Daniel Wong, Author at Daniel Wong

You Weren’t Born to Just Get Good Grades, Get a Good Job and Die

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 10 Comments

As a society, what are our goals and aspirations?

Based on my observations, it’s to get good grades, get a good job, and then die.

That might sound strange or morbid, so allow me to explain.

I work with children and teenagers to help them make the most of their potential. As such, I interact with many parents on a daily basis.

These are some of the most common things I hear from parents:

“I want my child to get good grades so that he can get into a good school.”
“I don’t expect my child to get straight As, but her grades should be good enough.”
“I want my child to do well enough so that he can get a good job in the future.”
“I hope my child will be able to get into a good profession like medicine or law.”

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get good grades or a good job. (By the way, the title of this article was inspired by an image I saw that read, “You weren’t born to just pay bills and die.”)

But it seems like in our society, getting good grades and getting a good job aren’t just goals or concerns. They’re obsessions.

They’re what we spend most of our waking hours striving toward tirelessly.

They’re what we seem to think the point of education is – and possibly the point of life, too.

Of course, most of us would declare that we absolutely do not believe that the purpose of life is to get good grades, get a good job, and then die.

But given how much we emphasize to our children the importance of succeeding academically and getting a well-paying job, it would be hard to claim otherwise.

After all, it’s the story that’s been told for generations . . .

Study hard, so that you’ll do well academically.

So that you can get into a good school.

So that you can get a good diploma or degree.

So that you can get a good job.

I question the truth of this story, because we live in an information age where new opportunities abound. So the path to having a rewarding career is no longer that simple or direct – but that’s not the focus of this article.

I want to question the belief underlying the “get good grades and a good job” story, not the accuracy of the story itself.

The fundamental belief is that getting a good job – traditionally defined as a job that’s stable and lucrative – is the key to success and happiness.

What could be more inspiring than the hope of attaining success and happiness, right?

But few people wake up every morning feeling thrilled at the prospect of spending the day in the pursuit of good grades or a good job.

It’s more common for people to ask themselves, “Isn’t there more to life than just trying to get good grades or a good job?”

One reason the “get good grades and a good job” story isn’t inspiring is that it’s all about you.

Why do I say that?

I mean, shouldn’t you be inspired by a story that’s all about yourself?

On the surface, it’s motivating to think about what you want to achieve, the accomplishments you want to rack up, the prestigious job title you want to have, and the comfortable life you want to enjoy.

But the truth is, by focusing too much on yourself, you become nearsighted.

You think about what’s in it for you. You begin to compare yourself with others, which leads you to think in terms of competition rather than collaboration. You lose sight of the unique contribution you have to offer the world.

This explains why the “get good grades and a good job” story makes for an unsatisfying life.

What’s the alternative?

To build a great life.

I don’t claim to be a success guru, but I believe that leading a great life is . . .

More about contribution, and less about achievement.
More about building character, and less about building your résumé.
More about serving others, and less about impressing others.
More about doing meaningful work, and less about doing well-paying work.
More about investing in relationships, and less about investing in the stock market.
More about having a sense of mission, and less about having a high social status.
More about making a difference, and less about making money.

Don’t get me wrong. We all have practical concerns like paying the bills and saving for our children’s education.

And there’s the rising cost of living and the uncertain economic climate to grapple with, too.

But if we settle for a “good enough” life that’s focused on merely getting good grades and a good job, then we’ll end up feeling discontented.

Not because we don’t enjoy comfortable lives, but because we’ve become more concerned about looking successful than being successful.

Those are two very different things, which explains why many people who have “good” jobs don’t seem to think their life is good at all!

I know plenty of people who have done well in school and who have secured stable, well-paying jobs. Yet they continually complain about spending too much time at the office, getting paid too little, and doing too many meaningless tasks at work.

Without a doubt, attitude is one part of the puzzle.

With a bad attitude, you might have the best job in the world and you’ll still be unhappy. But with an excellent attitude, you’ll embrace this saying by Harry Beckwith: “There’s no such thing as an ordinary job. There are only people who choose to perform them in ordinary ways.”

But more than our attitude, our aspirations play a crucial role in determining how much fulfillment we find.

Our aspirations are so important because they’re a reflection of the values we live by, and of what we believe life is all about.

If we tell ourselves that the point of life is to get good grades, a good job, and then die, we’ll never take full advantage of all the opportunities life has to offer.

The opportunity to connect with others.

The opportunity to build a strong family and community.

The opportunity to develop in character and skills.

The opportunity to impact the lives of others.

The opportunity to become a caring, courageous, grateful, and generous person.

The opportunity to lead a great life, not just a “good enough” one.

I’m far from perfect, and I know I have a long way to go to realize the ideals I’ve described.

But by embracing a larger view of life, we’ll build a society where we don’t go to school just to get good grades, but rather to ignite a passion for learning and making a difference.

And where we don’t obsess over getting a good job, but rather over doing great work that adds tremendous value to others – regardless of our job title.

This is the path to building a great life for ourselves and a great society for everyone.

Now’s the time for us to get to work and make it happen.

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15 Ways to Inspire Your Children to Pursue Excellence

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 15 Comments

Do your children seem content to just coast through life?

Do they do enough to get by, while never making the most of their potential?

As a parent, you try to help your children see the importance of doing their best.

But they don’t always take your words to heart.

They seem to think it’s cool to be laid-back – but you definitely don’t.

So you worry that your children won’t be able to find success in the future if they don’t change their mindset.

If this describes your situation, I’m here to share with you specific, practical ways to help your children strive for excellence.

Just to be clear, when I say “excellence” I’m not referring to getting straight A’s or racking up accomplishments.

There’s nothing wrong with working toward these kinds of achievements. But the pursuit of excellence is about much more than that.

It’s about becoming the best that you can be.

It’s about cultivating a deep love for learning.

It’s about continually learning and growing.

It’s about making a difference in the lives of others.

It’s about maximizing your talents and abilities.

I specialize in empowering students to become motivated, focused, disciplined, and resilient.

Through speaking to and working with more than 20,000 students over the years, I’ve come to understand what parents can do to help, too.

In this article, I’ll share with you 15 powerful ways to inspire your children to pursue excellence.

(Don’t forget to download your free e-book below.)

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1. Emphasize contribution over achievement.

Many children and teens lose motivation when they feel as though they can’t live up to the expectations of those around them.

This applies especially in the area of academics, because they feel strong pressure to achieve certain grades.

When they don’t get those grades, they become discouraged.

To enable your children to regain focus and motivation, emphasize that education isn’t mainly about getting good grades.

Instead, it’s about acquiring the skills and knowledge that will allow them to contribute more effectively.

By focusing on contribution rather than achievement, your children will find greater purpose in their education. This will make it more likely that they’ll pursue excellence and get good grades too.

2. Show your children that hard work is fun.

In order for your children to make the most of their potential, they’ll need to put in plenty of hard work.

The problem is, most students see hard work as something to be avoided whenever possible.

But hard work is both meaningful and rewarding. To help your children see this, share with them the joy of overcoming obstacles, solving problems, and reaping the fruit of their labor.

Gradually, they’ll start to see that hard work isn’t something to be dreaded. It’s something to be enjoyed!

3. Give your children descriptive praise.

What’s descriptive praise?

It’s the kind of praise where you acknowledge your children’s good behavior by specifically describing what they did, rather than using generic phrases like “Well done” or “Good job.”

For example, you might say to your children, “I noticed that you finished all your homework before going out with your friends. That’s responsible of you.”

Descriptive praise is an effective tool in encouraging your children to improve their attitude and effort.

4. Focus on solutions and opportunities, not problems.

This is especially important when it comes to your own life, because your attitude affects your children’s attitude.

So make an effort to reframe problems as opportunities, and explain to your children how you’re taking advantage of these opportunities.

