7 Ways to Support Your Child’s Mental Health

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 3 Comments

Note from Daniel: This is a guest post by John Lim.

When I was 2, my sister was born.

I reacted to her birth by hiding in my toy car the whole night and refusing to come out.

Why?

Because I was jealous of all the attention that my sister was getting. I felt sad that no one seemed to care about me.

It doesn’t matter if your child is 2 or 22 – it can sometimes be hard for him to express how he feels.

As a parent, this can be challenging and frustrating for you.

After all, how can you support your child’s mental health if he doesn’t talk about how he feels?

Mental health isn’t just about psychological and emotional problems. It’s also about psychological and emotional well-being.

So in this article, we’ll focus on the positive aspects of your child’s mental health – resilience, optimism, and well-being.

Here are 7 tips that I trust you’ll find useful.

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1. Understand the signs that your child is struggling.

Train yourself to be attuned to your child’s emotional needs.

Every child exhibits different signs when they’re struggling. For example, when I struggled emotionally as a child, I became quiet. I wouldn’t say a word to anyone about my problems.

Over time, my parents noticed that whenever I was quiet, something was probably wrong.

They would then give me the space I needed to work through the problem.

Knowing what signs your child exhibits when she’s going through a hard time is a good way to understand her better.

Here are some of the common signs:

Your child isn’t as talkative as she used to be.
Your child is more withdrawn.
Your child doesn’t want to spend time with her friends.
Your child frequently says that he or she hates school.
Your child isn’t excited by the things that used to bring her joy, e.g. games, sports, music, art, reading, family outings.
Your child’s mood fluctuates. One moment, she might be angry or explosive, then a short while later she might be sad or distressed.
Your child is hyperactive and has trouble focusing on any given task (which are signs of ADHD).

To understand your child better, ask yourself these questions:

When was the last time she struggled psychologically and emotionally?
How did she behave during that period of time?
What did I do that helped the situation?
How did she respond to my help?

2. Spend quality time with your child.

There are no shortcuts. If you want to understand your child, you need to spend time with him.

In Carl Honoré’s In Praise of Slow, he talks about how his life was transformed one night when he was reading bedtime stories to his child.

The title of the book was One-Minute Bedtime Stories.

He realised that in his pursuit of being more productive and getting more done, he had treated time with his child as just another task he had to complete.

Hence the bedtime stories that each took only one minute to read.

Like most parents, you’re probably really busy. But ask yourself this question: “Why am I so busy?”

Yes, you’re busy working hard to provide for your family. But if you can’t spend any quality time with your child, is there a point to your busyness?

I encourage you to organise an outing with your child. Go for a hike or have a meal. Play a board game.

The point is to be intentional about it.

Here are some tips that you might find helpful:

Schedule in regular family meals.

Be serious about having meals together as a family. If you don’t put it in your calendar, it’s probably not going to happen.

Treat family mealtimes as sacred. Don’t let anything get in the way of you being present for these meals.

Set fixed boundaries related to work and family.

Have you ever checked the time at work and thought to yourself: “It’s 6 p.m. already?! I haven’t got enough work done for the day!”

At these moments, you have a choice.

You can carry on with your work, or you can shut down your computer and go home to be with your family.

Being with your family means being physically and emotionally present.

After all, work is infinite – there’s always more work you could do, no matter how much work you do today.

On the other hand, time is finite. If you don’t make time to spend with your children now, before you know it they’ll be all grown up.

Put your phone away.

When I’m out with my family for dinner, I leave my phone at home. That’s because I want to give them the attention they deserve.

You might think that leaving your phone at home sounds extreme. But I encourage you to give it a try – you might just decide that you’ll make it a habit.

And when you’re with your children, put your phone on airplane mode. This way, you won’t get distracted by messages, calls or notifications.

At the end of the day, you need to ask yourself: “How important are my children to me?”

If they’re important to you, make time to build a stronger relationship with them.

3. Be with your child; don’t do for your child.

Your child may be your child.

But she’s also growing up. She’s figuring out how to do things on her own. She’s gaining a sense of independence and autonomy.

If your child is going through a rough time, it might be tempting for you to jump in and fix the problem.

But this won’t be beneficial for your child’s mental health in the long run.

Mental health is like a muscle that’s built over time. Helping your child today won’t always help your child tomorrow.

Instead, let her try to resolve the problem herself. This will help her grow in her ability to bounce back from setbacks.

For example, if your child fails a test, don’t ask the teacher why his grading was so strict.

Instead, ask your child what she learned from the experience, and understand her feelings about the situation. Help her to decide what she can do differently next time.

In general, before taking any action, talk to your child and understand her perspective on the situation. Tell her that you’re there for her.

It’s vital that you show her that you’ll give her all the support she needs.

But it’s even more vital that you stop yourself from fixing the problem for her.

4. Model for your child emotional first aid

When you fall down and get a cut, you put on a bandage.

When you suffer a cut emotionally, do you have the emotional equivalent of a bandage?

Your child suffers emotional cuts when…

He fails an exam he studied hard for.
He gets betrayed by his friends.
He doesn’t make it to the basketball team because he isn’t good enough.
He gets scolded harshly by his teacher in front of the whole class.

Clinical psychologist Guy Winch coined the term “emotional first aid”.

He notes that “whilst every household has a medicine cabinet full of bandages, ointments and pain relievers for treating basic physical maladies, we have no such medicine cabinet for the minor psychological injuries we sustain in daily life”.

You can enable your child to build an emotional first-aid kit to help himself when things go wrong.

You can also teach him strategies for self-care on days when nothing seems to be going his way.

Here are some tips that I recommend:

Encourage your child to talk to someone when he’s going through a tough time.
Ask him to write a letter of love to himself. This letter will celebrate his positive qualities and traits.
Encourage him to draw or sketch something.
If he likes writing, give him a diary so he can record his thoughts and feelings.
Encourage him to spend some time in nature.

More importantly, model emotional first aid for your child.

Over dinner, you might share with him about the hard day you had at work and how you felt.

Don’t just talk about what you did to work through the challenges; talk about how you felt too. This will expand your child’s capacity to empathise and to label his own emotions.

You can also adopt healthy habits like regular exercise, getting enough sleep, reading for leisure, etc. to show your child how you improve your own mental well-being.

5. Share your emotions with your child.

To improve your child’s emotional well-being, she needs to be able to identify the emotions that she feels.

This means it’s crucial that – in your family – you go beyond only saying that you feel bad or okay or good.

Increasing the range of vocabulary your child uses to describe her emotions will enable her to better express her feelings.

How can you help your child to increase her range of emotional vocabulary?

I recommend playing a game called “Feelings Scrabble”.

Here’s how the game works.

First, ask your child to say any word that’s related to an emotion. Ask her to explain what the word means, and to share an example of a time when she felt that way.

For example, she might say, “Sad.” Then, you can ask her to share what “sad” means to her and talk about an incident where she felt sad.

Next, it’s your turn to do the same thing. Try using less common words like “shame”, “amusement”, “desperate”, “horrified”, “disturbed”, etc.

In addition, you can increase your child’s emotional vocabulary by talking about your day and how you felt at various points during the day.

I’m not saying that you should be talking about your feelings all the time. But it’s important to show your child that it’s okay to talk about her feelings, and that sometimes it’s okay to not be okay.

What’s not okay is bottling up everything inside you, pretending that everything is fine.

6. Thank your child.

My mother loves to cook for the family.

When my siblings and I were younger, my mother would often write instructions about what we should do for lunch when we got back from school.

She would write a note and put it on the fridge that said something like this:

There’s fish in the container and there’s rice in the pot. Please heat up the food before eating and wash the dishes after your meal. Thanks for doing the washing and eating.

In hindsight, this sounds strange to me.

I mean… shouldn’t it have been expected that my siblings and I wash the dishes after the meal? Why should my mother have needed to thank us for doing something so basic?

But now I appreciate that my mother did this.

You might feel weird about showing appreciation toward your child. But thanking your child for the things he does shows him that you don’t take these things for granted.

It helps him to build his self-esteem and self-confidence too, so don’t shy away from frequently expressing genuine appreciation.

7. Write a letter to your child.

I didn’t do too well for the A-Levels, a major exam I took when I was 18. In fact, the grades for my four main A-Level subjects spelt BBAD.

To me, those were indeed BAD grades!

I was disappointed because I had always wanted to be a doctor. But with those grades, that dream wasn’t going to be realised.

I stopped talking to my parents for some time because I didn’t know how to answer their questions related to my plans for university.

Then one night, I saw a handwritten letter on my desk.

It was from my dad, who encouraged me not to give up. To keep trying. To know that he would always support me no matter what.

That letter meant the world to me!

Sometimes, it might be hard for you to convey your heartfelt emotions to your child face to face. You can try writing a letter to her instead.

Be honest about your feelings regarding what she’s going through. Empathise with her. Let her know that you’ll always be there for her.

Most importantly, celebrate her admirable qualities – not her achievements, but her qualities.

Let her know how much she means to you. Tell her why she’s unique and special.

Celebrate her for who she is, not who you want her to be.

For example, you might write:

Dear Jane,

[State your observation]

Lately, I’ve noticed that you seem quieter than usual. You’ve been coming home later, and your teacher has also told me that you’ve been skipping classes.

[Share how you feel]

I’m worried for you because I don’t know what might happen to you when you stay out so late. I’m also afraid that you might end up being expelled from school.

[Talk about why you’re writing the letter]

I might not fully understand how you feel. But I want you to know that I’m here for you. I also want to use this opportunity to celebrate your qualities, and to tell you how much I love you.

[Celebrate your child’s qualities]

Jane, I admire how you’re so compassionate. It inspires me to see you volunteering to help people with intellectual disabilities. You’ve helped so many of them to lead richer and more fulfilling lives.

I also admire how sacrificial you are when it comes to how you spend your time and what you’re willing to do for your friends and family.

Your heart of service and love is something that stirs me to lead a life that’s focused on the needs of others.

[End by sharing that you’re there for your child]

I love you deeply. You’re my precious daughter, and you’ve always mattered so much to me. If there’s anything I can do to support you better, please let me know.

Love,
Dad

You might not notice an immediate change in your child after you give her this letter.

That’s okay. Don’t expect things to change right away.

But at least your child knows that you’re there for her, and that your love for her is unconditional.

And, for now, that’s enough.

Conclusion

Supporting your child’s mental health isn’t only about focusing on the “problematic” aspects like anxiety, fear, and depression.

