The 10 Most Dangerous Things That Students Can Say to Themselves

Updated on July 6, 2024 By Daniel Wong 12 Comments

The way you talk to yourself has a huge impact on how you handle challenges.

It affects how you perform in every area of life, including your academics.

Negative thoughts sometimes become so much a part of your “self-talk” that you’re barely even aware of them.

In this article, I’ll show you the 10 most dangerous things that students can say to themselves, and why these 10 things prevent students from achieving their goals.

(To learn 3 bonus tips, download the free PDF summary below.)

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1. “I don’t feel like it”

There will be times when you don’t feel like doing something that you ought to.

One thing that successful students all have in common is that they don’t allow themselves to be driven by emotion.

To succeed, you must be able to put your feelings aside and follow through on your commitments, even when you don’t feel like it.

For example, if you’ve made a commitment to study for at least 1 hour every weekday, do everything necessary to keep to that commitment.

Or if you’ve decided to go for a 20-minute walk every evening, make sure you do it, regardless of how you feel.

To make it more enjoyable, you could listen to an audiobook or podcast during the walk. (That’s what I do during my walks, and it helps a lot!)

Doing things only when you feel motivated to do them isn’t a reliable way of reaching your goals.

This is because you definitely won’t feel motivated all the time.

It’s important to be able to do productive and meaningful things even when you don’t feel like doing them.

Over time, you’ll build self-discipline.

2. “I’ll do it later”

Procrastination is the enemy of success, because it prevents you from being prepared to perform at your best.

To combat procrastination, the first thing to do is recognise that you’re engaging in it.

If you find yourself frequently saying “I’ll do it later” or “I’ll do it the day before it’s due”, these are common signs of procrastination.

The most effective way of dealing with procrastination is to make specific commitments, e.g. “I complete all my assignments at least 2 days before they’re due”, “I start studying for every class test at least 1 week in advance”.

You can go even further than this and prioritise the very things that you least want to do. This turns procrastination on its head: the things you want to avoid doing, you do first.

Another way of dealing with procrastination is to say no to perfectionism.

Sometimes we procrastinate because we feel that something has to be perfect. The fear of falling short of perfection is what causes us to procrastinate.

If you find yourself falling into this trap, tell yourself every day that progress and the process are what matter most, not perfection.

3. “I don’t have enough time”

We all get 24 hours a day. How is it that some students are so productive while others aren’t?

The answer boils down to planning and prioritisation.

If you feel you don’t have enough time to study and do other meaningful things, the problem could be that you aren’t doing enough planning.

Planning means allocating your time to specific tasks so that you achieve your goals.

When you have a plan, you “make” the time you need to accomplish a particular task.

So when you say “I don’t have enough time”, check that you’ve set aside time in your daily and weekly schedule for the task.

If you haven’t, this would explain why it feels as if you don’t have enough time.

The second aspect is prioritisation.

It’s often the case that students who say they don’t have enough time to study, read, exercise, etc. do have enough time to play video games or watch shows or go on social media every day.

If this is the case for you, then it’s a matter of priorities.

Prioritising is the act of deciding that some things in your life are more important than others.

For example, when thinking about doing fun activities like playing video games, ask yourself: “Will this help me get to where I want to be in 5 years or 10 years?”

Of course, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t play any video games at all.

I’m just saying that the way you spend your time should reflect what you claim is most important to you.

4. “It’s too late to…”

There’s a famous Chinese proverb that says, “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”

This principle applies to almost everything we do.

For example, you may feel that it’s too late to learn to play the guitar. Yes, it would have been good if you’d started learning to play the guitar 3 years ago.

But don’t let that thought prevent you from starting today.

Or you may feel that it’s too late to build a better relationship with your parents, because you’ve had a bad relationship with them for the past 5 years.

But without a doubt, today is the best day to start improving your relationship with your parents.

5. “I’m just not good at this”

When you’re learning a new skill or area of knowledge, do you ever think to yourself that “I’m just not good at this”?

If so, that’s a limiting mindset that will prevent you from growing and developing.

If you have this mindset, you’ll find excuses not to do your homework or to try to master a new topic.

Dr. Carol Dweck of Stanford University has identified two kinds of mindsets: the fixed mindset and the growth mindset.

People with a fixed mindset tend to fear failure. They frequently avoid challenges or anything that makes them feel bad about their level of ability.

On the other hand, people with a growth mindset take on challenges. They accept the discomfort that goes along with challenges, because they know it’s part of the learning process.

So the next time you’re learning something new and the thought “I’m just not good at this” pops into your head, remind yourself that this feeling of being stretched is a good thing.

Feel the discomfort and push through it as you put in the effort to improve!

6. “Nothing ever goes my way”

We all experience setbacks, and we all have days when nothing seems to go right.

But if you find yourself frequently thinking that “nothing ever goes my way”, ask yourself if this is accurate.

This kind of thinking is an example of what psychologists call all-or-nothing thinking.

Look back over the past month and make a list of all the situations that turned out well.

Maybe you did better than expected on a test, or maybe you made a couple of new friends, or maybe your physical fitness improved.

Through the process of making this list, you’ll begin to see that this kind of all-or-nothing thinking is rarely objective.

7. “If only…”

A limiting belief that will prevent you from succeeding as a student is the notion that something is holding you back.

This often takes the form of thoughts that begin with the statement “If only…”

For example, you might think to yourself:

“If only I was born into a wealthier family…”
“If only my parents gave me more freedom…”
“If only I went to a better school…”
“If only I didn’t have to travel so far to get to school…”
“If only other people made an effort to understand me better…”
“If only I was better-looking…”

These thoughts are sometimes based on valid observations.

You’ll always be able to find someone who has something you don’t. At the same time, there are always countless things for you to be thankful for.

Don’t let these “if only” thoughts become an excuse for not doing your best.

History is full of people who made profound contributions to the world, but who had to overcome huge obstacles along the way.

8. “I’m not __________ enough to…”

This is another kind of limiting belief that will stop you from making the most of your potential as a student.

It might take the form of something like “I’m not smart enough to get good grades” or “I’m not confident enough to be on the school debate team”.

These thoughts will stop you from even attempting something challenging.

If you struggle with these thoughts, there are two aspects to focus on.

First, ask yourself if the belief is accurate. Is it really true that you’re not smart enough or confident enough?

Second, even if there’s some truth to the belief, what’s to stop you from improving and putting yourself in a better position to succeed?

For example, if you lack confidence, you can take practical steps to become more assertive, improve your communication and leadership skills, contribute to the community, etc. As a result, you’ll become more confident.

Remember that the thoughts you have about your abilities are often self-fulfilling.

As Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.”

9. “It’s my teacher’s/parent’s/friend’s fault”

There will be times when people let you down. But at the end of the day, we’re fully responsible for our lives.

After all, if you’re not responsible for your life, then who is?

So even though your friends, teachers and family members may not live up to your expectations, there’s no point blaming them.

Instead, think about what you can do to take ownership of the situation.

For example, if you’re tempted to blame your teacher for not explaining the material clearly, hold your tongue.

Decide what you can do to learn the material. Are there notes you can refer to? Are there videos that you can find online? Would it help if you clarify your doubts with your teacher outside of class time?

