Daniel Wong, Author at Daniel Wong

15 Ways to Overcome Smartphone Addiction

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 43 Comments

Nomophobia is short for “no-mobile-phone phobia.”

It’s the fear of being away from your smartphone.

As you might expect, it’s on the rise.

87% of young adults say their smartphone never leaves their side, while 80% of smartphone users check their phone within 15 minutes of waking up.

Smartphone addiction is becoming a big problem. Here are some signs of addiction:

You frequently use your phone at mealtimes.
You spend more time on your phone than interacting with others in person.
You frequently use your phone when you know you should be doing something else more productive.
You frequently use your phone while performing tasks that require focus, such as completing an assignment, writing a report, or driving.
You feel uncomfortable when your phone isn’t with you.
You sometimes check your phone in the middle of the night.

Are you an addict, or do you know someone who is?

No matter how mild or severe the addiction is, here are 15 ways to help you overcome it.

If you implement the tips, I guarantee that you’ll break this habit.

Here are the 15 tips:

1. Turn off notifications.

Many people get distracted by the endless notifications they receive from Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Spotify, and other apps.

You don’t need to know right away if someone “likes” your status update, follows you on Instagram, or sends you an email.

The more often you check your phone, the more it becomes an ingrained habit. So turn off your notifications and you’ll feel less compelled to use your phone.

The only apps for which you don’t turn off notifications might be your text messaging app and your calendar app. This is because sometimes you’re urgently waiting for a text, or your calendar app notifications keep you on schedule.

2. When you feel the urge to check your phone, close your eyes and take a deep breath.

You are reading a set of notes or writing a report. All of a sudden, you feel an overwhelming urge to take out your phone and check your Facebook news feed.

You give in to the urge. You look through your friend’s latest vacation photos and comment on three of them. Next, you read a long article about the hidden lives of supermodels. Then you watch one cat video and one baby video.

Before you know it, 20 minutes have passed – when you only intended to take a 3-minute break.

Sound familiar?

The urge to check your phone comes in waves. If you hold out for just a few seconds, the urge will pass. You’ll then be able to get back to work.

Here’s what I recommend: When you feel like you just have to check your phone, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Inhale for three seconds, and exhale for three seconds. The urge will usually disappear.

If the urge is still there, take another deep breath. You should then have the willpower to return to your original task.

This is a simple but powerful technique to help you break your smartphone addiction.

3. Delete all the social media apps on your phone.

This sounds like a drastic measure, but it isn’t.

You’ll still be able to access social media sites through your phone’s Internet browser.

Almost all social media apps can be accessed through their mobile-friendly websites instead.

Sure, the mobile web experience isn’t as seamless as the app experience. But it’s good enough to satisfy your occasional social media craving.

Plus, the extra step of opening your Internet browser app and typing in the site’s URL adds inconvenience to the process. This will deter you from mindlessly checking your social media updates.

I challenge you to go one step further: Delete every single game on your phone. You’ll become a more productive person as a result.

4. Delete all the apps you don’t use.

This will help you remove the clutter from your phone, and reduce the time you spend “exploring” your apps. As such, you’ll be that much closer to overcoming your smartphone addiction.

Deleting your unused – or little-used – apps also frees up storage space, and improves your phone’s battery life and performance.

5. Set specific boundaries for smartphone usage.

Telling yourself that you should “use your phone less” isn’t effective, because that phrase is too general. To limit your phone usage, set specific boundaries instead.

Here are some possible boundaries:

No phone usage at mealtimes
No phone usage in the restroom
No phone usage at social events
No phone usage during in-person conversations
No phone usage in the bedroom

Start with an easy one, and add one a month. Over time, you’ll see a huge difference in your phone usage patterns.

6. Mute your group chats.

I’ve muted all my Whatsapp group chats except my family group chat. This way, I don’t get bombarded by messages throughout the day.

If you’re like most people, the messages you receive from your group chats aren’t time-sensitive. So it’s fine if you only read through the messages a few times a day.

Besides, muting your group chats is a more polite alternative to suddenly leaving the groups.

7. Archive your inactive chats.

Smartphone users often scroll through dozens of chats before they find the one they’re looking for. In the long run, this wastes a lot of time.

What’s the alternative?

Archive your inactive chats.

If the conversation has ended, archive it. If you currently have hundreds of chats in your messaging app’s home screen, take 10 minutes to go through them and archive the inactive ones.

It will be 10 minutes well spent!

(If you prefer, you can delete your inactive chats instead of archiving them. Note that if you delete a chat, you’ll lose the chat history. But if you archive a chat, the chat history will remain.)

After you’ve completed this process, you’ll probably be left with 5 to 10 active chats in your messaging app’s home screen. This will make it easier for you to find the chats you’re looking for. It will also reduce the clutter in your phone, so you’ll be more organized.

As such, you’ll spend less time processing your text messages, which will help you overcome your smartphone addiction.

8. Reply to text messages just three times a day.

Apart from urgent text messages from family and close friends, don’t reply immediately. I know the temptation to reply right away is great, but you must resist it.

Why?

Because it’s more efficient to reply to text messages in batches, rather than one at a time.

I recommend replying to messages once in the morning, once in the afternoon, and once at night. This will save you time on the whole, and will prevent you from compulsively checking your phone for messages to reply to.

This is in line with the bigger goal: removing your dependence on and addiction to your smartphone.

9. Turn off your phone before going to bed.

Turn off your phone before going to bed, and leave it to charge outside your bedroom. It can be tempting to use your phone in the middle of the night, but you won’t if it takes too much effort to even get to your phone.

If you follow my recommendation, you’ll need to walk out of your room in a half-awake state. Next, you’ll need to wait 30 seconds for your phone to boot up. So you’ll probably just go back to sleep instead – which is what you ought to do anyway.

I can almost hear you saying, “I can’t do this, Daniel. I use my phone as an alarm clock. If my phone is outside my bedroom, I won’t hear the alarm in the morning.”

If that’s you, read on to Tip #10 for the solution.

10. Use an actual alarm clock.

It seems like everyone uses their phone as an alarm clock, right? Well, you can be different and use an actual alarm clock instead.

This way, you’ll have no excuse not to practice Tip #9. Which means you’ll also be on your way to fighting off your smartphone addiction.

11. Before you start work, put your phone at least 10 feet away from you.

Better still, put your phone outside the room where you plan to work. To eliminate temptation completely, turn your phone off – or at least to airplane mode.

Erik Altmann, a professor of psychology at Michigan State University, found that an interruption of just 2.7 seconds doubles your error rate at work.

So use Tip #11 and you’ll get your work done faster and better.

12. Use apps to track and restrict your smartphone usage.

These apps run in the background, so they won’t distract you.

Here’s a handy app to try out:

RescueTime (Android and iOS). This app helps you understand your phone usage patterns, so you’ll know how to become more productive. It gives you a detailed breakdown of how much time you spend using different apps.

