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Teaching Values to Teens: 8 Ways to Build Character in Your Teens

Updated on February 5, 2024 By Daniel Wong 6 Comments

Do you wonder if your teen is maturing and developing well?

As a parent, you love your children unconditionally. But they don’t always display the values and character traits you wish they would.

If you’re frustrated by your teenagers’ bad attitude, irresponsible behavior, impatience, or lack of motivation…

… it’s a common situation that parents find themselves in.

You can still help your teens to grow into caring, courageous, and confident adults who contribute to society.

One of the best ways to ensure this is to teach your teens the right values.

Values help teens make better decisions, focus on positive goals, and take responsibility for their actions. They act as an internal compass to guide your teens’ choices and behavior.

How do values do all of this? By boosting intrinsic motivation.

This type of motivation can transform your teens’ approach to school, work, friendships, and family life.

For example, teens who value self-discipline and knowledge will study because it’s meaningful to work hard and learn new things. They won’t study just to get an A or avoid punishment.

To give your teens the best chance at finding fulfillment and success, follow these tips to help them develop the right values.

(And if your teen lacks motivation, make sure to download the e-book below.)

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Tip #1: Model the values you want your teen to have

This tip might seem obvious. But your actions and words greatly influence your teenagers’ behavior, attitude, and beliefs.

How you respond to a stressful event or approach an argument influences how your teens will react when they face a similar situation.

For example, it’s important to stay calm when explaining to your teens why you felt frustrated that they didn’t finish their chores.

By talking calmly to your teens – instead of shouting – you’re demonstrating that respect is a value that matters to you.

Other examples of how to model certain values for your teens include:

Self-discipline: Having a morning routine, always being punctual, eating healthily, exercising regularly.
Generosity: Giving to those in need, helping neighbors, doing favors without expecting anything in return.
Excellence: Putting aside distractions and focusing on the task at hand, doing small things (like making your bed) well, going the extra mile to serve and help others
Integrity: Owning up to mistakes, not blaming others, not lying even if it affects you negatively, not cutting corners.

Tip #2: Be aware of teachable moments

Teachable moments are opportunities to help your teens learn valuable lessons.

Most teachable moments occur when your teens have made a mistake.

Keep an eye out for these moments because you can use them to show your teens how to live out their values in practical ways.

A teachable moment is not the time to give a lecture. Your teens probably already know that they’ve messed up.

As a parent, you can help your teens to identify habits and behaviors that go against their values.

For example, if your teen is frustrated with himself for not doing well on an exam, you can listen to him as he shares his feelings. Refrain from criticizing or lecturing him.

Understand what values matter to him. Help him to see if there is a gap between his actual habits and his ideal habits, based on the kind of person he wants to become.

Discuss with him ways that he can ensure that his future behavior will be aligned with his values.

When you recognize these teachable moments, you can use them to help your teens become more resilient, confident, and persistent.

Tip #3: Regularly discuss values at home

Talk about your values and the values you admire in others.

While you can’t force teens to share your values, you can help them to think about what values matter most to them.

How do they want to be treated, and how do they treat others? How do they decide what to do in tough situations?

Periodically share with them what’s most important to you and why. This will highlight the role of values in living a purposeful and fulfilling life.

Here are a few approaches you can try:

Ask your teens about their values. You could bring up the topic over dinner or when your teens seem relaxed. Ask them about what kind of person they want to become.
Ask your teens about how they view the role of values in family, society, etc. Take the time to understand their opinions and perspectives.
Discuss the values demonstrated in various shows, videos, games, etc. Don’t cast judgment on your teens’ hobbies or preferences. Instead, have an open conversation with them about the values demonstrated in various shows, videos, games, etc. and whether those values have an influence on them.

Tip #4: Volunteer together with your teen

Getting out into the community and volunteering with your teens is a way to put values into practice.

Your teens will learn about compassion, gratitude, and being of service to others.

In addition, volunteering can improve health, boost confidence, and provide your teens with an opportunity to learn new skills.

The right volunteering opportunity will also connect your teens with others who share similar values.

What’s more, doing volunteer work with your teens allows you to spend quality time together.

Of course, you can’t force your teens to volunteer if they really don’t want to. But hopefully, they’ll at least see the joy and meaning you find in volunteering.

Here are some volunteering opportunities you could explore with your teenagers:

Helping out at an animal shelter
Distributing food at a food bank
Volunteering at a library
Tutoring underprivileged children
Cleaning up parks and playgrounds

Tip #5: Support your teen during tough times

Adolescence is full of challenges. Here are some statistics to illustrate the issues teens face:

19% of students have experienced bullying at school
14.9% of teens have experienced cyberbullying
12.8% of youths aged 12 to 17 have experienced major depressive episodes

As a parent, it’s important not to write your teens’ issues off as “childish” or “just a phase.” To find healthy ways to handle and overcome these issues, your teens will need your support.

When you go through challenging times yourself, share with your teenagers what you’re learning and how you’re growing as a person.

Resilience helps teens recover from setbacks and failures in life. It also enables teens to counteract stress and develop confidence in their abilities.

Tip #6: Recognize when your teen demonstrates good values

When your teens demonstrate good values, acknowledge their growth.

If your teens volunteer at an animal shelter over the weekend, drive them there if you can and ask them about the experience when they get home.

If your teens spend a few hours picking up litter at a park, drop by with drinks and snacks for them.

Your teens will realize that showing kindness and serving others are intrinsically meaningful.

And when you praise your teens for displaying good values, make sure to focus on praising the process rather than the outcome.

Tip #7: Look out for who is influencing your teen

You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. – Jim Rohn

Do you know who your teens hang out with? Do their friends display good values and behavior?

Here are some ways to reduce the likelihood that your teens will give in to negative influences:

Have honest and open conversations with your teens. Share your thoughts and concerns with your teenagers, while making it clear that you know you can’t completely control who they hang out with.
Refraining from saying bad things about your teens’ friends. Even if you dislike your teens’ friends, don’t criticize them harshly because your teens probably won’t take it well.
Help your teens to see situations as they are. For example, if you’ve noticed that your daughter’s friend frequently insults her, talk to her about setting healthy boundaries.
Get to know your teens’ friends and their families. Invite your teens’ friends to spend time at your house, and have their families come over for a meal too.

Tip #8: Share your experiences (without lecturing!)

Do you remember the challenges you faced as a teen? Throughout your life, what experiences helped you develop your core values?

Share such experiences with your teens.

Tell your teenagers about the values that are closest to your heart. Describe how you’ve been trying to live out those values in practical ways.

And show your teens how this journey of embodying those values has made your life richer and more fulfilling.

Conclusion

Values are the bedrock of your teenagers’ development.

The values they embrace will determine their choices and habits.

By instilling the right values in your teens, they’ll naturally become confident and responsible teens who lead purposeful lives!

(Don’t forget to download your e-book below, if you haven’t already done so.)

FREE E-BOOK:

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16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

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15 Study Strategies to Maximize Students’ Learning

Updated on May 11, 2023 By Daniel Wong 6 Comments

Are you frustrated with your academic results despite spending a lot of time studying?

The right study strategies can turn your frustration into success.

When you’ve learned to study effectively, it will boost your motivation to study. Your progress in school will make you feel good about the time you spend understanding the material.

This can result in a lifelong passion for learning, which will serve you well long after you graduate.

