How to Deal With a Disrespectful Teenager: 10 Tips for Frustrated Parents

Updated on October 23, 2025 By Daniel Wong 200 Comments

Are you dealing with a disrespectful teenager?

Maybe he mutters under his breath when you ask him to do his homework.

Or maybe she slams her room door when you tell her that she can’t go out with her friends.

If so, you’re probably at your wits’ end.

You love your teenagers and you want the best for them.

But you also want them to accept that there are rules in your family, just as there are rules in the outside world.

Don’t be alarmed.

Disrespect towards parents is common as youngsters navigate the waters between childhood and adulthood.

But you can’t deal with disrespect by simply ignoring it. You need a strategy for how to deal with teenage attitude. There are things you need to do, and things you need to avoid doing.

This article explains 10 tips for successfully handling disrespectful and often rebellious teenagers.

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1. Understand the teenage brain

During childhood, there’s tremendous brain development. By age six, 95% of the brain’s structure has already been formed.

Picture it as a sudden development of the wiring of the brain.

The problem is that the new wiring hasn’t yet been connected to the key parts of the brain.

As Molly Edmonds writes, the teenage brain is like an entertainment centre whose components haven’t yet been hooked up.

There are loose wires everywhere. The speaker system hasn’t been connected to the DVD player. And the DVD player hasn’t been configured to work with the TV.

And as for the remote control – it hasn’t even arrived yet!

In this analogy, the remote control is the prefrontal cortex.

That’s the part of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments, and controls impulses and emotions. But in the teenage brain, it hasn’t been properly connected yet.

What does this mean in practice?

It means teenagers can get frustrated easily, with themselves and with external situations. It makes them impulsive and subject to mood swings that you and I don’t experience.

That’s a heady cocktail that can turn teenagers into emotional wrecks.

Understanding that there’s a biological basis for your teenager’s difficult behaviour makes it much easier to deal with.

It helps you to focus on the behaviour rather than the person.

2. Think about the emotional needs underlying the behaviour

When teenagers are disrespectful to their parents, it’s sometimes a sign that they have emotional needs that aren’t being met.

Sometimes, disrespectful behaviour or throwing tantrums is a way of getting attention.

Other times, it’s an indication that they don’t feel accepted.

Sit down with your teenager and tell her that you’re there for her if she wants to talk about something. Remind her that you love her unconditionally. [Read more…]

How to Be Successful in School: 40 Practical Tips for Students

Updated on June 6, 2023 By Daniel Wong 175 Comments

Do you think of yourself as a smart student?

Probably not.

If you’re like most students, you probably feel as if you take some time to grasp new concepts.

Or that you don’t perform up to expectations because of exam stress.

I know…

It seems as if success at school comes to some students naturally. These students always get good grades, no matter what else is going on in their personal lives or extracurricular activities.

I was a straight-A student throughout my academic career, and I was obsessed with how to do better in school.

But I’ll be the first one to say that grades aren’t everything. Grades are only one part of your education.

I now realise that successful students aren’t necessarily more intelligent than other students. They’re just more disciplined and focused, and they’ve developed winning study habits.

So if you don’t feel as if you’re a smart student, don’t worry.

In this article, I’m going to share with you how to be successful in school, even if you don’t think of yourself as a top student.

(Download the free bonus below to learn 10 bonus tips too!)

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1. Rely on systems, not motivation

How can students do better in school? By being methodical and systematic, instead of waiting to feel motivated.

Students who do well in school don’t wait until they’re in the mood to do a focused study session before they get down to work.

Neither do they wait until they feel motivated before they start preparing for an exam.

Instead, successful students rely on systems to ensure that they get the work done, even when they don’t feel like it.

(Keep on reading to find out what some of these systems are.)

2. Review any new information you’ve learned on the same day

This daily review won’t take long to complete, but it’s a vital step that ensures you stay on top of the material.

Applying this tip will also help you to move the information to your long-term memory more quickly.

3. Write everything down

To be an effective student, write everything down.

This includes homework to be completed, test and exam dates, project deadlines, competition dates, school and family events, etc.

Don’t assume that you’ll be able to remember anything; write it all down to stay organised.

This tip might sound extreme, but life only gets busier as you get older.

Good organisational skills are the basis for achieving success at school and beyond. So this tip will serve you well for the rest of your life.

4. Create a rough weekly schedule

It’s impossible to follow a schedule down to the minute, but it’s still helpful to create a schedule.

Write down your rough weekly schedule based on your recurring commitments, e.g. school, extracurricular activities, family and social events, religious activities.

Then block out regular time each week for homework and studying.

For example, your rough weekly schedule might state that you’ll do work on:

Monday, Wednesday and Friday: 7pm to 9:30pm
Tuesday and Thursday: 4pm to 7pm
Saturday and Sunday: 2pm to 5pm

5. Get rid of distractions before they become distractions

The biggest obstacle to doing well in school is distractions.

To overcome distractions, you can’t only depend on willpower. Few of us have the willpower necessary to fight off all the distractions that surround us in this digital era.