If you take this proactive approach, you’ll find that there’s almost always something you can do to take ownership of the situation.

Taking responsibility for your life may seem scary at first.

But it will actually give you a greater sense of control and autonomy, because it puts you in the driver’s seat of your life.

10. “I’ll try to…”

When you say that you’ll “try” to do something, you’re not making a firm commitment to take action. All you’re promising to do is “try”.

This gives you a convenient way out if things don’t go smoothly.

Instead of saying that you’ll try to take notes in class, say that you will take notes in class.

Instead of saying that you’ll try to get to bed before 10 pm, say that you will get to bed before 10 pm. If you need to, set an alarm for 9:45 pm every night as a reminder for you to get ready for bed.

Make an unwavering commitment to the positive changes you want to see in your life.

Conclusion

Are you guilty of any of the negative thought patterns listed in this article?

(To learn 3 bonus tips, download the free PDF summary below.)

If so, don’t be discouraged. It’s all too easy to give in to such thoughts.

The first step in changing these thought patterns is to become more aware of them.

The next time you find yourself falling into one of these thought patterns, ask yourself these two questions:

“Is this thought objectively true?”
“Is this thought helpful?”

Most of the time, the answer to those two questions is no. You can then start to have a healthier internal dialogue with yourself.

By becoming more intentional about the thoughts you think, you’ll be on your way to developing better beliefs.

In turn, this will enable you to find meaning, fulfilment and success in your life as a student!

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30 Ways to Deal With an Entitled Teenager (And Encourage Gratitude Instead)

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 13 Comments

Note from Daniel: This is a guest post by Veronica Wallace.

Many parents are confused about how to deal with an entitled teenager.

They also fear that their teenager doesn’t appreciate what he or she has.

Entitlement is the opposite of gratitude.

When teenagers feel entitled, they become upset and throw tantrums when they don’t get what they feel they deserve.

But when their lives are filled with gratitude, they express appreciation for the many good things they know they don’t deserve at all.

Here are 30 ways to fight entitlement and develop gratitude in your teenagers.

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How to deal with entitled teenagers

As a parent, there’s a lot you can do to fight entitlement and develop gratitude in your teenagers.

Try some of these strategies with your children and watch their perspectives begin to change.

1. Don’t just make your teens say “please” and “thank you”; explain to them why it’s important to do so sincerely

Many teens say “please” and “thank you” without sincerity.

They say it out of politeness, because their parents have trained them to use these “magic” words.

But warmth and sincerity matter more than politeness.

Encourage your children to say “please” and “thank you”, and explain to them how these words must come from a place of genuine gratitude.

Only when your children mean it each time will they cultivate a spirit of thankfulness.

2. Expect more from your teens

When you don’t expect anything of your children, they’ll expect everything of you.

Continuing to do everything for them is not how to deal with entitled teenagers.

Needing to earn something and being grateful to others for what you’ve earned is key.

Chores and responsibilities are powerful tools that will prevent your children from becoming entitled.

3. Establish boundaries

Creating boundaries is essential so that your teens understand that resources aren’t infinite.

Work with your children to establish boundaries related to spending, responsibilities, electronic devices, etc.

Show your children how you establish boundaries in your own life too.

4. Give your teens privileges that are tied to demonstrated responsibility

As far as possible, tie new privileges to demonstrated responsibility.

This will enable your teens to understand that they’ll reap what they sow.

For example, when your children keep to their curfew timing consistently for one month, their curfew timing could be extended by 15 minutes the following month.

5. Try role-playing with your teens

Teenagers who have not been practising gratitude may have a hard time expressing it when the opportunity presents itself.

To deal with entitled teenagers, help them learn how and when to express gratitude.

Role-playing scenarios in which your children could express gratitude will help them to turn gratitude into a habit.

6. Reduce the abundance in your home

One of my biggest tips for parenting teens and tackling entitlement is to remove abundance at home.

Teens who have less tend to be more grateful for what they have.

That’s why you don’t see many picky eaters around when food is scarce.

Be careful not to spoil your children by giving them whatever they want – a lack of abundance will help them to be grateful for what they have.

Reducing the abundance in your home will mean that you’ll need to make sacrifices too. But these sacrifices will be worth it when you observe your children becoming less entitled.

7. Explain the difference between wants and needs

Your children might want ice cream, but they need to eat balanced meals if they want to grow up healthy.

Help them understand the difference between wants and needs in various areas of life. As time goes by, they’ll be more appreciative whenever they get something they want (but don’t need).

8. Believe that your teens can change

Many parents have already decided that their teens are spoiled and entitled.

So every instance where their children behave in a way that seems mildly entitled confirms this belief.

Over time, these parents give up trying to fight the teenage entitlement mentality.

If you want your children to become more grateful, you must believe that change is possible.

Keep your eyes open to observe any progress that your children are making as you apply the tips in this article.

9. Model the desired behaviour for your teens

Thinking about how to deal with teenage attitude and entitled behaviour includes analysing your own behaviour.

Like it or not, your children will emulate you.

They’ll also be quick to point it out if they think you’re being hypocritical.

So take a good look in the mirror to evaluate the levels of entitlement vs. gratitude in your own life.

How often do you act entitled? How often do you express gratitude? Do you complain a lot?

Change your own behaviour and attitude, and you’ll see a change in your children.

10. Encourage your teens to keep a journal

Journalling is an excellent way to learn about your feelings and cultivate mindfulness.

Encourage your children to journal every day or week about the things they’re grateful for and the life lessons they’re learning.

Of course, if you encourage your children to do this, then you should do it too!

11. Distinguish between owed and given

Teenagers may think that they’re owed everything.

Have conversations with your teens about what they deserve and what they’ve received because of the love and generosity of others.

12. Serve others as a family

Serving others is one of the best ways to deal with entitled teenagers and children.

Be the kind of person who goes out of his or her way to help others out. Encourage your children to do the same.

Talk about why serving others is a crucial part of life, and serve others together as a family.

As Sir Winston Churchill once said, “We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”

13. Perform random acts of kindness

Do something nice for a family member, a friend, or even a stranger.

Get your teens involved in performing these random acts of kindness too.

It’s impossible for your children to become kinder without also becoming less entitled.

If you’re not used to performing such acts of kindness, it will feel strange at the start. So be sure to begin by taking tiny steps!

14. Talk about money and how much things cost

Teens sometimes think ATMs are magical machines that dispense money.

Providing opportunities to learn about the value of money is essential when dealing with entitled teenagers.

Explain to your children how much various things cost, e.g. groceries, electronic devices, restaurant meals, cars, houses.

Talk to them about the dangers of accumulating credit card debt, and explain to them how you’re being intentional about living within your means.

Teach them to ask the question, “Can I afford it?” But teach them that it’s even more important to ask the question, “Do I need it?”

After all, just because we can afford something doesn’t mean that we need to have it.

15. Create gratitude rituals

When dealing with entitled teenagers, put more opportunities in place to practise gratitude.

For example, once or twice a week before a family meal, you can go around the table and ask every family member to share one thing they’re thankful for.

16. Don’t lecture or nag your teens about gratitude

Instead of lecturing or nagging, have casual family discussions about gratitude whenever relevant situations arise.

