What to Do If Your Teen Hates School: 15 Strategies That Work

Updated on July 14, 2025 By Daniel Wong 98 Comments

“My teenager hates school, and I don’t know what I should do!”

Maybe this describes the situation you’re in.

Does your teen say that he hates school?

Does he complain about his teachers and classmates, and about how “useless” school is?

Or maybe your teen complains that the people in school are “fake”, and that it’s hard to make friends?

If so, I’m sure you feel concerned.

You want to help your teen, but whatever you’ve tried so far hasn’t worked.

Don’t worry.

Given that I work with students — the majority of whom are teens — for a living, I know how common it is for teens to dislike school.

Nonetheless, this is still an issue that must be addressed.

There are many powerful strategies you can employ to help the situation. In this article, I’ll outline 15 of them.

(Download the free bonus below to learn five more strategies.)

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Why do teens hate school?

As a parent and as a coach who works with teenagers, I understand how challenging it can be to see your child hating school.

You don’t want your teens to be miserable, but you also want what’s best for them in the long term.

While academics aren’t everything, doing well in school does lead to more opportunities for scholarships, higher education, and employment.

Here’s the thing…

Before you can motivate your teenagers to enjoy school, you must understand why they dislike school in the first place.

For many students, school is like a roller coaster — full of nerve-racking lows and exhilarating highs. Threatening or lecturing your teens won’t help them navigate the heart-pounding ride.

Instead, let’s explore a few answers to the all-important question: “Why do teens hate school?”

They feel like they have no control over their lives

The teenage years are a time when they’re discovering their identity: their motivations, interests, values, and goals.

Teenagers are also growing up, which means that they’re developing their independence.

So, your teens want to feel in control of their lives.

But the traditional school setting typically gives them few opportunities to exert this control, outside of setting academic goals.

Most teenagers have few options with regard to which classes they’re taking, so they don’t get to study the topics that genuinely interest them.

Add jam-packed schedules and strict rules to the mix, and it’s no wonder that teens find school frustrating and sometimes pointless.

If your teen hates school, it could be a lack of autonomy that’s driving this feeling of resentment.

They feel overwhelmed and stressed

Waking up early. High-pressure extracurriculars. Exams, homework, and projects.

Teens today are more stressed than ever before. In fact, nearly one-third of teens report feeling overwhelmed, a figure on par with adult stress levels.

These statistics are a cause for concern.

As American Psychological Association CEO Norman B. Anderson, PhD says:

It is alarming that the teen stress experience is so similar to that of adults. It is even more concerning that they seem to underestimate the potential impact that stress has on their physical and mental health.

(If you’re concerned about your teen’s mental well-being, here are seven tips to support your child’s mental health.)

Help your teenager to manage stress effectively, and you might find that you no longer say that “my teenager hates school”.

They feel that school is just about getting good grades

Does your teen feel pressured to achieve outstanding grades?

Most students do. Yet academic success is about so much more than report cards and grades.

It’s important to show your teen that it’s not the outcome but the process that matters most.

Sure, it feels good to get excellent grades. But what’s more important are the valuable life skills your child gains along the way, e.g. critical thinking, organisation, planning, self-management.

If your teens feel the only purpose of school is to memorise facts and equations, they’ll struggle to find joy in the learning process.

They’re being bullied

Many parents don’t know when their teen is being bullied.

If you keep saying to yourself that “my teen hates school”, check in with your child to ensure that he or she isn’t being bullied.

Just because your teen hasn’t mentioned the issue doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

If there’s bullying going on, don’t blame yourself. Instead, support your child and empathise with him or her as you find a solution together.

What to do if your child hates school

As we’ve seen, there’s typically a reason why your child doesn’t enjoy school.

Now, let’s explore 15 proven strategies that will help anytime you’re wondering what to do about your child hating school:

1. Don’t assume that your teen is being defiant or rebellious

As children enter the teenage years, they crave autonomy. They’re also forming their identity, all while their bodies and brains are going through drastic changes.

As such, teens often exhibit rebellious behaviour.

But don’t assume that this is the only reason your teen tells you she hates school.

Many times, there are other issues at play, e.g., feeling overwhelmed, struggling to keep up with schoolwork, bullying, fear of exams.

2. Think about what you’ve been doing that may have contributed to the problem

Here are some questions to ask yourself when you find yourself saying “my teenager hates school”:

Do I frequently nag my teen?
Do I always talk about school-related topics?
Do I talk as if my teen’s hobbies are a waste of time, or that they’re merely a distraction from her schoolwork?
Do I compare my teen with her friends, cousins or siblings?
Do I overemphasise the importance of performing well in school?
Do I frequently force or coerce my teen into doing schoolwork?
Do I sign my teen up for classes or programmes without first seeking her consent?

On their own, none of these behaviours will result in you having a disrespectful teenager who hates school.

But in combination, they’ll likely cause a power struggle between you and your teen.

Over time, your teen may develop even more negative emotional associations with school.

3. Use active listening techniques when talking to your teen about the issue

When you talk to your teen about why he hates school (and when you talk to him about other topics too), use active listening techniques such as the following:

Give your teen your full attention
Don’t multitask
Don’t interrupt your teen while he’s talking
Encourage your teen to keep talking, e.g. by saying “go on” or “tell me more”
Empathise with your teen
Seek to understand how he is feeling
Don’t judge
Don’t moralise
As far as possible, don’t provide unsolicited advice
Occasionally summarise what you think your teen has been saying and reflect it back to him, e.g. “It sounds like you feel as if your math teacher doesn’t explain the concepts well, so you dislike math.”

By using active listening techniques, your teen will be more likely to share with you what’s troubling him.

4. Don’t use threats

It’s tempting for parents to use threats to coerce their teens into behaving “correctly”.

Whether it’s threatening to reduce your teen’s allowance or take away her phone, it won’t work in the long run.

The use of power becomes less effective as children get older. By the time they’re teenagers, this approach doesn’t work, and tends to backfire instead.

In other words, it isn’t possible to threaten your teen into becoming a motivated and responsible student who loves going to school.

If your teen detests school, the root cause is probably emotional in nature. This is what must be addressed as a priority.

5. Don’t lecture

“My teen hates school — should I lecture him or her?”

Perhaps that’s the question on your mind.

I advise parents to avoid lecturing their teens. But if you really can’t help it, keep the lecture short.

Teens tell me that they start tuning their parents out about two minutes into the lecture. So you’ll be wasting your breath if your lecture lasts longer than that.

Your teen won’t respond well to you preaching about the importance of school. Nor will he start or stop performing specific behaviours because you told him that he “should” or “shouldn’t” do those things.

(When was the last time you started eating healthily just because a relative or friend told you that you “should”?)

Lecturing won’t help your teen’s anxiety either, if that’s something he’s struggling with.

Even students who have an intense hatred for school know that doing well in school is important. They don’t need you to remind them of that, because their teachers do that almost every day.

What does your teen need from you?

He needs you to listen to him, to understand him, to see things from his perspective – this is a parenting skill I encourage you to develop.

When your teen feels understood, he’ll change his behaviour and attitude.

6. Reduce your focus on school and academics

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t bring up school-related topics at all.

But many teens have told me that it seems as if school is the only thing their parents care about. And it’s true that many parents I talk to are mostly interested in how to get their teenagers to do their homework.

So make it a point to talk about topics that your teen is interested in, e.g. music, hobbies, gaming, social media.

When the conversations you have with your teen are more balanced, your teen’s attitude toward school will become more balanced too.

7. Help your teen to learn organisational and study skills

Many students who don’t like school feel overwhelmed by schoolwork, projects, tests, exams, etc.

Most of these students haven’t learned how to prioritise, plan, stay organised, manage their time, and focus when studying.

If this describes your teen, encourage – but don’t force – her to develop these skills. To do so, she can check out relevant resources and sign up for programmes.

This is the reason why I’ve developed courses like The Perfect Study Plan, and why I coach students 1-to-1.

When students develop the necessary organisational skills and apply effective study tips, they often stop hating school!

8. Acknowledge your teen’s progress and effort

One piece of feedback I get from many teens is that they’re discouraged.

They feel as if they’ll never be good enough to live up to their parents’ expectations.

Instead of focusing on your teen’s grades, focus on their effort instead. Whenever you observe her exhibiting positive behaviour, acknowledge it.

This simple act will mean a lot to her. It will also remind her that the reward is found in the journey itself, not just the destination.

By acknowledging her progress, she’ll be more likely to develop intrinsic motivation.

9. Talk to your teen’s teachers

Reach out to your teen’s teachers. Given that they interact with your teen almost every day, they’re likely to have insights into why he hates school.

All the teachers I know are insanely busy. So even if you’re only able to schedule a 10-minute phone call with your teen’s teacher, make the most of the opportunity.

10. Talk to the parents of your teen’s friends

On a related note, to get a better picture of what’s going on, talk to the parents of your teen’s friends.

These parents would have heard from their children about what’s been frustrating them at school. Based on this feedback, you’ll understand your teen’s concerns better too.

11. Ensure that your home is an emotionally safe environment

Teens frequently tell me that they don’t feel emotionally safe at home.

Why do they say this?

Because they feel that when they’re at home, they can be nagged, criticised, blamed, reprimanded or lectured to at any time. They feel as if they can be “attacked” without forewarning.

It’s only natural that they withdraw, locking themselves in their room if possible.

If the home environment isn’t emotionally safe, teens won’t share what’s on their minds. This will only make the situation worse, and you’ll keep wondering why your teen hates school so much.

When parenting teens, do your best to cultivate a home environment that’s full of appreciation, respect and kindness.

