How to Motivate Your Teenager to Do Better in School: 10 Tips Guaranteed to Work

Updated on May 3, 2025 By Daniel Wong 32 Comments

Do you have trouble motivating your children to study?

It’s a common problem that I see in my coaching work with pre-teens and teens.

I notice that many parents approach this problem in the wrong way.

In this article, I’m going to explain 10 principles for motivating children to do well in school.

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How NOT to motivate your teenager to do better in school

The first five items on the list below might be things you’ve done in the past, but there’s no reason to get down on yourself about them.

They’re simply common parenting habits that are born from good intentions, but ultimately are not effective motivational tools.

You can start today to become a better listener, less controlling, and more accepting. Let’s take a look at what to avoid going forward.

1. Don’t annoy your children

One of the keys to motivating your children to work hard is not to annoy them.

This may seem odd at first, as we’re used to parents getting annoyed with children, not vice versa.

But relationships are a two-way street, and parents can also annoy children.

If your children are continually upset with you over things you say or do, they will find it hard to listen to you.

You may have some great wisdom to offer them, but your children won’t be receptive to your advice.

Parents often engage in power struggles with their children. For some of us, these are habits we learned from our own childhoods.

But power struggles with your children consume a lot of energy. And that’s energy that could be spent on something more constructive.

Another habit to avoid is making comments that suggest your child isn’t good enough.

This may be something you’re not aware that you do.

It may be very subtle. For example, take the statement: “You’re improving, but I know you can do better.”

On the surface, it sounds like encouragement. But you’re actually telling your child that he or she isn’t good enough.

Or take a statement that begins: “When I was your age…” These kinds of statements usually involve a comparison that leaves your children feeling bad. So avoid making these types of comments.

Another trap that parents fall into is comparing their children with someone else’s. Parents often hope that these comparisons will inspire their children to do better.

Unfortunately, these comments have the opposite effect.

“I hear that John got A’s in all his subjects the last term” may seem like an innocent remark. But it’s a comparison that leaves your child feeling worse about himself or herself.

This is not the way to motivate your children.

Sometimes, parents try to motivate their children by giving them lectures. But lectures tend to make children feel powerless and resentful.

Instead of lecturing your children, discuss the issue with them and ask them what they think. This is much more effective than lecturing them.

Why?

Because it gets them involved, and makes them part of the solution.

2. Don’t use rewards, punishments, or threats

As a parent, it’s tempting to use rewards, punishments or threats to motivate your children to behave in a certain way.

Research has shown this approach doesn’t work in the long term.

There are three reasons in particular that rewards and punishments are to be avoided.

Firstly, rewards and punishments are bad for your relationship with your children.

They teach your children that they’re loved for what they do and not for who they are. Children who grow up unsure that they’re loved for who they are tend to make poor life choices later on.

Secondly, rewards and punishments may get short-term results, but they ignore the underlying issue: Why is your child not motivated?

It’s much better to address the root cause than to use a band-aid approach of rewards and punishments.

Thirdly, rewards and punishments put your children’s focus entirely on outcomes. Your children’s level of motivation is based on the promise of the reward or the threat of the punishment.

Rewards, punishments and threats don’t teach your children how to develop intrinsic motivation. They don’t cultivate in your children a love of learning.

As mentioned earlier in this article, it’s better to focus on the process and not the outcome. This way, your children will develop self-discipline and a sense of responsibility.

So what should you do instead of using rewards and punishments?

Discuss with your children the joy (and benefits) of learning and studying.

Explain to them that most rewarding careers require an investment of time and effort.

But it’s also important to explain to your children that the process itself is rewarding, even though it will involve sacrifices.

Discuss with your children what their hopes and aspirations are.

Help them to dream big and dare to fail – and model for them how you’re doing the same in your own life.

This approach produces the kind of intrinsic motivation and self-discipline that will last a lifetime.

3. Don’t try to control all of their actions

If you want to motivate your children, they need to feel as if they’re in control of their lives.

Being motivated comes from knowing that you can shape your future through the actions you take today.

But if children feel as if their parents are in complete (or almost complete) control, they will have little motivation.

Some parents hover over their children like a helicopter. They micromanage every last detail of their children’s lives.

The result is that the children never develop a sense that they’re responsible for their education and their lives.

By empowering your children, they’ll develop a sense of autonomy and responsibility.

Talk to your children regularly about expectations and consequences.

As a parent, I’m sure you have expectations of your children. For example, you may expect them to keep their room tidy – and there may be consequences for not doing that.

Learning to be responsible in one area (keeping their room tidy) encourages them to be responsible in other areas of life, such as studying.

With this approach, you still need to be involved in your children’s lives. The difference is that instead of hovering and micromanaging, you create boundaries around your involvement.

For example, you can make it clear to your children that you’re available to answer homework-related questions every weeknight between 8 pm and 9 pm.

This way, your children will develop the ability to motivate themselves. They’ll know that they alone are responsible for making sure their homework gets done.

In contrast, consider children whose parents nag them every day to do their homework. Those children won’t develop the ability to motivate themselves.

4. Don’t obsess over the results; emphasise the process instead

The writer Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “Life is a journey, not a destination.”

This principle applies to study skills and tips as much as it does to life in general.

When motivating your children to do well in school, focus on the process and not the results.

If your children are too focused on results, there’s a danger that when they don’t achieve the results they want, they’ll give up.

What’s more, when we focus only on results, the process becomes a “necessary evil”.

The process becomes something we go through grudgingly because we want a certain result.

But this approach doesn’t encourage a love of learning.

We live in an age when learning is a skill that we need to practise throughout our lives. The world is changing faster than ever before. As such, we all need to be continually learning.

And that’s why it’s important to focus on the process, not the results.

Cultivate in your children a love of learning for its own sake, not just as a means to achieve a goal. At the end of the day, achieving goals is a by-product of the systems and processes that we follow.

For example, as a concert pianist, you may have a goal to play Mozart’s Piano Concerto No. 15 in B-flat major without making a single mistake.

The system or process that makes it possible to reach that goal is how often you practise, how you break down and learn difficult cadenzas, and how you incorporate feedback from your music teacher.

When teaching children how to study and how to motivate themselves, it’s vital that you focus on the process and not the outcome.

5. Don’t reduce your child to a problem that needs to be solved

Pre-teens and teens are going through a lot of changes, both physically and mentally.

It’s also a time when they may start displaying problematic behaviours, such as aggression, mood swings, being argumentative, and defying established rules.

As a parent, it’s natural for these kinds of behaviours to become the centre of your attention – they’re problems that you want to solve.

