Daniel Wong, Author at Daniel Wong

How To Be Excellent Without Being Exhausted

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 29 Comments

Rock climbing - Photo courtesy of Harsh1.0

It’s a struggle, isn’t it?

You want to give your best in your work, but you also want to invest in your relationships, hobbies, and personal growth. You want to pursue excellence in all areas of your life.

But it seems impossible to find the right balance.

Maybe you often need to work late to get the job done, which means that you’re forced to cancel dinner appointments with friends. Or you try to do it all and have it all but end up sacrificing sleep, which makes you feel constantly worn out.

It’s a daily dilemma that frustrates you. It eats away at your soul, just a little.

It makes you wonder if you’re living well, if you’re devoting your time and energy to the things that count.

Is this the way life was meant to be? If you pursue excellence, does that necessarily mean you’ll also be exhausted?

When my best wasn’t good enough

I’ve been wrestling with these thoughts over the past few years. As a husband and father who was working a full-time job (which I just left), running a business, trying to exercise regularly and eat healthily, and striving to fulfill my other responsibilities with both enthusiasm and commitment…

I was tired.

Physically tired, but emotionally too. I was giving my best, but I felt like my best wasn’t nearly good enough.

I was barely staying afloat on all fronts. I was surviving, not thriving.

Don’t get me wrong. Life was never supposed to be a walk in the park, because it’s in overcoming frustrations and challenges that life becomes meaningful.

As Howard Hendricks once remarked:

A man who complains that the coffee is too cold or the beer too warm is a man who thinks he is on a cruise ship.

Life isn’t a cruise to the Bahamas. I’ve learned that it’s hard, and sometimes painful, to even attempt to make a difference and create an impact.

Tiredness and stress are facts of life, but when they become a way of life, it’s time to reexamine the way we make decisions.

It’s a bad idea to give your best in everything you do

When you were growing up, your parents might have said things to you like:

“How you do anything is how you do everything.”
“Anything worth doing is worth doing well.”
“You become what you do.”
“It’s more important to do your best than to be the best.”

These are all good sayings. I agree that we should establish excellence as both a habit and a prevailing attitude, but I’ve realized that it’s impossible to be excellent at everything.

I’ve tried, and it left me confused and discouraged.

In the past, I was obsessed about excellence. I even wanted to be an excellent text messager. I never used any short forms or abbreviations in my texts, and I would proofread every text twice before sending it.

I know that sounds like compulsive behavior, but I just wanted to be excellent at everything I did! (Nowadays, I use plenty of abbreviations and I don’t proofread my texts unless there’s potential for confusion. 🙂 )

I adopted this approach toward my assignments, projects, emails, physical health, relationships and business. And it worked, until the number of my responsibilities—none of which I could defer or delegate—increased to the point where I had no choice but to consider an alternative.

I no longer believe in the give-your-best-in-every-single-thing-you-do type of excellence, because this can lead to an unsustainable preoccupation with perfection.

I’ve been there, done that.

If you’re in a situation where you have three big assignments due the following day, 100 unread emails in your inbox, a family member who’s ill whom you need to take care of, and you feel like you’re falling sick yourself, you know what I mean.

Two steps to help you spend your time wisely

That’s why I advocate selective excellence.

You can’t just decide to be excellent; you need to decide specifically what you want to be excellent at.

Here’s a simple two-step system I recommend that will enable you to focus your efforts and energy on the tasks worth doing excellently:

1. Write down every task you typically spend more than 15 minutes on each day.

This could include things like replying to emails, attending class or meetings, filing documents, doing household chores, and preparing meals.

Can you eliminate or delegate any of these tasks? If yes, then do it. The remaining items on the list should all be important tasks that you can’t not do.

2. For tasks that you can’t eliminate or delegate, categorize them into A, B or C tasks.

This categorization is based on the likely impact of the task. Ask yourself: In one year’s time, will it matter how much effort I devote to this task today?

If the answer is “yes,” then it’s an A task.

If the answer is “probably,” then it’s a B task.

And if the answer is “probably not,” then it’s a C task.

Of course, there are bound to be gray areas. I recommend that, by default, you place the task in question in the lower category, e.g. if you’re not sure if it’s an A or B task, label it as a B task. The fact that you’re in a dilemma about whether it’s an A or B task shows that it’s probably not that critical.

A tasks require your undivided attention. Work on these tasks first every day, and don’t multitask while you’re at it. Prioritize A tasks by blocking out specific parts of your calendar to complete them. In the long term, A tasks are the ones that will define your education, career, relationships and life, so do them excellently.

B tasks are important but not critical. These tasks can’t be neglected, but they don’t call for an “excellent” effort, because “good enough” will do without compromising on the end result. Work on B tasks only when you’re done with the A tasks for the day.

C tasks are routine tasks that aren’t of lasting consequence. Complete these tasks as quickly as you can while maintaining a reasonable level of accuracy and meticulousness. Schedule C tasks for times when your energy levels are lower.

