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15 Things Parents Should Stop Saying to Their Children

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Do you wish you had a better relationship with your children?

Maybe your children don’t communicate much with you. They spend most of their time in their room, glued to their smartphone or computer.

Maybe they also lack motivation – except when it comes to social media and gaming.

If this describes your children, don’t despair. In this article, I’ll share with you specific ways to improve the situation.

I’ve spoken to and worked with 20,000 pre-teens and teens, and they’ve confessed to me why they behave this way.

Want to know the reason?

It’s because of the way their parents talk to them.

Of course, the parent-child relationship is a two-way street. But if parents stopped saying certain things, children would become more communicative, respectful, and responsible.

So here’s a list of 15 things that parents should stop saying to their children…

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1. “You always …” or “You never …”

Have you ever said any of the following to your children?

“You always wake up late.”
“You always take the easy way out.”
“You always get in trouble at school.”
“You never submit your homework on time.”
“You never do your chores.”
“You never put your clothes in the laundry basket.”

When you use the phrase “You always …” or “You never …” your children will become defensive. The conversation may then turn into an argument.

After all, there probably have been times when your children did wake up on time, submit their homework before the deadline, or put their clothes in the laundry basket.

So try this approach instead.

State objective facts that your children can’t refute. For instance, you could say to your child: “Over the past week, you’ve woken up late three times, by more than 20 minutes each time. This is an issue we need to resolve.”

By citing specific examples, you and your children will have a more fruitful discussion.

2. “You should be ashamed of yourself.”

The aim isn’t to guilt your children into changing their behavior. Rather, the aim is to coach them to make decisions based on the right values and principles.

Instead of saying “You should be ashamed of yourself,” process the situation with your children.

Help them to see what alternatives they could have considered, so that they’ll make the right choice in the future.

3. “Good job!”

Studies indicate that, in healthy relationships, the ratio of positive comments to negative comments is roughly 6:1.

Unfortunately, I’ve observed that in many families this ratio is reversed. In these families, the negative comments far outnumber the positive ones.

As such, the home environment is tense, and sometimes hostile.

So it’s better to praise your children once in a while than not at all. But the kind of praise matters too.

Telling your children “Good job!” is too general. What exactly did they do that was commendable?

For praise to be meaningful, it must be specific.

Here are some examples of specific praise you could give your children:

“That’s disciplined of you to have worked on your assignment for one hour straight.”
“I appreciate that you’ve done all your household chores over the past two days.”
“That’s thoughtful of you to set the table without anyone asking you to.”
“I appreciate that you woke up on time for school today.”

The more you acknowledge your children’s good behavior, the more they’ll display that behavior.

4. “Why did you …”

You might complete this sentence by saying:

“… hit your brother/sister?”
“… drop the glass cup?”
“… forget to bring your textbook to school?”
“… skip school?”

It’s hard for your children to answer these questions in the heat of the moment. What’s more, your children will feel accused or threatened, so they’ll be more likely to lie.

Try asking “What happened?” instead.

For example, you might say: “Your teacher called to say that you skipped school yesterday. What happened?” There might be a legitimate reason, so don’t jump to conclusions.

5. “What’s wrong with you?”

This one is similar to Phrase #4.

Asking “What’s wrong with you?” will cause your children to become bitter and withdrawn. Besides, it isn’t a question that will help your children to reflect on their bad behavior.

To understand your children’s perspective, say this instead: “What was going through your mind when you did that?”

If you say this calmly, you’ll have a better chance of getting to the root of the problem.

6. “Don’t argue with me.”

You might say this out of exasperation, especially when you feel disrespected.

But from your children’s point of view, they may not think they’re being disrespectful at all. As children explain their opinion, they sometimes don’t realise that they’re being rude.

As such, telling them not to argue with you seems unreasonable.

I’m not saying you should tolerate all rude behavior, but I am saying that children need to know that their opinions count.

So refrain from saying “Don’t argue with me.” Rather, maintain your composure and ask gentle questions to get to the heart of how your children feel.

7. “Because I said so.”

This phrase is the cousin of Phrase #6, and it’s just as ineffective.

Children want to understand the rationale behind family policies. If they don’t, they won’t follow those policies – at least, not willingly.

So take the time to explain the logic to your children. I recommend that you get into problem-solving mode with your children. Brainstorm other possible solutions, and write them down as you go along.

Your children might just come up with ingenious ideas you hadn’t even thought of!

8. “I told you so.”

It’s tempting to say this when your children make a mistake that you’d already warned them about.

But resist this temptation. Your children know they’ve messed up, so don’t rub it in.

Discipline your children if necessary. But before you do that, process the situation with them. Remind them that you’re there for them, and that you love them.

After all, it’s when your children have made a mistake that they need your reassurance and support the most. They don’t need you to tell them “I told you so.”

9. “If I were you …”

Well-meaning parents say this to encourage their children to make a certain decision.

But when children hear this phrase, they immediately think to themselves: “Well, you’re NOT me!” They proceed to tune out the rest of the advice their parents provide.

What’s the better way of getting through to your children?

Share your feelings. Talk about where you stand on the matter. And make it clear that you want to hear your children’s perspective too. Ask them thoughtful questions, and really listen to their responses.

This is the only way to reach an agreement that both you and your children will find reasonable.

10. “Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister/cousin/friend?”

What’s the most common piece of parenting advice you’ve heard?

In all likelihood, it’s “Don’t compare.”

But as a parent, it’s so hard not to compare.

Parents use their children as benchmarks to assess their own ability as parents. This is one big reason why parents compare their children with others.

When you compare, however, your children feel as if your love for them is based on their behavior or performance. They feel as if you would approve of them more, if only they were more like their brother/sister/cousin/friend.

So remind your children that you love them exactly the same, no matter what they do. But at the same time, encourage them to pursue excellence.

Explain to them that we all have responsibilities, and that it’s important to do our best to fulfill those responsibilities.