It’s also about fostering positive aspects like resilience, optimism, and well-being.

It’s vital that you remind yourself of this truth, as stated by Robert Moorehead: “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”

Your child is a gift. A blessing. Someone who – despite the challenges along the parenting journey – takes your breath away.

Remember those moments when you laughed or cried together?

It’s easy to forget those moments, especially when your child is rebellious, angry, stubborn, or disrespectful. But never lose that sense of wonder.

Be with your child. Listen to him. Connect with him.

After all, to support your child’s mental health, it’s connection that matters most.

So invest the time to build and strengthen that connection today!

John Lim is a social worker in Singapore. He was nominated as the Student Social Worker of the Year while he was studying in England. He loves working with young people to help them understand their emotions better. He writes regularly about mental health issues here.

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30 Ways to Deal With an Entitled Teenager (And Encourage Gratitude Instead)

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 13 Comments

Note from Daniel: This is a guest post by Veronica Wallace.

Many parents are confused about how to deal with an entitled teenager.

They also fear that their teenager doesn’t appreciate what he or she has.

Entitlement is the opposite of gratitude.

When teenagers feel entitled, they become upset and throw tantrums when they don’t get what they feel they deserve.

But when their lives are filled with gratitude, they express appreciation for the many good things they know they don’t deserve at all.

Here are 30 ways to fight entitlement and develop gratitude in your teenagers.

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How to deal with entitled teenagers

As a parent, there’s a lot you can do to fight entitlement and develop gratitude in your teenagers.

Try some of these strategies with your children and watch their perspectives begin to change.

1. Don’t just make your teens say “please” and “thank you”; explain to them why it’s important to do so sincerely

Many teens say “please” and “thank you” without sincerity.

They say it out of politeness, because their parents have trained them to use these “magic” words.

But warmth and sincerity matter more than politeness.

Encourage your children to say “please” and “thank you”, and explain to them how these words must come from a place of genuine gratitude.

Only when your children mean it each time will they cultivate a spirit of thankfulness.

2. Expect more from your teens

When you don’t expect anything of your children, they’ll expect everything of you.

Continuing to do everything for them is not how to deal with entitled teenagers.

Needing to earn something and being grateful to others for what you’ve earned is key.

Chores and responsibilities are powerful tools that will prevent your children from becoming entitled.

3. Establish boundaries

Creating boundaries is essential so that your teens understand that resources aren’t infinite.

Work with your children to establish boundaries related to spending, responsibilities, electronic devices, etc.

Show your children how you establish boundaries in your own life too.

4. Give your teens privileges that are tied to demonstrated responsibility

As far as possible, tie new privileges to demonstrated responsibility.

This will enable your teens to understand that they’ll reap what they sow.

For example, when your children keep to their curfew timing consistently for one month, their curfew timing could be extended by 15 minutes the following month.

5. Try role-playing with your teens

Teenagers who have not been practising gratitude may have a hard time expressing it when the opportunity presents itself.

To deal with entitled teenagers, help them learn how and when to express gratitude.

Role-playing scenarios in which your children could express gratitude will help them to turn gratitude into a habit.

6. Reduce the abundance in your home

One of my biggest tips for parenting teens and tackling entitlement is to remove abundance at home.

Teens who have less tend to be more grateful for what they have.

That’s why you don’t see many picky eaters around when food is scarce.

Be careful not to spoil your children by giving them whatever they want – a lack of abundance will help them to be grateful for what they have.

Reducing the abundance in your home will mean that you’ll need to make sacrifices too. But these sacrifices will be worth it when you observe your children becoming less entitled.

7. Explain the difference between wants and needs

Your children might want ice cream, but they need to eat balanced meals if they want to grow up healthy.

Help them understand the difference between wants and needs in various areas of life. As time goes by, they’ll be more appreciative whenever they get something they want (but don’t need).

8. Believe that your teens can change

Many parents have already decided that their teens are spoiled and entitled.

So every instance where their children behave in a way that seems mildly entitled confirms this belief.

Over time, these parents give up trying to fight the teenage entitlement mentality.

If you want your children to become more grateful, you must believe that change is possible.

Keep your eyes open to observe any progress that your children are making as you apply the tips in this article.

9. Model the desired behaviour for your teens

Thinking about how to deal with teenage attitude and entitled behaviour includes analysing your own behaviour.

Like it or not, your children will emulate you.

They’ll also be quick to point it out if they think you’re being hypocritical.

So take a good look in the mirror to evaluate the levels of entitlement vs. gratitude in your own life.

How often do you act entitled? How often do you express gratitude? Do you complain a lot?

Change your own behaviour and attitude, and you’ll see a change in your children.

10. Encourage your teens to keep a journal

Journalling is an excellent way to learn about your feelings and cultivate mindfulness.

Encourage your children to journal every day or week about the things they’re grateful for and the life lessons they’re learning.

Of course, if you encourage your children to do this, then you should do it too!

11. Distinguish between owed and given

Teenagers may think that they’re owed everything.

Have conversations with your teens about what they deserve and what they’ve received because of the love and generosity of others.

12. Serve others as a family

Serving others is one of the best ways to deal with entitled teenagers and children.

Be the kind of person who goes out of his or her way to help others out. Encourage your children to do the same.

Talk about why serving others is a crucial part of life, and serve others together as a family.

As Sir Winston Churchill once said, “We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”

13. Perform random acts of kindness

Do something nice for a family member, a friend, or even a stranger.

Get your teens involved in performing these random acts of kindness too.

It’s impossible for your children to become kinder without also becoming less entitled.

If you’re not used to performing such acts of kindness, it will feel strange at the start. So be sure to begin by taking tiny steps!

14. Talk about money and how much things cost

Teens sometimes think ATMs are magical machines that dispense money.

Providing opportunities to learn about the value of money is essential when dealing with entitled teenagers.

Explain to your children how much various things cost, e.g. groceries, electronic devices, restaurant meals, cars, houses.

Talk to them about the dangers of accumulating credit card debt, and explain to them how you’re being intentional about living within your means.

Teach them to ask the question, “Can I afford it?” But teach them that it’s even more important to ask the question, “Do I need it?”

After all, just because we can afford something doesn’t mean that we need to have it.

15. Create gratitude rituals

When dealing with entitled teenagers, put more opportunities in place to practise gratitude.

For example, once or twice a week before a family meal, you can go around the table and ask every family member to share one thing they’re thankful for.

16. Don’t lecture or nag your teens about gratitude

Instead of lecturing or nagging, have casual family discussions about gratitude whenever relevant situations arise.

Gratitude is a value that must be both taught and “caught” – caught through the day-to-day interactions within the family.

17. Talk about things in the past that you’re grateful for

It’s helpful if you occasionally talk to your children about things in the past that you’re thankful for – even things that seemed bad at the time.

For example, you might be grateful that you didn’t get your initial dream job, because the setback propelled you down an even more meaningful career path.

There are even cancer patients who talk about receiving the “gift” of cancer.

They call it a gift because it taught them to live more intentionally and purposefully.

18. Teach your teens to practise mindfulness

Mindfulness allows your teens to fully experience their own emotions and to become more self-aware.

In turn, this fosters gratitude.

Performing deep breathing exercises and focusing on doing just one activity at a time (e.g. eating a meal alone without doing anything else like using your phone) can help to develop the mindfulness habit.

19. Ask your teens open-ended questions

To better understand how and what your children are feeling, ask them open-ended questions.

This will enable you to have meaningful discussions with them about what gratitude is and how to cultivate it.

20. Develop a family culture of empathy

Building empathy is a great way to deal with entitled teenagers.

Help your children to put themselves in other people’s shoes.

Ask them about why they think other people reacted the way they did in various situations.

The more often they try to empathise with others, the better they’ll understand the feelings of others.

Empathy and compassion are wonderful tools that enable gratitude to flourish.

21. Limit screen time

When teenagers indulge in screen time, their focus is largely on themselves.

During screen time, these are the typical questions that they’re asking themselves:

What fun do I want to have?
Which apps are the most entertaining to me?
What videos do I want to watch?
What should I post on social media?
Which games do I feel like playing?

Of course, screen time isn’t all bad. But you can see how it promotes self-centred thinking.

In contrast, empathy, compassion and gratitude are focused on others.

So it’s important that you have a family discussion about setting limits for screen time for everyone in the family – including you!

If you show that you’re intentional about limiting your own screen time, your children will be more open to having limits on their screen time too.

22. Help your teens to develop a growth mindset

A growth mindset is one that’s focused on the process and on learning from both your successes and failures.

A growth mindset for students is instrumental in developing the right kind of motivation. As your children begin to see every challenge as an opportunity, they’ll become more thankful for the obstacles in their path.

23. Be charitable

Donate to charities and volunteer on a regular basis.

Involve your teens in these activities, so that they’ll be exposed to the many needs that exist in society.

As a result, they’ll become more compassionate and less entitled.

24. Live a life of love

Be a person who is always showing love toward others.

Gratitude is a key component of love, and vice versa. One can’t exist fully without the other.

In practical ways, show love and concern for your family, your friends, and strangers.

The more love your family shows toward others, the more gratitude you and your children will express.

25. Empower your teens to become independent

When your teens are dependent on you for almost everything, they’ll feel entitled to everything they get.

If teens are too dependent on their parents, they feel powerless yet entitled. This is a bad combination.

Let go of the reins bit by bit.

Allow your children to gain confidence as they make more decisions, and take full responsibility for those decisions.

The more problem-solving abilities they develop and the more mature they become, the more they’ll appreciate the resources they have access to.

26. Do things that require more time and effort, and less money

When your teens see you spending money, it can often seem too easy to them.

By tapping a few times on your phone or swiping your credit card at a store – just like that, you’ve made a purchase.

Your children don’t see the hard work that went into earning the money that you’re spending.

This disconnect subconsciously breeds a sense of entitlement in your children.

Entitled teenagers continue to expect rewards even when they’ve only put in minimal effort.

That’s why it’s better to do things that require more time and effort, and less money, whenever possible.

When your children see the effort that goes into organising a camping trip or helping a neighbour move to a new home, they’ll understand the value of hard work.

Over time, as they develop a stronger work ethic, they’ll become more grateful.

After all, have you ever met someone with a strong work ethic and a positive attitude who was also entitled?

27. Find a mentor for your teens

It can sometimes be difficult to discuss issues related to entitlement and gratitude with your teens.

That’s why it’s beneficial for your teens to have a mentor.