But it’s actually better not to focus on these behaviours.

Instead, try to understand your children’s perspective:

How do they feel about the situation?
What opinions do they have?

To understand your children better, you’ll need to practise active listening.

Active listening occurs when we give our full attention to what someone is saying.

This means that you aren’t multitasking while your children are talking to you. It means that you aren’t checking your phone or writing a list of things to do.

Active listening means not interrupting your children while they’re talking. It means not judging them or moralising about something they did. It means not offering unsolicited advice.

You can show your children that you’re giving them your full attention by saying things like “go on” and “tell me more”.

Now and again, summarise your understanding of what your children have been saying.

For example, you could say: “It sounds as if there’s a ‘cool’ group of kids in your class, and that you’re feeling excluded by them.”

This indicates to your child that you’re actively listening. It’s also a way of checking that you understand what he or she is saying.

Some parents think that if only they could make their children understand some fundamental principle, the whole problem would disappear.

But often what pre-teens and teens need most is not to understand; they need to feel understood.

When they don’t feel understood, they become defiant.

On the other hand, when they feel understood, it creates a space where they feel safe. And that, in turn, creates an environment where they’re open to looking at the problem in a new light.

How to motivate your teenager to do better in school

Now it’s time to focus on positive behaviour that helps your child feel understood, supported, and encouraged.

Use these strategies to strengthen your connection with your child and teach him or her crucial organisational and planning skills. These healthy habits will help your child in school and beyond.

6. Develop routines and structure

Routines and structure play a crucial role in developing motivation in your children.

Having established routines in family life eliminates a majority of conflicts.

Take homework, for example.

Let’s say you have an established routine that your children do their homework every weeknight between 7 pm and 9 pm.

There won’t be conflicts related to homework, because it’s simply “the way we do things in this family”.

But in a family without routines, ensuring that your children do their homework becomes a daily battle.

Of course, even established routines sometimes need to be reinforced or modified.

For example, now and again you may need to say something like: “When you’ve completed your homework, you can go to Melissa’s house.”

To create a homework routine, it’s a good idea to set up a small part of the house as a study area.

Having a study area that’s free of distractions will help your children develop a homework routine.

It may also help your children if you also devote that period of time to doing your own “homework”. This could be paying bills online, taking an online course, or reading a book to learn about a new topic.

7. Equip your children with planning and organisational skills

As parents, we (hopefully) have planning and organisational skills that we’ve developed over the years.

But we often take these skills for granted, and forget that our children don’t yet have those skills.

Pre-teens and teens can feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and stressed because of the demands they face at school. In response, many of them give up and turn to videos and games as a form of escape.

Some pre-teens and teens might even say they hate school.

But if they have planning and organisational skills, their attitude toward school and academics will be different.

One organisational skill you can teach your children is to break down big tasks into smaller tasks.

Some people call this “chunking down”. This technique makes any task more manageable and doable.

Another skill you can teach your children is list-making. Lists are at the heart of all organisational skills, so this is a great place to start.

You could teach your children how to use a list to pack their bag for a school camp or a school outing.

Planning is another organisational skill that will reduce your children’s stress related to school and exams.

Planning involves placing lists of tasks to be completed within a certain timeframe. This way, your children will learn to complete tasks one by one instead of leaving them until it’s so late that they feel overwhelmed.

For example, if your children have exams coming up, you could teach them how to:

Break down their revision material into a series of tasks
Use a calendar to plan how they’re going to complete those tasks within a set timeframe

8. Create a family culture where it’s OK to make mistakes

We learn more from our failures than we do from our successes.

Thomas Edison made an extraordinary number of unsuccessful attempts at inventing the electric light bulb.

When a reporter asked him how it felt to fail 1,000 times, Edison replied: “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”

Unfortunately, we live in an age that places enormous emphasis on instant success.

Failure isn’t tolerated. Parents correct their children’s homework to improve their grades. They argue with teachers who try to point out areas where their children need to improve.

Yet making mistakes is an essential part of learning.

We must learn from our mistakes and correct them, much like a ship that frequently adjusts its course to stay on the correct bearing.

If you want to motivate your children to study hard and do well in school, one of the best things you can do is create a family culture where it’s OK to make mistakes.

One way to do this is to share with your children your own mistakes and what you learned from them.

For example, maybe you went to university to study one field and ended up switching to a different field when you started work. By sharing that experience with your children, you’re showing them that they don’t have to get it “right” the first time.

If you want to teach your children to love learning, one thing you should avoid at all costs is focusing too much on their failures.

Instead of criticising them for their failures, help them to identify what they’ve learned from their mistakes.

A study by Stanford University has shown that children who are praised for their effort work harder and give up less easily.

On the other hand, children who are afraid of failure are more likely to become discouraged when they make mistakes. Instead of learning from their mistakes and moving on, they’re likely to give up altogether.

9. Show an interest in all aspects of your children’s lives

One of the keys to motivating your children to do well in school is to show an interest in all aspects of their lives, not just their academics.

If your only concern is how your children are doing in school, they may begin to feel as if they’re being treated as a project instead of as a person.

This can lead to them feeling resentful. And resentment will result in resistance to anything related to studying.

Treat your child as a whole person, not as a project or problem.

Listen to your children when they talk about their interests. Encourage them to get involved in non-school activities, like dance or drama or athletics.

How pre-teens and teens spend their time is crucial to their overall development.

An approach that focuses entirely on studying won’t help your children to develop in a balanced way.

Learning a musical instrument, playing a team sport, and taking an online course on entrepreneurship are all activities that will help your children to develop holistically.

These non-academic activities will give your children a much-needed break from their studies, and will help them to do better as they pursue their long-term academic goals.

10. Help your children to find a mentor

According to research by North Carolina State University, children who have mentors are more likely to become successful.

A mentor is an adult who acts as a role model for your children.

One of the benefits of your children having a mentor is that they will understand a perspective on life from someone who isn’t their parent.

The mentor’s values and attitudes may be similar to yours. It’s much easier to teach values to your children when they’re also modelled by someone outside the family.

One reason for this is that children inevitably become accustomed to their parents’ viewpoints and begin to tune their parents out.

Having a mentor is a chance for your children to re-engage with those values, from a fresh perspective.

A mentor can be particularly helpful when there’s an ongoing conflict between parents and children.

In this kind of situation, your children can benefit from having a neutral third party they can turn to. The mentor may help your children to see the issues from a new perspective.

So where can you find a mentor for your children?

