20 Guaranteed Ways to Mess Up Your Children

Updated on May 7, 2020 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Parenting is nerve-wracking.

You love your children and want them to grow up to be happy, successful adults.

But some days you’re not sure how to make that happen.

Sometimes you fear that something you’re doing or saying will mess them up permanently.

Here’s the good news: Part of great parenting is avoiding mistakes.

The even better news is that you don’t have to discover these mistakes for yourself.

I’ve worked with thousands of children and teenagers, and they’ve told me the mistakes their parents have made.

Here are 20 unintentional ways parents mess up their children, so start avoiding these behaviours today!

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Mistake #1: Frequently tell them that they’re not living up to their potential

Parents often mean well when they say this. They think it’ll encourage their children to work harder and become more focused.

Unfortunately, it has the opposite effect. It makes children feel like a failure.

It also makes children feel as though their parents only love them when they’re successful or working hard.

A more effective approach is to encourage your children to self-reflect.

After all, how they feel about themselves is more important than how others feel about them.

Mistake #2: Scold them harshly when they make unintentional mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes.

But when your children accidentally spill their juice or drop a plate, it’s important not to overreact.

Doing so can cause them to develop a fear of failure. They may start to think that making mistakes is bad.

But in truth, making mistakes is the way we learn.

So when your children make a mistake, stay calm and say something like, “It was an accident. Let’s clean it up.” [Read more…]

15 Things Parents Unknowingly Do That Annoy Their Children

Updated on May 6, 2021 By Daniel Wong 23 Comments

Do you want to have a better relationship with your children?

If so, one of the best things you can do is to avoid annoying them.

Why?

Because if your children are annoyed with you, it’s hard to have a strong parent-child relationship.

And without a strong parent-child relationship, it’s hard to raise happy, responsible and successful children.

I’ve worked with pre-teens and teens for many years. They’ve told me about the many things their parents unknowingly do that irritate them.

Here’s a list of 15 of those things you should stop doing right away.

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Annoying behavior #1: Continually point out your children’s flaws.

It’s easy to point out your children’s flaws:

“You watch too much TV.”
“Why are you so lazy?”
“You need to stop procrastinating.”
“You should study more.”
“Why don’t you try to be more organized?”
“You should pay more attention in class.”
“You should choose your friends more wisely.”

Criticism must be combined with an acknowledgement of good behavior.

You don’t need to go over the top with your praise, but it helps to catch your child doing and being good.

Annoying behavior #2: Treat your children as problems, not people.

Make an effort to speak positively to your children.

Some studies even show that the ideal ratio of positive comments to negative comments is 6:1.

If you talk to your children as if they’re problems you’re trying to fix, they’ll become resentful.

Listen to your children respectfully, demonstrate an interest in their hobbies, and show them common courtesies.

By doing so, you’ll build a better relationship with them.

Annoying behavior #3: Ask your children every day, “Have you completed your homework?”

Yes, it’s important that your children finish their homework on time.

But it’s also important that your children understand that homework isn’t the only thing you care about.

Continually asking “Have you completed your homework?” comes across as nagging.

Rather than nag, establish boundaries to make sure that you and your children are on the same page.

For example, you and your children may decide that as long as they maintain a B average and you don’t receive any complaints from their teachers, you won’t nag them about homework.

This approach allows your children more freedom, with less stress and frustration for both you and them. [Read more…]

12 Reasons Your Child Seems Lazy and Unmotivated (And What You Can Do About It)

Updated on January 19, 2023 By Daniel Wong 22 Comments

Everyone struggles with motivation occasionally.

Children and teens are no exceptions.

If your children start to exhibit signs like worsening grades, a lack of interest in activities, or a tendency toward isolation, your children probably aren’t lazy.

They may just be dealing with other issues that haven’t been addressed yet.

The good news is that there are ways to overcome these difficulties and create a healthy environment in which your children can flourish.

In this article, you’ll learn 12 common reasons for your children’s decreased motivation.

You’ll also learn how to address these issues effectively.

Let’s get started!

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Reason #1: Your child feels overwhelmed or discouraged.

Think about how you deal with overwhelming issues as an adult.

If you don’t know where to start, you focus on small portions of the problem or find a way to look at the issue in a new light.

But children don’t automatically know how to do this.

So when a stressful situation arises, walk your children through the problem.

What’s overwhelming about the issue?

Where should we start?

What are some possible solutions?

These types of probing questions will get your children to examine the problem in a calm manner. By working on the problem together with them, they’ll know that they’re not alone.