To give you an idea of what tasks might fall into each of the three categories, here are some of my A, B and C tasks:

A tasks – Writing a new blog post, preparing for a talk, planning for the coming year, spending time with family
B tasks – Replying to (most) emails, scheduling meetings
C tasks – Household chores (I promise I don’t do a shoddy job of these just because they’re C tasks!), filing documents, keeping track of expenses, placing emails in the right folders

The ABC framework will help you to pursue excellence in a focused, and even ruthless, way.

Excellence without exhaustion is achievable

Over to you: Are you spending too much time on non-A tasks? And are there any areas where you need to readjust your priorities?

For most people, absolute excellence—where you try to do your best in everything—leads to exhaustion.

Selective excellence is the only alternative that works. It isn’t a copout or a compromise. It’s a conscious choice to determine what matters most, and to invest wholeheartedly in those things.

So let’s not just be excellent. Let’s be extremely excellent at the things that are extremely important. 🙂

Image: Rock climbing

15 Rules for Success in Life (That All Students Should Know)

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 11 Comments

What are good rules for success in life — the rules that motivated and focused students follow to do well in school and beyond?

Don’t get me wrong. Success isn’t mainly about achievement. It’s about purpose, meaning, and contribution.

Most people think the secret to success lies in setting goals.

At the beginning of every new year, we say we’ll study harder, exercise daily, read more, go to sleep by 9pm…

But then life happens.

School assignments. Chores. Responsibilities. Family commitments. Our well-meaning resolutions slip down our list of priorities until soon, they’ve disappeared.

Sound familiar?

After all, studies show that 80% of people experience this.

Sure, setting the right goals — whether they’re academic goals or other types of goals — is important. But what you really need for a meaningful and purpose-driven life is a list of rules to live by.

Let’s explore why it’s crucial to have fewer goals and more rules. I’ll also share my top 15 tips for success and explain how to create rules that work for you.

(Don’t forget to download your free quick action guide below.)

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Me, the former compulsive goal-setter

Not long ago, I was a compulsive goal-setter.

Every year I would set more than 50 goals to cover all areas of my life: sleep, exercise, academics, career, personal finance, personal development, spirituality, relationships, community service, and leisure.

Pretty long list, I know.

I even set a goal for spontaneity: Do at least one random thing a week.

My friends thought I was hilarious (or, more likely, ridiculous) for turning spontaneity into a goal!

But here’s what I discovered:

Obsessing over goal-setting is counter-productive. I was stressed out and overextended trying to track and achieve all those goals.

Why you need more rules and fewer goals

Nowadays, I set far fewer goals for myself. Instead of goals, I set rules for success.

Please don’t misunderstand. I don’t have it all figured out. I’m still learning, and I always will be! But here’s what I have learned about success so far:

You’re more likely to keep to a rule than a goal.

What’s the difference between a rule and a goal?

A goal is a target. It’s something you hope to achieve, or to which you aspire.

On the other hand, a rule is a law to abide by, a standard to adhere to. It’s non-negotiable, so you do it no matter what.

Some might say the difference between a goal and a rule is a matter of semantics, but I say there’s more to it.

Goals inspire hope, while rules mandate action. Goals focus on the desired outcome, while rules focus on the process that will lead to that outcome.

Here’s an example: “My goal is to get straight A’s this year.” That’s a lofty target, but not much more.

Reframed as rules for success, this statement becomes: “I make time to study every day after school for at least two hours” and “I’m going to apply at least 10 test-taking strategies that will calm my anxiety about exams”.

When you take specific actions, you’re more likely to achieve your goals.

Rules are important in both sports and life

Hear me out…

We shouldn’t flood our lives with rules, either. I’d even say we should break many of the unhelpful “rules” we hear daily. The ones like:

“There’s always a right and a wrong answer.”

“Avoid failure at all costs.”

“Succeed in school, and you’ll succeed in life.”

Success is about more than making a certain amount of money or getting into a specific school.

That said, well-set rules play a vital role in life. Let’s look to sports for some excellent examples:

In basketball, you must stand behind the line when you’re shooting free throws.
In tennis, the ball must land within the box when you serve.
In soccer, only the goalkeeper can use his or her hands.

Rules make these games orderly, fun, and exciting. There’d be too much chaos and confusion for the games to be enjoyable for players and spectators if not for the rules.

Similarly, setting rules for success in life will help you live more intentionally — and achieve what’s most important to you.

What you want now vs. what you want most

What do you want to do right now? Is it to watch TV, go on social media, or eat junk food?

Now, what do you want to do most? Probably do meaningful work, build strong relationships, volunteer, exercise, or expand your knowledge.

When we think of freedom, we usually think about having the flexibility to do what we want right now. But my definition of freedom is doing more of what you want to do most — those things that are truly important.

That’s easier said than done.

Most of us choose immediate gratification over long-term happiness. But by setting boundaries or rules, we create the freedom to focus on what we want most, even when it’s challenging.

Freedom means having the right kind of boundaries

Freedom, then, isn’t the absence of boundaries. Instead, it’s having the right boundaries.

Imagine if this fish didn’t have the “boundary” of the fishbowl. If someone smashed the fishbowl and let all the water out, the fish wouldn’t survive for more than a few minutes.

Rules and boundaries keep us on track by helping us do what we ought to and lead more abundant lives.