Emphasise that there are standards that must be upheld, but that every family member will always receive unconditional acceptance.

12. Determine if there’s something more serious going on

If your teen says that she hates school, it may be a sign of something more serious, e.g. depression, panic disorder, anxiety disorders.

Here are some symptoms to look out for:

Feeling tired most of the time
Poor concentration
Feeling worthless
Feelings of self-hatred
Changes in appetite
Irritability
Persistent sadness
Self-harm
Thoughts of suicide
Loss of interest in hobbies
Change in sleep habits
Frequent crying
Withdrawing from friends and family
Loss of motivation to study or do schoolwork

If your teen is exhibiting several of these symptoms, seek help right away.

13. Ensure that your teen’s life isn’t overscheduled

Sometimes, teens who hate school are simply worn out. They feel overwhelmed by the demands of school, extracurricular activities, etc.

They may be physically exhausted and sleep-deprived. This affects their mood, which makes them more likely to perceive situations negatively.

Teens need time to think, reflect, explore and dream.

Do what you can to ensure that your teen’s life isn’t overscheduled. Over time, you’ll see improvements in his attitude toward school.

14. Be patient and encouraging toward your teen

No matter how old we are, we’re all on a journey of learning, growing and maturing.

It’s a process for your teen to change her mindset, so be patient with her.

Encourage her. Support her. Empathise with her. Listen to her. Remind her that you’ll be with her every step of the way.

As you implement the other strategies listed in this article, you’ll see improvements such that you no longer think to yourself that “my teenager hates school”.

15. Help your teen to find a mentor

Teens who detest school need some perspective on their situation.

It’s hard for teens to develop this perspective because their problems seem so overwhelming.

From their point of view, the situation might even appear hopeless.

Furthermore, teens spend the majority of their waking hours surrounded by their peers, who have a similar worldview. This makes it even more challenging for teens to view their situation through a different lens.

Parents have a difficult time getting through to teens. This is because parents’ guidance is often perceived as nagging or lecturing.

This is the reason your teen needs a mentor. The benefits of having a mentor are well-documented, which is why I mentor teens to help them become motivated, responsible, and resilient.

Your teen is just one mentor away from making the most of his potential!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Is hating school normal?

While I’m not fond of the term normal, I will say it’s common for teens to dislike things related to school.

Just remember, most teenagers aren’t rebellious for the sake of it. There’s likely a good reason for their frustrations, so it’s crucial to apply the tips in this article to get to the root of the issue.

What can I do if my teenager refuses to go to school?

It’s tempting to scold and lecture your teenagers if they refuse to go to school.

But nagging your teens won’t work. More often than not, it will exacerbate the problem.

The good news is that there are tactics you can use to deal with challenging teenagers. Read my top 10 tips for dealing with disrespectful teens here.

How do you motivate an intelligent but unmotivated teenager?

Do you feel like your teenager doesn’t work hard enough or plan for the future, even though you know he or she is intelligent?

Or maybe your teen lacks motivation and gets distracted easily?

If so, you’re not alone. There’s a huge number of parents trying to figure out how to motivate a teenager to study and perform better in school.

I have good news for you…

I’ve spoken to and worked with more than 20,000 students around the globe. I’ve discovered that the vast majority of unmotivated teenagers want to do well in school. They simply lack the necessary mindset and skills to do so.

That’s why I wrote a free e-book to help parents learn how to motivate their teens. Discover my 16 keys to motivating teenagers here.

Do most teens hate school?

While I’m hesitant to say that most teens hate school, many do.

I know it’s frustrating to see that your children dislike school. But if you work with them day by day — by implementing the tips in this article — to embrace a new attitude, you’ll start to see improvements.

Conclusion: Huge changes occur one tiny step at a time

No matter how dire your teen’s situation may seem, remember that there’s always hope.

I’ve worked with teens who have gone from being unmotivated school-haters to being driven, focused, and independent learners.

Of course, the transformation to become happy, successful students didn’t happen overnight.

(I went through my own transformation as a teen, which you can read about here if you’re interested.)

But change is possible.

As is often said, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”

In the same way, huge changes occur one tiny step at a time. So apply the strategies described in this article, as well as the bonus strategies you can get access to at the end of this article.

With your love, support, and guidance, your teen can experience a transformation too!

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The 53 Most Positive Things to Say to Your Child

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Do you focus on positive things to say to your child, or do you often nag?

If you answered “yes” to the latter, you’re not alone.

You want your children to be responsible and independent.

You want them to be motivated to do well in school.

Since they’re not there yet, you instinctively nag them to correct their behaviour and attitude.

But, at the same time, you realise that all this nagging isn’t working.

Sound familiar?

If so, this article is for you.

I’ve had years of experience working with and speaking to thousands of children and teenagers. So I understand the factors that help them become mature, responsible, and successful.

One of the most important factors is how their parents talk to them. (Here’s a list of family conversation starters that you’ll find helpful.)

The words you speak to your children play on repeat in their minds (even if it feels like your kids aren’t listening to a thing you say). So positive words for your children matter.

Share words of inspiration with your kids and they’ll likely grow into more kind, responsible, and respectful adults.

Plus, the more positive interactions between the parent and child, the less likely it is that the parent will need to nag the child in order to gain compliance.

When you speak words of encouragement to your kids, it’s also more likely that a strong parent-child bond will form.

Think back to your childhood for a moment…

Do you remember any inspiring words from your parents or teachers? Those positive statements helped you become the adult you are today.

In fact, there’s a supposed “magic ratio” of 5 to 1 in healthy relationships: 5 positive expressions of feelings and actions for every negative expression.

In this article, I’ll share with you 53 positive things to say to your child so that — in the long run — you won’t need to nag them anymore!

Before we get to the list of encouraging things to say to your kids, here’s a bonus for you…

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The benefits of encouraging messages for children

It’s hardly a secret that no matter our age, words of encouragement make us feel good. But it turns out there’s science behind why those nice words lead to long-term benefits.

In the book Words Can Change Your Brain, neuroscientist Dr. Andrew Newberg and communications expert Mark Robert Waldman say:

A single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress… The longer you concentrate on positive words, the more you begin to affect other areas of the brain.

In other words, positive thoughts and speech affect how we feel and how we perceive the world around us.

And negative words? Those can cause situational stress and even contribute to anxiety.

Sharing positive messages with your children has an enduring influence on their mental well-being and life-long happiness.

Let’s take a closer look at a few other benefits of encouraging messages for children:

Encouraging words build self-esteem

If you regularly say positive things to your child, you’ll help build their confidence and self-esteem.

I don’t mean over-praising your kids, but providing an atmosphere that is encouraging and supportive.

Let’s say your child makes a mistake. Instead of reprimanding your child, you might say: “What happened here? We all make mistakes, so let’s talk about what happened in this situation.”

Your child will learn from the experience and be more motivated to keep working on challenging tasks.

Another benefit to building self-esteem? Children with positive self-worth tend to get better grades and achieve greater success.

That means they’ll be more motivated to do well in school — no exhausting micromanaging required.

Encouraging words support a growth mindset

Life is a continuous journey of learning, improving, and developing. We all face obstacles on our path to success. So, instead of constantly correcting your children, frame feedback in a positive light.

Remind your child that it’s the process, not the outcome, of becoming a better student that matters.

You’ll support a growth mindset, and your children will know it’s their effort that’s the most important. (Here are 10 phrases that encourage a growth mindset in students.)

Encouraging words inspire kindness and respect towards others

Our words become our children’s inner dialogue — and that impacts how they speak and act towards others. When parents focus on nice things to say to their kids, they inspire their children to spread kindness and respect.

For example, when you tell your children, “Your opinion is important,” you’re building their self-esteem and sense of responsibility.

You’re also reminding them to respect the opinion of others — a valuable skill inside and outside the classroom.

53 nice things to say to kids

Now that we’ve reviewed the benefits of encouraging words, let’s explore what things to say to your child.

This is my go-to list of 53 positive things to say to your child. Bookmark it, print it out, and come back to it whenever you need some inspiration!

1. “I’m grateful for you.”

Children feel special when they know you’re thankful that they’re a part of your life.

2. “What do you think?”

Ask this question to show that you value your children’s opinions.

3. “I enjoy spending time with you.”

Children and teenagers behave better when they know that you love them and like them. They’ll be less likely to rebel too.

4. “All of us make mistakes.”

Say this instead of harshly criticising your children for accidental mistakes.

5. “You’re special to me.”

This phrase will help to fill your children’s “love tank”.

6. “I appreciate it when you…”

For example, you might say, “I appreciate it when you set the table for dinner.”

7. “I trust you.”

Children and teenagers who feel as if their parents trust them are more likely to become trustworthy.

8. “You’re getting better at…”

When you notice your children’s progress, they’ll feel encouraged and motivated.

9. “Have a good day!”

This is a simple way to start the day on a positive note when you say goodbye to your children in the morning.

10. “Let me think about it.”

This is a better alternative than instinctively saying no to your children’s requests (assuming the requests aren’t too unreasonable).

11. “What happened here?”

Ask this question instead of assigning blame or jumping to conclusions, e.g. when you notice that a piece of furniture in your home has been damaged.

12. “It looks like you’re having a difficult time. Can you tell me about it?”

This is an effective way to get your children to open up.

13. “I’m sorry.”

When you’ve made a mistake, be humble and apologise.

14. “Your practice is paying off.”

Children and teenagers appreciate it when their parents observe that their efforts have yielded results.

15. “How did you do that?”