By doing so, they’ll be more likely to embrace this positive mindset too.

In addition, teach your children to ask this question whenever they’re faced with a difficult situation: “What is one thing I can do right now to make the situation better?”

This is a powerful question that will open their eyes to the productive actions they could take, rather than indulging in complaining.

5. Show your children that you’re pursuing excellence, too.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a mechanic, chef, nurse, bus driver, CEO, or homemaker – you can always improve. You can work toward becoming a master at your craft.

As your children observe you attending seminars, taking online courses, and reading books, they’ll be inspired to pursue excellence, too.

6. Don’t complain.

I’m sure you know people who complain all the time.

Do you enjoy hanging out with them? Probably not.

If you continually complain about your work, the weather, or the government, it’s a sign that you haven’t taken full responsibility for your life.

Taking full responsibility for your life means that you don’t make excuses. In contrast, you focus on what’s within your control to make the situation – and your life – better.

Through your can-do attitude, you’ll influence your children to adopt this attitude as well.

7. Be enthusiastic about life.

I know . . . it’s hard to be enthusiastic about life when there are so many frustrations to deal with and problems to solve.

But enthusiasm makes life more interesting and fun. It also makes it more likely that you’ll find success in the long run, because you won’t lose heart so easily.

Not only that, enthusiasm is contagious. Given the influence you have over your children, the more enthusiastic you are about life, the more enthusiastic they’ll be. And the entire family will have more fun!

8. Lead by example.

No matter how many times your children call you “uncool” or “old-fashioned,” don’t be fooled into thinking that they aren’t observing you.

As the leader of your home, your children look to you as a role model.

So if you want them to be passionate about learning, show them that you’re passionate about learning.

If you want them to be focused and disciplined, show them that you’re focused and disciplined.

If you want them to serve the community, show them that you’re serving the community.

As you do this, your children will follow your lead.

9. Remind your children that you love and accept them unconditionally.

Many of the students I work with tell me that they feel as though their parents would love and accept them more, if only they . . .

Got better grades
Studied harder
Performed better in their extracurricular activities
Used their phones less
Watched less TV

The list goes on.

Of course, I’m not saying it’s good to watch hours of TV every day or to perform badly in school.

But when children and teens feel that their parents’ acceptance is conditional, they’ll typically turn to the online world or to their friends to find acceptance.

This means that they’ll have less time and energy for more meaningful pursuits.

If you want your children to pursue excellence, remind them often that you love and accept them unconditionally.

This way, it will be easier to hold them to high standards of behavior without jeopardizing your parent-child relationship.

10. Read.

As the saying goes, “Leaders are readers.”

In fact, I don’t know a single successful person who doesn’t read at least ten books a year.

Reading widely exposes you to new perspectives and ideas, enhancing your knowledge.

As you read, share with your children the interesting things you’re learning. This will spark in them a love for learning, which is the foundation of excellence.

11. Stand for something.

At the heart of it, excellence is about becoming a person of principles and character.

In other words, excellence is less about what you do, and more about who you’re becoming.

In order for your children to understand the importance of values and principles, you must stand for something yourself.

It might be a cause you commit to or a set of principles you adhere to. Whatever it is, demonstrate to your children what you live for, and what you’d die for.

12. Develop a clear vision for your family.

When your family has a collective vision that you’re all working toward, your children will begin to see that the world doesn’t revolve around them.

They’ll understand that they have responsibilities to fulfill, one of which is to maximize their talents and abilities in the service of others.

This week, I encourage you to hold a family meeting and develop a mission statement.

(You can find some guidelines for writing a family mission statement here.)

13. Overcome your fears.

As you pursue excellence, you’ll need to overcome your fears.

If you want your children to lead great lives, show them that you’re passionate about personal growth.

Whether you have a fear of public speaking, heights, rejection, or spiders, take small steps to conquer that fear every day.

This way, your children will be inspired to embark on their own journey of overcoming their fears.

14. Share your struggles with your children.

Dare to be vulnerable. Talk to your children about some of the struggles you’re going through.

As you do this, share with them what you’re doing to overcome these struggles, and how you maintain a positive attitude through it all.

Over time, your children will understand that life is full of challenges, but that working through them is what makes life meaningful.

15. Speak less and listen more.

Tips #1 through #14 are things you should either do or say. But the most powerful way to inspire your children to pursue excellence is to first listen to them.

It’s through listening to them that you’ll understand their dreams, desires, insecurities and challenges.

With this understanding, you’ll know how best to encourage them to be courageous and committed.

So lecture and scold your children less, and listen to them more.

Not only will this strengthen your parent-child relationship, it will also propel your children down the path of enduring success.

Conclusion

As a parent, you want your children to find long-term happiness, fulfillment and success.

By applying the 15 tips outlined in this article, you’ll help your children to do that.

If you put the tips into practice one tip at a time and one day at a time, you’ll see improvements.

So I encourage you to try out just one tip that you find relevant, starting today. Review your progress weekly and implement a new tip every couple of weeks.

Over time, your children will be inspired to pursue excellence!

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

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16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

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Top Students Who Sleep 8 Hours a Night Use These 10 Principles

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 68 Comments

Students who want to be top students are busy.

You’ve got homework to do, projects to complete, extra classes to attend, and responsibilities to fulfill.

It’s not easy to lead a balanced life and get excellent grades, too. No wonder you’re sleep-deprived!

Want to hear some good news?

It doesn’t have to be this way.

You can become a top student and sleep eight hours a night. I know because I was that student.

I’ve since completed my formal education. But, if you’re curious, here are some of my academic achievements:

I got 9 A1s for the GCE O-Levels.
I got 4 As and 2 “Special” Paper distinctions for the GCE A-Levels.
I received a full academic scholarship to study at Duke University in the USA.
I did a double major at Duke and graduated summa cum laude (First Class Honours). My GPA was 3.98/4.0.
I was inducted into three academic honour societies at Duke.

I don’t say all of this to brag — and I certainly don’t think these achievements make me a super-impressive person.

Neither do I believe the main aim of education is to become a top student.

However, by becoming a better student, you’ll learn to become more organised, focused, disciplined, and meticulous — valuable skills and qualities for lifelong success.

If you continually feel overwhelmed, you’re probably sleep-deprived, spending too much time on urgent tasks. Top students know this, so they focus on getting assignments done before they become urgent.

Apply the 10 principles outlined in this article, and I guarantee that you’ll study more effectively, feel less stressed, and have more time for the things you love outside of school — including sleep.

(Don’t forget to download your free quick action guide below.)

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“I want to sleep, but I have homework”

I’ve worked with thousands of students around the world, and many are quick to say:

“I want to sleep, but I have homework. There just aren’t enough hours in the day!”

I get it. You’re a busy student who wants to have an excellent GPA, so you sacrifice sleep. And you’re not alone. Studies show that some 85% of students are sleep deprived.

So, the only way to become a top student is to go to bed later and wake up earlier, right?

Well, not exactly…

Here’s the truth: If you want to do better in school, you must get enough sleep. In fact, if you’ve ever wondered how to avoid sleepiness while studying, that’s probably because you don’t get enough sleep in the first place.

Sleep is crucial to physical health, brain function, and learning.

Eight hours of sleep a night is ideal, but some students need closer to nine. Plus, it’s not just how much you sleep — how well you sleep matters, too.

I know some of you are thinking: “Eight hours of sleep sounds incredible… but also impossible.”

The secret to enjoying a good night’s sleep and academic success is studying smarter, not harder.

Top students prioritise their sleep and adjust their study routines accordingly.

So how do you study smarter? Here are just a few tips to start with:

Space out your studying. Don’t wait until the last moment to cram for exams or finish assignments.
Find a study space that works for you — ideally one where you won’t be distracted.
Remember that reading isn’t studying. Reading is a good first step, but you must actively engage with the material to learn it.

