What to Do If Your Teen Hates School: 15 Strategies That Work

Updated on July 14, 2025 By Daniel Wong 98 Comments

“My teenager hates school, and I don’t know what I should do!”

Maybe this describes the situation you’re in.

Does your teen say that he hates school?

Does he complain about his teachers and classmates, and about how “useless” school is?

Or maybe your teen complains that the people in school are “fake”, and that it’s hard to make friends?

If so, I’m sure you feel concerned.

You want to help your teen, but whatever you’ve tried so far hasn’t worked.

Don’t worry.

Given that I work with students — the majority of whom are teens — for a living, I know how common it is for teens to dislike school.

Nonetheless, this is still an issue that must be addressed.

There are many powerful strategies you can employ to help the situation. In this article, I’ll outline 15 of them.

(Download the free bonus below to learn five more strategies.)

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Why do teens hate school?

As a parent and as a coach who works with teenagers, I understand how challenging it can be to see your child hating school.

You don’t want your teens to be miserable, but you also want what’s best for them in the long term.

While academics aren’t everything, doing well in school does lead to more opportunities for scholarships, higher education, and employment.

Here’s the thing…

Before you can motivate your teenagers to enjoy school, you must understand why they dislike school in the first place.

For many students, school is like a roller coaster — full of nerve-racking lows and exhilarating highs. Threatening or lecturing your teens won’t help them navigate the heart-pounding ride.

Instead, let’s explore a few answers to the all-important question: “Why do teens hate school?”

They feel like they have no control over their lives

The teenage years are a time when they’re discovering their identity: their motivations, interests, values, and goals.

Teenagers are also growing up, which means that they’re developing their independence.

So, your teens want to feel in control of their lives.

But the traditional school setting typically gives them few opportunities to exert this control, outside of setting academic goals.

Most teenagers have few options with regard to which classes they’re taking, so they don’t get to study the topics that genuinely interest them.

Add jam-packed schedules and strict rules to the mix, and it’s no wonder that teens find school frustrating and sometimes pointless.

If your teen hates school, it could be a lack of autonomy that’s driving this feeling of resentment.

They feel overwhelmed and stressed

Waking up early. High-pressure extracurriculars. Exams, homework, and projects.

Teens today are more stressed than ever before. In fact, nearly one-third of teens report feeling overwhelmed, a figure on par with adult stress levels.

These statistics are a cause for concern.

As American Psychological Association CEO Norman B. Anderson, PhD says:

It is alarming that the teen stress experience is so similar to that of adults. It is even more concerning that they seem to underestimate the potential impact that stress has on their physical and mental health.

(If you’re concerned about your teen’s mental well-being, here are seven tips to support your child’s mental health.)

Help your teenager to manage stress effectively, and you might find that you no longer say that “my teenager hates school”.

They feel that school is just about getting good grades

Does your teen feel pressured to achieve outstanding grades?

Most students do. Yet academic success is about so much more than report cards and grades.

It’s important to show your teen that it’s not the outcome but the process that matters most.

Sure, it feels good to get excellent grades. But what’s more important are the valuable life skills your child gains along the way, e.g. critical thinking, organisation, planning, self-management.

If your teens feel the only purpose of school is to memorise facts and equations, they’ll struggle to find joy in the learning process.

They’re being bullied

Many parents don’t know when their teen is being bullied.

If you keep saying to yourself that “my teen hates school”, check in with your child to ensure that he or she isn’t being bullied.

Just because your teen hasn’t mentioned the issue doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

If there’s bullying going on, don’t blame yourself. Instead, support your child and empathise with him or her as you find a solution together.

What to do if your child hates school

As we’ve seen, there’s typically a reason why your child doesn’t enjoy school.

Now, let’s explore 15 proven strategies that will help anytime you’re wondering what to do about your child hating school:

1. Don’t assume that your teen is being defiant or rebellious

As children enter the teenage years, they crave autonomy. They’re also forming their identity, all while their bodies and brains are going through drastic changes.

As such, teens often exhibit rebellious behaviour.

But don’t assume that this is the only reason your teen tells you she hates school.

Many times, there are other issues at play, e.g., feeling overwhelmed, struggling to keep up with schoolwork, bullying, fear of exams.

2. Think about what you’ve been doing that may have contributed to the problem

Here are some questions to ask yourself when you find yourself saying “my teenager hates school”:

Do I frequently nag my teen?
Do I always talk about school-related topics?
Do I talk as if my teen’s hobbies are a waste of time, or that they’re merely a distraction from her schoolwork?
Do I compare my teen with her friends, cousins or siblings?
Do I overemphasise the importance of performing well in school?
Do I frequently force or coerce my teen into doing schoolwork?
Do I sign my teen up for classes or programmes without first seeking her consent?

On their own, none of these behaviours will result in you having a disrespectful teenager who hates school.

But in combination, they’ll likely cause a power struggle between you and your teen.

Over time, your teen may develop even more negative emotional associations with school.

3. Use active listening techniques when talking to your teen about the issue

When you talk to your teen about why he hates school (and when you talk to him about other topics too), use active listening techniques such as the following:

Give your teen your full attention
Don’t multitask
Don’t interrupt your teen while he’s talking
Encourage your teen to keep talking, e.g. by saying “go on” or “tell me more”
Empathise with your teen
Seek to understand how he is feeling
Don’t judge
Don’t moralise
As far as possible, don’t provide unsolicited advice
Occasionally summarise what you think your teen has been saying and reflect it back to him, e.g. “It sounds like you feel as if your math teacher doesn’t explain the concepts well, so you dislike math.”

By using active listening techniques, your teen will be more likely to share with you what’s troubling him.

4. Don’t use threats

It’s tempting for parents to use threats to coerce their teens into behaving “correctly”.

Whether it’s threatening to reduce your teen’s allowance or take away her phone, it won’t work in the long run.

The use of power becomes less effective as children get older. By the time they’re teenagers, this approach doesn’t work, and tends to backfire instead.

In other words, it isn’t possible to threaten your teen into becoming a motivated and responsible student who loves going to school.

If your teen detests school, the root cause is probably emotional in nature. This is what must be addressed as a priority.

5. Don’t lecture

“My teen hates school — should I lecture him or her?”

Perhaps that’s the question on your mind.

I advise parents to avoid lecturing their teens. But if you really can’t help it, keep the lecture short.

Teens tell me that they start tuning their parents out about two minutes into the lecture. So you’ll be wasting your breath if your lecture lasts longer than that.

Your teen won’t respond well to you preaching about the importance of school. Nor will he start or stop performing specific behaviours because you told him that he “should” or “shouldn’t” do those things.

(When was the last time you started eating healthily just because a relative or friend told you that you “should”?)

Lecturing won’t help your teen’s anxiety either, if that’s something he’s struggling with.

Even students who have an intense hatred for school know that doing well in school is important. They don’t need you to remind them of that, because their teachers do that almost every day.

What does your teen need from you?

He needs you to listen to him, to understand him, to see things from his perspective – this is a parenting skill I encourage you to develop.

When your teen feels understood, he’ll change his behaviour and attitude.

6. Reduce your focus on school and academics

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t bring up school-related topics at all.

But many teens have told me that it seems as if school is the only thing their parents care about. And it’s true that many parents I talk to are mostly interested in how to get their teenagers to do their homework.

So make it a point to talk about topics that your teen is interested in, e.g. music, hobbies, gaming, social media.

When the conversations you have with your teen are more balanced, your teen’s attitude toward school will become more balanced too.

7. Help your teen to learn organisational and study skills

Many students who don’t like school feel overwhelmed by schoolwork, projects, tests, exams, etc.

Most of these students haven’t learned how to prioritise, plan, stay organised, manage their time, and focus when studying.

If this describes your teen, encourage – but don’t force – her to develop these skills. To do so, she can check out relevant resources and sign up for programmes.

This is the reason why I’ve developed courses like The Perfect Study Plan, and why I coach students 1-to-1.

When students develop the necessary organisational skills and apply effective study tips, they often stop hating school!

8. Acknowledge your teen’s progress and effort

One piece of feedback I get from many teens is that they’re discouraged.

They feel as if they’ll never be good enough to live up to their parents’ expectations.

Instead of focusing on your teen’s grades, focus on their effort instead. Whenever you observe her exhibiting positive behaviour, acknowledge it.

This simple act will mean a lot to her. It will also remind her that the reward is found in the journey itself, not just the destination.

By acknowledging her progress, she’ll be more likely to develop intrinsic motivation.

9. Talk to your teen’s teachers

Reach out to your teen’s teachers. Given that they interact with your teen almost every day, they’re likely to have insights into why he hates school.

All the teachers I know are insanely busy. So even if you’re only able to schedule a 10-minute phone call with your teen’s teacher, make the most of the opportunity.

10. Talk to the parents of your teen’s friends

On a related note, to get a better picture of what’s going on, talk to the parents of your teen’s friends.

These parents would have heard from their children about what’s been frustrating them at school. Based on this feedback, you’ll understand your teen’s concerns better too.

11. Ensure that your home is an emotionally safe environment

Teens frequently tell me that they don’t feel emotionally safe at home.

Why do they say this?

Because they feel that when they’re at home, they can be nagged, criticised, blamed, reprimanded or lectured to at any time. They feel as if they can be “attacked” without forewarning.

It’s only natural that they withdraw, locking themselves in their room if possible.

If the home environment isn’t emotionally safe, teens won’t share what’s on their minds. This will only make the situation worse, and you’ll keep wondering why your teen hates school so much.

When parenting teens, do your best to cultivate a home environment that’s full of appreciation, respect and kindness.

Emphasise that there are standards that must be upheld, but that every family member will always receive unconditional acceptance.

12. Determine if there’s something more serious going on

If your teen says that she hates school, it may be a sign of something more serious, e.g. depression, panic disorder, anxiety disorders.

Here are some symptoms to look out for:

Feeling tired most of the time
Poor concentration
Feeling worthless
Feelings of self-hatred
Changes in appetite
Irritability
Persistent sadness
Self-harm
Thoughts of suicide
Loss of interest in hobbies
Change in sleep habits
Frequent crying
Withdrawing from friends and family
Loss of motivation to study or do schoolwork

If your teen is exhibiting several of these symptoms, seek help right away.

13. Ensure that your teen’s life isn’t overscheduled

Sometimes, teens who hate school are simply worn out. They feel overwhelmed by the demands of school, extracurricular activities, etc.

