40 Things Children Should Know How to Do Before They Turn 13

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 27 Comments

As a parent, do you sometimes do things for your children that they should do for themselves?

I’m a parent too, so I know this is a trap that’s easy to fall into.

As time goes by, you may even start to think that you need to keep doing these things for your children.

If you don’t, these things won’t get done at all!

Sound familiar?

I’ve spoken to and worked with close to 25,000 pre-teens and teens so far. It surprises me that most of them haven’t developed the life skills needed to succeed in school and adulthood.

To help parents, I’ve created this list of 40 things that children should know how to do before they turn 13.

(To gain access to 10 more items, download the free bonus below.)

I’ve separated the list into five categories:

General life skills and self-management
Social/communication skills and relationships
Money
Home
Emotions

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General life skills and self-management

1. Use a calendar or planner to keep track of important events and dates.

2. Handle their schoolwork, revision, etc. on their own without reminders or nagging.

3. Wake up on their own every morning without relying on their parents.

4. Writing things down and setting reminders to ensure that they don’t forget important information, items, etc.

5. Keep their room, desk, personal belongings, etc. organised.

6. Contact their tutors, teachers, coaches, etc. when necessary instead of relying on their parents to do it on their behalf.

7. Develop a rough daily and weekly schedule.

8. Create a plan to prepare for a test, achieve a goal, complete a project, etc.

9. Prioritise tasks.

10. Pack their bag on their own.

11. Take public transportation.

Social/communication skills and relationships

12. Carry on a conversation with someone they just met.

13. Ask appropriate and relevant questions.

14. Order food at a food court, fast food restaurant, etc.

15. Display basic courtesies.

16. Offer a sincere apology when they have made a mistake.

17. Keep the commitments and promises they have made to others.

Money

18. Create a simple budget.

19. Save for things they want in the medium- or long-term.

20. Set aside some of their allowance for charitable giving.

21. Know the rough price of common items.

22. Compare prices before making bigger purchases so that they don’t waste money unnecessarily.

Home

23. Buy groceries.

24. Operate kitchen appliances, e.g. toaster, microwave.

25. Prepare a simple meal, e.g. cook noodles and eggs, make a salad.

26. Use the washing machine.

27. Iron clothes.

28. Fold clothes.

29. Vacuum and sweep the floor.

30. Mop the floor.

31. Clean the bathroom.

32. Wash the dishes.

33. Clear the garbage.

Emotions

34. Manage emotions like anger, anxiety and fear in healthy ways. (Here’s an article about how to help anxious teenagers.)

35. Deal with failures and disappointments constructively.

36. Take full responsibility for their life and not blame others.

37. Cope with stress effectively.

38. Accept criticism with grace.

39. Forgive themselves and others.

40. Reframe frustrating situations so that they see the situations more positively.

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How to Get Motivated to Study: 23 Tips for Students Who Procrastinate

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 148 Comments

Is it hard for you to get motivated to study?

Let’s face it…

It’s so easy to watch one more video or to scroll through your social media feed one more time.

But your exams are approaching.

You have a rising sense of panic, but you don’t know where to begin. The more you panic, the harder it is to get to work.

If this is the situation you’re in, keep reading.

In this article, I’m going to explain 23 proven strategies that successful students use to motivate themselves to study.

Get ready to say goodbye to procrastination!

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How to motivate yourself to study

When you’re feeling unmotivated, taking the first step is usually the hardest part.

Here are the best ways to motivate yourself, so you can study productively.

1. Discover why you procrastinate

Procrastinating on your schoolwork is a complex problem that can have many different causes.

Here are some of the most common:

You’ve convinced yourself that your homework is beyond your abilities
Putting off your homework is a way of rebelling against your parents or teachers
You’ve decided the topic is boring
You’re waiting for the “perfect” time to start
The task has become so overwhelming that you don’t know where to start

Understanding why you procrastinate is a key first step to getting motivated.

Spend some time reflecting on what makes you procrastinate. This will enable you to identify which of the following tips will help you the most.

2. Break the material down into chunks

A major cause of procrastination is that the task ahead seems overwhelming.

That’s when you need to “chunk down”. Break down each task into small chunks.

Assign yourself a certain number of those chunks each day. Suddenly, you’re no longer faced with a scary task, but rather a series of manageable chunks.

A chunk might be reading two pages of your textbook, completing five multiple-choice questions, or finding four reference articles on the Internet for your paper.

3. Reward yourself

Every time you complete one or two chunks, reward yourself with a short period of relaxation.

It could be five minutes on your favourite smartphone game, a short walk, or playing the guitar.

Rewarding yourself with short and enjoyable breaks is a key part of the “chunking down” technique.

4. Create a study routine

We’re creatures of habit.

Bad study habits are easy to fall into, but you can also develop good study habits to help you keep up with your schoolwork.

If it’s a challenge for you to get motivated to study, you can put this principle to work for you.

Habits are so powerful that once you develop a study routine, you’ll find it difficult to go into relaxation mode without studying.

How should you go about creating a study routine?

The first thing to do is to set up a study schedule (see Tip #14).

Be aware, however, that habits aren’t formed overnight.

Research indicates that it typically takes 20 to 30 days to form a habit. So you’ll have to put in some work before this technique pays off.

5. Be clear about why you want to get good grades

One of the best ways to get motivated to study is to be very clear about why you want to get good grades in the first place.

Make a list of the reasons you want to do well academically.

Here are some typical reasons:

I want to learn more and develop myself
I want to develop the habit of pursuing excellence
I want to become a more focused and disciplined student
I want to get into a good school or programme
I want to have a meaningful career
I want to provide well for my family and my parents in the future
I want to know that I gave it my best shot
I want to live with no regrets

Write down your own list of reasons for studying hard, and put the list at your study desk.

Then, when you’re feeling unmotivated, read the list one more time.

6. Use a mind map to organise the information

If you’re like most people, chances are you’ve been taught to use lists to summarise information. A classic example is to-do lists.

As such, it may seem natural to use lists to summarise the information you’re studying.

But there are times when mind maps are more effective than lists as a way of organising information.

Why?

Because mind maps mimic how the brain works.

When you create a mind map, you’re mapping out the way your brain has processed a certain topic.

This makes it easier to get a handle on the topic. It’ll also make it easier for you to retrieve that information when you need it.

You can create a mind map using pen and paper. But if you prefer to do it on your phone, tablet or computer, you can use an app like SimpleMind.

7. Make a “boring” subject interesting

When you find it difficult to study because the subject is “boring”, ask yourself:

“Is the subject really boring, or does it seem that way because I have closed my mind to it?”

As G.K. Chesterton once said: “There are no boring subjects, only disinterested minds.”

If you think a subject is boring, try to engage with the subject by asking yourself questions.

When was this technique or theory developed?

Who developed it?

What problem did it solve?

How would the world be different today if not for this technique or theory?

If you ask the right questions, you can make any subject interesting.

8. Understand the topic, don’t just memorise it

One of the keys to effective studying is to develop an understanding of a topic rather than just memorising facts.

In some situations, rote memorisation may be necessary.

But, in general, the more years you spend in school, the more you’ll be expected to understand relationships and connections between different concepts.

This will require you to apply principles to a given set of facts or to draw conclusions from a given set of facts.

Understanding a topic is far more rewarding than memorising it. So this approach to studying is not only more effective – it will keep you motivated.

9. Look for gaps in your understanding

Try giving a mini-presentation on a topic to a friend or relative. You can do this in a formal way, or you could simply talk to them about the topic.

By doing so, you’ll deepen your knowledge.

But you’ll also realise quickly if there are gaps in your understanding of the topic.

As Albert Einstein once said, “If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.”

10. Study in short bursts

Research shows that we learn better when we study in short bursts.

It’s called “spaced learning”, and the theory behind it is that learning involves the creation of memories.

Memories are formed through links between neurons. In order for these memories to become embedded, the neurons have to be left undisturbed for a period of time.

That’s why we learn better in short bursts of studying. This approach gives the neurons time to “lay down” these new memories.

Read on to Tip #11 to learn about how to put this tip into practice.

11. Use the Pomodoro technique

If you want a system for studying in short bursts, try the Pomodoro technique.

Francesco Cirillo invented the technique in Italy in the late 1980s.

Using a kitchen timer shaped like a tomato (“pomodoro” means tomato in Italian), he found he could concentrate better by studying in short stretches.