You need rules to lead a principles-centred life

We’ve distinguished between goals and rules for success, but we also need to differentiate between rules and principles.

Principles are guidelines, but they don’t outline specific actions that you can or cannot take.

Going back to the basketball example, the main principle of basketball is that you want to score more points than your opponent.

But this principle doesn’t specifically tell you what you are and are not allowed to do in your quest to outscore your opponent.

Should you launch shots from half-court? Should you focus more on defence or offence? Should you dribble or pass more?

Similarly, you might decide to live by certain principles, but that’s not enough to ensure your noble intentions lead to committed action and consistent results.

For instance, you might decide you want your life to focus on contribution rather than achievement.

That’s an admirable principle to live by, but what does it look like in your daily life? Like when you need to write a 10-page report by the end of tomorrow?

In theory, you only need principles. In practice, you need rules to live out those principles.

Another example: If you want to lead a life of kindness, generosity and courage, you won’t accomplish this by saying, “Today, I’m going to be kind, generous, and courageous.”

Instead, you’ll need to set specific rules that will enable you to live out those values daily. No one can build a great life in a day. We create successful and meaningful lives one day at a time, one decision at a time.

15 time-tested rules for success in life

So, what are some rules for success that might make your life — and the lives of those around you — better?

Before we start, remember that life is about more than getting good grades or making lots of money.

What does success look like to you? What brings meaning and purpose to your life?

When making a list of rules, they must work for you. We’ll explore this further in a moment.

First, take a look at these 15 time-tested rules I do my best to follow. I hope some will inspire you, too.

1. Spend time in quiet reflection

We live in a noisy world with lots of distractions. It’s easy to get caught up in our to-do lists and forget about what matters most. So, every day, I do my best to spend at least 10 minutes in quiet reflection. I relax, think about my day, and observe any feelings that arise.

Make time for quiet reflection to check in with your emotions and appreciate life’s gifts. You’ll gain clarity on what’s most important to you.

2. Exercise regularly

Your brain loves exercise. Twenty minutes of activity is all it takes to improve brain functions like memory, attention span, and thinking.

Plus, regular exercise helps manage stress and improves overall health and wellness. (Check out my time-management tips for students if you’re wondering how to fit exercise into your schedule.)

My rule is to exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, five days a week. Choose some exercise rules that work for you. Even a brisk walk will do the trick!

3. Read for at least 15 minutes a day

I know it’s challenging to find time to read when you’re busy with school assignments and other commitments.

But a regular reading habit improves memory, concentration, focus, vocabulary, and even sleep.

What you read is not that important (although tweets on Twitter don’t count), so have fun exploring topics that interest you!

4. Keep a gratitude journal

Want to feel happier and healthier?

Write down what you’re thankful for. Studies show that students who kept a gratitude journal experienced less depression, lower risk of heart disease, and reported eating more healthily too.

If you feel as if writing requires too much effort, at least take a minute each day to think about a couple of things you’re thankful for.

5. Compliment one person daily

When was the last time someone told you they admired your perseverance or appreciated your thoughtfulness? How did it make you feel?

It’s hardly a secret that receiving compliments makes our day a little better.

But what if I told you that dishing out compliments directly benefits you, too? It’s true. Say a few nice things to others, and you’ll build your confidence, improve your long-term positive thinking, and make better decisions.

6. Chatting face-to-face? Put your phone away

Did you know there’s a term for looking at your phone while someone is talking to you?

It’s called “phubbing”, or phone snubbing.

While it might seem harmless, “phubbing” can disrupt relationships and impact your mental health. When you’re chatting with someone face-to-face, show respect for the other person and make the conversation more enjoyable by putting your phone away.

7. Have dinner at home

You’re a busy student, so a sit-down dinner every night may not be possible. That’s okay. When you can, though, eat at home. Avoid watching TV or looking at your phone, and instead practise mindful eating.

If you can eat with a family member, great! Ask about their day, and chat about yours.

8. Be five minutes early

Want to avoid stress and show respect for your teachers and classmates? Arrive to class five minutes early. You’ll feel confident, relaxed, and prepared to learn.

Simple rules for success like this benefit all areas of your life, so make it a practice now.

9. Provide criticism in person

A group member didn’t do their part of the project, so now you’re staying up all night to finish it on time. You pull out your phone to write them a strongly worded text message.

For most people, it’s easier to send negative feedback via text message or email than to say it in person. But easier doesn’t always mean better.

Written messages can cause misunderstandings. There are no in-person social cues, so your words can come across harsher than intended.

In addition, it’s one-sided. Constructive criticism is important, but save it for face-to-face conversations.

10. Plan your day the night before

Have you heard of decision fatigue? It takes a lot of mental energy to make decisions, and when your brain gets tired, you start making flawed decisions.

If you’re overwhelmed with tasks, debating what to do first can sap productivity.

Instead, at the end of each day, take 5 or 10 minutes to plan out your next day. You’ll feel less stressed, sleep better, and have plenty of mental energy to dive into your to-do list.

11. Only check email and social media three times a day

How many times a day do you check social media? Ten times? Twenty?

Would you be surprised to learn that some teens check social media 100 times a day? Social media is addictive. Often we spend more time mindlessly scrolling than we realise; we waste valuable attention we could use elsewhere.