Teenagers are far more likely to thrive when they have a mentor or coach.

A mentor can help your children to reflect on their weaknesses and develop a more holistic perspective. This is essential in order for them to mature and grow.

28. Write thank-you notes

Nowadays, it’s rare for people to send handwritten thank-you notes.

Be one of those people who does it. It’s a thoughtful gesture that doesn’t take much time.

Encourage your children to write thank-you notes to their teachers and friends at the end of each semester, or whenever the opportunity arises.

29. Experiment

There are many recommendations listed in this article.

Try out a few of these methods at a time and see which ones work best for you and your family.

The more consistent you are about experimenting with the tips, the greater success you’ll see.

30. Start small

Don’t try to implement all of these tips at once – that would be too overwhelming for both you and your teens.

Start small and be patient. Write down and track exactly which tips you’re implementing each week.

Day by day, you’ll observe positive changes in your children as you develop a family culture of gratitude.

Encouraging gratitude in entitled teens is an ongoing process

Cultivating a spirit of gratitude is a lifelong process.

There are times when all of us could be more grateful and less entitled.

Through the process of teaching your teens about gratitude, you’ll sometimes feel frustrated.

When this happens, remind yourself of how thankful you are to be a parent, to have the daily opportunity to lead and empower your children.

Being a parent is challenging, but it’s also a privilege.

This is a privilege to be grateful for! 🙂

Veronica Wallace is a childhood educator, writer and blogging enthusiast. She loves applying her knowledge of writing to new content pieces.

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The Complete List of 23 Best Memory Techniques for Studying

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 86 Comments

To do well in school, you need to know how to use your memory well.

Top students use a variety of memory techniques and tools to memorise information and recall it quickly during exams.

Of course, memory isn’t a substitute for understanding.

You’ll need to understand the topics you’re studying, if not you won’t be able to perform well.

But there are many techniques that will help you to memorise more of what you study.

Here are 23 of the best memory techniques for students.

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Memory techniques for studying

As you prepare for your next exam, try out a few of the following memory techniques for students.

I’m confident that you’ll find them useful!

1. Use images

The human brain processes images faster than words.

In fact, 90% of the information that our brains process is visual. We also process visual information 60,000 times faster than words.

So it’s no surprise that we remember images better than words.

That’s why turning words or equations into images is an effective memorisation technique.

Take a fact that you want to remember and convert it into an image. But not just any image – try to make the image funny or exaggerated.

The more ridiculous the image, the easier it will be to remember.

For example, to remember that cations are positively charged ions and anions are negatively charged ions, you could…

Imagine a cat, and think about the fact that cats have paws. “Paws” reminds you of “positive”, so cations are positively charged.
“Anion” kind of sounds like “onion”, and onions can make you cry. Crying is generally considered to be a negative event, so anions are negatively charged.

Here’s another example.

Let’s say that you want to remember that Neil Armstrong was the first human to step on the moon.

You could imagine a man walking on the moon with a nail (“nail” sounds like “Neil”) in his muscular arm (to remind you of the word “Armstrong”).

Images are powerful as a memory technique, because they’ll enable you to retain more information while spending less time studying overall.

2. “Match” information with sounds or letters

Sometimes words sound the same or have similar spelling.

And some words are just difficult to spell.

For example, here’s how you can use sounds or letters to remember these facts:

“Grey” is used in England, whereas “gray” is used in America
“Necessary” has one “c” and two “s’s”, just as a shirt has one collar and two sleeves
Stalagmites (a type of rock formation) grow from the ground, while stalactites grow from the ceiling

3. Use acronyms and mnemonics

Acronyms and mnemonics are also useful memory techniques for students.

An acronym is an abbreviation formed from the first letter of a series of words.

For example, PEMDAS is an acronym for remembering the order of operations in math:

Parenthesis
Exponents
Multiplication
Division
Addition
Subtraction

A mnemonic is a short phrase used to remember a rule or a principle, such as “i” before “e” except after “c”.

This mnemonic reminds students that the letter “i” usually comes before “e” when spelling various words – as in “lie,” “belief” and “pie”.

The exception is when “i” comes after “c” – as in “receive” and “ceiling”.

Here’s another example.

My Very Excited Mother Just Served Us Noodles is a mnemonic you can use to remember the order of the eight planets in our solar system:

Mercury
Venus
Earth
Mars
Jupiter
Saturn
Uranus
Neptune

In addition, “May I have a pillow?” is a mnemonic you can use to memorise the value of pi: 3.1416 (“may” has 3 letters, “I” has 1 letter, and so on).

It also helps that the first two letters of “pillow” form the word “pi”.

4. Create a story

Another effective memory technique is to build a story around the facts that you’re trying to memorise.

Let’s say that you’re trying to learn the formula for gravitational potential energy (P.E. = mgh).

You could make up a story where you’re having a PE (physical education) class, when suddenly you see your mother (m), grandmother (g) and a horse (h) standing together.

Or maybe you’re trying to memorise the formula E = mc².

You could imagine an elephant (E) walking towards a monkey (m) that’s holding a square-shaped cracker (c²).

5. Connect the information to something that you already know well

Research shows that it’s easier to learn something new if you can link it to something you already understand.

For instance, if you’re learning about electricity, you could compare electricity to water using this analogy:

Charge = water in a water tank
Current = flow of water
Voltage = water pressure

This isn’t a perfect analogy, but it will help you to learn concepts related to electricity faster.

Here’s one more example.

Let’s say that you’re learning about Ancient Rome, and you already know a lot about Ancient Greece. You could connect the two areas of knowledge by noting that:

Both the Greeks and Romans relied on agriculture as an important part of their economies.
The Greeks were eventually governed through democracy, while the Romans were governed through a mixture of democracy, monarchy and oligarchy.
The Greeks colonised, while the Romans conquered.
The Greeks spoke Greek, while the Romans spoke Latin.

By forming these connections, you’ll retain more of the information you learn about Ancient Rome.

6. Study in different locations

Many people will tell you to do all of your studying in one place.

The idea is that this will enable you to study more effectively, because you associate learning with that one place.

But research shows that this isn’t always the case.

In a classic experiment, psychologists gave college students a list of 40 words to memorise.

The students memorised the list in two different rooms. One room was windowless and cluttered, while the other room was modern and had a nice view.

These students did far better when they were tested, as compared to other students who studied the same list of words twice, in the same room.

These results have also been observed in other similar experiments.

So why would it aid in memorisation to study the same material in different locations?

Studying the same material in different settings forces the brain to make multiple associations with the material. In other words, the different settings create more “mental scaffolding” that you can “hang” the new material on.

To take advantage of this effect, try changing your studying environment. Do some of your studying at home, some in school, and some at the library.

But remember that for this technique to work, you need to be studying the same material in different locations.

7. Go to sleep after learning something challenging

You probably know that not getting enough sleep will negatively affect your memory. If you’re wondering what things top students do differently, getting enough sleep is certainly one of them.

But did you know that going to sleep shortly after a study session will improve your recall of the material you just studied?

Research shows that students who went to sleep within a few hours of a learning session were better able to remember what they just learned.

So if you need to learn something that’s especially challenging, do it a few hours before you go to sleep.

8. Go for a walk before trying to memorise information

Exercise is good for both your body and your brain.

In a study conducted by James T. Haynes IV, participants who walked on a treadmill for 15 minutes before the learning period were better able to remember two lists of 15 words.

To take advantage of this memory technique, go for a short walk before listening to a recording of a lecture, studying flashcards, or memorising definitions or equations.

9. Say the information out loud

This technique is based on research conducted at the University of Waterloo.

The research shows that we are more likely to remember information that we have read aloud to ourselves, compared to information that we have only read silently.

This phenomenon is based on what researchers call the “production effect”.

The explanation for this effect is that words read aloud are more distinctive to our brain than words uttered silently. This distinctiveness aids the process of encoding the information in our memory.

So when you want to memorise a certain piece of information, read it out loud.

10. Understand the information fully before you try to memorise it

One common mistake students make is trying to memorise information without understanding it.

This type of rote learning doesn’t work.

It’s difficult to memorise content when you use rote learning. This is because when you don’t understand a topic, you won’t have any mental “pegs” on which to hang the new information.

This goes back to the idea of “mental scaffolding”, a concept that I mentioned earlier.

Let’s look at an example.

The trigger for World War One was the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand by a 19-year old named Gavrilo Princip.

You could try to memorise this fact on its own, but it would be hard to do so.

Imagine if you also learned these related facts:

Archduke Franz Ferdinand was assassinated in Sarajevo, the capital of Bosnia
Bosnia was a part of the Austro-Hungarian empire
Serbia wanted to take control of Bosnia
Gavrilo Princip was a Serbian nationalist
Austria invaded Serbia because it felt threatened by Serbian nationalism
Serbia had a treaty with Russia
Austria had a treaty with Germany
Russia mobilised its forces to support Serbia, and Germany mobilised its forces to support Austria

These additional facts put the original fact in context. As such, it gives you “pegs” on which to hang the original fact.

Here’s another example.

Let’s say you want to learn Pythagoras’ theorem: in a right-angled triangle, the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides.

If that’s all you learn, it will be difficult to memorise the theorem.

But what if you also learn that – using this theorem – you can find the length of the third side of any right-angled triangle, if you know the lengths of the other two sides?

You’ll then understand why the theorem is useful, which means you’ll find it easier to memorise.

11. Teach other people about what you’ve learned

Research shows that when people learn material and then teach it to others, their comprehension increases significantly.

So an effective memory technique is to teach others about what you’re learning.

Doing so will increase your comprehension and retention of the material.

Plus, it’s always good to help others and teach them the material if they don’t understand it!

You’ll start to realise that knowledge is meant to be shared and not hoarded, which will increase your motivation to study.

12. Use colours

Colours capture our attention. What’s more, they work as a kind of mental shorthand.

Colours give context to the material you’re studying, and help you to process it more efficiently.

As mentioned earlier, the brain processes visual input – such as colours – 60,000 times faster than text.

This means that when you colour-code information, it allows your brain to pre-process the information before you actually study it.

Here are some tips for using colours to help you to learn better:

Colour-code after you’ve taken notes, not while you’re taking notes. (This is because colour-coding while taking notes will interrupt the flow of your study session, and you may also end up overdoing it.)
Use highlighters, multi-coloured pens and multi-coloured sticky notes.

Use a consistent colour code across all your subjects and topics.