Here are some ways to eliminate distractions before they become distractions:

Turn off notifications on your phone/tablet
Delete all the apps that distract you
Put your phone/tablet in another room before you start work
Set a really, really long password to unlock your phone/tablet
Restrict your Internet access
Have only one tab open in your browser at any one time
Find an accountability partner as you make these changes

6. Develop good posture

Good posture improves your mood, and also enhances your memory and learning.

So sit up straight, pull your shoulders back, and lift up your chin – and you’ll perform better in school.

For more tips on improving your posture, check out this detailed article.

7. Don’t multitask

It’s a fact: There’s no such thing as multitasking.

Whenever you’re multitasking, you’re actually just switching between tasks. This reduces your studying efficiency.

So don’t multitask when you’re studying or doing your homework. Instead, focus on one task at a time, and you’ll find that you get your homework done faster.

8. Cultivate the belief that intelligence isn’t a fixed trait

Research has proven that students who believe that they can become smarter actually do become smarter.

Belief is that powerful.

In other words, intelligence is a trait that you can develop over time.

Don’t ever label yourself as “dumb” or “not academically inclined”, because with the right mindset you can become more intelligent.

How can you do better in school? It starts with believing that you can. By telling yourself that you’re incompetent before you even try, you’ve already lost the battle.

Develop a can-do attitude and your grades will naturally improve.

9. Work in short blocks of time

I’ve found that most students can’t maintain a high level of focus for more than 45 minutes at a go.

As such, I generally recommend working in 30- to 45-minute blocks, followed by a 5- to 10-minute break.

Working in shorter blocks of time is more effective for the majority of students, rather than struggling to focus for a couple of hours straight.

10. Exercise regularly

Regular exercise helps you to remember information better, enhances your concentration, and makes you more creative.

This is in addition to the other health benefits of exercise.

What does this mean for students who want to be successful in school?

Make exercise a fixed part of your weekly routine. Exercise three to four times a week, for at least 20 to 30 minutes each time.

11. Be organised

Students who aren’t organised end up wasting precious time looking for items or notes, or doing last-minute work they forgot about.

Here are some ways to become more organised:

Set a daily reminder to check if there’s any homework due the following day
Set reminders to start preparing for tests and exams
Use the MyStudyLife app
Use a planner or Google Calendar
Clear your desk at the end of every day
Use an app like Google Keep to do a “brain dump”

12. Break big tasks into smaller ones

Big tasks seem complicated and overwhelming, which is why many students procrastinate.

Break every big task down into smaller tasks. For instance, instead of deciding to work on your history paper, you might break the task down into the following smaller tasks:

Read Chapter 3 (notes)
Read Chapter 3 (textbook)
Do online research (5 to 10 articles)
Develop thesis statement
Write outline
Write introduction
Write main paragraph #1
Write main paragraph #2
Write main paragraph #3
Write main paragraph #4
Write main paragraph #5
Write conclusion
Proofread and edit

When you work on the history paper, focus on completing one task at a time. This will make it less likely that you’ll procrastinate.

13. Get at least 8 hours of sleep every night

Students who perform well are effective learners. As the research shows, sleep is a vital part of becoming an effective learner.

Sleep boosts memory and enhances learning. So go to bed at roughly the same time every day, and make it a priority to get 8 hours of sleep a night.

If you do this, I’m sure you’ll see an improvement in your academic performance.

Pulling all-nighters definitely isn’t how to do better in school. It might enable you to get some last-minute work done.

But over time, your performance in school will decline.

14. Create a conducive studying environment

Here are some tips to do this:

Tidy your desk daily
Ensure that you have all the stationery, notebooks, etc. that you need
Ensure that the lighting in the room is suitable
Use earplugs to block out noise if necessary
Put up one or two motivational quotes at your study area
Get a comfortable chair
Remove all distractions from the room

15. Keep track of important dates, deadlines, etc.

This is related to Tip #3, but it’s more specific.

I’ve worked with many students who try to keep track of important dates by storing them in their brains.

Needless to say, these students occasionally forget about upcoming tests or deadlines. This results in panic – and low-quality work too.

Use Google Calendar or Google Keep (an old-fashioned planner works too) to keep track of important dates, and you’ll become a more effective student.

16. Take notes during class

I’m always surprised by how many students tell me that they don’t take notes in class. This is despite the fact that taking notes is vital to your success at school.

It’s important to take notes in class because it helps you to pay attention and to learn the concepts better.

I prefer taking notes in a linear, sequential manner. But there are several other note-taking systems that you can learn about here.

17. Ask lots of questions

Asking your friends and teachers questions about what you’re learning is a great way to stay engaged. It also ensures that you understand the new material.

Don’t be afraid of asking silly questions. Besides, if you pay attention in class, your questions will likely be logical and insightful.

18. Eat healthily

Research shows that the better your nutrition, the better your brain function.

And the better your brain function, the better your performance in school.

Here are some basic tips to eat more healthily:

Eat vegetables and fruit
Eat meat and fish
Eat eggs
Eat nuts
Avoid processed foods
Avoid sugar
Avoid trans fats
Avoid artificial sweeteners
Drink plenty of water
Avoid sugary beverages

So, if you’re wondering how to do well in school, one thing you can do right away is to change your diet.

