30 Simple Ways to Set a Good Example for Your Children

Updated on November 29, 2021 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

As a parent, you know it’s important to lead by example.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “What you are speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you are saying.”

But life can get so busy.

There are chores to do, errands to run, projects to complete, and events to attend.

And of course, there are also children to bring up.

So it’s to be expected that many parents rarely ask themselves, “Am I setting a good example for my children?”

Through my extensive 1-to-1 coaching work with pre-teens and teens, I’ve observed first-hand how much influence parents have on their children – whether good or bad.

So in this article, I’ll share with you 30 simple ways for you to set a good example for your children.

FREE BONUS

Enter your email below to download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the tips found here, plus 7 exclusive bonus tips that you’ll only find in the PDF.

1. Be vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to tell your children about your failures and shortcomings. Share with them how you’ve learned to be resilient. Explain to them how you overcame the challenges and obstacles you faced. This approach is vital as you think about how to build confidence in your kids.

2. Value relationships over material wealth. I’ve heard it said that we ought to love people and use things. But many people do the opposite: they love things and use people. Show your children that relationships always matter more than things.

3. Embrace challenges. Get outside your comfort zone on a regular basis and confront your fears. Your children will learn from your positive attitude.

4. Be committed to personal development. Always be improving yourself in some way, e.g. knowledge, habits, skills, emotional control. Your children will see how committed you are to leading a better life, day by day.

5. Write cards to your friends. My own mother used to do this often as a way of encouraging her friends. This helped me to see how vital it is to invest in your friendships.

6. Volunteer and do charity work. We all want our children to serve others and contribute to their communities. Let’s set an example by making a difference through some kind of volunteer work.

7. Invite your neighbours over for dinner. By doing this, you’ll show your children the importance of hospitality. You’ll also forge a deeper relationship with your neighbours. [Read more…]

How to Motivate Your Teenager to Do Better in School: 10 Tips Guaranteed to Work

Updated on September 30, 2021 By Daniel Wong 28 Comments

Do you have trouble motivating your children to study?

It’s a common problem that I see in my coaching work with pre-teens and teens.

I notice that many parents approach this problem in the wrong way.

In this article, I’m going to explain 10 principles for motivating children to do well in school.

FREE E-BOOK: Get your copy of 16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager. The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

How NOT to motivate your teenager to do better in school

The first five items on the list below might be things you’ve done in the past, but there’s no reason to get down on yourself about them.

They’re simply common parenting habits that are born from good intentions, but ultimately are not effective motivational tools.

You can start today to become a better listener, less controlling, and more accepting. Let’s take a look at what to avoid going forward.

1. Don’t annoy your children

One of the keys to motivating your children to work hard is not to annoy them.

This may seem odd at first, as we’re used to parents getting annoyed with children, not vice versa.

But relationships are a two-way street, and parents can also annoy children.

If your children are continually upset with you over things you say or do, they will find it hard to listen to you.

You may have some great wisdom to offer them, but your children won’t be receptive to your advice.

Parents often engage in power struggles with their children. For some of us, these are habits we learned from our own childhoods.

But power struggles with your children consume a lot of energy. And that’s energy that could be spent on something more constructive.

Another habit to avoid is making comments that suggest your child isn’t good enough.

This may be something you’re not aware that you do.

It may be very subtle. For example, take the statement: “You’re improving, but I know you can do better.”

On the surface, it sounds like encouragement. But you’re actually telling your child that he or she isn’t good enough.

Or take a statement that begins: “When I was your age…” These kinds of statements usually involve a comparison that leaves your children feeling bad. So avoid making these types of comments.

Another trap that parents fall into is comparing their children with someone else’s. Parents often hope that these comparisons will inspire their children to do better.

Unfortunately, these comments have the opposite effect.

“I hear that John got A’s in all his subjects the last term” may seem like an innocent remark. But it’s a comparison that leaves your child feeling worse about himself or herself.

This is not the way to motivate your children.

Sometimes, parents try to motivate their children by giving them lectures. But lectures tend to make children feel powerless and resentful.