This question helps your children to focus on the process instead of the outcome, and is always one of the most positive things to say to your child.

16. “What’s one interesting thing that happened in school today?”

By asking your children this question, they’ll be more likely to open up as compared to you asking, “How was your day?”

17. “What did you try hard at today?”

This emphasises to your children that trying hard and improving are more important than achieving a specific end result.

18. “I’m sure you can do it.”

Continuing the list of things you could say to your child is “I’m sure you can do it.” Say this to your children to give them a boost of confidence.

19. “You decide.”

Children learn to make wise decisions by making more decisions, not by following the instructions of authority figures.

20. “How do you feel about that?”

This question will help your children to become more emotionally self-aware.

21. “I’m ready to listen.”

By telling your children that you’re ready to listen without judging, they’ll be more willing to share what’s on their heart.

22. “I love you.”

Children and teenagers need to know that they’re loved unconditionally.

23. “You make me smile.”

By saying this, you’ll make your children’s day.

24. “Your opinion is important.”

Your children will feel significant when you say this to them. And when they feel significant, they’ll behave more responsibly. It’s a must on any list of positive things to say to kids.

25. “You were right.”

Admit it when you’re wrong. This is one of the best ways to earn your child’s respect.

26. “I can see that you’re becoming more…”

For more positive things to say to your child, fill in the blank with “focused”, “organised”, “kind”, “responsible”, “helpful”, etc. as you observe even small positive changes in your children.

27. “I’m excited about doing this with you!”

This emphasises to your children that you actually enjoy doing things together with them.

28. “That’s a good question.”

By acknowledging your children’s curiosity, you’ll foster a spirit of lifelong learning in them.

29. “I accept you the way you are.”

Parents want to raise children who are secure and self-confident. Saying this to your children is a good way to encourage them down the right path.

30. “You’re an important member of this family.”

If you’re still wondering what to say to kids, remind your children frequently of their value and significance as a member of the family.

31. “I believe in you.”

Your children want to know that you believe in them, that you have faith in their character and abilities.

32. “I saw that you tried hard at…”

This phrase reinforces the principle that challenges are things to be embraced, not things to be avoided.

33. “Let’s do it your way.”

Show your children that your way isn’t always the only (or best) way.

34. “Can you explain to me why you did it this way?”

Empower your children to reflect on their choices and on what they’re learning.

35. “You’re learning how to…”

Remind your children that the journey of learning is what matters most.

36. “That was thoughtful of you.”

Acknowledging your children’s positive behaviour and attitude means a lot to them.

37. “Can you teach me how to…?”

Your children will grow in confidence when they realise that you have things to learn from them too.

38. “Good point.”

As your children grow in intellectual maturity and wisdom, show them that you observe this growth.

39. “I knew you could do it.”

These words of encouragement will help your children to believe in themselves.

40. “How did you think of that?”

Children and teenagers who go through such reflection will develop problem-solving skills faster.

41. “Would you like to talk about it?”

This question is inviting without being overbearing or demanding, key components of positive things to say to your child.

42. “What challenge would you like to take on?”

It’s through challenges that we learn and grow, so this is one way to encourage your children to view challenges positively.

43. “I care about you.”

If you feel awkward about telling your children that you love them, start with this phrase instead.

44. “What do you think you can do about this?”

Instead of solving the problem for your children, ask this question to enable them to solve the problem themselves.

45. “Will you forgive me?”

Beyond apologising, asking for your children’s forgiveness is a powerful way to restore the parent-child relationship.

46. “Tell me more.”

This is a simple phrase that encourages your children to share their thoughts and feelings.

47. “It’s OK to feel…”

Rather than tell your children that they shouldn’t feel angry, sad, frustrated, etc. empathise with them and help them to work through their negative emotions.

48. “Shall we start over again?”

If an argument has broken out between you and your children, ask this question to start the discussion afresh.

49. “I’m proud to be your parent.”

When your children know this, they’ll want to do you proud too.

50. “What can I do to be a better parent?”

Be prepared to hear an honest answer from your children. By putting their feedback into practice, you’ll definitely become a better parent.

51. “That’s an interesting idea.”

You’ll show your children you care about their opinions and encourage their creativity and self-expression.

52. “That was really brave of you.”

Dealing with change is scary. Acknowledge your child’s bravery, and they’ll feel more comfortable taking on new challenges.

53. “It’s okay to say no.”

Teach your children to say no from a young age. They’ll grow into empowered adults who know how to set healthy boundaries.

Inspire your kids with words

Being a parent isn’t easy. I hope this list of positive things to say to your children inspires them and helps you build a better relationship with them, too!

Try using a few of these encouraging words every week. Notice any changes you see in your children.

You might find that inspiring your kids with words fosters responsibility, confidence, and autonomy — all essential traits of motivated students.

Want even more support to raise resilient, successful children?

I offer 1-on-1 support for students through this coaching programme.

I’ll personally help your child to develop the mindset and skills they need in school and beyond.

Sharing encouraging words is a great way to motivate your child, but it’s just one of many important interactions kids need.

Learn more about how my coaching programme can help your child develop a greater sense of purpose and motivation today!

Like this article? Please share it with your friends.

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50 Ways to Get Your Kids to Respect You

Updated on May 23, 2023 By Daniel Wong 6 Comments

Isn’t it frustrating?

You try hard as a parent. You do so much for your children, but they’re frequently not respectful toward you.

Sometimes they ignore what you say, or they talk back to you. They even ask you to stop nagging.

I’ve spoken to and worked with close to 25,000 children and teenagers so far, so I know how to get your kids to respect you.

When I say “respect”, I’m referring to a sense of admiration and honour that your children have toward you.

I’m not referring to your children feeling afraid of you.

In other words, if you want to get your children to respect you, you’ll need to earn it.

What is respectful parenting?

“Treat other people the way you want to be treated.”

You’ve likely heard this saying countless times before. Maybe you’ve even repeated it to your children.

We all know we should show others the respect we want to receive, but sometimes that’s easier said than done — especially when it comes to our kids.

The thing is, our children are people, too. Respectful parenting means treating them as such.

Rather than telling your children to respect you simply because you’re the authority figure, respectful parenting is about building a mutually respectful relationship with your kids — one where your children know they’re supported, heard and valued.

How to teach your kids respect

We’ve all been there…

After a long, stressful day, your children won’t stop arguing with you about one more hour of screen time.

When they badger you with the dreaded Why not, you resort to Because I said so.

It’s a quick-fix when you’re at your wits’ end.

The only problem?

Your children start to feel as if you don’t value or respect their opinion.

Now, I’m not saying you should give your kids everything they want. But when you demonstrate respectful parenting and practise positive reinforcement and reciprocity, your kids will understand the appropriate behaviour to model.

That means more respectful children — and a more harmonious family life, too.

Teaching kids about respect doesn’t have to be an ongoing battle. Let’s look at 50 tips for teaching children respect today.

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1. Respect your children

Wondering how to get your kids to respect you?

Children learn from watching you, and they’re likely to copy your behaviour. When you demonstrate basic respect toward your children, they’ll demonstrate respect toward you.

Again, I’m not saying that you should let your children walk all over you. But I am saying that you shouldn’t belittle or shame them, nor should you criticise them harshly.

2. Focus more on the relationship than the rules

You don’t need to throw out the rulebook.

Just show your children that you value the parent-child relationship by speaking kindly to them and trying to understand their perspective.

3. Be a person of integrity

Be honest when talking to your children.

When they see that you’re a person of integrity, you’ll gain their respect.

4. Don’t overreact

Try not to overreact to your children’s less-than-ideal behaviour, even when you’re feeling stressed.

When you stay calm and respond appropriately, they’re more likely to respond in kind too.

5. Assume your position as leader of the home

Being a leader isn’t just about being in charge. It’s also about setting a good example and inspiring others to do their best.

Behaving like a leader also means being compassionate.

When you empathise with your children, they’ll be more open to your suggestions and opinions.

6. Share your values and beliefs with your children

You can’t force your children to adopt your beliefs. But when your children understand why you believe what you believe, they’ll recognise that you’re a person of principles.

7. Be reasonable (especially when your children are being unreasonable)

Sometimes it’s frustrating being a parent, but try to stay calm. Remember that the way you behave when you’re angry is the way they’re likely to behave when they’re agitated too.

Be the bigger person, and don’t resort to name-calling or cheap shots – even if you feel like your children deserve it.

8. Don’t be overly critical of your children

When parents are overly critical, their children start to resent them and become rebellious and argumentative.

Instead, acknowledge your children’s good behaviour and focus more on the process than the end result. You’ll no longer worry how to get your kids to respect you.

9. Listen to your children

Part of being respectful is listening to the other person.

When you listen to your children, you’ll find they’re more likely to listen to you.

This is especially so if you use active listening techniques, as described here.

10. Involve your children in the process of setting rules and boundaries

When you involve your children in setting rules, they feel valued.

Just like adults, children appreciate having control over their lives.

Of course, this doesn’t mean they get to set whatever rules they want. It means you’ll listen to their views and take them into account as you seek to arrive at a no-lose solution.

11. Respect your children’s privacy

As children and teenagers get older, they need more privacy.

If they feel as if their privacy isn’t being respected, they’ll become rebellious.

Just as you wouldn’t want other people reading your journal entries, text messages and emails, you shouldn’t infringe on your children’s privacy in that way either.

12. Set an example for your children to follow

Your children are watching you, whether or not you realise it.

Demonstrate the behaviour you want to see in them, and practise what you preach.

If you don’t, your children won’t respect you.