13. Wear a watch so you don’t need to check your phone for the time.

You probably use your phone to tell the time. But I’m sure this has happened to you before …

You glance at your phone to see what time it is. As you do this, you see a flood of Facebook notifications and text messages. You start going through them, and in the blink of an eye 15 minutes have gone by.

And all you wanted to do was take two seconds to check the time.

What’s one way to prevent this from happening?

Wear a watch. It’s that simple, really.

14. Tell others about your decision and enlist their help.

If you tell others about your decision to break your smartphone addiction and ask for their help, you’re more likely to succeed.

Here are a few ways you can do that:

Inform your friends and family about your decision, and ask them to check in with you once a week.
Before you get down to work, give your phone to a trusted friend or family member.
Tell your friend that every time you don’t stick to your plan, you’ll give her $10.
Find a friend who’s also addicted to his smartphone, and persuade him to join you in breaking the habit.

15. Lock your phone with an annoyingly long password.

Most people set a short password so they can unlock their phone quickly. But if you want to reduce your smartphone addiction, set a long password instead.

Make it at least 15 characters long, and include symbols and uppercase letters. (You can set this type of password for both Android phones and iPhones.)

The inconvenience of unlocking your phone means that you won’t use your phone mindlessly.

The bottom line

Smartphones are meant to help us lead better and more productive lives. But when we succumb to smartphone addiction, we become slaves to our phone. This affects our relationships, work, and life.

By applying the 15 tips in this article, this won’t happen. In addition, we’ll have more time and energy to build meaningful relationships, serve others, and make a contribution to our community.

All because our eyes aren’t continually glued to a small, glowing screen.

So let’s get to work eliminating our over-reliance on our phones. The world is counting on us.

P.S. I work with students 1-to-1 to help them overcome their smartphone and gaming addictions. In addition, I empower them to become both happy and successful. Click here to find out more about the program.

An earlier version of this article first appeared on Yahoo!.

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Images: Smartphone addiction, Boundary, No mobile phone, Digital watch

How to Deal With a Defiant Child: 10 Strategies That Work

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 13 Comments

Give yourself a pat on the back.

Parenthood is tough, and you’re doing the best you can.

You thought the worst was over when you no longer had to deal with dirty diapers, multiple middle-of-the-night wakings, and temper tantrums.

But it seems like the worst isn’t over. In the blink of an eye, you now have a defiant child on your hands.

He talks back to you. He disobeys you. He doesn’t pay attention in class. He refuses to do his homework.

Maybe the situation is more serious than that. Maybe he’s hanging out with bad company, or maybe he’s started smoking or drinking.

You’ve tried everything, but things haven’t improved. But rest assured that there’s hope, because the situation can get better.

Having mentored many rebellious, defiant children, I’ve come up with a list of 10 strategies that work…

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1. When you’re angry, walk away temporarily.

It’s reasonable to get angry when your child is rude or disrespectful. But if you’re on the brink of losing control of your emotions, walk away.

Tell your child that you’re angry, and that you’ll address the situation later. This way, you won’t say or do anything you’ll regret later on.

Take 10 to 15 minutes to collect your thoughts and decide on an appropriate response. When you’ve calmed down – by that time, your child will be calmer too – start the discussion afresh.

2. Nag/scold less, and listen more.

Tweens and teens complain to me that their parents just don’t listen to them. When they try to explain their point of view, their parents often respond by saying:

“Don’t argue with me.”
“I know what’s best for you.”
“When I was your age …”
“Why are you being so difficult?”
“When you grow up, you’ll understand …”

These responses cause children to become even more defiant.

Instead of nagging and scolding, trying really listening. Ask your child about her thoughts and opinions. Ask her how she feels. Ask her what she thinks you can do to be a better parent.

Then listen without judging or criticizing.

Gradually, you’ll get to the root of her rebellious behavior.

For a start, I recommend that you have 30 minutes of no nagging/scolding time every day. This could be the first 30 minutes after your child wakes up, or during dinner.

In this way, you’ll learn to kick your nagging/scolding habit and create a more pleasant home environment.

3. Acknowledge your child’s good behavior.

If you have a defiant child, you may feel like this is impossible to do. After all, it seems like she’s making unwise decisions and behaving irresponsibly every single day, right?

But the more you focus on a specific behavior, the more she’ll display that behavior.

If you point out her bad behavior day after day, that bad behavior will multiply. On the other hand, if you acknowledge her good behavior, that good behavior will multiply too.

For example, if you see her doing something thoughtful, smile at her and say, “That’s thoughtful of you.” She’ll appreciate this little compliment more than you expect.

As you make this a habit, over time she’ll stop feeling as if she’s a “problem child.” Instead, she’ll feel like she has a good reputation to live up to, so she’ll increasingly be on her best behavior.

4. Pick your battles.

Take a minute and write down five things you frequently argue with your child about.

Are they important issues? Or not-so-important ones?

If your child is skipping school or doing drugs, of course you should intervene.

But if you don’t like your child’s hairstyle or choice of clothes, you might be wise not to pass a comment.

Not all battles are worth fighting. In dealing with a defiant child, you must pick your battles carefully.

Here’s a personal example.

When I was 17, I wanted to get my ear pierced. When I told my parents about my intentions, they weren’t thrilled. Nonetheless, they gave me their blessing, so I got the piercing.

Later on, I got a minor (but painful!) infection because of the piercing. Still, my parents never once said, “I told you so.” They didn’t even object when I wore a big, shiny, fake diamond earring to a relative’s wedding dinner.

Well, what do you know? A couple of years later, I decided it wasn’t cool to wear an earring, and I haven’t worn an earring since.

I’m thankful to my parents for choosing not to fight this “earring battle,” because it wasn’t a big deal in the long run.

Be intentional about which battles you decide to fight. And when you decide to fight a specific battle, make it clear that you’re not doing battle against your child. Rather, you’re doing battle with your child to solve the problem.

Which brings me to the next point …

5. Work together with your child to find a solution.

As a parent, it’s tempting to exert your parental authority and “lay down the law.” This is even more so when your defiant child refuses to respect you as the leader of your family.

But laying down the law doesn’t work, especially if your child is a tween or teen. This is because, at this age, they’re learning to express their individuality and independence.

What’s the alternative to a top-down approach?

Involve your child in the process. Find out how he feels about the current situation, and what suggestions he has to resolve it. For all you know, he might have some ingenious ideas.

For example, if you’re frustrated that your child has been missing family dinners because he’s been out with friends, have a calm discussion with him.

He might share with you how important family is to him, but how his friends are important to him too. Together, you might decide on a reasonable number of family dinners he’s expected to attend each week.

Working together with your child to find a solution is far more effective than declaring that he’ll attend every family dinner, or else.

6. Tell your child what you appreciate about him or her.

When’s the last time you told your child that you appreciate her?

Even if she’s a defiant child, she still possesses some positive traits. If she’s kind and courageous, let her know that you admire those things about her.

By doing this, she’ll be reminded of your unconditional acceptance and love. This will help to open the lines of communication, which will defuse her rebellious behavior.