A mentor could be:

A sports coach, art teacher or music teacher
A neighbour or family friend
One of your co-workers
Someone who runs a coaching/mentoring programme (I’m not ashamed to say that I fall into this category of people, because it’s extremely rewarding work)

Conclusion

These ten principles will help you to build in your child a deeper motivation to work hard.

Some of these principles, like establishing routines and structure, may take a while to implement. But other tips and principles you can put into practice right away.

For example, you can start practising active listening today.

I’m confident you’ll start seeing positive results.

(Here’s a link where you can explore more tips on how to motivate a teenager.)

Wishing you all the best on this challenging but meaningful journey!

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How to Get Motivated to Study: 23 Tips for Students Who Procrastinate

Updated on July 14, 2023 By Daniel Wong 148 Comments

Is it hard for you to get motivated to study?

Let’s face it…

It’s so easy to watch one more video or to scroll through your social media feed one more time.

But your exams are approaching.

You have a rising sense of panic, but you don’t know where to begin. The more you panic, the harder it is to get to work.

If this is the situation you’re in, keep reading.

In this article, I’m going to explain 23 proven strategies that successful students use to motivate themselves to study.

Get ready to say goodbye to procrastination!

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How to motivate yourself to study

When you’re feeling unmotivated, taking the first step is usually the hardest part.

Here are the best ways to motivate yourself, so you can study productively.

1. Discover why you procrastinate

Procrastinating on your schoolwork is a complex problem that can have many different causes.

Here are some of the most common:

You’ve convinced yourself that your homework is beyond your abilities
Putting off your homework is a way of rebelling against your parents or teachers
You’ve decided the topic is boring
You’re waiting for the “perfect” time to start
The task has become so overwhelming that you don’t know where to start

Understanding why you procrastinate is a key first step to getting motivated.

Spend some time reflecting on what makes you procrastinate. This will enable you to identify which of the following tips will help you the most.

2. Break the material down into chunks

A major cause of procrastination is that the task ahead seems overwhelming.

That’s when you need to “chunk down”. Break down each task into small chunks.

Assign yourself a certain number of those chunks each day. Suddenly, you’re no longer faced with a scary task, but rather a series of manageable chunks.

A chunk might be reading two pages of your textbook, completing five multiple-choice questions, or finding four reference articles on the Internet for your paper.

3. Reward yourself

Every time you complete one or two chunks, reward yourself with a short period of relaxation.

It could be five minutes on your favourite smartphone game, a short walk, or playing the guitar.

Rewarding yourself with short and enjoyable breaks is a key part of the “chunking down” technique. [Read more…]

How to Be Successful in School: 40 Practical Tips for Students

Updated on June 6, 2023 By Daniel Wong 175 Comments

Do you think of yourself as a smart student?

Probably not.

If you’re like most students, you probably feel as if you take some time to grasp new concepts.

Or that you don’t perform up to expectations because of exam stress.

I know…

It seems as if success at school comes to some students naturally. These students always get good grades, no matter what else is going on in their personal lives or extracurricular activities.

I was a straight-A student throughout my academic career, and I was obsessed with how to do better in school.

But I’ll be the first one to say that grades aren’t everything. Grades are only one part of your education.

I now realise that successful students aren’t necessarily more intelligent than other students. They’re just more disciplined and focused, and they’ve developed winning study habits.

So if you don’t feel as if you’re a smart student, don’t worry.

In this article, I’m going to share with you how to be successful in school, even if you don’t think of yourself as a top student.

(Download the free bonus below to learn 10 bonus tips too!)

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Enter your email below to download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the tips found here, plus 10 exclusive bonus tips that you’ll only find in the PDF.

1. Rely on systems, not motivation

How can students do better in school? By being methodical and systematic, instead of waiting to feel motivated.

Students who do well in school don’t wait until they’re in the mood to do a focused study session before they get down to work.

Neither do they wait until they feel motivated before they start preparing for an exam.

Instead, successful students rely on systems to ensure that they get the work done, even when they don’t feel like it.

(Keep on reading to find out what some of these systems are.)

2. Review any new information you’ve learned on the same day

This daily review won’t take long to complete, but it’s a vital step that ensures you stay on top of the material.

Applying this tip will also help you to move the information to your long-term memory more quickly.

3. Write everything down

To be an effective student, write everything down.

This includes homework to be completed, test and exam dates, project deadlines, competition dates, school and family events, etc.

Don’t assume that you’ll be able to remember anything; write it all down to stay organised.

This tip might sound extreme, but life only gets busier as you get older.

Good organisational skills are the basis for achieving success at school and beyond. So this tip will serve you well for the rest of your life.

4. Create a rough weekly schedule

It’s impossible to follow a schedule down to the minute, but it’s still helpful to create a schedule.

Write down your rough weekly schedule based on your recurring commitments, e.g. school, extracurricular activities, family and social events, religious activities.

Then block out regular time each week for homework and studying.

For example, your rough weekly schedule might state that you’ll do work on:

Monday, Wednesday and Friday: 7pm to 9:30pm
Tuesday and Thursday: 4pm to 7pm
Saturday and Sunday: 2pm to 5pm

5. Get rid of distractions before they become distractions

The biggest obstacle to doing well in school is distractions.

To overcome distractions, you can’t only depend on willpower. Few of us have the willpower necessary to fight off all the distractions that surround us in this digital era.

Here are some ways to eliminate distractions before they become distractions:

Turn off notifications on your phone/tablet
Delete all the apps that distract you
Put your phone/tablet in another room before you start work
Set a really, really long password to unlock your phone/tablet
Restrict your Internet access
Have only one tab open in your browser at any one time
Find an accountability partner as you make these changes

6. Develop good posture

Good posture improves your mood, and also enhances your memory and learning.

So sit up straight, pull your shoulders back, and lift up your chin – and you’ll perform better in school.

For more tips on improving your posture, check out this detailed article.

7. Don’t multitask

It’s a fact: There’s no such thing as multitasking.

Whenever you’re multitasking, you’re actually just switching between tasks. This reduces your studying efficiency.

So don’t multitask when you’re studying or doing your homework. Instead, focus on one task at a time, and you’ll find that you get your homework done faster.

8. Cultivate the belief that intelligence isn’t a fixed trait

Research has proven that students who believe that they can become smarter actually do become smarter.

Belief is that powerful.

In other words, intelligence is a trait that you can develop over time.

Don’t ever label yourself as “dumb” or “not academically inclined”, because with the right mindset you can become more intelligent.

How can you do better in school? It starts with believing that you can. By telling yourself that you’re incompetent before you even try, you’ve already lost the battle.

