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Screen Time for Teens: Get Your Teens to Unplug by Applying These 4 Principles

Updated on September 30, 2025 By Daniel Wong 2 Comments

Are you concerned that your teens spend too much time on their phones?

There’s nothing wrong with teens using digital devices, but excessive use is a problem.

The data shows that many teens spend up to 9 hours a day on various devices.

So you’re not alone if you have concerns about your teens’ screen time.

Of course, it’s essential to first understand where to draw the line between “normal” and unhealthy smartphone use.

In this article, I’ll discuss what excessive screen time looks like and how you can help your teens manage their screen time.

Why too much screen time can be unhealthy

Research suggests that too much screen time can lead to changes in the brain and body.

The following are some of the possible effects of excessive screen time:

Changes in brain development. During this stage of life, your teenager’s brain is developing rapidly. Excessive screen time can hinder this growth.
Lack of sleep. Light emitted by screens can interfere with the release of a sleep hormone called melatonin. Poor sleep can affect your teen’s mood, focus, and health.
Poor eyesight. Too much screen time increases the risk of eye strain and vision problems. Examples include eye fatigue, blurred vision, and irritated or burning eyes.
Neck and back pain. Long hours spent craning their necks over their devices can contribute to poor posture in teens. This can lead to neck and back pain.
Neglecting important responsibilities. Some teenagers neglect their important tasks. For instance, they might not study, finish their homework, or help with the household chores.
Mood changes: Many teenagers use their devices to cope with stress or unpleasant emotions. They might even feel anxious or irritated when they don’t have their phones with them.

Of course, this doesn’t mean digital devices are inherently bad for teens. It all depends on how your teens use them.

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What is a “normal” amount of screen time for teens?

How much time should teens be spending on their devices?

The general guideline is that teens should spend no more than two hours a day on screens. But research shows that most teenagers don’t follow this recommendation.

A good way to gauge if your teenagers are using their phones too much is by observing their behavior. Look for signs of excessive smartphone use, which include the following:

Always having their phones with them wherever they are
Experiencing irritability, anxiousness, or restlessness when they’re without their phones
Getting lower grades and missing homework and assignment deadlines
Avoiding face-to-face social interactions with friends and family
Getting insufficient sleep

If you spot these signs, it’s best to work with your teenager to limit his or her screen time.

How to limit your teenager’s screen time

Taking away your teen’s phone entirely can be tempting, but this can backfire.

Doing so may cause your teens to become rebellious or find ways to use their devices without your knowledge. It might also affect your relationship with them.

Instead, try the following strategies to limit your teenagers’ screen time:

Principle #1: Establish clear rules and guidelines

Setting screen time rules for teens is foundational.

Find a time to sit down and discuss these guidelines with your teenagers. It also helps to explain the reasoning behind such boundaries.

At the same time, you can also set consequences for breaking these house rules. Make sure that these consequences are related to the misbehavior.

For example, let’s say your teens keep using their devices instead of completing their homework. If so, you might need to keep your teens’ phones in another room until they finish their assignment.

You can expect some resistance from your teens. But try to be consistent and firm, while also taking the time to understand the situation from your teens’ perspective.

Here are some tips to keep in mind when setting boundaries for smartphone use:

Set time limits

Discuss how long your teens can be on their phones each day.

Instead of making a drastic cut, you can encourage them to gradually reduce their screen time.

Additionally, you can get your teens to track their screen time. Most phones have a built-in feature that allows users to do this.

Create screen-free zones

Designate screen-free zones in your home. One such zone might be the dining table.

During family meals, encourage your teens to put their devices away and join in the conversation at the dining table.

Establish tech-free times

Setting rules related to tech-free times can also help teens control their mobile phone usage.

Here are some examples;

Put away all devices at least an hour before bed
Avoid using your phone while doing schoolwork
Don’t use your phone during family gatherings

Principle #2: Encourage alternative activities

Many teens use their devices to keep themselves entertained.

Unfortunately, many mobile games, apps, and social media platforms are designed to keep them hooked for as long as possible.

To get your teens off their phones, encourage them to pursue different interests and passions by doing things like:

Explore new hobbies

To motivate your teenagers to unplug and explore other hobbies, here are some strategies to try:

Offer to pay for the necessary equipment, tools, or materials, like a painting set or sports equipment
Give them a ride to the activities or events
Attend important events, competitions, or concerts your teen is participating in
Show an interest in their hobbies

Engage in family activities

Scheduling family time is another excellent way to keep teenagers off their phones. This will also give you great opportunities to connect with your teens.

You can set a regular time each week where you spend it together as a family.

Try to let your teenagers take turns picking an activity for family time. This will make them feel more involved, and they’ll be more interested in participating.

You can even tell them that they can invite a friend along.

Encourage the adoption of healthy coping mechanisms

At this stage of life, teenagers are still learning to deal with big and complex emotions. So they might turn to their phones to escape these feelings or fill an emotional void.

While this isn’t wrong if done in moderation, the danger lies in your teens developing an addiction.

Your teens might become reliant on their phones and feel anxious or irritable without them.

To prevent this from happening, do your best to develop a strong relationship with your teens. Be present if they need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on.

As they learn to trust and confide in you, you can help them develop healthy and effective coping mechanisms. Some examples include deep breathing, journaling, and exercise.

Principle #3: Lead by example

It’s normal for teenagers to pick up certain habits and behaviors from their parents. Because of this, the way you manage your own screen time will likely also rub off on them.

Here are some things you can try:

Model the right behavior for your teens

Do your best to “walk the talk.”

Telling your teens to act a certain way while doing the opposite will increase the resistance you get from them.

If you want your teens to build good habits, model these habits for your teens.

When setting rules and boundaries for your teens related to screen time, it’s best to also follow them yourself whenever possible.

Share tech breaks with your teens

A tech break is where you put your devices away for a specific amount of time.

This can be done in many different ways. Examples include going on a short family getaway or taking a walk outside without bringing any devices along.

Consider sharing these tech breaks with your teens. This will cause you and your teenagers to be even more engaged in your interactions.

Discuss mindful device usage with your teens

For many smartphone users, unlocking your phone to reply to one text can unintentionally turn into an hour of scrolling through social media.

Discuss the mindful usage of smartphones with your teenagers. Here are some approaches that will increase your level of mindfulness related to technology:

Be aware of when and why you take out your phone
Keep track of your phone usage using an app or timer
Decide which notifications you’ll turn off
Reflect on how you feel after using your phone for an extended period
Lock or uninstall distracting apps

Principle #4: Foster digital literacy and responsibility

Your teens are still learning about the pros and cons of technology.

Educating them early on can help them avoid the dangers that are present online and encourage them to be responsible and accountable.

Here are some things you can do to help them:

Discuss the effects of screen time

Are you tired of nagging your teen to get off his or her phone?

Instead of lecturing your teens, turn it into a two-way discussion.

Talk about the pros and cons of technology with your teens, and keep the conversations short. You can also talk to them about how they can stay safe online.

Set specific goals

You can set goals together with your teenagers. And if you think it might work for your teenagers, make it a friendly competition between you and them.

Here are some examples of goals you and your teenagers might decide to pursue:

Cutting back on screen time by an hour each day
Taking a break from social media over the weekend
Keeping phone usage to less than 3 hours a day

Encourage self-control and self-regulation

The temptation for your teens to constantly be on their phones or social media is a big one.