If you feel awkward about doing this in person, you could write her a letter instead. My own mom has been writing letters to me my whole life – and she’s continued this practice up to this day. I feel touched every time she writes me a letter, and I keep all of them.

7. Show your child common courtesies.

By this, I do not mean that you should let your child walk all over you, or that you should make him the center of your family’s universe.

What I do mean is that you should treat him with basic respect:

Say “please” and “thank you,” where appropriate
Don’t cut him off when he’s talking
Refrain from continually criticizing him
Give him choices, where appropriate
Don’t call him “stupid” or “useless”
Don’t talk bad about him, especially not in front of others

As you treat your child with respect, he’ll be more likely to show you respect too.

8. Apologize to your child, if necessary.

As parents, we sometimes lose our temper, say unkind things, and make unreasonable pronouncements. If you have a defiant child, this probably happens a lot more often than you’d like.

When we make a mistake, we must apologize.

Leaders go first. As leaders of our family, we must be the first to say “I’m sorry” to our children. In so doing, our children will learn what it means to be humble and vulnerable.

Here’s how you can practice this.

List the mistakes you’ve made that you have yet to apologize to your child for. Write them down, even if the incidents happened a long time ago.

Then start making one apology a month.

What do I mean?

Every month, find one opportunity to say “I’m sorry” to your child for something you haven’t apologized for. For example, when you have a quiet moment alone with her, you could say: “Remember that time when I promised to take you to the theme park after your exams, but I couldn’t because something came up at work? I’m really sorry about that.”

This “one apology a month” technique will help you build a stronger relationship with your child. As this happens, she’ll become less rebellious.

9. Get to know your child’s friends, especially if you think they’re “bad company.”

Your child probably has some friends you don’t approve of. Maybe they use vulgarities, smoke, or skip school.

In such a situation, many parents will say to the child, “I don’t like you hanging out with those friends.”

But do you think this is effective? Probably not. In all likelihood, he’ll spend more time with those friends, just to go against your wishes.

Try this approach instead.

Get to know your child’s friends. Invite them to your home. Feed them (who doesn’t like free food, right?). Tell them that they’re welcome to hang out at your place.

The more you interact with these friends, the more accurately you’ll be able to assess if they’re bad company or not. You can then make a better-informed decision about whether you should intervene.

In addition, by hanging out at your home, at least they won’t be roaming the streets looking for trouble.

10. Don’t cast judgment on your child’s hobbies, interests, music, etc.

Tweens and teens – especially the ones labeled as “defiant” or “rebellious” – often feel like they’re treated as a problem, not a person. They feel like everyone around them is trying to “fix” them, so they react by rebelling even more aggressively.

To reconnect with your child, refrain from casting judgment, as far as possible. After all, nobody gets inspired to change their behavior if they feel judged.

Here are some examples of judgmental statements you shouldn’t make:

“Stop wasting time playing online games.” (You’ve cast judgment that online games are a waste of time.)
“The music you listen to is trashy.” (You’ve cast judgment on your child’s taste in music.)
“Your friends are a bad influence on you.” (You’ve cast judgment on your child’s ability to choose the right friends.)
“You’re lazy when it comes to your school work.” (You’ve cast judgment on your child’s character.)
“You should eat more. You’re too skinny.” (You’ve cast judgment on your child’s body.)

Here’s how you might start a more meaningful conversation in each of the situations listed above:

“Tell me more about the game you’re playing.” (It might even help if you play the game yourself.)
“What do you like about this music?”
“What do your friends do for fun?”
“Is there anything I can do to help you in your school work?”
“What type of food do you like best? We can try to cook more of that type of food at home.”

By being more understanding and less judgmental, you’ll establish a better relationship with your child.

As the saying goes, “Rules without relationship breeds rebellion.”

If you want your child to be less defiant and rebellious, your parent-child relationship is the critical piece of the puzzle.

The bottom line

To recap, here are the 10 strategies to deal with a defiant child:

When you’re angry, walk away temporarily.
Nag/scold less, and listen more.
Acknowledge your child’s good behavior.
Pick your battles.
Work together with your child to find a solution.
Tell your child what you appreciate about him or her.
Show your child common courtesies.
Apologize to your child, if necessary.
Get to know your child’s friends, especially if you think they’re “bad company.”
Don’t cast judgment on your child’s hobbies, interests, music, etc.

I guarantee that these strategies work. But they won’t work overnight.

Change takes time, so don’t be discouraged if your child doesn’t respond right away. Press on, and in the coming weeks and months I’m confident that the situation will improve.

I love this quote by Harold B. Lee: “The most important work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes.”

It’s time for us to get to work.

P.S. I work with students 1-to-1 to help them become both happy and successful. Click here to find out more.

An earlier version of this article first appeared on Yahoo!.

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

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16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

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Images: Defiant child, Boxing gloves, Sorry note

6 Things Happy and Effective Parents Say “No” To

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 20 Comments

As a parent, does it sometimes feel like your to-do list is never-ending?

You have so many responsibilities to fulfill, chores to complete, and errands to run.

Through my work, I interact with lots of parents. Sadly, it seems like many parents are overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle of life, and have lost the joy of parenthood.

In this article, I’ll share with you six things to say “no” to as a parent. When you say “no” to these things, I’m confident that you’ll become a happier – and more effective – parent.

Here they are…

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1. Say “no” to perfection

Do you strive for perfection?

Some parents hold on to these ideals – and some even try to achieve them all at once:

They should never lose their temper.
They should always be cheerful.
Their home should be neat and clean all the time.
They should be involved in charity work and in serving the community.
They should have an active social life.
Their children should be well-behaved.
Their children should perform well in school.
Their children should excel in their co-curricular activities.

Don’t get me wrong. We should set goals in the different areas of our lives. And yes, we should develop ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally.

But we must also accept that we’re not perfect.

Let’s be kind to ourselves. Let’s not hold ourselves to unattainable standards. Let’s say “no” to perfection, and instead say “yes” to progress.

2. Say “no” to over-scheduling your children’s lives

Every parent wants their children to maximize their potential.

Wouldn’t it be a waste if your child had musical or artistic talent, but never took music or art lessons?

But this mindset can become too extreme.

I’ve worked with students who participate in three co-curricular activities, as well as music and dance lessons. This is on top of their other academic enrichment classes.

Talk about being scarily busy!

Childhood and adolescence are times of intense growth and development. But for optimal growth and development, children need time to think, dream, reflect and rest.

It’s almost impossible to do this when they’re rushing from lesson to lesson and activity to activity.

What’s more, parents of these children often spend most of their weekends sending their children to the various enrichment classes. As such, these families don’t spend much quality time together.

I’ve worked with some families that don’t even have any regular family time at all.

So I encourage you not to register your children for more than one music-/art-related activity and one sports-related activity. This way, everyone in the home will be happier and less stressed.

3. Say “no” to comparing your children with others

I’m a parent myself, so I know this is easier said than done.

But at some level, we realize that there will always be children who are smarter, more talented, more athletic, and more hardworking than our children.

