overcome feeling too overwhelmed to even start.

You know what it feels like when everything hits you at once, right?

You have three tests to study for and a math assignment due tomorrow.

And you’ve got a history report due the day after.

You tell yourself to get down to work. But with so much to do, you feel overwhelmed.

So you procrastinate.

You check your social media feed, watch a few videos, and get yourself a drink. But you know that none of this is bringing you closer to getting the work done.

Does this sound familiar?

Don’t worry – you are not alone. Procrastination is a problem that everyone faces, but there are ways around it.

By following the tips in this article, you’ll be able to overcome procrastination and consistently find the motivation to do the homework.

So read on to discover 30 powerful tips to help you stop procrastinating on your homework.

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How to stop procrastinating and motivate yourself to do your homework

Procrastination when it comes to homework isn’t just an issue of laziness or a lack of motivation.

The following tips will help you to first address the root cause of your procrastination and then implement strategies to keep your motivation levels high.

1. Take a quiz to see how much you procrastinate.

The first step to changing your behavior is to become more self-aware.

How often do you procrastinate? What kinds of tasks do you tend to put off? Is procrastination a small or big problem for you?

To answer these questions, I suggest that you take this online quiz designed by Psychology Today.

2. Figure out why you’re procrastinating.

Procrastination is a complex issue that involves multiple factors.

Stop thinking of excuses for not doing your homework, and figure out what’s keeping you from getting started.

Are you procrastinating because:

You’re not sure you’ll be able to solve all the homework problems?
You’re subconsciously rebelling against your teachers or parents?
You’re not interested in the subject or topic?
You’re physically or mentally tired?
You’re waiting for the perfect time to start?
You don’t know where to start?

Once you’ve identified exactly why you’re procrastinating, you can pick out the tips in this article that will get to the root of the problem.

3. Write down what you’re procrastinating on.

Students tend to procrastinate when they’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

But you might be surprised to discover that simply by writing down the specific tasks you’re putting off, the situation will feel more manageable.

It’s a quick solution, and it makes a real difference.

Give it a try and you’ll be less likely to procrastinate.

4. Put your homework on your desk.

Here’s an even simpler idea.

Many times, the hardest part of getting your homework done is getting started.

It doesn’t require a lot of willpower to take out your homework and put it on your desk.

But once it’s sitting there in front of you, you’ll be much closer to actually getting down to work.

5. Break down the task into smaller steps.

This one trick will make any task seem more manageable.

For example, if you have a history report to write, you could break it down into the following steps:

Read the history textbook
Do online research
Organize the information
Create an outline
Write the introduction
Write the body paragraphs
Write the conclusion
Edit and proofread the report

Focus on just one step at a time. This way, you won’t need to motivate yourself to write the whole report at one go.

This is an important technique to use if you want to study smart and get more done.

6. Create a detailed timeline with specific deadlines.

As a follow-up to Point #5, you can further combat procrastination by creating a timeline with specific deadlines.

Using the same example above, I’ve added deadlines to each of the steps:

Jan 30^th: Read the history textbook
Feb 2^nd: Do online research
Feb 3^rd: Organize the information
Feb 5^th: Create an outline
Feb 8^th: Write the introduction
Feb 12^th: Write the body paragraphs
Feb 14^th: Write the conclusion
Feb 16^th: Edit and proofread the report

Assigning specific dates creates a sense of urgency, which makes it more likely that you’ll keep to the deadlines.

7. Spend time with people who are focused and hardworking.

Jim Rohn famously said that you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

If you hang out with people who are motivated and hardworking, you’ll become more like them.

Likewise, if you hang out with people who continually procrastinate, you’ll become more like them too.

Motivation to do homework naturally increases when you surround yourself with the right people.

So choose your friends wisely. Find homework buddies who will influence you positively to become a straight-A student who leads a balanced life.

That doesn’t mean you can’t have any fun! It just means that you and your friends know when it’s time to get down to work and when it’s time to enjoy yourselves.

8. Tell at least two or three people about the tasks you plan to complete.

When you tell others about the tasks you intend to finish, you’ll be more likely to follow through with your plans.

This is called “accountability,” and it kicks in because you want to be seen as someone who keeps your word.

So if you know about this principle, why not use it to your advantage?

You could even ask a friend to be your accountability buddy. At the beginning of each day, you could text each other what you plan to work on that day.

Then at the end of the day, you could check in with each other to see if things went according to plan.

9. Change your environment.

Maybe it’s your environment that’s making you feel sluggish.

When you’re doing your homework, is your super-comfortable bed just two steps away? Or is your distracting computer within easy reach?

If your environment is part of your procrastination problem, then change it.

Sometimes all you need is a simple change of scenery. Bring your work to the dining room table and get it done there. Or head to a nearby café to complete your report.

10. Talk to people who have overcome their procrastination problem.

If you have friends who consistently win the battle with procrastination, learn from their experience.

What was the turning point for them? What tips and strategies do they use? What keeps them motivated?

Find all this out, and then apply the information to your own situation.

11. Decide on a reward to give yourself after you complete your task.

“Planned” rewards are a great way to motivate yourself to do your homework.

The reward doesn’t have to be something huge.

For instance, you might decide that after you finish 10 questions of your math homework, you get to watch your favorite TV show.

Or you might decide that after reading one chapter of your history textbook, you get to spend 10 minutes on Facebook.

By giving yourself a reward, you’ll feel more motivated to get through the task at hand.

12. Decide on a consequence you’ll impose on yourself if you don’t meet the deadline.

It’s important that you decide on what the consequence will be before you start working toward your goal.

As an example, you could tell your younger brother that you’ll give him $1 for every deadline you don’t meet (see Point #6).

Or you could decide that you’ll delete one game from your phone for every late homework submission.

Those consequences would probably be painful enough to help you get down to work, right?

13. Visualize success.

Take 30 seconds and imagine how you’ll feel when you finish your work.

What positive emotions will you experience?

Will you feel a sense of satisfaction from getting all your work done?

Will you relish the extra time on your hands when you get your homework done fast and ahead of time?

This simple exercise of visualizing success may be enough to inspire you to start doing your assignment.

14. Visualize the process it will take to achieve that success.

Even more important than visualizing the outcome is visualizing the process it will take to achieve that outcome.

Research shows that focusing on the process is critical to success. If you’re procrastinating on a task, take a few moments to think about what you’ll need to do to complete it.

Visualize the following:

What resources you’ll need
Who you can turn to for help
How long the task will take
Where you’ll work on the task
The joy you’ll experience as you make progress

This kind of visualization is like practice for your mind.