11. “I know how you feel.”

As a parent, you’ve gone through childhood and adolescence. Which means you’ve experienced betrayal, rejection, and disappointment.

But just because you’ve gone through a similar experience to your children doesn’t mean you know how they feel.

Tweens and teens say to me, “Times have changed. My parents don’t understand how different things are today compared to when they were growing up.”

Do your best to see things from your children’s point of view. Step into their shoes. Try out their games and hobbies. Listen to their favorite music. Get to know their friends. And listen respectfully when they share their thoughts and feelings.

12. “When I was your age …”

You might finish this sentence by saying:

“… I helped out so much more around the house.”
“… I had so many more responsibilities than you.”
“… I studied for eight hours a day.”
“… I had to work for everything I wanted.”
“… I didn’t have all the luxuries that you enjoy today.”

The indirect aim of saying this is to spur your child to become more grateful, hardworking, or disciplined.

But this approach doesn’t work.

Children are all too aware that things today are far different from 30 years ago, so they can’t relate to your experiences.

When you share your experiences, do it such that they understand you better – not as an attempt to coerce them into better behavior.

13. “I know what’s best for you.”

I like this insightful saying by Ann Landers: “It’s not what you do for your children that matters most. It’s what you teach them to do for themselves.”

In other words, parenthood is about helping your children to take full responsibility for their lives.

When you say “I know what’s best for you,” you’re exerting your parental authority. But you’re also missing out on an opportunity to let your children take ownership of the situation.

As long as your children aren’t in physical danger, I encourage you to let them make mistakes. That’s the only way they’ll acquire real-world knowledge and wisdom.

14. “There’s no reason to be scared.”

By saying this, you’re invalidating your children’s feelings. Over time, your children may start to suppress their feelings. They may even have trouble expressing their emotions.

I’ve seen this happen for many of my clients.

Instead of telling your children that they shouldn’t feel a certain way, empathize with them. Teach them to label their feelings and acknowledge them.

This way, your children will learn to manage their emotions, rather than ignore them.

15. “You’re not living up to your potential.”

Parents say this in the hope of inspiring their children to work harder. But this approach isn’t effective.

Why?

Because children will internalize the fact that they’re the type who doesn’t “live up to their potential.” They may begin to see this as a permanent trait.

Some of my clients share with me that they don’t see a reason to change their attitude, since they’ve already been labelled “lazy” or “unmotivated.”

A lack of motivation usually stems from unmet emotional needs. So offer your children help and support – not harsh criticism. And if you’re unable to get to the root of the issue, don’t be afraid to seek professional help.

The bottom line

If you feel like you’re having trouble communicating with your children, you’re not alone.

But rest assured that improving your parent-child relationship isn’t complicated.

All you have to do is stop saying the 15 things mentioned in this article, and you’ll see changes in the relationship. Little by little, your children will become happier, more motivated, and more responsible.

It’ll take time and effort, but it’ll be worth it.

Today’s the day to get started.

An earlier version of this article first appeared on Yahoo!.

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6 Things Happy and Effective Parents Say “No” To

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 20 Comments

As a parent, does it sometimes feel like your to-do list is never-ending?

You have so many responsibilities to fulfill, chores to complete, and errands to run.

Through my work, I interact with lots of parents. Sadly, it seems like many parents are overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle of life, and have lost the joy of parenthood.

In this article, I’ll share with you six things to say “no” to as a parent. When you say “no” to these things, I’m confident that you’ll become a happier – and more effective – parent.

Here they are…

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1. Say “no” to perfection

Do you strive for perfection?

Some parents hold on to these ideals – and some even try to achieve them all at once:

They should never lose their temper.
They should always be cheerful.
Their home should be neat and clean all the time.
They should be involved in charity work and in serving the community.
They should have an active social life.
Their children should be well-behaved.
Their children should perform well in school.
Their children should excel in their co-curricular activities.

Don’t get me wrong. We should set goals in the different areas of our lives. And yes, we should develop ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally.

But we must also accept that we’re not perfect.

Let’s be kind to ourselves. Let’s not hold ourselves to unattainable standards. Let’s say “no” to perfection, and instead say “yes” to progress.

2. Say “no” to over-scheduling your children’s lives

Every parent wants their children to maximize their potential.

Wouldn’t it be a waste if your child had musical or artistic talent, but never took music or art lessons?

But this mindset can become too extreme.

I’ve worked with students who participate in three co-curricular activities, as well as music and dance lessons. This is on top of their other academic enrichment classes.

Talk about being scarily busy!

Childhood and adolescence are times of intense growth and development. But for optimal growth and development, children need time to think, dream, reflect and rest.

It’s almost impossible to do this when they’re rushing from lesson to lesson and activity to activity.

What’s more, parents of these children often spend most of their weekends sending their children to the various enrichment classes. As such, these families don’t spend much quality time together.

I’ve worked with some families that don’t even have any regular family time at all.

So I encourage you not to register your children for more than one music-/art-related activity and one sports-related activity. This way, everyone in the home will be happier and less stressed.

3. Say “no” to comparing your children with others

I’m a parent myself, so I know this is easier said than done.

But at some level, we realize that there will always be children who are smarter, more talented, more athletic, and more hardworking than our children.

Of course, you should encourage your children to adopt the right attitude and to cultivate a strong work ethic. But you, too, must do your best not to compare them with other children – especially not in front of them.

Making comparisons will cause your children to feel hurt. They may start to believe that your love for them is conditional.

Your children need to know that you love them the same, no matter how well-behaved they are, no matter what grades they get, and no matter how many awards or medals they win.

To help you say “no” to making comparisons, ask yourself if you’re hanging out with “bad” company. Do your friends (who are also parents) frequently make comparisons? Are they overly competitive? Do they make you feel afraid of losing out?

If your friends aren’t a good influence, minimize your contact with them. Find new friends who will spur you on to become a better, more joyful parent.