Instead of lecturing your children, discuss the issue with them and ask them what they think. This is much more effective than lecturing them.

Why?

Because it gets them involved, and makes them part of the solution.

2. Don’t use rewards, punishments, or threats

As a parent, it’s tempting to use rewards, punishments or threats to motivate your children to behave in a certain way.

Research has shown this approach doesn’t work in the long term.

There are three reasons in particular that rewards and punishments are to be avoided.

Firstly, rewards and punishments are bad for your relationship with your children.

They teach your children that they’re loved for what they do and not for who they are. Children who grow up unsure that they’re loved for who they are tend to make poor life choices later on.

Secondly, rewards and punishments may get short-term results, but they ignore the underlying issue: Why is your child not motivated?

It’s much better to address the root cause than to use a band-aid approach of rewards and punishments.

Thirdly, rewards and punishments put your children’s focus entirely on outcomes. Your children’s level of motivation is based on the promise of the reward or the threat of the punishment.

Rewards, punishments and threats don’t teach your children how to develop intrinsic motivation. They don’t cultivate in your children a love of learning.

As mentioned earlier in this article, it’s better to focus on the process and not the outcome. This way, your children will develop self-discipline and a sense of responsibility.

So what should you do instead of using rewards and punishments?

Discuss with your children the joy (and benefits) of learning and studying.

Explain to them that most rewarding careers require an investment of time and effort.

But it’s also important to explain to your children that the process itself is rewarding, even though it will involve sacrifices.

Discuss with your children what their hopes and aspirations are.

Help them to dream big and dare to fail – and model for them how you’re doing the same in your own life.

This approach produces the kind of intrinsic motivation and self-discipline that will last a lifetime.

3. Don’t try to control all of their actions

If you want to motivate your children, they need to feel as if they’re in control of their lives.

Being motivated comes from knowing that you can shape your future through the actions you take today.

But if children feel as if their parents are in complete (or almost complete) control, they will have little motivation.

Some parents hover over their children. They micromanage every last detail of their children’s lives.

The result is that the children never develop a sense that they’re responsible for their education and their lives.

By empowering your children, they’ll develop a sense of autonomy and responsibility.

Talk to your children regularly about expectations and consequences.

As a parent, I’m sure you have expectations of your children. For example, you may expect them to keep their room tidy – and there may be consequences for not doing that.

Learning to be responsible in one area (keeping their room tidy) encourages them to be responsible in other areas of life, such as studying.

With this approach, you still need to be involved in your children’s lives. The difference is that instead of hovering and micromanaging, you create boundaries around your involvement.

For example, you can make it clear to your children that you’re available to answer homework-related questions every weeknight between 8 pm and 9 pm.

This way, your children will develop the ability to motivate themselves. They’ll know that they alone are responsible for making sure their homework gets done.

In contrast, consider children whose parents nag them every day to do their homework. Those children won’t develop the ability to motivate themselves.

4. Don’t obsess over the results; emphasise the process instead

The writer Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “Life is a journey, not a destination.”

This principle applies to study skills and tips as much as it does to life in general.

When motivating your children to do well in school, focus on the process and not the results.

If your children are too focused on results, there’s a danger that when they don’t achieve the results they want, they’ll give up.

What’s more, when we focus only on results, the process becomes a “necessary evil”.

The process becomes something we go through grudgingly because we want a certain result.

But this approach doesn’t encourage a love of learning.

We live in an age when learning is a skill that we need to practise throughout our lives. The world is changing faster than ever before. As such, we all need to be continually learning.

And that’s why it’s important to focus on the process, not the results.

Cultivate in your children a love of learning for its own sake, not just as a means to achieve a goal. At the end of the day, achieving goals is a by-product of the systems and processes that we follow.

For example, as a concert pianist, you may have a goal to play Mozart’s Piano Concerto No. 15 in B-flat major without making a single mistake.

The system or process that makes it possible to reach that goal is how often you practise, how you break down and learn difficult cadenzas, and how you incorporate feedback from your music teacher.