What do top students do differently?

You now know it’s possible to get eight hours of sleep a night and still do well in school.

What do top students do differently to make this possible? Here are some typical traits of straight-A students:

1. Top students are disciplined

Top students don’t wait for the perfect opportunity to get started. Instead, they create a study schedule and stick to it — even when they don’t feel like it.

You’ve got a lot competing for your attention. If you find it challenging to stay focused, these strategies will help you become a disciplined student.

2. Top students value delayed gratification

Delayed gratification means putting off something fun now so you can gain something even more rewarding later.

Sure, you could watch TV or play video games for hours every day. But that will only make you feel good for a while.

How about committing to a study schedule and learning test-taking strategies? That’s going to have long-lasting benefits.

3. Top students have good study habits

Creating a weekly routine is one of the best ways to make good study habits a way of life. Without structure, maximum productivity is impossible — and will likely lead to bad grades.

Remember, we want to study smarter, not harder. I’ll explain how to create a foolproof study routine later in this article.

4. Top students know how to motivate themselves

Does it sometimes seem impossible to start studying? Like you’re dragging a sack of heavy stones as you shuffle to your desk?

We all have days when we make excuses that prevent us from succeeding or excuses for not doing homework. These are moments when we struggle with our lack of willpower. That’s why you can’t wait for inspiration to strike.

Instead, you must learn how to motivate yourself to study, no matter how you feel.

I suggest writing down all of the reasons why you want to study hard, which may include reasons such as:

I want to do my best.
I want to develop a better work ethic.
I want to prepare for my future.
I want to learn as much as I can.
I want to be equipped to contribute more in the future.

Put the list somewhere you can see it. When you’re having trouble finding the willpower to open that textbook, read your list. It’ll motivate you to study when you need it the most.

In Principle #6 below, I share more practical ways to motivate yourself when you need encouragement.

How to be a top student

Now that you know what top students do differently, let’s explore the 10 principles I used to get straight A’s and still sleep eight hours a night.

Principle #1: Stick to a routine

Spontaneity is a good thing. But if you want to achieve maximum productivity and your academic goals, you’ve got to have structure.

Create a weekly routine. It’s one of the most important steps to becoming a top student with a school-life balance.

Here’s how to create a weekly routine that works for you:

1. Take out your calendar. (I use Google Calendar, but a hard-copy agenda also works.)
2. Create events in your calendar for all your fixed, recurring commitments — things like classes, extracurriculars, family events, and religious activities.
3. Set aside time daily for homework and studying. (Read my article about when is the best time to study.)
4. Schedule time each day for leisure, relaxation, going out with friends, and so on.

These “fixed” appointments in your calendar will serve as a helpful guide.

Sure, these appointments might change now and then. But instead of wasting valuable time wondering what to do next, you’ll have a structure to your week. You’ll get more done — and likely have more free time, too.

Principle #2: Write everything down

When I say “everything”, I mean it.

Productivity expert David Allen says, “Your brain is a thinking tool, not a storage device.”

Don’t trust your brain to recall information like:

Homework assignments
Project due dates
Test or exam dates
Family events
Project meeting dates/times
Miscellaneous tasks
Ideas that pop into your head

Have you ever forgotten a deadline or meeting? Of course — we all have! That’s because your brain doesn’t always remember such information perfectly.

So write it down in an “everything” list. You can use a notebook or an app like Google Keep. Then, follow this system:

1. Once a day, review your “everything” list.

Review your list after school. Keep your calendar handy. Depending on the item, do one of the following:

If it’s a date you need to keep track of, mark it down in your calendar.
If it’s a task that will take three minutes or less to complete, do it immediately.
If it’s a task that will take more than three minutes, schedule it as an appointment in your calendar.
If it’s an idea or information you’d like to keep for future reference, save it in a document in Dropbox or Google Drive.

This process only takes five to ten minutes a day, but will help you stay on top of your responsibilities. And it’s the system top students use to save valuable mental energy, too.

2. At the end of each day, plan for the following day.

Before you stop work for the day, review your “everything” list and calendar.

If there are any tasks you weren’t able to complete, make a new appointment to finish them. This way, you stay organised, and nothing falls to the last minute.

3. Every Sunday, review your upcoming events for the next two to three weeks.

Check your calendar every Sunday to review important events like tests, project due dates, or class presentations.

If necessary, note in your calendar when you need to begin preparations for the event.

For example, if you have a big history test in two weeks, you might make an appointment to start studying this coming Tuesday.

Principle #3: Make sleep and exercise a priority

You now know that sleep improves memory and learning. Well, so does exercise.

Sleep and exercise also lower the risk of cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and many other illnesses.

If you want to be a top student, you’ve got to prioritise sleep and exercise.

“Being busy” isn’t an excuse. After all, you always find time to eat and shower, right?

When I made it a priority to sleep eight hours every night at university, my concentration, memory, and mood improved — and so did my grades!

Because of my increased focus, I took on more responsibilities outside of school and still had a social life, too.

Here are some practical ways top students prioritise sleep and exercise:

Decide that sleep and exercise are non-negotiables (just like eating and showering).
Determine how much sleep and exercise you want to get.
Choose a consistent bedtime.
Set a daily alarm as a reminder to go to bed on time.
Schedule sleep and exercise into your calendar; make them part of your routine.
Make a rule that you aren’t allowed to use your phone in bed.
Remove all electronic devices from your bedroom.
Find an exercise partner.
Tell at least two or three people about your sleep and exercise goals.
Write down these goals.
Review these goals several times a week.

Don’t make too many changes at once. Start small and make gradual progress. Soon, you’ll be a better, happier, and healthier student!

Principle #4: Keep up with the work

It’s not always easy to stay on top of your work. But if you want to become a better student — and not one who is continually stressed — consistency is key.

Here are some practical tips I recommend to keep up with schoolwork:

1. Complete your homework at least a day or two before it’s due.

If you’re following Principle #2 and writing everything down, this should be manageable.

2. Skim new topics before your teacher covers them in class.

A day or two before you learn a new topic, skim through the relevant notes or textbook chapter. Pay attention to the learning objectives, headings, diagrams, and chapter summary.

You’ll get a good overview of the topic and grasp the new concepts more quickly in class.

3. Review any new information later the same day.

Let’s say you learned about respiration in biology class, the Treaty of Versailles in history class, and population dynamics in geography class.

Later in the day, review your notes and check your understanding of each topic. This way, you won’t fall behind.

4. Clarify your doubts immediately.

You’re reviewing your notes when you realise you don’t understand a specific concept. Write down your questions. As soon as possible, clarify your doubts with your teacher.

Don’t wait until the next test or exam to do this, as this will cause unnecessary anxiety.

Plus, anxious students are rarely top students. Set yourself up for success by asking questions when you have them.

5. Use online resources.

If you don’t understand your teacher, you can always turn to the Internet.

There are countless educational resources available online. These are three of my favourites:

6. Test yourself often.

After you’ve studied a topic:

Test yourself.
Check that you’ve memorised the relevant equations, definitions, concepts, and facts.
Do some practice questions to ensure you’ve mastered the topic.

7. Attend every single class.

Is your teacher the most boring instructor on the planet?

Attend class anyway.

Your teacher knows the material far better than you do as a student. Your teacher also knows which concepts are important. Attend every class, so you don’t waste time studying irrelevant information.

No matter how monotonous your teacher is, show up with a positive attitude, and you’ll learn something from each class.

8. When it comes to projects, always have a plan.

Do you rush to complete a project a few days before it’s due? That will lead to sleep deprivation and undone assignments.

If you want to become a top student, always make a plan. Start by identifying the following:

Objectives
Tasks
Sub-tasks
Milestones
Timelines

Then, use a tool like Asana or Trello to manage your projects. You’ll finish your tasks more efficiently and successfully.