4. Say “no” to comparing yourself with other parents

I’m sure you know some parents who seem to have it all.

They have a thriving marriage and career. They have great kids. They’re energetic and cheerful. And they own a nicer house and car than you.

With both envy and curiosity, you wonder: How do they do it?

Comparing yourself with other parents is unhealthy, just as comparing your children with others is unhealthy. By comparing yourself with people who seem to have the perfect life, you’ll begin to feel dissatisfied with your own life.

Envy is the enemy of gratitude. And gratitude is a key factor that leads to long-term happiness and success.

When you make comparisons, you can’t focus on all that you have to be thankful for: your family, your friends, your health, your job, and the many comforts you enjoy on a daily basis.

We must all decide to run our own race. In this race, the aim isn’t to finish first. It’s to finish well.

Finishing well is about serving others, making a contribution, establishing meaningful relationships, and building a home that’s filled with warmth and love.

Finishing well doesn’t require a huge amount of wealth, nor does it require you to have a “perfect” life.

What’s the first step to finishing well? Say “no” to comparing yourself with other parents.

5. Say “no” to being overprotective of your children

I’ve interacted with countless students who don’t understand that choices lead to consequences.

Why don’t they grasp this reality of life?

Because throughout their lives, their parents have sheltered them from negative consequences:

When they forget to bring their homework to school, their parents drop it off later that day.
When they get in trouble with their teacher, their parents prevent them from getting punished.
When they don’t get into the co-curricular activity or club they want, their parents intervene.
When they wake up late for school, their parents write a note to excuse them.

These are just a few examples of how well-intentioned parents prevent their children from learning responsibility. Overprotective parents raise children who are ill-prepared for the “real world,” where you’re forced to bear the consequences of your actions.

So as parents, let’s allow our children to make mistakes. Let’s allow them to face challenges, to fail, to overcome setbacks. In so doing, they’ll become more independent and resilient.

(Of course, if they’re in physical danger, we should step in.)

It’s heartbreaking to watch our children fall, both in a literal and figurative way. But if we don’t let them fall when they’re kids or teenagers, they might never learn to get up on their own.

And as Victor Kiam once noted, “Even if you fall on your face, you’re still moving forward.”

6. Say “no” to putting your own needs last

Without a doubt, parenthood involves sacrifice. A lot of it.

In fact, when I became a first-time parent, my mum told me that parenthood can be summed up in one word: sacrifice.

But it’s unwise to continually put our needs last, because we’ll eventually burn out.

As the saying goes, we can’t give away what we don’t already have. If we want to share joy, happiness, kindness and love with those around us, we must first have those things inside of us.

How do we ensure this?

By taking care of our needs:

Making time to catch up with close friends
Having a weekly or fortnightly date with our spouse
Spending some alone time every day to think and reflect
Making sleep and exercise a priority
Asking for help when necessary

When we do these things, we’ll be recharged and re-energized. We’ll be better parents too.

The bottom line

Saying “no” is hard, especially when it comes to the six things mentioned in this article.

But as you intentionally put these tips into practice, you’ll have the time and energy for the truly meaningful things in life.

So start saying “no” today, and watch as you become a happier, more effective parent.

An earlier version of this article first appeared on Yahoo!.

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

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7 Ways to Get Your Children to Do Their Homework (No Nagging Required!)

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 24 Comments

Getting your children to do their homework is a struggle, isn’t it?

It seems like everything is more important to them than homework.

Online gaming, social media, watching videos, playing sports… the list goes on.

But it doesn’t have to be a struggle.

In this article, I’ll explain 7 powerful ways to get your children to do their homework – no complaining from them and no nagging from you.

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1. Make it clear that it’s their homework, not yours.

Many parents seem to care more about their children’s homework than their children do. As such, the responsibility shifts from the children to the parents.

But this should not be the case.

After all, it’s your children’s homework, not yours.

Help them to understand that their homework is their responsibility. Feel free to provide help or guidance, but you should never do the work for them.

2. Don’t force them to do their homework.

I can almost hear you saying, “But Daniel, if I don’t force my children to do their homework, they won’t do it at all!”

I know where you’re coming from. But if you implement all the tips in this article, I can close to guarantee that your children will do their homework without coercion.

If you threaten or intimidate them, your parent-child relationship will suffer.

And as the saying goes, “Rules without relationship breeds rebellion.”

I’ve worked with more than 15,000 students so far, and I wholeheartedly agree with that saying.

If you impose rules without nurturing the relationship, sooner or later your children will defy you. Power struggles are unhealthy, whether they’re over food, going to school, or homework.

3. Discuss expectations and consequences with them.

Do this at the start of every term or semester. Don’t just impose your own expectations. Instead, have a calm discussion with your children. This will give them a sense of ownership over their homework, and their education.

These are the key things to talk about:

When they’ll do their homework, e.g. the first two hours after they get home from school, after they’ve had 30 minutes to relax
Which privileges will be off-limits until they finish their homework
The consequences if they violate the agreement
“No homework” times, e.g. Friday nights, Sunday morning

During the discussion, be patient and composed. (Easier said than done, I know!)

Remind your children that you’re on the same team as them. You aren’t out to do battle with them.

By adopting this approach, your children will behave more maturely than you expect.

After you’ve all reached an agreement, put everything down in writing. Place the “contract” on the fridge door or some other prominent location in your home, so everyone can refer to it.

4. Don’t micromanage them.

You might be tempted to think that your children will only complete their homework under your supervision.

But it’s possible for them to take full ownership of their homework, such that you don’t need to supervise them at all.

When I was growing up, I don’t recall my parents ever monitoring me or my two siblings as we did our homework.

But we still finished our work and performed well in school.

In addition to Point #3, I’ve found this to be a helpful approach:

Ask your children’s teachers if you can give them a 5-minute phone call once every two months to check on your children’s progress. If the teachers agree to this, inform your children about the arrangement.