One of my top rules for success is to only check email and social media three times a day, as far as possible. Stick with it to become a more disciplined student.

12. Ask if others have time to talk (or text)

There’s a good chance you don’t remember the days of landlines and answering machines — a time when you couldn’t always expect an immediate response.

Thanks to the smartphones in our pockets, the story’s a little different today. But just because our friends can answer immediately doesn’t mean we should expect them to. Instead, be courteous. Ask if they can talk or text. Your friends will soon start to do the same to you, too.

13. Don’t gossip

At first, gossip seems harmless… maybe even a little fun. Until your friend discovers you’ve been talking bad about her. Now you’ve hurt a relationship that meant a lot to you.

Gossip is a waste of energy and a harmful habit. Build people up and spread positivity instead.

14. Ask your teachers for feedback

Once a month or once every two months, ask your teachers for feedback.

I know that sounds scary. No one enjoys receiving criticism!

Feedback will make you a better student and provide you with an opportunity to course-correct early on.

What’s more, learning to accept feedback gracefully is an important communication skill that will serve you long into the future.

15. Proofread assignments and emails

Take a few minutes to proofread your assignments and emails. It shows thoughtfulness and thoroughness and will keep silly mistakes at bay. Proofreading also displays professionalism, clarity, and accuracy.

How to make rules work for you

These rules for success in life work for me, and I hope they help you, too.

You don’t need to implement every rule here. Use what works for you, then brainstorm your own list of rules to live by.

Start by deciding what success means to you. Again, it’s not only about getting straight A’s or accumulating wealth. Those factors don’t define your self-worth.

Instead, ask these questions:

What do I love?
What’s important to me?
What does the world need?
How to not care what people think while doing what’s most meaningful?
What does it mean to lead a good life?
How can I make choices that benefit others?

It’s okay if you don’t know all of the answers. These prompts are tools you can use to start discovering what’s meaningful and important to you.

Then, choose one rule you’d like to incorporate. Write it down in a notebook or a note-taking app. Get specific about when and how you’ll put the rule into practice.

Spend one month focusing on the rule until it turns into a habit. Next month, add one new rule.

Remember, we’re writing rules for success in life — not creating a list of lofty goals.

But don’t worry. When you establish the right rules, you’ll inevitably achieve your goals, too.

Want more tips and systems to become an organised, focused, and disciplined student?

Check out the Straight-A Student Weekly Checklist. It’s a comprehensive system I’ve created for academic achievement, with easy rules for success that will improve all areas of your life!

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free quick action guide below.)

FREE QUICK ACTION GUIDE:

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12 Guaranteed Ways for Students to Improve Focus and Reduce Procrastination.

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The Simple 3-Letter Word That Successful People Use Every Day

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong

Can the secret to success be summed up in a three-letter word?

Well, mostly.

And the word is… “yet.”

It requires some explanation as to why “yet” is such an important word, so please be patient with me.

Earlier this year, I had the honor of speaking at the National Association of Secondary School Principals (NASSP) Conference in Dallas, Texas. I was even more honored because my co-presenter was Dr. Carol Dweck, world-renowned researcher and the Lewis and Virginia Eaton Professor of Psychology at Stanford University.

Me and Dr. Carol Dweck

Dr. Dweck’s research has centered around the themes of human motivation and development. She’s come up with a theory of the fixed vs. growth mindset, which has been proven by numerous studies.

Why effort matters more than ability

Essentially, Dr Dweck’s theory predicts who will be successful over the long term and who won’t. I know, that’s a pretty big claim to make, but she has three decades of research to back her up.

Here’s a summary of the theory:

People with a fixed mindset generally believe that their skills and abilities are fixed and won’t improve much, even with practice.
Fixed mindsetters focus on the end result more than the process of development.
Fixed mindsetters often focus on factors that are beyond their control, e.g. bad luck, unfortunate circumstances, unkind bosses, bad parents.
In contrast, growth mindsetters generally believe that no matter what their skill or ability level now, they can improve with effort.
Growth mindsetters focus on the process and the journey, instead of merely being concerned about the outcome.
Growth mindsetters focus on factors that are within their control, e.g. effort, attitude, choices.

How can a 3-letter word make such a huge difference?

Dr. Dweck has observed that one of the things that’s characteristic of growth mindsetters is that they frequently use the word “yet.”

Fixed mindsetters think or say things like:

“I’m not good at making new friends.”
“I’m not disciplined.”
“I’m not an analytical thinker.”
“I don’t have many leadership qualities.”
“I can’t cook.”

On the other hand, growth mindsetters simply tag on the word “yet” at the end of those sentences:

“I’m not good at making new friends yet.”
“I’m not disciplined yet.”
“I’m not an analytical thinker yet.”
“I don’t have many leadership qualities yet.”
“I can’t cook yet.”

It’s a simple word that represents a fundamental shift in mindset. (You can read more examples in this article I’ve written about developing a growth mindset in students.)

Using the word “yet” reminds us that we’re not perfect, that we’re a work-in-progress. Of course, we’ll need to choose which areas we want to focus on and excel at, but we shouldn’t write ourselves off as being bad at something before we’ve even given it a shot.