Develop a can-do attitude and your grades will naturally improve.

9. Work in short blocks of time

I’ve found that most students can’t maintain a high level of focus for more than 45 minutes at a go.

As such, I generally recommend working in 30- to 45-minute blocks, followed by a 5- to 10-minute break.

Working in shorter blocks of time is more effective for the majority of students, rather than struggling to focus for a couple of hours straight.

10. Exercise regularly

Regular exercise helps you to remember information better, enhances your concentration, and makes you more creative.

This is in addition to the other health benefits of exercise.

What does this mean for students who want to be successful in school?

Make exercise a fixed part of your weekly routine. Exercise three to four times a week, for at least 20 to 30 minutes each time.

11. Be organised

Students who aren’t organised end up wasting precious time looking for items or notes, or doing last-minute work they forgot about.

Here are some ways to become more organised:

Set a daily reminder to check if there’s any homework due the following day
Set reminders to start preparing for tests and exams
Use the MyStudyLife app
Use a planner or Google Calendar
Clear your desk at the end of every day
Use an app like Google Keep to do a “brain dump”

12. Break big tasks into smaller ones

Big tasks seem complicated and overwhelming, which is why many students procrastinate.

Break every big task down into smaller tasks. For instance, instead of deciding to work on your history paper, you might break the task down into the following smaller tasks:

Read Chapter 3 (notes)
Read Chapter 3 (textbook)
Do online research (5 to 10 articles)
Develop thesis statement
Write outline
Write introduction
Write main paragraph #1
Write main paragraph #2
Write main paragraph #3
Write main paragraph #4
Write main paragraph #5
Write conclusion
Proofread and edit

When you work on the history paper, focus on completing one task at a time. This will make it less likely that you’ll procrastinate.

13. Get at least 8 hours of sleep every night

Students who perform well are effective learners. As the research shows, sleep is a vital part of becoming an effective learner.

Sleep boosts memory and enhances learning. So go to bed at roughly the same time every day, and make it a priority to get 8 hours of sleep a night.

If you do this, I’m sure you’ll see an improvement in your academic performance.

Pulling all-nighters definitely isn’t how to do better in school. It might enable you to get some last-minute work done.

But over time, your performance in school will decline.

14. Create a conducive studying environment

Here are some tips to do this:

Tidy your desk daily
Ensure that you have all the stationery, notebooks, etc. that you need
Ensure that the lighting in the room is suitable
Use earplugs to block out noise if necessary
Put up one or two motivational quotes at your study area
Get a comfortable chair
Remove all distractions from the room

15. Keep track of important dates, deadlines, etc.

This is related to Tip #3, but it’s more specific.

I’ve worked with many students who try to keep track of important dates by storing them in their brains.

Needless to say, these students occasionally forget about upcoming tests or deadlines. This results in panic – and low-quality work too.

Use Google Calendar or Google Keep (an old-fashioned planner works too) to keep track of important dates, and you’ll become a more effective student.

16. Take notes during class

I’m always surprised by how many students tell me that they don’t take notes in class. This is despite the fact that taking notes is vital to your success at school.

It’s important to take notes in class because it helps you to pay attention and to learn the concepts better.

I prefer taking notes in a linear, sequential manner. But there are several other note-taking systems that you can learn about here.

17. Ask lots of questions

Asking your friends and teachers questions about what you’re learning is a great way to stay engaged. It also ensures that you understand the new material.

Don’t be afraid of asking silly questions. Besides, if you pay attention in class, your questions will likely be logical and insightful.

18. Eat healthily

Research shows that the better your nutrition, the better your brain function.

And the better your brain function, the better your performance in school.

Here are some basic tips to eat more healthily:

Eat vegetables and fruit
Eat meat and fish
Eat eggs
Eat nuts
Avoid processed foods
Avoid sugar
Avoid trans fats
Avoid artificial sweeteners
Drink plenty of water
Avoid sugary beverages

So, if you’re wondering how to do well in school, one thing you can do right away is to change your diet.

19. Do consistent work

Don’t do last-minute work, and don’t cram for exams.

Easier said than done, I know.

But if you do consistent work, you won’t even need to study that hard for your final exams. You’ll naturally do better in school because you’ll retain the information more effectively.

(By applying the rest of the tips in this article, you should be well on your way to doing consistent work.)

20. Manage your thoughts and emotions

Students who lose focus or motivation are typically discouraged. They’re often discouraged because they feel as if they won’t do well academically, so they lose hope.

The question you probably still have on your mind is…

How to be a good student?

By managing your thoughts and emotions effectively – especially when faced with disappointment.

To do so, take a step back and ask yourself the following questions:

Are these thoughts true?
Are these thoughts helpful?
Am I taking things too personally?
How can I view the situation more positively?
Do I need to forgive the other person?
Do I need to forgive myself?
How can I be more compassionate toward myself?
What productive actions can I take to improve the situation?

Through answering these questions, you’ll adopt a more positive and resilient mindset.

21. Take a few minutes to prepare for each class

As Benjamin Franklin once said, “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”

Preparing for class is something every student should do.

Every night, think about the classes that you’ll be having the following day in school.

Take a few minutes to skim the textbook or notes, so that you’ll be familiar with what your teacher will cover the next day.

In addition, do a quick recap of the previous topic, because the new topic will likely build on what you’ve already learned.

This process won’t take long, but it will pay off in the long run.

22. Give yourself rewards

To keep yourself motivated, give yourself small rewards whenever possible.

For example, you might decide that after 45 minutes of work, you’ll reward yourself with a 5-minute YouTube video.

Or if you enjoy exercising, you might decide that after you finish your math and science homework, you’ll get to do a 30-minute workout.

Rewards are a simple way to encourage you to get to work, even when you don’t feel like it. That’s a useful strategy for how to do better in school.

23. Manage your stress

Students who don’t manage their stress well are more likely to experience performance anxiety and get worse grades.

To manage your stress levels:

Perform deep breathing exercises
Listen to music
Spend time with friends on a regular basis
Exercise
Read a book
Keep a gratitude journal
Take a few minutes to reflect at the end of each day

24. Do and submit your homework on time

This tip might sound like common sense, but a large proportion of the students I work with don’t do this.

Make it a non-negotiable to submit your homework on time, and give a good effort for each assignment.

This is the foundation of how to be a good student.

25. Challenge yourself

Taking it one step further, don’t just do the assigned homework.

Challenge yourself and do extra questions that require deep thinking. Look for online resources. Learn information that’s outside the syllabus.