9. Start your test preparation early.

You’re now following top students’ Principle #2, so you’re scheduling the dates you need to start studying for upcoming tests. Periodically review the topics, so you don’t need to cram for tests.

Before you start studying for an exam, clarify which topics your teacher will include, as well as the length and format of the test.

Armed with this knowledge, you can focus on studying the relevant information.

Principle #5: Focus on achieving progress, not perfection

Do you ever feel like you’re not making progress towards your goals? Or that your progress is too slow?

On your journey to becoming a top student, you’ll face challenges and disappointments.

Tests in which you underperform. Essays that your teacher doesn’t like. Group projects that turn out to be a mess.

Remember that the goal is progress, not perfection.

What does it mean to focus on the process?

Set process-based goals instead of outcome-based ones.

When you set process-based goals, you set yourself up for success. That’s because you can’t always control outcomes, but you can control processes.

Here are some examples of process-based goals:

Read one newspaper article and learn at least five new words a day.
Do at least two extra math practice questions a day.
Sleep at least seven hours a night on school nights.
Exercise for at least 10 minutes a day before dinner.
Check your social media feed a maximum of three times a day.
Study for at least two hours a day on weekdays and three hours a day on weekends.
Start preparing for tests at least two weeks in advance.

This way, you will continually work towards your academic goals without fixating on a specific outcome.

You’ll begin to enjoy the process of improving and developing — and be much more likely to get the results you want, too.

Now, I’m not saying the outcome doesn’t matter. But it’s the process that counts in the long run. So focus on continual progress, and, like other top students, you will accomplish your goals over time.

Principle #6: Stay motivated using practical strategies

No matter how badly you want to become a top student, there will be times when you don’t feel like studying. How do you stop procrastinating on your homework?

Even if you’re driven to reach your goals and you want to make your teachers proud, there will be moments when…

… you feel like lying in bed all day.

… you want to watch YouTube videos non-stop.

… you’d rather do anything other than schoolwork.

What’s a driven but unmotivated student to do on days like these?

Try these practical strategies to become a top student who gets things done no matter what:

Reward yourself when you finish a task.
Set a timer for three minutes. Get to work and tell yourself that you can stop after three minutes. (You’ll probably carry on with the task once you get started, though.)
Work in short blocks of 25 to 35 minutes.
Put up motivational quotes. My favourite is by Jim Rohn: “Don’t wish it were easier. Wish you were better.”
Break tasks into smaller steps, so they’re not overwhelming.
Visualise how you’ll feel when you finish your task.
Keep a list of the tasks you’ve completed to remind yourself that you’re making progress.
Turn your schoolwork into a game. Give yourself five points for each task you complete, then reward yourself when you accumulate 20 points.
Join a study group of motivated students. Their ambition will rub off on you.
Get enough sleep. Tiredness and lack of motivation are linked. (Refer to Principle #3.)

Need some more tips? Here are 23 ideas for how to get motivated to study.

Principle #7: Learn to say “no”

Are you too busy?

I’ve worked with students who just have too much on their plate. They’re involved in countless extracurricular activities, from music to art to sports.

I don’t care how efficient you are. You’re not a robot — and you won’t be a well-rested top student if you’re juggling too many activities at once. Worse, you risk burn-out.

What’s the simple solution?

Learn to say “no”.

Here are some tips to help:

1. Develop various ways of saying “no” politely, so you’re equipped for every situation.

Here are some examples:

“Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m sorry I can’t make it.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. Here’s what I can do instead.”
“Thanks for the invitation, but I’ll have to pass.”
“I appreciate you asking, but I apologise. I can’t help this time.”
“I’m sorry, those dates don’t work for me.”
“I’m sorry, my schedule is really packed for the next month.”
“That sounds like a great opportunity, but I’m sorry it’s not suitable for me.”
“I’m sorry, I’ve already made other plans.”
“I’d love to, but I’ve already committed to help __________ (friend, family member, etc.) out.”

2. Don’t participate in more than two to three extracurricular activities.

Whether it’s volunteering, learning a sport or musical instrument, or developing a new skill, only choose a couple at a time.

3. Categorise your friends and decide how much time to spend with each group.

Categorise your friends?

It might sound like a strange suggestion, but it’s an easier way to say no to social engagements that would otherwise overload your schedule.

Time is a finite resource. Top students know it’s impossible to spend frequent time with everyone you consider a friend.

Categorise your friends into the following four groups:

Acquaintances
Casual friends
Close friends
Best friends

Next, decide how often you’ll hang out with each group. For me, it looked like this:

Acquaintances – once every few months
Casual friends – once a month
Close friends – once every one to two weeks
Best friends – once every few days

By clarifying how much time you’ll spend with each friend group, you’ll invest in the friendships that mean the most.

Principle #8: Create systems for staying organised

Have you ever started studying for a test only to realise you can’t find the relevant notes or assignments?

Do you keep papers in a pile, then spend too much time rummaging through them when you need to find an assignment?

Being disorganised is a time-waster. Here are some proven tips to help you stay organised when it comes to (a) notes and assignments and (b) email:

Notes and assignments

1. Bring an accordion folder to school every day.

The accordion folder should look something like this.

2. Assign each of your subjects or courses to a section of the accordion folder. Assign one additional section for incomplete homework.

As the day goes on, place the notes and graded assignments you receive in their respective sections. Put your incomplete homework across all subjects in the “incomplete homework” section.

3. Get binders to keep at home. I suggest one binder for every category of work (for each subject).

For example, use one binder for your history notes, one for your history assignments, and one for your history tests.

4. Once a day, look through the “incomplete homework” section of your accordion folder.

Ensure you haven’t overlooked any homework assignments.

5. Once a week, transfer all your notes and graded assignments from your accordion folder to the respective binder.

Do this consistently, and you’ll realise if you’ve misplaced any notes or assignments. This way, you can replace them long before you need to prepare for your next exam.

Email

1. Forward all your school emails to a Gmail account.

I’ve used almost every popular email service out there. Gmail is the best one. So, if you don’t already have a Gmail account, set one up.

2. Create as few email folders as possible.

Most top students don’t need too many additional email folders.

Why not?

Folders complicate the way you process email. Plus, the Gmail search function is excellent. Use it to quickly find any old emails you need.

3. Process your email once a day.

I recommend you check email on your computer, not your phone.

It’s not always easy to reply to emails on your phone. But the messages will still appear as read — even if you haven’t processed them.

You’re more likely to have all the information you need on your computer so you can quickly and efficiently get through your inbox.

4. Follow these rules when processing your email:

If an email doesn’t require a reply, archive it.
If an email requires a reply, do so immediately. Then, archive the original email.
If an email requires a reply but will take significant time to write one, create a task (refer to Principle #2). Archive the original email after you’ve replied to it.

By following these rules, you’ll get to “inbox zero” (no emails in your inbox) almost every day. You’ll eliminate email stress, and you’ll rest assured that all relevant tasks have been completed or scheduled.

5. Use the Boomerang for Gmail app.

The Boomerang for Gmail app has already saved me dozens – or even hundreds – of hours.

This app lets you schedule a reminder to follow up with someone if they haven’t replied to your email by a specific date. It’s a handy app for group projects and more.

Principle #9: Work on one task at a time

It takes time to get into the flow of an assignment, so finish one task before moving on to the next.

Don’t multitask, either.

That means no texting, watching TV, or checking your social media feed while doing your schoolwork.

Research shows that multitasking isn’t possible. When you think you’re multitasking, you’re actually switching between tasks and reducing your overall efficiency.

Here are some tips that top students use to help you focus on one task at a time:

1. At the start of each homework/study session, write down what you’re going to work on.

Write this on a scrap piece of paper or a Post-it Note, and put it on your desk. This is to remind you of the task you’re supposed to work on.

