Children Archives - Page 2 of 3

Parents, Stop Telling Your Kids to Study Hard for Their Own Good (And What to Do Instead)

Updated on March 19, 2021 By Daniel Wong 43 Comments

Yes, it is for your kids’ own good that they study hard.

But you shouldn’t tell them that.

Why not?

Because if you do, they’ll be less likely to study hard.

(I’ve spoken to and worked with more than 20,000 students, so I say this with confidence.)

In this article, I’ll provide an explanation.

I’ll also share three tips to help your kids develop intrinsic motivation.

Don’t expect your kids to get an education in school

This might sound strange, so hear me out.

We live in a world where knowledge abounds.

It’s incredible that most of this knowledge is available for free online – you just have to seek it out.

A couple of decades ago, to get an education you had almost no choice but to attend school.

But today, you can take courses on Khan Academy, Coursera, Udacity, Udemy, and other websites.

If you’re diligent about taking these courses, you’d acquire more skills and knowledge than you would in almost any traditional school.

This means that, over time, the diplomas and degrees that schools give out will matter less.

It also means that students shouldn’t go to school expecting to get an education. Rather, school should form just one part of a student’s education.

In the future, diplomas and degrees won’t be the ticket to a well-paying job and a comfortable life. (This is already starting to be the case.)

But for now, such certificates still matter.

Statistics show that students who perform better in school are more likely to get jobs that pay better.

And students who study hard are obviously more likely to perform well in school.

Which means that if you want to motivate your kids, you should tell them to work hard in school for their own benefit, right?

Wrong.

Allow me to explain.

3 reasons it’s ineffective to tell your kids to study hard for their own good

Reason #1: Students today aren’t hungry for a “better life”

In developed countries today, most children and teenagers have more material things than they need.

More toys than they need.

More shoes than they need.

More clothes than they need.

More electronic devices than they need.

In contrast, one or two generations ago, most people experienced real hardship.

For example, my parents and grandparents grew up with far less (materially speaking) than I did.

From an early age, it was obvious to my parents that if they wanted to have a more comfortable life in the future, they needed to work hard in school.

Their teachers and parents told them that education was the key to success – and in that era, it was true. [Read more…]

10 Ways That Parents Can Help Teens Get Enough Sleep

Updated on February 22, 2021 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Note from Daniel: This is a guest post by Sarah Cummings.

Does your teen get enough sleep?

Probably not.

Scientists recommend that teens get more sleep per night than adults, but many of them get less.

In fact, around 85% of teens are sleep deprived.

As parents, we should take this fact seriously, because sleep is important for physical health, brain function and learning.

So here are 10 tips for parents to help teens get a better night’s sleep…

1. Respect your teens’ different rhythms

Teens experience a shift in their circadian rhythms, because of a delayed release of melatonin compared to adults.

Because of this shift, they may not get sleepy until later than you do.

Based on their natural circadian rhythm, they might not go to bed until midnight. If they get the full dose of their recommended hours in, this will cause them to sleep in until 9 am or 10 am.

Of course, this sleep schedule doesn’t work during school days. So they’ll need to shift their sleep schedule gradually – which is what we’ll talk about next.

2. Establish a routine

Talk to your teens and create a routine that you’re both agreeable to.

If your teens are sleeping too late on school nights, the changes need to be made little by little.

If they’re used to going to bed at 1 am, they won’t suddenly be able to fall asleep at 9:30 pm.

As such, you can try to shift their bedtime forward gradually, e.g. 10 minutes earlier each day.

Once your teens are going to bed at the ideal time, try to ensure that they stick to this bedtime during the week and on weekends, too (or as close to it as possible).

This way, their sleeping patterns won’t be affected too much.

If your teens don’t sleep enough on weekdays, they’ll accumulate “sleep debt”. This will make them more likely to break out in pimples, since insufficient sleep is linked to acne and other forms of skin irritation.

Furthermore, the more sleep debt they accumulate, the more likely they are to fall victim to a long list of health problems. [Read more…]

40 Things Children Should Know How to Do Before They Turn 13

Updated on June 24, 2020 By Daniel Wong 21 Comments

As a parent, do you sometimes do things for your children that they should do for themselves?