Of course, you should encourage your children to adopt the right attitude and to cultivate a strong work ethic. But you, too, must do your best not to compare them with other children – especially not in front of them.

Making comparisons will cause your children to feel hurt. They may start to believe that your love for them is conditional.

Your children need to know that you love them the same, no matter how well-behaved they are, no matter what grades they get, and no matter how many awards or medals they win.

To help you say “no” to making comparisons, ask yourself if you’re hanging out with “bad” company. Do your friends (who are also parents) frequently make comparisons? Are they overly competitive? Do they make you feel afraid of losing out?

If your friends aren’t a good influence, minimize your contact with them. Find new friends who will spur you on to become a better, more joyful parent.

4. Say “no” to comparing yourself with other parents

I’m sure you know some parents who seem to have it all.

They have a thriving marriage and career. They have great kids. They’re energetic and cheerful. And they own a nicer house and car than you.

With both envy and curiosity, you wonder: How do they do it?

Comparing yourself with other parents is unhealthy, just as comparing your children with others is unhealthy. By comparing yourself with people who seem to have the perfect life, you’ll begin to feel dissatisfied with your own life.

Envy is the enemy of gratitude. And gratitude is a key factor that leads to long-term happiness and success.

When you make comparisons, you can’t focus on all that you have to be thankful for: your family, your friends, your health, your job, and the many comforts you enjoy on a daily basis.

We must all decide to run our own race. In this race, the aim isn’t to finish first. It’s to finish well.

Finishing well is about serving others, making a contribution, establishing meaningful relationships, and building a home that’s filled with warmth and love.

Finishing well doesn’t require a huge amount of wealth, nor does it require you to have a “perfect” life.

What’s the first step to finishing well? Say “no” to comparing yourself with other parents.

5. Say “no” to being overprotective of your children

I’ve interacted with countless students who don’t understand that choices lead to consequences.

Why don’t they grasp this reality of life?

Because throughout their lives, their parents have sheltered them from negative consequences:

When they forget to bring their homework to school, their parents drop it off later that day.
When they get in trouble with their teacher, their parents prevent them from getting punished.
When they don’t get into the co-curricular activity or club they want, their parents intervene.
When they wake up late for school, their parents write a note to excuse them.

These are just a few examples of how well-intentioned parents prevent their children from learning responsibility. Overprotective parents raise children who are ill-prepared for the “real world,” where you’re forced to bear the consequences of your actions.

So as parents, let’s allow our children to make mistakes. Let’s allow them to face challenges, to fail, to overcome setbacks. In so doing, they’ll become more independent and resilient.

(Of course, if they’re in physical danger, we should step in.)

It’s heartbreaking to watch our children fall, both in a literal and figurative way. But if we don’t let them fall when they’re kids or teenagers, they might never learn to get up on their own.

And as Victor Kiam once noted, “Even if you fall on your face, you’re still moving forward.”

6. Say “no” to putting your own needs last

Without a doubt, parenthood involves sacrifice. A lot of it.

In fact, when I became a first-time parent, my mum told me that parenthood can be summed up in one word: sacrifice.

But it’s unwise to continually put our needs last, because we’ll eventually burn out.

As the saying goes, we can’t give away what we don’t already have. If we want to share joy, happiness, kindness and love with those around us, we must first have those things inside of us.

How do we ensure this?

By taking care of our needs:

Making time to catch up with close friends
Having a weekly or fortnightly date with our spouse
Spending some alone time every day to think and reflect
Making sleep and exercise a priority
Asking for help when necessary

When we do these things, we’ll be recharged and re-energized. We’ll be better parents too.

The bottom line

Saying “no” is hard, especially when it comes to the six things mentioned in this article.

But as you intentionally put these tips into practice, you’ll have the time and energy for the truly meaningful things in life.

So start saying “no” today, and watch as you become a happier, more effective parent.

An earlier version of this article first appeared on Yahoo!.

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

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16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

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Images: Say No, Apples & Oranges

Want To Be a Successful Student? Say These 10 Things Every Day

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 62 Comments

Do you want to be a successful student?

Or if you’re a parent, do you want that for your children?

There’s no way to avoid the hard work that’s involved.

But becoming a successful student isn’t only about doing more. It’s also about saying the right things.

Here’s why.

By being intentional about the things you say to yourself and others, you’ll cultivate a success mindset. Only then will you find the intrinsic motivation to take consistent action.

And that’s what leads to success.

So, to be a successful student, say these 10 things every day:

1. “My goal is progress, not perfection.”

Nobody’s perfect.

It’s impossible to get perfect grades, to have the perfect body, or to have the perfect social life. If your goal is perfection, you’ll become disappointed and disillusioned.

I’ve worked with students who are perfectionists. Several of them cut their wrists, suffer from eating disorders, or have suicidal thoughts.

That’s scary, I know.

Not all perfectionists have such serious psychological problems, but perfectionism is dangerous. In addition, perfectionists often experience performance anxiety, which affects their grades.

The better alternative is to focus on progress, not perfection. Progress is about developing and improving, just a little bit each day.

To become a successful student, concentrate on the process and try to forget about the outcome. As the research shows, you’ll actually achieve a better outcome using this strategy.

2. “This is hard. This is FUN.”

When faced with a problem, successful students say to themselves, “This is hard. This is fun.”

In contrast, not-so-successful students say, “This is hard. I want to do something else.”

Successful students see challenges as opportunities to learn and grow, so they embrace these opportunities.

Not-so-successful students, however, see challenges as obstacles. They fear challenges, because they worry about what other people will think if they fail.

Challenges are an integral part of the success journey. When you face challenges head-on, you grow as a person. So the important thing is that you give your best effort and build mental strength in the process.

3. “How can I contribute?”

Success is less about achievements and more about contribution. People who lead meaningful, significant lives serve others and create value for them.

This principle applies in various settings: at work, in business, in the community, and at home.

To be a successful student, find a way to contribute in every situation.

Recognize that the main point of education isn’t to get good grades or to rack up accomplishments. Instead, it’s to acquire skills and knowledge, so that you’ll be equipped to make a bigger impact in the world.

4. “What did I learn today?”

This question applies to your academics, and to everything you learn outside the classroom too.

I’ve recently formed this habit: Immediately after every significant event or conversation, I take one minute to write down what I’ve learned.

This habit has allowed me to gain wisdom and insight that would have otherwise slipped away. It’s also made me more aware of the learning opportunities that abound.

You really can learn something from every lesson, talk, article, conversation, and discussion.

The Greek philosopher, Socrates, once said: “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

I know, it isn’t easy to make the time to reflect.

With the constant barrage of text messages and social media updates, there’s just so much “noise” to sift through… every day, and even every hour.

But learning to think – really think – and reflect is a critical skill for students to acquire.

Start by asking this question: “What did I learn today?”

5. “What do I have to be thankful for?”

As a student, I complained about a lot of things:

Boring teachers
Annoying classmates
Unreasonable school rules
Too much homework
Too little time
Too much pressure
Too many tests

The list goes on.

In hindsight, my student life wasn’t that bad. I just had a bad attitude.