2. Allocate a specific amount of time to the task.

Give yourself a realistic deadline, so you’re more likely to concentrate fully on the task at hand.

3. Whenever you feel like switching tasks, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.

The urge to multitask or do something more “fun” comes in waves.

Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, and these waves will pass by. Then, get back to work.

4. Improve your focus gradually.

If you have trouble focusing, take small steps to improve your concentration.

Start with 10 minutes of complete focus. Over the next week, increase it to 12 minutes. Then 14 minutes and so on. Eventually, you’ll be able to focus for 30 to 40 minutes!

Principle #10: Eliminate distractions

Do you find it difficult to concentrate, even when you’re not multitasking?

Distractions are a common problem for many students, and it doesn’t necessarily indicate that you dislike studying.

Here are a few ways to eliminate or reduce interruptions:

Turn off notifications on your phone.
Only reply to text messages three times a day. Put it in your calendar as a series of mini-appointments.
Archive all the inactive chats on your phone, so they don’t clutter your app’s home screen.
Mute all group chats.
Delete all social media apps from your phone.
Wear a watch, so you don’t have to check your phone for the time.
Use an extremely long password for your phone, so you won’t be tempted to use it mindlessly.
Use headphones while you’re studying (even if there’s no music playing) so that others will be less likely to interrupt you.
Do all of your schoolwork at your desk, not on your bed, so you won’t laze around.
Put your phone in another room when it’s time to work.
Use an app like Freedom to restrict online distractions.
Turn off your Internet access when you’re doing schoolwork.
Close all unnecessary programs or tabs on your computer.
Tell the people around you when you’ll be doing your work. This way, they won’t interrupt you in the middle of your study session.

Implement these essential study tips, and you’ll set yourself up to become a top student.

Start with two or three tips. When they become habits, tackle a few more. Even one small change can create a big difference in the long run.

Conclusion

You want to do well academically, but you also want to lead a balanced life — and part of that definitely means getting eight hours of sleep every night!

I know it’s easier said than done. It took me 16 years of continual research and experimentation to develop these systems and become a well-rested top student.

Remember, the reward isn’t the straight A’s or the accolades.

What matters is the process of challenging yourself — of developing greater focus, self-discipline, commitment, and resilience.

As you implement the tips outlined in this article, I’m confident that you’ll become a top student. More importantly, you’ll become a student with advanced self-management skills.

Equipped with these skills, you’ll contribute more effectively and serve more meaningfully. This means that you’ll make a difference in your community and in the world.

Now that’s an end goal worth working towards!

Want even more tips to become more organised, focused, and disciplined? Check out my step-by-step system to become a straight-A student in just 40 minutes a week.

It’s everything you need to join other top students and have a healthy school-life balance. Say hello to eight hours of sleep a night — and straight A’s, too.

Wishing you all the best on this challenging and exciting journey!

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57 Things Great Parents Do to Bring Out the Best in Their Children

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 12 Comments

Do you want to be a great parent?

Do you want to bring up motivated, responsible, and successful children?

I’m sure you do.

But the journey isn’t always easy. Parenthood is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and it’s filled with challenges and frustrations.

As a parent, there will be times when you feel confused, helpless even.

But that doesn’t mean you’re alone. The truth is, you can rely on the experience of countless parents who have gone before you. You can follow specific, time-tested practices of effective parenting.

Through working with thousands of children and teenagers – and their parents too – I’ve come to realize that parenting is both an art and a science.

Being a great parent calls for flexibility and creativity. At the same time, there are also certain principles that all successful parents follow.

(I’m trying hard to follow these principles too, and I definitely have room for improvement!)

Based on my observations, I’ve put together this list of 57 things great parents do to bring out the best in their children.

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1. They “catch” their children being good. They make a conscious effort to acknowledge their children’s good behavior, because they know that kids respond well to positive feedback.

2. They teach their children that the universe doesn’t revolve around them. I’ve worked with many children and teenagers who think that their wants, needs, and problems are the only things that matter. They’ve developed this self-centered attitude because their parents have made them the center of the universe. It’s better to give your kids a sense of perspective about their place in the grand scheme of things.

3. They teach their children to dream big and dare to fail. They give their children the freedom to fail, because they understand the truth of the saying, “If failure isn’t an option, then neither is real success.”

4. They don’t do things for their children that their children can do for themselves. For example, a teenager can schedule his or her own dentist’s appointment. Allowing children to take responsibility for their lives helps them to grow and mature.

5. They build a strong marriage with their spouse. Children want to know that their parents love each other, because this gives them a sense of security. Without this, it’s hard for children to develop to their full potential.

6. They allow natural consequences to run their course. As long as doing so doesn’t put their children’s lives in danger, this is the most effective way to make children learn from their mistakes.

7. They create family traditions and rituals. I know families who go camping once a year, have a celebration on the first day of every school year, and have a family cheer. These kinds of traditions and rituals build family pride, which increases the likelihood that the children will grow up to be well-adjusted.

8. They teach their children that all feelings are okay, but not all actions are. For example, children must understand that it’s okay to feel angry, but that it’s not okay to lash out in violence.

9. They treat everyone with respect. This way, their children learn that everyone is worthy of respect, no matter how “important” or “unimportant” society deems them to be.

10. They address the issues underlying their children’s problematic behavior. When children and teenagers act up, it’s usually because they have a need that isn’t being met: love, acceptance, security, stability, respect, trust, etc. Great parents seek to identify this unmet need so they can get to the root of the problem.

11. They’re curious about the world around them. This helps to cultivate joyful curiosity in their children, too, which makes it more likely that they’ll grow up to be lifelong learners.

12. They keep their promises. By doing so, their children understand the importance of integrity and commitment.

13. They express their requests “positively.” For example, great parents don’t say, “No TV!” Instead they say, “When you finish your homework, you can watch TV.” This positive approach is far more effective in getting through to children and teenagers.

14. They show an interest in their children’s hobbies and passions. Great parents make the effort to learn about the games, celebrities, music, and other things that their children like. This helps to build a strong parent-child relationship.

15. They show affection toward their children. They do this in the form of both physical touch and encouraging words.

16. They manage their own anxiety. Anxious parents produce anxious children. Great parents consciously manage their negative emotions so as not to affect their children adversely.

17. They don’t take a “one size fits all” approach toward parenting. Every child is different, which means that a different parenting style is needed for each child.

18. They teach their children positive thinking skills. As the saying goes, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” Children can only react to difficult situations wisely when they’re equipped with positive thinking skills and a positive attitude.

19. They’re encouraging and supportive toward their children. Life is full of challenges and disappointment. Children need their parents’ encouragement in order to build confidence, especially when they’re young.

20. They remind their children that their love is unconditional. These reminders are frequent to ensure that their children know they’re fully loved, regardless of how they behave. (At the same time, great parents don’t ignore or condone bad behavior.)

21. They develop a mission statement for their family. They involve their children in this process too, to ensure that the whole family is working toward the same vision and goals. Here’s a detailed article to guide you through the process of creating a family mission statement.

22. They practice what they preach. For example, they want their children to love learning, so they demonstrate that they’re learning new things every day too. They want their children to be kind and respectful, so they show kindness and respect to everyone they meet.

23. They’re patient with their children. They take time to explain things; they listen to their children’s stories; they remain calm when their children frustrate them. As a parent myself, I know this is easier said than done. But I’ve observed that great parents do it consistently!

24. They make family time a priority. They don’t overschedule their children’s lives with enrichment classes and music lessons. Instead, they make it clear that spending time together as a family is a higher priority than these activities.

25. They spend one-on-one time with each of their children. They do this on a regular basis, because it’s a powerful way to build the parent-child bond.

26. They model for their children what it means to lead a balanced life. They don’t succumb to addictions or distractions. In addition, they teach their children how to take care of their physical, emotional, and mental health.