Discuss with your children what feedback from the teachers would warrant what kind of consequences.

For example, you might agree that if two or more teachers remark that your children haven’t been submitting their homework on time, then they’ll lose certain privileges. These privileges will only be restored when the feedback improves.

This way, you won’t need to micromanage your children. The pre-agreed consequences will encourage your children to be more responsible. And you won’t have to endure daily homework battles anymore!

5. Create a distraction-free area for homework and studying.

Place this area away from the TV and other distractions. Some families even choose a separate area for everyone to put their phones before bedtime and during homework time. This will prevent your children from being distracted by their phone.

It’s also helpful to establish boundaries, so that your children won’t disturb each other during homework time.

Provide your children with the equipment and materials they need, e.g. table lamp, stationery, desk and chair that are of a suitable size. These will enable your children to concentrate better.

6. Acknowledge their good behavior.

Here’s a rule that applies to all children:

The behavior that you (as a parent) focus on will increase in frequency.

This means that if you acknowledge your children’s good behavior, they’ll display that good behavior more often. But if you nag them about their bad behavior, they’ll display more of that bad behavior in the future.

After all, have you ever successfully nagged your children into changing their bad habits?

Probably not.

So be observant and find opportunities to recognize your children’s good behavior. For example, if you notice that your children did their homework for 30 minutes straight, you could say, “That’s good that you focused on your work for 30 minutes.”

I’m not asking you to shower your children with over-the-top praise. Just acknowledge their good behavior whenever you observe it.

This might seem like an insignificant gesture to you, but it isn’t to them.

7. Do your “homework” at the same time as them.

Show your children that you’re diligent about doing your “homework” too.

When they’re doing their work, you could sort out the family finances or pay the bills. Alternatively, you could read a book, take an online course, or learn a new skill.

Using this strategy, your children will see that homework is important, even as an adult. And you’ll all have more fun when the whole family does their homework together!

The bottom line

Homework is important.

But there are other things that are even more important: Responsibility, persistence, commitment, curiosity, and a love for learning.

Homework is just a tool to reach these larger goals. Keep this in mind the next time you’re on the brink of losing your cool over homework.

As you put the 7 tips into practice, homework time will become more pleasant for both you and your children. Your parent-child relationship will improve, too.

So try out the tips today. What’s there to lose?

An earlier version of this article first appeared on Yahoo!.

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

How to Become a Straight-A Student By Following These 7 Rules

Updated on January 5, 2026 By Daniel Wong 254 Comments

In this article, I’ll explain the seven rules I followed to get all A’s in school and how you can become a straight-A student too.

(I’ve since completed my formal education.)

If you take my advice, you’ll get better grades and lead a more balanced life.

But first, here’s some background information about me, to assure you that I have some credibility in writing this article. I don’t say these things to boast, really!

I got 9 A1’s for the GCE O-Levels.
I got 4 A’s for the GCE A-Levels, along with 2 “Special” paper Distinctions and 1 Merit.
I received a full academic scholarship to study at Duke University, which consistently ranks as one of the best universities in the world. I graduated from Duke in 2011.
I did a double major at Duke, and graduated summa cum laude (First Class Honors). My GPA was 3.98/4.0.
Throughout my academic career, I never received a grade lower than an A- at a major exam.

Now, just to be clear…

Do I think I’m a super impressive person because of these achievements? No.

Do I think students should be obsessed about grades? No.

Do I think good grades and having a high GPA are the keys to long-term success? No.

But do I think that grades matter to some extent? Yes.

A strong academic record can open doors for you down the road. More importantly, through the process of becoming a straight-A student, you’ll learn values like hard work, discipline and determination.

These values will serve you well, long after you take your last exam.

So go ahead and pursue academic excellence. Just don’t let it become an unhealthy obsession.

Now that we’re clear on that, we’re ready to find out how to become a straight-A student. Read on to discover many study tips and much more!

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Rule #1: Always have a plan.

Getting straight A’s every time requires a good amount of organisation and planning on your part, so that you’re always prepared to do your best.

(a) As the semester progresses, keep track of key dates: tests and exams, project submission deadlines, term breaks, etc.

Enter these dates into a physical or digital calendar.

If you choose to use a physical calendar, I recommend that you get a management diary. This will allow you to see the week’s events at a glance. The inside of the diary should look like this:

If you choose to use a digital calendar, I recommend Google Calendar.

(b) Schedule a fixed time every week where you review your upcoming events over the next two months. Mark down when you’ll start preparing for that Math exam, working on that History project, or writing that English paper.

(c) Next, note your commitments for the coming week, e.g. extracurricular activities, family gatherings, extra classes. On your calendar, highlight the blocks of time you’ll have for schoolwork.

This planning process might sound time-consuming, but it’ll typically take just 15 minutes every week.

It’s a wise way to manage your time as a student, because the rest of your week will become far more productive.

You’ll be studying smart, not just hard! Efficient habits like these can help you become a straight-A student.

Rule #2: Be organised.

Ever had trouble finding your notes or assignments when you needed them? You probably ended up wasting precious time looking for them, before you finally asked to borrow them from your friend.

Many students tell me that they keep all their notes and assignments in one big pile, and only sort them out before their exams!

Being organised – it’s easier said than done, I know.

So here are just two key areas to focus on:

1. Filing

(a) Get an accordion folder that looks like this:

Bring this folder to school every day.

(b) Assign one section in the folder to each of your subjects. In addition, reserve the section at the front of the folder for your incomplete homework across all subjects. Label each section, e.g. Math, Physics, English, Incomplete Homework (All Subjects).

(c) Every day, place your “incoming” notes and assignments in the correct section, as you receive them. There’s no need to create sub-categories for each subject.

(d) Keep one large binder for each subject. The binder would look something like this:

Leave these binders at home.

This is a simple system that takes 15 minutes a week to implement, but it’ll save you many hours in the long run.