Here’s how to apply the Pomodoro technique:

Decide on the task that you’ll work on
Set the timer for 25 minutes
Work on the task
Stop working when the timer rings
Put a checkmark on a piece of paper
If you have fewer than four checkmarks, take a 3- to 5-minute break, then repeat from Step 1
After four pomodoros, take a 15- to 30-minute break
Draw a line through the four checkmarks and start counting your checkmarks afresh

There are lots of apps to help you apply the Pomodoro technique and become a student who’s better at time management. Here are some of the best apps out there.

12. Don’t expect to feel motivated all the time

Strangely enough, one of the best ways to deal with a lack of motivation is to stop expecting to feel motivated all the time.

The fact is that no one feels motivated all the time.

So don’t rely on feeling motivated in order to get the work done.

Sometimes the motivation just won’t be there.

That’s why you need a study routine and study habits, because systems always beat motivation.

13. Exercise your brain

To get motivated to study, you need to train your brain. Think of your brain as a muscle.

Developing your ability to focus is like training to be a world-class sprinter.

It’s all about consistency and making gradual progress.

Continually exercise your brain, even when you’re not studying.

You can do this by reading, thinking through challenging world issues, doing puzzles, or journaling.

The greater the variety of ways in which you train your brain, the stronger and more flexible your brain will become.

There are also various websites with exercises designed to train your brain. Here are three popular ones:

Just as with a physical workout, a key part of training your brain is rest and recovery. So make sure that you get at least 8 hours of sleep a night (many students even need 9 to 10 hours of sleep a night).

Nutrition is another important aspect of training your brain.

The brain needs certain fatty acids in order to function optimally. You can get these fatty acids from eating nuts, avocados and salmon. Other brain foods include:

Berries
Beans
Pumpkin seeds
Pomegranate juice
Dark chocolate

14. Organise your time

The act of creating a study schedule is a form of commitment, so it will help you to stay motivated.

Here are some useful steps in creating a study schedule:

For each subject, make a list of the tasks you need to complete in order to be ready for the exam
Download a study schedule template and block out the times you have available each day to study
As far as possible, choose blocks of time that are the same each day (e.g. 3:30pm to 5:30pm) so that your study schedule is easy to remember
Create a daily plan which lists the most important tasks to be completed for the day

Review your study schedule at the end of each week.

Assess whether you’re on track to reach your study goals by exam time. If you’re not, adjust your schedule by finding additional blocks of time for studying.

15. Study in a group

Many students find it motivational to study in a group.

Of course, it’s crucial that you find the right students to join the study group. These students should have the desire to learn the material well and get excellent grades.

I recommend that the study group have no more than four students. If the group is larger than four, it tends to become distracting.

Studying is more fun in a group. It also gives everyone a sense of accountability.

When you study in a group, you can make commitments to each other related to new habits you want to develop, or bad habits you want to break.

But the benefits of studying in a group don’t stop there.

When you study in a group you can pool your notes together and get much better notes than any one person could possibly produce.

Also, studying in a group takes advantage of the fact that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. If there’s a concept you don’t understand, chances are that someone in your group will be able to explain it to you.

16. Make learning active, not passive

Passive learning is where you try to absorb information and knowledge. It’s based on the idea that you’re an empty vessel waiting to be filled.

But research shows that this isn’t the best way to learn.

We actually construct knowledge by integrating the new material with what we already know and have already experienced.

So if you want to learn a new topic quickly and effectively, use as much active learning as you can.

Examples of active learning are:

Finding applications of the new topic in your own life
Doing case studies where the new ideas or theories are put into a specific context
Doing group projects
Reviewing and commenting on the work of your friends
Thinking of ways to apply concepts to problems you come across

17. Schedule relaxation

This may seem obvious, but when your focus is studying for an upcoming exam, it’s easy to forget that you need time to relax.

Remember Point #10 and “spaced learning”?

We learn new information by creating memories. But those memories need time to be formed. That means having gaps between learning spurts.

In short, you need to schedule relaxation to recharge and learn better.

18. Exercise regularly

When you’re focused on studying for a major exam, it’s common to overlook exercise.

But, as far as possible, get 20 to 30 minutes of physical activity every day.

This is because regular exercise is vital if you want to study effectively and stay motivated.

Aerobic activity, such as swimming, jogging or walking, sends oxygen, blood and nutrients to your brain.

This helps you to think and concentrate.

Research even shows that short periods of light exercise immediately after studying improves the recall of new information.

19. Visualise yourself doing the task successfully

If you’re having trouble with a particular task, visualise yourself completing that task successfully.

Sports psychologists have long known about the power of visualisation as a technique for accomplishing difficult tasks.

Visualisation uses the “theatre of the mind” to mentally rehearse completing challenging tasks.

It works by laying down neural pathways in the brain. When you repeatedly visualise yourself completing a task, it makes it easier to perform the task in reality.

So spend a few minutes every day visualising yourself successfully completing your various study-related tasks – especially if you find them daunting.

20. Remind yourself that this won’t go on forever

Studying for exams can seem like an endless marathon, but it does have an end date.

Remind yourself of this, particularly on days when you feel overwhelmed or unmotivated.

Telling yourself that “this won’t go on forever” will allow you to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel.

But it will also make you study harder, because you know that you have urgent tasks at hand.

21. Focus on the process, not the result

When you’re studying, it’s often difficult to see the fruit of your labour, especially at the beginning.

That’s why you should focus on the process, not the result.

Did you complete most of your planned tasks today? Congratulate yourself.

Did you stick to your study schedule in general today? Maintain your focus.

Did you put your phone in another room when you were studying, so you wouldn’t be distracted? Keep it up.

Remember, it’s habits that you’re trying to form.

If you get the process right, the results will follow.

22. Get rid of distractions

This may seem like a no-brainer, but it’s amazing how many students try to study with one eye on their textbook and the other eye on their social media feed.

It’s almost as if they want to be distracted.

List all the common distractions you face when you’re studying. Do your best to eliminate every single one of them.

For example, you could:

Turn off your Internet access
Put your phone on flight mode
Put your phone in another room
Mute your group chats
Use earplugs
Delete all the games on your phone, tablet and computer

23. If you don’t feel like starting, set a timer for 5 minutes

Sometimes, the hardest part of anything is simply starting.

But the fear of doing something is almost always worse than the actual doing. Once you start, you’ll find it wasn’t as bad as you thought.

The same applies to the fear of learning. If you don’t feel like getting to work, set a timer for 5 minutes.

You can tell yourself that once those 5 minutes are up, you can stop work.

But, in all likelihood, you would have got some momentum going, so you’ll continue.

I hope these words of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe will inspire you:

“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”

Conclusion

The keys to getting motivated to study are organising your time and work, and knowing how to use your mind effectively.

That’s what I’ve shown you in this article: 23 tips for organising your time, developing the right mindset, and using your brain in the most efficient way possible.

(Download the free PDF below to learn 7 bonus tips.)

Follow these tips for studying smart – not hard – and you’ll soon be on your way to becoming a successful student who doesn’t procrastinate!

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How to Deal With a Disrespectful Teenager: 10 Tips for Frustrated Parents

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 202 Comments

Are you dealing with a disrespectful teenager?

Maybe he mutters under his breath when you ask him to do his homework.

Or maybe she slams her room door when you tell her that she can’t go out with her friends.

If so, you’re probably at your wits’ end.

You love your teenagers and you want the best for them.

But you also want them to accept that there are rules in your family, just as there are rules in the outside world.

Don’t be alarmed.

Disrespect towards parents is common as youngsters navigate the waters between childhood and adulthood.

But you can’t deal with disrespect by simply ignoring it. You need a strategy for how to deal with teenage attitude. There are things you need to do, and things you need to avoid doing.

This article explains 10 tips for successfully handling disrespectful and often rebellious teenagers.

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1. Understand the teenage brain

During childhood, there’s tremendous brain development. By age six, 95% of the brain’s structure has already been formed.

Picture it as a sudden development of the wiring of the brain.

The problem is that the new wiring hasn’t yet been connected to the key parts of the brain.

As Molly Edmonds writes, the teenage brain is like an entertainment centre whose components haven’t yet been hooked up.

There are loose wires everywhere. The speaker system hasn’t been connected to the DVD player. And the DVD player hasn’t been configured to work with the TV.

And as for the remote control – it hasn’t even arrived yet!

In this analogy, the remote control is the prefrontal cortex.

That’s the part of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments, and controls impulses and emotions. But in the teenage brain, it hasn’t been properly connected yet.

What does this mean in practice?

It means teenagers can get frustrated easily, with themselves and with external situations. It makes them impulsive and subject to mood swings that you and I don’t experience.

That’s a heady cocktail that can turn teenagers into emotional wrecks.