When teaching children how to study and how to motivate themselves, it’s vital that you focus on the process and not the outcome.

5. Don’t reduce your child to a problem that needs to be solved

Pre-teens and teens are going through a lot of changes, both physically and mentally.

It’s also a time when they may start displaying problematic behaviours, such as aggression, mood swings, being argumentative, and defying established rules.

As a parent, it’s natural for these kinds of behaviours to become the centre of your attention – they’re problems that you want to solve.

But it’s actually better not to focus on these behaviours.

Instead, try to understand your children’s perspective:

How do they feel about the situation?
What opinions do they have?

To understand your children better, you’ll need to practise active listening.

Active listening occurs when we give our full attention to what someone is saying.

This means that you aren’t multitasking while your children are talking to you. It means that you aren’t checking your phone or writing a list of things to do.

Active listening means not interrupting your children while they’re talking. It means not judging them or moralising about something they did. It means not offering unsolicited advice.

You can show your children that you’re giving them your full attention by saying things like “go on” and “tell me more”.

Now and again, summarise your understanding of what your children have been saying.

For example, you could say: “It sounds as if there’s a ‘cool’ group of kids in your class, and that you’re feeling excluded by them.”

This indicates to your child that you’re actively listening. It’s also a way of checking that you understand what he or she is saying.

Some parents think that if only they could make their children understand some fundamental principle, the whole problem would disappear.

But often what pre-teens and teens need most is not to understand; they need to feel understood.

When they don’t feel understood, they become defiant.

On the other hand, when they feel understood, it creates a space where they feel safe. And that, in turn, creates an environment where they’re open to looking at the problem in a new light.

How to motivate your teenager to do better in school

Now it’s time to focus on positive behaviour that helps your child feel understood, supported, and encouraged.

Use these strategies to strengthen your connection with your child and teach him or her crucial organisational and planning skills. These healthy habits will help your child in school and beyond.

6. Develop routines and structure

Routines and structure play a crucial role in developing motivation in your children.

Having established routines in family life eliminates a majority of conflicts.

Take homework, for example.

Let’s say you have an established routine that your children do their homework every weeknight between 7 pm and 9 pm.

There won’t be conflicts related to homework, because it’s simply “the way we do things in this family”.

But in a family without routines, ensuring that your children do their homework becomes a daily battle.

Of course, even established routines sometimes need to be reinforced or modified.

For example, now and again you may need to say something like: “When you’ve completed your homework, you can go to Melissa’s house.”

To create a homework routine, it’s a good idea to set up a small part of the house as a study area.

Having a study area that’s free of distractions will help your children develop a homework routine.

It may also help your children if you also devote that period of time to doing your own “homework”. This could be paying bills online, taking an online course, or reading a book to learn about a new topic.

7. Equip your children with planning and organisational skills

As parents, we (hopefully) have planning and organisational skills that we’ve developed over the years.

But we often take these skills for granted, and forget that our children don’t yet have those skills.

Pre-teens and teens can feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and stressed because of the demands they face at school. In response, many of them give up and turn to videos and games as a form of escape.

Some pre-teens and teens might even say they hate school.

But if they have planning and organisational skills, their attitude toward school and academics will be different.

One organisational skill you can teach your children is to break down big tasks into smaller tasks.

Some people call this “chunking down”. This technique makes any task more manageable and doable.

Another skill you can teach your children is list-making. Lists are at the heart of all organisational skills, so this is a great place to start.

You could teach your children how to use a list to pack their bag for a school camp or a school outing.

Planning is another organisational skill that will reduce your children’s stress related to school and exams.

Planning involves placing lists of tasks to be completed within a certain timeframe. This way, your children will learn to complete tasks one by one instead of leaving them until it’s so late that they feel overwhelmed.

For example, if your children have exams coming up, you could teach them how to:

Break down their revision material into a series of tasks
Use a calendar to plan how they’re going to complete those tasks within a set timeframe

8. Create a family culture where it’s OK to make mistakes

We learn more from our failures than we do from our successes.

Thomas Edison made an extraordinary number of unsuccessful attempts at inventing the electric light bulb.

