Parenting Archives - Page 5 of 5

6 Things Happy and Effective Parents Say “No” To

Updated on April 18, 2017 By Daniel Wong 20 Comments

As a parent, does it sometimes feel like your to-do list is never-ending?

You have so many responsibilities to fulfill, chores to complete, and errands to run.

Through my work, I interact with lots of parents. Sadly, it seems like many parents are overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle of life, and have lost the joy of parenthood.

In this article, I’ll share with you six things to say “no” to as a parent. When you say “no” to these things, I’m confident that you’ll become a happier – and more effective – parent.

Here they are:

1. Say “no” to perfection

Do you strive for perfection?

Some parents hold on to these ideals – and some even try to achieve them all at once:

They should never lose their temper.
They should always be cheerful.
Their home should be neat and clean all the time.
They should be involved in charity work and in serving the community.
They should have an active social life.
Their children should be well-behaved.
Their children should perform well in school.
Their children should excel in their co-curricular activities.

Don’t get me wrong. We should set goals in the different areas of our lives. And yes, we should develop ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally.

But we must also accept that we’re not perfect.

Let’s be kind to ourselves. Let’s not hold ourselves to unattainable standards. Let’s say “no” to perfection, and instead say “yes” to progress.

2. Say “no” to over-scheduling your children’s lives

[Read more…]

7 Ways to Get Your Children to Do Their Homework (No Nagging Required!)

Updated on September 25, 2019 By Daniel Wong 12 Comments

Getting your children to do their homework – it’s a struggle, isn’t it?

It seems like everything is more important to them than homework.

Online gaming, social media, hanging out with friends, watching TV, playing sports… the list goes on.

But it doesn’t have to be a daily struggle.

In this article, I’ll explain seven ways to get your children to do their homework – no complaining from them, and no nagging from you.

1. Make it clear that it’s their homework, not yours.

Many parents seem to care more about their children’s homework than their children do. As such, the responsibility shifts from the children to the parents.

But this should not be the case.

After all, it’s your children’s homework, not yours.

Help them to understand that their homework is their responsibility. Feel free to provide help or guidance, but you should never do the work for them.

2. Don’t force them to do their homework.

I can almost hear you saying, “But Daniel, if I don’t force my children to do their homework, they won’t do it at all!”

I know where you’re coming from. But if you implement all the tips in this article, I can close to guarantee that your children will do their homework without coercion.

If you threaten or intimidate them, your parent-child relationship will suffer.

And as the saying goes, “Rules without relationship breeds rebellion.”

I’ve worked with more than 15,000 students so far, and I wholeheartedly agree with that saying.

If you impose rules without nurturing the relationship, sooner or later your children will defy you. Power struggles are unhealthy, whether they’re over food, going to school, or homework.

3. Discuss expectations and consequences with them.

[Read more…]

Are You Too Busy? 4 Ways To Slow Down

Updated on July 4, 2017 By Daniel Wong 21 Comments

Too busy

Let me ask you three questions:

Do you often feel like your to-do list is never-ending?
Do you often sacrifice sleep to get things done?
Do you frequently complain about how busy you are?

If you answered “yes” to those questions, you’re busy – probably too busy.

But it doesn’t have to be like this.

The strange reason we ignore the most important things in life

In an era where we’re connected 24/7, the line between work and leisure has become blurred. Even on a Sunday afternoon, you could send that email. You could reply to that text. You could do something “productive.”

But should you?

I face this temptation every time I have a day off. The temptation is even greater because I enjoy my job so much!

And it’s not just me. Through my work with parents – many of whom are busy and stressed out – I know this is a widespread problem.

Author Charles Hummel once observed that the most important things in life are also the most well-mannered. They don’t scream for your attention. They don’t throw a tantrum to force you to take notice.

This explains why we often ignore the things that matter most. They’re just too polite.

In contrast, the urgent things are far less polite. That email from your boss, that phone call, that Facebook message – they’re calling out to you right now. You feel like you can’t ignore it, so you don’t.

That’s how we become busy, by allowing ourselves to be overwhelmed by the urgent.

But there’s a way out. [Read more…]

Raising Resilient Children: A Simple Tip That Works Wonders

Updated on March 15, 2017 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

resilient children

Every parent has been there before.

You worry that your children won’t be resilient enough to survive in the “real world” when they grow up.

Will they be able to handle disappointments? Will they develop a can-do attitude? Will they overcome their fears?

To prepare your children for the future, you encourage them to work hard. You try to teach them valuable life skills.

But when they meet setbacks, they sometimes falter. Maybe it’s a math test they didn’t do well on. Or a friendship that fell apart. Or a teacher who said something harsh.

They didn’t take it well. They might even have become withdrawn and unmotivated.

So you ask yourself…

How can I help my children to become more resilient?

A simple, effective tip for bringing up resilient children

And the tip is:

Share your challenges and struggles with your children, and explain to them what you’re doing to resolve the situation.

This might sound like a strange approach, but it’s effective.

Here’s why. [Read more…]

7 Phrases That Children Need To Hear From Their Parents

Updated on November 9, 2018 By Daniel Wong 23 Comments

Listening Are you worried that your children aren’t as motivated and hardworking as they should be?

It’s natural that parents want their children to succeed.

Through my work with students, I’ve realized just how much the parent-child relationship affects the child’s development, both emotionally and mentally.

No surprises there.

The stronger the relationship, the better the chances of the child becoming a well-adjusted, successful adult.

This article lists seven simple phrases that will help you to build that relationship.

The more often you use the phrases – I’m not asking you to repeat them every moment of every day, though! – the more likely it is that your child will grow up feeling safe, secure and self-confident. That’s the foundation of long-term success and happiness.