Tailoring the way you study to your specific needs and abilities is essential to achieving your goals. By exploring various study methods, you can discover ways to save time, energy, and effort – and get better grades too.

Let’s talk about the 15 strategies that will enable you to make the most of your study time.

(First, make sure to download your free quick action guide below to improve your focus and reduce procrastination!)

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1. Use a variety of learning techniques and approaches

Do you use the same approach every time you study?

If so, try this instead: Diversify your learning techniques to engage with the topics in different ways.

The goal is to engage various parts of the brain. You can try a number of techniques, such as:

Reviewing your class notes
Reading and summarizing the keys points from the textbook
Watching lectures and videos online (for example on Khan Academy)
Creating a mind map
Discussing the material in a study group
Doing practice questions from the textbook

Each time you revisit a topic, use a different approach to make your study time more fruitful. Over time, you’ll realize that your understanding of the topic is more well-rounded because of the variety of learning methods you’ve used.

2. Apply the strategy of interleaving

Interleaving is the act of “mixing” the subjects you learn during your study sessions. So instead of focusing on one subject during a long study session, switch between a few.

For example, you could spend 30 minutes practicing math problems, then you could take a short break. You could then review your biology notes for 30 minutes, followed by another short break. Finally, you could spend 30 minutes reading a chapter from the chemistry textbook. After one more break, you could then circle back to math.

According to the Academic Affairs Department of the University of Arizona, interleaving can improve categorization and problem-solving skills.

Cognitive psychologists believe it can enhance the brain’s ability to distinguish between concepts and strengthen memory associations too.

3. Review information regularly to avoid cramming

How many times have you pulled an all-nighter before an exam?

It’s a fact that cramming leads to short-term improvements, while spaced practice leads to long-term understanding.

Instead of cramming, try a more proactive approach—a spaced repetition system. Plan a timeline for these reviews. This strategy is used successfully by straight-A students!

For example, you could review your notes one week after you learn the topic. Then schedule a second review of the material for two weeks after that, then schedule a third review for one month after the second review.

Periodically reviewing new information in this manner helps you to transfer the information from short- to long-term memory. This makes it easier to retrieve come exam time.

4. Use acronyms to study smart

Studies show that mnemonic acronyms can enhance learning and exam performance.

The easiest way to do this is to create a phrase or acronym that represents the information you’re trying to memorize. Here’s an example of a mnemonic acronym:

If you’re taking a math class and you’re having difficulty remembering the order of operations, try using the phrase, “Please excuse my dear aunt Sally.” This phrase is an easy way to remember PEMDAS, which stands for parentheses, exponents, multiplication, division, addition, and subtraction.

Another example is this acronym to remember the Great Lakes: HOMES. It stands for Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie, and Superior.

It may take some time for you to think of a suitable mnemonic acronym to memorize a specific list, sequence, equation, etc. But it’s worth the time!

5. Test yourself regularly

Have you ever wondered what the secret is to getting good grades?

Self-testing is one strategy that helps. As the research shows, students who test themselves frequently perform better in school.

Rather than passively reading through your notes, test yourself on the key points to see if you’ve learned the information well. Do quizzes and tests on your own, and ask your teachers if they can give you exams from prior years to do as practice.

You can also look online for additional tests on the material you want to master.

6. Link what you’re learning with prior knowledge you possess

We integrate new information faster by building upon the knowledge or concepts we’ve already learned.

Making connections between prior knowledge and new information has proven to aid learning.

So the next time you’re studying a new topic or concept, try to think of prior knowledge you can connect with it.

For example, if you’re learning about the human body, you can think of cells functioning like “factories,” blood vessels as “highways,” DNA as a “blueprint,” and the immune system as a “police force.”

This approach will take some time and effort, but using your creativity in this way will make studying more fun and effective.

7. Read key information aloud

When your studying involves reading, it’s more effective if you do it out loud.

As you do this, not only are you reading the information on the page, but you’re also speaking and hearing it.

Of course, when you have dozens of pages to read, it won’t always be possible to read everything out loud. In such instances, make sure to read aloud key information, definitions, and concepts you want to memorize.

University of Waterloo researchers found that reading something aloud improves your memory.

It might feel awkward at first since you’re probably more accustomed to reading silently. But I encourage you to give it a go and see for yourself that this technique of reading aloud works!

8. Make summary notes of each textbook chapter

Making summary notes is an effective study method.

As you move through the topics in your textbook, create summary notes at the end of each chapter. Write down any areas that you have questions about.

It’s still a good idea to read through the entire textbook chapter occasionally, but the summary notes will enable you to understand the material more deeply.

In fact, the process of making summary notes is what will benefit you the most as a learner.

9. Write down the questions or doubts you have

When studying, you’re sure to come across some concepts you have questions or doubts about.

Spend time trying to understand the material on your own. But if you’re still stuck after 15 to 20 minutes, write down your questions and move on.

It’s important to write down your questions, so you don’t forget to ask for clarification from your teacher as soon as you can.

Writing the questions down and knowing you’ll get help with them later will free up your mind to focus on studying.

10. Give another person an overview of the concept

Explaining a complex topic to someone else is an excellent technique for mastering it.

Your understanding of the topic will improve as you explain the concept to another person. You can do this with your parents, a sibling, or a friend.

After you explain the topic, ask the other person if there are any areas you didn’t explain clearly.

Try to explain the concept as if you’re talking to someone who has no prior knowledge of the concept. This way, you’ll cover all the key points while ensuring that you understand the concept well.

11. Make a list of all the learning resources available to you

If you take advantage of all the learning resources available to you, your test and exam preparations will be far more thorough.

Start by making a list of the learning resources for each subject.

Here are some examples of learning resources:

Textbook
Class notes
Practice questions
Online quizzes
Graded assignments

When preparing for an exam, go through all these resources for the various topics you need to cover.

Most students who don’t make a list of the available resources will often forget about one or two resources. This can significantly impact how prepared you are for the exam.

12. Review new concepts you learned earlier in the day

Review and consolidate all the new information you learned earlier in the day during your classes. This will make it easier for you to remember the information in the long run.

Doing this review will also ensure that you understand the material.

The forgetting curve demonstrates the importance of reviewing new information soon after you learn it.

Three days after you learn something for the first time, you only retain about 60% of the information. However, when you review the material soon after, you can retain up to 90% of the information.

13. Decide on a date when you’ll start studying for a test or exam

This is an effective study method because it will help you to avoid procrastinating.

When you have a specific start date in mind, you won’t keep telling yourself that you’ll start studying for the exam “soon,” while continually putting it off.

Instead, you would have already made a commitment to yourself about when you’ll get to work.

Getting started is often the hardest part, and a plan will help you overcome this hurdle.

14. Write down the key tasks you plan to complete every day

You can make the most of your time by prioritizing your most important tasks or those with the most urgent deadlines.

Mark Twain once said, “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.”

This quote suggests that you kick-start your day with the most challenging task. That way, everything else you have to do will seem easy in comparison.

Before you start work for the day, take a minute to check if you have any exams or tests coming up. Also, review what homework you have to do.

After you’ve done this, write down three to five important tasks you want to complete that day.

For example, you might write down:

Do math homework, questions 1 to 6
Read biology textbook chapter 8
Make flashcards for Spanish vocabulary quiz

Research suggests that most people reach peak energy levels soon after they wake up. This makes mornings an excellent time to study.

