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How to Handle an Angry Teen: 20 Strategies You Can Deploy Today

Updated on January 22, 2025 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

Angry teen

Dealing with an angry teen is like standing in the middle of a hurricane.

What’s the best way to deal with the situation?

Should you match your teenagers’ anger with your anger? Should you threaten them with the loss of privileges?

Or should you give in and hope they won’t blow up again?

Over the years, I’ve spoken to and worked with over 20,000 teenagers. This means that I’ve also interacted with many confused and frustrated parents.

Teens’ anger isn’t something you can prevent or control. But how you respond to it is something you can control.

Here are 20 strategies to help you navigate these challenging situations.

(Download the free PDF below to learn 5 bonus strategies.)

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Enter your email below to download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the strategies found here, plus 5 exclusive bonus strategies that you’ll only find in the PDF.

1. Remember the “boiling kettle” analogy

Kettle

When your teen is angry, think of the “boiling kettle” analogy.

When a kettle boils, steam comes out of the spout. But the steam is just a “symptom” of the water boiling.

To stop the steam from coming out, you need to turn off the fire.

Similarly, your teen’s anger is a symptom too. It’s the visible part of something deeper that is causing your teen’s problematic behaviour.

In the boiling kettle analogy, it’s the fire that’s the “root cause” of the steam.

It’s the same with your teen. So don’t focus on the anger itself. Instead, find the root cause of the anger:

  • Does your teen feel unloved?
  • Does your teen feel neglected?
  • Is your teen suffering from body image issues?
  • Is your teen a victim of bullying?
  • Is your teen struggling with anxiety?

(The list of questions above isn’t exhaustive.)

Your teen can learn anger management techniques. But if the underlying issues aren’t addressed, then the anger problem will persist.

2. Remember that your teen’s behaviour isn’t a reflection of your competence as a parent

The teenage years are a difficult time for your child.

Huge hormonal changes are taking place and – at the same time – your child’s brain is changing rapidly.

Many parents take their teenager’s behaviour personally. They may feel guilty and may feel as if they’ve messed up as parents. They may start obsessing over the mistakes they’ve made as parents.

But it’s important to remember that even if there was such a thing as a perfect parent (which there isn’t), no child would turn out perfect.

The physical changes taking place inside your teenager would still create at least some turmoil.

Of course, your teenager’s anger may be directed at you. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re a bad parent.

Try to look at the situation objectively.

As an adult, you have inner resources that your teenager doesn’t. You have more control over your emotions, which means that you have the ability to defuse a heated situation.

It will often seem as though your teenager is verbally assaulting you. But this is where you need to exercise self-control.

Instead of reacting violently to your teenager’s anger, see her anger as a cry for help.

Teenagers haven’t yet learned how to manage their emotions. Instead of asking for help, they often bottle up their emotions until they explode in an angry outburst.

This can be triggered by a combination of school-related pressure, friendship issues, and an emotionally unsafe home environment.

3. Hear your teen out, even if he or she is sharing negative feelings

Father and son

When teens share their thoughts and feelings, much of what they say may be negative.

For example, they may complain about their teachers, or about how much homework they’re getting, or about certain school rules.

Your teen’s view of the situation might be imbalanced, but refrain from interrupting him.

Your teen wants to know that you’re trying to understand how he feels about the situation. This means you need to put aside your own views for a while and listen to your teen.

Resist the temptation to correct your teen and tell him how he should view the situation. Try not to minimise the situation by moralising or by informing him that “that’s life”.

If you cast judgment, your teen will be less likely to share his feelings with you in the future. This would be damaging in the long run, because it’s vital to keep the lines of communication with your teen open.

The less your teen shares with you about his life, the harder it becomes for you to influence him. It will then become harder to coach your teen through the challenges ahead.

4. Explain the concept of cognitive distortions to your teen

Cognitive distortions are ways in which our minds convince us of something that isn’t true.

They are inaccurate thoughts about ourselves and the world around us. They often reinforce our negative thinking or emotions.

There are 15 common cognitive distortions and you can read about them here.

In this section, I’m going to describe three prevalent ones:

  • Filtering. This is when a person takes negative events and magnifies them. At the same time, they filter out the positive aspects of the situation.
  • Polarised thinking. This is when a person sees situations in extremes. Things are either black or white, with no middle ground between the two.
  • Overgeneralisation. This is where a single event is used to form a general conclusion. When something bad happens once, the person concludes that the bad thing will happen again in the future.

When we get angry, it’s almost always due to a cognitive distortion.

Try explaining this to your teenager. When she realises this, it will help her to manage her anger by looking at the situation through another lens.

In addition, as a parent, you may find it useful to refer to this brief summary of cognitive distortions that result in anger, created by Corner Canyon Counseling and Psychological Services.

Through understanding the various cognitive distortions that exist, your teenager will become aware of her flawed habits of thinking that she needs to change.

5. Don’t threaten your teen

Threaten

When your teen becomes angry, you may feel tempted to use threats as a way of calming him down.

For example, you might say: “If you don’t calm down now, I’m going to take away your phone.”

Or you might say: “If you don’t stop shouting, you’ll be grounded for a month.”

But this approach won’t work in the long run.

If you use threats, your teen will resent you. Threats may work in the short term, but in the long term, they will damage the relationship you have with your teen.

What’s more, threats do nothing to resolve the anger issue.

Your teen’s anger is not just a behavioural problem. It’s a sign that something is wrong, that some emotional need is not being met.

6. Explain to your teen how he or she can express anger in an appropriate way

There’s no point in doing this while your teenager is still angry.

Wait until the episode has passed and your teenager is calm and relaxed.

Explain to her that all feelings are acceptable, but not all behaviours are acceptable. Explain to her that it’s okay to feel angry, and that there’s no need to feel guilty about it.

Share with her that there are ways to express anger without hurting others.

Teach your teenager how to recognise the signs that she’s on the verge of a meltdown:

  • Clenched jaw
  • Headache
  • Increase in heart rate
  • Sweaty palms
  • Dizziness

Tell your teenager that when she’s angry, she doesn’t need to act on her feelings right away.

Ask your teenager to practise counting to ten slowly, or to try this breathing exercise:

  • Breathe in for four counts
  • Hold your breath for four counts
  • Breathe out for four counts

7. Discuss family rules related to expressing anger

When the situation has passed and everyone is calm, schedule a discussion about how everyone in the family will express their anger.

During the family discussion, decide on the boundaries your family will commit to.

Come to a consensus that these rules will apply to everyone in the family, including you as a parent.

For example, your family might decide that it’s not acceptable to:

  • Break things
  • Use vulgarities
  • Engage in name-calling
  • Storm off in the middle of a conversation
  • Slam the door
  • Kick or throw furniture around

This is a good opportunity to talk about the difference between feeling angry and being aggressive.

Make sure that everyone is on the same page with regard to the rules. You might find it helpful to write down the rules and put them somewhere visible, such as on the fridge door.

8. Call a timeout if the situation becomes heated

Timeout

When a situation with your teen becomes heated, try calling a “timeout”. In fact, calling a timeout can be part of the family rules that we just talked about.

When tempers are flaring, there’s no point in allowing the situation to escalate further.

For example, you could say: “We’re both getting angry, so let’s please take a break. How about we discuss this again after dinner?”

If your teen persists in arguing, try to disengage. After all, conflicts are never resolved when the parties involved have lost their cool.

9. Keep the lines of communication with your teen open

Remember that one of the most important things you can do as a parent is to keep the lines of communication open.

Of course, this is easier said than done when you have an angry teenager on your hands.

Refrain from casting judgment, jumping to conclusions, or lecturing your teenager. If your teenager is angry, it means that he needs empathy (as discussed in Strategy #3).

Ask for your teenager’s opinion. Encourage him to share his point of view. Seek to understand his perspective.

By keeping the lines of communication open, your teenager will eventually share his feelings. As such, you’ll be able to get to the root of the issue.

10. Find a win-win (or at least no-lose) solution to every conflict

When dealing with any conflict with your teen, try to find a win-win solution.

Avoid an outcome where your teen feels that you won and she lost. Such outcomes will lead to your teen becoming even angrier.

For example, when setting boundaries related to curfew timings, phone usage, or screen time, be willing to negotiate with your teen.

This way, she will feel that she has a part to play in developing the solution. She won’t be resentful if she feels that she was involved in the process of setting the boundary.

Adult life involves plenty of compromise and negotiation, so this is a good opportunity to enable your teen to develop this life skill.

The solution you both agree on may be a compromise between what you want and what your teen wants. But if you can both live with it, it’s better than creating a rule that you simply impose by force.

11. Reach out to your teen’s teachers

Teacher

If your teenager is becoming aggressive, reach out to his teachers. Let them know what you’ve observed about your teenager at home.

Your teenager’s teachers may have information to share that will help you understand why he is acting out.

Could it be that he is being ostracised by his classmates?

Maybe he is hanging out with bad company?

Or perhaps he is struggling to keep up with his schoolwork?

Your teenager’s teachers may be able to help you figure out why your teenager is being aggressive at home.

12. Model for your teen how to manage anger effectively

If your teen sees you losing your temper frequently, it will be hard for her to learn how to handle her anger.

Family life sometimes involves moments of conflict and anger. But when you get angry with a family member, model for your teen how to resolve the conflict peacefully.

Research shows that children who observe their parents having mild conflicts and resolving those conflicts display higher levels of emotional intelligence later on.

This principle applies to your relationship with your teen too. If you’ve lost your temper at your teen, apologise to her and make amends.

Many parents find it hard to apologise to their children. Some parents think that apologising is an act of weakness, or that it implies that they lack authority.

But this isn’t true.

When you offer a genuine apology to your teen, you’re modelling accountability. You’re showing your teen the importance of taking responsibility for your actions.

You’re also displaying humility, which will earn your teen’s respect.

13. Do something together with your teen that he or she enjoys

Amusement park

When your teenager displays anger at home, you may feel a need to deal with the issue right away.

But most of the time, this isn’t the best approach. For a start, take the focus away from the anger issue altogether.

Go and do something fun with your teenager. Watch a movie, go for a hike, visit an amusement park, or go bowling.

These activities will allow you to build a connection with your teenager. In turn, this will make it easier to understand the issues behind your teenager’s anger.

But if you keep trying to address the anger issue directly, you may end up backing your teenager into a corner.

She may start to feel that you view her as a problem that needs to be fixed, which will exacerbate the situation.