When a reporter asked him how it felt to fail 1,000 times, Edison replied: “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”

Unfortunately, we live in an age that places enormous emphasis on instant success.

Failure isn’t tolerated. Parents correct their children’s homework to improve their grades. They argue with teachers who try to point out areas where their children need to improve.

Yet making mistakes is an essential part of learning.

We must learn from our mistakes and correct them, much like a ship that frequently adjusts its course to stay on the correct bearing.

If you want to motivate your children to study hard and do well in school, one of the best things you can do is create a family culture where it’s OK to make mistakes.

One way to do this is to share with your children your own mistakes and what you learned from them.

For example, maybe you went to university to study one field and ended up switching to a different field when you started work. By sharing that experience with your children, you’re showing them that they don’t have to get it “right” the first time.

If you want to teach your children to love learning, one thing you should avoid at all costs is focusing too much on their failures.

Instead of criticising them for their failures, help them to identify what they’ve learned from their mistakes.

A study by Stanford University has shown that children who are praised for their effort work harder and give up less easily.

On the other hand, children who are afraid of failure are more likely to become discouraged when they make mistakes. Instead of learning from their mistakes and moving on, they’re likely to give up altogether.

9. Show an interest in all aspects of your children’s lives

One of the keys to motivating your children to do well in school is to show an interest in all aspects of their lives, not just their academics.

If your only concern is how your children are doing in school, they may begin to feel as if they’re being treated as a project instead of as a person.

This can lead to them feeling resentful. And resentment will result in resistance to anything related to studying.

Treat your child as a whole person, not as a project or problem.

Listen to your children when they talk about their interests. Encourage them to get involved in non-school activities, like dance or drama or athletics.

How pre-teens and teens spend their time is crucial to their overall development.

An approach that focuses entirely on studying won’t help your children to develop in a balanced way.

Learning a musical instrument, playing a team sport, and taking an online course on entrepreneurship are all activities that will help your children to develop holistically.

These non-academic activities will give your children a much-needed break from their studies, and will help them to do better as they pursue their long-term academic goals.

10. Help your children to find a mentor

According to research by North Carolina State University, children who have mentors are more likely to become successful.

A mentor is an adult who acts as a role model for your children.

One of the benefits of your children having a mentor is that they will understand a perspective on life from someone who isn’t their parent.

The mentor’s values and attitudes may be similar to yours. But those values will mean more to your children when they’re modelled by someone outside the family.

One reason for this is that children inevitably become accustomed to their parents’ viewpoints and begin to tune their parents out.

Having a mentor is a chance for your children to re-engage with those values, from a fresh perspective.

A mentor can be particularly helpful when there’s an ongoing conflict between parents and children.

In this kind of situation, your children can benefit from having a neutral third party they can turn to. The mentor may help your children to see the issues from a new perspective.

So where can you find a mentor for your children?

A mentor could be:

A sports coach, art teacher or music teacher
A neighbour or family friend
One of your co-workers
Someone who runs a coaching/mentoring programme (I’m not ashamed to say that I fall into this category of people, because it’s extremely rewarding work)

Conclusion

These ten principles will help you to build in your child a deeper motivation to work hard.

Some of these principles, like establishing routines and structure, may take a while to implement. But other tips and principles you can put into practice right away.

For example, you can start practising active listening today.

I’m confident you’ll start seeing positive results.

Wishing you all the best on this challenging but meaningful journey!

Like this article? Please share it with your friends.

FREE E-BOOK: Get your copy of 16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager. The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

Parents, Stop Telling Your Kids to Study Hard for Their Own Good (And What to Do Instead)

Updated on August 10, 2021 By Daniel Wong 44 Comments

Yes, it is for your kids’ own good that they study hard.

But you shouldn’t tell them that.

Why not?

Because if you do, they’ll be less likely to study hard.

(I’ve spoken to and worked with more than 20,000 students, so I say this with confidence.)

In this article, I’ll provide an explanation.

I’ll also share three tips to help your kids develop intrinsic motivation.