This will help you to see the wonder and beauty in all that you’re learning. You’ll also be reminded that getting better is its own reward.

26. Make time to relax

Doing well in school isn’t about getting good grades and outperforming your classmates. It’s about leading a balanced life that’s focused on contributing to others.

To lead a balanced life, it’s important to set aside time for relaxation.

Block out time for relaxation in your weekly schedule to ensure that you don’t burn out.

27. Be consistent about your study time

This is a follow-up to Tip #4. In addition to having a regular weekly schedule that you stick to, it’s important to be consistent about your study time.

The more consistent you are, the less likely it is that you’ll need to feel “inspired” to get down to work.

On the contrary, you’ll get down to work out of habit and routine. This is crucial if you want to manage your time as a student effectively.

28. Have a specific plan or objective for each study session

Many students share with me that their mindset toward studying is that they’ll “study hard”. This might sound good, but it actually means that they don’t have a specific objective or plan.

They’re interested in attaining success at school and getting good grades, but they’re not clear about what positive actions they’re going to take in particular.

This vague approach isn’t the one that effective students take toward their academics.

For each study session, set a clear objective as to what you intend to achieve. This might be to read through a set of notes thoroughly or complete 30 multiple-choice questions.

29. Use memory techniques

Memory techniques are powerful ways to learn information more quickly.

Here are some of the most useful ones I’ve come across:

30. Test yourself periodically

Don’t assume that just because you’ve read the notes and looked through some examples that you understand the material well.

For all you know, you might have been daydreaming during those study sessions.

What else should you do to be a good student, if reading your notes doesn’t guarantee that you’ll get better grades?

Test yourself periodically. Do plenty of practice questions and keep a list of the mistakes you’ve made, so that you won’t repeat those mistakes in the exam.

31. Take practice exams under exam conditions

It isn’t practical to do too many practice exams under exam conditions, because it’s time-consuming.

But before every exam, I recommend that you do at least two to three practice exams under exam conditions.

This will help you to prepare adequately, and will train you to deal with the time pressure of the exam too.

32. Start studying for tests at least one to two weeks in advance

Cramming for tests is always a bad idea. It won’t enable you to achieve long-term success at school.

I recommend that you set a reminder on your phone (or make a note in your planner) one to two weeks before every scheduled test, so that you’ll start preparing for the test.

For big exams, I recommend that you start studying four weeks in advance or more.

This study tip is a vital one for students to implement.

33. Find ways to help others and contribute

Students often lose motivation when they focus too much on achievement and too little on contribution.

After all, the aim of education is to become equipped with skills and knowledge so that you can help others.

When students lose sight of this, they sometimes feel as if school is meaningless.

To keep things in perspective, find simple ways to contribute in your capacity as a student, e.g. volunteering, fundraising, solving problems in your school, serving the underprivileged.

These types of activities will teach you to have a heart of service and humility. They’ll empower you as you discover how to do better in school and life.

34. Develop a sense of purpose

Few students can maintain a consistent level of concentration and drive if they lack a sense of purpose.

If students feel as if their school life is just about striving to get straight A’s, they will likely run out of steam.

How can you develop a sense of purpose?

Think about…

What values you want to live by
What long-term goals would be meaningful to you
How you’d like to contribute to the good of others
What your duties and responsibilities are
What relationships you’d like to nurture
What kind of person you’d like to become

As you reflect on these aspects of your life, you’ll have a clearer idea about how to do well in school in light of the purpose you’re living out.

This clarity will help you to be more successful in school.

35. Don’t blame others

The key to developing resilience is to take full responsibility for your life.

This means that you refuse to blame others for anything that’s going on in your life.

No blaming your teachers, parents or friends.

No blaming the school principal or the government.

No playing the victim.

When you take this approach toward your student life, you’ll see that there’s always something you can do to improve the situation.

36. Hang out with people who are motivated and focused

No matter how much we’d like to think that we’re immune to peer pressure, we’re most definitely not.

Peer pressure affects people of all ages. This means that we must be intentional about the people we surround ourselves with.

Do you hang out with people who are pessimistic?

Are they always complaining?

Do they pursue excellence, or do they try to find shortcuts?

Spend time with people who are positive, motivated, focused, kind, generous and hardworking. You’ll find yourself developing those traits as the days and weeks go by.

As a result, you’ll become more successful in school.

37. Analyse the mistakes you make in tests and exams

It might not be a pleasant experience, but I encourage you to go through every mistake you make in tests and exams.

Analyse why you made each mistake. Ask yourself questions such as:

Was the mistake due to carelessness?
Did I forget a key fact?
Did I have a poor understanding of a certain concept?
How can I make certain that I won’t repeat the mistake?
What do I need to do to be better prepared for future tests?

This analysis will help you to make continual progress in your academics.

38. Pre-commit to specific behaviours and habits

Pre-commitment is a strategy in which you commit in advance to certain desirable behaviours. This way, you won’t be tempted to do otherwise in the future.

Here are some examples:

Use the StayFocusd Chrome extension to restrict the amount of time you spend on certain websites
Ask your parents to change the password on your tablet, so that every time you want to use your tablet you need them to unlock it
Tell a friend that you’ll delete all your social media apps on your phone by the end of the day – if not, you’ll give your friend $100

Pre-commitment is a powerful strategy that all good students use.

39. Keep a “done” list

Just as important as keeping a to-do list is keeping a “done” list.

Write down all the things you’ve accomplished at the end of each day. This will help to remind you that you’ve indeed been productive, even if you don’t feel so.

In the long run, keeping a “done” list will help you to stay positive and motivated.

40. Don’t try to remember to do things; make it impossible to forget

Some examples of these “things” might be:

Homework
Projects
Studying for tests
Bringing your textbook to school
Bringing your water bottle to school
Bringing your calculator into the exam hall for a math exam

The list goes on.

To be successful in school, don’t just try to remember to do these things. Rather, make it impossible to forget to do these things.

There’s a huge difference between these two approaches.

To make it impossible to forget to do something, you might need to stick a Post-it note on the front door. Or set an alarm (or two alarms). Or create a daily reminder to check your calendar or planner.

As you adopt this approach, you’ll become a more reliable and effective student!

Conclusion

If you apply all the tips in this article, it’s almost impossible that you won’t become a better student. (To get 10 more bonus tips, enter your email in the box at the end of this article.)

Of course, it’s neither reasonable nor practical to expect you to implement all the tips at once.

After all, the road to success is built one step at a time.

Success – as a student and in life in general – is about daily choices and habits.

Implement one or two tips in the coming week, and get some like-minded friends to join you.