I’ve worked with students who have concluded that they’re bad at math, bad at science, bad at relationships, bad at life. Worse still, they’ve decided that things will never change, so they subconsciously behave in ways to prove themselves right.

Case study: my fear of public speaking

I can identify, because as a teenager I was like that too. One thing I was especially afraid of was public speaking.

Given that I’ve spoken to thousands of people in various countries, I always get the “yeah, right” look—I mean, the death stare of disbelief—when I mention that I used to have this fear. But it’s true, I promise!

In school, I used to shy away from any opportunity to speak in public: talks, asking questions in class, or sharing my views. To me, being forced to give a class presentation was the worst thing that could happen in life.

Just the thought of speaking in public immobilized me. My stomach would tighten up, my mind would freeze, and my emotions would go out of whack.

This continued until I was 21 years old. One day, I decided that I just couldn’t let this irrational fear get the better of me any longer. I wasn’t familiar with Dr Dweck’s work at the time, but it was then that I changed my thinking from “I’m not confident at public speaking” to “I’m not confident at public speaking yet.”

I promised myself that I would say yes the next time someone asked me to give a talk or presentation. It didn’t matter how big or small the audience would be, and it didn’t matter how long I was supposed to speak for.

I was going to do it. No hesitating, and no excuses. I was going to become a confident public speaker.

After saying yes again and again to speaking opportunities, I eventually realized that I enjoy public speaking, and I’ve never looked back since.

Becoming a “yet” man/woman

That’s my little story of how the word “yet” has empowered me.

I’m still in the process of applying this “yet” mindset. I want to become a world-class husband and father; I want to grow as a leader and strategic thinker; I want to develop traits like courage and fortitude. I’ll be the first to admit that I have plenty of work to do in these areas!

What about you? Are there skills or competencies that you’ve already decided you’ll never be able to acquire, regardless of how hard you try?

And are you willing to make it a daily habit to become a “yet” man/woman?

Life is a journey of learning, loving, growing and contributing. We’re not there. Yet.

3 Lessons I Learned From Not Being Able To Walk

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong

Back pain - Photo courtesy of Jens Cramer

Three weeks ago, I suffered a terrible lower back injury while lifting weights.

(I was doing single leg deadlifts with bad form. Just in case you’re thinking of doing some single leg deadlifts yourself, here’s a link that teaches you how to perform them with proper form. Okay, random note over.)

I’m glad to say that I’m 95% recovered, but the past three weeks haven’t been fun.

I experienced a constant, sharp pain.

I couldn’t bend my back.

I couldn’t sleep because of the discomfort.

I had trouble even getting out of bed.

I could barely walk.

I spent most of my time at home either lying or sitting down.

How my wife made me feel like a 90-year-old

Man with a walking stick - Photo courtesy of Thomas Lieser

My wonderful wife, Michele, even had to put on my socks and shoes for me.

(I felt like a 90-year-old when she did that—don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against elderly people—but I’m blessed to have such a patient and caring wife!)

One of the saddest things was that we were forced to cancel our honeymoon.

We’d planned to spend a week in Korea, but we figured that I wasn’t in any condition to travel. I’m sure we wouldn’t have enjoyed ourselves much if we’d spent all of our time cooped up in the hotel anyway.

An unfortunate turn of events, but of course I’ll take full responsibility for not performing the single leg deadlifts correctly in the first place.

But being immobile gave me time to think about what I could learn from the experience.

Here are three lessons I learned that I hope you’ll find helpful, regardless of whether or not you ever injure your back:

Lesson #1: Life is relationships, the rest is just details

That’s a quote from Dr. Scott Sticksel. It captures a truth that’s hard to fully wrap your head around, especially for someone like me.

I enjoy my work and I enjoy feeling productive. I like checking things off my to-do list, and I get plenty of satisfaction from finishing a task or completing a project.

You go-getters out there know what I’m talking about, right?

Purposeful work adds joy and meaning to our lives, but our work is just one aspect of who we are and of what makes for a significant life.

This back injury reminded me that the quality of our relationships largely determines the quality of our lives.

I’ve felt very loved over the past three weeks, particularly by my family, parents-in-law, and aunt-in-law.

Here are just some of the things they did for me:

Dropped by to see how I was doing
Cooked for me
Washed the dishes
Cleaned the house
Took out the trash
Gave me a massage
Drove me around
Got me an abdominal binder to speed up my recovery
Sent me encouraging text messages

I know, I know… I’m so lucky!

And to think that when I was growing up I didn’t even want to hang out with my family because I thought they weren’t “cool.” I wanted to spend all of my free time with my friends—that’s what the “cool” kids did.

But I’ve since grown a lot closer to my family, and to Michele’s family too. They serve as a continual reminder to me (especially through this recent episode) to intentionally invest in the relationships I value most.

Clichéd but true: Life is relationships, the rest is just details.

Lesson #2: What describes you shouldn’t define you

I’ve always been physically active. I played basketball competitively for many years; I was trained as a platoon commander in the army; I lift weights regularly; I enjoy activities like hiking, skydiving and bungee jumping.