So spend meaningful time with your teenager and work on the relationship first.

14. Help your teen identify the triggers that set him or her off

Teens often lack awareness as to what triggers their emotional responses.

So it’s helpful to encourage your teen to reflect on what kinds of comments or situations trigger his anger.

Is it when someone makes a comment about his appearance or abilities? Or is it when he feels as if his character is being called into question?

Through this process of reflection, your teen will become more self-aware.

This self-awareness will allow him to identify the deeper issues that spark his anger. He can then begin to work on these issues in an intentional way.

15. Don’t treat your teen as a child

As children develop into teenagers, parents often struggle to adjust their parenting methods.

If you’re not careful, you might still be treating your teenager as if she’s a child, when she’s actually on the cusp of adulthood.

But there’s a powerful force at work in your teenager, which is urging her to develop her own identity. It’s pushing her toward independence, even if you might not think she’s ready for it.

If you keep talking to your teenager as you did when she was a child, she will likely rebel and display more anger.

Instead, try seeing your teenager as an adult who lacks experience. This will enable you to shift from being an authority figure to being a coach and mentor to your teenager.

This shift is vital if you want your teenager to make the most of her potential and overcome her anger issues.

16. Help your teen to develop problem-solving skills

Man in front of whiteboard

Anger in teens often arises when they are confronted with a problem and can’t think of a constructive way to deal with it.

The problem can take many different forms:

  • A project team member who is not pulling his weight and is leaving your teen to do all the work
  • Classmates who are gossiping about your teen
  • A teacher who picks on your teen
  • Your teen being unable to stay on top of his schoolwork

If your teen lacks problem-solving skills, he may start to feel helpless. As a result, he may lash out in anger.

So I encourage you to teach your teen the steps of problem-solving:

  • Identify the problem
  • Think of at least 2 to 3 possible solutions
  • Evaluate each possible solution based on advantages and disadvantages
  • Choose a solution
  • Implement the solution
  • Reflect on how things turned out and what lessons you learned

When your teen is equipped with these problem-solving skills, he will feel more confident when confronted with a challenge.

Instead of feeling discouraged and frustrated, your teen will take positive steps toward overcoming the problem.

17. Develop family rules about screen time

If your teenager is aggressive, screen time might be a key contributing factor.

Too much screen time results in teenagers who are “wired and tired” – they’re agitated but exhausted at the same time.

Here are three ways that excessive screen time can lead to increased aggression in teenagers:

  • Suppression of melatonin. Melatonin is a sleep-inducing hormone that gets released at night. But the light emitted by the screens of various electronic devices mimics daylight. This suppresses the release of melatonin and affects your sleep.
  • Over-reliance on dopamine. Dopamine is a feel-good chemical released by your brain. Too much screen time causes the release of excessive amounts of dopamine. This creates a need in your teenager for ever-increasing levels of stimulation.
  • Overloading the sensory system. Screen time depletes your teenager’s mental resources, making her unable to process what’s happening around her. To cope with this, your teenager may become prone to angry outbursts.

These factors can lead to a state of stress and unease in your teenager, which further affects her ability to manage her anger.

Similar to what we talked about under Strategy #7, it’s crucial that you lead a discussion about family rules related to screen time.

For example, you might decide that – as a family – you…

  • Will not use electronic devices during mealtimes
  • Will not have a TV in your home
  • Will create a daily schedule for when you will have screen time
  • Will charge your electronic devices in the living room (not the bedroom) every night
  • Will not have any screen time within 1 hour of bedtime

18. Get help for your teen

As we’ve already discussed in this article, recurring episodes of anger is a clear sign that something deeper is going on with your teen.

Identifying the deeper issue isn’t always straightforward.

It’s necessary to take a holistic approach that investigates factors related to your teen’s physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

Parent-teen relationships are complicated. As the parent, you’re often too involved to be able to assess the situation objectively.

(I’m a parent of two myself, so I know this for a fact!)

Getting a neutral third party – who is also a professional – involved is often a key turning point, which results in your teen’s positive transformation.

I work with teens 1-to-1 to help them work through their anger issues. I also empower them to become motivated, responsible and resilient.

I encourage you to get help for your teen today before the situation worsens.

19. Don’t focus on winning the argument

Father and son arguing

As a parent, you’re used to being the authority figure in your home. It’s natural that you don’t want to lose face.

In an argument with your teenager, you may feel as if you have to win in order to maintain your position of authority.

But if you focus on winning the argument with your teenager, you may end up winning the battle but losing the war.

If your teenager always comes away from arguments feeling that he has lost, he will eventually stop talking to you about his problems.

Your teenager will start to resent you, which will fuel even more anger in him.

20. Aim to achieve the “5:1 ratio” in your relationship with your teen

Research has shown that for a healthy marriage, there is typically a ratio of at least five positive interactions for every negative interaction.

Having worked with teens for years, I’ve observed that this principle applies in the parent-teen relationship too.

Ensure that your positive interactions with your teen far outweigh the negative ones.

When your teen displays anger, remember that anger is often a symptom of low self-esteem.

The teenage years are difficult ones, and your teen is still trying to develop her own identity. As such, she probably struggles with some – if not many – self-esteem issues.

This is why it isn’t a good idea to continually criticise your teen. No adult likes to be criticised all the time either!

If you express constant disapproval of your teen, it will undermine her self-esteem. She’ll then become even angrier.

You may observe many things about your teen’s attitude and behaviour that warrant correction.

But remember the 5:1 ratio.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Will it help the situation if I criticise my teen?
  • Is this a battle worth fighting, or can I let it go?
  • Is there a gentler way that I can address the issue?

So be sparing with your criticism, but be generous with your appreciation, kind words, and empathy.

Conclusion

Two wooden figures

Dealing with teenage anger is a complex issue.

It requires various parenting skills, including the ability to listen, empathise, and understand the underlying reason why your teen is angry.

It also requires that your teen develops the tools he or she needs to overcome the anger issue.

These tools include:

  • Understanding cognitive distortions
  • Becoming more aware of what triggers his or her anger
  • Acquiring problem-solving skills

If you get help for your teen and apply the strategies in this article, I’m confident that the situation will improve tremendously.

So don’t lose hope!

Like this article? Please share it with your friends.

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Enter your email below to download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the strategies found here, plus 5 exclusive bonus strategies that you’ll only find in the PDF.

Filed Under: Children, Communication, Emotions, Parenting, Relationships, Teens

How to Deal With Teenage Attitude: 7 Tips for Parents

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 14 Comments

Mother and daughterHow to deal with teenage attitude – that’s what so many frustrated parents want to know.

As someone who’s been coaching teens for years, I often speak with parents who are overwhelmed by their teenager’s attitude.

Since you’re reading this article, I’m sure you love your teens and want to set them up for success.

Yet almost everything you say or do elicits an eye-roll in response.

Do any of the following scenarios sound familiar to you?

Your teenagers hate school and don’t have long-term academic goals (or other meaningful goals, for that matter). When you tell them that there’ll be no video games until they finish their homework, they storm off.

Or maybe you want to spend some family time together, but your teens prefer to use social media or watch videos instead.

And if you ask about your teen’s day? Well, you’re lucky if you get a three-word reply.

Knowing how to deal with teenage attitude is tricky. You don’t want to worsen the situation and suffer through another teenage tantrum, but you’re also unwilling to tolerate disrespectful behaviour.

Here’s what you need to remember…

Your teenager’s attitude often has little to do with you.

Teenagehood is a tricky time. Teens are developing their sense of identity, yet they still feel powerless, confined by rules and schedules.

But here’s some good news:

While parenting teens is never easy, there are ways to learn how to handle teenage attitude – simple steps you can take today to improve your relationship with your teens and get through to them.

(Don’t forget to download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager (Cover)

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.


The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

7 ways to deal with teenage attitude problems

Understanding your teen’s challenging behaviour can be emotionally overwhelming, but these proven tips will help:

1. Offer advice only if your teen is open to it

Good parenting skills

As a parent, it’s hard to watch your teenagers struggle with their problems — especially when you know you can help.

After all, you’ve experienced a lot more than your teens have. If only they would listen to you, you could easily give them the solutions they need.

You want to support your teens to become excellent students who lead meaningful lives. But they’re in the process of discovering their unique identity. They need to develop their own preferences and learn from their mistakes.

If your teenagers are open to it, you can still guide and coach them. But do your best to listen more and speak less.

Avoid forcing your opinion on your teenagers, even if you think you know what’s best for them.

They’ll be more inclined to share their thoughts and feelings with you (without the bad attitude) if you listen rather than lecture.

2. Set clear boundaries together with your teen

If you want your teenagers to respect boundaries, involve them in the rule-setting process.

If you do this, they’ll see that you value and respect their feelings and opinions.

Now, the rules should seem reasonable to everyone in the family. You’re not letting your teens walk all over you, but rather you’re listening to their concerns and working together to create fair boundaries.

As far as possible, make the boundaries apply to you (as the parent) too. In my own family, I’ve found that my children are more willing to abide by the rules when they apply to me and my wife too.

When you set rules with your teens, they will be much more likely to go along with them.

And you know what’s even better? You won’t have to struggle with the issue of how to deal with teenage attitude.

3. Give your teen autonomy

Does it feel like just a short while ago your teenager was a toddler?

Do you remember that small child who always wanted to spend time with you and relied on you for almost everything?

I don’t need to tell you how quickly kids grow up, so the process of raising independent grownups begins now.

Teenagers often feel like their lives are out of their control and that their freedom is always being limited.

They’re discovering their identity yet often feel frustrated by their lack of independence. This sometimes leads to a poor attitude and risky teenage behaviours.

After all, teens who don’t feel right can’t act right.

So give your teens autonomy whenever you’re able to. This might mean compromising on the small things (like a hairstyle or fashion choice), but in return, you’ll have more energy for the things that matter.

Teens should have the final say with regard to most of the things going on in their lives, e.g. which subjects to take, which activities to participate in, how to complete a project.

4. Stay calm

mother and daughter confrontation

You politely ask your daughter to wash the dishes after dinner.

She gets angry, says she doesn’t want to, then slams her bedroom door.

Your frustration starts to rise and you lecture her. How else should you deal with such teenage attitude?

Of course, rude and disrespectful behaviour is never acceptable.

That being said, losing your temper will cause your teen to shut down or become defensive. It definitely won’t lead to a productive conversation about your teen’s inappropriate actions.

When you feel as if you’re about to lose your cool, take a few deep breaths.