During the school week, you can use what time you have available to study because you’ll probably be in class in the mornings.

But avoid procrastinating during the mornings on weekends. If you put important tasks off until later, you’ll need more energy and motivation to finish the work.

15. Create a productive studying environment

Your environment is more important than you might think when it comes to maximizing your study time.

Learning environments play an important role in student success. Seating, light, noise, and even color can influence your ability to learn.

Science backs this up. A positive learning environment can motivate and engage students. Conversely, students in environments that aren’t conducive to studying – such as cluttered spaces – find it much harder to stay on task.

Here are some factors to keep in mind when creating a productive study environment:

Comfortable seating
Bright, natural lighting (which can enhance student performance by 25%)
Room color
Music (for example, listening to classical music can significantly improve working memory)
Clutter-free space

Conclusion

In this article, you’ve learned 15 study strategies that have been proven to work.

Try out the strategies one at a time, and I’m confident that you’ll make excellent progress!

Now that you know these effective study strategies, the only missing piece is a step-by-step system to enable you to prepare for exams as effectively as possible.

So check out this comprehensive course I’ve created called The Perfect Study Plan. It comes with a 30-day 100% money-back guarantee, so give it a try risk-free!

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How to Avoid Sleepiness While Studying (13 Ways to Stay Awake and Focused)

August 31, 2022 By Daniel Wong 31 Comments

Do you ever catch yourself nodding off even though you have a test the next day?

If so, does that make you wonder how you can avoid sleepiness while studying?

As a student, I know schoolwork can tire you out. Studying requires a lot of concentration and time, especially during exam season.

It’s only natural for feelings of fatigue to kick in after staring at your computer for hours or reading over pages and pages of notes – even if you’re well-rested.

But remember, you’re studying for a reason.

You want to master the concepts and get good grades. If you fall asleep while studying, you’ll waste valuable time.

To help you out, I’ve come up with 13 ways to stay awake during these crucial times.

Follow these research-backed tips on how to avoid sleepiness while studying, and you’ll ace your exams!

(Make sure to download the free quick action guide below too.)

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1. Get out of your comfort zone

As tempting as it may be to crawl into bed, get cosy, and start reading through your notes, avoid doing this. You’ve probably done this before and unintentionally fell asleep.

Research has found that your learning environment significantly impacts how you study and, in turn, how successful you are in school.

A variety of factors can affect your learning ability, including lighting and noise. An environment that promotes learning has been shown to motivate, engage, and increase the potential of students to learn.

So step outside of your comfort zone. Literally!

Avoid any place you associate with sleep or naps. Instead, venture to a café, a library, or even outside in nature to stimulate your mind and activate that “study time” state.

2. Watch your posture

Sitting upright while studying has been known to enhance concentration and decrease fatigue.

Adopt a comfortable seated position and hold your head up high.

According to Upright, approximately 100 billion neurons and 1,000 trillion synaptic connections are found in the human brain. Your brain relies on these neurons and synapses for memory, concentration, and information transmission.

You’ll focus better once you improve your posture, by also improving your body’s oxygen and blood circulation. In addition, sitting upright helps to prevent you from falling asleep.

3. Create a study strategy

When it comes to avoiding sleepiness while studying, you need to have a plan in place that can guide you toward success.

Before you begin every study session, decide what you want to achieve during the session.

I recommend that you work in short, focused blocks of time of 30 to 40 minutes.

How does this method help you to avoid feeling sleepy while studying?

It allows you to devote your undivided attention to studying material for a set amount of time. You would also have specified exactly what material you intend to cover during the study session.

For example, you could break down the material into different sections and spend 30 minutes focused on each one.

Then you could take a break between each study session to recharge before diving into the next one.

Keep the breaks short – 5 to 10 minutes in general – so you stay on track to finish what you planned to work on.

4. Stay hydrated

The human brain is about 75% water.

When we don’t drink enough water, it leads to dehydration, which turns to fatigue, headaches, lack of mental clarity, stress, and sleep issues.

Of course, these are all issues that you want to avoid when studying.

Research shows that staying hydrated increases your academic performance. So always have a bottle of water next to you while studying to ensure that you stay hydrated.

5. Eat the right foods

If you want to feel energised and alert, choose a nutrient-rich diet high in protein to keep you going through your day (or night) of studying.

Add in fresh fruit, vegetables, and healthy fats to your diet too.

Healthy brain food for studying includes protein from sources like meat, eggs, poultry, fish, legumes, nuts, and seeds.

6. Use active learning methods

If you just read your notes or textbook passively, you’re bound to feel sleepy. But if you learn the material actively, your concentration will improve.

Here are some active learning methods I recommend:

Write down questions you have as you read
Create summary notes for every topic
Teach other people about what you’ve learned
Discuss the topic with your classmates
Think about real-world applications of what you’re learning
Explore case studies related to the topic

7. Switch tasks periodically

Doing too much of one thing can become tedious.

That’s why switching up your tasks periodically can keep things interesting and prevent your mind from straying while you’re studying.

If you switch tasks too often (e.g. every 15 minutes or less), you’ll have difficulty concentrating deeply on the task at hand.

I recommend that you focus on one task for at least 30 to 40 minutes before changing to a different task.

You could begin with one “type” of studying, such as reading through your notes and highlighting the key points. Then you could move on to another type of studying where you complete a few practice problems.

If you use this approach while also applying methods that enable you to study smart, you’ll be on the right track!

8. Move your body

Daily exercise plays a big part in students’ mental and physical health. The benefits of physical activity are endless, from strengthening the body to refreshing the mind.

We are Fitness Freaks is an advocate of performing aerobic exercises to avoid feeling lethargic.

Starting your study session with a quick exercise like jumping jacks gets your heart rate up and improves your focus.

Adding jumping jacks to your daily routine elevates oxygen levels, boosts mental cognition, increases happiness, and enhances your overall performance.

9. Take power naps

You’ll be happy to hear that power naps are a good thing!

The health benefits of power naps include enhanced long-term memory, better logical reasoning, increased creativity, and improved cognitive performance.

The ideal time to take a power nap is between 12:30 pm and 2 pm. You’ll want to avoid taking one too late in the day because it will affect your ability to sleep later on.

But if you have no choice but to wait until later in the day, a 10-minute power nap is ideal and won’t mess up your sleep schedule.

10. Choose the right kind of lighting

Feeling sleepy while studying? Your choice of lighting could be an influencing factor.

Did you know that the colour of light that you use while studying can have an impact on your level of sleepiness?

LED Lighting Info states that cool light colours – blues and whites – are the best LEDs for studying. By mimicking daylight, they help you stay awake and focused.

You’ll feel more attentive and alert when studying under cooler colours.

But starting a few hours before bedtime, I recommend that you study under warmer colours, such as orange and red. This is so you won’t have trouble falling asleep.

11. Find a study buddy

Two minds are better than one – this also goes for motivation and moral support.

When you have a study buddy, you can motivate each other throughout your session. You can also test each other by asking questions and bouncing ideas off one another.

An advantage of this is that you’re less likely to fall asleep while studying in someone else’s company.

You’ll keep your mind stimulated and more alert. If you see your study buddy beginning to nod off, give them a gentle nudge and encourage them to keep going.