FREE E-BOOK: Get your copy of 16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager. The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

Don’t expect your kids to get an education in school

This might sound strange, so hear me out.

We live in a world where knowledge abounds.

It’s incredible that most of this knowledge is available for free online – you just have to seek it out.

A couple of decades ago, to get an education you had almost no choice but to attend school.

But today, you can take courses on Khan Academy, Coursera, Udacity, Udemy, and other websites.

If you’re diligent about taking these courses, you’d acquire more skills and knowledge than you would in almost any traditional school.

This means that, over time, the diplomas and degrees that schools give out will matter less.

It also means that students shouldn’t go to school expecting to get an education. Rather, school should form just one part of a student’s education.

In the future, diplomas and degrees won’t be the ticket to a well-paying job and a comfortable life. (This is already starting to be the case.)

But for now, such certificates still matter.

Statistics show that students who perform better in school are more likely to get jobs that pay better.

And students who study hard are obviously more likely to perform well in school.

Which means that if you want to motivate your kids, you should tell them to work hard in school for their own benefit, right?

Wrong.

Allow me to explain.

3 reasons it’s ineffective to tell your kids to study hard for their own good

Reason #1: Students today aren’t hungry for a “better life”

In developed countries today, most children and teenagers have more material things than they need.

More toys than they need.

More shoes than they need.

More clothes than they need.

More electronic devices than they need.

In contrast, one or two generations ago, most people experienced real hardship.

For example, my parents and grandparents grew up with far less (materially speaking) than I did.

From an early age, it was obvious to my parents that if they wanted to have a more comfortable life in the future, they needed to work hard in school.

Their teachers and parents told them that education was the key to success – and in that era, it was true. [Read more…]

Are Teenagers Sleeping Enough? 10 Ways Parents Can Help

Updated on November 15, 2021 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Note from Daniel: This is a guest post by Sarah Cummings.

For many teenagers, sleeping enough is low on their list of priorities.

Does your teen get enough sleep?

Probably not.

Scientists recommend that teens get more sleep per night than adults, but many of them get less.

In fact, around 85% of teens are sleep deprived.

As parents, we should take this fact seriously, because sleep is important for physical health, brain function and learning.

So here are 10 tips for parents to help teens get a better night’s sleep…

FREE E-BOOK: Get your copy of 16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager. The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

1. Respect your teens’ different rhythms

Teens experience a shift in their circadian rhythms, because of a delayed release of melatonin compared to adults.

Because of this shift, they may not get sleepy until later than you do.

This is also the reason for teenagers sleeping in whenever they can.

Based on their natural circadian rhythm, they might not go to bed until midnight. If they get the full dose of their recommended hours in, this will cause them to sleep in until 9 am or 10 am.

Of course, this sleep schedule doesn’t work during school days. So they’ll need to shift their sleep schedule gradually – which is what we’ll talk about next.

2. Establish a routine

Talk to your teens and create a routine that you’re both agreeable to.

If your teens are sleeping too late on school nights, the changes need to be made little by little.

If they’re used to going to bed at 1 am, they won’t suddenly be able to fall asleep at 9:30 pm.

As such, you can try to shift their bedtime forward gradually, e.g. 10 minutes earlier each day.

Once your teens are going to bed at the ideal time, try to ensure that they stick to this bedtime during the week and on weekends, too (or as close to it as possible).

This way, their sleeping patterns won’t be affected too much.

What time should teens go to bed? Early enough to get at least 7 to 9 hours of sleep on a school day.

If your teens don’t sleep enough on weekdays, they’ll accumulate “sleep debt”. This will make them more likely to break out in pimples, since insufficient sleep is linked to acne and other forms of skin irritation.

Furthermore, the more sleep debt they accumulate, the more likely they are to fall victim to a long list of health problems.

3. Have a grown-up discussion with your teens

All this talk of bedtimes can be dangerous territory.

Your teens might think that you’re being overbearing or naggy, or that you don’t know what you’re talking about.

If you don’t handle the situation well, they may become defiant.