They may be physically exhausted and sleep-deprived. This affects their mood, which makes them more likely to perceive situations negatively.

Teens need time to think, reflect, explore and dream.

Do what you can to ensure that your teen’s life isn’t overscheduled. Over time, you’ll see improvements in his attitude toward school.

14. Be patient and encouraging toward your teen

No matter how old we are, we’re all on a journey of learning, growing and maturing.

It’s a process for your teen to change her mindset, so be patient with her.

Encourage her. Support her. Empathise with her. Listen to her. Remind her that you’ll be with her every step of the way.

As you implement the other strategies listed in this article, you’ll see improvements such that you no longer think to yourself that “my teenager hates school”.

15. Help your teen to find a mentor

Teens who detest school need some perspective on their situation.

It’s hard for teens to develop this perspective because their problems seem so overwhelming.

From their point of view, the situation might even appear hopeless.

Furthermore, teens spend the majority of their waking hours surrounded by their peers, who have a similar worldview. This makes it even more challenging for teens to view their situation through a different lens.

Parents have a difficult time getting through to teens. This is because parents’ guidance is often perceived as nagging or lecturing.

This is the reason your teen needs a mentor. The benefits of having a mentor are well-documented, which is why I mentor teens to help them become motivated, responsible, and resilient.

Your teen is just one mentor away from making the most of his potential!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Is hating school normal?

While I’m not fond of the term normal, I will say it’s common for teens to dislike things related to school.

Just remember, most teenagers aren’t rebellious for the sake of it. There’s likely a good reason for their frustrations, so it’s crucial to apply the tips in this article to get to the root of the issue.

What can I do if my teenager refuses to go to school?

It’s tempting to scold and lecture your teenagers if they refuse to go to school.

But nagging your teens won’t work. More often than not, it will exacerbate the problem.

The good news is that there are tactics you can use to deal with challenging teenagers. Read my top 10 tips for dealing with disrespectful teens here.

How do you motivate an intelligent but unmotivated teenager?

Do you feel like your teenager doesn’t work hard enough or plan for the future, even though you know he or she is intelligent?

Or maybe your teen lacks motivation and gets distracted easily?

If so, you’re not alone. There’s a huge number of parents trying to figure out how to motivate a teenager to study and perform better in school.

I have good news for you…

I’ve spoken to and worked with more than 20,000 students around the globe. I’ve discovered that the vast majority of unmotivated teenagers want to do well in school. They simply lack the necessary mindset and skills to do so.

That’s why I wrote a free e-book to help parents learn how to motivate their teens. Discover my 16 keys to motivating teenagers here.

Do most teens hate school?

While I’m hesitant to say that most teens hate school, many do.

I know it’s frustrating to see that your children dislike school. But if you work with them day by day — by implementing the tips in this article — to embrace a new attitude, you’ll start to see improvements.

Conclusion: Huge changes occur one tiny step at a time

No matter how dire your teen’s situation may seem, remember that there’s always hope.

I’ve worked with teens who have gone from being unmotivated school-haters to being driven, focused, and independent learners.

Of course, the transformation to become happy, successful students didn’t happen overnight.

(I went through my own transformation as a teen, which you can read about here if you’re interested.)

But change is possible.

As is often said, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”

In the same way, huge changes occur one tiny step at a time. So apply the strategies described in this article, as well as the bonus strategies you can get access to at the end of this article.

With your love, support, and guidance, your teen can experience a transformation too!

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45 Time Management Tips for Students (Advice From a Lifelong Straight-A Student)

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 48 Comments

Everyone gets the same 24 hours each day.

Albert Einstein, Mother Teresa, Isaac Newton, Eleanor Roosevelt, Leonardo da Vinci – they all had 24 hours a day, just like you and me.

What enabled them to lead such significant lives?

They managed their time well.

This article is all about effective time management tips for students.

As a student, I got straight A’s while sleeping eight hours a night, and graduated from Duke University with a GPA of 3.98/4.0.

(I don’t say this to boast, because education definitely isn’t only about getting straight A’s!)

But given that so many students ask me to share time management tips with them, I decided to compile the best ones I know.

By putting the tips in this article into practice, you’ll become more focused and less stressed.

You’ll have more time to do meaningful things outside of school too!

So let’s take a look at the 45 tips.

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Enter your email below to download a PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the tips found here, plus 5 exclusive bonus tips that you’ll only find in the PDF.

1. Take a study break every 40 to 50 minutes

Research shows that working in blocks of 40 to 50 minutes is optimal for productivity.

If you feel as if you can’t focus for that long, try out the Pomodoro Technique for a start.

2. If you’re feeling unmotivated, set a timer for two minutes

If you don’t feel like doing work, set a timer for two minutes. Then tell yourself that you just need to focus for that amount of time.

Chances are that once you’ve started work, you’ll continue even after the two minutes are up.

3. Make good use of your travel time

It’s tempting to use your commute time to surf the Internet or go through your social media feeds.

But you can use the time to think about a concept you haven’t grasped, write in your gratitude journal, or listen to an audiobook.

This is a simple time management tip that goes a long way in helping you become a successful student!

4. Keep a time log for a few days

Do you feel as if you’ve been unproductive, but you’re not sure where all your time has been going?

If so, I recommend that you keep a time log for three to four days.

Keep track of everything you do during those few days. You’ll then have a much better idea as to how you can manage your time more effectively.

5. If you don’t understand a new concept, speak to your teacher right away

If you do this, you’ll save a lot of time in the long run, because you’ll be clarifying your doubts as they arise.

6. Keep an ongoing list of every single thing you have to do

Don’t rely on your brain as a storage device.

Instead, write down every single thing you need to do: assignments, projects, errands, etc.

Review the list daily to ensure that you’re working on the most important task at any given time.

By doing this, you’ll become a far more organised student.

7. Unfollow everyone on social media, except the people you really care about

I did this a year ago, and it’s saved me hundreds of hours!

Not only that, I realise that I don’t even miss not getting updates from most of those people I’d been following.

8. Turn off notifications on your tablet and phone

Do this and say goodbye to all the interruptions you’ve been getting when you were supposed to be focusing on your schoolwork.

This tip alone will make you a much more productive student.

9. Unsubscribe from all YouTube channels

This tip is similar to Tip #7. If you unsubscribe from all YouTube channels, you’ll discover that there are only a few channels whose videos you really enjoy.

These are the channels that you’ll intentionally visit so you can watch the latest videos they’ve posted.

Which means you don’t actually need to subscribe to these channels!

10. Mute your group chats on your phone

In most group chats, there’s a lot of “noise” – messages that are neither urgent nor important.

Mute your group chats, and look through them once a day to ensure that you haven’t missed out anything important.

11. Use a very long password for your tablet and phone

Set a password that’s 15 to 20 characters long.

By doing this, you’ll become more conscious about when and how you use your tablet and phone.

You won’t use these devices mindlessly, which means that you’ll become a more focused and effective student.

12. Delete all social media apps on your tablet and phone

Once again, this tip will empower you to use your tablet and phone more intentionally.

If you want to check your social media feeds, you can still do so through the Internet browser.

But you’re less likely to do so as often because of the slight inconvenience, as compared to opening the social media app directly.

13. Before you start a study session, put your tablet and phone in another room

This is a simple way to ensure that these electronic devices don’t distract you.

By maximising the effectiveness of each study session, you’ll manage your time better.

14. At the beginning of each study session, write down the task you’re going to work on

It’s easy to get sidetracked during a work session, which is where this study tip comes in handy.

On a rough sheet of paper, write down the specific task you’re going to work on (e.g. Science assignment, Question #1 to 5) and put it on your study table.

This will remind you to maintain your focus on that task as you’re working on it.

15. Create a rough schedule for each day of the week

Every successful person I know follows a daily routine. So do these famous people.

To be a master of time management, create a schedule for each day of the week, e.g. when you’ll exercise, relax, study, spend time with family.

It’s impossible to follow the schedule to the minute. But you’ll be far more productive if you use the schedule as a rough framework, rather than not using a schedule at all.

16. Be realistic about what you can accomplish each day

Many students overestimate what they can accomplish each day. When they don’t manage to complete everything they intended to, they get discouraged. As a result, they lose the motivation to study.

So be realistic when you plan your day, and assume that there will be a few unforeseen interruptions.

17. Make time to reflect on a weekly basis

Once a week, take ten minutes to think about the week gone by.

Think about what went well and what didn’t go so well.

Decide what changes you’ll make in the coming week, and write them down.

18. For every homework assignment you receive, decide when you’re going to start working on it

Be as specific as possible, e.g. “I’m going to start working on the English essay this coming Wednesday at 4 p.m.”

This is far better than saying to yourself, “I’m going to start working on the English essay as soon as possible.”

(On a related note, you might be wondering: “When is the best time to study?” To answer that question, you can click that link and read an article I’ve written on the topic.)

19. Finish every homework assignment at least one to two days before it’s due

In this way, you’ll have time to check through your work thoroughly.

And just in case something urgent pops up at the last minute, you’ll still be able to complete the assignment on time.

20. Learn to say no

There’s an endless list of ways that you could spend your time.

This means that you must learn to say no to the things that aren’t aligned with your priorities.

Get in the habit of saying no more often. If you need ideas as to how you can say no both politely and firmly, check out this article.

21. Determine when you’re most productive, and work on your hardest assignments during that time

Do you work best in the afternoon? Or are you most productive at night?

Work on your hardest assignments and projects during your most productive hours of the day. This is a powerful way to make the most of your time.

22. In your calendar, block out time for homework and studying

As the saying goes, “If it doesn’t get scheduled, it doesn’t get done.”

If you’re serious about effective time management, then block out time in your schedule for homework and studying.

23. Remove all distractions from your study table

If there are magazines, books, souvenirs, toys, etc. on or near your study table, which distract you while you’re studying, then remove them.

Put them at the other end of the room, or move them to another room.

(Go ahead, do it right now!)

24. Get eight hours of sleep every night

Research has proven that a lack of sleep affects your concentration, memory, mood, and overall health.

Do you want to learn how to study productively? Then make sure that you get at least eight hours of sleep every night.

(Students always tell me that it’s impossible to get eight hours of sleep a night. But if you apply all the tips in this article, I’m sure you’ll be able to!)

25. Prepare for class every day

Every day, think about the classes you’ll be attending in school the following day.