Help your teens develop self-control and discipline when using their devices by doing the following:

Encourage your teens to put their devices away when it’s time to focus
Acknowledge their progress when they make an effort to manage their screen time
Introduce time management techniques to them, e.g., create a daily plan, use the Pomodoro technique

Conclusion

Ever-accessible technology is here to stay. So managing their use of technology is a life skill teens must learn.

Teach your teens to make wise choices, set limits, and become more mindful of their phone usage.

It might not be easy, but it’ll be worth it. With your guidance, your teens will build healthy habits that will benefit them well into adulthood!

(If you haven’t already downloaded your free e-book, I encourage you to do so below.)

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Why Is My Teen So Angry and What Can I Do About It?

Updated on January 22, 2025 By Daniel Wong 7 Comments

Do you always feel like you’re walking on eggshells around your teenager?

It’s natural to feel baffled and frustrated when dealing with a teenager’s attitude. Many different factors can impact your teenager’s emotions – the key is to identify the root cause of this anger.

Think of it this way…

When gardening, you don’t want to cut off just the top of the weeds. That would only be a temporary fix.

You need to pull the weeds out by the roots.

The next time your teens get upset, don’t dwell on their emotions or misbehavior. Instead, focus on finding the actual cause behind the outburst.

When you address the underlying issue, you can respond in an appropriate way. This will help to reduce and prevent future teenage tantrums and arguments.

In this article, I’ll talk about possible reasons why your teenager is angry.

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The difference between justified and unhealthy anger

Everyone gets angry on occasion, and that’s completely normal. But your teens need to learn the difference between justifiable anger and unhealthy, destructive anger.

Justifiable anger is a normal response when teens encounter a threat or an unpleasant situation. For instance, they might have been accused or punished for something they didn’t do.

As a parent, you can teach your teens to process and express this kind of anger in healthy ways.

Remind them that all emotions are real and valid (including anger), but not all behaviors are acceptable.

So while it’s okay for them to react by doing things like crying, they should never hurt themselves or anyone else.

Unhealthy anger, on the other hand, is anger that is out of control, violent, or happens very frequently.

If your teen blows up at every little thing, he or she might be dealing with a mental health condition. In this case, it’s best to seek the advice of a therapist or trained professional.

7 reasons why your teenager might be angry

Teenagers can get angry for different reasons. But keep in mind that no teen wants to be angry.

It’s easier for them to become overwhelmed by their emotions at this stage of life. This is because they don’t have the same skills or mental resources as adults to manage their anger.

The best way to teach your teens to manage their frustration is to help them recognize the root cause of it.

Let’s explore some common reasons why teenagers display anger:

1. Brain development

Teens’ brains are still developing.

The amygdala of the brain matures earlier. This is the “emotional” part of the brain responsible for fear and aggressive behavior.

In contrast, the prefrontal cortex develops slower. This is the “rational” part of the brain that controls things related to reasoning and thinking through the consequences of actions.

Because their brains are still maturing, teenagers can be quickly overwhelmed by their feelings. They’re also more likely to act on impulse and misread social cues or facial expressions.

This makes it more difficult for them to regulate their anger and emotions.

Their brain development isn’t something that can be changed just like that. But knowing that there’s a scientific explanation behind your teens’ anger can help you empathize with them.

2. Stress at school

It’s challenging to act your best when dealing with stress and worries. When your body is always in fight-or-flight mode, it can be more difficult to think rationally and manage your emotions.

The survey mentioned in this article found that 83% of teens identified school as a major stressor.

Your teenagers might be worried about their grades, or they might be facing problems with their classmates. As a result, your teens may take out their frustration on people at home.

If this applies to your teens, you can work with them to build strategies to cope better at school.

You can teach them time management skills, help them create a daily schedule, and provide a quiet and conducive space for them to work.

3. Identity and independence

It’s perfectly normal for your teens to want more autonomy and independence at this stage of their lives.

Your teens are on a journey of figuring out who they are apart from you, and will likely start to disagree with you and form their own opinions.

Your teenagers might also get upset and rebel when you set rules and boundaries related to what they can and cannot do.

Finding the balance between protecting your teens and giving them the freedom to explore can be tricky.

But it helps to sit down with your teenagers to discuss specific boundaries and the consequences of breaking them. Make your teenagers partners in this process and explain the reasoning behind the different household rules.

4. Social challenges

There are various social challenges your teens may be facing, including the following:

Feeling left out or excluded by their peers
Being bullied or made fun of
Not having friends to hang out with or turn to for support
Getting into arguments and losing friends

Naturally, your teenagers crave connection with their peers. Plus, what others think about them is also important to them.

Because of this, social challenges can cause your teen to feel lonely and unhappy.

If your teen is experiencing loneliness, it’s important to make yourself available. You can also plan simple activities together, like going on a walk. This can help to build a stronger connection with your teen.

5. Lack of coping skills

When faced with an unpleasant or painful situation, your teenager might use anger or rage to release and cope with their difficult emotions.

As a parent, it’s important to remember that your teenagers aren’t doing this to annoy or frustrate you. They might be sad or hurt, so they’re resorting to bad behavior to remedy those feelings indirectly.

You can teach your teens healthy coping mechanisms when they face challenges or stress. These include:

Talking to someone they trust, like a parent or friend
Participating in activities that help them relieve stress, such as a sport or journaling
Seeking professional help and support, for instance, from a coach or therapist

6. Sleep deprivation

Research suggests that there’s a link between sleep deprivation and mood changes. More specifically, a lack of sleep can worsen mood and increase anger, depression, and anxiety.

This is because sleep deprivation can lead to changes in the amygdala. When a person doesn’t get enough sleep, this part of the brain may react more strongly to triggers and stress.

It’s recommended that teens get 8 to 10 hours of sleep each night. A solid sleep schedule will enable your teens to cope with daily stressors and regulate their emotions better.

You can encourage your teens to prioritize sleep by helping them establish a regular bedtime routine. It’s also a good idea to set limits related to screen time and social media use.

7. Feeling misunderstood

Do you sometimes feel like you’re on a completely different wavelength from your teenagers?

It’s normal for you and your teenagers to have different opinions and expectations.

But without proper communication, this can lead to heated arguments and conflicts. Dismissing your teens’ point of view can also make them feel hurt and unimportant, which will eventually cause them to blow up.

To bridge this gap, building a good line of communication with your teenagers is essential. Do your best to make the interactions a two-way street.

Avoid jumping to conclusions. Instead, make it a point to listen actively when your teen speaks. This will allow you to understand them better and build trust and mutual respect in your relationship.

How do you discipline a teen with anger issues?

Handling an angry teen is challenging. As tempting as it might be, fighting fire with fire won’t solve the problem.

Instead of threatening them or raising your voice at them, hear your teens out when they share their feelings and opinions. If things get too heated, call a time-out.

When your teen isn’t angry, it’s also a good idea to lay the groundwork for healthy conflicts and discussions.

This could involve setting boundaries for expressing anger and consequences for crossing those boundaries. You can also teach your teens about healthy and appropriate ways to express their emotions.

Conclusion

Empathy and communication are key when it comes to dealing with an angry teen. As a parent, you play an important role in ensuring your teens feel heard and understood.

You’re also in a good position to teach them coping mechanisms and emotional regulation skills.

With your guidance and support, your teens will learn to express and cope with their emotions in healthy ways.

This will empower them to build fulfilling relationships with those around them!

(Download your quick action guide below if you haven’t already done so.)

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The tips are guaranteed to help you get through to your teen, so download your copy today!

The Smart Way to Argue With Your Teen: 9 Tips to Resolve Conflicts Fast

Updated on July 1, 2025 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Do you often feel frustrated because of the conflicts you have with your teens?