Understanding that there’s a biological basis for your teenager’s difficult behaviour makes it much easier to deal with.

It helps you to focus on the behaviour rather than the person.

2. Think about the emotional needs underlying the behaviour

When teenagers are disrespectful to their parents, it’s sometimes a sign that they have emotional needs that aren’t being met.

Sometimes, disrespectful behaviour or throwing tantrums is a way of getting attention.

Other times, it’s an indication that they don’t feel accepted.

Sit down with your teenager and tell her that you’re there for her if she wants to talk about something. Remind her that you love her unconditionally.

Keep in mind that adolescents often feel powerless. As part of the process of growing up, teenagers need to differentiate themselves from their parents.

This often takes the form of adopting views that are radically different from yours.

Another important part of teenage development is establishing emotional autonomy. This usually involves taking back some of the power from their parents.

The most common way to do this is for the teenager to challenge the rules through conflict and confrontation.

While it may not entirely solve the problem, understanding the emotional needs underlying your teenager’s behaviour will help you to empathise with him.

3. Be a role model

The most important thing you can do is model the kind of behaviour you want to see in your teenager.

It’s amazing how many parents call their children disrespectful and then model the exact behaviour they’re criticising.

Remember, your children are constantly watching you as a role model.

If you’re wondering how to get your kids to respect you, you need to adopt a respectful attitude toward them, toward your spouse, and toward people outside the family.

This is especially important when your teenager is testing boundaries.

Do your best to rise above the level of your teenager’s behaviour. You can’t win by descending to their level. You can only win by being calm, consistent and modelling a better kind of behaviour.

Ideally, this role modelling is something that should start early in the life of your child. But it’s never too late!

It’s definitely one of the keys to raising a successful and happy child.

4. Understand that your teenager is developing independence

Severe disrespect towards parents should never be tolerated.

But it’s important to understand that some level of disrespect is part of the process of growing up and developing independence.

Examples of this kind of disrespect might be eye-rolling, unnecessary remarks, or ignored requests.

Children grow up in an environment where the balance of power lies with the parents. Surrounded by rules and expectations, children tend to feel powerless.

Talking back and other forms of mild disrespect are simply ways for your teenager to feel as if he’s taking back some of that power.

It’s a natural process: your teenager is learning to express himself and to have his own ideas.

And developing independence is a vital aspect of growing up.

5. Ignore mild forms of disrespect

There’s a scene in The Sound of Music where Captain von Trapp lines his children up and summons each of them with a whistle.

In the von Trapp family, the father demands absolute respect.

But that’s neither healthy nor desirable.

In fact, it’s usually best to ignore mildly disrespectful behaviour such as shrugging the shoulders, raised eyebrows, feigned boredom, or muttering under the breath.

Disrespectful behaviour in teenagers is common and is part of the process of growing up.

But blatant rudeness should never be tolerated. Ignoring it will simply lead to an escalation of such behaviour.

6. Set clear and consistent boundaries

One of the most common causes of disrespect in teenagers is the absence of boundaries.

Children who have been spoilt or allowed to have their own way often become disrespectful teenagers.

Families in which the parents have rules for teens but apply them inconsistently are also likely to produce disrespectful teenagers.

Inconsistency can occur when a parent arbitrarily applies different rules on different days for no apparent reason.

For example, allowing a child to stay up till 10:30pm on one weekday but insisting they turn their lights out by 8:30pm the next weekday.

Inconsistency can also arise where two parents apply different rules. For example, one parent might insist on no more than an hour of screen time in the evenings while the other parent imposes no time limit at all.

Here are two reasons why inconsistent rules contribute to the problem of disrespectful teenagers:

Where one parent is lax and the other is strict, teenagers learn to exploit the inconsistency and play one parent against the other
Where a parent is lax on some days and strict on others, teenagers can use the inconsistency to question the rules

So it’s important that parents set clear rules and boundaries and apply them consistently – this is a parenting skill that requires practice to master.

Whenever possible, discuss these boundaries with your teenager before they’re set.

7. If you set consequences, follow through on them

While it’s a good idea to acknowledge your teenager’s good behaviour, sometimes you may have to set consequences for their bad behaviour.

If you do, it’s important to follow through on these consequences.

A common mistake parents make is to threaten consequences in the heat of the moment and then fail to act on them.

Believe it or not, teenagers are looking for boundaries. They want to know where the boundaries are – that’s why they test the boundaries.

When you follow through on consequences, your teenager feels safer because she knows where the boundaries are. She learns to trust you because you stand by your word.

But most importantly, she learns that the behaviour in question is not acceptable.

Here are some tips on setting consequences for bad behaviour:

Make the consequences short term, not long term. When the consequence is short term, the teenager has a chance to learn quickly and move on.
Don’t make the consequences too harsh.
Don’t add punitive statements (such as “I told you this was going to happen”) to the consequence. Let the consequence speak for itself. Punitive statements will arouse feelings of anger and resentment in the teenager instead of allowing her to focus on the bad behaviour and its consequences.

(Learn more about how to deal with a teenager who doesn’t care about consequences.)

8. Don’t make it personal

When dealing with a disrespectful teenager, it’s easy to get caught up in your own emotions. When you do that, you’re likely to make it personal.

But that’s a mistake, because what you need to be focusing on is the behaviour, not the person.

When you focus on the behaviour and not the person, it makes it easier for everyone to stay calm. It allows both you and your teenager to avoid getting emotional.

9. Avoid unnecessary arguments

Engaging in an argument with a disrespectful teenager isn’t going to have a positive outcome. Arguments have a tendency to escalate and get out of control.

When we get angry we say things we later regret.

Instead, stay calm and remember that you want to focus on the behaviour and not get into a power struggle.

But this isn’t always easy, because adolescents experience a whirlwind of emotions.

Remember that as an adult you’re better able to control your emotions than your teenager. It’s an advantage you should put to good use.

10. Avoid using “you are” and “you should” statements

When confronting your teenager about unacceptable behaviour, avoid making statements such as: “You are such a selfish/ narcissistic/lazy/uncooperative/rude person.”

Also avoid making statements such as: “You should stop using your phone so much/work harder/pay attention in class/be more responsible.”

Remember, you want to focus on the behaviour instead of casting judgment on your teenager.

Use statements that focus specifically on the behaviour, such as: “When you ignore my requests/shout at me, I feel disrespected.”

Conclusion

The teenage years are challenging, both for teenagers and their parents. And disrespectful teenage behaviour is one of the most frustrating issues for parents to deal with.

Many parents wonder: “Why does my teenager hate me?” But I assure you that’s usually not the case.

The tips in this article will help you navigate these difficult waters.

In particular, target the behaviour and not the person, and develop an understanding of the teenage brain and how it shapes your teenager’s behaviour.

Focus on one tip at a time. When you have that aspect under control, implement another tip.

Gradually, you’ll see an improvement in your teenager’s behaviour – and family life will become more harmonious!

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How to Be Successful in School: 40 Practical Tips for Students

Updated on June 6, 2023 By Daniel Wong 175 Comments

Do you think of yourself as a smart student?

Probably not.

If you’re like most students, you probably feel as if you take some time to grasp new concepts.

Or that you don’t perform up to expectations because of exam stress.

I know…

It seems as if success at school comes to some students naturally. These students always get good grades, no matter what else is going on in their personal lives or extracurricular activities.

I was a straight-A student throughout my academic career, and I was obsessed with how to do better in school.

But I’ll be the first one to say that grades aren’t everything. Grades are only one part of your education.

I now realise that successful students aren’t necessarily more intelligent than other students. They’re just more disciplined and focused, and they’ve developed winning study habits.

So if you don’t feel as if you’re a smart student, don’t worry.

In this article, I’m going to share with you how to be successful in school, even if you don’t think of yourself as a top student.

(Download the free bonus below to learn 10 bonus tips too!)

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1. Rely on systems, not motivation

How can students do better in school? By being methodical and systematic, instead of waiting to feel motivated.

Students who do well in school don’t wait until they’re in the mood to do a focused study session before they get down to work.

Neither do they wait until they feel motivated before they start preparing for an exam.

Instead, successful students rely on systems to ensure that they get the work done, even when they don’t feel like it.

(Keep on reading to find out what some of these systems are.)

2. Review any new information you’ve learned on the same day

This daily review won’t take long to complete, but it’s a vital step that ensures you stay on top of the material.

Applying this tip will also help you to move the information to your long-term memory more quickly.

3. Write everything down

To be an effective student, write everything down.

This includes homework to be completed, test and exam dates, project deadlines, competition dates, school and family events, etc.