Take a few minutes to skim through the notes from the previous class, as well as the notes for the upcoming class (assuming you already have them).

This way, you’ll be well prepared for each class, which means that you’ll gain more from what is taught.

26. Exercise at least three times a week

Exercise boosts your memory and brain function.

So make it a priority to exercise at least three times a week or more.

By ensuring that your brain is functioning optimally, you’ll be able to concentrate better and manage your time better too.

27. Write down all your test dates and assignment due dates in your calendar

As mentioned in Point #6, don’t rely on your brain as a storage device.

Write down all important dates in your calendar, e.g. tests, exams, assignment and project due dates.

When you do this consistently, you won’t be caught off-guard a day before an assignment is due.

28. Set reminders for when to start studying for tests

It’s a good idea to set a reminder or make a note in your calendar as to when you’ll start preparing for an upcoming test.

This makes it more likely that you’ll start studying for the test early. As a result, you’ll experience less test-related stress.

29. Review new information you’ve learned within 24 hours

This is crucial if you want to move the information to your long-term memory.

Furthermore, by reviewing the new information within 24 hours, you’ll also be able to identify which concepts you don’t fully understand. You can then apply Tip #5.

30. For projects and big assignments, always be clear about what the next step is

One of the main reasons that students procrastinate is that they aren’t clear what exactly they should do next for a project or assignment.

I recommend that you keep a list of “next actions” for each project or big assignment, so that you always know what you ought to do next.

31. Never skip classes

I know… when the teacher is boring or the material is uninteresting to you, it’s so tempting to skip class.

But resist the temptation.

If you skip classes, you’ll need to spend more time in the long run catching up. In addition, during class your teacher will highlight the key concepts. This will make it easier for you to understand the material.

32. If you’re feeling unmotivated, change your studying environment

There’s no harm in mixing it up once in a while to give you a boost in productivity.

On weekdays, you might decide to do all of your homework and studying at home. While on weekends, you might decide to go to a nearby library or café for a change in environment.

33. If a task takes less than three minutes to complete, do it right away

Many tasks fall in this category: sending a file to your classmate via email, asking your parents to sign a consent form, clearing the clothes off of your room floor.

Once you get a chance to perform the task, do it immediately. This will ensure that these small tasks don’t pile up and become overwhelming.

34. Create a study plan for every test and exam

Don’t just tell yourself that you’ll study hard for an upcoming test.

After all, studying hard isn’t the same as studying intelligently.

I recommend that you create a study plan where you list specifically what you’ll do to prepare for the test. Create a rough timeline to go along with the plan as well.

35. Put a clock on your study table

Students often lose track of time while they’re studying or doing their homework.

I recommend that you put a clock on your study table so that you’re always aware of the time.

Being aware of the time is vital if you want to become a student who’s an expert at time management.

36. Eliminate any perfectionist tendencies

Students who are perfectionists are also the ones who are most likely to procrastinate on schoolwork.

If you’re a perfectionist, set a rule for yourself that you can only work on one task at a time, and that you must complete the task before moving on to another task.

This way, you won’t jump from one task to another, while making little progress overall.

37. Clear your study table at least once every two days

Scientists have found that physical clutter makes it harder for you to concentrate.

My own experiences tell me that this is true too, which is why I do my best to keep my desk free of clutter.

I recommend that you clear your study table at least once every two days – once a day is even more ideal.

This will help you to be more focused and productive!

38. Write down your priorities and review them weekly

Take ten minutes to write down your priorities in life. (Don’t list more than four or five.)

Think about whether the way you spend your time is in line with these priorities.

Repeat this review process once a week to ensure that you stay on track.

39. Check your email and text messages just three to four times a day

For most students, checking and replying to text messages and emails takes an hour or two each day.

To become a more efficient student, make it a point to check your email and text messages just a few times each day.

40. Eat a healthy breakfast every single day

Eating a healthy breakfast has been linked to enhanced focus and mental performance.

This explains why successful students never skip breakfast!

41. Do deep breathing exercises for two to three minutes a day

Deep breathing improves focus and reduces stress.

Start with a couple of minutes of deep breathing a day, and increase gradually from there.

Read this article for the specifics on how to perform deep breathing exercises.

42. List your main distractions and time wasters, and eliminate them

Students often aren’t even aware what their main distractions and time wasters are.

So take a few minutes and think about what your biggest distractions are. Write them down on a sheet of paper, and come up with an action plan to eliminate – or at least reduce – them.

43. Set a fixed time to stop work each day

For example, you might decide that you’ll stop work at 9 p.m. every day.

Once you start keeping to this, you’ll notice that your time management has improved.

This is because having a fixed “stop time” every day keeps you focused on the tasks you need to complete. You won’t find yourself thinking that there’s still plenty of time to get the work done.

44. Hang out with motivated and productive people

As Jim Rohn once said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.”

Make it a point to hang out with motivated, passionate and productive people. You’ll become more like them over time.

You’ll also begin to say more positive things to yourself that will help you to be successful too.

45. Listen to Baroque music while you’re studying

Studies have shown that listening to certain kinds of Baroque music has a beneficial effect on learning.

I listen to Baroque music every time I do work, and I’ve found that it helps me to concentrate.

You can start by listening to the Baroque music found here.

Conclusion

“Time management” sounds like a simple concept, but it isn’t.

There are so many distractions in this digital age we live in. As such, it’s becoming harder and harder for students to master the art of time management.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that it’s impossible to be a productive student. It just means that it’ll require effort on your part.

Effort to get rid of old studying-related habits.

Effort to form new studying-related habits.

Effort to keep on trying, even when you feel like you’ll never be a focused student.

This article is close to 3,000 words long. You’ve made it to the end, so I know you’re committed to putting in the necessary effort.

Apply the tips in this article one day at a time, and you’ll be on your way to becoming a successful student.

More than that, you would have developed the skills and habits that will enable you to make a greater contribution to society over the long run.

I wish you all the best on this meaningful journey!

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The 53 Most Positive Things to Say to Your Child

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 4 Comments

Do you focus on positive things to say to your child, or do you often nag?

If you answered “yes” to the latter, you’re not alone.

You want your children to be responsible and independent.

You want them to be motivated to do well in school.

Since they’re not there yet, you instinctively nag them to correct their behaviour and attitude.

But, at the same time, you realise that all this nagging isn’t working.

Sound familiar?

If so, this article is for you.

I’ve had years of experience working with and speaking to thousands of children and teenagers. So I understand the factors that help them become mature, responsible, and successful.

One of the most important factors is how their parents talk to them. (Here’s a list of family conversation starters that you’ll find helpful.)

The words you speak to your children play on repeat in their minds (even if it feels like your kids aren’t listening to a thing you say). So positive words for your children matter.

Share words of inspiration with your kids and they’ll likely grow into more kind, responsible, and respectful adults.

Plus, the more positive interactions between the parent and child, the less likely it is that the parent will need to nag the child in order to gain compliance.

When you speak words of encouragement to your kids, it’s also more likely that a strong parent-child bond will form.

Think back to your childhood for a moment…

Do you remember any inspiring words from your parents or teachers? Those positive statements helped you become the adult you are today.

In fact, there’s a supposed “magic ratio” of 5 to 1 in healthy relationships: 5 positive expressions of feelings and actions for every negative expression.

In this article, I’ll share with you 53 positive things to say to your child so that — in the long run — you won’t need to nag them anymore!

Before we get to the list of encouraging things to say to your kids, here’s a bonus for you…

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The benefits of encouraging messages for children

It’s hardly a secret that no matter our age, words of encouragement make us feel good. But it turns out there’s science behind why those nice words lead to long-term benefits.

In the book Words Can Change Your Brain, neuroscientist Dr. Andrew Newberg and communications expert Mark Robert Waldman say:

A single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress… The longer you concentrate on positive words, the more you begin to affect other areas of the brain.

In other words, positive thoughts and speech affect how we feel and how we perceive the world around us.

And negative words? Those can cause situational stress and even contribute to anxiety.

Sharing positive messages with your children has an enduring influence on their mental well-being and life-long happiness.

Let’s take a closer look at a few other benefits of encouraging messages for children:

Encouraging words build self-esteem

If you regularly say positive things to your child, you’ll help build their confidence and self-esteem.

I don’t mean over-praising your kids, but providing an atmosphere that is encouraging and supportive.

Let’s say your child makes a mistake. Instead of reprimanding your child, you might say: “What happened here? We all make mistakes, so let’s talk about what happened in this situation.”

Your child will learn from the experience and be more motivated to keep working on challenging tasks.

Another benefit to building self-esteem? Children with positive self-worth tend to get better grades and achieve greater success.

That means they’ll be more motivated to do well in school — no exhausting micromanaging required.

Encouraging words support a growth mindset

Life is a continuous journey of learning, improving, and developing. We all face obstacles on our path to success. So, instead of constantly correcting your children, frame feedback in a positive light.

Remind your child that it’s the process, not the outcome, of becoming a better student that matters.

You’ll support a growth mindset, and your children will know it’s their effort that’s the most important. (Here are 10 phrases that encourage a growth mindset in students.)

Encouraging words inspire kindness and respect towards others

Our words become our children’s inner dialogue — and that impacts how they speak and act towards others. When parents focus on nice things to say to their kids, they inspire their children to spread kindness and respect.

For example, when you tell your children, “Your opinion is important,” you’re building their self-esteem and sense of responsibility.

You’re also reminding them to respect the opinion of others — a valuable skill inside and outside the classroom.

53 nice things to say to kids

Now that we’ve reviewed the benefits of encouraging words, let’s explore what things to say to your child.

This is my go-to list of 53 positive things to say to your child. Bookmark it, print it out, and come back to it whenever you need some inspiration!

1. “I’m grateful for you.”

Children feel special when they know you’re thankful that they’re a part of your life.

2. “What do you think?”

Ask this question to show that you value your children’s opinions.

3. “I enjoy spending time with you.”

Children and teenagers behave better when they know that you love them and like them. They’ll be less likely to rebel too.

4. “All of us make mistakes.”

Say this instead of harshly criticising your children for accidental mistakes.

5. “You’re special to me.”

This phrase will help to fill your children’s “love tank”.

6. “I appreciate it when you…”

For example, you might say, “I appreciate it when you set the table for dinner.”

7. “I trust you.”

Children and teenagers who feel as if their parents trust them are more likely to become trustworthy.