No parent wants to fight with their teenagers. So what can you do when your teens argue with you?

It helps to first understand that having some conflict is normal.

As teens undergo a period of rapid change, they start craving more independence. They want more control over their life and decisions.

But not all conflicts are inherently negative. In fact, conflicts can even be beneficial if handled correctly.

According to research, healthy conflicts are opportunities for growth and learning. Arguing with parents can help teenagers develop better social skills and empathy.

As a parent, arguments can be opportunities to show your teenager what healthy conflict resolution patterns look like.

On the other hand, frequent and unconstructive conflicts can be harmful. They can affect your teenagers’ self-esteem and how well they cope at school.

So, as parents, we need to manage conflicts well.

In this article, I’ll share with you 9 tips to manage your teenagers’ attitude and effectively handle arguments with them.

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Tip #1: Choose the right time and place

Choosing the right time and place is key when you need to have a serious conversation with your teen.

For example, if your teen has a big exam the following day, discussing the issue the night before probably isn’t a good idea.

Or maybe you’re in public or around friends and family. Talking about the issue there and then might cause embarrassment and make the situation awkward for other people.

If you’re caught in this predicament, try saying, “I really want to understand your feelings and hear what you have to say. But now’s probably not a good time to talk. Can we discuss this later at home?”

This also gives you and your teenager extra time to cool down.

Ideally, you want to approach the issue when both of you are calm and free to talk. You also want to ensure that there’s enough time to resolve the conflict without feeling like you’re rushing the process.

And make sure to pick a place that offers privacy and is free of distractions.

Tip #2: Listen actively

When arguments get heated, it’s tempting to talk over your teens.

It’s even harder to listen when you don’t agree with or understand the reasons behind their actions.

You might jump to conclusions or wrongly accuse them. This can lead to bitterness in the relationship.

Remember that communication is a two-way street.

So let your teens share their opinions. Show that you’re listening by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and paraphrasing what they say.

Listen with the intention of understanding, not with the intention of refuting their point of view.

Research shows that attentively listening to teenagers helps them feel more connected to you.

This also encourages them to be honest with you, and makes them more likely to open up in the future.

Your teenagers need to know that you’re trying to understand their situation and feelings. By doing so, you’re showing your teens that you value their honesty and opinions.

Tip #3: Avoid lecturing or digging up the past

When you argue, do you find yourself repeating the same thing over and over again?

Or maybe you go off track and dig up your teens’ past mistakes?

When you’re worried about your teens’ future, you may end up lecturing or nagging.

This can cause them to become anxious, overwhelmed, or annoyed. Eventually, your teens may learn to tune your words out.

Instead of lecturing, here’s how to communicate with your teen:

Have a conversation only when your teen is ready. If your teen is angry and frustrated, your words might not have much impact. Wait until your teen is more receptive, then discuss the issue.
Ask questions to understand the situation better. Try to understand the reasoning behind your teen’s decisions and actions. Ask positive questions like, “How are you feeling?” and “How did you make that decision?” Avoid negative questions like, “What’s wrong with you?”
Don’t interrupt your teen. If you interrupt your teen, it shows that you’re dismissive of your teen’s opinions. Discuss matters when you’re calm so you’ll be more likely to catch yourself before interrupting your teen.

For your words to carry weight, it’s important to speak less and listen more.

When you listen to understand, you’ll be in the best position to respond wisely and resolve the conflict effectively.

Tip #4: Focus on the behavior, not the person

Name-calling and criticizing won’t help the situation.

Making assumptions about your teens’ motives can push them into a defensive stance and affect your relationship with them.

During a conflict, try to mainly state facts about your teenagers’ actions and decisions. Don’t use negative labels or jump to conclusions.

For example, avoid saying something like, “You’re a liar. You skipped school today because you were too lazy to get out of bed.”

Instead, say something like, “I heard you skipped school today. Can you tell me more about what happened?”

It’s also crucial to watch your tone of voice. Being empathetic and calm creates a safe environment for your teens to tell the truth.

Tip #5: Apologize when necessary

Apologizing is something that many parents shy away from. It’s understandably uncomfortable to apologize to your teens.

But the fact is that we all make mistakes.

Apologizing to your teens is a great way to model honesty, humility, and integrity. It shows that you care about and respect your teens’ feelings.

This helps to build a healthy relationship, with no one holding grudges against the other person.

If you know you’ve made a mistake, here are some tips to keep in mind when apologizing to your teens:

Make sure you mean it. An inauthentic apology will make things worse. Give yourself time to reflect on your words and actions, and say sorry when you genuinely mean it.
Watch your tone. Avoid using an angry, sarcastic, or defensive tone.
Admit your mistakes. Admit what you’ve done wrong. Sometimes, your actions might not have been wrong, but your teens’ feelings were still hurt. If so, say you’re sorry that their feelings were hurt.
Keep it short. Don’t defend yourself with a “but” after you say, “I’m sorry.” Avoid the temptation to justify your actions or lecture your teens about what they did wrong. Keep your apology short, and let your teens know you’re available to talk more if they’d like to.

You can also ask your teens for pointers on what you could have done better or how you can support them moving forward.

Tip #6: Set clear expectations and boundaries

When there’s no conflict, it’s a good idea to set some boundaries.

These rules and expectations help to guide future conflicts in a constructive way. They can also help to prevent both parties from crossing the line when things get heated.

Some examples of boundaries and rules you might decide to establish include:

No name-calling, swearing, or using degrading language
No yelling at the other person
Listen to the other person without interrupting
Focus on the issue at hand and avoid bringing up the past
Either party can call for a time-out if he or she feels overwhelmed

The rules you set should apply to both you and your teen, as far as possible.

Find a good time to sit down with your teen to discuss and agree on these rules and boundaries.

Tip #7: Offer choices and compromises

Negotiation and communication are essential life skills that teens need to have to work well with peers and colleagues. It will also help them to build healthy relationships.

As parents, we can give our teenagers the opportunity to learn how to communicate and negotiate in a mature and respectful way.

When you don’t see eye to eye with your teens, keep these tips in mind:

Don’t be dismissive. Saying things like, “My house, my rules,” or “Stop arguing with me” won’t help.
Listen attentively to your teens’ point of view. Explain your perspective, then listen and try to understand where your teens are coming from.
Come up with options. If both of you don’t agree, try to discuss different choices and solutions. Maybe your teen wants to go out on a weekday night and won’t be able to help with the chores. You can let your teen choose between swapping duties with a family member or helping out on an extra night the following week.
Lower your expectations. Both parties can lower their expectations slightly to meet in the middle. For instance, you might allow your teens to go to a party if they agree that you’ll pick them up at 11 pm.
Be clear about what’s not negotiable. At times, you’ll have to be firm. For instance, risky behaviors like doing drugs and speeding while driving are prohibited. These rules for teens can’t be negotiated.
Clarify the final decision. To end the discussion, repeat exactly what you both have agreed on to prevent misunderstandings.

Remember that compromise isn’t a sign of weakness. It shows that you’re willing to hear your teens out and use your parental authority to guide, not control.

Tip #8: Don’t argue in the heat of the moment

There’s a lot of truth to the saying, “Think before you speak.”

If you often regret what you’ve said to your teens in the heat of the moment, try this the next time.

As soon as you realize you’re getting frustrated, take a deep breath and suggest taking a break.

Remind yourself that lashing out at your teenager won’t fix anything. In fact, it will almost certainly make the situation worse.

During the break, try to do something that helps you relax, like taking a walk or enjoying a cup of tea.