13. Acknowledge your children’s effort and good behaviour

Your children want your approval, so it’s important to recognise their effort, particularly if they’ve tried hard.

This principle applies even in situations when the outcome isn’t ideal.

When you appreciate their efforts, they’ll feel proud of themselves, and they’ll feel motivated to try hard next time.

14. Don’t discipline your children when you’re angry

When you’re angry, you’re more likely to overreact or say things you might regret.

Instead, show your children that it’s OK to be angry, but that it’s possible to manage your emotions effectively.

15. Ask for your children’s opinion

How to get your kids to respect you? One powerful way is to ask them for their opinion.

They’ll feel more appreciated and respected if you do this.

You can ask them where they’d like to eat for dinner, or what they’d like to do for your family time activity.

Doing this demonstrates that you value their opinions, which means they’ll be more likely to value your opinions too.

16. Be firm but kind

Sometimes your children won’t agree with your decision. In such situations, the key to preventing arguments – and tears – is to be firm but kind.

Don’t let yourself be drawn into an argument.

Hear your children out, empathise with them, but stick to your decision if it’s an issue that’s non-negotiable.

17. Don’t assume that you understand how your children feel

When your children share their problems with you, don’t tell them that you know exactly what they’re going through.

You’ll form a better connection with them if you ask them how they feel and do your best to understand their perspective.

18. Seek to understand your children’s emotions

This point is related to the previous one. Especially when your children are displaying problematic behaviours, get to the root of the issue.

My experience tells me that, at the heart of it, it’s almost always an emotional issue, so you can’t just focus on “fixing” the problematic behaviour.

19. Establish clear expectations

When expectations are unclear, there’s room for misunderstanding.

Establish clear expectations with regard to curfew, homework, chores, family commitments, etc.

This will reduce the number of conflicts that arise between you and your children, which means that your parent-child relationship will grow stronger.

20. If you lecture your children, keep it short

It’s best to avoid lecturing your children. But if you find this to be impossible, then keep the lecture short – ideally 10 minutes or less.

If the lecture is too long, your children will tune out and just pretend that they’re listening, when they’re not.

21. Stay calm

If you want to learn how to get your kids to respect you, show your children that you’re able to control your emotions.

Step away from the situation if you need to, and address the issue only when you’ve regained your composure.

Conflicts never get resolved in the heat of the moment, so do your part to remain calm.

22. Don’t threaten your children

Parents who resort to using threats have more arguments with their children in the long run. They also get a lot less respect from their children.

Instead of using threats, involve them in the process (Point #10), be firm but kind (Point #16), and set clear expectations (Point #19).

23. Give your children choices whenever possible

Allowing your children to make choices empowers them. It gives them a sense of control and ownership over their lives.

It also reduces the number of arguments that break out.

For example, instead of telling your 11-year-old to take a jacket with him as he heads out the door, ask him if he’d rather take the blue one or the red one.

24. Acknowledge your children’s feelings

We all have feelings, so it’s important to acknowledge them.

Children must learn that it’s OK to have feelings, even negative ones.

Refrain from telling your children not to be sad, or that they shouldn’t feel a certain way.

Doing so invalidates their feelings, which makes them feel misunderstood.

25. Speak “positively” instead of “negatively”

Tell your children what you’d like them to do instead of what you don’t want them to do.

For example, saying “Please walk when you’re in the house” is more effective than saying “No running!”

26. Show an interest in your children’s hobbies and activities

When you do this, your children will know that you care about them as people.

They won’t feel as if you only care about how they perform in their academics, athletics, music, etc.

(Many of the children and teenagers I’ve worked with have told me that this is exactly how they feel!)

Showing a genuine interest in their hobbies and activities will help you build a stronger parent-child relationship.

This means that your children will be more likely to show you respect.

27. Don’t make assumptions or jump to conclusions

Regardless of what has happened in the past, listen to your children’s side of the story rather than making assumptions.

This will allow you to assess the situation calmly and let them know you’ve heard them out.

As far as possible, assume the best of your children unless the evidence has clearly proven otherwise, and you’ll discover how to get your kids to respect you.

28. Have fun together with your children

Many of the children and teenagers I’ve worked with have told me that they don’t do anything fun with their parents. I wonder why this is the case!

Make time to have fun with your children, and do things they enjoy. These fun times will help you to form strong bonds with your children.

29. Don’t provide too much unsolicited advice

If your children are faced with a problem, don’t give them unsolicited advice unless absolutely necessary.

Instead, help them to reflect on the problem. Ask them how they plan to handle the situation, and encourage them to be independent problem solvers.

If they need help from you, they’ll ask.

30. Respect your spouse

You want your children to respect you and your spouse, so model the behaviour you want to see.

When you show your children that you respect your spouse, they’ll tend to show you that same kind of respect.

31. Be consistent

If you’ve already stated the consequences of a specific negative behaviour, then follow through if the rule is broken.

Being consistent lets your children know you’re reliable, so they’ll be more likely to respect you.

32. Apologise if you’ve made a mistake

Another tip for how to get your kids to respect you? When you mess up, admit it to your children.

Tell your children that you’re sorry, and explain to them how you’ll avoid making the same mistake in the future. When necessary, ask them for their forgiveness.

In doing this, your children will admire you for your humility, and they’ll understand how much you value the relationship.

33. Don’t let your children walk all over you

This doesn’t mean that you should exert your power and authority in every situation.

Rather, it means that you shouldn’t give in to your children just to avoid an argument.

Strive for a win-win situation (or a no-lose situation at the very least) whenever conflicts arise.

You’ll gain the respect of your children, and they’ll learn negotiation skills in the process too.

34. Remind your children that you love them unconditionally

One of the most powerful things you can say to your children is, “I love you no matter what.”

Sometimes children feel as if your love depends on how well they do in school or how well they behave.

It’s helpful to remind them frequently that your love is unconditional, as this will strengthen the relationship.

35. Cultivate a culture of respect in your family

Encourage your children to behave respectfully to all family members. The way you all speak to each other is the foundation of building a stable, happy home.

Show your children what it means to behave respectfully, even when there are differences in opinion.

36. Give your children freedom within limits

Children need autonomy, so when learning how to get your kids to respect you, it’s important that you give them both freedom and responsibilities.

Encourage them to be independent within certain limits. As they get older, give them more say as to what those limits are, although you’ll still retain overall authority.

37. Discuss the topic of respect with your children

Ask your children what respect means to them, and ask them what behaviour they deem to be acceptable or unacceptable.

Having such a discussion will help you to understand your children’s views on the topic.

You can then determine how best to help them develop the right values when it comes to respecting others.

38. Be respectful when you discipline or confront your children

Treat your children with respect, even when they’ve made a mistake.

Don’t shame or berate them, because this won’t empower them to learn.

When you show them respect even in such situations, they’ll develop greater respect for you.

39. Don’t take your children’s disrespectful behaviour too personally

Remember that your children are still maturing and gaining wisdom – just as all of us are.

Children and teenagers are learning to manage their thoughts and emotions. If they’re acting out, it’s a sign that they need more help and guidance.

Sometimes the answer to how to get your kids to respect you is to be the bigger person and show them grace and patience.

40. Give your full attention to your children when they speak to you

I’m sure you expect your children to listen to you when you speak. So extend the same courtesy to them.

Too many parents half-listen to their children while writing an email or checking their phone. This sends the message to children that they aren’t valued, which affects their self-esteem.

And when children suffer from poor self-esteem, they often don’t behave with respect toward others.

41. Tell your children that you enjoy spending time with them

Children need to know that you like them, not just that you love them.

If the relationship has deteriorated to the point where you don’t actually like your children, then focus on rebuilding the relationship as a priority.

42. Don’t belittle your children

Don’t talk to your children as if they’re stupid, and definitely don’t call them stupid! (If you have, refer to Point #32.)

Instead, show them that you believe in them. Assume the best of them. Celebrate their progress. Cheer them on.

If you build your children up, they’ll do the same for others.

43. Admit it when your children are right

When you’re mature enough to admit that you’re wrong and your children are right, they’ll develop greater respect for you.

We all make mistakes, so it’s already obvious to your children that you’re not perfect.

Besides, they don’t expect you to be perfect.

They expect you to be a person of authenticity, humility and character.

Do your best to live up to these expectations!

44. Refrain from saying “Don’t argue with me”

When your children hear you say “Don’t argue with me”, they’ll see you as being unreasonable and illogical. This makes it hard for them to respect you.

If you’re at your wits’ end, tell your children that you need some time to think about the issue.

Restart the conversation only when both you and your children are ready to have a level-headed discussion.

45. Give your children advance notice about upcoming events

If you don’t do this, your children will feel annoyed with you, because it seems as if their schedule and activities aren’t important to you — and you’ll struggle with how to get your kids to respect you.

For example, if there’s an event that your whole family needs to attend, tell your children a week in advance.

On the day of the event, give them a couple of reminders closer to the time that you need to leave the house.

Your children will appreciate you keeping them informed, so they won’t be caught off-guard.

46. Acknowledge the progress your children are making (even if the progress is slow)

We all feel more motivated when we feel as if we’re making headway.

As such, it’s crucial that you acknowledge the progress your children are making in the different areas of life.

Refrain from talking as if they’re never trying hard enough. If your children feel as if the effort they put in is never enough, they may stop trying altogether.

And when they feel discouraged, it’s hard for them to show honour and respect toward others.

47. Choose to focus on the issues that matter most in the long run

Choose your battles.

Don’t point out every flaw and shortcoming your children have, because they’ll get annoyed and the relationship will be damaged.

Decide which issues are most important to you, and which issues you’re willing to let slide.