2. Homework

(Thanks to Cal Newport for this one. I started using the system described below years ago; it’s roughly based on his system.)

(a) Keep a homework list. Whenever your teacher assigns a new homework set, add it to your list. You can use a notebook for this purpose, or you can use an app on your phone. (I recommend the Google Keep app, but any note-taking app will do.)

Next to each item on your homework list, write the due date in parentheses.

(b) Every day when you get home from school, refer to your homework list. At the same time, open your calendar. Look for blocks of time in your calendar where you’ll be able to complete each item on your homework list. Prioritise the items that have the most urgent deadline.

(c) At the end of each day, look at your calendar to see if there are any assignments (which have already been converted into appointments) that you’d planned to finish, but weren’t able to. Add those appointments to another day that’s well before the due date.

And that’s how the system works.

I know it seems complicated, but it really isn’t. Try it out for a couple of weeks and you’ll get the hang of it.

Make tweaks to this system if necessary. Everyone is unique, so exactly how to become a straight-A student also depends on your particular strengths and weaknesses.

Rule #3: Take care of your physical health.

Most of the students I work with complain that they’re constantly tired and sleep-deprived.

They can’t focus in class. They daydream. They lack energy and enthusiasm. They frequently fall sick.

Is it possible to be a straight-A student when you’re in this kind of physical state?

Yes… but it’s unlikely.

Physical health is the foundation of academic excellence. To be a straight-A student, you don’t need to have the physique of an Olympic-level athlete. But you do need to take excellent care of your body.

Work on these three areas, and you’ll become a better learner:

1. Sleep

Eight hours of sleep a night is ideal; some people need nine.

If you’re sleeping four, five or six hours a night, you won’t be able to suddenly increase it to eight or more. The jump is too big, and you probably feel like you have too much to do during the day as it is.

So I recommend that you gradually bring forward your bedtime. 10 minutes earlier this week, 20 minutes earlier next week, 30 minutes earlier the week after, and so on, until you get to your target bedtime.

To remind yourself to go to bed on time, set an alarm. When the alarm goes off, start your bedtime routine.

But it’s not just about how much you sleep. How well you sleep matters too.

To improve your sleep quality, use a blue light filter for your phone and your computer.

Next, make your bedroom as dark as possible at night. Put up blackout curtains and remove all light sources.

Turn off all electronic devices in your bedroom before you go to sleep. If, for whatever reason, you need to leave your phone on, turn it to airplane mode. This way, you’ll minimize the cell phone radiation you’re exposed to, and you’ll sleep better.

2. Food

It’s the usual advice:

Eat regular meals.
Drink 8 to 10 glasses of water a day.
Don’t overeat more than once a week.
Restrict your intake of processed foods.
Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables.
Don’t drink sugary drinks.

Do these things and you’ll feel more alert throughout the day. It’s hard to become a straight-A student if you’re always feeling lethargic!

3. Exercise

You’ve heard it before: Exercise at least three times a week, for at least 30 to 45 minutes each time.

Exercise enhances your memory and thinking skills, as proven by research. So make exercise a priority, and you’ll get better grades.

Rule #4: Don’t cram. Instead, use a periodic review system.

People are usually surprised to hear that I’ve never pulled an all-nighter before. As the research shows, cramming is a bad idea.

The more effective approach?

Periodic review, which is also known as a spaced repetition system.

If you periodically review the new information you learn, you’ll move that information from your short-term to your long-term memory. This way, you won’t forget important facts or equations come exam time.

The end result: Less exam stress and anxiety, and a greater likelihood of getting straight A’s.

After much experimentation, I’ve found that the optimal review intervals for most students are as follows:

1 day after learning the new information
3 days after the first review
7 days after the second review
21 days after the third review
30 days after the fourth review
45 days after the fifth review
60 days after the sixth review

By the end of this cycle, the information is almost permanently stored in your long-term memory.

Note that each review is just a review of the key facts and equations, not a full review of the topic. As such, each review only takes 10 to 15 minutes to complete.

This system will save you dozens of hours by maximising your studying efficiency.

Rule #5: Form a homework group.

Here’s why I recommend this.

You’ll run into difficulties while doing your homework, so it’s good to have friends around whom you can turn to for help.

Even if they can’t solve the problem, you can bounce ideas off them. This process can be a fun way to study and motivate everybody in the group.

But if you do your homework alone, you’ll become discouraged more easily when you can’t solve a problem.

Your homework group should consist of three to four people, including you. More people than that and it’ll be distracting.

When it comes to studying, however, you may or may not be better off doing it in a group.

Some students enjoy studying with friends, because there’s a healthy pressure to stay focused. But other students concentrate better when they study alone.

So run your own experiment and decide what works best for you.

Rule #6: Set up a distraction-free study area.

Here are some practical things you can do to make your study session as fruitful as possible:

Install and activate the Freedom app on your computer.
Turn off your phone, and put it at least 10 feet away from your study area.
Keep a clutter-free study area.
Decide when’s the best time to study for you. (Click that link to read my tips, so that you can find a study schedule that works for you.)
Work in 30- to 45-minute blocks. Time your study sessions to help you stay focused.
Give yourself a small reward every time you complete a study session, e.g. eat a fruit, watch a YouTube video, go for a short walk.

On a related note, don’t multitask. You might think that you’re able to watch TV, write an essay, check your Twitter feed, and solve a Math problem – at the same time.

But research shows that multitasking isn’t productive, and may even damage your brain. So focus on one thing at a time, and you’ll be that much closer to becoming a straight-A student.

Rule #7: Clarify your doubts immediately.

Many students wait until a week before the exam to clarify their doubts. This leads to panic and anxiety, a combination that doesn’t result in optimal exam performance.

The alternative is simple: Ask questions. Lots of them.

Getting straight A’s requires that you have a thorough understanding of the material.

If you don’t understand a concept, ask your teacher to explain it again. If you feel shy about raising your hand during class, then approach your teacher after class.