Gratitude is a value that must be both taught and “caught” – caught through the day-to-day interactions within the family.

17. Talk about things in the past that you’re grateful for

It’s helpful if you occasionally talk to your children about things in the past that you’re thankful for – even things that seemed bad at the time.

For example, you might be grateful that you didn’t get your initial dream job, because the setback propelled you down an even more meaningful career path.

There are even cancer patients who talk about receiving the “gift” of cancer.

They call it a gift because it taught them to live more intentionally and purposefully.

18. Teach your teens to practise mindfulness

Mindfulness allows your teens to fully experience their own emotions and to become more self-aware.

In turn, this fosters gratitude.

Performing deep breathing exercises and focusing on doing just one activity at a time (e.g. eating a meal alone without doing anything else like using your phone) can help to develop the mindfulness habit.

19. Ask your teens open-ended questions

To better understand how and what your children are feeling, ask them open-ended questions.

This will enable you to have meaningful discussions with them about what gratitude is and how to cultivate it.

20. Develop a family culture of empathy

Building empathy is a great way to deal with entitled teenagers.

Help your children to put themselves in other people’s shoes.

Ask them about why they think other people reacted the way they did in various situations.

The more often they try to empathise with others, the better they’ll understand the feelings of others.

Empathy and compassion are wonderful tools that enable gratitude to flourish.

21. Limit screen time

When teenagers indulge in screen time, their focus is largely on themselves.

During screen time, these are the typical questions that they’re asking themselves:

What fun do I want to have?
Which apps are the most entertaining to me?
What videos do I want to watch?
What should I post on social media?
Which games do I feel like playing?

Of course, screen time isn’t all bad. But you can see how it promotes self-centred thinking.

In contrast, empathy, compassion and gratitude are focused on others.

So it’s important that you have a family discussion about setting limits for screen time for everyone in the family – including you!

If you show that you’re intentional about limiting your own screen time, your children will be more open to having limits on their screen time too.

22. Help your teens to develop a growth mindset

A growth mindset is one that’s focused on the process and on learning from both your successes and failures.

A growth mindset for students is instrumental in developing the right kind of motivation. As your children begin to see every challenge as an opportunity, they’ll become more thankful for the obstacles in their path.

23. Be charitable

Donate to charities and volunteer on a regular basis.

Involve your teens in these activities, so that they’ll be exposed to the many needs that exist in society.

As a result, they’ll become more compassionate and less entitled.

24. Live a life of love

Be a person who is always showing love toward others.

Gratitude is a key component of love, and vice versa. One can’t exist fully without the other.

In practical ways, show love and concern for your family, your friends, and strangers.

The more love your family shows toward others, the more gratitude you and your children will express.

25. Empower your teens to become independent

When your teens are dependent on you for almost everything, they’ll feel entitled to everything they get.

If teens are too dependent on their parents, they feel powerless yet entitled. This is a bad combination.

Let go of the reins bit by bit.

Allow your children to gain confidence as they make more decisions, and take full responsibility for those decisions.

The more problem-solving abilities they develop and the more mature they become, the more they’ll appreciate the resources they have access to.

26. Do things that require more time and effort, and less money

When your teens see you spending money, it can often seem too easy to them.

By tapping a few times on your phone or swiping your credit card at a store – just like that, you’ve made a purchase.

Your children don’t see the hard work that went into earning the money that you’re spending.

This disconnect subconsciously breeds a sense of entitlement in your children.

Entitled teenagers continue to expect rewards even when they’ve only put in minimal effort.

That’s why it’s better to do things that require more time and effort, and less money, whenever possible.

When your children see the effort that goes into organising a camping trip or helping a neighbour move to a new home, they’ll understand the value of hard work.

Over time, as they develop a stronger work ethic, they’ll become more grateful.

After all, have you ever met someone with a strong work ethic and a positive attitude who was also entitled?

27. Find a mentor for your teens

It can sometimes be difficult to discuss issues related to entitlement and gratitude with your teens.

That’s why it’s beneficial for your teens to have a mentor.

Teenagers are far more likely to thrive when they have a mentor or coach.

A mentor can help your children to reflect on their weaknesses and develop a more holistic perspective. This is essential in order for them to mature and grow.

28. Write thank-you notes

Nowadays, it’s rare for people to send handwritten thank-you notes.

Be one of those people who does it. It’s a thoughtful gesture that doesn’t take much time.

Encourage your children to write thank-you notes to their teachers and friends at the end of each semester, or whenever the opportunity arises.

29. Experiment

There are many recommendations listed in this article.

Try out a few of these methods at a time and see which ones work best for you and your family.

The more consistent you are about experimenting with the tips, the greater success you’ll see.

30. Start small

Don’t try to implement all of these tips at once – that would be too overwhelming for both you and your teens.

Start small and be patient. Write down and track exactly which tips you’re implementing each week.

Day by day, you’ll observe positive changes in your children as you develop a family culture of gratitude.

Encouraging gratitude in entitled teens is an ongoing process

Cultivating a spirit of gratitude is a lifelong process.

There are times when all of us could be more grateful and less entitled.

Through the process of teaching your teens about gratitude, you’ll sometimes feel frustrated.

When this happens, remind yourself of how thankful you are to be a parent, to have the daily opportunity to lead and empower your children.

Being a parent is challenging, but it’s also a privilege.

This is a privilege to be grateful for! 🙂

Veronica Wallace is a childhood educator, writer and blogging enthusiast. She loves applying her knowledge of writing to new content pieces.

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Parents, Stop Telling Your Kids to Study Hard for Their Own Good (And What to Do Instead)

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 45 Comments

Yes, it is for your kids’ own good that they study hard.

But you shouldn’t tell them that.

Why not?

Because if you do, they’ll be less likely to study hard.

(I’ve spoken to and worked with more than 20,000 students, so I say this with confidence.)

In this article, I’ll provide an explanation.

I’ll also share three tips to help your kids develop intrinsic motivation.

(Don’t forget to download your free e-book below.)

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Don’t expect your kids to get an education in school

This might sound strange, so hear me out.

We live in a world where knowledge abounds.

It’s incredible that most of this knowledge is available for free online – you just have to seek it out.

A couple of decades ago, to get an education you had almost no choice but to attend school.

But today, you can take courses on Khan Academy, Coursera, Udacity, Udemy, and other websites.

If you’re diligent about taking these courses, you’d acquire more skills and knowledge than you would in almost any traditional school.

This means that, over time, the diplomas and degrees that schools give out will matter less.

It also means that students shouldn’t go to school expecting to get an education. Rather, school should form just one part of a student’s education.

In the future, diplomas and degrees won’t be the ticket to a well-paying job and a comfortable life. (This is already starting to be the case.)

But for now, such certificates still matter.

Statistics show that students who perform better in school are more likely to get jobs that pay better.

And students who study hard are obviously more likely to perform well in school.

Which means that if you want to motivate your kids, you should tell them to work hard in school for their own benefit, right?

Wrong.

Allow me to explain.

3 reasons it’s ineffective to tell your kids to study hard for their own good

Reason #1: Students today aren’t hungry for a “better life”

In developed countries today, most children and teenagers have more material things than they need.

More toys than they need.

More shoes than they need.

More clothes than they need.

More electronic devices than they need.