19. Do consistent work

Don’t do last-minute work, and don’t cram for exams.

Easier said than done, I know.

But if you do consistent work, you won’t even need to study that hard for your final exams. You’ll naturally do better in school because you’ll retain the information more effectively.

(By applying the rest of the tips in this article, you should be well on your way to doing consistent work.)

20. Manage your thoughts and emotions

Students who lose focus or motivation are typically discouraged. They’re often discouraged because they feel as if they won’t do well academically, so they lose hope.

The question you probably still have on your mind is…

How to be a good student?

By managing your thoughts and emotions effectively – especially when faced with disappointment.

To do so, take a step back and ask yourself the following questions:

Are these thoughts true?
Are these thoughts helpful?
Am I taking things too personally?
How can I view the situation more positively?
Do I need to forgive the other person?
Do I need to forgive myself?
How can I be more compassionate toward myself?
What productive actions can I take to improve the situation?

Through answering these questions, you’ll adopt a more positive and resilient mindset.

21. Take a few minutes to prepare for each class

As Benjamin Franklin once said, “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”

Preparing for class is something every student should do.

Every night, think about the classes that you’ll be having the following day in school.

Take a few minutes to skim the textbook or notes, so that you’ll be familiar with what your teacher will cover the next day.

In addition, do a quick recap of the previous topic, because the new topic will likely build on what you’ve already learned.

This process won’t take long, but it will pay off in the long run.

22. Give yourself rewards

To keep yourself motivated, give yourself small rewards whenever possible.

For example, you might decide that after 45 minutes of work, you’ll reward yourself with a 5-minute YouTube video.

Or if you enjoy exercising, you might decide that after you finish your math and science homework, you’ll get to do a 30-minute workout.

Rewards are a simple way to encourage you to get to work, even when you don’t feel like it. That’s a useful strategy for how to do better in school.

23. Manage your stress

Students who don’t manage their stress well are more likely to experience performance anxiety and get worse grades.

To manage your stress levels:

Perform deep breathing exercises
Listen to music
Spend time with friends on a regular basis
Exercise
Read a book
Keep a gratitude journal
Take a few minutes to reflect at the end of each day

24. Do and submit your homework on time

This tip might sound like common sense, but a large proportion of the students I work with don’t do this.

Make it a non-negotiable to submit your homework on time, and give a good effort for each assignment.

This is the foundation of how to be a good student.

25. Challenge yourself

Taking it one step further, don’t just do the assigned homework.

Challenge yourself and do extra questions that require deep thinking. Look for online resources. Learn information that’s outside the syllabus.

This will help you to see the wonder and beauty in all that you’re learning. You’ll also be reminded that getting better is its own reward.

26. Make time to relax

Doing well in school isn’t about getting good grades and outperforming your classmates. It’s about leading a balanced life that’s focused on contributing to others.

To lead a balanced life, it’s important to set aside time for relaxation.

Block out time for relaxation in your weekly schedule to ensure that you don’t burn out.

27. Be consistent about your study time

This is a follow-up to Tip #4. In addition to having a regular weekly schedule that you stick to, it’s important to be consistent about your study time.

The more consistent you are, the less likely it is that you’ll need to feel “inspired” to get down to work.

On the contrary, you’ll get down to work out of habit and routine. This is crucial if you want to manage your time as a student effectively.

28. Have a specific plan or objective for each study session

Many students share with me that their mindset toward studying is that they’ll “study hard”. This might sound good, but it actually means that they don’t have a specific objective or plan.

They’re interested in attaining success at school and getting good grades, but they’re not clear about what positive actions they’re going to take in particular.

This vague approach isn’t the one that effective students take toward their academics.

For each study session, set a clear objective as to what you intend to achieve. This might be to read through a set of notes thoroughly or complete 30 multiple-choice questions.

29. Use memory techniques

Memory techniques are powerful ways to learn information more quickly.

Here are some of the most useful ones I’ve come across:

30. Test yourself periodically

Don’t assume that just because you’ve read the notes and looked through some examples that you understand the material well.

For all you know, you might have been daydreaming during those study sessions.

What else should you do to be a good student, if reading your notes doesn’t guarantee that you’ll get better grades?

Test yourself periodically. Do plenty of practice questions and keep a list of the mistakes you’ve made, so that you won’t repeat those mistakes in the exam.

31. Take practice exams under exam conditions

It isn’t practical to do too many practice exams under exam conditions, because it’s time-consuming.

But before every exam, I recommend that you do at least two to three practice exams under exam conditions.

This will help you to prepare adequately, and will train you to deal with the time pressure of the exam too.

32. Start studying for tests at least one to two weeks in advance

Cramming for tests is always a bad idea. It won’t enable you to achieve long-term success at school.

I recommend that you set a reminder on your phone (or make a note in your planner) one to two weeks before every scheduled test, so that you’ll start preparing for the test.