Don’t dwell on what made you mad. Instead, focus on how you can resolve the issue. Be realistic about what’s in your control and what isn’t.

Once you and your teen are ready, you can come together to resolve the conflict.

Tip #9: Focus on the bigger picture

“Because I said so” and “I pay for everything you own” are a couple of phrases that parents use to “win” arguments.

But this isn’t constructive. Trying to win arguments will strain your relationship with your teenagers.

Ultimately, you need to focus on the bigger picture.

What values do you want to impart to your teens? How can you meet in the middle? How can you show them that you still love them even though you’re arguing?

No matter how tough or indifferent your teenagers might seem, they still need you to be there for them. They need your support, love, and attention.

So don’t aim to win arguments.

The goal is to teach good values and develop a stronger relationship with your teens. Your words and actions should reflect this.

Conclusion

No family is perfect, and not every argument turns out the way you want it to.

Sometimes, you’ll be able to resolve issues quickly. At other times, you might get into a heated quarrel that leads to hurt feelings.

Despite this, every conflict is an opportunity for you and your teens to grow. Nothing will strengthen your relationship more than learning to work through problems that arise.

So give these 9 tips a try the next time you have an argument with your teens. You’ll be glad you did!

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Reconnecting With Your Teen: 10 Practical Tips for Parents

Updated on January 30, 2024 By Daniel Wong 2 Comments

Are you worried that you and your teenager are drifting apart?

Maybe your teen is busy with school, other activities, or spending time with friends.

And when your teen isn’t, the door to his or her room is closed.

You can barely have a decent conversation with your teenager – much less hang out as a family. And when you share meals, everyone is on their phones.

It’s perfectly normal for your relationship with your teens to change over time, as they’ll have a growing need for independence.

But building a strong bond with them is still important.

Researchers have found that a good parent-teen relationship improves a teen’s mental health and reduces the likelihood of risky behavior and substance abuse.

Plus, these teens tend to experience lower levels of depression and stress.

In this article, I’ll discuss some of the best ways to reconnect with your teenagers and foster a meaningful bond with them.

(If your teen lacks motivation, download the free e-book below.)

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16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

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Tip #1: Listen without judgment

Your teens are looking for support as they navigate new challenges and changes in life.

As parents, the best thing we can do is become a safe space for our teens to talk about their experiences and worries without fear of judgment.

Here are some tips that might help when your teens need a listening ear:

Let your teen speak without interruptions. Imagine your teen says, “Someone from my math class asked me out on a date.” You react by saying, “You’re not allowed to date at this age,” then cut off the conversation. This eliminates the opportunity to have a healthy discussion about boundaries, dating, and sex. Instead, encourage dialogue with open-ended questions like “How do you feel?” and “Do you feel ready to start dating?”
Show that you’re listening. Check your body language whenever your teens talk to you. Are you making eye contact and nodding once in a while? Or do you sigh, roll your eyes, and continue using your phone when they come to you with a problem? If your teens don’t think you care, they won’t want to talk to you.
Avoid catastrophizing. For example, some parents may think it’s best to “scare” their teens out of dating by saying it will lead to heartbreak and betrayal. But if your teens feel anxious and afraid after talking to you, they may be less likely to open up to you in the future. Instead, you can help your teens to weigh the pros and cons of different choices. This encourages your teens to think more deeply and make wise decisions.

Encouraging and holding healthy conversations with your teenagers will take some practice. But learning to communicate is the key to building a strong relationship with your teens.

Tip #2: Find time to spend together

Without any effort to make proper family time happen, you might find that you and your teens are drifting apart.

So it’s important to intentionally create time and space to enjoy each other’s company.

Here are some ways to encourage your teens to spend more time together as a family:

Let your teens play a role in deciding what the family will do together
Pick activities that your teens already enjoy
Schedule weekly family time together and make it a routine
Let your teens know in advance if there is going to be a family activity or get-together

It also helps to show that you respect your teen’s time and independence. You can ask them if they have a preferred time and date before planning a family event or activity.

Tip #3: Respect your teen’s independence

A growing need for independence is a natural part of adolescence. The tricky part lies in finding the sweet spot between helicopter parenting and hands-off parenting.

Helicopter parents are parents who are overly involved in their teenager’s life.

Some research shows that this parenting style can negatively impact a teen’s mental health. It can also negatively affect teenagers’ learning and level of self-efficacy.

On the other hand, giving your teens too much freedom with little guidance can also lead to problems down the road.

Here’s how you can nurture healthy independence in your teens:

Start involving your teens in decisions and giving them opportunities to make their own. You can teach your teens the process of making wise decisions. This typically involves weighing the benefits and risks of each option.
Respect your teens’ opinions and emotions. They might have a different view from you about some issues. Respect and acknowledge your teens’ opinions instead of brushing them off. Of course, you should provide guidance if their opinions contradict your family’s principles and values.
Give your teens the privacy they need. For example, it’s probably reasonable for you to knock on your teens’ door before entering, and to avoid bombarding them with texts when they’re out with their friends.

It might seem easier to control your teens and make decisions for them to ensure they never fail.

But teenagers need the freedom to learn from their mistakes. This helps them grow into responsible and independent adults.

Tip #4: Give your teen compliments

Complimenting your teens helps to build a stronger bond and improve their confidence.

When giving compliments, always be genuine – teenagers can spot insincerity from a mile away.

In addition, try to make the praise focused on the process and on the progress your teens are making, rather than on the outcome or result.

This approach encourages your teens to focus on growing and improving. It also helps your teens to develop resilience and intrinsic motivation.

For example, you can replace “Wow, great job getting an A on your chemistry exam” with a more process-focused compliment.

This might go something like: “I saw you working really hard to prepare for this chemistry exam. It looks like your effort led to this big improvement.”

Tip #5: Show interest in what your teen is interested in

Pay attention to what your teens are passionate about, and try to maintain an attitude of curiosity. This will give you another avenue to connect with them.

For example, if your daughter enjoys learning how to use makeup, you can buy lipstick for her as a birthday gift.

Or maybe your son loves playing soccer. If so, you can make it a point to pick him up after soccer practice and bring along his favorite snack or drink.

Knowing what your teens love will also allow you to give compliments that matter to them – instead of only praising them when they do well in school.

Telling your teens how skilled they’ve become at a sport, video game, or any activity they enjoy will mean a lot to them.

Tip #6: Be intentional about showing unconditional love

Unconditional love is one of the greatest gifts teenagers can receive from their parents.

This involves accepting and loving your teenagers even when they fall short of certain expectations.

Here are some ways you can demonstrate unconditional love to your teens:

Telling your teens you love them for who they are (and not for what they have achieved)
Forgiving your teens when they’ve made a mistake
Refraining from bringing up mistakes they’ve made in the past
Refraining from name-calling or attacking your teens verbally
Supporting your teens in their dreams and ambitions (even if it’s not what you want for them)

If you show your teenagers unconditional love, they won’t feel anxious or worried about needing to “earn” your love.

Plus, this will build the parent-teen relationship, which will enhance your teens’ sense of self-worth.

Tip #7: Welcome your teen’s friends

Your teenagers will appreciate the effort you put into making your home a comfortable space for them and their friends to hang out.

It’s likely that friends play a significant role in your teens’ lives. So showing that you genuinely care for their friends can help strengthen the bond you share with your teens.

You don’t need to own a fancy house or a ping pong table to be welcoming toward your teenagers’ friends.

What’s most important is creating a space for your teenagers to have fun and make lifelong memories together with their friends.