Yes, if you do this consistently, your classmates might label you a “teacher’s pet” or a “brown noser.” There’s always a price to pay when you pursue excellence. Accept this fact and move on.

On a related note, go to class every single day.

Yes, your teachers might be boring. Yes, they might tell lame jokes. Yes, they might speak in a monotone.

But nonetheless, they’ll highlight the important areas to focus on, which will save you time and effort down the line. Furthermore, you’ll probably find it easier to make sense of your teachers’ explanation, than to figure things out on your own.

That’s why borrowing your classmate’s notes isn’t a substitute for attending class.

I’m proud to say that throughout my 17 years of formal education, I only ever skipped one class. ? (That class was a review session on a topic that I’d already studied several times.)

The bottom line

Right now, you might be feeling overwhelmed.

I can almost read your mind: “These rules all sound good, Daniel. But there are just so many habits I need to change as a student. I don’t think I can do it.”

Rest assured that I’m not asking you to put everything into practice all at once. I’m asking you to start with just one tiny change.

If you want to start exercising regularly, don’t set some huge, ambitious goal. Instead, start with a 10-minute walk, once a week. After a month, increase it to 15 minutes. The following month, increase it to 20 minutes, and so on. Eventually, you’ll be exercising three times a week, for 30 minutes each time.

The same principle applies to all seven rules. Focus on one rule at a time, and stick with it until it becomes a habit.

It took me more than 10 years to learn the rules, so don’t rush the process.

One other thing…

I mentioned it earlier, but I think it’s worth repeating: Straight A’s on their own don’t mean much. The process of becoming a straight-A student is what counts.

Learning how to become a straight-A student will teach you valuable skills for the future as well.

As you implement these seven rules, you’ll become more disciplined, organised, responsible, and self-motivated. These traits are vital for long-term success.

So start building the foundations of school success and more – one day at a time, one habit at a time, and one rule at a time.

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free quick action guide below.)

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8 Truths That Successful Students Understand

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 15 Comments

Students

Through my work with more than 20,000 students so far, I’ve begun to see what separates successful students from not-so-successful ones.

And I’m not just talking about academic performance. I’m talking about their overall development, and their willingness to learn and grow, even through disappointments.

The key doesn’t lie in successful students’ innate intelligence or how many study tips they know.

Instead, the foundation of their success lies in their beliefs — the truths they take to heart.

These are the eight most important truths that successful students both understand and embrace:

1. Life is challenging

Many students expect life to be relatively easy. They know that hard work is important, but they don’t believe they’ll need to work that hard to get what they want.

For example, I once gave a talk to an auditorium filled with 18-year-old students. At the end of the talk, a student came up to me and said, “Thank you for the talk, Daniel! I’m feeling inspired. I’d like to ask you: What can I do to ensure that I find a fulfilling career in the future?”

After telling him that I appreciated his enthusiasm, I recommended that he start by reading two books, Do What You Are and What Color is Your Parachute?.

In an instant, a puzzled look washed over his face. He said dejectedly, “Oh, but I don’t like reading. I won’t be able to make it through two books…”

This student wanted to find a fulfilling career that would last him a few decades, but he wasn’t willing to read two books. Somehow, he believed that building a rewarding career shouldn’t take too much effort.

Unfortunately, this mindset is prevalent among students.

Successful students, on the other hand, understand that life is tough, but that overcoming challenges makes life more meaningful.

2. You can’t always choose your circumstances, but you can always choose your attitude

We all like to think that we’re in control of our lives. But there are so many aspects of our lives that are beyond our control. Of course, this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t plan ahead and make wise decisions.

Successful students realize that they can’t control what mood their teacher is in, or what the weather will be like, or how hard next week’s math test will be.

But they recognize that they can always choose their attitude, and how they respond to the circumstances they’re confronted with.

3. Your education is your responsibility, not your parents’

It seems like many parents today take more of an interest in their children’s academics than their children do.

I’ve met parents who sit right next to their children to ensure that their children complete their homework. These same parents develop a complete studying schedule for their children to follow, because their children have become over-reliant on them.

Just last week, I got to know a family where the father is planning to quit his job so he can monitor his 15-year-old son’s schoolwork more closely.

I don’t doubt that these parents have good intentions. But whose education is it? Is it the parents’ or the children’s?

Successful students understand that their education is their responsibility.

Parents can help by not micromanaging their children. Instead, parents can set medium-term goals together with their children. Every two months or so, parents can give the school teacher a brief call to see how their children are progressing. If the children aren’t living up to their end of the bargain, then the parents can mete out appropriate consequences.

4. Life doesn’t revolve around you

Many students ask themselves, “What can my parents/family do for me?” instead of asking, “What can I do for my parents/family?”

In order for students to find long-term success, they must realize that they’re not the center of the universe.

It’s their social responsibility to show consideration for other people’s feelings and needs, especially those of their family members.

Only then can students begin to cultivate an attitude of service, where they focus on adding value to other people, instead of obsessing over their own desires.

5. Blaming others gets you nowhere

It’s easy for students (and adults too) to blame others. Do any of the following sound familiar?

“The teacher is too boring. That’s why I didn’t do well on the test.”
“My parents are too naggy. That’s why I’m always moody.”
“The lesson wasn’t engaging. That’s why I couldn’t pay attention.”

These complaints may be valid. But taking full responsibility for your education and your life means that you don’t blame other people for how you’ve been feeling, or the disappointments you’ve been experiencing.

Instead, successful students continually ask themselves this vital question: “What is one thing I can do right now to make the situation better?”

This enables them to focus on what they can control, instead of what they can’t.

6. Managing yourself is more important than managing your time

Students today face more distractions than ever before.

Texting. YouTube. Facebook. Twitter. Instagram. Blogs. Online games. And the rest of the Internet.

Students must learn to manage their time and their priorities, but they must first learn to manage themselves.