12. Prioritise quality sleep

It might be strange to see a tip related to getting more quality sleep on this list, but I put it here for a reason.

Quality sleep can do wonders for your study sessions. The National Sleep Foundation recommends that healthy adults sleep between seven and nine hours per night.

This research study explored the relationship between sleep quality and academic performance in college students. The results showed that academic performance was positively correlated with longer sleep duration, higher sleep quality, and more consistency in sleep.

So make it a priority to get to bed at about the same time every night, and wake up naturally without an alarm whenever you can.

13. Use your finger or pen as a guide while reading

Sometimes, using a guide to focus on while you study can help you stay alert.

For example, try using a pen as a guide while reading a textbook or your notes. You can also use your finger or any other suitable item you have on hand.

This will help you to concentrate and will prevent you from daydreaming. Your reading efficiency will also increase!

Conclusion

Studying can be a tedious task that may cause students to feel tired and fatigued.

But if you want to learn as effectively as you can, then it’s vital to find an approach that works for you to avoid sleepiness.

By following the tips in this article to stay awake while studying, you’re sure to become a better student!

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11 Excuses for Not Doing Homework (And How to Stop Making Them)

Updated on August 6, 2024 By Daniel Wong 6 Comments

When you get home from school, do you find yourself making excuses for not doing your homework?

If you’re like many students, you’d rather take a nap, talk to your friends online, or play video games.

As you already know, finding reasons not to do your homework will prevent you from succeeding in school.

I’m sure you want to do well in school, and homework is definitely a part of that process.

In this article, I’ll go over 11 of the most common excuses for not doing homework and offer solutions to ensure that you stay engaged in school.

But first, make sure to download your free quick action guide…

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Excuse #1: You lack the required knowledge

Let your parents and teacher know if you’re taking a class and feel as if you lack the necessary skills or knowledge to complete the homework.

Ask your teacher for extra guidance so you don’t fall too far behind. See if your parents can find the time to help you, or you can look for a tutor.

Your teachers are there to help you develop the skills you need to do well in their classes.

You’re not alone in feeling that you lack the necessary skills, so don’t be too embarrassed to ask for assistance. You might even find some great study buddies who feel the same way.

Excuse #2: You lack confidence

Many students compare themselves to their peers, which can lead to a lack of confidence. When that happens, it’s easy to make excuses for not doing the homework.

But here’s what you need to know…

Everyone lacks confidence about something.

You might be good at math but need extra help with English. Perhaps you excel at geography but find biology confusing.

Give yourself a break.

If you lack confidence in your ability to learn a particular subject, get the support you need. Your teachers, parents, and even friends will help you out and give you a needed morale boost.

Excuse #3: Your home life is too hectic

The excuses for submitting assignments late are numerous, but one that I hear often is that it’s too busy or noisy at home to focus.

Finding a quiet space and using earplugs or noise-cancelling headphones can help reduce distractions. This will make it easier for you to finish your homework.

If that doesn’t work, try finding an alternative location to do your work, like the library or a friend’s house.

You can also talk to your parents about it. They might not even be aware of all the interruptions that are preventing you from completing your schoolwork.

Excuse #4: You don’t know where to start

Feeling anxious and overwhelmed are often the main reasons that cause students to not know where to start on their homework.

If you ever feel this way, here’s what I suggest you do:

Take a deep breath.
Create a space where you can get organised.
Make a list of all your assignments and deadlines.
Work on one assignment at a time.
Start with an easy assignment to get a quick win, or tackle the most challenging assignment to get it out of the way.

Excuse #5: You have poor study habits

Many students develop bad study habits over their years in school.

Not everyone learns the same way or at the same pace. As such, every student will have different study habits. If what you’re doing isn’t working, try a different approach.

If you’re trying to do your homework as soon as you get home from school but can’t focus, try having a snack and taking a power nap before getting to work instead.

If you’re staying up too late studying, set a rule for yourself that you’ll start doing your homework within one hour of getting home.

Establish a routine where you do your work at roughly the same time each day. Developing routines like this will improve your study habits, which will make you a more effective student.

Excuse #6: School isn’t important to you

A common misconception is that school isn’t important, that what you learn won’t be relevant once you leave school.

This isn’t completely true.

Of course, the education system can be improved. But the knowledge you acquire in school will help you to understand and appreciate the world better.

And the process of becoming a more effective student will lead you to develop traits like self-discipline and responsibility. These are the types of traits you’ll need in order to find success at any stage of life!

Excuse #7: You’re overloaded with after-school activities

I know it can be tough to balance schoolwork and extracurricular activities.

Maybe you’re on a sports team or you spend several hours each week volunteering.

Finding the right balance to ensure you have enough time for homework can be challenging.

When too many afterschool activities get in the way of completing your assignments on time, it’s time to review your schedule. Decide how you can prioritise the activities that are the most important.

You may need to put some activities on hold until you’re consistently staying on top of your schoolwork.

Speak with your coach, teachers, or parents about the ideas they have to help you manage your schedule more effectively.

Excuse #8: Studying is boring for you

If you find that doing your homework is uninteresting, it may be time for you to change your point of view.

I always encourage students to cultivate a growth mindset. This is a mindset where you focus more on the learning process instead of on getting good grades.

Rather than seeing a particular subject as boring, develop a sense of wonder. Decide that you’re going to be intellectually curious, and you’ll discover that we live in a fascinating world.

And while you’re on that journey, remember that the students who succeed in school find ways to get the work done even when they find the subject boring.

For example, if you don’t like math, consider that it isn’t just about numbers – it’s a way of thinking.

Reframing how you think about a subject will enable you to see it as more interesting. In turn, you’ll become a better student over time.

Excuse #9: Your teachers assign too much homework

Sometimes, it may seem like your teachers assign more homework than you can keep up with. You might even believe that what you’re required to do is unreasonable.

If you find yourself in this situation, take a moment to think about everything else you’re doing.

Are you managing your time well?

Are you struggling with a particular class?

Do you use memory techniques to enable you to learn faster?

Instead of allowing homework to overwhelm you, try talking to your teacher, tutor, or parents to figure out the best way forward for you.

Excuse #10: You already have so much overdue homework

Procrastinating on your homework can lead to a significant pile-up of assignments. This will affect your confidence in being able to complete them.

What’s more, once you get a set of new assignments, you probably won’t know how to do them because you didn’t do the previous assignments.

This creates a vicious cycle where you tell yourself that there’s no point in completing your newly assigned homework because you still have the old ones to do.

When this happens, the likelihood of completing any of the work decreases.

If you’re in this situation, set a reasonable goal of keeping up with all the newly assigned homework while completing, say, one overdue assignment a day, or one overdue assignment every two days.

Excuse #11: You don’t believe you can get good grades

If you hate school, there’s a chance that it’s because you feel the pressure to be a straight-A student.

Here’s the good news: You don’t need to be perfect. After all, there’s no such thing as a perfect student.

But you do have to put in the effort and get the work done. The rest will then fall into place.

If you’re doing your best, you’re doing great! Celebrate your progress and keep moving forward.

Take it one step at a time, and don’t worry too much about what grades you’re getting at the moment.

In closing…

There are many possible reasons for you not to finish your homework.

No matter what those reasons are, it’s important to know that the people around you want to help you succeed.

From teachers to parents to coaches, you have a support network to provide solutions to almost any obstacle you face.