If you look hard enough, you’ll find something to complain about. But if you look for things you have to be thankful for, you’ll also find what you’re looking for. It’s just a matter of training your mind to see the good in any situation.

Successful students tend to be positive and optimistic. They don’t ignore their problems and frustrations. Rather, they intentionally focus on what they can do to effect change.

The first step to becoming a more positive person is to cultivate a spirit of gratitude.

How can you do this in a practical way?

Start a “gratitude journal,” where you write down one thing you’re thankful for every day.

I began doing this eight years ago, and it’s made me a much more appreciative person. Studies show that grateful people tend to be happier and more successful. So start a “gratitude journal” today, and you’ll be on the path to success.

6. “I refuse to blame others.”

When I was a student, I used to blame other people for every problem I was experiencing. This made me angsty and disgruntled.

Don’t follow my example.

Successful students take full responsibility for their education and their life.

So regardless of what problems you’re dealing with, don’t blame your teachers, parents or friends. Don’t expect others to bail you out when you get into trouble, because life is all about choices and consequences.

By taking full responsibility for your life, you’ll concentrate on taking productive action to improve your situation. This will prevent you from wasting time complaining about how unfair life is.

7. “What is one thing I can do to improve myself?”

As mentioned earlier, it’s more effective to focus on progress than perfection. Make tangible progress every day by asking yourself, “What is one thing I can do to improve myself?”

In response to that question, you might decide to…

Set specific goals
Learn a new skill
Take an online course
Ask for advice
Find a mentor
Overcome a fear
Change a bad habit
Start a new project

Whatever area you want to improve in, break it down into bite-sized pieces. For example, if you want to become better at public speaking, you could read a book on the subject or volunteer to do a five-minute presentation.

Don’t try to do too much at one go, because you’ll end up feeling overwhelmed.

Remember: If you improve by just 1% each day, after 70 days you’ll be twice as good as when you first started.

8. “My mistakes and failures do not define me.”

What do Albert Einstein, Mother Teresa, Michael Jordan and Steve Jobs have in common?

They’re considered successful. They also failed countless times on their way to success.

As the saying goes, “It takes 10 years to become an overnight success.” So when you hear about successful people, remember that it took years – or even decades – of persistence for them to get to where they are.

Successful students don’t see their achievements or failures as measures of their self-worth. Instead, they see those things merely as feedback.

If you get an “A” on a test, don’t brag about it; just take note of what you did to get that “A” and take similar steps in the future. Likewise, if you do badly on a test, don’t condemn yourself as a failure; just change your strategy going forward.

As Zig Ziglar once said, “Failure is an event, not a person.” To become a successful student, you must embrace this truth.

Education is about learning, growing and improving – not about achieving an impressive class rank or GPA. Remind yourself that your mistakes and failures do not define you. This belief will set you on the path of enduring success.

9. “I will do what other people aren’t willing to.”

Here are some things that many successful students do, which other students aren’t willing to:

Delete all the games on their phone to eliminate distractions
Turn their phone to airplane mode when they’re studying, so they won’t be interrupted by text messages
Regularly update their to-do list and calendar
Get eight hours of sleep every night
Exercise at least three times a week
Do daily and weekly planning
Have a specific plan to get rid of their bad habits
Make time to reflect
Learn information that’s outside the syllabus

If you want to be a successful student, you’ll need to make sacrifices. It comes down to what you want now, versus what you want most.

What do you want now? To watch YouTube videos, play games on your phone or computer, or watch TV.

But what do you want most? To do well in school, build meaningful relationships, make a difference in the lives of others, and find success and fulfillment.

Don’t let what you want now get in the way of what you want most. Choose to do what other students aren’t willing to.

10. “I will do more than what’s expected of me.”

To be a successful student, you can’t just do enough to “get by.” You can’t coast. You can’t do the things you ought to, only when you “feel” like it.

You must do more than is expected of you…

Doing all the supplementary practice questions; reviewing your textbook readings two more times than you think is necessary; scouring the Internet and the library for resources.

Staying back after class to clarify your doubts with your teacher; taking thorough notes; explaining the concepts to other students if they have questions.

Going the extra mile to serve others; volunteering to take on extra household responsibilities; being active in the community.

Of course, you shouldn’t push yourself to the point of burnout. But you must work hard, and be willing to do more so that you can become a bigger person.

As the saying goes, “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.” Hard work is never wasted, so do more than what’s expected of you.

The bottom line

The words we use affect our thoughts and actions. The words we use profoundly affect our lives.

So say these 10 things every day:

“My goal is progress, not perfection.”
“This is hard. This is fun.”
“How can I contribute?”
“What did I learn today?”
“What do I have to be thankful for?”
“I refuse to blame others.”
“What is one thing I can do to improve myself?”
“My mistakes and failures do not define me.”
“I will do what other people aren’t willing to.”
“I will do more than what’s expected of me.”

When you do this, you’ll be on your way to success and happiness in your student life and beyond.

Why not start today? 🙂

An earlier version of this article first appeared on Yahoo!.

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7 Ways to Get Your Children to Do Their Homework (No Nagging Required!)

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 24 Comments

Getting your children to do their homework is a struggle, isn’t it?

It seems like everything is more important to them than homework.

Online gaming, social media, watching videos, playing sports… the list goes on.

But it doesn’t have to be a struggle.

In this article, I’ll explain 7 powerful ways to get your children to do their homework – no complaining from them and no nagging from you.

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1. Make it clear that it’s their homework, not yours.

Many parents seem to care more about their children’s homework than their children do. As such, the responsibility shifts from the children to the parents.

But this should not be the case.

After all, it’s your children’s homework, not yours.

Help them to understand that their homework is their responsibility. Feel free to provide help or guidance, but you should never do the work for them.

2. Don’t force them to do their homework.

I can almost hear you saying, “But Daniel, if I don’t force my children to do their homework, they won’t do it at all!”

I know where you’re coming from. But if you implement all the tips in this article, I can close to guarantee that your children will do their homework without coercion.

If you threaten or intimidate them, your parent-child relationship will suffer.

And as the saying goes, “Rules without relationship breeds rebellion.”

I’ve worked with more than 15,000 students so far, and I wholeheartedly agree with that saying.

If you impose rules without nurturing the relationship, sooner or later your children will defy you. Power struggles are unhealthy, whether they’re over food, going to school, or homework.

3. Discuss expectations and consequences with them.

Do this at the start of every term or semester. Don’t just impose your own expectations. Instead, have a calm discussion with your children. This will give them a sense of ownership over their homework, and their education.

These are the key things to talk about:

When they’ll do their homework, e.g. the first two hours after they get home from school, after they’ve had 30 minutes to relax
Which privileges will be off-limits until they finish their homework
The consequences if they violate the agreement
“No homework” times, e.g. Friday nights, Sunday morning

During the discussion, be patient and composed. (Easier said than done, I know!)

Remind your children that you’re on the same team as them. You aren’t out to do battle with them.

By adopting this approach, your children will behave more maturely than you expect.