For big exams, I recommend that you start studying four weeks in advance or more.

This study tip is a vital one for students to implement.

33. Find ways to help others and contribute

Students often lose motivation when they focus too much on achievement and too little on contribution.

After all, the aim of education is to become equipped with skills and knowledge so that you can help others.

When students lose sight of this, they sometimes feel as if school is meaningless.

To keep things in perspective, find simple ways to contribute in your capacity as a student, e.g. volunteering, fundraising, solving problems in your school, serving the underprivileged.

These types of activities will teach you to have a heart of service and humility. They’ll empower you as you discover how to do better in school and life.

34. Develop a sense of purpose

Few students can maintain a consistent level of concentration and drive if they lack a sense of purpose.

If students feel as if their school life is just about striving to get straight A’s, they will likely run out of steam.

How can you develop a sense of purpose?

Think about…

What values you want to live by
What long-term goals would be meaningful to you
How you’d like to contribute to the good of others
What your duties and responsibilities are
What relationships you’d like to nurture
What kind of person you’d like to become

As you reflect on these aspects of your life, you’ll have a clearer idea about how to do well in school in light of the purpose you’re living out.

This clarity will help you to be more successful in school.

35. Don’t blame others

The key to developing resilience is to take full responsibility for your life.

This means that you refuse to blame others for anything that’s going on in your life.

No blaming your teachers, parents or friends.

No blaming the school principal or the government.

No playing the victim.

When you take this approach toward your student life, you’ll see that there’s always something you can do to improve the situation.

36. Hang out with people who are motivated and focused

No matter how much we’d like to think that we’re immune to peer pressure, we’re most definitely not.

Peer pressure affects people of all ages. This means that we must be intentional about the people we surround ourselves with.

Do you hang out with people who are pessimistic?

Are they always complaining?

Do they pursue excellence, or do they try to find shortcuts?

Spend time with people who are positive, motivated, focused, kind, generous and hardworking. You’ll find yourself developing those traits as the days and weeks go by.

As a result, you’ll become more successful in school.

37. Analyse the mistakes you make in tests and exams

It might not be a pleasant experience, but I encourage you to go through every mistake you make in tests and exams.

Analyse why you made each mistake. Ask yourself questions such as:

Was the mistake due to carelessness?
Did I forget a key fact?
Did I have a poor understanding of a certain concept?
How can I make certain that I won’t repeat the mistake?
What do I need to do to be better prepared for future tests?

This analysis will help you to make continual progress in your academics.

38. Pre-commit to specific behaviours and habits

Pre-commitment is a strategy in which you commit in advance to certain desirable behaviours. This way, you won’t be tempted to do otherwise in the future.

Here are some examples:

Use the StayFocusd Chrome extension to restrict the amount of time you spend on certain websites
Ask your parents to change the password on your tablet, so that every time you want to use your tablet you need them to unlock it
Tell a friend that you’ll delete all your social media apps on your phone by the end of the day – if not, you’ll give your friend $100

Pre-commitment is a powerful strategy that all good students use.

39. Keep a “done” list

Just as important as keeping a to-do list is keeping a “done” list.

Write down all the things you’ve accomplished at the end of each day. This will help to remind you that you’ve indeed been productive, even if you don’t feel so.

In the long run, keeping a “done” list will help you to stay positive and motivated.

40. Don’t try to remember to do things; make it impossible to forget

Some examples of these “things” might be:

Homework
Projects
Studying for tests
Bringing your textbook to school
Bringing your water bottle to school
Bringing your calculator into the exam hall for a math exam

The list goes on.

To be successful in school, don’t just try to remember to do these things. Rather, make it impossible to forget to do these things.

There’s a huge difference between these two approaches.

To make it impossible to forget to do something, you might need to stick a Post-it note on the front door. Or set an alarm (or two alarms). Or create a daily reminder to check your calendar or planner.

As you adopt this approach, you’ll become a more reliable and effective student!

Conclusion

If you apply all the tips in this article, it’s almost impossible that you won’t become a better student. (To get 10 more bonus tips, enter your email in the box at the end of this article.)

Of course, it’s neither reasonable nor practical to expect you to implement all the tips at once.

After all, the road to success is built one step at a time.

Success – as a student and in life in general – is about daily choices and habits.

Implement one or two tips in the coming week, and get some like-minded friends to join you.

As you gain momentum, implement more tips as the weeks go by. (You can try applying my rules for success in life too.)

You’ll soon find that you’re becoming a more successful student who’s leading a more balanced life too.

Wishing you all the best – I’m excited about this journey that you’re about to embark on!

Like this article? Please share it with your friends.

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12 Effective Parenting Skills Every Parent Should Have (Backed by Science)

Updated on October 21, 2025 By Daniel Wong 31 Comments

Do you want to have good parenting skills?

Of course you do.

You want to help your children make the most of their potential, and you want them to be contributing members of society.

But it’s time-consuming to sift through all the parenting tips out there.

What makes it more confusing is that the tips from different “parenting experts” are often contradictory!

I wanted to know what parenting skills and tips have been proven to be effective. So I read through all the scientific articles I could find.