In contrast, one or two generations ago, most people experienced real hardship.

For example, my parents and grandparents grew up with far less (materially speaking) than I did.

From an early age, it was obvious to my parents that if they wanted to have a more comfortable life in the future, they needed to work hard in school.

Their teachers and parents told them that education was the key to success – and in that era, it was true.

Today, young people already lead lives of comfort, if not luxury.

Not all of them realise this, but some do.

For example, I know a student who dropped out of school at the age of 14 because she hated everything about school.

No matter what her parents said, she refused to go to school.

In a moment of reflection, she said, “You know, I’m not doing anything productive with my life. But my life is still pretty good. I have a smartphone, I have access to the Internet, I have a nice bed to sleep in, and I have air conditioning at home.”

If you live in a developed country, I’m guessing that your kids experience a similar level of material comfort as this 14-year-old girl.

Children and teenagers can’t imagine life without these comforts.

As such, they subconsciously assume that their life will continue to be comfortable, regardless of how hard they try in school.

I’ve worked with a few unmotivated teenagers who said to me: “I’ve already calculated how much my inheritance will be. I don’t think I’ll need to work a day in my life.”

I was in disbelief when I heard this.

It was almost as if these students were wishing death upon their parents so they could get their inheritance!

But it just goes to show that many young people assume they won’t need to work hard to maintain their current standard of living.

Because they’ve grown up with so much, they don’t feel the need to work hard so they can own even more “nice” things. They already own plenty of nice things!

This means that the desire to achieve more doesn’t motivate them to study hard in the same way it motivated people one or two generations ago.

This is the first reason why telling your kids to study hard so they can have a “better life” isn’t effective.

Reason #2: Students desperately want to feel as if their lives are significant, but studying doesn’t help them to feel this way

Through my interactions with thousands of students around the world, I’ve come to realise that they all want to feel as if they’re contributing.

When they feel as if they’re contributing, they also feel as if their lives are significant. This is an observation that’s backed up by research.

This, in turn, enables them to be more motivated and purpose-driven overall.

What does this have to do with studying hard?

Plenty.

The direct message students receive in school is that they should study hard to get good grades, so that they’ll be able to get a good job, so that they’ll be able to enjoy a comfortable life (which they are probably already enjoying).

The indirect message students receive is that they won’t make a real contribution until after they’ve completed their formal education.

What’s more, schools tend to emphasise achievement, both in academics and other activities.

But what young people crave is a sense that they’re contributing, that their lives are useful to others.

Students say to me, “If I study hard, I get A’s. If I don’t study hard, I get D’s. Either way, nothing about the world really changes.”

This statement bears more truth than parents and educators would like to admit.

It highlights the fact that students want to make an impact, no matter their age.

When they don’t have this sense of significance, they turn to social media and games.

Through these platforms, they can build a following, get “likes”, gain admiration for their looks and abilities, and “level up” their characters.

They get a real sense of significance and achievement in the online world, which they might not be able to get in the real world.

Social media and games are entertaining, but they also serve to help young people meet their real needs in a virtual way.

This is a big reason why millions of teenagers around the world are so addicted to their phones.

In summary, there’s no point telling your kids to study hard for their own good. This is because studying doesn’t give them the sense of significance they so desperately want and need.

Reason #3: The rewards of studying hard are too far in the future

As mentioned earlier, schools tell students the story that they should study hard and do their homework, so they can eventually get a diploma or degree. Thereafter, they can get a well-paying job.

To students, this isn’t an inspiring story.

In addition, for many students, they’re only likely to complete their schooling in 5, 10 or 15 years.

If you ask children or teenagers to wait just one year to get a new phone or game or pet, that already seems like an eternity to them.

But we’re expecting students to work hard in school for the next 5, 10 or 15 years because of the reward they’ll get at the end of the journey?

That’s not going to happen – especially not when young people are growing up in an age of instant gratification.

Even the least motivated students I’ve worked with understand that it’s for their own good that they study hard.

But the benefits that students will reap are too far down the road to keep them motivated.

3 tips to help your kids become self-motivated students

Now that we’ve talked about the three reasons why you shouldn’t tell your kids to study hard for their own good, it’s now time to talk about the alternative approaches that work.

Here are three tips to help your kids develop intrinsic motivation:

Tip #1: Focus more on contribution and less on achievement

One important purpose of education is to equip students with the knowledge and skills so they can make a contribution.

Contribution is the foundation of a meaningful life and of intrinsic motivation.

That’s why it’s especially unfortunate that students rarely think about how they can contribute.

Instead, they’re continually thinking about what they want to – or are “supposed” to – achieve. This leaves them feeling unmotivated and uninspired.

What’s the alternative?

To emphasise contribution above achievement.

Do this in the way you speak to your kids about what goes on in their lives.

Help them to see that there are always ways in which they can help and serve others.

Take practical steps to communicate this message too.

For example, as a family you could get involved in a fortnightly or monthly volunteering activity, such as:

Helping out at a soup kitchen
Tutoring younger children
Doing charity work

I’ve found that students who engage in such activities voluntarily at least a couple of times a month become more aware of their responsibilities toward others.

This helps them to adopt a more positive mindset when it comes to fulfilling their responsibilities as a student.

There’s no point forcing your kids to volunteer if they refuse to, but you can always start by setting a good example for them.

Even at home, there are many ways for your kids to contribute.

For example, they can…

Help out with chores
Cook a simple meal for the family once a week
Plan family celebrations
Suggest the itinerary for an upcoming family vacation

Overall, I encourage you to move away from the idea that students should only focus on their studies.

If students lead balanced lives that are centred on others, their motivation to acquire knowledge for the benefit of others will increase as well.

Tip #2: Focus more on the process and less on the outcome

Instead of asking your kids what grades they’re getting, turn your attention toward the process by asking questions such as:

“What did you try hard at?”
“What risks did you take?”
“What did you fail at?”
“What challenges did you face?”
“What will you do differently next time?”

Share with your kids the challenges you face, and what you’re doing to overcome those challenges.

This approach will remind your kids that the process is what matters, not the outcome.

Emphasise to them that grades are just a form of feedback, and that grades are never an end in themselves.

As the research shows, students who embrace this mindset are more likely to be successful in school and beyond.

Tip #3: Create a culture of learning at home

As a parent, you’re the leader of the home.

Your kids are watching you, so if you lead by example they’ll be more likely to develop a positive learning attitude.

Periodically share with your kids…

What books you’ve been reading (here are my recommendations for the best books for students)
What documentaries you’ve been watching
What courses you’ve been taking
What challenges you’ve been facing in your personal and professional life
What fears you’ve been overcoming
What skills you’ve been learning
What character traits you’ve been developing

If you do this in a non-preachy way, your kids will internalise the message that learning is fun.

More importantly, they’ll understand that getting better is its own reward.

And when they believe this for themselves, they’ll study hard because they’ll enjoy the process of learning and improving.

Conclusion

As we wrap up, take a minute to think about the long-term goals you have for your kids.