As you gain momentum, implement more tips as the weeks go by. (You can try applying my rules for success in life too.)

You’ll soon find that you’re becoming a more successful student who’s leading a more balanced life too.

Wishing you all the best – I’m excited about this journey that you’re about to embark on!

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What to Do If Your Teen Hates School: 15 Strategies That Work

Updated on July 14, 2025 By Daniel Wong 98 Comments

“My teenager hates school, and I don’t know what I should do!”

Maybe this describes the situation you’re in.

Does your teen say that he hates school?

Does he complain about his teachers and classmates, and about how “useless” school is?

Or maybe your teen complains that the people in school are “fake”, and that it’s hard to make friends?

If so, I’m sure you feel concerned.

You want to help your teen, but whatever you’ve tried so far hasn’t worked.

Don’t worry.

Given that I work with students — the majority of whom are teens — for a living, I know how common it is for teens to dislike school.

Nonetheless, this is still an issue that must be addressed.

There are many powerful strategies you can employ to help the situation. In this article, I’ll outline 15 of them.

(Download the free bonus below to learn five more strategies.)

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Why do teens hate school?

As a parent and as a coach who works with teenagers, I understand how challenging it can be to see your child hating school.

You don’t want your teens to be miserable, but you also want what’s best for them in the long term.

While academics aren’t everything, doing well in school does lead to more opportunities for scholarships, higher education, and employment.

Here’s the thing…

Before you can motivate your teenagers to enjoy school, you must understand why they dislike school in the first place.

For many students, school is like a roller coaster — full of nerve-racking lows and exhilarating highs. Threatening or lecturing your teens won’t help them navigate the heart-pounding ride.

Instead, let’s explore a few answers to the all-important question: “Why do teens hate school?”

They feel like they have no control over their lives

The teenage years are a time when they’re discovering their identity: their motivations, interests, values, and goals.

Teenagers are also growing up, which means that they’re developing their independence.

So, your teens want to feel in control of their lives.

But the traditional school setting typically gives them few opportunities to exert this control, outside of setting academic goals.

Most teenagers have few options with regard to which classes they’re taking, so they don’t get to study the topics that genuinely interest them.

Add jam-packed schedules and strict rules to the mix, and it’s no wonder that teens find school frustrating and sometimes pointless.

If your teen hates school, it could be a lack of autonomy that’s driving this feeling of resentment.

They feel overwhelmed and stressed

Waking up early. High-pressure extracurriculars. Exams, homework, and projects.

Teens today are more stressed than ever before. In fact, nearly one-third of teens report feeling overwhelmed, a figure on par with adult stress levels.

These statistics are a cause for concern.

As American Psychological Association CEO Norman B. Anderson, PhD says:

It is alarming that the teen stress experience is so similar to that of adults. It is even more concerning that they seem to underestimate the potential impact that stress has on their physical and mental health.

(If you’re concerned about your teen’s mental well-being, here are seven tips to support your child’s mental health.)

Help your teenager to manage stress effectively, and you might find that you no longer say that “my teenager hates school”.

They feel that school is just about getting good grades

Does your teen feel pressured to achieve outstanding grades?

Most students do. Yet academic success is about so much more than report cards and grades.

It’s important to show your teen that it’s not the outcome but the process that matters most.

Sure, it feels good to get excellent grades. But what’s more important are the valuable life skills your child gains along the way, e.g. critical thinking, organisation, planning, self-management.

If your teens feel the only purpose of school is to memorise facts and equations, they’ll struggle to find joy in the learning process.

They’re being bullied

Many parents don’t know when their teen is being bullied.

If you keep saying to yourself that “my teen hates school”, check in with your child to ensure that he or she isn’t being bullied.

Just because your teen hasn’t mentioned the issue doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

If there’s bullying going on, don’t blame yourself. Instead, support your child and empathise with him or her as you find a solution together.

What to do if your child hates school

As we’ve seen, there’s typically a reason why your child doesn’t enjoy school.

Now, let’s explore 15 proven strategies that will help anytime you’re wondering what to do about your child hating school:

1. Don’t assume that your teen is being defiant or rebellious

As children enter the teenage years, they crave autonomy. They’re also forming their identity, all while their bodies and brains are going through drastic changes.

As such, teens often exhibit rebellious behaviour.

But don’t assume that this is the only reason your teen tells you she hates school.

Many times, there are other issues at play, e.g., feeling overwhelmed, struggling to keep up with schoolwork, bullying, fear of exams.

2. Think about what you’ve been doing that may have contributed to the problem

Here are some questions to ask yourself when you find yourself saying “my teenager hates school”:

Do I frequently nag my teen?
Do I always talk about school-related topics?
Do I talk as if my teen’s hobbies are a waste of time, or that they’re merely a distraction from her schoolwork?
Do I compare my teen with her friends, cousins or siblings?
Do I overemphasise the importance of performing well in school?
Do I frequently force or coerce my teen into doing schoolwork?
Do I sign my teen up for classes or programmes without first seeking her consent?

On their own, none of these behaviours will result in you having a disrespectful teenager who hates school.

But in combination, they’ll likely cause a power struggle between you and your teen.

Over time, your teen may develop even more negative emotional associations with school.

3. Use active listening techniques when talking to your teen about the issue

When you talk to your teen about why he hates school (and when you talk to him about other topics too), use active listening techniques such as the following:

Give your teen your full attention
Don’t multitask
Don’t interrupt your teen while he’s talking
Encourage your teen to keep talking, e.g. by saying “go on” or “tell me more”
Empathise with your teen
Seek to understand how he is feeling
Don’t judge
Don’t moralise
As far as possible, don’t provide unsolicited advice
Occasionally summarise what you think your teen has been saying and reflect it back to him, e.g. “It sounds like you feel as if your math teacher doesn’t explain the concepts well, so you dislike math.”

By using active listening techniques, your teen will be more likely to share with you what’s troubling him.

4. Don’t use threats

It’s tempting for parents to use threats to coerce their teens into behaving “correctly”.

Whether it’s threatening to reduce your teen’s allowance or take away her phone, it won’t work in the long run.

The use of power becomes less effective as children get older. By the time they’re teenagers, this approach doesn’t work, and tends to backfire instead.

In other words, it isn’t possible to threaten your teen into becoming a motivated and responsible student who loves going to school.

If your teen detests school, the root cause is probably emotional in nature. This is what must be addressed as a priority.

5. Don’t lecture

“My teen hates school — should I lecture him or her?”

Perhaps that’s the question on your mind.