They must acquire the skills of eliminating distractions, fighting off temptations, and finding intrinsic motivation.

If they don’t, they won’t feel motivated to study, and they’ll succumb to the onslaught of entertainment options available to them 24/7.

7. You’re entitled to few things in life, if at all

80% of the students I work with have a strong sense of entitlement. They feel entitled to:

Use their home computer any time they wish
Own a smartphone
Have a messy room, if they so choose
Lead a comfortable life

They don’t grasp the fact that these aren’t entitlements; they’re privileges. And privileges aren’t given. They’re earned.

Successful students work hard to earn these privileges, knowing that they could lose these privileges if they’re not careful.

8. No one’s perfect, but there’s always room to improve

I’ve worked with a number of students who have unrealistic expectations of themselves, and who place an overwhelming pressure on themselves to perform.

These perfectionist tendencies (most common among those who are the first-born or who are an only child) can lead to serious psychological issues down the road, such as depression and suicidal thoughts.

So if you’re a parent reading this, don’t take it lightly if your child is a perfectionist.

But successful students realize that there’s no such thing as perfection.

They turn their attention away from achievements and the end result. Instead, they focus on improving and developing. They concentrate on the factors that are within their control: their effort and attitude.

Ironically, these students perform better by choosing not to focus on their performance.

The bottom line

If you want your children to become happy and successful, they must accept these eight truths. As parents, our role is to influence and inspire our children to understand these truths, and then live them out.

Is it an easy task? Definitely not.

But I’m convinced that it’s worth the effort. 🙂

7 Phrases That Children Need To Hear From Their Parents

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 32 Comments

Listening

Are you worried that your children aren’t as motivated and hardworking as they should be?

It’s natural that parents want their children to succeed.

Through my work with students, I’ve realized just how much the parent-child relationship affects the child’s development, both emotionally and mentally.

No surprises there.

The stronger the relationship, the better the chances of the child becoming a well-adjusted, successful adult.

This article lists seven simple phrases that will help you to build that relationship.

The more often you use the phrases – I’m not asking you to repeat them every moment of every day, though! – the more likely it is that your child will grow up feeling safe, secure and self-confident. That’s the foundation of long-term success and happiness.

Here are the seven phrases:

1. “I love you”

This is an obvious but vital one.

Children need to know that you love and accept them unconditionally. You might feel awkward about saying “I love you” to your children, especially if it isn’t part of your family culture. But I encourage you to say it at least once a month. If you say it once a week or once a day, even better.

95% of the teenagers I work with confess to me that they feel as though their parents love them more when they perform well in school or in their other activities.

In extreme cases, these children grow up believing that they’ll never be good enough. This can cause them to be unmotivated, or to exhibit other behavioral problems.

The simple solution?

Say “I love you” to your children. Often.

2. “Go for it!”

Of course, if your children are about to do something dangerous or unethical, you shouldn’t tell them to “go for it.” You should step in.

But when they’re faced with a challenge that they’ll benefit from taking on, they need your encouragement to bolster their confidence.

Parents tend to be too cautious, because they take a short-term view of parenting. I’m a parent myself, so I know how tempting this can be.

I believe that the goal of parenting isn’t to shelter our children or to provide them with a comfortable life. It’s to prepare them for adulthood, where they won’t just survive – they’ll thrive.

Adulthood is full of challenges, so in childhood and adolescence your kids need all the practice they can get in overcoming them.

To do that, they’ll need your support, and for you to tell them, “Go for it!”

3. “I’m proud of you”

I recommend that you say this to your children frequently, and not just when they’ve accomplished something remarkable.

Being proud of your children for what they’ve done is different from being proud of them for who they are.

There’s nothing wrong with being proud of your children for what they’ve achieved. But they need to know that you’ll still be proud of them, even if they don’t achieve anything impressive.

Whenever you observe your children displaying kindness, generosity, humility, courage, or any other positive behavior, take the opportunity to say, “I’m proud of you.”

Don’t underestimate the tremendous power of this simple phrase.

4. “I believe in you”

For many people, childhood and adolescence are times of self-doubt.

Am I capable enough?

What will people think of me if I fail?

Do I have what it takes?

Why can’t I be as smart as Tim, or as popular as Jaime?

These are the kinds of questions that children ask themselves.

In the midst of their doubt, they need you to be their loyal advocate, their ardent fan.

It breaks my heart when teenagers tell me that their parents are their biggest critic, not their biggest fan. Their parents belittle them and put them down. On occasion, their parents even call them “useless” or “stupid.”

I’m blessed that, throughout my own life, my parents have told me that they believe in me – especially when I didn’t believe in myself. This gave me the confidence to dream big and dare to fail.

This is a gift that you can share with your children too, as you say to them, “I believe in you.”

5. “Will you forgive me?”

As a parent, you’re an authority figure in your home. Apologizing to your children is hard, because your pride is at stake.

But leaders go first. As a leader in your home, you must take the first step.

For example, if you’ve said something unkind during an argument with your child, be the first one to say, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Will you forgive me?”

As you model this kind of humility, your children will develop new respect for you. This is also an excellent opportunity to show your children that we all make mistakes, but that it’s crucial to take responsibility for them.

6. “Will you show me how you did that?”

At some point, your children will know more about certain things than you. Maybe they already know more about social media or music or Internet marketing than you.

I know many parents who act as if they know more than their children in every area. When their children bring up almost any topic, these parents cut them off, jump to conclusions, or cast judgment.

Soon enough, these children stop communicating openly with their parents. “Why should I talk to my parents, when they don’t actually listen to what I have to say?” these children think.

So if your children know more about something than you, I encourage you to say, “That’s interesting. Tell me more.”

And if you see your children doing something you’re not able to, why not ask them, “Will you show me how you did that?”

A few days ago, I was waiting to get a haircut when I saw a 14-year-old boy playing with a Rubik’s cube. He solved the Rubik’s cube in less than 15 seconds. I was impressed!