Don’t assume that you’ll be able to remember anything; write it all down to stay organised.

This tip might sound extreme, but life only gets busier as you get older.

Good organisational skills are the basis for achieving success at school and beyond. So this tip will serve you well for the rest of your life.

4. Create a rough weekly schedule

It’s impossible to follow a schedule down to the minute, but it’s still helpful to create a schedule.

Write down your rough weekly schedule based on your recurring commitments, e.g. school, extracurricular activities, family and social events, religious activities.

Then block out regular time each week for homework and studying.

For example, your rough weekly schedule might state that you’ll do work on:

Monday, Wednesday and Friday: 7pm to 9:30pm
Tuesday and Thursday: 4pm to 7pm
Saturday and Sunday: 2pm to 5pm

5. Get rid of distractions before they become distractions

The biggest obstacle to doing well in school is distractions.

To overcome distractions, you can’t only depend on willpower. Few of us have the willpower necessary to fight off all the distractions that surround us in this digital era.

Here are some ways to eliminate distractions before they become distractions:

Turn off notifications on your phone/tablet
Delete all the apps that distract you
Put your phone/tablet in another room before you start work
Set a really, really long password to unlock your phone/tablet
Restrict your Internet access
Have only one tab open in your browser at any one time
Find an accountability partner as you make these changes

6. Develop good posture

Good posture improves your mood, and also enhances your memory and learning.

So sit up straight, pull your shoulders back, and lift up your chin – and you’ll perform better in school.

For more tips on improving your posture, check out this detailed article.

7. Don’t multitask

It’s a fact: There’s no such thing as multitasking.

Whenever you’re multitasking, you’re actually just switching between tasks. This reduces your studying efficiency.

So don’t multitask when you’re studying or doing your homework. Instead, focus on one task at a time, and you’ll find that you get your homework done faster.

8. Cultivate the belief that intelligence isn’t a fixed trait

Research has proven that students who believe that they can become smarter actually do become smarter.

Belief is that powerful.

In other words, intelligence is a trait that you can develop over time.

Don’t ever label yourself as “dumb” or “not academically inclined”, because with the right mindset you can become more intelligent.

How can you do better in school? It starts with believing that you can. By telling yourself that you’re incompetent before you even try, you’ve already lost the battle.

Develop a can-do attitude and your grades will naturally improve.

9. Work in short blocks of time

I’ve found that most students can’t maintain a high level of focus for more than 45 minutes at a go.

As such, I generally recommend working in 30- to 45-minute blocks, followed by a 5- to 10-minute break.

Working in shorter blocks of time is more effective for the majority of students, rather than struggling to focus for a couple of hours straight.

10. Exercise regularly

Regular exercise helps you to remember information better, enhances your concentration, and makes you more creative.

This is in addition to the other health benefits of exercise.

What does this mean for students who want to be successful in school?

Make exercise a fixed part of your weekly routine. Exercise three to four times a week, for at least 20 to 30 minutes each time.

11. Be organised

Students who aren’t organised end up wasting precious time looking for items or notes, or doing last-minute work they forgot about.

Here are some ways to become more organised:

Set a daily reminder to check if there’s any homework due the following day
Set reminders to start preparing for tests and exams
Use the MyStudyLife app
Use a planner or Google Calendar
Clear your desk at the end of every day
Use an app like Google Keep to do a “brain dump”

12. Break big tasks into smaller ones

Big tasks seem complicated and overwhelming, which is why many students procrastinate.

Break every big task down into smaller tasks. For instance, instead of deciding to work on your history paper, you might break the task down into the following smaller tasks:

Read Chapter 3 (notes)
Read Chapter 3 (textbook)
Do online research (5 to 10 articles)
Develop thesis statement
Write outline
Write introduction
Write main paragraph #1
Write main paragraph #2
Write main paragraph #3
Write main paragraph #4
Write main paragraph #5
Write conclusion
Proofread and edit

When you work on the history paper, focus on completing one task at a time. This will make it less likely that you’ll procrastinate.

13. Get at least 8 hours of sleep every night

Students who perform well are effective learners. As the research shows, sleep is a vital part of becoming an effective learner.

Sleep boosts memory and enhances learning. So go to bed at roughly the same time every day, and make it a priority to get 8 hours of sleep a night.

If you do this, I’m sure you’ll see an improvement in your academic performance.

Pulling all-nighters definitely isn’t how to do better in school. It might enable you to get some last-minute work done.

But over time, your performance in school will decline.

14. Create a conducive studying environment

Here are some tips to do this:

Tidy your desk daily
Ensure that you have all the stationery, notebooks, etc. that you need
Ensure that the lighting in the room is suitable
Use earplugs to block out noise if necessary
Put up one or two motivational quotes at your study area
Get a comfortable chair
Remove all distractions from the room

15. Keep track of important dates, deadlines, etc.

This is related to Tip #3, but it’s more specific.

I’ve worked with many students who try to keep track of important dates by storing them in their brains.

Needless to say, these students occasionally forget about upcoming tests or deadlines. This results in panic – and low-quality work too.

Use Google Calendar or Google Keep (an old-fashioned planner works too) to keep track of important dates, and you’ll become a more effective student.

16. Take notes during class

I’m always surprised by how many students tell me that they don’t take notes in class. This is despite the fact that taking notes is vital to your success at school.

It’s important to take notes in class because it helps you to pay attention and to learn the concepts better.

I prefer taking notes in a linear, sequential manner. But there are several other note-taking systems that you can learn about here.

17. Ask lots of questions

Asking your friends and teachers questions about what you’re learning is a great way to stay engaged. It also ensures that you understand the new material.

Don’t be afraid of asking silly questions. Besides, if you pay attention in class, your questions will likely be logical and insightful.

18. Eat healthily

Research shows that the better your nutrition, the better your brain function.

And the better your brain function, the better your performance in school.

Here are some basic tips to eat more healthily:

Eat vegetables and fruit
Eat meat and fish
Eat eggs
Eat nuts
Avoid processed foods
Avoid sugar
Avoid trans fats
Avoid artificial sweeteners
Drink plenty of water
Avoid sugary beverages

So, if you’re wondering how to do well in school, one thing you can do right away is to change your diet.

19. Do consistent work

Don’t do last-minute work, and don’t cram for exams.

Easier said than done, I know.

But if you do consistent work, you won’t even need to study that hard for your final exams. You’ll naturally do better in school because you’ll retain the information more effectively.

(By applying the rest of the tips in this article, you should be well on your way to doing consistent work.)

20. Manage your thoughts and emotions

Students who lose focus or motivation are typically discouraged. They’re often discouraged because they feel as if they won’t do well academically, so they lose hope.

The question you probably still have on your mind is…

How to be a good student?

By managing your thoughts and emotions effectively – especially when faced with disappointment.

To do so, take a step back and ask yourself the following questions:

Are these thoughts true?
Are these thoughts helpful?
Am I taking things too personally?
How can I view the situation more positively?
Do I need to forgive the other person?
Do I need to forgive myself?
How can I be more compassionate toward myself?
What productive actions can I take to improve the situation?

Through answering these questions, you’ll adopt a more positive and resilient mindset.

21. Take a few minutes to prepare for each class

As Benjamin Franklin once said, “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”

Preparing for class is something every student should do.

Every night, think about the classes that you’ll be having the following day in school.

Take a few minutes to skim the textbook or notes, so that you’ll be familiar with what your teacher will cover the next day.

In addition, do a quick recap of the previous topic, because the new topic will likely build on what you’ve already learned.

This process won’t take long, but it will pay off in the long run.

22. Give yourself rewards

To keep yourself motivated, give yourself small rewards whenever possible.

For example, you might decide that after 45 minutes of work, you’ll reward yourself with a 5-minute YouTube video.

Or if you enjoy exercising, you might decide that after you finish your math and science homework, you’ll get to do a 30-minute workout.

Rewards are a simple way to encourage you to get to work, even when you don’t feel like it. That’s a useful strategy for how to do better in school.

23. Manage your stress

Students who don’t manage their stress well are more likely to experience performance anxiety and get worse grades.

To manage your stress levels:

Perform deep breathing exercises
Listen to music
Spend time with friends on a regular basis
Exercise
Read a book
Keep a gratitude journal
Take a few minutes to reflect at the end of each day

24. Do and submit your homework on time

This tip might sound like common sense, but a large proportion of the students I work with don’t do this.

Make it a non-negotiable to submit your homework on time, and give a good effort for each assignment.

This is the foundation of how to be a good student.

25. Challenge yourself

Taking it one step further, don’t just do the assigned homework.