These goals are probably aligned with many – if not all – of the following statements:

I want them to be kind
I want them to be courageous
I want them to be generous
I want them to be resilient
I want them to be grateful
I want them to be trustworthy
I want them to be respectful
I want them to be people of integrity
I want them to love learning
I want them to find fulfilment
I want them to be passionate about serving and helping others
I want them to build meaningful relationships
I want them to contribute to their communities
I want them to lead lives of purpose

Yet somewhere along the way, you may have lost sight of these goals. You may have started to focus on what’s urgent, instead of what’s important.

(As a parent myself, I know it’s so easy to!)

It’s natural for parents to want their kids to perform well in school.

But I encourage you to aim higher than just getting your kids to study hard.

By applying Tips #1, #2 and #3, your kids will be more likely to head down the path of becoming people of character, contribution and commitment.

Then you won’t even need to remind them to study hard!

This transformational journey will take effort – both from you and your kids – but it’ll be worth it.

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

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50 Words of Wisdom Every Student Needs to Hear

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 66 Comments

I completed my formal education some years ago.

Thinking about the 17 years I spent in school, I realise that I would have had a more fulfilling time if I’d been wiser.

It takes time to acquire wisdom. To help students through this process, I decided to write this article, in which I’ll share 50 words of wisdom every student should hear.

If you apply the advice in this article, I’m confident that you’ll become a happier and more successful student.

(Download the free PDF below to learn 10 bonus tips.)

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1. Don’t take your parents for granted. Your parents may nag you, and you may feel as if they don’t understand you. But they love you unconditionally, so appreciate them as often as you can.

2. Getting a bad grade isn’t the end of the world. In a few years, you won’t even remember most of your grades. If you get a bad grade, learn from your mistakes and prepare better for the next exam.

3. Use the Internet as a tool for education more than entertainment. The Internet can keep you entertained for hours. But with sites like Udemy, Udacity and How Stuff Works, the Internet can also make you a far more educated person.

4. Stress is a fact of life, but it should never become a way of life. This means that it’s normal to feel stressed and tired once in a while. But if you feel stressed and tired almost every day, then you need to reevaluate your life to see what you ought to be doing differently.

5. Learn to manage your money. As a student, you probably don’t have tons of money. That’s a good thing, because you can learn to spend, save, invest and give with little risk. Learn money management skills while you’re still young!

6. Make sleep a priority. Research has proven that sleep is essential for health and brain function. Make it a priority to get eight hours of sleep a night, and you’ll be a happier and better student.

7. Ask for help when you need it. There’s no shame in asking for help. If you can’t find the answer on Google, don’t hesitate to ask your teachers or parents. They’ll be more than willing to assist you.

8. Write things down. Your brain isn’t a perfect storage device, so write things down. Use a notebook or an app like Google Keep to ensure that you don’t forget anything important. If you write things down, you’ll be a more organised and effective student.

9. If you need motivation to study, go to the library. When you’re surrounded by people who are studying, you’ll feel inspired to study. Don’t underestimate the effect your environment has on your motivation. This study tip is extremely valuable!

10. Learn to embrace challenges rather than avoid them. Choose to see challenges as fun opportunities to learn. Even if you can’t overcome the challenge, you would have still grown as a person.

11. Don’t blame others. I used to blame my teachers, parents and peers for almost every problem I faced. Don’t be like me. The sooner you stop blaming others, the sooner you’ll learn to take full responsibility for your life.

12. Go to every single class. If the class is boring, see it as an opportunity to improve your ability to focus. If the class is about a topic you’ve learned before, see it as an opportunity to review the information.

13. Be grateful. Grateful students are happy students. No matter what situation you’re in, there’s always something to be thankful for: school, friends, family, food, health, nature, technology, etc.

14. Don’t take shortcuts. It’s tempting to take shortcuts, but resist the urge to do so. The more shortcuts you take, the less you’ll learn and the less you’ll grow as a person. Don’t shortchange yourself.

15. Be kind to yourself. Do you ever tell yourself that you’re lazy, ugly, dumb or irresponsible? Would you ever say those things to your best friend? Be kind to yourself, and learn to become your own best friend. In fact, research has proven that self-compassion is a key component of success.

16. Spend more time thinking about others than yourself. If you spend most of your time thinking about yourself, you’ll be unhappy. No matter how many good things there are going on in your life, you’ll be tempted to ask yourself questions like “Why can’t I be as popular as her?” or “Why are my parents so strict?” Instead, focus on helping others and you’ll be a happier student.

17. Say no without feeling guilty. Leading an effective student life is all about knowing what your priorities and values are. If there are activities or opportunities that aren’t aligned with your priorities, say no with confidence.

18. Don’t rely on others for things that are your own responsibility. I used to rely on others to remember things or run errands on my behalf. But I now realise that this was irresponsible behaviour. Don’t rely on other people for things that you should handle yourself.

19. Exercise regularly. Exercise is good for your body and your brain. So if you think you don’t have time to exercise, you actually don’t have time not to exercise. Exercise will make you a healthier and more effective student.

20. Don’t try to remember things; make them impossible to forget. One of the most important traits to develop when you’re in school is dependability. To become a dependable student, make it impossible to forget things, e.g. submitting homework, bringing a textbook to school, asking your parents to sign a consent form. Use a diary, sticky note or app to ensure that you don’t forget.

21. Ask yourself throughout the day, “What’s important now?” We often do what we feel like doing at the moment – even if that behaviour isn’t in our long-term interests. To fight this tendency, ask yourself, “What’s important now?” The answer will usually be clear.

22. Look for the good in every situation. For example, I once read about a woman who was exhausted after working at a restaurant for 14 hours straight in a day. She exclaimed, “I’m tired, but it feels so good to have spent all my energy doing something meaningful like work!” With an attitude like that, you’ll be a winner in life for sure.

23. Celebrate the successes of others. Your life as a student may feel like a competition, but it isn’t. Celebrate the accomplishments and successes of your peers, and don’t be a sore loser.

24. Don’t feel as if you need to have it all figured out. As a teenager, I used to think that I would have everything figured out by the time I finished school. But I still don’t feel as if I have everything figured out, and I don’t think I ever will. Life is a continual journey of learning and maturing – learn to enjoy the journey!

25. Spend time with people who have the same (or similar) values and goals as you. All of us are influenced greatly by the people we surround ourselves with. Choose to surround yourself with people who will inspire you to become a better person and student.

26. No experience in life is wasted. To paraphrase Tony Robbins, cultivate the belief that life is happening for you, not to you. If you believe that life is happening for your good, you’ll be able to see even challenges and frustrations in a positive light.

27. Don’t expect to become an educated person just by going to school. School is a crucial part of your education, but it’s just one part. Why? Because there are many skills you won’t master through formal education alone, e.g. persuasion, negotiation, design thinking, adaptive thinking. Take a proactive approach toward learning these types of skills through these must-read books for students, videos, online courses and real-world experiences.

28. Say “thank you” and “sorry” often. Don’t just say these words for the sake of saying them. If you mean it when you say “thank you” and “sorry”, you’ll build stronger relationships with both your friends and family.

29. Don’t worry about being popular or cool. Popularity is overrated. Responsibility, duty, excellence, kindness, courage and generosity aren’t – so focus on these instead.

30. Be curious. For most of my life as a student, I only learned information that was going to be tested on the exam. But later on, when I became a curious student who wanted to learn about all kinds of things, I started to enjoy school more. Not only that, I started to enjoy life more, because I realised that there’s so much beauty in the world around us. Start becoming more curious today!