48. Under all circumstances, do not yell

When you yell, you’re demonstrating that you’ve lost control.

Instead, withdraw from the situation if necessary. Say something like, “I’m too angry to talk about this now. How about we talk again after dinner?”

This approach is far better than lashing out and saying things you’ll almost certainly regret later on.

49. Don’t talk as if you know it all

Your children will respect you more if you admit that you don’t know everything.

After all, they’ve probably already realised that they know more than you about certain topics.

Be open-minded, and be willing to learn from your children.

In general, children treasure every chance they get to teach you what they know, whether it’s about technology or the latest hobby they’ve picked up.

50. Keep your promises

My final tip about how to get your kids to respect you is this: keep your promises.

Children have good memories, especially when it comes to the promises you make to them.

They’ll be disappointed for a long time if you don’t keep your promises.

Furthermore, the foundation of every relationship is trust. If you forget the promises you’ve made, your children will find it hard to trust and respect you.

Frequently asked questions

What causes a child to be disrespectful?

It’s important to remember that respect is a skill your children must learn. Part of growing up is learning how to express our desires and treat others with compassion.

If your children are disrespectful, it might be because they are:

Learning how to manage their anger (teenage tantrums are not uncommon)
Struggling to communicate effectively
Dealing with frustrations (both inside and outside of the home)
Seeking independence and autonomy

Yelling at your kids or disregarding their emotions only makes these root problems worse.

Instead, learn how to get your kids to respect you by following the 50 tips for respectful parenting outlined in this article.

How do you explain respect to a child?

Ready to learn the easiest way to explain respect to a child?

Use your actions, not your words.

When you model respectful behaviour to your children, you cultivate a culture of respect in your home. Explaining respect to a child may not even be necessary!

Your children are constantly observing your behaviour — and they notice when you bad-mouth your spouse, friends, or neighbours.

So, show your kids what respect looks like, and they’ll learn the behaviour that’s expected of them.

Then, if you need to, follow Point #37 to have a productive conversation with them about what it means to be respectful.

How do you raise a respectful child?

Start by following the tips in this post. 🙂

Then, remember this:

How to get your kids to respect you comes back to respectful parenting.

You’re still setting boundaries for your children, and you’re certainly not letting your kids walk all over you.

But you’re letting them know that they’re supported, heard and valued. You’re building a mutually respectful relationship — and raising a respectful child, too.

By applying these tips, you’ll raise children who respect you

The tips in this article are all simple things you can start practising today.

Of course, it’s impossible to implement all the tips right away.

Choose a couple of items from the list and try them out this week. The following week, try out one or two additional tips.

Over time, you’ll see huge changes.

Your relationship with your children will improve. Your children will respect you more. Your family life will become more harmonious and enjoyable.

And your children will be on their way to becoming gracious, responsible and successful people!

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10 Common Parenting Mistakes That Demotivate Your Children

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 36 Comments

Wouldn’t it be great if your children were motivated and independent learners?

That way, you wouldn’t have to nag or scold them to do their homework.

Parents often tell me how frustrated they are that their teens hate school.

They’re also concerned that this lack of motivation will carry over to other areas of life.

The problem is that parents often demotivate their children unintentionally.

Here are 10 of the most common mistakes parents make – so do your best to avoid them in your home.

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Mistake #1: Give your children too many rewards based on achievement or behaviour

This is a trap that many parents fall into, and for good reason. The first time you try it, it seems to work.

You might tell your children that you’ll pay them a dollar each time they get more than 85% for a class test. This seems to work because they start studying harder.

You think to yourself, “Great. Problem solved!”

Then a few weeks later you realise their motivation has waned. They complain that getting a good grade deserves more than one dollar.

An argument breaks out, and you find yourself justifying the price. You even explain that studying hard is their basic responsibility as a student.

If this describes your situation, you’re not alone.

Many studies show that rewards and punishments work in the short term, but not in the long term.

(Read on to find out what other approaches you can try instead.)

Mistake #2: Overemphasise the importance of academics

Parents think that emphasising the importance of academics will motivate their children to work hard.

The problem is that this approach doesn’t turn your children into lifelong learners.

Learning isn’t just about getting good grades. It’s also about enjoying the process.

When children enjoy learning, they become motivated to keep on learning.

Grades can affect your job prospects, but many great leaders weren’t great students. Unfortunately, many of the students I’ve worked with tell me that their parents seem to think that grades are the only thing that matters.

We now know that there are many different types of intelligence and that the education system only measures some of these.

All parents would agree that social skills, character development, and learning to relax and reflect are also important areas of focus.

When parents dismiss their children’s hobbies and games as a waste of time, they hurt their children’s feelings and damage the parent-child relationship.

Parents must value and respect their children’s activities. Dance and sport can improve kinaesthetic intelligence, and games and discussions can boost intrapersonal intelligence.

These are vital skills for children to learn and carry with them through life.

Mistake #3: Supervise your children too closely

Micromanaging your children produces similar results to micromanaging employees.

It builds resentment, damages relationships, and robs children of valuable learning experiences.

When children have the opportunity to plan their own work and take responsibility for their actions, they become more mature and wise.

They also develop independence and organisational skills that will benefit them in school and beyond.

Children who take responsibility for their actions come to understand that they have control over their life. They learn that they have the ability to create their own success in school and beyond.

Let your children know you’re there for them if they need support. But make it clear that they shouldn’t look to you for all the answers.

If they need help, provide strategies they can use to find the answers themselves.

Parents who think of themselves as facilitators rather than supervisors foster self-sufficiency in their children.

Mistake #4: Fail to create a family culture of learning

You’ve probably noticed that children copy what their parents do, more so than what their parents say.

Children are observational learners, so family culture has a big influence on your children’s mindset.

When it comes to your children’s learning, one of the most effective things you can do is to create a family culture of learning.

If your children see that you enjoy acquiring new skills and knowledge, they’re more likely to enjoy learning too.

Show your children how fun it is to be a lifelong learner, so they’ll see the value of education beyond grades.

Mistake #5: Allow power struggles to develop

It’s common for power struggles to develop at home.

They often happen over homework or what time the children wake up for school.

If this is happening in your family, take a step back and analyse the situation.

Often, the root of the problem is related to the parent-child relationship.

After all, you know that the more you nag, the less it will help the situation.

The better approach is to focus on rebuilding the relationship and your child’s sense of self-worth.

A strong parent-child relationship brings many advantages. In fact, Shawn Anchor, author of The Happiness Advantage, has found that the brain functions more optimally when you’re feeling positive.

Mistake #6: Set rules without first discussing them with your children

No one likes to feel powerless or as though they have little control over their lives.

Think about how you’d feel if you were told what to wear, how much TV you could watch, and when you could use your phone.

It’s reasonable to have rules at home, but I recommend that you first discuss them with your children.

Workplaces that introduce strict rules without consulting their staff often find that their staff have started to rebel.

You can avoid a mutiny at home by bringing up the matter with your children before laying down the law.

Whenever possible, have a brainstorming session where you share your concerns with your children.

Your children may even propose better guidelines than you could have thought of, so be sure to listen to their opinions.

Taking this approach will mean less frustration for everyone involved.

In addition, your children will be more likely to adhere to the rules in the long run too.

Mistake #7: Overemphasise the importance of achievement instead of contribution

Schools tend to emphasise the importance of academic results. This is a practical aspect of the education system, but grades aren’t everything.

Good grades aren’t even an accurate predictor of success. The best predictor of success isn’t good grades or a high IQ, but rather emotional intelligence.

Parents must emphasise to their children that life is about much more than grades or accomplishments.

It’s about acquiring skills and knowledge so that they can make a difference in the world.

Children can start to develop this mindset by doing something like volunteering to tutor younger students. This type of experience will show them that their knowledge can be used to help others.

As a result, these children will begin to have a greater sense of purpose. They’ll begin to look beyond themselves and be less inclined to obsess over their achievements.

Mistake #8: Talk as if your children are never putting in enough effort

Some parents continually tell their children that they should focus better, work harder, apply more proven study tips, and spend less time online.

These parents have good intentions, but their actions cause their children to feel as if there’s no point in giving their best effort.

The children may even feel as though they’ll never be good enough to meet their parents’ expectations.

People who believe they’re incompetent become incompetent. As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.”

Telling your children that they’re not putting in enough effort reduces their motivation.

What’s the alternative?

Try some inspiration and positivity instead.

Remind them of when their efforts paid off and help them to reflect on their behaviour in a non-judgmental way.

It’s important to foster a strong sense of self-worth in your children so they know they have the ability to succeed if they try hard.

Mistake #9: Fail to acknowledge your children’s progress and good behaviour

Your children care about what you think, whether they show it or not.

When you acknowledge your children’s efforts and progress, they’ll feel more motivated.

Telling them that you appreciate that they fed the dog without being asked, or that they made their own lunch for school, encourages them to repeat the behaviour.

Even if they didn’t quite achieve what they set out to, focus on the progress they made.

Let them know that you see an improvement in their handwriting from all their practice, or that you’re proud of them for submitting their homework on time.

Avoid focusing on their abilities and intelligence. Instead, emphasise things related to their attitude and effort. This will lead to more sustained motivation down the road.

Mistake #10: Focus on your children’s behaviour without getting to the root of the problem

Parents often focus on their children’s bad habits or behaviour without digging deeper.

When children aren’t working hard enough or are behaving poorly, there are usually other factors at play.

Children who feel discouraged, overwhelmed, or worthless usually feel that they don’t deserve to be treated kindly.

They go out of their way to behave badly because they feel terrible about themselves.