8. “You’re getting better at…”

When you notice your children’s progress, they’ll feel encouraged and motivated.

9. “Have a good day!”

This is a simple way to start the day on a positive note when you say goodbye to your children in the morning.

10. “Let me think about it.”

This is a better alternative than instinctively saying no to your children’s requests (assuming the requests aren’t too unreasonable).

11. “What happened here?”

Ask this question instead of assigning blame or jumping to conclusions, e.g. when you notice that a piece of furniture in your home has been damaged.

12. “It looks like you’re having a difficult time. Can you tell me about it?”

This is an effective way to get your children to open up.

13. “I’m sorry.”

When you’ve made a mistake, be humble and apologise.

14. “Your practice is paying off.”

Children and teenagers appreciate it when their parents observe that their efforts have yielded results.

15. “How did you do that?”

This question helps your children to focus on the process instead of the outcome, and is always one of the most positive things to say to your child.

16. “What’s one interesting thing that happened in school today?”

By asking your children this question, they’ll be more likely to open up as compared to you asking, “How was your day?”

17. “What did you try hard at today?”

This emphasises to your children that trying hard and improving are more important than achieving a specific end result.

18. “I’m sure you can do it.”

Continuing the list of things you could say to your child is “I’m sure you can do it.” Say this to your children to give them a boost of confidence.

19. “You decide.”

Children learn to make wise decisions by making more decisions, not by following the instructions of authority figures.

20. “How do you feel about that?”

This question will help your children to become more emotionally self-aware.

21. “I’m ready to listen.”

By telling your children that you’re ready to listen without judging, they’ll be more willing to share what’s on their heart.

22. “I love you.”

Children and teenagers need to know that they’re loved unconditionally.

23. “You make me smile.”

By saying this, you’ll make your children’s day.

24. “Your opinion is important.”

Your children will feel significant when you say this to them. And when they feel significant, they’ll behave more responsibly. It’s a must on any list of positive things to say to kids.

25. “You were right.”

Admit it when you’re wrong. This is one of the best ways to earn your child’s respect.

26. “I can see that you’re becoming more…”

For more positive things to say to your child, fill in the blank with “focused”, “organised”, “kind”, “responsible”, “helpful”, etc. as you observe even small positive changes in your children.

27. “I’m excited about doing this with you!”

This emphasises to your children that you actually enjoy doing things together with them.

28. “That’s a good question.”

By acknowledging your children’s curiosity, you’ll foster a spirit of lifelong learning in them.

29. “I accept you the way you are.”

Parents want to raise children who are secure and self-confident. Saying this to your children is a good way to encourage them down the right path.

30. “You’re an important member of this family.”

If you’re still wondering what to say to kids, remind your children frequently of their value and significance as a member of the family.

31. “I believe in you.”

Your children want to know that you believe in them, that you have faith in their character and abilities.

32. “I saw that you tried hard at…”

This phrase reinforces the principle that challenges are things to be embraced, not things to be avoided.

33. “Let’s do it your way.”

Show your children that your way isn’t always the only (or best) way.

34. “Can you explain to me why you did it this way?”

Empower your children to reflect on their choices and on what they’re learning.

35. “You’re learning how to…”

Remind your children that the journey of learning is what matters most.

36. “That was thoughtful of you.”

Acknowledging your children’s positive behaviour and attitude means a lot to them.

37. “Can you teach me how to…?”

Your children will grow in confidence when they realise that you have things to learn from them too.

38. “Good point.”

As your children grow in intellectual maturity and wisdom, show them that you observe this growth.

39. “I knew you could do it.”

These words of encouragement will help your children to believe in themselves.

40. “How did you think of that?”

Children and teenagers who go through such reflection will develop problem-solving skills faster.

41. “Would you like to talk about it?”

This question is inviting without being overbearing or demanding, key components of positive things to say to your child.

42. “What challenge would you like to take on?”

It’s through challenges that we learn and grow, so this is one way to encourage your children to view challenges positively.

43. “I care about you.”

If you feel awkward about telling your children that you love them, start with this phrase instead.

44. “What do you think you can do about this?”

Instead of solving the problem for your children, ask this question to enable them to solve the problem themselves.

45. “Will you forgive me?”

Beyond apologising, asking for your children’s forgiveness is a powerful way to restore the parent-child relationship.

46. “Tell me more.”

This is a simple phrase that encourages your children to share their thoughts and feelings.

47. “It’s OK to feel…”

Rather than tell your children that they shouldn’t feel angry, sad, frustrated, etc. empathise with them and help them to work through their negative emotions.

48. “Shall we start over again?”

If an argument has broken out between you and your children, ask this question to start the discussion afresh.

49. “I’m proud to be your parent.”

When your children know this, they’ll want to do you proud too.

50. “What can I do to be a better parent?”

Be prepared to hear an honest answer from your children. By putting their feedback into practice, you’ll definitely become a better parent.

51. “That’s an interesting idea.”

You’ll show your children you care about their opinions and encourage their creativity and self-expression.

52. “That was really brave of you.”

Dealing with change is scary. Acknowledge your child’s bravery, and they’ll feel more comfortable taking on new challenges.

53. “It’s okay to say no.”

Teach your children to say no from a young age. They’ll grow into empowered adults who know how to set healthy boundaries.

Inspire your kids with words

Being a parent isn’t easy. I hope this list of positive things to say to your children inspires them and helps you build a better relationship with them, too!

Try using a few of these encouraging words every week. Notice any changes you see in your children.

You might find that inspiring your kids with words fosters responsibility, confidence, and autonomy — all essential traits of motivated students.

Want even more support to raise resilient, successful children?

I offer 1-on-1 support for students through this coaching programme.

I’ll personally help your child to develop the mindset and skills they need in school and beyond.

Sharing encouraging words is a great way to motivate your child, but it’s just one of many important interactions kids need.

Learn more about how my coaching programme can help your child develop a greater sense of purpose and motivation today!

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50 Ways to Get Your Kids to Respect You

Updated on May 23, 2023 By Daniel Wong 6 Comments

Isn’t it frustrating?

You try hard as a parent. You do so much for your children, but they’re frequently not respectful toward you.

Sometimes they ignore what you say, or they talk back to you. They even ask you to stop nagging.

I’ve spoken to and worked with close to 25,000 children and teenagers so far, so I know how to get your kids to respect you.

When I say “respect”, I’m referring to a sense of admiration and honour that your children have toward you.

I’m not referring to your children feeling afraid of you.

In other words, if you want to get your children to respect you, you’ll need to earn it.

What is respectful parenting?

“Treat other people the way you want to be treated.”

You’ve likely heard this saying countless times before. Maybe you’ve even repeated it to your children.

We all know we should show others the respect we want to receive, but sometimes that’s easier said than done — especially when it comes to our kids.

The thing is, our children are people, too. Respectful parenting means treating them as such.

Rather than telling your children to respect you simply because you’re the authority figure, respectful parenting is about building a mutually respectful relationship with your kids — one where your children know they’re supported, heard and valued.

How to teach your kids respect

We’ve all been there…

After a long, stressful day, your children won’t stop arguing with you about one more hour of screen time.

When they badger you with the dreaded Why not, you resort to Because I said so.

It’s a quick-fix when you’re at your wits’ end.

The only problem?

Your children start to feel as if you don’t value or respect their opinion.

Now, I’m not saying you should give your kids everything they want. But when you demonstrate respectful parenting and practise positive reinforcement and reciprocity, your kids will understand the appropriate behaviour to model.

That means more respectful children — and a more harmonious family life, too.

Teaching kids about respect doesn’t have to be an ongoing battle. Let’s look at 50 tips for teaching children respect today.

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1. Respect your children

Wondering how to get your kids to respect you?

Children learn from watching you, and they’re likely to copy your behaviour. When you demonstrate basic respect toward your children, they’ll demonstrate respect toward you.

Again, I’m not saying that you should let your children walk all over you. But I am saying that you shouldn’t belittle or shame them, nor should you criticise them harshly.

2. Focus more on the relationship than the rules

You don’t need to throw out the rulebook.

Just show your children that you value the parent-child relationship by speaking kindly to them and trying to understand their perspective.

3. Be a person of integrity

Be honest when talking to your children.

When they see that you’re a person of integrity, you’ll gain their respect.

4. Don’t overreact

Try not to overreact to your children’s less-than-ideal behaviour, even when you’re feeling stressed.

When you stay calm and respond appropriately, they’re more likely to respond in kind too.

5. Assume your position as leader of the home

Being a leader isn’t just about being in charge. It’s also about setting a good example and inspiring others to do their best.

Behaving like a leader also means being compassionate.

When you empathise with your children, they’ll be more open to your suggestions and opinions.

6. Share your values and beliefs with your children

You can’t force your children to adopt your beliefs. But when your children understand why you believe what you believe, they’ll recognise that you’re a person of principles.

7. Be reasonable (especially when your children are being unreasonable)

Sometimes it’s frustrating being a parent, but try to stay calm. Remember that the way you behave when you’re angry is the way they’re likely to behave when they’re agitated too.

Be the bigger person, and don’t resort to name-calling or cheap shots – even if you feel like your children deserve it.

8. Don’t be overly critical of your children

When parents are overly critical, their children start to resent them and become rebellious and argumentative.

Instead, acknowledge your children’s good behaviour and focus more on the process than the end result. You’ll no longer worry how to get your kids to respect you.

9. Listen to your children

Part of being respectful is listening to the other person.

When you listen to your children, you’ll find they’re more likely to listen to you.

This is especially so if you use active listening techniques, as described here.

10. Involve your children in the process of setting rules and boundaries

When you involve your children in setting rules, they feel valued.

Just like adults, children appreciate having control over their lives.

Of course, this doesn’t mean they get to set whatever rules they want. It means you’ll listen to their views and take them into account as you seek to arrive at a no-lose solution.

11. Respect your children’s privacy

As children and teenagers get older, they need more privacy.

If they feel as if their privacy isn’t being respected, they’ll become rebellious.

Just as you wouldn’t want other people reading your journal entries, text messages and emails, you shouldn’t infringe on your children’s privacy in that way either.

12. Set an example for your children to follow

Your children are watching you, whether or not you realise it.

Demonstrate the behaviour you want to see in them, and practise what you preach.

If you don’t, your children won’t respect you.

13. Acknowledge your children’s effort and good behaviour

Your children want your approval, so it’s important to recognise their effort, particularly if they’ve tried hard.