For example, you might decide to use a system like this:

Blue = key fact
Green = key explanation
Red = key example

Or you might use colour codes for sub-topics like this:

Blue = main causes of World War 2
Green = main events of World War 2
Yellow = main consequences of World War 2

A word of caution: When using colours as a study aid, don’t go overboard. If too much of your study material is coloured or highlighted, you’ll become confused.

13. Write out the information you want to memorise

Studies have shown that within two days of hearing or reading new information, we forget 60% of it.

But if we write out the information, our recall increases significantly.

The act of doing this forces us to evaluate and categorise the new information. This process helps to consolidate the new information in our memory.

Of course, it isn’t possible to write out all the information contained in your textbooks – that would take way too much time.

So write out only the key information, equations, definitions, etc. that you need to memorise.

14. Draw tables and diagrams

Many of the memory techniques for students discussed in this article help to create more “mental scaffolding”. This enables you to store new information in your brain more easily.

Another way to add more mental scaffolding is to present the new information in the form of tables, diagrams, and mind maps.

For example, you could draw a simple diagram to explain the carbon cycle.

Or you could draw a Venn diagram to compare the characteristics of birds and bats.

Or you could draw a mind map to illustrate the causes of the Second World War.

By using tables, diagrams, and mind maps, you’ll remember the concepts faster as compared to if you just tried to memorise chunks of text.

15. Whenever possible, use hard-to-read fonts

Princeton University and Indiana University researchers discovered an interesting effect. Test subjects had better recall when the information was presented to them in hard-to-read fonts.

One explanation for this is that hard-to-read fonts (like Comic Sans MS) make us think about what we’re reading more deeply. This is in comparison to easy-to-read fonts (like Arial).

But the researchers noted that there are limits to this effect.

As fonts become exceedingly difficult to read, the benefits for information recall begin to diminish.

16. Memorise lists with the rhyming peg-word system

You can use this technique to memorise a list of items.

In the rhyming peg-word system, each number is linked to a noun that rhymes with it.

For example:

= Bun
= Shoe
= Tree
= Door
= Hive
= Sticks
= Heaven
= Gate
= Wine
= Pen

Once you’ve memorised these associations, you can then link the noun to an item in a list that you want to memorise.

For example, let’s say that you want to memorise three elements in the periodic table: hydrogen, oxygen and carbon.

Create an image in your mind that links each of the items with the noun from the list above:

Hydrogen: Imagine a bun tied to a balloon that’s filled with hydrogen.
Oxygen: Imagine an oxygen tank falling on someone’s shoe.
Carbon: Imagine a tree soaking up carbon from the ground and the air.

17. Apply the method of loci (memory palace)

Legend has it that the Greek poet Simonides invented the method of loci, also known as the “memory palace”.

Simonides was attending a dinner banquet when the building suddenly collapsed. He was the only survivor.

The bodies were crushed beyond recognition. But Simonides was able to identify the bodies by remembering where each person had been sitting.

He later realised that this technique – of associating information with places (or loci) – could be used to memorise all kinds of information.

Here’s how to use the technique.

Let’s say you have a list of 10 grocery items that you want to memorise:

Bananas
Milk
Cooking oil
Fish
Broccoli
Peanuts
Apples
Curry powder
Eggs
Coffee beans

Visualise yourself opening the front door of your house and realising that the doorknob is actually a banana.

Then imagine that as you open the door, a flood of milk comes pouring out of the house.

You walk down the hall into the kitchen and find that the kitchen table is covered in cooking oil.

Then you see a large fish in the kitchen sink.

Next, you look out the window and see broccoli growing in your garden.

And so on.

You can use the method of loci to remember items, points that you want to cover in a presentation, or tasks that you need to complete.

18. Practise active recall

Active recall is a memory technique that takes advantage of what is known as the “testing effect”.

This is the tendency for your memory to improve when you devote some of your learning to retrieving the information in an active way.

Active recall is vastly different from passive recall.

In passive recall, you learn the material in a passive way, e.g. reading notes, listening to an audio recording of a lecture, watching a video about a science concept.

In contrast, in active recall you practise retrieving the information.

You can do this by answering questions about the material or taking quizzes and tests. You can also try the Feynman technique.

Passive recall is a necessary part of learning, but I recommend that the majority of your learning consist of active recall.

19. Make flashcards

Flashcards are a popular study tool.

If you’re already using flashcards, are you using them in the right way?

Here’s a technique for getting the most out of flashcards.

On the front of the card, write the term, concept, word or name of the equation that you want to learn.
On the back of the card, at the top left corner, write the explanation, definition or full equation. As far as possible, use your own words.
At the top right corner, write the category or topic that the term belongs to. If it’s a vocabulary word, you could write the type of word it is, e.g. noun, verb, adjective. If it’s a concept or an event in history, write the topic or upper-level category that it belongs to.
At the bottom left corner, write a sentence or example that contains the term.
At the bottom right corner, draw a picture, diagram or graph that represents the term.

Not all the steps listed above will be applicable in every single situation.

But it’s a good practice to apply as many of the steps as you can, because this will aid your learning.

Here’s an example.

Let’s say that you want to learn about π, the mathematical constant.

On the front of the card, write “π”.
On the back of the card, at the top left corner, write “π = 3.1416″.
At the top right corner, write “mathematical constant”.
At the bottom left corner, write “circumference of a circle = 2πr = πd”.
At the bottom right corner, draw a diagram of a circle and indicate the radius, diameter and circumference of the circle.

When you’re studying, keep a stack of blank flashcards next to you.

Every time you come across a term or concept that you want to memorise, write it down on the front of the flashcard.

Later, when you’re done reading the set of notes, take each of these flashcards and complete the steps outlined above (i.e. steps 2 to 5).

Study your flashcards at regular intervals. Read what’s written on the front of the flashcard, and then see if you can recall what’s written on the back of the flashcard.

By doing this, you’d be applying the principle of active recall, which we discussed in the previous tip.

20. Use chunking to make the information more memorable

Chunking is a memory technique where you break down a topic into sub-topics, or a list of items into smaller groups of items.

Chunking makes the information easier to memorise.

Here’s a simple example.

Let’s say you have a shopping list that contains the following items:

Corn
Broccoli
Cooking oil
Cucumber
Ketchup
Watermelon
Flour
Rice
Coconut milk

You could chunk this list down into four sub-lists based on colour:

Yellow items

Corn
Cooking oil

Red items

Red capsicum
Ketchup

White items

Flour
Rice
Coconut milk

Green items

Cucumber
Broccoli

It will be much easier for you to remember the items on your shopping list because they’re organised according to colour.

Here’s an example that’s more applicable to students.

You might be trying to memorise the names of the presidents of the United States.

You could chunk the list down by dividing it into five sub-lists, comprising presidents from different periods of US history:

American Revolution to the end of the Civil War
End of the Civil War to the start of WWI
Start of WWI to the end of WWII
Cold War era
Post-Cold War era

In these two examples, the principle is the same. You make the information easier to memorise by categorising it into different groups.

This approach provides the neural scaffolding that will enable you to recall the information later on.

21. Use as many of your senses as possible

Have you ever encountered a smell or heard a song that took you back a couple of years to another place?

If so, you’ll understand that your senses play a key role in how we encode memories.

The idea that sensory stimuli like touch, sight, and sound can aid in learning is the basis of the renowned Montessori Method.

The more senses you engage in the learning process, the better you’ll remember the information.

For example, you could use pictures and graphics to summarise key concepts.

You could also play calming classical music during your study sessions, because this has been shown to improve learning.

In addition, you could try out various forms of hands-on learning – such as building models – to enhance your memory too.

22. Review the information using spaced repetition

In the spaced repetition system, students review the same information at increasing intervals over time.

Studies have shown that spaced repetition causes more information to be encoded into long-term memory, as compared to “cramming”.

To implement this tip, try studying the same material over short sessions, separated by intervals that get longer over time.

For example, you could do the first review within a day of learning the new information, then the next review could be three days later, then one week later, then three weeks later, etc.

This might sound tedious, but it will save you many, many hours in the long run!

23. “Mix up” topics through interleaving

Interleaving is a technique that involves learning different related skills or types of knowledge over the course of an hour or longer.

The opposite of interleaving is called “blocking”.

This is where students master one skill or area of knowledge before progressing to the next.

For example, someone who is learning how to play basketball using the blocking approach might focus only on dribbling.

Only after he has mastered dribbling will he move on to learn how to perform a chest pass. And only after he has mastered the chest pass will he move on to learn how to perform a bounce pass.

In blocking, you’d learn Skill A before Skill B, and Skill B before Skill C.

But in interleaving, you’d learn different skills or types of knowledge concurrently – or almost concurrently.

For example, in interleaving, the same basketball player might perform 15 minutes of dribbling drills, followed by 15 minutes of chest pass drills, followed by 15 minutes of bounce pass drills.

This cycle might be repeated 2 to 3 times over the course of a training session.

For many years, educators believed that blocking was the best way to study. But recent research has shown that interleaving produces far better outcomes.

In one study, interleaving resulted in a 25% to 76% improvement in learning.

To take advantage of this memorisation technique, try to mix up your study topics within a given subject over the course of a study session.

For example, if you’re learning geometry, don’t just practise questions related to circle geometry. Do some questions on circles, then some questions on triangles, then some questions on quadrilaterals.

By doing a mixture of somewhat related questions, your overall understanding and recall will improve.

Which memory techniques will you try first?

I know… in this article I’ve discussed a lot of memory techniques for students to use.

There are definitely too many for you to use all of them at once!

I encourage you to go through the list once more and pick out 2 to 3 techniques that you feel would be most beneficial for you.

Once you’ve used those 2 to 3 techniques consistently for several weeks, go back to the list and choose another 2 to 3 to put into practice.

Over time, I’m confident that you’ll see a huge improvement in your ability to recall information – and I’m sure you’ll start to get better grades too!

(Try some of these test-taking strategies to help you maintain your composure during exams.)

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6 Proven Ways to Make Your Teenager More Responsible

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 6 Comments

Note from Daniel: This is a guest post by Alyssa Abel.

All parents want their teens to develop into sensible and responsible adults.

That’s obvious, right?

But while parents want their teens to complete their schoolwork and do their chores, it’s up to them what choices they make.

As teenagers, it’s time they make more of their own decisions, but you can still guide them down the right path.

In this article, we’ll discuss 6 ways to make your teenager more responsible.

(Don’t forget to download your free e-book below.)

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Your teenager will never be perfect

First, it’s important to remember that your teenager will never be perfect.