Stay calm (here are some good tips to do that) and, if necessary, address the issue at a later time when both you and your teen have calmed down.

5. Spend quality time with your teen

It might seem like your teenagers don’t want to spend time with you. It might seem like whatever you do or say is annoying to them.

Here’s the thing to keep in mind about dealing with teenage attitude…

Your teens crave your love and support, even if they don’t express it.

They might begin to feel neglected if it appears that their other siblings or your work or hobbies are more important to you than they are.

If they feel this way, their behaviour will get worse.

So set aside regular time to spend with your teen, and ensure that your teen is available at that time too.

Use these opportunities to show that you care about your teen and about his or her interests and hobbies.

Over time, your teen’s confidence and self-esteem will improve, and so will the parent-teen relationship.

Quality time doesn’t have to be extravagant. A walk around the neighbourhood or an afternoon out for ice cream is all it takes to demonstrate that you enjoy spending time with your teen.

And make sure to avoid lecturing or nagging during this quality time — quality time should be something you both look forward to!

6. Don’t take bad behaviour personally

teenager refusing to listen

When it comes to how to deal with teenage attitude, it’s easy to feel like you’re not handling the situation well.

You want to help your teens take responsibility for their lives so they become successful, happy adults.

But all your teens do is complain, talk back to you, and question your authority.

You might think to yourself, “My teenager hates me.” But that’s rarely the case.

It helps to remember that how they behave frequently has less to do with you and more to do with their developmental stage.

Their brains are changing. They’re learning how to express their heightened emotions while also discovering their identity.

That’s a lot to handle for a young person!

Again, I’m not saying you should condone bad behaviour. But when you realise that their attitude isn’t a personal attack directed at you, it will be easier to communicate with your teen clearly and effectively.

In turn, it’s more likely that you’ll be able to get your teenager to listen to you.

7. Build your teen’s self-confidence

Father and son

You want to help your teens develop positive lifelong habits.

So, you offer constructive criticism. You tell your teens what they should be doing: studying more, cleaning up, eating healthily, reducing screentime…

While you’re trying to enable your teens to become more responsible, don’t forget to say positive things to them, too!

Research shows that recognising positive behaviour in teens promotes identity formation and moral reasoning.

I recommend practising descriptive praise instead of evaluative praise. (Here are some examples of descriptive praise.)

By doing this, you’ll reinforce positive behaviour, build your teens’ self-confidence, and support habits for long-term success.

Plus, you’ll have more peace in your household, leading to fewer conflicts between you and your teens.

In closing…

Knowing how to handle teenage attitude can be stressful and exhausting.

Start applying the tips outlined in this article, and keep persevering.

As time goes by, your family life will be more harmonious, and your relationship with your teen will improve too.

And if you’ve found this article useful, check out my online course for parents of teens called Transform Your Teen Today: 7 Steps to Turn Your Child Into a Motivated & Responsible Teen.

Through the course, you’ll get the exact strategies and support you need to empower your teen to go through a positive transformation – starting today!

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager (Cover)

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.


The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

Filed Under: Attitude, Character, Children, Emotions, Parenting, Relationships, Teens

Is Your Smart Kid Getting Bad Grades? 5 Tips for Parents

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 7 Comments

frustrated student with laptop and pencil in mouthDealing with bad grades is frustrating for both you and your children.

You know your kids are intelligent, and you care about their future.

You want them to have academic success now, so they have more opportunities for scholarships, higher education, and employment in the future.

But your well-meaning attempts to motivate your children only result in energy-draining power struggles and strained relationships — not improved performance or the accomplishment of academic goals.

Here’s the problem…

Nagging your kids to study harder is like adding fuel to the fire. It only makes the situation worse.

Fortunately, there’s an easier way to help your child do better in school and become a disciplined student — no annoying arguments or stressful micromanaging required.

In this article, I’ll walk you through how to deal with bad grades and give you valuable tips to improve your child’s motivation today. Let’s dive in.

(Don’t forget to download your free e-book below.)

FREE E-BOOK:

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager (Cover)

Get your FREE copy of

16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager.


The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

Why do students get bad grades?

The first step to helping your children do better in school is understanding why they’re getting bad grades.

Through speaking to and working with more than 20,000 students, I’ve learned there’s almost always an explanation for poor academic performance.

This is why telling your smart kid who’s getting bad grades to “study harder” rarely works. Instead, we must recognise the root problem behind the bad grades and make appropriate adjustments from there.

Each student is unique. Actively listening to and empathising with your child is an effective way to discover why they’re struggling academically and motivate them to do well in school.

Here are some of the most common obstacles to good grades to watch out for:

Distractions

Do your children have a difficult time focusing on their schoolwork? If so, they’re not alone.

Study after study has found that technology like smartphones and laptops can be more harmful than helpful — in some cases distracting nearly 50% of students.

Then there are the external stimuli of the classroom: whispering classmates, cluttered desks, and attention-grabbing posters.

Back at home, potential interruptions like pets, ringing doorbells, and video games make achieving quality study time all the more difficult.

It’s not necessarily that they dislike studying. They simply can’t focus on the material at hand.

If you have an intelligent kid who is getting bad grades, minimising distractions is a considerable stride towards better academic performance.

Pressure to be “perfect”

student not paying attention in classI have not failed 10,000 times — I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.  – Thomas Edison

Mistakes are crucial for growth and discovery. Imagine if Thomas Edison had given up because of a fear of failure.

He certainly would not have become one of the most successful inventors of all time!

Yet many students (and adults, too) feel the crushing need to be “perfect”.

If your children fear failure, they might quickly become discouraged the moment they make an error. As a result, they might give up on academic success altogether.

Instead of criticising imperfections, help your children identify and learn from their mistakes. Teach them about failure and how to hold their head up high. That’s how to raise a confident child.

As a result, they’ll be more motivated to stick with schoolwork — and likely earn better grades in the process.

A lack of challenging assignments

Do your children regularly say that school is boring? Do they struggle to complete their daily homework and assignments?

These are signs that your child might be under-challenged in the classroom.

When students don’t feel appropriately challenged, they often disengage with the subject matter.

They might find they don’t need to study or complete assignments to understand the topic, at least at a basic level. As a result, even though they’re smart kids, they still get bad grades.

Check in with your children and their teachers to ensure the course material is at the right difficulty level. Then, make adjustments to challenge your child accordingly.

Exam anxiety

There’s a reason why I wrote the ultimate 58-page guide to test-taking success. Exam anxiety is a common, debilitating issue for students of all ages.

Many smart kids aren’t great test-takers. They want to do well in school. They study hard and pay attention in class. But their exam grades don’t reflect those efforts.

The thing is, performing well on tests is essential for getting good grades. There’s no way around it.

Now, for some good news…

With the right test-taking strategies, many of the students I work with improve their bad grades by 20–30% — many without even studying more.

Tests and exams are a significant part of your child’s academic career. Knowing how to manage exam anxiety and master test-taking skills will pay off for years to come.

Too many obligations

bored child forced to do homework

Homework. Extra-curricular activities. Chores and part-time jobs.

Pre-teens and teens often feel overwhelmed because of their demanding schedules. Unlike adults, they’ve yet to master valuable organisational skills.

So to cope with their busy agendas, they sleep less, miss important assignments, or “escape from reality” by playing video games and watching television.

Help your children review their responsibilities to support their mental health. Encourage them to write down due dates and make lists. Show your kids how to plan out their days and weeks.

When students know how to manage the various things going on in their lives, it frees up important mental space for more of what matters most.

How to deal with bad grades

Now that we’ve explored some of the reasons why your children might be getting bad grades, let’s look at five ways you can help them overcome poor academic performance.

1. Set achievable goals

In the words of Antoine de Saint-Exupéry: “A goal without a plan is just a wish.” 

Once you stop telling your children to study hard for their own good, ask them what success looks like to them, both inside and outside of the classroom. Get specific.

It’s much easier to arrive at our goals when we know where it is that we’re going.

Actively engaging with your children about their ambitions also puts you on the same page with regard to expectations.

Encourage your kids to outline the action steps they’ll need to take to achieve their goals. If they want to get straight A’s, what routines and study strategies will enable them to do that?

While goals are important, remind your children that it’s not the outcome but the process that matters most.

Yes, grades are an excellent source of feedback. But the growth mindset and habits necessary to achieve straight A’s? Those are what will serve your children far into the future.

2. Communicate with your child’s teachers

You’re not in the classroom with your children. Their teachers are, so have a chat with them.

This isn’t about arguing with the teachers or defending your kid’s intelligence. At the heart of it, open communication is crucial for everyone involved in your child’s academic experience.

Here are some questions that you might ask your child’s teachers:

  • How is my child doing emotionally and socially?
  • Can you tell me about any specific situations that have occurred in the clasroom that you’re concerned about?
  • Are the school assignments adequately challenging my child?
  • Where is my child seated? Is a front-row seat with fewer distractions a possibility?
  • What can I do at home to help my child learn more effectively?

By communicating with the teachers, you’ll gain a well-rounded understanding of what’s happening inside the classroom. Pair this knowledge with a healthy teacher-parent relationship and you’ll set the foundation for your child’s academic success.

3. Engage a coach

Coach for students

Sometimes we all need a little support — and that goes for you too as a parent.

Maybe there’s an ongoing conflict between you and your kids about their bad grades. Or perhaps your children ignore your advice, yet listen to similar perspectives when it comes from a fresh voice.

Here’s where a coach comes in.

The right educational coach can help your children achieve their academic goals and lighten your load. As a result, your children get better grades and your relationship with them improves.

I’ve coached hundreds and hundreds of students 1-to-1. I’ve helped them to find their inner motivation and to become successful and happy.

I love what I do, and I’d be thrilled to help coach your teenager to make a positive transformation, too.

Of course, you can also look to teachers, neighbours, or even family friends to coach your child. It’s vital that you find the right coach and mentor for your child!

4. Make studying more fun

Homework will never be able to compete with video games in terms of fun.

But even if your teen hates school, there are ways to make studying a less tedious and more engaging activity. Here are a few ideas:

  • Encourage your children to reward themselves with short (technology-free) breaks after laser-focused study sessions.
  • Turn homework into a game. Puzzles, trivia, and flashcards are great. Even teenagers enjoy gamification when it’s age-appropriate.
  • Create a relaxing space for your children to study. A designated homework area will keep distractions at bay and improve concentration, all while making the study process a more enjoyable one.