Identify the excuses listed in this article that are relevant to your situation, and apply the suggested solutions.

If you do that, you’ll become a better and happier student who makes far fewer excuses related to homework!

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8 Bad Study Habits You Need to Eliminate Immediately

April 19, 2022 By Daniel Wong 17 Comments

Are you ready to get rid of your bad study habits permanently?

Maybe you’ve picked up a few ineffective study habits over the years.

Maybe you’re tired of feeling stressed out and overwhelmed — like no matter how hard you study, you’re always behind.

Well, I’ve got good news for you…

With the right strategies and mindset, you can achieve academic success.

Once you eliminate the 8 bad study habits discussed in this article, you’ll become a better student. You’ll also be more prepared for life after school.

So let’s explore this list of bad habits for students — and my tips for what to do instead — so you can start getting better grades today.

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Bad habit #1: Procrastinating until the last minute

Do you wait until the night before an exam to crack open your textbook and review your notes?

Do you struggle to begin homework assignments, even when your stress levels are rising and the deadlines are fast approaching?

If so, you’re not alone. According to the American Psychological Association, 80 to 95% of college students and 86% of high school students struggle with procrastination!

But just because procrastination is a common problem, that clearly doesn’t make it an effective study habit.

Cramming doesn’t work. So if you want to do well in school, you need to study smarter.

You need to get the basics right and do things like:

Plan out your day and week in advance.
Set aside regular blocks of time for homework and study sessions.
Periodically review the material covered in class.

(If you still feel too overwhelmed to get to work, learn how to motivate yourself to study with these 23 tips.)

Bad habit #2: Studying in front of the TV or with digital devices next to you

After an exhausting day at school, you still have a long list of homework assignments to complete.

You’re tired of sitting at a desk, so you cosy up on the sofa with your textbook and homework. It’s too quiet, so you turn on the TV.

What’s the problem with this?

Soon you have one eye on your homework and the other on the TV.

To avoid poor study habits, it’s vital that you remove as many distractions as possible. That includes your smartphone and tablet, too.

I recommend setting up a dedicated study space where you can control the environment for optimal study sessions.

Leave your digital devices in a different room so you’re not tempted to use them. By doing this, you’ll learn how to focus when studying and have more time to enjoy your favourite shows later.

Pro tip: Any place you associate with relaxation — like your bed — isn’t an optimal place to study. So make a commitment today not to do any work while lying in bed!

Bad habit #3: Memorising your notes without fully understanding the material

Memorising your notes might help you ace a test in the short term, especially if it’s an easy test.

But rote memorisation won’t help you retain information for the long term.

So focus on understanding all the new material that’s covered in class. Process and summarise what your teacher says by jotting down notes that make sense to you.

You’ll retain information more effectively and set yourself up for success when you learn how to take notes properly.

Put any new information into context by connecting it to your existing knowledge.

And if you just can’t understand certain concepts or equations, ask your teacher for help. Do this as soon as possible so you can clarify your doubts way before the next test or exam.

Bad habit #4: Being disorganised

No list of bad study habits for students would be complete without mentioning a lack of organisation.

I know it’s hard to stay organised as a busy student. But being disorganised leads to forgotten exam dates, missed assignments, and plenty of stress.

So take 5 to 10 minutes each day to put things in order. Do things like:

File your class notes and material.
Write down the tasks you need to complete for the day.
Check your calendar or planner to see what events and deadlines are coming up.
Clear your desk.
Throw away or recycle old papers or brochures that you no longer need.

It doesn’t take much time to create a calm, organised environment so that you can achieve your academic goals and be successful in school.

Bad habit #5: Not asking for help when you need it

Like we talked about briefly earlier, if you have a question about a concept or an assignment, don’t hesitate to ask your teacher for guidance.

Everyone has questions — it’s just that straight-A students ask for help when they need it.

Regularly review your notes and flag any questions you might have by highlighting the relevant section or by using sticky notes.

Find an opportunity to speak with your teacher (or a knowledgeable classmate) to get these questions answered.

If you do this consistently, you’ll keep up with the material and avoid feeling stressed the night before the exam.

Bad habit #6: Multitasking

What looks like multitasking is really switching back and forth between multiple tasks, which reduces productivity and increases mistakes by up to 50%.
– Susan Cain

We’ve all been there before…

A few minutes into a study session, you remember that you need to reply to a text about a group project. So you unlock your phone and send that text.

Then you read another page of your textbook, and a line in the chapter reminds you of a video you’ve been meaning to watch. The video is only a few minutes long, so you decide to watch it right away.

Now you’re back to studying. But wait — do you have a math test next week? You’d better check on that now before you forget.

You then realise that you’ve been “studying” for an hour, but you’ve hardly made any progress!

Here’s the thing…

Multitasking doesn’t work. It makes you less productive and more distracted because you’re just switching between tasks.

Instead of switching between assignments or trying to do multiple tasks at once, focus on one thing at a time.

If a distracting thought pops into your head, jot it down on a notepad. You can return to this list at the end of your study session.

Bad habit #7: Neglecting your physical health

Exercising, eating well, and getting enough sleep are essential habits that will impact your health and well-being.

You might think that you’re too busy to take care of your physical health.

But if you take care of your physical health, the science shows that you’ll actually be more focused and productive!

It is possible to become a top student while leading a healthy, well-balanced life. You can start with these simple tips:

Do some form of exercise every day, even if it’s just a brisk 10-minute walk.
Keep a water bottle and healthy snacks on or close to your desk.
Stick to a bedtime routine that helps you to wind down.
Wake up and go to sleep at around the same time each day.
Do deep breathing exercises to help you manage stress.

Bad habit #8: Always studying alone

Sometimes you need to study alone to maximise your focus and understand new material.

Other times, you might find it helpful to study with a small group of motivated students. Studying in a group is a fun way to keep yourself accountable and eliminate bad study habits.

When I was in university, I remember taking a class where the homework assignments were extremely tedious and challenging. By doing the assignments at the same time as my study groupmates, I felt far more motivated to complete the work.

Another advantage to studying in a group is that you can support one another when you have questions.

You can get the answers you need while helping your groupmates to do the same.

Pro tip: Keep the size of your study group to 3 or 4 students to minimise distractions.

In closing…

If you eliminate these 8 bad study habits, you’ll be on your way to becoming an effective student.

But I know that students often need some extra support.

That’s why I’ve created The Perfect Study Plan online course. It’s a proven, easy-to-follow course that will enable you to stop procrastinating and to start acing every exam you take.

Learn more about the study skills and exam preparation course here and discover the step-by-step system you need to become a top student who leads a balanced life too!

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How to Motivate a Teenager: 13 Tips Guaranteed to Work

Updated on July 30, 2025 By Daniel Wong 13 Comments

Do you struggle with how to motivate your teenager?

Don’t worry — many parents do.

After all, parenting teens isn’t easy.

You don’t want to be bossy, but you still want your teens to become successful, self-disciplined adults.

What will happen if you stop controlling and lecturing your teenagers?

Will they ever develop the positive, lifelong habits needed to thrive?

Here’s what you need to keep in mind…

Nagging and micromanaging your teens won’t help them to develop intrinsic motivation.

It might help your teens to pass an exam, but what will happen when they’re at university, and you’re not there to guide them?

The secret to motivating teens is to fuel inner motivation — to support and help in the development of self-discipline.