Challenge yourself and do extra questions that require deep thinking. Look for online resources. Learn information that’s outside the syllabus.

This will help you to see the wonder and beauty in all that you’re learning. You’ll also be reminded that getting better is its own reward.

26. Make time to relax

Doing well in school isn’t about getting good grades and outperforming your classmates. It’s about leading a balanced life that’s focused on contributing to others.

To lead a balanced life, it’s important to set aside time for relaxation.

Block out time for relaxation in your weekly schedule to ensure that you don’t burn out.

27. Be consistent about your study time

This is a follow-up to Tip #4. In addition to having a regular weekly schedule that you stick to, it’s important to be consistent about your study time.

The more consistent you are, the less likely it is that you’ll need to feel “inspired” to get down to work.

On the contrary, you’ll get down to work out of habit and routine. This is crucial if you want to manage your time as a student effectively.

28. Have a specific plan or objective for each study session

Many students share with me that their mindset toward studying is that they’ll “study hard”. This might sound good, but it actually means that they don’t have a specific objective or plan.

They’re interested in attaining success at school and getting good grades, but they’re not clear about what positive actions they’re going to take in particular.

This vague approach isn’t the one that effective students take toward their academics.

For each study session, set a clear objective as to what you intend to achieve. This might be to read through a set of notes thoroughly or complete 30 multiple-choice questions.

29. Use memory techniques

Memory techniques are powerful ways to learn information more quickly.

Here are some of the most useful ones I’ve come across:

30. Test yourself periodically

Don’t assume that just because you’ve read the notes and looked through some examples that you understand the material well.

For all you know, you might have been daydreaming during those study sessions.

What else should you do to be a good student, if reading your notes doesn’t guarantee that you’ll get better grades?

Test yourself periodically. Do plenty of practice questions and keep a list of the mistakes you’ve made, so that you won’t repeat those mistakes in the exam.

31. Take practice exams under exam conditions

It isn’t practical to do too many practice exams under exam conditions, because it’s time-consuming.

But before every exam, I recommend that you do at least two to three practice exams under exam conditions.

This will help you to prepare adequately, and will train you to deal with the time pressure of the exam too.

32. Start studying for tests at least one to two weeks in advance

Cramming for tests is always a bad idea. It won’t enable you to achieve long-term success at school.

I recommend that you set a reminder on your phone (or make a note in your planner) one to two weeks before every scheduled test, so that you’ll start preparing for the test.

For big exams, I recommend that you start studying four weeks in advance or more.

This study tip is a vital one for students to implement.

33. Find ways to help others and contribute

Students often lose motivation when they focus too much on achievement and too little on contribution.

After all, the aim of education is to become equipped with skills and knowledge so that you can help others.

When students lose sight of this, they sometimes feel as if school is meaningless.

To keep things in perspective, find simple ways to contribute in your capacity as a student, e.g. volunteering, fundraising, solving problems in your school, serving the underprivileged.

These types of activities will teach you to have a heart of service and humility. They’ll empower you as you discover how to do better in school and life.

34. Develop a sense of purpose

Few students can maintain a consistent level of concentration and drive if they lack a sense of purpose.

If students feel as if their school life is just about striving to get straight A’s, they will likely run out of steam.

How can you develop a sense of purpose?

Think about…

What values you want to live by
What long-term goals would be meaningful to you
How you’d like to contribute to the good of others
What your duties and responsibilities are
What relationships you’d like to nurture
What kind of person you’d like to become

As you reflect on these aspects of your life, you’ll have a clearer idea about how to do well in school in light of the purpose you’re living out.

This clarity will help you to be more successful in school.

35. Don’t blame others

The key to developing resilience is to take full responsibility for your life.

This means that you refuse to blame others for anything that’s going on in your life.

No blaming your teachers, parents or friends.

No blaming the school principal or the government.

No playing the victim.

When you take this approach toward your student life, you’ll see that there’s always something you can do to improve the situation.

36. Hang out with people who are motivated and focused

No matter how much we’d like to think that we’re immune to peer pressure, we’re most definitely not.

Peer pressure affects people of all ages. This means that we must be intentional about the people we surround ourselves with.

Do you hang out with people who are pessimistic?

Are they always complaining?

Do they pursue excellence, or do they try to find shortcuts?

Spend time with people who are positive, motivated, focused, kind, generous and hardworking. You’ll find yourself developing those traits as the days and weeks go by.

As a result, you’ll become more successful in school.

37. Analyse the mistakes you make in tests and exams

It might not be a pleasant experience, but I encourage you to go through every mistake you make in tests and exams.

Analyse why you made each mistake. Ask yourself questions such as:

Was the mistake due to carelessness?
Did I forget a key fact?
Did I have a poor understanding of a certain concept?
How can I make certain that I won’t repeat the mistake?
What do I need to do to be better prepared for future tests?

This analysis will help you to make continual progress in your academics.

38. Pre-commit to specific behaviours and habits

Pre-commitment is a strategy in which you commit in advance to certain desirable behaviours. This way, you won’t be tempted to do otherwise in the future.

Here are some examples:

Use the StayFocusd Chrome extension to restrict the amount of time you spend on certain websites
Ask your parents to change the password on your tablet, so that every time you want to use your tablet you need them to unlock it
Tell a friend that you’ll delete all your social media apps on your phone by the end of the day – if not, you’ll give your friend $100

Pre-commitment is a powerful strategy that all good students use.

39. Keep a “done” list

Just as important as keeping a to-do list is keeping a “done” list.

Write down all the things you’ve accomplished at the end of each day. This will help to remind you that you’ve indeed been productive, even if you don’t feel so.

In the long run, keeping a “done” list will help you to stay positive and motivated.

40. Don’t try to remember to do things; make it impossible to forget

Some examples of these “things” might be:

Homework
Projects
Studying for tests
Bringing your textbook to school
Bringing your water bottle to school
Bringing your calculator into the exam hall for a math exam

The list goes on.

To be successful in school, don’t just try to remember to do these things. Rather, make it impossible to forget to do these things.

There’s a huge difference between these two approaches.

To make it impossible to forget to do something, you might need to stick a Post-it note on the front door. Or set an alarm (or two alarms). Or create a daily reminder to check your calendar or planner.

As you adopt this approach, you’ll become a more reliable and effective student!

Conclusion

If you apply all the tips in this article, it’s almost impossible that you won’t become a better student. (To get 10 more bonus tips, enter your email in the box at the end of this article.)

Of course, it’s neither reasonable nor practical to expect you to implement all the tips at once.

After all, the road to success is built one step at a time.

Success – as a student and in life in general – is about daily choices and habits.

Implement one or two tips in the coming week, and get some like-minded friends to join you.

As you gain momentum, implement more tips as the weeks go by. (You can try applying my rules for success in life too.)

You’ll soon find that you’re becoming a more successful student who’s leading a more balanced life too.

Wishing you all the best – I’m excited about this journey that you’re about to embark on!

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12 Effective Parenting Skills Every Parent Should Have (Backed by Science)

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 32 Comments

Do you want to have good parenting skills?

Of course you do.

You want to help your children make the most of their potential, and you want them to be contributing members of society.

But it’s time-consuming to sift through all the parenting tips out there.

What makes it more confusing is that the tips from different “parenting experts” are often contradictory!

I wanted to know what parenting skills and tips have been proven to be effective. So I read through all the scientific articles I could find.

Based on many hours of research, I’ve come up with this list of 12 good parenting skills. (If you’d like to discover another three skills effective parents have, download the free bonus below.)

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Research-backed good parenting skills

To become more effective as a parent, practise the skills that have been proven to get the best results.

These will become the parenting strengths you can then rely on to raise children who develop into confident, successful adults.

Parenting skill #1: Focus more on your children’s positive behaviour than negative behaviour.

Yale University psychology professor Alan Kazdin explains that parents should be intentional about focusing more on their children’s positive behaviour than on their negative behaviour.^[1]

The more parents scold or reprimand, the more the bad behaviour gets repeated.

When they receive a lot of scolding, children start to internalise the belief that “I’m a bad child who misbehaves and gets scolded”.

As such, they don’t feel motivated to correct their behaviour, because it has already become a part of their identity.

Effective parents understand that the better approach is to acknowledge or describe their children’s good behaviour when they see it.

You may have to go out of your way to do this. (You can also check out these 50+ positive things to say to your children.)

Approach this with patience and dedication and you’ll observe your children’s behaviour improving over time.

Parenting skill #2: Teach your children to focus on the needs of others.

Lara Aknin’s research shows that children find happiness through giving to others.^[2]

In fact, children find greater happiness when they give to others sacrificially.