Tip #8: Be available when you’re needed, as far as possible

Your teens are still learning to juggle school, family, friends, and maybe even work or a relationship. It’s challenging for them. So this is where you can provide support and encouragement.

You can do this by putting your phone and other distractions away when your teenagers want to talk.

It’s also a good idea to ask your teens how you can best support them when they’re struggling.

In many situations, it’s important for you to be cautious and not to show too many big emotions when you’re trying to empathize with your teens.

For example, let’s say that your son just had a big argument with his girlfriend. You might be tempted to say mean things about his girlfriend to make him feel better.

But big reactions like this can backfire, especially if your son chooses to make up with his girlfriend the following day.

Instead, try to empathize with your teens calmly and help them to analyze the situation when they’re ready to.

Tip #9: Demonstrate patience and understanding

Dealing with your teen’s poor behavior after you’ve already had a long day is stressful for any parent.

Here are some ways to deal with a teenage tantrum or a misbehaving teen:

Set house rules and consequences for breaking them, and be consistent. If your teens are acting up, you can ask them to take some time to cool off before discussing the issue again.
Remind yourself not to take things too personally. Your teens should be held accountable for mean or hurtful things they say or do. But as a parent, it’s unwise to fight fire with fire. Try to stay calm and level-headed instead of yelling back at your teens.
Listen to your teenagers without interrupting them. Try to put yourself in their shoes to understand their emotions and struggles better.
Make time to take care of yourself. Self-care as a parent might sound taboo. But prioritizing your well-being will put you in the best position to be a patient and understanding parent.

Learn to forgive yourself too. And don’t hold back from extending a genuine apology to your teens if you’ve said or done something hurtful in a moment of anger.

Tip #10: Show your teen that you trust him or her

Give your teenagers opportunities to be independent. Let them make their own decisions whenever possible.

You can also give your teens more privileges when they demonstrate responsibility and honesty.

For example, you could extend your teens’ curfew if they’ve shown that they’ve been able to keep to their curfew consistently.

Additionally, keep in mind that trust is a two-way street.

Do your best to model responsibility, honesty, and accountability to your teens. Staying true to your words and promises is a great way to do this.

Conclusion

To guide and support your teens, you’ll need to create a healthy bond with them.

The good news is that there are various steps you can take to reconnect with your teens and develop a great relationship with them.

So start implementing the tips in this article today!

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6 Signs You’re a Perfectionist Parent (And How It Impacts Teens)

Updated on May 3, 2025 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

Do you expect too much from your teenagers?

That might be a hard question to answer.

As parents, we want to see our teenagers succeed in life.

Whether that’s doing well on their exams or winning a competition, it’s natural to feel proud of their accomplishments.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting your teenagers to succeed.

You might think that expecting impeccable behavior and excellent performance will motivate your teens to do their best. But in fact, it can do the opposite – causing burnout, anxiety, and a strained relationship with your teens.

In this article, I’ll discuss some common signs that you may be a perfectionist parent. We’ll also explore the reasons behind perfectionist parenting and what impact this may have on your teenagers.

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Why do parents want their teens to be perfect?

The desire to see your teenagers achieve success isn’t harmful. But it can become an issue if it causes you to put unnecessary pressure on your teenagers.

In the long run, this unhealthy pressure can affect your teens’ mental well-being and even strain your relationship with them.

Understanding why you’re inclined to have high expectations of your teenagers is important. This can help you keep unhealthy mindsets or beliefs in check.

The following are some possible reasons why you expect your teenagers to be “perfect” in various ways:

Reason #1: The “perfect parent” syndrome

Some research suggests that parenting styles – both bad and good – can be passed down from one generation to the next.

It’s natural for people to pick up perspectives and mindsets similar to those of their parents.

Because of this, you might want your teenagers to be “perfect” if your parents had those expectations of you.

Reason #2: Projection of unfulfilled dreams

As parents, we strive to give our teenagers the opportunities we never had.

You may have had goals that you never had the chance to pursue. These could be things like going to a prestigious college or taking up a well-respected profession.

As a result, you may project these unmet ambitions onto your teenagers and expect them to achieve the dreams you had for yourself.

Furthermore, you might feel like your teenagers should be able to accomplish these goals. This is because they now have opportunities and advantages you didn’t have when you were younger.

Reason #3: Fear of judgment by others

Research indicates that perfectionism can manifest itself in different ways.

For some, perfectionism involves having unrealistic expectations of other people. It can also be linked to the fear of negative judgments from those around you.

When these aspects of perfectionism come together, it might cause you to have high expectations of your teenagers. This is because you’re worried about how others perceive you and your family.

You may want your teens to do well in school or sports so that you’ll be respected by others.

Perhaps when they get good grades or win a contest, you feel like you’ve indirectly earned bragging rights.

Reason #4: Love and pride

The natural desire of parents is to see their teenagers accomplish great things.

Seeing them do well makes you happy and proud – and that’s perfectly okay.

Many parents put a lot of pressure on their teens to work hard to achieve certain goals.

This expectation might be harmful if it drives your teens to prioritize their grades and accomplishments above everything else.

Now that you understand why some parents want their teens to be perfect, let’s take a look at some of the signs that you might be putting too much pressure on them.

6 signs that you’re a perfectionist parent

Remember that there’s nothing wrong with having expectations of your teenagers.

They should fulfill their responsibilities in school, help out at home, and treat others with respect – these are reasonable expectations.

But where do you draw the line?

The following are possible signs that you have the unhealthy expectation of your teenagers being perfect:

Sign #1: There’s an overemphasis on academic success

Your teen’s grades and exam scores are thought of as “life-altering.”

Your teenagers barely have time for themselves, as the bulk of their schedule is dedicated to school, extra classes, and studying.

If your teens get grades below your expectations, you might get angry. You may also compare their grades to those of their peers.

This isn’t to say that you should never encourage your teens to study hard or set academic goals. But their grades should never be prioritized over their health or character development.

Sign #2: Your teen’s daily schedule is packed

Are your teenagers barely able to catch a break due to a packed schedule?

Do extracurricular activities, sports, music lessons, and school-related activities take up all their extra time?

Your teens may not have enough time to sleep, rest, or pursue their own interests. This is detrimental to them in the long run.

In fact, research clearly shows that teenagers need more rest and sleep than adults do. A lack of sleep will affect their mental well-being and make it harder for them to focus in school.

Sign #3: Your self-worth is dependent on your teen’s success

It’s natural for you to derive joy from your teen’s achievements.

But this can become unhealthy when your self-worth is tied to how your teens perform.

When they do well, you feel like you’ve succeeded as a parent. Getting to tell your friends and other family members about their achievements makes you excited.

But when your teens don’t do as well as you’d hoped, your self-esteem and confidence plummet.

Having this sort of dependence on your teenagers is unhealthy for both parties. If you have this mindset, remember that your worth and success as a parent isn’t based on your teen’s accomplishments.

Sign #4: Things have to be done your way

When your teens do something, do you micromanage them? And are you overly critical?

Perhaps you tend to focus more on the results than on the process or the progress they’ve made.

This might happen when your teenagers try to help with chores at home – or maybe when they’re learning a new musical instrument, language, or sport.

You may notice that you correct them or take over what they’re doing. You also want them to do things in the specific way you prefer.

This “my way or the highway” mindset can stunt your teenagers’ growth.

Sign #5: Your teen doesn’t get much flexibility

Your teens get little flexibility, especially regarding the rules and boundaries you’ve set at home.

Your teens may demonstrate a reasonable level of maturity and responsibility. But you still feel hesitant to give them more freedom.