Your teenager won’t always be the perfect example of a focused, kind and diligent person.

On occasion, they’ll choose to hang out with their friends instead of doing their homework. Or they might forget to follow through on their commitments.

But it’s a journey.

The teen years are a trying time. Your teen may look and act more like an adult than ever before, but they aren’t fully developed yet.

This means that their reasoning and decision-making skills are not entirely formed. As such, they won’t always make the choices that you think they should.

You don’t have to be a perfect parent either. You just need to do your best and improve your parenting skills.

Once you banish the idea of perfection, teaching accountability and responsibility becomes simpler.

Are you ready to dive in?

Let’s learn about the 6 approaches to turn your child into a responsible teen.

1. Develop clear expectations collaboratively

Through the course of our lives, we must meet certain expectations.

If you don’t fulfil your responsibilities in school, you won’t be able to get into the school or profession you want.

If you keep missing deadlines at work, you’ll soon find yourself without a job.

This idea applies to relationships and other aspects of life too.

That’s why it’s essential to ensure that your teenager understands what the expectations are.

What must they do? What specific behaviours should they avoid? What consequences will result if they behave irresponsibly?

Think about what you want from your child. He won’t get everything right the first time, so start small.

A good way to approach expectations is to set rules and boundaries together with your teenager.

Example

Let’s say that you’d like your teen to wash the dishes on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

After having a discussion with him about this, you could create a list that details your expectations. You could request that he ticks a box whenever he completes the task.

To make it feel like a team effort, you can create a list for the chores you have to do too – you can also tick the right box when you complete the chore.

And when your teen follows through, show genuine appreciation. You could simply say to him: “Thank you for washing the dishes. I appreciate it.”

What happens when your teen doesn’t follow through on multiple occasions?

Well, it’s time to have a conversation.

Don’t be accusatory or judgmental. Instead, ask him about what happened.

You could say, “I noticed that you didn’t do the dishes on Thursday. What happened?”

Sometimes, there’s a deeper issue you’ll need to help your teen address.

For example, maybe he was overwhelmed with homework that evening. He was in a rush to get his work done and forgot to wash the dishes.

Is he struggling in school? Does he need to improve his planning skills?

In some cases, you may need to implement a system of consequences. But most of the time, if you get to the root issue, this won’t be necessary.

2. Teach your teen time management skills

Time management plays a significant role in responsible behaviour.

If you’re unreliable, others won’t be able to trust that you’ll deliver – in school, work or relationships.

Teens who budget their time well will make better decisions. They’ll also be less stressed and anxious.

It’s essential to teach your teenager about time management. (By this, I do not mean that you should continually nag her to manage her time better!)

Like many other life lessons, this one starts with you.

If you’re frequently late or disorganised, your teen will follow in your footsteps. So make your calendar and reminder apps your best friends!

Example

Teenagers have many commitments, from extra classes to extracurricular activities.

But homework remains one of the most substantial tasks they have to complete, so it’s a good place to start.

If your teen lacks organisational skills, schedule a time with her to have a planning session.

During this session, work out a rough weekly schedule by taking into account her regular commitments.

Ensure that she’s involved in the planning process, and that it isn’t just you trying to force her to agree on a schedule you’ve drawn up.

For example, if your teen gets home from school at around 4 p.m. each day, agree on a time when she will start doing her homework (maybe 5:30 p.m. or 6 p.m.).

Each weekend, you can try to organise a family session where everyone reviews their own events coming up over the next 1 to 2 weeks and plans for what tasks they need to complete.

You can do this individually or as a family, depending on what works for you.

(You can even find a coach to work with your teen. Educational coaching teaches, among many other things, organisational and time management skills.)

Help your teen to estimate the amount of time they’ll need to accomplish each task.

People (adults included!) are notoriously bad at estimating how long tasks will take, so make sure there’s plenty of buffer.

Talk to your teen about how to harness her most productive times.

Most teens need at least 30 to 60 minutes to unwind after getting home from school. Beyond that, does your teen hit her peak early in the evening?

Or maybe she would do better if she goes to bed early and wakes up early to complete some tasks?

Try your best not to nag your teenager to do her homework, as you want her to build time management skills on her own.

Of course, if she starts to fall away from the schedule she has agreed upon, you’ll need to sit down with her to review the situation.

Instead of saying, “Why aren’t you getting your schoolwork done on time?” ask for her input.

Has she not been sleeping well, which has affected her concentration? Or did she prioritise her tasks poorly?

Turn the discussion into a problem-solving meeting instead of a nagging or scolding session.

3. Model consideration and empathy

While time management skills will help your teen demonstrate a sense of responsibility, consideration will take him further.

I’m sure that you want your teen to be thoughtful, polite and observant – as well as responsible.

Consideration means being aware of others’ emotions and responding appropriately.

In other words, your teenager should learn to treat others with respect, while also being less self-centred.

For example, it’s OK to feel disappointed if the grocery store runs out of his favourite breakfast cereal. But it isn’t OK to complain every day about how you’re to blame because you didn’t get the cereal before it ran out.

Of course, when a situation seems unfair, anyone would be tempted to lash out or be unkind.

But if your teenager has laid the right foundation of consideration and empathy, he’ll behave in a responsible way regardless of how he feels.

This is especially so because he considers how his actions will impact others.

Example

Let’s say your teen has an uncle who is having a birthday party this weekend.

But your teen doesn’t want to go to the party. Instead, he wants to hang out with his friends.

Instead of forcing him to attend the party, you can have a discussion with him to help him to think through the situation.

You could ask questions like:

How do you think your uncle will feel if you don’t go to the party?
Is it possible for you to spend time with your friends on another day?
If you really decide not to attend the party, what will you do to make amends?

Bring up the topic in a non-accusatory way, and you’ll get a better response from your teen.

By processing such situations with your teen, he’ll start to consider the feelings of others more often.

4. Help your teen to develop emotional control

Most teenagers experience mood swings. One day, they’re cheerful. The next day, they don’t want to leave their room.

Teenagers are going through huge changes mentally and emotionally, so these mood swings are normal.

But it’s important for them to understand that all feelings are permissible, but not all actions are.

This type of emotional management is the foundation of responsibility.

Example

Differentiating between emotions can help teens to behave responsibly even when they have negative feelings.

Unfortunately, without intentional practice, many teens aren’t able to pinpoint what emotion they’re even experiencing.

Distinguishing between feelings of sadness and betrayal, disappointment and discouragement, frustration and anger, etc. are key in order for teens to manage their emotions.

As Dr Daniel Siegel says with regard to emotions, “You must name it to tame it.” This means that you need to label your emotions accurately to get them under control.

For example, many teens say that they feel upset in different situations, even though one time they might feel frustrated, while another time they might feel betrayed.

The more specific teens are about labelling their emotions, the more “manageable” their emotions become.

The following activities can help your teen to develop this skill:

Journaling: Encourage your teenager to write about the feelings she experiences. Explain to her: “Your writing may not make sense, and that’s OK. Sometimes, emotions don’t make sense, but journaling will help you to process them.” Invite her to talk about what she has written.
Drawing: Sometimes, it can prove challenging to put emotions into words. Encourage your teenager to draw or paint to express her feelings. She might use streaks of vivid colour or create comic-like sketches – whatever works to express herself.
Listening to music: Ask your teenager about the music she enjoys. Does she like the message behind the lyrics? Is she drawn to musicians who are passionate or calm? This exercise can help her to understand her own feelings better.

When parenting teens, it’s important to talk about the challenges you face in your own life.

When you dare to be vulnerable, it will become normal in your family to discuss emotions.

If everyone in your family is open about how they feel, it will be easier for your teen to develop the skills needed to manage her emotions.

5. Create a family culture of accountability

If you want to raise a responsible teenager, he must understand the value of accountability.

A responsible and accountable person owns up to his actions. When he makes a mistake, he admits it.

Make sure that you model this behaviour as well!

Teach your teen the value of doing the right thing, even if the consequences for him are inconvenient or even detrimental.

When your teen is faced with a difficult choice, you want him to ask himself, “Is this the right thing to do?” instead of “If I do the wrong thing, will I get caught?”

Creating a family culture of accountability begins by emphasising the value of character development over practical outcomes.

Example

Let’s say that your teenager comes home 1 hour after his curfew without informing you in advance.

When you ask him about what happened, he blames his friends. He claims that his friends wanted to watch a late-night movie, so everyone decided to stay out longer.

Then when he started watching the movie, he forgot to tell you that he would be home late because the movie was so exciting.

He says that he would have put his friendships in jeopardy if he had gone home early.

When your teen makes a mistake, he needs to be aware that he had a choice to do the right thing – even if he didn’t feel that way.

Without losing your cool (I know this is easier said than done!), help him to reflect on the following questions:

Was he correct to think that he would lose his friends if he didn’t watch the movie with them?
Why did he think it was more important to get the approval of his friends than to keep to his curfew?
Did he think about how you would be worried about him?
At what point could he have made the right decision to leave before the movie started?
Were his friends really to blame for him missing the curfew?

Although you might need to enact consequences, make sure that you don’t do it in a moment of anger.

If necessary, tell your teen that you need time to think about what consequences would be suitable before you decide on them.

6. Encourage your teen to pursue self-directed goals

In order for a teenager to behave responsibly, in the long run, it must be something she chooses to do. It can’t be something she feels forced to do.

For instance, if you want your teen to be a responsible student who always works hard, then she must feel as if it’s her choice to do so.

If she feels that she’s being coerced or nagged into submitting the assignments on time, she’ll eventually act irresponsibly in this area.

How can you help your teen to become a self-motivated and responsible individual who makes wise choices?

By empowering her to set and achieve self-directed goals in various areas of her life.

Example

Instead of continually nagging your teen about how she ought to take her schoolwork and chores seriously, think about her interests.

What are her strengths? What gets her excited?

Talk to her about how she might be able to use these traits to create something (a video, website, app, artwork, etc.) or to solve a real problem.

If it’s challenging for you to do this, engage the help of a mentor or coach.

For example, if your teen is interested in music, maybe she can learn how to compose and record a song. Through this process, she’ll learn how to write lyrics, choose a song structure, create a melody, edit an audio recording, and more.

You might need to give her guidance at the beginning. But as the project progresses, she’ll learn to be more resourceful.

These are traits that students don’t typically develop in school!

Or maybe your teen has a heart to serve the needy and underprivileged. You could help her to find ways to do so in meaningful and sustainable ways.