27. When they make a mistake, they apologize. They model humility for their children. What’s more, they aren’t afraid to ask their children for feedback on their parenting style, because this helps them to continually improve as parents.

28. They don’t blame others when things go wrong. They take full responsibility for their actions, and don’t play the victim. This helps their children to grasp the importance of taking ownership of their lives.

29. They don’t try to fulfill their unfulfilled dreams through their children. They allow their children to run their own race, instead of the race they think their children ought to run.

30. They give their children responsibilities. Many children and teenagers today are so busy with their academics and extra-curricular activities that their parents have reduced (or eliminated) their household responsibilities. In the long run, this can cause them to become entitled. Great parents don’t make this mistake.

31. They set clear, reasonable boundaries for their children. They’re consistent in enforcing these boundaries. This provides their children with structure and security as they grow up.

32. They establish family routines. This applies to family meals, homework time, chores, and so on. This helps to build family cohesion.

33. They forgive themselves when they make a mistake. They know that parenting is a learning process, so they don’t beat themselves up when they falter. Instead, they make amends and seek external help if necessary.

34. They forgive others (including their children) easily. They build families in which forgiveness is freely given and freely received. This is the foundation of a united family.

35. They find ways to manage stress. We live in a competitive world. Understandably, parents face a lot of stress at work and at home. Great parents use various techniques to manage this stress, because they know that if they don’t, they’ll be short-tempered and unreasonable – not a good combination if you want to be a world-class parent!

36. They make time to have fun as a family. Not only does this create lasting family memories, it also helps their children to see that time with family can be enjoyable.

37. They discipline their children instead of punishing them. What’s the difference between discipline and punishment? Discipline uses logical consequences to help children learn from their mistakes, and is carried out calmly. On the other hand, punishment is often meted out in anger, and is a means to make children “suffer” for their bad behavior.

38. They really listen to their children. When their children talk to them, they put aside their newspapers and electronic devices. They listen without interrupting, judging, or criticizing. As a result, their children feel valued, and are more likely to communicate openly.

39. They don’t shame or belittle their children. Great parents don’t say hurtful things that would damage their children’s self-esteem. They understand the power of words, so they refrain from insulting or humiliating their children.

40. They respect their children’s privacy. They don’t spy on their children unless they suspect that their children are in grave danger. By respecting their children’s privacy, they create a culture of respect at home.

41. They allow their children to make mistakes. Experiencing failure and disappointment is essential if you want your children to become resilient. Furthermore, great parents know that progress matters more than perfection.

42. They practice gratitude. They resist the temptation to complain, and instead choose to focus on the things they have to be thankful for. In addition, they teach their children to cultivate the habit of gratitude. Research shows that people who regularly practice gratitude are happier, kinder, and healthier – so this is something all children should learn to do!

43. They encourage their children to experiment and explore. They’re often heard saying to their children, “Go for it!” (Unless the situation is potentially dangerous, of course.) By moving outside their comfort zones, their children develop courage and confidence.

44. They teach their children about money. As their children are growing up, they show them how to save, invest, create a budget, write a check, and spend wisely. These are skills that will prove essential down the road.

45. They take care of their own physical and emotional needs. As a result, they prevent themselves from burning out. This enables them to be better, more engaged parents.

46. They explain the rationale behind the boundaries they set. Parents who don’t do this run the risk of being perceived as authoritarian or dictatorial – and children won’t put up with such a parent for long. By explaining the reasons behind their boundaries, great parents also model for their children what it means to think logically.

47. They teach their children emotional intelligence. They show their children how to understand and label emotions, how to empathize with others, and how to see things from others’ perspectives.

48. They focus on their long-term parenting goals. They remind themselves that the objective of parenting is to raise resilient, well-adjusted children who will be contributing members of society. They don’t get so caught up in trying to force their children to finish their food or complete their homework that they lose sight of these long-term parenting goals.

49. They involve their children in solving problems. When children are part of the problem-solving process, they develop thinking skills. And if the problem is related to the children’s own undesirable behavior, they’re much more likely to commit to changing that behavior.

50. They do small things to make their children feel special. I’m proud to say that my own parents are great parents. They wrote me letters and left me special messages (in fact, they still do this today). This made me feel loved and appreciated.

51. They don’t lecture their children. Children and teenagers don’t respond well to lectures – especially long ones. When great parents communicate with their children, they’re clear, specific, and brief.

52. They do “boring” things with their children. The families I know who have the strongest bonds do plenty of mundane things together, e.g., grocery trips, household chores, home improvement projects. Great parents know that it’s in these “boring” things that family bonds are built.

53. They instill in their children a sense of destiny. What I appreciate most about my parents is that they implanted in me and my siblings a sense of purpose, a desire to make a difference. This has enabled us to stay relatively focused on doing things to serve others and add value to the world.

54. They create an emotionally “safe” home environment. They do this by limiting criticism, nagging, and harsh words. This fosters an environment where every family member feels safe and respected, and where the lines of communication remain open.

55. They emphasize the importance of the process over the outcome. Great parents don’t obsess over achievements and accomplishments. Instead, they focus on helping their children to grow, improve, and develop. Interestingly, their children attain better outcomes as a result of this process-oriented approach.

56. They help their children to find a coach/mentor. Research shows that children who have a mentor in their life have 30% higher levels of life satisfaction. Having worked with thousands of children and teenagers, I’ve observed how much they benefit from the mentoring relationship they have with me.

57. They teach their children that being successful is what matters, not looking successful. Looking successful is about achievement, wealth, and popularity. On the other hand, being successful is about contribution, character, and integrity. Great parents know that being successful is what counts.

Conclusion

I know . . . this is a long article.

So you might be feeling overwhelmed by the number of improvements you want to make as a parent.

But I encourage you to take it one step at a time.

Here’s what I recommend you do:

Based on this article, list the top three things you’d like to work on.
List the specific things you plan to do differently.
Implement this plan for four weeks.
At the end of those four weeks, review your progress and make adjustments to your plan. Pick another item or two from the list to work on when you feel ready, or keep working on the same ones to reinforce them further.
Repeat this process for the following four weeks.

As you make headway, you’ll find yourself enjoying parenthood more.

Before you know it, you’ll be a great parent who brings out the best in your children.

The journey won’t be easy, but I know you’re up to the challenge!

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12 Parenting Mistakes You Don’t Know You’re Making

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 2 Comments

Frustrating, isn’t it?

You try your best as a parent.

You love your children unconditionally. You spend time with them. You give them gifts. You provide them with everything they need.

But somehow they don’t seem to appreciate it.

They complain about their lives. And – more annoyingly – they complain about you being a naggy, unreasonable parent.

You wonder to yourself, “Why don’t they appreciate everything I do for them?”

If this describes your situation, I’m here to help.

Having worked with thousands of children and teens, I realize there are many common mistakes that parents don’t even know they’re making.

I’ll explain 12 of these mistakes, which may be causing your child to be unhappy and unmotivated. (Some of them might surprise you as being mistakes!)

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1. Making your children the center of the universe.

Does your family’s schedule revolve around your children?

Their homework, their needs, their activities, their music lessons, their enrichment classes . . . the list goes on.

Of course, children have practical needs. But when everything revolves around them, they may become self-centered.

And when they’re constantly thinking about themselves – instead of focusing on the needs of others – they’re more likely to be unhappy.

After all, the people who lead the happiest, most meaningful lives are the ones who concentrate on serving others.

So allow your kids to experience a family environment where others receive as much attention as they do. They’ll benefit from it.

2. Constantly telling your children how special they are.

“You can be anything you want to be.”

“You did a fantastic job!”

“You’re so clever!”

If you say these kinds of things to your children too often, they may develop a sense of entitlement.

They may start thinking to themselves, “I’m special, so I should be able to achieve success even if I don’t try too hard.”