31. Every choice you make shapes your character, so choose wisely. As a student, you make hundreds of choices every day: what to eat, how to spend your money, who to talk to, what clothes to wear, how hard to work, etc. Every decision shapes your character and destiny, so don’t take it lightly.

32. 90% of success is doing what others aren’t willing to do. Most students aren’t willing to do the extra assignment, proofread the essay one more time, put their tablet away when it’s time to focus, or delete the distracting apps on their phone. Be the student who is willing to do those things – and more. If you adopt this mindset in life, you’re almost guaranteed to become successful.

33. You’re never too young to make an impact. As a student, I thought of myself as a “kid” who couldn’t make an impact. But just look at these children and teenagers who are making huge contributions to the world. No matter how old you are, believe you can contribute, and start small in whatever way you can.

34. Assume the best of others. Many disagreements arise because we assume the worst of others. We assume that others are selfish and inconsiderate. But this is rarely true. If you assume the best of others, you’ll make an effort to understand their perspective. This, in turn, will enable you to resolve conflicts more quickly.

35. Invest in the relationships that matter most. Relationships must be nurtured – this takes time. List the people who mean the most to you. Make an intentional effort to invest in these relationships, at least on a weekly or fortnightly basis.

36. The grass isn’t greener on the other side; the grass is greener where you water it. (This is my shortened version of a quote from Robert Fulghum.) Do you ever think to yourself, “If only I went to a different school… If only I were born in a different city… If only I were better-looking…”? If so, remember that the grass is greener where you water it. “Water the grass” by choosing to have a positive attitude and by taking action, instead of complaining.

37. Everything worth doing takes time and effort. This applies to grades, relationships, career, character, and more. If you want to go somewhere meaningful and rewarding in life, there are no shortcuts.

38. Compliment others sincerely. Do this as often as you can, preferably daily. This is a simple way to appreciate others and make their day just a little bit brighter.

39. Forgive others and yourself. If you do this, you won’t be filled with anger and resentment. If you extend forgiveness freely, your life will be more peaceful and joyous.

40. To be successful, you must learn how to deal with negative emotions. When you’re feeling frustrated, angry, disappointed or sad, you’re more likely to make bad decisions. You can’t avoid all negative emotions, but you can learn to manage them so they don’t derail you.

41. Become reasonably good at public speaking. I’m not saying that everyone should become a professional speaker. But I am saying that over the course of your life you’ll have many opportunities to speak in public. So you might as well become proficient at it sooner rather than later (or never).

42. Attitude matters more than intelligence or talent. As Zig Ziglar once said, “Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.” Intelligence and talent play a part in how successful you become as a student and in life. But attitude matters much more. Start cultivating a positive and resilient attitude today.

43. Be present. When I was a student, I spent far too much time thinking about my past mistakes and worrying about the future. I spent far too little time in the present: living in the moment, appreciating the small things, being 100% focused, seeing the beauty in what I was learning, cherishing relationships. Wherever you are, be present.

44. Show your parents respect and appreciation. This might be hard for you to do, especially if you think your parents are unreasonable or overbearing. But I encourage you to do it anyway. First of all, it’s the right thing to do. Second of all, when parents don’t receive respect and appreciation from their children, they tend to become even more unreasonable and overbearing. So it’s in everyone’s best interests that you show your parents respect and appreciation.

45. Fear should usually be seen as a signal to advance, not retreat. Most of the time, when we feel afraid our life isn’t actually in danger. Common fears include public speaking, failure, rejection, and the fear of learning. As such, fear should usually be seen as something to move towards, because in doing so you’ll experience personal growth.

46. Don’t watch TV. Studies show that watching too much TV is linked to depression. Watching some TV won’t hurt you, but if you decide not to watch TV at all, you’ll have more time for meaningful and productive activities. If you need to de-stress, check out this list of science-backed ways to do so.

47. Pay attention in class. If you do this, you won’t need to spend so much time studying because you would have already understood most of the concepts taught in class. If you have trouble paying attention, I recommend that you improve your focus gradually. For example, you could start by setting a timer for 10 minutes, as a reminder that you’ll pay attention for just 10 minutes. After the 10 minutes are up, you can allow yourself to be distracted for a minute or two before you start another 10-minute “focus session”. Every day, increase the length of the “focus session” by one minute.

48. When faced with a problem, ask yourself, “What is one thing I can do now to improve the situation?” I’ve underlined those three words/phrases for good reasons. When you focus on just one thing you can do, you won’t feel overwhelmed. When you focus on what you can do now, you’ll be more motivated to take action right away. And when you focus on what you can do now to improve the situation, you’ll almost certainly be able to think of at least one productive action to take. Ask this powerful question whenever you’re faced with a problem, and you’ll become a more effective student and person.

49. Looking successful is different from being successful. Looking successful is about prestige, popularity, status and accomplishments. Being successful is about purpose, relationships, character and contribution. As a student, ensure that you’re working towards being successful, not just looking successful.

50. Focus on progress, not perfection. There’s no such thing as a perfect student. After all, we’re flawed human beings. If you aim to achieve perfection, you’ll be disappointed, and you may lose motivation. On the other hand, if you focus on progress, you’ll realise that getting better is its own reward. This is the key to being an effective, fulfilled student.

Conclusion

I don’t claim to be the wisest person around, but I hope you’ve found this article useful.

(Download the free PDF below to learn 10 additional tips.)

It took me many years to learn these lessons, and I know I still have much more wisdom to acquire.

Don’t feel as if you need to put all the tips into practice right away. Instead, revisit this article periodically and focus on just one tip a week.

It will make a huge difference in the long run. Wishing you all the best!

If you like this article, please share it with your friends.

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30 Unimportant Things That Young People Should Stop Worrying About

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 31 Comments

Let’s be honest.

We all spend time thinking about or doing unimportant things.

It can take a lot of time and energy, and it distracts us from the things that do matter.

Children and teenagers are particularly prone to this. I admit that I was definitely like this when I was younger as well!

I’ve spoken to and worked with more than 20,000 students thus far. Based on my experiences and observations, I’ve come up with this list of things that young people need to realise are not important in life.

1. How many friends or followers you have on social media

Many people measure their self-worth by the number of friends or followers they have on social media, but this isn’t important in the long run.

Those followers won’t help you when you have a rough day, and they won’t support you when you’re feeling down.

They’ll just post images to show the best parts of their lives – too much time spent on social media leads to depression for this very reason.

2. How many “likes” you get on social media

The number of “likes” or comments on a social media post can seem important. It can seem like an indication of your popularity.

You get a small dopamine hit every time you get a “thumbs up”, which explains why social media is so addictive.

The thing to remember is that the number of likes you get isn’t nearly as important as the number of true friends you have. Nor is it as important as the relationships you have with your family members.

3. Living in the past

Everyone can get caught up living in the past. Either reliving the good times, or rehashing mistakes you’ve made.

According to research conducted by Matt Killingsworth, we’re happiest when we live in the moment.

So make the decision to be fully present wherever you are.

4. Being constantly connected to the Internet

People experience fatigue, stress and depression because of excessive technology use. It can make it more difficult to get to sleep and can even lead to mental health issues.