Over the years, I subconsciously started to take pride in the fact that I was fitter and stronger than the average person.

I’m ashamed to admit that I began to feel better about myself when I saw people who were in worse physical shape than me.

But this conceited view of myself fell apart when I injured my back.

I turned into a weakling who could neither move around freely nor carry anything that weighed more than a couple of pounds. Like I’ve already mentioned, I even needed my wife’s help to put on my socks and shoes!

I felt both helpless and useless.

I realized that I’d allowed myself to become defined by my physical health, when that’s merely a trait that described me.

We’re described by our…

Physical health
Height
Weight
Occupation
Social status
Net worth
Marital status
Achievements

But we should be careful never to let any of these define us. If we do—in the same way that I did—we set ourselves up for disappointment in the long run.

We’re defined by these two things: our character and our commitments.

We’re defined by our values and our beliefs, and by how courageously and resolutely we live them out.

There’s no doubt that physical health matters, but it’s our character and commitments that are of lasting worth.

Lesson #3: Happiness is a battle

My back injury made it difficult for me to be happy.

Hey, I wrote a book called The Happy Student, so I work hard at being happy and discovering the keys to long-term happiness.

I’d be a hypocrite if I walked around with a frowny face all day long, right?

But my back pain was so continuous, so present, and so severe that it was a challenge for me to think of anything besides the pain.

That’s when I understood afresh that happiness isn’t an emotion; it’s a choice. More than that, it’s a battle—most of the time, an uphill one.

It’s a fact that life is tough, and it’s full of stress and struggle. It’s also a fact that anything worth achieving usually takes twice as much effort and twice as long as you’d initially estimated.

Does this mean we’ll never be happy?

Of course not. It just means that if you want to be happy—to have a good life, not just an occasional good day—then you’ll have to fight for your happiness.

Every time you choose to be grateful, choose to pay a sincere compliment, choose to look for opportunities amidst the problems, choose to give hope to someone in a seemingly hopeless situation… you’re winning the battle, one blow at a time.

Choosing to be habitually joyful is a decision of the will, a declaration of intentionality, an act of courage.

It’s a choice I’m still learning to make daily regardless of my circumstances, but I know it’s one we all need to embrace if we want to find enduring peace and fulfillment.

In closing…

I’m thrilled that I’ve almost fully recovered from the injury. Now when I pick up something from the floor or bend down to tie my shoelaces, I’m uncommonly thankful I can! I definitely won’t be taking my health for granted in the near future.

I’m even more thankful that I could learn these three lessons for myself and share them with you. Now you don’t need to injure your back to learn them. 🙂

On Rejection, Disappointment, And Living Courageously

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong

Rejection

I fearfully opened the email.

It read:

“Dear Daniel, I regret to inform you that we’re not interested in your manuscript. Best of luck finding a suitable publisher.”

I’d been rejected. Again.

I sighed. This feeling was becoming much too familiar.

At least this publisher bothered to take a minute to write me a reply, I thought. Better than the dozens of other publishers who hadn’t even shown me that courtesy.

I had already submitted my manuscript to so many publishers and agents that I’d lost count.

I was on the brink of giving up. A wannabe author can only take so much rejection, right?

My great idea that nobody liked

Months earlier, I’d developed the concept for the book. Its title would be The Happy Student: 5 Steps to Academic Fulfillment and Success.

I had it all planned out.

Not your typical self-help or how-to book, The Happy Student wouldn’t just hype readers up or make them experience a temporary surge of motivation.

Instead, it would empower them to find enduring success and fulfillment. It wouldn’t merely be an inspirational book; it would equip readers with the precious life skills that young adults need to thrive.

The Happy Student would be based on my personal experiences.

16 years of being a straight-A but mostly unhappy student, 16 years of constant questioning what the purpose of education is, 16 years of wisdom and insight… all compiled into an easy-to-read manual of life.

A book written by a student, for students.

“Happy and successful”—that would be the book’s catchphrase.

Doesn’t this all sound fantastic? It did to me, at least.

The Happy Student would impact readers around the world. It would be on all the bestseller lists.

Students and parents would flock to bookstores to get their copy. It would be the start of a global “happy” revolution.

And with the royalty payments I would receive, I’d be set for life.

Or so I imagined.

Dealing with discouragement and disappointment

But I couldn’t even get a single agent or publisher to take a second look at—much less like or love—my manuscript.

A far cry from being an international bestseller!

It wasn’t just the rejections from publishers and agents that left me feeling discouraged.

Some of my friends’ remarks were discouraging too:

“Come on, Daniel. Who gets a book published when they’re 20-something years old?”
“Maybe you should wait until you have more credibility before you approach publishers and agents.”
“You know, people who write books on education usually have a PhD in psychology or education.”

I don’t blame my friends.

They weren’t trying to be negative or nasty. They were just being realistic.

Discouraging friends. Discouraging publishers. Discouraging agents.

I had no idea that trying to get a book published would make me feel so hopeless!

How to write a (moderately) successful book

Fast forward one and a half years.

The Happy Student has sold thousands of copies, and it comes in both an International and Asian edition.

I’d call it a moderate success.