This cycle is like a form of self-harm. It’s like the child is saying, “I don’t deserve to be loved, so I’ll behave badly. That way I’ll get what I deserve.”

Focusing on the behaviour doesn’t help; the underlying issue must be addressed.

Show your children that you’re always ready to listen. When they eventually share their struggles, you’ll be able to get to the heart of the issue and solve the problem.

Conclusion

We parent our children while we’re rushing out the door in the morning, or trying to get everyone fed.

As such, it’s easy to make the sorts of mistakes that demotivate our children.

Instead of feeling guilty, take action. Review the list of mistakes in this article once more, and identify the ones you’ve been making.

Take a few minutes to create an action plan.

How can you start motivating your children?

What steps can you take to inspire them to be their best?

How can you demonstrate the behaviours that you want to see in your children?

As you implement your plan, you’ll see improvements in your parent-child relationship and in your children’s behaviour too.

It’ll take work on your part, but it’ll be worth it!

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

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16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

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How to Raise a Confident Child: 15 Tips for Parents

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 18 Comments

If you’re wondering how to raise a confident child, you’re not alone.

Parents often tell me they’re concerned about their children’s lack of confidence and how it will affect their future.

I know it’s painful to see your children struggling with self-esteem. They may shy away from challenges, dislike studying, or lack the courage to try new things.

You just want your children to be happy and successful — to chase their dreams and live meaningful, fulfilled lives.

So, you want to raise a confident child, but where do you start?

Remember this…

Confidence is a skill. Like any skill, there are specific steps your child can take to build confidence.

Plus, there are ways that you, as a parent, can help.

In this article, I’ll walk you through 15 ways to help your child develop confidence. If you apply the tips, you’ll start to see your child’s self-assurance grow.

Let’s get started!

(Don’t forget to download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.

The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

What causes low self-esteem in a child?

Before we discuss how to raise a confident child, it’s important to understand the potential causes of low self-esteem.

Most children will experience dips in self-confidence from time to time.

Is your child attending a new school?

Did your child move to a different city?

Each time children experience changes, their confidence is put to the test. They must learn how to grow outside their comfort zones. When they navigate these challenges successfully, their confidence develops.

Sometimes, though, children struggle to overcome difficulties and external pressures. Negative messages stick. Issues at home and school become more challenging to manage.

This is when low self-esteem sneaks up, and smart kids might end up getting bad grades. Children might begin to believe they aren’t “good enough”.

When we know what causes low self-esteem, we can help our children overcome it.

Here are a few potential explanations:

Comparing themselves to others

She’s so pretty. He’s so smart. Her life is perfect.

Is your child doing too much comparing? And is it helping or hindering your child’s growth?

Too much social comparison can cause children to feel inferior — as if they’ll never be as good as those around them.

Plus, in our age of information overload, children are bombarded with messages every time they look at their phones. Flawlessly curated social media feeds can lead to a “perfect storm of self-doubt”.

Increasing performance pressure

As children progress in school, performance pressure increases, too.

There are more tests, more extracurricular activities, more group projects, and more homework assignments.

Many kids feel like they can’t drop a single ball — even though they’re still learning to handle the mounting responsibilities.

If you want to learn how to raise a confident child, prioritise the process over the outcome. This is a big topic, so we’ll explore process-oriented praise in more detail below.

Perceived disapproval

Most children don’t want to disappoint their parents or teachers. Now, I know some of you with teenagers might find that hard to believe! But it’s true.

Even adolescents seek approval from authority figures. When teenagers believe they’re continually disappointing the adults they respect, their self-esteem suffers.

How important is confidence as your children are growing up?

How essential is it to learn how to raise a confident child?

According to psychologist Carl Pickhardt, it might be one of the greatest gifts you can give your child.

When children lack confidence, they’re reluctant to try new things. They’re scared of failing and disappointing others.

“The enemies of confidence are discouragement and fear,” Pickhardt says. “So, as a parent, it’s your job to encourage and support your children as they attempt to tackle difficult tasks.”

Confident children know that failure is okay, so long as they learn from their mistakes and try again. They build resilience and, ultimately, make strides towards their academic goals and beyond.

It’s okay if your child struggles with self-confidence. We’re not trying to “fix” self-esteem issues but rather provide tools that allow your child to face new challenges and opportunities.

15 tips to build confidence in your kids

Now that we’ve discussed a few causes of low self-esteem and why self-esteem matters, here are my top 15 tips for how to raise a confident child.

1. Give them responsibilities

One easy way to foster self-confidence in children is to give them responsibilities. Try essential but straightforward tasks, things like helping you cook dinner or taking care of a younger sibling.

Children thrive when they have a role to play — when they know they are an integral part of the family.

Research by Dr. Marty Rossmann shows that children who help out with household chores do better in school and are more empathetic and caring.

Give your children jobs to take care of regularly, and they’ll become dependable, conscientious, and confident.

2. Share your own struggles with them

Everyone makes mistakes. As adults, we know this. But our kids are still learning.

You can help your children understand that it’s normal to face challenges by sharing your difficulties with them.

Tell your kids about your problems at work or with your friendships. Let them know about the difficulties you face and, more importantly, what you’re doing to overcome these challenges.

Your children will begin to realise it’s okay to be vulnerable and that problems are not signs of weakness.

Brené Brown, acclaimed author and esteemed professor, says it best:

“Through my research, I found that vulnerability is the glue that holds relationships together. It’s the magic sauce.”

Your children’s confidence will improve when they hear about your challenges. They’ll accept challenges as a normal part of life and know that nothing worth doing comes easily.

3. Ask them for their opinion

When you ask others about their opinions, you’re letting them know you care about their thoughts and feelings.

So, if you want to learn how to raise a confident child, ask your kids for their opinions so they feel valued and respected.

Involve your children in reviewing their bedtimes, setting family rules, or deciding what’s for dinner. If you need to solve a problem, ask your kids for ideas! You might be surprised at how insightful they are, and how good they are at coming up with solutions.

When you ask your children for their opinions, they’ll start to feel like they’re not just a child or a teenager. They’ll believe they have the power to make an impact in the world around them.

4. Focus on the process, not the end result

Life isn’t about pursuing perfection. Instead, it’s about making progress.

We’re all continually learning new life skills. Success doesn’t mean getting things right the first time around. It’s about putting in the effort to show up day after day. To keep getting better, little by little.

It takes stamina, endurance, and tenacity to chase our goals and confront challenges head-on.

So, when you praise your children, focus on the process — not the outcome. Encourage your children by acknowledging the hard work that went into getting good grades and making various improvements.

Your children will learn it’s okay to make mistakes as they continue to grow their confidence.

5. Don’t rescue them

It’s never easy to see our children experience hardships or difficulties. But resist the urge to rescue them. It might make life easier in the short term, but it can create dependency issues later on.

The problem is this…

Rescuing your children from their struggles is like doing their homework for them. Your kids won’t learn the valuable life skills they need — traits like resourcefulness and persistence.

Instead, support and encourage your children to become responsible teenagers. Help them find strategies to solve their problems, but don’t do everything for them.

6. Ensure that the challenges are appropriate for their ability

Help your children become more confident by giving them achievable goals. It’s okay to stretch them a bit, but ensure the task is manageable.

Think about a two-year-old. You wouldn’t give a toddler a pair of shoes with laces and expect him or her to be able to tie them. Even with practice, a two-year-old doesn’t have the necessary fine motor skills. The task isn’t a good match for their abilities.

Here’s what I’ve learned from working with countless children and teenagers:

If the child succeeds about two-thirds of the time, it’s an appropriate challenge. Any less than that, the task is probably too hard.

7. Show respect to everyone

Children are constantly observing and learning from adults. They’ll treat people the way you do, so be kind.

If you show respect to others, regardless of income, social status, or body size, then your children will learn to do the same.

Model the behaviour you want to see in your children. Be intentional about demonstrating that character matters more than looks or popularity. Your children will learn that self-worth does not depend on external factors. And while they’re respecting others, they’ll learn to respect themselves more, too.

8. Become a more confident person yourself

Since your children are always observing you, let them see that you’re confident in your abilities.

Value positive self-talk. If your children hear you say you’re not good enough or that you can’t take on new challenges, they’ll start to adopt this mindset as well.

Instead, demonstrate that you’re willing to go outside your comfort zone.

Maybe you have a presentation at work, but you’re nervous about public speaking. That’s okay. Tell your children you’re a bit fearful. Then, let them see you face those fears.

You can also use Tip #3 here by asking for your children’s advice. How would they deal with the challenge of public speaking? What do they do to calm their nerves when they feel anxious?

Your children will start to learn that confidence is a skill, and you’ll grow together as a family.

9. Allow them to make choices

Many children have little control over their lives. We tell them what time to wake up, what to wear, what to eat, and how to schedule their days.

Here’s the problem…

Everyone feels powerless when they’re not able to make their own decisions.

When you give your children choices, they learn how to take responsibility for their actions and grow into confident adults.

Give your children choices in the day-to-day aspects of their lives. It can be as small a decision as choosing if they prefer a bath or a shower. It could be deciding what time of day they’d like to complete their homework, or which new test-taking strategies to learn.

These little choices add up to improve their self-esteem.

10. Show interest in the things they’re passionate about

Does your child want to spend hours writing stories, drawing, or creating YouTube videos?

What might look like a waste of time to us can be an important activity to our children.

Yes, children need boundaries. But they also need encouragement to pursue their passions.

Show an interest in their hobbies. Maybe even try out a few for yourself! Your children will understand they matter and that your love for them is unconditional — not performance-based.