Once you understand what’s necessary to achieve your goal, you’ll find that it’s much easier to get down to work with real focus. This is key to doing well in school.

15. Write down why you want to complete the task.

You’ll be more motivated when you’re clear about why you want to accomplish something.

To motivate yourself to do your homework, think about all the ways in which it’s a meaningful task.

So take a couple of minutes to write down the reasons. Here are some possible ones:

Learn useful information
Master the topic
Enjoy a sense of accomplishment when you’ve completed the task
Become a more focused student
Learn to embrace challenges
Fulfill your responsibility as a student
Get a good grade on the assignment

16. Write down the negative feelings you’ll have if you don’t complete the task.

If you don’t complete the assignment, you might feel disappointed or discouraged. You might even feel as if you’ve let your parents or your teacher – or even yourself – down.

It isn’t wise to dwell on these negative emotions for too long. But by imagining how you’ll feel if you don’t finish the task, you’ll realize how important it is that you get to work.

17. Do the hardest task first.

Most students will choose to do the easiest task first, rather than the hardest one. But this approach isn’t effective because it leaves the worst for last.

It’s more difficult to find motivation to do homework in less enjoyable subjects.

As Brian Tracy says, “Eat that frog!” By this, he means that you should always get your most difficult task out of the way at the beginning of the day.

If math is your least favorite subject, force yourself to complete your math homework first.

After doing so, you’ll feel a surge of motivation from knowing it’s finished. And you won’t procrastinate on your other homework because it will seem easier in comparison.

(On a separate note, check out these tips on how to get better at math if you’re struggling.)

18. Set a timer when doing your homework.

I recommend that you use a stopwatch for every homework session. (If you prefer, you could also use this online stopwatch or the Tomato Timer.)

Start the timer at the beginning of the session, and work in 30- to 45-minute blocks.

Using a timer creates a sense of urgency, which will help you fight off your urge to procrastinate.

When you know you only have to work for a short session, it will be easier to find motivation to complete your homework.

Tell yourself that you need to work hard until the timer goes off, and then you can take a break. (And then be sure to take that break!)

19. Eliminate distractions.

Here are some suggestions on how you can do this:

Delete all the games and social media apps on your phone
Turn off all notifications on your phone
Mute your group chats
Archive your inactive chats
Turn off your phone, or put it on airplane mode
Put your phone at least 10 feet away from you
Turn off the Internet access on your computer
Use an app like Freedom to restrict your Internet usage
Put any other distractions (like food, magazines and books unrelated to your homework) at the other end of the room
Unplug the TV
Use earplugs if your surroundings are noisy

20. At the start of each day, write down the two to three Most Important Tasks (MITs) you want to accomplish.

This will enable you to prioritize your tasks. As Josh Kaufman explains, a Most Important Task (MIT) is a critical task that will help you to get significant results down the road.

Not all tasks are equally important. That’s why it’s vital that you identify your MITs, so that you can complete those as early in the day as possible.

What do you most need to get done today? That’s an MIT.

Get to work on it, then feel the satisfaction that comes from knowing it’s out of the way.

21. Focus on progress instead of perfection.

Perfectionism can destroy your motivation to do homework and keep you from starting important assignments.

Some students procrastinate because they’re waiting for the perfect time to start.

Others do so because they want to get their homework done perfectly. But they know this isn’t really possible – so they put off even getting started.

What’s the solution?

To focus on progress instead of perfection.

There’s never a perfect time for anything. Nor will you ever be able to complete your homework perfectly. But you can do your best, and that’s enough.

So concentrate on learning and improving, and turn this into a habit that you implement whenever you study.

22. Get organized.

Procrastination is common among students who are disorganized.

When you can’t remember which assignment is due when or which tests you have coming up, you’ll naturally feel confused. You’ll experience school- and test-related stress.

This, in turn, will lead to procrastination.

That’s why it’s crucial that you get organized. Here are some tips for doing this:

Don’t rely on your memory; write everything down
Keep a to-do list
Use a student planner
Use a calendar and take note of important dates like exams, project due dates, school holidays, birthdays, and family events
At the end of each day, plan for the following day
Use one binder or folder for each subject or course
Do weekly filing of your loose papers, notes, and old homework
Throw away all the papers and notes you no longer need

23. Stop saying “I have to” and start saying “I choose to.”

When you say things like “I have to write my essay” or “I have to finish my science assignment,” you’ll probably feel annoyed. You might be tempted to complain about your teachers or your school.

What’s the alternative?

To use the phrase “I choose to.”

The truth is, you don’t “have” to do anything.

You can choose not to write your essay; you’ll just run the risk of failing the class.

You can choose not to do your science assignment; you’ll just need to deal with your angry teacher.

When you say “I choose to do my homework,” you’ll feel empowered. This means you’ll be more motivated to study and to do what you ought to.

24. Clear your desk once a week.

Clutter can be demotivating. It also causes stress, which is often at the root of procrastination.

Hard to believe? Give it a try and see for yourself.

By clearing your desk, you’ll reduce stress and make your workspace more organized.

So set a recurring appointment to organize your workspace once a week for just 10 minutes. You’ll receive huge benefits in the long run!

25. If a task takes two minutes or less to complete, do it now.

This is a principle from David Allen’s bestselling book, Getting Things Done.

You may notice that you tend to procrastinate when many tasks pile up. The way to prevent this from happening is to take care of the small but important tasks as soon as you have time.

Here are some examples of small two-minute tasks that you should do once you have a chance:

Replying to your project group member’s email
Picking up anything on the floor that doesn’t belong there
Asking your parents to sign a consent form
Filing a graded assignment
Making a quick phone call
Writing a checklist
Sending a text to schedule a meeting
Making an online purchase that doesn’t require further research

26. Finish one task before starting on the next.

You aren’t being productive when you switch between working on your literature essay, social studies report, and physics problem set – while also intermittently checking your phone.

Research shows that multitasking is less effective than doing one thing at a time. Multitasking may even damage your brain!

When it comes to overcoming procrastination, it’s better to stick with one task all the way through before starting on the next one.

You’ll get a sense of accomplishment when you finish the first assignment, which will give you a boost of inspiration as you move on to the next one.

27. Build your focus gradually.

You can’t win the battle against procrastination overnight; it takes time. This means that you need to build your focus progressively.

If you can only focus for 10 minutes at once, that’s fine. Start with three sessions of 10 minutes a day. After a week, increase it to three sessions of 15 minutes a day, and so on.

As the weeks go by, you’ll become far more focused than when you first started. And you’ll soon see how great that makes you feel.