Children can also become overwhelmed by discouragement.

Remind your children that failures help them to learn, and that you’re no less proud of them when they experience setbacks. Encouragement is an excellent motivator in children, so offer it freely and often.

Reason #2: There’s an ongoing power struggle between you and your child.

Every parent dreads the infamous battle of the wills. It can play out in many ways when it comes to motivation.

For example, if your children are lagging behind in a particular subject and you deal with the situation in a harsh manner, they may simply shut down.

They may refuse to comply with your requests just to further anger you.

Many parents find that offering choices instead of issuing commands works well as an alternative approach.

For instance, you could ask your child, “Would you like to go to the library and find books on this subject, or would you like to approach your teacher for help?”

This type of question gives your children some freedom, while still pointing them in the right direction. [Read more…]

40 Good Habits for Students to Practise Every Day

Updated on September 30, 2024 By Daniel Wong 56 Comments

Why are some students more successful than others?

While there are many possible reasons, it often comes down to one thing…

They know the good habits for students they ought to practise.

Students with good habits achieve the most success. These habits give them the structure they need to reach their goals.

So I’ve created a list of 40 good habits for students to practise every day.

As you develop these habits, you’ll become a happier, healthier and more successful student.

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Here are the best habits for students

Good habits for students are ones that will serve you well in all areas of your life, not just in school.

The following list includes habits to improve your physical health, motivation, self-discipline, and more.

1. Write down the three to five most important tasks to accomplish for the day.

Without a written list to help you stay on track, it’s easy to overlook and put off important tasks.

By writing down your three to five most important tasks for the day, you’ll focus on the critical tasks, not just the urgent ones.

If you want to study smart and become more productive, start cultivating this habit today.

2. Update your calendar with key dates and events.

A calendar is a great way to stay on schedule, day after day, while also planning for the future.

Using a calendar for things related to school is one of the most important habits for students to stay organised.

You can use a physical calendar or an online one like Google Calendar to record test dates, project submission deadlines, term breaks, etc.

This way, you’ll be on top of things at all times.

3. Work on your most challenging task during your most productive time of day.

Tackle your most challenging task when your mind and body are fresh.

This will ensure that you have the energy to complete the task most efficiently. It’ll make the rest of your day more productive too!

4. Write down at least one thing you’re thankful for.

Are you thankful for your friends? How about your family? What about your education?

Gratitude is a good habit for students to practise daily. It only takes a couple of minutes to write down something you’re thankful for.

But this useful habit will help you find long-term success and happiness.

5. Perform focused deep breathing for two minutes.

Stress can negatively impact academic performance, but there’s a quick solution to this.

Deep breathing is scientifically proven to reduce stress and even increase willpower.

So take just two minutes and perform focused deep breathing every day.

I recommend that you do these deep breathing exercises right before tests and exams to relieve stress as well.

6. Read your favourite inspirational quote.

For a quick boost of motivation to study, read your favourite inspirational quote.

My personal favourite is this one by Jim Rohn: “Don’t wish it were easier. Wish you were better.” If you don’t have a favourite, here is a list for you to refer to.

7. Perform a random act of kindness.

You’ll feel better about yourself, as well as life in general, when you get into the excellent habit of performing a random act of kindness at least once a day.

This good habit for students to cultivate doesn’t require a lot of time.

It could be something as simple as giving someone a genuine compliment or giving up your seat on the bus.

8. Get five minutes of sun.

Be sure to include going outside in your list of healthy habits to practise.

There are many benefits of getting some sun every day.

For example, it improves brain function, enhances sleep quality, and reduces the risk of certain cancers.

So don’t spend your entire day cooped up inside!

9. Do something that scares you.

This is the best way to build courage and develop confidence.

Yes, it’s scary to face your fears, so I encourage you to start small. List your fears and decide on a tiny action you can take today to overcome just one of those fears.

10. Spend time with like-minded people whom you want to learn from.

As a student, you come in contact with many people throughout your day.

Spend time with like-minded individuals whom you want to learn from.

These people will change the way you think, while giving you advice about how to improve your life.

11. Eat breakfast within 30 minutes of waking up.

Eating breakfast is a healthy habit for students that you shouldn’t overlook.

It’s easy to find a reason to skip breakfast, but this is a mistake.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and you should eat it within 30 minutes of rising.

This will give you the energy you need to take on the day.

12. Drink at least eight glasses of water.

The health benefits of drinking water are tremendous. Everyone knows they should drink eight glasses of water a day, but few people actually do this.

Make this a habit and your body will thank you down the road.