After you’ve all reached an agreement, put everything down in writing. Place the “contract” on the fridge door or some other prominent location in your home, so everyone can refer to it.

4. Don’t micromanage them.

You might be tempted to think that your children will only complete their homework under your supervision.

But it’s possible for them to take full ownership of their homework, such that you don’t need to supervise them at all.

When I was growing up, I don’t recall my parents ever monitoring me or my two siblings as we did our homework.

But we still finished our work and performed well in school.

In addition to Point #3, I’ve found this to be a helpful approach:

Ask your children’s teachers if you can give them a 5-minute phone call once every two months to check on your children’s progress. If the teachers agree to this, inform your children about the arrangement.

Discuss with your children what feedback from the teachers would warrant what kind of consequences.

For example, you might agree that if two or more teachers remark that your children haven’t been submitting their homework on time, then they’ll lose certain privileges. These privileges will only be restored when the feedback improves.

This way, you won’t need to micromanage your children. The pre-agreed consequences will encourage your children to be more responsible. And you won’t have to endure daily homework battles anymore!

5. Create a distraction-free area for homework and studying.

Place this area away from the TV and other distractions. Some families even choose a separate area for everyone to put their phones before bedtime and during homework time. This will prevent your children from being distracted by their phone.

It’s also helpful to establish boundaries, so that your children won’t disturb each other during homework time.

Provide your children with the equipment and materials they need, e.g. table lamp, stationery, desk and chair that are of a suitable size. These will enable your children to concentrate better.

6. Acknowledge their good behavior.

Here’s a rule that applies to all children:

The behavior that you (as a parent) focus on will increase in frequency.

This means that if you acknowledge your children’s good behavior, they’ll display that good behavior more often. But if you nag them about their bad behavior, they’ll display more of that bad behavior in the future.

After all, have you ever successfully nagged your children into changing their bad habits?

Probably not.

So be observant and find opportunities to recognize your children’s good behavior. For example, if you notice that your children did their homework for 30 minutes straight, you could say, “That’s good that you focused on your work for 30 minutes.”

I’m not asking you to shower your children with over-the-top praise. Just acknowledge their good behavior whenever you observe it.

This might seem like an insignificant gesture to you, but it isn’t to them.

7. Do your “homework” at the same time as them.

Show your children that you’re diligent about doing your “homework” too.

When they’re doing their work, you could sort out the family finances or pay the bills. Alternatively, you could read a book, take an online course, or learn a new skill.

Using this strategy, your children will see that homework is important, even as an adult. And you’ll all have more fun when the whole family does their homework together!

The bottom line

Homework is important.

But there are other things that are even more important: Responsibility, persistence, commitment, curiosity, and a love for learning.

Homework is just a tool to reach these larger goals. Keep this in mind the next time you’re on the brink of losing your cool over homework.

As you put the 7 tips into practice, homework time will become more pleasant for both you and your children. Your parent-child relationship will improve, too.

So try out the tips today. What’s there to lose?

An earlier version of this article first appeared on Yahoo!.

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How to Become a Straight-A Student By Following These 7 Rules

Updated on January 5, 2026 By Daniel Wong 254 Comments

In this article, I’ll explain the seven rules I followed to get all A’s in school and how you can become a straight-A student too.

(I’ve since completed my formal education.)

If you take my advice, you’ll get better grades and lead a more balanced life.

But first, here’s some background information about me, to assure you that I have some credibility in writing this article. I don’t say these things to boast, really!

I got 9 A1’s for the GCE O-Levels.
I got 4 A’s for the GCE A-Levels, along with 2 “Special” paper Distinctions and 1 Merit.
I received a full academic scholarship to study at Duke University, which consistently ranks as one of the best universities in the world. I graduated from Duke in 2011.
I did a double major at Duke, and graduated summa cum laude (First Class Honors). My GPA was 3.98/4.0.
Throughout my academic career, I never received a grade lower than an A- at a major exam.

Now, just to be clear…

Do I think I’m a super impressive person because of these achievements? No.

Do I think students should be obsessed about grades? No.

Do I think good grades and having a high GPA are the keys to long-term success? No.

But do I think that grades matter to some extent? Yes.

A strong academic record can open doors for you down the road. More importantly, through the process of becoming a straight-A student, you’ll learn values like hard work, discipline and determination.

These values will serve you well, long after you take your last exam.

So go ahead and pursue academic excellence. Just don’t let it become an unhealthy obsession.

Now that we’re clear on that, we’re ready to find out how to become a straight-A student. Read on to discover many study tips and much more!

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Rule #1: Always have a plan.

Getting straight A’s every time requires a good amount of organisation and planning on your part, so that you’re always prepared to do your best.

(a) As the semester progresses, keep track of key dates: tests and exams, project submission deadlines, term breaks, etc.

Enter these dates into a physical or digital calendar.

If you choose to use a physical calendar, I recommend that you get a management diary. This will allow you to see the week’s events at a glance. The inside of the diary should look like this:

If you choose to use a digital calendar, I recommend Google Calendar.

(b) Schedule a fixed time every week where you review your upcoming events over the next two months. Mark down when you’ll start preparing for that Math exam, working on that History project, or writing that English paper.

(c) Next, note your commitments for the coming week, e.g. extracurricular activities, family gatherings, extra classes. On your calendar, highlight the blocks of time you’ll have for schoolwork.

This planning process might sound time-consuming, but it’ll typically take just 15 minutes every week.

It’s a wise way to manage your time as a student, because the rest of your week will become far more productive.

You’ll be studying smart, not just hard! Efficient habits like these can help you become a straight-A student.

Rule #2: Be organised.

Ever had trouble finding your notes or assignments when you needed them? You probably ended up wasting precious time looking for them, before you finally asked to borrow them from your friend.

Many students tell me that they keep all their notes and assignments in one big pile, and only sort them out before their exams!

Being organised – it’s easier said than done, I know.

So here are just two key areas to focus on:

1. Filing

(a) Get an accordion folder that looks like this:

Bring this folder to school every day.

(b) Assign one section in the folder to each of your subjects. In addition, reserve the section at the front of the folder for your incomplete homework across all subjects. Label each section, e.g. Math, Physics, English, Incomplete Homework (All Subjects).

(c) Every day, place your “incoming” notes and assignments in the correct section, as you receive them. There’s no need to create sub-categories for each subject.

(d) Keep one large binder for each subject. The binder would look something like this:

Leave these binders at home.

This is a simple system that takes 15 minutes a week to implement, but it’ll save you many hours in the long run.

2. Homework

(Thanks to Cal Newport for this one. I started using the system described below years ago; it’s roughly based on his system.)

(a) Keep a homework list. Whenever your teacher assigns a new homework set, add it to your list. You can use a notebook for this purpose, or you can use an app on your phone. (I recommend the Google Keep app, but any note-taking app will do.)

Next to each item on your homework list, write the due date in parentheses.

(b) Every day when you get home from school, refer to your homework list. At the same time, open your calendar. Look for blocks of time in your calendar where you’ll be able to complete each item on your homework list. Prioritise the items that have the most urgent deadline.