It’s not quite—and has never been—a top-ranked Amazon book. Neither can I choose to retire now and just live off my royalty payments.

So some of the dreams I mentioned earlier have come true, but not all of them.

I’ve learned not to find satisfaction in my status as a “published author.”

Instead, my greatest reward comes every time readers tell me that The Happy Student has inspired and empowered them to pursue excellence, that it has changed their outlook on life in some way.

That’s what makes it all worth it.

Today, when people say things to me like “What an achievement that you’re already a published author!” or “You’re an impressive young man,” I shrug off the comments.

My long list of fears

To me, I’m just a normal guy who had a normal dream. A normal dream that made me afraid.

Afraid of rejection. Afraid of what others would think of me. Afraid of disappointing myself. Afraid of failure.

Through the book-writing experience, I’ve learned that there’s no such thing as being fearless. Everyone has fears. I, for one, have plenty of them.

I’ll confess that it even took me a while to get over the fear of writing this post.

As someone who aspires to always be tough, strong and steadfast, it’s not natural for me to put myself out there through my writing.

The thought of allowing myself to be vulnerable… it makes me uncomfortable. Terrified, even.

So I’m writing this post in the hope that it will encourage you to do what you already know you ought to.

If that’s you, you know who you are.

I hope this post is that push you need to take on that project, start that business, nurture that relationship, or have that conversation.

After all, courage isn’t the absence of fear; it’s the willingness to confront fear.

And the only way you’ll be willing to confront your fears is to get beyond yourself, to see that conquering your fears is really about benefiting others.

Sure, facing your fears will benefit you by making you a bigger person, but your example will also give someone else the courage to face their fears.

Living without regret

Going back to my publishing story, I eventually got in touch with an agent who was interested in my book project, but not interested enough to take me on board as her client.

But she generously connected me with David Hancock, CEO of Morgan James Publishing, the firm that eventually published The Happy Student.

The rest is history.

Would I have regretted it if I’d put in all that effort to try and get the book published, but no publisher ever accepted the manuscript?

If you’d asked me that question before I embarked on the project, I would’ve said “yes.”

Ask me now, and I’ll reply, “Not at all.”

This change in perspective happened because I realize it’s far more likely that you’ll regret the things you don’t try at all, rather than the things you try and fail at.

How to live courageously

The courage to try and fail—that’s something that needs to be cultivated. You don’t wake up one day and suddenly find that you’ve had a big bravery boost.

The easiest way to build courage is to continually get beyond yourself.

Stop asking “What’s in it for me?”, and start asking “How will this add value to someone else?”

Stop asking “What will people think of me if I fail?”. Stop caring what people think and start asking “How many lives will I fail to make a difference to if I don’t at least try?”

Courage isn’t about focusing on yourself and your fears and your challenges.

It’s about focusing on others.

No matter what your dream is, I’m sure it will take courage for you to realize it.

Think about others, and I know you’ll find all the courage you’ll need.

So take the next step. The world is counting on you. 🙂

10 Ways To Make The Most Of Criticism

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong

online comment

These are just a few of the many nasty comments I’ve received from Yahoo! readers.

When I started blogging for Yahoo! last year, I didn’t have any idea that I would generate this much hatred!

(To be fair, I’ve also received lots of encouraging comments.)

Writing for Yahoo! has been a humbling experience, because I’ve never been the target of such intense criticism and negativity before.

At first, I felt upset about receiving this kind of feedback.

After all, I spend hours writing each article, and I sincerely want to add value to my readers. Moreover, I do all of this writing without getting paid a single cent.

Are you pushing your own buttons?

But I’ve come to realize that every time we feel offended or upset, it’s an indication that we have our own personal issues we need to address.

We lose our cool when our “buttons” are pushed, but we have to take full responsibility for these buttons in the first place.

Do we have insecurities we need to overcome? Are there things in our past that we have yet to deal with? What areas do we need to grow in?

Reflecting on my experience as a Yahoo! blogger, I’ve come up with 10 ways to deal with criticism.

Here they are:

1. Don’t take the criticism personally.

Understand that you’re not being attacked personally.

The critic just has an issue with your ideas or behaviour. It’s only when you refuse to take the criticism personally that you’ll be able to benefit from it.

2. Look for the truth in the criticism.

Take a step back from the situation and ask yourself which aspects of the criticism are valid. This will allow you to decide on the action steps you can take to develop yourself.

3. Wait before responding to the criticism.

It’s natural to feel angry when someone criticizes you. Take at least 15 minutes to cool off before you respond to the criticism.

If you respond immediately, it’s more likely that you’ll say something you’ll regret.

4. Learn that you don’t always have to be right.

Getting criticized reminds you that not everyone agrees with you. When you let go of your need to be right all the time, your mind will be opened to new perspectives and ideas.

5. Remember that it’s okay to have flaws.

No one is perfect, and that’s alright. Receiving criticism reminds you of this.

6. Work on your unresolved issues.

If you feel offended by the criticism, it’s a sign that you have other issues to work on.

Are you a people-pleaser? Do you have deep-seated fears? Do you have an anger management problem?

This is a great opportunity for you to pinpoint any unresolved issues you might have and get to work on addressing them.