It might be challenging, but try to find balance between time spent online and time spent in the real world.

You’re far more likely to be healthy and happy if you engage with other people face to face, as well as lead a balanced life.

5. Comparing yourself with others

This is an easy trap to fall into, but it rarely leads to anything good. When you compare yourself to other people you’re likely to feel inferior.

Instead of comparing yourself with others, focus on ways that you can improve yourself or your situation so you feel more empowered.

6. Being obsessed about having nice “stuff”

It’s easy to think about all your friends who have nicer gadgets and clothes than you.

The best way to deal with this obsession is to think more holistically about the other person’s life.

Consider whether they’re truly happy, or whether they have strong relationships. Often, having nice stuff conceals unhappiness that exists at a deeper level.

7. Being better than other people

We’re always going to be better than some people at some things, and worse than some people at other things.

But life isn’t a race; it’s a journey. Each of us is unique, so we ought to strive to make the most of our gifts and talents.

Life is more about being the best that we can be, and less about being better than others.

8. Holding on to anger and resentment

Malachy McCourt said, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” It’s true that anger and resentment slowly destroy your life if you hold on to them.

Instead of holding on to anger, seek healthy outlets to help you deal with it effectively so you can move on with your life.

9. Being fake

It’s easy to put up a front to try to appear more like your friends, or to gain the approval of your peers.

The problem is that you’re trying to be something you’re not. You’re lying to others and yourself and it will become obvious over time.

It’s far better to be honest and authentic, even though this takes courage and will make you feel uncomfortable – at least at the start.

10. Winning every argument you get into

Winning an argument can make it seem like you’re smarter and stronger than the other person.

But the desire to win every argument you get into isn’t healthy in the long term.

So learn other ways of dealing with conflict. Often, it’s a good idea to just walk away from an argument if it gets too heated.

11. The latest celebrity news or gossip

It can seem important to know about the latest celebrity gossip, especially if your friends frequently talk about these issues.

You might feel excluded from conversations if you don’t know what’s going on.

But there are many other productive things you could be doing with your time, e.g. learning a new skill, reading a book, taking an online course.

12. What people think of you (especially people you don’t know)

We all want to be well-liked. Caring about what others think of us is natural, but you must not center your behaviour on others’ opinions.

We must remember that we should always strive to gain approval from a very important person: ourselves. It’s when we’re growing in commitment and courage that we’ll feel proud of who we are.

13. Trying too hard to fit in

Everyone wants to fit in and be accepted.

The best way to become an authentic, likeable person is to relax and just be yourself.

No one can be liked by everyone else all the time, so focus on becoming the best version of yourself.

14. Being unnecessarily busy

Society has come to see busyness as a badge of honour. Busy people appear important and influential, but it’s not healthy to be rushing all the time.

Being busy isn’t about being occupied. It’s about being focused, productive and effective. It’s also about taking time out to relax, because time off makes us more productive.

15. Labelling and categorising others

When we label other people it’s rarely helpful. It’s just another way of criticising other people in the hope that it will make us feel better about ourselves.

Instead, ask yourself why you label others. Is it because you feel insecure in some way?

If you come to terms with the fact that there are different people in the world and that no one is “superior” to anyone else, you’ll feel more confident.

16. Blaming others

Blaming other people is often easier than accepting responsibility for your actions.

Rather than blaming others when a problem arises, adopt a “fix it” mentality and focus on finding solutions.

Life is all about choices and consequences. Focusing on solutions rather than laying blame will make you a happier – and better – person.

17. Worrying about the future

Instead of worrying, concentrate on planning.

Worrying is about imagining bad things that may or may not happen, whereas planning is about focusing on things that are within your control.

When you’re planning, you’re considering ways to make success as likely as possible. This is empowering, which explains why the happiest and most successful people I know are all planners!

18. Focusing too much on achievement

Achievement is important, but it’s more important to focus on contribution instead.

We can gain great satisfaction from helping others and solving problems in the world.

It’s crucial to remember that life isn’t just about achievement. It’s also about slowing down, building meaningful relationships, and making a difference in the lives of others.

19. Envying others

It’s easy to envy other people, but often we only see a small portion of their lives.

You might envy someone who always seems to have the latest accessories and clothes.

But if you find out that they receive these things because their parents fight all the time and give gifts out of guilt, you’ll realise their life isn’t as enviable as you once thought.

20. Having fun all the time

Fun is a vital part of life, but it’s not everything. In order to really value the fun times we need some contrast, too.

We need to experience challenges and frustrations so that we can fully appreciate the good times.

Those times when you have to draw on your courage or follow through on your commitments make the fun times so much more memorable.

We also gain fulfilment from overcoming life’s challenges.

21. Constantly seeking the approval of others

Constantly seeking approval from others isn’t healthy for our self-esteem.

Doing so implies that we’re not good enough, so we have to constantly check that we’re doing okay.

You might try too hard to get others to like you – and they might even get annoyed.

So don’t worry so much about whether other people approve of you. Instead, focus on living according to the right values and principles.

22. Criticising yourself too much

The problem with criticising yourself too much is that other people start to believe your criticism.

It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, which further affects your self-confidence.

If you’re prone to self-criticism, try and catch yourself before you speak those words of criticism and turn the comment around.

Tell yourself – and others – how hard you tried and what steps you’ll take to ensure a better outcome in the future.

23. Being perfect

There’s no such thing as a perfect person – everyone makes mistakes.

Instead of trying to be perfect, focus on developing and improving yourself.

When you continually strive to become a better version of yourself, you’ll gain confidence. That’s the power of focusing on progress, not perfection.

24. Bragging

Giving yourself a little praise for a job well done is fine, but when it turns into full-blown bragging it’s a problem.

People who brag about themselves get a reputation for being all talk, but little substance.

Instead of bragging about how great you are, get out there and do something remarkable.

Taking action and achieving results brings greater satisfaction than telling everyone how good you are.

25. Spending time with toxic people

Spending time with toxic people can make life “interesting” in many ways, but it’s also destructive.

Toxic people damage your self-esteem and distract you from the things that matter in life. So live according to the right principles and stay as far away from toxic people as you can.

26. Having a constant fear of missing out

No one likes missing out. But the fact is that we all have to miss out on things from time to time. There’s no use worrying about missing out.

The best thing you can do is enjoy the times you do spend with your friends, without constantly being anxious about the fun opportunities you might miss out on.

27. Achieving success on someone else’s terms

Success is only sweet when we achieve it on our own terms, and when our success is focused on adding value to others.

It takes courage and commitment to set your own goals, but it’s the only way to find real success.

Other people may criticise you for being foolish, but their negative comments often reflect their own insecurities.

Decide what success means to you at a personal level, and don’t let societal pressure influence you to be somebody you don’t want to be.

28. Getting involved in drama

Instead of getting involved in unnecessary drama, put yourself on a “drama diet” – let other people own their own problems.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t help them out, but don’t allow yourself to get sucked in emotionally.

You’ll find that your life is a lot more peaceful and enjoyable when it’s less “dramatic”.

29. Being happy all the time

Everybody wants to be happy, but it’s impossible to be happy all the time.

At the end of the day, what we really want is to lead a meaningful life.