For example, you might always refuse to extend their curfew or let them go out on a weekday night. The consequences tied to your house rules might also be harsh.

It’s important to realize that teenagers have a growing need for independence at this stage of life.

Rules that have been helpful when they were kids might no longer be appropriate now that they’re teens.

Of course, there’s still a need for boundaries for your teens. But these can be discussed with them and negotiated, especially if your teenagers show some level of responsibility.

Sign #6: You rarely praise your teen

Another sign you may be a perfectionist parent is a lack of praise or warmth.

You’re quick to point out any mistakes your teens make, and you’re not likely to praise them for something they’ve done well.

Research has even shown that parents tend to overestimate their use of praise. They also often underestimate the amount of criticism they give.

It’s easy for parents to hop on the criticism bandwagon.

But support and encouragement go much further in helping your teens to make the most of their potential.

The effects of perfectionist parenting on teenagers

Perfectionist parenting doesn’t just prevent your teens from learning from their mistakes. It can also affect their character development.

Let’s take a closer look at some of the possible effects of perfectionist parenting:

Effect #1: Low self-esteem

The words you use impact your teenagers more than you realize.

Criticizing your teens frequently can lower their self-esteem.

Unsurprisingly, studies have found that criticism from parents can lead to negative emotions in their teenagers.

Persistent criticism can damage a teenager’s self-image. It can also make him or her more vulnerable to mental health conditions, such as depression.

These problems may continue well into adulthood.

Effect #2: Fear of failure

Micromanaging, criticizing, and having high expectations of your teenagers may lead to a fear of failure.

As a result, your teenagers may not feel confident enough to try new things or step outside their comfort zone.

Your teens might view failure as a life-altering event instead of as a growth opportunity. This may also cause your teens to be perfectionists in the future.

Effect #3: Lack of coping skills

At this stage of life, having some amount of autonomy and independence is essential for teens’ development.

Perfectionist parenting prevents teens from making mistakes and learning from them.

These types of parents tend to “overparent.” This means that they may be overly involved in their teenager’s life.

For instance, they may be too protective or controlling.

Research has indeed found that overparenting makes it harder for teens to develop into self-sufficient adults. These teens may lack self-regulation skills, which can affect their decision-making and problem-solving skills.

Effect #4: Burnout

Continually meeting high expectations is a heavy load for your teenagers to shoulder.

In addition, your teenagers may have a packed schedule with little time to relax and rest.

In the long run, your teens may also experience academic burnout. This happens when they’re overwhelmed and can no longer cope with stressful situations at school.

As a result, your teens may develop unhealthy coping mechanisms in response to the immense stress. This might lead to bad grades or drive them to rebel against your wishes.

While doing well in school is important, it shouldn’t come at the expense of your teen’s health and well-being.

Effect #5: Social isolation

A packed schedule leaves little room for your teens to socialize and hang out with friends and family.

Your teens might not have the time or energy to build healthy relationships and friendships. This could leave them feeling isolated.

Friendships play a huge role during the teenage years. Without real friends, teenagers are more vulnerable to bullying, depression, and anxiety.

On the other hand, supportive and healthy friendships can lead to an increase in happiness and self-esteem. These friendships also help your teens to cope better with stress.

Effect #6: Strained parent-teen relationship

Setting rules and carrying out the consequences for breaking them might cause temporary tension between you and your teens. But this plays a key role in disciplining your teens and teaching your teens good values.

But being overly strict and authoritative can backfire.

Your teenagers may feel as if you don’t understand them. This may lead to conflicts that can strain the relationship.

When setting boundaries, it’s important to explain the reasoning behind them. Try to involve your teens in the discussion instead of setting hard-and-fast rules with no room for negotiation.

Frequent criticism and harsh words can also cause a rift in the relationship and create a tense environment at home.

So try using positive words and encouragement to motivate your teens. Plus, being patient and understanding when they make mistakes goes a long way in fostering a strong parent-teen relationship.

Conclusion

Parenting teens isn’t easy.

While we want only the best for them, it’s important to realize that perfectionism won’t get them there.

Remind your teens that mistakes should be seen as learning opportunities.

Ultimately, your teens are still learning and growing.

As a parent, you have the privilege of guiding them as they journey through both the ups and downs of life!

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7 Signs of an Entitled Teenager (Parents, Take Note!)

Updated on February 20, 2025 By Daniel Wong 2 Comments

Do you feel like your teens make too many demands without expressing much appreciation?

Realizing that you have an entitled teenager is a tough pill to swallow.

If left unchecked, your teenagers may carry this sense of entitlement into adulthood.

This is why it’s crucial to address and correct these behaviors as early on as possible.

Fortunately, your teens are still in a teachable stage of life where they can learn values like compassion and gratitude. Your guidance will play a big role in helping them to do just that.

In this article, I’ll discuss the causes of teenage entitlement and the signs of an entitled teenager.

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What is entitlement and how does it affect teenagers?

Entitled teenagers feel that they are owed something even if they haven’t done anything to deserve it.

Surprisingly, research notes that entitlement in teenagers can be helpful at times.

Helpful entitlement is when teens are able to realistically gauge what to expect from others and stand up for their needs.

For example, they should be confident in their parents’ ability to provide for their basic needs.

Conversely, harmful entitlement causes teenagers to be ungrateful and demanding. As a result, they believe they should have their wants fulfilled, regardless of other people’s feelings or needs.

This could have a negative impact on the different areas of a teenager’s life.

Entitled teenagers don’t treat others with compassion and respect. This can make it harder for them to develop and maintain healthy relationships with others.

Unhealthy entitlement is also associated with lower self-esteem and a higher risk of depression and anxiety.

On top of that, teens who have everything taken care of by their parents may have weaker problem-solving skills. Entitled teens are also less likely to be good team players.

So it’s essential to nip this problem in the bud when you spot it.

What causes entitled behavior?

There are a number of possible causes of entitled behavior in teenagers.

Getting to the root cause can help you develop better strategies to manage and address the problem.

The following are possible causes of teenage entitlement:

Indulgent parenting: Research suggests that privileged adolescents are more likely to be entitled. This is because of how other people, including their parents, treat them. If your teens have all their wants fulfilled by you, this may cause them to expect others to do the same.
Inconsistent or non-existent boundaries: Saying “yes” to all your teenager’s demands and failing to address bad behavior can lead to entitlement. If your teens make irresponsible decisions without having to face any consequences, they’re also more likely to continue behaving this way.
Absence of good role models: Do you look down on certain kinds of people? Do you disrespect others? Do you frequently complain or rarely show gratitude? If so, you might notice your teens behaving the same way. This is because teens often mirror their parents’ behaviors.
Lack of opportunities: How often do your teens get the chance to learn to be kind and considerate – either through volunteer work or at home? If your teens have never had to put someone else’s needs above their own, they may develop a sense of entitlement.
Social media or peer influence: Teenagers are easily influenced by what they see around them or on social media. Seeing their friends or influencers leading glamorous lives may cause your teens to have an unhealthy perspective on satisfying their wants.

Recognizing the traits of an entitled teenager

Parenting teens is challenging. It’s easy to feel demoralized when your teenagers behave a certain way, but remember that no parent is perfect.

What’s important is being able to recognize unwanted behavior. This then allows you to address it.

Take note that it’s completely normal for your teens to have their own desires.

What sets unhealthy entitlement apart are these traits:

Ingratitude
Disrespect
Comparison
Irresponsibility

Examples of entitled behavior include throwing a tantrum when told “no” or expecting others to pick up after them.