Here are the seven phrases:

1. “I love you”

This is an obvious but vital one.

Children need to know that you love and accept them unconditionally. You might feel awkward about saying “I love you” to your children, especially if it isn’t part of your family culture. But I encourage you to say it at least once a month. If you say it once a week or once a day, even better.

95% of the teenagers I work with confess to me that they feel as though their parents love them more when they perform well in school or in their other activities.

In extreme cases, these children grow up believing that they’ll never be good enough. This can cause them to be unmotivated, or to exhibit other behavioral problems.

The simple solution?

Say “I love you” to your children. Often.

2. “Go for it!”

Of course, if your children are about to do something dangerous or unethical, you shouldn’t tell them to “go for it.” You should step in. [Read more…]

What Your Mom Knows About Success That You Should Too

Updated on July 4, 2017 By Daniel Wong

Happy Mother's Day - photo courtesy of Lauren K

Happy Mother’s Day! I know this is an occasion that’s evolved to mainly benefit the Hallmarks of this world. After all, we should honor our moms every day, not just one day a year. But it’s still a good time to celebrate the role that moms play in our lives. So this post is dedicated to my own wonderful mom, as well as to my amazing wife, Michele, who became a mom just a couple of weeks ago.

Beep. Beeeeep. BEEEEEEEEEEP.

I check the time—it’s 4am. Michele’s alarm is going off. Its violent ringing pierces the stillness of the night, shaking me from my peaceful, nowadays-it-never-seems-enough sleep.

Michele stirs; her eyes are one-quarter open. She looks like she could sleep for another 24 hours straight, and that still wouldn’t be enough to eliminate the sleep debt she’s accumulated over the past two weeks.

She’s waking up to express breast milk so that baby Z has food to eat. Food is exceptionally important to Isaac, as you can imagine.

Day or night, drowsy or completely exhausted, uncomfortable or in agonizing pain—Michele does this, every three hours without fail.

(It’s a long explanation as to why breastfeeding moms need to express their milk every few hours, but you can trust me when I say that bad, annoying things are likely to happen if they don’t.)

Why I’ve been a helpless husband

It saddens me to watch Michele go through this. It’s one of the few times in my life where I’ve felt so powerless, so lost.

Whenever I’m faced with challenges or frustrations, I instinctively ask myself: What is one thing I can do right now to make the situation better?

In most circumstances, there’s usually at least one small action I can take. And that makes me feel at least partially in control of the situation.

But as I look tenderly at Michele, my heart overwhelmed with emotion, I know that there’s nothing I can do to alleviate her discomfort or fatigue. I can get her a drink and sterilize the milk bottles, but I can’t take over her breastfeeding role.

This is despite the fact that when Isaac is hungry he sometimes even tries to suck my nipple. I’m sorry, buddy, but you won’t find milky treasures oozing out from Daddy’s nipples.

The motherhood guide to success

Of course, it hasn’t been all bad. Isaac is a tremendous blessing. Michele and I enjoy holding him, caring for him, and even just watching him as he sleeps (it’s not as creepy as it sounds, I promise).

But through the rough moments, Michele has had a persevering spirit. She’s one tough cookie, and I beam with pride whenever I tell my friends and family about how determined she’s been.

In two weeks—it feels more like a few months though—I’ve observed just a bit of what motherhood entails. But it’s enough for me to realize that moms know plenty about what it takes to be successful in life.

I’m sharing these observations with you in the hope that they’ll cause you to appreciate your mom more, and to think about how you can apply these principles in your own life. They’re excellent reminders for me too.

These are four things that moms know, which we’d be wise to learn too.

1. People are counting on you.

Eat. Sleep. Pee. Poop. Repeat. The life of a baby is pretty enviable, huh?

Babies are entirely reliant on their parents. Babies left on their own without a caregiver wouldn’t survive. Moms understand this, and respond right away when they hear their baby’s cries. (Dads respond quickly too, but probably not as immediately as moms.) When your baby is counting on you, you don’t want to let him or her down.

In a similar way, people are counting on you too. The world is counting on you. To contribute. To learn. To grow. To face your fears. To persevere. To make a difference. To care.

It’s a quiet cry compared to the earsplitting screams of a baby, but it’s equally urgent. Although they don’t realize it, other people’s lives are worse off when we cruise along, choosing mediocrity over excellence, pleasure over purpose, the easy way over the best way. We’re not adding value to their lives in the way we would have if we’d put our heart and soul into being the best we could be. [Read more…]

10 Questions That Successful Parents Ask Themselves

Updated on March 15, 2017 By Daniel Wong

Parenting

Parenting is an awesome responsibility that involves an incredible amount of work.

It isn’t easy to be a great parent!

I’ve had the privilege of speaking to and working with thousands of students and parents. Through these interactions, I’ve come to realize that despite their good intentions, parents often do things that confuse, annoy, anger or frustrate their children.

I’ve noticed the many mistakes that parents make in trying to raise happy and successful children.

I’ve also observed what winning parents do differently.

Based on these observations, I’ve come up with a list of 10 questions that all successful parents ask themselves.

(Just to be clear, I’m writing this post from a child and a student’s perspective. Also, to avoid repeatedly writing “he or she,” I’ll assume that the child I refer to is a girl.)

1. Do I want what’s good for my child or what’s best?

(This point is inspired by this excellent article.)

It’s natural for parents to advise their children to pursue the safe, predictable and practical route.

Parents do this because they don’t want their children to experience uncertainty or discomfort.

This is the good path.

But is it the best path?

In most cases, no. The best path is usually the one that’s full of challenges, obstacles and disappointments.

It might even be full of the “f” word: failure.

Winning parents distinguish between “good” and “best,” and continually encourage their children to choose “best.”