11. Celebrate small victories

Celebrating achievements and small victories makes us feel good. We realise how far we’ve come, and we feel inspired to take on challenges in the future.

When your children make progress or overcome a fear, celebrate with them. The best celebrations involve doing something together as a family, like having a picnic or going to the park.

On a daily basis, make an effort to say positive things to your children. This will motivate them to do better in all aspects of their lives.

Celebrate your achievements, too, so your children acknowledge your progress and learn from your victories.

12. Manage your own anxiety

When you’re anxious, your children become anxious — and this affects their confidence and mental health.

If you’re worried, analyse your concerns and identify which ones are rational and which ones aren’t. Then, make a plan to deal with your worries.

Managing your anxiety helps reduce your children’s stress. Plus, you’ll set a good example and they’ll learn how to deal with worries the same way you do. Demonstrate that you can remain calm, and your children will develop this skill too.

13. Acknowledge their disappointment

Let’s face it: life is full of disappointments. You can’t shield your children from the discouragement they’ll feel at times.

Acknowledge that everyone has bad days. Let your children know it’s okay to feel sad, and that these feelings aren’t “wrong” or “bad”.

Don’t dismiss your child’s feelings. Instead, help them work through those feelings. Be patient, and remind your child that life is about developing perseverance and mental strength.

Once they’ve processed their negative feelings, your children will realise they’ve grown stronger and become resilient students.

14. Help them to look outside themselves

Children and teenagers who struggle with self-confidence tend to fixate on themselves.

They’re so focused on their problems and their flaws that they forget to develop gratitude. Help your children look outside themselves and see the bigger picture.

After all, everyone has obligations, responsibilities, and commitments. Help your children empathise with those around them.

Once they understand that life is about making a difference in the world and helping others, their mindset will shift. They’ll spend more time thinking about how they can contribute and less time on their insecurities.

As a result, your child’s problems won’t seem so overwhelming.

15. Do things with them, not for them

From as early an age as possible, encourage your children to do things independently. Try giving them simple tasks like:

Making breakfast
Getting drinks and snacks
Preparing their backpacks for school

If your children are too young to undertake a task like making dinner, get them to help by chopping vegetables and measuring ingredients. Or guide them as they follow a recipe.

This requires a lot of patience from you, the parent. But over time, your child will develop confidence and a greater sense of responsibility.

Develop confidence one step at a time

When learning how to improve your child’s self-esteem, take it one step at a time.

Think about the behaviour and attitude you model for your children, and make an effort to display confidence.

Give them responsibilities rather than rescuing them. Encourage them to treat others with respect. Get them involved in making decisions and celebrate their victories.

Before you know it, your children will be the confident, self-assured adults you always hoped they’d become!

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20 Guaranteed Ways to Mess Up Your Children

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Parenting is nerve-wracking.

You love your children and want them to grow up to be happy, successful adults.

But some days you’re not sure how to make that happen.

Sometimes you fear that something you’re doing or saying will mess them up permanently.

Here’s the good news: Part of great parenting is avoiding mistakes.

The even better news is that you don’t have to discover these mistakes for yourself.

I’ve worked with thousands of children and teenagers, and they’ve told me the mistakes their parents have made.

Here are 20 unintentional ways parents mess up their children, so start avoiding these behaviours today!

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Mistake #1: Frequently tell them that they’re not living up to their potential

Parents often mean well when they say this. They think it’ll encourage their children to work harder and become more focused.

Unfortunately, it has the opposite effect. It makes children feel like a failure.

It also makes children feel as though their parents only love them when they’re successful or working hard.

A more effective approach is to encourage your children to self-reflect.

After all, how they feel about themselves is more important than how others feel about them.

Mistake #2: Scold them harshly when they make unintentional mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes.

But when your children accidentally spill their juice or drop a plate, it’s important not to overreact.

Doing so can cause them to develop a fear of failure. They may start to think that making mistakes is bad.

But in truth, making mistakes is the way we learn.

So when your children make a mistake, stay calm and say something like, “It was an accident. Let’s clean it up.”

Mistake #3: Continually point out their flaws

Some parents continually point out the flaws in their children.

They say they’re too messy, they’re irresponsible, or they don’t work hard enough.

Constant criticism results in a serious reduction in self-esteem. The children may start to believe that they’re not good enough, and will never measure up to expectations.

To motivate your children, try a little inspiration instead.

Tell them what they’ve done well. When you notice their efforts in a specific area, they’ll feel good about themselves.

As such, they’ll be more likely to repeat that behaviour in the future.

Mistake #4: Overemphasise the importance of academics

Academic performance is important, but it’s not the only thing that matters.

Constantly asking, “Have you finished your homework?” is perceived as nagging. It won’t result in better grades, and your relationship with your children will suffer.

Instead, focus on strengthening your relationship, and on helping your children to develop a healthy self-esteem.

You want your children to become independent, confident, and resilient adults. So foster their confidence and they’ll be able to lead meaningful and successful lives.

Mistake #5: Praise them too much

Praise is important, but it’s a tricky thing.

Too much praise can give children a distorted sense of self. Your children may start to feel like they’re entitled to many things in life since they’re so “special”.

General praise isn’t helpful either. Saying things like “Good job” or “Well done” is too broad.

In order for praise to be effective it needs to be specific, so your children know exactly what they’ve done well. That way they can repeat the action in the future.

Try saying things like, “Thanks for taking the clothes out of the washing machine. That really helped me.” Or “You worked really hard on that paper. You should be proud of yourself.”

Mistake #6: Neglect your spouse and marriage

You might not realise it, but your marriage is critical to your children’s upbringing.

Children need to feel safe and secure. One of the best ways you can make them feel that way is to have a loving, supportive relationship with your spouse.

If you neglect your spouse and marriage, your home environment is likely to become tense.

No matter how well you might think you’re hiding it, your children will know. They may even start to avoid being at home.

Mistake #7: Talk as if you always know better than them

No one likes to have someone talk down to them, or to have someone treat them as though they know better.

And let’s face it, your children probably know more about the latest apps, technology, and pop culture than you do.

They have their own experience and perspective, and they deserve to be treated with respect.

If you take a humbler approach, and are willing to learn from them, you’ll find that your relationship will become much stronger.

Mistake #8: Don’t show an interest in the things they care about

Sometimes the things our children care about seem insignificant. Like the latest “who doesn’t like who” classroom drama, or the coolest social media app.

These things are insignificant to us, but they’re incredibly important to our children.

When parents don’t show an interest in the things their children care about, they feel dismissed. They may assume that we’re not interested in their lives – even though that’s not true.

They become far less likely to turn to us when they need help.

Mistake #9: Protect them from the consequences of their actions

When children forget their homework or their wallet, it’s tempting to fix the problem for them.

Doing this occasionally is fine, but doing this too often can cause significant problems. Children need to learn to deal with the consequences of their actions and learn from their mistakes.

As adults, no one protects us or bails us out. We’re forced to take full responsibility for our actions.

Children learn to take responsibility when we allow them to accept the consequences of their actions. Protecting them can rob them of this valuable experience.

Mistake #10: Don’t have regular family meals

Eating together even a few times a week can reap big rewards.

In fact, eating regular family meals can improve academic performance, self-esteem, and resilience.

Regular meals together can also lower the risk of:

Substance abuse
Teen pregnancy
Depression
Eating disorders
Obesity

If you want your children to reap these physical, mental, and emotional benefits, aim to have a family meal at least three or four times a week.

Mistake #11: Talk negatively about your spouse in front of them

Try not to talk negatively about your spouse in front of your children, as this is both unsettling and worrying for them.

While you don’t have to agree on everything, your children need to know that you and your spouse are a strong, united couple. They need to believe you have a committed, loving relationship.

If not, they may start to play one parent off against the other.

Mistake #12: Try to fulfill your unfulfilled dreams through them

Your children are not an opportunity to fulfill your unfulfilled dreams.

They’re individuals, not extensions of you. They may have many of your traits, but that doesn’t mean they have to follow your dreams.

They need to follow their own dreams and live their own life. As parents, it’s our role to support them to fulfill their dreams – not ours.

Mistake #13: Intentionally shame them

Some people think it’s appropriate to use shame as a form of punishment. They may embarrass their children in public when they’ve done the wrong thing.

This isn’t an effective way to teach children to behave, and it leads to emotional scarring. It’s also likely to result in the children repeating this behaviour.

Intentionally shaming your children is hurtful, so explore alternative methods of disciplining them.

Mistake #14: Don’t set boundaries for them

Do you ever feel like your children argue with you about everything? It’s as though everything you say needs to be disputed.

You ask them to tidy up some of their things and they say, “I’m busy. I’ll do it later.”

You ask them to do their homework and they say, “I have the whole weekend to do it. Why do I have to do it now?”

No matter what you do, they still want more freedom and independence.

But boundaries are important. You can rethink some rules as they get older, but stick to the important ones.

Despite the way it may seem, your children need these limits!

Mistake #15: Refuse to apologise when you’ve made a mistake

One of the biggest things that anyone can do is to apologise for making a mistake. It takes courage, but it shows you care and that you know – and do – the right thing.

Even if you’ve had a disagreement and your child said things that were disrespectful, you probably had a part to play too. After all, it takes two hands to clap.

Apologising for the things you said or did sends your child a powerful message. It shows that you’re prepared to do the right thing.

It also strengthens your relationship and heals the pain caused by the argument.

Mistake #16: Treat each of your children equally, instead of focusing on how unique each child is to you

How many times have you heard something like, “It’s not fair – she has more juice than I do!” Or maybe, “He has more pancakes than me!”