5. Give your child control

If you want your children to get better grades, give them control over their academics — with boundaries.

You’ll still be involved in your children’s lives and studies, and you’ll need to work with them to set clear expectations and consequences.

But there will no longer be everyday nagging and wondering how to get your teenagers to do their homework. Your children will understand their responsibilities, and they’ll act accordingly.

With this approach, your children will gain a sense of autonomy. They’ll also perform better in school.

But, perhaps even more importantly, your kids will develop a sense of responsibility and empowerment over their actions and choices.

Are punishments for bad grades effective?

Mother and daughter arguing

I’ll get right to it…

I don’t believe in punishment for bad grades.

That’s because, as outlined above, there’s typically a reason why kids aren’t doing well in school.

And that reason is rarely that they simply don’t care.

Grounding your children for two months because they failed an exam doesn’t identify the root problem behind the poor academic performance. If anything, it leads to frustrated kids with even less motivation to do well in school.

Instead of imposing consequences for bad grades, I recommend actively listening to your children. Explore what’s contributing to their bad grades, then work to solve the problem together. The tactics outlined in this article will help.

I don’t recommend rewarding your children for good grades, either. Instead, we want to reach a point of intrinsic motivation.

This is a process-oriented approach where self-improvement and contribution are the main rewards, instead of the desired outcome being the main reward.

This approach will help your children throughout their lives, and it will result in them becoming more successful too!

The bottom line

I know it’s not easy to see your smart child getting bad grades.

But instead of micromanaging, nagging, or otherwise adding fuel to the fire, try implementing the tips in this article. Your child will perform better in school and gain essential life skills that are more important than any grade.

And remember, it’s okay to engage a coach when you and your child need it.

Learn more about my 1-to-1 coaching programme for teens (it’s life coaching and much more!) and how I empower students to succeed through science-backed techniques. I’m on a mission to maximise the potential of every student, and I’d love to support your child, too!

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Do Your Children Dislike Studying? Here Are 9 Things You Can Do

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 9 Comments

Dislike studying

Note from Daniel: This is a guest post by Julia Robson.

All parents want their children to do well in school and in life.

Of course, succeeding in school doesn’t mean that you’ll succeed in life.

But in a society that still places an emphasis on formal educational qualifications, it’s only natural that you want your children to do their best in school.

Unfortunately, some students just don’t like to study.

Our task as parents isn’t to punish them for their lack of interest.

It’s to help them to enjoy the learning process as much as they can, while developing the necessary life skills along the way.

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Before we talk about what you can do if your children dislike studying, let’s first address this question:

Why do so many students dislike studying?

Books

Getting to the root of the problem will enable you to find better solutions.

So before you start applying a remedy, examine your children’s behaviour and talk to them and their teachers to figure out what the real issue is.

Here are some common reasons why students dislike studying…

A. They find studying boring

Some students feel bored because of the repetitiveness of the learning process.

There are also students who feel bored because the material isn’t challenging enough. If they grasp the material faster than the rest of their class, they’ll naturally feel bored during the lessons.

They’ll then attach this feeling to the entire learning process.

B. They don’t see the point in studying

Many students need to see the point of something before they’ll be willing to do it. To them, getting good grades isn’t a strong enough reason for them to study hard.

If this describes your children, devote time to bridging the gap between what they’re learning in the classroom and the real world outside the classroom.

C. They feel like they’re being forced to study

Many students dislike doing things they have to do, because they feel forced into doing those things.

To these students, having a sense of autonomy is extremely important.

D. They feel like they’ve fallen behind

Students at the bottom of the class are likely to feel discouraged.

This is especially so if they’re being teased by their classmates, or if their teachers don’t have the time to give them extra help.

Of course, there could be other reasons your children dislike studying besides the reasons listed above.

Before you start nagging or threatening them – I don’t recommend either approach – take some time to figure out the root cause of the problem.

You’ll then be able to apply the most suitable solution.

Here are 9 possible solutions:

1. Admit that studying can be frustrating

Writing

Be honest with yourself and your children, and admit that studying isn’t always fun.

But there’s a life lesson to be learned here. It’s impossible to enjoy everything that you do on a daily or weekly basis.

There will be things that have to get done, even if you dislike them.

Instead of believing it’s possible for learning to be fun 100% of the time, have an honest conversation with your children. Admit that some things may be boring and difficult to learn.

By teaching your children how to take on tasks that don’t appeal to them, you’ll be arming them with a valuable skill they’ll use throughout their life.

2. Learn together with your children

Depending on your child’s age, you can adopt a “learning together” approach in different ways.

Visiting museums, galleries, historical sites and other places can be a great way to help your children to connect what they’re learning about in school to the real world.

This approach may only be possible for certain subjects. So you can also watch relevant documentaries or movies with your children to make the learning process more interesting.

Try disentangling complex problems with them too.

You may not remember geometry or algebra as well as you’d like. But you can ask your children to explain the principles to you, and you can work on the solution together.

This doesn’t mean you should study with them every day.

Instead, establish a process where they can come to you when they get stuck or need to discuss a concept with you.

3. Use a variety of tools

Online learning

Your children might find some of their school assignments to be boring or irrelevant.

Perhaps their school isn’t a good fit for their learning style?

Or maybe they would thrive if they were exposed to different kinds of learning methodologies?

While you can’t expect your children’s teachers to adopt a completely individualised approach, you can provide some additional stimuli.

Here are some resources that your children may enjoy:

  • Wonderopolis
  • National Geographic Kids
  • EdHelper
  • BrainPOP
  • HowStuffWorks
  • TED-Ed
  • Freerice
  • Duolingo
  • Smithsonian

You can also try audiobooks or other apps that would make the learning experience more engaging for your children.

4. Relate the material to real life

Some students just want to be able to understand why they’re supposed to learn something.

They don’t think that “you have to do this to get a better grade” is a valid reason for completing an assignment.

If this describes your children, you’ll need to empower them to understand the purpose behind the concepts they’re required to master.

Ideally, you’ll want to start providing relatable explanations at a very young age, so as to establish a principle for later.

For example:

  • Math is associated with money, online shopping, and personal finances. (By the way, here are my best tips on how to get better at math.)
  • Languages are connected to the stories your children enjoy and how humans make sense of the world
  • History tells us where we came from, so that we can determine where to go and how to avoid repeating mistakes from the past

And so on.

5. Don’t blame, scold or punish your children if they get a bad grade

Mother and daughter

When your children come home from school with a grade that’s lower than what you were expecting, your reaction shouldn’t be to blame or reprimand them.

Instead, have a calm conversation with your children.

Ask them how they feel about the situation, and find out what went wrong.

Have a problem-solving discussion about what your children can do going forward to learn more effectively.

I encourage you not to use your parental power to demand an explanation or demand that they get a better grade the next time around.

And definitely don’t blame the entire situation on them. If you do that, they’ll become defensive and the conversation will get nowhere.

You may need to set new rules and boundaries for your children, but it’s usually best to go through this process together with them.

6. Teach them how to fail

Failure is an unavoidable and integral part of life.

The sooner we learn to cope with it in all kinds of situations, the better.

If your children learn to cope with their failures early on, they’ll be more equipped when it matters most.

So refrain from coming to their rescue every time, even when you notice that they’re definitely not doing what they ought to prepare for a test.

If they know that you’ll always be there to remind them and keep them on track, they’ll start to rely on you too much.

This isn’t healthy, because their education is their responsibility, not yours.

The goal is to be there to support and encourage them, not to do the things they should be doing themselves.

And if they falter, don’t go down the “I told you so” route. There’s no point kicking them when they’re down.

Instead, use the approach described in Tip #5.

7. Focus on the positives

Positive

Given that you’re reading this article, there are probably a lot of negatives that you could focus on, such as:

  • Your children don’t enjoy learning
  • They’re not motivated
  • They’re not managing their time well
  • They’re not performing well in school
  • They don’t have a positive attitude
  • They don’t display resilience
  • They lack concentration

But this is precisely why you must refocus on the positives.

The more nagging and lecturing you do, the more likely it is that a power struggle will ensue. As a result, they’ll be unlikely to adopt a positive learning attitude.

If they aren’t performing well in school, focus on the concepts they’ve been mastering.

Focus on the areas in life in which they’ve been making progress, instead of harping too much on their shortcomings.

8. Talk to your children’s teachers

If you notice that your efforts aren’t making much headway, it might be time to talk to your children’s teachers again.

While you know your children well in a home setting, it’s hard to tell what they’re like in school.

Their teachers may be able to provide some insights and tell you what they’ve been observing about your children.

Go into the meeting with an open mind, and be ready to hear some unpleasant comments about your children.

Maybe they’ve been exhibiting behaviours in school that you’ve never seen at home?

In consultation with the teachers, develop an action plan to help your children going forward.

9. Don’t focus too much on school and grades

A+ grade

You don’t want to be a helicopter parent who’s obsessed with your children’s grades, how they’re doing in school, how much time they’re spending studying, and what they’ve been learning.

While doing well in school is important, there’s more to life than school.

Perhaps your children have other talents and inclinations?

Perhaps they have dreams and ambitions that don’t involve them going to university?

If you find your children getting annoyed because they feel as if you focus too much on school and grades, then give them some space.

If not, the relationship will be damaged. This will make it even less likely that your children will become self-motivated.

Conclusion

If your children dislike studying, try implementing the tips we’ve discussed in this article.

But before you do that, get to the root of the problem. If you don’t, all your efforts will be wasted.

And always remember that you’re there to support your children. As they get older, you’ll be more of a coach and consultant to them – you’re not meant to run their life as a micromanager.

If you keep this in mind, I’m confident that they’ll make excellent progress over time!

Julia Robson is a mother of two girls, and the doggie mum of two Labradors. She is a writer, a runner, and a passionate advocate for a child’s right to be themselves. She blogs on Medium while trying to find the time to set up her own blog.

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7 Ways to Support Your Child’s Mental Health

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 3 Comments

Mental health

Note from Daniel: This is a guest post by John Lim.

When I was 2, my sister was born.

I reacted to her birth by hiding in my toy car the whole night and refusing to come out.

Why?

Because I was jealous of all the attention that my sister was getting. I felt sad that no one seemed to care about me.

It doesn’t matter if your child is 2 or 22 – it can sometimes be hard for him to express how he feels.

As a parent, this can be challenging and frustrating for you.

After all, how can you support your child’s mental health if he doesn’t talk about how he feels?