Based on many hours of research, I’ve come up with this list of 12 good parenting skills. (If you’d like to discover another three skills effective parents have, download the free bonus below.)

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Research-backed good parenting skills

To become more effective as a parent, practise the skills that have been proven to get the best results.

These will become the parenting strengths you can then rely on to raise children who develop into confident, successful adults.

Parenting skill #1: Focus more on your children’s positive behaviour than negative behaviour.

Yale University psychology professor Alan Kazdin explains that parents should be intentional about focusing more on their children’s positive behaviour than on their negative behaviour.^[1]

The more parents scold or reprimand, the more the bad behaviour gets repeated.

When they receive a lot of scolding, children start to internalise the belief that “I’m a bad child who misbehaves and gets scolded”.

As such, they don’t feel motivated to correct their behaviour, because it has already become a part of their identity.

Effective parents understand that the better approach is to acknowledge or describe their children’s good behaviour when they see it.

You may have to go out of your way to do this. (You can also check out these 50+ positive things to say to your children.)

Approach this with patience and dedication and you’ll observe your children’s behaviour improving over time.

Parenting skill #2: Teach your children to focus on the needs of others.

Lara Aknin’s research shows that children find happiness through giving to others.^[2]

In fact, children find greater happiness when they give to others sacrificially.

These are interesting findings, because most of us are naturally self-centred. We look out for our own needs before the needs of others.

But the research indicates that if we overcome our selfish nature and focus on the needs of others, we’ll be happier.

If you want your children to lead joyful, fulfilling lives, teach them to serve others and contribute. Involve them in activities where they get to help others and make a positive impact.

When your children think more in terms of contribution and less in terms of achievement, they’ll be on the path of building a happy and successful life. [Read more…]

50 Words of Wisdom Every Student Needs to Hear

Updated on October 21, 2025 By Daniel Wong 65 Comments

I completed my formal education some years ago.

Thinking about the 17 years I spent in school, I realise that I would have had a more fulfilling time if I’d been wiser.

It takes time to acquire wisdom. To help students through this process, I decided to write this article, in which I’ll share 50 words of wisdom every student should hear.

If you apply the advice in this article, I’m confident that you’ll become a happier and more successful student.

(Download the free PDF below to learn 10 bonus tips.)

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1. Don’t take your parents for granted. Your parents may nag you, and you may feel as if they don’t understand you. But they love you unconditionally, so appreciate them as often as you can.

2. Getting a bad grade isn’t the end of the world. In a few years, you won’t even remember most of your grades. If you get a bad grade, learn from your mistakes and prepare better for the next exam.

3. Use the Internet as a tool for education more than entertainment. The Internet can keep you entertained for hours. But with sites like Udemy, Udacity and How Stuff Works, the Internet can also make you a far more educated person.

4. Stress is a fact of life, but it should never become a way of life. This means that it’s normal to feel stressed and tired once in a while. But if you feel stressed and tired almost every day, then you need to reevaluate your life to see what you ought to be doing differently. [Read more…]

Want to Be a Better Parent? Ask Your Children 7 Simple Questions

Updated on July 14, 2023 By Daniel Wong Leave a Comment

As a parent, you want to raise children who are responsible and self-motivated.

You want them to do well in school, and you want them to communicate with you openly.

You also want to build a happy family.

But I’m sure you’ve already realised that you won’t achieve these goals easily.

Along the way, your children may have become disobedient, rebellious or disengaged. (This is especially likely if your children are pre-teens or teens.)

Your home environment may have become tense or even hostile.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, don’t worry. This article will help.

I don’t claim to be a parenting expert — I’m still learning how to raise my two young boys well.

But over the years I’ve spoken to and worked with thousands of pre-teens and teens. As such, I understand how to get through to them.

In this article, I’ll share with you seven simple questions to ask your children, which will help you to reach your parenting goals.

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Question #1: “What can I do to be a better parent?”

The simplest way to become a better parent is to ask your children what they think.

When you ask them Question #1, be prepared for an honest answer.

Your children may point out your flaws.

They may bring up incidents where you were unreasonable or inconsistent.

They may highlight ways in which you haven’t been a good role model.

Is this a scary proposition?

Yes.

But the feedback you get will be invaluable in helping you understand which parenting skills you need to develop. [Read more…]

What to Do If Your Teen Hates School: 15 Strategies That Work

Updated on July 14, 2025 By Daniel Wong 98 Comments

“My teenager hates school, and I don’t know what I should do!”

Maybe this describes the situation you’re in.

Does your teen say that he hates school?

Does he complain about his teachers and classmates, and about how “useless” school is?

Or maybe your teen complains that the people in school are “fake”, and that it’s hard to make friends?

If so, I’m sure you feel concerned.

You want to help your teen, but whatever you’ve tried so far hasn’t worked.

Don’t worry.

Given that I work with students — the majority of whom are teens — for a living, I know how common it is for teens to dislike school.

Nonetheless, this is still an issue that must be addressed.

There are many powerful strategies you can employ to help the situation. In this article, I’ll outline 15 of them.