Let’s take a closer look at the most common signs of an entitled teenager:

Sign #1: Making many unwarranted demands

Do you often get bombarded with demands for things your teens don’t actually need?

Whether it’s the latest phone or branded clothes and shoes – your teens seem to have a never-ending wishlist.

They don’t seem to consider how much effort, time, or money would go into fulfilling their requests.

What’s more, your teenagers don’t practice financial responsibility. They don’t budget or save, and they make costly purchases on a whim.

You might also notice that they often compare themselves to those around them. They may resort to buying new and expensive items to fit in or to feel superior to others.

Sign #2: Reacting negatively when told “no”

Do your teenagers react negatively every time they’re told “no”?

Entitled teenagers aren’t accustomed to handling disappointment when things don’t go their way.

Teenagers might throw a tantrum, give you the cold shoulder, or rudely talk back when you deny them something they’ve asked for.

As much as you might want to give in to soothe the situation, it’s important to be firm. If you give in after your teens lash out or throw a fit, it will cause more harm in the long run.

Sign #3: Rarely expressing gratitude

Entitled teens often struggle to express gratitude, whether through a simple “thank you” or acts of kindness.

If an aunt or uncle buys them a birthday gift or a stranger holds the door for them, you may notice that your teenagers don’t acknowledge these gestures.

A lack of gratitude may also manifest as your teens constantly complaining. For instance, they might refuse to eat dinner unless the food is something they really want to eat.

Teaching gratitude to your teens extends beyond coercing a reluctant “thank you.”

Pointing out the kind acts of others can be beneficial. Additionally, fostering a culture of giving in your household and engaging in family volunteer work can contribute to this process.

Sign #4: Expecting to receive special treatment

Your teenagers might expect special treatment from others, whether it’s in school, at home, or in various social situations.

Your teens might enjoy being the center of attention, even on occasions like someone else’s birthday.

They may also assume that someone else will handle the cleanup responsibilities at home.

While it’s crucial to give your teenagers attention and care when needed, it’s equally important to remind them that they aren’t at the center of the universe.

Encourage your teens to consider the feelings of others. For example, you could take them shopping for a friend’s birthday or suggest that they help their cousin to make wedding preparations.

Sign #5: Disregarding rules and boundaries

You might have observed that your teenagers frequently ignore rules at home, school, and in public.

When you establish curfews, assign chores, or ask them to complete their homework, your teenagers may react strongly or kick up a fuss.

This defiant behavior may stem from a lack of respect for authority figures.

Your teens might think they know better than their parents or teachers and, as a result, refuse to follow their instructions or rules.

Moreover, your teenagers might disregard boundaries. They aren’t afraid to test another person’s limits, such as repeatedly calling a friend by a nickname that’s hurtful.

Teaching your teens to respect rules and boundaries starts at home. Create a clear list of rules and consequences for breaking them, and consistently enforce them.

Sign #6: Being unwilling to take responsibility

Another sign of an entitled teenager is the unwillingness to fulfill their roles and responsibilities at home or school.

Because your teens expect everything to be done for them, they refuse to do their homework or study for exams if they don’t feel like it. This can lead to bad grades.

At home, your teenagers don’t do chores or help around the house.

When they make a mistake, they don’t take any responsibility for it. Instead, your teens might try to shift the blame to someone else.

Sign #7: Finding it difficult to deal with failure

Entitled teenagers are used to having things go their way. Because of this, they might not know how to respond to or handle disappointments and failures in life.

They lack perseverance and frequently rely on others to solve their problems.

This might show up in different ways. For example, you might notice that your teenagers give up easily when doing a difficult assignment.

If this is the case, try to remind your teens that setbacks are part and parcel of life.

Lend them a listening ear, and help them to see failure as an opportunity to learn and improve.

Effective strategies to deal with entitled behavior

Dealing with an entitled teen can be tricky.

But there are steps you can take to curb this type of behavior, including the following:

Start setting and enforcing rules and consequences for breaking those rules.
Avoid picking up after your teenagers all the time or covering for their mistakes.
Discuss the differences between needs and wants with your teenagers.
When you say “no,” don’t go back on it just because your teen throws a tantrum.
Create a chore chart for the family and assign chores to your teens.
Don’t compare your teenagers or yourself to other people.

You don’t have to make these changes all at once. Identify the root issue and pick a couple of solutions you think might work.

Ultimately, what’s most important is modeling positive behavior for your teenagers.

This way, your teens won’t feel like your advice or instructions are hypocritical.

Conclusion

As a parent, it’s natural to want to give your teens the best of everything in life.

But this shouldn’t be done in a way that robs your teens of the opportunity to learn values like gratitude and responsibility.

Of course, dealing with entitlement isn’t easy.

But with patience and consistency, you’ll raise kind, humble, and responsible teenagers!

(If you haven’t already downloaded your free e-book, make sure to click the link below and get your copy.)

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A Parent’s Complete Guide to High School Dating

Updated on September 30, 2024 By Daniel Wong 2 Comments

Does the thought of your teen dating make you nervous or uneasy?

If you said “yes,” you’re not alone.

As a parent, it’s natural to worry when your teens start dating.

We want them to be happy, healthy, and focused on pursuing meaningful goals.

It isn’t enough to tell your teens that “there will be no dating until you turn 18.” Teenage romance is normal, after all.

It’s important to strike a balance between setting rules, offering guidance, and letting teens explore dating on their own.

In this article, I’ll help you understand what you should know about teen dating. I’ll also share some rules and relationship advice that you can discuss with your teens.

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Why teens fall in love in high school

Do you recall your first experience of falling in love?

Even if it doesn’t exactly mirror your teen’s experiences, you may still be able to relate to some of his or her feelings.

As parents, knowing we’ve been through something similar can help us accept that high school dating is, in fact, a normal part of adolescence.

When your teenagers see their peers in romantic relationships, it invokes a longing to experience the same thing.

In addition, companionship and a sense of belonging become all the more important at this time.

The development of the brain and body during adolescence can also trigger hormonal changes. This may contribute to feelings of being in love and of sexual attraction.

We can’t stop our teens from falling in love – it’s natural. But we can still provide reasonable advice and boundaries to guide them along.

The role of teenage relationships

Unhealthy teenage relationships can indeed take a toll on your teen’s well-being. In contrast, healthy dating does have its benefits.

Research has found that love and romance are core aspects of adolescent development.

Studies have shown that healthy teenage dating can lead to the following benefits:

Reduced aggression and risk-taking behaviors
Improved conflict management
Better communication skills
Better decision-making
Identity development
Emotional growth
Social learning

During this stage of life, your teenagers are still figuring out how to interact with others.

They’re learning to set boundaries, deal with conflicts, and improve communication. But it’s all a work in progress.

This is where healthy dating can help them learn skills and develop abilities to build strong relationships with others. This includes their peers, family members, employers, and future partners.

Teenage love and its complexities: What parents should be aware of

Teenage dating can be a positive experience.

But it’s still important for parents to understand the challenges and complexities surrounding it.

Plus, dating has changed a lot from when we were in our teens’ shoes.

Parents should be mindful of the following aspects of modern teenage dating:

Social media and pop culture influence

An estimated 90% of teenagers between 13 and 17 have used social media. Around 50% report using these platforms daily.

Movies, TV shows, and pop songs are also common forms of media that teenagers consume.

Because of the influence of pop culture and mass media, teens might have an unrealistic view of sex and relationships.

This is where parents can step in to help them differentiate between truth and the fiction they see online or in movies.

Social and dating apps

Social media is a popular way to connect with people from all over the world.