This kind of thinking sets children up for misery down the road, because nothing in life worth achieving ever comes easily.

It’s not wrong to encourage your children – just be sure they don’t end up thinking they’re the greatest thing since sliced bread.

3. Expecting the worst from your children.

Some parents say the following to their children:

“You’re so irresponsible.”
“You’re useless!”
“You’re stupid!”
“Why can’t you do anything right?”
“Why are you so unmotivated?”
“You didn’t do your homework, right?”
“Did you get in trouble with your teacher?”
“Are you hanging out with bad company again?”

Saying these things to your children won’t make them change their behavior. This is because over time they’ll internalize those labels they’ve been given.

A child who believes he’s “irresponsible” and “unmotivated” won’t magically become responsible and motivated. Instead, he’ll act out the negative traits he’s been labeled with. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What’s the alternative?

Read on to the next point.

4. Not acknowledging your children’s good behavior.

Don’t let your children’s good behavior go unnoticed.

For example, if you observe that your child has managed to focus for 20 minutes straight, say with a smile, “I notice that you managed to concentrate for 20 minutes.”

If your child submits his homework on time, praise him for it: “I’m proud of you for getting your homework done and for not procrastinating.”

These are simple comments that make a huge difference. The more you focus on your children’s good behavior, the more it will multiply.

5. Trying to achieve your dreams through your children.

It’s easy to see your children as an extension of yourself. After all, your children have half of your genes.

But if you try to achieve your own dreams through your children, they won’t find enduring happiness and success.

I even know parents who have forced their children to become doctors or lawyers, because those were their unfulfilled career ambitions.

Each of us has our own race to run, so don’t coerce your children into following your own agenda.

6. Disciplining your children when you’re angry.

If you want your children to be confident and well-adjusted, you must discipline them.

But this discipline shouldn’t be carried out in the heat of the moment.

If you discipline your children when you’re angry, you’re likely to mete out unreasonable punishments or use excessive force.

In the long run, this will make your children feel bitter and resentful.

So if you’re on the verge of losing your cool, remove yourself from the situation for 10 to 15 minutes. Discipline your child only when you’ve calmed down. You’ll feel better about it, and in the end, so will they.

7. Shaming your children.

No matter what your children have done, refrain from saying any of the following:

“I’m ashamed of you.”
“Stop behaving like a baby.”
“You ungrateful brat!”
“What were you thinking?!”
“I’ll never forgive you for that.”

When children feel a sense of shame, their growth and development is hindered. They may feel unworthy of love, and they may feel like a failure. This will lead to various psychological problems.

So if your children have made a mistake, don’t find fault with them as people. Instead, focus on their actions and what you’d like them to do differently in the future.

And do remind them that you love them. This will teach them that they’re worthy of love even when they make mistakes, leading to strong feelings of self-worth.

8. Being a friend to your children rather than a parent.

If your children like you and enjoy spending time with you, that’s great. But your children need you to be a parent more than they need you as a friend.

Good parenting involves making hard decisions. It involves disciplining your children, establishing boundaries, setting expectations, and meting out consequences.

Even if you do these things perfectly, your children might still be disgruntled, and that can hurt your feelings.

But don’t worry, because they won’t stay that way for long. They’ll soon realize that you’re preparing them for adult life.

9. Not teaching your children to manage their emotions.

Life is full of stress, disappointment, and hardship. If children don’t learn to manage their emotions, they’ll be overwhelmed by challenges.

So it’s important that you teach your children how to regulate their emotions. Here are some ways you can do this:

Set a good example by managing your own emotions well
Pay attention to your emotions as well as your children’s
Don’t dismiss your children’s emotions
Empathize with your children
Encourage your children to talk about their emotions
Avoid judging your children’s emotions
Teach your children to name their emotions

When your children can handle their emotions no matter what trials life throws at them, they’ll be prepared for just about anything. This is one of the best gifts you can give them.

10. Comparing your children with others.

“Don’t compare” – this is probably the most popular piece of advice in the history of parenting.

But no matter how many times you hear it, it’s still tempting to compare your children with others. (I’m a parent too, so I speak from experience!)

When parents compare, children get the message that “my parents would love me more if only I were more like so-and-so.”

This can make children feel insecure, which harms their emotional and mental development.

So resist the urge to compare, remembering that your children are uniquely gifted with their own skills, abilities, and personality traits. They’re worthy of love and understanding just as they are.

11. Shielding your children from the consequences of their choices.

One of the most important life lessons is that choices lead to consequences. The sooner we understand this truth, the sooner we’ll start to make wise decisions.

Don’t hinder your children’s development by bailing them out. (Of course, the exception is when they’d be in physical danger if you didn’t do so.)

For example, if your children forget to bring their homework to school, don’t drive to school to drop it off. They’ll be forced to become more organized in the future.

And if your children refuse to put their clothes in the laundry basket, don’t do it for them. They’ll learn to do so when they have to re-wear their dirty clothes because they ran out of clean ones.

By all means, show your children grace and compassion, but don’t go overboard. If you do, your children won’t learn to take full responsibility for their lives.

And without that understanding, it’s impossible to be successful and happy in the long run.

12. Not prioritizing your marriage over your children.

I don’t claim to be a marriage expert. But through my work with children and teens, I’ve realized that they would rather know that their parents love each other than that their parents love them.

Author and therapist David Code says that “families centered on children create anxious, exhausted parents and demanding, entitled children.”

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that the parent-child relationship isn’t important. I’m just saying that it’s crucial for you to focus on meeting your spouse’s needs, not just your children’s.

Be intentional about strengthening your marriage, and your children will be happier and more well-adjusted as a result. And you and your spouse will be great role models for your children’s own eventual marriages.

Conclusion

Parenting is an art, so there’s no one-size-fits-all approach that works 100% of the time.

But if your goal is to raise children who are happy and successful, there are some things you should not do. In this article, I’ve outlined 12 of them.

If you feel like you’ve made many of these mistakes, rest assured that you’re not alone. Parenting is probably the toughest job in the world!

The first step to change is awareness, which you now have. The rest of the journey is about gradual improvement.

So take it one step at a time.

Think about which of the 12 mistakes you commit most often, and come up with a parenting improvement plan.

Implementing this plan will take commitment and hard work, but you’ll see results over time.

And down the road, your children will thank you too. 🙂

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

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9 Things Students Have to Be Thankful for (but Usually Aren’t)

Updated on August 11, 2021 By Daniel Wong 9 Comments

Students have so many things they complain about, right?

Too much homework.

Naggy parents.

Not enough money.

Early mornings.

Strict teachers.

The list goes on and on.

When I was a student, I used to complain about everything. But one day I realized that the antidote to complaining is gratitude.

So after reading this article, I felt inspired to come up with a list of nine things that students have to be thankful for – but usually aren’t.

Here’s the list:

1. Naggy parents = People who love you unconditionally

2. Internet/phone/TV restrictions = Parents who care about your future

3. No pocket money to buy the coolest clothes = Learning the difference between wants and needs

4. Homework = Opportunity to acquire new knowledge and skills

5. Early school day mornings = Getting a quality education

6. Tests and exams = Valuable feedback on your learning progress

7. Group projects = Learning collaboration and interpersonal skills

8. Difficult concepts and topics = Developing perseverance

9. Mandatory subjects you dislike = Growing in patience

It’s natural to focus on the negative things in life, rather than the positive.

But to find long-term happiness and success, we must cultivate the habit of gratitude.

I hope this article helps you to do that in a small way. 🙂

Please “like” this article and share it with your friends.

Image: Happy student

20 Simple Ways to Get Your Children to Listen to You

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Mother and daughter

It’s frustrating, isn’t it?

As a parent, you make countless sacrifices for your children.

You want the best for them, and you want them to become happy and successful.