Mental health isn’t just about psychological and emotional problems. It’s also about psychological and emotional well-being.

So in this article, we’ll focus on the positive aspects of your child’s mental health – resilience, optimism, and well-being.

Here are 7 tips that I trust you’ll find useful.

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1. Understand the signs that your child is struggling.

Struggling

Train yourself to be attuned to your child’s emotional needs.

Every child exhibits different signs when they’re struggling. For example, when I struggled emotionally as a child, I became quiet. I wouldn’t say a word to anyone about my problems.

Over time, my parents noticed that whenever I was quiet, something was probably wrong.

They would then give me the space I needed to work through the problem.

Knowing what signs your child exhibits when she’s going through a hard time is a good way to understand her better.

Here are some of the common signs:

  • Your child isn’t as talkative as she used to be.
  • Your child is more withdrawn.
  • Your child doesn’t want to spend time with her friends.
  • Your child frequently says that he or she hates school.
  • Your child isn’t excited by the things that used to bring her joy, e.g. games, sports, music, art, reading, family outings.
  • Your child’s mood fluctuates. One moment, she might be angry or explosive, then a short while later she might be sad or distressed.
  • Your child is hyperactive and has trouble focusing on any given task (which are signs of ADHD).

To understand your child better, ask yourself these questions:

  • When was the last time she struggled psychologically and emotionally?
  • How did she behave during that period of time?
  • What did I do that helped the situation?
  • How did she respond to my help?

2. Spend quality time with your child.

Quality time

There are no shortcuts. If you want to understand your child, you need to spend time with him.

In Carl Honoré’s In Praise of Slow, he talks about how his life was transformed one night when he was reading bedtime stories to his child.

The title of the book was One-Minute Bedtime Stories.

He realised that in his pursuit of being more productive and getting more done, he had treated time with his child as just another task he had to complete.

Hence the bedtime stories that each took only one minute to read.

Like most parents, you’re probably really busy. But ask yourself this question: “Why am I so busy?”

Yes, you’re busy working hard to provide for your family. But if you can’t spend any quality time with your child, is there a point to your busyness?

I encourage you to organise an outing with your child. Go for a hike or have a meal. Play a board game.

The point is to be intentional about it.

Here are some tips that you might find helpful:

  • Schedule in regular family meals.

Be serious about having meals together as a family. If you don’t put it in your calendar, it’s probably not going to happen.

Treat family mealtimes as sacred. Don’t let anything get in the way of you being present for these meals.

  • Set fixed boundaries related to work and family.

Have you ever checked the time at work and thought to yourself: “It’s 6 p.m. already?! I haven’t got enough work done for the day!”

At these moments, you have a choice.

You can carry on with your work, or you can shut down your computer and go home to be with your family.

Being with your family means being physically and emotionally present.

After all, work is infinite – there’s always more work you could do, no matter how much work you do today.

On the other hand, time is finite. If you don’t make time to spend with your children now, before you know it they’ll be all grown up.

  • Put your phone away.

When I’m out with my family for dinner, I leave my phone at home. That’s because I want to give them the attention they deserve.

You might think that leaving your phone at home sounds extreme. But I encourage you to give it a try – you might just decide that you’ll make it a habit.

And when you’re with your children, put your phone on airplane mode. This way, you won’t get distracted by messages, calls or notifications.

At the end of the day, you need to ask yourself: “How important are my children to me?”

If they’re important to you, make time to build a stronger relationship with them.

3. Be with your child; don’t do for your child.

Mother and daughter

Your child may be your child.

But she’s also growing up. She’s figuring out how to do things on her own. She’s gaining a sense of independence and autonomy.

If your child is going through a rough time, it might be tempting for you to jump in and fix the problem.

But this won’t be beneficial for your child’s mental health in the long run.

Mental health is like a muscle that’s built over time. Helping your child today won’t always help your child tomorrow.

Instead, let her try to resolve the problem herself. This will help her grow in her ability to bounce back from setbacks.

For example, if your child fails a test, don’t ask the teacher why his grading was so strict.

Instead, ask your child what she learned from the experience, and understand her feelings about the situation. Help her to decide what she can do differently next time.

In general, before taking any action, talk to your child and understand her perspective on the situation. Tell her that you’re there for her.

It’s vital that you show her that you’ll give her all the support she needs.

But it’s even more vital that you stop yourself from fixing the problem for her.

4. Model for your child emotional first aid

First aid kit

When you fall down and get a cut, you put on a bandage.

When you suffer a cut emotionally, do you have the emotional equivalent of a bandage?

Your child suffers emotional cuts when…

  • He fails an exam he studied hard for.
  • He gets betrayed by his friends.
  • He doesn’t make it to the basketball team because he isn’t good enough.
  • He gets scolded harshly by his teacher in front of the whole class.

Clinical psychologist Guy Winch coined the term “emotional first aid”.

He notes that “whilst every household has a medicine cabinet full of bandages, ointments and pain relievers for treating basic physical maladies, we have no such medicine cabinet for the minor psychological injuries we sustain in daily life”.

You can enable your child to build an emotional first-aid kit to help himself when things go wrong.

You can also teach him strategies for self-care on days when nothing seems to be going his way.

Here are some tips that I recommend:

  • Encourage your child to talk to someone when he’s going through a tough time.
  • Ask him to write a letter of love to himself. This letter will celebrate his positive qualities and traits.
  • Encourage him to draw or sketch something.
  • If he likes writing, give him a diary so he can record his thoughts and feelings.
  • Encourage him to spend some time in nature.

More importantly, model emotional first aid for your child.

Over dinner, you might share with him about the hard day you had at work and how you felt.

Don’t just talk about what you did to work through the challenges; talk about how you felt too. This will expand your child’s capacity to empathise and to label his own emotions.

You can also adopt healthy habits like regular exercise, getting enough sleep, reading for leisure, etc. to show your child how you improve your own mental well-being.

5. Share your emotions with your child.

Father and son

To improve your child’s emotional well-being, she needs to be able to identify the emotions that she feels.

This means it’s crucial that – in your family – you go beyond only saying that you feel bad or okay or good.

Increasing the range of vocabulary your child uses to describe her emotions will enable her to better express her feelings.

How can you help your child to increase her range of emotional vocabulary?

I recommend playing a game called “Feelings Scrabble”.

Here’s how the game works.

First, ask your child to say any word that’s related to an emotion. Ask her to explain what the word means, and to share an example of a time when she felt that way.

For example, she might say, “Sad.” Then, you can ask her to share what “sad” means to her and talk about an incident where she felt sad.

Next, it’s your turn to do the same thing. Try using less common words like “shame”, “amusement”, “desperate”, “horrified”, “disturbed”, etc.

In addition, you can increase your child’s emotional vocabulary by talking about your day and how you felt at various points during the day.

I’m not saying that you should be talking about your feelings all the time. But it’s important to show your child that it’s okay to talk about her feelings, and that sometimes it’s okay to not be okay.

What’s not okay is bottling up everything inside you, pretending that everything is fine.

6. Thank your child.

Thank you

My mother loves to cook for the family.

When my siblings and I were younger, my mother would often write instructions about what we should do for lunch when we got back from school.

She would write a note and put it on the fridge that said something like this:

There’s fish in the container and there’s rice in the pot. Please heat up the food before eating and wash the dishes after your meal. Thanks for doing the washing and eating.

In hindsight, this sounds strange to me.

I mean…  shouldn’t it have been expected that my siblings and I wash the dishes after the meal? Why should my mother have needed to thank us for doing something so basic?

But now I appreciate that my mother did this.

You might feel weird about showing appreciation toward your child. But thanking your child for the things he does shows him that you don’t take these things for granted.

It helps him to build his self-esteem and self-confidence too, so don’t shy away from frequently expressing genuine appreciation.

7. Write a letter to your child.

Letter

I didn’t do too well for the A-Levels, a major exam I took when I was 18. In fact, the grades for my four main A-Level subjects spelt BBAD.

To me, those were indeed BAD grades!

I was disappointed because I had always wanted to be a doctor. But with those grades, that dream wasn’t going to be realised.

I stopped talking to my parents for some time because I didn’t know how to answer their questions related to my plans for university.

Then one night, I saw a handwritten letter on my desk.

It was from my dad, who encouraged me not to give up. To keep trying. To know that he would always support me no matter what.

That letter meant the world to me!

Sometimes, it might be hard for you to convey your heartfelt emotions to your child face to face. You can try writing a letter to her instead.

Be honest about your feelings regarding what she’s going through.  Empathise with her. Let her know that you’ll always be there for her.

Most importantly, celebrate her admirable qualities – not her achievements, but her qualities.

Let her know how much she means to you. Tell her why she’s unique and special.

Celebrate her for who she is, not who you want her to be.

For example, you might write:

Dear Jane,

[State your observation]

Lately, I’ve noticed that you seem quieter than usual. You’ve been coming home later, and your teacher has also told me that you’ve been skipping classes.

[Share how you feel]

I’m worried for you because I don’t know what might happen to you when you stay out so late. I’m also afraid that you might end up being expelled from school.

[Talk about why you’re writing the letter]

I might not fully understand how you feel. But I want you to know that I’m here for you. I also want to use this opportunity to celebrate your qualities, and to tell you how much I love you.

[Celebrate your child’s qualities]

Jane, I admire how you’re so compassionate. It inspires me to see you volunteering to help people with intellectual disabilities. You’ve helped so many of them to lead richer and more fulfilling lives.

I also admire how sacrificial you are when it comes to how you spend your time and what you’re willing to do for your friends and family.

Your heart of service and love is something that stirs me to lead a life that’s focused on the needs of others.

[End by sharing that you’re there for your child]

I love you deeply. You’re my precious daughter, and you’ve always mattered so much to me. If there’s anything I can do to support you better, please let me know.

Love,
Dad

You might not notice an immediate change in your child after you give her this letter.

That’s okay. Don’t expect things to change right away.

But at least your child knows that you’re there for her, and that your love for her is unconditional.

And, for now, that’s enough.

Conclusion

Family

Supporting your child’s mental health isn’t only about focusing on the “problematic” aspects like anxiety, fear, and depression.

It’s also about fostering positive aspects like resilience, optimism, and well-being.

It’s vital that you remind yourself of this truth, as stated by Robert Moorehead: “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”

Your child is a gift. A blessing. Someone who – despite the challenges along the parenting journey – takes your breath away.

Remember those moments when you laughed or cried together?