28. Before you start work, write down three things you’re thankful for.

Gratitude improves your psychological health and increases your mental strength.

These factors are linked to motivation. The more you practice gratitude, the easier it will be to find motivation to do your homework. As such, it’s less likely that you’ll be a serial procrastinator.

Before you get down to work for the day, write down three things you’re thankful for. These could be simple things like good health, fine weather, or a loving family.

You could even do this in a “gratitude journal,” which you can then look back on whenever you need a shot of fresh appreciation for the good things in your life.

Either way, this short exercise will get you in the right mindset to be productive.

29. Get enough sleep.

For most people, this means getting 7 to 9 hours of sleep every night. And teenagers need 8 to 10 hours of sleep a night to function optimally.

What does sleep have to do with procrastination?

More than you might realize.

It’s almost impossible to feel motivated when you’re tired. And when you’re low on energy, your willpower is depleted too.

That’s why you give in to the temptation of Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube videos more easily when you’re sleep-deprived.

Here are ways to get more sleep, and sleep better too:

Create a bedtime routine
Go to sleep at around the same time every night
Set a daily alarm as a reminder to go to bed
Exercise regularly (but not within a few hours of bedtime)
Make your bedroom as dark as possible
Remove or switch off all electronic devices before bedtime
Avoid caffeine at least six hours before bedtime
Use an eye mask and earplugs

30. Schedule appointments with yourself to complete your homework.

These appointments are specific blocks of time reserved for working on a report, assignment, or project. Scheduling appointments is effective because it makes the task more “official,” so you’re more likely to keep the appointment.

For example, you could schedule appointments such as:

Jan 25^th, 4:00 pm – 5:30 pm: Math assignment
Jan 27^th, 3:00 pm – 4:00 pm: Online research for social studies project
Jan 28^th, 4:30 pm – 5:00 pm: Write introduction for English essay

Transform homework procrastination into homework motivation

Procrastination is a problem we all face.

But given that you’ve read all the way to here, I know you’re committed to overcoming this problem.

And now that you’re armed with these tips, you have all the tools you need to become more disciplined and focused.

By the way, please don’t feel as if you need to implement all the tips at once, because that would be too overwhelming.

Instead, I recommend that you focus on just a couple of tips a week, and make gradual progress. No rush!

Over time, you’ll realize that your habit of procrastination has been replaced by the habit of getting things done.

Now’s the time to get started on that process of transformation. 🙂

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50 Priceless Gifts Your Children Will Treasure for Life (That Don’t Cost a Cent)

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 21 Comments

What are the best gifts to give your children?

The latest smartphone? A new laptop? A fun vacation?

There’s nothing wrong with giving children material things. But through my interactions with thousands of students, I realize that the gifts they value most usually don’t cost a cent.

Nevertheless, these gifts will bring them long-lasting joy, fulfillment, and success.

Inspired by this article, I came up with this list of 50 gifts your children will treasure for life, and which don’t cost a cent.

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1. Responsibilities

Through responsibilities, children learn to be responsible. And being responsible is a key factor that leads to enduring success.

2. Contentment

More shoes, more clothes, more money, more electronic devices … It’s easy to feel as if you never have enough. But if children don’t learn to be contented, they’ll never be happy.

3. Vulnerability

Be vulnerable with your children by sharing your challenges and weaknesses – as well as what you’re doing to overcome them. This way, your children will learn that they don’t have to pretend to be perfect.

4. Managing their emotions

Children must learn to deal with emotions like anger, frustration, and disappointment in order to lead a productive life.

5. Letters

My mom has been writing me letters for years, and I’ve kept all of them. In these letters, she shared her hopes, dreams, and concerns with me. Each letter has inspired me to live with a stronger sense of purpose and determination. (I love you, Mom!)

6. Family rituals

Family rituals are great for bonding. Research also shows that they help children to develop socially. These rituals could be as simple as having breakfast as a family every Saturday morning, or having a weekly family meeting.

7. Strong relationship with your spouse

As you model a healthy marriage for your children, they’ll learn how to build a strong marriage for themselves and their spouse in the future.

8. Being a team player

As the saying goes, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” Great things are accomplished through teamwork.

9. Money management

Share with your children the basics of smart spending, saving, and investing. These skills will benefit them for the rest of their life.

10. Kindness

Children must learn to be kind toward others – and also toward themselves. Teach your children to become their own best friend, so that they won’t ever be overwhelmed by guilt or shame.

11. Inquisitiveness

There are endless things to learn and explore. Become an inquisitive person yourself, and share with your children the joy of embracing the beauty of the world around us.

12. Appreciation

Tell your children what you appreciate about them. Set an example by frequently giving others sincere compliments too.

13. Love

Remind your children that you love them unconditionally. It doesn’t matter what grades they get or what achievements they rack up. The more loved your children feel, the more they’ll be able to love others well.

14. Patience

Worthwhile accomplishments don’t happen overnight. As such, patience is a virtue that’s at the foundation of fulfillment and success.

15. Challenges

Children must be given enough appropriate challenges, so they’ll learn to enjoy challenges, rather than avoid them.

16. Gratitude

Studies show that grateful people are happier, healthier, and more successful. Show your children that there are always things to be thankful for, no matter what the situation.

17. Humility

You can learn something from everyone you meet. By maintaining a humble, teachable attitude, your children will maximize their personal growth.

18. Respect

As you show your children basic respect, they’ll learn to respect others. They’ll also learn to have a healthy respect for authority.

19. Laughter

Life is full of struggles, but there are also plenty of things to laugh about. Make your home a place of joy and laughter, and your children will have many wonderful family memories.

20. Self-control

Without self-control, your children won’t be able to keep their commitments or make progress toward their goals.

21. Affection

Children need physical affection from you, whether it’s a hug or a pat on the back.

22. Time

When you spend time with your children, they’ll see that they’re so important that you’re willing to make sacrifices just to be with them. The gift of time doesn’t cost anything, but it’s priceless.

23. Spirit of giving and sharing

Research shows that giving is better than receiving. Model for your children what it means to be generous with your resources and time.

24. Integrity

Strong relationships are vital for long-term happiness and success. The most important ingredient in any relationship is trust, and you can’t build trust if you don’t have integrity.

25. Safety

To maximize their potential, children need to feel safe and secure. They’ll only feel this way if they have a stable home environment. So if your home is full of tension and conflict, take steps to address the underlying issues right away.

26. Healthy living

Health is something we take for granted when we’re young, but age will eventually catch up with us. Teach your children the importance of healthy living by sleeping, eating, and exercising right as a family.