By creating things and solving real problems (not just math and science homework problems), your teen will develop a sense of significance.

This sense of significance will be separate from that which she derives from her performance in school and in her extracurricular activities.

As time goes by, she’ll become more self-directed and responsible.

Conclusion

You can’t expect your teen to make improvements in all the 6 areas right away.

You’re not perfect, and neither is your teen. So take your time as you make progress together.

I know it’s frustrating for you to observe the ways in which your teen is irresponsible.

But instead of scolding and punishing him, apply the tips in this article. After all, you can’t scold or punish your teen into becoming a responsible young adult.

Take it one issue at a time, one tip at a time, and one day at a time.

I’m sure you’ll see improvements, so keep at it!

Alyssa Abel is an education writer with an interest in parenting, education methodologies and student lifestyle.

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Rebellious Teens: 25 Practical Tips to Parent Them Effectively

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 13 Comments

How do you handle a rebellious teen?

It’s a challenging situation for parents to deal with.

Angry answers to innocent questions, slammed doors, refusing to study – these are behaviours you may be all too familiar with.

Rebellious teens can turn the home into a war zone. So parents come to me feeling as if their teenagers hate them.

Through my work with over 20,000 teens so far, I’ve come across every kind of parent-teen problem you can imagine.

I’ve learned what works and what doesn’t. So, in this article, I’m going to share with you 25 tips for handling rebellious teens more effectively.

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1. Decide exactly which behaviours are unacceptable

There are many behaviours your teenager displays that might annoy you.

You might not like the clothes she wears, or you might not like the mess in his bedroom.

But if you react to every one of these behaviours, your relationship with your teenager will descend into one long argument.

Over time, your teen will come to see you as a parent who can never be pleased.

Not only that, if you are constantly criticising your teenager, she will soon learn to block it out as “background noise”.

And that’s bad, because when you really need to register your disapproval, it won’t count for anything.

So it’s essential to be clear about the difference between behaviours that are annoying and those that are unacceptable.

To put it another way, you need to pick your battles.

Parents will have their own boundaries regarding behaviour that is annoying and behaviour that is unacceptable.

Screaming at you while you’re trying to explain something or calling you an “idiot” to your face might be examples of unacceptable behaviours.

On the other hand, what time they take a shower and what they choose to eat might be examples of behaviours that you choose to ignore.

2. Accept the fact that your teen isn’t perfect

Overparenting can take many forms. One common manifestation of overparenting is expecting too much of your teenager.

It’s natural for parents to want the best for their teenagers. After all, we are biologically programmed to protect and care for our children.

But wanting the best for your teenager can easily turn into something negative.

That’s what happens when parents turn their teens into a “project”.

For these parents, their teenager is a “diamond in the rough” that needs to be polished to an ever-higher standard.

High parental aspirations can lead to an obsession with perfection. And that, in turn, can make your teenager feel suffocated.

As a parent, it’s crucial to remember that the teenage years are about letting go. Your teenager is learning to separate himself from you.

He is in the process of launching out into the world, so he longs for independence and autonomy.

As a parent, it’s hard not to be concerned about your teenager’s future. But you must balance that concern with your teenager’s need to become his own person.

3. Focus on just one issue at a time

When parenting teens who display defiant behaviour, focus on one issue at a time.

Your teen may be exhibiting many problematic or risky behaviours. But if you try to deal with all of them at once, it will be difficult to address any one behaviour effectively.

It’s much better to tackle difficult behaviours one at a time, typically starting with smaller issues and then moving on to bigger issues.

This way, the focus will be clear, and you will avoid overwhelming your teen.

4. When having a serious conversation with your teen, try to have it outside the home

Why do I recommend this?

Because your teen probably thinks of your home as a place where you have all the power.

It’s better to have the conversation on neutral ground, such as in a café, a restaurant, or on a park bench.

This way, your teen will be more likely to be open to constructive discussion. She will also be less likely to subconsciously revert to rebellious attitudes.

If possible, have the conversation at a place your teen enjoys going to. This will further improve the chances of having a fruitful discussion.

5. Discuss possible solutions together with your teen

Make sure the conversation is focused on problem-solving, and ensure that your teen is part of the process of finding a solution.

This will create a positive atmosphere where both parties are able to suggest possible solutions to the problem.

Avoid turning the meeting into a one-sided conversation where you set the rules and your teen has to accept your position.

Such one-sided conversations will lead to a confrontation, which won’t help the situation.

6. Ensure that nobody walks away from the discussion feeling like a loser

Ensure that the discussion ends in a win-win (or at least no-lose) situation for both you and your teenager.

Make sure that your teenager doesn’t leave the meeting feeling like they lost, and you won.

The way to do this is to help your teenager feel heard. Allow them to play an active role in reaching the outcomes you both agree upon.

For example, if the issue is how much screen time your teenager should have on weekdays, ask her to suggest a limit.

Or if the issue is that your teenager is not helping with the household chores, ask him what daily tasks he would be willing to do.

When teenagers feel as if they are involved in the discussion, they are more likely to take ownership of the solutions and stick to them.

7. Postpone the conversation if you or your teen starts to become angry

Keep in mind that the purpose of the meeting isn’t to vent frustrations.

When tempers flare, it’s challenging to find solutions that both parties are agreeable to.

So if either you or your teen starts to get angry, it’s best to postpone the conversation to another time.

8. Refrain from casting judgment on your teen

Avoid making judgmental statements about your teen’s choices or behaviour.

In particular, avoid statements that begin with the words: “You always” or “You never”.

These kinds of statements are too general, and will put your teen on the defensive.

If your teen feels that you regard her as a “problem child”, she is likely to continue her problematic behaviour.

This is because teens tend to behave in a way that is consistent with how their parents view them.

Repetitive nagging or criticism will push your teen toward rebellious behaviour.

9. Understand how your teen feels instead of prescribing solutions

As a parent, it’s natural to point out to your teen solutions to their problems.

For example, you might want to say to your daughter: “If you didn’t use your phone so much, you wouldn’t get such bad grades.”

Or you might want to say to your son: “If you kept your room tidy, you wouldn’t keep losing your belongings.”

But your teen will see these “solutions” as criticisms, and will feel irritated as a result.

Instead of pointing out what they are doing wrong, start out by building a better relationship with your teen.

The best way to do that is to listen.

Listen to your teen “actively”. This means listening in a way that your teen will feel respected.

Maintain eye contact, and nod your head once in a while. Use phrases like “Tell me more” to encourage your teen to continue talking.

Once in a while, summarise what you think you hear your teen saying.

These active listening techniques send a message to your teen that he is being heard. Your teen will share more about what he is feeling, so you’ll understand him better.

10. As a family, create a family mission statement

Almost every company has a mission statement. A mission statement guides it as it serves its customers and conducts its business.

Families can benefit from having a mission statement too.

One benefit of having a mission statement is that it lays out a set of shared principles and values. Having a shared sense of purpose bonds parents and children together.

This is especially so if you involve your children in developing the mission statement.

To create a family mission statement, have a family meeting, and ask questions such as:

What is our family’s mission?
What kind of family do we want to be?
Which values are most important to our family?
What kind of relationships do we want to have within our family?
How do we want to treat one another?

For more information about developing a family mission statement, refer to this article.

11. Share your feelings about your teen’s behaviour

One of the reasons your teen is so defiant is that it seems to her that you have all the power, while she has none.

You can restore balance to the relationship by allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

Instead of just telling your teen that his behaviour is not acceptable, tell him how you feel about his behaviour.

For example, you could say: “I feel worried when I see you staying up past midnight on a school night. This is because it’s going to be hard for you to get through school the next day.”

Or you could say: “I feel disrespected when you walk away in the middle of a conversation.”

By sharing your feelings – instead of nagging or criticising your teen – you make yourself vulnerable.

If you deal with teenage attitude this way, your teen will be more understanding and less rebellious.

Contrast this with the kind of parenting that sends this message: “I’m the parent, you’re the child, and you’ll just do as I say.” This approach encourages your teen to become more rebellious.

12. Confirm what you think you hear your teen saying

During the teen years, when your child’s brain is still developing, communicating with her will often not be straightforward.

So it’s a good idea to confirm that you have understood what she is saying.

For example, you might ask your teenage daughter: “Is it okay if I send this photo of you to your grandparents?”

She might reply: “I guess so.”

This doesn’t sound like a definite “yes”, so it would be best to check your understanding of her response.

You could then ask: “Does that mean you’re happy for me to send that photo, or would you rather I choose a different one?”

Using this approach can help to avoid a misunderstanding that later leads to a conflict.

13. When your teen does something you appreciate, let him or her know

As a parent of a teen, it’s easy to become focused on the behaviours that bother you.

The danger of this is that your teen may come to see you as an “unpleasable parent”.

As such, it’s important to show appreciation when your teen does something you’re grateful for.

If your teen helps her younger brother with his homework, you could say: “Thank you for helping Joshua with his homework.”

Or if you see your teenage son taking out the trash, you could say: “I appreciate you helping out with the household chores.”

14. Don’t use sarcasm

Sarcasm might seem funny, but it’s actually a form of aggression. You can see this from the origin of the word.

“Sarcasm” comes from the Greek word “sarkazein”, which means “to tear the flesh off”.

Using sarcasm will damage the relationship between you and your teenager. This is because your teenager will feel wounded and belittled.

If you are in the habit of using sarcasm, make a conscious effort to eliminate the habit altogether.

Using sarcasm frequently will result in a toxic home environment. This will lead to your teenager becoming more rebellious.

15. Set an example for your teen

It’s not reasonable to expect your teen to behave in a particular way if you don’t model that behaviour.

So be careful about how you speak to your teen. As far as possible, speak to him with kindness and respect.

For example, you may feel like saying: “It’s already 10 pm, and tomorrow’s a school day. And you haven’t even started your homework! What’s wrong with you?”

Speaking rudely sends an indirect message to your teen that it’s okay to talk like that when he’s agitated.

A better way to address the issue would be to say: “It’s 10 pm and tomorrow is a school day. Can you please share with me why you haven’t started on your homework yet?”

16. Don’t lecture your teen

When your teen does something she shouldn’t have, it’s tempting to lecture her.

But doing so will tend to make your teen see herself as a “bad kid”. It will also make her turn defensive.

Another problem with lectures is that they are focused on the past. The parent delivering the lecture may bring up a long list of past incidents and wrongdoings.

It’s much more productive to focus on the future and to ask your teen questions that invite him to be part of the solution.