In order to do this, we may need to go through periods where we make sacrifices or feel temporarily unhappy.

The good news is that this makes the good times even more precious!

30. Appearing smart

If you’re too concerned about looking smart, you won’t take on so many challenges.

You also won’t ask so many questions for fear of appearing dumb.

All of this will affect your own development.

So don’t be afraid to ask questions or take on new challenges, because this is the only way to grow as a person.

What is most important in life?

Understanding at a deep level what’s important in life helps you to be more focused and less anxious about unimportant things.

Knowing what’s important in life helps you to be more focused and less anxious.

You’ll also be able to save your energy for significant matters.

The next time you find yourself being stressed, take a step back and ask yourself these questions:

Is this going to matter in a year?
Will I even remember this in a year?
Will this help me to grow as a person?
Is this in line with my values and long-term goals?

If the answer to these questions is “no”, then chances are it’s not actually important.

Let it go and focus on the things that do matter.

Adopt this approach day by day, and you’ll see huge changes in your life over time!

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You Weren’t Born to Just Get Good Grades, Get a Good Job and Die

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 10 Comments

As a society, what are our goals and aspirations?

Based on my observations, it’s to get good grades, get a good job, and then die.

That might sound strange or morbid, so allow me to explain.

I work with children and teenagers to help them make the most of their potential. As such, I interact with many parents on a daily basis.

These are some of the most common things I hear from parents:

“I want my child to get good grades so that he can get into a good school.”
“I don’t expect my child to get straight As, but her grades should be good enough.”
“I want my child to do well enough so that he can get a good job in the future.”
“I hope my child will be able to get into a good profession like medicine or law.”

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get good grades or a good job. (By the way, the title of this article was inspired by an image I saw that read, “You weren’t born to just pay bills and die.”)

But it seems like in our society, getting good grades and getting a good job aren’t just goals or concerns. They’re obsessions.

They’re what we spend most of our waking hours striving toward tirelessly.

They’re what we seem to think the point of education is – and possibly the point of life, too.

Of course, most of us would declare that we absolutely do not believe that the purpose of life is to get good grades, get a good job, and then die.

But given how much we emphasize to our children the importance of succeeding academically and getting a well-paying job, it would be hard to claim otherwise.

After all, it’s the story that’s been told for generations . . .

Study hard, so that you’ll do well academically.

So that you can get into a good school.

So that you can get a good diploma or degree.

So that you can get a good job.

I question the truth of this story, because we live in an information age where new opportunities abound. So the path to having a rewarding career is no longer that simple or direct – but that’s not the focus of this article.

I want to question the belief underlying the “get good grades and a good job” story, not the accuracy of the story itself.

The fundamental belief is that getting a good job – traditionally defined as a job that’s stable and lucrative – is the key to success and happiness.

What could be more inspiring than the hope of attaining success and happiness, right?

But few people wake up every morning feeling thrilled at the prospect of spending the day in the pursuit of good grades or a good job.

It’s more common for people to ask themselves, “Isn’t there more to life than just trying to get good grades or a good job?”

One reason the “get good grades and a good job” story isn’t inspiring is that it’s all about you.

Why do I say that?

I mean, shouldn’t you be inspired by a story that’s all about yourself?

On the surface, it’s motivating to think about what you want to achieve, the accomplishments you want to rack up, the prestigious job title you want to have, and the comfortable life you want to enjoy.

But the truth is, by focusing too much on yourself, you become nearsighted.

You think about what’s in it for you. You begin to compare yourself with others, which leads you to think in terms of competition rather than collaboration. You lose sight of the unique contribution you have to offer the world.

This explains why the “get good grades and a good job” story makes for an unsatisfying life.

What’s the alternative?

To build a great life.

I don’t claim to be a success guru, but I believe that leading a great life is . . .

More about contribution, and less about achievement.
More about building character, and less about building your résumé.
More about serving others, and less about impressing others.
More about doing meaningful work, and less about doing well-paying work.
More about investing in relationships, and less about investing in the stock market.
More about having a sense of mission, and less about having a high social status.
More about making a difference, and less about making money.

Don’t get me wrong. We all have practical concerns like paying the bills and saving for our children’s education.

And there’s the rising cost of living and the uncertain economic climate to grapple with, too.

But if we settle for a “good enough” life that’s focused on merely getting good grades and a good job, then we’ll end up feeling discontented.

Not because we don’t enjoy comfortable lives, but because we’ve become more concerned about looking successful than being successful.

Those are two very different things, which explains why many people who have “good” jobs don’t seem to think their life is good at all!

I know plenty of people who have done well in school and who have secured stable, well-paying jobs. Yet they continually complain about spending too much time at the office, getting paid too little, and doing too many meaningless tasks at work.

Without a doubt, attitude is one part of the puzzle.

With a bad attitude, you might have the best job in the world and you’ll still be unhappy. But with an excellent attitude, you’ll embrace this saying by Harry Beckwith: “There’s no such thing as an ordinary job. There are only people who choose to perform them in ordinary ways.”

But more than our attitude, our aspirations play a crucial role in determining how much fulfillment we find.

Our aspirations are so important because they’re a reflection of the values we live by, and of what we believe life is all about.

If we tell ourselves that the point of life is to get good grades, a good job, and then die, we’ll never take full advantage of all the opportunities life has to offer.

The opportunity to connect with others.

The opportunity to build a strong family and community.

The opportunity to develop in character and skills.

The opportunity to impact the lives of others.

The opportunity to become a caring, courageous, grateful, and generous person.

The opportunity to lead a great life, not just a “good enough” one.

I’m far from perfect, and I know I have a long way to go to realize the ideals I’ve described.

But by embracing a larger view of life, we’ll build a society where we don’t go to school just to get good grades, but rather to ignite a passion for learning and making a difference.

And where we don’t obsess over getting a good job, but rather over doing great work that adds tremendous value to others – regardless of our job title.

This is the path to building a great life for ourselves and a great society for everyone.

Now’s the time for us to get to work and make it happen.

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9 Things Students Have to Be Thankful for (but Usually Aren’t)

Updated on August 11, 2021 By Daniel Wong 9 Comments

Students have so many things they complain about, right?

Too much homework.

Naggy parents.

Not enough money.

Early mornings.

Strict teachers.

The list goes on and on.

When I was a student, I used to complain about everything. But one day I realized that the antidote to complaining is gratitude.

So after reading this article, I felt inspired to come up with a list of nine things that students have to be thankful for – but usually aren’t.

Here’s the list:

1. Naggy parents = People who love you unconditionally

2. Internet/phone/TV restrictions = Parents who care about your future

3. No pocket money to buy the coolest clothes = Learning the difference between wants and needs

4. Homework = Opportunity to acquire new knowledge and skills

5. Early school day mornings = Getting a quality education

6. Tests and exams = Valuable feedback on your learning progress

7. Group projects = Learning collaboration and interpersonal skills

8. Difficult concepts and topics = Developing perseverance

9. Mandatory subjects you dislike = Growing in patience

It’s natural to focus on the negative things in life, rather than the positive.

But to find long-term happiness and success, we must cultivate the habit of gratitude.

I hope this article helps you to do that in a small way. 🙂

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Image: Happy student