27. Positive thinking

I’m not talking about living in a fantasy world. I’m talking about teaching your children to see the opportunity and potential in every situation, no matter how bleak things might seem.

28. Unconditional support

We all have our low moments. That’s when we need encouragement and support to pick ourselves up and get back on the right path.

29. Serving others

A meaningful life is one which is focused on serving others and on making a difference in the lives of others.

30. Habits

The “small” things you do every day matter more than the “big” things you do once in a while. Your habits will make you or break you. Teach your children this truth, and help them to cultivate healthy habits.

31. Reflection

As Socrates once said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Reflection enables us to turn events into experiences, and to gain wisdom.

32. Forgiveness

Friends will betray you. Colleagues will gossip about you. And you’ll most definitely make mistakes. These are facts of life, so children must learn to forgive others freely – and themselves too.

33. Empathy

When you see things from the other person’s perspective, you won’t cast judgment prematurely. Set an example for your children by being understanding. As a result, they’ll become more caring and empathetic.

34. Resilience

Here’s one of my favorite quotes: “The only difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone is how high you raise your foot.” The path to success is full of setbacks, so children need to develop the mental strength to deal with these setbacks.

35. Good manners

Being a polite, well-mannered person will never go out of style. Good manners also help to create a solid first impression.

36. Organizational skills

The older your children get, the busier they’re likely to become. Without organizational skills, they won’t be able to effectively manage their schedule and priorities.

37. Fun

Play is a crucial part of life, no matter what your age. Have fun as a family, and show your children that there are times when you shouldn’t take life too seriously.

38. Listening

This is a skill that few people master. By listening actively, you’ll build stronger relationships and develop empathy.

39. Dreams

Having dreams is an important part of leading a fulfilling life. So give your children the freedom to dream, and tell them about your dreams too. Not every dream will become a reality, but having dreams makes life more exciting.

40. Passion for learning

You don’t go to school to get an education; school is just one part of your education. Share with your children the things you’re learning, the books you’re reading, and the skills you’re developing. Your children will begin to see that learning isn’t mainly about passing exams. It’s about continually improving, so that you can make a bigger contribution to those around you.

41. Values

Many people make decisions based on pragmatism. But the ones who lead the most significant lives make decisions based on principles and values. Empower your children to lead a life of conviction, not convenience.

42. Choices

As children get older, they need to be given more choices and responsibilities. At the same time, they must learn that choices lead to consequences. Allow them to experience these consequences, so that they’ll make even better decisions down the road.

43. Hard work

Getting good grades requires hard work. Becoming a valuable employee requires hard work. Building strong relationships requires hard work. In other words, achieving anything worthwhile requires hard work. Teach your children the value of hard work, and show them that hard work is fun!

44. Vision

Vision is the starting point of all groundbreaking inventions, technologies, and businesses. To become visionary, children first need the freedom to explore their imagination.

45. Attention

When you’re with your children, put aside your newspapers and electronic devices, and be fully present. Children appreciate this more than you might think.

46. Freedom to fail

As Seth Godin once said, “If failure isn’t an option, then neither is real success.” As long as their well-being isn’t in danger, give your children the freedom to make mistakes and fail. This will help them to build courage and resilience.

47. People skills

Getting along with others is an invaluable life skill. Coach your children to ask good questions, empathize with others, and communicate effectively.

48. Ability to win and lose gracefully

Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. Regardless of the outcome, you should display grace, respect, and humility.

49. Knowing the difference between wants and needs

Understanding this difference will prevent your children from chasing after things they don’t need – and which won’t make them happy. As such, they’ll lead a simpler and more meaningful life.

50. Sense of destiny

My parents instilled in me and my siblings a sense of destiny, an understanding that we had a purpose to fulfill in life. As a result, I’d say that we’ve stayed relatively focused on doing things to serve others and make an impact. (Of course, my siblings and I are far from perfect!) I can only imagine how much emptier our lives would be if our parents hadn’t instilled in us this sense of destiny.

Conclusion

Unfortunately, you can’t buy these 50 gifts anywhere. You need to give these gifts to your children a little bit at a time, over the course of years.

This is a painstaking process, but your efforts will pay off. Your children will grow to be focused, disciplined, responsible, generous, and kind.

You have a huge part to play – I know you’re up to the challenge. 🙂

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7 Common Mistakes That Damage Your Parent-Child Relationship

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 6 Comments

Is there tension in your parent-child relationship?

Or is it hard for you to communicate with your child?

If so, don’t be discouraged.

We all try our best as parents, but things aren’t always smooth sailing.

I’ve spoken to and worked with more than 20,000 tweens and teens. I’ve seen first-hand how easily parent-child relationships can be damaged.

Here are seven ways that parents hurt the relationship with their child – so avoid doing these at all costs.

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1. Tell your child that he isn’t living up to his potential.

Parents sometimes say to their underperforming child:

“You’re not maximizing your potential.”
“You’re intelligent, but you’re not making the most of it.”
“You’re wasting your potential.”
“If you worked harder, you would fulfill your potential.”

Do children feel motivated when they hear things like these? Unfortunately, they don’t.

Children share with me that when they’re told they’re not living up to their potential, they’re uninspired to improve.

Why?

Because they feel as if their parents care more about their performance than who they are as a person. They feel as if their parents would consider them more “complete,” if only they achieved more.

This causes resentment, which hinders them from even wanting to change their behavior.

Instead of focusing on your child’s untapped potential, acknowledge his good behavior. For example, if you observe that he’s been more diligent in his school work (even if it’s just a tiny improvement), acknowledge this change. You could say, “I notice you’ve been more focused recently.”

Or if he’s kind toward his younger sibling, compliment him by saying, “That’s thoughtful of you.”

The more attention you pay to your child’s good behavior, the more that behavior will multiply. Gradually, your parent-child relationship will improve too.

2. Make your child feel as if your love is conditional.

Many parents do this unintentionally by overemphasising the importance of grades.

In fact, children often say to me, “I feel as if my parents love me more when I do well in school.”

Parents of these children would claim that their love is not dependent on their children’s grades. But this isn’t the message the children hear.

One father I know believes that parents’ love for their children should be conditional. He believes that parents should only extend love if their children are hardworking and obedient.

Given his harsh attitude, I’m not surprised that his children are not hardworking or obedient.

If you want your children to find long-term success and fulfillment, remind them that your love for them is unconditional.

3. Bring up incidents from the past.

In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to bring up unpleasant incidents from the past: that time your child lied, behaved disrespectfully, betrayed your trust, or got in trouble at school.

When parents do this, it causes bitterness and resentment.

It may sound clichéd, but let bygones be bygones. This is especially important when it comes to the parent-child relationship.