It’s easy to forget those moments, especially when your child is rebellious, angry, stubborn, or disrespectful. But never lose that sense of wonder.

Be with your child. Listen to him. Connect with him.

After all, to support your child’s mental health, it’s connection that matters most.

So invest the time to build and strengthen that connection today!

John Lim is a social worker in Singapore. He was nominated as the Student Social Worker of the Year while he was studying in England. He loves working with young people to help them understand their emotions better. He writes regularly about mental health issues here.

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30 Ways to Deal With an Entitled Teenager (And Encourage Gratitude Instead)

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 13 Comments

Gratitude in ChildrenNote from Daniel: This is a guest post by Veronica Wallace.

Many parents are confused about how to deal with an entitled teenager.

They also fear that their teenager doesn’t appreciate what he or she has.

Entitlement is the opposite of gratitude.

When teenagers feel entitled, they become upset and throw tantrums when they don’t get what they feel they deserve.

But when their lives are filled with gratitude, they express appreciation for the many good things they know they don’t deserve at all.

Here are 30 ways to fight entitlement and develop gratitude in your teenagers.

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How to deal with entitled teenagers

As a parent, there’s a lot you can do to fight entitlement and develop gratitude in your teenagers.

Try some of these strategies with your children and watch their perspectives begin to change.

1. Don’t just make your teens say “please” and “thank you”; explain to them why it’s important to do so sincerely

Many teens say “please” and “thank you” without sincerity.

They say it out of politeness, because their parents have trained them to use these “magic” words.

But warmth and sincerity matter more than politeness.

Encourage your children to say “please” and “thank you”, and explain to them how these words must come from a place of genuine gratitude.

Only when your children mean it each time will they cultivate a spirit of thankfulness.

2. Expect more from your teens

When you don’t expect anything of your children, they’ll expect everything of you.

Continuing to do everything for them is not how to deal with entitled teenagers.

Needing to earn something and being grateful to others for what you’ve earned is key.

Chores and responsibilities are powerful tools that will prevent your children from becoming entitled.

3. Establish boundaries

Creating boundaries is essential so that your teens understand that resources aren’t infinite.

Work with your children to establish boundaries related to spending, responsibilities, electronic devices, etc.

Show your children how you establish boundaries in your own life too.

4. Give your teens privileges that are tied to demonstrated responsibility

Parent and teen

As far as possible, tie new privileges to demonstrated responsibility.

This will enable your teens to understand that they’ll reap what they sow.

For example, when your children keep to their curfew timing consistently for one month, their curfew timing could be extended by 15 minutes the following month.

5. Try role-playing with your teens

Teenagers who have not been practising gratitude may have a hard time expressing it when the opportunity presents itself.

To deal with entitled teenagers, help them learn how and when to express gratitude.

Role-playing scenarios in which your children could express gratitude will help them to turn gratitude into a habit.

6. Reduce the abundance in your home

One of my biggest tips for parenting teens and tackling entitlement is to remove abundance at home.

Teens who have less tend to be more grateful for what they have.

That’s why you don’t see many picky eaters around when food is scarce.

Be careful not to spoil your children by giving them whatever they want – a lack of abundance will help them to be grateful for what they have.

Reducing the abundance in your home will mean that you’ll need to make sacrifices too. But these sacrifices will be worth it when you observe your children becoming less entitled.

7. Explain the difference between wants and needs

Your children might want ice cream, but they need to eat balanced meals if they want to grow up healthy.

Help them understand the difference between wants and needs in various areas of life. As time goes by, they’ll be more appreciative whenever they get something they want (but don’t need).

8. Believe that your teens can change

BelieveMany parents have already decided that their teens are spoiled and entitled.

So every instance where their children behave in a way that seems mildly entitled confirms this belief.

Over time, these parents give up trying to fight the teenage entitlement mentality.

If you want your children to become more grateful, you must believe that change is possible.

Keep your eyes open to observe any progress that your children are making as you apply the tips in this article.

9. Model the desired behaviour for your teens

Thinking about how to deal with teenage attitude and entitled behaviour includes analysing your own behaviour.

Like it or not, your children will emulate you.

They’ll also be quick to point it out if they think you’re being hypocritical.

So take a good look in the mirror to evaluate the levels of entitlement vs. gratitude in your own life.

How often do you act entitled? How often do you express gratitude? Do you complain a lot?

Change your own behaviour and attitude, and you’ll see a change in your children.

10. Encourage your teens to keep a journal

Journalling is an excellent way to learn about your feelings and cultivate mindfulness.

Encourage your children to journal every day or week about the things they’re grateful for and the life lessons they’re learning.

Of course, if you encourage your children to do this, then you should do it too!

11. Distinguish between owed and given

Teenagers may think that they’re owed everything.

Have conversations with your teens about what they deserve and what they’ve received because of the love and generosity of others.

12. Serve others as a family

Serving others is one of the best ways to deal with entitled teenagers and children.

Be the kind of person who goes out of his or her way to help others out. Encourage your children to do the same.

Talk about why serving others is a crucial part of life, and serve others together as a family.

As Sir Winston Churchill once said, “We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”

13. Perform random acts of kindness

Kindness

Do something nice for a family member, a friend, or even a stranger.

Get your teens involved in performing these random acts of kindness too.

It’s impossible for your children to become kinder without also becoming less entitled.

If you’re not used to performing such acts of kindness, it will feel strange at the start. So be sure to begin by taking tiny steps!

14. Talk about money and how much things cost

Teens sometimes think ATMs are magical machines that dispense money.

Providing opportunities to learn about the value of money is essential when dealing with entitled teenagers.

Explain to your children how much various things cost, e.g. groceries, electronic devices, restaurant meals, cars, houses.

Talk to them about the dangers of accumulating credit card debt, and explain to them how you’re being intentional about living within your means.

Teach them to ask the question, “Can I afford it?” But teach them that it’s even more important to ask the question, “Do I need it?”

After all, just because we can afford something doesn’t mean that we need to have it.

15. Create gratitude rituals

When dealing with entitled teenagers, put more opportunities in place to practise gratitude.

For example, once or twice a week before a family meal, you can go around the table and ask every family member to share one thing they’re thankful for.

16. Don’t lecture or nag your teens about gratitude

Instead of lecturing or nagging, have casual family discussions about gratitude whenever relevant situations arise.

Gratitude is a value that must be both taught and “caught” – caught through the day-to-day interactions within the family.

17. Talk about things in the past that you’re grateful for

It’s helpful if you occasionally talk to your children about things in the past that you’re thankful for – even things that seemed bad at the time.

For example, you might be grateful that you didn’t get your initial dream job, because the setback propelled you down an even more meaningful career path.

There are even cancer patients who talk about receiving the “gift” of cancer.

They call it a gift because it taught them to live more intentionally and purposefully.

18. Teach your teens to practise mindfulness

Mindfulness

Mindfulness allows your teens to fully experience their own emotions and to become more self-aware.

In turn, this fosters gratitude.

Performing deep breathing exercises and focusing on doing just one activity at a time (e.g. eating a meal alone without doing anything else like using your phone) can help to develop the mindfulness habit.

19. Ask your teens open-ended questions

To better understand how and what your children are feeling, ask them open-ended questions.

This will enable you to have meaningful discussions with them about what gratitude is and how to cultivate it.

20. Develop a family culture of empathy

Building empathy is a great way to deal with entitled teenagers.

Help your children to put themselves in other people’s shoes.

Ask them about why they think other people reacted the way they did in various situations.

The more often they try to empathise with others, the better they’ll understand the feelings of others.

Empathy and compassion are wonderful tools that enable gratitude to flourish.

21. Limit screen time

Screen time

When teenagers indulge in screen time, their focus is largely on themselves.

During screen time, these are the typical questions that they’re asking themselves:

  • What fun do I want to have?
  • Which apps are the most entertaining to me?
  • What videos do I want to watch?
  • What should I post on social media?
  • Which games do I feel like playing?

Of course, screen time isn’t all bad. But you can see how it promotes self-centred thinking.

In contrast, empathy, compassion and gratitude are focused on others.

So it’s important that you have a family discussion about setting limits for screen time for everyone in the family – including you!

If you show that you’re intentional about limiting your own screen time, your children will be more open to having limits on their screen time too.

22. Help your teens to develop a growth mindset

A growth mindset is one that’s focused on the process and on learning from both your successes and failures.

A growth mindset for students is instrumental in developing the right kind of motivation. As your children begin to see every challenge as an opportunity, they’ll become more thankful for the obstacles in their path.

23. Be charitable

Donate to charities and volunteer on a regular basis.

Involve your teens in these activities, so that they’ll be exposed to the many needs that exist in society.

As a result, they’ll become more compassionate and less entitled.

24. Live a life of love

Be a person who is always showing love toward others.

Gratitude is a key component of love, and vice versa. One can’t exist fully without the other.

In practical ways, show love and concern for your family, your friends, and strangers.

The more love your family shows toward others, the more gratitude you and your children will express.

25. Empower your teens to become independent

Independent

When your teens are dependent on you for almost everything, they’ll feel entitled to everything they get.

If teens are too dependent on their parents, they feel powerless yet entitled. This is a bad combination.

Let go of the reins bit by bit.

Allow your children to gain confidence as they make more decisions, and take full responsibility for those decisions.

The more problem-solving abilities they develop and the more mature they become, the more they’ll appreciate the resources they have access to.

26. Do things that require more time and effort, and less money

When your teens see you spending money, it can often seem too easy to them.

By tapping a few times on your phone or swiping your credit card at a store – just like that, you’ve made a purchase.

Your children don’t see the hard work that went into earning the money that you’re spending.

This disconnect subconsciously breeds a sense of entitlement in your children.

Entitled teenagers continue to expect rewards even when they’ve only put in minimal effort.

That’s why it’s better to do things that require more time and effort, and less money, whenever possible.

When your children see the effort that goes into organising a camping trip or helping a neighbour move to a new home, they’ll understand the value of hard work.

Over time, as they develop a stronger work ethic, they’ll become more grateful.

After all, have you ever met someone with a strong work ethic and a positive attitude who was also entitled?

27. Find a mentor for your teens

It can sometimes be difficult to discuss issues related to entitlement and gratitude with your teens.

That’s why it’s beneficial for your teens to have a mentor.

Teenagers are far more likely to thrive when they have a mentor or coach.

A mentor can help your children to reflect on their weaknesses and develop a more holistic perspective. This is essential in order for them to mature and grow.