The boy’s mother was sitting next to him. She remarked, “Wow! Will you show me how you did that?” Grinning with pride, the boy explained step-by-step how to solve a Rubik’s cube.

When you take a genuine interest in your children’s hobbies, they feel valued and respected. This is vital for a healthy parent-child relationship.

7. “I’m here for you”

As children get older, they want more independence. They want the freedom to make choices, and to chart their own course.

Parents may start to feel as if their children don’t want to have anything to do with them. But this isn’t the case.

Even the most rebellious teenagers I’ve worked with care about what their parents think, at some level.

If your children are in their teens, allow them to make as many of their own choices as possible. After all, they’re going to be adults in a few short years. They’ll appreciate your advice and counsel, as long as you make it clear that the final decision is theirs. Naturally, they must deal with the consequences of their choices too.

By saying “I’m here for you,” your children will know that you’re there to help if the going gets tough. This way, they’ll be more confident as they venture out into the world.

The bottom line

Parenting is an adventure that’s full of both frustration and joy, but it doesn’t have to be complicated.

That’s where these seven simple phrases come in.

Start small. Choose one phrase, and use it at least once in the coming month. The next month, add one more phrase to your repertoire.

Soon enough, you’ll be using all seven phrases as a habit. And you’ll be well on your way to bringing up happy and successful children – one day at a time, and one phrase at a time.

Image: Listening

The Simple 3-Letter Word That Successful People Use Every Day

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong

Can the secret to success be summed up in a three-letter word?

Well, mostly.

And the word is… “yet.”

It requires some explanation as to why “yet” is such an important word, so please be patient with me.

Earlier this year, I had the honor of speaking at the National Association of Secondary School Principals (NASSP) Conference in Dallas, Texas. I was even more honored because my co-presenter was Dr. Carol Dweck, world-renowned researcher and the Lewis and Virginia Eaton Professor of Psychology at Stanford University.

Me and Dr. Carol Dweck

Dr. Dweck’s research has centered around the themes of human motivation and development. She’s come up with a theory of the fixed vs. growth mindset, which has been proven by numerous studies.

Why effort matters more than ability

Essentially, Dr Dweck’s theory predicts who will be successful over the long term and who won’t. I know, that’s a pretty big claim to make, but she has three decades of research to back her up.

Here’s a summary of the theory:

People with a fixed mindset generally believe that their skills and abilities are fixed and won’t improve much, even with practice.
Fixed mindsetters focus on the end result more than the process of development.
Fixed mindsetters often focus on factors that are beyond their control, e.g. bad luck, unfortunate circumstances, unkind bosses, bad parents.
In contrast, growth mindsetters generally believe that no matter what their skill or ability level now, they can improve with effort.
Growth mindsetters focus on the process and the journey, instead of merely being concerned about the outcome.
Growth mindsetters focus on factors that are within their control, e.g. effort, attitude, choices.

How can a 3-letter word make such a huge difference?

Dr. Dweck has observed that one of the things that’s characteristic of growth mindsetters is that they frequently use the word “yet.”

Fixed mindsetters think or say things like:

“I’m not good at making new friends.”
“I’m not disciplined.”
“I’m not an analytical thinker.”
“I don’t have many leadership qualities.”
“I can’t cook.”

On the other hand, growth mindsetters simply tag on the word “yet” at the end of those sentences:

“I’m not good at making new friends yet.”
“I’m not disciplined yet.”
“I’m not an analytical thinker yet.”
“I don’t have many leadership qualities yet.”
“I can’t cook yet.”

It’s a simple word that represents a fundamental shift in mindset. (You can read more examples in this article I’ve written about developing a growth mindset in students.)

Using the word “yet” reminds us that we’re not perfect, that we’re a work-in-progress. Of course, we’ll need to choose which areas we want to focus on and excel at, but we shouldn’t write ourselves off as being bad at something before we’ve even given it a shot.

I’ve worked with students who have concluded that they’re bad at math, bad at science, bad at relationships, bad at life. Worse still, they’ve decided that things will never change, so they subconsciously behave in ways to prove themselves right.

Case study: my fear of public speaking

I can identify, because as a teenager I was like that too. One thing I was especially afraid of was public speaking.

Given that I’ve spoken to thousands of people in various countries, I always get the “yeah, right” look—I mean, the death stare of disbelief—when I mention that I used to have this fear. But it’s true, I promise!

In school, I used to shy away from any opportunity to speak in public: talks, asking questions in class, or sharing my views. To me, being forced to give a class presentation was the worst thing that could happen in life.

Just the thought of speaking in public immobilized me. My stomach would tighten up, my mind would freeze, and my emotions would go out of whack.

This continued until I was 21 years old. One day, I decided that I just couldn’t let this irrational fear get the better of me any longer. I wasn’t familiar with Dr Dweck’s work at the time, but it was then that I changed my thinking from “I’m not confident at public speaking” to “I’m not confident at public speaking yet.”

I promised myself that I would say yes the next time someone asked me to give a talk or presentation. It didn’t matter how big or small the audience would be, and it didn’t matter how long I was supposed to speak for.

I was going to do it. No hesitating, and no excuses. I was going to become a confident public speaker.

After saying yes again and again to speaking opportunities, I eventually realized that I enjoy public speaking, and I’ve never looked back since.

Becoming a “yet” man/woman

That’s my little story of how the word “yet” has empowered me.

I’m still in the process of applying this “yet” mindset. I want to become a world-class husband and father; I want to grow as a leader and strategic thinker; I want to develop traits like courage and fortitude. I’ll be the first to admit that I have plenty of work to do in these areas!

What about you? Are there skills or competencies that you’ve already decided you’ll never be able to acquire, regardless of how hard you try?

And are you willing to make it a daily habit to become a “yet” man/woman?

Life is a journey of learning, loving, growing and contributing. We’re not there. Yet.