If you do bring up an incident from the past during an argument, apologize to your child.

My experience tells me that these are the most powerful words you can say to a child: “I’m sorry, I was wrong. Will you forgive me?”

4. Continually criticize or nag your child.

We want our children to grow up to be polite, honest, kind, resilient, and successful. So it’s natural to criticize them whenever their current behavior isn’t aligned with who we want them to become.

As such, parents nag their children about their …

Work ethic
Attitude
Manners
Choice of friends
Hairstyle
Choice of clothes
Personal hygiene
Dietary habits
Taste in music
Choice of what they do in their free time or during school holidays

The list goes on.

But constant criticism rarely accomplishes anything besides damaging the parent-child relationship. I’ve even heard parents criticize their children by calling them “lazy” or “unmotivated.”

When children are given such negative labels, they’ll continue to live up to their reputation as “lazy” or “unmotivated.” After all, there’s no reason for them to change, because their parents have already formed this strong opinion of them.

What’s the alternative?

Acknowledge your child’s good behavior (see Point #1) and give her positive labels. This way, she’ll have a good name to live up to.

Over time, your relationship with her will improve, as will her behavior.

5. Talk down to your child.

From the time your child was born, you’ve been his primary caregiver. You’ve changed his diapers, made his milk, bathed him, given him food, taken him to school, wiped away his tears … and much more.

As your child gets older, it’s easy to feel as if you know better than him in every area. Although you may sometimes be right, talking down to him isn’t effective.

Avoid saying the following, which your child will perceive as condescending:

“I know what’s best for you.”
“You’ll understand when you’re older …”
“You’re just a child …”
“You don’t know anything …”
“Because I said so!”

Use the top-down approach sparingly. Instead, ask for your child’s opinion and seek to understand his perspective.

With this kind of mutual respect, your parent-child relationship is sure to improve.

6. Be unavailable to your child.

We live in a competitive, fast-paced world. So parents must make an intentional choice to be available to their children.

If you’re constantly busy with work and other commitments, your children may feel neglected. This makes it difficult to build a strong parent-child relationship.

What are some ways to become more available to your child?

Here are some suggestions:

Schedule regular one-to-one dates with your child
Have meals together as a family
Take an interest in your child’s games or hobbies
Bring your child with you when you run errands
Fix a broken fan or unclog a pipe with your child
Do household chores as a family
Take a walk together after dinner

The more available you are to your child, the less likely it is that she’ll withdraw or rebel.

7. Make assumptions and jump to conclusions.

Doing this is the quickest way to destroy your parent-child relationship.

Here are two examples of parents making assumptions and jumping to conclusions:

Example 1

Jane fails her science exam for the second time in a row.

When Jane breaks the news to her parents, they exclaim: “Why didn’t you study for the exam? I don’t know how you became so lazy.”

Example 2

One Saturday night, Benjamin comes home two hours after his curfew. This is the third time he’s broken his curfew.

Once he opens the front door, his parents fly into a rage: “You forgot about the time, didn’t you? What trouble were you up to with your friends?”

These examples might seem like exaggerations, but based on what tweens and teens share with me, they aren’t. In fact, some parents make even more far-fetched assumptions.

What might have actually happened in the examples above?

In Example 1, Jane may have studied extremely hard, but she may have blanked out during the exam. In addition, she may lack the organizational skills necessary for academic success. (This is the case for many of the students I work with.)

In Example 2, Benjamin may have needed to rush his friend to the hospital because of a medical emergency. He may have forgotten to bring his phone with him, so he couldn’t contact his parents to inform them. (This is a real story I heard.)

So don’t make assumptions or jump to conclusions. Give your child the benefit of the doubt, at least until you’ve heard her side of the story.

This will help to develop a trusting parent-child relationship, where the lines of communication remain open.

The bottom line

If you realize you’ve been making some of the mistakes listed in this article, don’t be too hard on yourself.

It takes two hands to clap, and your child also has a part to play in making the parent-child relationship work.

But as parents, we’re the leaders of our home.

So we must be proactive, humble, and courageous in cultivating a loving home environment.

As Dr. Gary Smalley once said, “Life is relationships; the rest is just details.”

Let’s get to work building strong family relationships. It’s the most important work we’ll ever do.

An earlier version of this article appeared on Yahoo!.

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40 Productive Things to Do During the School Holidays

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 85 Comments

Exams are over and school’s out.

And students around the world are thinking to themselves, “Now what am I going to do with all of this free time?”

Sure, there are games to play, movies to watch, and friends to hang out with.

But there are also plenty of productive things to do during the school holidays.

So I’ve come up with this list of 40 meaningful things to do.

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1. Reflect on the semester gone by.

Take out a sheet of paper and answer these three questions:

What did I do well in the past semester?
What did I not do so well in the past semester?
What will I do differently in the coming semester?

2. Set process goals for the coming semester.

This is a follow-up to Point #1.

Set process goals for the coming semester instead of performance goals, because process goals are far more effective.

What’s the difference between the two types of goals?

Process goals are what you intend to do, while performance goals are what you intend to achieve.

Here’s an example.

Performance goal: Get an A for math next semester.

Process goal: Do three extra math questions every day after dinner.

By setting process goals, you’re more likely to take action than if you only set performance goals.

So take some time and set 5 to 10 process goals for the coming semester.

3. Watch educational YouTube videos.

Here are a few of my favorite educational YouTube channels:

MinutePhysics (all kinds of cool physics)
CrashCourse (history, chemistry, astronomy, and much more)
AsapSCIENCE (science topics ranging from biology to psychology)

For more suggestions, check out this article.

4. Watch documentaries.

You can watch thousands of high-quality documentaries for free at Documentary Heaven.

5. Get a job.

Don’t worry too much about what the job will pay. As the saying goes, “Take a job for what you will learn, not for what you will earn.”

This is especially true when it comes to school holiday jobs. The best learning experience might just come in the form of an unpaid job or internship.

6. Learn a new language.

Visit these websites and learn a new language:

7. Find a cause you care about.

The school holidays are a good time to give back. Find a cause you care about, and start thinking of ways to support that cause.

Then read this article, which lists 10 ways to support a good cause.

8. Volunteer.

As a follow-up to Point #7, find a practical way to serve and contribute. You could volunteer to clean up the beach, help out at a nursing home or animal shelter, or deliver meals to the elderly.

9. Improve your physical health.

You have more time during the school holidays. So this is a great opportunity to start sleeping well, exercising regularly, and eating healthily.