I’m a parent too, so I know this is a trap that’s easy to fall into.

As time goes by, you may even start to think that you need to keep doing these things for your children.

If you don’t, these things won’t get done at all!

Sound familiar?

I’ve spoken to and worked with close to 25,000 pre-teens and teens so far. It surprises me that most of them haven’t developed the life skills needed to succeed in school and adulthood.

To help parents, I’ve created this list of 40 things that children should know how to do before they turn 13.

(To gain access to 10 more items, download the free bonus below.)

I’ve separated the list into five categories:

General life skills and self-management
Social/communication skills and relationships
Money
Home
Emotions

General life skills and self-management

1. Use a calendar or planner to keep track of important events and dates.

2. Handle their schoolwork, revision, etc. on their own without reminders or nagging.

3. Wake up on their own every morning without relying on their parents.

4. Writing things down and setting reminders to ensure that they don’t forget important information, items, etc.

5. Keep their room, desk, personal belongings, etc. organised.

6. Contact their tutors, teachers, coaches, etc. when necessary instead of relying on their parents to do it on their behalf.

7. Develop a rough daily and weekly schedule.

8. Create a plan to prepare for a test, achieve a goal, complete a project, etc.

9. Prioritise tasks.

10. Pack their bag on their own.

11. Take public transportation. [Read more…]

How to Deal With a Disrespectful Teenager: 10 Tips for Frustrated Parents

Updated on January 6, 2021 By Daniel Wong 142 Comments

Are you dealing with a disrespectful teenager?

Maybe he mutters under his breath when you ask him to do his homework.

Or maybe she slams her room door when you tell her that she can’t go out with her friends.

If so, you’re probably at your wits’ end.

You love your teenagers and you want the best for them.

But you also want them to accept that there are rules in your family, just as there are rules in the outside world.

Don’t be alarmed. Disrespect towards parents is common as youngsters navigate the waters between childhood and adulthood.

But you can’t deal with disrespect by simply ignoring it. You need a strategy.

There are things you need to do, and things you need to avoid doing.

This article explains 10 tips for successfully handling disrespectful and often rebellious teenagers.

1. Understand the teenage brain

During childhood, there’s tremendous brain development. By age six, 95% of the brain’s structure has already been formed.

Picture it as a sudden development of the wiring of the brain.

The problem is that the new wiring hasn’t yet been connected to the key parts of the brain.

As Molly Edmonds writes, the teenage brain is like an entertainment centre whose components haven’t yet been hooked up.

There are loose wires everywhere. The speaker system hasn’t been connected to the DVD player. And the DVD player hasn’t been configured to work with the TV.

And as for the remote control – it hasn’t even arrived yet!

In this analogy, the remote control is the prefrontal cortex.

That’s the part of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments, and controls impulses and emotions. But in the teenage brain, it hasn’t been properly connected yet.

What does this mean in practice?

It means teenagers can get frustrated easily, with themselves and with external situations. It makes them impulsive and subject to mood swings that you and I don’t experience.

That’s a heady cocktail that can turn teenagers into emotional wrecks.

Understanding that there’s a biological basis for your teenager’s difficult behaviour makes it much easier to deal with.

It helps you to focus on the behaviour rather than the person.

2. Think about the emotional needs underlying the behaviour

When teenagers are disrespectful to their parents, it’s sometimes a sign that they have emotional needs that aren’t being met.

Sometimes the disrespectful behaviour is a way of getting attention.

Other times, it’s an indication that they don’t feel accepted.

Sit down with your teenager and tell her that you’re there for her if she wants to talk about something. Remind her that you love her unconditionally. [Read more…]

12 Skills That Good Parents Have (Backed by Science)

Updated on June 29, 2020 By Daniel Wong 25 Comments

Do you want to have good parenting skills?

Of course you do.

You want to help your children make the most of their potential, and you want them to be contributing members of society.

But it’s time-consuming to sift through all the parenting tips out there.

What makes it more confusing is that the tips from different “parenting experts” are often contradictory!

I wanted to know what parenting skills and tips have been proven to be effective. So I read through all the scientific articles I could find.

Based on many hours of research, I’ve come up with this list of 12 good parenting skills. (If you’d like to discover another three skills effective parents have, download the free bonus below.)