But it’s important that your teens know just how crucial sleep is to their health and wellbeing.

They should know what constitutes a great sleep, what can result in a bad one, and what measures they can take to sleep well on a consistent basis.

You could use your own experience as a starting point. For instance, you could mention how you couldn’t concentrate at work because you slept badly the previous night.

You could also subtly draw their attention to articles on the link between screen time and sleep deprivation.

Or you could express your concerns that they’re not sleeping enough, without lecturing or nagging them.

Ask them what they think might be the cause of it, and ask them what solutions they might have.

Allow them to take ownership of the situation, and you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

4. Move electronic devices out of the bedroom

To promote a more relaxing, nurturing sleep environment for your teens, TVs, laptops, phones and tablets should ideally be kept out of the bedroom.

The blue light that these devices emit hinders the body’s natural production of melatonin, which is the hormone that affects our sleep cycles.

When there’s less melatonin in the body, it’s harder to fall asleep and stay asleep.

This explains why teenagers sleeping with phones and laptops in their bedrooms often don’t get enough sleep.

But how should you introduce this “screen detox”?

Turn it into a family activity.

Tell your teens that you’ll be taking part in the screen detox as well, and share with them how it will be hard for you too.

If they aren’t open to this idea, implement it gradually.

You could start with just one day a week, and increase it by one day each week.

5. Use technology as an aid

I know I just said that screen time can prevent teenagers from sleeping enough. So hear me out.

There are some great apps out there that can reduce the harmful effects of blue light.

Apps or features like Night Shift (for iOS), Twilight (for Android) and f.lux (for computers) filter out blue light.

This means that screen time won’t have the same damaging effect as in the case that these apps or features aren’t activated.

The good news is that they’re all available for free!

6. Introduce sleep-promoting foods

You’re probably aware that drinking a can of Coke or a cup of coffee before bed isn’t good for a teenager’s sleep routine.

But in addition to cutting out caffeine at least six hours before bed, there are sleep-promoting foods you can bring to the kitchen table, which will help your teens’ minds and bodies to relax.

Snacks like magnesium-rich bananas and almonds promote feelings of calmness, and are natural muscle relaxants.

Also, a teaspoon of turmeric mixed with ginger, lemon juice and hot water reduces blood sugar levels. It also helps to prevent sleep disturbances during the night.

For a delicious snack that won’t lead to a sugar rush, try blending a frozen banana with a spoon of almond butter.

In my opinion, this tastes almost as good as ice cream! Plus, it helps you to get a better night’s sleep.

7. Take a holistic approach

If your teens still can’t settle down at night, it may be because of the anxiety that forms such a significant part of the teenage years.

If they’re already worried about not getting enough sleep, your added worrying won’t help the situation.

Try and introduce some calming elements into the evenings.

For example, you can give your teens lavender oil to sprinkle on their pillow (one or two drops is enough), or you can light some incense around the house.

Keep lighting in the house dim after dinner. In addition, if your teens want to listen to music at night, encourage them to listen to soft, relaxing music.

By putting these tips into practice, your teens will find that come bedtime, their mind is already at peace. This will make it more likely that they’ll have a good sleep.

8. Introduce your teens to deep breathing exercises

It’s never too early to start taking care of your physical and mental health.

Help teenagers get enough sleep by enabling them to relax their mind and body before bed.

While many adults today know the benefits of deep breathing exercises, most teens have yet to try them out.

This is unfortunate, because teens will definitely benefit from such deep breathing exercises.

If your teens are sleep deprived, introduce them to deep breathing exercises. These exercises only take a few minutes to do, and can be a useful inclusion in your teens’ pre-bedtime routine.

Try them out for yourself first to see how the exercises enable you to relieve stress and sleep better!

9. Help your teens get as much natural light during the day as possible

Research shows that exposure to natural light during the day leads to more restful sleep at night.

In particular, morning light helps to regulate your circadian rhythm.

By opening the curtains or pulling the blinds during the day, your teens will sleep better at night.

Encourage your teens to get 10 to 15 minutes of direct sunlight each day, because this is especially useful in regulating their biological clock.