10. Learn a new skill.

You could learn skills like…

Public speaking
Cooking
Drawing
Self-defense
Negotiation
Listening
Positive thinking

11. Read.

I strongly recommend that you read these five books:

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
The Success Principles by Jack Canfield
Feel the Fear … and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers
The Happy Student by Daniel Wong – International Edition/Asian Edition (I’m allowed to recommend my own book, right? 🙂 )

12. Take an online course.

There are thousands of online courses to choose from on Coursera and Udemy.

13. Build or fix something.

Fix a broken fan, build a computer, or make a table. These are skills that will come in handy in the future.

14. Visit museums.

A trip to a museum will make you more knowledgeable, and you’ll probably leave feeling inspired too.

What’s more, it’s typically free (or cheap) to get in.

15. Start a business.

You could start something small like a …

Babysitting business
Dog-walking business
Pet-sitting business

Or you could think big like these 12 kids, who have built million-dollar businesses in arenas like app development, online advertising, fashion, and hair products.

16. Learn to manage your money.

Money management is a valuable life skill. Get started by checking out the resources at Practical Money Skills for Life.

17. Pick up a new hobby.

You will probably feel bored at some point during the school holidays. That’s the time to pick up a new hobby like…

Juggling
Gardening
Playing the ukulele
Dancing
Photography
Stargazing

18. Sell the things you aren’t using.

I’m sure you own many things you aren’t using, which other people would be willing to pay for.

So hold a garage sale, or put the items up for sale online.

19. Visit a nearby college or university.

Whenever I visit a college or university campus, I feel a sense of excitement. Colleges and universities are so full of youth, passion, knowledge, and potential.

This school holiday, visit one in your area. Learn about the courses and programs offered, and get a feel for the campus culture.

You might just leave the campus with a clearer vision of what to do after high school.

20. Achieve an athletic goal.

Take Point #9 a step further and work toward a specific athletic goal.

Here are some examples:

Do 15 pull-ups in 30 seconds
Do 50 push-ups in 1 minute
Do 60 sit-ups in 1 minute
Run a mile under 7 minutes
Hold a plank for 2 minutes

21. Reconnect with friends and family members.

Reconnect with friends and family members whom you didn’t get to spend much time with during the school term.

At the very least, send them a text or email to show them that you’re thinking of them.

22. Enjoy nature.

Go for a hike, have a picnic, fly a kite, or visit a nature reserve.

23. Learn about a country or place you don’t know much about.

The world is an amazing place filled with fascinating countries and cities.

This school holiday, take some time to learn about the history and culture of a country or place you aren’t familiar with.

24. Improve your vocabulary.

Students’ success in school and life is linked to the size of their vocabulary, the research indicates.

I’m sure you want to be successful, so use this resource to improve your vocabulary: Vocabulary.com

25. Improve your writing skills.

Writing skills are important for academic success, and they’re even more important for career success. So work on your writing skills this school holiday.

Read this excellent article on how to improve your writing. Next, read at least one of these books and put into practice what you’ve learned:

The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White
Writing Tools by Roy Peter Clark
On Writing Well by William Zinsser

26. Declutter.

Give away books and notes you no longer need, and files you no longer use. In addition, clear your desk and get organized.

This way, you’ll set yourself up for a fruitful upcoming semester.

27. Develop healthy habits.

Nathaniel Emmons once said, “Habit is either the best of servants or the worst of masters.”

These are possible habits to develop this school holiday:

Daily reflection
Reading for 15 minutes before bed
Keeping a gratitude journal
Getting on a regular sleep schedule
Drinking more water

28. Read articles on how to become a happy, successful student.

Read these articles:

29. Learn about your family history.

By doing this, you’ll discover interesting things about your family.

Not only that, research indicates that people who know their family history tend to have higher self-esteem too.

30. Learn time management skills.

Get started with these three resources:

31. Watch Khan Academy videos.

This school holiday, brush up on your math, science and humanities by watching Khan Academy videos.

(Here are my tips if you’re trying to get better at math.)

32. Increase your reading speed.

The faster you read, the faster you learn.

Improve your reading speed by checking out this resource and this resource.

33. Try out geocaching.

If you don’t know what geocaching is, check out this page.

It’s a fun and educational activity!

34. Clear your email inbox.

Over the past semester, your email inbox has probably become flooded.

You may even have hundreds of emails that have yet to be processed or organized.

If this describes you, then read this fantastic article by Michael Hyatt and implement his tips.

35. Talk to as many adults as possible about career options.

It’s never too early to start thinking about your future career.

Reach out to your relatives, family friends, teachers, and neighbors. Offer to buy them a cup of coffee, and ask them if they’d be willing to share their experiences and insights.

Set a goal for this school holiday of talking to at least one adult a week about career options.

36. Create a personal website.

Your chances of getting into that program you’re applying for – or getting that job or internship – will be higher if you have a personal website.

Your chances will be even higher if your website looks as beautiful as this one or this one.

I recommend using the WordPress platform for your website; here’s a complete website setup guide. And don’t worry, you don’t have to create your website from scratch. You can find over 60 free, professional-looking WordPress themes here.

37. Increase your typing speed.

In all likelihood, as you get older you’ll need to do more typing on your computer.

Explore these three websites to increase your typing speed:

38. Create checklists.

For the tasks you perform repeatedly, create checklists so that you’ll save time in the long run.

For example, you could create a checklist for the things you ought to do…

Every day when you get home from school
When you start preparing for an exam
Every weekend as you prepare for the upcoming week
When you’re packing your bag
Before you take an exam
To reflect on your life periodically

39. Find a mentor.

A good mentor will help you become more self-aware, make better decisions, and find long-term success.

This Forbes article provides practical tips on finding a mentor. I also offer a 1-to-1 coaching program to help teens become happy and successful.

40. Write thank-you notes.

Many people say “thank you” via text message or email. But few people write actual thank-you notes. This school holiday, become one of those people.

Make a list of the people who have helped you in one way or another the past semester: friends, teachers, relatives, and family members.

Write each of those people a thank-you note. Then either mail the note to them or give it to them in person.

The bottom line

It’s impossible to do all 40 things described in this article. Besides, I know you also want to have plenty of fun this school holiday.

So don’t feel overwhelmed.

Instead, develop a realistic plan. (To do this, use the planning worksheet available at the end of the article.)

As you follow your plan, I’m confident that you’ll have a meaningful, productive and fun-filled school holiday!

Like this article? Please share it with your friends.

FREE BONUS

Enter your email below to download a step-by-step planning worksheet as a PDF. This planning worksheet will help you to have a productive school holiday!

How to Raise a Happy, Successful Child: 25 Tips Backed by Science

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 50 Comments

Every parent wants to raise children who are happy and successful.