Your teens will then get good grades and, more importantly, develop the confidence and mindset required to succeed in all areas of life.

Motivating teenagers is possible. You can help your teens develop intrinsic motivation today using the following strategies.

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13 ways to motivate a teenager

Let’s explore these tips for how to motivate a teenager, so you can provide support without micromanaging your teens.

1. Focus on the process more than the outcome

Getting good grades and performing well in extracurriculars is important, but there’s more to life than that.

What truly matters are the skills your teen learns through the journey — traits like responsibility, perseverance, resilience, and hard work.

So encourage your teenager to focus on the process of becoming a more motivated and disciplined student.

If your teens don’t achieve their goals, help them identify opportunities for improvement while keeping your attention on the effort they put in.

For example, you might say something like this:

“Even though you didn’t make the football team, I hope you’re proud of yourself for practising every day. You showed determination and grit. Next time, how do you think you can practise more effectively?”

Focus on the process, and your teens will be less likely to shy away from challenges and more likely to try new things.

Here are some additional ways you can encourage your teen to become a process-oriented student:

Discuss the benefits of learning and studying beyond getting good grades.
Explain that rewarding careers and hobbies require time, effort, and determination.
Praise your teen when you observe hard work — not just for outstanding performance.
Discuss your teen’s hopes and aspirations; show how you, too, are going after your dreams (even if it means that you might fail along the way).

Every parent wants their teens to perform well.

It’s not a natural tendency for parents and teens to prioritise processes over outcomes. But shift your mindset — and help your teens do the same — and you’ll empower them to develop lifelong motivation and self-discipline.

Positive outcomes are then sure to follow!

2. Respect your teenager’s autonomy

Your teenagers are learning to find their way in the world — discovering their personality, passions, and individuality.

While your teenagers might not be adults quite yet, the desire for increased autonomy and independence are two natural elements of growing up.

What’s the problem?

Most teenagers have to abide by strict rules and schedules. They often have little control over their daily routines.

As a result, many teenagers feel frustrated, powerless and, ultimately, unmotivated.

Now, I’m not saying that you should let your teenagers do whatever they want. But it’s important to give them some agency, so they become more motivated to work hard and follow through on tasks.

You might be tempted to use threats to get your teens to improve their behaviour. But if you overdo it, they’ll start to ignore your threats.

And dealing with a teen who doesn’t care is a different problem than trying to boost his or her motivation.

One easy way to respect your teenagers’ autonomy is to set rules and consequences together.

They’ll realise that you appreciate their opinions. They’ll then be more motivated to respect you and the mutually agreed-upon boundaries.

And when it comes to how to motivate teenagers, avoid the urge to say, “I know what’s best for you.”

Maybe you do know what’s best for your teenagers. But when you help them to responsibly embrace a greater sense of autonomy, they’ll develop into mature adults.

3. Promote empathetic communication

Talk to your teens and listen to what they have to say, even if it’s not exactly what you want to hear.

Encourage open dialogue and exchange long-winded lectures for supportive, empathetic communication.

If your teen comes to you with a problem, avoid the urge to interrupt him or her by giving unsolicited advice. You can still give guidance and coaching, but listen more and speak less.

In other words, practise active listening as you give your teen your full attention.

When you create this kind of positive environment, your teens will feel understood instead of judged or criticised. They’ll then be more likely to tell you what’s really going on in their lives.

Studies show that teenagers with close family relationships and open communication are less prone to behavioural problems — a finding that you probably don’t find surprising.

At this point, you might be thinking:

“I’d love to communicate with my teenagers more, but they never want to talk to me!”

A good way to promote open, empathetic communication with teenagers is to eat meals together regularly. 80% of teenagers say they’re the most likely to talk to their parents during mealtimes, so make family dinners a priority.

4. Support your teen’s interests

Do your teens have interests outside of school like dance, music, or athletics?

If so, that’s great!

Academics are essential to your teens’ overall development, but so are other activities and hobbies.

When your teens invest time in a passion, they learn how to become self-motivated while developing other life skills that young adults need.

Don’t talk about your teens’ hobbies as if they’re a waste of time. If you do that, your teens may become angry and resentful.

So support your teens as they pursue their interests, while helping them to lead a balanced life. If you do this, you’ll no longer ask yourself questions related to how to motivate a teenager.

Are you unsure about what your teenagers’ interests are?

Start by listening to them and observing them. What might seem like wasted time on social media could actually be a passion for video editing or media production.

5. Set a good example for your teen

Whether it’s letting the laundry pile up, putting off that long-overdue dentist appointment, or hitting the snooze button repeatedly, adults have a way of procrastinating too.

It’s hard being a parent, and no one expects you to be perfect.

Still, your teenagers are watching you and modelling their behaviour after you, either consciously or subconsciously.

If you struggle to find the motivation for the things that matter, your teens might have a hard time behaving differently.

But if your teens observe that you’re hardworking, responsible, and disciplined, they’ll be more likely to develop these qualities, too.

Here are just a few ways to set a good example for your children:

Develop a family culture where it’s okay to make mistakes. Share your dreams and setbacks — and embrace new challenges even when it’s scary!
Procrastinate as little as possible. If there’s a simple task that you can complete in a couple of minutes, do it right away.
Demonstrate a holistic approach to motivation by taking care of your physical and mental health.

6. Speak positively to and about your teen

“Why can’t you be more focused like your brother?”

“I heard that your classmate Johnny got straight-As. If he can do it, I’m sure you can, too.”

It’s tempting to compare your teen to siblings or peers. But instead of motivating your teen, this can result in low self-esteem and even resentment.

Say positive things to your teens as often as you can. Celebrate their unique strengths, and encourage them to see that hard work is fun and rewarding.

Here’s another tip…

When you say things like “When I was your age… ” your teens will see it as a kind of comparison, too. They’ll feel as if you can’t relate to or understand their situation or perspective.

So try to avoid making these types of comments as much as possible.

7. Promote healthy habits

If you want to know how to motivate a teenager, don’t underestimate the value of a good night’s sleep.

It’s difficult for anyone to find motivation when they’re exhausted.

Studies show that teenagers need 8 to 10 hours of sleep a night to function optimally, so help your teen develop a routine that provides enough time for rest.

Nutrition and exercise matter, too. Healthy habits help teenagers cope with stress and increase self-control.

Here are some areas to focus on when helping your teenager to embrace healthy habits:

Establish a daily routine
Exercise regularly
Switch off devices before bed
Avoid excessive caffeine
Eat a balanced diet

Remember that if you model self-care, your teenager will be more likely to lead a balanced life, too.

8. Avoid giving both rewards and punishments

Using rewards and punishments seems like a simple way to motivate teenagers.

In fact, parents often say things to me like: “Won’t my teens study harder if they get extra video game time for good grades and lose their phone privileges for bad grades?”

But here’s what you need to be aware of…

Research shows that rewards and punishments don’t lead to long-term motivation. Sure, they might compel your teens to study more for an upcoming exam, but they won’t teach your teens values like hard work and persistence.

Plus, rewards and punishments prioritise the outcome over the process.

Like we talked about earlier, we want to instil in our teens a love for learning and taking on challenges.

So if you’re asking yourself how to motivate a teenager, avoid resorting to rewards and punishments — and follow the tips in this article instead.