(Download the free bonus below to learn five more strategies.)

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Why do teens hate school?

As a parent and as a coach who works with teenagers, I understand how challenging it can be to see your child hating school.

You don’t want your teens to be miserable, but you also want what’s best for them in the long term.

While academics aren’t everything, doing well in school does lead to more opportunities for scholarships, higher education, and employment.

Here’s the thing…

Before you can motivate your teenagers to enjoy school, you must understand why they dislike school in the first place.

For many students, school is like a roller coaster — full of nerve-racking lows and exhilarating highs. Threatening or lecturing your teens won’t help them navigate the heart-pounding ride.

Instead, let’s explore a few answers to the all-important question: “Why do teens hate school?”

They feel like they have no control over their lives

The teenage years are a time when they’re discovering their identity: their motivations, interests, values, and goals.

Teenagers are also growing up, which means that they’re developing their independence.

So, your teens want to feel in control of their lives.

But the traditional school setting typically gives them few opportunities to exert this control, outside of setting academic goals.

Most teenagers have few options with regard to which classes they’re taking, so they don’t get to study the topics that genuinely interest them.

Add jam-packed schedules and strict rules to the mix, and it’s no wonder that teens find school frustrating and sometimes pointless.

If your teen hates school, it could be a lack of autonomy that’s driving this feeling of resentment.

They feel overwhelmed and stressed

Waking up early. High-pressure extracurriculars. Exams, homework, and projects.

Teens today are more stressed than ever before. In fact, nearly one-third of teens report feeling overwhelmed, a figure on par with adult stress levels.

These statistics are a cause for concern.

As American Psychological Association CEO Norman B. Anderson, PhD says:

It is alarming that the teen stress experience is so similar to that of adults. It is even more concerning that they seem to underestimate the potential impact that stress has on their physical and mental health.

(If you’re concerned about your teen’s mental well-being, here are seven tips to support your child’s mental health.)

Help your teenager to manage stress effectively, and you might find that you no longer say that “my teenager hates school”.

They feel that school is just about getting good grades

Does your teen feel pressured to achieve outstanding grades?

Most students do. Yet academic success is about so much more than report cards and grades.

It’s important to show your teen that it’s not the outcome but the process that matters most.

Sure, it feels good to get excellent grades. But what’s more important are the valuable life skills your child gains along the way, e.g. critical thinking, organisation, planning, self-management.

If your teens feel the only purpose of school is to memorise facts and equations, they’ll struggle to find joy in the learning process.

They’re being bullied

Many parents don’t know when their teen is being bullied.

If you keep saying to yourself that “my teen hates school”, check in with your child to ensure that he or she isn’t being bullied.

Just because your teen hasn’t mentioned the issue doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

If there’s bullying going on, don’t blame yourself. Instead, support your child and empathise with him or her as you find a solution together.

What to do if your child hates school

As we’ve seen, there’s typically a reason why your child doesn’t enjoy school.

Now, let’s explore 15 proven strategies that will help anytime you’re wondering what to do about your child hating school:

1. Don’t assume that your teen is being defiant or rebellious

As children enter the teenage years, they crave autonomy. They’re also forming their identity, all while their bodies and brains are going through drastic changes.

As such, teens often exhibit rebellious behaviour.

But don’t assume that this is the only reason your teen tells you she hates school.

Many times, there are other issues at play, e.g., feeling overwhelmed, struggling to keep up with schoolwork, bullying, fear of exams.

2. Think about what you’ve been doing that may have contributed to the problem

Here are some questions to ask yourself when you find yourself saying “my teenager hates school”:

Do I frequently nag my teen?
Do I always talk about school-related topics?
Do I talk as if my teen’s hobbies are a waste of time, or that they’re merely a distraction from her schoolwork?
Do I compare my teen with her friends, cousins or siblings?
Do I overemphasise the importance of performing well in school?
Do I frequently force or coerce my teen into doing schoolwork?
Do I sign my teen up for classes or programmes without first seeking her consent?

On their own, none of these behaviours will result in you having a disrespectful teenager who hates school.

But in combination, they’ll likely cause a power struggle between you and your teen.

Over time, your teen may develop even more negative emotional associations with school.

3. Use active listening techniques when talking to your teen about the issue

When you talk to your teen about why he hates school (and when you talk to him about other topics too), use active listening techniques such as the following:

Give your teen your full attention
Don’t multitask
Don’t interrupt your teen while he’s talking
Encourage your teen to keep talking, e.g. by saying “go on” or “tell me more”
Empathise with your teen
Seek to understand how he is feeling
Don’t judge
Don’t moralise
As far as possible, don’t provide unsolicited advice
Occasionally summarise what you think your teen has been saying and reflect it back to him, e.g. “It sounds like you feel as if your math teacher doesn’t explain the concepts well, so you dislike math.”

By using active listening techniques, your teen will be more likely to share with you what’s troubling him.

4. Don’t use threats

It’s tempting for parents to use threats to coerce their teens into behaving “correctly”.