(c) At the end of each day, look at your calendar to see if there are any assignments (which have already been converted into appointments) that you’d planned to finish, but weren’t able to. Add those appointments to another day that’s well before the due date.

And that’s how the system works.

I know it seems complicated, but it really isn’t. Try it out for a couple of weeks and you’ll get the hang of it.

Make tweaks to this system if necessary. Everyone is unique, so exactly how to become a straight-A student also depends on your particular strengths and weaknesses.

Rule #3: Take care of your physical health.

Most of the students I work with complain that they’re constantly tired and sleep-deprived.

They can’t focus in class. They daydream. They lack energy and enthusiasm. They frequently fall sick.

Is it possible to be a straight-A student when you’re in this kind of physical state?

Yes… but it’s unlikely.

Physical health is the foundation of academic excellence. To be a straight-A student, you don’t need to have the physique of an Olympic-level athlete. But you do need to take excellent care of your body.

Work on these three areas, and you’ll become a better learner:

1. Sleep

Eight hours of sleep a night is ideal; some people need nine.

If you’re sleeping four, five or six hours a night, you won’t be able to suddenly increase it to eight or more. The jump is too big, and you probably feel like you have too much to do during the day as it is.

So I recommend that you gradually bring forward your bedtime. 10 minutes earlier this week, 20 minutes earlier next week, 30 minutes earlier the week after, and so on, until you get to your target bedtime.

To remind yourself to go to bed on time, set an alarm. When the alarm goes off, start your bedtime routine.

But it’s not just about how much you sleep. How well you sleep matters too.

To improve your sleep quality, use a blue light filter for your phone and your computer.

Next, make your bedroom as dark as possible at night. Put up blackout curtains and remove all light sources.

Turn off all electronic devices in your bedroom before you go to sleep. If, for whatever reason, you need to leave your phone on, turn it to airplane mode. This way, you’ll minimize the cell phone radiation you’re exposed to, and you’ll sleep better.

2. Food

It’s the usual advice:

Eat regular meals.
Drink 8 to 10 glasses of water a day.
Don’t overeat more than once a week.
Restrict your intake of processed foods.
Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables.
Don’t drink sugary drinks.

Do these things and you’ll feel more alert throughout the day. It’s hard to become a straight-A student if you’re always feeling lethargic!

3. Exercise

You’ve heard it before: Exercise at least three times a week, for at least 30 to 45 minutes each time.

Exercise enhances your memory and thinking skills, as proven by research. So make exercise a priority, and you’ll get better grades.

Rule #4: Don’t cram. Instead, use a periodic review system.

People are usually surprised to hear that I’ve never pulled an all-nighter before. As the research shows, cramming is a bad idea.

The more effective approach?

Periodic review, which is also known as a spaced repetition system.

If you periodically review the new information you learn, you’ll move that information from your short-term to your long-term memory. This way, you won’t forget important facts or equations come exam time.

The end result: Less exam stress and anxiety, and a greater likelihood of getting straight A’s.

After much experimentation, I’ve found that the optimal review intervals for most students are as follows:

1 day after learning the new information
3 days after the first review
7 days after the second review
21 days after the third review
30 days after the fourth review
45 days after the fifth review
60 days after the sixth review

By the end of this cycle, the information is almost permanently stored in your long-term memory.

Note that each review is just a review of the key facts and equations, not a full review of the topic. As such, each review only takes 10 to 15 minutes to complete.

This system will save you dozens of hours by maximising your studying efficiency.

Rule #5: Form a homework group.

Here’s why I recommend this.

You’ll run into difficulties while doing your homework, so it’s good to have friends around whom you can turn to for help.

Even if they can’t solve the problem, you can bounce ideas off them. This process can be a fun way to study and motivate everybody in the group.

But if you do your homework alone, you’ll become discouraged more easily when you can’t solve a problem.

Your homework group should consist of three to four people, including you. More people than that and it’ll be distracting.

When it comes to studying, however, you may or may not be better off doing it in a group.

Some students enjoy studying with friends, because there’s a healthy pressure to stay focused. But other students concentrate better when they study alone.

So run your own experiment and decide what works best for you.

Rule #6: Set up a distraction-free study area.

Here are some practical things you can do to make your study session as fruitful as possible:

Install and activate the Freedom app on your computer.
Turn off your phone, and put it at least 10 feet away from your study area.
Keep a clutter-free study area.
Decide when’s the best time to study for you. (Click that link to read my tips, so that you can find a study schedule that works for you.)
Work in 30- to 45-minute blocks. Time your study sessions to help you stay focused.
Give yourself a small reward every time you complete a study session, e.g. eat a fruit, watch a YouTube video, go for a short walk.

On a related note, don’t multitask. You might think that you’re able to watch TV, write an essay, check your Twitter feed, and solve a Math problem – at the same time.

But research shows that multitasking isn’t productive, and may even damage your brain. So focus on one thing at a time, and you’ll be that much closer to becoming a straight-A student.

Rule #7: Clarify your doubts immediately.

Many students wait until a week before the exam to clarify their doubts. This leads to panic and anxiety, a combination that doesn’t result in optimal exam performance.

The alternative is simple: Ask questions. Lots of them.

Getting straight A’s requires that you have a thorough understanding of the material.

If you don’t understand a concept, ask your teacher to explain it again. If you feel shy about raising your hand during class, then approach your teacher after class.

Yes, if you do this consistently, your classmates might label you a “teacher’s pet” or a “brown noser.” There’s always a price to pay when you pursue excellence. Accept this fact and move on.

On a related note, go to class every single day.

Yes, your teachers might be boring. Yes, they might tell lame jokes. Yes, they might speak in a monotone.

But nonetheless, they’ll highlight the important areas to focus on, which will save you time and effort down the line. Furthermore, you’ll probably find it easier to make sense of your teachers’ explanation, than to figure things out on your own.

That’s why borrowing your classmate’s notes isn’t a substitute for attending class.

I’m proud to say that throughout my 17 years of formal education, I only ever skipped one class. ? (That class was a review session on a topic that I’d already studied several times.)

The bottom line

Right now, you might be feeling overwhelmed.

I can almost read your mind: “These rules all sound good, Daniel. But there are just so many habits I need to change as a student. I don’t think I can do it.”

Rest assured that I’m not asking you to put everything into practice all at once. I’m asking you to start with just one tiny change.

If you want to start exercising regularly, don’t set some huge, ambitious goal. Instead, start with a 10-minute walk, once a week. After a month, increase it to 15 minutes. The following month, increase it to 20 minutes, and so on. Eventually, you’ll be exercising three times a week, for 30 minutes each time.

The same principle applies to all seven rules. Focus on one rule at a time, and stick with it until it becomes a habit.

It took me more than 10 years to learn the rules, so don’t rush the process.

One other thing…

I mentioned it earlier, but I think it’s worth repeating: Straight A’s on their own don’t mean much. The process of becoming a straight-A student is what counts.