This principle applies even in situations when the outcome isn’t ideal.

When you appreciate their efforts, they’ll feel proud of themselves, and they’ll feel motivated to try hard next time.

14. Don’t discipline your children when you’re angry

When you’re angry, you’re more likely to overreact or say things you might regret.

Instead, show your children that it’s OK to be angry, but that it’s possible to manage your emotions effectively.

15. Ask for your children’s opinion

How to get your kids to respect you? One powerful way is to ask them for their opinion.

They’ll feel more appreciated and respected if you do this.

You can ask them where they’d like to eat for dinner, or what they’d like to do for your family time activity.

Doing this demonstrates that you value their opinions, which means they’ll be more likely to value your opinions too.

16. Be firm but kind

Sometimes your children won’t agree with your decision. In such situations, the key to preventing arguments – and tears – is to be firm but kind.

Don’t let yourself be drawn into an argument.

Hear your children out, empathise with them, but stick to your decision if it’s an issue that’s non-negotiable.

17. Don’t assume that you understand how your children feel

When your children share their problems with you, don’t tell them that you know exactly what they’re going through.

You’ll form a better connection with them if you ask them how they feel and do your best to understand their perspective.

18. Seek to understand your children’s emotions

This point is related to the previous one. Especially when your children are displaying problematic behaviours, get to the root of the issue.

My experience tells me that, at the heart of it, it’s almost always an emotional issue, so you can’t just focus on “fixing” the problematic behaviour.

19. Establish clear expectations

When expectations are unclear, there’s room for misunderstanding.

Establish clear expectations with regard to curfew, homework, chores, family commitments, etc.

This will reduce the number of conflicts that arise between you and your children, which means that your parent-child relationship will grow stronger.

20. If you lecture your children, keep it short

It’s best to avoid lecturing your children. But if you find this to be impossible, then keep the lecture short – ideally 10 minutes or less.

If the lecture is too long, your children will tune out and just pretend that they’re listening, when they’re not.

21. Stay calm

If you want to learn how to get your kids to respect you, show your children that you’re able to control your emotions.

Step away from the situation if you need to, and address the issue only when you’ve regained your composure.

Conflicts never get resolved in the heat of the moment, so do your part to remain calm.

22. Don’t threaten your children

Parents who resort to using threats have more arguments with their children in the long run. They also get a lot less respect from their children.

Instead of using threats, involve them in the process (Point #10), be firm but kind (Point #16), and set clear expectations (Point #19).

23. Give your children choices whenever possible

Allowing your children to make choices empowers them. It gives them a sense of control and ownership over their lives.

It also reduces the number of arguments that break out.

For example, instead of telling your 11-year-old to take a jacket with him as he heads out the door, ask him if he’d rather take the blue one or the red one.

24. Acknowledge your children’s feelings

We all have feelings, so it’s important to acknowledge them.

Children must learn that it’s OK to have feelings, even negative ones.

Refrain from telling your children not to be sad, or that they shouldn’t feel a certain way.

Doing so invalidates their feelings, which makes them feel misunderstood.

25. Speak “positively” instead of “negatively”

Tell your children what you’d like them to do instead of what you don’t want them to do.

For example, saying “Please walk when you’re in the house” is more effective than saying “No running!”

26. Show an interest in your children’s hobbies and activities

When you do this, your children will know that you care about them as people.

They won’t feel as if you only care about how they perform in their academics, athletics, music, etc.

(Many of the children and teenagers I’ve worked with have told me that this is exactly how they feel!)

Showing a genuine interest in their hobbies and activities will help you build a stronger parent-child relationship.

This means that your children will be more likely to show you respect.

27. Don’t make assumptions or jump to conclusions

Regardless of what has happened in the past, listen to your children’s side of the story rather than making assumptions.

This will allow you to assess the situation calmly and let them know you’ve heard them out.

As far as possible, assume the best of your children unless the evidence has clearly proven otherwise, and you’ll discover how to get your kids to respect you.

28. Have fun together with your children

Many of the children and teenagers I’ve worked with have told me that they don’t do anything fun with their parents. I wonder why this is the case!

Make time to have fun with your children, and do things they enjoy. These fun times will help you to form strong bonds with your children.

29. Don’t provide too much unsolicited advice

If your children are faced with a problem, don’t give them unsolicited advice unless absolutely necessary.

Instead, help them to reflect on the problem. Ask them how they plan to handle the situation, and encourage them to be independent problem solvers.

If they need help from you, they’ll ask.

30. Respect your spouse

You want your children to respect you and your spouse, so model the behaviour you want to see.

When you show your children that you respect your spouse, they’ll tend to show you that same kind of respect.

31. Be consistent

If you’ve already stated the consequences of a specific negative behaviour, then follow through if the rule is broken.

Being consistent lets your children know you’re reliable, so they’ll be more likely to respect you.

32. Apologise if you’ve made a mistake

Another tip for how to get your kids to respect you? When you mess up, admit it to your children.

Tell your children that you’re sorry, and explain to them how you’ll avoid making the same mistake in the future. When necessary, ask them for their forgiveness.

In doing this, your children will admire you for your humility, and they’ll understand how much you value the relationship.

33. Don’t let your children walk all over you

This doesn’t mean that you should exert your power and authority in every situation.

Rather, it means that you shouldn’t give in to your children just to avoid an argument.

Strive for a win-win situation (or a no-lose situation at the very least) whenever conflicts arise.

You’ll gain the respect of your children, and they’ll learn negotiation skills in the process too.

34. Remind your children that you love them unconditionally

One of the most powerful things you can say to your children is, “I love you no matter what.”

Sometimes children feel as if your love depends on how well they do in school or how well they behave.

It’s helpful to remind them frequently that your love is unconditional, as this will strengthen the relationship.

35. Cultivate a culture of respect in your family

Encourage your children to behave respectfully to all family members. The way you all speak to each other is the foundation of building a stable, happy home.

Show your children what it means to behave respectfully, even when there are differences in opinion.

36. Give your children freedom within limits

Children need autonomy, so when learning how to get your kids to respect you, it’s important that you give them both freedom and responsibilities.

Encourage them to be independent within certain limits. As they get older, give them more say as to what those limits are, although you’ll still retain overall authority.

37. Discuss the topic of respect with your children

Ask your children what respect means to them, and ask them what behaviour they deem to be acceptable or unacceptable.

Having such a discussion will help you to understand your children’s views on the topic.

You can then determine how best to help them develop the right values when it comes to respecting others.

38. Be respectful when you discipline or confront your children

Treat your children with respect, even when they’ve made a mistake.

Don’t shame or berate them, because this won’t empower them to learn.

When you show them respect even in such situations, they’ll develop greater respect for you.

39. Don’t take your children’s disrespectful behaviour too personally

Remember that your children are still maturing and gaining wisdom – just as all of us are.

Children and teenagers are learning to manage their thoughts and emotions. If they’re acting out, it’s a sign that they need more help and guidance.

Sometimes the answer to how to get your kids to respect you is to be the bigger person and show them grace and patience.

40. Give your full attention to your children when they speak to you

I’m sure you expect your children to listen to you when you speak. So extend the same courtesy to them.

Too many parents half-listen to their children while writing an email or checking their phone. This sends the message to children that they aren’t valued, which affects their self-esteem.

And when children suffer from poor self-esteem, they often don’t behave with respect toward others.

41. Tell your children that you enjoy spending time with them

Children need to know that you like them, not just that you love them.

If the relationship has deteriorated to the point where you don’t actually like your children, then focus on rebuilding the relationship as a priority.

42. Don’t belittle your children

Don’t talk to your children as if they’re stupid, and definitely don’t call them stupid! (If you have, refer to Point #32.)

Instead, show them that you believe in them. Assume the best of them. Celebrate their progress. Cheer them on.

If you build your children up, they’ll do the same for others.

43. Admit it when your children are right

When you’re mature enough to admit that you’re wrong and your children are right, they’ll develop greater respect for you.

We all make mistakes, so it’s already obvious to your children that you’re not perfect.

Besides, they don’t expect you to be perfect.

They expect you to be a person of authenticity, humility and character.

Do your best to live up to these expectations!

44. Refrain from saying “Don’t argue with me”

When your children hear you say “Don’t argue with me”, they’ll see you as being unreasonable and illogical. This makes it hard for them to respect you.

If you’re at your wits’ end, tell your children that you need some time to think about the issue.

Restart the conversation only when both you and your children are ready to have a level-headed discussion.

45. Give your children advance notice about upcoming events

If you don’t do this, your children will feel annoyed with you, because it seems as if their schedule and activities aren’t important to you — and you’ll struggle with how to get your kids to respect you.

For example, if there’s an event that your whole family needs to attend, tell your children a week in advance.

On the day of the event, give them a couple of reminders closer to the time that you need to leave the house.

Your children will appreciate you keeping them informed, so they won’t be caught off-guard.

46. Acknowledge the progress your children are making (even if the progress is slow)

We all feel more motivated when we feel as if we’re making headway.

As such, it’s crucial that you acknowledge the progress your children are making in the different areas of life.

Refrain from talking as if they’re never trying hard enough. If your children feel as if the effort they put in is never enough, they may stop trying altogether.

And when they feel discouraged, it’s hard for them to show honour and respect toward others.

47. Choose to focus on the issues that matter most in the long run

Choose your battles.

Don’t point out every flaw and shortcoming your children have, because they’ll get annoyed and the relationship will be damaged.

Decide which issues are most important to you, and which issues you’re willing to let slide.

48. Under all circumstances, do not yell

When you yell, you’re demonstrating that you’ve lost control.

Instead, withdraw from the situation if necessary. Say something like, “I’m too angry to talk about this now. How about we talk again after dinner?”

This approach is far better than lashing out and saying things you’ll almost certainly regret later on.

49. Don’t talk as if you know it all

Your children will respect you more if you admit that you don’t know everything.

After all, they’ve probably already realised that they know more than you about certain topics.

Be open-minded, and be willing to learn from your children.

In general, children treasure every chance they get to teach you what they know, whether it’s about technology or the latest hobby they’ve picked up.

50. Keep your promises

My final tip about how to get your kids to respect you is this: keep your promises.

Children have good memories, especially when it comes to the promises you make to them.

They’ll be disappointed for a long time if you don’t keep your promises.