These are interesting findings, because most of us are naturally self-centred. We look out for our own needs before the needs of others.

But the research indicates that if we overcome our selfish nature and focus on the needs of others, we’ll be happier.

If you want your children to lead joyful, fulfilling lives, teach them to serve others and contribute. Involve them in activities where they get to help others and make a positive impact.

When your children think more in terms of contribution and less in terms of achievement, they’ll be on the path of building a happy and successful life.

Parenting skill #3: Don’t shout at your children.

You’ve probably already told yourself that you shouldn’t shout at your children.

But when your children are driving you up the wall, it isn’t easy to stop yourself from yelling.

Ming-Te Wang’s research findings are clear: The more you shout at your children, the more their behaviour will worsen.^[3]

Instead of trying to control your children’s behaviour, understand their perspective and feelings. Then use logical reasoning to get through to them.

To improve your parenting skills and better manage your anger, try these tips:

Make a firm decision that you won’t shout at your children unless it’s a matter of safety
Decide beforehand what you’ll do if you start to become angry
Walk away from the situation if necessary
Take five deep breaths when you become agitated
Avoid using threats
Analyse the role you have to play in the conflict
Think about what unmet needs your child has, so that you can get to the root of the issue, e.g. he might feel as if he has no control over his life, which explains his rebellious or risky behaviour.

Parenting skill #4: Give your children responsibilities around the house.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development is one of the longest longitudinal studies ever done.

One finding of the study is that children who do more chores around the house become happier later on.^[4]

Household responsibilities teach children important life lessons related to duty, cooperation, community and hard work.

People who learn such lessons early in life are more likely to become well-adjusted adults.

Successful parents make household chores a part of the family’s routine and culture. This sets children up for future success.

Parenting skill #5: Build a strong relationship with your spouse.

What does your marriage have to do with your parenting skills?

Children from low-conflict families are happier and more successful in the long run, as compared to children from high-conflict families.^[5]

The research shows that parents who have a healthy marriage are more likely to raise children who are well-adjusted. Furthermore, you’ll set an example for when they start dating in high school.

One of the most important things you can do to benefit your children is to build a strong relationship with your spouse.

I don’t claim to be a marriage expert, but here are some pieces of advice I’ve received that have helped my wife and I to build a strong marriage:

Focus on solving problems instead of assigning blame
Remember that the relationship is more important than being right
Whenever possible, sit side-by-side when you’re at a restaurant or café
Make time to talk every day
Ask “What can I give to the relationship?” more often than you ask “What can I get from the relationship?”
Discuss your future plans together
Don’t pick on your spouse’s flaws
Compliment your spouse in front of other people
Occasionally ask your spouse, “What can I do to be a better husband/wife?”
Don’t compare your marriage with other people’s marriages
Be kind and polite to your spouse

Parenting skill #6: Teach your children to view challenges positively.

Renowned psychologist Carol Dweck has spent decades trying to understand how your mindset affects how successful you become.

She has found that people who view challenges and obstacles positively are far more likely to become successful than those who don’t.^[6]

Successful people look at challenges and think: “It’s going to be hard, but it’s going to be fun. I’m going to learn a lot through the process of overcoming these challenges.”

On the other hand, people who aren’t so successful look at challenges and think: “It’s going to be hard, so I’d rather do something easier. I’ll try to avoid these challenges, but if I really can’t I’ll find a shortcut instead.”

These differing attitudes develop in childhood and adolescence. As such, good parents hone their skill of enabling their children to view challenges positively.

Parenting skill #7: Don’t do things for your children that your children should do themselves.

Parents want their children to be responsible and independent.

But, at the same time, they feel the urge to supervise their children closely and do things for their children that their children ought to do themselves.

This explains the prevalence of helicopter parents.

Larry Nelson’s research shows that helicopter parenting causes children to become less engaged in school, and causes their well-being to suffer too.^[7]

A good parenting skill to develop is how not to be a helicopter parent.

Here are some ways to ensure you don’t become a helicopter parent and instead develop parenting strengths:

Don’t do things for your children that are their own responsibility
Let your children make age-appropriate choices
Let your children deal with the natural consequences of their choices
As far as possible, refrain from saying “You’re too young to…”
Don’t allow your children to become the centre of your universe
Let your children fail
Ask your children, “How do you think you might be able to solve the problem?”

Parenting skill #8: Help your children develop social skills.

Researchers tracked more than 750 children over a period of 13 to 19 years. They found a correlation between the children’s social skills as kindergarteners and how self-confident and successful they were as adults.^[8]

These findings highlight the importance of teaching children social skills.

Here’s a list of social skills that you can help your children develop:

Sharing
Giving feedback
Accepting differences
Respecting others’ rights and property
Identifying others’ feelings
Seeing things from others’ perspective
Making eye contact
Managing negative emotions
Listening
Not interrupting
Resolving conflicts
Disagreeing respectfully
Cooperating
Helping others
Complimenting others
Being polite
Asking for help

In addition, here’s a handy resource that’s filled with activities to teach children social skills.

Parenting skill #9: Guide your children without controlling or micromanaging them.

Psychologist Diana Baumrind has done years of research about the effects of different parenting styles on children.^[9]

She concluded that there are three types of parenting styles in general:

Permissive: The parent is too lenient and gives in to the child’s unreasonable demands too often. The parent doesn’t set consistent boundaries or rules. Children with permissive parents often become “spoiled”.
Authoritarian: The parent is too strict, and is frequently harsh and uncompromising. The parent often coerces or forces the child into doing things. Children with authoritarian parents often become resentful and rebellious in the long run.
Authoritative: The parent is “just right”, showing warmth and affection toward the child without being indulgent. The parent sets boundaries for the child, but is willing to compromise or negotiate if the situation calls for it. All else being equal, children with authoritative parents are the most likely to lead happy, successful lives.

Furthermore, Wendy Grolnick’s research also indicates that children who are raised by controlling parents are less independent and are less likely to develop problem solving skills.^[10]

Of course, it’s easier said than done for parents to adopt an authoritative parenting style all the time. But the research shows that this is the most effective approach to take.

So make an effort to guide and coach your children, without being controlling. This is a parenting skill that’s definitely worth developing!

(You can also look into educational coaching as a means to help your children become more proactive and self-motivated.)

Parenting skill #10: Give your children a sense of security.

Research by Lee Raby indicates that children who have a strong sense of security early on in life go on to perform better in school. These children also go on to have healthier relationships in adulthood.^[11]

This may seem like an obvious finding, but it’s interesting to note that early experiences have such a profound impact on a child’s development.

To build on your parenting strengths and give your children a sense of security, do the following:

Show affection toward them
Appreciate them
Treat them with respect
Acknowledge their feelings
Set consistent boundaries
Give them your full attention when you’re with them
Be approachable
Remind them that you love them unconditionally
Keep your promises
Be dependable and trustworthy

Parenting skill #11: Help your children to develop resilience and perseverance.

Psychologist Angela Duckworth has found that grit – defined as “perseverance and passion for long-term goals” – is one of the most important traits that leads to success.^[12]

When it comes to long-term success, the research indicates that grit is more important than factors like IQ and talent.

How can you master the parenting skills that will help your children develop grit?

Here are some suggestions:

Emphasise progress over perfection
Encourage them to take on manageable challenges
Emphasise effort over outcome
Model for them what it means to be gritty
Show them that you’re continually taking risks and getting outside your comfort zone
Talk about the challenges you face and what you’re doing to overcome them
Focus more on contribution and less on achievement
Let them make mistakes

Parenting skill #12: Manage your own stress effectively.

A fascinating study conducted by Marilyn Essex shows that parents’ stress can affect their children’s genes for many years into the future.^[13]

This highlights how vital it is for parents to manage their own stress effectively.

Stress affects you, but it also affects your children!

I’ve heard it said that stress is a fact of life, but that it should never become a way of life.

Managing stress is a huge topic on its own. So if you’re under a lot of stress, I encourage you to check out this article and this article for practical tips on how parents can manage their stress better.

Improve your parenting skills and watch your children thrive

You’re committed to developing the skills needed to be a good, effective, and even world-class parent.

How do I know this?

You’ve made it to the end of this 2,000-word article. That’s something only committed parents would do. 🙂

As you implement the tips listed in this article, you’ll become a better parent.

(Download the free bonus below to learn three more skills you ought to develop.)

Over time, you’ll observe your children becoming more responsible, resilient and self-motivated.

And you won’t have to nag them anymore either.

Of course, this is a journey that will take time and effort. But it’ll be worth it!