In fact, statistics show that almost half of teens have expressed their interest in another person through social media.

While these platforms can help teens meet new friends and even find love interests, teaching them about online safety is crucial.

Online dangers like grooming, harassment, sexting, and privacy issues are things your teens should be aware of. Some dating apps even let users under 18 create profiles and connect with potential dates.

Of course, your teens don’t need to avoid using the Internet completely. But there should be guidelines on what they should and shouldn’t do.

Relationship red flags

When your teenagers are in love, they may not see certain things that you do.

While you might not be able to control who your teens end up dating, you can still look out for them and point out potential red flags.

Try to have a respectful conversation with your teen if his or her partner shows the following red flags:

Being obsessive and unwilling to give your teen his or her own space
Ignoring your teen’s boundaries
Becoming jealous, manipulative, and controlling
Getting easily angered and having mood swings
Disrespecting you as your teen’s parent

If you see these warning signs, reassure your teens that you care and that you want what’s best for them.

Showing that you’re focused on their well-being will make them more likely to talk to you about the relationship issues they may have.

Best relationship tips to share with your teen

Talking about love, dating, and sex with your teenager can be awkward.

But, as parents, we cannot afford to outsource these conversations to mass media or pop culture.

Don’t leave these conversations till their first heartbreak.

When you see your teens showing an interest in romance, have an honest chat with them.

Not sure where to start?

Here are some important pieces of relationship advice you can share with your teens:

Tip #1: Keep to the rules that have been discussed

Setting hard-and-fast rules without discussing them with your teens will cause them to hide things from you or sneak around behind your back.

Instead, sit your teens down and explain the reasoning behind the rules you set. Ask for their opinions about the rules, and listen attentively.

Certain rules that guard your teen’s safety shouldn’t be negotiable.

But there is room for compromise when it comes to other rules, such as their nighttime curfew or which days they’re allowed to go out.

Of course, all this depends on your teen’s level of maturity and responsibility.

Here is a list of things to consider when setting dating rules for your teens:

What age they’re allowed to start dating: Do they have a grasp of what dating will involve? Do they know what it means to respect themselves and others? Are they handling the other responsibilities in their life well? There’s no right age for dating. So it boils down to your teen’s maturity level. Also, consider the age gap between your teens and their potential partners. Aside from different maturity levels, a significant age gap could lead to legal issues.
Date night expectations: Lay out ground rules for dating. Discuss whether one-on-one dates are appropriate. If they are, your teens should let you know where they’re going, who they’re with, and when they’ll be back when they go out on dates.
Dating safety rules: If your teens are going out with a new partner or someone they’ve just met, you’ll need to establish rules related to safety. These rules may include the types of places they’re allowed to hang out at, how long they should be out, and whether they should be alone with the other person. You may also ask your teens to send you updates on their location or text you from time to time when they’re out.
The level of privacy that’s reasonable: Should your teenager be allowed to close the bedroom door when his or her partner is over? How early into the relationship would you like to meet that special someone? Should you be checking your teen’s messages? Discuss a level of privacy that’s reasonable for your teenager’s age and the current stage of dating.

Work on creating these rules with your teen, listening to and incorporating their input where possible.

It’s also a good idea to give your teens some autonomy to decide on the boundaries and consequences for breaking them.

Tip #2: Set and respect boundaries

Setting boundaries is the key to a healthy relationship. Here are some examples of the different types of boundaries to discuss with your teens:

Physical: Your teens might not be comfortable with certain types of physical touch. These may include holding hands, kissing, or hugging. Perhaps they don’t want to be touched in certain areas. These are important boundaries to have in a relationship.
Sexual: You can discuss your family’s values and principles related to sex. Encourage your teens to think about what they’re comfortable with based on their values and beliefs. Sexual intimacy can leave teenagers feeling vulnerable. So it’s vital to speak about boundaries to prevent premature sexual intimacy.
Emotional: Emotional boundaries help your teens navigate big emotions in a relationship. For instance, your teen may want space and time to cool off before resolving a conflict. Breakups and serious conversations shouldn’t be done over text. And neither party should take out their frustrations on the other. While these might seem like common sense, they are concerns to talk about.
Privacy and personal space: Is your teen’s partner allowed to stay over at your house? Should they be exchanging passwords or looking at each other’s messages?
Financial: How much is your teen comfortable spending on dates? Should both partners take turns paying for meals?

Encourage your teenager to talk openly with their partner from the start. They should both be clear about what they’re okay with and what they’re not.

Also, remind your teens that respect goes both ways. Let them know it’s important to respect their partner’s boundaries.

Tip #3: Don’t take online safety for granted

Connecting with potential love interests online, either through mutual friends on social media or DM-ing someone in your social network, has many risks associated with it.

Your teens should know how to protect themselves online, especially when talking to new people.

There should be clear rules and boundaries for using dating apps for teens under 18.

Here are some pieces of advice to share with your teens:

Sexting and sending nudes is very dangerous, even more so for teens. Don’t be pressured into sending messages or pictures you’re uncomfortable with. Leaked nudes are becoming an increasingly common occurrence.
Remember that what you post stays online. As a rule of thumb, only post updates or photos you’d be comfortable showing your teacher or grandmother.
People might not be who they say they are. Be cautious about trusting new people with your personal information, like your name, address, or school.
Be extra careful if you wish to meet up with the person. Inform either parent beforehand, and meet in a public place. You should tell either parent your entire itinerary and provide regular location or text updates during the date.

Here’s a resource with expert tips for online safety that you can share with your teen.

Telling your teenager to completely avoid social media or talking to people online is impossible. Sometimes, online friendships can bloom into romance. So discuss ground rules as early as possible and stay updated on the apps your teens are using.

Tip #4: Don’t lose sight of your priorities

As a teenager, juggling school, family, extracurricular activities, and relationships can be tricky.

This doesn’t mean teenagers shouldn’t spend time with their partners or go on date nights. But certain rules and boundaries can help them manage their time and energy better.

Some aspects to consider include the following:

Whether they should complete their schoolwork and chores before going out
How much time they should reserve for family dinners or outings
How many days or nights a week they’re allowed to go out
What their curfew is for date nights

Dealing with breakups

Teenagers are still figuring out how to handle big feelings, so breakups can be tough on them.

Your teens might not break the news to you that they’ve ended things with their partner. So look for signs of a breakup.

These may include a change in your teenager’s daily mood, eating habits, school performance, and sleeping routine.

He or she might also withdraw from friends or family members and stop doing activities they used to enjoy.

When your teens are ready to talk about it, there are various ways you can support them, including the following:

Don’t minimize their emotions. Validate their big feelings. Try to make yourself available when your teens need you, and create a non-judgemental space for them to share their experiences.
Listen to them when they’re ready to talk. Don’t interrupt, nag, or make negative remarks like “I told you so” or “It’s not a big deal.” Put away all distractions when your teens are speaking.
Do things that make your teens feel loved. You can sit by them as they watch their favorite movie or you can cook their favorite meal for them.
Encourage them to get support from trusted friends. Your teens might not feel comfortable sharing every single detail with you, and that’s okay.

While breakups are painful, they can be a valuable opportunity for your teenagers to learn how to deal with sadness, anger, and rejection.

Conclusion

Talking about romance, love, and sex with your teens can be awkward. But these aren’t one-and-done conversations.

This is new territory for both you and your teens. Things like rules, boundaries, values, and opinions will change over time. So it’s perfectly normal to revisit these discussions.

With the right approach, you’ll be a safe place your teens will go to in order to get dating advice and emotional support.

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