Furthermore, the foundation of every relationship is trust. If you forget the promises you’ve made, your children will find it hard to trust and respect you.

Frequently asked questions

What causes a child to be disrespectful?

It’s important to remember that respect is a skill your children must learn. Part of growing up is learning how to express our desires and treat others with compassion.

If your children are disrespectful, it might be because they are:

Learning how to manage their anger (teenage tantrums are not uncommon)
Struggling to communicate effectively
Dealing with frustrations (both inside and outside of the home)
Seeking independence and autonomy

Yelling at your kids or disregarding their emotions only makes these root problems worse.

Instead, learn how to get your kids to respect you by following the 50 tips for respectful parenting outlined in this article.

How do you explain respect to a child?

Ready to learn the easiest way to explain respect to a child?

Use your actions, not your words.

When you model respectful behaviour to your children, you cultivate a culture of respect in your home. Explaining respect to a child may not even be necessary!

Your children are constantly observing your behaviour — and they notice when you bad-mouth your spouse, friends, or neighbours.

So, show your kids what respect looks like, and they’ll learn the behaviour that’s expected of them.

Then, if you need to, follow Point #37 to have a productive conversation with them about what it means to be respectful.

How do you raise a respectful child?

Start by following the tips in this post. 🙂

Then, remember this:

How to get your kids to respect you comes back to respectful parenting.

You’re still setting boundaries for your children, and you’re certainly not letting your kids walk all over you.

But you’re letting them know that they’re supported, heard and valued. You’re building a mutually respectful relationship — and raising a respectful child, too.

By applying these tips, you’ll raise children who respect you

The tips in this article are all simple things you can start practising today.

Of course, it’s impossible to implement all the tips right away.

Choose a couple of items from the list and try them out this week. The following week, try out one or two additional tips.

Over time, you’ll see huge changes.

Your relationship with your children will improve. Your children will respect you more. Your family life will become more harmonious and enjoyable.

And your children will be on their way to becoming gracious, responsible and successful people!

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30 Organisational Tips for School (Finally Become an Organised Student!)

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 41 Comments

Life as a student is busy.

So when you’re in school, applying organisational tips can have a big impact on how you perform.

If you’re not organised and you feel like you’re not on top of things, you’ll be stressed.

You might end up working late and sleeping less, but this isn’t a good idea.

Getting organised for school is all about developing good study habits and systems.

Through my experiences, I’ve come up with these 30 simple tips that will help students to become structured, productive, and effective.

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How to be organised in school (and outside of school, too)

These school-related organisational tips are all about using systems and routines to stay on track.

Implementing these tips will enable you to get your work done on time, be fully prepared for tests, and still have time to relax.

1. Develop a routine

Consistency is the key to student success. So write down your general weekly schedule and create a routine.

Include things like when you’ll do your homework, when you’ll review the things you’ve learned, when you’ll exercise, and so on.

It’s not possible to stick to a routine 100% of the time, but at least set up the framework to keep you focused and on track.

2. Set rules for yourself

Set some very specific rules for yourself. These could be things like “complete all projects and assignments at least two days before they are due” or “start studying for tests at least one week in advance”.

Review your rules once a month and adjust them if necessary.

3. Write everything down

No one has a perfect memory, and trying to remember everything is stressful. So make a habit of writing down all your events, meetings, ideas, and things you need to do.

Use a notebook or planner, or try an app like Google Keep or Any.do that you can use on your phone and computer.

To be organised in school, choose the method you’ll use most consistently.

When you write everything down, you’ll be less anxious because you won’t be relying on your brain as a storage device.

4. Create your own deadline that is before the actual deadline

Create your own deadlines and put them in your planner or calendar. Having your own deadline reduces stress for you as a student. You’ll also be more likely to submit your best work.

Don’t treat the actual deadline as the deadline. Set your own deadline one or two days before, and plan accordingly.

This will help you because you probably already experience enough stress related to taking tests and exams!

5. Work on one task at a time; don’t multitask

One of the most important organisational tips for students is to focus on one task at a time.

Multitasking seems like a good idea because you can pretend that you’re working twice as hard.

We all get bored of the tasks we’re working on, so jumping about seems more fun.

The problem is that it doesn’t result in the best outcomes.

Here’s what I recommend: Take a scrap piece of paper and write down the task you’re working on right now, e.g. Math assignment, questions 1 to 5.

Put that scrap piece of paper on your study table, to serve as a reminder for you to stay focused on the task at hand.

6. Use the following websites and apps . . .

Test out the following websites and apps to make studying fun, keep you organised, and remove distractions.

Habitica

Habitica is an app that turns your goals into a fun game. It makes it more likely that you’ll stick to your goals and enjoy the process too.

MyStudyLife

This app replaces a planner and helps you organise your schedule, tasks and exam preparation. It also sends you reminders of upcoming events.

7. Use a planner

I recommend that you put the planner on your desk once you get to class and leave it there throughout the school day. This makes it more likely that you’ll use it because it’s right in front of you.

If you leave your planner in your backpack, you may feel like it’s too troublesome to take it out to use.

Put everything in your planner: homework, test and exam dates, family events, social events, etc. This way, you’ll be far more organised.

If you’re allowed to use your phone or computer in class, then you can use Google Calendar, Google Keep, or MyStudyLife instead of a hard copy planner.

8. Declutter once a week

Your physical space should be organised for things to do with school, including your notes and assignments.

At the end of each week, look through all the papers, notes, brochures, and other things you’ve accumulated. Recycle or throw away all the things you don’t need.

Clutter attracts clutter. So if you declutter once a week, you’ll be more likely to stay organised in general. You’ll also find it easier to stay focused.

9. Put sticky notes on the front door to help you remember things

You can use this organisational tip for school-related things you don’t want to forget, such as bringing an extra T-shirt or asking your parents to sign a consent form.

Put a sticky note on the front door. The note can have just the key word written on it, like “T-shirt” or “Form”. This will make it almost guaranteed that you’ll remember.

10. Keep one notebook and one binder for each subject

Take all your notes for one subject in one notebook. When you run out of space, start a new notebook. Label each notebook clearly, e.g. History Notebook 1, History Notebook 2. This will make it easy for you to find the information you need in the future.

Doing this will help you stay organised in school.

I discourage you from taking notes on loose sheets of paper. I also discourage you from using only one notebook, in which you take notes across all your different subjects.

Make a habit of keeping one binder for each subject and filing your assignments and printed notes according to type. File all your assignments together in sequential order, followed by your printed notes, which should also be filed together in sequential order.

(Here are some tips on how to properly take notes.)

11. Bring an accordion folder to school every day

This accordion folder is for your daily use.

Create one section of the accordion folder for each subject, and label each section clearly.

I recommend reserving the front section for incomplete homework, so the homework will be easy to find.

12. Do filing once a week

At the end of each week, transfer all the printed notes, assignments, etc. from the accordion folder to the respective subject’s binder.

Doing this weekly is a good practice, to ensure that your accordion folder doesn’t get too full or messy.

13. Do five minutes of daily planning each day

Before you start doing your homework or studying for a test, look at your planner first. Take note of all upcoming deadlines, and think about your schedule for the rest of the day.

Then you can decide what specific tasks to work on for the day. Doing daily planning will ensure that you’re always working on the most important tasks, and that you don’t leave anything out.

14. Learn to say no

Organisational tips can help you balance your school life with other activities, but only up to a point.

If you want to be an organised, effective student, you can’t say yes to everything – there will always be trade-offs you’ll need to make.

So decide on the boundaries you want to set for yourself. Decide how many times you’ll go out with your friends each week, how many days each week you’ll devote to extracurricular activities, and what your priorities are.

Then practise saying no to protect these boundaries. And don’t feel guilty when you say no! Remember, it’s not about being a busy student; it’s about being an effective student.

15. Block out time in your schedule for the things that matter most

Blocking out time in your schedule is a critical time management strategy for students.

If you don’t do this, other things which are less important will fill your schedule.

In your calendar or planner, block out time for things like family events, religious activities, volunteering, and studying.

Then honour these commitments and stick to your schedule as much as possible.

16. Break down big tasks into smaller tasks

Breaking down big tasks and projects makes them seem less overwhelming and more manageable.

Doing this also makes it clearer what your specific next step is, so you’ll be less likely to procrastinate on your assignments.

Here’s an example. Rather than telling yourself that you need to write your paper fast, break it down into smaller tasks like:

Read 10 articles on the topic for research
Write outline
Write introduction
Write main point #1
Write main point #2
Write main point #3
Write conclusion
Proofread the paper
Adjust the formatting, layout, etc. of the paper
Submit paper

17. Once a week, review the upcoming events in your planner/calendar

Each week, take a few minutes to see what important events and deadlines are coming up over the next month. This will help to ensure that you don’t overlook any important projects, tests, or assignments.

Reviewing your schedule helps you to stay on top of things. It also keeps you calm and in control, and allows you to adjust your daily and weekly priorities.

18. If a task takes two minutes or less to do, do it immediately

The “two-minute rule” was popularised by productivity expert David Allen. When you follow this rule, small tasks don’t pile up and become overwhelming.

Things like texting a friend, sending your classmate some information via email, or asking your parents to sign a consent form are all quick tasks that take less than two minutes to complete.

When you do these tasks immediately, you’ll feel a sense of achievement too.

19. Clear your desk at the end of each day

This organisational tip only takes a minute to do and prevents clutter from building up. I recommend doing this when you’re done with your homework or studying for the day.

It will make it easier for you to find what you need when you next sit down to work.

In addition, when you have a neat desk, you’ll concentrate better and feel more motivated to study.

20. Develop a specific plan for every upcoming test and exam

Don’t just tell yourself that you’ll study hard for the test or exam.

That’s too vague, and you may feel as if you’re never prepared enough.

Instead, develop a plan. Write down what resources you’re going to use, how many practice questions or exam papers you intend to do, how many times you plan to read the notes, what study tips you’ll put into practice, etc.

Write all the steps down on a sheet of paper and create a rough timeline as well.

When you’ve completed everything on your plan, you’ll know that you’re well prepared. By always having a plan, you’ll learn faster and be more efficient.

21. Create a conducive environment at home for studying

To be an effective and organised student, set up a dedicated study area at home.

You need to have the right environment to work. You need all the necessary materials, stationery, paper and study tools. You also need a suitable table and lamp.

And if you want to be productive, you definitely shouldn’t study on your bed! That’s one of the most common reasons for feeling sleepy while studying.