As with all things, your teens will take time to adjust to these changes. But if you talk to them about the benefits and implement the changes incrementally, they’ll be more receptive over time.

10. Set an example for your teens

As Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

This may sound like a cheesy quote to you, but it contains much wisdom.

Do teens need more sleep? Yes, and most likely, so do you.

If you want your teens to develop healthy sleep patterns, you need to set an example.

If you’re staying up until 1 am every day because you’re working your way through the latest Netflix drama, that’s not a good example for your teens.

But if you’re getting to bed at a reasonable hour and rising early, feeling refreshed… your teens will be more likely to follow suit.

You won’t even need to lecture them, because it will be obvious that your habits are helping you to stay in excellent physical health.

Help your teens get enough sleep

Getting enough sleep is important at every stage of life.

No matter our age, sleep affects our mood, relationships and health.

For teenagers, sleep quality and quantity can make puberty either tolerable or unbearable.

I trust that the tips in this article will help both you and your teens to sleep better in the weeks, months and years ahead.

Before long, your teens will take responsibility for their sleep, knowing the measures they ought to take to get the sleep they need.

May your teens – and your whole family – lead healthier and happier lives as a result!

Like this article? Please share it with your friends.

Sarah Cummings is the mum of one very energetic 8-year-old and one fiercely independent teenager. When she has the time to (occasionally) relax, she can be found walking her dog Bones on Venice Beach, listening to Miles Davis on repeat, or napping – she loves her sleep, after all!

FREE E-BOOK: Get your copy of 16 Keys to Motivating Your Teenager. The e-book has already been downloaded by many thousands of parents, so don't miss out!

40 Things Children Should Know How to Do Before They Turn 13

Updated on August 10, 2021 By Daniel Wong 21 Comments

As a parent, do you sometimes do things for your children that they should do for themselves?

I’m a parent too, so I know this is a trap that’s easy to fall into.

As time goes by, you may even start to think that you need to keep doing these things for your children.

If you don’t, these things won’t get done at all!

Sound familiar?

I’ve spoken to and worked with close to 25,000 pre-teens and teens so far. It surprises me that most of them haven’t developed the life skills needed to succeed in school and adulthood.

To help parents, I’ve created this list of 40 things that children should know how to do before they turn 13.

(To gain access to 10 more items, download the free bonus below.)

I’ve separated the list into five categories:

General life skills and self-management
Social/communication skills and relationships
Money
Home
Emotions

FREE BONUS

Enter your email below to download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the items found here, plus 10 exclusive bonus items that you’ll only find in the PDF.

General life skills and self-management

1. Use a calendar or planner to keep track of important events and dates.

2. Handle their schoolwork, revision, etc. on their own without reminders or nagging.

3. Wake up on their own every morning without relying on their parents.

4. Writing things down and setting reminders to ensure that they don’t forget important information, items, etc.

5. Keep their room, desk, personal belongings, etc. organised.

6. Contact their tutors, teachers, coaches, etc. when necessary instead of relying on their parents to do it on their behalf.

7. Develop a rough daily and weekly schedule.

8. Create a plan to prepare for a test, achieve a goal, complete a project, etc.

9. Prioritise tasks.

10. Pack their bag on their own.

11. Take public transportation. [Read more…]

How to Deal With a Disrespectful Teenager: 10 Tips for Frustrated Parents

Updated on October 27, 2021 By Daniel Wong 160 Comments

Are you dealing with a disrespectful teenager?

Maybe he mutters under his breath when you ask him to do his homework.

Or maybe she slams her room door when you tell her that she can’t go out with her friends.

If so, you’re probably at your wits’ end.

You love your teenagers and you want the best for them.

But you also want them to accept that there are rules in your family, just as there are rules in the outside world.

Don’t be alarmed.

Disrespect towards parents is common as youngsters navigate the waters between childhood and adulthood.

But you can’t deal with disrespect by simply ignoring it. You need a strategy.

There are things you need to do, and things you need to avoid doing.