7. Remind yourself that it’s only people who dare to try who will ever be criticized.

The way to prevent yourself from ever getting criticized is simple: Do nothing. Attempt nothing. Say nothing.

If you want to make a lasting difference in this world and to the people around you, you’re going be criticized, sooner or later.

This means that if you continually receive criticism, you’re on the right track!

8. Learn to forgive.

If you’ve been hurt by the criticism, learn to let go and to forgive the critic.

This way, you won’t carry around an unnecessary burden, and you’ll be able to make the most of the feedback.

9. Remind yourself that haters are going to hate.

No matter how solid your plan is, how innovative your idea is, how eloquent your speech is, how well-written your article is—there will be someone who has something negative to say.

Ignore the people who hate just for the sake of hating. There are plenty of such people out there.

10. Develop your personal definition of success.

Years ago, I wrote down my personal definition of success:

“Success to me is loving life and loving lives, constantly giving and constantly growing.”

Every time I feel discouraged, I refer to this and remind myself that as long as I’m living according to this definition, then I’m a success, regardless of what the critics say.

I encourage you to write down your own definition today and review it every time you receive negative feedback. This will allow you to see the criticism in a new light.

In closing…

I love this saying by Emil Rhodes: “No one ever built a statue to a critic.”

Instead, people build statues to those who dream big and dare to fail, those who dare to be criticized.

If we’re serious about developing ourselves and leading a meaningful life, we’re going to get criticized.

So let’s turn the criticism we receive from a stumbling block into a stepping stone to greater things!

Want a More Exciting Life? The One Mindset Change You Need to Make

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong

skydiving

Ever wonder how some people manage to always be so full of enthusiasm and excitement?

They’re continually working on new projects and coming up with innovative ideas.

Whatever they do, they do it with passion. It seems like they’re on a perpetual mission to change the world.

Maybe you feel like you’re on the other end of the spectrum.

Shouldn’t life be more exciting?

Most of the time, life is a struggle. There are so many mundane things you have to do, so many obligations you have to fulfill.

You’re overwhelmed by all the stress and problems you face.

It’s not that you don’t have your happy moments.

When you’re hanging out with your friends or watching your favorite TV show or listening to music… life seems a little bit better.

But those moments feel like a temporary escape from the rest of your uninteresting life.

You really wish your life were more thrilling, more filled with a sense of adventure. But you just don’t know how to get out of the rut you’re in.

How to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks

People who lead inspired lives and people who lead thoroughly uninspired ones—the cards they’re dealt in life are usually fairly alike.

It’s what they do with those cards they’re dealt that makes the difference.

Clichéd, I know. But it’s true.

As author Jack Penn once said, “One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks.”

It all starts with your mindset.

There are basically two approaches you can have. You can either choose to:

Protect life, or
Pursue it

Mindset #1: Protecting life

When you try to protect life, you operate from a place of fear.

Fear is a natural response to life in general. After all, there are an infinite number of bad things that could happen to you!

Many companies prey on our desire for protection.

Protection from death.

Protection from disease.

Protection from discomfort.

That’s why companies that sell insurance, make seat belts, produce vaccines and mosquito nets, and manufacture air conditioning units are profitable.

I’m not saying that these products are bad. I, for one, can’t think of anything better than enjoying some air conditioning on a sweltering day.

But if your prevailing thought is about how you ought to protect your life, then you’re never going to have a meaningful and exciting one.

Mindset #2: Pursuing life

People who lead a life of purpose have come to the realization that death is an inescapable reality.

They have fully come to terms with their mortality.

This explains why they’re constantly on a mission.

They’re not just here on earth to find something to do. They’re here on earth to do something.

When you pursue life, you don’t sit around and wait for things to happen. Instead, you make things happen.

You have a strong bias for action, even when you’re not 100% sure what the best thing to do is.

You recognize that a little action trumps a lot of thinking, every time.

Even when it comes to areas of your life such as relationships, you take the initiative to cultivate strong ones.

You don’t just go with the flow and hope that you’ll end up with good relationships.

3 simple ways to find happiness

It’s interesting to note that in happiness surveys conducted all around the world, the three basic factors that contribute most to happiness are the same:

Good relationships
Good health
Satisfying work

When you boil it down to these three elements, it doesn’t seem like happiness should be that hard to find, right?

Being happy shouldn’t be our only goal, but you’ll probably agree with me that it is an important one.

When you choose to pursue life, instead of protect it, there’s no doubt that you’ll make plenty of progress in terms of your relationships, health and work.

Building strong relationships, being physically healthy, and choosing to do meaningful work—these are areas we have a lot of control over.

It just requires that we take full responsibility for our lives and intentionally make choices that are in line with what we want in the long term.

In closing…

The desire to protect life is what’s natural to us.

But what’s necessary, if we want to leave behind a marvelous legacy, is to pursue life.

It’s clear that winners focus on winning.

But losers don’t focus on losing, obviously. Rather, they focus on getting by, on merely surviving.

Losers protect life. Winners pursue it.

Experiencing a life of adventure—and finding long-lasting happiness, too—isn’t a matter of chance. It’s a matter of choice.

Let’s choose wisely.