13. Exercise for at least 15 minutes.

You may not have time to hit the gym for an hour or two, but a short burst of daily exercise is an essential healthy habit for students.

Everyone can find 15 minutes in their day to exercise.

This can be as simple as going for a brisk walk or doing some calisthenics.

Over time, you’ll find that you’re more energetic and that you fall sick less often too.

14. Go to bed and wake up at roughly the same time every day.

It’s hard to be well-rested when your sleep schedule is all over the place.

You might find it hard to go to bed and wake up at exactly the same time every day, but try to stay within a 30-minute window.

15. Get at least eight hours of sleep every night.

Getting enough sleep is a healthy habit that many students struggle to incorporate in their lives.

Most people need at least eight hours of sleep every night in order to function optimally.

So set your schedule to ensure that you’re working toward this goal.

(Learn how getting eight hours of sleep a night helped me to become a better – and happier – student.)

16. Follow a bedtime routine.

If you lack a bedtime routine, you may find it difficult to wind down and enter “sleep mode”.

Establish a routine that you can follow, night in and night out. This can be as simple as:

Take a shower
Dim the lights
Put on some relaxing music
Read a few pages of your favourite book
Journal for a few minutes
Turn off the lights

17. Set up your phone so that you receive reminders for things you have to do.

With a reminder or task app like Todoist, you can turn your phone into your personal assistant.

Set up your device to remind you of things you have to do, a meeting you have scheduled with your advisor, or a phone call you need to make.

18. If you’re trying to change a bad habit, set up a reward and punishment system.

Bad habits are hard to break. To give yourself an extra incentive, set up a reward and punishment system.

When you make progress, reward yourself. But when you take a step back, enforce a punishment. This holds you accountable, allowing you to change the habit sooner rather than later.

19. If you don’t understand something that was taught in school, clarify your doubts on that same day.

Even the best students don’t understand everything at first.

If you don’t understand a particular concept that your teacher talked about in class, clarify your doubts that same day. This good habit will ensure that you keep up with the material.

20. Create a study plan for any upcoming tests or exams.

Without a study plan to enable you to concentrate, you’ll lack the structure you need to best prepare for an upcoming test or exam.

Make your plan clear and specific, and add in timelines too.

If there’s one study tip you should implement, it’s this one!

21. Be at least five minutes early for every appointment.

Arriving late for an appointment is never a good idea.

It’s a good habit for students to arrive five minutes early for every appointment, as this will ease your stress and show the other person how much you care about the appointment.

22. Review your homework list.

There’s nothing worse than finding out you have an assignment due the next day that you haven’t even started on.

Guard against this by keeping your homework list current and combining it with reminders on your phone (see Point #17 above).

23. Before you start work, make sure you have all the materials and resources you need.

Organisation is essential to reaching your goals.

Before you start any task, make sure you have everything you need, e.g., notes, stationery, textbook, calculator.

Not only will this keep you organised for school-related tasks, it will also help you avoid unnecessary distractions and interruptions.

24. When memorising information, use mnemonic devices whenever possible.

For example, if you’re trying to memorise the electromagnetic spectrum, you might use this mnemonic device:

Ricky (Radio)
Martin (Microwaves)
Is (Infrared)
Very (Visible)
Unique (Ultraviolet) and
eXtremely (X-rays)
Glamorous (Gamma rays)

Such mnemonic devices help you to learn information faster, while aiding in recall too.

25. Focus on one task at a time; don’t multitask.

Research shows that multitasking negatively affects productivity. If you think you’re more productive by multitasking, you’re just tricking yourself.

So choose one task to work on and stick with it until you’re done. This study habit alone will make you a much better student!

26. Before you get down to work, remove all distractions.

There are many things you can do to avoid distractions while studying.

Before you begin your study session, remove as many distractions as possible, e.g., phone, Internet, games, unnecessary notes on your study table.

27. Break down a big task into several smaller ones.

A big task, such as a 10-page report, can be intimidating. But if you break that task down into 10 writing sessions of one page each, you’ll find it much easier to complete the report.

Adopt this approach and you’ll gradually overcome your habit of procrastination.

28. Whenever possible, do your regular homework at the same time and place every day.

Just as you should establish a sleep routine, you should also establish a homework routine to ensure that you don’t procrastinate.

Have a time and place for completing your regular homework, as this will improve your overall productivity and allow you to get your homework done faster.

29. Check through your homework after you’ve completed it.

As you reach the end of a homework assignment, you’ll probably begin to think about what you’re going to do during your break.