If you have more than one child, it’s tempting to make everything equal. The problem is that this doesn’t make them feel as though they’re equal.

Instead, give each child what he or she needs.

When they complain they didn’t get the same amount of juice, you can tell them they’ll get more if they need more.

Focus on their individuality and show them that they’re special and unique to you. Let them know that there’s no one else like them in the whole world.

Mistake #17: Don’t involve them in the process of setting rules and boundaries

As your child gets older and more independent, it’s reasonable to involve them in setting rules and boundaries.

This doesn’t mean you have to let them get their own way. It means that you don’t just lay down the law or announce the rules without any discussion.

Instead, involve them in the process as much as possible.

Involving them in the decision-making process lets them know they have a voice, and their needs have been heard.

It helps them to weigh the pros and cons of the situation, and gives them real life examples of how people negotiate.

Mistake #18: Speak too much and listen too little

One of the biggest mistakes parents make is to lecture, give advice, or criticise, instead of listening and understanding.

Many parents think they’re listening to their children, but their children disagree. The key is not just to listen, but to help them feel heard.

Why?

Because your children won’t change their behaviour unless they first feel understood. So you need to respect their views and opinions, and show them that you’re listening.

Mistake #19: Ignore or downplay their feelings

Sometimes parents say things to their children like, “There’s no need to feel sad” or “There’s no reason to cry.”

This makes the children think that their feelings aren’t valid. It also encourages them to suppress their feelings.

This isn’t healthy.

It’s important to acknowledge feelings, and to teach your children that all feelings are acceptable – but that not all actions are.

Mistake #20: Focus too much on rules while neglecting the relationship

Rules and boundaries are certainly important, but relationships matter more.

You might have a rule that lights-out is at 8.30 pm, but one night your child is still reading at 8:40 pm.

The rule is important, but is it worth damaging the connection you have with your child?

Don’t throw out the rule book, but do maintain a balance. Foster a strong parent-child relationship, and your children will grow up to be happier and more successful.

Conclusion

If you’ve made some of these mistakes, don’t feel too discouraged.

After all, great parents are always learning, growing, and improving.

Make a note of the errors you’ve been committing, and make a firm decision to change your behaviour.

It’s never too late to change, and it’s never too late to strengthen your relationship with your children.

All you have to do is take action – there’s no better time like the present!

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

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15 Things Parents Unknowingly Do That Annoy Their Children

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 23 Comments

Do you want to have a better relationship with your children?

If so, one of the best things you can do is to avoid annoying them.

Why?

Because if your children are annoyed with you, it’s hard to have a strong parent-child relationship.

And without a strong parent-child relationship, it’s hard to raise happy, responsible and successful children.

I’ve worked with pre-teens and teens for many years. They’ve told me about the many things their parents unknowingly do that irritate them.

Here’s a list of 15 of those things you should stop doing right away.

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Annoying behavior #1: Continually point out your children’s flaws.

It’s easy to point out your children’s flaws:

“You watch too much TV.”
“Why are you so lazy?”
“You need to stop procrastinating.”
“You should study more.”
“Why don’t you try to be more organized?”
“You should pay more attention in class.”
“You should choose your friends more wisely.”

Criticism must be combined with an acknowledgement of good behavior.

You don’t need to go over the top with your praise, but it helps to catch your child doing and being good.

Annoying behavior #2: Treat your children as problems, not people.

Make an effort to speak positively to your children.

Some studies even show that the ideal ratio of positive comments to negative comments is 6:1.

If you talk to your children as if they’re problems you’re trying to fix, they’ll become resentful.

Listen to your children respectfully, demonstrate an interest in their hobbies, and show them common courtesies.

By doing so, you’ll build a better relationship with them.

Annoying behavior #3: Ask your children every day, “Have you completed your homework?”

Yes, it’s important that your children finish their homework on time.

But it’s also important that your children understand that homework isn’t the only thing you care about.

Continually asking “Have you completed your homework?” comes across as nagging.

Rather than nag, establish boundaries to make sure that you and your children are on the same page.

For example, you and your children may decide that as long as they maintain a B average and you don’t receive any complaints from their teachers, you won’t nag them about homework.

This approach allows your children more freedom, with less stress and frustration for both you and them.

Annoying behavior #4: Make your children feel as if they’re never working hard enough.

Your children may feel this way if you frequently comment about their lack of discipline, poor study habits, and inability to manage their time.

While you may be speaking the truth, your children may start to believe that they’ll never be able to measure up to your expectations.

As such, they may stop trying altogether.

You can prevent this by taking the time to understand your children’s feelings, and to focus on the things they’re doing well.

Annoying behavior #5: Give long lectures.

In your mind, giving long lectures may be the best way to get your point across.

But in your children’s minds, this is one of the most annoying things you can do.

Soon enough, your children will zone out, stop listening, and say whatever you want to hear in an attempt to end the lecture.

The better solution is to opt for a two-way conversation.

Encourage your children to share their perspective on the situation, and brainstorm possible solutions together with them.

Annoying behavior #6: Micromanage your children.

Do you manage your children’s schedule, from what they do each day to what they eat to what time they go to bed?

In general, children aged seven and older are capable of managing their schoolwork and other important tasks with minimal adult supervision.

They’ll need some coaching to accomplish this, but remember that the long-term goal of parenting is to “prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child.”

Annoying behavior #7: Break your promises.

You can’t just “talk the talk.” You also need to “walk the walk.”

If you break your promises, your children won’t trust you. This holds true for both big and small promises.

Children remember when a parent breaks a promise, even if it’s as simple as not taking them to a movie when you said you would.

Trust is the foundation of every relationship. So whenever you make a promise, follow through on it.

Annoying behavior #8: End a conversation with the phrase “because I said so.”

Think back to when you were a child.

“Because I said so” is the last thing you wanted to hear coming out from your parents’ mouths, right?

As frustrated as you might be with your children, don’t let this phrase slip out.

If you’re on the verge of losing your cool, take a step back and gather your thoughts.

Restart the conversation later in the day when you and your children have calmed down.

Annoying behavior #9: Continually accuse your children of arguing.

Do you often tell your children to “stop arguing” or to “stop talking back”?

I know . . . from your perspective, your children really are arguing and talking back.

But from their perspective, they’re just speaking their mind. They don’t mean to be rude.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you should tolerate behavior that’s blatantly disrespectful. But it does mean that you must model for your children what it means to be respectful.

Annoying behavior #10: Refuse to apologize, even when it’s clear that you’re in the wrong.

We all make mistakes. But as long as you admit it when you’re wrong, your children will forgive you.

Refusing to apologize to your children is the quickest way to create feelings of resentment and anger.

So if you’ve messed up, swallow your pride and apologize to your children.

If you can’t bring yourself to do so in person, send a text message or write a card instead.

This may not sound like a big deal, but an apology – even one that occurs many years after the fact – can help to restore the relationship.

Annoying behavior #11: Talk as if you know it all.

You probably have more perspective on life than your children, but you must remember that times have changed.

Growing up today isn’t the same as it was when you were a child or teenager.

For instance, it’s likely that your children know more about social media and digital technology than you. This means that, in some ways, they have a better understanding of how the world works.

So don’t act like you know it all. Instead, show your children that you’re willing to learn from them too.

Annoying behavior #12: Tell your children what things were like “when I was your age.”

When you talk as if you know exactly how your children feel, they’ll tune you out before you ever have a chance to make your point.

The pressures your children face today are different than what you dealt with growing up.

The world is more competitive today. There are more distractions to overcome. Technology is ubiquitous.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with sharing stories from your past. Just don’t act like you know everything.

Listen more, speak less, and be open to your children’s views and opinions.

Do these things and you’ll keep the lines of communication between you and your children open.

Annoying behavior #13: Invade your children’s privacy.

An immediate way to destroy trust in your parent-child relationship is to invade your child’s privacy.

You should never go through your children’s personal belongings unless you suspect that they’re in grave danger.

Yes, you have the right to know where they are, who they’re with, and what time they’re expected to come home.

But as your children get older, it’s only natural that they’ll expect to have more freedom and independence.

Annoying behavior #14: Jump to conclusions.

As a parent, it’s easy to let past events influence your perception of future events.

But you must resist the urge to jump to conclusions.

For example, if your child gets a bad grade on a test, your first inclination may be to say, “You didn’t study for the test, did you?”

By jumping to conclusions, you’ll make the situation worse by putting your children on the defensive.

And when your children become defensive, it’ll be challenging to resolve the situation.

Even worse than jumping to conclusions is assuming that your child is lying – before you even gather all the facts. This can lead to future mistrust as well as permanent damage to the parent-child relationship.

Annoying behavior #15: Overreact.

Every parent wants the best for their children, which explains why many parents become anxious when things appear to take a turn for the worse.

Maybe your child’s math grade slips by 10%. Within a few days, you’ve hired a math tutor, started monitoring your child’s every move, and canceled all of your child’s extracurricular activities.

Although it might not seem like it to you, your child will definitely see this as an overreaction.

So before you respond to the situation, find out the reasons for the problem.

Think of potential solutions together with your child and – as far as possible – arrive at a mutually agreeable conclusion.

Conclusion

If you feel like you’re always committing parenting mistakes, don’t be discouraged.

By making a few specific changes, you’ll see a drastic improvement in your children’s development.

I encourage you to review this article periodically and develop an ongoing action plan to strengthen your parent-child relationship.

Yes, you’ll need to put in some effort.

But as Harold Lee once said, “The most important work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes.”

The time to get to work is now!

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

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