This article explains 10 tips for successfully handling disrespectful and often rebellious teenagers.

FREE BONUS

Enter your email below to download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the tips found here, plus 3 exclusive bonus tips that you’ll only find in the PDF.

1. Understand the teenage brain

During childhood, there’s tremendous brain development. By age six, 95% of the brain’s structure has already been formed.

Picture it as a sudden development of the wiring of the brain.

The problem is that the new wiring hasn’t yet been connected to the key parts of the brain.

As Molly Edmonds writes, the teenage brain is like an entertainment centre whose components haven’t yet been hooked up.

There are loose wires everywhere. The speaker system hasn’t been connected to the DVD player. And the DVD player hasn’t been configured to work with the TV.

And as for the remote control – it hasn’t even arrived yet!

In this analogy, the remote control is the prefrontal cortex.

That’s the part of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments, and controls impulses and emotions. But in the teenage brain, it hasn’t been properly connected yet.

What does this mean in practice?

It means teenagers can get frustrated easily, with themselves and with external situations. It makes them impulsive and subject to mood swings that you and I don’t experience.

That’s a heady cocktail that can turn teenagers into emotional wrecks.

Understanding that there’s a biological basis for your teenager’s difficult behaviour makes it much easier to deal with.

It helps you to focus on the behaviour rather than the person.

2. Think about the emotional needs underlying the behaviour

When teenagers are disrespectful to their parents, it’s sometimes a sign that they have emotional needs that aren’t being met.

Sometimes the disrespectful behaviour is a way of getting attention.

Other times, it’s an indication that they don’t feel accepted.

Sit down with your teenager and tell her that you’re there for her if she wants to talk about something. Remind her that you love her unconditionally. [Read more…]

12 Effective Parenting Skills Every Parent Should Have (Backed by Science)

Updated on November 18, 2021 By Daniel Wong 26 Comments

Do you want to have good parenting skills?

Of course you do.

You want to help your children make the most of their potential, and you want them to be contributing members of society.

But it’s time-consuming to sift through all the parenting tips out there.

What makes it more confusing is that the tips from different “parenting experts” are often contradictory!

I wanted to know what parenting skills and tips have been proven to be effective. So I read through all the scientific articles I could find.

Based on many hours of research, I’ve come up with this list of 12 good parenting skills. (If you’d like to discover another three skills effective parents have, download the free bonus below.)

FREE BONUS

Enter your email below to download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the skills found here, plus 3 exclusive bonus skills that you’ll only find in the PDF.

Research-backed good parenting skills

To become more effective as a parent, practise the skills that have been proven to get the best results.

These will become the parenting strengths you can then rely on to raise children who develop into confident, successful adults.

Parenting skill #1: Focus more on your children’s positive behaviour than negative behaviour.

Yale University psychology professor Alan Kazdin explains that parents should be intentional about focusing more on their children’s positive behaviour than on their negative behaviour.^[1]

The more parents scold or reprimand, the more the bad behaviour gets repeated.

When they receive a lot of scolding, children start to internalise the belief that “I’m a bad child who misbehaves and gets scolded”.

As such, they don’t feel motivated to correct their behaviour, because it has already become a part of their identity.

Effective parents understand that the better approach is to acknowledge or describe their children’s good behaviour when they see it.

You may have to go out of your way to do this. (You can also check out these 50+ positive things to say to your children.)

Approach this with patience and dedication and you’ll observe your children’s behaviour improving over time.

Parenting skill #2: Teach your children to focus on the needs of others.

Lara Aknin’s research shows that children find happiness through giving to others.^[2]

In fact, children find greater happiness when they give to others sacrificially.

These are interesting findings, because most of us are naturally self-centred. We look out for our own needs before the needs of others.

But the research indicates that if we overcome our selfish nature and focus on the needs of others, we’ll be happier.

If you want your children to lead joyful, fulfilling lives, teach them to serve others and contribute. Involve them in activities where they get to help others and make a positive impact.

When your children think more in terms of contribution and less in terms of achievement, they’ll be on the path of building a happy and successful life. [Read more…]