22. Before you start work, eliminate all distractions

Take a moment and think about the distractions you typically face when you’re trying to study. Common ones include text messages, notifications on your phone, social media, YouTube, books, and magazines.

Remove these distractions before you get to work. Put your phone in another room, turn off Internet access on your computer, and put the books and magazines at the other end of the room.

23. Use a stopwatch or timer

School organisational tips include making the most of your time.

When you want to have a productive study session, use a timer to help you focus. Using a timer adds a sense of urgency.

Try working in blocks of 30 to 40 minutes, followed by a short break. If you’re up for it, set a timer for your breaks too, so that you don’t take a 45-minute break when you only intended to take a 10-minute break.

24. Double-check that you’ve completed all the homework that’s due the next day

Set a recurring reminder so that you’ll do this every school day in the mid-afternoon.

This will prevent you from scrambling at the last minute or pulling an all-nighter just to get the assignment done.

25. Every day, review all the new information you learned in school earlier that day

A quick review of the key concepts should only take you about 20 minutes.

Doing this helps to ensure understanding, so you stay on top of the material.

If you really can’t do this review on the same day, do it the following day while the information is still fresh in your mind.

26. Keep an ongoing list of the questions you have about the class material

As you read your notes and the textbook, keep a list of the things you don’t understand and the questions you have. As soon as you’re able to, ask your teachers about the items on your list.

If you do this consistently, you won’t need to spend so much time studying for tests and exams, because you already understand the information.

27. Every school night, pack your backpack for the following day

This way, you won’t have to scramble in the morning to pack. Set a reminder on your phone or put a Post-It note on your desk to ensure that you do this every school night.

Create a checklist for the things you need to remember to bring to school, and put the checklist somewhere accessible.

28. Wake up a little bit earlier each morning so you don’t have to rush

For most students, waking up 5 to 10 minutes earlier is enough to avoid the unnecessary stress of rushing in the morning.

When you rush, you often forget things – which means that your day doesn’t start well. Top students go to bed early, get at least eight hours of sleep every night, and set their alarm so they wake up a bit earlier.

I recommend that you put the alarm clock at the other end of the room, so you won’t be tempted to snooze. I also recommend using the Alarmy app if you use your phone as an alarm clock. It’s the best alarm clock app I’ve ever used!

You can get Alarmy for your Android or iOS device.

29. Every school night, pick out the clothes you’re going to wear the following day

If you wear a school uniform to go to school, then this organisational tip is easy to apply. But it still saves you time.

Take your school uniform or the clothes you’ll wear the following day, and hang them somewhere easily accessible, like on the door knob of your room door.

This only takes you a minute to do, but makes the morning that much less stressful.

30. Make your bed every morning

This is a small victory to start the day.

It sets the tone for the day and will help you to be more productive overall.

Even this US Navy admiral recommends this simple tip as a way of improving your motivation and focus!

Get organised for school, one step at a time

This is a long article that might leave you feeling overwhelmed, especially if you’re not already an organised student.

So take one step at a time.

Start by identifying which areas you need to work on, and then prioritise them.

Adopt one new habit in the coming week. Once you’re comfortable with that habit, adopt one more.

Remember that no one is perfect. Your journey as a student – and in life, too – is always about progress, not perfection.

Start making progress toward becoming an organised and focused student today!

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30 Unimportant Things That Young People Should Stop Worrying About

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 31 Comments

Let’s be honest.

We all spend time thinking about or doing unimportant things.

It can take a lot of time and energy, and it distracts us from the things that do matter.

Children and teenagers are particularly prone to this. I admit that I was definitely like this when I was younger as well!

I’ve spoken to and worked with more than 20,000 students thus far. Based on my experiences and observations, I’ve come up with this list of things that young people need to realise are not important in life.

1. How many friends or followers you have on social media

Many people measure their self-worth by the number of friends or followers they have on social media, but this isn’t important in the long run.

Those followers won’t help you when you have a rough day, and they won’t support you when you’re feeling down.

They’ll just post images to show the best parts of their lives – too much time spent on social media leads to depression for this very reason.

2. How many “likes” you get on social media

The number of “likes” or comments on a social media post can seem important. It can seem like an indication of your popularity.

You get a small dopamine hit every time you get a “thumbs up”, which explains why social media is so addictive.

The thing to remember is that the number of likes you get isn’t nearly as important as the number of true friends you have. Nor is it as important as the relationships you have with your family members.

3. Living in the past

Everyone can get caught up living in the past. Either reliving the good times, or rehashing mistakes you’ve made.

According to research conducted by Matt Killingsworth, we’re happiest when we live in the moment.

So make the decision to be fully present wherever you are.

4. Being constantly connected to the Internet

People experience fatigue, stress and depression because of excessive technology use. It can make it more difficult to get to sleep and can even lead to mental health issues.

It might be challenging, but try to find balance between time spent online and time spent in the real world.

You’re far more likely to be healthy and happy if you engage with other people face to face, as well as lead a balanced life.

5. Comparing yourself with others

This is an easy trap to fall into, but it rarely leads to anything good. When you compare yourself to other people you’re likely to feel inferior.

Instead of comparing yourself with others, focus on ways that you can improve yourself or your situation so you feel more empowered.

6. Being obsessed about having nice “stuff”

It’s easy to think about all your friends who have nicer gadgets and clothes than you.

The best way to deal with this obsession is to think more holistically about the other person’s life.

Consider whether they’re truly happy, or whether they have strong relationships. Often, having nice stuff conceals unhappiness that exists at a deeper level.

7. Being better than other people

We’re always going to be better than some people at some things, and worse than some people at other things.

But life isn’t a race; it’s a journey. Each of us is unique, so we ought to strive to make the most of our gifts and talents.

Life is more about being the best that we can be, and less about being better than others.

8. Holding on to anger and resentment

Malachy McCourt said, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” It’s true that anger and resentment slowly destroy your life if you hold on to them.

Instead of holding on to anger, seek healthy outlets to help you deal with it effectively so you can move on with your life.

9. Being fake

It’s easy to put up a front to try to appear more like your friends, or to gain the approval of your peers.

The problem is that you’re trying to be something you’re not. You’re lying to others and yourself and it will become obvious over time.

It’s far better to be honest and authentic, even though this takes courage and will make you feel uncomfortable – at least at the start.

10. Winning every argument you get into

Winning an argument can make it seem like you’re smarter and stronger than the other person.

But the desire to win every argument you get into isn’t healthy in the long term.

So learn other ways of dealing with conflict. Often, it’s a good idea to just walk away from an argument if it gets too heated.

11. The latest celebrity news or gossip

It can seem important to know about the latest celebrity gossip, especially if your friends frequently talk about these issues.

You might feel excluded from conversations if you don’t know what’s going on.

But there are many other productive things you could be doing with your time, e.g. learning a new skill, reading a book, taking an online course.

12. What people think of you (especially people you don’t know)

We all want to be well-liked. Caring about what others think of us is natural, but you must not center your behaviour on others’ opinions.

We must remember that we should always strive to gain approval from a very important person: ourselves. It’s when we’re growing in commitment and courage that we’ll feel proud of who we are.

13. Trying too hard to fit in

Everyone wants to fit in and be accepted.

The best way to become an authentic, likeable person is to relax and just be yourself.

No one can be liked by everyone else all the time, so focus on becoming the best version of yourself.

14. Being unnecessarily busy

Society has come to see busyness as a badge of honour. Busy people appear important and influential, but it’s not healthy to be rushing all the time.

Being busy isn’t about being occupied. It’s about being focused, productive and effective. It’s also about taking time out to relax, because time off makes us more productive.

15. Labelling and categorising others

When we label other people it’s rarely helpful. It’s just another way of criticising other people in the hope that it will make us feel better about ourselves.

Instead, ask yourself why you label others. Is it because you feel insecure in some way?

If you come to terms with the fact that there are different people in the world and that no one is “superior” to anyone else, you’ll feel more confident.

16. Blaming others

Blaming other people is often easier than accepting responsibility for your actions.

Rather than blaming others when a problem arises, adopt a “fix it” mentality and focus on finding solutions.

Life is all about choices and consequences. Focusing on solutions rather than laying blame will make you a happier – and better – person.

17. Worrying about the future

Instead of worrying, concentrate on planning.

Worrying is about imagining bad things that may or may not happen, whereas planning is about focusing on things that are within your control.

When you’re planning, you’re considering ways to make success as likely as possible. This is empowering, which explains why the happiest and most successful people I know are all planners!

18. Focusing too much on achievement

Achievement is important, but it’s more important to focus on contribution instead.

We can gain great satisfaction from helping others and solving problems in the world.

It’s crucial to remember that life isn’t just about achievement. It’s also about slowing down, building meaningful relationships, and making a difference in the lives of others.

19. Envying others

It’s easy to envy other people, but often we only see a small portion of their lives.

You might envy someone who always seems to have the latest accessories and clothes.

But if you find out that they receive these things because their parents fight all the time and give gifts out of guilt, you’ll realise their life isn’t as enviable as you once thought.

20. Having fun all the time

Fun is a vital part of life, but it’s not everything. In order to really value the fun times we need some contrast, too.

We need to experience challenges and frustrations so that we can fully appreciate the good times.

Those times when you have to draw on your courage or follow through on your commitments make the fun times so much more memorable.

We also gain fulfilment from overcoming life’s challenges.

21. Constantly seeking the approval of others

Constantly seeking approval from others isn’t healthy for our self-esteem.

Doing so implies that we’re not good enough, so we have to constantly check that we’re doing okay.

You might try too hard to get others to like you – and they might even get annoyed.

So don’t worry so much about whether other people approve of you. Instead, focus on living according to the right values and principles.

22. Criticising yourself too much

The problem with criticising yourself too much is that other people start to believe your criticism.

It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, which further affects your self-confidence.

If you’re prone to self-criticism, try and catch yourself before you speak those words of criticism and turn the comment around.

Tell yourself – and others – how hard you tried and what steps you’ll take to ensure a better outcome in the future.

23. Being perfect

There’s no such thing as a perfect person – everyone makes mistakes.

Instead of trying to be perfect, focus on developing and improving yourself.

When you continually strive to become a better version of yourself, you’ll gain confidence. That’s the power of focusing on progress, not perfection.

24. Bragging

Giving yourself a little praise for a job well done is fine, but when it turns into full-blown bragging it’s a problem.