I advise parents to avoid lecturing their teens. But if you really can’t help it, keep the lecture short.

Teens tell me that they start tuning their parents out about two minutes into the lecture. So you’ll be wasting your breath if your lecture lasts longer than that.

Your teen won’t respond well to you preaching about the importance of school. Nor will he start or stop performing specific behaviours because you told him that he “should” or “shouldn’t” do those things.

(When was the last time you started eating healthily just because a relative or friend told you that you “should”?)

Lecturing won’t help your teen’s anxiety either, if that’s something he’s struggling with.

Even students who have an intense hatred for school know that doing well in school is important. They don’t need you to remind them of that, because their teachers do that almost every day.

What does your teen need from you?

He needs you to listen to him, to understand him, to see things from his perspective – this is a parenting skill I encourage you to develop.

When your teen feels understood, he’ll change his behaviour and attitude.

6. Reduce your focus on school and academics

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t bring up school-related topics at all.

But many teens have told me that it seems as if school is the only thing their parents care about. And it’s true that many parents I talk to are mostly interested in how to get their teenagers to do their homework.

So make it a point to talk about topics that your teen is interested in, e.g. music, hobbies, gaming, social media.

When the conversations you have with your teen are more balanced, your teen’s attitude toward school will become more balanced too.

7. Help your teen to learn organisational and study skills

Many students who don’t like school feel overwhelmed by schoolwork, projects, tests, exams, etc.

Most of these students haven’t learned how to prioritise, plan, stay organised, manage their time, and focus when studying.

If this describes your teen, encourage – but don’t force – her to develop these skills. To do so, she can check out relevant resources and sign up for programmes.

This is the reason why I’ve developed courses like The Perfect Study Plan, and why I coach students 1-to-1.

When students develop the necessary organisational skills and apply effective study tips, they often stop hating school!

8. Acknowledge your teen’s progress and effort

One piece of feedback I get from many teens is that they’re discouraged.

They feel as if they’ll never be good enough to live up to their parents’ expectations.

Instead of focusing on your teen’s grades, focus on their effort instead. Whenever you observe her exhibiting positive behaviour, acknowledge it.

This simple act will mean a lot to her. It will also remind her that the reward is found in the journey itself, not just the destination.

By acknowledging her progress, she’ll be more likely to develop intrinsic motivation.

9. Talk to your teen’s teachers

Reach out to your teen’s teachers. Given that they interact with your teen almost every day, they’re likely to have insights into why he hates school.

All the teachers I know are insanely busy. So even if you’re only able to schedule a 10-minute phone call with your teen’s teacher, make the most of the opportunity.

10. Talk to the parents of your teen’s friends

On a related note, to get a better picture of what’s going on, talk to the parents of your teen’s friends.

These parents would have heard from their children about what’s been frustrating them at school. Based on this feedback, you’ll understand your teen’s concerns better too.

11. Ensure that your home is an emotionally safe environment

Teens frequently tell me that they don’t feel emotionally safe at home.

Why do they say this?

Because they feel that when they’re at home, they can be nagged, criticised, blamed, reprimanded or lectured to at any time. They feel as if they can be “attacked” without forewarning.

It’s only natural that they withdraw, locking themselves in their room if possible.

If the home environment isn’t emotionally safe, teens won’t share what’s on their minds. This will only make the situation worse, and you’ll keep wondering why your teen hates school so much.

When parenting teens, do your best to cultivate a home environment that’s full of appreciation, respect and kindness.

Emphasise that there are standards that must be upheld, but that every family member will always receive unconditional acceptance.

12. Determine if there’s something more serious going on

If your teen says that she hates school, it may be a sign of something more serious, e.g. depression, panic disorder, anxiety disorders.

Here are some symptoms to look out for:

Feeling tired most of the time
Poor concentration
Feeling worthless
Feelings of self-hatred
Changes in appetite
Irritability
Persistent sadness
Self-harm
Thoughts of suicide
Loss of interest in hobbies
Change in sleep habits
Frequent crying
Withdrawing from friends and family
Loss of motivation to study or do schoolwork

If your teen is exhibiting several of these symptoms, seek help right away.

13. Ensure that your teen’s life isn’t overscheduled

Sometimes, teens who hate school are simply worn out. They feel overwhelmed by the demands of school, extracurricular activities, etc.

They may be physically exhausted and sleep-deprived. This affects their mood, which makes them more likely to perceive situations negatively.

Teens need time to think, reflect, explore and dream.

Do what you can to ensure that your teen’s life isn’t overscheduled. Over time, you’ll see improvements in his attitude toward school.

14. Be patient and encouraging toward your teen

No matter how old we are, we’re all on a journey of learning, growing and maturing.

It’s a process for your teen to change her mindset, so be patient with her.

Encourage her. Support her. Empathise with her. Listen to her. Remind her that you’ll be with her every step of the way.

As you implement the other strategies listed in this article, you’ll see improvements such that you no longer think to yourself that “my teenager hates school”.

15. Help your teen to find a mentor

Teens who detest school need some perspective on their situation.

It’s hard for teens to develop this perspective because their problems seem so overwhelming.

From their point of view, the situation might even appear hopeless.

Furthermore, teens spend the majority of their waking hours surrounded by their peers, who have a similar worldview. This makes it even more challenging for teens to view their situation through a different lens.

Parents have a difficult time getting through to teens. This is because parents’ guidance is often perceived as nagging or lecturing.

This is the reason your teen needs a mentor. The benefits of having a mentor are well-documented, which is why I mentor teens to help them become motivated, responsible, and resilient.

Your teen is just one mentor away from making the most of his potential!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Is hating school normal?

While I’m not fond of the term normal, I will say it’s common for teens to dislike things related to school.

Just remember, most teenagers aren’t rebellious for the sake of it. There’s likely a good reason for their frustrations, so it’s crucial to apply the tips in this article to get to the root of the issue.

What can I do if my teenager refuses to go to school?

It’s tempting to scold and lecture your teenagers if they refuse to go to school.

But nagging your teens won’t work. More often than not, it will exacerbate the problem.

The good news is that there are tactics you can use to deal with challenging teenagers. Read my top 10 tips for dealing with disrespectful teens here.

How do you motivate an intelligent but unmotivated teenager?

Do you feel like your teenager doesn’t work hard enough or plan for the future, even though you know he or she is intelligent?

Or maybe your teen lacks motivation and gets distracted easily?

If so, you’re not alone. There’s a huge number of parents trying to figure out how to motivate a teenager to study and perform better in school.