Parenting skill #1: Focus more on your children’s positive behaviour than negative behaviour.

Yale University psychology professor Alan Kazdin explains that parents should be intentional about focusing more on their children’s positive behaviour than on their negative behaviour.^[1]

The more parents scold or reprimand, the more the bad behaviour gets repeated.

When they receive a lot of scolding, children start to internalise the belief that “I’m a bad child who misbehaves and gets scolded”.

As such, they don’t feel motivated to correct their behaviour, because it has already become a part of their identity.

Effective parents understand that the better approach is to acknowledge or describe their children’s good behaviour when they see it.

You may have to go out of your way to do this, but you’ll soon observe your children’s behaviour improving.

Parenting skill #2: Teach your children to focus on the needs of others.

Lara Aknin’s research shows that children find happiness through giving to others.^[2]

In fact, children find greater happiness when they give to others sacrificially.

These are interesting findings, because most of us are naturally self-centred. We look out for our own needs before the needs of others.

But the research indicates that if we overcome our selfish nature and focus on the needs of others, we’ll be happier.

If you want your children to lead joyful, fulfilling lives, teach them to serve others and contribute. Involve them in activities where they get to help others and make a positive impact.

When your children think more in terms of contribution and less in terms of achievement, they’ll be on the path of building a happy and successful life. [Read more…]

Want to Be a Better Parent? Ask Your Children 7 Simple Questions

Updated on June 29, 2020 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

As a parent, you want to raise children who are responsible and self-motivated.

You want them to do well in school, and you want them to communicate with you openly.

You also want to build a happy family.

But I’m sure you’ve already realised that you won’t achieve these goals easily.

Along the way, your children may have become disobedient, rebellious or disengaged. (This is especially likely if your children are pre-teens or teens.)

Your home environment may have become tense or even hostile.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, don’t worry. This article will help.

I don’t claim to be a parenting expert — I’m still learning how to raise my two young boys well.

But over the years I’ve spoken to and worked with thousands of pre-teens and teens. As such, I understand how to get through to them.

In this article, I’ll share with you seven simple questions to ask your children, which will help you to reach your parenting goals.

Question #1: “What can I do to be a better parent?”

The simplest way to become a better parent is to ask your children what they think.

When you ask them Question #1, be prepared for an honest answer.

Your children may point out your flaws.

They may bring up incidents where you were unreasonable or inconsistent.

They may highlight ways in which you haven’t been a good role model.

Is this a scary proposition?

Yes.

But the feedback you get will be invaluable in helping you understand which parenting skills you need to develop. [Read more…]

45 Time Management Tips for Students (Advice From a Lifelong Straight-A Student)

Updated on June 25, 2020 By Daniel Wong 42 Comments

Everyone gets the same 24 hours each day.

Albert Einstein, Mother Teresa, Isaac Newton, Eleanor Roosevelt, Leonardo da Vinci – they all had 24 hours a day, just like you and me.

What enabled them to lead such significant lives?

They managed their time well.

This article is all about effective time management tips for students.

As a student, I got straight A’s while sleeping eight hours a night, and graduated from Duke University with a GPA of 3.98/4.0.

(I don’t say this to boast, because education definitely isn’t only about getting straight A’s!)

But given that so many students ask me to share time management tips with them, I decided to compile the best ones I know.

By putting the tips in this article into practice, you’ll become more focused and less stressed.

You’ll have more time to do meaningful things outside of school too!

So let’s take a look at the 45 tips.

1. Take a study break every 40 to 50 minutes

Research shows that working in blocks of 40 to 50 minutes is optimal for productivity.

If you feel as if you can’t focus for that long, try out the Pomodoro Technique for a start.

2. If you’re feeling unmotivated, set a timer for two minutes

If you don’t feel like doing work, set a timer for two minutes. Then tell yourself that you just need to focus for that amount of time.

Chances are that once you’ve started work, you’ll continue even after the two minutes are up.

3. Make good use of your travel time

It’s tempting to use your commute time to surf the Internet or go through your social media feeds.

But you can use the time to think about a concept you haven’t grasped, write in your gratitude journal, or listen to an audiobook.

This is a simple time management tip that goes a long way in helping you become a successful student! [Read more…]