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50 Words of Wisdom Every Student Needs to Hear

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 66 Comments

I completed my formal education some years ago.

Thinking about the 17 years I spent in school, I realise that I would have had a more fulfilling time if I’d been wiser.

It takes time to acquire wisdom. To help students through this process, I decided to write this article, in which I’ll share 50 words of wisdom every student should hear.

If you apply the advice in this article, I’m confident that you’ll become a happier and more successful student.

(Download the free PDF below to learn 10 bonus tips.)

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1. Don’t take your parents for granted. Your parents may nag you, and you may feel as if they don’t understand you. But they love you unconditionally, so appreciate them as often as you can.

2. Getting a bad grade isn’t the end of the world. In a few years, you won’t even remember most of your grades. If you get a bad grade, learn from your mistakes and prepare better for the next exam.

3. Use the Internet as a tool for education more than entertainment. The Internet can keep you entertained for hours. But with sites like Udemy, Udacity and How Stuff Works, the Internet can also make you a far more educated person.

4. Stress is a fact of life, but it should never become a way of life. This means that it’s normal to feel stressed and tired once in a while. But if you feel stressed and tired almost every day, then you need to reevaluate your life to see what you ought to be doing differently.

5. Learn to manage your money. As a student, you probably don’t have tons of money. That’s a good thing, because you can learn to spend, save, invest and give with little risk. Learn money management skills while you’re still young!

6. Make sleep a priority. Research has proven that sleep is essential for health and brain function. Make it a priority to get eight hours of sleep a night, and you’ll be a happier and better student.

7. Ask for help when you need it. There’s no shame in asking for help. If you can’t find the answer on Google, don’t hesitate to ask your teachers or parents. They’ll be more than willing to assist you.

8. Write things down. Your brain isn’t a perfect storage device, so write things down. Use a notebook or an app like Google Keep to ensure that you don’t forget anything important. If you write things down, you’ll be a more organised and effective student.

9. If you need motivation to study, go to the library. When you’re surrounded by people who are studying, you’ll feel inspired to study. Don’t underestimate the effect your environment has on your motivation. This study tip is extremely valuable!

10. Learn to embrace challenges rather than avoid them. Choose to see challenges as fun opportunities to learn. Even if you can’t overcome the challenge, you would have still grown as a person.

11. Don’t blame others. I used to blame my teachers, parents and peers for almost every problem I faced. Don’t be like me. The sooner you stop blaming others, the sooner you’ll learn to take full responsibility for your life.

12. Go to every single class. If the class is boring, see it as an opportunity to improve your ability to focus. If the class is about a topic you’ve learned before, see it as an opportunity to review the information.

13. Be grateful. Grateful students are happy students. No matter what situation you’re in, there’s always something to be thankful for: school, friends, family, food, health, nature, technology, etc.

14. Don’t take shortcuts. It’s tempting to take shortcuts, but resist the urge to do so. The more shortcuts you take, the less you’ll learn and the less you’ll grow as a person. Don’t shortchange yourself.

15. Be kind to yourself. Do you ever tell yourself that you’re lazy, ugly, dumb or irresponsible? Would you ever say those things to your best friend? Be kind to yourself, and learn to become your own best friend. In fact, research has proven that self-compassion is a key component of success.

16. Spend more time thinking about others than yourself. If you spend most of your time thinking about yourself, you’ll be unhappy. No matter how many good things there are going on in your life, you’ll be tempted to ask yourself questions like “Why can’t I be as popular as her?” or “Why are my parents so strict?” Instead, focus on helping others and you’ll be a happier student.

17. Say no without feeling guilty. Leading an effective student life is all about knowing what your priorities and values are. If there are activities or opportunities that aren’t aligned with your priorities, say no with confidence.

18. Don’t rely on others for things that are your own responsibility. I used to rely on others to remember things or run errands on my behalf. But I now realise that this was irresponsible behaviour. Don’t rely on other people for things that you should handle yourself.

19. Exercise regularly. Exercise is good for your body and your brain. So if you think you don’t have time to exercise, you actually don’t have time not to exercise. Exercise will make you a healthier and more effective student.

20. Don’t try to remember things; make them impossible to forget. One of the most important traits to develop when you’re in school is dependability. To become a dependable student, make it impossible to forget things, e.g. submitting homework, bringing a textbook to school, asking your parents to sign a consent form. Use a diary, sticky note or app to ensure that you don’t forget.

21. Ask yourself throughout the day, “What’s important now?” We often do what we feel like doing at the moment – even if that behaviour isn’t in our long-term interests. To fight this tendency, ask yourself, “What’s important now?” The answer will usually be clear.

22. Look for the good in every situation. For example, I once read about a woman who was exhausted after working at a restaurant for 14 hours straight in a day. She exclaimed, “I’m tired, but it feels so good to have spent all my energy doing something meaningful like work!” With an attitude like that, you’ll be a winner in life for sure.

23. Celebrate the successes of others. Your life as a student may feel like a competition, but it isn’t. Celebrate the accomplishments and successes of your peers, and don’t be a sore loser.

24. Don’t feel as if you need to have it all figured out. As a teenager, I used to think that I would have everything figured out by the time I finished school. But I still don’t feel as if I have everything figured out, and I don’t think I ever will. Life is a continual journey of learning and maturing – learn to enjoy the journey!

25. Spend time with people who have the same (or similar) values and goals as you. All of us are influenced greatly by the people we surround ourselves with. Choose to surround yourself with people who will inspire you to become a better person and student.

26. No experience in life is wasted. To paraphrase Tony Robbins, cultivate the belief that life is happening for you, not to you. If you believe that life is happening for your good, you’ll be able to see even challenges and frustrations in a positive light.

27. Don’t expect to become an educated person just by going to school. School is a crucial part of your education, but it’s just one part. Why? Because there are many skills you won’t master through formal education alone, e.g. persuasion, negotiation, design thinking, adaptive thinking. Take a proactive approach toward learning these types of skills through these must-read books for students, videos, online courses and real-world experiences.

28. Say “thank you” and “sorry” often. Don’t just say these words for the sake of saying them. If you mean it when you say “thank you” and “sorry”, you’ll build stronger relationships with both your friends and family.

29. Don’t worry about being popular or cool. Popularity is overrated. Responsibility, duty, excellence, kindness, courage and generosity aren’t – so focus on these instead.

30. Be curious. For most of my life as a student, I only learned information that was going to be tested on the exam. But later on, when I became a curious student who wanted to learn about all kinds of things, I started to enjoy school more. Not only that, I started to enjoy life more, because I realised that there’s so much beauty in the world around us. Start becoming more curious today!

31. Every choice you make shapes your character, so choose wisely. As a student, you make hundreds of choices every day: what to eat, how to spend your money, who to talk to, what clothes to wear, how hard to work, etc. Every decision shapes your character and destiny, so don’t take it lightly.

32. 90% of success is doing what others aren’t willing to do. Most students aren’t willing to do the extra assignment, proofread the essay one more time, put their tablet away when it’s time to focus, or delete the distracting apps on their phone. Be the student who is willing to do those things – and more. If you adopt this mindset in life, you’re almost guaranteed to become successful.

33. You’re never too young to make an impact. As a student, I thought of myself as a “kid” who couldn’t make an impact. But just look at these children and teenagers who are making huge contributions to the world. No matter how old you are, believe you can contribute, and start small in whatever way you can.

34. Assume the best of others. Many disagreements arise because we assume the worst of others. We assume that others are selfish and inconsiderate. But this is rarely true. If you assume the best of others, you’ll make an effort to understand their perspective. This, in turn, will enable you to resolve conflicts more quickly.

35. Invest in the relationships that matter most. Relationships must be nurtured – this takes time. List the people who mean the most to you. Make an intentional effort to invest in these relationships, at least on a weekly or fortnightly basis.

36. The grass isn’t greener on the other side; the grass is greener where you water it. (This is my shortened version of a quote from Robert Fulghum.) Do you ever think to yourself, “If only I went to a different school… If only I were born in a different city… If only I were better-looking…”? If so, remember that the grass is greener where you water it. “Water the grass” by choosing to have a positive attitude and by taking action, instead of complaining.

37. Everything worth doing takes time and effort. This applies to grades, relationships, career, character, and more. If you want to go somewhere meaningful and rewarding in life, there are no shortcuts.

38. Compliment others sincerely. Do this as often as you can, preferably daily. This is a simple way to appreciate others and make their day just a little bit brighter.

39. Forgive others and yourself. If you do this, you won’t be filled with anger and resentment. If you extend forgiveness freely, your life will be more peaceful and joyous.