For example, let’s say your teenage son breaks his curfew. Instead of lecturing him about the importance of keeping to his curfew, try to understand why he came home late.

When you understand the situation more clearly, shift the conversation toward solutions to ensure that this won’t happen again.

If you really can’t help but lecture your teen, keep the lectures short – less than 5 minutes. Any longer than 5 minutes and the lecture won’t have any effect on your teen.

17. Try to uncover if there’s anything else going on with your teen

When you’re having problems with a rebellious teen, it’s natural to focus on your teen’s behaviour.

But before dealing with the behaviour, get to the root of the issue.

If you notice a sudden change in your teen’s behaviour, it’s worth considering whether she is getting bullied at school.

Or perhaps the root cause might be an issue related to self-esteem, body image or anxiety.

Take the time to listen to your teen and build the relationship, so that she’ll be more willing to share her problems with you.

Your teen’s behaviour will only improve when you address the underlying issue.

18. Get professional help

If the situation doesn’t improve, seek professional help.

There’s no shame in asking for assistance.

If you break your foot, you won’t hesitate to get help from a doctor. Likewise, if the situation with your teenager is broken, don’t hesitate to get professional help.

For example, I offer this 1-to-1 coaching programme for teenagers, where I enable them to become motivated, focused and responsible.

19. Give your teen some space

Family life can be intense, so there are times when we all need to decompress.

In particular, teens need physical and emotional space to unwind.

The reason for this is that as they transition into adulthood, they desire more independence and autonomy.

As they wrestle with this transition, they need space to think and reflect.

So if your teen asks for space, try to oblige him as much as is feasible.

20. Don’t punish your teen harshly

When dealing with rebellious teens, never mete out harsh punishments. Avoid any form of physical or emotional abuse, e.g. withholding basic necessities such as food, slapping your teen.

I know parents who have gone so far as to threaten their teen with a knife in an attempt to change his behaviour!

Harsh punishments will only make him more withdrawn and defiant.

Keep in mind that your relationship with your teen is fragile. Once it is damaged, it can be hard to repair.

21. Do something enjoyable with your teen

So much of family life is taken up with routine activities. Often, it doesn’t occur to parents to do something enjoyable with their teens.

Once a month or so, go somewhere with your teen and do something enjoyable together.

It could be going to the park, fishing, or watching a movie.

Doing this is about building the relationship with your teen. So it’s vital that during this activity you don’t nag, criticise, or lecture your teen.

22. Never set rules without explaining the logic behind them

When you create rules within your family, always explain to your children the rationale behind the rules. This applies especially to teenagers.

Your teenager is more likely to accept your rules if she knows the reasons behind them.

If your teenager asks about the reason behind one of your rules, never say “Because I said so” or “My house, my rules”.

Statements like these will leave your teenager feeling frustrated. As a result, he’ll become more defiant.

When you create rules, do your best to involve your teenager in making the new rules.

For example, you could say to your teenage son: “I think we need to talk about how late you can stay out at parties. What seems like a reasonable time to you?”

Having such a discussion is itself an excellent relationship-building exercise.

It will make your teenager feel that his views are being heard.

23. Do something nice for your teen

A nice gesture, however small, can go a long way in building the relationship with your teen.

If you’re going through a rough patch with your teen, you may not feel like doing this.

But remember that love is intentional. You don’t have to feel like showing love in order to act in a loving way.

Here are some examples of nice gestures that will help to build the relationship between you and your teen:

Write her a note to wish her all the best for a test
Put a small packet of his favourite snack on his table
Buy a copy of a magazine she likes
Buy him a gift card
Offer to make her a sandwich

A gesture like this is particularly powerful when it’s not a reward for “good” behaviour. This is because your teen will realise you did it just because you love him.

24. Realise that your teen is rebelling because he or she probably feels powerless

As a parent, it’s often hard to remember what the world looks like through the eyes of your teen.

In your teen’s eyes, you have all the power, and they have very little.

I’ve worked with thousands of pre-teens and teens. This is something I see over and over again – many of them feel powerless.

In nearly every aspect of their lives, they feel as if someone else has the power.

This takes the form of:

Authority figures forcing them to go to school (even if they hate going to school) and do their homework
Boundaries related to phone usage and how much mobile data they can use
Rules about how much TV they can watch, what time they need to be home by, etc.

Of course, boundaries are necessary. But it’s also important to give your teen a sense of control and autonomy.

After all, you can’t control every choice your teen makes. Neither can you control every aspect of your teen’s behaviour.

However, if you empower them to make decisions for themselves, you’ll motivate your teens to try harder.

25. Don’t expect the situation to improve overnight

Don’t expect a sudden improvement in your teenager’s behaviour.

Even if you apply all of the tips in this article, it will still take time to see results.

Your teenager didn’t become defiant overnight. It was probably a process that took months, or even years.

In a similar way, helping your teenager to become less defiant is also a process that will take time.

Conclusion

The tips in this article are all ways of helping your teenager to become more respectful and responsible.

(To learn 5 bonus tips, download the free PDF below.)

Of course, it would be impossible to implement all the tips at once.

Put two or three of the tips into practice and monitor your teenager’s progress. As the weeks go by, apply more tips gradually.

Over time, your teenager will become less rebellious. Your home will also become a more peaceful and harmonious place!

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Growth Mindset for Students: 10 Phrases Every Student Should Use

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 25 Comments

Does a growth mindset for students matter?

It definitely does.

The words and phrases you use as you talk to yourself shape the way you feel.

Your self-talk can make you feel discouraged, or it can lift you up.

As a student, it’s important to pay attention to the words you use as you talk to yourself and others about your frustrations and challenges.

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Fixed mindset versus growth mindset

The view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life. – Professor Carol Dweck, mindset researcher

Your thoughts are powerful.

So, what are you telling yourself? What stories about yourself are running on repeat?

Much of our understanding of the power of mindset comes from Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck.

In her research, Dweck discovered that our mindset can determine whether we become the person we want to be, and whether we achieve the goals we most desire.

Dweck outlined two mindsets:

Fixed mindset

Students with a fixed mindset believe their abilities and intelligence are fixed traits; you either have a specific talent or trait, or you don’t.

When you believe your qualities are carved in stone, you feel an urgency to continually prove that you’re worthy of success.

Students with a fixed mindset might say things like “I just can’t do sports” or “I just don’t get math”.

They’re likely to see a bad grade as a failure rather than as an opportunity to learn from their mistakes.

Growth mindset

Students who have a growth mindset believe they can develop their talents and improve over time.

Maybe they’re not a “natural” at everything, but these students know that if they work hard enough, they can and will get better.

When students have a growth mindset, they also have a passion for learning. They know that it’s not the outcome but the journey of becoming a better student and person that matters.

When you cultivate a growth mindset, you build confidence. You don’t fear criticism or rejection, and you learn from your mistakes to continually maximise your potential.

You know that your effort is what’s important. Everything else — your intelligence, abilities, talents, and relationships — you can work to develop.

10 phrases that students with a growth mindset use

So, you’re ready to adopt a growth mindset.

What should you say to yourself to embrace this mindset?

Here are 10 phrases you can use to become a more successful and resilient student.

Give these phrases a try, then observe how your thoughts and behaviour begin to change.

1. “I get to” (don’t say “I have to”)

Instead of saying “I have to”, say “I get to”.

The words “I have to” create a feeling of annoyance. The task at hand will become a burden that you can’t escape from.

But if you say “I get to”, you’ll create a feeling of opportunity and gratitude. The task will seem like a privilege instead of a chore.

For example, don’t say to your parents that you have to take part in the school play. Instead, try saying: “I get to participate in the play and see if acting is something I enjoy.”

Notice the difference? Now, it’s not a burden; it’s an opportunity.

Here’s another example.

Instead of thinking to yourself, “I have to go to school”, try saying to yourself, “I get to go to school”.

You’ll instantly feel happier! You’ll also feel more motivated to go to school and to study.

You’ll also remember that millions of children and teenagers around the world want to go to school, but don’t have the opportunity to.

2. “I’ll figure it out” (don’t say “I can’t do it”)

There are very few things in life that you simply cannot do. You may need some help, or you may need more information.

Almost always, there’s a solution.

But when you say “I can’t do it”, it stops you from finding the solution.

So say “I’ll figure it out” instead, and you’ll see how this growth mindset for students makes you more successful and resilient!

3. “I learned something” (don’t say “I made a mistake”)

Mistakes are valuable lessons in disguise.

The more open you are to making mistakes, the faster you’ll learn.

But to do that, you have to start seeing mistakes as opportunities to learn.

Here’s a real-life example of someone with this attitude.

Thomas Edison famously made 10,000 failed attempts at inventing the light bulb before he succeeded.

When a reporter asked him how it felt to fail 10,000 times, Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 10,000 times. I didn’t even fail one time. I succeeded in proving that those 10,000 ways will not work.”

Mistakes are a vital part of the learning process. So, when you make a mistake, say to yourself: “I learned something.”

4. “I’m working on this” (don’t say “I’m bad at this”)

When you say “I’m bad at this”, you send a message to your brain that this is just the way you are. You’re telling yourself that it’s a permanent trait that you can’t change.

But this isn’t true.

The more you practise anything, the better you’ll get.

Look at anyone who’s good at a particular skill. For example, a ballerina, a guitarist, or an award-winning writer.

Those people are outstanding at what they do because they’ve put in thousands of hours of practice — they understand the importance of developing a growth mindset.

When you tell yourself “I’m working on it”, you’re reminding yourself that learning is a process that takes effort.

You’re also reminding yourself that if you keep at it, you’re sure to make progress.

5. “This will take some time” (don’t say “I’m not smart enough”)

As a student, you’ll come across something you don’t understand every day.

It might be a math equation, or it might be a word you don’t know the meaning of.

When you don’t understand something, it’s natural to think: “This is too hard — I’m not smart enough.”

Instead, try saying to yourself: “This is complicated — it will take some time to understand it.”

Let’s face it … some subjects are complicated and require you to study smarter.

But that doesn’t mean you’ll never master a certain topic. It just means that you need more time.

Keep persevering and the pieces of the puzzle will fall into place. Over time, you’ll become a better and more resilient student.

6. “I don’t” (don’t say “I can’t”)

A big part of being a successful student is learning to say no to temptations.

The first thing is to accept that temptations will arise.

The temptation to watch videos instead of studying. Or the temptation to stay up late, when you know you should go to bed.

What’s important is how you deal with such temptations.