Whether it’s threatening to reduce your teen’s allowance or take away her phone, it won’t work in the long run.

The use of power becomes less effective as children get older. By the time they’re teenagers, this approach doesn’t work, and tends to backfire instead.

In other words, it isn’t possible to threaten your teen into becoming a motivated and responsible student who loves going to school.

If your teen detests school, the root cause is probably emotional in nature. This is what must be addressed as a priority.

5. Don’t lecture

“My teen hates school — should I lecture him or her?”

Perhaps that’s the question on your mind.

I advise parents to avoid lecturing their teens. But if you really can’t help it, keep the lecture short.

Teens tell me that they start tuning their parents out about two minutes into the lecture. So you’ll be wasting your breath if your lecture lasts longer than that.

Your teen won’t respond well to you preaching about the importance of school. Nor will he start or stop performing specific behaviours because you told him that he “should” or “shouldn’t” do those things.

(When was the last time you started eating healthily just because a relative or friend told you that you “should”?)

Lecturing won’t help your teen’s anxiety either, if that’s something he’s struggling with.

Even students who have an intense hatred for school know that doing well in school is important. They don’t need you to remind them of that, because their teachers do that almost every day.

What does your teen need from you?

He needs you to listen to him, to understand him, to see things from his perspective – this is a parenting skill I encourage you to develop.

When your teen feels understood, he’ll change his behaviour and attitude.

6. Reduce your focus on school and academics

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t bring up school-related topics at all.

But many teens have told me that it seems as if school is the only thing their parents care about. And it’s true that many parents I talk to are mostly interested in how to get their teenagers to do their homework.

So make it a point to talk about topics that your teen is interested in, e.g. music, hobbies, gaming, social media.

When the conversations you have with your teen are more balanced, your teen’s attitude toward school will become more balanced too.

7. Help your teen to learn organisational and study skills

Many students who don’t like school feel overwhelmed by schoolwork, projects, tests, exams, etc.

Most of these students haven’t learned how to prioritise, plan, stay organised, manage their time, and focus when studying.

If this describes your teen, encourage – but don’t force – her to develop these skills. To do so, she can check out relevant resources and sign up for programmes.

This is the reason why I’ve developed courses like The Perfect Study Plan, and why I coach students 1-to-1.

When students develop the necessary organisational skills and apply effective study tips, they often stop hating school!

8. Acknowledge your teen’s progress and effort

One piece of feedback I get from many teens is that they’re discouraged.

They feel as if they’ll never be good enough to live up to their parents’ expectations.

Instead of focusing on your teen’s grades, focus on their effort instead. Whenever you observe her exhibiting positive behaviour, acknowledge it.

This simple act will mean a lot to her. It will also remind her that the reward is found in the journey itself, not just the destination.

By acknowledging her progress, she’ll be more likely to develop intrinsic motivation.

9. Talk to your teen’s teachers

Reach out to your teen’s teachers. Given that they interact with your teen almost every day, they’re likely to have insights into why he hates school.

All the teachers I know are insanely busy. So even if you’re only able to schedule a 10-minute phone call with your teen’s teacher, make the most of the opportunity.

10. Talk to the parents of your teen’s friends

On a related note, to get a better picture of what’s going on, talk to the parents of your teen’s friends.

These parents would have heard from their children about what’s been frustrating them at school. Based on this feedback, you’ll understand your teen’s concerns better too.

11. Ensure that your home is an emotionally safe environment

Teens frequently tell me that they don’t feel emotionally safe at home.

Why do they say this?

Because they feel that when they’re at home, they can be nagged, criticised, blamed, reprimanded or lectured to at any time. They feel as if they can be “attacked” without forewarning.

It’s only natural that they withdraw, locking themselves in their room if possible.

If the home environment isn’t emotionally safe, teens won’t share what’s on their minds. This will only make the situation worse, and you’ll keep wondering why your teen hates school so much.

When parenting teens, do your best to cultivate a home environment that’s full of appreciation, respect and kindness.

Emphasise that there are standards that must be upheld, but that every family member will always receive unconditional acceptance.

12. Determine if there’s something more serious going on

If your teen says that she hates school, it may be a sign of something more serious, e.g. depression, panic disorder, anxiety disorders.

Here are some symptoms to look out for:

Feeling tired most of the time
Poor concentration
Feeling worthless
Feelings of self-hatred
Changes in appetite
Irritability
Persistent sadness
Self-harm
Thoughts of suicide
Loss of interest in hobbies
Change in sleep habits
Frequent crying
Withdrawing from friends and family
Loss of motivation to study or do schoolwork

If your teen is exhibiting several of these symptoms, seek help right away.

13. Ensure that your teen’s life isn’t overscheduled

Sometimes, teens who hate school are simply worn out. They feel overwhelmed by the demands of school, extracurricular activities, etc.

They may be physically exhausted and sleep-deprived. This affects their mood, which makes them more likely to perceive situations negatively.

Teens need time to think, reflect, explore and dream.

Do what you can to ensure that your teen’s life isn’t overscheduled. Over time, you’ll see improvements in his attitude toward school.