But don’t mark the assignment as “complete” until you’ve checked through it for mistakes.

This little bit of extra effort will pay off in the long run!

30. Take regular breaks – at least one every hour.

Research shows that taking regular breaks improves attention and productivity.

Taking one break an hour will keep you fresh, allowing you to work at your peak concentration for a longer period of time.

31. Give yourself a small reward after you complete each major task.

Reward systems don’t just work for young children.

Students benefit from such systems as well, as it gives you the incentive to work through a task in a timely manner.

32. Organise your notes and assignments.

Being organised is essential to succeeding in school, so establish good habits for staying on top of your schoolwork.

Take just 5 to 10 minutes every day to organise your notes and assignments.

When it’s time to prepare for your next test or exam, you won’t find yourself looking all over the place just to find the resources you need.

33. Clear your study table at the end of each day.

When your day comes to an end, clear your study table so that you’ll have a fresh start the following day.

You don’t want your day to start with a desk full of clutter, because this will likely make you feel unmotivated.

34. Read for at least 10 minutes a day.

With so many benefits of reading – from reducing the risk of Alzheimer’s disease to lowering stress levels – it’s something you should do every day.

I recommend that you include reading as part of your bedtime routine (see Point #16).

35. Whenever you face a problem, ask yourself: “What is one thing I can do right now to make the situation better?”

This is a difficult habit to get into, as many people instinctively shy away from a problem or try to think past it.

Don’t do this. Instead, find the one thing you can do right now to make the situation better.

This may not solve your problem immediately, but it will put you on the road to doing so.

36. Ask for help, if necessary.

This doesn’t mean you should always rely on others for answers, but there’s nothing wrong with reaching out for help when you’re stuck.

Furthermore, research shows that asking for advice makes a good impression on others.

37. Learn something outside the syllabus.

School has a syllabus, but life doesn’t. Learning for the sake of learning is an excellent habit for students to cultivate that will last a lifetime.

Every day, strive to learn something outside the school syllabus. I encourage you to read a book, take an online course, or learn a new skill.

There are so many resources available on the Internet, so the information is really just a click away.

38. Spend a few minutes reflecting on the day gone by.

At the end of each day, take the time to look back and reflect on what happened during the day.

Did you make progress toward your goals? What were your successes and failures? What good (and not-so-good) decisions did you make?

This simple habit of reflection will help you to get better, day by day.

39. Spend at least 15 minutes talking to your family.

You probably already know you should do this.

Family is one of the most important things in the world, so don’t take it for granted.

40. Spend 20 minutes doing something relaxing.

Maybe you enjoy listening to music to relax your mind and body. Or maybe you enjoy reading.

Whatever you prefer, give yourself 20 minutes a day to do something relaxing. This will help you to be a calm, relaxed, and positive person.

Start with just one new good habit

As you review this list of good habits for students to practise daily, remember that you’re always in a position to make a change.

It takes 21 days or more to develop a new habit, so there’s no such thing as overnight success.

But the process will be worth it.

Just make sure you don’t pick up any bad study habits along the way, which will hold your progress back.

As you develop good habits, you’ll experience positive changes. You’ll become a healthier, more productive, and more successful student. So get started today! 🙂

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20 Powerful Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Updated on December 4, 2021 By Daniel Wong 7 Comments

Do you want your teenager to become a mature, responsible adult?

I’m sure you do, but there will definitely be roadblocks along the way.

Teenagers are going through many changes, so you’ll need to adjust your parenting style too. Parenthood is a hard job that gets even harder when your child reaches the teenage years.

I know this for a fact, because I’ve spoken to and worked with more than 20,000 teenagers.

Through my work, I’ve come to realize that no two teenagers are the same.

That may be stating the obvious. But, at the same time, there are proven tips that every parent can use to raise a happy, successful, and well-adjusted teenager.

Here are 20 powerful tips I recommend that every parent follow.

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1. Pick your battles.

Things like hairstyle and choice of clothes don’t matter much in the long run.

So focus on the things that do matter: responsibilities, values, and character.

It’s better to pick your battles than to turn every disagreement into a shouting match.

2. Decide on rules and boundaries in advance.

I’ve worked with many teenagers who feel that they live under the thumb of their parents.

Teenagers who help to create rules and boundaries are more likely to follow them.

So, whenever possible, involve your teenager in the process of creating rules and setting boundaries. Put these rules down in writing, along with any consequences in the case that your teenager breaks the rules.

3. Address one issue at a time.

It’s important to focus when you’re trying to be productive. The same principle holds true when parenting your teenager.