28. Write thank-you notes

Thank you

Nowadays, it’s rare for people to send handwritten thank-you notes.

Be one of those people who does it. It’s a thoughtful gesture that doesn’t take much time.

Encourage your children to write thank-you notes to their teachers and friends at the end of each semester, or whenever the opportunity arises.

29. Experiment

There are many recommendations listed in this article.

Try out a few of these methods at a time and see which ones work best for you and your family.

The more consistent you are about experimenting with the tips, the greater success you’ll see.

30. Start small

Don’t try to implement all of these tips at once – that would be too overwhelming for both you and your teens.

Start small and be patient. Write down and track exactly which tips you’re implementing each week.

Day by day, you’ll observe positive changes in your children as you develop a family culture of gratitude.

Encouraging gratitude in entitled teens is an ongoing process

Cultivating a spirit of gratitude is a lifelong process.

There are times when all of us could be more grateful and less entitled.

Through the process of teaching your teens about gratitude, you’ll sometimes feel frustrated.

When this happens, remind yourself of how thankful you are to be a parent, to have the daily opportunity to lead and empower your children.

Being a parent is challenging, but it’s also a privilege.

This is a privilege to be grateful for! 🙂

Veronica Wallace is a childhood educator, writer and blogging enthusiast. She loves applying her knowledge of writing to new content pieces.

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The Complete List of 23 Best Memory Techniques for Studying

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 86 Comments

Best memory techniques for students

To do well in school, you need to know how to use your memory well.

Top students use a variety of memory techniques and tools to memorise information and recall it quickly during exams.

Of course, memory isn’t a substitute for understanding.

You’ll need to understand the topics you’re studying, if not you won’t be able to perform well.

But there are many techniques that will help you to memorise more of what you study.

Here are 23 of the best memory techniques for students.

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Memory techniques for studying

As you prepare for your next exam, try out a few of the following memory techniques for students.

I’m confident that you’ll find them useful!

1. Use images

The human brain processes images faster than words.

In fact, 90% of the information that our brains process is visual. We also process visual information 60,000 times faster than words.

So it’s no surprise that we remember images better than words.

That’s why turning words or equations into images is an effective memorisation technique.

Take a fact that you want to remember and convert it into an image. But not just any image – try to make the image funny or exaggerated.

The more ridiculous the image, the easier it will be to remember.

For example, to remember that cations are positively charged ions and anions are negatively charged ions, you could…

  • Imagine a cat, and think about the fact that cats have paws. “Paws” reminds you of “positive”, so cations are positively charged.
  • “Anion” kind of sounds like “onion”, and onions can make you cry. Crying is generally considered to be a negative event, so anions are negatively charged.

Here’s another example.

Let’s say that you want to remember that Neil Armstrong was the first human to step on the moon.

You could imagine a man walking on the moon with a nail (“nail” sounds like “Neil”) in his muscular arm (to remind you of the word “Armstrong”).

Images are powerful as a memory technique, because they’ll enable you to retain more information while spending less time studying overall.

2. “Match” information with sounds or letters

Sounds or letters

Sometimes words sound the same or have similar spelling.

And some words are just difficult to spell.

For example, here’s how you can use sounds or letters to remember these facts:

  • “Grey” is used in England, whereas “gray” is used in America
  • “Necessary” has one “c” and two “s’s”, just as a shirt has one collar and two sleeves
  • Stalagmites (a type of rock formation) grow from the ground, while stalactites grow from the ceiling

3. Use acronyms and mnemonics

Acronyms and mnemonics are also useful memory techniques for students.

An acronym is an abbreviation formed from the first letter of a series of words.

For example, PEMDAS is an acronym for remembering the order of operations in math:

  • Parenthesis
  • Exponents
  • Multiplication
  • Division
  • Addition
  • Subtraction

A mnemonic is a short phrase used to remember a rule or a principle, such as “i” before “e” except after “c”.

This mnemonic reminds students that the letter “i” usually comes before “e” when spelling various words – as in “lie,” “belief” and “pie”.

The exception is when “i” comes after “c” – as in “receive” and “ceiling”.

Here’s another example.

My Very Excited Mother Just Served Us Noodles is a mnemonic you can use to remember the order of the eight planets in our solar system:

  • Mercury
  • Venus
  • Earth
  • Mars
  • Jupiter
  • Saturn
  • Uranus
  • Neptune

In addition, “May I have a pillow?” is a mnemonic you can use to memorise the value of pi: 3.1416 (“may” has 3 letters, “I” has 1 letter, and so on).

It also helps that the first two letters of “pillow” form the word “pi”.

4. Create a story

StoryAnother effective memory technique is to build a story around the facts that you’re trying to memorise.

Let’s say that you’re trying to learn the formula for gravitational potential energy (P.E. = mgh).

You could make up a story where you’re having a PE (physical education) class, when suddenly you see your mother (m), grandmother (g) and a horse (h) standing together.

Or maybe you’re trying to memorise the formula E = mc2 .

You could imagine an elephant (E) walking towards a monkey (m) that’s holding a square-shaped cracker (c2).

5. Connect the information to something that you already know well

Research shows that it’s easier to learn something new if you can link it to something you already understand.

For instance, if you’re learning about electricity, you could compare electricity to water using this analogy:

  • Charge = water in a water tank
  • Current = flow of water
  • Voltage = water pressure

This isn’t a perfect analogy, but it will help you to learn concepts related to electricity faster.

Here’s one more example.

Let’s say that you’re learning about Ancient Rome, and you already know a lot about Ancient Greece. You could connect the two areas of knowledge by noting that:

  • Both the Greeks and Romans relied on agriculture as an important part of their economies.
  • The Greeks were eventually governed through democracy, while the Romans were governed through a mixture of democracy, monarchy and oligarchy.
  • The Greeks colonised, while the Romans conquered.
  • The Greeks spoke Greek, while the Romans spoke Latin.

By forming these connections, you’ll retain more of the information you learn about Ancient Rome.

6. Study in different locations

Study in different locations

Many people will tell you to do all of your studying in one place.

The idea is that this will enable you to study more effectively, because you associate learning with that one place.

But research shows that this isn’t always the case.

In a classic experiment, psychologists gave college students a list of 40 words to memorise.

The students memorised the list in two different rooms. One room was windowless and cluttered, while the other room was modern and had a nice view.

These students did far better when they were tested, as compared to other students who studied the same list of words twice, in the same room.

These results have also been observed in other similar experiments.

So why would it aid in memorisation to study the same material in different locations?

Studying the same material in different settings forces the brain to make multiple associations with the material. In other words, the different settings create more “mental scaffolding” that you can “hang” the new material on.

To take advantage of this effect, try changing your studying environment. Do some of your studying at home, some in school, and some at the library.

But remember that for this technique to work, you need to be studying the same material in different locations.

7. Go to sleep after learning something challenging

You probably know that not getting enough sleep will negatively affect your memory. If you’re wondering what things top students do differently, getting enough sleep is certainly one of them.

But did you know that going to sleep shortly after a study session will improve your recall of the material you just studied?

Research shows that students who went to sleep within a few hours of a learning session were better able to remember what they just learned.

So if you need to learn something that’s especially challenging, do it a few hours before you go to sleep.

8. Go for a walk before trying to memorise information

Walk

Exercise is good for both your body and your brain.

In a study conducted by James T. Haynes IV, participants who walked on a treadmill for 15 minutes before the learning period were better able to remember two lists of 15 words.

To take advantage of this memory technique, go for a short walk before listening to a recording of a lecture, studying flashcards, or memorising definitions or equations.

9. Say the information out loud

This technique is based on research conducted at the University of Waterloo.

The research shows that we are more likely to remember information that we have read aloud to ourselves, compared to information that we have only read silently.

This phenomenon is based on what researchers call the “production effect”.

The explanation for this effect is that words read aloud are more distinctive to our brain than words uttered silently. This distinctiveness aids the process of encoding the information in our memory.

So when you want to memorise a certain piece of information, read it out loud.

10. Understand the information fully before you try to memorise it

One common mistake students make is trying to memorise information without understanding it.

This type of rote learning doesn’t work.

It’s difficult to memorise content when you use rote learning. This is because when you don’t understand a topic, you won’t have any mental “pegs” on which to hang the new information.

This goes back to the idea of “mental scaffolding”, a concept that I mentioned earlier.

Let’s look at an example.

The trigger for World War One was the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand by a 19-year old named Gavrilo Princip.

You could try to memorise this fact on its own, but it would be hard to do so.

Imagine if you also learned these related facts:

  • Archduke Franz Ferdinand was assassinated in Sarajevo, the capital of Bosnia
  • Bosnia was a part of the Austro-Hungarian empire
  • Serbia wanted to take control of Bosnia
  • Gavrilo Princip was a Serbian nationalist
  • Austria invaded Serbia because it felt threatened by Serbian nationalism
  • Serbia had a treaty with Russia
  • Austria had a treaty with Germany
  • Russia mobilised its forces to support Serbia, and Germany mobilised its forces to support Austria

These additional facts put the original fact in context. As such, it gives you “pegs” on which to hang the original fact.

Here’s another example.

Let’s say you want to learn Pythagoras’ theorem: in a right-angled triangle, the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides.

If that’s all you learn, it will be difficult to memorise the theorem.

But what if you also learn that – using this theorem – you can find the length of the third side of any right-angled triangle, if you know the lengths of the other two sides?

You’ll then understand why the theorem is useful, which means you’ll find it easier to memorise.

11. Teach other people about what you’ve learned

Teach

Research shows that when people learn material and then teach it to others, their comprehension increases significantly.

So an effective memory technique is to teach others about what you’re learning.

Doing so will increase your comprehension and retention of the material.

Plus, it’s always good to help others and teach them the material if they don’t understand it!

You’ll start to realise that knowledge is meant to be shared and not hoarded, which will increase your motivation to study.

12. Use colours

Colours capture our attention. What’s more, they work as a kind of mental shorthand.

Colours give context to the material you’re studying, and help you to process it more efficiently.

As mentioned earlier, the brain processes visual input – such as colours – 60,000 times faster than text.

This means that when you colour-code information, it allows your brain to pre-process the information before you actually study it.

Here are some tips for using colours to help you to learn better:

  • Colour-code after you’ve taken notes, not while you’re taking notes. (This is because colour-coding while taking notes will interrupt the flow of your study session, and you may also end up overdoing it.)
  • Use highlighters, multi-coloured pens and multi-coloured sticky notes.