But there’s so much parenting advice out there.

Who should you listen to?

And which advice is reliable?

To answer those questions, I read through dozens of scientific articles and research journals.

I’ve compiled this list of 25 scientific ways to bring up confident and well-adjusted children.

(Don’t forget to download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

1. Become a happier person yourself.

Emotional problems in parents are linked to emotional problems in their children, as explained in Raising Happiness. Not only that, unhappy people are also less effective parents.

Psychologists Carolyn and Philip Cowan have also found that happy parents are more likely to have happy children.

In one study in The Secrets of Happy Families, children were asked: “If you were granted one wish about your parents, what would it be?”

Their answer?

No, it wasn’t that their parents would spend more time with them. Neither was it that their parents would nag at them less, or give them more freedom.

The children’s wish was that their parents were less stressed and tired.

So what can you do to become a happier person? Here’s an article with many practical suggestions.

2. Celebrate as a family, as often as you can.

Happy families celebrate both the small and big things: the end of a busy week, a good grade, the first day of school, a job promotion, holidays and festivals.

The celebrations can be as simple as going to the park together, or as elaborate as throwing a surprise party.

Happy families lead to happy children, so make it a point to celebrate as a family often.

3. Prioritize your marriage over your children.

Family therapist David Code, author of To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First, says: “Families centered on children create anxious, exhausted parents and demanding, entitled children. We parents today are too quick to sacrifice our lives and marriages for our kids.”

He goes on to explain, “The greatest gift you can give your children is to have a fulfilling marriage.”

I’m not a marriage expert, but here are some tips to strengthen your marriage (they’ve definitely helped me and my wife!):

Hug at least twice a day
Greet each other joyfully
Compliment each other
Hold hands often
Have regular dates
Spend at least 20 minutes in conversation every day
Say “I love you” every day

4. When your children talk to you, give them your undivided attention.

Communicating well with your children is vital if you want them to be happy and successful. One powerful way to do this is to give them your full attention whenever they speak to you.

This means putting aside your newspapers and electronic devices, and really listening to what they have to say.

You’ll respond more thoughtfully, which will encourage your children to become more communicative.

5. Have regular meals together as a family.

Children who have regular meals with their families become more successful in school and in almost every area, as explained in The Secrets of Happy Families.

These children have larger vocabularies, greater self-confidence, and get better grades. They are also less likely to drink, smoke, do drugs, engage in other risky teenage behaviors, or develop psychological issues.

And all because these families frequently have meals together!

6. Teach your children to manage their emotions.

John Gottman’s research shows that children who can regulate their emotions focus better, which is important for long-term success. These children even enjoy better physical health.

To help your children manage their emotions, you should:

Demonstrate emotional self-management yourself
Empathize with your children
Explain to your children that all feelings are acceptable, but not all behaviors are
Acknowledge your children’s progress

7. Teach your children to build meaningful relationships.

Jack Shonkoff and Deborah Phillips found that having strong relationships is vital for children’s growth and psychological well-being.

Children who lack these relationships do worse in school, are more likely to get in trouble with the law, and are more likely to have psychiatric problems.

What can parents do to help their children form meaningful relationships?

Parents must respond appropriately to their children’s emotional cues (see Point #6). By doing so, their children will feel more secure. This forms the foundation of self-esteem.

Parents should create an environment for their children to form friendships, while also teaching them to resolve conflicts.

8. Set reasonable boundaries for your children.

Parents who set and enforce reasonable boundaries raise confident, successful children.

Dr. Nancy Darling and Dr. Linda Caldwell found that effective parents explain the logic of the rules to their children. These parents state the principles behind the rules. In so doing, they form a closer, more understanding relationship with their children.

Darling says about parents who don’t set boundaries: “… kids take the lack of rules as a sign that their parents don’t actually care – that their parents don’t really want this job of being a parent.”

As a parent, it’s unhealthy to be too controlling. But children need boundaries to make the most of their potential.

9. Ensure that your children get enough sleep.

Research shows that children who get insufficient sleep:

Have poorer brain function
Can’t focus well
Are more likely to become obese
Are less creative
Are less able to manage their emotions

Scary list, isn’t it?

To help your children get enough sleep, establish a consistent bedtime routine and limit stimulating activities after dinner.

In addition, don’t allow screen time within one to two hours of bedtime. This is because the blue light from electronic devices affects sleep patterns and inhibits melatonin production.

You can also make your children’s bedroom as quiet and dark as possible, to improve their sleep quality.

10. Focus on the process, not the end result.

Parents who overemphasize achievement are more likely to bring up children who have psychological problems and engage in risky behavior, as described in Raising Happiness.

The alternative to focusing on achievement?

Focus on the process.

As Dr. Carol Dweck’s research shows, children who concentrate on effort and attitude – not on the desired result – end up attaining greater success in the long run.

So look out for opportunities to acknowledge your children’s good behavior, attitude, and effort. As time goes by, they’ll naturally achieve better outcomes.

11. Give your children more time to play.

When I say “play,” I’m not referring to arcade or iPad games. I’m referring to unstructured playtime, preferably outdoors.

Raising Happiness describes how playtime is essential for children’s learning and growth. The research even indicates that the less unstructured playtime children have, the more likely they are to have developmental issues related to their physical, emotional, social, and mental well-being.

Having a playful attitude is even linked to superior academic performance. So give your children more unstructured playtime, and they’ll become better students.

Of course, this isn’t going to turn them into straight-A students on its own, but play is important for their overall development.

12. Reduce your children’s TV time.

The studies quoted in Raising Happiness show a strong link between increased happiness and less TV time. In other words, happy people watch less TV than unhappy people.

A study of over 4,000 teenagers found that those who watched more TV were more likely to become depressive. This likelihood increased with more TV time.

Set an example for your children by limiting your own TV time. You can also have a family discussion to decide on your family’s TV-watching guidelines.

(The research I found focused on TV time, but I’m sure the results would be similar for other kinds of screen time as well.)

13. Encourage your children to keep a gratitude journal.

Keeping a gratitude journal can increase your happiness levels by 25% over just 10 weeks, as shown by Dr. Robert Emmons’ research.

I’m sure the results would have been even more impressive if the duration of the study was longer!

Not only were the participants who kept a gratitude journal happier, they also had more hope for the future, and they fell sick less often.

How can you start keeping a gratitude journal?

Step 1: Get a notebook and pen, and put them on your bedside table.

Step 2: Every night before you go to sleep, write down two to three things that you’re thankful for. (Don’t worry about how “big” or “small” these things are.)