Learning how to become a straight-A student will teach you valuable skills for the future as well.

As you implement these seven rules, you’ll become more disciplined, organised, responsible, and self-motivated. These traits are vital for long-term success.

So start building the foundations of school success and more – one day at a time, one habit at a time, and one rule at a time.

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free quick action guide below.)

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Are You Too Busy? 4 Ways To Slow Down

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 21 Comments

Too busy

Let me ask you three questions:

Do you often feel like your to-do list is never-ending?
Do you often sacrifice sleep to get things done?
Do you frequently complain about how busy you are?

If you answered “yes” to those questions, you’re busy – probably too busy.

But it doesn’t have to be like this.

The strange reason we ignore the most important things in life

In an era where we’re connected 24/7, the line between work and leisure has become blurred. Even on a Sunday afternoon, you could send that email. You could reply to that text. You could do something “productive.”

But should you?

I face this temptation every time I have a day off. The temptation is even greater because I enjoy my job so much!

And it’s not just me. Through my work with parents – many of whom are busy and stressed out – I know this is a widespread problem.

Author Charles Hummel once observed that the most important things in life are also the most well-mannered. They don’t scream for your attention. They don’t throw a tantrum to force you to take notice.

This explains why we often ignore the things that matter most. They’re just too polite.

In contrast, the urgent things are far less polite. That email from your boss, that phone call, that Facebook message – they’re calling out to you right now. You feel like you can’t ignore it, so you don’t.

That’s how we become busy, by allowing ourselves to be overwhelmed by the urgent.

But there’s a way out.

4 effective ways to stop being so busy

In this article, I’ll discuss four ways to slow down. These tips will enable you to focus on the important instead of the urgent. Ultimately, they’ll help you to build a happier, stronger family.

Here are the four tips:

1. Set clear boundaries.

For instance, you could set a non-negotiable rule that you’ll leave work by 7pm at least three days a week. On these three days, you’ll have dinner together as a family. You might also decide that you absolutely won’t check your work email on Sundays.

Here’s an example from my own life. I do talks and workshops internationally, so my rule is that I’ll never be out of town two weekends in a row.

Take a few minutes and think about some boundaries you could establish for yourself.

At this point, I can almost hear you saying, “Daniel, this sounds nice in theory. But my job requires me to work and travel all the time. I don’t have a choice!”

I sympathize with you, I really do. I used to have a corporate job where I worked long hours, and sometimes weekends too.

But I realize that we always have a choice, even if it doesn’t feel that way.

You could choose to learn more productivity hacks to increase your efficiency. You could choose to talk to your boss about alternative work arrangements. You could choose to look for a new job.

Easier said than done, I know.

But in life, solutions rarely exist. Life is all about tradeoffs.

Ask yourself what tradeoffs you’re currently making. Are you focusing on the urgent things, at the expense of the important things? If you are, it’s time to make adjustments.

2. Create a positive family culture.

This might sound like a tip that’s unrelated to overcoming busyness. So let me explain.

I’ve worked with many people who occupy themselves with all kinds of activities, just so they can avoid being at home.

If your spouse or children choose not to spend much time at home, it could be because your home environment isn’t a pleasant one.

Is your home overflowing with joy, positivity and peace? Or is it full of nagging, criticism and unkind words?

If it’s the latter, take a moment to evaluate your family culture. What’s good and not so good about it? What steps can you take to improve it?

Here are some suggestions:

Say at least one positive thing a day to each person in your family, even if it’s as simple as “have a good day”
Create a new family tradition
Set up an “appreciation board” in your home, where you write down things you’re thankful for
Have a monthly family board game night
Have a weekly family meeting
Develop a family mission statement

Every family member has a part to play in shaping family culture, so create a plan of action today.

As the family culture becomes more loving and supportive, I can close to guarantee that everyone in the family will choose to be less busy outside the home.

3. Stop defining yourself according to your achievements.

For many years, my self-worth was defined by how I performed in school and in my other activities. I was obsessed with doing and achieving more, which caused me to burn out.

As an 18-year-old, I was the vice-captain of the basketball team, and I had basketball practice five days a week. I was also in the Chemistry Olympiad training squad, and I was a member of the Science Research Society. In addition, I was taking three subjects on top of the regular course load, and I was preparing for the SATs.

As you can imagine, I was busy and tired. All the time.

But when I stopped defining myself according to my achievements, I became less busy and tired. And I became happier. I started to care less about my performance, and more about living out my purpose and serving others.

It’s easy to get carried away building our careers or businesses. Of course, we all need to earn a living and provide for our families.

But more than our provisions, our children need our presence.

We need to invest the time to teach and mentor our children, and simply be with them. Our children appreciate this quality time more than the comforts and luxuries we give them.

So if you feel like your identity is based on what you accomplish, take a few minutes to reflect. Ask yourself what your values are, and what matters most to you in the long run. Decide to invest your resources and your life in the things that are of enduring worth.

When you do that, you’ll become less busy.

4. Limit the number of activities your children participate in.

I know far too many families whose weekend routine revolves around chauffeuring their children to and from activities and classes.

Golf lessons. Art class. Music class. Math class. Science class. Tennis lessons. Ballet class. Piano class.

It requires a detailed spreadsheet just to keep track of all these activities!

Not only that, the parents don’t get to rest and recover over the weekend, as they’re constantly running from one place to the next.

Because their children’s lives are overscheduled, these families don’t spend much time together. Things are made even worse if either parent travels extensively for work.

Children benefit from being exposed to a variety of activities and experiences. But they also need time to read, reflect and dream.

How will they be able to do this when their schedules are jam-packed?

Based on my experiences working with students, I’ve found this to be a good guideline:

Children shouldn’t be involved in more than one sports-related activity and one music-/art-related activity. Anything more than this and children will soon become addicted to busyness – or overwhelmed by it.

And children who are addicted to busyness are likely to become adults who are addicted to busyness.

When our children become less busy, we’ll become less busy too.

The bottom line

Busyness is a fact of life.

There will be times when you’ll have a pressing deadline to meet, when you’ll need to work late, or give up sleep to get the job done.

But busyness shouldn’t be a way of life.

If you’re exhausted and stressed, week after week, month after month, year after year… then today’s the day to make a change. If you don’t, there will be long-term consequences for your physical and emotional well-being, and for your relationships too.

So choose one of the four tips and put it into practice. Then work through the other tips over the next few weeks. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it. (I’m going to continue implementing the tips myself!)

After all, everyone outside the home is replaceable.

Not to downplay the importance of work, but CEOs, managers, engineers, designers, technicians and writers (including myself!) are replaceable. If you quit your job today, someone will take over your position tomorrow.

But that’s not the way a family functions.

Every member of the family is irreplaceable. So we must pull our own weight and be actively involved in the home.

Let’s remind ourselves of this as we seek to lead fruitful lives, not busy ones.

Let’s slow down and take the time to build meaningful lives and strong families.

With each other’s support, I know we can do it. 🙂

An earlier version of this article first appeared on Yahoo!.

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