9. Let natural consequences run their course

You don’t want to micromanage your teenagers and be a helicopter parent. But that doesn’t mean they should get away with anything.

Mistakes have consequences, and your teens need to learn from their missteps.

Every parent wants to protect their children, but let natural consequences run their course whenever feasible.

For example, if your teens don’t put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, don’t do it for them. When they run out of clean clothes, they’ll be forced to rewear their dirty clothes.

And if your teens fail an exam? Resist the urge to ask the teacher if they can retake the exam. Your teens need to learn better study habits to do well the next time around.

I know you want to save your teens from unnecessary pain and disappointment.

But when you let them learn from natural consequences — without telling them “I told you so” — you’ll avoid frustrating power struggles.

What’s more, they’ll learn the value of intrinsic motivation and making wise choices.

10. Find a mentor

Did you know that students with mentors are more likely to succeed?

It’s great that your teenagers (hopefully) love and respect you. Still, it’s beneficial that they get a fresh perspective from someone outside the family.

It’s especially helpful for your teens to have a mentor when there’s a conflict between you and them.

A mentor will be able to empower your teens to understand the situation from different points of view, so that it will be easier to arrive at a solution.

A mentor could be a coach, teacher, neighbour, or even a family friend. It could also be a professional success and life coach for teens, which is a big part of the work I do.

11. Equip your teen with valuable organisational tools

Your teen wants to succeed. It’s just that sometimes, mounting school and social responsibilities feel overwhelming.

So, instead of tackling his or her long to-do list, your teen turns to videos, games and social media to escape.

And you’re left wondering how to motivate a teenager in such a situation.

If your teen feels beaten down and frustrated, a couple of crucial organisational tips can help. Start with these two fundamental skills:

A. Chunking down

This technique makes daunting school assignments feel more manageable by breaking big tasks into smaller action items.

If your teens have a huge project to complete, help them “chunk” the work down into bite-sized tasks that can be easily tackled one at a time.

B. List-making

Encourage your teens to write down all important information, e.g. homework, deadlines, things to bring, exam dates.

This way, they won’t forget important dates and they’ll feel more in control of the things they need to do.

Just as adults have to learn organisational and planning skills in order to be responsible, so too do your teenagers.

If you equip them with the right tools and strategies, they’ll become more self-motivated.

12. Avoid giving pep talks

Sometimes, reading encouraging quotes or even motivational quotes for students can give your teens the quick boost of inspiration they need to power through an assignment.

But when it comes to motivating your teens for the long term, pep talks rarely work.

Why?

Because even the best-intentioned pep talks often turn into lectures, at least from your teens’ perspective. What you think are words of inspiration might come across as nagging or even scolding.

Instead of giving your teenagers pep talks, help them to develop intrinsic motivation by following the tips in this article.

13. Develop routines and structures together with your teen

You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret to your success is found in your daily routine.
– John C. Maxwell

Want a sure-fire way to eliminate unnecessary conflict while developing motivation in your teens?

Create and maintain established family routines.

When it comes to motivating teenagers, a consistent structure sets them up for success while providing the space they need as they exercise their sense of autonomy.

The secret to rewarding and effective family routines is to develop them with your teens. Work together to create a daily and weekly framework that’s acceptable to everyone.

Include important responsibilities like study time and chores, but don’t forget to make time for extra-curricular activities, hobbies, fun family times, etc. too.

Maybe your teen wants to cook dinner for the family every Sunday or do volunteer work one Saturday a month.

Such personal goals and interests are a fantastic way to motivate your teenager to excel in all areas of life, so include them in the family routines as far as possible.

In closing…

I encourage you to start applying at least a couple of these 13 proven tips to motivate teenagers.

As you do this, your teens will develop the inner motivation needed to succeed, while also finding fulfilment in their various pursuits.

Since you’re reading this article, I’m guessing that you’ve been facing some challenges with your teens…

Have you been trying to motivate them without much success?

Or do you have ongoing disagreements with them over schoolwork, screen time, chores, family responsibilities, etc.?

If so, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Sign up for my online course for parents of teens today and discover my proven 7-step system to transform your teen into one who’s motivated and responsible!

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10 Proven Ways to Get Your Teenager to Listen to You.

The tips are guaranteed to help you get through to your teen, so download your copy today!

Parenting Teens: 15 Tips to Raise Happy, Motivated Teenagers

Updated on July 30, 2025 By Daniel Wong 5 Comments

When it comes to parenting your teens, does your home feel more like a battleground than a sanctuary?

If so, you’re not alone.

Navigating the teenage years is stressful for both you and your children.

You only want to help your teenagers succeed, yet everything you say or do seems to annoy them.

You’re understandably frustrated by their mood swings and irritability.

So, how does a parent survive these challenging teenage years?

As someone who coaches teens for a living, I’ve learned that even the most difficult teenagers are capable of transformation.

I’ve seen many struggling teens become successful students and well-adjusted members of the family.

With the right parenting tips, you can raise a respectful, responsible teen — and bring peace back to your home, too.

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It’s normal to have problems between teens and their parents. Here’s why…

Growing up isn’t easy — and neither is parenting teens.

If you find yourself in a constant struggle with your teenagers, here are a few common reasons why they might be acting out:

A. Your teen is learning to express his/her emotions

Do you feel like your teens roll their eyes no matter what you say?

Or maybe your teens talk back to you angrily or don’t respond at all?

It’s frustrating to deal with a moody teenager, especially when you’re just trying to help.

During the teenage years, your children’s hormones go into overdrive. Your teens are likely feeling stressed, irritable, and confused. They’re unsure about how to navigate and express their emotions.

I’m not saying you should tolerate severe disrespect. Boundaries and consequences are crucial to raising a respectful teen.

If you’re wondering how to deal with teenage attitude, it helps to realise that your teens’ behaviour sometimes has little to do with you.

B. Your teen is developing a sense of identity

“I’m not a child anymore!”

Does your teenager like to remind you of this fact?

That’s because teenagehood is a time when children discover who they are and what they love: their personality and passions.

With individuality comes independence. It’s normal for teens to want increased autonomy and to be frustrated with rigid rules, schedules, and expectations.

As your teens discover their identity, remember to show them unconditional love, respect, and support.

(The tips for parenting teens that I’ll share below will help you do exactly that.)

C. Your teen feels powerless

Now you know that teenagers are still learning how to express themselves while also trying to discover their identity.

At the same time, they feel confined by rules and schedules over which they have no control.

It’s no wonder that many teenagers feel powerless!

Micromanaging your teens will make the situation worse and can cause your teens to ignore the consequences and break the rules just so they can feel like they have some power.

The good news is that there are simple steps you can take to empower your teen — and raise a more respectful, responsible teen, too.

15 tips for parenting teenagers

Parenting teenagers is tricky, but there are many ways to adjust your parenting style and improve your relationship with your teen.

Let’s explore these 15 tips for how to handle teenagers more effectively:

1. Set rules and boundaries together with your teen

What’s a straightforward way to help your teens feel like they have control over their lives?

Involve them in the rule-setting process.

I’m not saying that you should let your teens dictate unreasonable family boundaries. But you can sit down together to discuss house rules — and consequences — that are fair for everyone involved.

When you do this, your teens will see that you respect their opinions and independence. Plus, they’ll be far more likely to keep to the agreed-upon boundaries.

2. Communicate like a parent and a friend

Think about how you converse with your friends for a second.