Here are some examples of what you might write:

Good health
Loving family
Beautiful sunset
Delicious chicken stew for dinner
Smooth traffic on the way home

14. Allow your children to make their own choices (including choosing their own punishment).

The Secrets of Happy Families discusses a University of California study, which identified the benefits of letting children plan their own schedules and set their own goals.

These children were more likely to become disciplined and focused, and to make wiser decisions in the future.

The researchers also found that it’s helpful for parents to let their children choose their own punishments. Children who do so break the rules less frequently.

Let your children pick their own activities too, whenever possible. Dr. Rich Gilman discovered that children who participate in structured school activities that they’ve chosen are 24% more likely to enjoy going to school.

So as your children get older, give them the freedom to make more of their own choices. They’ll become happier and more successful as a result.

15. Resolve the conflicts in your marriage.

Children whose parents have serious marital conflicts perform worse academically, are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, and are more likely to have emotional problems, as shown by this study by Kelly Musick.

No surprises there.

Through my work with students, I interact with many parents as well. I’m shocked by the number of families in which the parents have major ongoing marital issues. (Based on my observations, I estimate that 30% of these marriages are breaking apart.)

This definitely impacts the children, who become less motivated, responsible, and engaged.

If you have issues in your marriage that have gone unresolved for months or years, please seek help from a therapist or counselor. Your children – and your marriage – are counting on you.

16. Encourage your children to serve others and be generous.

Dr. Mark Holder’s study of children aged 8 to 12 indicates that children who feel as if their lives are meaningful are also happier.

What makes them perceive their lives as more meaningful?

When they serve other people, e.g. making a difference in the community, volunteering, helping their friends and family.

Being generous also makes children happier, as found by Dr. L.B. Aknin. She discovered that toddlers are happier when they give away treats to others than when they receive treats. Interestingly, toddlers become even happier when they give away treats that belong to them, rather than the same treats that don’t belong to them.

So encourage your children to serve others and be generous, and find ways to do this as a family too.

17. Promote a healthy body image.

Having a healthy body image is especially important for girls, although it can affect boys as well.

According to a study conducted by the Institute of Child Health, one-third of 13-year-old girls are upset over their weight. In addition, research by Dove found that 69% of mothers make negative comments about their bodies in front of their children. This affects their children’s own body image.

Here are some ways to promote a healthy body image in your children:

Focus on the health benefits of exercise, rather than on how it affects your appearance
Focus more on your children’s character and skills development, and less on their appearance
Exercise together as a family
Talk to your children about how the media influences the way we view our bodies
Don’t talk about how guilty you feel after eating certain foods
Don’t pass judgment on other people’s appearance

18. Don’t shout at your children.

Dr. Laura Markham describes how yelling at your children can quickly turn your home into a perpetual battleground. Children who live in such a hostile environment are more likely to feel insecure and anxious.

If you’re on the verge of losing your temper, remove yourself from the situation. Take 10 minutes to collect your thoughts before speaking to your child again. Practice empathizing with your children’s feelings through a process called “emotion coaching.”

If it helps, imagine that your friend or boss is there with you in the room. This way, you’ll speak more calmly to your children.

19. Teach your children to forgive.

Dr. Martin Seligman, widely recognized as the father of positive psychology, has identified forgiveness as a key element that leads to happiness in children. Unforgiveness has even been linked to depression and anxiety.

Children who learn to forgive are able to turn negative feelings about the past into positive ones. This increases their levels of happiness and life satisfaction.

Be a role model for your children.

Don’t hold grudges against people who have wronged you, and take the initiative to resolve personal conflicts. Discuss the importance of forgiveness with your children, so that they will turn forgiveness into a lifestyle.

20. Teach your children to think positively.

Not surprisingly, Dr. Seligman also found that children who are more optimistic tend to be happier.

How can you teach your children to think positively?

Encouraging them to keep a gratitude journal is one way (see Point #13). Here are some additional ways:

Develop a positive attitude yourself
Don’t complain
Don’t gossip
Don’t make a huge deal out of spilled drinks, broken plates, etc.
See the good in others and acknowledge it
Teach your children to phrase things positively, e.g. “I like playing with David and Sarah” instead of “I hate playing with Tom”
Tell your children about the challenges you face, and how those challenges are helping you grow

21. Create a family mission statement.

Bruce Feiler, author of The Secrets of Happy Families, advises parents to develop a family mission statement. This statement describes your family’s values and collective vision.

Just about every organization has a mission statement, and so should your family. Here’s an excellent step-by-step guide to creating your family mission statement.

My own family has done it – the process was extremely meaningful!

22. Have regular family meetings.

Feiler’s other recommendation is to have a 20-minute family meeting once a week. During the meeting, he suggests that you ask all family members these three questions:

What did you do well in the past week?
What did you not do so well in the past week?
What will you work on in the coming week?

When I was younger, my family used to have regular meetings. These meetings brought the family closer together, and reinforced the importance of family relationships.

To this day, I still remember how I excited I was about attending those meetings. So I encourage you to start this practice if you haven’t already done so.

23. Share your family history with your children.

The research shows that children who know more about their family history have higher levels of self-esteem. This contributes to their success and happiness later in life.

Dr. Marshall Duke and Dr. Robyn Fivush have developed a “Do You Know” scale that lists 20 questions, which children should be able to answer about their family history.

These questions include “Do you know some of the illnesses and injuries that your parents experienced when they were younger?” and “Do you know some things that happened to your mom or dad when they were in school?”.

Sharing your family history strengthens family bonds, and helps your children to become more resilient.

24. Create family rituals.

Family rituals increase family cohesiveness and enable children to develop socially, as shown by Dr. Dawn Eaker and Dr. Lynda Walters’ research.

Make a conscious effort to create these rituals in your family.

Here are some examples:

Have breakfast as a family every Saturday
Have a family board game night
Cook dinner as a family
Go for evening walks
Hold a weekly family meeting (see Point #22)
Go camping as a family once a year
Spend one-on-one time with each of your children once a month

25. Help your children to find a mentor.

Children who have a trusted adult in their life (apart from their parents) have 30% higher levels of life satisfaction than children who don’t, Dr. Lisa Colarossi has discovered.

You can find a mentor for your child by asking your friend to take on the role, by encouraging your child to join an organization like the Boys & Girls Club, or by signing up for a mentoring program (like this one that I offer).

The bottom line

Parenting is a noble calling, but it’s challenging to bring up confident and well-adjusted children.

But with these 25 tips, I hope the task is less daunting.

You can definitely develop the skills needed to be a great parent.

So take it one step at a time and one day at a time!

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!