Research has shown that the way we talk to ourselves plays a big role in how we deal with temptations.

For example, you might say to yourself: “I can’t watch TV because I haven’t finished my homework.”

This kind of self-talk tends to increase the level of temptation because it focuses your attention on something you can’t do (watch TV).

Instead, try saying to yourself: “I don’t watch TV until I’ve finished my homework.”

Do you notice the difference?

Instead of feeling restricted, the second statement makes you feel powerful and in control. The temptation has suddenly shrunk in size.

Why?

Because now you have the power, not the temptation. So start developing the habit of saying “I don’t” instead of “I can’t”!

7. “I will” (don’t say “I should”)

Instead of saying that you should do something, try saying that you will do it. This is a hallmark of a growth mindset for students.

One problem with saying “I should” is that it can easily turn into wishful thinking. You aren’t making a commitment to take positive action.

That’s why it’s better to replace “should” statements with “will” statements.

Instead of saying “I should exercise more often”, try saying “I will exercise more often”.
Instead of saying “I should manage my time better”, try saying “I will manage my time better”.
Instead of saying “I should pay attention in class”, try saying “I will pay attention in class”.

“Will” statements empower you to make a change. On the other hand, “should” statements trap you in a state of inaction.

8. “How can I keep improving?” (don’t say “I’m already good at this”)

When you think about your performance in different subjects or activities, you might be tempted to say, “I’m already good at this.”

But it’s better to say to yourself, “How can I keep improving?”

Let’s say you’re one of the best writers in your class. If you tell yourself that you’re already a good writer, so you don’t need to practise more, then you won’t maximise your potential.

But if you focus on improving, then you’ll become an even better writer.

The process is what counts, and there’s always room for improvement.

It’s by understanding this principle that world-class performers become the best in their field.

9. “I’ll find out” (don’t say “I don’t know”)

When you don’t know the answer to something, instead of saying “I don’t know”, try saying “I’ll find out”.

With the Internet, there’s never been another time in human history when it’s been so easy to gain access to knowledge. (Take this article on the importance of a growth mindset for students as an example!)

If you adopt this “I’ll find out” mindset, you’ll enlarge the horizons of your knowledge.

But if you say “I don’t know”, you’ll close the door to expanding your mind.

10. “This is a challenging opportunity” (don’t say “This is a problem”)

In your life as a student, you’ll face problems that seem insurmountable.

Imagine that you’ve prepared a speech to give to your class. At the last minute, you realise that you’ve lost your notes.

You’ll be delivering the speech in three minutes.

What will you do?

Instead of seeing the situation as a problem, look at it as a challenging opportunity.

Because you don’t have your notes, you’ll speak more spontaneously. You’ll also make more eye contact with your audience.

Your teacher might even congratulate you on giving a fantastic speech! And it’s all because you turned a problem into a challenging opportunity.

Language is powerful

Here’s a table that sums up the key points of this article on the value of a growth mindset for students:

Student life is full of challenges.

The words you use when you talk about these challenges affect the way you deal with them.

Language is powerful because it shapes the way we think. In our self-talk, we all have a tendency to use words that limit our ability to deal with challenges.

The next time you face a challenge, change the words you use to talk about it. Use the positive phrases listed in this article and observe the difference it makes.

You’ll gain a sense of power and develop a success mindset, one phrase at a time. You’ll become a better student who’s more resilient too.

I encourage you to get started today!

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free quick action guide below.)

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30 Simple Ways to Set a Good Example for Your Children

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

As a parent, you know it’s important to lead by example.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “What you are speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you are saying.”

But life can get so busy.

There are chores to do, errands to run, projects to complete, and events to attend.

And of course, there are also children to bring up.

So it’s to be expected that many parents rarely ask themselves, “Am I setting a good example for my children?”

Through my extensive 1-to-1 coaching work with pre-teens and teens, I’ve observed first-hand how much influence parents have on their children – whether good or bad.

So in this article, I’ll share with you 30 simple ways for you to set a good example for your children.

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1. Be vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to tell your children about your failures and shortcomings. Share with them how you’ve learned to be resilient. Explain to them how you overcame the challenges and obstacles you faced. This approach is vital as you think about how to build confidence in your kids.

2. Value relationships over material wealth. I’ve heard it said that we ought to love people and use things. But many people do the opposite: they love things and use people. Show your children that relationships always matter more than things.

3. Embrace challenges. Get outside your comfort zone on a regular basis and confront your fears. Your children will learn from your positive attitude.

4. Be committed to personal development. Always be improving yourself in some way, e.g. knowledge, habits, skills, emotional control. Your children will see how committed you are to leading a better life, day by day.

5. Write cards to your friends. My own mother used to do this often as a way of encouraging her friends. This helped me to see how vital it is to invest in your friendships.

6. Volunteer and do charity work. We all want our children to serve others and contribute to their communities. Let’s set an example by making a difference through some kind of volunteer work.

7. Invite your neighbours over for dinner. By doing this, you’ll show your children the importance of hospitality. You’ll also forge a deeper relationship with your neighbours.

8. Take care of your health. I’m sure you want your children to be healthy and strong, so lead by example in this area. Exercise regularly, eat well, and get 8 hours of sleep every night. Not only will you be healthier, but you’ll also have more energy to be a great parent!

9. Focus on health rather than appearance. Many parents I know often complain about their “fat thighs” and “flabby arms”. This sends the message to their children that appearance is what matters, when health and healthy habits are what actually count.

10. Compliment others sincerely. By paying someone a sincere compliment, you might make his or her day. Start by saying positive things to your children and other members of the family.

11. Manage your emotions. When faced with frustrating or worrying situations, use various techniques to stay calm. Your children will learn from you how essential it is to stay in control of their emotions and not take things out on others.

12. Listen attentively. If someone is speaking to you, put away your phone or any other distractions and listen attentively. This is one way to show respect toward others. And, in turn, get your kids to respect you by listening to you when you speak.

13. Don’t be too concerned about what others think of you. As Ann Landers once said, “At age 20, we worry about what everyone thinks of us. At age 40, we don’t care what anyone thinks of us. At age 60, we realise that nobody has been thinking of us at all.” We should be more concerned about living a purpose- and values-driven life, instead of worrying about gaining the approval of others.

14. Ask to hear the opinions of others. Instead of just caring about what you think, seek out the opinions of others. This will widen your own perspective.

15. Become an organised person (if you aren’t already one). Write things down, use a calendar, and always have a plan. Your children will see your example and become committed to developing organisational skills too. I’ve observed that organised people tend to be far less stressed!

16. Forgive yourself and forgive others. If you’re living with shame or regret, now is the time to forgive yourself. And if you’re holding on to grudges because of what others have done to you, now is the time to forgive them.

17. Be generous with your time and money. Show your children that resources are meant to be given and shared for the benefit of others. The more we give, the more we live.

18. Be grateful. If you find yourself complaining often, decide that from today onwards you’ll cultivate a spirit of gratitude. Over time, your children will become more thankful too!

19. Don’t say negative things about yourself. I know parents who say many negative things about themselves, e.g. “I’m too uneducated to be successful”, “I’m impatient”, “I have a bad temper”. Focus more on opportunities and possibilities instead of your limitations.

20. Follow the rules and obey the law. Do this even if there’s no chance of you being caught for any wrongdoing. By displaying integrity, your children will learn to do the right thing, even if no one is looking.

21. Be dependable. Few people do what they say they’ll do 100% of the time. Become one of those people, and demonstrate to your children how crucial it is to be a trustworthy person. I’ve observed that the more dependable you are, the more likely it is that you’ll be successful.

22. Apologise when you’ve made a mistake. My coaching clients (the majority of whom are pre-teens and teens) frequently tell me that they don’t respect their parents. This is because their parents don’t apologise, even when it’s clear that they’ve made a mistake. Don’t be one of these parents!

23. Celebrate the successes of others. Acknowledge and celebrate the successes that others achieve. This way, your children will understand why they should never be a sore loser.

24. Find meaning in your work. All work (except work that is illegal or unethical) is meaningful. Work isn’t something we have to do; it’s something we get to do in the service of others, while also earning a living. Demonstrate to your children that with the right attitude, work can be enjoyable and fun!

25. Ask for help if you need it. We all come to a place where we need help. If you need assistance or guidance, don’t hesitate to reach out. As the African proverb goes, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

26. Live within your means. Don’t get so caught up in the pursuit of material gain that you buy things you can’t afford. Living beyond your means will lead to a life of stress and possible ruin.

27. Buy what you need, not what you want. As a follow-up to Point #26, practise asking yourself the question “Do I need this?” instead of the question “Can I afford this?” You might be able to afford something, but if you don’t need it, then you probably shouldn’t buy it.

28. Read for leisure. If you don’t read for leisure, your children are unlikely to read for leisure. Once in a while, share with your children the interesting things you’re learning through the books you’re reading. Your children may become more motivated to work hard in school too!

29. Make an effort to mend broken relationships. As Dr. Scott Sticksel once said, “Life is relationships. The rest is just details.” If your life is full of broken relationships, it’s almost impossible for you to find joy and fulfilment. So if there are broken relationships in your life, take the first step toward resolving the conflict.

30. Be excited and passionate about life. One of my coaching clients recently said to me, “My parents don’t seem excited about anything in life, except eating good food.” This client of mine was troubled by this fact, and he wondered if his life would turn out to be as “sad” as his parents’ lives. I’m not here to judge anyone, but if you want to set a good example for your children, then choose to be passionate about life. Learn a new skill. Show kindness to others. Start a new project. Conquer a fear. Contribute to your community. Get outside your comfort zone. Take just one small step today!

Conclusion

At this point, you might be thinking, “You mean I’m supposed to do all these 30 things to set a good example for my children? I’m not perfect, you know?!”

Of course, you’re not perfect. Neither am I.

But we can always strive to improve, to become better people and better parents who have better parenting skills.

So I encourage you to identify just one or two items from the list that you’d like to work on. Make one small change this week, or even this month.

As John C. Maxwell said, “People may teach what they know, but they reproduce what they are.”

This principle applies to parenting too. As parents, we reproduce in our children the traits we possess.

As such, if we want to raise exemplary children, we need to lead exemplary lives ourselves.

This is a lifelong journey that we get to embark on. So let’s embrace the challenges along the way with hope and excitement!

Like this article? Please share it with your friends.

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Enter your email below to download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the tips found here, plus 7 exclusive bonus tips that you’ll only find in the PDF.

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