I have good news for you…

I’ve spoken to and worked with more than 20,000 students around the globe. I’ve discovered that the vast majority of unmotivated teenagers want to do well in school. They simply lack the necessary mindset and skills to do so.

That’s why I wrote a free e-book to help parents learn how to motivate their teens. Discover my 16 keys to motivating teenagers here.

Do most teens hate school?

While I’m hesitant to say that most teens hate school, many do.

I know it’s frustrating to see that your children dislike school. But if you work with them day by day — by implementing the tips in this article — to embrace a new attitude, you’ll start to see improvements.

Conclusion: Huge changes occur one tiny step at a time

No matter how dire your teen’s situation may seem, remember that there’s always hope.

I’ve worked with teens who have gone from being unmotivated school-haters to being driven, focused, and independent learners.

Of course, the transformation to become happy, successful students didn’t happen overnight.

(I went through my own transformation as a teen, which you can read about here if you’re interested.)

But change is possible.

As is often said, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”

In the same way, huge changes occur one tiny step at a time. So apply the strategies described in this article, as well as the bonus strategies you can get access to at the end of this article.

With your love, support, and guidance, your teen can experience a transformation too!

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45 Time Management Tips for Students (Advice From a Lifelong Straight-A Student)

Updated on June 1, 2023 By Daniel Wong 48 Comments

Everyone gets the same 24 hours each day.

Albert Einstein, Mother Teresa, Isaac Newton, Eleanor Roosevelt, Leonardo da Vinci – they all had 24 hours a day, just like you and me.

What enabled them to lead such significant lives?

They managed their time well.

This article is all about effective time management tips for students.

As a student, I got straight A’s while sleeping eight hours a night, and graduated from Duke University with a GPA of 3.98/4.0.

(I don’t say this to boast, because education definitely isn’t only about getting straight A’s!)

But given that so many students ask me to share time management tips with them, I decided to compile the best ones I know.

By putting the tips in this article into practice, you’ll become more focused and less stressed.

You’ll have more time to do meaningful things outside of school too!

So let’s take a look at the 45 tips.

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1. Take a study break every 40 to 50 minutes

Research shows that working in blocks of 40 to 50 minutes is optimal for productivity.

If you feel as if you can’t focus for that long, try out the Pomodoro Technique for a start.

2. If you’re feeling unmotivated, set a timer for two minutes

If you don’t feel like doing work, set a timer for two minutes. Then tell yourself that you just need to focus for that amount of time.

Chances are that once you’ve started work, you’ll continue even after the two minutes are up.

3. Make good use of your travel time

It’s tempting to use your commute time to surf the Internet or go through your social media feeds.

But you can use the time to think about a concept you haven’t grasped, write in your gratitude journal, or listen to an audiobook.

This is a simple time management tip that goes a long way in helping you become a successful student! [Read more…]

30 Organisational Tips for School (Finally Become an Organised Student!)

Updated on July 14, 2023 By Daniel Wong 41 Comments

Life as a student is busy.

So when you’re in school, applying organisational tips can have a big impact on how you perform.

If you’re not organised and you feel like you’re not on top of things, you’ll be stressed.

You might end up working late and sleeping less, but this isn’t a good idea.

Getting organised for school is all about developing good study habits and systems.

Through my experiences, I’ve come up with these 30 simple tips that will help students to become structured, productive, and effective.

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How to be organised in school (and outside of school, too)

These school-related organisational tips are all about using systems and routines to stay on track.

Implementing these tips will enable you to get your work done on time, be fully prepared for tests, and still have time to relax.

1. Develop a routine

Consistency is the key to student success. So write down your general weekly schedule and create a routine.

Include things like when you’ll do your homework, when you’ll review the things you’ve learned, when you’ll exercise, and so on.

It’s not possible to stick to a routine 100% of the time, but at least set up the framework to keep you focused and on track.

2. Set rules for yourself

Set some very specific rules for yourself. These could be things like “complete all projects and assignments at least two days before they are due” or “start studying for tests at least one week in advance”.

Review your rules once a month and adjust them if necessary.

3. Write everything down

No one has a perfect memory, and trying to remember everything is stressful. So make a habit of writing down all your events, meetings, ideas, and things you need to do.

Use a notebook or planner, or try an app like Google Keep or Any.do that you can use on your phone and computer.

To be organised in school, choose the method you’ll use most consistently.

When you write everything down, you’ll be less anxious because you won’t be relying on your brain as a storage device. [Read more…]

10 Common Parenting Mistakes That Demotivate Your Children

Updated on January 30, 2024 By Daniel Wong 36 Comments

Wouldn’t it be great if your children were motivated and independent learners?

That way, you wouldn’t have to nag or scold them to do their homework.

Parents often tell me how frustrated they are that their teens hate school.

They’re also concerned that this lack of motivation will carry over to other areas of life.

The problem is that parents often demotivate their children unintentionally.

Here are 10 of the most common mistakes parents make – so do your best to avoid them in your home.

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Mistake #1: Give your children too many rewards based on achievement or behaviour

This is a trap that many parents fall into, and for good reason. The first time you try it, it seems to work.

You might tell your children that you’ll pay them a dollar each time they get more than 85% for a class test. This seems to work because they start studying harder.

You think to yourself, “Great. Problem solved!”

Then a few weeks later you realise their motivation has waned. They complain that getting a good grade deserves more than one dollar.

An argument breaks out, and you find yourself justifying the price. You even explain that studying hard is their basic responsibility as a student.

If this describes your situation, you’re not alone.

Many studies show that rewards and punishments work in the short term, but not in the long term.

(Read on to find out what other approaches you can try instead.)

Mistake #2: Overemphasise the importance of academics

Parents think that emphasising the importance of academics will motivate their children to work hard.

The problem is that this approach doesn’t turn your children into lifelong learners.

Learning isn’t just about getting good grades. It’s also about enjoying the process.

When children enjoy learning, they become motivated to keep on learning.

Grades can affect your job prospects, but many great leaders weren’t great students. Unfortunately, many of the students I’ve worked with tell me that their parents seem to think that grades are the only thing that matters.

We now know that there are many different types of intelligence and that the education system only measures some of these.

All parents would agree that social skills, character development, and learning to relax and reflect are also important areas of focus.

When parents dismiss their children’s hobbies and games as a waste of time, they hurt their children’s feelings and damage the parent-child relationship.

Parents must value and respect their children’s activities. Dance and sport can improve kinaesthetic intelligence, and games and discussions can boost intrapersonal intelligence.

These are vital skills for children to learn and carry with them through life. [Read more…]