People who brag about themselves get a reputation for being all talk, but little substance.

Instead of bragging about how great you are, get out there and do something remarkable.

Taking action and achieving results brings greater satisfaction than telling everyone how good you are.

25. Spending time with toxic people

Spending time with toxic people can make life “interesting” in many ways, but it’s also destructive.

Toxic people damage your self-esteem and distract you from the things that matter in life. So live according to the right principles and stay as far away from toxic people as you can.

26. Having a constant fear of missing out

No one likes missing out. But the fact is that we all have to miss out on things from time to time. There’s no use worrying about missing out.

The best thing you can do is enjoy the times you do spend with your friends, without constantly being anxious about the fun opportunities you might miss out on.

27. Achieving success on someone else’s terms

Success is only sweet when we achieve it on our own terms, and when our success is focused on adding value to others.

It takes courage and commitment to set your own goals, but it’s the only way to find real success.

Other people may criticise you for being foolish, but their negative comments often reflect their own insecurities.

Decide what success means to you at a personal level, and don’t let societal pressure influence you to be somebody you don’t want to be.

28. Getting involved in drama

Instead of getting involved in unnecessary drama, put yourself on a “drama diet” – let other people own their own problems.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t help them out, but don’t allow yourself to get sucked in emotionally.

You’ll find that your life is a lot more peaceful and enjoyable when it’s less “dramatic”.

29. Being happy all the time

Everybody wants to be happy, but it’s impossible to be happy all the time.

At the end of the day, what we really want is to lead a meaningful life.

In order to do this, we may need to go through periods where we make sacrifices or feel temporarily unhappy.

The good news is that this makes the good times even more precious!

30. Appearing smart

If you’re too concerned about looking smart, you won’t take on so many challenges.

You also won’t ask so many questions for fear of appearing dumb.

All of this will affect your own development.

So don’t be afraid to ask questions or take on new challenges, because this is the only way to grow as a person.

What is most important in life?

Understanding at a deep level what’s important in life helps you to be more focused and less anxious about unimportant things.

Knowing what’s important in life helps you to be more focused and less anxious.

You’ll also be able to save your energy for significant matters.

The next time you find yourself being stressed, take a step back and ask yourself these questions:

Is this going to matter in a year?
Will I even remember this in a year?
Will this help me to grow as a person?
Is this in line with my values and long-term goals?

If the answer to these questions is “no”, then chances are it’s not actually important.

Let it go and focus on the things that do matter.

Adopt this approach day by day, and you’ll see huge changes in your life over time!

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10 Common Parenting Mistakes That Demotivate Your Children

Updated on January 6, 2026 By Daniel Wong 36 Comments

Wouldn’t it be great if your children were motivated and independent learners?

That way, you wouldn’t have to nag or scold them to do their homework.

Parents often tell me how frustrated they are that their teens hate school.

They’re also concerned that this lack of motivation will carry over to other areas of life.

The problem is that parents often demotivate their children unintentionally.

Here are 10 of the most common mistakes parents make – so do your best to avoid them in your home.

(Don’t forget to download your free e-book below.)

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Mistake #1: Give your children too many rewards based on achievement or behaviour

This is a trap that many parents fall into, and for good reason. The first time you try it, it seems to work.

You might tell your children that you’ll pay them a dollar each time they get more than 85% for a class test. This seems to work because they start studying harder.

You think to yourself, “Great. Problem solved!”

Then a few weeks later you realise their motivation has waned. They complain that getting a good grade deserves more than one dollar.

An argument breaks out, and you find yourself justifying the price. You even explain that studying hard is their basic responsibility as a student.

If this describes your situation, you’re not alone.

Many studies show that rewards and punishments work in the short term, but not in the long term.

(Read on to find out what other approaches you can try instead.)

Mistake #2: Overemphasise the importance of academics

Parents think that emphasising the importance of academics will motivate their children to work hard.

The problem is that this approach doesn’t turn your children into lifelong learners.

Learning isn’t just about getting good grades. It’s also about enjoying the process.

When children enjoy learning, they become motivated to keep on learning.

Grades can affect your job prospects, but many great leaders weren’t great students. Unfortunately, many of the students I’ve worked with tell me that their parents seem to think that grades are the only thing that matters.

We now know that there are many different types of intelligence and that the education system only measures some of these.

All parents would agree that social skills, character development, and learning to relax and reflect are also important areas of focus.

When parents dismiss their children’s hobbies and games as a waste of time, they hurt their children’s feelings and damage the parent-child relationship.

Parents must value and respect their children’s activities. Dance and sport can improve kinaesthetic intelligence, and games and discussions can boost intrapersonal intelligence.

These are vital skills for children to learn and carry with them through life.

Mistake #3: Supervise your children too closely

Micromanaging your children produces similar results to micromanaging employees.

It builds resentment, damages relationships, and robs children of valuable learning experiences.

When children have the opportunity to plan their own work and take responsibility for their actions, they become more mature and wise.

They also develop independence and organisational skills that will benefit them in school and beyond.

Children who take responsibility for their actions come to understand that they have control over their life. They learn that they have the ability to create their own success in school and beyond.

Let your children know you’re there for them if they need support. But make it clear that they shouldn’t look to you for all the answers.

If they need help, provide strategies they can use to find the answers themselves.

Parents who think of themselves as facilitators rather than supervisors foster self-sufficiency in their children.

Mistake #4: Fail to create a family culture of learning

You’ve probably noticed that children copy what their parents do, more so than what their parents say.

Children are observational learners, so family culture has a big influence on your children’s mindset.

When it comes to your children’s learning, one of the most effective things you can do is to create a family culture of learning.

If your children see that you enjoy acquiring new skills and knowledge, they’re more likely to enjoy learning too.

Show your children how fun it is to be a lifelong learner, so they’ll see the value of education beyond grades.

Mistake #5: Allow power struggles to develop

It’s common for power struggles to develop at home.

They often happen over homework or what time the children wake up for school.

If this is happening in your family, take a step back and analyse the situation.

Often, the root of the problem is related to the parent-child relationship.

After all, you know that the more you nag, the less it will help the situation.

The better approach is to focus on rebuilding the relationship and your child’s sense of self-worth.

A strong parent-child relationship brings many advantages. In fact, Shawn Anchor, author of The Happiness Advantage, has found that the brain functions more optimally when you’re feeling positive.

Mistake #6: Set rules without first discussing them with your children

No one likes to feel powerless or as though they have little control over their lives.

Think about how you’d feel if you were told what to wear, how much TV you could watch, and when you could use your phone.

It’s reasonable to have rules at home, but I recommend that you first discuss them with your children.

Workplaces that introduce strict rules without consulting their staff often find that their staff have started to rebel.

You can avoid a mutiny at home by bringing up the matter with your children before laying down the law.

Whenever possible, have a brainstorming session where you share your concerns with your children.

Your children may even propose better guidelines than you could have thought of, so be sure to listen to their opinions.

Taking this approach will mean less frustration for everyone involved.

In addition, your children will be more likely to adhere to the rules in the long run too.

Mistake #7: Overemphasise the importance of achievement instead of contribution

Schools tend to emphasise the importance of academic results. This is a practical aspect of the education system, but grades aren’t everything.

Good grades aren’t even an accurate predictor of success. The best predictor of success isn’t good grades or a high IQ, but rather emotional intelligence.

Parents must emphasise to their children that life is about much more than grades or accomplishments.

It’s about acquiring skills and knowledge so that they can make a difference in the world.

Children can start to develop this mindset by doing something like volunteering to tutor younger students. This type of experience will show them that their knowledge can be used to help others.

As a result, these children will begin to have a greater sense of purpose. They’ll begin to look beyond themselves and be less inclined to obsess over their achievements.

Mistake #8: Talk as if your children are never putting in enough effort

Some parents continually tell their children that they should focus better, work harder, apply more proven study tips, and spend less time online.

These parents have good intentions, but their actions cause their children to feel as if there’s no point in giving their best effort.

The children may even feel as though they’ll never be good enough to meet their parents’ expectations.

People who believe they’re incompetent become incompetent. As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.”

Telling your children that they’re not putting in enough effort reduces their motivation.

What’s the alternative?

Try some inspiration and positivity instead.

Remind them of when their efforts paid off and help them to reflect on their behaviour in a non-judgmental way.

It’s important to foster a strong sense of self-worth in your children so they know they have the ability to succeed if they try hard.

Mistake #9: Fail to acknowledge your children’s progress and good behaviour

Your children care about what you think, whether they show it or not.

When you acknowledge your children’s efforts and progress, they’ll feel more motivated.

Telling them that you appreciate that they fed the dog without being asked, or that they made their own lunch for school, encourages them to repeat the behaviour.

Even if they didn’t quite achieve what they set out to, focus on the progress they made.

Let them know that you see an improvement in their handwriting from all their practice, or that you’re proud of them for submitting their homework on time.

Avoid focusing on their abilities and intelligence. Instead, emphasise things related to their attitude and effort. This will lead to more sustained motivation down the road.

Mistake #10: Focus on your children’s behaviour without getting to the root of the problem

Parents often focus on their children’s bad habits or behaviour without digging deeper.

When children aren’t working hard enough or are behaving poorly, there are usually other factors at play.

Children who feel discouraged, overwhelmed, or worthless usually feel that they don’t deserve to be treated kindly.

They go out of their way to behave badly because they feel terrible about themselves.

This cycle is like a form of self-harm. It’s like the child is saying, “I don’t deserve to be loved, so I’ll behave badly. That way I’ll get what I deserve.”

Focusing on the behaviour doesn’t help; the underlying issue must be addressed.

Show your children that you’re always ready to listen. When they eventually share their struggles, you’ll be able to get to the heart of the issue and solve the problem.

Conclusion

We parent our children while we’re rushing out the door in the morning, or trying to get everyone fed.

As such, it’s easy to make the sorts of mistakes that demotivate our children.

Instead of feeling guilty, take action. Review the list of mistakes in this article once more, and identify the ones you’ve been making.

Take a few minutes to create an action plan.

How can you start motivating your children?

What steps can you take to inspire them to be their best?

How can you demonstrate the behaviours that you want to see in your children?

As you implement your plan, you’ll see improvements in your parent-child relationship and in your children’s behaviour too.

It’ll take work on your part, but it’ll be worth it!

(If you haven’t already done so, make sure to download your free e-book below.)

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