40. To be successful, you must learn how to deal with negative emotions. When you’re feeling frustrated, angry, disappointed or sad, you’re more likely to make bad decisions. You can’t avoid all negative emotions, but you can learn to manage them so they don’t derail you.

41. Become reasonably good at public speaking. I’m not saying that everyone should become a professional speaker. But I am saying that over the course of your life you’ll have many opportunities to speak in public. So you might as well become proficient at it sooner rather than later (or never).

42. Attitude matters more than intelligence or talent. As Zig Ziglar once said, “Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.” Intelligence and talent play a part in how successful you become as a student and in life. But attitude matters much more. Start cultivating a positive and resilient attitude today.

43. Be present. When I was a student, I spent far too much time thinking about my past mistakes and worrying about the future. I spent far too little time in the present: living in the moment, appreciating the small things, being 100% focused, seeing the beauty in what I was learning, cherishing relationships. Wherever you are, be present.

44. Show your parents respect and appreciation. This might be hard for you to do, especially if you think your parents are unreasonable or overbearing. But I encourage you to do it anyway. First of all, it’s the right thing to do. Second of all, when parents don’t receive respect and appreciation from their children, they tend to become even more unreasonable and overbearing. So it’s in everyone’s best interests that you show your parents respect and appreciation.

45. Fear should usually be seen as a signal to advance, not retreat. Most of the time, when we feel afraid our life isn’t actually in danger. Common fears include public speaking, failure, rejection, and the fear of learning. As such, fear should usually be seen as something to move towards, because in doing so you’ll experience personal growth.

46. Don’t watch TV. Studies show that watching too much TV is linked to depression. Watching some TV won’t hurt you, but if you decide not to watch TV at all, you’ll have more time for meaningful and productive activities. If you need to de-stress, check out this list of science-backed ways to do so.

47. Pay attention in class. If you do this, you won’t need to spend so much time studying because you would have already understood most of the concepts taught in class. If you have trouble paying attention, I recommend that you improve your focus gradually. For example, you could start by setting a timer for 10 minutes, as a reminder that you’ll pay attention for just 10 minutes. After the 10 minutes are up, you can allow yourself to be distracted for a minute or two before you start another 10-minute “focus session”. Every day, increase the length of the “focus session” by one minute.

48. When faced with a problem, ask yourself, “What is one thing I can do now to improve the situation?” I’ve underlined those three words/phrases for good reasons. When you focus on just one thing you can do, you won’t feel overwhelmed. When you focus on what you can do now, you’ll be more motivated to take action right away. And when you focus on what you can do now to improve the situation, you’ll almost certainly be able to think of at least one productive action to take. Ask this powerful question whenever you’re faced with a problem, and you’ll become a more effective student and person.

49. Looking successful is different from being successful. Looking successful is about prestige, popularity, status and accomplishments. Being successful is about purpose, relationships, character and contribution. As a student, ensure that you’re working towards being successful, not just looking successful.

50. Focus on progress, not perfection. There’s no such thing as a perfect student. After all, we’re flawed human beings. If you aim to achieve perfection, you’ll be disappointed, and you may lose motivation. On the other hand, if you focus on progress, you’ll realise that getting better is its own reward. This is the key to being an effective, fulfilled student.

Conclusion

I don’t claim to be the wisest person around, but I hope you’ve found this article useful.

(Download the free PDF below to learn 10 additional tips.)

It took me many years to learn these lessons, and I know I still have much more wisdom to acquire.

Don’t feel as if you need to put all the tips into practice right away. Instead, revisit this article periodically and focus on just one tip a week.

It will make a huge difference in the long run. Wishing you all the best!

If you like this article, please share it with your friends.

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Want to Be a Better Parent? Ask Your Children 7 Simple Questions

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

As a parent, you want to raise children who are responsible and self-motivated.

You want them to do well in school, and you want them to communicate with you openly.

You also want to build a happy family.

But I’m sure you’ve already realised that you won’t achieve these goals easily.

Along the way, your children may have become disobedient, rebellious or disengaged. (This is especially likely if your children are pre-teens or teens.)

Your home environment may have become tense or even hostile.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, don’t worry. This article will help.

I don’t claim to be a parenting expert — I’m still learning how to raise my two young boys well.

But over the years I’ve spoken to and worked with thousands of pre-teens and teens. As such, I understand how to get through to them.

In this article, I’ll share with you seven simple questions to ask your children, which will help you to reach your parenting goals.

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Question #1: “What can I do to be a better parent?”

The simplest way to become a better parent is to ask your children what they think.

When you ask them Question #1, be prepared for an honest answer.

Your children may point out your flaws.

They may bring up incidents where you were unreasonable or inconsistent.

They may highlight ways in which you haven’t been a good role model.

Is this a scary proposition?

Yes.

But the feedback you get will be invaluable in helping you understand which parenting skills you need to develop.

Question #2: “What do you like/dislike about being in our family?”

Parents frequently complain to me that their children are withdrawn. They tell me that their children would rather spend time with their friends than family.

To get to the root of the issue, ask your children Question #2.

This question will help your children to see that there are good things about your family that they may have taken for granted.

At the same time, when they articulate what they dislike, you’ll understand what you can do to build a more united family.

Perhaps your children feel as if they don’t have enough freedom. Or perhaps they feel as if you’ve set too many house rules.

Whatever the case, this is an opportunity to brainstorm with your children. Together, you can find ways to make your home a happier one.

Question #3: “What are the biggest challenges you’re facing?”

Many parents focus too much on their children’s behaviour and academic performance. As a result, they don’t understand their children’s deeper concerns.

Children behave responsibly not when they understand why it’s important to do so. They behave responsibly when they feel understood by their parents.

By asking your children Question #3, you’ll get a better sense of their fears and aspirations.

This will help you to form a stronger parent-child bond.

Question #4: “How can we make our family more fun?”

Pre-teens and teens often tell me that they don’t like family time because it’s boring.

Furthermore, during family time they feel as if their parents might criticise or nag them.

It’s no wonder that pre-teens and teens don’t want to hang out with their parents!

Based on your children’s answer to Question #4, you’ll be able to think of ways to make family time more enjoyable.

After all, united families go through tough times together. But they also have plenty of fun together too!

Question #5: “What things are you excited about?”

This is a great question to help you understand your children better.

Maybe there’s a new game or show they like. Or maybe they can’t wait for their upcoming performance.

No matter what their answer is, don’t lecture them.

For example, your children might start going on and on about the latest game that all their friends are playing. As you listen, you might be tempted to warn them not to become addicted to the game.

You might also be tempted to remind them to focus on their academics.

But reserve the lecture for another time.

When your children tell you what they’re excited about, share in their excitement. Do your best to find out why they’re so thrilled.

This simple act will mean a lot to them.

Question #6: “Is there anything I can help you with?”

Parents’ natural instinct is to nag and remind their children. But children don’t respond well to this approach.

If you observe that your children are going through a rough time, ask them if there’s anything you can do to help.

Don’t be offended if their answer is “nothing”. They might not be ready to receive help, or they might want to work through the challenge on their own.

When you offer assistance in a non-judgmental and non-intrusive way, your children will appreciate it.

They’ll then be more willing to seek help from you if they need it.

Question #7: “Do you feel as if I understand you?”

I often hear from pre-teens and teens that their parents just don’t understand them.

When children don’t feel understood, they begin to tune out the advice their parents give them.

Parents perceive this behaviour as rebellious or defiant, but it isn’t.

It’s simply a human need to first feel understood.

If your children don’t feel as if you understand them, then explore the issue further.

Hear them out, and create a safe environment for them to share their feelings.

By doing so, you’ll lay the foundation for a healthy parent-child relationship and a happy home.

Conclusion

You’ve made it to the end of this article, so I know that you’re a committed parent.

You’re committed to raising your children well.

You’re committed to building a strong family.

You’re committed to becoming the best parent you can be.

The next step is to take action.

Every month, ask your children two to three of the questions listed in this article. (Download the free bonus PDF below to learn three additional questions.)

Mark it down on your calendar or set a reminder so you won’t forget.

And when you have the conversation with your children, be open-minded. Make it clear to them that you value their opinions and honesty.

If they have negative feedback, don’t take it personally. After all, the fastest way to improve as a parent – and in life, too – is to get regular feedback.

As you reflect and act on the feedback you receive from your children, you’ll become a more effective parent.

I’m sure your children will become more mature and happier too!

Like this article? Share it with your friends.

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Enter your email below to download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the questions found here, plus 3 exclusive bonus questions that you’ll only find in the PDF.