If they come to you with a problem, do you interrupt and lecture them? Probably not.

I’m guessing that you actively listen to them, then offer advice only when appropriate.

If you want your teens to come to you with their problems, then you need to show them respect. A proven way to maintain open lines of communication is to listen more and speak less.

You’ll still want to give guidance and coaching — just without the excessive lecturing and interrupting.

3. Spend quality time together

I’m sure you’re busy.

It’s not easy to juggle a career, household responsibilities, parenting teens, and self-care. I’m a parent too, so I understand.

But this saying is one that’s good to keep in mind when things are hectic: The present moment is all we ever have.

Don’t let the days race by without spending quality time with your teenager.

You’ll create meaningful memories for years to come, and your teen will know you enjoy spending time together.

Quality time together doesn’t need to be extravagant. For example, you could invite your teen to prepare dinner with you or go on a short walk around your neighbourhood.

4. Avoid talking down to your teen

It’s frustrating when teenagers are disrespectful, but responding with disrespect will harm the relationship.

Maybe your teenager won’t stop playing video games and do his homework.

Or maybe you asked for your teenager’s help around the house, but when you get home, the place is still a mess.

You might feel like saying something along the lines of:

I’m the parent, and you’re the child. So just do what I say!

Teens need to learn to follow rules and respect boundaries, but they also want to become more independent. If you make them feel as if they’re just little kids, they’ll rebel.

So speak to your teen firmly but with respect.

Here’s a quick tip: Change “you” statements into “I” statements.

For example, instead of saying, “You are always so lazy,” try saying, “I feel disrespected when you don’t do your chores as we had agreed.”

5. Let your teen experience the consequences of his/her actions

We all make mistakes sometimes. But when we make the same mistake again and again, it becomes a habit.

How do you help your teenagers learn from their mistakes?

By letting them experience the natural consequences of their actions, as far as possible.

If your teenager knows that you’ll drive her to school anytime she misses the bus, she’ll have little motivation to wake up on time.

The same is true if you petition a teacher to let your teenager retake a test if he gets a bad grade. If you do this repeatedly, he won’t develop the study habits necessary to do well in school.

All parents want to save their kids from pain. But sometimes the best way to teach a life lesson is to let your teens experience the repercussions of their actions.

6. Focus on the things that matter

Does your teenager have a hairstyle you don’t like? Does she gravitate towards fashion choices that make your head spin?

As tempting as it is to try and control your teen’s life, even the most responsible teenagers are discovering their individuality and personality.

So, when it comes to parenting teens, save your limited energy for the things that matter the most in the long run.

7. Don’t have difficult conversations when you’re angry

Imagine the following scene:

Your teen comes home an hour after curfew, with no calls or messages to inform you that she would be late. Your anxiety turns into outrage. You were worried that she was in danger, and she didn’t even answer your phone calls?!

In this scenario, most parents would sit their teens down and immediately start lecturing them about their irresponsible behaviour.

The only problem?

If you do this, your teenager will shut down or become defensive. She’ll be unlikely to engage in a meaningful conversation with you.

Whenever possible, try to have difficult conversations when both you and your teen are calm.

Your teens need to understand what mistakes they made. But it’s always easier to teach a lesson when your own emotions aren’t getting in the way.

8. Support your teen’s interests and passions

Does your teen have a hobby that you don’t understand?

Do you nag your teen to be less distracted and more “productive”?

As long as your teens have reasonable time management skills, do your best to support their passions.

Start by observing what their hobbies and interests are. Listen to their favourite music together with them or let them choose the Friday night movie.

This will show your teens that you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them better — and that is a powerful gift.

9. Eat meals together regularly

The benefits of family mealtimes are indisputable. Research shows that eating as a family:

Improves academic performance
Lowers rates of depression, anxiety, and substance abuse
Builds resilience and self-esteem
Improves physical health
Reduces the likelihood of tobacco use, teenage pregnancy, and substance abuse

What’s more, 80% of teenagers say that family mealtimes are when they’re most likely to talk to their parents. If you want to communicate more with your teens, mealtimes are an ideal opportunity to do so.

This is a simple tip for parenting teens that you shouldn’t skip!

10. Recognise your teen’s good behaviour and habits

I know… you might be thinking that your teen doesn’t display any good behaviour or habits!

It’s easy to criticise your teens, especially when you’re trying to help them develop good habits for lifelong success.

But it’s helpful to take a step back and observe all the positive things your teens do, no matter how small those things might be.

If you notice your teens studying hard on a Friday night or making their bed before school, acknowledge it. Descriptive praise is a proven way to motivate teens.

Even if your teens don’t seem to care about your opinion, rest assured that they actually do.

Teens crave approval from the trusted adults in their lives, but sometimes they give up trying if they think they’re never going to get that approval.

11. Set a positive example for your teen

Your teens are constantly observing what you say and do. So set a good example for them.

If your teens see that you’re committed to personal development, they’ll be more likely to develop positive habits too.

And if your teens observe that you’re kind, respectful, hardworking, and responsible?

That’s right — they’ll be more likely to develop these qualities, too.

Here are some ways to set a positive example for your teens:

Be generous
Be grateful
Volunteer
Embrace challenges
Take care of your physical and mental health
Apologise when you’ve made a mistake

12. Don’t compare your teen with others

You know your teens are capable. But when you learn that your neighbour’s children are getting better grades or that your niece won a scholarship to a top-tier university, you might find yourself comparing your teens with them.

But doing this is detrimental to the parent-teen relationship. Plus, comparison hurts your teens’ self-esteem and can even lead to resentment towards you.

Focus on encouraging your teens and following the other parenting tips in this article, and you’ll be on the right track.

13. Stay involved in your teen’s life, but respect his/her privacy

It’s crucial to understand what’s going on in your teens’ lives.

If they’re engaging in harmful behaviour or hanging out with bad company, you’ll want to know so you can guide them to make better decisions.

The best way to keep up with what’s going on in your teen’s life isn’t to read her diary or invade her personal space.

Instead, stay present and engaged with your teens. Communicate with them. Do things with them that they enjoy. Listen to them when they complain or vent their frustrations.

When you show your teenagers that you respect their freedom and privacy, they’ll be more likely to come to you when they have problems.

14. Encourage self-care

It’s important for teens to do their best to learn effectively and get good grades, but it’s also important that they lead a balanced life.

Teach your teenagers that sleep, nutrition, and exercise will improve their quality of life. If they don’t feel good physically, you’ll have a hard time motivating your teens to do anything productive.

Appropriate self-care will also enable them to focus and do more meaningful things with their time.

Help your teens to learn positive ways to cope with stress and anxiety. They’ll then mature into healthy adults who know how to take care of themselves and do things for the benefit of others too. (Here’s a detailed article about how to help teens with anxiety.)

15. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable

Finally, remember to show your teens that you’re human, too.

The perfect parent doesn’t exist! It’s okay to make mistakes while parenting your teens.

Rather than pretend like you have everything figured out, demonstrate vulnerability.

Ask for forgiveness when you mess up. Show your teen that life isn’t about perfection, but instead, it’s always about learning and growing.

Conclusion

Parenting teens is hard work, but I’m confident that you’ll do a great job as you apply the tips in this article.

Keep doing your best, and you’ll set your teenagers up for lifelong success and happiness.

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