Use a consistent colour code across all your subjects and topics.

For example, you might decide to use a system like this:

  • Blue = key fact
  • Green = key explanation
  • Red = key example

Or you might use colour codes for sub-topics like this:

  • Blue = main causes of World War 2
  • Green = main events of World War 2
  • Yellow = main consequences of World War 2

A word of caution: When using colours as a study aid, don’t go overboard. If too much of your study material is coloured or highlighted, you’ll become confused.

13. Write out the information you want to memorise

Write out information

Studies have shown that within two days of hearing or reading new information, we forget 60% of it.

But if we write out the information, our recall increases significantly.

The act of doing this forces us to evaluate and categorise the new information. This process helps to consolidate the new information in our memory.

Of course, it isn’t possible to write out all the information contained in your textbooks – that would take way too much time.

So write out only the key information, equations, definitions, etc. that you need to memorise.

14. Draw tables and diagrams

Many of the memory techniques for students discussed in this article help to create more “mental scaffolding”. This enables you to store new information in your brain more easily.

Another way to add more mental scaffolding is to present the new information in the form of tables, diagrams, and mind maps.

For example, you could draw a simple diagram to explain the carbon cycle.

Or you could draw a Venn diagram to compare the characteristics of birds and bats.

Or you could draw a mind map to illustrate the causes of the Second World War.

By using tables, diagrams, and mind maps, you’ll remember the concepts faster as compared to if you just tried to memorise chunks of text.

15. Whenever possible, use hard-to-read fonts

Fonts

Princeton University and Indiana University researchers discovered an interesting effect. Test subjects had better recall when the information was presented to them in hard-to-read fonts.

One explanation for this is that hard-to-read fonts (like Comic Sans MS) make us think about what we’re reading more deeply. This is in comparison to easy-to-read fonts (like Arial).

But the researchers noted that there are limits to this effect.

As fonts become exceedingly difficult to read, the benefits for information recall begin to diminish.

16. Memorise lists with the rhyming peg-word system

You can use this technique to memorise a list of items.

In the rhyming peg-word system, each number is linked to a noun that rhymes with it.

For example:

  1. = Bun
  2. = Shoe
  3. = Tree
  4. = Door
  5. = Hive
  6. = Sticks
  7. = Heaven
  8. = Gate
  9. = Wine
  10. = Pen

Once you’ve memorised these associations, you can then link the noun to an item in a list that you want to memorise.

For example, let’s say that you want to memorise three elements in the periodic table: hydrogen, oxygen and carbon.

Create an image in your mind that links each of the items with the noun from the list above:

  1. Hydrogen: Imagine a bun tied to a balloon that’s filled with hydrogen.
  2. Oxygen: Imagine an oxygen tank falling on someone’s shoe.
  3. Carbon: Imagine a tree soaking up carbon from the ground and the air.

17. Apply the method of loci (memory palace)

Legend has it that the Greek poet Simonides invented the method of loci, also known as the “memory palace”.

Simonides was attending a dinner banquet when the building suddenly collapsed. He was the only survivor.

The bodies were crushed beyond recognition. But Simonides was able to identify the bodies by remembering where each person had been sitting.

He later realised that this technique – of associating information with places (or loci) – could be used to memorise all kinds of information.

Here’s how to use the technique.

Let’s say you have a list of 10 grocery items that you want to memorise:

  • Bananas
  • Milk
  • Cooking oil
  • Fish
  • Broccoli
  • Peanuts
  • Apples
  • Curry powder
  • Eggs
  • Coffee beans

Visualise yourself opening the front door of your house and realising that the doorknob is actually a banana.

Then imagine that as you open the door, a flood of milk comes pouring out of the house.

You walk down the hall into the kitchen and find that the kitchen table is covered in cooking oil.

Then you see a large fish in the kitchen sink.

Next, you look out the window and see broccoli growing in your garden.

And so on.

You can use the method of loci to remember items, points that you want to cover in a presentation, or tasks that you need to complete.

18. Practise active recall

Active recall

Active recall is a memory technique that takes advantage of what is known as the “testing effect”.

This is the tendency for your memory to improve when you devote some of your learning to retrieving the information in an active way.

Active recall is vastly different from passive recall.

In passive recall, you learn the material in a passive way, e.g. reading notes, listening to an audio recording of a lecture, watching a video about a science concept.

In contrast, in active recall you practise retrieving the information.

You can do this by answering questions about the material or taking quizzes and tests. You can also try the Feynman technique.

Passive recall is a necessary part of learning, but I recommend that the majority of your learning consist of active recall.

19. Make flashcards

Flashcards are a popular study tool.

If you’re already using flashcards, are you using them in the right way?

Here’s a technique for getting the most out of flashcards.

  1. On the front of the card, write the term, concept, word or name of the equation that you want to learn.
  2. On the back of the card, at the top left corner, write the explanation, definition or full equation. As far as possible, use your own words.
  3. At the top right corner, write the category or topic that the term belongs to. If it’s a vocabulary word, you could write the type of word it is, e.g. noun, verb, adjective. If it’s a concept or an event in history, write the topic or upper-level category that it belongs to.
  4. At the bottom left corner, write a sentence or example that contains the term.
  5. At the bottom right corner, draw a picture, diagram or graph that represents the term.

Not all the steps listed above will be applicable in every single situation.

But it’s a good practice to apply as many of the steps as you can, because this will aid your learning.

Here’s an example.

Let’s say that you want to learn about π, the mathematical constant.

  1. On the front of the card, write “π”.
  2. On the back of the card, at the top left corner, write “π = 3.1416″.
  3. At the top right corner, write “mathematical constant”.
  4. At the bottom left corner, write “circumference of a circle = 2πr = πd”.
  5. At the bottom right corner, draw a diagram of a circle and indicate the radius, diameter and circumference of the circle.

When you’re studying, keep a stack of blank flashcards next to you.

Every time you come across a term or concept that you want to memorise, write it down on the front of the flashcard.

Later, when you’re done reading the set of notes, take each of these flashcards and complete the steps outlined above (i.e. steps 2 to 5).

Study your flashcards at regular intervals. Read what’s written on the front of the flashcard, and then see if you can recall what’s written on the back of the flashcard.

By doing this, you’d be applying the principle of active recall, which we discussed in the previous tip.

20. Use chunking to make the information more memorable

Chunking is a memory technique where you break down a topic into sub-topics, or a list of items into smaller groups of items.

Chunking makes the information easier to memorise.

Here’s a simple example.

Let’s say you have a shopping list that contains the following items:

  • Corn
  • Broccoli
  • Cooking oil
  • Cucumber
  • Ketchup
  • Watermelon
  • Flour
  • Rice
  • Coconut milk

You could chunk this list down into four sub-lists based on colour:

Yellow items

  • Corn
  • Cooking oil

Red items

  • Red capsicum
  • Ketchup

White items

  • Flour
  • Rice
  • Coconut milk

Green items

  • Cucumber
  • Broccoli

It will be much easier for you to remember the items on your shopping list because they’re organised according to colour.

Here’s an example that’s more applicable to students.

You might be trying to memorise the names of the presidents of the United States.

You could chunk the list down by dividing it into five sub-lists, comprising presidents from different periods of US history:

  • American Revolution to the end of the Civil War
  • End of the Civil War to the start of WWI
  • Start of WWI to the end of WWII
  • Cold War era
  • Post-Cold War era

In these two examples, the principle is the same. You make the information easier to memorise by categorising it into different groups.

This approach provides the neural scaffolding that will enable you to recall the information later on.

21. Use as many of your senses as possible

5 senses

Have you ever encountered a smell or heard a song that took you back a couple of years to another place?

If so, you’ll understand that your senses play a key role in how we encode memories.

The idea that sensory stimuli like touch, sight, and sound can aid in learning is the basis of the renowned Montessori Method.

The more senses you engage in the learning process, the better you’ll remember the information.

For example, you could use pictures and graphics to summarise key concepts.

You could also play calming classical music during your study sessions, because this has been shown to improve learning.

In addition, you could try out various forms of hands-on learning – such as building models – to enhance your memory too.

22. Review the information using spaced repetition

In the spaced repetition system, students review the same information at increasing intervals over time.

Studies have shown that spaced repetition causes more information to be encoded into long-term memory, as compared to “cramming”.

To implement this tip, try studying the same material over short sessions, separated by intervals that get longer over time.

For example, you could do the first review within a day of learning the new information, then the next review could be three days later, then one week later, then three weeks later, etc.

This might sound tedious, but it will save you many, many hours in the long run!

23. “Mix up” topics through interleaving

Interleaving

Interleaving is a technique that involves learning different related skills or types of knowledge over the course of an hour or longer.

The opposite of interleaving is called “blocking”.

This is where students master one skill or area of knowledge before progressing to the next.

For example, someone who is learning how to play basketball using the blocking approach might focus only on dribbling.

Only after he has mastered dribbling will he move on to learn how to perform a chest pass. And only after he has mastered the chest pass will he move on to learn how to perform a bounce pass.

In blocking, you’d learn Skill A before Skill B, and Skill B before Skill C.

But in interleaving, you’d learn different skills or types of knowledge concurrently – or almost concurrently.

For example, in interleaving, the same basketball player might perform 15 minutes of dribbling drills, followed by 15 minutes of chest pass drills, followed by 15 minutes of bounce pass drills.

This cycle might be repeated 2 to 3 times over the course of a training session.

For many years, educators believed that blocking was the best way to study. But recent research has shown that interleaving produces far better outcomes.

In one study, interleaving resulted in a 25% to 76% improvement in learning.

To take advantage of this memorisation technique, try to mix up your study topics within a given subject over the course of a study session.

For example, if you’re learning geometry, don’t just practise questions related to circle geometry. Do some questions on circles, then some questions on triangles, then some questions on quadrilaterals.

By doing a mixture of somewhat related questions, your overall understanding and recall will improve.

Which memory techniques will you try first?

I know… in this article I’ve discussed a lot of memory techniques for students to use.

There are definitely too many for you to use all of them at once!

I encourage you to go through the list once more and pick out 2 to 3 techniques that you feel would be most beneficial for you.

Once you’ve used those 2 to 3 techniques consistently for several weeks, go back to the list and choose another 2 to 3 to put into practice.

Over time, I’m confident that you’ll see a huge improvement in your ability to recall information – and I’m sure you’ll start to get better grades too!

(Try some of these test-taking strategies to help you maintain your composure during exams.)

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