But they just don’t listen to you.

Sometimes they don’t follow your instructions. Other times, they refuse to take your advice.

Understandably, you feel angry and helpless.

But take heart, because there are simple ways to get your children to listen to you. I’ve spoken to and worked with thousands of pre-teens and teens, so I’ll share with you the 20 best tips I know.

(Don’t forget to download your free e-book below.)

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1. Don’t make threats.

It’s tempting to threaten your children, especially when you’re at your wits’ end.

Resist this urge, because making threats will damage your parent-child relationship in the long run. The threats will eventually lose their effectiveness too.

What’s the alternative?

Read the rest of this article to find out.

2. Address your children by name.

Imagine if someone started barking orders at you without addressing you by name.

Would you feel like obeying those orders?

Probably not.

So if you start the conversation by calling your children by their name, they’ll feel respected. As such, they’ll be more likely to listen to what you have to say.

3. Get your children’s attention first.

Before you start giving instructions or suggestions, make sure you have your child’s full attention.

If necessary, walk up to him and put your hand on his shoulder. Establish eye contact, and ensure that he has turned his focus toward you.

Only then should you begin talking.

4. Make sure that your requests are reasonable.

Reasonable

Before you make your request, ask yourself the following questions:

Is the request really necessary?
Is it a matter of preference or principle?
How urgent is the request?
Is now the best time to make the request?

As parents, we must pick our battles. By asking the questions listed above, you’ll ensure that the battles you pick are worth fighting.

5. State your expectations ahead of time.

For instance, if you’re going to attend a wedding dinner as a family, let your children know your expectations (in terms of their behavior) ahead of time. Be as specific as possible.

In addition, state the consequences they’ll face if they choose not to behave according to those expectations.

6. Give your children choices and alternatives.

If you don’t give your children choices, they’ll perceive you as being authoritarian.

Here are some types of alternatives you could give them:

Do the task today or tomorrow
Do the task every day for 10 minutes, or once a week for an hour
Do the task using Method A, B, or C
Do Task A this week or Task B next week

7. Brainstorm possible solutions with your children.

If your child doesn’t agree to any of the options you’ve provided, brainstorm other possible options.

Get a sheet of paper and write down all the ideas that you and your child come up with. Take 10 to 15 minutes to do this.

Next, evaluate each of the ideas. Both of you get a chance to share your opinions on each of the options.

This may take a while, but you’ll usually be able to find a solution that you and your child are agreeable to.

8. Share with your children how you feel.

Happy face and sad face

In particular, the “When you … I feel …” approach is effective in getting through to children.

Here are some examples of how you might use this approach:

“When you bully your classmates, I feel anxious because I want you to become a person of strong values and character.
“When you refuse to study for your exams, I feel worried because I want you to make the most of your education and your talents.”
“When you speak to your teachers disrespectfully, I feel discouraged because I feel like I haven’t taught you well as your parent.”

9. Give your children your full attention.

Point #3 was about making sure that you have your children’s attention before you speak.

This point is about giving your children your full attention whenever they speak to you. This means putting away your electronic devices, newspapers, or books.

By doing this, your children will likely show you similar respect when you speak to them.

10. Phrase your requests “positively.”

Children respond better when the request is phrased “positively” rather than “negatively.”

These are a couple of examples to illustrate what I mean:

Example 1

Negative phrasing: “No shouting!”

Positive phrasing: “Please speak quietly when you’re indoors. You may shout when you’re outdoors.”

Example 2

Negative phrasing: “Stop watching TV!”

Positive phrasing: “Please turn off the TV and focus on your homework. During the school holidays, you’ll have more time to watch TV.”

11. Give your children advance notice.

As an example, if your children are in the middle of a game, give them advance notice if their fun is going to be cut short.

30 minutes before your family needs to leave the house, tell them they have 30 minutes remaining. Give them another warning 10 minutes before it’s time to go.

This way, they’ll be mentally prepared and won’t kick up a fuss.

12. State your requests as simply as possible.

Keep it simple

Children are more likely to listen when your requests are stated in a clear, direct, and simple manner.

Many parents make the mistake of repeating themselves to emphasize their point. But children often perceive this as nagging, and become less willing to listen.

So use as few words as possible to get your point across, and use simple language too.

13. Try to understand things from your children’s perspective.

Think back to when you were your children’s age.

Did you like it when your parents cut you off while you were speaking?

Or when you were playing with your friends, did you like it when your parents interrupted you?

Take a few minutes to think about the situation from your child’s point of view. This will help you to understand why she’s behaving the way she is. It will also give you fresh ideas about how to connect with her.

14. Acknowledge what your children have to say.

Children love using the word “but.”

“But I’m busy now…”

“But that’s so unfair…”

“But my friends don’t have to do this…”

“But I can do the homework later…”

Sound familiar?

How do you respond to statements like these from your children? By clamping down, or by exercising your parental authority in some other way?

I encourage you to first acknowledge what your children have said. You could say something like:

“I can see that you’re in the middle of your game…”
“I know this seems unfair to you…”
“I understand that your friends don’t have to do this…”
“I know it seems like your homework isn’t urgent…”

This will help your children to feel understood, which will make them more receptive to what you have to say.

15. Empathize with your children and identify their feelings.

As a follow-up to Points #13 and #14, identify your children’s feelings. Are they feeling frustrated, discouraged, disappointed, or betrayed?

If you can’t identify their emotions, then do the next best thing: ask them.

By showing your children that you understand their feelings – or that you’re trying to understand their feelings – they’ll be more likely to listen to you.

16. Stay calm.

Keep calm

This is easier said than done, I know.

But it’s vital that you stay calm, because nothing productive ever results from a shouting match.

So once you notice yourself getting agitated, take three or four deep breaths. Breathe in for three seconds, and breathe out for three seconds.

If necessary, remove yourself from the situation for 10 to 15 minutes. Restart the conversation when you’ve calmed down.

17. Be gentle but firm.

Speak to your children gently but firmly. Your children should know that you, as the parent, are the authority figure. But they should also feel respected and understood.

This is a fine balance that parents must strike, but it’s key if you want your children to listen to you willingly.

18. Be consistent and keep your word.

After you’ve set a rule, be consistent and follow through. If you don’t, your words will carry less weight in the future, and your children won’t take you seriously.

On a related note, make good on all your promises.

Whether it’s a promise you made to bring your children to the park, buy them a phone, or get them new clothes, keep your word.

I’ve spoken to children who don’t trust their parents because of broken promises in the past. And you can’t build a strong relationship without trust.

19. If necessary, end the discussion.

This approach should only be used as a last resort.

If you’ve already tried all the other tips but still can’t reach an agreement, then close the discussion.

For example, your child might want to go for a sleepover, but for various reasons you’ve decided that it isn’t a good idea.

You might end the discussion by saying, “I know you really want to go for this sleepover. But I’ve explained to you why I’m concerned about your safety and why I can’t allow you to go. I’m not changing my mind about this.”

20. Spend one-on-one time with your children.

Son and mother

At the heart of it, getting your children to listen to you is less about techniques and more about the parent-child relationship.

One of the best ways to build this relationship is to spend one-on-one time with your children. I’m not discounting the importance of family time, but one-on-one time is special.

Some parents continue to do this, even though their children are already adults. As you might expect, these parents typically have a wonderful relationship with each of their children.

And when you have a healthy parent-child relationship, your child will listen to you readily.

The bottom line

Getting your children to listen to your requests, suggestions, or advice – it’s one of the biggest challenges for parents.

But it doesn’t have to be a source of frustration for you anymore.

By using the 20 tips in this article, you’ll build a strong relationship with each of your children. Over time, your children will go from not listening to you to listening to you willingly.

This change will take time, and will require commitment. But it’ll be worth it.

I’m confident that you’re up to the challenge!

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!