Teenagers often exhibit more than one problematic behavior at a time.

Address each issue separately, because if you try to tackle all the issues at once, you won’t get anywhere.

4. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements.

This is a subtle change that can have a major impact on your parent-child relationship.

Here’s an example: Saying “I feel disrespected when you speak to me like that” is far better than saying “You are so rude.”

“I” statements are less accusatory than “you” statements, so your teenager will likely respond better to the former rather than the latter. [Read more…]

You Weren’t Born to Just Get Good Grades, Get a Good Job and Die

Updated on July 14, 2025 By Daniel Wong 10 Comments

As a society, what are our goals and aspirations?

Based on my observations, it’s to get good grades, get a good job, and then die.

That might sound strange or morbid, so allow me to explain.

I work with children and teenagers to help them make the most of their potential. As such, I interact with many parents on a daily basis.

These are some of the most common things I hear from parents:

“I want my child to get good grades so that he can get into a good school.”
“I don’t expect my child to get straight As, but her grades should be good enough.”
“I want my child to do well enough so that he can get a good job in the future.”
“I hope my child will be able to get into a good profession like medicine or law.”

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get good grades or a good job. (By the way, the title of this article was inspired by an image I saw that read, “You weren’t born to just pay bills and die.”)

But it seems like in our society, getting good grades and getting a good job aren’t just goals or concerns. They’re obsessions.

They’re what we spend most of our waking hours striving toward tirelessly.

They’re what we seem to think the point of education is – and possibly the point of life, too.

Of course, most of us would declare that we absolutely do not believe that the purpose of life is to get good grades, get a good job, and then die.

But given how much we emphasize to our children the importance of succeeding academically and getting a well-paying job, it would be hard to claim otherwise.

After all, it’s the story that’s been told for generations . . .

Study hard, so that you’ll do well academically.

So that you can get into a good school.

So that you can get a good diploma or degree.

So that you can get a good job.

I question the truth of this story, because we live in an information age where new opportunities abound. So the path to having a rewarding career is no longer that simple or direct – but that’s not the focus of this article.

I want to question the belief underlying the “get good grades and a good job” story, not the accuracy of the story itself.

The fundamental belief is that getting a good job – traditionally defined as a job that’s stable and lucrative – is the key to success and happiness.

What could be more inspiring than the hope of attaining success and happiness, right?

But few people wake up every morning feeling thrilled at the prospect of spending the day in the pursuit of good grades or a good job.

It’s more common for people to ask themselves, “Isn’t there more to life than just trying to get good grades or a good job?”

One reason the “get good grades and a good job” story isn’t inspiring is that it’s all about you.

Why do I say that?

I mean, shouldn’t you be inspired by a story that’s all about yourself? [Read more…]

15 Ways to Inspire Your Children to Pursue Excellence

Updated on July 2, 2024 By Daniel Wong 15 Comments

Do your children seem content to just coast through life?

Do they do enough to get by, while never making the most of their potential?

As a parent, you try to help your children see the importance of doing their best.

But they don’t always take your words to heart.

They seem to think it’s cool to be laid-back – but you definitely don’t.

So you worry that your children won’t be able to find success in the future if they don’t change their mindset.

If this describes your situation, I’m here to share with you specific, practical ways to help your children strive for excellence.

Just to be clear, when I say “excellence” I’m not referring to getting straight A’s or racking up accomplishments.

There’s nothing wrong with working toward these kinds of achievements. But the pursuit of excellence is about much more than that.

It’s about becoming the best that you can be.

It’s about cultivating a deep love for learning.

It’s about continually learning and growing.

It’s about making a difference in the lives of others.

It’s about maximizing your talents and abilities.

I specialize in empowering students to become motivated, focused, disciplined, and resilient.

Through speaking to and working with more than 20,000 students over the years, I’ve come to understand what parents can do to help, too.

In this article, I’ll share with you 15 powerful ways to inspire your children to pursue excellence.

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1. Emphasize contribution over achievement.

Many children and teens lose motivation when they feel as though they can’t live up to the expectations of those around them.

This applies especially in the area of academics, because they feel strong pressure to achieve certain grades.

When they don’t get those grades, they become discouraged.

To enable your children to regain focus and motivation, emphasize that education isn’t mainly about getting good grades.

Instead, it’s about acquiring the skills and knowledge that will allow them to contribute more effectively.

By focusing on contribution rather than achievement, your children will find greater purpose in their education. This will make it more likely that they’ll pursue excellence and get good grades too. [Read more…]