14. Be patient and encouraging toward your teen

No matter how old we are, we’re all on a journey of learning, growing and maturing.

It’s a process for your teen to change her mindset, so be patient with her.

Encourage her. Support her. Empathise with her. Listen to her. Remind her that you’ll be with her every step of the way.

As you implement the other strategies listed in this article, you’ll see improvements such that you no longer think to yourself that “my teenager hates school”.

15. Help your teen to find a mentor

Teens who detest school need some perspective on their situation.

It’s hard for teens to develop this perspective because their problems seem so overwhelming.

From their point of view, the situation might even appear hopeless.

Furthermore, teens spend the majority of their waking hours surrounded by their peers, who have a similar worldview. This makes it even more challenging for teens to view their situation through a different lens.

Parents have a difficult time getting through to teens. This is because parents’ guidance is often perceived as nagging or lecturing.

This is the reason your teen needs a mentor. The benefits of having a mentor are well-documented, which is why I mentor teens to help them become motivated, responsible, and resilient.

Your teen is just one mentor away from making the most of his potential!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Is hating school normal?

While I’m not fond of the term normal, I will say it’s common for teens to dislike things related to school.

Just remember, most teenagers aren’t rebellious for the sake of it. There’s likely a good reason for their frustrations, so it’s crucial to apply the tips in this article to get to the root of the issue.

What can I do if my teenager refuses to go to school?

It’s tempting to scold and lecture your teenagers if they refuse to go to school.

But nagging your teens won’t work. More often than not, it will exacerbate the problem.

The good news is that there are tactics you can use to deal with challenging teenagers. Read my top 10 tips for dealing with disrespectful teens here.

How do you motivate an intelligent but unmotivated teenager?

Do you feel like your teenager doesn’t work hard enough or plan for the future, even though you know he or she is intelligent?

Or maybe your teen lacks motivation and gets distracted easily?

If so, you’re not alone. There’s a huge number of parents trying to figure out how to motivate a teenager to study and perform better in school.

I have good news for you…

I’ve spoken to and worked with more than 20,000 students around the globe. I’ve discovered that the vast majority of unmotivated teenagers want to do well in school. They simply lack the necessary mindset and skills to do so.

That’s why I wrote a free e-book to help parents learn how to motivate their teens. Discover my 16 keys to motivating teenagers here.

Do most teens hate school?

While I’m hesitant to say that most teens hate school, many do.

I know it’s frustrating to see that your children dislike school. But if you work with them day by day — by implementing the tips in this article — to embrace a new attitude, you’ll start to see improvements.

Conclusion: Huge changes occur one tiny step at a time

No matter how dire your teen’s situation may seem, remember that there’s always hope.

I’ve worked with teens who have gone from being unmotivated school-haters to being driven, focused, and independent learners.

Of course, the transformation to become happy, successful students didn’t happen overnight.

(I went through my own transformation as a teen, which you can read about here if you’re interested.)

But change is possible.

As is often said, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”

In the same way, huge changes occur one tiny step at a time. So apply the strategies described in this article, as well as the bonus strategies you can get access to at the end of this article.

With your love, support, and guidance, your teen can experience a transformation too!

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FREE BONUS

Enter your email below to download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the strategies found here, plus 5 exclusive bonus strategies that you’ll only find in the PDF.

45 Time Management Tips for Students (Advice From a Lifelong Straight-A Student)

Updated on June 1, 2023 By Daniel Wong 48 Comments

Everyone gets the same 24 hours each day.

Albert Einstein, Mother Teresa, Isaac Newton, Eleanor Roosevelt, Leonardo da Vinci – they all had 24 hours a day, just like you and me.

What enabled them to lead such significant lives?

They managed their time well.

This article is all about effective time management tips for students.

As a student, I got straight A’s while sleeping eight hours a night, and graduated from Duke University with a GPA of 3.98/4.0.

(I don’t say this to boast, because education definitely isn’t only about getting straight A’s!)

But given that so many students ask me to share time management tips with them, I decided to compile the best ones I know.

By putting the tips in this article into practice, you’ll become more focused and less stressed.

You’ll have more time to do meaningful things outside of school too!

So let’s take a look at the 45 tips.

FREE BONUS

Enter your email below to download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the tips found here, plus 5 exclusive bonus tips that you’ll only find in the PDF.

1. Take a study break every 40 to 50 minutes

Research shows that working in blocks of 40 to 50 minutes is optimal for productivity.

If you feel as if you can’t focus for that long, try out the Pomodoro Technique for a start.

2. If you’re feeling unmotivated, set a timer for two minutes

If you don’t feel like doing work, set a timer for two minutes. Then tell yourself that you just need to focus for that amount of time.

Chances are that once you’ve started work, you’ll continue even after the two minutes are up.

3. Make good use of your travel time

It’s tempting to use your commute time to surf the Internet or go through your social media feeds.

But you can use the time to think about a concept you haven’t grasped, write in your gratitude journal, or listen to an audiobook.

This is a simple time management tip that goes a long way in helping you become a successful student! [Read more…]